Watch What Crappens - Dwell Hello: Wanting it All in Destin Florida

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

Dwell Hello, the Househunters roast, is back for a second season! On our first episode, we're going to Destin, Florida to find a space for Joseph and Deek. Will they get high ceilings? A view? A parking spot to save Deek from street parking? And will real estate agent Destin in Destin lose her cool while trying to find it? For those of you that like to watch along, this is is House Hunters Season 70 Episode 11.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding dong! Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding dong! Well, hello. Dwell, hello.

Welcome to Dwell, hello. Season two, everybody. Welcome back. I'm Ronnie, and that has been over there, hot band. Hey, what's up? Hi. Everybody, if you're new to this show, hi. we're on the event from the watch what crap is Bravo podcast So if you like Bravo podcast go listen to that. It's on the same place. You're listening to this, okay?

Just look for watching crap and if you hate us, you know what we get it. Just go away, okay? We'll pretend you're not there. You pretend we're not there, okay? It's a very mature way of looking at the world But we are really glad you're here. Thank you so much. We did the first season of all of these house hunters recaps and had so much fun that we've been brought back for season two. Yeah, so if you missed the first season, it's still available on Stitcher Premium. But season two of Dwell Hello is now available to everyone and if you're new to this, you're like, what the heck are you guys talking about? Dwell Hello is our side show where we recap House Hunters episodes and House Hunters International and sort of all things adjacent. So we're

gearing up for it. We had so much fun doing it, as Ronnie said. We kind of just threw, it's like pin the tail on the donkey, pin the tail on the house hunter. And there's like a million episodes. And we kind of just sort of frowse. So if the donkey works, donkey works, I mean it is house hunters. Pin the tail on that donkey bin. Pin the tail on the Travertine. You know, you know. So we decided like some of the best episodes we have found involve the gays and involve Destin Florida.

So why not some gays in Destin Florida? Now, we love the gays. We are the gays, you know, but we like to think everybody's gayer than us because we're that kind of gay. Like I think that that's a part of every gay, right? We judge how gay other people are You're like yeah this innate quality in gay people. That's like oh my god. He's gayer than me Which is like some sometimes better and sometimes worse because you know like I'm a chunky old Navy gay who's you know Shaves once every two weeks so I'm that kind of gay

So then I look at fancy gays. I'm like, oh, they think they're so great because they're fancy gays. But then I'll see a comic book gay. And I'm like, oh, I'll be that gay, you know? You be that gay in the gala, fix of gayness? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, here we have Destin Gays, who are also hair salon gays. I don't know where I rank. I feel like my gayness is all out of whack. I'm sort of like, I don't know what my gayness is. Sort of like meandering around the house gay. I don't know. Is that a category?

Is that a category? I like meandering gay. Would you say? I like a meandering gay. Yeah, meandering gay. I'm an old baby gay. There's lots of different kinds. There's the sweater gay, which we always like to make fun of, because those are like the

prim and proper gays who have matured. And so they're like, oh, we're not whores. We're sweater gays. And we talk about literature and the New York Times. And you know, you're kind of a sweater gay. Actually, I would love to know that. I would love to think about it. you're kind of a sweater guy. Actually, I would love to know that I think about it. You are kind of a sweater guy. You're the kind of guy who's like,

well, I was doing the New York Times crossword puzzle on my phone and blah, blah. I'm very intersectional. I'm very intersectional because I'm sweater guy. I've got a foot in like the board game gay world. Like there's a whole world of like gay andordery, which is very specific that like, and I'm kind of like a pinky toe in that because I love board games but I'm not into all the fantasy and like

um all the like I'm not into I'm not like a Disney gay or anything like that but you know and then I also have a peloton so I like to think I'm a fitness gay even though that that's actually the category I least qualify for. Yeah, that's a me-andering gay, you know. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me- I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm a me-andering. I'm not doing that. So, here we are with some hair salon gaze. One is a hair salon gay owner and one is like the receptionist that's like boning the owner or whatever. And they've been together for like a million years and they're like very fancy gaze, okay?

So this is called Wanting It All in Destin, Florida. If you're looking to watch this, it's one of the oldies, it's only season 70. It's not crazy. They've got like 9,000 seasons of this. I'm one of the oldies, it's only season 70. It's not crazy. They've got like 9,000 seasons of this. I'm not even getting, well, I'm kind of kidding. But they have a lot. This is, Ronnie, please be truthful

about how many seasons there are. But I hate, you do not eat literally, and it's not literally, you know, I'm that kind of gay. I'm a, I'm a, I like please don't, you're not. You're not a gay. You're not a gay. You're like, guys, I, I can't start this season on an on a Disadis note there are not 9000 seasons. There's only 270 I'm a gay bunion with a guilt complex like I'll be a

Paul Bunion, but then I'll feel bad about it later and Not on that confess I I feel like you are Concerned that you've thrown some stones in the glass houses and now you're being as accountable as possible. Yes, and now I'm like with glass tape all over the place, you know, like earthquake tape for the glass. Okay, so let's stop labeling it by the warehouse hunters. Yeah. So, okay, so anyway, it's season 70, episode 11, watching it all in Dustin. And also, one asterisk is that we have found in the past

that like season 70 on one platform is different from season 70 on another platform. So we're using YouTube TV, okay? And if we do wind up watching a house hunters on like, Hulu or something like that, we will always tell you what platform it is so that way everyone can stay consistent. But this is on YouTube TV and you just search in

season 70, episode 11, wanting it all in Dustin. And I'm afraid that if I say wanting it all in Dustin one more time, the Google ads that I'll start to be searched in the art. I'm gonna be like very sad. It'll be like just like retirement communities. Yeah.

