Watch What Crappens - Falling For Christmas w Reality Gays Part Four

Episode Date: December 28, 2022

*Also avail Crappens On Demand video at https://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens* And now, finally, is the final episode of our four part crossover recap of Falling for Christmas with Reality Gays. Love you guys. Would you rather watch these episodes? Join at the Crappens On Demand Level over at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for access to all of our videos and bonus episodes. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Crappens, guys. Today is the final installment of the reality gaze, crossover, falling for Christmas, starring Lindsay Lohan recap. Thanks so much for being here with us today and always you guys. We'd love you. Have a a great holiday Next time we see you it'll be a different yeah Okay, so Terry and security Terry's the gay assistant guy and security knock on Lindsey's door

And he's like don't knock on the door she said she doesn't want it being disturbed Someone's got PTSD. Yeah. And so they, so they, they go in to this very small suite for the owner's daughter. And basically like nothing has been touched. And then Ali Lohan is like, wow, they find a card from Chad that's like, can't wait to see you. It can't wait to go up and have our photo shoot. And she's like,'t wait to see you. It can't wait to go up and have our photo shoot. And she's like, wow, it sounds like they plan to go off

somewhere together. And Jerry's like, but where? And it's like at this point, no one's thinking, wow, we haven't seen this important person since she said she was going off to go skiing. And no one's thinking, like, should we get? No, because she wants to be gone. We have to do what she says, right?

She said, don't alter. All Terry does is go, oh my God. But where would she go and touch this security guard and he's like, don't touch me. What the hell? Light gay panic happened. Yeah, there's some, I swear to God, this was a script. Almost nothing was changed from like the early 90s. It really does feel that way.

So then also they're like, well, maybe she made her own bed. Not in this slide. It's like, please, please girl, put a pen in that again. Yeah, you know, at least there are some things that come back. So then Ted wakes up on a cot and one piece pajamas, which I love. He looked cute. But you have to think about this.

Last time we saw him, he fainted. Ralph had to take off all of his clothes and all in a Wednesday. I was there too. Oh my god, he did not need to be put on either. He could have said, he was already in very warm clothing. That was a miss up day. Because that guy has a fucking, I've already stalked his Instagram. He has a bang in body.

This could have been a shirtless moment. Just no, they did not, I'll tell you why, they did not want to sexualize this guy. They needed him to be neutered gay. Fine. Yeah, neutered gay. Yeah, I guess okay, as long as it's, you know, I've already followed him on Instagram. It's too late. As long as you don't shove in our face

We're fine. Yes. Cape it in your bedroom. Yeah, get away from me. Yeah, so Chad a Ralph comes in. He's like Ralph and Ralph like I thought you let you sleep in eat Ralph even says you look so cozy and kind of smiled. After we were spooning all night. I know. Because you know they were because it was cold. He's like putting, he's like putting away a wet paper towel. He's like, you look so cozy. I thought everything was fine. He's got me. So just sweaty. By the way, I think I just want to point out. Take your roll of film out of a camera. Like, all right, put me in the dark. taking a roll of film out of a camera like alright. Put me.

Alright. I can't feel like Tad looks like Cersei from Game of Thrones. A little in his face. I think you're right. It looks like Cersei. He's a little very handsome man. Very handsome man. Well, he's about to ruin the final act of this show then.

So Ralph is like, wow, you looked is, my truck is dead, it's last night's road kill. So we can walk for two days, you want to have some fried fish, you're going to need it. And he's like, I've just got fried fish. Yeah. And what he says, he says,

I'm already dating Lindsay Lohan. What dry fish is that that have you seen her lips Cuz they do enter the room before she does I just say Days walk I Resend that dryer fish the dryer fish. I take that back. I apologize America. This is a family show America. This is a family show. Oh, you were making a vagina joke. I didn't think I was because of our lips. No, yeah, after that, I was like, that was like a vagina joke. I like it was a lip joke. I'm keeping the Ralph came all over a paper towel. Well, we'll

stay away from her vagina. Remain. Yeah. But did you know when he said two days, how far away are they? I'm so confused. Is the mountain like a cow? Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Is there like a portal that they're actually walking back to the town? It's also fucking freezing.

You're not going to be able to lock two days. They're also going to die. They acted like they were so far away. Lindsey was found on the side of the road. Okay. Yes. Chad was found. He couldn't have been that far from the side of the road. But yeah, now it's two hours away. They're walking in like a big circle, you know. And why can't they go to the town? Why can't they go to summit, uh, lodge or summit, whatever it is. They can't be current guarantee there's some cell service oh they're they were taking the they were taking the sled or the slay around and they saw her body

so I was so you would think and then also I also don't believe an influencer does not have like a battery backup and it's back no he does to say that for you unless it's a lot while he was falling but I think that's the craziest part of this scene for me is after that, after Ralph offers to fry up some fish and tats like, no, because I had fishess pets. Ralph is like, okay, cool. Here's an axe and he throws an axe at Tad and Tad. I'm dangerous.

