Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello: Bling Battle in Naples Florida

Episode Date: December 17, 2021

Dr. Denise and her man are on the prowl for a home with some BLING on this week's Dwell Hello. For those of you that like to watch along, this is Season 205 Episode 8 and we found it on YouTube TV.You can listen to Season 1 of Dwell Hello, plus all of these episodes without ads, on Stitcher Premium! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding dong! Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding dong! Well, hello. Well, hello.

Welcome to Duel, hello. I'm Ronnie and that's been over there, hi, Bann. Hi, how are you? Good. Thank you, everybody, so much for being with us for another episode of Duel. Hello, our House Center's podcast. If you want to listen to Bravo shows, you're on the right feet because that's what we normally do with Watchwick Crappens, but here we are with Little House Center's another small obsession

of ours over the years, which figured, hey, let's make a podcast for it. That's what we're doing. That's right. And we are here today. We are going to be recapping. Bling Battle in Naples, Florida. This is season 205, episode eight. We found this episode on YouTube TV. So just do a search for Bling Battle in Naples, Florida. And you will find it. I think it's actually a relatively recent episode. And I'll tell you, I'm so excited about this episode that I won out and found a cheap blonde wig and it's resting on my head as we speak. You don't even need a wig for this. You just need some like corn straw, some straw from a corn because that is the worst wig I've ever seen.

And this is like a fairly famous lady apparently. We were suggested this show by one of you. This is a listener request because this lady, Dr. Denise apparently is famous or whatever, and people know who she is. And she's just a nut. She's an absolute nut case. And it was what a pleasure watching her. But I will say, she's a self-help lady. I will say is a self-help, not really,

I'm really not a self-help person at all. I don't even help myself. Self-unhelpful. Yes, but just really not a self-help person at all. I don't even help myself. Self-unhelpful. Yes, but just to help yourself, better wig. Better wig. I mean, you're in Florida now. You know, you're in Florida now. Get a better wig.

Yeah, I agree. Like, you can't be like talking about bling and then you look like you're wearing a lasagna on your head, right? So, I mean, it was like literally like post-end it all flowing down. It was the wrong color, the shape was bad. So I actually was so intrigued by this woman that I let her up.

Her name is Dr. Denise Wood, and she has a website. And she's written three books. One book is called The Cheaters Mind by Dr. Denise Wood and Colleen Hitchcock, who does not have a photo. And then the next book is called Psych to Be Skinny. And it's just a picture of like five women jumping up and down, like superimpose over a scale. So I guess they were like, I'll do being skinny.

They really are a psych to be skinny. And then the last one is the one that looks the most like serious. It's called Cyberbullies Mind. And it's just a person holding up a phone. So I think I'm just going to say that she wrote psych to be skinny. And then she got pushback because it was problematic because it was like, here's what you have to do to be skinny. Don't eat. Don't be stupid and eat. Be smart and not eat. I'm just going to guess that's what it was. And then people were like, what the hell is wrong with you? And then she's like,

I've been cyber bullied. And then she was cyber bullied. And it really is a whole journey she takes. Because she starts with the cheaters mind, why he cheats. You know, so she got cheated on. Then she got a revenge body back with psych to be skinny. And then she was bullied for being too hot.

By the time she got to cyber bullied is mined. Yeah. And psyched to be skinny was reviewed in the bikini chef. And so if anyone wants to be that, you can check that out. Now, the thing is this, on her website, there's also a tab she was in Mrs. Minnesota America pageant. And as you click on the talent tab, you click on that part. And she's a doctor and author and a pageant and as you click on the talent tab you click on that part and she's a doctor and author

and a pageant queen and we see that she has competed in very bad various pageants including everyone misses North Oaks. Congratulations for being misses North Oaks Denise would. You did it. You finally did it. I'm so proud of you those Mrs. America pageants are hilarious It's like a bunch of older ladies 80% married to gay guys Dressing them up like kind of old dolls. It's crazy. Glad she did it. I'm still on the tab the main tab the books tab Where if you scroll down past her books reviews of psych to be skinny. Oh my god. We need to read this She got a review some from someone called the bikini chef. Anyway, underneath that, the bikini chef, I can't, I have to read that. But underneath that, there's a bunch of pictures of her at a book signing. And it's just multiple book, multiple

pictures of her holding the book different ways. It's very good. That's true. Not there's only like one person that we can see that actually came to the book signing, but she's doing it. And the we can see that actually came to the book signing, but she's doing it. And the funny thing is that like, if you look at where her book signing table is in the second picture, she's signing an autograph and she's just like, she's signing in the children's book section.

