Watch What Crappens - ENCORE Dwell Hello 10: Castle Hunting in Ireland

Episode Date: July 7, 2023

*Dwell Hello is our twice a month podcast for Wondery+! We're re-releasing two of our faves for everyone so you can see what we're doing on the premium side. Love you guys!* This week, we check out a castle in Ireland with a wacky couple worried about murder holes. It's House Hunters International Season 10 Episode 5 for those following along!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding dong! Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding dong! Well, hello. Well hello. Welcome to dwell hello. Today we're going to be doing House Hunter's International Season 111 Episode 5, called Castle Hunting in Ireland, which means you you're gonna get to hear some terrible accents The every terrible accents my Irish my Irish accents were a little bit little bit rusty since I haven't been watching my low-violent UK in a few months So that's where I normally hone my own my accents, but I'll try my best

Well everybody. I'm Ronnie. That's been over. Happy New Year! Hi, we're Americans. We're Americans. We are proud to do terrible Irish accents. You can find us over on the Watch What crap ends, podcast, which is about Bravo's sometimes Netflix. You know, just go over there, listen to it, see how you like it, okay? Yeah, exactly.

And on today's episode, the House Hunter's International finally asked the question, what would happen if some people from Connecticut decided to buy a castle in Ireland? And more importantly, what happens to men who never, ever, ever trim their eye, perhaps? And happens to those guys. And they still see... It's a very recurring, does it quaff itself? What the hell happens?

Now, this episode was suggested by one of you guys so thank you for suggesting episodes. We love it and we'll do as many suggested episodes as we can. Normally we try and cover anything that's on Hulu because we both have Hulu. This one is not available on Hulu. This is 111 episode 5 and you can find it on YouTube TV. That's where we found it. Yeah and the way and the easiest way as someone who recently had to find it on YouTube TV. That's where we found it. Yeah. And the way and the easiest way as someone who recently had to find it on YouTube TV, just enter in Castle Hunting in Ireland in the search bar on YouTube TV and it will come right up. It'll pop right up on right.

It'll pop right up. It'll pop right up like a castle in 1322. So this is how it opens the preview of the show, you know Gordon He's the main guy I browse so I like to call scary scary eyebrows Gordon opens it He's like surprise. Oh god. Oh, Marie and it's a sword and the real estate lady's like well, you like your weapons. I know Oh I know her. Oh, ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta and she's smiling and you know she hates these people. You know that she goes to the pub and she gets drunk and she says,

well let me tell you about this couple from Connecticut that came looking for a castle. A castle let's say they're ridiculous people. Yeah. Yeah, she obviously hates them. Don't blame her. She's also extremely hot. Like this girl has it together.

Way too much sex appeal for the show. Also, I think that she stays so smiling because she's not even a real estate person. She works for the auction people. So she's just leading them to, like she got some client who died or something. So she's just trying to auction this shit off to whoever will take it.

But of course the Americans are like, we want some place with no air conditioning. Or four. She's smiling because for the first time in 10 years, someone's been able to show off the stupid castle that has no roof. They're like, let's show it to the Americans. They're going to think it's something special. It's very enough.

Well, before they start leading a regal life, they'll need to see if they have enough money for a palace or a pile of rocks. No judgement, just saying. So we now go to the Southbury Connecticut, which is pretty close to where I grew up. And we see this guy Gordon, and he's just like singing Irish music. I don't know what he's singing but it's live. Like, and the fish run to the mountain, and, In the fisherman to the mountain, Little Bob went out of the goat, And the goat went, And the Bob went,

Where did the goat go? And the goat went, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the goat went, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the goat went,

And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And the Bob went out of the goat, And This isn't any country you go to, okay? Even if they're Irish style. He's like, Oh, put your laptop aside. I'll be going with the lad. Fyuck, my cool has given the follow up to my car. And the family's like,

Ro, Ro, Ro, it's like you all suck. Okay, you're all off the show. Get out. I know. I would love to see some sort of American idol or voice type show that features family singing Irish pub music or Irish folk songs. Just like it would just be a series of famous people like staring at the audience because they'll never

swivel their chairs. It's like And the leprechaun and the glover in the greens and the platter And the wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, go to the weaver. Yeah, it's a lot. Or just family singing, you know, just a competition of like the Von Trappes, you know? Yeah, Von Trapp. The Von Trapp. I feel like there was a Von Trapp competition. Who could be the best Von Trappes?

