Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello: Looking for the Good Life in Phnom Penh

Episode Date: January 12, 2023

Dwell Hello is back! And we're kicking off our new season with one woman's quest to find a great deal in Cambodia.Here's the episode we're recapping: House Hunters International: S180 E5 "Looking for the Good Life in Phnom Penh"Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello. And welcome back to Dwell Hello. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. And if you're here, that means you are listening to our house hunters show. Dwell Hello. On Wondry Plus. Hi, Ronnie.

How are you? How are you doing? Well, hello. Sean, I'm very glad to be back here for Dwell, hello. I've missed doing this show. I know. It's been about a year since we last did some Dwell Hello. and the good news is there's going to be a whole lot more dwell hello here on Wondry Plus.

For those who never listened to the original dwell hellos, we basically are recapping episodes of House Hunters, House Hunters International, etc. So it's always a blast for us because, you know, as much as we love Bravo, we also love watching these shows. Oh, yeah, we love these shows. They're so silly. I don't know how we end up talking so much about them, but whenever I watch them, I crack up every single time.

So it's good to be back doing them. Yeah. So for this episode, this episode, I flagged this episode because I saw it last month in December. And I was like, if Dwell Hello comes back, we have to include this one. And then voila, voila, hello, came back. But we are going to be recapping House Hunters International. This is House Hunters International. On YouTube TV, it is listed as season 180, episode five, and the title is,

Looking for the Good Life in Phnom Pen. Okay. And I really thoroughly enjoyed this episode, I have to say. So you guys, the way that House Hunters episodes are released are so crazy because they're listed as different season numbers and episode on every platform. So it kind of makes it hard to find them sometimes. That's why we're telling you, we watch on YouTube TV. You watch wherever you can find it.

Usually what I do, if I'm looking on a different, like peacock or wherever else they show these, I'll just search for the title on the ye old internet and it will tell me. So I put it in Looking for the Good Life in Nampen and it showed me where to go. Yeah. And by the way, it's Discovery Plus where you can also find these. I don't know if this episode is on Discovery Plus. or not, but like Ronnie said, it's listed differently there. So just the easiest thing is if you have YouTube TV, it should show up pretty easily.

So it doesn't matter if you watch these shows. We don't expect you to watch these shows. You don't have to watch these shows to listen to this show. Okay. We're just here to trash people we don't know. And they're in a different arena than Bravo. Yeah. And their choices.

So this one is this one is a girl. we get the little preview of what's to come in the episode. And she's like, living in London, so expensive. I was living in a shared house with five people. I was not enjoying life, to be honest. I don't think they were enjoying life with you, okay? Because you're the one to go live in a loft with five people and then complain that there's too many damn people.

I used to live in a loft with five people in New York. And guess where I lived? Over the bathroom in a closet that was like coffin, okay? I had to put like a twin-sized mattress in there, crawl up an A-frame ladder, literally crawl into bed with my dog, with Zena, my dog at the time. And I thought it was the best time in my life. But there was a girl who lived with us who was like, oh my God, there's just so many people here. And I'm like, why'd you move in here? It's not like we just all arrived one day after you were already here, Hooker. You came after us. So I'm already aiding this chick. What if this girl,

when she says that she lived in a shared house with five other people, like, what if that was just her family? There's like these two older people, and then there's like three people that like one is a little bit older than me, and one's a little bit younger, and like we've known them all our lives, and I'm just ready. I'm ready to be out of this shared house. So then... Well, that I would understand, because when I was growing up, I was that person. I was like, who are these fuckers and why do I have to spend my growing up time with them? I didn't choose these people. losers I deserve better So one of the best parts about house hunters Is that the narrator who we call Linda

She has like visible or visible DISTaine although not really visible because you only hear her But if you could see her voice Her voice would have disdain Clear disdain for anyone on this show So she chimes in and says Blue feels she needs a life reset She thinks Cambodia can help her plot a new course

Because she's privileged and entitled Yeah, she really did say it in that way. Like, Lou needs a life reset. I would suggest a personality first. Blue is sick of having her parents pay for everything, so she's going to pretend like she's going to pay for something in Cambodia. Even though she's literally not going to pay for any of this. I like what she said, Blue thinks she needs a life reset,

and then it cuts to a woman on the street trying to hand Blue a whole fish out of a basket and she's like, oh, no, no, I'm sorry, you can't move in with me. I know that a lot of people, you know, I was about to be living with a woman and a fish. And I said, no, this is blue time. Having some blue time now. Well, you said you wanted to reset. So then Blue is like, because her name is blue. Did we say that her name is Blue? Her name is Blue Beach. And she says, I just hope this is paradise land where all your problems. just go away. I'm like, yes, that's famously what Phnom Penh is known for, a place where all your problems go away. I'm ready for a new, I'm sick of having so many roommates. I'm going to

Cambodia. It's like, what? I haven't heard that one. I know. I'm like, uh, okay. I have not, I've not heard that one before. And she's like, I won't stop until I get the perfect apartment because you're not living life to the fullest, to be honest. Don't think you're going to find that perfect department, just going to say. So she's like, and the one thing I would never be, there's one thing I'll never be. And that is boring. You know all her old roommates are like, oh my God. Too late.