She's signing inside the cheaters mind in front of children's books. I know. Whatever it's like about cheating on your homework. Maybe that's what it was all along. We've had the totally wrong read on this thing. Okay, so I clicked on the bikini chef and it's just more of this book, this, oh gosh, but there's a subscribe thing that comes up with this older lady who's like, look, she's like, got her arms out like, look, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I really recommend you go to the talent tab and click on Supermodels Unlimited where there's a brief questionnaire about Dr. Denise Pagewood where she's sort of standing,

she has a sort of a semi-provoking photo. And here's some questions that we're about to learn. We're gonna learn a little bit more about our House Understar. So question number one, this does also feel like a pageant. When did you realize you wanted help others for your career? Oh, then you click on that and it says, it drops down and says, in high school, I was

always the person people came to for help. Oh, wow. So we'll just have to assume that's when she realized that she wanted help others, because nice school. And then what's the most satisfying thing about your job? Seeing people that you join their lives. Okay. This has laid out so funny. It's like a questionnaire and you click on each question and a little thing pops down with her, all caps answer. What's been your greatest personal career accomplishment

in East? Saving the lives of people suffering from suicidal idealization. Oh, okay. answer. What's been your greatest personal career accomplishment to Nice? Saving the lives of people suffering from suicidal idealization. Oh, okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That was. Whoa. Well, I was not expected. I thought it was ideation, but that's fine. I did not realize we were making that turn at that moment, Ronnie. Okay. Let's keep going. Let's not. It's not suicidal ideation because that's when people are considering suicide. It's suicidal idealization. It's like trying to figure out the perfect way to commit suicide.

It actually makes it sound like a hobby there. And then just seeing her picture on the side with her hands behind her head and this little mini dress in her room. So, this phrase that's on the right does not match the picture to the left. Because the picture is like so sexy and she's looking over at the questions. She's like, I can see you suicidal idealization. I have to say, thanks to my sexiness, I was able to save 10 people. So then, um, Hey, what's been your greatest career accomplishment for one of your clients?

Sing them laugh again! And what's the best thing a client ever said to you? It's fun to come see and it makes their whole week. That's the best thing someone said. She's fun to come see. And finally, where is your career headed over the next year? I have a new book out called Inside the Cheaters Mind. The next book I'm working on is 21 Days to Trust

after infidelity. Which I guess you never really got to that, but didn't get to that. Yeah. Wow, this is a wonderful insight from supermodels unlimited. I really love when house hunters people use the show as a launch pad. You know, another one we're recapping is where a guy's like, I am in the music career for Matt Douder in Chesapeake. And it just cracks me up.

It's like, you know where I'm going to sell some more books? I'm going on to House Hunters. And she just might have because I didn't know about the books like to be skinny. I would love to jump in. I'm in love and down the books like to be skinny. I would love to jump up and down and say, like to be skinny. Maybe I'll read it. We're just sitting here just giving her all sorts of promotions. So she's doing the right thing. And I do want to say the last thing I want to mention about this website because we should

get on to the recap is that I clicked on the upcoming appearances and it's just a blank calendar. And then below it is just a picture of her like talking like like she's standing in front, like with a piece of paper to talk from and it says, there's a caption in case we're confused. Dr. Denise Woods speaking to a class at the University of Minnesota, like this empty calendar.

So that's what's going on with her. I think she moved to Florida and she was like, fuck this, I'm going outside, okay? There's a lot of time, there's a lot of ways you need to waste your time in Fargo, it's freezing there. So here we are, Soft Rock, says the screen, because I've got closed captioning on, it says Soft Rock. So we're driving through Naples, and let me tell you right now, I've learned from this show, Naples loves the color yellow. Everything yellow in Naples, every building in Naples, like the HOA Naples is like,

it's gonna be yellow, right? Okay. It's Naples blurred on the west coast of the state. I'm looking it up. I think it is on the west coast, right? I need to like, I'm sorry that I did not like this up beforehand. Yes, it's on the west coast.

Okay, so it's sort of like a cross from Fort Lauderdale. If you went directly across the Everglades, that's where Naples is, just at the stage, just to make this all make sense. So she is driving in the car, her husband's driving, and he's like a kind of a dopey big guy, and he's already got the Florida pad and shirt and weird hair plugs.

They both got very weird hair going on. She's got the crazy wig. He's got the plugs. And he looks like one of those real baby dolls. You know those babies that look real? They're like, Creole, you look real. He looks like one of those, but like an old version. Like if a baby doll, like a real old version doll.

And so they're Denise and Shandai. I feel like he looks like Josh Brolin if Josh Brolin weren't famous. Like that's the direction Josh Brolin would have gone in his life, you know. Yeah, I can see that. He's got a little Brolin in him. So she to me looks like every single real housewives

of Miami, late cast member just rolled into one in a yellow wig. She looks like a smug cigar to me with a wig on. That's what she looks like to me. So he's sitting there saying, like, whoa, well, it's amazing, the blue sky. We're kind of used to kind of being a kind of cloudy. And she just is like, isn't most sky blue?

She's like, ah, no skies blue. Come on, because yeah, but we don't see the blue sky though. Come on. So they introduce themselves to us and he's like, I'm Jim. I'm a gastroenterologist. And then she does this thing where she poses for the camera with her, you know, her fist on her hip, you know, and just moves her face towards the camera a lot. She's like, well, um, I just wrote her wig.

