Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #522: The White Lotus Inspired Search in Koh Samui

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

An architect and an interior designer move to Thailand in search of a White Lotus lifestyle, and guess what? They only want to spend a fraction of what that would cost!  Surely that will work out just fine!  We’re watching House Hunters International S201 E01 “The White Lotus Inspired Search in Koh Samui,” and we found it on HBO Max. Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And welcome to Dwell. Hello. It's our House Hunter's podcast here at Watchwell Crapins. Thanks for tuning in. And I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. How's it going, Ronnie? Good. How's it going with you? It's going quite well. Today we are doing a House Hunter's International episode. It's called The White Lotus Inspired Search in Co-Simoui. I don't remember if I'm saying Co-Simoui, right? If it's Co-Sumwe or what? but I apologize if I mispronounced closely. This is

Volume 9, Season 201, Episode 01, you can find it on HBO Max, and this is a very new episode. I think this is like this aired like within the past few months. Like this is a fresh Househunter's International.

And are you ready to dive in, Ronnie? Let's do it. Everybody. For Justin and Kelly, the corporate grind in Singapore provided them certain comforts but it did a number on their psyche. I would love it if they just cut to like Justin Gormanian Kelly Clarkson,

just like working day jobs. It's just angry at each other. It's kind of like that terrible sequel to their original movie in 2003. From Justin to Kelly with love. And now it's like from Justin to Kelly from corporate America. Yeah, pissed off in Singapore. Dun, dum, dun, dun. The dream, the sad dream of young love.

But yeah, I do. If they say it did a number on their psyche, I want to see miserable people who are like, oh my God, got me out of here. I don't even care where I live. But no, we see a pretty well-adjusted couple, Justin and Kelly. And they are really into thick blue and pink glasses.

They're really, they're a glasses couple. They're glasses couple. And Kelly, what's really remarkable is that Kelly took Muzzy's eyebrows from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and she shrank them on down. So she has these teeny tiny little, she's like these two little dots in the center. and then the lines just sort of like taper off into nothing outside of it.

And she's just these two little, it's like these tiny, tiny little specks. Yeah, she's a musy prequel. She's like the origin story. She's the mussy origin story. She's like an alien earth when they show like the little baby aliens before they grow up. It's like that's what the eyebrows are. The guys, they were working such long hours in Singapore. And she's like, and we wanted to live life on our own terms and regret not.

doing it. And not regret not doing it. So we see a montage of them. We want to regret it. Walking around this place, you know, doing tourist stuff, ancient statues, fire dancing, etc. So they're leaving stable jobs and mortgaging their future to buy their dream home in Co-Samoid Thailand. And the island's mystique just became a Hollywood sensation that these two are about to ruin. Congratulations for sending away all the new tourists. Ever since the White Lotus came to film here, there's been a 30% increase in tourism. Really? Listen, what did they show in White Lotus that made you want to go?

The part where the cobra got loose and ate, you know, bit somebody or like, White Lotus is about the hotel. Like, you want to go to the hotel. You don't necessarily want to move to the town, right? I would love to move to a town where cobras could get on the loose and bite me. Spoiler alert. So, yeah, so there's been a spike in tourism. And of course, if there's a spike in tourism, then there's going to be a spike in basic Americans that now want to live there. Basic fans.

Yeah, like, oh my God, we love White Lotus. So we're going to move to wear White Lotus films. You guys, really? You seem too smart for this. So these two, we see them. They're on a boat. And because they're heading to the island. And Justin is like, can we just like live at the White Lotus Hotel?

I'm like, no, you can't. You're not rich enough. No, for 400 grand, silly. You're the people that White Lotus cast, you know, like the White Lotus characters look down upon. You know, it's like I'm going to move. I want to move somewhere where I can be looked down on by registered white lotus. Lotus guests. You can live at the hotel that the women visit and then get horrified by and run out of.

But you can't be at the main hotel, no. Yeah. So they want to see View, of course, and she wants it on the beach. And he wants to be higher up. But ultimately, she's the boss. Okay, I don't know that he's even watched White Lotus, honestly, because anybody who's watched like White Lotus, a lot of White Lotus, one of the kids keeps talking about tsunamis. He's obsessed with watching tsunami videos that happen around there.

And he's like, do you think a tsunami will happen? And one of the big things going around during the season was like, do you think a tsunami happens and kills them all? And that's why the opening is all kind of people floating in the water and trying to escape sharks and stuff like that. And this lady wants to live right on the sea. I don't think you were paying attention. But also, like, if you want to live higher up, you know who lives higher up?

no, the bad guy. So like, what's going on with you guys? Like, I want to live just like the guy who killed Jennifer Coolidge. So they, that's what they want. And now they're riding with the realtor to one of the houses. And because she's like, because she says, I'm the boss. And he's like, of course you would say that. And the realtor's like, that was sassy.