That boring chick is gone. Too late. Even the lady tried to hand you a fish out of the basket. The fish jumped back into the basket. I was like, I'm not going with her. That's a lady who complains about too many roommates and then eats everybody's shit out of the refrigerator. I do know that was some boring-ass fish. Like what's the most boring fish that's out there?

Is it tilapia? What is it like? How dare you? I mean, I like tilapia, but it's boring. Salamins? Talpia gets a bad rap. Salmon's, yeah. I don't know.

I'm not going to judge a fish because I'm, I'm literally sitting here at my desk, sitting in front of my fish, baby gorgeous. I will not criticize fish. Cod is Cod. Cod's kind of boring. What about Scrod? Don't you think that Scrod gets jealous on Cod? I don't even know what that is.

And that sounds like something blue would think is very fancy because it just sounds different. Like, I've decided I need to reset. So I'm going to dinner and ordering Scrodd. I can't possibly take your fish lady on the street, but do you possibly have any scrood? So we see her, this is the kind of asshole that Blue is. She's rolling a big old suitcase and she's rolling it in the middle of the street instead of the sidewalk that's right next.

Kelly Benzmoe style. She really is doing this. Hello, Cambodia. I'm Blue. It's like, get on the damn sidewalk. You're new here. I know. She's like, yes, my name is Blue Beach.

That's my real name. It's on my. passport and my birth certificate and my loyalty card at urban outfitters. And my parents are super hippies. And I have one sibling and her name is Snow. Snow Beach. I'm like, I think that her name was actually just like, oh no, but they just wrote it down as snow. I'm sad. Well, she tends to have a problem with cocaine. I like blue things. You know, names really do matter. My parents are literal hippies, which means they're really rich now and not raising their children, which we've all learned that that's what hippies turned into.

We see you hippies. I know how you turned out. You're all driving the Porsche Cayenne with kids in jail every other month. We know we know it blew this entire story. So she goes, so I grew up in London and my parents would just pull us out of school and we go to Thailand or Indonesia for three or four months. So I definitely know where I got my travel streak from. I'm like, so you're, so you just didn't go to school.

That's what you're saying. You're uneducated because your parents were criminals that were always running from the law. Just say that. I mean, it would make you more interesting, you know. Not running from the law. We're going to Indonesia. Indonesia. Indonesia.

So then we see a picture of her approving that she's gone to Indonesia. and she's on a boat. The picture is taken from behind her and she's on a boat wearing a dress with one leg up on like the seating airing out her coogee in the wind. I was like, okay, you know what, Blue. You were annoying with the five roommates.

People don't need to be sitting downwind of you on this boat. Put your leg down. But all of Indonesia has to see what I have to offer. So then to prove that she's such a world. old traveler. As she rolls her suitcase down the street, she's going, Hello, lady on bicycle. Hello, lady sitting on ground. Hello, world. It's blue. Yeah, she's doing that whole like, I'm a, I'm in, I'm a worldly white lady. I understand

cultures. Hello. Hello. Hello, sir. Hello. Bong. Bong. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello, sir. The only thing I can say about her is that she's my favorite kind of cheese. That's all I have good to say about her right now. Well, UK life is quite harsh, you know. Your basic necessities are so expensive. I mean, if you want to get a bath bomb, that costs 25 euros at least, you know, all your basic necessities. I was living with five people working as a personal assistant to CEO of a company.

And then she looks off very troubled. It's like, what happened? What happened, Blue? Some of the story is missing. There was definitely a dot, dot, dot there. Yeah, what company was this? By the way, you know it was like her parents' company. Yeah.

Her parents like candle company. Yeah, she finally figured out why her parents were like throwing everything in the suitcase every few months and being like, we're going to Indonesia. Brats. Get in the car. Get in the station wagon. So it's dreary in London. The weather's terrible. It doesn't matter where you're from.

And if you stay in your hometown, you can't develop as a person. It's very stagnating. It's very stagnating. So people who grow up and stay in the same town never grows a person. Well, you know, fuck you to all of you then, basically. Yeah. By the way, she makes London sound like it's a little cave. It's like some sort of horrific place under the earth's crust.

