Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello: Choosy in Chesapeake

Episode Date: December 10, 2021

It's a very Chrissley episode of Dwell Hello! We find ourselves in Chesapeake with a church musical director trying to find a home with a recording studio for his family. And it MUST be by a mall, dammit! Our boy's gotta shop. For those of you that like to watch along, this is Season 155 Episode 12 and we found it on Discovery Plus. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. No! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, no! Well, hello! Well, hello! Well, hello! Welcome to Dwell, hello!

A watcher at Krapen's House Hunter's podcast! I'm Ronnie, that's been over there. Had been. Hey Ronnie, what's up? How are you my little ding dong? Ding dong. Oh, I am so good. I'm so ready to talk about this episode of House Hunters today.

I'm excited. Yes, we are back with some dwell. Hello, this season everybody. If you want to follow along with us, we found this episode on Discovery Plus and It's listed under season 155 episode 12, which I think was Volume 6 6. Yes, they raise their house under some volumes. So volume 6 155. It's called choozy in Chesapeake, okay? Yes, that's that right in

Choozy and Chesapeake, okay? Yes, Choozy and Chesapeake. So, if you guys ever have trouble finding these, we do too. So, the way we do it is we search the title, Choozy and Chesapeake. Okay, that's the best way to find it. You can search my title in YouTube TV or Discovery Plus. I didn't find this one in YouTube TV, so if you're looking for it, Discovery Plus, Guy. So, this one is...

This one, please. And I just want to say something else because this also has time you'd me a little bit. When you enter in the name, choose the in Chesapeake and there's no E and choose E. Okay. Make sure then after you after search results come up, click on episodes. Don't look like the default thing as the shows. Click on episodes and you'll find it. There you go. But hopefully you don't have to really watch all of these episodes that we're doing. We just like talking crap, okay?

This is just another avenue for us to talk crap on. So, literally an avenue. This is House Hunters. House is on Avenue. Yeah. So this one choosing a Chesapeake, this is basically like a very low rent, Chrisley episode.

Now, Chrisley is already pretty low rent. Okay, so this is they couldn't really afford the hilarious wife. So this is like the community theater version of that wife. She tries God bless her heart. She tries to give it back. But this guy is full on chrisley, like the very effeminate dad who's just like making smart, smart, as little comments the whole way through and uses a lot of teeth bleach. Yes, you know, I've only seen like one episode

of Christy Know's Best, but just based on that one episode, I think that's like exactly correct. This is like a, this is like, Christy Know's, okay, if that's Christy Know's Best, this is Christy Know's okay. And so, Christy Know's, okay. You know what Chrissy knows best, this is Chrissy knows okay. And so, Chrissy knows okay. You know what? Chrissy guesses best. Chrissy surmises okay. But this episode came to us because my friend Nick, when he found

out we were doing these house hunters recaps, he immediately texted me and said, choose him, Chesapeake, you have to watch it. You have to watch it. And I'd say a few bonus points go to Nick because wow, this was a great episode. This was a hilarious episode. This was one of those episodes because a lot of these episodes are just like terrible. Look stupid.

Who cares? That's what House Hunters was for. It's not to be like hilarious. I don't think I've ever read anybody being like, you know what, House Hunters has really lost its spark. The whole point of House Hunters is that it doesn't really have a spark, you know. It's just like dumb people, you know, looking for houses.

That's pretty much all it is. But this one really makes you say, wow, House Hunters has a spark. And this is it. You're a star, Kristen. Guess is best. Yeah, this is the spark episode this is it. You're a star, Christian Guess is best. Yeah, this is the spark episode. And it's just very funny because we're starting to cover selling sunset as our bonus episode on Patreon and it's just,

it's so funny going from selling sunset where you have Christine Quinn walking around with like pointy, molyfacent shoulder pads and these mega mansions with like huge like 10,000 square foot blueprints at the at the base and just shiny surfaces and all these things. And then we come to house hunters and it's like, you know, hey, there's a there's like popcorn ceiling. It's just like such the other under the spectrum and having to make that like that you turn to or the hairpin turn to come into house hunters is it's an

adjustment but it's fun. But there is a nice bravo bridge to it because you know that one is like that one's like very glitzy. Sensitive is like very glitzy and then this one's like the popcorn ceiling's like you said but this guy is obsessed with just living by a mall like all he wants is to live by a mall which is very Jennifer Aiden from Real House was New Jersey so it's like it gets all of our loves in here at one one time like poor people really wanting to be rich and just saying words that they don't know like he's like I want mid-century mother you know that's what I want and then he's like, I want mid-century modern, you know, that's what I want. And then he sees like, you know, a rock gravel driveway and he'll be like, that is it, that is it,

mid-century modern, I'm happy, that's it. I'm a mad man, I'm a mad man, that's me everybody. Call me Donald Dipper, please. It's also funny because Orange County, real house of Orange County is back and like such a huge member of that show is Heather DeBro's house. And in the premiere, when Heather DeBro says, well, you know, we have like, I don't know, 10, 13 rooms. I don't know a pretty normal amount of rooms. And then, and then you come back to house hunters and you just remember, oh, this is,

this is how like real people, this is what, this is what that buying a house is like. It's not Heather DeBro, it's not selling sunset, it's this. Yeah, we can definitely afford to watch this show, you know? So don't say huge remember, involving this episode. I don't know. This is too much involving this episode.

Okay, so we start with, you know, the typical little preview. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- where he's like, look at all this white space. And his wife is like, oh, that's a tub. That's what I wanted. So that's what you're getting with this guy, right? Exactly. And we hear Linda the narrator say, getting what you want in this new England town. Why don't I say new England town? It's not new England town.