So Justin says, the thing I love about traveling is exposing myself to different cultures. seeing the way that different people live. It's a source of inspiration our own career aspirations as well as the ambitions that we have. We just want to co-opt all these things. We would just, you know what we want to do? We want to appropriate.

And being able to travel really helps us with that. Culture of altars. Well, Justin and Kelly caught the travel bug while working overseas for the same LA-based architecture firm. Okay, guys. So after four years in Shanghai

and two more in Singapore, they've had it with the rat race. So Kelly says, that the hustle and bustle was just a bit wearing. I mean, look, she doesn't even have eyebrows anymore. And Justin's like, yeah, it was all so expensive, which is why we want to move to a resort community where everything is famously cheap.

Yeah. All we could afford are condos. So we see an info bubble pop up that's like, Singapore is the world's most expensive city. And she's like, yeah, we really want a space a backyard our dog can enjoy and a place that can erase my eyebrows a little bit more each day. Yeah. And the freedom to live life the way we want to live it.

Which is, so watch out, everyone. Here come to wild and crazy architects who just want to live their life. They want to watch fire dancing and they're going to do it. They're going to watch fire dancing and also draft up a nice little den. Be ready. She's like, yeah, you know, we started becoming more aware of mortality and the time we have here on Earth. So I'd really like to embrace that. Your mortality?

What are you talking about, Kelly? Yeah. That got real dark all of a sudden. We just want to live our lives. We want some place for Raja to run around. And also we are pretty aware we're going to die soon. Yeah, these are people who meditated one time. And now they're like, oh my God, life is death.

Right, honey? Let's move to Moy Thai. So they go to, like, a temple. And there's like a gong and everything. And Justin's like, well, we took a trip to. Samui and we instantly fell in love with the place. And it's like a third of the cost compared to Singapore, richest city in the world. And we just, you know, we sold some investments to be able to buy this property. And we're just really excited. I mean, nothing says saving money like selling off

investments just that way you can get some sort of hobble somewhere. We're really into cardboard ever since we went to that Buddhism class one time. So we're looking for a cardboard house, preferably on the ocean, but high up, okay, and a place for a Rottweiler. So they're going to look around. Kelly is talking about how risky their business is, but she's going to offer architecture and concept design, which I guess is kind of risky, right? What do you just send pictures to people? Is that what, is that, yeah, because they're going to start their own business.

And I guess, I guess they're doing like remote architecture, et cetera. I kind of feel like if you're going to be doing that, like, shouldn't they just, like, be building their own house? Yeah, I feel like you have to be the place where you're making the architecture, but I don't know. I mean, I guess not. I guess there are international people who don't work at home, but I don't know.

I want you to, like, test the joints. You know what I mean? The joists. So it's a big risk because they're going to, they have to pay in cash. And so they're going into their savings. So they're on this, they're on this ferry, which is like the same ferry from the show.

And Linda's like, Though there is a small airport on the northeast part of Kosovoi, most travelers arrive from the mainland, take the ferry to Nathan Pier on the less populated west coasts. And once on this island, there's essentially just one ring road that hugs its dramatic coast. So that's just my way of telling the locals, watch out, two dumb-dums are coming your way. Get on the other side of the ring. Am they right? So on the east side, guys, we have fishermen's village, and that's got local stalls where you can. and enjoy lots of spicy food.

Not to mention, it's on the water, but too expensive for you, unfortunately. Okay. And we meet, this is Victoria, their realtor who does not seem to like them. And her name is Victoria Withenrich? I'm like, does this a made up last name? Victoria, with, like, don't worry,

the house that you want is within reach. So I'm Victoria Within Reach. Like, I almost feel like she had like, like maybe she had like a, like a tie last. name that she's like, no, I think for this American show, I'm just going to put it within reach. It's my branding. She's like a run.

She's running away from something. She's changing her name to like really obvious things. So, um, this is Chawang Beach, known for its five star resorts, international foods, dining experience, and very bushy eyebrows. You probably won't be accepted there. That's going to be out of your reach. That's my colleague out of your reach. Yeah. venture inland to discover lush jungle and an abundance of natural beauty.

Look at that monkey. And we see a little monkey, which is all I really need. I just want to move somewhere with monkeys. I love monkeys. So Justin has an observation. This island is very, very green. Kelly's like, yeah. I love green things.

That's why I married Kelly. It's in her name. I was like, oh, I never put that two and two together. I feel objectified. Well, there's also yoga retreats and a lot of spirituality here, which we really care about because we care about mortality right now. And then we see a guy in a bucket hat, patting another man down with leaves on a what wouldn't bench.

And then there's someone doing yoga. Like, see, they're being spiritual, but they could also die at any moment, which we're really into. You know, my last name is within reach. And yes, I'm talking about your dream home, but I'm also talking about my ankle from my forehead because we do a lot of yoga here.