It's London. People who never move out of London. What losers? There's nothing to do there. London, with its newspapers full of nothing, blank pages. Ends of East with nothing but musicals and plays and culture, disgusting. So she stops by a food market place, like an outdoor food place, and she's like, can I have one of those, please?

Have those empanadas? Oh, so world. Yeah, the lady at the every, you know that whenever she walks through the market, everyone's like, oh God, here comes the British lady again. They're like, oh, God, someone give her some poison. So she's always in a sundress too, I noticed. Like, oh, God, here comes sundress. Oh, I've got the fish.

I'll put the fish in the basket. All right. We'll cue you and she's on her way. So she's like, I always knew there was another life out there. out of my many, many job searches, the one I got an answer from was a local bank in Phnom Penh. She... What? She is the type that just sends her resume around the world via bottle, okay?

Like, she's like, all right, I'm putting my resume in a bottle in the river Thames. We'll see what happens. You did all this to work in a check cashing place in Cambodia. A local bank? Like, I thought maybe it was like a corporate job or whatever, but like, Why are you just sending your resume all around the world and sing what sticks? So funny. She's like, it sounds amazing.

The idea to live alone in London, that's just a pipe dream. But here is easily accessible. Look how many pores there are around. People on the street giving away fish for free. It's adorable. No, thank you, sir. No, thank you, man. I actually knew nothing about Cambodia.

I just said check. caching in. I know. I thought to myself, sure, we've all heard of Western Union, but what about Eastern Union? So I headed to Cambodia. Hello, cat with a fish in its mouth. Hello, grandmother. Sorry, that could have been offensive. I'm assuming

grandmother was scoff on her head. She's just in her own version of Beauty and the Beast. She is. She's literally just walking around saying hello to people and they're just looking at her like what the, like she's not even saying hello in their language. She's just literally walking around going, hello, and Panetta. Hello, hello, Mrs. Weatherby. She's like, that's not my name. Yes, it is Mrs. Weatherby.

Hello, Mr. Clock. Hello, Mr. John Fryeblock. I'd absolutely say I'm a dreamer. I'm not going to compromise because coming to Cambodia is to live. my dream life. You know, to each their own, but damn. Living the dream of free fish pushed into your face.

She goes, I don't want minioka, and I'm not compromising on a place. I'm like, well, you better start compromising your own house hunters. So then we meet her agent, her real estate agent, who is adorable. Her name is Nita. And Nita's like, do you drive? And she says, never. I would never dare to drive in Phnom Penh.

I think it's way too crazy. I mean, even the fish ride motorcycles. And then Linda's like, once known as the Pearl of Asia, before conflicts destroyed most of the city in the 70s, Cambodia's capital is having a resurgence, which basically means they've started selling scotch tape again, fingers crossed. It's having a resurgence, which means more idiots like blue are going to come around.

around to ruin it. And so neither's like, well, this is the business area. So many of the expats are looking for apartments here. It's closest to McDonald's. Yeah. The cityscape is transforming at a rapid pace to handle the recent influx of business and dumb people. So the window to find bargain prices on rent is almost closed. So let's watch it just slam shot right on Blue's fingers.

The window for finding bargains for rich girls in sun dresses and stupid names is about to close. The window for bargains is about to close. But the window for rich girls to walk around the world and think they could just move in anywhere is always wide open. So we got her wish list. I'm on a balcony, one bedroom, an office space, everything needs to be furnished. I love architecture. French colonial. It reminds me of Europe.

Go to Europe. I mean, I have to break it to you. I mean, I have to bring it to you. I know. I know. And a balcony and a pool. You fucking can. It's like, I'd like a pool and a gym.

I want something that reminds me of Paris, but I don't want to be anywhere close to Paris. It's nice to have a little taste of home. Go home. Go home. I'd love a gym and bengers and mash for dinner. It's like, you just want to,

you just want somewhere you can pretend you're living in London that you can live alone. Just say it, okay? It's why I moved to Texas. I would like a view of a large clock tower if available. Ideally one that's near some water, perhaps named after someone like, I don't know, Ben. I wouldn't mind orphans as long as they're the singing type. So, um, Nita, um, Nita's like, oh no, Linda is like, well, with more and more expats.

living here. That money won't go as far as it used to. And neither will Blue's bullshit. I'm telling you that right now. I like, I just like that. Linda's acting as if she had given Blue the advice to move five years ago and she didn't listen. She's like, well, with more and more expats living here, $1,000 a month won't go as far as it would have five years ago. So I guess we know who should have listened to who five years ago. Hmm. If Blue had listened to Linda five years ago, she would be in an adorable flat all by herself in Berlin. But she didn't. And now she's searching for French colonial architecture in Cambodia.