Okay, so gaze on a boat. we open with gaze on a boat. Because they're boat gays. Okay, they're total boat gays. Like, oh my god, that's right about. So they're on a boat and they're like popping champagne on a boat. And one of the guys is like, oh my god, that is my favorite. So, which I've never, I've heard that a lot. That's kind of like a base, a basic thing to say.

Like, oh, champagne popping. Oh, I love that sound, but really it's this sound. Which, who likes that sound? I hate that fucking sound, it's gross. It is a pleasant sound. I wouldn't say it's my favorite. I think like if I were to do like my favorite sound by association, you know what? I wish I had an answer for that before I started that joke

because I really don't have one. But I don't, but I know it's not champagne pop. I like a champagne pop, but I just, I agree. I'm like a little over people saying that's my favorite sound. Yeah, my favorite sound. Yeah, my favorite sound should be the sound of Carvelle falling into a container. Um, so the narrator, um, who we still had at this point, she was still on this earth. Bless her heart.

I love this woman. She's like, Deek and Joseph are searching South Florida for their dream home, but with requests that are so specific, and it cuts to the blonde guy. He's like, I can't have liked the thought of having my own elevator. And then we get a clip of the real estate lady. And she's like, the elevator opens up right into your private entrance and Then the narrator says finding everything they may might that all right she goes finding everything they may want

My I can't I say this line finding everything they want might not be possible I love the narrator because she says everything in a chewy tone But they're sort of like seething rage beneath it like these idiots think they can find an elevator or an any house that they look at and they can't find it okay. You know what she's like? She's like those TikTok videos that people do where they use the computerized voice. So they're being like super bitchy in the TikTok video, but it's a computer voice being bitchy. I love that feature. I wish I could this narrator. I'm I might join TikTok just so I can make some of those videos because those that is like my favorite when those TikToks

I was like I went to the salon today and there was no elevator to take me to the second floor. I hate this house. Yeah. So when he says everything's impossible or when she said when the narrator, we need to name the narrator because we can't just keep calling her narrator, bless her heart. So, I don't know if this is one of her episodes, but I believe there was, for a very large chunk of time,

the narrator's name was believed in drama, and something like that, she actually passed away a few years ago from cancer. I know you love it when I'm bringing up. Yeah, great cancer. Let's have a fun recap, okay? I was a pretty good one. Well, you know what love it when I'm bringing up. Yeah, great cancer. Let's have a fun recap. Okay, I was, you know what, I was like, I wasn't going to mention it, but you kept, but you kept on like talking about her specifically as a person.

Yeah, I feel like people are listening are going to say, I don't need her real name, okay? We don't need that much respect. I just feel like narrators just a lot, you know? Linda. Linda. I like Linda. Okay, so Linda is like finding everything they want might be impossible. Well, I noticed they don't have stainless steel appliances and we definitely

don't need any bug bands. So then we get the opening credits and everything and we wind up now at the salon and we see Joseph who's the blonde. Oh no, no, excuse me. His name is not Joseph. It's Joseph because they gave up their names. Okay, they can't just be Joseph and Deek. They have to be Joseph and Deque. I'm sure. I am so sure. Your name is the Eek and I'm not calling you Deque. No. Where did you get, he never said deque. Yes, he did. He said, Mike Lee. Oh, his name is Deque Lee. Oh, really?

I've been furious ever since I watched it. I was like, I will not calling you deque, sir. I mean, we can call him, now I actually want to call him deque. Now I'm mad that he didn't gay his name up. I'm like furious because I've really been in my head Like should I be run a like why am I running? I'm not gay enough

No, I'm sorry to take that away from you because I know you were excited about it But when I watched it I know when I watched it I he did say like Joseph was like I'm Joseph McIntosh or whatever and then And deep was like, I'm Joseph McIntosh, whatever. And then, and Deek was like, and I'm Deek Lee. But I can understand how it might have sounded like Dequey if you're like, it could have sounded like Dequey. I thought it was Dequey, that was furious. Okay, well, you know what his punishment is for not being named Dequey.

His name is Dequey, which is even worse. It's like, Dequey. It's like Dequey. Dequey. Yeah, it's like someone saying Dequey, like maybe with some kind of an accent. He's a bad diction gay, and that's what he gets. So, uh,

Remember you had gay? So they were guy named Beakley. Okay, go ahead, we're never gonna get this. I know, exactly. So, okay, so we're at this spot, and Joseph is doing the hair of a lady who I kind of believe was once a cast member on just the 10 of us. I'm not sure, but I feel like she was the older sister and-

We're a chorus line. Like, she looks very chorus-lini. And I'm not a hair gay, but might I suggest hot oil? Hot oil treatments. Maybe she was, it could have been all of the above, you know, yeah, like it's possible She was on just the 10 of us and then did a regional production of a chorus line on like Tulsa and now is in destined And she's a dish. She has an audition coming up for like The the the destined players version of mama Mia. Yeah. Okay. I'm down with that. And she's like normally I wouldn't do a jukebox musical. But you know, it's only so many times I can

understudy Cassie. No, what I'm saying. Well, Chancy, Chancy Bill, Bill Gins is the director and I've been wanting to work with Chancy for so many months. That is such a South Florida theater director's name. Chauncey Billkins. Yeah. So anyway, so then we meet Dekwee who also works in this salon. So they've been together for 12 years and they live in Destin, Florida.