Everything's within reach on our bodies. And then Victoria says, which I don't really get. She goes, being by the ocean, You feel connected and grounded. Isn't being by the ocean like the least grounded you could possibly be? I mean, the only least grounded you could be is like living in the sky. I know. Justin and Kelly may be able to stretch their dollar in Thailand, but Kosovoi is a hot market that's about to get even hotter once some other people show up.

But not be used to. These two aren't going to make it any hotter now. Unfortunately not. Yeah, once their favorite show airs, it's about to get hot. Potter. So she's like, oh my God, we're literally on the same boat that White Lotus filmed on. I'm super fanning right now. Oh my God. Boat. Can I have your autograph? We just love the White Lotus. What a feel good show. We binge watch it. And I was just like really sad when season two ended because there wasn't a season three for me to watch yet. I'm like, oh, so you don't even know the filming. You just know that it filmed here. You don't even know what's going to happen in this season. You're just like, oh, they told me they filmed on this boat. Yes, I'm in. Yeah, you don't even know that this was considered the worst season,

and you are moving to the worst, the worst of the season's location. He's like, I can't wait to hear the Thai version of my favorite theme song. So Victoria tells us that the White Lotus made this place pop in. And now influencers come here and celebrities. So it's big guys. You guys, your neighbor could be an influencer. Have fun. Have fun listening to doorbells all day.

from Amazon deliveries. I know. The locals are probably like, oh my God, it's Justin Guarino and Kelly Clarkson. They're moving here. Like, hey, guys, Justin Kelly here.

They're like, wait a minute. What are Urkel and eyebrows doing on our lawn? We set up these volleyball nuts for you guys. Are you saying there's going to be no beach musical scenes? So Victoria's like, yeah, Yep, hasn't aired yet, and that's why the real estate market's going to boom once that comes out.

So it's good that we're here right now. And she's like, oh, my God, I love Fisherman's Village because they filmed there, right? Oh, my God, I want to live right in Fisherman's Village. Victoria's like, how do you feel about hot Russian guys at Moytai matches? Is that something that you'd be into? I don't know what that means, but sure, let's do it. Nothing could go wrong. So Justin's okay having a short drive.

But because he wants to be in the hills and there's more privacy there. But she does not want that. She wants right on the beach, okay? Because he's an architect and she's an interior designer. And so they want to have a really unique home. Yeah, they want to have a unique beachfront home. So he wants a sea view, unobstructed, and she wants sand in her toes. And so she wants beachfront.

And Victoria's like, well, that may make my job a little bit harder. how many bedrooms are we looking for? And he wants three bed to bath and they want to be furnished. And they also want open floor plan. And they also want a kitchen so that they can entertain. I'm wondering who they are entertaining. But that's a whole other question. Well, you got to have goals, you know.

And he wants a swimming pool and a backyard for the dog. So they're asking for a lot, I think. Yep. And they want to spend $500,000 US dollars. So Victoria's like, well, Kelly and Justin's wish list is not impossible, but beachfront is extremely hard to find. I'm not going to say it's not within reach, but it's kind of hurting my personal brand right now. That's just what I'm going to say.

All right. Welcome to property number one. We're up in the hills. I picked this property for Justin. Okay. It's 15 minutes to Fisherman's Village. It's a furnished two bedroom three bath. Okay, Justin.

So just pretty, maybe you could have your office in one of those extra bathrooms. Okay. Mr. Architect. God, I can't wait to please Justin with this thing he didn't ask for. I know. He's like, two bedrooms. I don't know if that's going to work for us, because we need to have three bedrooms for all the people who are going to visit us once per year

and have no hotel options in this resort community. And I really like Victoria's attitude because Victoria is not suffering these people. She goes, well, I'd love to show it to you anyways. It's like, yes, within reach. Do it. Victoria is, I'm going to send you her Instagram. It's very easy to find her because you just have to type in within reach, with and it's spelled not within reach, but within rich.

And she's like the only one because I think it's a made up name. She's like hot. She's like a hot Instagram kind of model. I'm going to send you it right now. She's just like, why am I talking to these old ugly people? She's like, I just want to make my big break on American TV through house hunters. I don't want to have to actually listen to their request and their demands. Oh yeah.

Lots of bikini. Lots of bikini model shots in this. guess what I don't see any real estate. Okay? None whatsoever. This is like, look at my feet coming out of the water. Look at my boobs. Oh, look.

Yes, bikini. Yes, bikini. Yes. Not one of these is near the center of town. Am I mad? No. And she is like her little highlights, you know, on her Instagram. She has one that shows like like a leopard skin.

And then like sunsets, strawberries, pictures, Thailand and lemons. And I don't think I see any that say real estate. Oh, there's a shoe and there's a soccer ball. She says house tours linked. Okay. So I'm going to go to her YouTube. Let's see, YouTube. Victoria.

Oh, my God, Victoria's journal. I want to go to her journal. That's in her link in bio. Let's see. Maybe she has a see. Oh, gosh. Ads. Okay.

