Watch What Crappens - ENCORE Dwell Hello: Staying On Track in Monaco

Episode Date: July 7, 2023

*Dwell Hello is our twice a month podcast for Wondery+! We're re-releasing two of our faves for everyone so you can see what we're doing on the premium side. Love you guys!* A boy who dreams of luxury drags his mom to Monaco so he can start his life as a Princess. Will he be ok with being one step away from the border? For those of you that like to watch along, this is House Hunters International S96 E04 and we found it on Discovery Plus.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding ding ding ding ding ding dong!

Ding ding ding ding ding ding dong! Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding dong! Well, hello. Well hello and welcome to Duela. Hello. Mmm. I'm Ronnie and that's been over there. Happy Ann. Hi Ronnie, how are you?

Good. Everybody. Welcome. This is our season two finale of Duela Hello. It's our Watcher at Crappens House Hunters spin-off show. And man, this has been just an amazing season, Aben. Oh my God, there have been so many funny episodes. And there were so many great ones that people recommended

that we didn't even get to. Like there's probably about four or five that were disclosed to being chosen. But ultimately, I mean, hey, we'll do a third season, we'll get them in there. But for right now, we decided to take on an episode, another House Hunters International episode called Staying On Track in Monaco. Do you remember the deeds on this one, which season and episode it is? I do. We watched this on Discovery Plus, and it was volume four, season 96, episode four.

Stay on track and Monaco. And we say this every week, but these are kind of hard to find because there's different streaming services, et cetera. So this Discovery Plus, if you search the episode title, staying on track in Monaco It will show up under the episode section Yeah, you have to hit a tab so it might not be fully evident at first

But then once you do get there congratulations. You have a funny episode to watch because this one Yes, cracked me up. I mean we have this is it's been a funny season for us because we've actually encountered many, many interesting members of our fellow gay community and we get all different flavors of it. And in this episode, we have young, idealistic, totally naive and unrealistic gay, which was a real delight. I love a shallow, unrealistic gay, which was a real delight. I love a shallow unrealistic gay. All right. This is the episode is all about.

Yes, this queen just wants to be rich. He wants to live in a richest place in the world. He's wanted to since he was a little boy. Like he has never been more inspired than he has from seeing Monaco. And he has a different version than his mother. Like he's even idealized where he heard of Monaco. You know, he's got like his own version

of where he heard the story, which is a little bit more romantic than the truth. And he's just always dreamt of it. He's, you know, worked so hard to come to Monaco. Can't afford it, okay? And I love it. I just love it. He's like a Louis Vuitton belt

and a pair of old Navy jeans. You know what I mean? Like, he really is. You're just spending all that money so you can look rich, but everybody knows you wear an old Navy too, girl. Come on. Yeah, so this guy, he's like an Adam Ripon type,

you know, like the ice sk skater and we just see him say This is the life isn't it, huh? This is the life and he tells us because right now we're just getting it's the beginning It's the sort of the preamble. We don't know what's happening We're getting little shots of what we will see and he goes the first time I saw Monica on TV was when I was five and my mind was Completely alone and then it's not gonna be the only thing on TV was when I was five and my mind was completely blown. And then it's not gonna be the only thing that's blown for you to keep that apartment.

So you've had that much. I know. So Linda comes on. Native New Englander Ben has always known he was destined for glamorous shores. And then we just see Ben stepping out of a car like an orange new like, I'm here in the big city, mother.

And he's with his mother. He drives up somewhere in a fancy car. You know, I wrote rental. All things rental shows up in a rental luxury car. And when he graduated from school in Monaco, gave him the out he'd been looking for. He did everything he could to make his caveat dreams come true. And he's like, I have just been working so hard to make this a reality. Now here I am, mom. Let's go shopping!

Yeah. And he's like, I'm a little impulsive. I'm like, yeah, you're moving to Monaco. You're going to Monaco for graduate school. So then we also see this gorgeous realtor, this lady is like a model. And she says, Monaco can be a difficult place to house hunt. It's the glorious and bling, bling, and by bling, bling, I mean, not for American students. Yeah, I mean, it's like, I told you, I've got the leadership of the grander, let's do that.

So we see him walking with his mom and his mom is of course his mom. Right, it's like, yeah. She's my mom basically. Like boys like this have a specific kind of mother and my mom is the same. Walking around and a fur by the water, taking your son to Monaco and promising him

anything can happen even though that is a damn line. We all know it. Okay. Yeah. And like the narrative of this, of this, uh, this episode is kind of like, uh, I'm, I'm living in some armpit of America, some like, some dead end shit can town. And I just want to go to the, the luxury and the beauty of Monaco.