Oh my god. I can't. I'm gonna write her wig time or time. But don't let her near an open flame because that looks like a pom-pom about ready to go. So she's like, I'm a doctor of a clinical psychology. I write books. I've written what, how many three books now? Right, Jim? Three books. That's right. Three books. So they met in the hospital. And we see pictures of them when they were young. When she was younger, she definitely looked like a character

that Kathy Baker might have played. And she was in turning and they started dating and they've been married for 25 years. And you know what, he amazes me every day. He's quick-witted, he's fun, he's great with the kid. I don't really know his name to be honest, but you know what, I feel really blessed for what we have. I mean, a man that's's a man. He always thought that that song was called Boo Skies. It's about a scary sky. He always goes, boo Skies. Nothing but boo Skies. I had to tell him.

I was blue. He was shocked. Denise is very beautiful. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. She's a beautiful girl. It's about a scary sky. He goes, go, boo skies, nothing but boo skies. I had to tell him, blue, he was shocked. Denise is very beautiful. She's extraordinarily energetic. And when she focuses on something, it happens.

Despite obstacles, she said she wanted hair made from the same material, the zipper part of his Ziploc bag is made from. And by colleague, just look at her. You can store celery in that for a year in that adders, all right? Actually, sometimes she does have a crudite and they have from time to time. So you know what I love a best with a side of ranch. Am I right?

You know what's great? Uh, every now and then when our pastry brush plunks out, we just take a little bit out of a wig and stick it on to that thing. Does a great job. One time we left a car washed and they didn't, we saw some little droplets on the window. Denise just went out there and started whipping her hair around. She was the original Willow Smith. So Willow Smith, excuse me. So then they live in Fargo, North Dakota.

What does that mean, the original Willow Smith. Did you have it? I've had that song. I went my hair back and forth. I went my hair back and forth. I would. I'm a man. Wait. I'm a cat.

You can't go from Kathy Baker to Willow Smith. Like I need some kind of middle ground. You need the middle ground. This is crap. And we just do that. So, um, so we're giving them crazy Northeastern accents, but they're actually from Fargo, North Dakota. And they, you know what, our house is too big for us now.

And you know, our kids are off to college. I mean, you should've seen the way they ran out that door. Like, finally, I can start a new life and not tell anyone about my mom with a pasta hair, huh? You know, so how Nicky might be coming home this weekend. Did I mention that? And she says, we chose Naples because the weather here is glorious. Oh, yeah, and our daughter is going to be joining us. She's a college freshman and she's going to spend her summers here. Our son's going to be here too. We're going to be sending him air, gives certificates for air travel. Okay.

Our home in Fargo just sold and we're run to so much pressure. We're run to so much pressure to find something never the way to come on house hunters. Yeah. Yeah. No, never. That's, I think you don't want to, I don't think you want to like seek, seek out real estate and Naples under pressure, right? I think you got it. You know, you can, you can wind up in a real doozy. And she is so ready to live in Florida because the next scene they're on a patio.

So we're talking to the real estate guy. And she's got a humongous plastic wine glass, like from big lots, you know, the gigantic oversized ones that you get there. And the real estate, another big dopey guy. She loves being surrounded by big dopey guys. He comes over. He's like, isn't it nice out here?

Isn't it nice? And she's like, weather in my right, weather. Weather. Okay, I want three bathrooms, three bedrooms, and I need a study to work in, okay, to write my books. Something with a pool and a lot of space. The pool doesn't have to be in the study, by the way, Joseph. Put your pencil down.

Okay. I want study, comma, pool, comma, lots of space out to us. Oh, okay, you know what? Okay, so do you want high ceilings? Do you want low ceilings? And she's like, oh, high ceilings, I want high ceilings. Who has ever asked for low ceilings? I've never seen anybody. I've watched a lot of house centers.

I've never heard anybody say, you know what, can I please have some low ceilings. I've never seen anybody. I've watched a lot of house centers. I've never heard anybody say, you know what, can I please have some low ceilings? We're really looking for a crawl space. You know, my effort to look younger, I'm actually gonna try to move like a baby, okay? Well, I was something with a lot of chandelier, something classic, elegant. And he's like, well, I like Midwestern darkwood,

darkwood floors. You know, she impressed on me that dark might not be the best thing to live in. And I said, have you seen you in the morning? Am I right? And shockingly, when she's talking about what she wants, she doesn't really say bling because then the rest of the episode is like, I don't know about this gravel driveway. I want more bling. Can you put some diamonds in the gravel please?

I mean, everything is bling. Yeah, I need more blink and put some diamonds in the gravel. I mean, everything is blink. Yeah, I need more blink please. Well, she goes, well, I just want a nice community to live in. And then she poses with her arm on her, her fist on her hip again. She's like, you know, where there's lots of activities. A further out of town would be fine with me. And Jim's like, no, no, no, centrally located dark wood.