So anyway, so Gordon's like, I'm of Irish extraction of both sides of my family and there's just something about Irish music that stirs me inside. Oh, sorry, that was some Anya. So Liz, his wife is like like history like history too, don't chase like oh yeah I love history. Yeah I love history. Gordon loves history. He's like yeah history. Okay now the Gibson or something because he's dressing his son and it looks like it's to be out of football gear like the the cloth and the foam

insides but it's supposed to be I guess some Irish battle thing. Now listen I watch every show I watch trying to think of the name of it with Ootrids. Ootrids. I watch like every show on Netflix it's like about castles and fighting and stuff like that. I'm telling you right now Gordon would not last two fucking seconds okay. He's like the preacher or the monk that gets his throat slit within like five minutes of the show. Yeah. Gordon is the guy who like faithfully executes commands for the bad person. And then like a shocked one, he gets betrayed. It's like, thank you for doing that. Now you die. But I did my my shot. And's like So Liz is like well

So we were talking with this guy and he was talking about his medieval reenactment group And it was pretty cool. So we started going out and having events and castles, you know Well, we were in Connecticut So it's more like we went to Barnes and Noble and had events, but we said it was a castle castle books Yeah, you know we went to the society for creative anachronism, okay? And that's a world our kids have been brought up in. There's something so fishy about Liz, okay? This is how she phrases this. She's like, well, right after we got married, we started talking to this guy And he was into this reenactment crew. So we'd go out and we'd do these events and castles.

McWat the hell, is this lady swinging? Like, what's the subject? I know. I also like the idea of basically, the kids were basically raised as larpers. That's what she's saying. We've been raised in as larpers, which is funny because I think that like,

most kids are sort of born as larpers, right? I think by the time you're like, the first 10 years of your life, you're pretty much larping as larpers, right? I think by the time you're like, the first 10 years of your life, you're pretty much larping everything you do. Right? It's just helping a kid. It's being a kid. You don't need an actual name for that

until you're like 50. Yeah. So then, so like, well, we went on a trip to Ireland with some friends and I just started thinking about castles in Ireland It was the strangest thing so yeah, and then we just see the slummo of her daughter just like raising a bow like We will move to Ireland we will have a castle with no roof and we will shoot an arrow at every sheep that comes nearby Yeah, frankly, we just we just want to go somewhere where it's legal to use a bow in there

I mean for the amount of times our poor kids have been taken in for neighborhood cats gone missing. And then I then the sun and slow motion throws an axe and then the whole family lifts up their bows and arrows. The family no one wants to live with. You know or next to you, you know how on the show we're always laughing because the husband always wants privacy This is a husband who needs privacy. Yeah, this is the kind of husband You don't want any neighbors nearby because they will be dead. Okay, there's deadly weapons as families If they're not singing their terrible folk music They're like

Having target practice right next to your bedroom window. Now listen, I totally support LARPing. I have actually several friends who are very involved in LARPing and some actually design LARPs and I think that's awesome. I just think it's kind of crazy to then invest like a million dollars to live in your LARP. That's all. But listen, I support it, okay. LARP Passion Roe Playing.

Oh yeah, for people who don't know what that is, live action role playing. So Gordon's like, yeah, you know, spending money right now has cave yachts. To have an outlay of an appreciable side would require funding. He's one of those people who talks as crazily as far as crazy as possible to sound smart. Yeah. How have an outlay of any appreciable size would require funding? Okay, you just, you need a big fucking place

for your swing or crew. Okay, Gordon, just say it in English. I know, I like that. Like, spending a lot of money has caveats. It's like, yeah, because you're spending a lot of money. This is not revolutionary concept. It's like, if you're just gonna spend $900,000, there will be some caveats.

As in, don't put it towards something that will sink you financially in your life. That is a good caveat, yes. Yeah. Well, welcome, welcome family, welcome to Ireland, or any, kill any cat you want. Auction here, Helen Cassidy will take her clients all over Ireland to find their perfect place.