Getting what you want in this Virginia town is no easy task. Ask dad who wants a fixer and then it just cuts to this guy Jason saying, I think it's my bougie taste or something I can't find that exact thing that I'll and I will find that exact thing that I'll refer I'm like just gobble I'm just barreling through my notes not even making sense of the words, but you get the sense Just as that

Just ask the dad he's been asking for dick in a full head of hair for years and got your sense clouds that smells shit out of luck Loser That's a much better way of saying what I was not able to actually piece together. This is also probably about my fifth sentence I've said today. So I'm just like coming up to speed. So the mom's like, well, is everyone in favor of a house with no projects raise your hands? And they all raise their hand because like what teen wants to live in the projects, right? So the daughter Madison, the real estate lady in another house is like,

Madison can put makeup table in there. And he's like, oh yeah, well, she spends a lot of time with the makeup table, that's for sure. Well, and then you can tell this is a friend of the dad the real estate lady, because she's like, just like her daddy. Hmm. So we already know we're in for a great episode. So. So we already know we're in for a great episode.

So we're in Chesapeake for JINIA and we see this guy Jason and he's in a recording studio and there's a girl who turns out to be a daughter Madison singing off key something that goes like, this that's when I lose myself I'm gonna go work. I mean, would you just stop trying to read from your phone? Okay. It's ruining my sound. So he calls himself a music producer and I guess this is why I'm a bearist. I'm a bearist.

Yeah, that they dragged their whole family on this show to get fucking Madison a music career. Who has ever gotten a music career off of House Hunter? I'm not sure. What kind of a hard pad is House Hunters for your music career? We've had a hard enough time launching music careers off of Bravo. So I don't even know how how centers is going to really open any doors. But we meet the couple. It's like, I'm Jason. And then his wife, his wife, Kelly actually has this very high pitch like, I'm Kelly. But she's sort of like a she's very sick. Comey. Like she definitely

watched some, you know, ADC mid 90s sitcoms to get ready for this episode. Well, I think 90s sitcoms to get ready for this episode. Well, I think her husband was trying to get her ready for this episode, you know, because you can see that he's like feeding her lines at points and she's just totally boning them. And you know the poor house hunter's crew was stuck there with him going, we're doing that again. Get it again.

Okay, try it again this time. Don't be so terrible. All right. I'm trying to make it with Sam. Okay, Kelly, I'm gonna need you to cheat towards the camera. Cheat. Okay, now I know you're virtuous. Okay, it's not the same thing. When I say cheat, it just means face the camera a little bit, not that much, Kelly, not that much. So he's a real estate agent and in the music industry. And we came to Chesapeake because I was hired by church to be the music director. I was like, of course you

were. Like everyone who's been to church knows this guy. Like we've all had this guy or known him from a rival church. You know, it's like, this is, excuse me. That is called a G chord. Okay, you know why? Because every time I hear you try to sing it, I say to myself, oh, G. And they're A and O in music.

Now, I've showed up here and I have torn jeans which shows that are the music in this dream. Okay, so everyone get ready. And so then already you're kind of wondering what's going on in this in this family. And then Kelly says, and I'm a director at a preschool academy here in Chesapeake and we have our son Micah and a daughter Madison. So, um, uh, in my mind, our okay, she said, we have our son Micah and a daughter Madison. What does Micah get in our son and Madison just gets a daughter? You know, Madison's a little bit.

I'm telling you right now, the mother hates Madison. We saw Madison supporting those just blank red Starbucks cups and we're really not sure if she's our daughter still so Jason's Jason's producing her and he's like okay use that head voice there It's a little NASA use the head voice now. I'm not a music professional But from everything I've ever seen about singing isn't it always like from the diaphragm? No, I've never heard of a music Go to say you know what get a little more through and get right into your nose

I'm using it to go and say, you know what? Get a little more through it and get right into your nose. Get a scene from the nose. Well, head voice is like falsetto kind of for a guy. You know, that's what, like a note is really high. You would sing it in your head voice instead of like trying to screech it out with your record, as she trying to do it with her mind.

Either way, this girl does not, I'm telling you. She doesn't have a voice at all. Like, telling her to move it into her head voice really is some helping, because she literally sings like, maa! She sounds like a toddler. She could be the leader being put on a roller coaster for the first time.

She could be the lead singer of jars of Oive. So, a jug of V. Jarz of a, which would be a, which would be an combination of two different ways. So, Kelly says, well, we started dating when we was, we were 15 and Jason was 16.

I'm like, really? Well, yes. I mean, I could have just told you that right off the bat. Like, of course, these two men, these were like, they were each each other's like, first loves and have not experienced the outside world yet. My dad was a pastor in Kelly's family went to his church and this where we made it.

And then we see a picture of them on their wedding day in a car and I think he shaved down his teeth considerably. And I just love that he's so vain. You can just tell. Like he's just the vainest because he comes with like, you know, really bleached white teeth. And I mean, he looks like he's strong, really hard. And Kelly's just like willing else in his playing Kelly, you know, like she doesn't give a fuck. She's trying really hard and Kelly's just like, Willie Nelson is playing Kelly. You know, like she doesn't give a fuck. She's just like, can we just please be happy? Whatever is just gonna just make him shut up for about five minutes.

That would be great, okay? Yeah, he goes, she was amazed by me when she first saw me the first time and she just could not contain herself and we went to a hospital prom together and we went to college together and then she just couldn't get enough of me. So that keep our soul full of that. So we see them walking into a restaurant while Linda at the

narrator is like they're transplants to Chesapeake by Virginia Beach and Kelly's like I cannot wait till order my house roll. See I thought she said a white house roll but whether it's white house roll or lighthouse roll definitely definitely doesn't speak of an authentic Japanese role. But so that they sit there and tell you it's like, just because it's a great city. It's a larger city, but it's still a small town people and values. And while she's saying how it's still, it's like, it's a larger city, we just see footage of like two houses houses and grasslands. What?

What? Now I don't mean to shade the city as Chesapeake, but as far as we can tell, it was like a silo. It was like a silo, a barn. I know. A stop sign. It's like the house of just people were being smart asses to because every time they say something like bustling city, they show a cow know, a cow with his tail going forward.