And so we see where he's from. He's from Guildford, Connecticut has like this adorable New England town. It's like beautiful town green, adorable shops, you know, like a church, like a little white church with a steeple and a town clock. I mean, it's really like back to the future. And he's like, ew, gotta get out of here. Gotta get Monaco. Yes. And clearly wealthy, right? Like at least upper middle class. And it's on the, it's on Long Island sounds. It's actually on the water. Yeah, like really pretty.

And you know that his mother has just like put upon. Like, okay, but you know, he's off the rails, but I'm gonna show him how to be responsible and he has to get a job. And you know, it's one of those, like you have to get a job and at least pay 20% of the bills, you know, something like that, because she's a good mom. I mean, I think she's a good mom, you know, and she knows what she's got.

Like, she knows she opened the package totally, read the instructions and knows what she's got. And it's just, you know, trying to, trying to kind of reel him in, but still be a good, like, friendly mom with him. It's so cute. I love mom. Like, if someone were to make a movie of the mom's life, she'd clearly be played by like Mercedome in the best way.

Like, this would be like another Oscar nominated Mercedome role of like, I just want the best for my son. If I have to work another shift at the grocery store, so be it, I just want him to go to Monaco, huh? No, this woman does not work in a grocery store. I imagine that she was like in the movie she does to make it more sympathetic. Okay, I was I was going to go down a whole path. So Ben's like, yeah, I grew up my whole life living in Connecticut.

It's beautiful, peaceful, quiet, a little too quiet. If you know what I mean, and he's there like walking along Long Island sound, like this really coveted real estate and like a coveted view for a town. And he goes, I just wanna trade this gray for blue. As if he's like looking at Ross soon. And he's like lovely wooden, you know, posts and like seagulls.

And it's just like, it's literally a postcard. He's like, eh. And he's like, I just want a glass of champagne sitting on the beach. Well, okay, stop planning on breaking the law right at first, okay? Because you cannot take glass on the beach. I'll show you on the water.

You're a little, what part of you walking along the water with your mom? Does not say you're on the water. Just bring, just take the champagne and block away. You're, you're there. He says, growing up, I felt like Connecticut was not a place that I really fit in. Okay. Guess what? Monaco's not a place you really fitting. I mean in Connecticut. Maybe you were too fabulous for Connecticut But Monaco you're too poor girl. You are too poor and too ordinary so then now we meet the mom your suit

You're too ordinary You're too ordinary. You're too ordinary. The mom is Rosemary Franco. Benjamin was always fascinated with international places growing up. You know, my parents had taken a cruise to Monaco. And my mother came back with all the pictures. Turns out she just took photos of the time she went to Florida and told him was Monaco. Well, unfortunately, it was a big mistake because now that's all he wants. We should have just told him it was Epcot at the time.

And he was like, oh my God, I could not believe this place existed. Having this ultimate reality of Monaco gave me something to look forward to. Like, well, once I get there, it would all be for me. Like he's clearly gonna wind up as a male prostitute, right? Like this is how all the prostitution stories begin, right? Once I get to Monaco, everything will be fixed. I'll fit right in and I'll be

adopted into high society. Me Ben, the graduate student. Honey, you're gonna be sitting on traffic cones. I'm gonna tell you that much right now. So Rose is like, I knew it wouldn't be long for him to be onto something bigger and better. Scott, like a little tear the whole time, like my my son leaving me. So she said, so Ben says, I found out that they had a university and I thought I could get my message degrees there. And then that would get me my my foot in the door. And now I make every decision based on what's going to get me closer to graduate school in Monaco. Monaco University. Sarah, this is a McDonald's. Could you just give us your order?

Well, I'm going to be closer to Monaco. How many times do I have to ask? I wanted to get to Monaco. So badly, I started working at an Amaco just because it sort of sounds like it. I only get my gas at a Texaco. I only listen to Monica on Friendspeak. Oh, so Cardiola ship. He's basically, that's where he's been working. He's been into Cardiola ship. So we see him selling a jar and it's so funny.