I think we're going to do a lot of things outside the community. For me, I need proximity to the ocean. That's why we're going to look at some condos, okay? And she says, you know what I want? I want a single family home, Spanish Revival. I don't know what Spanish Revival means, but I do like topos. So we can have a house made of topos. I would love that.

I really don't need much. And you know, Spanish Revival sounds blingy, okay? So his budget's 800,000. Her budget's a million. And Jim says, you know, I don't, Denise is going to find $200,000. I don't know where, because we don't want to be house poor, okay? We want to be bling for. Okay, Denise, hold on.

You're going to get plenty of time to say bling. We're already we've poor, all right? We don't want to be house poor, okay? We want to be bling for. Okay, it's hold on, you're gonna get plenty of time to say bling. We're already we've for, all right? We don't want to be out for too. Well, this first place checks Jim's boxes and then we see the big goofy real estate guy. He's like, this is Caldramon Naples. I like the proximity to the beach forum.

I like the proximity to the shops. I like to the proxy. I'm just gonna keep the proximity to the shops. I like to the proxy I'm just gonna keep saying proxivity because I sound some on it. Hey lady from house hunters Lowcelling's a high give me the truth because I know some people out here need some low ceilings Not everybody wants to look up and think wow my my my roof is in the sky You know, what ever happened to a low ceiling am I right? Hey, Denise, real quick question. Cracked foundation or solid foundation, which one do you want? Close pipes are pipes with holes in them.

What do you think? Asbestos or, you know, no asbestos, what do you think? And it goes, well, I need proximity to the shops. Because, you know, I think that's at least one Denise might like the shop So then we go to house one three beds three bath and she's like, you know, this isn't what I grew up with but you know It's it's not getting in but it's more like what I grew up with is what I'm trying to say Yeah, he says you know, it's I like this big this big lots big yard privacy and Denise is showing up So she's just like ready to really push her books. She's got, I like got this electric blue crop top

and a little mini skirt that she's wearing. She's strutting through and she's, and so she's like, yeah, this is like what I grew up, which is like it didn't grow up with palm trees though, Jim, you're from the, from frick fricking Minnesota, all right? And then she holds her head back and just laughs. She's like, ah! With her fist on her head.

So he's a character. She's a character. So she's like, well, very nice. You know, it looks very nice. And the real estate guys, look, it's got nice high ceilings. Just like you said. Okay. So it's minding for 99 with high ceilings, just like you said. Okay, so it's mind-before, mind-d mind, with high ceilings. I did my job, I'll take my commission now.

Thank you very much, trying to make a movie by three. I hate this house, by the way. They walk in, and it's like this open concept, but it's like totally not functional, a totally non-functional open concept, because they walk in, and there's open space. Imagine an L shape of open space, and in these are like the L part, the square, the kitchen is like creates the corner of the L,

like the interior corner, and so there's like a TV up on one wall, but the sofa is against the other wall, so basically you have a sofa facing the kitchen and the kitchen facing the TV. Where do you have a living room? Did you notice that? Yeah, this is not a good house. And then one of the walls is mirrors and Denise goes, you know, when you do mirrors like that on the wall, you do it to make the place look bigger. So it makes me think they're trying to do some kind of illusion for us.

I mean, Denise, you can see how big the room is, you dope. Like, do you really think it's some magic trick? Like you're not going to see how big the room actually. for us. I mean Denise, I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise.

I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise.

I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. I mean, Denise. and not liking the deceptiveness of trying to fool us into thinking we're seeing something else. Come on, Denise. Also, if you really don't think you can see how big the room is, just turn around and face away from the mirrors.

And she's like, but you know, also, I can never walk by a mirror without staring at myself. So I'd just be looking at myself walking back and forth. Because, yeah, you'd be like an animal frozen. Like an animal walking into cage there. Frosting. You'd be like a frosting like an animal. I'd have the rest of my house and my dust to myself. You just be up there saying psych to be skinning. Psych to be skinning. So he doesn't like the great countertops, but she likes it. It's a nice, really kitchen.

And she says, you know what I could use bling. Where's the bling? I need the bling. Yeah. I don't know what she thinks she's going to be moving into. I don't know what I'm not even sure she knows what bling even is. But I then she goes, Oh, Jim, there's a TV for you. As if that's like a feature in a house like, Oh, this house actually has a TV. Yeah. Because this is the one with a TV in the corner of the kitchen, right? It's like that room. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's later This is just a TV in the living room as most TVs are right so she's like oh look a TV TV There's a front door

out him. Hey, there's a front door. So now they go check out the indoor pool area. It's kind of like a screened in pool area. And he goes, Oh, wow, that is a work of art. You know, I like seeing that from my room pool art. All right. Now this, this is what Midwesterners are used to. You were not, you were not just stops or in Fargogo you do not have a screened in beautiful pool. Yeah, well, everything reminds me of the Midwest and his childhood. He's like, oh, look at that crack, look at that alligator walking across the Gulf Coast. Now this, this is like Minnesota.