You're actually like a dog crossing the street. Wow, there's bustling metropolis of Chesapeake. Wow, there's a goose that came today. Also, I love and Kelly says things like, oh, we just, you know, we're small-tan people with small-tan values. Because you know that means like, you know that your husband would be second-dick

if you were in a bigger city. That's exactly right. We want to leave. We want to leave any town with no gay bars. This is what I'm saying. Right. Okay. So just exactly what that means.

It's like Chesapeake. This city has everything we could buy. Entertainment, dining, indoor plumbing. It's amazing. I can't wait to be here. I just feel like I should throw my hair up in the sky. Like Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman. Just the other day, this big ol' city had a vote and gets what we're putting on our first crosswalk.

It's exciting. Maybe next year, we might even get a sidewalk too. And Kelly's like, yeah, it's such a small tent. It's literally a crosswalk. It's just a bunch of crosses put together that you walk over to get to the other side of the street. We just walk crosses around. walk over to get to the other side of the street. We just walk crosses around. We just have parades, cross parades. So they're eating and she's like, this sushi is amazing.

I think out of everywhere in Crescipeak, this is my favorite. Also, it's the only, but still my favorite. I know out of all those sushi restaurants in Crescipeak. So Jay is saying, we've been married 22 years and we have never part of house. Mostly because we just didn't know where we were going to land, but we've not, we've now realized that this is where we're going to be. Chesapeake! The glowing metropolis at Chesapeake! Whoa, I almost got run over by one of those just to be taxis., wait a second. It was a ladybug. So Kelly's saying to the kids, I'm ready for something that's just mine. And Linda's like, being a mother of two teens, good luck with that just mine part. Like, I met that little bitch Madison Lindy. What the hell are you saying?

I can hear you, Linda. Sorry, Carrie on, Kelly. Sorry, carry on Kelly. Carry on with your broken dreams. This was funny because this is clearly the part of the episode where Jason told Kelly, okay, in this scene we are shooting in the kitchen, okay, and what I got you, I got your bag, spinach, and I want you to be putting the spinach in the bowls and if I turn around and got, for God's sake, if I do not not see spinach go into those bowls we are shooting this whole damn thing from the top. Do you hear me Kelly? If I see one car going to those bowls you were out here, missy.

So she they're talking to the kids and Madison's like so I was thinking my new ring with this has I want a huge bed. I was like oh my god poor Madison like Madison's supposed to be the diva. She just wants somewhere to sleep, you know, plus her heart. Sorry for making fun of how terrible your voice is, Madison. You get your bed girl. Poor Madison, she's so the non-romantic lead

in the musical, you know, like if the big sister's the lead, Madison's the one who comes in a few scenes, says, oh, mom, did we get that big bed? Oh, I want one, I grew up. It's a big scenes and says, oh, Maul, did we get that big bed? Oh, I want one. I grew up. It's a big bed and a handsome board lying in it. Well, I know you think you're being bitchy, but I just like to thank you for casting Madison

and something. Her mom didn't think it was possible. So their wish list is they want four bedrooms and two and a half baths because Jason cannot stand sharing a bathroom with the kids. And Jason says to the daughter, would you like, would you just like the master, Missy, huh, with your big bed dreams, is that what you want? You just want the master at this point? Hussa? Yeah, I think you'll do fine with whatever we get. How about that? Share a bathroom. Talk about not respecting someone's or be, Madison. All right, now you know what you're gonna do,

you're gonna sit there, shut up, and go over lyrics in your head, okay? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. How about once you learn your lyrics, you can talk about mantresses, okay? So Kelly's like, well, I'm looking for a craftsman style with two stories in a brand new home, because I'm gonna be the first person

and the only person that's lived in this house, like this poor family, okay? Madison's probably been sleeping on a couch for the past five years. Kelly just has been living in rentals forever. They've never owned anything. So she's just, all she wants is to not be in a rental. And it makes me wonder what's going on with Jason because they're moving from town to town all the time. They've never had, like, Port Kelly sleeping on the couch.

Of course, I'm making up a sob story in my head about them. That's not really a show, but I feel like Jason's always getting in trouble everywhere he goes. It's like Jason, get your head out of the clouds. We are singing the Lord is the prairie, Jason. He's like, I'm thinking about the bow. I'm thinking about the mo!

I mean, he is basically, what's space for him waiting for government, right? Like he's Christopher Guessi character, 100%. So yeah, she's like, I just want a craftsman, honestly, any kind of man. I don't care what kind of man it is. Just can I get an any man kind of home? That's my favorite style. Okay. I would like that.

And Jason goes, I'm looking for a meat century modern house. That That's what I want. Kelly's basically. I love vintage things. I mean, look at her. I love that old Hollywood feel. You know, that really excites me. I think it's my biggie taste or something. And if I can't find that, I'm just going to remodel whatever we find into what I want it to be. Like, oh, you know what kind of, yeah, it's be careful everyone. This is about to turn into like, liber not G. So, uh, he's, I love, you know, I love that old Hollywood feel, maybe like a rock Hudson or a tap Hunter and Anthony Perkins kind of, um,

she's like, honey, I don't want to live in a construction site. And she's like, everybody in favor of a has with no projects is apart from the preview. And she's like, in favor of a has with no projects is apart from the preview and she's like your damn voted honey He's like well. Thank God. They're saying the democracy the engment Now I just want to say one thing in favor of construction pro up of Construction sites there will be lots of man who'll be sweating with grime glisten on their muscles and God when it gets hot the majors have to take off on Laira too. And yes, I think that'll be terrible for us.

