Watch What Crappens - ENCORE: RHOM Season 5 Premiere Recap

Episode Date: July 6, 2023

The Real Housewives of Miami epic fifth season is finally coming to Bravo, which means that everyone who missed it on Peacock now has the chance to binge it all. Come hop in the time machine and join us in December 2022 as we recap the amazing premiere (S05E01).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Watch what crap is watch what crap is who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is I'm in I'm in I Hello and welcome to Watch or Crappens, a podcast about all that crap we just love to watch and talk about on ye old bravo and even peacock. That, because we're talking about a peacock show, which honestly really should be on Bravo. We're talking about Real Housewives of Miami today. I'm Ben Madelker and joining me as usual

is someone who is interested in Judaism and wants to know about Judaism. And maybe she'll learn about Judaism, right? Right? Don't you want to know about Judaism, Ronnie? Lahem, bitch. It's Ronnie Carrham. Hi, Ronnie. How are you?

Oh, Lahim. How are you? I am great. I'm so... I may have to learn that, Lahim. Sorry. But this way you have to learn about Judaism. Okay, just like it's a Hawks' team who after 10 years of being married to someone has

finally taken interest in his religion. What's actually taking interest in it before? I feel like she was. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. It's always hard to tell, because I kind of avoid this couple because they're that couple that like fights

in front of you. Oh, I hate that couple. Yeah, and also because they're both extremely vapid. But anyway, we are here to talk Real Housewives of Miami. Just real quickly up front, peacock dropped for episodes all at once

on like Thursday night, and then there could be new episodes coming out. And it's of course happening right at the holidays when we're just gonna be trying to take some time off. We have like a backlog as it is of shows. So our promise to you is that we are recapping the show, the schedule for it. We still have not totally hammered out. We're just going to churn out the recaps as we can wedge them into the schedule. Just subscribe, subscribe

to watch what happens if you haven't already, and the recaps will come, but we are still trying to figure it out ourselves. It's like a crazy amount of content, which we're happy for, because God, I love this show so much. Oh, it's good content, that's great. It is great content. It's really good. But yeah, we're just gonna record them,

but you know, if they wanna release it like that, then guess what, you're gonna do it on our time. Okay. Our schedule. Yeah. We're going to do it when we can. But by the, we're going to save some stuff for the holidays too. And for, you know, New Year's, which I know is also part of the holidays, but still, and then a little after and then we're going to come back and there's just so much going

on on Bravo. There's also this new show coming out on Bravo. It looks, or on peacock that looks amazing. That's all the reality Stars doing a challenge Challenge show. It's like Yes, and they're like it's about beach trails and it's like And then Randy Glan fell like when they saw what I'm doing met in the bathroom I might bitch and

There's a little cook Brandy Glanfell like when do someone's doing meth in the bathroom? I like bitch and There's a little cook. Oh God you scared me. I was like no Richards. I fucking can't Okay, which is punching that ball in her ads. Yeah, her her ball punch ads So it's a and then Cody Califurie for whatever reason so it's a weird I'm seeing there. I don't know fuck that guy too and then Cody, Califurie for whatever reason. So it's a weird cast. What, what's he in there? I don't know, fuck that guy too, but I wanna watch that show, and I wanna recap that show, but it's all coming out on one day.

So by the time we get through 10 weeks of that, you guys are gonna be like, what is this, you know, the Flintstones era? What are you recapping? I love Lucy episodes, but we'll see. We're just gonna kind of roll with it guys, because that's the kind of 2023 we're gonna have. We're just gonna be like, hey, where are the punches?

I'm gonna roll with those. Yeah, you know what I think 2023 is gonna be for us, Ronnie? New beginnings, new beginnings. It's gonna be our filling journey. Healing journey, it's gonna be new beginnings for Larissa Pipin. But yeah, just if you could just give us, it's just be a little patient with us. We know the stuff is so good and that you want to get the recaps really quickly and we're trying our bestest. We're trying our bestest.

But the best we can. Peter said that we were going to do the recaps, but then Peter was like, no, you can't do the recaps and then he punched a taxi caber. That's because he's an artist. It's really because of Peter. If Peter wants it, then we'll dops, but then like Peter was like, no, you can't do the recaps. And then he like punched a taxi caber, but like, that's because he's an artist. So like, it's really because of Peter. If Peter wants it, then we'll do it. But otherwise we can't. Okay. So let's start with some taglines.

We get taglines in the first episode, which is rare. Peacock just going off script. Yeah. Yeah. It starts off with Alexia saying, in Miami, the sun brings the heat, but I bring the fire. Well, you know, Peter. Yeah.

I'll hope insurance people are listening to this. Ha ha ha. I don't know that I trust Alexia's new Staten Island husband who's like, look, I brought cars in my house. I'm tall. Yeah, I'm tall, I did that. So then we have Larsa Pippin and she's like,

hit all you want. Like, cause if I were you like, I'd hit me too like. And then Gerdy, he's like, the only thing that was faster than my mouth is my ambition. It's like, whoa, world's fastest tagline. I mean, Julia, she's like, when the chicks fly the coop, it's time for Tissamomber to spread her wings.

Okay, I just saw the coming the season. Just keep it the wings, Julia. Okay, don't you hurt Martina, ma'am? Yeah, stay, be a flightless bird. Okay, be an e-mue. So then, um, please, and then, uh, Lisa, this season when the Jigs fly the coop, I'm e-mue. When Jigs fly the coop, I walk around and move wings a little bit, but never fly.

I sell Liberty Insurance. Oh, I love it. If that's our story, like Martina goes out of town for a tennis event, and she's like, I Emuel now, chick flu coop. Chick flu coop. When the chicks fly the coop Pickle. So then Peacock. So then Lisa, you can try to take my castle Of which we have paid the mortgage, but you will never steal my crown.

Oh yes they will. They might not steal it, but they're going to repossess it. So then Dr. Nicole, she's like, I'm a pro at the rules of engagement. And I have the ring to prove it. Okay, I don't like that. Your whole thing being like, I don't need marriage, but now your housewives line is bragging about getting engaged. Yeah. The roles of engagement.

She is like a, she's like an alternate Whitney. Whitney says, real like real. And I noticed that Nicole says rule like role. She's like, I'm a pro at the roles of engagement. They'll bring the pro back. So let's see, I'm still on the Bravo page when we get off that, because of course I couldn't write those down.

I'm like, I have to press pause. This is extra low. I'm not pressing pause. Well, it was actually extremely difficult because I was pressing pause. And with peacock, when you press pause during the lines, it goes skip recap and it goes all the way forward.

So then I'm like, no, so I had, it was actually a little bit of a process for me to write down in the role of engagement. I have the engagement ring to prove it or whatever it was, everything you raised it. Also peacock, thank you so much. I felt like personally touched when you fixed your fast forwarding and rewind.

Did you notice that they did that? I've been complaining about that ever since you guys started. I know I'm nobody in your life, but God, I just was so thankful that you fixed that shit. It's so much better. Now please fix it. I think this might be a fire TV thing,

but now if you have it on pause too long, it goes to your screensaver on your TV or whatever, at which, you know, is of course my dog, looking like he hates my guts, which is every picture of my dog. And so then I press play to bring it back on and it goes spinning wheel, and then it starts the episode at the beginning.

No, well that's terrible. I can't live with that, okay? Nobody else does that. You know, none of the other stations do that. They come up and they're still paused where I left them. Why peacock? Why is it fixed one thing and then torture me with another thing peacock? Well, and honestly, like the 10 second rewind thing, it works if you press it with your

mouse, like I was watching it on my laptop, but if you use your back arrow, it just good. It does like a half second. So if the last, if you hear, um, you know, Alex, you say, oh, well, you know, Peter, he says he's coming to Miami tomorrow because he's an artist and you hit like 10 second rewind. He's here because artists and like, no, 10 second. Because artists, because artists, because artists, it's actually move your mouse, which is much more annoying. So the song that we open with, Trixi Monical, what's your name in the mind? And the sound machine. Yeah. Trixi Monical.

Miami Sound Machine. Trixi and the Monical Sound Machine. The Monical Sound Machine. The three-armed octopus Sound Machine. So her first song is, I was like, all right, you know, Trixie, I know this is the second spanglish for you. It's the second language for you,

but back to the drawing ports, okay? Get Paolo on here. Power low needs to get back from a smoke break and help you with some of these lyrics. I agree. And so it's a Marisol and Alexia at Alexia's Bucillan, which is like Alexian Frankie's something like that. Alexia's Frankie's Bucillan. And so they're sitting there and Alexia's getting her like a. And she's like, what's up with those little orthopedic old lady shoes and marital's like, oh, these were a drunk purchase. I was really drunk in Palm Beach,

which doesn't explain why I'm actually also wearing them. I'm just explaining why I first bought them and then I'm stuck with them. Is anything you own not a drunk purchase? You're always drunk, okay? Listen, this is like a funny storyline on a sitcom. I'm literally worried about you at this point. You know, I'm worried. Who does that? All she does is walk in places and

go, I need a drink, I'm a drink for me, I love a drink. Hey, that's what I'm gonna have a new cop as a prop in my diary room session and this one is gonna say cockies because that's my thing. Cacked him. You're gonna look less, okay? Like what the hell? It's not a personality you should be afraid of. When your young is kinda cute and you're fucking strangers,

you're too old for this shit. I'm scared you're gonna fall down. Well I don't believe she's drunk. I think she's just one of those people that takes like a sip. It's like, oh my god, I'm just like so wasted. I'm so wasted. Why do you think all her glasses are opaque? That way you can't see how much stuff is in there.