So I think we have one part over here. You're gonna love a co. If you look up, you'll notice that the entire roof of this car is made of glass. The world is your oyster. This is the monoco of cause. Look, this one has an navigation system. And if you look up, there's a dried up old dad

looking at you from that rear view mirror. See? You did it. He's like, wow, that's just a mirror. But thanks, kid. Yeah, this car also comes with a free trip, a free tip. Moisturize, you only get one skimsy daddy. Make it out.

Buy it and get out. OK. So he basically says how he based. He stopped living his life so he could save up for this, to live in Monaco. And so now we see him. It's his last day at the Land Rover store And he's like, you know what daddy? I'm moving on to something bigger something better than Land Rover I'm not gonna be a Land Rover. I'm gonna be a yacht Rover. I resign. He's like, okay. Well, thanks for working here I know the boss is like, oh my god this kid. He's like, isn't this odd?

This being my last day. He's like, I guess I'll shake your hand then. Oh. I'm going to do it. Living, finally, living. Well, I mean, I am going to be sorry to see him go, if only because we won't get our 1 PM rendition of part of this world that we get every single

day. Yeah. So now we see mom and Ben walking the dog and she's like, no, I think you're really going to fly high and he tells us, I think there's a really big divide between my expectations and my moms. I mean, I'm in a foreign country and I have delusions of ranchers. So I need someone there who can bring me back to the reality of what I can afford because, you know, she buys all her faux fur at TJ Maxx. I think her, she would do.

Yeah, and as they just like walk through this, like completely beautiful town, the town square where they're Westie, like a place that people just aspire to live. square where they're Westy, like a place that people just aspire to live. I can't wait to get to Monaco. I'm put all my hopes and dreams and childhood traumas in a basket and leave them back here in the town square while I live and recreate myself in Monaco. So the real estate lady is now with them. And she's like, Monaco is a small country on the edge of the Mediterranean Sea. And it's separate to France, but it is obviously very, very close to France. Yeah, and it goes, well, it's approximately a half mile wide and a little more than a mile long, and there's 35,000 residents, and we learned that one million dollars will

only get you 160 square feet of space because it's the most expensive real estate in the world. In other words, the perfect place for a graduate student. Yeah, exactly. So the real estate lady Emily is her name we find out. She's like, if we are known for the Grand Prix, but it's really a playground for the super rich. I'm just going to put that super in there so you can watch this episode in La Farda. I'm just going to put that super in there so you can watch this episode in Lafharder. The food, the clothing, the super yachts, the celebrities by the plane load, super celebrities by the super plane load. You know, if there's anything that's been known for, it's wealth, in excess, super yachts, celebrities, not students, not students from America.

Yes, those are the things that were pretty much known for. It's like in my dreams, I can totally see what my life should look like, but in my pocket, I just don't have the money to make things real. For shallow ass Ben. For shallow ass. Why are you moving to Monte Carlo? You're literally moving to Monte Carlo. Why are you doing this to yourself? So they meet up and Ben's like, Emily, hi, I'm Ben, because Ben, oh, oh, I was expecting like, Affleck, not a fan of that. Okay. Oh, I see there was a mix up. So I'm showing a student, a house in Monaco. Okay. Okay. Shouldn't be a problem whatsoever got it. Why, what are you looking for and why is it anywhere near me? He's like, well, I want to one bedroom. And being on the Mediterranean Sea, a sea view would be ideal.

And on the top, very, very tip top. Penhouse preferably of a modern building that would be great. But most of all, I need to be within the borders of Monaco. But most of all I need to be within the borders of Manico Okay, and now has your boss has your boss approved all these expenses for you're an assistant right this you're you're not purchasing for your self Right, she's like, please tell me your budget because it smells very poor out here It's hurting my nose. I'm allergic to it. He's like, let me explain mother because his mom's like, okay Well, here's the thing. He's like, let me explain mother. Because his mom's like, okay, well, he is the thing. He's like, let me explain mother. I have a soft budget of like 1750, but I'm pretty flexible.

Right, mom? Our person's a last ex out. So, when you say a flexible, does that mean you're fine with like a dumpster or cardboard box? Which would you prefer? Girl, you better be flexible, because you're going to be needing to put those ankles behind that head. So Rose Mary, so Rose Mary says whatever realtor in Monaco probably wants to hear, well, you know, he will have limits. He's a student. He's not able to work. So, you know, I'm sure that's, that works in Monaco, right? She's like, hmm, okay, so you're much more the voice of reason here.