Well, if you're thinking about buying a castle in Ireland, they can be very reasonable, especially if you're an idiot. Castle dreams can come true on every budget, and you're purchasing a piece of history. A piece of history that has no roof, because that roof has been lost to history. That's why one would say it's a slower market, because some of these castles have no roofs, so it's a little bit of a slower market and this is like well, we need to live somewhere I mean obviously we need two bedrooms a bat two bathrooms a kitchen something we could have events in a big bowl for Keep people to put their keys in

And a place you could do medieval reenactments would be good. Oh, that sounds very exciting Like oh Helen Helen is cracking up. Like her veil is popping out of her form as this whole time. Like, she's trying not to dilaphing. She's just nodding and smiling and just giving these little pleasantries. That sounds very exciting. And Gordon's like, castles really should have all the bits

and pieces of medieval stuff. Oh, yes, we're going to have some fun. Particularly afterwards, when I go back and have a pint with my friend at the pub and pieces of, you know, medieval stuff. Oh yes, we're going to have some fun. Particularly afterwards, when I go back and have a pint with my friend, the pub I said, stupid Americans actually were interested in that castle with no roof. That castle with no roof has been part of folk tales for the centuries and centuries about, oh, the castle with no roof, no one would buy the castle with no roof. Who would buy the castle with no roof? They bought the castle with no roof.

Huh. And I want fireplaces. Shut up Liz. Don't be quiet Liz, okay? So, and for you, it's like, yeah, and also we need Cursor Curb appeal. Something that really gives you the impression you're entering the medieval era, also with a microwave.

Gonna need that. You know it's gonna give your castle medieval Curb appeal, the fact that it's a castle. Yeah, don't I'm gonna give your castle, medieval curves, uh, curb appeal. The fact that it's a castle. Don't talk to fucking mini van out front. Gordon. Okay. And then this is like, I also want a vault.

I need a vault. And so Helen goes, what all the foul packs you've been saving up? Can I have a here with her vault? She goes, oh, you have a good long checklist, which was her way of saying, oh, you're being mighty unreasonable for a bunch of people who are kinetic and trying to buy a castle for less than a million dollars. It's a castle and you want to spend less than a million dollars. Yeah.

Well, Liz said that they're willing to go up to like a million and a half if it's like super dupes ready, but because they're going to rent it out and stuff. But now she's saying she doesn't want to spend more than 900 and she's like, and that's only if we can rent it out. And Helen's like, well, I have plans to show everything to a pal of a palace and blocks to a palace of palace. What's, let's face it, they're idiots. All right, I think these sheep also pay me for $5.

All right, there it is. You know what, I'm just going to, I'm just going to bring them to a split level house and just tell them it's a castle and see what they do Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And it's a ruinous medieval dwelling. Don't want that in my Zillow is thing. Yeah, ruinous, ruinous medieval dwelling. So I don't want ruinous in my Zillow. Ever. Most popular keyword search in Zillow. Ruinous.

And they walk out, it says, but it's very attractive in terms of medieval artifacts. So then Liz looks at and goes, well, this is definitely a fixer upper. But I like it. I'm like, fixer upper. It has no roof. It looks like it's been bombed out. It's not a fixer upper. Okay, it's the shell of a castle, right? It has no roof, no floors, no windows, no doors. It's literally, it's literally a big rock fence that you're going to get crushed in the second you like sing terribly off key, okay? Yeah, it's not a fixer upper.

It's like a make it, make it upper. Like fixer upper implies there's anything to like improve upon. It just piles of stones. Yeah, make a rougher. It's something that you just have to come up with in entire life for Airbnb, because this shouldn't gonna fly.

So he's like, hell on. Now what can you tell me about this castle? A better question, what can I tell you about it? All right. So it's $250,000. Liz loves that it comes on a nice big parcel of land so they can do outdoor events and camping events and everything and they love that it's cheap

and Helen's like, well, I don't know how many bathrooms and bedrooms are in it because that's for the future. Because there are no bathrooms and bedrooms. It's literally old grass and stones. He's like, well, I don't know how much of a fixture up around, this needs a lot of work. And this goes, oh, this is the doorway, I guess.