And they're like, I love living in Destin. I think, oh my god. Do you hear this? What is it? Do you hear this? Do you hear what's playing? Do you hear that? Yeah, house hunters. Where is that going from?

That's a house hunter music. Wait, so Michelle Collins, I gave her many years ago the house hunters theme song as her ringtone And she just called me out of the blue right in the middle of this Like hey, that's hilarious be turned your fucking phone off for doing a house. Well, I thought it was I thought it was off I thought it was off. Okay. I'm a phone on gay apparently I thought it was off. I thought it was off. Okay. I'm a phone on gay apparently.

That was hilarious. What's like our first time doing a house on Jersey recap in like a year and a half and all of a sudden Michelle calls right in the middle of it. That's pretty funny. Anyway. Okay, so we see them around town doing what they do because it's almost their anniversary. They're very in love. So we see them walking in a park. Um, Joseph, not a very natural outdoorsman, you know, not shame me anybody. I'm not either. But you know what? You're the diva of this house hunter say, I don't want to fucking shoot outside. Like, why would you make me do this? So he tells us to turn destined and he loves living there because there's

great beach, the best beaches. They love the sand. They love the light. They have the best everything. We have a great group of friends here. We love going out to dinner and having cocktails and it's just them. Just them with like, you know, I don't know that the random like moms of the town. Yeah, drinking like a neighborhood mom's and he is deep is holding his wine glass a little bit too high and fancy. You know, that's how he's talking. He's just like holding his wine glass like the statue of Liberty Holter torch. And then he's just laughing too loud. He's like, ah, look at that. Having

fun. In addition to their salon business, they own and rent out several properties and they're living in one of their properties right now. Yeah, Linda. And Deque is like, it's 1900 square feet, but it split to two levels. So it feels kind of small because you know, there's like one level that small and another level that small and the other level that small is on top of the small level. I just don't like it. It's like two small things, one on top of the other. Also, we can't get both of our cars in the garage.

Well, I guess you could, but we like to park diagonally. So Joseph, as he says, we currently live on the golf course, but neither one of us golf. And then we cut to Joseph and Deak out on their patio and they're with a lady. And the lady is looking at a golfers. She goes, well, I think that he's on 18 right there. And so then Diko's, is that the end? That's like, you live on a golf course and you don't know that 18 hole is the last hole? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Have you ever been with golfer wives on a balcony overlooking a golf course? No, I haven't. But I can already imagine everything about it. It is. I went with my parent. I went and met my parents in Palm Springs once when they were visiting because you know it was close, ish to LA. So I went out there and their friends have a time share on a golf course, okay. So it was my mom and all the ladies who were playing cards. And they're like, let's get a seat. We can can see the man and so we go out onto the balcony and one of the ladies is like

Never so mortified as a ball goes flying into your window dammit dammit Ethel stop distracting me Yeah, so that's their life, because you know all the wives are like, Okay, I'll be over at five. My husband should be around 17 by then. I'll be there. Well, I mean, that's the thing. Like you can tell these two guys are like,

just the joy of all these golf wives in the community. Just, you know, these women of a certain age just come and buy to have some wine with the gaze. Oh, I love them. They're like my son. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a certain age is coming by to have some wine with the gaze. Oh, I love them, they're like my son." Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest

and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego

in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Oh, I'm even though that guy's. So now Joe says, he's like, when Deakin I look at real estate, we look at the overall space and what we can do

with the space because we want to put a stamp on whatever we're gonna do. I'm like, oh, really? I didn't know that was, I didn't know that was unique to Deakin Joseph when it comes to real estate is that they, when they, when they look for a building, they look at the overall vibe and see how they could live there. I was like, wow, what an innovative way to approach it. Yeah. And we're going to put our stamp on it. You might have noticed the animal print rug that runs in a diagonal angle in the living room. You think this place came with that kind of stuff?

No, baby. It was Joseph with his Z-bits. No, baby. It was Joseph with the sea, man. So there are budgets like around the top end of their budget $650,000 and they're looking for three to four bedrooms and used to use one as an office. They want high ceilings, a two-car garage. And Joseph says that he's the one who does the cooking. So, you know, the kitchen's gonna be important to him. Yeah, and Deeks very like we've worked so hard to get where we're at, so to be able to take some of the fruits, no pun of our labor is pretty special, you know.

I just, we can go to 650, but I don't wanna have to do anything because that's the top, no pun of our budget, okay. Okay. And Joseph says, I know I wouldn't want to live in a two story again unless it had an elevator. I'm kind of weird. I like the idea of having my own private elevator because while I am a salon gay, I'm not a fitness gay.