And yes, I realize I'm still doing a Northeast in accent for his Minnesota accent. But he doesn't have a Minnesota accent. He has kind of like a little, the, the, the, the, kind of a dope the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Real estate guys like you you hire a landscaper. She's like, oh God, I was gonna say me personally because that's not gonna happen Hold on let me put my fist on my hip and So you know Jim likes the lot in the location and Joseph says well, you know this has been on the market for a little bit So there might be some negotiation room in what I'm trying say is, I'm selling you a piece of shit right here

that no one wants, so do you want it or not? Yeah. So then they see the primary room and it's got one of those sunken in ceilings with LED lights. Yeah. And there's a, yeah, it's like a, there's, I tried to find out what that was called

when you have that sort of like frame around the ceiling and it has LED lights which she loves, but it's like this orange light that looks like the roof is on fire. Yeah, it doesn't look good, because there's something reflective on it. And so you see the actual white dots in the LED light. Instead of it looking like one uniform line of light, it's like you see the little dots instead of this is not good, guys, Max. She goes, it comes across as erudessant.

I'm like it comes across like a fire hazard. Like, yeah, it looks like you're in the flames of hell. Also it's literally erudessant. So, and the realistic, I was like, yeah, I mean, it's a light. Oh, so look, there's also matching closets. And she's, oh, I like this. I like designer clothes and designer things. And I tend to accumulate a lot of crop tops,

lucky for Jim. Yeah. So Denise says, how would you feel about sharing a bathroom this size? Well, we have a bathroom triple this size now, and I can't share it because of crop tops. Yes. You know, Denise spends a lot of time in the bathroom.

And this has been an issue for us. I actually have not seen her in three years. I was not expecting this needs to come out of the bathroom. Whoa. Boopin' mostly. Well, these counters are pink or something. And the real estate, though, what they always say, just fix that.

No, sir. You fix that. You fix that. And she's like, it reminds me of the 60s. I think it's the 70s. Hey real estate guy Are you just off your game or you always just much of an asshole just say yes and Jim goes well you did like the Brady bunch because yeah, you know, I did like that show. I always wished I was Marsha Which explains the wig. I mean it is Marsha hair and hair. And then a couple actually hit her in the face,

which was kind of like, great timing. Yeah. So then they go to the media room. And the real estate guys, like, this is a cool room. It's for media, or you can have another office over here in the closet. Because look, you open these closet doors and there's a built-in little desk.

And she's like, what, what are you going to do? Lock yourself in the closet, because look, you open these closet doors and there's a built-in little desk. And she's like, what, what are you gonna do? Lock yourself in the closet to work? I know, it was ridiculous. Like just because you put a desk in the closet does not make the closet an office. It's just a closet with a desk in it. Right. So then there's another little bathroom,

a two tiny little sinks, and a third bedroom with two twin beds. And they love that the guest rooms all have bathrooms. That's really nice. So she's like, well, I do like the kitchen and the high ceiling, so what a good use. Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, give me that bling. And she misses that there's no workout center or that that there's no one taking over the lawn. So they're going gonna go off to house number two.

So they get in the car and it's the next day and we see them driving and she goes, oh my God, can you believe how many oysters I ate? And he's like, and you fell asleep too, which I didn't think what was supposed to happen with the oysters. I mean, it's kind of odd, okay? Kind of typical too.

She goes, She goes, She goes, She goes, She goes, She goes, okay? Kind of typical, too. You should've must've been the company. Ah! That was a Marsha moment. So the house number two is 20 minutes from the beach and they're in a gated community and this place has central,

it does have a central area with like a pool and a workout facility for people in the community and it's about 739,000. And now Denise's look is a sweater crop top with like a Catholic school girl mini skirt that she's rocking. She loves the crop tops and the mini skirts. And this one is one of those like faux rich people houses where they're like look for people you can be rich too because everything is a big archway and then there's, you know, dollar store chantaliers in every room.

So this was almost identical to the, I feel like this was almost identical to the house and destined that we saw when we did the destined episode with the gaze. They went and saw a house that looked almost exactly like this. And he's like, it's a good price, but I'm seeing a lot of mismatched fixtures, which good eye because all she can see are the crystal chandelier while the crystal ish. And she's like, I'm bling, bling. He's like, uh, those don't even match. I thought that was rude of him to say about her wig. I mean, like, we all know it's not right.

Oh, we talked about the sconces. Yeah, those were mismatched. Yes. She's like, we have a lot of extra money to spend if we want to, if we get this house and goes, if we want to, no, we don't want to. Listen, we're not going to spend a lot of time in the house. We want to join a boy, a boat club, a country club clubs. We need clubs. Okay. I'd like a little air between what I can afford and what I spend because I'm going through a God damn club. I'm going to tell you that right now, clubs. And he's basically like, you know, I'm not going to say you're right now. Clubs. And he's basically like, you know,

I'm not going to say you're out in the boonies, but you're not in the action over here. All that crazy, crazy action of Naples Florida. Am I right? And she's like, we know what we have cars. We can drive. That's for cars of four, right? Come on, dummy. Come on. She has this floor. And he goes, well, at least we've got one room with some wood flooring because it's carpet everywhere but this one room. And he's like, I can lay on this. I could just lay on the wood floor. She's like, oh, this is going to be my office.