Yes, Liz. The fact that you're fucking only whole that leads into the place from the ground. You never really want a piece of real estate where you have to say, this is the door, I guess. Or how about when they're talking about the potential for bedrooms, Liz goes, well, it's hard to say with a ruin. It's like you're buying a ruin. You're buying a ruin. Just just remember it like, hmm,

I don't know. Does this come with a kitchen? That's hard to say with a ruin. Oh, and hell, it's like, well, I think you'd be excited about this building. It's like, it's a project. And hell, it's like, well, I can't wait to show you the older part. Follow me. And Gordon has to like scrunch down to get through this tiny little door. Poor guy. And so he has to like bend his knees, which is apparently a big thing. And his wife is like, you can do it Gordon. Great. Gordon, you're doing a great job, Gordon.

Oh, Gordon. You're poor Gordon. I also liked that before they went up into the tower, Gordon's like, well, this has a lot of possibilities. I mean, it's a wide open space. I'm like, that's because there are no walls and no bill. There's no building. Of course, it's a wide open space.

There's always, there's always possibilities when there's no structure. Now, listen here. Listen here, what is, let me tell you what a skydisk got corbels, all right? And all these arches, those are great. That stands. Those are great. Great. You know what those are?

I'm just giving you a little lesson. All right. Yeah, he goes, you know, and then he go up to another room. He's like, you know, I have to say, I didn't see any murder holes coming through the entrance here. It's like, I didn't know murder holes were on the list.

You know what else? You didn't see bedrooms holes were on the list. You know what else you didn't see? Bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen, dining and living room, door, windows, foundation. You need a place to poop before you can worry about murder holes. Yeah, like prioritize. So they can be the same thing. On the bottom of the screen, it says murder holes, a hole through which harmful substances or objects can be thrown by attackers. Well, you know, there's always the option of an obliat, you know, which is, you know, a secret

dungeon with a trapdoor and skilling was also up there. That's exactly what your family needs when they start singing. And your guests can just like press the lever and you guys just like drop down into the dungeon. Does someone have the crank for this old bliet door? Anyone? They're singing again. And Liz is like, listen, I know this to you. This is daunting Gordon. All right. I saw you trying to get through that doorway. But to me, it's exciting. So many new possibilities like Helen.

I mean, Liz, there's no room. Liz, you know what's crazy, though? The sad part is I sort of agreed with her. I was sort of like, I mean, Liz, there's no rambles. You know what's crazy though, the sad part is, I sort of agreed with her. I was sort of like, you know, this would be really cool to just like, build an awesome structure in here that has like elements of castle. I kind of was like, this could be amazing.

But then as I watched the rest of the episode, I was like, oh, but what they want out of this structure is not, mm-hmm. Yeah, I actually watched a show on, I think it's Hulu, because Hulu, you can watch such random shows. You watch one home design show and they're like, look, crazy homes. So I was like, oh, I'm going to watch crazy homes. And it was, he's just insane projects.

And some old rock star bought a place in a castle in Ireland that he wanted to fix up and He's he's like I'll do it myself, you know So he just keeps hiring crews and you can't just build something inside of castle people Well, we need to walk knock down this wall. You can't knock down the wall people Yeah, and there's that because it's huge disaster that never finishes, you know Yeah, well, I mean there's there's that too. And it's not because it's a huge disaster that never finished it, you know? Yeah, well, I mean, there's, I, in my mind, I was just thinking theoretically because it's like, I, it's not my money. And it's like, it would be cool to see that turn into something awesome, but realistically,

it's like, just like you said, you can't just like knock down walls. And I mean, we, Hillary has a hard enough time, you know, renovating, you know, a house from 1994 on Love It Or Listed. I can't imagine anyone taking on a castle from many centuries ago. Oh my gosh. So house number two. Hell, I was like, I want this castle to be an inspiration to you so you can see what a

finished historic Irish castle can look like. Yeah, Gordon's like, standing in the shadow of these buildings that have been there for centuries, it's like a part of the whole flow of history and to be involved with something like that is something to be sought I'm like, well, how do you think the castle feels? The castle's like I'm a castle. Oh, no get this guy out of me I'm a historical shruffer get him out of me Remove the Gordon Remove the Gordon It's Turin Castle and this is like oh, you know what I wonder I wonder what the acoustics are like hit at Gordy and he's like

Sick of God I love him Oh, it's lovely, oh, I have something to tell you dear. And Helen is just like, she's clapping along, but like looking like... Oh, so how long do I have to film with these people? It's like, well, here you just have to put in the groundwork. And by groundwork, I mean vocal lessons, Gordon. Ah, acoustics can only take you so far, okay? Number one was definitely cheap, but it would take money to build their dreams. What are they gonna think of, number two?