So I will not be going up any of these dear cases, even if it's just nine steps. Yeah, I don't know about having your own elevator. I feel like that's somebody who's very confident in their relationship because if you get an elevator, you need to be confident that someone is going to get you out when that shit gets stuck. You know what I mean? Because if you get divorced or deep, you know, deep goes off and fuck somebody else at the hair salon

and you're stuck alone in that house, you're going to look at that elevator much differently. Like I want to take the elevator, but what if I die there? Aloud. Like there's no one to save me. Yeah, I don't trust elevators in private residences because there's something about like a non-commercial elevator. That's just like super rickety. I don't know what it is. Like there's, so they're very like old time. I mean, there's always like a gate. You've got a pole and they're

kind of they go slowly. And maybe I'm just traumatized by all those scenes of people getting stuck in Kelly Dodd's elevator in Orange County, but I take this to, to story home, I'm good taking the stairs. Yeah, this is definitely an industry. The elevator industry is definitely where you don't support the mom in pop shops, right? You support big box elevator stores in this case.

Now you know, you know, you know, I would be down for an escalator. I would love an escalator. Oh, yeah. I mean, until you have a kid over and they get their goddamn foot torn off, you know, or somebody wears a flip flop on there and then they lose all their toes. Well, then that's a perfect excuse to not have children over. I was thinking actually, I was thinking like the other day I had an epiphany because since we're talking about gay, there's a certain type of gay that loves hanging super gay art. Like naked naked man, muscular naked man, and it's always like very gaudy, erotic art. And I always think to myself, why would you ever hang that?

And then it occurred to me that is the perfect way to keep children out of your house. Because if you're known as the person who has like big picture, like, tape or corpse, the dick art, parents aren't bringing their kids over. I was like, oh, they figured that shit out. On the other hand, you know, you have to adorn your house with things you love. That's why I have bagels on the wall.

So, Dick is like, as far as space, we want something open and we want a gym and a spa and a pool. I'll take all the amenities and the narrators like and they're willing to pay a thousand a month in HOA fees to get them. Morons, she has that toe in her voice. Like, he needs it.

They also want an outdoor space for their very, very, very, very fat dogs, Zoe. They're very large fur coat with legs. I mean, it should be illegal to sell this kind of dog in Florida of all places. It's this gigantic fluffy dog. It looks like a dirty mop or thing. And when they sell poor out, she's like,

uh, it is, this dog is a bowling ball, and we're not, we're barely exaggerating. It actually, the dog reminded me of like a storm cloud, like a cartoon storm cloud sort of going across the lawn. Yes. It's a depression commercial storm cloud that's following the little dot, the little circle around.

Pours out, it's just like the Mario part. It's like the Mario part. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Poor Zoe. At this the only time we see Zoe by the way, I'm not even sure that they really have a dog. I think they just like brought in a dog to shoot the role footage with to sort of like maintain this picture of domestic bliss because they're like, Oh, and we need outdoor space for Zoe. And then they never mentioned Zoe the rest of the episode.

They never we never see Zoe. They never even register concern rest of the episode. They never we never see Zoe. They never even register concern about space for Zoe. It's like did something happen to Zoe that did an alligator get Zoe because you know, you know Zoe is full alligator bait. It's our is an alligator or a hard attack. One of the things got Zoe. So then we see the guys on their boat again and he's like, oh my god, I want this view. It's so special. It's the ocean deep. Okay, we get it. You're not going to get the same view. You're getting on that boat. Okay, you're in the middle of the ocean right now. What are you going to do?

Because like, well, I grew up in Southwest Louisiana, so I really want a water view. And then Joseph basically discounts his entire or dismisses his entire experience. I think, yeah, well, the beach view is something I grew up with, something even different too. So I don't really need it. But I want a higher floor. Yeah, but the house is more homie, you know? So if we could find a house that's a home, I'd be more willing to, now, was yours beeped out to? What did he say? Because I wrote, what was bleep bleeped out that if if we found a house that's a home I'd be more than willing to fuck that shit up in I don't know what the fuck he got away with saying on house hunters

Okay, first of all house hunters doesn't even include anything that could be bleeped They don't even put into it. So I don't know what's happening on your version Because my was just like him saying oh, I want a house because it's more privacy and it's more homie. I don't know where your version had like, so get the fuck out of here. I don't know what the fuck out of the pantry, Zoe. When you hear that beep, it's implied, right? So the narrators like, and now we're the state agent, Justin Lowry. Yeah, Linda's like, real the state agent, Dustin is named Dustin and Dustin. Do you think that this is even real? I know. I was like, that's really on the nose. Also, the best part about Dustin, the

lady, not the city, but well, maybe the city too, is that over the course this episode, I become convinced that Dustin hates these two. Did you get that Bible? I think that's a big general. I think that's a big general. Yeah. Dustin's been on some kind of house hunters list for years and she's like, I got the guys. Are you kidding me?

And on the most humid days of the year, got her poor hair. So today, their agent, Dustin Larry, yesin, is showing the Macondo by the Gulf of Mexico. It's three-bed, three-bath, $650,000, and one assigned parking. It has all the water views that Deakley wants. So they go in and she tells them it's, I don't know, who cares, 2200 square feet. And she's like, well, it does have many days has great view Let's start with the pool first now. This is private for this building But you also have the main pool and the main building and the main pool has a tiki hut

And there's a gym and a spa and then they go cocktails. She's like, yeah, at the Tiki bar. No, MacRame, you idiot. It's a Tiki bar. So then they take the elevator up and they come out into the hallway and she's like, there are three units here and they're like, oh, so this elevator service is three units. It's an elevator, yes, it's an elevator. Like, yes, it's a floor within, it's a part,

do you have been in an apartment building before? Yes, one of the serves three sounds like our last vacation, honey. So Joseph is like, I was helping for hardwood floors, but I do like this stone. And she's like, well, you will not see a lot of hardwood by the Gulf because of the moisture, stupid gay people. Morons don't understand moisture. But that's an easy change out sort of like your lifestyles, I hope.