Japan won. Travel food styling in Osaka. My third time back in Japan. The best one so far. I went with four coworkers to Osaka. and before our travels, you get to see how my brain works while packing for a trip. Oh, God, God help us. I'm done.

I do not want to see how your brain works. I look inside Victoria Withenrich. I don't know what is it supposed to be Victoria Withen Rich or Victoria Within Rich? Because I feel like it should be within reach, right? Withen Rich, I say. Woodenrich. Within rich. Yeah.

So, anyway, so she's like, okay, we're up in the hills. This is for Justin. You're going to love it. He's like, it's too small. Welcome to Villa Blue Sky. So this is the bargain. Okay, big landscape yard. He's like, I'm not liberal.

No. I don't like this branding. So it's short a bedroom and it's not beachfront. And Kelly's like, wow, they did a really nice job with the landscaping. I love how there's grass there. and yeah yeah some palm trees wow do we have this landscaper's number I was wondering if he could maybe tend to my eyebrows a little bit

I just love what he did with those bushes well I'm seeing maybe a yard is this a yard oh Roger's gonna love this our dog will love this so they they go through Justin is like well I was looking for a three bedroom two bath and but Victoria's like yes but it's four hundred and fifty thousand So $50,000 under budget. Okay, but are they going to build another bedroom, Victoria?

You know what I mean? Sometimes they're like, well, you can add on. If you don't like the kitchen, you can remodel it with the extra money. But what are you going to build on a room? Come on, Victoria. Well, they could use that $50,000 and pay for their guest hotel rooms. That's true. Every time they visit.

So then they're checking out the inside. I mean, I thought this one was pretty nice. This one is probably most comparable to stuff over here. right in the states. You know, you walk in, there's kind of like an open kitchen to the dining room, wood floors,

high ceilings. Totally open. It's like sort of open, right? It definitely has like very high ceilings. There was something kind of weird about the space I thought, like very tall ceilings. It felt like kind of a shoebox on its side a little bit, right?

Not terrible, but like felt a little off to me. Yeah, well, I mean it's small, but they keep saying it's not totally open concept, But no house is totally open concept. Like you need walls for your rooms and stuff. It's just the kitchen and the living room open up into each other. I like at one point they walked by the dining room table,

which is just like a little square table that has like four chairs on it. And Kelly's like, hmm, it's a bit small for entertaining guests, but it's like a big ass room. And Victoria's like, yeah, you can get a bigger table. You're not bound in by the room. Kelly says, okay. And this is one of the problems where they're looking for a furniture. place because a lot of it becomes like, well, I don't like that couch. Get another couch.

This is the house. You're living there. Okay. You're not renting it. You're buying this. Okay. Get it. So the kitchen's nice. Has nice appliances, but it's not open. It's a little closed off, but it's not like crazy clothes off. And there's a pool outside. And I mean, it's, I mean, by the way, like, it's still like, it's a house that most people would consider like paradise, right? Like, oh my God, this is an amazing house that we just like that we like that you can get overlooking the ocean in Thailand. So it is like at like a base level of being a very nice house. Yeah. So one of the rooms, which it would use for the guest, opens up to the pool.

And that's nice. The pool is nice. They don't like, what do they have a problem with the electrical lines? There's power lines. Yeah. But they can see the ocean, but there's power lines. Yeah. And that's an issue for them.

Well, I mean, call the city. What are you going to do? They're going to be everywhere in the city, right? I mean, you can still see the ocean pretty well, I think. It's just like one line that's going across. So he's like, well, we need a place to collaborate and work together. How are we going to do that? So they're going to have to use the guest room.

And they like the patio and the pool. It's really nice. And he doesn't like the view from there because it is constructed. And there is some power lines, like we said. there's also another level on top. So they like that a little bit better. And Victoria's like, well, they know the ins and ounce of interior design. Unfortunately, they skipped the highbrow design section.

But, you know, they are going to be picky. And they want everything to be perfect. So fuck me. By the way, power lines are, think of that as like park benches for birds. So, and you're in Thailand. So you're going to see a lot of pretty birds just sitting on that thing. I have power lines right, right outside my window. And at first I was like, oh, that's not a great view.

But guess what? A squirrel runs across them every day, called the squirrel highway. The birds come and they sit on it. There's actually a lot going on on a power line. So don't like turn your nose up at it. Yeah. Power lines. Power lines can be very busy sources.

They can be hubs. They can be hubs of fun. Okay. They are the most fun you've ever had. You just can't touch them or you die. So then Justin says, we want to feel like we're on location at the White Lotus. I'm like, well, save more money then.

Seriously. Like, you can't do that for $500,000. This is where the real people live. It's not where the White Lotus people live. What are you not getting, sir? So there's a, you know, they like this okay. He doesn't like that it's a two bedroom. There's a decent shower.

