Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello #524: From Brooklyn to the Beach

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

Two sisters from Brooklyn look for a family home in Cape May. One loves addition, the other loves spending her sisters money. What a pair to end the season on! This is House Hunters S248 E10 “From Brooklyn to the Beach,” and we watched it on Youtube TV.Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And welcome to the final episode of Dwell. Hello. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Hey, baby. Good. Wow, what a long journey we've had here with Dwell Hello.

We've had such a good time. Yeah, we really have. So many episodes of house hunters. It's amazing how many. We've been, well, we started Dwell L.O. many years ago. But it was sort of like a sporadic thing. In terms of us doing it like every other week, it's been like three years.

So that's like, that's at least like seven, for the past three years, I mean, every other week, that's about 75. That's crazy. So it's right. If it's like 52 weeks in the year, we're able to do every other week. So it's like 26. Yeah, it's about, it's crazy. We've seen so many. And what's also crazy is how many, how many that we haven't even done.

But, yeah, we've done a lot of these. And, you know, this is the end of the road for it. But, you know, for now. Yeah, just for now. We're putting it on pause, but we need a break. We're derinding this show. I mean, just to show you how many episodes there are, this is season 248, episode 10.

And God knows when this even came out, okay? It's 248 seasons. And that doesn't even include the internationals, the, you know, tiny homes, the whatever the shit, you know. All the renovations, extremes, yada, yada, yada. You know. But here we are. with Dwell hello. This episode is called From Brooklyn to the Beach. It was recommended by Jill

Hirsch. So thank you, Jill. We love you. And you can find these episodes on YouTube TV. That's where we found this one. I want to say something, which is that we put out the call, we put out the bat signal. We said, we are going to be doing our final episode soon. Please send us really the best ones, like really the best ones to do. And, um, Not only did Jill Hirsch find us one of the best ones. I feel like we ever... This may be my favorite house hunters episode I've ever seen. I don't know.

It's hard to... Actually, my favorite one of all time may have been when that couple moved to Destin to be near their friends, like Frank or whatever. Like, this is... That one wasn't one of my favorite. There have been some real classics. But this is like...

This is such a great one to end on. Like, this episode had me laughing from beginning to end. I could not get enough of these two women. These women need to be on TV. more. I would, I need to see, this is not enough for me. The journey needs to continue for them. Yeah, they were a great pair of sisters. So let's get it going. Brooklyn native Lorraine wants a change of pace from city life. So she's looking for a beachside home in Cape May, New Jersey. She's from a big Italian-American family and her goal is to have a place to share with her

sisters and nephews when they visit. And to make this dream possible, one of her sisters is chipping in financially and weighing in with their opinions. But my thought is, what would be the possibility of pushing this kitchen out? She's like, I don't want to, I'm not up for the renovations. I'm not up for it. When I say that she's from a big Italian-American family, I don't even have to say that because she's already brought a lasagna into my recording booth. You want to have a slice, Linda?

Have a slice. Have a slice. He'll be great. Know who'd also like the slice? The boys. The boys will love a slice. The boys need a slice, okay? Give the boys a slice.

So Lorraine is like, okay, I'm a retired assistant principal supervisor of a math department and a major New York City high school. I'm not going to say which one is that major. Okay. And I currently live in Brooklyn with a mother-daughter house because I take care of my mom, hence mother and daughter.

Okay, I want to move to escape the bitch house. Okay? Can we find one of those? That would be great. Not, don't give the address to Ma. She'll be there. I've lived in this house for as long as I can remember since I'm about three years old. And you know who else likes to come to the house?

The boys. The boys love coming to the house. The boys. Well, I'm Christine. I'm Lorraine sister. I was an NYPD police officer detective. So don't mess with me. All right?

We're very different. Her whole life is about math. It's annoying. I'll be honest with you. It's annoying. That's what it is. Even the way I load the dishwasher. everything has to be kind of symmetrical.

It's about math. Dishes are very much about math. You don't know that, Christine, because you're a police officer, and that's great. You know what? She's a very nice police officer. You did a great job. She found all sorts of perpetrators, you know, but she doesn't use math. You got to use math if you can't do police if you really want to excel on that.

Listen, I load the dishwasher. She goes back in. She rearranges the whole thing every single time. Math, math, math. Can I wash a dish? No, can you wash the arithmetic? You can't wash arithmetic, but you use it. You use it.

The way they overlap each other, oh my God. It's just like, it was just so amazing. So funny. And the way that they repeat the last word of whichever one of them said was also really funny. They'd be like, you know what? I love the stove. I love the stove. The stove.

It's a stove. I have these cleaning ladies and I've told you about them before, but they are my fucking favorite people. They come over here at their sisters and they do the same thing where one of them says something and the other one just repeats it. And they do it through the whole house. I love that. One of the first time that came here, I just had a party and she said, oh, you so you had a party here? You had a party here? You had a party? How many people were at the party? A hundred people. A hundred people were at the party. A hundred people at your party. Oh my God. Did you cook? He cooked. You cooked for your party. He cooked for his party.

It's two hours of these ladies just walking back and forth and asking me things and then repeating it like it's the most amazing answer that they've ever heard. And I've never had a cleaner house because I just want them here all the time. Well, what's so funny about these women, as we get, once they start looking at the houses, we're normally used to on house hunters that they've clearly been prompted to find the negatives in something, you know, to be antagonistic to the other person. but here, like, they seem to go out of their way to say that things are nice. Everything, oh, well, you know what? That's a look very nice shingles. The shingles are very nice. It's a very nice shingles.

Well, I like the shingle quite a bit. Well, also, you know what else is nice? The doorknop. Oh, very nice doorknob. Oh, very nice doorknob. Did you look at the door knob? Look at this door knob. It's actually a good quality.