Oh really? You think she's like faking drunk for a personality? Yes. If you, it's Marisol Patton. Wouldn't you think she would fake drunk for a personality? I mean, it's working. Yeah, but it's like when you do Coke at a party to look cool like everybody else, but

then you're like, oh my god, what's the Coke? And then you become a Coke addict, you know? Yeah. I mean, not to get too personal, but it wasn't a fun chapter, okay. Well, meanwhile, Nicole and Julia and Adriana are toasting because they're going to go to the Miami Open, but none of them actually know who's actually playing at the Miami Open. And then it just cuts the tricks. He going, Miami's on, on, on, on fire. A lot of fire. A lot of fire references.

It was worth me for this show. Hot and more and so he's going to set something on fire. She's always drunk. So then Lars is like, okay, children, we're gonna have some ground rules like kids like. It's ground rules kids like. And then we see Lenny and Lisa in the waning minutes of their marriage in the backyard with their son. Lenny just barely tolerating his wife

in this charade of a family that's happening here and just like she's like you guys are like wearing such ridiculous things you guys are always wearing stuff this is crazy what you guys are wearing we're a happy family right Lenny's like 30 minutes until I break this all off 30 more minutes can you do it he let me have the look of someone who started running on a treadmill and is immediately regretting it, but doesn't want to get off before the time is up. Yeah, and she's doing that that rich people thing where she's like, I mean, you guys, why are you so dressed up right now? Like, I mean, I'm comfortable, but like, when I'm comfortable, I'm still stylish. Yeah, because you're in like a thousand dollar outfit. Okay. We'll see how

stylish that looks next month. And then we go back to the beauty bar and Lexi is like, well, it's like crazy. Like, my employees like they don't like see me drinking very often. You know, they're always like someone get the bottle ready. Lexi has back it. They like never see me drinking. They never see me. And the lady offers a drink to Mary. So she's like, and there's a bad guy I don't care just with juice any kind of juice really you can put gasoline in there and be fine with it I drink a lot. It's my personality Oh, well, you know, I'm like so happy because like after Todd and I got married in December like everything's been like so good And like I'm so happy that we did that because like we ended the year and like we had like such a difficult year with like so many different challenges. It like one of the best

parts about getting married in December is that like now I can always talk about how we got married in December. So like we got married in December and that's like what we did in December, you know. God I'm so glad you did. I really believed in you that hold. Hey could you, what you're giving me a petting. Can you use a glitter and write alcoholic just one letter on each cell. You can't really count them out. I'm an alcoholic. If you run out of toes, just circle back like a typewriter. Some toes may have double letters, but they're from different parts of the word. And it'll become like a puzzle for people.

So she's like, yeah, so many challenges. You know, like the wedding with GERDI. And so then we see the whole, you know, oh my God, we lost the venue for the wedding. Oh, like all the wedding drama every single day was something new with this wedding. And then she goes, Mary so I was like, yeah, well, when my mom passed, everything got better for you because that's what she was doing

for me. So I know you were trying to make this about your wedding, but I'm going to make it about my mom. So is this juice? Is this just looks like vodka to me? Okay, actually, it's perfect. Thank you. Because I originally wanted to order vodka with vodka juice. Okay. So you made it right, thanks, hon. Go on to Lexia's beauty bar sipping on Janine juice. Lay back, Marisol.

So then we go to tennis and the ladies just keep looking at each other and going, tennis, tennis, tennis, tennis. Okay, guys, we can see, we can see Naomi Osaka is like literally playing and they like wow 10s Wow who's playing so cool right pickle pickle love pickle so it's Julia Alexia and no not Alexia Julia Adriana and Nicole So they're walking through and she's like we are here. Let's just follow the balls and Adriana's like oh yes, I'm sweaty and I love sweaty balls.

Ha ha ha ha. And they're close like, we are like legitimately behind the scenes right now. This is like the opposite of malicious. This is real, we're behind the scenes. It's not malicious. Well, out of all tournaments, Miami is my favorite. The Miami Open. Because it's not malicious. Well, out of all tournaments, Miami is my favorite. The Miami Open.

Because it's not closed, you know? Miami closed, you say open, and they don't open. You're like, why aren't you open? But this year is extra special because Martina is commentating on it. And then we get Martina getting her makeup. Oh no, hugging them all. And she's like, be careful. Be careful you're gonna mess up our lipsticks.

And I've already got one messy lipstick on my hand. To my right, girls. Anybody get that? It's a game. I don't need Pam Schreiver walking around you're thinking I'm dating a slut. But no. So Adriana is like, I love your shirt.

Very, oh. And Julia's like I bought it in Paris at international pickle mart and March was like no you bought it in Aspin. Oh, well don't talk to me about Aspin now because you're leaving me Leaving beautiful little emo behind in Miami. Oh They're like why are you leaving her for Aspen? And she's like, I have to get my scale on girls. And, um, joy,

Jennifer, could you bring in the shalves for the girls? Bring in the shalves. A lot of press in here. A lot of press. A lot of cleavage, a lot of cleavage. Hannah Storm says she doesn't want to see more cleavage than necessary. A lot of cleavage, Hannah Storm says she doesn't want to see more cleavage than necessary. So then Julia is saying, we've been empty nesters for six months, which as you know is because there were many bluebird nest near Parian, now they are empty and it's sad looking

at little boas of twigs, but also our children went away. And usually when children leave parents spend more time together, but for Martina it's opposite because she travels more to Aspen, leaving me little sad Imu back behind with other birds, nests and pickles. Cover your boobs, Imu. So then we go to Larza Having someone to hang a clock in her new apartment, which I don't know why that baby laughed But she's like no little like to the left like no no, I don't know the right leg like oh my god

Perfect I love circles. I think it's funny because I think that maybe on some level we both kind of felt Like Larza doesn't like clocks like Time is deep clocks are stupid. Why do we have like clocks now? They're down like new beginnings like no time If you don't have a clock the present. Yeah, yeah, if you don't have a clock time like this and happen like Like clocks are stupid like have a clocks are more interesting and then I'll pay attention to a clock like How many followers just the clock have? Also it's one of those clocks. It's not just a regular clock. It has three different clocks on it. I'm not sure what that is. Like New York Paris and L8, I mean, I don't know what it is.

Of course, it's like an underwater sea clock. You know, it's like some weird cloud. It's like water pre-flag. And Larsa has really, she's really done a lot of enhancements to her, but it's kind of hilarious. Like her butt and legs together. It looks like a salmon steak. I think it looks like two pork chops. I know it makes her very happy, and I'm glad it makes her happy, but also like it Literally is a ridiculous Different portions of this market. Are you fit into the car? How do you fit look?

I'm a big person when I gained weight. I was like oh my god I can't fit in a car right like your butt's bigger and it lifts you up and I have a flat butt I mean, I don't even have a butt and I still I'm like how are you fitting in that thing? Listen? I love a pop-as-on chair. I don't need to sew it inside of myself It's like she said I want the bottom half of my body to look like a tooth A molar though. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yes, because it does look like the two-star things going wide and down You know like roots the two starting things going on down, you know, like roots.

Ma'am, you've got a little tartar there on the top of that. That too. No, I just, it's a sad on something. Oh, all right. It's about. Okay. So yes, just bizarre licking, you know, but hey, you do you listen, if you want to be fork shaped, I support it. I just, who's the guy like

there's someone who has to stand in that roller coaster line like letting like telling short people that they can't come on like you don't fit on this ride and I'm sorry and it hurts you to hear that but it's just the rule what do you tell Larsa you know like the we can't lower down ma'am okay you can't come on the roller coaster no matter horn for you ma'am. Okay, you can't come on the roller coaster. No matter who I'm for you. Ma'am, I'm sorry. We cannot allow someone who has shaped themselves like a paddle attachment for a kitchenator.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I make like like I can make stuff like I want to make a better cream So I'm just gonna do you know that when I do whooping I make a better All right So So, uh, uh, Gurdy comes over to Lars' house and, um, she's like, oh my god, look at you. Do you look amazing? Look at me. I look amazing too. It's like 70s Miami chic, baby. Look at me. What is this new house? What is this new apartment? Oh my god. I love this apartment. Is this an apartment?

An apartment is like a house, but it's like in the sky, which is crazy. Is it? This doesn't have a foundation, right? No, no slights on apartment This is like if you took a subway station and then like close off the tube part of it and then put it in the exact opposite part of earth Which is in the sky that's what this is like wow? good to fight And it's like you look so good like it's like yeah turn around and show me the oh Jesus Christ Is that an ass? What is that? What is it looks great? It looks great. It's what I'm trying to say. Jesus holy mother God you need some help with that. Oh my God. What are you taking? What are you taking 12 people camping? Like what are you doing?

Oh my goodness. What what is happening? There is like a cloud of confectioners sugar coming out from your feet So Lars is like so like I like look that like so many homes and I just like couldn't find a house that I like really loved and like when I walked into this like penthouse I felt like it was a mansion in the sky like and I have a private elevator so like I don't see people like and I just Don't like walking through the front because like what if all the people who I'm like really proud of live in this building actually I get to see them like I don't like that proud of living this building. Actually, I get to see them. Like, I don't like that.