So actually, it's not going to be yours to lay on. Hold on. Rest on here. Ha! Ha! Yeah, he's like, can I use it too? And she's like, ha! That gets a double fist if I could do a double fist something.

So now they go the bathroom and Denise is like, I don't know. She's like, that's switch the lighting out. Don't you think it's kind of dark in here? Like, don't you feel like it could use a little bit more? Wait for it. Bling. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards

of a parent's life. But come on, someday's parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so- so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.

We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Bling!

And she's like, it leads right to the pool though. And she's like, it's substantial. The pool substantial, I'll say that. She goes, yeah, that would be an area where we could relax. We could have fun. We could really make it a family type of fair, which is my second book. If he cheats, make sure it's a family type of a fair. Suck to be cheated on. It's a family affair. So they go into the living room and it's dark. You know, there's, and the realistic guy, guys, you could put a chandelier in here. No, she means like from the sunlight, sir. It's a dark room. Yeah. She's, I want a chandelier.

I like all the things that have like likeness and brightness. I follow shiny things. That's why my hair is made basically of fiber optic cable that never got used. You don't even have to plug it in all the way. You just stand next to something and boom, electricity's happening. I never understood those cables.

I've broken so many of those fiber optic cables. I just don't, those are the ones with a little light bulb thing at the end, right? those fiber optic cables. I just don't, those are the ones with a little light bulb thing at the end, right? Well, the one with a little light bulb thing is none. I think that's just an optic cable, but fiber optics is like when they're all just like, like fibers, but they all have little dots at the end of light. Oh, okay. So the point remains, the point remains. Yeah, so there's a new brick-ish fireplace and he's like, wow, and then they have little guest rooms, but the real estate guys, you could do a lot with this kitchen.

You know what people are doing a lot now? They're flattening these counters, because basically it's one of those where there's a counter, but then there's another level to the counter that's high enough for people to sit down with. Yeah, and he's like, a lot of people just flatten these out so they have flat counters and Denise goes oh Interesting concept I

Never thought of things being flat. I'm more into things being pumped up. So Denise has never heard of flat counters before okay, Denise And this is another one again just like in that other episode from Destin, where the kitchen is kind of like angrily shaped. It's sort of like the counter wraps around and there's weird angles and then there's this like random island. I feel like this was before islands became such a thing in kitchens. It's basically like the square at an angle. I guess it's to kind of match the thing the, yeah, but it's just so. It's not only in the middle of the center and the kitchen's tiny and this thing shoved

in there. I think you're right that people are like people want islands now. Let's just get one and figure out a way and every time you try and get something out of the fridge like, oh, you hit your butt on the corner of the island because it doesn't fit in there. It's like a fairly functional. I just like a little square of space, you know? So Jim's like, oh, I love this kitchen. I wouldn't change a thing. I'm like, it's awful kitchen. It's horrible.

It's terrible about it. It is terrible. And then she's like, I don't know. I'd want to like lighten the countertops and there's like stone, aren't they? I don't know if they're stone. They're probably probably like, yeah. And the real estate guy's like, he's like,. Aren't they? I don't know if they're starting. They're probably like probably like yeah And the real estate guy's like vomit. He's like you know what now? There's companies that you can sand them down and just paint them

No, you cannot don't listen to this guy. This guy's the worst Yeah, and and she again, she's like well, I love the high ceilings She's like that but you know, she's like I think I could work for high ceilings. She's like, but, um, you know, she's like, I think I could work for a family because it's got bedrooms and bathrooms and closets, which yeah, that's, I like that. I think I could work for a family. It's got a roof. But she, oh, by the way, she's like, ah, needs a face lift, but who doesn't? Am I right? And I forgot when he's saying this stuff, by the way, about like, yeah,

you just sat down and paint it. And about like yeah, you just stand at the bottom paint it and Jim is like you know what Joseph and my wife they're both talkers and they're both strong personalities and he's selling and she's buying. Jim is a Joseph is basically like here's what you can do. What you do is you call it a bird. Yeah, a bird, an actual flying bird and you say I don't like this countertop and they'll come and they will pack it away from you. Okay, Jim, we're getting the birds. It's just like where I grew up with birds. Shut up, Jim. This is not. So Jim's like, here's what I see. Dollar sides. All right. And we're not close to the action.

So now it's time to go to house number three. They're driving and Jim is like, okay, we're getting there now. We're getting down in Naples, we're at the water already. Oh, well, with condos on the ocean and they're just not sure if they want to have. Denise isn't sure about having a condo when she's got two kids coming back from summer break in Christmas.

He's like, what is close to restaurants and for this price, she just don't get a single family home close to the water. And so the real estate guys like, so this is a low rise, it's sort of what they did back then, but it's got amenities and it really is just, it looks like it's for just much smaller people, the whole. It's just building.