Very nice quality in the door enough. It's so funny. When they walked up to one and she said, oh, what is this a porch? It's a porch or what? Well, it's not a port. It's an outdoor space. Well, it's not big, but it's an outdoor space. It's where it's outdoors.

Yeah, it's outdoors. We love it. Yes, very nice. You know, love it. Boys. The boys. Everything is about the boys. The boys would love it.

There's like this abstract concept of like little boys somewhere. So we see, now they're like sitting in Lorraine's like dining room. Lorraine has put out the biggest spread we've ever seen on the show in like the preamble. Like she has, there's an enormous, enormous, like six inch deep lasagna. that's out there. There's a bowl of pasta. There's ten kinds of pasta. There's ten kinds of pasta on this table.

So many meatballs. And I don't think this was, I don't think that she was trying to show off. I don't think this presentation. I think that Lorraine just puts out the spread. Like I am coming to Lorraine's house. I'm not even joking. Well, we're four sisters. We grew up in a very close-knit Italian-American family.

I don't know if you could tell. So just in case you're confused. We put rigatoni, spaghetti, even peignee. you tell the difference between Italian, can you tell the difference between Pennian and Rigatoni? We can because we're Italian, okay? Yeah, we're very big on eating and cooking and celebrating and I really do love Brooklyn, but I'm looking for a change, you know? Yes, you want to change. I mean, you know, I want to change every now. You can have a change. You'll have to have a change. But you know what I know, you know, like, you know, it's nice to sometimes stay the same.

You can say the same too. It's nice. It's very nice to say the same. But you know what? I also like to change a little bit. You change. Changes. You do it. Do what you want. But it's a free country. After just going to Cape May for one day, I said, I could do this, you know? She could do it. I believe in her. She could totally do it. And eventually, I'm hoping to spend the majority of my time in Cape May.

However, maintaining some sort of residence here in Brooklyn, that's my roots. Also, I'm not bringing my mom here. Let's face it. Maska's stay up. Look, she's got a beautiful back splash. And hopefully I'll find a place that has a back splash that connects us to her back splash. So that's what I could hope for Cape May. I'm just looking for a sign, a back splash sign.

Well, Lorraine's got the down payment, and then I'm going to help out financially. You know, with the payments, the electric, the this, the that. And trust me, with this one, there's always something added. You know why? Because she's into arithmetic. It's always about adding. I'll say it again. It's the math thing.

Okay, it's the math thing. So, by the way, also what's funny to me is that the realtor, the realtor is at the dinner. Like that's so, like, I just love it. She's like, okay, you know what? Come up from Kate May and I'll, I'm going to make you some meatballs on lasagna before we go look at houses. Would you ever? He comes and he brings his wife. And by the way, his wife looks like she wants to kill everybody at the table. The wife is like, God, he fucking, it's date night and he brings me here. I have to come to fucking Brooklyn with these old crazy ladies. And so, I'm missing, I'm missing the Golden Bachelor for this. So, Lorraine's like, uh, so.

I was growing up in Cape May. Come on, Ryan. Tell us everything about yourself. He's like, oh, actually, I'm here to find out about you, but it was great. It was great. They do fireworks on the beach in Cape May. Yes, they do? Why didn't you mention the fireworks?

He didn't even say a thing about the fireworks? Oh, it's very nice. The fireworks, they're like the ones on the East River. Those are very nice fireworks. You ever see those, the Gruchies? They called them the Gruchies. Oh, the Gruchies. We also grew up with a guy named the Gruchies.

Sal Ruchy. Saw this thing from a fireworks that you could ever think of. South. Very dull man. Very dull man, but very nice. Never spoke. He worked at the deli. He was very kind. He'd go in and he would serve you a piece of meat. It was a very lovely man. He died. It was very unfortunate. Very unfortunate. He spoke through pastrami. That's the truth. Beautiful. He was very generous. Very beautiful. His wife went to high school with our cousin. I don't know if you know her. You know, she was loose. And she was a loose lady. I didn't. She was loose. That's why she married someone who doesn't speak very much. Doesn't speak very much at all. But she does all the talking. And if one person is doing. She was loose. And if one person's doing. She was loose. She was loose. She was loose. She was loose. She was loose. She was loose. She was a lot of talking. And if one person the talking, that's all that you need, right? You know, it's whatever works. Loose lip. Loose liped. So I like that the sisters, I think it's Lorraine's sister,

because they have another sister that they're saying, they do fireworks on the beach and Cape May. Yes. And Ryan, the realtor goes, yeah, I mean, actually they're on barges out in the ocean, but yeah, they do. Oh, really? They don't have a dolphin that comes out and the fireworks shoots out of his blowhole, Ryan is that.

Don't be like that with Ryan. Okay, it's a nice boy. What is he? He is nice. You know as a barge. Hey, Lorraine, I mean,

Christine, you ever go on a barge before? You ever been on a barge? Yeah, I've been on a barge. Of course I'm on a barge. Who hasn't been on a barge before? Yeah,

of course I've been on a barge. You've been on a barge. Well, you know, Tony and I once went on the barge. But I think we were 24 or so. We went on a barge. It was for a fundraiser for the firehouse.

They went on the barge. It was very nice. We raised $7. I've never been more embarrassed. You know, these people put out fires in the community. We can't raise more than $7. You know, I asked somebody there. I said, why wouldn't you donate more for the firemen?