So then I hate, I hate this really in real life too, but on house hunters ended real life when people go, well, that's just easy to change. Oh, really, I can just change out the floor. They make it sound like, wow, you know, you just snap your fingers and the floor is dead. No, that's not easy to change. Oh really, I can just change out the floor. They make it sound like wow You know, you just snap your fingers and the floor is dead. No, that's not how it works And don't tell me the kitchen. Well, you can just change that out How kind of world are you living in that you snap your fingers and you have a new kitchen lady? Okay? It costs a lot of money in time It does but she just doesn't want to hear it from them, you know

So the unit that they're in can come on Furnished, but guess what, it can also come Furnished, which means that you can get all the maroon and gold furniture that your heart's desire. Yeah, you know why it comes Furnished, right? Because the last people died there. You can totally tell that is old furniture. It's like very 80s.

This whole place is super, super 80s. So yeah, there's like a ghost in there for sure. And then Deque goes to the window and he goes, he's looking at the view and he goes, hmm, I think if we were higher up, we might have more of the view we were looking for. I'm like, yeah, that's how buildings work. The higher up you go, the better the view.

Deque. I think if we were higher, we would get higher. We would do that. You think? we were higher, we would get higher. Well, the price is going to go up. If we got to a higher floor, you cheat guys. And he's like, but the pool, he's like, the pool seems really busy. Is that always busy? She goes, oh, it's just because it's summer. Don't worry.

You'll have plenty of profit time at the pool in the wintertime. It's like, yeah, it's busy because it's the summer when people swan, lady. Well, also, I remember on Southern Charm New Orleans when they went to Destiny in like December and they were all freezing, so there's that. But also, like, yeah, I like how she's like, it's summer, so more people are ranting

and three of the buildings are full-time rentals as if that's just like cool. It's like, no, no, that's like, that's the means, like, no, I don't wanna be around a bunch of renters who are not like not attached to the space and are gonna wreck it. Yeah, she's like, well, there's more rentals by that pool, but you do win a Tiki hat.

On the other hand, you lose privacy. And Joseph's like, well, see, we'd have to worry about, we wouldn't have to worry about that at the house because we'd have a private pool. And he's like, well, but that's why you have just the pool for this building, which makes a private pool. No, it's still a pool for the whole building. But I still thought that the pool they were looking at was the main public pool. So that's why I thought this was sort of a point because they have their own private pool. I hope. Well, I don't know.

They were looking at the Tiki pool, right? So they were looking at that, which is busy, and their pool had nobody in it, but their pool sucks. I mean, no one wants to go to that pool. There's no Tiki hat. And the first thing Tiki said was cocktails. So he's going to be like, oh my God, there's no cocktails by the private pool. Well, you know that the Tiki bar

at the public pool with all the children is like, there's gonna be like a wristband thing and you can only have one cocktail, so it's like not even worth it. Yeah. So then Deek is in the kitchen and he loves that you can see the gulf from the kitchen because there's like a tiny port hole

and he's like, oh my God, he can see the gulf from here. I'm like, you at that point, you might as well just put up a picture of the golf, right? It's like literally the same amount of space. Yeah. And Joseph, so like.

Oh my god, this has high ceilings. Far out condo. I could be with them of being a little bit higher though. You know, if they would just lift the walls, the ceilings would go up as well. Yes, that's how high it works, Joseph. I want a ceiling that you have to take an elevator to get to the top of. By the way, I hated also all the strange angles in this place. I feel like that went unnoticed. Everything

was kind of at an angle in Triangular. Those angles come back to haunt you. It's really all empty. Yeah, it was really bad. Isn't this one with like the diamond kind of shapes Center island thing and then oh Well, did it have a diamond? I know the die there was a diamond. There was a weird island in the second home Oh, okay, but this but this one but this one could have had a strange island But the entire thing just had like a a flow that I did not love from TV. Yeah This one was just really bad in general. It means a lot I mean and you can redo a whole place, but all the walls and all the shapes, correct.

So then Joseph, of course, is like, now I notice they don't have stainless steel appliances. Oh, you could replace that shut up, Destin. And the gross carpet, well, you can replace that and digs like gross. Yeah, so then they go into the, and one of the issues is that if they change, since it's already at the top of their budget,

they doesn't have to leave any room for a remodel. So then they go into the master bath, and Joseph is like, well, I do like this travertine, and oh, I like this view, although the master is very small. Yeah, I'm concerned with the size. What else does me Joseph? So then they go and look at the guest rooms and this is where they're like, we definitely don't

need bunk beds. Like that's her fault, okay? Like get over yourself. You can get rid of... Now, those you can't just switch out. So, Deek, as we go, they're all nice things, but I would prefer to be higher, which hopefully would get us a higher floor. And Joseph says, this is on the top of our budget, even if you couldn't negotiate a better price, which you probably can't do, Dustin. I mean, look at you. You're just like a frump.