And that's why I'm like, I'm just face doesn't catch it like this. Yeah, he catches it. He looks at it and goes, boy, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, good at throwing a ball, but I was not good at catching a ball. I was I would put my My face you're sure good at catching them now. I know right fix that later in my Time at what time heals everything But that counts your face is the best catcher mid I've ever seen I know your face is the best catcher mid I've ever seen. I know. Also, I guess this writer or movie

hates Airbnb because we get back to the hotel and the whole reason the hotel's not doing well is Alejandro's like, well someone can't sit again, Airbnb and literally cord overstrict makes his face like curses, B&Bs.

The end. D again. She face like, oh, curses, B and Bs. Yeah, B and D again. She's like, looking corporate tech America. Yeah. Their comment was, if I have to have breakfast cooked from a hot plate, I might as well do it myself. Smell you later. I had way too much oil on my egg. Yeah. later. I had way too much oil on my egg. I woke up in a pool of sweat because I am covered

in slanted blankets. Everything's final. Let's see, Lowe and try to snort the snow glove in my room. I woke up every morning to a young girl staring at me while I was sleeping. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, there's been a cancellation. It goes, oh my God, what are we gonna do? We can't even afford a housekeeper. Well, for fuck's sake, man, no one is gonna stay in this place. Right.

So Lindsay's like, are there any calls for me? Surely someone's looking for me. Regarding me. Nope, not a word. Yeah. Well, my doctor said if I do some normal things, my memory might come back. Okay, so he's got the coke. So what does he mean by normal things?

And I was like, I'll show you what normal things are, get to work. So now they kind of get that overboard segment where he's like, this is not a too long story. And there's Chateau Maumal. I am going to like this. Is that a too laundry? Yes. And there's Chateau Marmal. I am going to say this. Lindsey Lohan making that bed was physical comedy and I was impressed.

I have to say I, she did some funny stuff in this. It was really fucking funny and I laughed and I went, okay, Lindsey, all right. Because that was improv and that was definitely not choreographed by Mr. Bonnet And I believe now like when she actually had the fitted sheet collapse entirely around her body I was like I was that was talent. No, it was fun. She needs to be in more comedies First of all, bitches you guys are really easy queens I Mean seriously, you're like you're like oh my god. She's the next Jack tripper

Obviously you're like, oh my God, she's the next Jack Tripper. It's my little one. She couldn't even do stretch acting, okay? I'm not jumping on this gay trip. I mean, I think I'd rather see her in a comedy than Kate Hudson. And don't get me wrong, I love Kate Hudson's vodka, but she's terrible in comedy. Yeah, I'm putting it in there.

I know. And I feel so bad because it's like every time I'm like, oh my God, it's starring not Goldie Han. And I won't give it to her where I want, I'm sorry. And I like Fabletics. I like most things about her. Gross, just, oh, Fabletics. I just don't like what they stand for.

No, what comfortable clothes. We love the exercise. Watch her crappens. Are they? Yes, don't you remember you've done like a million Fabletics? Oh, for fuck's sake, what is the minute code of this? Oh my God. Jesus Christ.

I've already come from McDonald's. I do love her vodka. Her vodka brand is super good. That's like us talking about Amazon and Maddie's like, oh, it's a sponsor. I'm like, oh, I know this is on. Everything I can give her an Amazon. Okay, so then she puts too much detergent in the machine, which makes it rumble and

it wasn't her faults. It wasn't her fault. She knocked, well, she put in the detergent, Ronnie, and the entire plastic bin detergent. Well, thank you. Well, she bent over to get the laundry and then the, because the molded it. She pulled it through. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. So then back to the only story we care about Ralph and Tad. So they're walking through the snow and Tad's like, I'm not going to make it. I'm going to die. OK. This is the scene. This is the scene.

This was like the movie The Road for me. It just took me there and like away they do you he's like not without my daughter. He was carrying because well Ralph is a beautiful human being. No actually he's not. He's not. What? Because Tad is falling over so he's like dying so so Ralph Like takes his bag and it takes out two snowshoes and gives them to to Tad to wear I'm like you mean he could have been wearing these snowshoes this entire time Well, that's why you walk through this snow without the snowshoes. Why did you grind him down? Impulation maybe a little bit so Tad has fallen over now and he's like, just leave me here, save your soul, man.

And Ralph is like, hang in there, I got you buddy, give some snowshoes and Tad's like, you're so strong. And he's like, ready. I feel so at home in your arms. Yeah. No, you can't even, we can't overlook though.