She said, because we're by water. They don't even have to do anything. They don't get it. You know, Sal donated all those meats from the deli. And, you know, no one even came. No one even paid. No one even bid on the silent auction for my VHS of who's the boss. And you know what? No one said, thank you, Sal. And you know what? It's okay because he had a very hard time speaking. And he wouldn't have wanted to say, you're welcome. But you know what? We all took the meet home. We had a beautiful lunch for all week long we had beat that meat for lunch. It was very lovely. So it actually was a very nice thing that happened.

It never went bad. It never went bad. It was actually a very lovely piece of meat. Yeah, it was one of the best thing which I ever had that week. It was wonderful. Yeah, sulfites is salt. They put it on meat. Last forever.

You know, like, yeah, you know, people are very scared of sulfites, but let me tell you something. The meat lasts a long time. So he's like, okay, so barges. Okay, so what's the most important thing you guys would want to have in the house down in Cape May? And Lorraine's like, well, I'd like a free house. That's what I was. Well, I don't know, but... Lorraine, let's come on.

Let's be serious. The man's here to ask to a job. Can you not make some jokes? He's trying to do it. It's trying to do a thing. Okay. I'll be serious. All right.

Look, I'm looking for a minimum of three bedrooms, four if we could get it. Maybe a basement to chain mine if she ever comes over. It's got to have two full baths because when we got family down, we need more than one bathroom. And let me tell you why. In two words, the boys. All right.

I have a question. I have a question. Can we get a room just for a lasagna, Can we do a lasagna room, Ryan? Lazzania room. We've always wanted a lasagna. I always wanted one. A lasagna.

I love a flat noodle. Yeah, you get to hang the flat noodles. You know, when they come out of the pot, you need some place to put them to the place. You can put the flat noodles. You have a ricard station for the racquet, you know, and you put it out, you make it all there. And you get to some of the sauce over in that corner.

We can all be in there. And that way we can cook. You know who we can cook with? The boys. We can show them. The boys cook every time. They need to know. They're good at it.

That's what they need to learn. But let me tell you something. Yeah, but look, I also love cooking with gas heat. So if we could have a gas range, that would be real special. Very special for us. Very special. Very special. Okay.

If it has a pool, great. If not, you know what? It's got to have enough room for a pool. Okay. I want a pool big enough to make a Sunday sauce in. All right. So Lorraine tells us, my nephews are on the youngest side. And I think that just should be something great, that we could have so many more great times and make so many more great family memories.

if they could either come to a pool or come to a piece of land that could have a pool. I don't know. It would be beautiful. Well, we're going to look at everything. Okay, let's look at everything. It doesn't matter as long as there's water really close by that we can walk to. Why do we need a pool if there's water over there? Yeah, but, you know, if there's water that's even closer, because then that way the boys can go from the pool to the lasagna room and they could help out with the making the meats and everything to go inside the layers, you know?

I think it would be a very lovely thing. But you got water here, water there? What are we, the little mermaid? How much water do you need? Well, I want them to be able to walk to the beach. I don't want to have to pack things up every time we've got to go to the beach. I don't want to pack. You know how much I hate packing?

You remember the time? Remember when we went on that barge and I made that whole basket? And as we're walking on the barge, what happened? The handle broke. Remember that? Oh, gosh, you won't even play Pac-Man. Yeah, God, all she does is sit there and stare at the dots. I don't understand these new video games, Pac-Man's and whatnot.

It's a lot. Counts the dots. Every time counts the dots. You should see her doing subtraction every time the Pac-Man moves, left or right, eats the dots. She's starting to subtracting thing. It's like trying to play a game with Rain Man. Well, arithmetic is very important. Very good movie, by the way.

Very good movie. Arithmetic? That's not a movie. No, Rain Man. That's with Hoffman. A rain man. Hoffman. He's a very good actor.

Very good. No, no. Damon. Damon. Heffman. Very good movie. Very well done. Very well done.

We lived down the street from a Damon Huffman. He was a nice boy. Yeah, he was a lovely boy. He was a bit touched. But, you know, he's a very kind man. And his mother was very lovely. I love to ship beautiful here. God bless her soul.

All right, you can have a pool. All right, well, it can't be a gut job. All right, listen, I can't do a gut job. I just can't do it. All right, Ryan. Don't make me do a gut job, Ryan. I can't do another gut job. No gut jobs.

Listen, I'll gut the land. for a pool, but I'm not good in the house. It's not going to happen. That's where I draw the line. All right. And if I can interrupt you, which I always do anyway, you know. She goes, which I always do anyway. And guess what?

Guess who cares? Not me. I'm going to do it anyway. Yes, you do, even though I'm always right. Well, I say 85,900, but my sister has a different thought. And being that she's going to be the financier, if you will. Yeah, I'm looking for seven. All right, Ryan.

Miles, they're 900, 700. Not that huge of a difference, but... Question. When they do the fireworks off of the beach, they're off of a barge. Oh, okay, off a barge. Is it loud? Is it going to disturb the boys?

We want the boys... She doesn't like loud things, all right? We don't want to counting fireworks all night. Okay, she's got to get asleep. So now they go, they're driving around, going to Cape May, and they go to this neighborhood in North Carolina. Cape May. And Christine's,

Christine goes, hey, have you noticed? Nobody's wanted us yet. I did notice that. By the way, Lorraine laughs like Eindigarten. She had the exact same, because Ina Garten's from Brooklyn, and they share like a Brooklyn laugh. She's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Yes, I did notice that. You know, they, you know, why? Because they respect arithmetic and that's what I love. Oh, God, look at all the parking over here, a lot of parking. You could park many costs you. You know, they've got that a Toyota over there? The very lovely Toyota. Do you see no Toyota? So much parking. Look at that. Look, there's so much street parking. This is crazy. What, what, you don't have to move your, you don't have to move your car for the street sweeping even here. I don't even see a street sweeping sign anywhere. What are we in paradise? Ladies, hi, sorry. We have to get this episode going. Okay, I'm going to narrate a little bit.