Absolutely terrible, Kelly. So Kelly's like, well, it's expensive here in Chesapeake. So I don't mind going over the line into North Carolina. He's like, I'll hand that grass period with the tea at the end. And she's just shoving the spinach into the bowls like very rapidly. Because she's just so I, she's like, all her anger in the world is just being channeled into that spinach going into a bowl. And he's like, I want to be five minutes from shopping and from restaurants.

Okay, can you get a White House or a Lighthouse role in North Carolina? I do not think so. I need to be five minutes from that sushi row. Five minutes. I don't want to be out and never never lay in some. We're trying to find my way back to town all the time. And she's like, well, I-

And they show more footage, but they show more footage of farmhouses and empty fields of Chesapeake. I don't want to be a middle of nowhere. Okay. Do I want to be somewhere where they don't have geese that are crossing the street? I don't think so. I'm going to be able to walk into a store and get milk without having to fondle a cow for it, Kelly.

So Kelly's like, well, I grew up in the middle of nowhere. So little drive is fine by me. And he's like, chicken, has grew up in the middle of nowhere. So a little drive was fine by me. And he's like, chicken has his and cornfield. That's what she grew up in. Everybody thinks she's the super city in northern one and that I'm some country pumpkin. But the fact that she's more pumpkin than me, I'm just Southern. That's why I talk this way. Like, sir, you guys got married at like 15 or something. I think you grew up in the same place. I know. He's felt like five minutes in Cleveland or something before he got transferred to a different church. And he thinks he's like big city now. So he's like, well, and it's got to have studious space for me to be creative. Well, I want to have an island in granite countertops. Okay. Because how am I going to make more

and more spinach salad? And I want hardwood floors, because I do not wanna have to deal with the carpet and a small yard, because I don't like yard work that much. I mean, I know it's shocking to look at me, but I just don't, because I just don't have much time.

You know what, I spend my time dealing? Shopping, restaurants, and creativity. They're titling to do it. You know what I use for my free time? I like to go walk it around and testing how long it takes to walk from my door away to a shopping center. And if I can, gosh darn if I'm not working on making that little fast for every single day. I want my children, when they want to go to the neighbor's house, I want them to say,

I'm going to Claire's and know that there's a possibility that they're going to come back with a decent set of earrings. Okay, that's where I'm going to leave. Leave them. And she's like, well, I also need a tub because after a long days with little kids, sometimes I need a soak. That's why I soak with the tub is all on it. At a tub, that's crazy. Just another thing to clean.

So we go to the first house, house number one. It's kind of like a little old lady house. you know, it's like a little brick tiny house Little brick house sort of a generic cute Like 1950s, although I guess it's older. No, it's a yes from the 60s But it's like a definitely older little house. Yeah So they're walking down the street and she like what this is cute He's like it's as an old man in a speedo Oh, this is definitely not the mid-century modern I want. Okay. Well, she goes, and it's not the two store craftsman that I like and listen, listen to all that highway noise. Listen to that. You're not, you're not next to the 405. There's like five

cars going by off into distance, but it is a busy street because it's right by the mall, right? She's like, it's so loud. He's like, hello, you know what? By the time we live here, that street's gonna be complaining about here in Madison. Okay? You just wait a street. We shall have our remains. It's right here. Listen, Kelly. Okay, stop being such a slug about this. Okay? Because it's right here in the middle of everything right next to the shop and the food. Everything we can need. Look, there's an owl over there. Okay. Look, there's a pile of leaves. Okay.

This is the center of everything. She has, but it looks like a lot of people have lived here. Yes, Kelly. It's a fucking house, okay? People, it's an old house. A lot of people have lived there. So Linda's like, even though Jason's a real estate agent himself, he's asked a colleague to represent him.

Malene Gibbs. So Malene's like, well, this is the four bedroom built 1965 and Kelly's like whoa, that's old. Oh Jesus. You want to take this one or you want me to you Jason? Shut up. All right, woman. This old means a lot of characters that isn't that right Neline. All right, look at Betty White honey She's old and she's my con, okay? We can't live inside Betty White, honey. She's old and she's my icon. Okay. We can't live inside Betty White, honey. Let's say it's you, open her up and I'll crawl right in. But she doesn't have a cup. So they walk in and there's like a hardwood floor everywhere. But oh no, there's a low popcorn

sailing. Okay, and we know that this one doesn't leave more carbs. Am I right, Nailie? Am I right? I mean, to be fair, there's only hardwood floors, because when this house was built, the hand invented carpet yet. But you know what, I like hardwood floors. So go with it, Lene, all right? So the Kelly is like, cause so Jason's saying they can just scrape off

the popcorn, so he's an easy project. And Kelly goes, Jason says it's an easy project, but Jason himself is a project. So I don't even, I don't know if we need one more thing to take on. And so just does that hold for laughter look in the camera and you just, you just feel Jason off camera going, it's the best we're going to get out of her.

All right. All right. Moving on. I told you so many times, emphasize the second part of the sentence. More that's what the bunch line is. So this is not the best house. It's not really even that it's old. It's just they've done some stuff to it, but not not well. So, all the walls are yellow, and then they did the thing of the kitchen. There's like a little small galley kitchen. And so, they cut out part of the wall to make a big kind of square bar thing. Yeah, it's just not, it's not very cute.

It's hideous. And she's like, you know, she doesn't like the popcorn blah, blah, blah. You already said that. And she's like, um, let's take a look at the kitchen and the lens like, well, this kitchen has been completely remodeled now. He's like, well, you know, I'm not real crazy about that bar window. I, you know, what I would do? Take this entire wall, move it up, move the plumbing over there,

have this coming in here, then I want a fly system. Okay, so when it's a kitchen, I say bring down the kitchen, the kitchen comes down a little overture from Oklahoma place, which what have it? Well, it's gonna be great. It's gonna be great.