So Nita tries to balance the cost with enough amenities for blue to hopefully unwind from doing nothing all day. So I wrote Tonle Basak Borders. Oh, oh, it's because they're talking about things I don't know because I've never been to this place. You haven't been to Phnom Pen? No, it's crazy It's on my list It's on my list But yeah, I haven't made it there

Well, yeah So Blue was like What area is this? And Nita's like This is the Tone-Lay Basak area And she says, oh And there's a cup There's lots of cute places around here

Because it seems like We're in a construction zone And Nita just looks at it like Yeah, construction's everywhere You're in a city You're in a city That's trying to Come back from a mass tragedy

in the 70s, okay? Lady, idiot. Yeah, the city was destroyed. I don't know if you heard Linda, but, I don't know if you've read a textbook

about 20th century history and travesties. I don't know, you might want to look into it. Yeah, Nina's so cute, though. She's like, yeah, that's everywhere. And Blue goes, well, I work from home. And she's like, I don't give a shit.

So we go see this one bed, one bath for $900. This is the nicest place she's going to see. I'm telling you this right now. I cannot believe she didn't immediately say, we're done. I'm taking this place. It's adorable. It's brand new. It's modern. It's got Florida ceiling windows. It's a corner apartment. I have never honestly, I was like, I have really never seen as nice of a place on HouseHunterners International. Usually on HouseHunter's International, the places are janky and crazy. You know, it's either like construction. It's a place that was built in, you know, 1467, or it's like strange communist architecture. And this is just like a lovely, lovely place. I was like, well, this one's done. Usually they're like, I want a pool.

And they're like, well, this is where, this is a zebra shitting post for the entire neighborhood. But you could, you could transform it. And this one is fucking amazing, gorgeous, brand new marble. I mean, it is so nice. And she's like, and by the way, $900 a month. So Blue is like, well, so much natural light to hit me like this. Disgusting natural light. I don't like it. Yeah.

She says, well, nice kitchen. This will convince me to learn how to cook. Can I convince you? It's a lady with the fish. Do you know how to tell her to leave me alone? And Nita goes, well, we, when Blue says, oh, maybe this can convince me to actually learn how to cook, Nita just jokes.

Well, we can try on the weekends. And then Blue goes, oh, free cooking lessons too. It's a good idea. Like, it was not a real offer. Yes, it was. You think it was? Yes, because this is where we start to see.

Nita is fucking crazy and she's a stalker and she's in love with the blue. Okay? Just watch through the rest of this episode. Yeah, later on the episode, she keeps saying it. Everywhere they go, she's like, there's construction here. She's like, I can hold my hands over your ears at night. Oh, that's so sweet, Nita. Thank you.

So, so Blue's like, well, this is a very modern style and there's no charm and character. It's very boring, in my opinion. It's not decorated. Put up a picture. She goes, I guess this kitchen will have to be my workspace. I mean, I guess my dining table will be my desk. You're asking for a one bedroom for $900. You think you're going to get a one bedroom with a bonus room that they're not going to mention in the ad?

What is she? I'm sorry. We'll have to inform the Fortune 500 company you're running that all operations will have to cease because the CEO no longer has a desk. And then they go to see the bathroom. Again, gorgeous, marble. Gorgeous. Space, lovely, updated fixtures. And she goes, there's nowhere to keep shampoos or conditioner in the shower.

Are you fucking kidding me? Buy a shower caddy. Get a cat. Has she never heard of a cat? Also, I want to go back to the desk thing because she literally says, I need to have a separate desk because I need to have my working desk and then my dining table. Okay, I'm just going to, like, workshop. It's going to spitball here running.

I don't know. Get a desk? I don't know. I think they sell desks in Cambodia. I think people in Cambodia have desks. Put a table against a wall. What is wrong with this girl? What is wrong with you?

Get a desk. Or get a couch. Listen, I eat on the couch. I work on the couch. couch. I fuck on the couch. I do everything on the couch. Get a damn couch. You're stopping you. There's already one right there. Boom. Office. Office. I just love the limits to her creativity. Like, but where do I put my shampoos and conditioners? I was like, get a caddy. And until the caddy arrives, just put them on the floor of the shower. It'll be okay.