Their agent's partner, Ed, is showing Lorraine and Christina home in North Cape May. I guess Ed wasn't cool enough to get invited to the lasagna dinner. Oh, sorry, Ed. Maybe next time you can wear a full fleece instead of a fleece vest. Ryan was exhausted after being fed lasagna, ricotoni, linguine, Fermicelli, and Cavetti. Nobody even knows what Cavetti is. It's a pasta.

Thank you. Please get out of my boot. Ryan, unfortunately, couldn't show homes today because he was up all night, trembling and saying to his wife, the boys, the boys, who are the boys? Don't let the boys on a barge. Don't let the boys on a barge. I mean, how many times can I tell them that fireworks were on the barge, not the beach?

I thought this was Ryan's dad who came. Because he's this old guy. He's like, hey, ladies, I got a home to show you. Oh, yeah, look at that. He says there's enough room for a pool in the backyard. Oh, so when we get there, you could do the square footage and figure it out, right? Yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, you could do it in your math.

You could do it with your math. Yeah, I'm going to do it with my math. Yeah, I got a math head. She's always doing math, Ed. always. Hey ladies, okay. Well, come on in. This is a Cape May cottage.

Now look at this neighborhood. This is basically all year round people. These are people who have their boys with them all year round. Okay? You like that? You like the way these houses look. Oh, wow. All year round with the boys.

Can you think of it? I mean, look at this place. It's perfect. It all adds up. Oh, you say that every day. It all adds up. The same thing. Every day.

It all adds up. Everything's a really. I'm sorry, Christine. So Ed's like, yeah, we're only two blocks from the Bay beaches. Oh, wow, that's great two blocks. I bet you got a lot of crime. I've been around these places before, Ed. I don't want to see any crime, okay?

We're trying to get away from that. I left that kick back up in Brooklyn, okay, Ed. So don't bring me to someplace with crime. Who said anything about crime? I don't know. You sort of implied it. Hey there. Lorraine, did you hear we're five minus three blocks to the beach?

Oh, can you stop with the arithmetic? This is ridiculous. So it's this cute little house on just like sort of a generic neighborhood that just happens to be close to the beach. And Lorraine is like, oh, well, this is good. This is a cute little space. Okay. So is there another living space or is this? Is there room for more than just a chair?

Because we got a whole big family. I don't know where Ma's going to sit. I don't know. But Ma and the boys, there's not a lot of room. This is kind of small. Is there another house under this house that makes this house bigger? up because I don't see it right now. But, you know, with someone in the NYPD for years and years, I think you're hiding something

at what are you hiding at? Where's the other living room? Well, you know, the inventory is historically low at the South Jersey Shore. I mean, most houses are not on the market for more than a week. So maybe 30 days, give a take. I mean, who's counting, right? Right? Me.

My sister's counting. That's who. That's right. It's all arithmetic. That was for you, Lorraine. All right. It was a little one for you, Lorraine. Okay.

We want this house, you know, we want to go, you know, as soon as we come, a house comes on the market here, you know, it's gone for a second. So we need to get Lorraine and Christine into these houses as quickly as possible. So let's go on a tour. Ladies, ladies, get in here. I've got a surprise for you. You're going to love it. It's a gas stove. Oh, my God.

Oh, Christine. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You saw the same thing I did? You saw the same thing. Did you see that? I see it.

I see it. Oh, my God. I'm going to cry. It's Mommy's Backsplash. Mommy's Backsplash. Oh my God. Mommy's Back splash. Oh, God.

It's the same as my mother has in the kitchen. The kitchen's small, the kitchen's small, but it's got Mommy's Backslash. Ed, get in here. Get in here. Look at that. You see what that's, what's that? You know what that is? You know what it is?

It's Mommy's Backs flash. Yeah. Come on. Who'd have thought? Who'd have thought that the same person who went, who went to Home Depot for Mommy, went to Home Depot for this people. It's, I mean, it's beautiful. Beautiful.

Oh, so I assume this. This is the eating area here with this room here by the stove. Yeah, I mean, there's plenty of light. That's good. That's what comes in through the window. We love mommy has a window. Oh, God, it's a mommy window. It's, you know what?

Look at this. Oh my God. Same window. Same material as mommy's window. Can you believe it? It's mommy's glass. You can see through the window just like mommy. That's great.

Mommy's glass. This is beautiful, beautiful for mommy. Let's go look at the bathroom. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Big one, big one, big problem. I know you'd prefer a walk. Oh yeah. I know you would. Yeah, walking. Maybe a sink, maybe a sink a little bit bigger. A little bit bigger. A little bit bigger sink. You know, I got a toothbrush. I got, I got, I got a nice

toothbrush. You know what I like? I like oral B. Very good toothbrush. Very good. Yeah, very good. Very electric, you know, they spin round and round. It's electric. I don't know. I don't do electric. No, I like to, I like to hold. I don't, I don't, I don't want to get myself to shock while I'm just, when I'm brushing my teeth. That's got a big. What am I? Put an electricity inside of me? What are my? Not everything needs to be a computer, you know? It can just be hold. You just hold it. Hold it like you do in the old days.

I mean, you know, you're that. That's how you get strength. You know, when the boys come over, I say, leave your electric toothbrushes at the doorway because it's only non-electric in here. Wait a minute. Newton wasn't even into electricity. That was Ben Franklin. What am I, Ben Franklin flying a kite outside with my teeth?

No, I don't want, I don't want electric in my mouth. You know, no electric in my mouth. All right. Well, maybe we need something a little bit bigger. All right. Let's take a look at the bedrooms, okay? Yeah, this is the first bedroom. This is a nice size.