Bog Machines on the left and right. And when he says that, when he says, yeah, what I would do is I would just open it up to the living space space and the lean goes, well, then you'd have a completely open floor plan. Yes, the lean. That's why he said it. Yes, no lean. Thank you, the main. You see, I told you we needed her here. Thank you, no, let me just see if we have a role that we're casting for Madam obvious. Thank you. He's like, well, with this being so cheap, this is under budget. So, you know, we'd have the budget to do all of that stuff. Like, well, let's just take a look at the back door, shall we?

And it's got this huge yard with no fence and just like the freeway or mall street or whatever right over there. And kill. He's like, well, it's very open. He's like, honey, we can save the shopping center. It is right there. We could walk right there. I don't even have to click my damn nails three times, okay? Just put on my red glitters and head me over

to the hot down on a stick. Where do you? Is that Laura Ashley? Is that a Talbets over there? Okay, we are so, Nelline, do not go any further. This is the house for us. So let's see, Jason's like, you know, Kelly's yapping about that traffic, but I see shopping center from my

back porch. I can literally yell my order to those restaurants and it'll be ready by the time I get there. And you know that he would. Hot House roll. Hot House roll. You know, he would come out in his robe and just stand there on that back patio on be like, Hey, Sabaros, I'm gonna have cheese slices, one with half pepper on me,

call the other one Gleene Freak, because Madison thinks she's accomplishing something. Be there and say it! So the way, hey, give me that sweet and teriyaki chicken thing, only six, no, no, no, with Madison said she wanted the 12 over giving her six. Okay. All right. See you soon So wait a minute. This is a primary bedroom with no ensuite. Hello What the hell is this shut? No, but there's a bathroom right across the hall because like no bathroom Oh my god Think of all the people that have lived here that had to walk across a hall to make a tank call. And they're they're looking in the back. They they go into this

bathroom, which is pretty narrow. And but Jason really likes the shower. And he's like, yeah, but I really want a tub. Yeah. Well, guess what? There's this lip right here. And you can just stop up the drain and fill it up and you can soak in it. Okay, soak in the foot water. Okay, because this shower is a masterpiece. I was like, whoa. It's like a generic brown, like brown towel. It's a masterpiece. It's ugly as hell. This is the smallest, grossest bathroom.

Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellaside. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the hosts of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity view, from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us?

We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums?

Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder Yeah. He's just arguing with her for fun. So she's like, if I have to deal with all the Jason's re-innovation projects, I'm going to need to soak it, Matt. So they go, uh, there's another bedroom and then on the first floor, they can have their studio and upstairs are the two bedrooms and one of the bedrooms is bigger than the other. So they're like, oh my god, which kid is going to get it?

He's like, well, tell Madison she's going to get the small one sleep on the floor like normal. And till she starts hitting her nuts that's has the lane did it. Orange chicken please. Sorry I just put in my order with Panda Express across the street. So Kelly Jason's like well you know what I live projects and this is one of them. Okay except great job Nelline Kelly's, but I just want to move into a home and I'm going to see a hum that no one's lived in before. Yeah, and he's again saying this whole thing of like, this is a great locate. I'm a weird rock in the middle of everything. And they

just keep showing now the shot of the backyard of just like 12 trees. And then this sort of like the murky like back end of what was probably a boarder's bookstore at some point. Like is acting like this is like the Beverly Center or something and as far as we can only just see like a little, like a little little thing. He's like we are here in the epithetic the town square, our backyard is the town square of Jessica, okay, what are you saying

you wanna see something else? So then they're back home talking to the kids and Madison's like, and a closet. I want a really big closet. He's like, mm-hmm, you do, huh? You've basically been living in one with the rest of us for what, 16 years, my Madison, get over it. So Linda says, armed with a $300,000 budget,

parents Jason and Kelly are finally buying a home after 22 years of marriage and we just see Kelly is still making the salad but now she's actually pouring some guacamole into a bowl. Oh, that was not that was not part of the directions Kelly. Spinach only. Well, now they've traveled right over the border into North Carolina to see something Kelly would want. So we go to this one of, you know, like a brand new little boxy house with blue side, like navy blue kind of, not navy, but like a blue kind of siding on the house with a yellow door and Kelly goes, ah, craftsman style. Oh my god. No, it's not

craftsman style. It's got siding, okay. It's not make it craftsman style. It's just generic house. And it's like, yeah, but I was really looking for that meat century modern though, but I mean, it took us 20 minutes to get here. I mean, there's very little shopping. Okay, very little eat to eat around here. I mean, where is the grocery store? There's no one. Do people eat around here? Where are all the dead bodies of people who have been emaciated away without the food in this neighborhood? Plus, look at all the construction noise. How long is that going to be going on now? You know I don't mind construction But that was so chunky. Okay. Hey have that stop driving that tractor and use a hoe hoe in my right Am I right?

I mean what's the point of having a construction site they're just gonna say that big bulky car there's okay? Come on now take that shirt off all right. I see the drag code commercials. I know how it works a Construction site shouldn't make you want to lose your site. You know what I'm saying? Walk them all. And so he goes, so driven 20 minutes away, and Jason is complaining. Nailie, he's got me crazy, gotta be crazy,

breaking me down here to see a house, you might as well, take me to California. I mean, good gracious, I gotta be at a mall or shoppin'. Yeah, and this house is actually really nice. Like the floors are pretty, it's new, but it's fairly well done. Except the kitchen is done to the side, which is weird. So it's open to where you walk into the living room, and it's a long living room, and then it's a long kitchen.

But the kitchen doesn't face you. It just goes the same direction as the living room. Super weird choice on their end. I feel like the kitchen felt strange, but I think that you're supposed to put some sort of table at the end of the kitchen, and that sort of fills out that space more properly. It's an odd, odd thought.

Well, it's like you walk in the house and you're looking at the side profile of whoever's cooking. Like that's not how anybody wants to be seen cooking. You can't see anything going on in the living room, but they can all see your butt while you're trying to make some cornbread. That's just not how to do it.