Hmm, okay, hold on one second, let me just call the office, okay. Shantel, okay, who's sick joke was this? Okay, because I'm not, I'm not, I'm not amused. I'm not amused at all. Oh, well, I shouldn't just love to hurt how? Well, have you ever considered just being over the border? and he's like, um, yes, but no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, budget is going to make that very, very difficult. Also, his Americanism is going to make him very, very difficult because Monogask is a native or an inhabitant of Monaco. So she's basically saying that he's got Monaco stars in his eyes. So Emily's like, well, you know what? I mean, if you go literally meters away from Monaco, the prices are significantly lower. I mean mean just over the border or several borders

and perhaps an Atlantic ocean oh look at you right back in Connecticut what you belong isn't that funny he's like that it's not way I moved here red okay I don't want to be in France I want to be in Monaco and then we get like some weird scary horn start playing This fucking kid who is poo pooing France France, okay, like you need to start working on your Nancy Myers movies Okay, cuz you have to realize that France is a Like a very wonderful alternative. He's like, uh

What does France have to offer? culture croissants beautiful Beautiful, beautiful sunsets. No, thank you. I want Monaco. He's like, but for the sake of investigation, I will look at some plain bullshit in France. Okay, the carb and cream capital of the world.

Great, but let's start with plan A. Okay, plan A. Monaco, plan A. So she's like, okay, well, we'll just waste my time for the penny commission. I will be earning off of you. I know. You know, being a student is obviously very important to him to save money wherever he can. So starting just outside Monica, the French border, to show him just how much he can get, which is nothing, but at least he won't be in my little country. Right. So she's like, keep him out. Yeah. So they go. She's like, you'll be living here inside of this wonderful gated, like, this is a pen. Yeah, well, you know, this made of Jane Link, but this

is very, very fancy in monitor. All right, let me show you in your new house. Okay, you see, I have some chocolate here. Okay, stand right there. Are you drawing a box around me? Yes, show you a new house. Okay, you see, I have some chalk right here. Okay, stand right there. Are you drawing a box around me? Yes, it's your new house. So they go look over at this little town outside of Monaco. They're good friends. And she's like basically on the other side of parking lot is Monaco.

He's like, but it's not in Monaco. But it does have a parking lot for you to turn enough tricks until you can afford a taxi ride in Monaco by the time you're 60. Right. And the mom's like, I don't think a few steps from the board are really matters that much. Oh, be quiet, you homely lady.

You're not the one moving. You're get out of here. Quiet, mother. I've got Pete on speed dial. She's like, all right, honey. Go ahead, let's take a look. So they've got a view of the ocean, which is just a little sliver, you know?

And he's like, ew, what are we looking at? Whether it's a one bedroom, one bath, with a balcony, a sea view, and a pool. And he goes, wow, a pool. And here's the brilliant part. You're not in my country. Also, it's only $1 wow, a pool. And here's the brilliant part. You're not in my country. Also, it's only $1,300 a month. About that.

He's like, okay, fine. So they walk in and the apartment is basically a hallway. You walk in and it's already a narrow hallway, but somehow it's also a kitchen when you walk. It's a kitchenette. And he's like, oh my God, it's tiny and old. And there's no oven. I'm like, you're a student trying to live in Monaco, sir.

What are you expecting? Get used to tiny and old, okay, because. That's what you, that's what you'll be finding in the parking lot. Exactly. So Emily's like, but you have microwave. I love that Emily hates him so much. She's like, there's a microwave American.

Okay. You may not have luxury, but you can have tostino pizza roll. You may have to special order that because France has banned them just based on being disgusting. And then mom goes, come on, you don't cook anyway. You're like, well, I won't be able to, even if I wanted to. I'm like,

they're like walking around through the hallway leads into this like tiny living room space that I thought was going to be also a bedroom, but actually There is a little bedroom and then there's a bathroom where the bathroom is actually bigger than the kitchen, but the tub is kind of like old. And he's like, it's just so old and just so dirty. Look at that crowd. It's peeling. Well, honey, it's practical. And it's not so old that something can't be done with it. So the tiny living space is like white tile and this terrible phone couch. I mean, do they just not want somebody to move into this place? Because this is bad. This is, it's like, it's horrific. And the, it's, it's basically like there was a sofa there. And someone said before I move out, let me make sure I take the upholstery.

And they just stripped the fabric off the sofa. And it's just like that sort of like mustard colored, whatever you call that. Yeah. Boom. And he's like, what is that? Which is of course, what everyone's probably saying to him every time you walk into Monaco, who is that poor student in this country?