Yeah, she's like, I don't like to see people like, you know, because like at this, like house that I lived in with Scotty, it like, that was our house, but like this house, I used my own money. I didn't like use any of the money like I made from the divorce. It's mine. Yeah, and she's spending her money on indoor topiary.

Did you see it was like a big green topiary ball that she had next to her sofa? I'm like, I don't know, maybe you spent some of that money on... Pants, I think. And here it is, you know, for one. So, Gurdys, like, oh my god, who is here? Are there cute guys who live here? Are there guys? Where are they?

Where are the guys? Is there a gym here? Do they work out? You should go to the gym and look at the guys workout. She's like, well, there's like tons of athletes, but I'm like done with athletes like. I'm really into like big rig drivers and you know, like prison wardens at the moment. So it's like a choice.

This is like the best representation of Miami that there is. Like I'm obsessed with this. Like I can't wait to party. I know all the vendors out there. So just ask me, do you want to know a vendor? Okay, say a vendor. Say a word, say any word, say anyone. Popcorn, popcorn vendor.

Okay, smarties, on third street. There, no, the vendors. Good to fight. And she goes, well, I'm like scared to ask. I'm scared to ask you to give me anything, you know, because like, she goes, no, no, no, no, no. You want advice? I can give it advice, please.

Now I was kidding. Because she goes, yeah, what are my work blending with my life because of what I do, because my work is my life. yeah, what would my work blend it with my life because what I do because my work is my life but also my work it like blends with my life, you know, because like for example with Alexia I text her yeah, I was trying to lead you into the Alexie thing. Yeah, shut up So now with the Alexie thing like I text her I was like hey, you want to have dinner or whatever but like by whatever I mean dinner lunch, you know, not breakfast because gross, you know who eats that but like she doesn't even respond to me when it's not convenient for her But like she doesn't see me when it's not convenient for her. Like what if

it's convenient for me? Like do I get to see you in that? Like I can even follow like all that. So then it goes over to Alexia also complaining about Gerdy and she goes like so like oh well you know Alexia, like I mean oh well you know Gerdy like we did decide that we're going to celebrate and have like a party and like the first person I reached out to her was like, it was like, gritty because I was like, I need her. I didn't even reach out to Toad. I didn't even write to Gritty. And she wasn't very nice.

She wasn't very nice. And Marisa was like, whaaas if she hadn't heard the story like thirty or five times. She wasn't mine. Hey, check out my new shoes. They're still ugly. Drop time to make those shoes happen. I was so drunk when I bought me is Also, you're so kind to call Girty to throw you a free party because you know that's why she's calling Girty again

So she can get a televised free party How kind of you Alexia? Wow can't believe can't believe that didn't work out. So she's like You know so basically someone on her team sent an email. It wasn't even Gordy who sent me the email. Let me read it. So she goes to the diary when she puts on a glasses. She's like, Hey, Alexia, can you believe she said that? Hey, Alexia, like what is that supposed to mean?

Yeah. She then she goes, I hope all is well. Attach is your vendor list from your last wedding date, and we wanted to forward your information over to you as we plan your future event. And let me know if you have any questions. Like, thanks, Cat. Like, how does she do that? Like, how does she find a cat?

And then find that teacher cat has a new email. And then have that cat email me. Like, that's crazy. Like, you don't even have a human email me. That's like disrespectful. I mean, like, it would have been more respectful if it was like a dog because, like, that's my best friend. But a cat, I don't know that cat likes me Like you know, it's like that like figure from like Pinocchio. Like I don't know. I don't know what cat this is

So she told me like I have a wedding day that day and then we started talking about her skills You know her wedding planning skills and then it cuts to Gerdy going She started comparing my fundraiser from my dead brother and my nieces to the bachelor of rep party they had. And I was like, that has nothing to do with the fundraiser for dead people, you know? As if that's supposed to make me wanna do your bachelor of rep party. What?

What? What? What was his conversation? And why wasn't it filled? Because this is an amazing fight. Well, you know the conversation was Alexia saying, well, you know, I felt like, you know, I had like a Bachelorette party in the Versace Mansion

and that was nice and everything, but like, well, you know, Peter said it could have been nicer and then I saw like your fundraiser and like, that was really nice and I don't know why we didn't have a fundraiser at Bachelorette party. Yeah, and no funds were raised at my Bachelorette party. Like, I didn't even have to file a tax document for my bachelor's at party and I'm offended about it.

So, um, so silly. These shows cracked me up, especially this one. What a fight. So it cuts back to Alexia and she's like, yeah, and like, I was kind of hurt that I was like, you know, like having to beg this woman to help me with my party. And Mary says like, you know, like having to beg this woman to help me with my party. And Mary said, like, well, busy and booked, busy and... She got it wrong. I love that she got it wrong.

So the same booked and busy. Well, busy and booked, but booked and boozy. Boozy and how's it go? How the kids saying it these days? I just need to know what to put in the letter on my cup. Can somebody help me out here? Busting. Yo, yo, yo, Landa, you only live in, uh, you only live at next door at, at once, how's it going? I better say bye because you only leave once Make it count

Well, it's like every time I like something on Facebook yellow you only like once because then you're unlocking and then liking again It's really the same thing It's confusing you do that too when anytime. She'll jump into a seizure You know, I should really warn you about that I'm so blurry. What can I say? She just said she's busy in book and then it cuts to Gurdy saying it correctly. She's like, yeah, I don't have time to be stressing out over stuff like that. Do you know I'm too blessed and booked and busy. There you thought I was going to mess it up, didn't you?

But I did. Yes, you thought I was going to say, um, I'm too blessed to be stressed, but actually, I'm too blessed and too booked and busy. And I'm not stressed. So I'm just blessed. But your event is going to be the first time that we all get together. So we'll see how that goes.

And Lurs is like, yeah, my event to new beginnings like, but like I will not be tolerating, not be lautitating, not be tater-tating. I'm putting it that, that, that, here's you jumping like. And she's like, the bullshit. You're not going to be tolerating the bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, like that clock, gross.

And then it shows, and then it's like a flashback to the reunion of Adriana saying, well, your butt doesn't look natural, the shape of it. So, her name is like, you know what? Like Adriana, she has her own internal issues and which she's overcoming with her own being. Okay, she's not terrified yet. And so now it goes to Adriana, over at the tennis thing, and Adriana's like, well, I have

higher standards, and I'm, you know, I've extended the olive branch to the part with the party, and every, she extended the olive branch to the party, and Nicole's like, well, I'm fortunately, and not maliciously, and we're unfortunately going to be out of town. So it will not be at her party. Oh, so you have the perfect excuse. We haven't spoken since New York and Alexia, I know she's throwing more insults online. And Julia's like, yeah, she called Adriana an old man, can you believe she doesn't look like old man, she looks like the

cute person on six flag commercial. The old man, no, like the cute person on Six Flack commercial. The old man? No, like the man ran for president Ross Piro. The old man? No, sorry, I mean Santa Claus, very Santa Claus, Adrian. James, like just stop. Stop what you're behind. It looks like she looks like water, Matt Thou, right? Star of Crumpy Old Man. Yeah, oh, I see, I see. But not Crumpy, but not Crumpy.

So just Old Man. No. So then we go over to Gerdy, back to Gerdy, and she's like, um, and then, you know, wait, who made a comment and she replied, and Mars is like, yeah, I made this post. And it said like, I don't like have time like for the hate like or whatever.

And then Julia replied, oh, like, Mars is projecting or like something like that. And then I was like, stay out of a weirdo whatever like. And then Julia was like, really? I am weirdo, I am weirdo who puts cucumber on face and flies and chases at chickens. I'm weirdo now. am weirdo who puts cucumber on face and flies and cheeses at chickens, I am weirdo now, like just putting things in perspective here, like who is the most weirdo,

because I am weirdo because I am a farmer, I am weirdo and she is the one who is selling her feet for $10 a pack, frankly saying her post on Instagram, seeing her boobs every morning was giving me indigestion, so I unfollow her. She's the weirdo now. And she tells us, Larsa's Instagram is just selfies with big lips doing these. And she starts like doing selfie poses, like Larsa does. And Adriana does a Larsa impression.

She's like, they are wanted, they are there are wardens that are so lonely in this world. I'm just here to help you. So then Larsza went and blocked Julia and Larza goes, well like if you're interesting to me I will follow you but like I have like 5,000 first cousins that I don't follow Instagram because their lives are very simple. So of course I then went to see who she's acting like what they're like

like wheezing like telling the fields or something like that. But I then went to Larsa's Instagram to see who she follows and they're all kind of Larsa types. And then there's one account she follows called Squishy Tushy. And it's like nine images of NFTs. I was like, wow. So this is, and the NFTs are all like draw, they're like cartoon butts. I was like, okay, well, I guess that's what's interesting to you.