Yeah. So they basically, they walk in and Jason does like the hardwood floors and there's a gas fire place and Kelly goes, I love it. And Jason goes, yeah, of course you do. Whoa. I know. It's actually yeah, of course you do. Whoa. I know. It's actually classy.

It's like really tasteful. And then there's like really pretty new light fixtures. They're like those. It's like a circle inside of another circle. It's like pretty. Like they made some effort. It's not just your typical like grabbed it at home deep of like the cheapest thing or whatever.

And he's like, there's some light fixtures. I'm not loving. Shut up. You just tried to get that little tiny horrible bathroom in the last house. You're a masterpiece, you mean? Yeah. That light fixtures also the closest thing

to mid-century modern that's appeared on this episode at all. And it's continuous to be the only thing close to mid-century modern. Yeah. So they go look at the patio. And Kelly's like, but you could build the deck out here and you wanted to do something. He's like, oh, right. And we're filming a construction zone for homely people only danger, homely people falling.

Unless they're building a towel, but out here, I do not care about construction, this, this construction thing. But by the way, Kelly keeps trying to act like the construction is no big deal. Like it's, oh, it's just temporary. Kelly keeps trying to act that the construction is no big deal. Like it's, oh, it's just temporary. They're surrounded by mud because the entire place is big. This is clearly like the first of many houses that are about to be built. There will be construction for five years around that house.

Oh, yeah, at least. It's like the only house there and everything else is mud and one little tractor. And you know it's going to take forever because there's no one else even help. It's just that poor, sad guy one little tractor. And you know it's going to take forever because there's no one else even help. It's just that poor sad guy on the truck. That one truck going back and forth on the dirt. Yeah, he's like, well, she's not concerned about construction because she wants a new hands. So then they go upstairs and then turns into kind of ugly carpets and stuff. But the downstairs was nice. And she's like, oh my god, look at this bedroom. I love the window. I think it's well, unfortunately, not the view outside of them.

The view, it's like, he is more excited to be, to see like what might potentially be a Barnes and Noble, than to look at trees. He's like, I'm well, as far as I can see, I do not see any shopping centers. So what are we even looking at? No, it's the opposite of everything else, right? Because the view is pretty.

It's just trees. There's nothing out there. It's like, ew, gross nature disgusting. So Kelly loves all the floor. And then in the bathroom, this is when this happens. And he's like, well, look at all these ways in space. She's like, that's a tub. Are you crazy?

That's what I wanted. I guess, but we could just have big shower. And Jolene's like, but the shower is big. It's not bad. It's like shudder Jelene. So they go into the master, the master closet and it's and Jelene's like, look at this closet. Would you this is a huge, you could put your clothes here, you could put their clothes, it is not huge. What are you talking about? You open the door and it's a tiny little square with two racks.

I mean, it is so big. You could just live in here. Could you even imagine living in the closet? Jason, could you imagine living in this closet? With the construction team I can. So then they go look at one of the guest rooms and there's, it's, they have a big closet. And Jelene's like, well, Madison could put a makeup table and there's, it's, they have a big closet and Jolene's like, um, well, Madison could put a makeup table in there. He's like, well, she sure spends a lot of time at that makeup table. First, sure, okay. Takes up to deity right.

My. Shut up, Jolene. I know the stories from the Outback Steak House. Okay, Jason, I got them all in here. All right. Jason, Jason is the first one to ever make our office called the Outback Stetcast, the Outback Stetcast. I had to put a space in it.

Where Jason goes every time we're at the Outback, Jason goes out back. We go up the Outback back in. Okay, because he goes out back, but then it comes back in. If you know what I'm saying. So then, uhla Jason's like, I'm not sure about this guest room for studio. I'm not sure, because I was thinking about Clop, they even saw over,

I just want to make sure there's room for a stool that he can sit on, you know, being in the music industry, et cetera. And they lean like, well, I hate to completely see you completely discount the house for the studio space. I guess let me just put it this way This is a good house and you're gonna Discredit it because of a stupid pop dream that no one believes you can do okay Well, it's small plus the drive. I don't want to feel like I'm not part of civilization

I feel like I'm at Kalamazoo somewhere plus there's no mid-century modern like I wanted I mean, I know it's new Okay, he's like but that's what I love. And there's a tub, and the construction won't be here. And every time we sit on that toilet, we will know it's only our cheeks that have touched this thing for the first time in our lives. Please.

I wanna be in the city, mama. That's where I wanna be. I wanna be by that silo. I wanna be by the bales's of corn down down fifth avenue i want to be in the big city and now since jason isn't willing to budget on location they're not in his preferred area of chess oh they're now back in his preferred area of chesapeake so i go to a cupcake place

and uh... because he goes up to the counter and he's like you know what we want anything cut cake just give us some cupcakes. Oh, honey, we knew this about you a long time ago, anything cupcake. So, so Linda's like Jason and Kelly have $300,000 for a first home for themselves and their teens, but their hunt has been anything but a cake while. Because they're eating cupcakes. Okay. So for those of you who thought he was gay, he's eating carbs. So there, so there.

So they come back to look in this old neighborhood and Kelly's He's reading cupcakes. Okay, so for those of you who thought he was gay, he's eating carbs, so there. So there. So they come back to look in this old neighborhood and Kelly's like, well, this is nice. And he's like, oh, well, it's not modern. She goes, well, I mean, it is traditional, but it's nice. And it's just kind of, it's another neighbor. What am I trying to say? It's like a community type house. It's like a McMansion that was like reduced in size. It's like a band community type house.

It's like a McMansion that was reduced in size. It's like a little McMansion essentially. And it's definitely not mid-century modern. I love that they just don't even give him a mid-century modern option. Like it's not even, like they don't even throw him a bone of like, oh, here's a mid-century modern place,

but it's like half burned by fire. It just, they just don't even have it. And this place did you notice the front door had a little black awning over it, like a store front. I was like, this is already a bad sign. Yeah. And Jason's like, well, Julin knows me, or Nelline knows me, we're close to shopping, restaurant shopping and shopping.