Yeah, she's like focused on the view because that's what you're paying for. And he's like, oh my god, that is beautiful. Which I believe this is the one where it's not really. I mean, it's a little bit of the ocean, but you have to like, crane your head and hang halfway off the balcony, and you can see like a sliver. Yeah, like, you have to like, crane to see it, but if you're just looking out at the balcony,

it's just kind of like a hill with trees. It's like an unremarkable hill with trees. I'm sure his view in Connecticut is significantly better. So Emily is like, yes, and on a clear day, you can see all the way to Italy, which is perhaps someplace you So Emily is like, yes, and on a clear day, you can see all the way to Italy, which is perhaps someplace you should go to instead because, you know, this is your pool, your very pool. So, um, so then he like opens, slides open the door to that, uh, and it's the closet. And he goes, is this a walk-in closet? And Emily goes, no.

Listen, I haven't lived in a closet since I was four years old bitch. Okay, get me out of here. So they go to look at the pool and he's like, oh my God, you can see my. I love you. Oh my God, I've been dreaming of you. So he says, you know what? Like, I love the, I love the terrace. I love the view. I love this big giant communal pool that hasn't been maintained in what looks to be 15 years, but the apartment just doesn't have much to offer. I mean, I'm like, doesn't have much to offer much like students in Monaco. What are you, what are you going to offer?

So Emily's like, but it's a good deal. And the mom says, you know, that's the biggest consideration here. You're close to school, which is why you good deal and the mom says, you know, that's the biggest consideration here You're close to school, which is why you're here. Listen, I there are only so many rich old men in Connecticut to Mary Okay You're taking this and he's like, um, I brought a guy see something updated and Where is it? Monaco, let's go to Monaco So he's talk now we get his version. He's like,

well, the first time I heard about Monica was being little and watching the grand pre. And now I'm here. No, it was not. It was when your grandparents went to Epcot and took some pictures at a hot dot. So don't try and make this like you knew what the grand pre was when you were two and that you were watching the Grand Prix. What is this roshamon of Monaco that he's going through? So Linda says Ben left quaint New England behind to study the good life in Monaco where he will become destitute and go into a life of prostitution just to ford a croissant. Yes, and then this is where we find out what Ben is studying in Monaco. He is going to get a master's degree in luxury service.

Now, girl, no, he tells us I hope to get into luxury yachting. Okay, guess what? You're going to be waiting tables and scrubbing toilets. We watch below deck, sir. You know what this means. You do not need a master's degree.. You do not need a master's degree. You definitely do not need a master's degree. And this poor kid thinking that working on a yacht will be stepping into the highlight, highlight. I mean, we've seen this actually many seasons on the show. People who really think they are going to be the guests on those yachts. And he's in for

an even ruder awakening than he's already going gonna be getting as a student in Monaco. Well, you know, being a waiter so long, one of my best friends was also a waiter, but he's like snottier than me. He's kind of like the freezer crane to my, I don't know, cliff, I don't know what you would say. So he is very like snottie. So he would get like these fine-diving jobs.

Oh my God, he would just everything, like suddenly when the wine came to the table, he'd be like I'm like it where it's a silk road. It's a five dollar bottle of wine. Okay. It's a table wine, sir But he got so snotty because he was fine dining now So he felt like he was around so much money that he was rich. Yeah, please and it reminds me of this kid Yeah, yeah, this what when we find out that he wants to be a yachty. I'm just like oh gosh this kid He's this is gonna be a rough journey ahead for him Yep

So moms like well Benjamin likes nice things and he's very influenced by that and you know he can get carried away He just has to realize he might not get some on to go right away. It might take a little time. And again, he's like upset that he's like 50 feet away from the border. It literally makes very little difference. So we get a little recap of House One and we hear Ben say, it would almost haunt me to know I'm here, but not here. So you're going to have to get over this, okay, because it's literally the same city. Like the entire city feels like I actually went to Monaco, I'll be back in 2007. And you cannot tell the difference between being in France or in Monaco. It is, it's like being in West Hollywood versus,

like, I don't know, not even Hollywood. West Hollywood, Hollywood, whatever. It's so immaterial and to see him making everyone's lives hell over this is both hilarious and maddening. Yeah, he's like, but mom, I had to work so hard for so many years. Give me a fucking break. How old are you?