Oh, so Gertie, she goes, yeah, it's like very simple, but guess what? It's a new day with new beginnings like, and Gertie says, what, you have been having a party, extending an olive branch, so that's two new beginnings. So then we go over to Mary soul's house and Lisa comes over and Mary soul's like oh

God, I think we might need a little bit more of this vodka. I know my audience my audience is Lisa Hey little green goose glad you're here. Come on. Come my best friend. God, I love drinking, I'm just such a drunk a drink, all the time. And then she's like shaking a half gallon of orange juice in the interview and she's like, she's like, it's a screw driver, aren't I wacky? I brought a half gallon of orange juice, wow. So Kiki shows up and then Lisa too and Lisa's like, I'm trying to transition L into the big girl bed

and it's like not going well, okay, because like every one, Marisol's like, is she afraid of monsters in the room? She's like, no, well, there's no monsters in the room, just my mother-in-law, oh well, she's very scary. I used to be afraid of clowns murdering me, so I'd fall out of bed and scream, and I'd say, someone get me a cocky,

and my mom would say you're two years old and I said it doesn't matter we're not really Americans so we don't follow American laws get this little girl a cocky right now and it saved everything. I mean still sometimes I'll fall out of the bed in the middle of the night and the monster under the bed doesn't look like this. Oh my god that's it. Yeah sorry, sorry. That was me. I fell asleep in L's bed I was just a drunk This is this Mary's all under the bed Mommy, there's something in my room. No, there's not kids. I'm hang out

How come there's so many screwdrivers in the room? What am I? They said a property, brothers. Give me more, kid. She had marisol stars and poltergees. Oh, God. They are back. The conkeys that are. That is. All right. Don't worry. I'm not a scary monster. I'm just a monster here to tell you a story about a beautiful woman who likes to drink.

You ready? Grand Goose, Belvedere, T-Mails, and go, God, my objects back. So, um, Kiki, uh, Oh, Lisa's like, Oh, oh yeah, I know but Logan had the same thing and so that he's afraid So they play off each other like I'm scared no, I'm more scared than they went over all over the house screaming I'm scared. I'm scared and Kiki's like Kiki's there too She's like um, so you're having a lot more sex though, right because you're all married and in relationships The only one that should be dry is this one here like okay Kiki welcome back glad you're all married and in relationships. And the only one that should be dry is this one here.

I'm like, okay, Kiki, welcome back. Glad you're back. Yeah. Glad you got a second season. No one's talking about sex and a relationship. Well, what do you, where did that come from? You just have that one saved up in the car. The only dry one should be this one.

They didn't call themselves dry, Kiki. I know, but then of course Lisa's like oh well I mean yeah well we're not having as much sex anymore because Lenny's testosterone levels have gone down and I'm like is it me is it you and he's like no for sure it's not you so like I know it's not me that's the problem I mean like I'm like hey I'm still hot like I look great I mean we're still obviously attracted to each other. I mean, he looks better than ever. I mean, he's been working out.

He has a trainer. He's eating good. I mean, what could possibly be going wrong? Oh, yeah, he's cheating. Girl, girl, your man starts suddenly becoming happy, not sleeping with you, and working out all the time and trying to look better. He's cheating on you.

You've seen any true crime documentaries, man. Oh my gosh. So she's like, yeah, I've never seen this item any before and I like it. I've been trying to get him to do this for years and so I'm so excited. He's finally listening to me. I want him to look good, but not too good. Not too good. God, those girls out there will jump on that.

And I would love to say that's bullshit who would jump on money. But apparently a lot of really hot, beautiful people. So there you go. Listen, people want to get that star island zip code, right? So yeah, she's like Lisa is doing that classic thing that we just love, which is when they just really stick their foot in their own mouth to be in the season. You know, like who are you trying to look good for? It better be for me.

Obviously it's for me. Obviously it's for me. Right. Obviously and Kiki's just looking away and cringing like up, seeing this story before. She's like, Kiki is doing Jim from the office to the camera. She's like, look at the camera, like you're catching this, right? So Kiki tells us one thing I know about men is when they're working out, they're ready to boom, boom, boom. And so if you're not getting a boom, boom, boom,

somebody is getting a boom, boom, boom. You know what I'm saying? So, um, Lisa's very upset. She's like, um, I did not know that Larsa had found a house. I only found out from the invitation. It's like, if this is, first of all, if this is supposed to make us like, like, uh, furious on your behalf, I'm sort of not feeling it. Like, oh my God.

She only found out Larsa moved when Larson invited her to her house wow yeah for his shooting day so she's like well I reached out to her and I said hey what's the party for and she's and like what's the dress code and do you need anything and she said it's all about new beginning so I mean anyways anyways on a well no oh, on a well-known, oh, anyway. On a well-known Instagram show. She knows weird, I've been so excited.

Wait a minute. She like, she like could not find any way to bridge her like anger with her shade. She's so, she just clunkly, she's clunkly, clunkly, clunk, oh, but you know Peter, he's clunky. And she just transitions into this like Instagram thing in such a strange way. Like on a popular, well-known Instagram page that posts photos in a humorous fashion that ridicule various things to certain degrees of humor depending on how much it's like, gets at the point, Lisa? Seriously. Is it the first time? No, that's like gets at the point Lisa.

Seriously, is it the first side? No, that's a cartoon in the paper. You know, just like kind of talks about things in the humorous way. Do more. No, that's gossip. So just say what it is so we can follow this damn site. Okay. This page. So I'm sorry about my fish tank air. Oh, God, Luke, that's why I was pausing. Oh, when you know, I was like, my staying in the loft. Like, what's happening in here? Well, we can't have any fish deaths happening during this podcast. So you've got sent to your creatures. Yeah. So it's safe now, but that's what that's why I was pausing. Oh, well, I was reading Ronnie on this very funny. It's like a humor Instagram account about like the only fish in your tank are sluts. I just read it somewhere. My God, I did not tell any

of my friends that baby gorgeous the fish got a new house this week. So she's kind of invited to shed right now. I only found I only found out about Baby Gorgeous' new house from the invitation to the new house. Yeah. Ha. Commissars, here comes one right now. So Mary souls like, well, yeah, the website, she's talking about that, she notes your lifestyle.

Yeah. So I guess it's saying, like this is where these people live, and this is what it says about their lifestyle, right? So at least it's like, yeah, she talks about her building, and this lady said, that's where drug dealers hookers

and the only fans people live. And I was like, what? I don't know anything about this. Like I do not know about this. And Kiki hides her face like, oh my God, did you say this? Why did you say this? Yeah. She's like, oh, I guess, I mean, I didn't say it.

Like I read it, like somebody else wrote it. So like, oh God. Yeah. She's just, I feel like this is gonna be used against me. I'm not happy with it. I'm not happy with it. I'm not happy with Your strange ass Shade type of like Instagram shade that you're trying to throw here and by the way, it was clear

It was one of those stupid things where like people do in LA all the time like oh so for like is like Brooklyn West Hollywood is where the guys are Hollywood's where the douchebags are like the valley That's where you've like given up and you've become like a suburban It's like one of those stupid things, but she's like reporting it as if it's like Tom Broca Oh, this is just on the news. Hi, I'm Harry Hamlet, William Tom Broca on This just in this address where Larza Pipin lives is where horrors and only fan people and their pimps all live. Goody Just before we go to commercial, I I just like to update you all that I still have not gotten a thank you from Larza Pipin for the pasta sauce I sent her. So thank you

for being my best. Like I only thank people who I find interesting like. Harry Hamlet is like so simple. So Mary still is like, well, you know, I was sitting here and that will not be used against you. I mean, you were just saying something you saw, it's not something you said, it's something you saw, which is something you didn't say, what you did say. I forgot what we were talking about. I'm an alcoholic. So now we go to Dr. Nicole's house where she's sorting bathing suits and Anthony calls her to say that he's driving into the driveway It's one of those people and I'm almost so I'm like, oh wow he did the toilet lid for you

But the fuck do you want me to say? I'm here. I'm here. I want to go to the window and see my small penis car. It's out here in the driveway here in the driveway. Oh, if you want to see the second incarnation of Robin Williams coming in the drive, it's me. It's me coming through the drive. Also, when is this guy going to get arrested? Cause this seems like some shady shit. You know, I said it season one, I'm just going to stick with it. This, I'm sorry, but those are too many zillion dollar cars.

And you're too many too many for dollar cars. Too many for a lawyer. Too many for a lawyer who represents people who are not breaking the law in massive, massive infrastructure really way across country. Like they have an infrastructure of breaking the law. The infrastructure really. I love that. I'm meaning that they have a system that there is a infrastructure of people that work under them

and they are delivering goods across international letters. Yeah. That's a little too much braggity, braggity can't wait to you go to jail. Even though he's nice and I enjoy you so far. You know, can't wait to see you go to jail. Well, I think I think the producers know they know. I mean, that's why we have that's why we've had Lisa on for so long. They have invested in Lisa. They planted that seed. They put a little Lisa bulb in the in the ground like someday. This is going to

sprout with a horrific divorce. And now it has arrived. So I think they are just waiting for the Anthony scandal to hit. Yeah, Crime has been huge on Bravo. Just cast someone that looks like their husband might go to prison. Yeah. Nicole, the most interesting. No, not really. But her husband might go to prison. So let's get her on. I'm media. Hmm. So they are packed. They're going to go to the same parts. They're going to go to celebrate their friends 40th birthday party

and it'll be, it's gonna be all adults, no kids. So that's interesting for people who care. And then Anthony has his, so he's driving a Ferrari, that's like worth $400,000. Then we see has this massive garage of sports cars, they're all like several hundred thousand dollars, which is just so ridiculous, it's like, you know, you're gonna drive them

once every six or nine months, all that money for that, you know? And so we see all that and the reason why I got really mad about it and he doesn't let her drive cars except for an assamartan because she's like not a good driver. But then they start talking about throwing an engagement party

and he's like, the bib, can we keep it under $100,000? Bib, you have a garage full of cars to make you feel more like a man and you won't let her have more than $100,000 worth for her party. I mean, yes, $100,000 is quite a lot for her party. Yeah, that's a lot. But you're gonna spend $400,000 on a toy? Well, that's true too.