No, it's very nice. Very nice. A lot of light. It's very nice. Nice big car. This closet, I like that you can fit two jackets in this closet. It's very big. Very, very big.

Don't like the carpet. Don't like the carpet. No, not a good carpet. No. Oh, oh, look at this. Look, Christine. Look what's in this room. Look at this.

Oh, my God. Look at it. Look at that. They're bunks. Bunk beds. You know who'd love the bunk beds? beds. Oh, my God.

Who? The boys. The boys would love these. The boys would love them. Then they wouldn't have to fight over who has the top bunk because we've got two top bunks, two bottom bungs. Wait a minute. That means we need two more boys.

If I'm doing the arithmetic here, even I can do this arithmetic, huh? We need two up top with two on the bottom. That means we need two more. You got some boys, Ed? Well, I got Ryan. He's sort of like my boy. Okay. Ryan, okay, so we got Ryan.

Do we have another boy somewhere? Can we find a boy? What about Sal? Why don't we talk to Sal? He might have a boy. You know what? We could ask Sal, but we can't expect a response. He doesn't speak.

Look at this. You know what I just saw? This door. You know who else who has a door? Mommy. Mommy. It's a mommy door. Mommy's a door.

It's a mommy's door. Yeah. You know, some nice size space, nice vanity, good tub. Ed, what's this? Ed. Ed. What is this? What is this?

What is this? What is this? What is it? It's a door that they put in that leaves. It's to the outside. Yeah, no, I don't like that. Yeah, I don't like that. No, we don't like this.

No, I don't like that at all. Yeah. What is that door? To the outside of the bathroom? No. This is a little bit on the weird side, I have to say. A little bit on the weird side. So now they go out into the yard, which is, by the way, that is really weird.

A door that goes directly into the bathroom from outside. Yeah. I don't know that. It's really odd. And so they go outside and they're like, oh, nice space. but what do you think the price of a built-in pool would be? And he goes, eh, between 40 and 80.

No, sir. That's 100 grand. Yeah. You fucking liar, Ed. He's like, just take the house. You'll love that. Maybe an above-ground pool is what they need. So he's like, yeah.

Oh, by the way, come and look at this place. Look at this room. It's got a nice floor. Like, oh, wow. It's very big, Ed. Very big. Hey, you know what, Christine, your bike could go in here. Oh, yeah.

You know, sure, right. On my bike. I was concerned. know bikes it's hard to know where to put a bike but this is going to be a good place to a bike yeah but come on it's a small space in here lawyer i mean really like we're never going to fit everybody in there and can you imagine having two of us trying to cook in that kitchen well i know y'all go ahead me no i was gonna say it's very difficult it'd be very difficult for us to both cook in the kitchen and you know it would be i'd be here you'd be there be very cramped space

be very hard but my thought is what would be the possibility do you want me to say you want to say it you want to I'll say it. What if we pushed the kitchen out? Make it bigger. That would be a possibility. I'm not up for a gut job, Ed. All right. She doesn't want a gut job. Don't make me gut job. Don't make me gut it. You know what? I think the fact that you don't want a gut job is a little bit on the weird side. A little bit. But you know what? I said. I already did a gut in one house and I don't know if I want to do it again. I'm so traumatized by the gut, Ed. All right. You know, it's been easier. Listen, it's always easy to say we could do A, B, and C. And. see when it's coming out of my pocket. All right? Yes. Well, so they had a place that doesn't need a... So they have... They had to a place that doesn't need any Renault.

But now, Sister Lorraine and Christine are heading 15 minutes northeast of Cape May to Wildwood, where a newly built condo just came on the market. And spoiler alert, they're going to think everything here is pretty nice. Yeah. You're going to make stuffed mushrooms? I'm absolutely making stuffed mushrooms. Don't let anybody else make them. No one else is going to make them.

You know who I'm talking about. It's the first time I believe that I've been anywhere near here. And it's really nice. What was the price on this one? Oh, by the way, we're not going to tell the audience who I'm talking about makes the terrible stuff mushrooms. Okay, y'all are going to have to wait for them. Well, they know, they saw the dinner that happened at the top of the episode. And there's a reason why there's another sister that's not here on this drive.

Okay. So they know who the bad mushroom maker is. We love all our sisters, but some less than others, you know, like the stuffed mushroom metharopra. You know, everyone has their strengths. Mine is lasagna in arithmetic. Christine is tackling robbers in a dark alley and also making a beautiful brujole.

But our sister, stuffed mushrooms, not a specialty. And that's okay, because you know what a specialty is? Being a wonderful lady, we love us so much. She just can't make a stuffed mushroom. There, I said it. You said it on national television. She's going to hear that. You know what?

You know what? If she's my true sister, she'll forgive me later. She complains about it. I'll tell her. Go stuff your mouth of mushrooms because that's the only stuffed mushroom I'm letting you get near. Maybe if she had one of a stuffed mushroom, she'd see how terrible they are. And she never make one again. There, I said it.

So now we got a home number two. And now it's Ryan. He's back. He's like, oh, yeah, I had to go to the hospital to get rid of a blockage after eating at your house. That was a lot of bread products. But you know what? I'm back. So I'm back.

So they go to this, it's a condo. It's on the second floor. And so it's new construction. Well, I'm not new. It's like a newer condo or at least renovated or something like that. I think they said it's new construction. Right. Okay.

It's new. So he's showing them around and there's like a bunch of units. And so I love this. Lorraine goes, ah, pretty landscaping out front. And they showed this like little dirt, like a little flower bed. That was just pretty much dirt and a few. It was like three seedlings popping out.