Okay, without the furniture, we still have to make a lot of changes. And, you know, I'd like to see a house because I think I'd like to see more house because I think I'd like to see more square footage and I definitely want to see a private pool. And she's like, I can do that. So then we're back on the boat champagne pop. It's my favorite sound. And Deque is like, Joseph and I cannot wait everybody. And then Linda is like like they can't wait to buy their dream house But while Deak would like to live in a high rise overlooking the water Joseph would prefer the privacy of a single family home

Preferably with orange trees in the backyard so he feels he's close to family because I didn't mention but this is a very orange gay Very very orange gay. He's very into the citrus of Florida Very, very orange day. He's very into the citrus of Florida. They've seen a condo at the top of their budget in Deeks idea location, but Joseph was concerned it only had one parking spot and the bedrooms were small. So now their agent Destin is showing them a larger single family home. It's farther inland and doesn't have the water view as the Deek wants, but it's in an upscale golf community. So basically, it's where they're already living. Yeah, pretty much.

And then Destin's like, um, this is Regatta Bay. You never got a Bay. Regatta Bay is one of the nicest Regatta Bay areas in town. Regatta Bay. She loves Regatta Bay. She loves, she has a big Regatta Bay booster, right? So there's like a thunderstorm happening.

And poor Destin, her hair is so frizzed up. Like she, like you could tell she had she had flattened, she's drained it out and it is just all untamed at the moment. So. And Deeks, I like that there's a place that we can both park because you know that poor Deek is the one who has to park on the street. Joseph A. D. Wies is like, I'm the salon owner, okay? Yeah. Where the receptionist You will park on the street, sir. Garages are for owners, curbs are for workers. So, uh, uh, Dustin's like, well,

this is a really good prize for regatta bay. It's 635 and you wanna be part of the regatta bay community. Don't you, don't you? Yeah, and she's like, it has a lot of amenities, tennis courts, an onsite restaurant, but not a gym. And, um, because like, um, Tennis courts and on-site restaurant, but not a gym. And because I guess what I see, lots of carpet.

So they walk into this home and all the doorways are kind of like arched. Everything it looks sort of like an arcade, a little bit. All these, it was very 80s to me, all these sort of round edges and stuff. And like there was like, it was also like door jams that were kind of like adjacent to each other. Like the lay at was felt very 80s to me. Yes. And this is the one with the diamond center kitchen. They had like a wedged in island that was clearly not there originally. But someone was like, I want an island here.

So they just plopped one down, look like one of those mushrooms from Super Mario, you know? And Joseph's like, I'm a little concerned with the mismatched countertops and the tiles and the floor. Like everything was different. Yeah, like the island, the island surface was different than the other counters, which was kind of funny. It was really bizarre. Yeah, nothing really matched. And she's like, well, they're motivated to get out of funny. It was really bizarre. Yeah, nothing really matched. And she's like, well, they're motivated to get out of here. So if you get the rat bath, you know, you can be renovations here.

I told them to get the fuck out of there too. If I live there, I'd be motivated to burn that shit down for the insurance. I told them I'm bringing some gays inside their home. And now they're very motivated to get the hell out. So he's like, um, so then we find out something that decates. He hates, he hates built-in things with arches, right? Because there's like a built-in shelf in the wall, but it's like one of those archway shelf things.

And he's like, I don't know what this is. And I hate the fact that the AC return is in the main living area. That's the thing that bothers him the most, right? Not the ridiculous kitchen. I mean, the whole place actually reminds me of like an awful Airbnb that we've all sort of been to. Like, I feel like actually every Airbnb is like this place where you go and you're like, wait, why is the island so strangely shaped and why is it a different color from the rest of the kitchen. So then destined of course is like, well, that can be easily changed for the right price.

I don't know how many times I have to say this. I don't care how much you can play an album, just say it can be easily changed. So you better just shut up from now on because I'm sick of dials, I ain't it. She's not having these guys at all. She tells us, I know these guys are picky, but if I gave them hardwood, they probably want to change that too. And she's like, now I know you guys love to entertain. And I was like, what is that quote unquote in your voice

that I just heard? I know you have to entertain. And look, there's an indoor pool here. And Joseph's like, oh my God, we could have so many people here. And there's my grass area for this Zoe that you keep talking about that I don't quite believe you even have By the way, I think it's funny that you said what does that quote unquote about what you said entertain because that's what I thought when she said picky I know these guys are picky. I was like is that code for gay? You're just saying gay at this point. She does have a lot of air quotes in her tone for sure

So they have this it's actually like a really big pool. Like it's a really cool screened in area, you know, as screened in areas go, I actually really liked the backyard. And it has actually a very lovely view of a golf course and a pond and there's a house like sort of far away. I thought it actually was a nice view and Deek is like, hmm, I was hoping for more of a view. Like I'm seeing a pond at a bit of a golf course and then there's like hmm I was hoping for more of a view like I'm seeing a pond a

bit of a golf course and then there's like a house right behind us I'm like yeah it's called a beautiful scene Dek. Yeah that was the nicest part of anything that they saw actually was that indoor. Yeah it was a lovely sort of like landscape it's called a landscape okay. Yeah he's like gross I want this to be in the middle of the ocean. So then they look at the bathrooms and Joseph is like, um, unique shower. There's no door on it, but it does have high sea lengths. I do like that.