They're standing outside, this generic yellow faded yellow building, and Joseph goes, well, you know what, it's an older building. Like no shit. This thing, well, you know what? It's an older building, like no shit. This thing, like this thing looks like such a garbage pile of a building already. That's just, I was, there was part of me that was thinking, oh, it's shitty on the outside,

but when they get inside, it should be gorgeous. But it was, it's worse. It's worse on the inside. It was like a generic apartment in Noho or something. Yeah. So she's like, is this on the water? And he goes, oh, it's on the bay, the ocean's on the other side. The bay's made out of water, right? It is.

It is. So they go in, I think it's ugly as hell. So got gross, dirty carpets. It's got a terrible view of just another building across the street. And it's got light blue walls. It's just not good. And Jim's like, so, but you're not on the bay. It's interesting, it was on the street. And it's got lively walls. It's just not good. And Jim's like, so, but you're not on the bay. It didn't you say it was on the bay?

And the real estate guys like, but you can see the bay. And then they show out the window. You see like a little sliver of the between you two other shitty old condos from 1972. It was like, this was the biggest con job. The apartment looked like the sort of apartment you live in when you're 23 and have a roommate. And like this little sliver of not even ocean,

just like some sort of moving water. It was awful. Yeah, I'm not cute. And Jim's like, you got your high sealant, Denise. Because they're really low popcorn basement styles. Sackas, huh? Yeah, they have basement style sealings. Andck has them, yeah. Sock has them. Basement style ceilings.

And she's like, where's the bling? Where's the chandeliers? Where's the light bling? It's not here. There's no bling. I'm not putting my hand head back and laughing at that. No. So then they're in the kitchen and Denise does like the back splash.

So there's that and Jim's like, you know, all we need is a microwave and a sink. And they do have a TV fixture here. So obviously someone was thinking about the important stuff. I like that she liked the back splash because it's bling. It's got like one reflective stone in it. She's like, wow, bling. And she's like, oh, well, Jim will just stand here and watch the TV all freaking day.

Use how useful is this guy, huh? So then the primary bedroom, she's like, oh, I mean, I think it's bright enough, but it's really, it's just really bad. And it's so bad that the real estate guy goes this air conditioning He's showing them he's showing them like the utility closet for the air conditioner and the water unit and everything and I think that's like they're just scraping the bottom of the barrel to find any kind of perk right and Jim's like well, we'll look at this. They do look pretty brand spank and new, just like the old wig over here.

I think this, I'm seeing this place. It's pretty turnkey, you know? And then there's a half bath, and it's just bright orange. It's just really bad to me, it's because they did a good job with this. Well, you two don't deserve a good house, okay? If that's what you're gonna say to that bathroom. So then they look, then he looks out of window and she just points at a house and she's like, I want

that one over there. Okay. Joseph, well, you got to need a few more zeros. Well, I got one right here. That's you Jim. Get the zero. The biggest zero around Jim and Jim's like, that happened in our last house. Denise and my daughter looked out of window and they liked to more expensive home of block away. And we had to buy it. Oh, God. Thanks a lot, Joe. I was like I have to have this the house not Jim. I mean, there's not enough oysters in the world that makes me want to go back to this guy, huh? Trust me, if there was a window around when I met Jim, I would have crawled out of it. Psych to be with Jim is not the name of my book. Psych to be not within.

Psych to be with Jim. Psych, see, there's a double psych going on there. So, um, let's see, she's talking about the closet. She would take the bigger one, of course. Smart map. And, um, let's see what I'm thinking. And then, so this is what, so then she doesn't like the closet. We then get some footage of some of the amenities of this community. And it's just this sad, sad communal gym.

Like that this is one of the things that they want to be in a community that they have like a clubhouse and all this, just the saddest gym. I'm like, is there just any upside on this horrific condo? The 20 is like one stair master in the gym. It was just a TV with wires hanging out of the wall. And then they go out to look at the dock. Yeah. And he's like, wow, this is gorgeous. This state, this wins on location. Look at this. It's a doc.

Wow. Four benches. Four benches on a doc. You know, the other house had space and really everything that we wanted. But I think it's worth it to throw that all out the trash to sit here on a bench. This one has a bench.

And she's like, come on. The ceiling's a low in the rooms. The small, the closet's just small. You put the view is priceless. The view is literally free. Go to the beach. There's no view. And if you're talking about how much you love this doc,

well, guess what? It's not your own private doc. You think you're going to go out there and it's going to be empty like that every single time? No, absolutely not. You have to move doors out of the way. Right. So now they're trying to decide on it.