And you were selling Honda's. It's not like you were scrubbing, you know, like scrubbing toilets. Get over it. Yeah, it's big dreams though. So, um, so now Emily's on the phone and she's like, she's just talking to someone. She's like, yes, I have my clients with me. Yeah, yeah. No, you heard it's a student. I know. The pool one's the pool. Yeah, everyone knows. So she says I'm showing them a nice apartment today and it's a little over budget, but seeing as he said that he's flexible, it could be a winner. So she's like, okay, look at this. Take a step. Okay, we're in Monaco. Now take a step. We're in France. Like that. And the mom's like, well, you can't get any closer.

It's not Monaco. Mother, go away. Back to get out of here. She says, but there's a balcony, but there's no sea views in this one. He's like, ew, gross, ew, fine, I guess we'll look. This place is 1900 a month. Yeah, this is a $600 increase. It's $150 over his budget, but then Emily's like, for your quote unquote soft budget, LL, so then. No, this is 600 over,

because didn't he say 13? Oh no. Well, 13 was below, but this one is 150 over his he wanted 1750 as a soft budget. Okay. So this one it comes this one cracked me up because it comes free cleaning, which is nice. A linen change, which is nice and a gift basket. I've never heard of a guest apartment that comes with a gift basket. I almost would be sold by that. Yeah, this sounds like kind of corporate housing, right? Yeah, exactly.

So he's like, oh my god, it's like living in a hotel. So they go in to check it out and there's very fancy music. And this one is nice. It is nice. It has an aggressive pop of red thing going on with it, like a very red kitchen. And it's not just accents, it's like accent plus. But considering the last place

that they looked at, I think this one I was like, okay, this one's actually livable and nice. Yeah, and so the mom's like, well, I'm just looking around for the reception desk because this is like a hotel. Oh my god, look at these closets. So much space on me. He goes, I'll need it. lots it's so much space on me. He goes, I'll need it. For all the shopping you're going to do where you're not being rent in Monte Carlo. So he's like, um, I don't know whether whether or not that makes up for a see view, I'm not sure because it turns out there's no see view. Instead, how much is he, I'm supposed to take with no see view, okay? Who is this kid? This kid who is a student in the most expensive country in the world or adjacent to it who also is

demanding a see-view on top of every single thing else and Honestly, the view that he does have is of like a street and these different houses. I would love that view I love looking at other buildings and what looking at people on the street. That's my favorite. I am Pearl from 227. I am Nozy. And I love to sit there and just watch people walk to and fro and make stories up about them. That's my favorite thing. Yeah, I thought this view was pretty decent. It was like of the hills with home. I mean, it was like a good city view. Yeah. So yeah, this one's like big and modern and it by modern. I mean, both in like red,

but also in just newer, right? Yeah. The kitchen's a tiny little square kitchen, but it's still nice and new-ish. And he's like, and cleaning comes with that. She goes, oh, I know what a mess you make. Maybe you do need the cleaning after all. Shut up, mother. cleaning after all. Shut up mother. Ha ha ha. So mom is like, well, the view is air, but at least you do have a terrace.

And there's like a nice bathroom. And so Ben loves how modern it is. And he likes to use it. The furniture is beautiful, which not maybe a stretch, but he's like, but to be of a budget and still not in Monaco is not to be ideal. It's like you are a literal foot from Monaco. This guy is deranged. Yeah. So Emily's like, so you're not coming around to the idea of being on the French side of the border and he's like at this point

I don't even want French fries Sarah plain and tall. Get me a fucking apartment in Monaco before I gouge your eyes out with the caviar Spoon Sarah Plain and Tal, get me a fucking apartment in Monaco before I gouge your eyes out with the caviar spoon. Yes, because if I'm gonna make the sacrifice of being over the border, at least I'll have so many amenities I could learn to live with that, but I mean, I need to see view. So the mom is like, well, I don't know how important the gift basket is in the whole picture. I actually don't even know how important it is

for you to live in Monaco, to be honest, to be what? On a boat? I don't get it. Yeah. Lux for you to live in Monaco to be honest, to be what? On a boat? I don't get it. Yeah. Luxury. It's called luxury. Okay.

It's just like, you need your balance. So now he's in a bar with his mom. It's like kind of a club bar, you know, like club lighting and stuff. And he goes, oh my god, mom, I'm taking such a big jump. It's so exciting. I mean, look at this place. I'm sure I'll be coming here a lot after school. Yeah, and Linda says it's love at first sight for Ben, but mom knows best.