Live high sea lengths. Dustin's like, that can be easily changed. Yeah. Unlike your personalities, that can be easily changed. But guess what? I got a surprise for you guys. Is that an elevator? I cannot walk.

Oh, I'm sorry. Joseph gets boners whenever he sees elevators. Thank you so much. Please tell me that can be easily changed. So there's a private elevator to a guest suite. So there is an elevator, but it has a very specific route that it goes. So it's an elevator for guests, but not for the people who live there. Right.

And also, why would you spend the money to put an elevator in there, but not spend money on anything up there? Everything up there is like plastic and terrible. I'm going to guess that maybe it's like, the people who live there, they were taken care of like an elderly parent or grandparent, and they need to have an elevator, so that way that person could get to the first floor

and cook on the strange island. Yeah, true. Although they do have wet bar up there. Much wet bar. That's true. Oh my God, it's up there. Much wet bar. That's true. Oh my god, it's a wet bar right by a bathroom. Love it. So, Deeks, I don't like that the counters are low,

but I guess I'm not gonna be using that. Sorry, Joseph, some other. Please, there with the low countertops. I'm sorry, that just may be tough. So Joseph's like, but you know what, thank you, frizzy hairedod Lady for showing us a house with so much square footage. It is big.

And he's like, unfortunately, it's ugly. And I'd like to see something more with more square footage and views and cocktails. I want cocktails. Dustin's like, it's about the price guys. I mean, this is the lowest price per square foot in the neighborhood. Regatta Bay for cry,

not loud. Do you want to get anywhere in society or you just want to keep living in these trashy condos the rest of your life? Regatta Bay is where it's at, okay? It leaks like, um, there's so much work we'd want to do and we'd have to get this at a really low price switch. I'm not really sure she could make a reality. I was like, oh, wow, it's a best in slabs. Good, it's on now. Well, she probably turned down some, you know, hair consultations at Salon avant-garde. So that's where we actually go to next

because we then see like a little vignette of like a dequee answering phones at Salon avant-garde, which I think is so funny that this place in Descendant Florida is calling itself avant-garde. It's just like, like it's just like all like, which I think is so funny that this place in Descent Florida is calling itself avant-garde. Like, it's just like all, like, we just like moms, like, again, it's just like, Joseph and Joseph and, uh, Deke just doing, you know, perms avant-garde. And the people standing next to Dequey, like the other receptionist or whatever, just like posing. They're in their like Sunday bass, just posing for the TV. It's so funny. And then Joseph is doing the kind of dry hair at ladies hair. And he's like, look, fantastic.

You love that. She's like, um, yeah, great job. And then Linda comes back. Salon owners, Joseph and Deak are searching for searching the resort town of Justin Florida for their dream home, which is hilarious because they're looking for a dream home in Justin Florida. I mean, can you believe it? Justin Florida for a dream home. The condo was too small for Joseph, but had beach views for Deak. Then a condo with no views, but it was a house. So then they go to another luxury condo and this one overlooks the Gulf.

And Destin's like, this is a TUT separate office, which you could also use as a bedroom. Yeah, if I wanted to sleep on an Excel spreadsheet, you fucking moron. You hired this person. You hired this person. So they take the elevator up and it opens right into their home. And so Joseph is like, this is like your own private entrance. I'm like, that's literally what it is. It's a private entrance. Sure is. It's your own private elevator. Do you have a pillow to put it over Joseph's crotch?

This is just embarrassing. Ow, my bone. I got stuck in the elevator door. I love it. This is definitely the prettiest place so far. I see. Yeah, like this was like obviously the best one. Right. So it's $525,000 and it's one of the lowest in the building.

And the owners, they're like, and how much did they pay for it? And Justin goes, oh, the owners paid over $1 million, you know, eight. That's her way of saying. Yeah, that was her way of saying, they didn't have the money for. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and I guess that's why every, I guess that's why poor Joseph is still so orange because that's so like 2008, 2009 coloring, right? Like that's the spray time of that time. So they're like, and that's so like 2008 2009 coloring right? Yeah, spray 10 of that time So they're like and that's also where they're looking for a house like oh my god the prices have come down so much lately Like yeah, cuz of the crash you digs But no, this is like a New York loft kind of place. They've got the big columns and hard well It's not hardwood floors, but the look of hardwood flores, you know. And so, deep, she goes, yeah, it's 525, it was over a billion, and deep goes,

oh my God, that's like getting it for half off. It is getting it for half off. That doesn't go, okay, I need to tell you guys, this is a short sale, okay, and you just have to pretend, you have frizzy hair on a rainy day, this is a short sale, okay? And you just have to pretend you have frizzy hair on a rainy day. You have to be patient, okay? It could take 90 days, it could take six months,

you know, that you guys could be in contract and just not get it. Wait, so you're saying that we could be waiting and be under contract and still not get it? Yes, that's what she's saying. So the HOA fees are 1150 a month, get it. Yes, the that's what she's saying. So the HOA fees are 1150 a month, but they do have a gym, a spa, and a doggy park for this little pretend dog y'all are pretending to raise. But uh oh, what is this? I'm confused. Is this upbuilt in shelf with an arch? What the fuck? I hate building. Okay. And why would

they put columns in the center of the room? Who does that? Justin's like, um, this, this, that's actually for a statue. You may have heard of statues. They're, they're considered art. I don't know. Are you familiar with art? I just don't know how cool to you are. I can't really tell. Joseph blocks over to the column in Moxon. Let me guess. Beels load bearing. And that was your official engineers report. Deacon's like, that's such a, that's such a thing we all say, right? I kind of love to get rid of that kitchen wall. Feels load bearing guys.