You know, they're very shower picky. And all the showers are decent. But they're like, oh, I don't know, it's standing. But it's pretty nice, especially for house hunters. I think everywhere they saw today was really nice, because house hunters will send you to some shitholes, that's for sure. They really will. So Kelly's like, I think the main point of conflict is that it's just so high up in the hills.

I just, I truly want a beachfront property. So Victoria's like, well, for half a million dollars, it's going to be quite hard to find, cheap bastards. Well, Victoria has three bedroom in the hills gives them plenty of space. But the vibe isn't very zen. So now they've got to go to a new place that's more relaxing. Property number two, big windows, large pool. But now this one, she doesn't like, I thought this place was really cool.

It's like, this is my favorite. Yeah, I thought this was really neat. Would you call it a condo? I don't think it's a condo, but it was a community where you have actually all of these houses that are the same. But it didn't feel cookie cutter to me. It felt almost like it was, that was almost like the selling point is that you have all these, these cool. similarly shaped things, but they're designed in a way where there's like this roof that slopes over. So everyone has a view, but the roof gives you privacy.

I think maybe the only time you don't have privacy is maybe when you're in your pool, perhaps. But considering that the houses are all next to each other, they were all very large and they were designed in a fascinating way. And I thought they were the most architecturally interesting that we saw in the entire episode. I did too. I was surprised that they shit on it right away. Yeah. So they go in there and Kelly's like, um, we, came here to find inner peace and this is not achieving that.

Okay. And they, oh, sorry that the tranquility. It was just not giving you enough interpiece. Yeah, sorry, lady who meditated one time. So they go to a gold Buddha statue and she's like,

yeah, we're designers. So as designers, we've seen so much beautiful Buddhist architecture and, you know, we just want to see details and all the detail involved, you know? So Justin's like,

yeah, I think the thing that usually stands out is the respect that's being paid at these places. That's something that we see is very routine and people bring their offerings. So Kelly, if you don't mind, could you just shave a little bit off those eyebrows? Just put them in the bowl. Thanks. It's amazing because if you go to one of these Buddha statues and just let your inner quiet take over, you can actually hear Buddha speak to you.

Hold on. Wait for it. Wait for it. Your eyebrows are terrible. Okay. Well, the Buddha further inland was nicer, but okay. Thanks. You got the mean Buddha over here. So thanks for driving me to bitch Buddha. Okay. So there's signs everywhere. Even though white lotus hasn't actually premiered yet,

they have already put up signs. They're like, The White Lotus was here. They're like, this is so cool. And Justin bangs a gong. So Justin's saying, well, there's definitely a risk in giving up our steady paychecks. Yeah, and starting our own business

and buying a property all at the same time is a bit scary. I'm like, yes, that's just a sort of judgment I love for the people we're going to be building my house. And he goes, yeah, and you only live once. And she's like, or as I like to say, you only die once, right, Justin? What are we concentrating on? Mortality, okay? Get with it. We're really getting into the White Lotus theme. Mortality. So Justin and Kelly are simply awestruck as they explore Kosamu's many shrines and temples. And the locals are simply awestruck that two awful Americans are desecrating their sacred place. Yeah, I mean, you guys need to be more subtle. You know what I mean?

They're walking around and matching outfits. Like, I've never rooted for a tsunami before. But I'm like, can we just get like a very specific wave to just take these two? One single one. Yeah. One rogue wave that has a narrow, narrow, it sort of slinks around the buildings and other people and just find. Yeah, it's like a finger size wave that just comes out and snatches them. Neptune's like, did you get them?

He's like, no, we only got these eyebrows. Well, that'll do. So they've been... Kelly and Justin have been locked up in the city in a small condo. So they come here and they're like, oh, I want this space. I want lots of space. That's Victoria telling us that. And Victoria's basically like, these idiots think that they can just like get whatever space that they want just because they have $500,000.

Yeah. So property number two, it's raining. And Justin's like, wow, it's really pouring. And Victoria goes, we might be able to see a rainbow. And Kelly's like, oh, that would be so nice. Kelly does this thing where she's always wanting to bitch about something, but then she pulls this really positive thing instead and, like, smiles too hard and squints her eyes.

And it's really, it's really getting on my nerves at this point. He's like, it's raining. He's like, but a rainbow would be nice. Right. Victoria's next option gives them more space and an unobstructed sea view. But the densely packed neighborhood could be at odds with their pursuit for tranquility. Yeah. Isn't that the worst when you have a full uninterrupted sea?

view and a pool that's also an infinity pool as well and like a lot of space and you're like ah it's just not tranquil enough so gross so it's only 10 minutes to fisherman's wharf and 10 minutes from the ocean and Kelly's like definitely what I'm not what I'm looking for and she's like okay well it is a furnished three bedroom with three and a half baths and so she's worried about Kelly because Kelly is being a snot head and she's like it's not beachfront but you know once she sees the view I mean, she'll love it, right? And they don't. They come out and they're like,

Ew, the houses all look the same. The houses all look the same. They're like, it's so, it's super cookie cutter. And Victoria goes, yeah, I mean, it's a development. That's how they are. You guys are architects, right? You fucking moron. You guys are architects, right?