Love bites. She's like, so this is the first time I won't be working. So I'll have free time after classes. It's gonna be so interesting to live the lifestyle. We learn about in class. You're not going to be living that lifestyle. Okay, you're going to be serving that lifestyle that you learn about in class. I think does he think he's taking a graduate program on how to be rich? Like, I don't know, does he, does he know what his program is? Yeah, he just heard luxury. So he signed that but I mean you got you got a new thing You better learn how to work a squirrel machine

I know I mean like I was I mean the fact that he really is saying and he's gonna be living the lifestyle We learn class he's that It's gonna be I would like to see a follow-up on this one and so the mom's like well You know he likes to find a things in life, But most people don't start out that way. And he can't have it all at the beginning. I've watched Ben save money to do this. And I can't wait for him to be paying 10% of the bills. It's going to be amazing. And then he's like, Oh my God, I like this beer, but it'll taste

even better on my terrace and Monaco. She's like, or your terrace in France, or how about just a terrace in Connecticut, honey? This is way too expensive for you. I see it with my own eyes now. What are we doing? We can't even afford this beer anymore. So Linda's like, well, House One is a bargain, but Ben called the camera crew a bunch of

sea words when we showed it. And number two had, let's put it in his own words. No, Steve Hill! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And unfortunately that will require some special services on Ben's part, but I think we all knew he was going down that path anyway, didn't we? Yeah, so the mom and Ben come over and the mom's like, wow, there's a lot of construction outside. He's like, yeah, it's really loud. Oh, yeah, okay. Shut up poor people. That's what you're going to have to take to get this.

And this place is gorgeous. Like this place is really, really nice. Like nice wood floors, really nice furniture and ocean view. It's a passive aggressive listing. This is Emily's way of saying, if you ask one more time for Monaco, I like, like this is what I'm gonna show you.

This is not you. This is not your life. This is not for you. You are a graduate student. You do not belong within the confines of this country. You are going to be in France in a shack. I don't know if I told you the address, but it's 0, 0, 0. You didn't earn this street. So let's go and just take a look at the living room. So he's like, oh my god, this is beautiful. This is exactly what I'm looking for. Yeah, he's like, oh my god, I think I want to move in. I can't imagine what this must cost. Well, let's just say, he goes, well, there's a catch. I had to put a lot of strings to get a

good deal in Monaco and because of the construction, the owners wanted to give a discounted price, which is not for students. This is actually not for you at all. This is just a big joke for you. I'm sorry. So the mom's like, what's the discount? She goes, it's 2,500. And the mom's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, can one of those construction tracks outside do us a favor

and get rid of Ben's gag reflex? Because that's the only way he's affording this place. He goes, oh, as if you really thought this was going to come in around, you know, $1,600, right? So he's like, oh my God, I love the bed. Oh, and there's a second terrace. Oh, there's a walk-in closet. I just want to live here.

It's so beautiful. This is exactly what I'm looking for and more. And soon I will be living here. I will, because I'm a student. And as a student, I can live anywhere I want. So the mom's like, but do you feel this? I mean, you hear the noise and do you feel this vibration? I mean, my God, Ben.

He's like, well, at least we don't have to pay a quarter in the wall for it to do this. Am I right? Um, Emily's like, well, bear in mind, it's only in the day the construction. The rest of the time you're just tripping over the holes in the street. You love it. It'll be great for you. Yeah. So he's just like ready to sign.

He wants to move in despite the fact that it's like beyond out of his range. And especially when they're like, oh, well, the construction is only for six months. I'm like, so you only get the discount for six months. Yeah. You know, you want that discount for two years, right? Yeah. Because he's saying, oh, but the construction stands soon, right? The minute that construction's done, your asses on on the street. You are doing, you are doing my work on the street for all the people eating outside because

you know, you need to thank the Lord every day. You hear that jackhammering. Thanks for sure. I know. So now Ben and his mom go on to a boat to discuss things. And it's like a really, it's like the oceans are turbulent

because you just see the mom going up and down just like, I'm surprised you're just not puke right there on camera. And he's like, wow, this is the life mom. We should get a bigger boat. I mean, this one's so small. Let's get a bigger one. She's like, yeah, I'll get right on that, honey.

Ben wants to be Madagascar. His house one is almost unthinkable. He's like, just because I'm a student, doesn't mean I want to live like that. House two is fancy, but fancy. See what I did there? I just wanted to emphasize that it was in France because apparently France is bad now. So it was too fancy, if you know what I'm saying?