So then she sees the bedroom, which is really nice. You know what the whole place is. And she's like, well, it's quite small. I think there's a big wardrobe, but not much space to change. I can't change where I eat and will have to work. I can't also change there. Oh, and this bed is quite hard. Anita's like, it's good for your back though. Is that true? It's true. Try it on. Lay down. It will be more comfortable with me besides you. Would you like to know what it feels like to have someone spoon you? Would you like to understand how this bed would work for that? spoons are always uncomfortable on hard surfaces, but they're more comfortable on top of other spoons.

Try it. But there are no spins in this apartment. I'd look. There's no spins. I don't know if I can buy it. So then Blue's like, Let's try the balcony. So Neatis's like, nice view, isn't it?

And it's small. This is the one with the small balcony, right? No, no, no, no. This is the one with like a nice balcony. The small one was the second house. This is... So she goes. She goes...

Big beautiful balcony. It's a... Okay, it's a big, beautiful balcony. And she goes, oh, it's very windy. How do you say wind in your language? Can you, how do you say, please turn off the wind in your language? Can we find an apartment with less wind? Do they turn off the sky fans at night at least?

Who says this? What is wrong with this girl? You're complaining about nature? No, she goes, in life I'd say I'm easy going. Don't you remember when I said hello to everyone? But when it comes to an apartment, I say I'm picky. I guess I'm kind of both right now. So then Nita's like, want to see the roof?

And so they go to the roof and it's got a pool on the roof with an infinity edge overlooking the city. Infinity edge. I'm quite scared of heights. What if I fall off the edge of the pool? Will I die? Does this pool have wind? Because I love the light and the view, but the bedroom is so small and the style is modern. And the workspace is an issue as well.

This definitely leaves me wanting more. Push her off of the roof while you're up there. Do the world of favor. Yes. It is really like a, for $900, it is a legitimately great apartment. is... Listen, for $2,500, this was a very... I mean, this is a very nice apartment.

Very nice. Anywhere. Okay, so now they're going to palace gate in the city. And this rent might be a little bit above Blue's means. And the rent is $1,200. Don, don't, don. And Linda, of course, is, like, just as frustrated as we are. And she goes,

Nita hopes Blue will see the ship has sailed for finding luxury for next to nothing in the city. Idiot! So they're on one of those Like a bus shaped thing What's it called? I look like they were on a talk talk But I could be wrong

I don't want to mislabel what it actually is That just saved me from five minutes Of falling all over myself So Nita's like This is busy street which is good right And then a car almost hits them Because there's like no lines on the road or anything Take the fish! Take the fish!

That's the driver And London's like I will not take this tuck-tuck. I was almost hit and there's no office space. And then Blue is like, it's almost no office space. Blue's like, Panampan is a wild, wild contrast to life in London. In London, everything is so organized. Panampan, not at all.

I'm like, you, did you know where you were moving? Did you know that Panampan was not like some stationary store? She literally didn't. That's the point. She got a job and she just went. And she's like, people drive crazy here. And so we see this neighborhood and it's vibrant. And Linda's like, I guess Linda says this. She's like, this neighborhood is so vibrant. It's old pagodas. It's blue who says this, by the way. Oh. Old pagodas, colonial buildings, and then insane high-rise condos. The biggest adjustment to coming to a country you don't know. is not knowing anyone at all. But I'm going to put my eggs in one basket and try to teach the fish lady

what a less horrifying choice it is than a fish. There's also something really kind of fucked up about this white lady coming to Cambodia and just like losing her mind over all the old colonial style. Oh, I love this colonial architecture. Oh, colonial, don't you love these old colonial buildings? and like lady, uh, ma'am. Ma'am.

Ma'am. Just so you like the columns. Are there any plantations here that we could go look at? It's like awkward. It's like, man, let's not like rebel in the colonialism of it all. Yeah, yeah. And she's like, well, do you have any tips for me, Nita? And Nita's like, spicy sauce.

I can bring it over on the weekend. He, he, he, he. I'm like, I'm like, Nita needs to, Mita needs to get some, okay? Nita's worrying me at this point. That's a fish that's flying for your head, duck. So Nita's like, she's a very friendly person.

She asks me a lot and we have great community in between. No, we have great conversations or great, we have something in common. What does she say? She has, we have great communication between. Oh, I wrote, we have great calm in between us. So, yeah, communication. There you go. So, communication.

This second house is in the CBD area, Central Business District, not an area that sells creams and blue is. like, oh, wow. In London, you have to constantly budget, worry about finances, but here you can spend freely, which is perfect for someone like me. I hate to break it to you, Blue, but constantly budgeting and worrying about finances is something that happens worldwide, no matter where you live. Literally everybody has to budget, okay?

I mean, in London, sure, is it more expensive? Of course, but you also are going to make a lot more money than you're going to make at this fake teller job in Cambodia. I mean, hello. Bank telling from him. Yeah. So the narrator's like, well, Blue needs to know that big bargains are not the norms anymore.