Okay. But I think once you go inside, it might be a little different. So they go in, there's no yard space, which is an issue because they do have that dog. And they just don't, they don't want to walk the dog out on the street. So that is a concern for them. And, but it is spacious. It's beautiful. I love this house.

Yeah, this is a beautiful, beautiful place. Really pretty on the outside and the inside. And they have the view. And it's 500 grand. So they love the view from up there. And he loves that it's up on the mountain. And she has come around too, now that they've seen the inside. But the yard is a problem, like they said.

And so they don't want to walk the dog every day. And then we see Raya. with a, you know, sprawled out on the grass. They're like, this is how he needs it. Yeah, and there's an open floor plan inside. There's a layout that's good. There's a center island. I mean, really, there's like nothing.

There's almost nothing wrong with this house, except for this complaint that it's cookie cutter. But, I mean, have you guys seen the way you guys look? I mean, come on. Yeah. And who doesn't like cookies? Yeah, exactly. Also, just like start here and then work your way

towards the more unique stuff, right? Yeah, so this one's really great. She doesn't like the furniture. It's another furniture complaint. And he's like, well, we could replace this. Kelly doesn't understand that they can just go get furniture. Like, she never gets it. She's like, but the couch.

She's like, we can get another couch, honey. She's like, oh, God. At one point, they, like, Victoria leads them outside onto a balcony. And Kelly's like, wow, I think we could use this as like a nice balcony off of the office. I'm like, yeah, because it's a balcony. fucking balcony Kelly, twit. You can't, you know what's funny, you can in fact use the balcony as a balcony. Oh my God.

You know what? This is almost like being outdoors. You're outside. So then they go into the bedroom and there's a lamp that's a dog statue. I forgot by the lamp. And it is tacky as hell. It is really tacky. And he's like, yeah, I could overlook some of this stuff.

But this furniture and, and Victoria is like, um, I, really thought that they would like it because they like dogs. So I thought they would like a dog lamp. Okay. Okay, Victoria. Victoria within reach is maybe not the best. She's reaching. She's reaching.

But overall, still like a really nice. I mean, and there's a, is this, oh, this is the one that it has a tub in the bedroom and the, in the primary, which is funny. I don't know how I feel about a tub in the primary. I don't think I want the tub in the prime. I know what they're going for so you can get in the tub and you can look out

at the beautiful view, but I don't think I need a tub in the primary. I'll say that I think I'd rather have a sofa that I could sit on and look at the top. I don't want a tub in the primary either. That's just not, and you know,

all the steam getting all over your bed and then, you know, your husband wants to take a bath and you're like, I'm trying to read. Splash, splash, splash, splash. No, you know, don't get that shit on my all over my switch.

You're getting water all over your floor. Yeah. And I like Justin goes, This house reminds me at the white lotus. It's epic. Well, then you're set. That's what you want. It's the only thing you want it is white lotus.

Hope a murderer comes. So then Kelly is like, yeah, you know, it has his view, but it's cookie cutter. There's no privacy. And it's still not on the beach. So the responsible thing to do would be to give up the beach front and save some money. But I think differently. We're going to go to the beach.

So now to get Kelly. beachfront, Victoria takes them more to the remote west side where no one wants to live. So now they're going to go out there. First we go back to Fisherman's Village where they're walking around and Kelly is like, my first impression of Justin was that he's smoking.

And he's like, and my first impression of Kelly was that she goes hard, she plays hard. She's an alcoholic. I just want to tell that everyone. We're struggling through it right now. That was weird. She's like, he's hot and he's like, yeah, she's really intense is what I thought. She goes, yeah, I party pretty

hard and I spend a lot of money. That's pretty accurate. Uh-oh. They call me toxic Kelly. Toxic Kelly. But watch out Kelly or be sure to have some bail money, Kelly. So now we see the fire dancers and we find out that fire dancing originated in ancient Polynesia, but it's become popular in Thailand, okay, in the touristy areas. So Kelly says that she's always telling Justin, come on, Justin. Who cares if we don't have the money? Let's have our best life anyway. Let's just quit our jobs and leave and move to some place that's a set for some show that we haven't seen yet. Yeah.

You was. Yeah, well, it's the right time for our career standpoint, start our own company because we have two decades of experience. Yeah, and we're doing themed entertainment design. I'm like, so you guys design theme parks? Is that what that is? It's like, are you the ones who make it feel like you're in Gotham City before you got on the Batman ride? Well, these two are fishy because first they said, they were real estate, then they said they were opening a company that was going to be consulting

in architecture and design or something. And now they're saying entertainment, what do they call entertainment design, which sounds like party planning to me, right? Theemed entertainment design seems like it's, it's like some sort of themed space. Like, unlike if you're designing a Moroccan restaurant, they would make it look Moroccan maybe. Oh. That's how I interpret it. I was taking you this party planning. I don't really know what they're talking about. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. So who knows? He says, we're going to have, we're going to have to work through some eventual conflict that will come up in terms of different decisions that would be made for the company as well as for clients. We're going to fight a lot.