And House three is on the right side of the tracks, but not really for students. One, both are laying on a budget, too fancy, but not fancy. Three, not fancy, Three coveted zip code. So he's like, well, I feel like I have to eliminate one. I think the first thing I should eliminate is a useful degree. Okay, that's out of the way. I'll take the expensive one. Yeah, he's so is in my mind, I'm thinking, okay, he's going to go for number two because it's a night, it's like a livable apartment, it's not in Monaco, it's only a little bit over his budget. So like, that's obviously the best one.

So he's like, okay, we have to eliminate one. So there's obviously one that's just totally, totally not acceptable because I only get to look at a beautiful street instead of the sea. So that's going to be number two. I have to get rid of that one. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I had red stuff and a bad terrorist and it's not in a monaco. And she's like, wise decision, honey. So he's like, okay, so we have to talk about that monaco part, okay? Because oh my god, monaco, it was the biggest it had to terrorist two terraces. Oh my god,

I mean, even with the construction, I mean, we've got that place. I look at that street. And I said, I mean, who's not getting jack hammered to be in this neighborhood? Am I right? The mom's like, well, what about the Bojole apartment, which is funny because it's Boze Salay, but she called a Bojole. It's one of the things that one of the ways I find joy in life is one people use Bojile and correctly, which has really never happened until it happened like right here. So, I'm so Bozile.

So Bozile. So look at the Bozile, Bozile, so she goes, well, what about the Bozile one? And it gives you a lot more money to play with. It's a very workable, nice apartment. Is this sea ever gonna calm down? I swear to God, because I spent a lot of money on that shark who we put on land. I'm not uptracking it, okay?

I understand, Mother, but my dream was to be in Monaco. And she's, but do you have to spend more money? I'd look at this. I mean, come on. You're going to be outside experiencing this, this world, the water, the boats, son. I just, I see Monaco apartment in your future someday and I also see you standing next to someone very shriveled up in a wheelchair with saliva dripping down as well. Mother stop your psychic bullshit okay. There's a place for us. Mother, stop it. Okay, so then he's like, you know what?

I think the one that I'm gonna go for is the absolute worst one that's the least, that's the least hospitable that has some sort of disgusting decaying sofa in it. That's the one I'm gonna do. And I'm gonna use my leftover money to buy a sheet to put over it.

I was like, this is what you're gonna go when he goes for house number one. Yeah, I was I was actually shocked to. I'm surprised that he wasn't sobbing at this point. I mean, like, I mean, like, look, I think his his goals are totally unrealistic, but also like, his goals are totally unrealistic, but also, like, you know, enjoy some of your delusion. And she's like, but you'll have some money left over the shop and buy accessories and a couch cover. So now we see it all designed. And of course, it does look much nicer. Basically, I mean, it had that foam couch of it. So anything would have made it look nicer. But of course, he has like a gold candelabra. And that little tiny rear.

Yeah, he's putting the lessons he's learned in graduate school to work, right? So decorating and stuff. He did a good job. I just cracked up when I saw that gold candelabra. And then they go sit out on the balcony. He's like, I'm bringing my gold candelabra. Hold on a sec, Mom. Yeah, he's like, I think I made cantal opera. And then they go sit out on the back and he's like, I'm bringing my gold cantal opera. Hold on a sec, Mom.

Yeah, he's like, I think I made for Monaco. I mean, I'm learning something every day that I couldn't get in a textbook. I'm like, what are you learning? You're learning how to not afford things. You go into Monaco and not buy things because you realize you're a student in Monaco not with a job.

Yeah, he's like, my mom had a good point. You know, I just need to learn more. And I already know how to put my fist in my mouth. I'm coming for you, Monaco. He's like, then there's like, let's go and do more shopping. So walking down a sidewalk and he's like, can you believe this is my playground? I'm like, it's not your playground.

You cannot afford this. Okay, your playground. Yeah, the only thing you're missing is one of those like, brooms on a stick or like one of those, uh, dust pan things on a stick. Like they have it. It's a hand. Yeah. And, uh, and he goes, and you know what, with all the money I'm saving, I could go for a car at least. And she's like, oh my god. Small one. Please. I know it never ends with people like that. So funny, what a good one.

Well, this has been a really, really fun season. Thank you guys so much for being here with us and listening to these. These are all available. Season two is all available for free. If you would like to listen to season one, that is on Stitcher Premium. So go sign up for that. When you sign up for Stitcher Premium, you also listen to Cra to season one, that is on Stitcher Premium. So go sign up for that.

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