And Jim and Denise are heading home after just a few days in Naples, with their family, place, and Fargo already sold. They've got to decide quickly. So house number one, underneath is like the mirror house, potential for bling, not much bling. But there was a lot of light flowing in and light can't lead to bling. And it has a great outdoors. And outdoors sort of sounds like bling if okay? But there was a lot of light flowing in and light can't lead to bling. And it has a great outdoors and outdoors

sort of sounds like bling if there were different words, you know what I'm saying? So I give it a two blings out of four. I think that was a nice ass squad, that's what I wrote. I don't know, I hated the big, the open, that's, you can't use that space, you can't. Yeah, but the other two were just so ugly. I mean, that condo is definitely, you know, and the house was just

asking a lot of work. But you know, what I say would need a lot of work like for me, but for them, they'll probably just vacuum it. Well, we end up seeing what they do and they keep it the way it is. You know, what are you going to do? So then five bedroom is house number two. And Denise is like, loud at potential for bling. And Jim's like, it's a black hole of expense. Okay. And it's

far from everything. Denise, come on. This guy's acting like he has a thriving social life in Naples, Florida. You know, don't complain about it being far. You know what's far from the beach? Fargo. It's literally in the name Fargo. you have to go far to get to the beach from Fargo Okay, now you're 20 minutes away. So just like relax and take a drive Uh, and number three is the condo. She's like not much bling If she says bling one more time I swear So one the large outdoors to the, the hellhole, or three, the great location. Ding dong!

They've got a guy over there that they've hired to hang the TV, like, Rob Cooper. That's their big guy, Rob. Got a guy, Rob. Yeah. Yeah. So they decided for house number two,

because the size, they did the size. So Rob Cooper, the handyman, is hanging in outdoor TV, and Jim goes, I based a lot of my desires on location on a map, but what I found is that closer doesn't necessarily mean better lifestyle. And we feel like we can be anywhere with a reasonable commute. Yeah, and Denise is like, OK, wait a minute, TV guy.

Wait a minute. That's too high. That's too, ugh. But you know what? We don't want to pay to re-hang the TV. That'll cost money and Jim's frugal. Like then what do you have the TV guy over for the mattress already there? Okay. I know. He goes, I'm not frugal. I married you. You know how much oysters cost and you know how many you wait and I still didn't get any action out of it. The most expensive nap you haven't took. So he's like, we're

not moving until things of the way my wife wants it. So it could be a decade Okay, so then she gets we see that she's just hung a fandalier. Have you seen these oh? I was like running you said it wrong. Shandle No, you're not a fan the lear. Yes. Okay, if you guys have Amazon, you all do, you have the internet. Look up, Fandilear on Amazon. They are so funny. My mother just moved my mom and dad, and they put Fandilears in their house,

and every time anybody comes over, she's like, you have to see the most amazing thing I got. It's a Fandilear, and she takes you into every room, she's put a Fandilear, and they're like fancy, you know, they've got like the crystals like a chandelier, but when you turn them on, these plastic blades fling out of it. It's like a, like a, some of the weapon are like cat claws. Yeah. And they're invisible, like you can't, they're clear plastic, so they whip out and they

just start fanning. Oh, because I was like, wow, she got a chandelier that rotates like a disco ball, but I guess invisible like you can't their clear plastic so they whip out and they just start fanning Oh Because I was like wow, she got a chandelier that rotates like a disco ball But I guess it was just that the fan was going and I didn't see it because I was I got a fan to lead Did you got tricked by the fan to leave I think those things are so fucking funny and that Denise has one and my mom is walking around like It's the fan's easiest thing that ever happened to her it just kills We need to get your we need to get your parents on house hunters. Cause even though they just moved, we all know house hunters films after the fact.

So I like the homes with them. And she was very house hunters, like she had her things that she stuck to the whole time. She hates gray walls because everything is gray and it looks like a prison, right? So and everywhere's painted gray literally is. So mood walk in. She's like, no, gray prison jail. No. No, it's like mom you can paint the house. No, what what are we gonna paint it gray? I'm sure that that's what they're gonna tell us to paint it gray everywhere is gray. Why is everything fucking gray in this house? Also she hates windows beyond my mom's windows She hates light like most of the people on these shows like wow look at all this natural

lighting my mom's like disgusting how are you gonna put blinders in here you're gonna put the big wood veneetian blinders in here I won't move in here without those she misses the good old days of cement brutalist architecture with like when I have a little slits of windows and those buildings she hates that she wants a brown house she wants all the walls to be brown and she wants really thick wood blinds ever and she found it Give the woman some wood some dark and a fandalier and she's fine. I mean how you you can't see a fandalier if it's competing with daylight Yeah, exactly right then God you would have been a good real estate agent for her That's I really I really I would have been great God, you would have been a good real estate agent for her. That's, I really, I really, I would have been great.

And that's basically the episode. They just turned on the fan to Lear and they just celebrate that they've found the spot for themselves. And that, that is the happy conclusion to bling battle in Naples, Florida. Yes. And then apparently she stopped writing books forever. So I need to know what really happened here. Apparently she has not been booked for speaking engagement

in Naples, Florida, according to the calendar. So we'll just keep an eye out on that. All right, everybody. Thanks so much for being with us for another dwell. Hello, we sure love you. We'll talk to you next time. Bye, everyone. Bye.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watercraft and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.