It's load bearing. I watch HGTV. I understand what load bearing means. And Deacon says, he's like, do you know anything about the columns? Because like, why would they put a column in the middle of the room? And Justin's like, okay, well, I'm not an engineer, so I'll just answer this in the most logical way possible,

which is to say, I don't know exactly why there's a column in the middle of the room, but like, maybe it's low bearing, I don't know. And something else, guys, something else. You can change that. You can change that. Okay, you can change that you can change that okay You can change it right out and Joseph's like I hate the floors. They're way too orange. They're saying the same thing about you fool Because like I know I hate the orange floors too. It just makes you look like a floating patch of blonde hair

It's like I'm married to something really really big and flat It's like I'm married to something really, really big and flat. So she's like, well, this is on the low end of your process. Change it. Guess what? You could change it out. And then they go see the balcony. It has just what they want. It's a big balcony.

It's got a grill out there. He can see the water. And he's like, this right here is why we need a condo. It doesn't get better than this. Yeah. And then they have like a big kitchen. The kitchen looks good. And, um, you know, uh, Joe's, Joseph doesn't really love the countertops of the cabinets. And Deke is like, yeah, it looks kind of drab. Uh, and I'm like, you guys, I mean, literally like, look at where the places you've been looking at. This is literally like the Taj Mahal compared to like the last two places Yeah, so then they take a tour and Joseph just keeps going pain it pain it. We're gonna paint that

We're gonna paint that we are painting that that is hideous and then get into the main bedroom the primary bedroom And they're like oh my god. Are we supposed to put a bed against a blue wall? I'll tell you where we're gonna put our bed Oh my god, are we supposed to put a bed against a blue wall? I'll tell you where we're gonna put our bed. We're gonna leave our bed right here until that wall is painted not blue. And then we're gonna put it over there. It's like, ooh, you've shaved that blue wall.

What a rebel. What an end of it. What a, what a, what a, what a pioneer in home decor. You're gonna paint the wall. And I like you, goes, well, I guess where we're gonna put our bed on this wall is the only wall in the room. I'm like, goes, well, I guess we're going to put our bet on this wall is this the only one in the room. Like, yeah, that's why are you so mad right now that you want to put it up against like the the wall that faces the windows that face outside.

Like yeah, you put it up against the wall. Yeah. So now on their private time, they talk about which one they like and the condo had a kind of a private pool. He's like, it wasn't private, which is true. And then Deeks like, but the house did have a private pool. And Joseph is like, and a garage, but it's also top of our budget. I mean, top top. I mean, are we really that comfortable with that much of a top where we have? And they definitely talk like, scenes of Gaporn here. Like they sort of have this like stilted scripted moment where everything they're saying sort of sounds like they're about to just start making out.

Gaporn style, like I'm concerned there's no budget for a me model. Yeah, I want a private pool. I can help you with that. So, it looks like the last condo had views. And I know you're looking for something bigger, but that was, and he's like, well, I mean, high end appliances. I mean, and it did feel like a house, a really high up house.

And it's like, I mean, but short sale gross. You shouldn't sell short people. There are people too, right? So, I short sale gross. You shouldn't sell short people. They're people too. Right? So I love that one. But it's a short sale guy. What are we going to do? And Deeks like, but it does have an elevator. So. And who doesn't like a sale? Says Joseph. He's like, no, damn it. Sorry. Just wanted to see your boner. It's finally appropriate. We're alone. I think that once Joseph saw an elevator

just going directly to their front door, it was a done deal. Everything else literally could have just been like festering sewage in there and he would have been happy. So of course, that's the one they pick. So we now see them a few months later, they've had the condo for a few months. And we both got what we wanted.

And Joseph just wanted the house to feel like a home. And it feels like a home, a home that's been completely torn up and torn and is destroyed by renovations. Yes. So they're super excited. And he's like, oh my god, I'm most excited about popping our first bottle of champagne I love that sound and that's

Editing much of that way. And they take a they take down they've taken down a wall in the kitchen And I love deep sort of containing his frustration He's like I was so shocked when I came in and Joseph in the contract her to already taken down a wall But I love the vision that he had that he didn't share with me beforehand. I love to his private vision. I really support that. Also, did you notice that their contractor was hot?

He was like the hottest, like model guy. He had like long ironed hair, like geled hair, like a muscle t-shirt, like a black muscle t-shirt on. I was like, okay, boys. They're like, I hope this won't take longer than five years to complete. Yeah, you know that ceiling is giving in. This guy, they just hired him based on his looks. Like, so were you an attack hook commercial? Well, that was fun.

It was fun. Everybody, thank you so much for being with us. We will be back every Friday for dwell hello. Um, go listen to watch what crap is to, okay? And people from watch what crap is, you're already listening to dwell hello. So what the hell do I have to tell you? Thank you for doing that.

Thank you, everyone for listening. We'll be back next Friday with another episode. That's well, hello. Bye. Hey, prime members, you can listen to watch what crap and add free on Amazon music. That's well, hello. Bye.