So they drive to Galway, count to Galway, and Helen, she brings him to this castle, and I could not for the life of me understand what she was saying. The best I could get was she goes, may I present you to Carol Kane on Weakassel. Carol Kane. Carol Kane on Weakassel. Isn't it welcome to the castle? Welcome to the castle. Judd Hersh will be here in any moment. So Liz is like well it's big, it's got some stone in it and Gordon goes, I'm seeing matigulations and several instances of lookouts

in a permanent position. So the latch guard. Okay, good. I think you should focus more on the fact that there's a running toilet, okay? Yeah, this place is way more modern. It's like finished. It has floors on the inside.

It has like a little kitchen. It just looks like a little house on the inside. Yeah, it's like quote unquote more modern, and by modern, meeting that like it was brought to like 1987 or something, like modern compared to the Middle Ages when it was built. Yeah, it has a roof, so it's like a super modern. Yeah, it has a roof.

Yeah, and this one's 750 all in, and this is like cool. Now this just says cool all the time for the rest of the episode She just goes cool and Helen's like when there's three acres with plenty of outhouses and a river for you Listen another keyword. I don't ever want Mozilla search out houses or plenty of outhouses not a phrase I want plenty of shit holes all over this property for you girl. So they walk in and like immediately Gordon hits his head. He's like, oh, short door, but they don't even pay attention because Helen's in the middle saying,

I'm here, you can roast your boar. Stupid American, you think that's what you do. Then Liz goes, oh my god, there's a stove. You know, stoves keep things warm. And Gordon's like, you know, the medieval factors of what I'd hope for here. There's not much of a medieval factor, but it's comfortable.

Well, the kitchen's on this level, but I don't see appliances. Well, what do you want, Gordon? Okay, they didn't have dishwashers in Henry VIII's time. Make up your fucking mind. You know why it's not as medieval as you'd like? Because it's the 2000s. Yeah.

I love him complaining about medieval, and then he's mad about appliances. Yeah, exactly. So, and speaking of the appliances, most of them are hidden behind the giant door. It looks like almost was like a wardrobe and it opens up and there's like a sink and everything hidden behind there. And he's like, he's like, oh man, he's like, it looks so medieval on the outside. I kind of wish the inside, match the outside. And then they put up on screen. They say, medieval kitchens did not have microwaves.

Yeah, and he goes, it needs a kick in the medieval. I want a medieval microwave. Ridiculous. I would be more concerned with the fact that the thing looks like a giant structure on the outside, like it's an enormous castle, and then on the inside, it's like one room. I'm like, where's the rest of this castle? Yeah, that's true. I think that's what happens when you build a house inside a house.

Yeah, you just, like if anything is haunted, it's that castle. It's the Carol, I mean, Carol came literally played a ghost in Scrooge. So like in this castle. In this castle. She is now like, she is like, resume the role in the castle.

So they go to check out the bedroom and Liz. Cool, cool, cool, cool. I like that light. It's like a tree. It's like, it is a tree Liz and The beams are really nice and there's like a face painted on a window to look at that a face in the window laughing at me That one terror as me at all. Yeah, another thing I don't want in my solo listing face in the window laughing at me

Yeah, and then Helen Face in the window laughing at me. Yeah, and then Helen I'm like, okay now Gordon. What do you think of this? I'm gonna bring something over to you. Please stop singing. It's not a microphone. It's a sword What does he say? It's like, yeah, some color. Yeah, I love color Yeah, if the sword comes with a castle, I'm in and he goes hold on Let me see if it balances here on the middle of my that's how you tell a good sword you want me to show you how to look at a good sword. Hi Helen. Good morning. Hi, do I rather not thank you. So they go outside and she's like so why did you think of the famous Carol Kane on Weak House all. Well it's cool I like it and we stream half

acres, shit houses everywhere if my's my eyes like a little castle efficiency Which it's not I don't again. I don't think I want those concepts paired and so Gordon goes Well, it's sadly lacking mirror holes and obliath. It's not somebody else hoping it to be so Sorry, these were murderals Must have murderals But Helen saves the last the best for last, but the price is going to be a problem. And their little outdoor activity today is falconry. Yeah. My family has been cursed with a passion for history for as long as I can remember. When