Oh, beautiful. Look at that. It's like I'm in the Palace of Versailles. And look at that. The beach is right down there, right? So what is it, a block and a half? I think we'd say that is 10 minus eight and a half blocks. So if we stand here, could we see them setting up the fireworks on the beach?

They do them. The barge. The barge. What are you trying to make him crazy? It's the barge, all right? Well, listen, I absolutely have considered condos. All right. I like the fact that the exterior is taking care of.

You don't got to bring out your garbage. You don't got to shovel snow. You don't got a water of your garden. I'm sad that I'm open to anything. It'll fulfill the needs of a family. Okay, but wait. But wait. You see what I see?

I'm not sure I got mom in these steps. Mom in these steps. Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. Look at all these steps. I don't know about mommy and these steps. I don't know about that. The irony, though, is you know who has these stairs?

Mommy. Mommy got these stairs. She can go up her stairs. She can't do these stairs. I don't know about these steps. These are going to be tough for her. I don't know about these. Yeah, these are going to be tough.

And you know what? Carrying groceries too. Like carrying groceries up the stairs. Well, for you, not for me. I'm not a grocery carrier. And your groceries can be a little heavier because you're going to have to have those mushrooms in them because we don't want you know who to make them.

Oh, what is this? Oh, look, it's a little porch. It's a porch. Well, I don't know how to call it a porch. It's small. Well, it's the sitting area. You can sit there. Yeah. You know what you could do? You could put a little table here.

So that's not only just a sitting area, there's a table. You could put out some meats. You can put out some brujut from Sal's. That would be lovely here. Yeah, it's also got an outdoor host, which is much nicer than an indoor host. Like, what am I going to do with an indoor house? Yeah, but, you know, it's very nice. It's very nice. Oh, you know what I like? I like the floors. The floors are very nice. Yeah, I like the floors too. And the ceilings are very high up there, very high ceilings, very low floors. It's a big difference between the two of them.

This house is actually very pretty. This condo. I mean, it's kind of a small apartment. I don't think it would work, especially for the downstairs neighbor, if there's going to be like 20 people up here shuffling around and boys running around. I would be pissed if I was in a two bedroom under them. But it's very pretty. This space is, it's a very nice condo. This space is 100% not going to work for them. As soon as they said, ah, these stairs are going to be hard for them.

I was like, they're not taking this one. It's like this. It was done with that staircase. And also like they keep on talking about how they're going to have like all these big family dinners. They need 10 of them together. There's, it just was, I'm like no way. And there's no room for a pool. I was like, uh-uh. But it is a nice, nice condo. And then they come around and it's an electric stove top, which is a huge problem. They don't like that. And. I'm sorry. Yeah, you know, the backspash is pretty, you know, but why would we put a table in chairs? I mean, come on. It's too small. Okay. Well, we're all together. What are we? We're 10. We're 10, right? We're 10. Ah, I always see a mathematician over there. Do you guys want to hear a story? Okay, this is why a gas stove means a lot to me. When I first learned how to cook, I was on an electric stove top. Then my parents renovated our kitchen.

We got a gas stove. And I thought I died and went to heaven when I started cooking on that. What a difference. It was happened. That's the story. It was a story. Oh, look over here. Oh, look over here.

What do we got here? A walk and shower. A walk and shower. I like that. My sister loves a walk-in. It's very nice. Very nice. Oh, look, it's got a rain shower.

You got a, oh, a rain shower. Rain shower. Wow, glamorous. It collects rain and it puts it on your head. No, no, it's just it. It falls like rain. It falls like rain. It falls like rain.

That's amazing. Very lovely. It's very international. And now because there's a bathroom here. Would this be considered the primary bedroom? Because there's a bathroom? He's like, yes. Yes, yes, that's how it works.

Well, it's a little small. for a primary. It's a little small. It's a little small. It's a little small. But you say it's a little small. That's a bit small for the primary. You know, it's not going to like it in here. The boys. The boys ain't going to like it. Where would I put my bed? Where would I put it? I don't know where I put it. You know, I can have any room, you know? But you know what? This room over here. You know what's good about this room? This would work for the boys. Because you know, you can put some bunk beds in it. Yeah, you could put the bunk beds. Yeah. Yeah. And again, it's got more closet space than I have at home. They show this closet. And it. you open the door and it's just like one

one pole and it's not it's a very standard closet she's like oh my god the closet space is huge I'm gonna get three robes we need to see Lorraine's current closet space because she is so impressed with all these small closets that normally people are like there's look there's no space and she's like oh palatial I could be the queen of Sheba in here

Lifestyles of the rich and famous am I right I could have two outfits. This is crazy. Oh my God, look at this. It's a washer and dryer stacked, and I can even reach the top. Finally, you know, I always have to wear soggy clothes around. I can't reach my dry up. So they like it because it's new. And then, you know, they basically they like it because it's new and done nicely. But we'd have to move our stuff in. We could start our life here. That's all we have to do. Easy, peasy. Lemon squeasy. That's it. So they go see a house where space isn't an issue. you, but something else is.

I don't know what that thing is. Someone died there. It's further from the beach, but the extra space is pricey. She's like, oh, this one is, what is this? It's 819, but there's no pool. Do the numbers make sense to a arithmetic lady? Well, for a new build, I guess the price is in the zone, but it's way more than I wanted to spend.

Well, maybe our sister, okay, how about this? Why don't we tell us that she can make those awful stuff mushrooms if she throws in a few coins. We can get this place. I don't know. We can make a deal, huh? That's called not just arithmetic. That's the only we get. We get both Ryan and Ed, his dad.

So they're both here this time. And it's like, welcome the Seaview Crossings. You're only 10 minutes from the bathing beaches and Stone Harbor and Avalon. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's good because when we were driving it, we didn't notice any beaches or bays. Not one.