Moron! So House 2, House 2 is located very close to the Royal Palace of Cambodia. We find out in the little Chiron that comes up that like basically Cambodia has a monarchy that's actually elected, but it's largely symbolic. Like, you know, it's one of those, uh, very fun, whatever. But blue is so excited. The royal palace, is that where the king lives? Oh my God.

I'm part of the royal family now. I can't believe it. So house two by the palace gate. And it's one bedroom on the 10th floor. And she's like, important question. How about the price? The lady who's just talking about how freely she's going to be able to spend. and it's $1,200.

And she's like, well, that's a good amount over what I wanted to spend. Let's see if it's worth it. Now, this place is brown and brown. Brown. It was my least favorite of the three. This is not cute. This place is just more what I would expect to see on house hunters. What were more accustomed to seeing? Not cute.

It's just like beige, tan. It's just gross. And then blue comes in and season goes, this is such a nice style. It's not too modern, but it still has character. It has no character. It's out of, it's not that, yes, you're right. It's not modern.

It's outdated, you know? It's like, it's not at the point where it's old enough to have a character. It's just leftovers from like the 90s or the early 2000s. It's a bit smaller actually, but there's a work desk. Yes. There's a tiny little console that's been like shaped into a desk, stuck in a corner. And Darkwater's like, oh, there's a desk. I never thought I'd see one in Cambodia, but they have one.

They have a desk. Welcome everyone to the country's first desk. And a lamp. I love lamps. Well, there's no window to work next to it. Yeah, because it's in a fucking part of the room that they just didn't cover with the wall. You know, it's like one of those little, like, coves in a wall or whatever. Like a look.

This girl like you. I just also love how she's just so resigned to the fact that she can never, ever, ever drag that desk over to the window. She's like, oh, such a shame. I mean, I see a window and I see the desk, but never the twain shall they meet. So this is the kitchen. I like that it's separate. Uh-oh. I noticed this stove top

Is this gas? And the lady's like Yes, it's gas, that's good And she's like, no, I definitely have a phobia of gas I literally can't even look at gas I always think they're going to explode What if it destroys the desk? I literally can't look

I can't look I wish I could never look at gas again I wish they would make gas invisible I wish this country would just do away with gas and wind. Why can't they? And of course, Mita's answer is, Oh, I love cooking with gas. I can teach you how to cook with gas.

She can teach anything. We also forgot to mention they do go out to the balcony, and it's tiny. It's basically like a plus-sized Juliet balcony. And Blue is like, oh, I love this arch, and I love this color and I love the little table even though it's not quite a desk

but it's definitely a little bit of a small balcony and is that do I feel wind there's wind there's wind in this neighborhood too oh and the bedroom is so luxurious

and it looks it's disgusting and it has like Bordello lamps like literally from that time in history It's like a lot of maroons and dusty jewels hanging off of them. And it's like, oh, and the bed. And is this an en suite?

Which I have to give the bathroom credit. It is an en suite and it has nice, you know, it's nice. And it has marble walls and stuff. Bathroom was updated. But I'd definitely be paying for that. And neither's like, would you like to see the other amenities? There's a pool I will be swimming in with you. And a pool we will be holding hands in.

And a pool we could put both our butts up against the jets together and say, ooh-hoo. Oh, does the pool have gas there? I can't look. I can't look at a pool with gas. So they go down to this, like, basement that I suspect has mold issues. I just get this weird feeling. It feels like a, it feels like a dank cavern, and there's an indoor pool.

And Blue goes, oh, an indoor pool. I wasn't expecting this. Oh, I'm just so happy that there's a pool. in a dank room with no view and no infinity edge. This is more like it. This will definitely be better in rainy season. Yeah, because it's inside, blue. So she's like, well, this is a great option.

It's a bit smaller than I'd like, but it does have a desk, and the bathroom was so generous. But I want it in a better price. Linda goes. So then Linda says, Nita gets the price back down. But, and then Nita goes, Blue wants luxury. You know that Linda's just shaking your head. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

So now we see Blue shopping around the markets. And she's like, what is this one? Anita Gagging. Where are the M&Ms? I want to see the local M&Ms. Could you point me to that direction? Question. Do you sell fish sticks?

Fish sticks, anyone? I was looking on YouTube for lessons, but it's the longest alphabet in the world. And if you ask my family and friends to describe me, they would say, Little bitch, spoil, adventurous. It's like, wow, thanks for those real quick clips from behind bars of Blue's mom and dad.