I was a child, I loved cathedrals. So, that's basically what dictated my life. I love cathedrals. Yeah, and eyebrows. Your family has also been cursed with crazy eyebrows that will never fucking stop. And Liz is like, okay, you know what that Falcon wants to treat, just give him a treat. Well, here's what I tell him.

You find me a fucking murder hole, Falcon, right? You'll be fed when my hole's murdered. Now, figure it out. So then we get like a little review of what we've seen so far. Murder hole Falcon, alright? You'll be fed when my hole is murdered. Now figure it out. So then we get like a little review of what we've seen so far. So house number one, and you see Helen's like, well we're in the younger part of the castle. He's like, oh, younger is relatively speaking.

And then, I'm also... You're the one who wants a medieval, sir. Yeah, and also Liz goes, and the fireplace is fabulous for medieval cooking You don't cook in a fireplace Yeah, and then the narrator says to find a move in ready castle that fits their budget Helen brings them literally Across the country. I mean can we give this woman a raise for crying out loud? She delivers a palace, but it comes at a king's ransom.

Which could set these idiots back? So here we are at Valle Hanan. Valle Shannen-Sannenhannen. Valle Hanan-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galakara-Galak so many features you're both be happy with today not one festival toilet in the bunch all right for prices 1.3 million and this is like that is way more than we can afford out land you are buying a castle wow much money to where you're expecting to pay it's a castle if you're not planning to spend at least a million dollars on a proper castle then you should get out of the castle. Get out of the castle game, Liz. And she's like, but it's a fantastic rental property.

You could get a thousand dollars a night or more. How many thousands does it take to make a million point three? A lot of visitors. A lot of night. A lot of visitors. A lot of swinger parties. Okay. This guy can really crash through a doorway

Well, let's see their budget is 900,000 and 1.3 that's $400,000 more so really they have to just have 400 people 400 people come visit at thousand that's not as crazy to think about that way You can get 400 people you have a little fair thousand dollars Maybe not. Probably not. I don't know. So this is like, you know, I mean, being able to rent it, it's not enough of an insurance policy. And Helen goes, but look, there's a nice murder hole. You know what's nice about this property? You don't have outhouses.

You have what we call inhouses, which is basically an outhouse that's inside. It doesn't have any plumbing, but you can still get that feeling of shitting in a hole. And then murdering it. And then murder it yet. Set in the hole, murder the shit you've got yourself a murder hole. 1.3 million please.

And you just drop that shit right into the ubleat. Drop door under the loo. Let's steep it Gordon's like, Look, it's a suit of armor. Will this armor fit me? No Gordon. Gordon okay the door doesn't even fit you Gordon Gordon you're gonna get a roof on that castle before you get into that suit of armor So so They're walking around this castle and now this is the cat

This is to me that what this is like the. Like this is like, here we are. Like if I'm in the market to have a castle, this is what I want my castle to look like, assuming by the way, asterisk, assuming you're not doing something cool, like an ultra modern house with like castle trappings, right? Which is what my vision was for house number one. But if you're at this point in a show,

we realize they're not looking for that experience. They actually want like a true castle castle thing. So I'm like, here it is. This is perfect. It looks great. Yeah, and um, she they go look at the bedrooms and there's a fore poster bed and this is like, oh my god. I love this bed. It's just not huge. So pure. It's like a full-size bed. I'm like, you're the first person in the history of house hunters that actually likes the smaller bed. Yeah.

And Gordon gets a pretty big medieval feeling in this place. And how is like, be careful of the stairs, there are different heights and widths. Oh, I love that. I love that every day going up and down the staircase is going to be a hazard to your health. Because you can trip at any moment. It's me up. They keep going, God, this is so medieval and then they do a close-up and it's of an Eric editioner. I know, I love that.