We've actually fought so much already. And our marriage is hanging on by a thread. So we thought, let's come to Orlando Buddhas so we can have some tranquility. And hopefully get this business off the ground. Otherwise, we're just wasting a lot of money. Yeah, Justin has a lot of corporate speak when he really just wants to say, I hate this lady. Please keep me somewhere close to strip clubs. Okay. So now we see massages and they're getting, they're walking together wearing matching outfits again. Wow. How can a couple like that ever fight?

Someone holds up a fish. And Kelly goes, oh, very fresh. Yeah. And the lady's probably like, fucking it's a fish. No, I just bought a three week old fish. Yeah, I killed this fish three weeks ago. But his family wouldn't pay the ransom. So I'm selling it on the street now.

Hope you're hungry. You know how it is in these landlocked fishermen's markets that are nowhere near the sea. Totally old fish. And as super fans of the White Lotus, which I don't know if we've said that yet, season three being shot in them, Quitsa Mai just added to the intrigue. So now we see that Fisherman's Village is where they filmed. And it looked like a tourist trap hellhole because that was the scene of like tourist trap hellhole where they shot. You know?

Yeah. So then Justin's like, yeah, you know, we're just so obsessed with the show. whatever we go overall. Let's just go to house number three, shall we? Yes, they go to the West Coast. So this is the more remote part of the island. It's far away from everything. 40 minutes from town, essentially. And this is an interesting one.

It's basically, if you look at the aerial drone shot, you sort of see the landscape and you see some like small houses that like it doesn't look like a generally very wealthy area. You see clusters of houses. And then there's like this clearing. And then in the clearing, there's these big white, walls. It's like this slice. It's like a little compound in the middle of nothing. And like inside is like a nice villa. But everything on the outside is kind of like, you know, it's like the, it's patchy grass and

everything. And it's kind of this weird thing of like, oh, we're in a poorer area, but we're just going to plop a villa down right in the middle of it. So there's, I definitely got a little bit of like a weird, like, you know, wealthy people, poor people right next to each other thing that I thought was already kind of like kind of strange. Yeah, it's a long strip, first of all, that goes from the beach backwards. So it looks like the only place you'll have a view is whatever the room that is that's facing the beach. And everywhere else in the house is going to have no view of anything but dirt. Yeah, it's a odd.

Yeah, it's a really odd one. And it's walled in, right. Yeah. There's kind of like a vibe of like, hey, let's just like slot in this wealthy villa in the middle of this poor community. And let's put up walls. We don't have to look at the poor people. And let's be rich right in the middle of this. I was like, I was like, oh.

And I just sort of didn't like the vibe of that right off the bat. Yeah. So is it too remote? The TV asks us. So Justin's like, wow, look at this. Like I love how there's a driveway because we could probably put cars here. Yeah. So, and that's nice.

We've got privacy behind the gate. It's great. That's good because, you know what? The street parking in that neighborhood is so difficult. And it comes fully furnished, of course, and it's on the beach, and it's $530,000. And he's like, yeah, that's too expensive. Nope. Nope.

Mm-hmm. So, they go, at first they go up to the roof of this villa, and it's like really pretty, of course. And it's beachside. And I like that Kelly goes, and not a neighbor in sight. I'm like, what are you talking about? I see the rooftops right over there. She's like, I mean, well, not a wealthy neighbor in sight. Let me just say that.

We don't really look at the poor people. So they, Victoria is like, this sliding door will lead us straight into your indoor living room, which is funny. It's a funny way to put it. So they go, they go, there's kind of an open floor plan in this one with the kitchen and living room. And she's like, oh my God, an open floor plan? I love how the kitchen area is connected to the living area. That's what a fucking open plan is, architect. I know.

I love that it comes furnished. I'm like, you know that the other ones are furnished, too. I hate to break it to you. You're really kind of three for three with furnishings here. She does not like the sofa, though. He's like, we can buy another sofa. So then they go check out the bedrooms and stuff. And one of the bathrooms is outside.

I thought she was. There's a lot of like indoor, outdoor stuff going on here. Yeah. And I guess they have to go outside to go pee. And she's like, not very convenient. Yeah, well, luckily there's nothing like a monsoon season that they have to to be concerned about. Yeah.

Yeah, lucky girl. So he is like, well, we definitely want to enclose the area between the living space and the bedrooms.

And I don't know how much that'll cost, but I don't want to put more money into this. It's already overpriced. So it's definitely like, again, it's like a compound.

That's like sort of, again, indoor, outdoor stuff. It seems like certain things are in different kind of buildings, which is kind of cool.