Okay. She knows me as everything I like. It's like, well, this one's 1996 it's four-bedroom three-bass and a half-bass whoa you know what the movie we call that studio bass sounds like a five-day this piss spot right there and they're like you know they're like oh god that's that's pretty expensive but Nelline goes but you're in Chesapeake and know what they say about real estate, location, location, location. She's literally acting as if it's Central Park West.

And they have a penthouse. And it's just like a random community here. And you know what they say about real estate? Just because my mug is on the best bench, doesn't mean you can sit on my face and not by me dinner. Well, also location, location, location. Oh, right, right.

Oh, you come up with that yourself, Nelline, you're so original, okay? How about this? How about you, how about you come up with a first grade production of Oklahoma for the kids? Okay, how about you do that? You try taking all the smud out of Oklahoma to present it as a church play, all right?

You try reinventing Brigadine once in a while. How about this one? It's good Brigaduin if I'm your house. I'm just a girl who can't say no to Jesus. This is how I reread it. It works well. You know what, my favorite song is for its good old unreliable,

Nailie, Nailie, Nailie, Nailie, Nailie, Nailie. That's my Oklahoma. Well, I changed, I changed Nailie. It's called improvisation is the theater. It's how we do it in the big city, Nailene. Oh, glahoma, that's what I call you, Nailene. I'm back to Oklahoma. Can you tell, keep up, honey.

So Nailene is like, for some reason, I started correcting her name to Jolene. I don't know why, but Nailene's like, okay, well, let's take a look. Here, you've got a formal dining room on the right or it could be in office or a studio really. Hell, it could be a park, it could be in McDonald's. I don't give a shit. You want this house or don't you? Okay, my feet hurt. And Kelly is like, well, I want my, I want my first home to be new. I don't want to leave

in anyone else's footprints. Well, guess what? You only want, pay less than $300,000 for a brand new home, Kelly. Okay, you got it. Something's got to come off this list. I want her to get a used house just so Teresa can write her a card that says, can you, congratulations on your used house. I know. So Kelly's family families have owned this and she's like, just too, Kelly, for Christ's

sake. And he's like, well, at least it's not 15 families or 90 families. Hell, it could have been the thousand, nineteen hundred families. And he said, you're lucky. It was only two. Just look at the bright side. All right. Shower meter. Honey, honey, I don't think you know this, but those past two families that live here,

they dropped as in they shop till they drop. Cause look at all the shop. Or the nearby. I can just mail the send a bound from here. So then they go to the living room and it's ugly carpet. It's really small and he's like, this would be top for us. And then the kitchen,

there's like, you know, there's she goes, Kaylee, you got your grant your grant counter top she wanted. But it's just not very cute. And they're trying to keep saying, but I love this kitchen and it's a tiny little kitchen. It's like a tiny little galley kitchen. It's not good. Yeah, but you know what? I really don't like that back splash. I'm gonna rip that right out. Okay, but I don't want projects, honey. Well, first of all, you know, I have a terrible

association with anything that has splashed the name after I tried to do my musical adaptation of the feature film starring Donald Hannah, okay? So this has to go. And remember, when you tried to take me to splash the show that one time we were in Las Vegas, and it was basically baby sample rape. Thanks a lot for that one-way dick at the hell, Kelly. Well, and we all remember that one time I did go to Los Angeles and I tried to go to Splash, the hot tub place that was on blind date. Well, it closed down. Okay, so imagine my embarrassment when I was looking around and it was only a joy and fabric

So I did actually enjoy going in there too. It was a good consolation prize. Funny enough. That's where I came So Naline's like well, there's an indoor patio here with a hot tub He goes, oh my gosh, well, we could move that outside and have a studio. He wants to turn every room into a studio for this like whatever music career he has. Also, kind of says how serious he is or how knowledgeable he is about a music career when you're talking about an outside patio to use. outside patio to use. I do also produce ambient noise tracks for relaxation. So maybe the hot tub should stay in for some gurgle on the fix.

So then there's a pretty big deck and it's like we can make this what we want. Just what I said are wedding vows. Just what I said in our wedding bath. Unfortunately, that not always work at doesn't align. in our wedding bands. Unfortunately, that not always work at doesn't align. So then they, um, uh, there's like a pretty small master suite. And then the master bathroom is like very narrow and skinny. Another project, another project. Okay, just like, just like poor Kelly's bangs, another project. She's like, but there is a tub. There's a tub in the bathroom. And she says, you know, and he's like, project, love projects. And she's like, but gosh, it would need to be fixed

and fast. And oh, God, it actually right now, it looks like certain Jason's already worked on. Anybody? Anybody? Oh, just stop trying, Kelly. You're embarrassing. All right. Get out of exit stage. Left. This is why I told you cannot write your own material anymore. Oh, God. I know. So all of these house hunters, because, you know, we're watching kind of old ones, but they all have that fucking friends purple from Monica's apartment on friends. Like all of these old gross places have a room that's this friends purple.

And Kelly's like, well, it has mirror Madison, like that. He's like, well, she'll love that mirror for sure. You know, who else would love her looking in that mirror? The wicked witch from Snow White because she'd always get the answer she was looking for when she looked in hers. You know, what I just like also that they're, they're bar or so low for Madison. Oh, there's a mirror Madison will will like a, that Madison will like, that there's a, hey, look, all of these walls in this room are standing up.

Madison will like that. And then there's a room that looks like an attic. And there was come right into a room. And space, like space. And she's like, do you see this? Is this a studio? Let me guess Jason. You see it as a studio, huh?