She goes, she goes, okay, everyone look up and they just see an Eric editioning. It's like, oh, awesome. It's a murder hole. Yeah. And Helen goes, let's hope I can get a check before he does something stupid and falls down those stairs Love I know she's she's like these people are ridiculous that air conditioner cracked me up It was like the fact that they were going on and on about how medieval everything is into that big ass air conditioner right there in the hallway It's got every room it's so funny And he's like God this is a wonderful space.

I feel like I'm back on the day in Ireland. It's better than great. It's magnificent. Well, I'm glad you're impressed with the great whole stupid, but there's a surprise downstairs. The dungeon. We're unwelcome guests. We're stored along with the Wi-Fi box. Let's go there.

It's about to say there's all these cables. It's like the least medieval room in the entire thing. Like, well, home for all your internet communication. So we got a prisoner, but unfortunately, they keep messing with the Wi-Fi, so we had a lot of them. I Gordon's a satiist, like, I was only asking for one murder hole, but I get two murder holes, a dungeon,

and it's perfectly placed at perfect dungeon with Earthling capacity. Yeah. And Liz is like, come on, the challenge is we need more entertaining space if this is gonna be 1.3 million. I mean, I'm not ready to say yes to this, Dress Missy. And how much is Quince at her like, die. How much more entertaining space there was like a magnificent living room, there's this big dining room, it's a castle. How much more entertaining space there was like in a magnificent living room. There's this big dining room

It's a castle. How much more entertaining space? I mean, I think that she wants to like host the giant larps at this castle Or something like that. Yeah, it must be and also when you're only when your point of reference is like a Place with no roof or walls. You're basically outside. So of course everything looks small. It's like wow House one which is five acres of House number two which is a thousand square feet or whatever So now they have to deliberate and Gordon's like well I really think that we should go for the fancy one because even though it was the most expensive and it does include the M word which we all know stands for,

mm, why am I doing this? That's the best bet. And she was like, but we're gonna put ourselves financially at risk. Yeah. She wants a one that doesn't cost anything with no walls, no roof or whatever. And he wants a most expensive one,

but they agree that they can't afford that. So he's like, what the, he the murder holes, come on. And so it's like, I'm sorry, I got lost. So I got lost. I'm just thinking for murder holes. And I'm not a fan of it.

So Gordon's like, well, Helen certainly took us on a road trip, didn't she? Oh wow, we crisscross all over Ireland. And Helen's like, well, Helen certainly took us on a road trip, didn't she? Oh wow, we crisscross all over Ireland and Helen's like, God damn, Hans Hunter's not re-inbearing for my guest money. God damn, stupid Americans with a stupid, stupid, stupid, Castle wants. Yeah, and this is like financially, we'd be at risk, but guess what? Number one, that'll be a journey.

He's like, I'm money, Pat. I mean, are we going to be able to handle that from Connecticut? Now, this is the part I'm money, Pat. I mean, are we gonna be able to handle that from Connecticut? Now, this is the part I really wanna see. These two on the phone with contractors in Ireland. Exactly, who are watching on their castle. That's what I was thinking too. Like, how's that gonna work out? So then, and this is the part of the show

where Gordon starts to talk about the Willys a lot. He's like, wow, I mean, having to go from nothing to livable, that's giving me the Willys. And that's a, that's an authentic medieval expression. The willies. Yeah. Um, and he says, or a lot too. He's like, you know, what I really like the or of the murder hole. I love murder hole. And you know what else? I like the or of sickenstown too. You did you like sickenstown, that's a good aura of that building guy. Yeah. It's like, you know, house number three,

I really like that. There's no open ended costs. It's ready to move in. It gives me a medieval feel. It's got heat, murder holes, dungeons, anything any reasonable person would require, you know? So let's move to the place with no walls and no roof. And that is the first one, they pick house number one. Yeah, because, no, no walls and no roof. And that is the first one.

They pick house number one. Yeah, because he says, because when she's really pushing for it, he goes, he goes, wow, you're really becoming a dreamer. I like that or something like that. He's like, what could you dreamer all of a sudden? All of a sudden dreamer. That's all I want.