Not a one. I said, is that a bay? They said, no, that's a food town. I said, food town. I thought they went out of business. They said, well, I was just joking. That's an A&P. Oh, I didn't know. A&P was still in business. He goes, I was joking again. It's a shop right. I said, okay, you guys don't make these jokes. I just want to see a beach or a bay. I think you're going to like the fact that you're out in this open there, are you ladies? Yeah, there's a biking and hiking trail right. Right. What am I supposed to go swim on a hiking trail? Huh? It's nice, though. Look at this nice front porch. This is a lovely front porch.

It's a porch. It's nice. You could put a chair out here. Very nice. It's very lovely. A lovely space for a porch. I like it. We could sit on the porch.

Now, this one is huge. This house is humongous. And it's not, you know, it's pretty builder grade inside. But I think with, you know, some paint and some, you know, little style, which they probably don't have, let's face it. I mean, shit, throw some pasta sauce on the wall. It'll look cute. It's huge. It's huge.

And it really has everything that they need for like the way they are talking about their family and the space that they need and stuff. Space for the boys and space for the dinner and this and that. I was like, this is going to be the one that they take because this is going to be the one. And it's a huge backyard. It's on an acre. It's woods. I mean, the backyard is gorgeous. They could put a nice big pool and stuff.

It really has everything. And, you know, because I mean, I know that they're living in. It sounds like they live. in small, like a small place in Brooklyn. So they can make do with small, but like I think they want, it seems like the vibes that they ultimately want space, that kids can have a lot of fun. They look around the,

the kitchen is new and fresh. And Lorraine's like, ah, six burners. We could get two turkeys in here, everyone. Two turkeys, big Thanksgiving coming your way. No stuff. I thought that was the clincher. I thought that was it.

When they said two turkeys, I was like, this is it. They're going to win. Yeah, gas fireplace. everything. I mean, I was like, and then Christine goes, and you can also put up a really big TV. Yeah, I know you like a big TV. I know you can watch your wheel. Watch your wheel big. She likes to see the letters up close. And so a small TV is very difficult for her. Yeah. You know what TV? That's how I watch the Mets. Oh, really? So you don't have a hologram machine that just plays it off.

Well, this is definitely the biggest living space I've been to so far. Oh, look, it already has sliding doors. They already put the sliding. doors. I was going to say, could we put in sliding doors? They already have them in here. That's amazing. You know, not everywhere has sliding doors automatically. You got to put them in. That's an added expense. It all adds up. Am I right? It all adds up. Yep. You ever see sliding doors with Paltrow? Very good movie. Very good film. Both of her life. Not so envious. But you'll let a lesson. It's good. We know what? We got to show the boys next time. Next time we're going to show the sliding doors to the boys. How far back does this land go anyway? Well, uh, uh, uh, uh, All the way back up to the fence. We sit on a nice one-acre lot. Now tell me, do they do fireworks here?

Oh, God. You can't put a barge on dry land, so technically no, because no barge. No barge. No barge. No barge. Well, I could definitely see a beautiful big pool out here with the deck, the whole nine yards. The whole nine yards.

And that's actually a pun because we only have one yard out here. But, you know, Christine's very funny. I'm the math girl. She's the comedy girl. She's a very funny one. They always said, anytime she arrested a guy, they always say,

you know, I don't like being put under arrest, but luckily you're a funny cop. You know, she always told jokes in the police car. They loved her. They loved her. Yeah, they loved me.

That was good. So, you know, you could add a pool, but that's an added expense and just keep that in mind when you're doing the numbers. Okay, math genius. That's an example.

You know, it was good. I was good in my day. Yeah, very fun. What was the thing you once told the guy? Remember the guy that you found who had murdered his old family and he said, I guess you're not going to have Thanksgiving. That was hilarious.

And he liked that, right? I know who's not cooking two turkeys this year. He was that man. It's very nice. He was a very nice man. A shame that he was, he was not well in the head, unfortunately. Unforcibly, locked away. Locked away.

So they look at the bedroom everywhere here is a lot bigger. You know, the closets still aren't huge, but there is one walking closet. And of course Lorraine has a, I'm not sure about the carpet. Although she said it too, like, you people in your fucking carpet, you're trying me. I don't know. I don't know. I may be a retired police detective, but I can still sense when there's some crookery going around. So Christine, they go to the bathroom and Lorraine goes, you know what?

With this bathroom, I noticed there's no door here. And this is when Ryan goes, oh, well, it's a slider. Oh, a pocket door. I love a pocket door. And she just walks away. And her sister's like, yeah, I love pocket doors too. Until they break and then it's a pain. Well, what breaks and isn't the pain, am I right?

That's what, when things break, they're a pain. You know, you know, what's a fun thing to have break? Yeah, what's a fun thing to have break? School break. Oh, there she is. Always so funny. That was a funny one, Christine. I really set you up there.

I didn't even realize. So they have a little attic thing that's a loft bedroom. Oh, God, you know who would love this? You know this would be perfect for? The boys. The boys. It's the boys. Every time.

When I watched this, when I was watching this with Dom and when she said, you know who this would be perfect for? I literally go, the boys. She goes, the boys. Tom goes, I hate you. So they, look around, you know, there's another bedroom across the house. And she's like, oh, I love how there's a one bedroom there and the one bedroom across the house.

It's for privacy. For privacy. For privacy. They really thought of everything. They really did. All right. Well, it's not that, okay. What I do like is that the natural light comes into this room and you have a great view,

but not of a pool and not of a beach or a bay. I have to say this, Ryan. It's a little disappointing about that. And Lorraine's like, you know what then, but we'll put in a pool. It'll be a beautiful pool that we're going to put in. Okay, so I'm assuming that these two bedrooms, these bedrooms share a bathroom. Is that what's happening?