I know. You know, I decided to move to a new country, and I spent 20 minutes trying to learn the language, but it's too hard. So I gave up. They'll just have to adapt to me. And I like when she says she's adventurous. They show her. They flash up a picture of her on a motorcycle and short shorts.

I'm adventurous. You know what they say about people who work for local banks? It's adventurous. Of course it's going to be fearful a bit, but it's rewarding in the end. that's what I'm trying to tell you. I'm not talking to you, Nita. I will wait for you in the bed. So then Blue tells us about being adventurous and free-spirited.

She's like, I'm so adventurous. That's why I travel and that's why I moved to this random country that I have no experience with at all. She's like this random-ass place. I'm like, could you please show some respect to the country that you're about to ruin? And this is when the lady tries to hand her a fish during her adventure. your monologue. So funny. Yeah. So then... Okay, I also liked her trying to buy an apple.

How do you say apple and camere? And the woman's like, pli-pal. Play-pal. Playa. Palmy-a. Polyamino. Play-pa. Plata. Plata. Hey, pal. I won't use that because Elon Musk is a monster. Just take this fish. This isn't an apple. It's a fish.

No, it's a Cambodian apple. Oh, in that case, thank you. Can I Venmo you for it? She wants the banana me. So Linda's like, the financial respite she expected is no longer found. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. It's like a Linda computerized laugh.

Blue thought she'd be able to find a deal in Cambodia. But guess what? She didn't. Sucks to be blue. Bye. So Nita tells us, everyone wants to. luxury, but I cannot give her everything she wants. All I can give her is a roof over her head and a warm, warm heart.

Back off, neither, Jesus. So Blue is like, what neighborhood is this? This is what she says every time, every new street she walks down. And what neighborhood is this? Whoa. It's BKK, the most famous expat area. And Blue's like, I was drinking. Sorry.

I figured that's why I answered my, Blue's question. BK1. She's like the expat area. This is where trashy tourism and Chili's exists. So Blue's like, there's restaurant, there's shopping, there's apples called apples. Is there all of that here? Wow. So they go to house number three, which is another one bed, one bath, and this building has no pool or gym.

But the rent is 950. And as soon as she walks in, you see it's a massive apartment. Like, it's a huge apartment. It's a huge apartment, but it's not cute. And the view is just like a million electric lines, you know, like electrical lines going across. But it's still, it's not, it's still like, it's like a decent option. Like as soon as she walks in, after the last place we looked at, I was like, this is more like it. I mean, the first one was my favorite.

But this, at least there's space in this one. And it may not be the best view, but you can look at people on the street and you can people watch, you know. There are no Bordella lamps. So I'll give it that. Yeah. So she's like, wow, 950. More money and food for me. And so she's like, wow, this is enormous.

I love the style. And it's very plain. There is no style, by the way. Yeah, it's just like a box. There's a bowl. There's a bowl on a table. She's, I love this style. I mean, there's nothing there.

And this is a nice dining table, but not ideal. I would love a desk by a window. Move the fucking. tables to the window. What is wrong with you? Literally, find a plank of wood in two boxes and put it like, it's like the easiest thing to do is to find a desk. Well, let's look at the balcony. This is stunning. I love this for breakfast in the morning or coffee in the morning or maybe an egg in the morning or possibly in the morning I could have a toast here. But it's not the best of view, okay? Like, there's a lot of construction going on. The view could definitely be improved and

oh God, Nita, will they ever stop with the wind? What is wrong with him? Anita's like, I know you like it. I can tell from your face, which is so beautiful. Stop touching my face, please. I'm trying to look at the wind. So they go into the kitchen and it's a huge kitchen and has a washing machine in there. and Blue's like, well, I would definitely need a team of chefs to work in here. Because it's so big. It's so big. And then she's like, oh, no, there's a gas stove. I don't want to see it.

Not another gas stove. Someone serves me. And then she goes to the bathroom and it's fine. You know, it's nice. And she goes, nice shower. There's storage for shampoos. There's natural light. Wow, this would be a good place to get ready.

That's yeah, I would say that's usually what I think about with bathrooms. Yeah. I also, by the way, when she was on the balcony, I forgot to mention that the balcony is large and she's like, you know, I could definitely make use of this space, but it'd be hard to find my inner peace with all those noises going on outside. You're in a city in Southeast Asia. It's going to be loud. I can't deal with this woman. So then it's a huge bedroom.

And she goes, this bed, it looks so comfortable. And Nito's immediately, glides on it and starts patting it. And she's like, oh, but it's not. This is as hard as a prison bed. Could you imagine us in prison together? Every night since I've met you. Is this what mom and dad slept on for all those years? The only thing less comfortable than this would be a bed of nails.