Yeah. So they're making pizza and they're homemade pizza other than whatever and talking about this stuff. And Nicole's like, yeah, I mean, if you had asked me last year, I would have said, who cares? Like, I don't even wanna be married. And then we see a clip from last year of her saying, like, who cares? Like, I don't even wanna be married. and then we see a clout clip from last year of her saying like who cares like and then we come back and Anthony's like

speaking of weddings your father what about that guy I haven't seen him for a minute any more interaction with a fucking loser she's like um I don't know I guess it's just status quo babe and then we see a clip of her dad being like a drunk me drunk I out there you know I'll have another shot of that there, okay? Yeah. Great. Her dad came over and her dad came over for Thanksgiving wasted to cook a turkey in her oven

and then leave. That's the goal. I will never forget that. Yeah, we better see much more of him this season, okay? So, yeah, so, but basically, Anthony's like, well, we should have him at... He's basically reading the lines that Nicole has written for him. Like, is your dad coming? We should have him come to the engagement party.

Okay, babe, I've done enough. Is this scene over? Okay, he's done a great job. You done a great job. Yeah, he definitely does do that. So then Lars' party and, you know, a bunch of people are running around putting things together and she's like, wow, it looks so good.

Like, hey, do we have a green wall with fake greenery that says, let's part, oh, there it is, that's party. Okay, we can start now. Wow. Okay, so she's not even in her apartment. She's in the community center room. Of the apartment building. Oh, and literally it's a even in her apartment, she's in the community center room. Of the apartment building. Oh, immediately it's a very nice community center,

but yes, it is the community center. Oh, yeah. And she's like walking around. So she has this friend named Zana, who's like official sidekick. And basically Zana says yes to whatever Larsa does. And Larsa makes Zanna do everything. So they're walking around and there's just some guy,

some douchebag sitting around, he's like, hey, I like your outfits. He's like, oh thanks, do you live here? It goes, I do. Yeah, well, we just moved into the building. Oh, you guys did, what are your names? Beyonce, Kelly Rowland. He's like, wow, I don't think he gets it.

He's like, that's funny. You know, there's a singer named Beyonce. I think he gets it because he's like, wow, Ricky. I think he met like Ricky Martin, but that's not really a one name thing. You know, you can't just say Ricky because I'm like from Silver Spoons, you know, like Ricky Martin is great in everything, but he's not like really a one name. And then they just kind of look at him and then Tana goes, I'm just kidding. And I was just like, yeah, I'm Varsa. That's Zana. And he goes, yeah, he's like fantastic.

Like, ooh, keep in your pants. So fucking gross. This place also, I have to say that in the party room, the community party room, there's a bar, but then a huge sign above the bars that says mix, salogy mixes. Mix all of your answers. Stere case stairs to the left. Tucky. So then Adriana is going to Julius House and Julius like look at me wacky Julia not weird Julia unput cucumber on my face And Adriana comes over and Julia's like look at me. I cheated as cucumber

Chill as cucumber booked and a booked so then Adriana's like she's like, okay Well, I want to show I want to I want to coordinate my outfit with you So here's my outfit and I want to see what your dress is like So just like showing off dresses looking at different dresses I don't know why I laughed though. She goes this is Versace lime green Selena Gomez wore this to something I just think that's so funny I need something Selena Gomez make it happen. Selena Gomez found going to Chipotle in this green dress. So I'm gonna wear it.

What's $20? So then Julie is like, guess what I'm wearing? Little feathers with cucumbers. Ha! So then we go over to Lisa's gigantic closet. God, this shows really. I want to say sad to what? It's not sad, you know, because they are a nightmare couple.

It's more of like a sad, it's like if this was the sad you made when you were crying. Ha! Like sad, like that kind of, it's a weird sad. It's like, if this was the sound you made when you were crying. Like that comments. It's a weird sound. Well she feels sad because she's in a household of sadness, of cold sterile surfaces. And she is now getting into glam with Danny, her doating gay who always has this smile on his face, like a permanent smile, but you know, there's like rage behind it.

And so she sits down and what should be a happy moment, getting glam, but she's like sad. And he's like, so what do you want to do, huh? And what do you want to go? What do you want to go for? She's like, I just want to be me today. You know when you're feeling off and you're not feeling like quintessential Lisa. Yeah. I just want to be me.

Really? Because you're sitting in a closet that cost more than most people's homes, talking to a gay that's paid to like you. Seems quintessential Lisa to me. I mean, what's the difference? So Gertie calls and Lisa's like, it's so weird, because I haven't been texting with Varsa and it's like so weird, right? Yes, it's weird. Like considering how close we were, like me, you know I like haven't been texting with Martha and it's like so weird right? Yes It's weird like considering how close we were like me, you know like she should be texting me like why aren't we and there's like such a lack of

Communication it really bothers me Okay, well I was gonna talk about fun fun razors and bachelor parties, but this is not as fun so bye so uh now also want to be quesential Lisa. Based now Larson is showing up for new dress and she's finding a way to say new beginnings every other word. She's like, I'm just here's my new dress and Zanna's like that dress is fire. Yeah, because it's new beginnings. So I'm going to wear new beginnings for for my dress because it's like new beginnings and like and it's like not simple beginnings, just like new beginnings. So I'm going to wear up new beginnings for my dress because it's like new beginnings in like, and it's like not simple beginnings, just like new beginnings. I don't know how many times Larser can claim that there have been new beginnings for crying

out loud. I mean, how many new beginnings have happened on her face at this point? Well, a lot of new beginnings. Every day is a new beginning. So then Lars is like, yeah, they're like all invited to my new beginnings party, but like my home, I want it to be that good feelings in my home. So I've been invited to be on it in Julia, because it's my home. And Zana goes facts. What? You are on fire facts. Those facts are on fire. Car facts. Yeah, you want to buy a car got all the car facts. Well, you better hurry cuz it's on fire Sure, and Lars was like Julia's like a weirdo like and Adriana's like a wildcard like so the fact that I invited them to Into my new building party says like a lot about my character because I included them I just didn't invite them to a very intimate apartment meeting

happening beforehand. Like it's my home. Like, so she's like, yeah, I don't like want it to like seem like I'm a petty person because I'm not. It's just like my home is my sanctuary at home, you know. So then Lisa continued. She's just like, yeah, that was, it's just one more little thing. Like I was having cocktails and she's still talking to Gerdy. She's like, I was having cocktails and it was like fun times. But then we brought up Larsa where she lives and then I brought up like this roast account. Like can he rot your roasters?

No, like, it's a count with roasting on it. Like a toaster? No. I have a vendor for that. No, it was like- Toaster venue. We're going to have a toast party. I've got the perfect toaster venue for you. So I was just like repeating a joke.

It's like one of those jokes like, oh, you know, if you live in like whatever building, then there's prostitutes and whores in there, you know, the usual stuff, right? So like, guess what? The joke was wrong, because like I went back to Instagram account and she said, it's not hookers and prostitutes. It's just only fans people.

I'm such a dumb dumb getting the roast wrong. She's trying to save herself by getting that on camera. Not gonna work. And girl, he's like, oh god Lisa, oh my god, what is the toast then they're gonna think about this. And she's like, I was wrong. It wasn't large as building cast. Sometimes I don't really speak before I think. And she says, I gotta tell Larsa before anyone else opens their mouth, which is while I'll go through extreme pains not to be early whatsoever. In fact, I'll be the latest one there to make sure no one gets to hear before me.

Right. So Kiki gets over to Larsa's house and she's like, oh my god, Kiki, like you're in my home like, like it's my home, new beginnings. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Normally I don't got some, but a couple of days ago. So Kiki slowly roll. Kiki walked in. Kiki walked in and was like, is it, is this true? Like I'm the first one here. I can actually, I can this song people wait a lifetime for a moment. Like this. She said, do it, Kiki, do it. You can start a scene. So she basically tells Lararsa, you know, like, oh, well, you know, Lisa and I were talking and she said that the only people who live here are only fans, people, hookers and pimps. Lisa's like, Lisa, Larsa, Larsa said, Lisa said that. And then Zana

comes in, she was like, excuse me, what? That's a great job, Zana. Great job. You have a, why is it so offensive that she said that anyway? I mean, if you're saying there's hookers and prostitutes there, what is the huge difference in only fans? And why are we shaming that? It's like only fans is okay, but hookers are not okay. Like why are you shaming hookers? I don't like that.

Well, she's taking it. It's like, I'm gonna be in the sex industry, but I'm gonna shame other people in the sex industry because somehow it's just my feet. So I'm like, classier, it's hypocrite. Well, I don't think that Larsa, well, the funny thing is Larsa, maybe Larsa is not offended about like hookers

and whatever, like prostitutes and hookers is the same thing basically. But she just knows that Lisa would be offended. So if Lisa says that she knows that in Lisa's mind, it's a real malicious thing to say. So she's mad because Lisa was coming from a place of snootiness. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Just like basically trash talking on new house, which I got. Yeah. I guess it's just more of a question for the entire episode. So like how dare she? Hell goes in prostitutes in Disappartment Building. Um, I got a guy make a come.

I got to make a kayak come with my big toe. So can we move this along? Yeah. I think so. I got to make a kayak come. I think I almost did. I don't know what I'm saying. There's a kayak that's on its way.

Like, there's a kayak census. Guys, it's not prostitution, it's making kayaks come. So that's different. That's different. Well, that's actually funny. Well, the thing that actually negates everything I just said is that Larza then goes, hookers, that's her community. So yeah, she uses her face to shame people with also.

Yeah, I just don't, I don't get it. Um, so then, um, she's a cat. Well, the only people I know who live here are Harvard guys and finance guys. I mean, I hear because I don't take the same elevators, them, but like, that's what I hear. And Ricky Martin. So then the doorbell rings and it's like, Gerdy and she's like, I come with gifts. Okay, are you serious? Is everyone, oh wow, you already decorated everything. Look at this. Okay, I've got a gift.

I got a walk around. Okay, I've got a giant, a giant thing of flowers and I'm going to walk around in circles in your living room for 10 minutes before I put it down and just say, I have a gift, I have a gift, I have to put this down, I have to put this down. Where should I put this? Where should I put this?

Okay, we're, okay, I'm putting it down. It is now down. I have now put it down. Do you need a vendor? I am here with a vendor. Good to find. Okay, well while she's still walking around the circles I just want to say that Lisa should talk because she's she's got hookers at her house parties every weekend

And so I'll say that this is mine not Lenny's haters. They should have a website called wack bitches dot com I love Lars' insults. Weirdo. You're a grumpy old man. You should be on whackbitches.com. Oh my God. Oh my God. She makes me laugh.

So then Alexia comes with Johnny, her gay, and Alexia is like, oh, you know, I'm not really feeling goody right now. So the fact that she doesn't want to finish what we started and throw this wedding party, I'm like really disappointed. Oh, hi, Gertie. And Gertie is like, well, the reason I'm not planning part two of Alexia's extravagance is because she had the nerve to compare my fundraiser for my dead brother who's dead to

a bachelor at party in Versace Mansion, who's also dead, but that's not the point. And to me, like that can be comparable. And it was disrespectful. It was personal because we were talking about my brother called the Tuskfender. That's what I said. And Alexia is like, well, you know, Peter said, I respect that Lars' party is like new beginnings. And so I don't think it's a good idea for me and Grady to have this conversation tonight because I like want to have fun. So then Marisol comes over and says, wow, look at the Pips pad. Wow. Look at that. Wow, parties here and khakis for everyone. Boo. Sorry, I didn't want to scare you, but apparently I have that reputation. Ding dong. Ding dong, open mouth. Who is that? It's a bottle of

gray. The gray is the amount of slide down you. Wow. Hi, everybody. Hashtag about last morning, am I right? So then Mary Salk comes over, like I said, and Lars is like, okay, so you were there with Lisa. What did you say about my apartment? I like wanna hear what you have to say about it. And Mary's still like, oh my God, one of these questions,

where's my cocktail? Where are we starting with, where are we starting with questions? Questions before conkeys. That's not how it works. Conkeys before questions. Get on air. Ah.

Cockies before questions never been sicker. Am I right? Is that how it goes? Hey, so she said there were hustlers, only fans, and I don't know, something like that here. And Larsa's like, but who's the bigger hustler than many weirdo and a grumpy old man? So then Lisa walks in and like has no idea

that everyone's talking about or she's like, hi everyone, it's Lisa. I just wanna be me tonight. It's just me, classic Lisa. It's Quenential Lisa here, everybody. And there's this like, welcome to the hood. Why would you say a hood? Yeah, because that's like what,

isn't that what you said my building was? oh, I'm gonna be a bad girl tonight But like you're not like her car. So why would it be a hood? No, it was the disc was a different kind of hood Let pay attention Well your place is beautiful and so are you and she tells us somebody to let the cat out of the bag And I think I have a good idea of who it was. And then it cuts to Kiki just looking away, like to the side, like, what? Well, you know, it's good, you know,

I'm glad they let the cat out the bag because it was stuck in that bag writing emails to me, and I did not appreciate that. So Lars is like, guys, you want to see my house? It's like a tour, welcome to my home. Like, if you're my home, that means you're like important and have want to see my house. It's like a tour welcome to my home Like if you're my home that means you're like important enough to be in my home I don't have bedding yet, but we can go you don't have bedding Home is this who has a house without bedding. It's like the most important thing

Well, it was in the beyond Don't even get me started about the bath. I tried to go, but it was so far. So, um, so then Lisa's like, am I allowed to go on the tour? Like, why'd you say welcome to hood? Can I come on the tour? Can I come to? And the Lars was like, yeah, come on.

She was, well, why'd you say the hood? It was a joke. It was a joke. Like, she's so defensive because she knows what Lars was getting at, right? And Lars was like, you know what's funny? I looked at line one day and they were talking about how you guys rent your house every weekend to pay your mortgage. At least it's like, what? What rent? What? Mortgage? What? What's a house? I didn't know what a house is. What are you talking about? It's stupid. I don't know. And then my favorite sound

effect. So, I'm just like, I'm not. That's a lie. I'm like, I thought this was new beginnings and you're gonna start new beginnings with that. That's a fucked up lie. And she tells us, first of all, I don't have a mortgage. So there's that. There's no mortgage. So I don't know where she's getting that information from. I mean a mortgage. I mean, everybody has a mortgage, okay? And yes, you do have a fucking mortgage, okay? It might not be in your name. In fact, I bet that it's not, but you still have one. Yep, and Lars was like, well, it's like an online account

that all my friends have sent me. And they're like, do you know that Lisa rents her house to pay her mortgage? And Lars says, and then she's like, well, at least like your backyard. Like, you rent your backyard. You rent your backyard. Like, I said it, you ran your backyard.

I love this like, this like, rental shaming. Which is funny coming from also someone who sort of like rents out in a certain metaphorical sense for feet. Yeah, you rent out your feet. Who are you shaming? And then Lisa's like, no, I don't actually.

And Martha tells us, Nikki Jam, yeah, she's in the process of suing Nikki Jam over like, you know, like him not like paying to rent the backyard. And Mary Saul tells us, Well they rent the house. People have told me it's 40 in Cana, Renton. I know they do. And Gerdy says, yeah, I know she's rented it before because I've seen music videos taking place there. I don't see anything wrong with it. I mean, hey, more money is more money. Do you boo-boo?

Yeah, I feel like they're all kind of confused. Like, should we be mad about this renting? It seems sort of like a good thing. Seems like a smart thing to do. So Lisa's like, I am good in the money department. So that comment is really fucked up. Really fucked up. At Larsa's like,

so what's fucked up about the house that I paid for myself? I paid for this myself, not Lenny, not Lenny. It's like it was a joke Larson. Yeah, but this is a joke too then. This is a joke too then when I told you, it's like a joke in my home. And so people hear them fighting and they all gather around to watch the fight.

And Lisa's like, wait, that's a joke. It's supposed to be a joke. It's like, yeah, it's a joke. It's a home joke. Like in my home, like what you said, a joke, and like your rental homes, like what I said is a joke in my home that I pay for with my own money. Like have you never heard of like, um, renting backyard comedy? Like that's like a really popular style of stand-up comedy. It's like a joke when you say, your, your mom is so fat that she rents a backyard and people are like, ha, ha, you never heard that joke before? Hey, knock, knock. Who's there?

Your whack.com, your whackbitch.com. Why don't you chicken cross the road? Why? To get to your backyard, because it rented it. Yeah, well this is a new beginning party. This is a new shit party, okay? Because I come to a party and I immediately get taxed. Like, what is this?

A new beginning party? It's like, yes, this is my home. I pay for this, because it's my home. Do you know how many times I've gotten athletes' foot and still have made enough dudes splooch to buy this apartment? I once stepped my toe and my rates went up 45% and won't leave. So she goes, I worked hard for this. Okay, I don't want you to leave, but if you do leave the jet, that's because it's a joke that's on you,

a joke about renting your home specifically the backyard. And it's on you because it's a joke of comedy. Simmel Lisa storms out and Gerdy follows her into the hallway and Gerdy's like, oh my god, you're coming from a place of hurt right now. Okay, it's a hurt. It's like, there should be a red-headed lady inside this locker with you because it's a heart locker and

Mary so it's like well she didn't feel she did feel bad about it At least it's like you know stop saying it cuz that was fucked up and let me tell you something Kiki I told Kiki I told you in the car I said don't bring this up let me bring this up and then Kiki I offered you a ride home And then Kiki I offered you a ride home key You said I I don't know Kiki is like yeah, you did she goes okay Well, can I talk can I talk?

And I told you don't say anything to Larsa did you not tell me in the car You're not you're gonna let me handle it and he goes it doesn't matter what I said But your words have meetings because well I thought about it And I thought if someone says something about my friend that doesn't sit well with me I need to go back and I need to tell her I mean look I'm only a friend of okay I'm working hard to get we don't have apples but whatever we are holding what are we holding cocaine? What is it? But I want to hold the two Baggies of cocaine they said they should all just have bricks of cocaine in there

So yeah, I will tell my friend. And Lisa's like, whatever. And so she starts storming down the hallway, but then everyone's like slowly filing into the elevator. And Lisa's not gonna go on the elevator because she's so mad, but the door is like, well, close. And then they're like slightly closing, but like really slowly.

And it's like, whatever, I'm leaving. And then she goes out into the production hallway and we see the producer standing there. And she's like, I'm leaving. Kiki's found her voice. Whatever. Kiki's a fucking fraud. Yeah.

And then Zana and Johnny are like boarding the elevator and they give each other a look almost like to say, good luck out there. You too will become full-time cast members soon enough. Yeah. So totally on your way, guys. Yeah. They're like acting like they're about to step into the Hunger Games. So now Adriana and Julia are on root.

And Julia is, she's like, I let my feelings at home. I am going to have different feelings because I've given too much importance to Larsa and I'm going to bounce off Larsa, the larsa bounce back because larsa is a bouncer I'm like I don't know what you're saying right now I Am rubber larsa is glue what larsa says to me sticks to larsa because our ass is so big Whatever Larsa says to me, bounces off me, hits Martina.

Martina gets very mad, go to ask me, and then I'm like, Ibu, Ibu. So Lisa and Gerde, back to Lisa and Gerde, Gerde is like, well, the thing is on the 55th floor,

can you believe it and check? Did you see that? What just happened in there? She accused me. And now Lisa's in that repeat thing where she just gets mad and starts repeating the same thing over and over for the rest of the episode.

And Gertie has aligned herself with Lisa and she's stuck with her and she's getting really annoyed, not a nightmare. So Lisa's going on and she's like, really, she's ranting and raving and Gertie's like, stop it ranting and raving and gruelling. Stop it, stop it, stop it. And then somehow, I don't know how this happened.

Borgherty and Lisa, who did not take the elevator, somehow wound up at the community center before everyone else. So Larsa and all the other women walk up and Larsa's like, oh God, are you still doing this? Like, okay, so you feel attacked? How did you even get here before me? I have a private elevator, like. And everyone's circling them to watch them fight again. And Lisa's like, why is everyone around us?

I'm irritated, like I rent my house, what? So Lisa, I'm like a really good friend, like okay, like. So you're a good friend, oh that was malicious, what you did. That was malicious. The key word of real housewives of Miami That was malicious. So I And so they decided to sit down and Laura says like yeah, but like I feel like I'm late to my own party Like like it's not in my home, but like still it's like my party and

Like I invited you to only give you like good energy Like when have I ever repeated anything? I heard about you to only give you like good energy like when have I ever repeated anything I heard about you in my life like there's like five billion things I could say about you and your relationship and your home and your husband and I don't say it okay so don't knock my building don't knock my apartment like that's fucked up that's hurtful and that's like fucked up like yeah well this party should be called the new beatings party cuz I'm getting a metal beat down from Martha And these guys stop yelling at me. Just now. I'm just telling you like I've earned my shit. I'm like you

Oh, well guess what I wasn't with my husband since I was 21 years old I had to work very fucking hard I was 21 years old. I had to work very fucking hard, okay? And so don't let me tell you I have, don't tell me I haven't earned my shit. Do you know how many mid-range plastic surgeons I had to sleep with before I could finally get Lenny? It was work, okay?

Sekweather, you need not Lenny all fucking day and all fucking night too. I love trophy wives, trophy wives shaming. Yeah, and all fucking night too. I love Trophy Wives, Trophy Wives shaming. Yeah, and this shit is hilarious. One of you is rich because you married an athlete, a successful athlete, and the other one married the top plastic surgeon, which is fine. Don't shame each other for it.

You're crazy. You're like, I'm less of a Trophy Wife than you. Oh, really? I paid for one thing in my entire life. So I'm not a trophy wife. Oh yeah. And none of them ought to enough go to like, let's always a winning strategy

because we're always gonna support it is saying like, oh, I don't work. I raise two children, but they don't, they don't, they like, that just sort of shows how peripheral the kids are in their lives. They don't even remember that they have that in that ace up their sleeves so then julia and age Adriana walk in and Adriana has an actual olive branch. She's like I found an olive branch

Do you know how hard it was to find an olive branch? It's like you call a florist You're like do you have an olive branch? Like no, then you call another florist like do you have an olive branch? They have like no, so you call another florist like do you have an olive branch? They're like no Yeah, and then they just keep bringing you more and more bread like do you have an olive branch? They're like, no. So you call it another floor. So like, do you have an olive branch? They're like, no. Yeah. And then they just keep bringing you more and more bread. So it's an olive garden. Where is the branch? I have speakers.

I thought like, why does this floor just have such nice frescoes on the wall? So Julie, is that congrats on your little home, Larza? It looks very community center. It is the community center. Because this isn't my home. He went in my home. And I feel like when Adriana brings an olive branch,

she wants to like erase your memory with like olives. But like, I accept the olive branch, but no. I still remember all the blows you gave me. And I also still remember all the blows you gave me and I also still remember all the blows Actually, I guess I don't my memories not that big Other branches are stupid They're stupid and they're simple and that bad Instagrams So anyway actually what I wrote I still remember all the blows you gave me

Okay, now you're just reading your reviews on the Remember all the blows you gave me. Okay, now you're just reading your reviews on the other. Okay. Okay. Anyway, back to Lisa. Hey, are you gonna hang out with everyone already? Our scene's done. At least it's like, no, I don't wanna hang out with anyone.

Oh, God, you gotta get over it. Okay, because you talked shit about in my place. You gotta get over it. You talked shit about me. Oh, we could, which is, I was glad you finally said it, which is, why are you place, you gotta get over it. You talked shit about me, O'Eekyo, which was, I was glad you finally said it, which is, why are you mad at me? You started it, you started it.

Yeah, and she's like, but I didn't talk shit about you. She says, yes, you did, and it's funny to you. And, but it's serious to me, wait for it then, cause this is for you. This is where my kids live. Oh, okay, now she's coming for your children. Well it goes deeper than that.

It goes back to New York. And she's like, but like I just expected you to like have an opinion that would like help me if that were union like. And then we see her saying, yeah, whatever Lisa, you don't stick up for yourself. So you won't stick up for me. Like that's fine like.

So Lisa's like, well you need to stop saying I need to support my mortgage by renting my house. Okay, like you need to stop saying I need to support my mortgage by renting my house Okay, like you need to stop you need to say sorry to and this is largely cuz I am sorry Are you sorry? I said I'm sorry like like you said you were sorry, so like please never talk about my accomplishments again But you talk to me at a mortgage so she just keeps going on my God. And Alexia asks what all of us are thinking. Like, she's not about a mortgage, but is having a mortgage bad? Yeah.

Like, if mortgage is OK, I'm not even about the economy's built. And even Larsa is like, this is so ridiculous. She is being sort of, Larsa is actually kind of laughing. At least it being so silly, right? So then, so now they sort of weirdly house, my mortgage, I can be blue. Yeah. So then later, Jill Zaren is there. I don't know where.

A fly by Jill Zaren's wedding. Let's make sure to do that. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Yeah, so then later Jill Zaren is that I don't know where a fly by Jill Zaren's I think I'm expecting that Hi Hi I'm just happy And then we You look like you're five which I actually like because that means I can start training you for your bot mitzvah Okay, guess what you're gonna come back to New York with me. Get hang out with Ali

I'm gonna take you to all the rest of the combined you address Okay, we're going to teach you how to do your half Torah. It's going to be wonderful. You've got eight more years since you look like you're five. What is this supposed to be? A community center where the community comes together, where here's what I give it, three stars. But you know what, not three out of five, three out of four, because it's a very nice community center. And look at that over there, you've got mixologists that call themselves mixologists. I mean, is there something more brilliant than that?

Like, I know exactly what I'm getting, something that's mixed, you know, great place. Hey, this cocktail napkin. It's Ali and Jill. Jill Zara, who got offended that she was called the thirstiest housewife of all shows up on yet another show. I mean, she wasn't even invited. She probably just passed by. I was like, cameras, what are the cameras for? You know, I'm Jill Seren from

television. So you know, you go to enough community sense as you become part of the community. So you see a moth, you point it to a slight bulb. Now, was that the most self flattering analogy? No, but you know what? The point is where the fucking cameras, right? Just show me. So then some finance guy has cornered Julia. And for any guy out there who wants to know whether or not, you have a shot with someone, just take a look at Julia's face now. And if you see that face, just move on.

Move on, because Julia's like, oh, okay. She's like looking up to the right and this guy's like, yeah, working finance. Yeah, you like that. She goes, oh, to the right and this guy's like, yeah, we're working finance. Yeah, you like that. She goes, oh, I milk goats and lesbian. Go away. If you look into a woman's eyes and see the reflection of the exit sign that she's staring at, back off,

you find that, fuck. Harvard. So now Adriana goes up to Larson. She's like, I want to apologize. and she basically says she wants to start over and Larsen's like, I appreciate that. Like, that's what I like tonight. I talk about new beginnings. Okay, oh, guess what? We just had a new beginning. So whatever I was saying two seconds ago, I race it because we just began again. If I ever said anything hurtful, I didn't mean it like, because my intentions are always good. Like I come from like a place of love like,

and she's, you know, Adriana does the thing where she's like, I know deep down, we could be best friends, you know? She does that whole thing again, but she does every season, you know? So then, Larsa is meeting all these old dudes, like this is so funny. She's like, welcome to my party. And all these old dudes like so funny. She's like welcome to my party

And all these guys are coming up like hey, I said oh look, it's mr. Sam Piole Wow, one of my oldest dearest friends Yeah, and then Gerdy and Alex you know talking and we only get like a snippet of it. But Gerdy, like Gerdy's saying like, oh well, you know, with that really hurt me on many levels, what you said to me, that really hurt me. Alex is like, okay, and it just starts staying high to some other people.

So Gerdy gets like really mad. She's like, this is exactly how she always treats me. And then Blu-Lar is this off there, holding it hugging another octet theory and over there. She's like, yeah, this is a client party This is a fucking client party that she's getting half of it paid for by bravo or something is very odd So then we got a larsa talking to Julia and she's like Julia Julia, I want to be like best friends with you because like it's a new journey and like this is like a positive journey

beginning so let's uplift each other and she's like, uh, okay. And a journalist says, um, so do you regret calling me old man and her a weird all this? That's what you regret. Do you do it? Because I have standards. Do you regret calling me a billion things? Like you literally said, I look like a stack of a billion things. And Julia, she was like, no, I look like a stack of a billion things. And Julia shows like, no, I'm going to embrace the moment and I'm going to be open, open-hearted. So, you

know, I have guards on, but also I give flour. It comes from boobs, boob flour, cleavage flour. Martina just comes out of nowhere and puts like a shawl on the flour. Too much cleavage on the flour. Martina just comes out of nowhere and puts like a shawl on the flower. Too much cleavage on the flower. So now the party is going on. They're all taking pictures and laughing together. And Lisa is still going on. She's like, oh my god, I'm not even upset with Larsa. It's more like Kiki.

Because like, oh my god, Kiki hates me. And Kiki's like, girl, I got it. Okay, Kiki, this, Kiki, this. oh my god, Kiki like hates me. And Kurti's like, girl, I got it. Okay, Kiki, this, Kiki, this, oh my god. Kiki told your secret, I get it, I get it. Well, I'm a real bitch, and then so Marisol comes over and she's like, are you still upset? I mean, Lars, I got over. And so you can get over, she's like, no, I'm a real bitch.

I don't get over things quickly. And so Alexia comes over, she goes, oh, well, why don't you make a comment? Like, why don't you say like, oh, I'm a real bitch. I don't get over things quickly and so Alexia comes over because oh well Why don't you make a comment like why don't you say like oh, I love Larsa. I love Larsa Sorry, I'm on my period. That's why I'm upset Yeah, so she's like I'm just on my period. Yeah, and Mary still's like oh, I told the Lexie and she's extra spicy Like a bloody married god. I'm already thinking about breakfast I'm an alcoholic. Well, it's an joint menstruation, ruin your friendship with somebody.

And Alexi's like, yeah, look at Larson Adriana. Dancing at Abby, even though they probably both have mortgage. And so Mary so's like, yeah, don't get jealous monkey. Don't get jealous monkey monkey. Have I called you monkey lately? I'm gonna say you 10 times. I'm not missing monkey. I'm a lot of monkey veins. So it's funny, because I did not know that monkeys could actually have mortgages learning so many things So mortgage

So now the party's over and we now go to Lisa's home of sadness Where Lenny's mom is calling out like, where's my chief chef, cook Logan, Logan, and Lisa is making Borsh. I like to call it Borsh because that's how I thought it was called, but she's calling it Borsh. And she's making it with her son and she's saying like, I don't cook that often and I'm not gonna lie Lenny and I, we don't really cook, but we enjoyed cooking together during the pandemic. We were cooking all the time, because we love each other that much

that we cook during a global pandemic. I had to, but I'm like learning to make one of his favorite things. I learned it from his mom. She taught me and the month's like more water. And she's like, last water, I've been making this for years, okay? She's like, I've been've been making this for years, okay? She's like, um, I've been making her for three years, okay? She's like, I am Russian. What part of look? I have t-shirt that says little Miss Gulag, okay?

I call the shots with the borscht. Who is gonna tell the old lady who taught them how to make borscht if they're doing it wrong? Fucking Lisa. I know. So she's like, Lenny, we need red wine. Who is gonna tell the old lady who taught them how to make borish in third doing it wrong fucking Lisa? I know so she's like many we need red wine. I can't get the wine seller open this is crazy Like we're gonna be out of line and so he's like you're doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong Blue blue blue. Uh-oh and she goes oh my god We're gonna have to pry it open so she goes to the glass door as starts like trying to open it And he immediately switches because he comes to us

Terris pretending like a wacky lady and a cold and I was like don't fucking touch the code Lisa. Yeah, he's like Lisa She goes so she sort of like comes back and she's like don't yell at me like this. Well, don't break it so she goes hey, so I Would like to have a scene where we talk about Judaism because I want to be like collar Richards Okay, so we really have to start doing Shabbat Fridays I would like to have a scene where we talk about Judaism because I want to be like Kala Richards, okay? So, we really have to start doing Shabbat Fridays, okay? And we're just like, oh, I like that idea!

And she's like, yeah. Hey, did you guys celebrate Shabbat growing up? What does Judaism mean to you? Do you know about Judaism? What's the Torah? Let's talk about it. Yeah, I love that they're like, no, we didn't really celebrate that. It's like, well, see, Judaism is really important. So, and Logan's like, I want to go to Jewish school because I'm Jewish.

Wow, I'm so glad you had that impromptu thought, Logan, and I did not tell you to say that during this scene where I'm gonna show that I would like to have a deeper understanding of my husband's religion. I'm like, girl, you've been married for 10 years and you're only bringing this stuff up now. Yeah. I'm sorry. Come on, everybody, let's sing the ladle song. I know.

She would call it the ladle song. Ladle, ladle, ladle. I put you in my soup. So Lenny is sitting there with this really tight fake smile. Like, here, still here. God knows what. Here in Tobalorius, tell me it's safe to go. And she's like, here's your, here's your voice Lenny.

And he's like, I need more salt. And I need sour cream. She's, there's a lot of salt there, Lenny. So who's like, yeah, I need a lot more salt. Yeah. So he pours in a huge amount of salt. I guarantee it was probably nicely seasoned. Well, actually probably wasn't nicely seasoned, but he puts in way more, I think, to prove it.

He's probably just eating salty ass, borch right now just because he knows that he needs a soapist. Right. And by the way, Lisa is dressed in this like polka dot happy homemaker from the 50s dress to have this vaccine that is just not going her way.

So she's like, I am so proud of you guys for helping your mommy with this meal. And then he's like, it's great. And he just keeps checking his phone. And she's like, but Judaism, okay. And then he gets off and he's like, God, I can't take this and just walks away. And then he's like playing with the punch code.

Yeah, on the wine cellar. And Lisa's just like trying to make this happen. She's like, so Logan, you wanna go to Jewish school, right? You want, you want from the top, you wanna go to Jewish school. And then Lenny's like, oh, I think it's fixed. Hey, you're always interrupting my conversations. He's like, yes, it, I think it's fixed. Hey, you're always interrupting my conversations.

He's like, yes, it's working, it's working. And she's just getting so mad that he keeps like, blatantly ignoring her. Yeah, she's like, well, I guess no one wants to listen to my Judaism scene. And he's like, well, the point is that now the wine seller works. And she's like, well, I guess I'll just talk to myself.

And then it's just silence. And he's texting more. It's just Lenny, you can text later and he's like, yeah, but I'm texting with the guy about the code. I'm just like, I'm having an important conversation. This is not why God's split the sea in four. So his people could pass through to a wine cellar Lenny. That's not wine.

And he's like, well, the guy just fixed it and it was important. I mean, I thought it was important. It's just, well, this is important to me. Okay, it's important conversation about what's I called again, Judaism. Okay. And I've tried this conference each three times tonight. And Lenny just stares at her like, you are not going to try

to appropriate my religion and use it against me right now. So I guess no one's going to explain to me who Judy is in the first place These two are so fucking miserable like they can't even keep it up for two minutes She's awful, you know trying to use this Jewish storyline Lenny is awful for a hundred thousand reasons and now they're just like fighting in front of their kids And you know if it's this bad on camera Imagine what it's like when there's no cameras there. It's just so awkward and gross.

And Marina's sitting there and she's just watching it and she's keeping her mouth closed but you know, she's basically saying like, give her the hook, give her the hook, get her out of here, let me do it. Do what you need to do. She is so ready for Lisa to be out of there. Cause Marina hates Lisa.

But now all of this, and she likes Lisa. Yeah, that's, that's fish. And your man's losing weight and your mother and law is being nice to you. Curl. Girl, you're in danger. So, um, and that goes three weeks later. And then Lisa's like sobbing about the divorce.

And then five weeks later, it's Lisa, having an argument with Lenny about like getting out the house and he's like, well, I knew you wouldn't leave the house easily. So it's going to get just so dark and shitty very quickly. Oh God. Yeah, he says I knew you weren't going to leave voluntarily. So I know you're going to have to be told by the court. Do you get that?

And then the camera's coming to the room and he just looks at the cameras like, oh shit, but he doesn't stop. He's like, I said, do you get that. Oh, I asked you a simple question. You're so gross. Yeah, I put a pig. He is an absolute pig. Another, yeah, he is like terrible. And he is just as terrible as we always suspected he was.

And it's going to be great watching Lisa finally, finally come to terms with it. Well, it's going gonna be an explosive season which we might finish recapping in 2024. So just stay tuned Yes, stay tuned everyone and I will be back with more recaps this week and we will catch you all on the next one Bye, everyone Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors Ain't no thing like Allison King Ashley Savoni she don't take nobel only she's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniella itch old Dana C Dana-Doo Aaron McNickolas. She don't miss no trickleess

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