It was my wife to finally be a dreamer. I dream of my husband finally being wife to finally be a dreamer. I dream of my husband finally being able to walk through a goddamn doorway. It's what I dream of. Gord. I really want, you know, we decided ultimately to go for house number one because we realized the sky has no limit.

There's literally no limit. There's no roof. So that you we see them getting comfortable in their new outside, which means setting up a tent because they can't like live in the house. So they're setting up a tent with the family and their daughter's like, wow, this is so much fun. There's a bug in here.

And Liz is like, yeah, sure, we can have a nice easy time and retirement, but we chose to have an adventure. It pulls back on them as they're making the tent and the kid just goes, Oh, there's a bug in here. I know. They do something cool, which is that they have a contest where they invite kids from like a university to submit ideas for how to redo the castle, which I think is really cool.

And so I was really curious. This episode was shot in 2015. It's been five years. I want to see where it's at. So I did a search and I found their website and the website was current in that they had an update from August of like, hey, we're going to be like disinfecting the walls. But as far as I can tell, the castle is still the castle. And I think that if I remember correctly from the website, there was a blurb that was kind of like, well, you know, some castles are really meant really for defense.

And you don't really live in the castle, you live in the house beside the castle. And then when people come to attack, you go into the castle. So I kind of feel like they're maybe rebranding their intentions to like, they're not going to live in the castle, they're just going to buy the castle and then play around in the castle. Yeah like that. Yeah, I'm looking at it too. And the, they've got horses now. So that's something. Oh, I'm trying to get close in, but it keeps changing the page.

Do not change. I think for lurping, it's pretty cool. I don't see any windows, though. The design looks pretty cool. Well, I don't think I saw the design. I don't think I saw the photo. Yeah, the main picture there has little arrows. You can look at the different pictures. And so they show the drawing that one, I guess,

and it has a bunch of new modern windows in there. And it has some solar panels on top. And then it has a picture of some guys with a cement truck. Are you on the Sigginstowncastle.com? Uh-huh. Yeah, the front banner picture has little arrows on the side. The front banner picture has little arrows on the side. Oh. Yeah, I would say that the website is also rather medieval. OK, all right. So they have got a strange window feature. It's like a window in the shape of a candy cane.

Oh, yeah, I see that. I mean, this would definitely be really cool once they get it up and running. But hey, you know what? You got to drink. Go get you a castle. You know? Yeah, I'm in for fun, but go get you a castle. I would like to go get a castle.

No, I actually thought it was kind of cool. I was kind of thinking, wow, like, that's, it is kind of cool. I just, I think again, my vision for building with a castle would be to put something more, I would want like castle foundation with like cool modern, like modern classy wood or whatever thing around it, but that's not what they're looking for. Yeah, and they did make this a community thing because they said, we don't want just a home,

we wanted to be a community thing. And you know, I mean, on one, the cynical side is of course you get free designs and stuff like that from having contests, but you know, they also get a lot of people teaching classes there. They have traditional skills, living history, our flag project, filming a TV episode about this, music session, sections, you see, heritage week, heritage week. So it looks like they're living there.

That's cool. I mean, but that being said, we are five years into this project, so it's, I mean, this is definitely a journey. Castles. I actually feel bad because you know that they got really screwed by this pandemic and getting their count. I mean, I don't know people who are in a lot of

worship from the pandemic, then the people decide to buy capital. You're like those poor people. Those poor people bought a capital. I'm invested in their journey now, dammit. than the people who decide to buy people. There are people who want to castle. I'm invested in their journey now. Damn it. I don't know. But this is pretty cool.

So that's the end of this dwell. Hello, everyone. We will be back. So for the next week. Yeah, we'll be back next week. Who knows what will be will be covering, but it should be exciting. This was our second castle theme

episode. I can't believe we've had already too. I think he's always an adventure seeing what HGTV has for us. but it should be exciting. This was our second Castle Theum episode. I can't believe we've had already two of those series. It's always an adventure seeing what HTTP has for us. So thank you all for listening to this show on Citro-premium. We really appreciate it. Check us out on Wantor Crappens for other snarky recaps. And be safe and sound, and we'll

talk to you in the next one. Bye, guys. Bye. Aprie members, you'll talk to you in the next one. Bye, guys. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to WatcherCrapins, Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast.

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