I can arrange that for you, too, if you want. No, no, it was a metaphor. So she's like, you know, this would be the perfect place to do yoga and read a book under a tree, but the construction won't be good for reading. Because by the way, they're now, there's a garden out in this building. That's where they are now. And she's like, but it has charm. I love that it's spacious, but there's no pool, no gym, which would help me deal with noise. She says it as if like, she says it in this kind of passive-aggressive way of like, fine, I'll deal with the noise, but you have to give me a pool. It's like, this is not a negotiation.

You're literally looking for the cheapest apartments in the city. You don't have a lot of wiggle room here, boy. Yeah. Also, honestly, this is in an expat neighborhood, so you'll be able to find people ideally from your community. So you can have some sort of like community. there, and then it's a really spacious apartment. And yes, it doesn't have a pool or a gym, but that garden is super lovely. I'm like, I think this is a really great option also.

Do I get everything I need and pay the price or lose in a piece in a house that I hate? Let's think about this. So, Blue Anita, go to a cafe, and Blue is like, how do you say cheers and Camere? Anita says, I love you. Please marry me. Please marry me. Please marry me if you insist. So Linda is like,

she wants to have a life that she can live to the fullest, but life has concessions. Let's watch this little brat go through her popcorn, shall we? Well, off the bat, Alpha. Alpha was the first one. Alpha was like, D-D-D-D-D-D-B-B-House number one. So house number one is coming to the stage, just like smiling, knows it's going to be selected.

So she goes, off the bat, Alpha was really not my style. It definitely was very boring, in my opinion, and kind of feels like a showroom to me, and it doesn't have that character I was really looking for. I'm like, Alfa. Stop projecting. You know what I'm saying? Boring like a showroom. it's all looks and no character.

Projection! It literally had as much character as any of the other ones. None of them had like a significant amount of character. They were just like generic spaces, you know? Alphal just was new. Well, Palace Gate, don't to dance, dang, dang, dang. Palace Gate was smaller,

but it had an enormous bedroom and bathroom. But I hate castos. There's a casto that's going to use me. I can't have a guest stove, but it does have a desk. Oh, God, what do I do? Turn down the only desk in Cambodia, but a scary guest stove. Dang, da ding, ding, ding, dang. Three, house three, $950.

Well, it was super quirky, but it also doesn't have amenities. What about house number three was super quirky? There was a bowl. That was the only thing in that place. It was a table and a bowl. It's so quirky. Look a bowl. A bowl in Cambodia.

Isn't that quirky, Nita? So, Mita's like, I feel like you will be in Palace Gate. And she's like, well, it's definitely over what I had to spend in London. Ah, and that house with so many people. I just feel like splashing more, going for what was on my wish list. So she takes choice number two, right? Yeah, because she says she likes the vintage vibe and she loves the indoor pool, but she's also concerned that's really small, you know,

but then the other one had a bed that felt like a slab of concrete. And he was like, you'll break your back unless I'm there to save you. Yeah, and also, by the way, you can buy a new mattress. Yeah. Or a mattress pad, by the way, look into it. Yeah. So three months later, we see how. blues doing and she's like oh we see her shopping around she's like this is a singing bowl oh i was

like wow way to still make no effort towards learning that language you know i know oh i love being able to step out of my apartment and be in the hustle and bustle of pomp a pen i have coffee and it fits on the balcony. I love my new home. Coming here has been the most incredible journey, and everything has worked out greater than I expect. What's grabbing at my ankles? Need us under the bed. Please. Please. And they also show her, like, walking up to her building, and there's a security guard, and she's like, hello, hello security guard. He's like, oh, God, this bitch again. I'm quitting. I'm getting out of here. He decided to put up with the wind

And that brings us to the end of dwell Hello So she chose the worst She chose the worst option I guarantee she chose it Because it was the most expensive And it was the closest to the royal palace That's the only reason why

Because there's no good reason to choose that place Yeah She just can say she lives by You know, Harry or whatever Mom It's crazy, but live. I can literally see the king of Cambodia across the way. It's insane, Mum. That's all, that's the entire reason why she's living there. Yeah. Well, you're standing on his balcony right now in a bath,

he's opening his bathrobe. Wait a second. He's got a gas stove in the background. I'm coming back to London. It's scary here, Mum. They only cook with gas. It's terrifying. How silly. Well, it's good to be back, Dwell Hollow. I know, it is really good to be back. Thanks, everyone, for listening. There'll be more Dwell Hellos coming up here on Wondery Plus. So thanks, everyone. And we'll catch you on the next one.

Bye. Bye.