And from the bathroom, can you hear the, can you see the fireworks on the beach? Barge. Yes, you can. There he goes again. What are you selling barges now? Ed, what's this guy doing? He should get stalking barges, huh?

So they'd like it, but Christine's like, you know, I know it's very pretty and it's a spacious, it's got plenty of room. But Lorraine, you have to think about the numbers. as if you're not doing it all the time. Miss Math Genius over here. And you have to figure things out. Because, I mean, you're adding the pool, the price of the home and all the furniture.

You know, we got up in a lot of furniture here. Have you been to Ashley Furniture? They actually have a very, they actually have a quite decent selection. Have you been there recently? No, you know, I knew a girl named Ashley. Oh, yeah. She wasn't all there. Sheavoni.

She wasn't here. No, I looked. I said, is this Ashley Sheavoni's place? He said, no, it's Ashley and Decados. And I said, oh, I don't know her. But she sounds like a nice person. She would start the baloney that Ashley Chavone, every single time. And I'm telling you, she wasn't all there.

She wasn't all there. You know, she went off, you know, she went off to Los Angeles to be a television star. I don't think anyone heard from ever again. I think she was on one. I think she was on a television show. What was it called the commish? She was a, she, you, you watch that, Christine, because you always say, oh, God, they got it wrong. Every single time.

Yeah, well, I love the bald fella. But you know what? She wanted to be a TV store. And we would know. would know if she was a TV saw because my sister has the TV is how I watched the Mets. I watch a big TV. Chickles was his name. The actor was Chickles.

That's right. And I always said I wanted to chew him. That was always a very funny joke. The very first time you said that, Ma almost spit out her teeth. Yeah, it was so funny. You remember the first time you said Chickless and I said, what is it? Sal, you're talking about? Unfortunately, you said it right in front of Sal's face and he got so.

distracted, he cut his finger in the meat machine. But, you know, it was okay. We all had a good laugh afterwards. Yeah. He could have told me he was mad if you ever spoke. Ladies, you do have to choose a house. We're going on three hours of this episode. Okay, so we'll choose a house.

All right, we got a huge one. I love the huge one. It's in the woods. We could build a pool. We could maybe put a park in there, maybe a roller skating rink for the boys. I mean, there's so much we could do. The boys would love a roller skating rink. Why don't we put a roller skating?

Okay, so, okay, roller skating rink with a pool on the inside of the roller skating rink. Can we pull off the ice and there's a pool on the inside? I love that. And the sauce room. Don't forget the sauce room, but that's number three. That was very big. Number two, it was the condo by the water. I don't know, mom with the stairs.

The stairs. I don't know, Ma. It doesn't have Mommy's back splash either. I do want to say also, one thing we forgot to mention House number one. You know what it has? A three seasons room. Gotta have a three seasons room. Well, no, it doesn't have it, but that's what she wants to build there.

I want to build it. Does it count as a gut job if you add on to it? Because that's just an ad job. It's just an ad job. So I'll do it. Guess what? We ended up choosing the North Cape May House. Yeah.

Yeah, it was my favorite. Also, it's tiny. Can't fit anybody. We don't like anything about it, but it's got the back splash. You know what? It's got gross. It's got gross. Robin's egg walls.

But you know what? It's got Mommy's back splash. And we just fell in love with that. It's a sign. It's a sign. you're taking the smallest one, the ugliest one, the one with a door in the bathroom that goes to the outside. And then she's like, well, you know, we're going to take this and believe it or not,

I'm going to do it a remodel. I'm going to take out all the floors, all the walls, all the walls, add a pool, add a three seasons. Look what you're not saving money, lady. What are you doing? I think ultimately what she really wanted was to have a little house by the beach. And so that's why she chose it. I don't know how she's going to get all the kids in there. They'll somehow make it work.

But like they're just not going to have a living room. I think they just don't have a living room and they just, they just make it a dining room or something like that. I would like to see, if they build it out a little bit, they can make space. But I don't know how they're going to deal with that house. That was crazy. 10 people in this little place is going to be insane. But I love it for them.

You know, they're so happy. And they really are. They're just going to remodel the whole thing. So God knows what these. And I love that they don't know how they're going to fit 10 people. So they're going to build on a whole extra building that's going to be a sunroom. Build an apartment. Well, I think the fact that it came with built in bunk beds and mommy's back splash, they're like, we're sold.

We're sold the space for the boys to sleep. There's mommy's back splash. We don't have any room to cook together. But that's okay. We'll make it work. And they will. You know what? I also feel like their generation, they like no one, like so many people never had these big, enormous kitchens that we see on all these, all these shows and all.

the real housewives. Like, like, I feel like, you know. And we survived. Yeah. Like all, like all the, all of all the grandmas and everything. They all had like a little stove and a little countertop. They sit at, they sit at the table. They, they chop. I once read a great article. I feel like maybe I brought it up once, but like how, you know, before there were kitchen islands, people just did stuff at the table. You use the table like a kitchen island. And we act like the kitchen island is a revolutionary thing. If you need to chop things, you take a seat and you sit at the table and you chop things at the table. And there's actually something kind of amazing about that. And I feel like these ladies will make it work. Yeah, they'll be fine. They'll be fine. They'll be fine. They'll be fine.

I love this episode. Like I just, it just warmed my heart. I love these women. I want to know what happens with them. And it was so fun doing Dwell Hello for the past three years here on Wondery Plus. Yeah. And, uh, you know, fun times. Yeah, we've loved it. Everybody, thanks for being with us. We We'll see you over on Crappins. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye.