Watch What Crappens - Epic Fight in New Jersey!

Episode Date: May 8, 2012

Epic Fight in New Jersey!See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Don't be tired of the party. Don't be tired of the party. Hurry up, baby, don't be late. I'll meet you at the place. I've been waiting for this day. Hello, everyone, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a weekly podcast about all that crap on Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and joining me, as always, are Matt Whitfield from Yahoo. Hi, Matt.

Hey, Ben. And Ronnie Karam from TVgasm. Well, hello, everybody. Hello, hello, hello. Wow, we've had... This is exciting. This is an exciting podcast. You know why it's exciting? Because we had a live show last week and now

we're not live anymore. Now we're back in our quiet. I know. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this without a bottle of Skinny Girl margaritas and people laughing. I know. You snatched that bottle out of my hand, and you put your dirty whore mouth on it. Matt, you know what? That's true. But in my defense, you had like a big gold cup full of that.

And I have to register an official complaint, which is that you did not warn me that there would be Skinny Girl margaritas. And therefore, I had no glass in which to pour my margarita. Do you notice that I brought a Big Gulp just for myself? I thought – honestly, I thought what that was – I didn't even think that was a cup. I thought that was just like a strange like candle holder. It looked like a candle holder it's one of those bizarro like swedish cups from ikea yeah i was like why is matt filling up a candle holder with skinny girl margarita it fits 32 ounces of wine not a problem

well that's true well i didn't have any of it but you know what though i consider that a bullet dodge because i don't even like the skinnyny Girl stuff that much. So, bam. Well, it got me drunk. It works. It works, everybody. For anybody who's wondering, there is alcohol in that. So speaking of sobering things, we have a lot of serious stuff to get to today. We're going to talk about the latest episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey,

which was pretty crazy. We're going to talk about Real Housewives of Orange County. And we're going to talk about Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding, but we're going to start things off with some gossip. Do you guys have any gossip? Because I've got a little bit of gossip. Yeah, I do. Oh, you start off, Ronnie. Go.

Vicky's daughter's pregnant, I read. Really? Really. I read that, too. Wow. Yeah, she's pregnantggers, and I feel bad for her because she's finally skinny. Like, she's skinnier after

having all that crap taken out of her thyroid. And so she finally lost a bunch of weight after dealing with that for so long, and now bitch got a baby inside of her. Oh, man. You will never win. She's not Lauren Manzo, so it shouldn't be hard to get it back off.

Lauren Manzo is like, oh, I'm about to be rich. Oh, and I'm pregnant. No, I can't make money unless I am skinny. We'll get to that. I love that. I love how that – yeah, we'll get into that later. So she got pregnant. Well, good for her. I sort of feel like, to quote from Arrested Development, that one gets pregnant, that one stays pregnant.

You know what I'm saying? She's locking that down. She's locking it down. I just don't know how good of an idea. Oh, I shouldn't say this while we're in five different wars in this country. But I don't know how good of an idea it is to get pregnant by a soldier who's stationed in Afghanistan like right now. I mean, shouldn't you wait? Like wait till you know that pension's going to be coming or till he's going to be home and have a job.

Don't be getting pregnant right now, girl. Oh, please. Like she needs to worry about money with moneybags, Vicki Gunvalson, bankrolling this. I know. I think that that baby probably has better insurance than I ever will. It has zygote insurance. Even if Vicky loses a million dollars on the house that Gina Keyhole sold to her, I think that Brianna will be fine. That baby is going to be named Farmer.

And I love that Vicky was kind of insinuating the whole show that this was all Gina's fault. Ronnie, you sound like you're turning into a robot. Are you, like, are you rummaging someplace with no reception? No, I'm sitting right in front of it. Uh-oh. What have I done? You need to buy a snowball,

bitch. This is the wrath of Vicky. She knows we're talking about her unborn grandchild. Oh, I know why. It's because I'm looking on the internets while we're trying to skype and god forbid in 2012 you do anything but one thing at a time on the internet oh my god oh brother okay so some more gossip um speaking of children so here's the news eddie sibrian won't allow his child with brandy on real housewives of beverly hills is this do we care do we care that they're being oh thank god you care this is a big no this is a huge deal that happened you know late last week because brandy was offered by bravo a full

time position a promotion to full-time housewife but the fine print in the deal from bravo said that her kids had to be part of the show because that was the only way to expand her storyline but eddie and new wife leanne rhymes are refusing that so as a result brandy is only going to still remain friend of housewives this means she's losing a shit ton of money this is a big deal wow now why i mean this this is not the first time that a kid has not been allowed on Real Housewives. So why is Brandy getting penalized? Tamara's kids aren't allowed on. I think that they're probably finally smart enough at Bravo to put everything in the contract.

Like if you think your husband is suicidal, you can't come on the show. If you ain't going to show your kids, you ain't coming on the show. They're smart enough to put all this shit in the contract so that they don't get in trouble later on down the line. Well, whatever. Right. If you start a line of Pinot Grigio, well, it's not just about getting in trouble. It's also about they don't want to give away their money because look at Bethany. Perfect example.

So like Ramona, I'm going to start a Pinot Grigio line. Guess what? Bravo is now going to have in each one of those contracts we get 50 of whatever the fuck you make on the shit that you produce that's right that's what happened with the food network when rachel ray blew up rachel ray like food network didn't have like a provision that's now rachel ray makes all this money and food network gets like none of it so i heard somewhere uh but you know what i liked i like that brandy she actually tweeted about the situation. She goes, someone is being a dick, but it's not Bravo. I really love her. I love the way she approaches things.

And then the funny thing is there were photos that we just saw surface today from this past weekend where Brandy and Eddie and Leanne were all at one of the kids Mason's soccer games. So they're able to be in the same vicinity with each other without ripping each other's extensions out. But clearly there was major ice because they were not sitting together. They were just in the same area. Well, I think that Bravo probably, they're very tricky, and they use these women so hard that I think that they know that if they got Brandi's kids in the show,

then that's a way of kind of getting Eddie and What's Her Buns on the show. Why else would they want to show the kids? Like they don't want to show the kids like wandering through Walmart and getting lost with their mom. I mean that's not what they want. They don't want to show the real life part of it. They want to show the kids bitching about Leigh-Anne beating them or something. Exactly. But the thing is like –

And you know that Leigh-Anne does that. You know she's like mommy dearest. You just look at her face. You can tell she's got mommy dearest face you know she like walks on the carpet with socks a lot and then shocks him on purpose and it's like oops i'm so sorry i'm so sorry she feeds them porridge beats them with rulers i'm just turning into a catholic nun at this point i have like the most i have like the most innocent abuse stories ever i'm like she carpet shocked them you guys. You just can know that Brandy is like, if she's

listening to this, she's like, do not talk about my kids. I will fucking kill you. Are you kidding me right now? God, I love her. I love Brandy. I'm assuming she's also wearing a see-through dress as she screams this. Well, she can play it off.

You know what? Brandi is 39. Did you know that she's 39? She looks great for 39. I thought she was like 33. Well, it's because she's standing next to the rest of that cast. God bless her. That's like the smartest place to stand. If I was at any party with any of those women, I'd stand next to them the whole damn time.

Yeah, we love our Vanderpump, but she is the fucking Crypt Keeper. She is, but at least she's like legitimately older. You know, she looks fantastic. she is the fucking Crypt Keeper. She is, but at least she's legitimately older. She looks fantastic. She is a hot Crypt Keeper. Yeah, she's like a bonable Crypt Keeper. The rest of them look like that in their early 40s. They're scary. Yeah, Taylor actually looks like the Crypt Keeper because she really does look like bones.

She looks like a skeleton. Yeah, she looks like a Jenga set. So the other gossip that I heard is regarding Taylor, and they say that her storyline – well, we've talked about this a little bit before, that her storyline is going to be cut down and they're going to start phasing her out of the show. Did we talk about that already? We may have, but are there any new developments on that front just that she her whole storyline this season is going to be about being a raging alcoholic oh that's because apparently they're not even trying to hide it anymore because you know last year with everything going on with russell really not that many people even talked about what a drunk idiot she was even

and they just talked about what an idiot she was, not a drunk idiot. Yeah, like everyone was on Kim about being on something, but no one was really on Taylor, which I thought was odd. I'm looking forward to scenes of Taylor being drunk at some piano bar at 1.30 in the morning, regaling

the penis with stories of her former glories. I used to be a cheerleader. I want to see more of her former glories. I used to be a cheerleader. I want to see more of her climbing into a suitcase and having Kim zip her ass up. That was the funniest thing of the entire last season. Her crying

slash laughing slash cutting herself in a suitcase. And then followed by Adrian just looking at her right in the face and saying, you're having a nervous breakdown. Was that not the best thing ever? And Taylor just nodding sadly. Well, let's – do you have any more gossip?

Because I think we really have to move into the shows. The only gossip is that Camille may or may not be coming back and will be a supporting role. But, yeah, she will be coming back. She's not coming back. She's going to be on the show still, but it's only going to be as a guest at parties. You know how, like, Ramona's been on Beth Amber after, like, at a party? It's going to be on the show still, but it's only going to be as a guest at parties. You know how, like, Ramona's been on Beth and Amber after, like, at a party? Exactly. It's going to be that.

I'm happy enough with that. So let's go. No, no, you can't now that you brought that up because part of that story was that she actually should be back on the show this year because she got caught leaving a really nasty message on her new boyfriend. No, it's her new boyfriend, Dimitri whatever, his wife, his ex-wife. Oh, that's right. Camille left like some vicious message on her. Oh, I haven't heard that. And she said, if you keep messing with me, I will eviscerate you in public.

I will ruin your good name. I will ruin you. And I believe her. i totally believe her and i you know when you have the power of the medium allison dubois don't don't fuck with camille she has secret powers oh yeah she's got she's got a superhero in her corner she certainly does um god i miss allison dubois i'm really sad they couldn't get her to come back. Well, maybe they can. Surprise, surprise. But let's talk about some other superheroes starting with Rosie from New Housewives of Jersey.

Yes. How much do we love her? Let's start with her. What? I'm glad we're starting with her. Me too. I was going to start with her too. Yeah, I thought we were going to start with Orange County.

I'm so glad we're starting with Jersey because Rosie Sweet came out of the closet as a woman. She came on the show without that baseball cap on. She had kind of anti-hair. Yeah, which I love. I was surprised. I was totally surprised by that look. It's short and it's manageable hair. She sort of looks like a hefty lesbian version of Ralph Macchio now.

She looks like a version of Rosie O'Donnell that sucked on a tailpipe. Like just a really run-down Rosie. But, God, I sure love her. I sure love her too. Well, here's a question. Does Rosie have the best or the worst hair in New Jersey? Worst. I'm going to say best.

I would answer least. That wasn't an option. That was not an option. Although Lauren would be a close second to that. I'm like, how much hair can you lose from a freaking diet shake, woman? Listen, she is the proprietor of Face by Lauren Manzo. She knows beauty. I think Rosie has the best hair because I think it suits her the best.

I think Rosie with that crazy little haircut, oh, I think it's perfect. Don't you think, Rosie? Yeah, she can be a bulldog or a nagging auntie, and I love both sides of her. Plus, on top of that, she sweats a lot, so she can't really be having a long hairstyle, you know? That is true. She needs it short for when she's chasing after all of Teresa's kids in the street. That is true. She needs it short for when she's chasing after all of Teresa's kids in the street.

And the way she almost smacked down that bimbo at the party. The best moment of the week. That was the best. But that was actually the best moment of the week. You know, those 90-second little interludes between commercials are such a pain in the ass until last night when that happened. Oh, yeah. To think that they put it in a thing where most people would be fast-forwarding, you know, it's a shame because it was really a wonderful glimpse into Rosie's life, I think. I would like to see an expanded scene of that altercation.

Well, basically this big blonde bimbo comes and sits down and gets in the scene, and Rosie was not having it and said something like, oh, well, we're sitting here know, we're sitting here talking about family and then some girl sitting here, I don't know who she is. She's like, I have a cross on my neck. You have a cross on your neck too. That means we're part of the same kinship. You know, you got to love Rosie because she was like, I can punch this bitch or I could just say, okay, yeah, you're right. We're both Christians. Like, let's shake on.

I love that Christianity can still, even fake Christianity can still bring people together on this show. At a solstice party. Yeah, at a totally pagan event. How much, by the way, are we loving Rosie's increased role this season? She became a fan favorite last season when she only had like a few little scenes. And this year, Bravo is saying, OK, we know everyone loves Rosie. We're going to give you a lot more of her. Well, Andy Cohen is obsessed with her, and he talks about her on Watch What Happens Live like every single night.

He actually did a special like superhero Rosie moment on last night's show. So he's obsessed with her. We're going to see a lot more of her. And as long as she's drinking a big old jug of Carlo and Rossi red grape juice, I'm all about it. And smoking cigarettes on the deck. Amen. And she's the only one that Teresa has reverence for. I don't know if you've noticed that, but Teresa, she'll

stand down slightly to Caroline, but Caroline hasn't really come at Teresa full force yet. The thing is, you don't get the sense that Caroline will actually punch anyone, but RoRo, she'll punch you and kick you in the ribs. Yes, I think Teresa's been beat by that bitch before. We can see that.

Oh, yeah. And you know what? Also, Rosie is the only one with the common sense to not let the kids play in a street when cars are coming, okay? Like if Teresa had been there, Adriana would have wandered into her street and she'd be like, isn't it cute? She's in the street. Oh, look, a car is coming. That's cute. Ro-Ro actually had the common sense to go and sweep the freaking toddler off the asphalt before anything happened.

It was probably Melania who put her there. Melania probably put a piece of cheese out in the middle of the street. Adriana went running after it. Toy of the Camry comes around. Freaking Melania. She's possessed by the devil, I swear to God. I love that. She had so many great things this week.

Well, first of all, all the couples went on a boat ride together, leaving Rosie to babysit all these kids. And they get on the boat. And what's Lebanese Dilbert is what he's called on TV, which is hilarious. Richie. Jeff Goldblum. Richie. Jeff Goldblum. Richie.

Yeah. He says, are you sure this isn't Teresa's boat? I don't want to get out there and then have the boat repossessed in the middle of the water or whatever he said, which was hilarious. And then they're like, kids, get away from the water. All these kids and water. Not good. And then Melania. It's so you don't drown a lot.

God, I feel I felt so bad for Kathy's kids. Kathy's kids. Because they were stuck having to babysit. Like, they could not have looked more bored. You know Joseph wanted to just go out and bone one of his Twitter followers, you know? But he's stuck there at the house. Joseph was like, I should be doing cocaine off of Hooker's ass right now. Instead, I'm stuck here with Aunt Roro, like, drinking from her gallon of wine.

Yeah, they didn't look thrilled, for sure. Who can blame them? And also Melania. I go poo-poo all the time. All the time. No, I don't doubt it, because you know what? She probably puts it in her diaper, which she's probably still wearing, and smears it on windows saying red rum or something like that. Poop rum, you know?

I've got poopoo all the time. I'm going to make that a little ringer. I liked when she was, like, trying to, like, she was dangling off the closet thing, off that pole in the closet. You know, the only reason why she was doing that was she probably wanted to craft a spear of some sort, you know, and wanted to yank it down and just whittle it down and stab Rosie in it through the heart. I think she's going to be working at scores on another poll in about 10 years she will be on a vertical pole instead of a horizontal one uh so what what else happened before we get to the the craziness of okay before we get to the craziness of the fight um first of all uh well actually never mind i was gonna i was

gonna mention another guest star but we'll get to that because that's more with the fight. Oh, she's my favorite, and I will not let you forget. We will get to her. We will get to her. We can talk about the manzos before we get to the big fight, okay? Here's my question. Is this one of Caroline's greatest moments in parenting when she talks about Lauren's weight issues and she talks about her sons? She's like, well, you know, my sons, they're so handsome and charming, but, you know, Lauren,

she has a great personality. Poor Lauren. I mean, Lauren, you know, she's got a great personality. Oh, God. Okay, can I just say, like, forget Caroline for a second. Let's talk about her husband who said that Lauren's children with Vito would look like beasts.

He said his grandchildren would look like beasts because his daughter is an ugly pig. That's what he said. He said those kids are going to be huge. And she's like, like a beast? And then the boys were like, yeah, they're going to be like big hairy koalas who can't breathe. Oh my god.

And Caroline did not stop him from saying that. No, she laughed. She didn't correct him. Well, Lauren did have a good comeback, which is at least my kids won't be douchebags like yours. So that was, you know, give her some points for that. Well, poor Lauren, you know. I would say, I mean, I hate saying

poor Lauren because she's so sappy and whiny and blah, blah, blah. It's like, listen, babe, nobody went, nobody drove you to Little Caesars. Okay? You drove there, you put that IV in your own arm. But at the same time, having your own family call you a beast and say your children are going to be mouth breathers when they know that you're drinking fucking chocolate powder from Dr. Perry Cone in a blender and your mom's calling you fat on national TV. I mean it's just so sad.

You know what, Lauren, though? Lauren, I hope she just keeps in mind the fact that of all those manzo kids she's the only one who's got someone okay she's got a boyfriend the rest of them don't got anyone so and i'm sorry but it's an albie hot because i think they are just so average albie is hot for that show no he's but no joke they are they are be they are mediocre at best well albie is not aging well, I'm telling you. And Christopher is going – you know what? Christopher is not one to talk, by the way. All right?

Christopher, no kidding. He's fat. He's sharing in the same buffet as Lauren. All right? No kidding. He's fat and he's becoming more of a Barney rebel by the day, by the episode. He is. So I got to give Lauren points for not being the only fat one.

And I would say I'd give her brownie points, but I don't want to encourage anything. And I know she's on a diet. Well, what about both of her fat fucking parents? That's what I want to say. Since when is Caroline thin? Caroline has looked like a sack of potatoes since the beginning. And her nasty-ass husband, Albert, is a mouth-breathing, hairy-backed fat bastard, too. He threw that. Albert lost a mouth-breathing, hairy-backed fat bastard too. He threw that.

And Albert lost a lot of weight. Albert lost a lot of weight. And, you know, Caroline is an appropriate mom weight. For her age, she's like a normal mom weight. Caroline got the lap band, okay? Anybody who's had to get – listen, you guys know I'm overweight and I'm constantly on diets and I have an eating disorder or 10. But that doesn't make it okay to be mean to someone just because they're fatter than, you know, it's like when you lose two pounds and

suddenly everyone you see on the street, you're like that fat idiot. If I can lose two pounds, they can do it. No, no, that doesn't make it right. Well, Caroline, first of all, is on menopause, which apparently explains why she's being a bitch according to Teresa. And second of all, which apparently explains why she's being a bitch, according to Teresa. And second of all, poor Lauren. I mean, she's like a real head case. She literally said, Caroline said, what's going to happen when you reach your goal weight? And then she's like, I'm going to be rich.

Like, as if that just happens. Like, once you lose weight, all of a sudden, like, job opportunities open up. No. Here's the thing. She has gotten thinner, and we did see the photos, and she does look great. Good for her, blah, blah, blah. But you know what? Watch her become one of those ex-fatties who becomes a skinny fucking bitch.

Well, she doesn't – Like me. As far as we know, I mean how far in advance do these shows tape? Like four months? No. This season of Jersey is 100 years old. Yeah. They filmed this one about nine months ago. Okay.

Well, the pictures we saw were from a couple of months ago, I think. They were the most recent on the Google images, which, of course, is how we do all our history here. And she was thinner, but she wasn't thin. Yeah. I mean, come on now. Yeah. Well, you know, it's going to be hard for her to get to be like. I say, listen, you have a boyfriend, be fat. I'm going to stick with that.

I only diet for a boyfriend. What's up, Godfrey? I'm becoming John Goodman. I agree. I think that she's got a lovely boyfriend in Vito. There's more of him to love. You know, they can, as I said last week, they can stay at home and make mozzarella in the kitchen sink and just enjoy it. Okay. No, here's what's going to happen. She's getting skinnier. They can stay at home and make mozzarella in the kitchen sink and just enjoy it. Okay? No, here's what's going to happen. She's getting skinnier. She's going to dump his ass in a second.

Who do you think she's going to go for? Maybe she'll go for Tamara's son. Don't get me started on that one. He's single. All right. Well, he does have a bed. Now let's move on to the main event here. Okay? Let's move on to the main event here, okay? There was a huge fight between Melissa and Teresa, and the backup, the backstory is that Jacqueline's silly psychic decided to have a solstice party, which was held in what looks like the parking lot of, like, a nail salon that was maybe tented with a blue tarp. And everyone had to put on little bedazzled things for their third eyes.

Binties, but they were probably leftover nails from the nail salon. Poor Rosie. She couldn't keep hers on. She was sweating so much. But that's okay. I don't think Rosie would have wanted it on. She's not used to having stuff splashed on her face. So at first, you know, this was supposed to be an event for positive energy.

And quite frankly, I thought it was all going to be positive because we had our first appearance of the season of one Miss Kim D, proprietor of Posh. As played by Sally Kellerman. I have to say, Kim D, her hair fangs look like they may have grown out, which sort of bothers me because that was sort of her signature look. I miss the hair fangs, but the good news is the duck lips are still there. If not bigger. they're more expansive. You could actually have like a little – you could put like a little dining set on top or a teacup on top now, and it could sit there. I don't understand anybody who has the opportunity to actually watch this show at home before going on it and then going on it and deciding to be on Teresa's side. Who does that?

Yes. How bright can you be? Well, so this is a good question. So when I was watching the show last night, I was watching with my friend Jenny, and she went onto Twitter to see what people were saying about this fight between Melissa and Teresa, and we'll explain the fight momentarily.

And she said that almost everyone she found on Twitter was Team Teresa, and it was baffling to me how people... No, no, no, no. There's no way. There's no way. She must have been looking at the wrong people. On Watch What Happens Live last night, Andy put up the poll question for everyone to vote in, and it was whose side are you on, Teresa's

or Melissa's? And so the results came through. Apparently, more votes were cast last night than ever before, and Melissa ended up having almost 70% of the vote. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. So who wants to explain the fight?

Who wants to explain the fight? Okay, I'll explain it. Okay. Okay, so Teresa was having a discussion with Midget Joe on the beach and said after he offered help in case Joe went away, which is their way of saying prison because they're old school and it's about respect, as Kathy told us. And denial also. Yeah, she got all defensive and was like, yeah, well, I'll help

you when your wife leaves you for a richer man. Something to that effect. She basically said once your wife has a singing career and she's going to become successful and go into clubs and you better watch out because she's going to leave you for someone who's richer did anybody think that when she kept saying that

by are we still explaining or can i start talking uh we're still explaining but you can you can talk yeah okay that was that was the gist of it that was that was the inciting incident what really baffled me well it didn't really baffle me it just made me you know solidified my belief that theresa is a fucking monster but But so when Teresa kept saying that to Melissa that I'm hearing these things that – blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I had a feeling that the entire thing was Teresa believed that and that nobody was really telling her a goddamn thing. Yeah, I was just about to say that. I was going to say she keeps on saying – everyone keeps saying these things. I'm like who is everyone?

It's just your thought and you don't want to own up to the fact that you suspect this. And you're not woman enough to own your own stupid suspicion, so you have to make it sound like it's just a general thing. Right. She has no more friends. Her only friend is Miss Posh. Well, so we are getting ahead of ourselves a little bit here. So what happened with the fight, the issue was that they're at this solstice thing uh and and jacqueline's blabbing to theresa and it comes out that melissa learned about theresa's comment

because joe obviously told his wife and then melissa told jacqueline and so then theresa's like did jacqueline tell did melissa tell you did melissa tell you? And long story short, Jacqueline sent Melissa over to Teresa to talk because she thought Teresa was going to apologize to Melissa for maybe misspeaking. Well, that's what Jacqueline said, but she knows that Teresa is not going to apologize. Of course. Teresa has never apologized, and she gave no indication that she was going to apologize. Yeah, but don't you glad – Jacqueline just didn't want to be in the middle of it anymore which i don't blame her but and so she did that by putting herself in the middle yeah no no but that's what i'm getting

at like i'm sorry like a lot of people have been haters on jacqueline and yes she does play both sides you know what i don't blame her for a second what she did was smart last night she removed herself she said you two crazy bitches can fight this out. I'm walking away. Yeah, exactly. So Melissa goes over to the table, sits down with Teresa. And so Teresa tries to explain herself by saying something. I don't even remember how it started, but basically. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first

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There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for Black rights. She is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Wait, what did you say? It's so like a name. Teresa basically has no excuse, and she will never say she's sorry. So she just starts blabbing and doing that crazy blink, blink, blink thing that she does and saying, well, you know, I – yeah, maybe I said that.

But it's because, you know, Joey didn't call me when my husband went away. And Melissa said, well, you know why he didn't call you, right? Because last time your husband was away, he did call you and offer you help. And you said that there was nothing wrong and denied it and got upset that he called you. And Teresa said, what? No, that's not true. I didn't deny it. I said that everything was okay, which of course means that she denied it.

Teresa's argument is just so ridiculous. She agrees with everything you're saying and just says no at the end, and that's her argument. Well, but the thing is, Ronnie, you messed up on one critical thing, is that Melissa did not say, oh, well, the last time Joe went away. She said, well, when Joe went to jail for the DUI, and that's when Teresa – Oh, no. First – no, first she said the last time he went away, and then Teresa said no, no, no. He – I never said that it was a lie. I just said that everything was okay and we didn't need it. Oh, that's right.

When he went to jail for the DUI and then Teresa just jumps up and is like, I'm not talking about this. She didn't just give an interview about her husband going away and leaving her. The whole episode happened because Teresa's been giving interviews to the press

about how Joe might be going to prison in my life without Joe as the headline on my whatever. People will read into what Teresa – Teresa's reaction and they'll say the reason why she's mad is because she knows her kids are going to watch this show and hear that their dad is going to jail when she's been telling them he's been going away. But the bullshit factor is that she's been giving these articles, these interviews. No, why doesn't she be a good mother and not let her nine-year-old daughter watch Bravo? That is inappropriate. Why doesn't she be a good mother and leave her freaking crook of a husband? How about that? Well, I agree with you, but at the same time, I understand this woman is desperate.

Clearly, she's desperate. I'm saying the way she's reacting to being desperate is not appropriate, but this needs to make money her husband is a crook who doesn't have any money so she does these articles in order to pay the fucking bills don't act don't act like you're like shocked to hear the word jail you know i i agree with you but the thing is like she freaks out that she hears the word jail and dui because she doesn't want her kids to know that that is fine plus i don't think. Don't watch the TV. I think she's in a state of denial because the DUI wasn't, was that DUI the same thing

where Joe quote unquote like fell asleep at the wheel? And then was like stressed out so he had five shots of whiskey right away. Yeah, yeah. He went home and he was so stressed out that he got drunk. And then the police came. So I don't think that she likes using the word DUI because I think in her heart she doesn't believe it's a DUI.

She thinks it's just a crazy misunderstanding that comes from stress drinking. Well, here's what I find the most offensive about what's happening right now in Jersey. I find it super offensive that all these women are now against Teresa only because they've got the numbers now. Teresa has always been a crazy, backstabbing bitch. There has never been a time where Caroline said the word bully ten times tonight. When has Teresa not been

a bully? And when has Caroline not been a bully also, by the way? Exactly. And they've been bullies together, and stupid little twit Jacqueline just follows along and will do whatever the old haggard cheerleaders tell her to do. But now that they have the numbers to turn against Teresa because they've got new castmates and they know that she's a crazy bitch anyway and have always wanted to be away from her because she's the most popular one on that show. Now they've got the numbers, and they're just turning against her. Everything that they're using against her is not cool.

That's fine because Teresa's an idiot, and she deserves to have people team up against her because she's the one who's been doing this bullshit to people all along. Well, so have they, though. So has Caroline. Caroline, all those women were just the same to Danielle, who was also a horrid, slimy human being. Why are you complaining when this is making for great TV? We want to see theresa fall and then next season jacqueline will be back with by her side and we'll have a new cast member and we'll all turn again like this is genius this is i think this is the way it works in new jersey

so anyway okay so so uh theresa storms outside she goes into her car kim d runs after her and and the psychic too the psychic wants to come's like, finally, my psychic practice is getting on TV. And now – I don't know. I can't even believe I just said psychic practice as if she has some sort of like advanced degree in reading cards. But anyway, Teresa is out in her car. She's like, no, I got to leave. If Melissa wants to come talk to me, she can talk to me. So they go.

They fetch Melissa, which is ridiculous because Melissa should not have even bothered. In her fucking short shorts with her vagina hanging out, by the way. Like, really? I wonder why people are calling you a slut. Your little midget of a rich husband meets you waitressing at some strip club or waitressing at some hot dog factory, whatever the hell they're calling it these days. Marries you, makes you rich. You walk around with your boobs hanging out at least everyone else at least she's cute and her like old nasty tatas aren't hanging out like the rest of them exactly but now she goes over there and basically melissa and

theresa start hashing it out and melissa basically says look like what you said to my husband was massively inappropriate and and then theresa tries to defend herself by saying, well, it was between a brother and a sister. And then she's like, well, you know, Joe – I mean like my brother has said things to me or said things to my husband. She tries to basically say, well, Joe has done the same thing that I did. So first of all, since when did two wrongs make a right? Riddle me that, everyone. Riddle me that. Well, I think that she's right. I mean, this is what I'm saying.

I think what Teresa is saying, Teresa's a horrible human being. Don't get me wrong. But what she's saying to Melissa is correct. Since when are they going to be on this moral high ground? Melissa's been a bitch to Teresa. She sent her that nasty card about enjoy your redone house yeah they've been trading barbs forever they've hated each other forever so why is it

such a big deal i think theresa is actually shocked that it's a big deal that she suggested that melissa was a gold digger when she openly said it on tv like 50 000 times last season it was more than just like she called her a gold digger so many times. But I think this was actually filmed before any of that aired anyway. But I think that – but I think though that like what Teresa said I think was massively inappropriate. And of course Joe is going to go tell Melissa because they're husband and wife. And they should – and he should tell her that. And it's not to excuse what Joe did.

Joe shouldn't have said the things he said to whatever, to the other Joe, et cetera. But I think that when Teresa tries to defend herself by saying, well, everyone's saying it. And I was just telling Joe, just cause, just in case things don't work out. And that is such an inappropriate thing to say. What about how inappropriate it is for her to assume that Melissa is not going to tell her husband everything? Like I'm an only child, but I don't understand why she thinks a sister and a brother like trumps a husband and a wife. At this point, no. Husband and wife is like first.

And like if Melissa had ever said to Teresa like something like, well, just in case you and Joe Giudice don't work out theresa would have like taken out a shotgun and blown her face off we all know that and then and you know what and the truth is this um you know melissa then demanded an apology and and for theresa to say apologize for what like how could theresa even like not even admit that some of what she said was fucked why she but here's the fucked up thing she doesn't even realize that she's wrong. Like we're trying to assume that this woman has some common sense and has some understanding of what is really going on. She has absolutely no idea. The blinders are on, so there is no rationalizing with a complete moron.

Well, that's why I do – oh, sorry. Go ahead. Well, I was going to say, she also always talks about how family is, like, first and everything, but then how come when all these quote-unquote people are saying all this stuff about Joe and Melissa and da-da-da, how come her response is not to say, mind

your own business, shut up, this is my brother you're talking about, and that's my sister-in-law. Why does she not defend them? Why does she instead... I don't know. That is a very good point. Why doesn't she say, shut the fuck up, people? That's my family. I love them. And even though I have issues with them, why are you meddling in their business? And the answer to that, Ben, is what we discussed ten minutes ago because she's starting all the shit herself.

Yeah. Oh, my God. But they all do it. Caroline is always family, family, family. But all she does is diss everybody behind their backs too. And she calls her own daughter sloth. You know, like fuck those people. They're all horrible.

If someone talked to her about like Dina, you know Caroline would get mad. Please. We know that Jackie punched Caroline in the face, right? So we know that that happened. We know that Caroline is only speaking to like 80% of her family. Well, here's what I think. I think we should, I think we should, we should all take a page from the Kim D school of problem solving, which is to run everyone over in a car and just be done with it.

Well, if Joe had been there, that might've happened. Yeah. Cause that's what Kim D suggested, by the way, Kim D said, told Teresa, you know what? Just run them all over. by the way kim d said told theresa you know what just run them all over the point is this melissa was smart and she finally got some balls and she decided to address theresa and confront her as opposed to letting her slide so now the whole can of worms is opened now this season is really going to start to breathe now we're going to get more you know kim in the mix because she's theresa's only ally we're going to see jacqueline and

caroline become even a stronger team and the thing i'm most excited about is to see jacqueline's friendship with teresa crumble to pieces we all have to remember that jacqueline did not even show up on last season's reunion for her not to show up on the reunion it's massive so i cannot wait to see this fall apart all right so this brings us to i think our first little game of the night which is i'm going to ask you guys a question which is if the new jersey housewives were the avengers which one would they be um theresa would be uh the blonde guy with the hammer why is is she Thor? Because he's got such a scary-looking stomach. Yeah.

And he's really dumb. And I can imagine her attacking someone with a hammer. Totally. He has the biggest weapon. And he's a Neanderthal. Caroline would probably be the Hulk because, I mean, let's be honest. Because the Hulk has rage issues and she's on menopause. Yeah, she's on menopause.

And, you know, she sort of has a Hulkish figure, you know, and she sort of turns green a little bit. Nobody is Robert Downey Jr. Iron Man? Nobody. None of them. I think Jacqueline's probably, like, Captain America maybe because she's sort of, like, of bland like goody two-shoe one you know no Jackie's the one Jackie's all the cabs that get blown up during

the course of the movie she's all the innocent bystanders who get blown to smithereens I think that well Melissa I feel like Melissa's like Scarlett Johansson I don't even know what Scarlett Johansson does in the movie because I haven't seen it yet I hate Scarlett Johansson but she's amazing even know what Scarlett Johansson does in the movie because I haven't seen it yet. I hate Scarlett Johansson, but she's amazing

in the movies, so the only amazing one on the show is Kathy. So she has to be the Scarlett Johansson character. Actually, no, I take it back. Kathy should be Captain America because Captain America stands for all things great and that's what Kathy is. Yeah, and also he's the most old school. So Jacqueline's just like

Samuel L. Jackson or something. Yeah, she could be Samuel L. Jackson because he tries to bring the team together. Who's Mark Ruffalo in all of this? That's the Hulk. Oh, he's pre-Hulk? Yes, and I can see Caroline and Mark Ruffalo. They're kind of twins. Yeah, I could see that.

I could see him with sort of like a Bonnie Franklin hairstyle kind of looking like Caroline. Who has the most frozen face? Is there a Mr. Freeze in the Avengers? No. But Captain America has the worst face because I do think that the guy who plays Captain America has had a little plastic surgery. Who's Jeremy Renner,

by the way? Who is he in the Avengers? He has like a crossbow and he was kind of the weak link in the movie. Oh, so that's Jacqueline. She is not the weak link. But she's sort of weak in spirit. She has a Jeremy Renner type of spirit. Okay, people, we need to move on and talk some OC because we are running long.

Okay, so what do we think about Gretchen's performance? Did you guys hear she lost her voice? It's all Vicky's fault. It's all Vicky's fault. It's all Vicky's fault. Did she give you guys fever? No. No, but I'm sure she's given a lot of people fever. She gave me ear fever.

My ears were burning up as I was listening to her. You know what? Yeah, that was pretty terrible. And at first when we had only heard the preview, I thought, oh, well, that's not bad. It's not as bad as most Housewives performances, but yeah, it was. It was pretty horrific. Yeah, it was pretty bad.

She's awful, and strangely enough, Heather thought she was great, which was shocking to me, because I thought Heather was a professional singer at some point. Perhaps with a big band background? I don't know. Oh, Heather knows that she's not great, but Heather has watched these shows, and she's smart enough to know not to be the villain in the first season on purpose. Yeah.

Like, you don't go around bad-mouthing everybody. Like, if you want to be popular, you have to say nice things about everybody. Yeah, but didn't— Alexis. Didn't you notice, though, that that changed completely last night? Like, Heather was not paving, like, the proper road for herself, like, through the first, like, six episodes. But everything kind of changed last night. I actually was a hater until last night myself.

Of Heather? Yeah, I think she's a horribly obnoxious monster. She is, but you can use her, you know? Yeah, I kind of like her. I kind of like her for adding an element of faux sophistication. I was totally surprised she didn't send that salmon plank back.

Well, you know she probably did. It was probably like a bonus on BravoTV.com. Watch Heather send a salmon plank back. I said no butter. Speaking of everyone being nicey-nice, what do we think about Vicky apologizing to Gretchen and then Vicky then expecting an apology back from Gretchen? Vicky is a horrible, horrible bitch, and the fact that she would hand her a present, I mean, I'm not surprised, but at the same time, like, Vicky just is

making herself look extra awful this season, and I didn't think it could possibly get worse. Well, it can get worse. Vicky looks, like, so decent this season. I mean, she freaked out at that bunko party, but that was kind of understandable, and honestly, they were both, well, they were both acting like and no honestly they were both well they were

both acting like children but they were both dragged into it by that old queen okay but vicky is twice gretchen's age that's late so what here's the thing vicky vicky um you said she's looking better i don't think she's looking better i think her face is looking excessively puffy. You know, like it's like she looks like someone who squeeze a balloon, you know? I don't mean literally better. I don't really believe in miracles. I'd be a much more positive person. Because they showed a flashback of Vicky from like when she was getting her house sold to by Gina.

And I was like, whoa, Vicky's face used to not be puffy. Look at that. Oh, Vicky's face used to not be puffy. Look at that. Also, that whole – the first two seasons were they shot on like Android camera phones because of how they looked in those flashbacks. Yeah. So speaking of Vicky, so she had a bomb dropped on her that she did not appreciate, and we mentioned this earlier, which is that Brianna got eloped. And I personally kept on waiting for Brianna to say, just kidding. I like your way of putting it. She got eloped and i personally kept on waiting for brianna to say just kidding i like i like your

um i like your way of putting it she got eloped like it's something that happens to you listen i like brianna like listen i when she said she went and she got married in vegas i was like good for you because the truth is this her husband's a good looking guy and everything and honestly prior to this she'd just been moping around going to vegas with her one friend and going to empty casinos and having sad nights out and she didn't seem like she had a lot going on so now she got this sort of hot guy like yeah lock that shit down what do you mean go ahead go ahead sorry no now it's not gonna be funny oh sorry matt i was gonna say what do you you mean it seems like she doesn't get around? She said, I really like dating

these kinds of guys. I date EMT workers, cops, firemen. She named, like, every fucking blue-collar service job there is. I know. She better not, like, she better not, like, walk by

some, like, factory She'll want to have a gangbang by all the workers. Totally. She has dated the entire... She better avoid all those vocational schools. Don't judge her. Everybody has a fetish. She just likes a uniform. That's fine.

You know what, though? Good for Brianna because she's a good girl. She's got a head on her shoulders. She's got a handsome man her shoulders. She got a handsome man. Like good for her for locking that down. She has her head on her shoulders now, but Vicky is going to fucking chop her head off for doing this. Vicky was – I love when Vicky is so stunned she shakes her head like some dog that's rejecting medicine and its food. Like no, no, no, no. That is the perfect description.

That's what she does. So do we think Brianna doing this, do we think it was dumb or romantic? I don't think it's dumb. I don't think it's dumb. I mean, I think it's someone with issues with being close. What do you call that? Intimacy issues. Yeah, I think she's got intimacy issues because she fell in love with this guy on skype and is getting married to

him when he's going back to afghanistan i think that that's a little weird and especially when she was getting throat surgery and stuff i think that's just weird that's the kind of thing i would do i i don't want i don't actually want to be around somebody i just want to say i have a boyfriend yeah yeah yeah yeah Get out of there. Now we're just being quiet and contemplative. I know I make you guys uncomfortable with this stuff, but it's totally true. So let's go on to something funnier then. Let's talk about Alexis.

So we had yet another chapter in Alexis Blino, Anchor Woman to the Stars, where she finally got to go to an acting coach to be more like Katie Keurig. This show is funny. I don't know if you guys watched Kathy Griffin's new show, but Kathy actually talked about this, and she kind of covered a lot of points that I wanted to discuss, but I'm going to talk about them anyway because I don't care. So the funniest thing was, first of all, the way Alexis imagined being a reporter at a house that was burning down.

Okay, I'm not sure if she has a career in emergency reporting. imagine being a reporter at a house that was burning down. Okay. I'm not sure if she has a career in emergency reporting. Not that it's even called emergency reporting, but like if she's reporting on anything that's not Dr. Booty, I think we may have an issue here. Well, I love all the facts that she's making up too. She goes, okay, so you're standing in front of a house that's burning down. Go. She's like, okay, so you're standing in front of a house that's burning down. Go. She's like, hi, everybody.

There's this house, and it's burning down right now, and nobody knows if anybody's alive in there. But they're in there investigating it. Possibly everybody's dead because it's on fire. There's five children. It's like, where are you getting all these details? And they were Jews. You can't just bring up the news. And they were Jews. You can't just pick up the news.

You know, the thing that I love the most, and then Kathy Griffin also mentioned this, was then the acting coach took this scenario and then she says, okay, we're moving forward. And the kids got out alive. And Alexa's like, oh, good. Thank God the fantasy worked out that way. That was hilarious. That was really good. Because I almost had to go tell Jim about the tragedy that happened in my acting coach's head. The kids got out okay. Oh, good.

Oh, good. Good, good, good. I was really worried I'd have to report on something tragic happening. I mean, I can only imagine if Alexis was covering 9-11, what that would have been like. Can we talk about the best part when the coach goes, you're talking about

teens and sexuality and your tits were hanging out. She called her a bimbo and a whore. She did, right to her face. And Alexis had that look on her face. Again, to use the dog metaphor, like a dog who, I guess, was expecting dinner and instead got a chew toy or something like that. She was like, rawr, rawr. You know, I have to say that Alexis, just every week she endears herself to me a little bit more.

I mean, the woman is a fucking moron, but she doesn't seem mean. You know? Most of them seem just mean spirited. She's mean to other girls though. She's mean to other girls. She's a catty bitch to other girls. She's not as mean as the rest of them. Oh, yeah.

I agree. I guess I just forget because I think she's so funny. Like when she was going to the coach and she said well you know jim doesn't really want me going to a coach but you know we both prayed on it and like jesus apparently told her to wear a two inch mini skirt with one of her sleeves hanging off of her shoulder which was really like going the extra slut mile for that for the newscasting if we know anything about alexis she'll always go the extra slut mile yeah and then she gets And if we know anything about Alexis, she'll always go the extra slut mile. Yeah. And then she goes there and she's

like, you know, it's really weird because me and Jim, we always get different answers from praying. I love, like, Jesus is up in heaven just fucking with them. Like, I'm going to fuck with their marriage and tell them both different things. Go. Well, you know, like, when Jesus speaks to her, all she

probably hears is Calliope music it's like it's like wow jesus really loves that music and meanwhile jim so they go meanwhile i like one of my favorite comments of alexis was that when they went to see the pussycat dolls and alexis is like you know it was so nice of jim to come out and support like you know i know this was hard for him and of Jim to come out and support. You know, I know this was hard for him, and he had to come support. Right. She said he's not enjoying himself. That was the direct quote.

And I was like, he has the hardest dick he's ever had right now. And it's been implanted in his chin. Right. And it's been implanted in his chin, so he has two hard-ons. And she's sitting there going, he's having a terrible time. And then there's a shot of him staring up someone's cooter. God bless Alexis. Well, she prayed about it, and Jesus told her that, no, Jim is really miserable, but he's being a good husband.

Can I ask a question? Do people that are, like, super religious and pray on everything and have, you know, bedazzled crosses all over the house, do they have sex or do they just have sex to make babies? I think they have sex, and they like it because I think they like the shame of it all. Because are they like extra – do you think they're like extra dirty? Yes. Well, I don't think it's shameful to have sex when you're married. So they probably don't – they probably have decent sex. I don't know how much they do.

That's true. So now here's a question. So now here's the question now that we've talked about the OC. What do we think was the epic housewife fail of the week? Oh, Lord. What was the big fail? I think it was the psychic lady who threw the solstice party. I think it's sad that you're psychic and you can't see far enough into the future to know that you're going to need a bra with that dress.

Those tits were like tubular tits. I mean they were coming out her armpits down to the back of her knees. Yeah, and she was also a fail in that the big star of her party left early. So she's dumb. Well, that's the success, isn't it, on a housewife show? That's true, too. When you get a storm out and then a confrontation in the parking lot. That's true.

Oh, yeah, that's right. In New Jersey, the parking lot confrontation is sort of like— Nothing beats that. It's the tops. It's a rite of passage. And when Melissa came back into the party after all that and said, I'm going to leave, you know, I feel much better, we got got it settled and everyone at the party was just staring up at her smiling like they were watching yeah when that kind of stuff happens do you guys

just find yourself fixated on like the the onlookers that are at the supporting tables that's all i'm that's all i'm concerned with that's totally what i was doing it was silent in there did you see you could hear it was silent everyone had clearly been hearing all this yelling in the parking lot, you know? They were probably all standing out there. So, Matt, what do you think was the epic house why fail of the week? You know, I am losing my patience and, you know, love for Caroline so incredibly fast. Like, Teresa's horrible. Everybody's horrible.

But this week, Caroline takes the cake for letting her husband call her own daughter Lauren a beast, for saying that her daughter is fat like 19 times in the span of one hour, and for making it seem trying to be considerate but what she doesn't realize she's doing is that she's pinning her daughter against her sons by saying that her sons are handsome. But hey, Lauren's got a great personality. That to me is a fail. She's a nice girl. And you know what? She has a gut. Who says that on TV? But I'm not going to lie.

She has problems. She's got to lose weight. She's got has problems. She's got to lose some weight. She's got a belly. She's got to lose weight. Well, so speaking of fails just in general, why don't we go into Don't Be Tardy for the wedding? Look, you fuckers, if you're going to start talking shit about Kim again, you're going to piss me off because I love her. Well, she's horrible. She's like she's the American dream.

Be stupid. Be stupid but have a decent rack and give good enough head and you'll be fine. Yeah, and then get a McMansion and decorate it with Ashley furniture. Then why do the three of us not own our own houses? I don't have a wig. Listen, I've been working hard to find a football player. Stop being dead in my tracks. Argument one. Listen, I've been working hard to find a football player. That stopped me dead in my tracks. I was – Okay.

Argument one. Thank you. Argument one. But I just have to say like her ratings are actually good. She's at like 1.5 million viewers, which is better than the majority of everything on Bravo. So clearly people like her. I mean maybe you guys are hater-aid, but like they like her. There are some endearing sides to her, but then for every moment that I think that she's becoming endearing, then she has a dumbass moment where she doesn't even know how to use a can opener.

But that's when I love her. I actually love Kim Zolciak for the most part. I hate her when she gets prom queen-y and start taking herself seriously like, oh my God, a wedding that's going to cost tens of millions of dollars and we're going to walk across the pool. Yeah, I mean, that's totally fine. Fuck you, Kim. You don't got tens of millions of dollars and everybody knows it.

You know, I have to say I'm loving Ariana though. She's such a sweet girl and God bless her for having this strange love for strange blazers. She's like nine years old, and she has not found a blazer she does not want to put on. Good for her. I mean, I know she's like nine or ten, but we're pretty convinced she's a lesbian, right?

No, I actually did not think that whatsoever. Well, a blazer is halfway to a pantsuit. That is true. That is true. But she likes doing really cool things. But Kim is very butch. That is true. Kim she likes doing really cool things. But Kim is very butch. That is true. Kim is a little butch.

But I also have to say I like Brielle this week when she was saying that her mom is a disgusting pig for smoking cigarettes and then for also saying, you know, your perception of people is – she was like – like Brielle is like a 15-year-old. And for some reason, like last night, she took it to a new level for me and she kind of schooled her own mom. Yeah. What'd she say now? Brielle is real. What'd she say? i didn't watch it she bit she told kim started to smoke again and briel was like basically like don't do that you're ugly and awful but for doing that um i also like this designer this i'm not designed to the stylist sean she seems cool i like her no she's awesome i mean i have to say the villain of the show surprisingly is, is not Kim. It's her crazy anorexic bird, big bird mother.

Oh, God. Her mom is a real problem. For people who didn't watch it last night, like, the whole, like, story arc last night was Kroy's family was coming from Montana to Atlanta to meet baby KJ for the first time. Kroy's sister came with some nieces and nephews. Kim was all nervous to have them all come over to the house. But the other part of the show was they were going to do a big like dress try on for the wedding so kim was doing this nice presentation with her designer sean so that croy's mom could try on some fancy dresses and she also invited her own mother her own mother fucking flaked made kim look terrible in front of croy's

mother and like they must think that like kim is a hillbilly if only we cared i mean that's the thing with this show it's like they're trying to create drama about things i don't give a shit about you know like it's just like we sit there we watch you know like we just are just watching just kim's mother seems like Kim Richards on Beverly Hills. She's making up excuses on the phone. Like, Oh, I lost my charger.

I put on my deodorant. That was the excuse. Ronnie. I'm not at your house. I'm two hours late to your house because I got to put on some deodorant. No way. Yes. Really?

Yes. Well, she also has meth face like Kim Richards. So she's probably dabbling in the dark arts. Crazy eating disorder as well. So now here's my question. Okay. Based on the scene where Kim literally did not know how to use a can opener, I want to ask you this. Here's the question of the night. What things can Kim do? And I'm going to go through a list of things. And you guys tell me if you think Kim is capable of

doing this or not doing it. Okay. Okay. Before we do i just say like i don't know how to use a can opener or cook or make beef stroganoff so i think your expectations are way too high listen i i don't i do i'm not i'm not mad at her or i i don't i don't just because you're a motherfucking top chef in your spare time don't be like dogging us listen i i don't i don't mind that she can't make beef stroganoff um i do mind that she does not know how to use a can opener. And like Ronnie said, that's sort of like the fun of Kim, but it's ridiculous. She doesn't know how to use a can opener. So here's my question.

Okay. Do we think Kim can open a box of cereal? Yes. Yeah, with her fucking teeth. Does she know how to turn on her windshield wipers? Not in the new Porsche Panamera that she bought for Kroi. She knows how. She can turn them on, but she thinks she's making a turn.

She probably pulls on her, like, or she probably, like, pulls on her parking brake and does, like, a 360 on the highway by accident. Or she calls Sweetie and asks her how to do it. I know how to turn on my windshield wipers. Where are the hand things that go up back and forth on the thing? Where's my windshield? Sweetie! Does she know how to inflate a pool toy? Yes.

Yes, she knows how to blow. She's familiar with that. Probably better than anybody on the block. And is she capable of comprehending how to, like... Can she comprehend a merry-go-round? Does she know how to like get on it, get on the horse, know what it's for, what's going on? No. Yes.

You guys are not giving her enough credit. So you think she does? This is a brilliant gold digger here. Do not like get it twisted. This girl has an NFL player who has a nice big fat contract and a nice big fat house. No, she looks at that merry-go-round and she's like, I'm not going until I get my own. I feel like she looks at it, and she's like, so what's the point? It's just that it's horses going in a circle.

Like, why are they doing that? And then she takes a sip of her Chardonnay, and you've got to love her. Are those horses supposed to be real? I'm not stupid. I'm not stupid. Why aren't they talking? Why aren't they talking? When's the race over i'm gonna put money on the red one why why why are there benches on the race why why are

their benches racing also with the horses i don't get it i don't like it i'm gonna go over here to the ferris wheel by the way my car wheels do not here to the Ferris wheel. By the way, my car wheels do not look like the Ferris wheel, so I don't know why they call it a wheel. What else do you have on there? Nothing really. I came up with it last second. I couldn't think of anything funny. That was a good one to end on because you made me laugh.

Okay, good. We ended it with laughter, and I think it's time to wrap it up because we've been going for about an hour. It is? Remember before this podcast started when we talked about maybe making this 45 minutes? Yeah. Oh, well, you guys, thanks for listening, and remember the moral of the story. You're never going to get anywhere in life if you're fat. And you won't be rich, that's for sure.

And you're never going to be as handsome as Caroline's kids. Yeah. But you may have a great personality, though. So look forward to that. With a gut. With a gut. I'm not going to lie. Y'all need to lose weight.

Y'all need to lose weight. All right, everybody. Love you. Follow the podcast on What Crappens on Twitter. And you can follow Matt at Life on the M-List. You can follow mad at life on the m list you can follow ronnie at tvgasm and you can follow me at b-side blog and uh you can also listen to us on the sideshow network and you can download you can subscribe to this on itunes which is what you should do so that way it automatically goes into your ipod and stuff i can't truck us all right bye Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone.

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