He goes, oh, it could be a studio space and office space. A mall space? We could put a send-ball right there, clear it's over there and the things remembered over here. God. Or maybe if we can't do that, we could just be looking at a mall place. I can just stand at the mirror here and just,

are at the window and just stare at the mall. That'll, I'm sure there's a mall out there somewhere, right? So, you know what, I'm going gonna tell you the first thing an agent told Madison when I took her into the big city for an interview Okay, it just doesn't have any possess or pop, okay? Now I do like to present potential for a studio space and it's good and Kelly's like, but you've already named five projects Yeah, but three if I'm wearing the same mall Kelly keep up that you've already named five projects. Yeah, but three if I'm wearing the same mall, Kelly, keep up. Yeah.

So now they're gonna have, now they start to have their deliberations. What about the 60s brick home and Jason's like, you know what? The biggest thing for me, I love that it is right in the heart of everything. And it's basically the crossroads of the world right there. Next to the tree and the stop sign. Wow, we can wake up, we can go down the stairs, we can go out the back door and we can walk right into wildlife, which in this case means walking into an abandoned chick-fil-a. But that's what I want. We can walk right into Madison's

report card limited. Billy's like, but that time it's just so dated. It's gonna be a major project and guess well It is a way beneath our budget. So there's room to change that However has number two And Kelly's like, well, that was just amazing the new one the new one was great He's like, well, I'm still kicking a screaming about the distance I mean just think about how far the Molly is from there Which is basically where we can burn my hopes and dreams of living by my own all day and every night, helping keep you warm, steeping. Yeah, enjoying not having a wetzel's pretzel every single day, won't be called a wetzel's pretzel, we'll hold on, where's the pretzels, okay?

And what about number three, the traditional? I mean, that did already have two previous families, which is just disgusting, okay? We don't know anything about those families. Yeah, but I like that you use the front room, the back room, the Okay, we don't know anything about those families. Yeah, but I like that you choose the front room, the back room, the porch, the patio, the garden, and the attic, and the basement all as studios. Because by the way, it will be a studio complex. Um, so what are they going to choose? Dun, dun, dun, dun. He goes, I the right. There's some compromises all around, but that's love ain't it honey

Guess what I've decided I think I want the new Christ man he goes alright mate you you know what I can't believe I say it to you Oh, I'm just gonna put as much as my mid-century Money in there as I can and I'm just gonna get some mid-century furniture mid-century slaying I play earth He says I'm gonna put some of my mid-century flair into that house. I'm like, what mid-century flair do you have, sir? Nothing about you that speaks of mid-century flair. Thank you, Chris. So it's my auto corrected to flat.

So it says, it's my mid-century flat. So it's like, what the fuck does that mean? Taking notes with a mypad. You know, my mid-century flair, you know, the kind of mid-century flair that only really comes to true form in a nice contemporary Christian pop song sung by my daughter. Ding dong. And they got it, guys. And Kelly's like, I'm making cookies, everybody.

And Madison goes, cookies that you just bought from the store. She goes, shut up, you little bitch. I'm making it from scratch. Which she's not at all. Your father say it. I could do a non-spinic scene. So don't ruin this for me. OK, I'm making cookies.

Listen, I'm making cookies in our side-baked kitchen. You're going to shut your fucking mouth, OK? You there, shut your mouth, because I know you're going to be eating all these, OK? So then, so they moved in basically last week or something and they paid three hundred five thousand dollars and Kelly got a big tub and Jason Compromise by going down to North Carolina, but you know what they're building new development. Shappard is coming Okay, Shappard is coming. Okay. It's not just me anymore You know I say the lean I don't care if they're building anything up. She gets and she told me, you know what, when they build things up, pain is just come. And I said,

let's keep going. Just please, can we put some man's banks on the construction guy? Cause I just can't. I'm ready for my hot dog on a stick. If you know what I'm saying. So, um, so then get there back in the kitchen and Kelly's like, these are gonna be the best cookies you've ever had. I am committing to this bit. Okay, that's what a real actress does. And she says, this has to make me so happy because there's nothing that needs to be done on the inside. So Jason can put all his efforts into the outside, which is unlike his normal life. Yeah. And that brings us to the end. half. And that brings us to the end. Yeah, in the end, they just, they have the cookies. And basically Jason has to put it after all that talk about a studio space, by the way, he doesn't get it. Yeah, we have to put his piano in the living room. And then they finally,

they finally eat the cookies and Kelly goes, what do you think? And Mass and goes interesting unlike all of you guys and Kelly goes, Maka, you need to spit it out. Like, Gastic with a spinach mom. I didn't even see any of that. What the whole thing. You didn't see any of that.

No, that was out of there early or what? I must have been ready to go. I think you clearly missed that very exciting Coda on their saga. You did you, did you even see Mass and Michael playing cards in their bedroom? Oh, no. Did you see Jason saying he wants to set up a fire pit outside? No, the end, uh, the end for me is these are going to be the best cookies you ever had.

Well, you missed a very important part of that, which is that they hated the cookies. The episode literally ends with them spitting out the cookies. Port Kelly. Port shot upon Cali, man. Yeah. Poor girl. That was such a funny episode. Nick, Nick, thank you so much for recommending it because it really brought a lot of joy to my life. Yeah, that was a pretty fun one.

And everybody, thank you so much for being here with Daryl. Hello, we will be back next week and we are taking requests. So if you want to leave a request, just give us the title of the show and if you have the episode number that would be great. Just leave it on our Instagram under one of these Dwell Hello posts. Our Instagram is at watch what crap ends or aren't. And also we're in the market for some house hunters international episodes too. Yeah, we need to throw some house hunters international episodes too.

Yeah, we need to throw some house hunters international in here for sure because that's the one I actually watch. I never watch just the regular house hunters and let's we're doing this. I'm an international type. I love watching. Watching Americans just embarrass America overseas. It cracks me up every single time. It's great feeling. It's great feeling. Like, would they want to move to the jungle and they're like, but I just don't like trees But you want to live in the jungle Every time Alright guys, thank you so much for listening and we'll catch you on the next episode

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