Like, that's a cool vibe to have. But I just feel like based on what everything that they had claimed that they had wanted, this just seems like not great. Right. And so she's of course You can't have bedrooms in a different building if you're going to be using one of those as your office and it's pouring down rain outside. All I see are bugs, bugs and lizards. Just all getting in

everything everywhere and monitor lizards. By the way, on the White Lotus, because they didn't see it, if they had seen it, they might not have been so chill about everything because those monitor lizards, the one that like walks around that resort and gets into that one. bedroom. Yeah. Like they're real and they're there and I definitely saw one and it was like a dinosaur walking around. I thought like, what the fuck? It was so long. It was so big and long and I, it was like, I felt like something from like six million years ago just came walking up to the resort. Yeah. So then we see a room that they can use for their office and or a guest bedroom or whatever. And then we see the main bedroom and it has access to the pool like the other place. And she loves the

wood furniture and he loves the pool. Okay. There's a nice, the outdoor is real nice. It's like a really nice pool area and stuff. It's definitely like a resort living. Yeah. So it's also like resort living. It's not like live living. Yeah. So they do have an on suite bathroom, which is good. They don't have to go outside to pee in the nighttime. So that's good. And so now they go to the beach and she's like, oh my God, we're on a beach, the ocean brief. I can't get over it. It's a breeze. The accessibility to the ocean. Oh my God. I can get used to the sound. track. Oh yes, we need this in our lives. We're getting it. We're getting it. You know what? We will give you $100,000 over just because I like wasting money. Yes.

But it turns out it's a public beach so they can just have people walk right up to the front of the house, which is funny because they could all people could also walk up to the other side of the house, but it feels more invasive when they're coming up through the beach, I guess. I guess maybe you have like a higher degree of people strolling around on the beach. So Kelly, they sit down with Victoria and Kelly tells us, when we first met Victoria, she may seem like for our price, a beach house was unachievable. But she lied. She lied.

Nothing is within reach. And yet it is. I don't know if I trust her anymore. I was like, okay, okay, Kelly. All right, Kelly. She gets this way when she's had a little bit too much to truth. Victoria within lies. That should be her name.

God damn lying Instagram thought. So Justin's like, yeah, I'm not really into this. Like Kelly's into this property too much and it's scary. And the layout's odd. But it's far from town. And it's not within our means. And she's like, oh my God, 530,000. whatever, let's do it.

Make that in my sleep. Fucking themed event spaces. Come on. I'll throw on a Latin party for somebody. We're going to make this. Hey, Justin, I'm going to design a themed event space. And the theme is, my ass, as in kiss it. We're getting the beach front.

So now they have to decide between the houses. Which one did you think they were going to pick? I thought it was going to be house number two. I thought house number two hit everything. I thought that there are concerns about. the neighbors were like you could see the ruse but it was largely private i forgot about that there's no yard for the dog which is a thing so i i assumed it was going to be house number two i was like this is this is clear the one what did you think i thought number one because i thought there's no way

she's going to pick number two because she was so shitty about it you know it's like oh cookie cutter while she's literally dressed in the same outfit as her husband but um yeah i i figured she wouldn't pick that one but um and i knew she wouldn't let justin win because you know their whole relationship. It's like, I win. I win on everything. Yeah. So I figured it was number one. So then the first thing they do when they sit down to deliberate, they're like, okay, so let's cross number two off the list. I was like, what? I know. That would have been my pick. I would have definitely picked number two. Yeah, I would have picked number two and just walk the dog again, you know, gone back to the dog, walk day. But I also, yeah, walk the dog. Don't you want to walk down to the beach with your dog? Hello.

but I also loved her bad acting because she's like, well, I choose house number three because it's by the beach. And there's no ifs ands or butts about it. I'm not going to change my mind. And he's like, yeah, but house number one has a pretty good view. You're right. I love house number one. Great choice, Justin.

She's got that big crazy smile on. Yeah, so they pick number one. She swims almost every day. Raja loves his life. And we do see the dog in the pool. And he loves it. He's pooping. He's pooping in the pool.

You know, like, we came to an agreement with Roger. And now we see them in the office working. And, you know, they've had a little friction. Justin's like, yep, it's been a little friction here. But I'm sure it's all going to be great. Kelly's holding a rolling pin over his head. Like she's about to hit him. Their place does look.

It is nice. House number one is a great pick. I just thought house number two was a little bit better. And it is kind of crazy to think that they would, if it was, just about Rajah's needs that they would maybe sacrifice like a gorgeous house just that way there's a place for the dog to like pee and poop. Yeah. Like on the inside. Yeah.

You know, it's wild. But, you know, I get it. I understand if you don't want to walk the dog. So, anywho, fun episode, cool stuff.

Thanks everyone for listening. And we'll be back in two weeks with another dwell. Hello. And bye. Bye, everyone. Thank you.