He picks up his legs each and when he picks up his legs, I'm going to be honest, I looked like and I made the same noise when I got fucked by an eight inch dick for the first time because he just raises up his leg and tackles. Oh, and then he takes the other leg and raises it up, and Tag goes, oh, my! And that's where he says, you're so strong. And I win, that's the day! Well, and then, and then he goes, well, what's about you?

What's about what are you going to wear? He goes, Ralph, because don't worry about me. I got big feet. He made a dip joke! Yeah, I mean, so we can dick. I mean, there's gonna be like, it's like, you're gonna see three footprints in that snow. It isn't that when y'all thought, okay, done. They're gonna end up being together at the end of the movie.

I got the day we're making like, uh-huh, uh-huh, gay jokes or whatever. But then I was like, oh wait, so they were making it that we're actually gonna be with this guy. I thought they were making it that we're actually going to be with this guy. I thought they were actually going to do something progressive. No, I don't think the word for the rest of it can be compared to this movie at all. I get too invested in these movies, y'all. Bernie just turned off this podcast. He was like, all my work has been for fucking nothing.

Where is where are we to Lindsey when she's helping the helping with Abby with the hair scene. And she's like, I remember when I was where she's like, mom can you help me and my fake mom can you help me? I remember when my I was young, my mom was coming my hair. Yeah, my mom in between alcoholic blackouts My mom was told me that the worst angle sort themselves out if you just give them a little help And then we see a memory of a lady with a fuzzy face actually we can see your face, right?

And the mom's brushing her hair and Abby's like you remember your mom And she's like I think I do She would put this really good smelling shampoo in my hair And then she's start bouncing her butt up and down a little I'm singing that she likes big butts I remember my mom She had a strong strong jawline and that's You had a strong strong jawline and that's

Tuck curls and the way she killed that alien on the spaceship. Um, I think it I got Sigourney Weaver I am you're right Thank you for being right you're right The way she wore that those cutoff shirts So then Memory memory of mom. Okay, I'm gonna skip memory of mom and then Jake's like Abby, Abby, what happened here? There's like bubbles all over the ground and then he's like sorry. He's a great bubbles on the ground.

This is the last thing I needed to happen. It's actually the thing you need to boast in this shitty place. Some soap somewhere, okay? Consider it a gift. Just pick out some sort of stick with something at the end of it to push that soap around. Let's play a screen. And then spread it across your terracotta floors

that'll leave you everyone with black socks. Hahaha. So it's there is like, she's really, she's like mortified and she just runs away crying because of the soap. And the next scene we have her just saying, I can't do anything right. So she goes to the most logical help, which is Balthazar, the horse. And I wrote down, oh, James Corden's an awful person. James cordons an awful person

Even the horse has an opinion I tried to serve him egg whites at my restaurant He was really terrible to my waitstab So now's the air's lost her mind so she starts talking to the horse She's, I'd introduce myself, but I have no idea who I am. I can tell you pretty much I'm a useless woman like most women, apparently, and I can't do anything right. And you think I'd have some sort of skill, wouldn't you? Thanks for your support, Horace.

Let's see if I can manage to fetch some wood. See you later. You know, the horse is like, who the fuck is this? This was actually the only monologue in the film. And I'm thinking, I wonder if someone did this. Someone found this monologue. But then the weirdest thing is she walks off to get the, the word, he heard her.

He heard her and hands over and Jake is in the, I was like, how did Jake, Jake was dealing with the suds. How was Ian Balthus our stable also? Yeah, the, the flat twist of Jake being in this stable the whole time was hilarious. And also, just not saying something. Who needs to be hidden in the stable? Jake.

It also, I don't think it had any impact. I don't think this had any impact over hearing those moms. No, and I don't think it really, I'm in love. He fell in love. That's all it took. Listen, he found out now that Lindsay is sad about not knowing how to do laundry Which means that she has it would desire to be good about doing you know what you're right. You're right. So he's in love with her

You're right now. So now she's going off to to gather a bundle of some wood Let's not forget she's still suffering from a minor concussion and they're making it They're making her work Manual labor She falls down the stairs. Yeah. She can't do any. She should be in a full body cast at this point. Yeah, but I like also the implication is just because your poor you can do everything. I think that's really funny too. Well, you have been more for a very long time and I can't do shitty either. So, you know, what are you going to do?

So then, Jake's like, look, I didn't mean what I said about that, you know, laundry soap on the floor. I know that was really hard to hear. And she's like, it's not just that. It's been almost two days and nobody's found me. I'm like, I'm claimed luggage. I love that. Number four.

That was a great metaphor. That was she is unclean luggage and a carousel going around. That was funny. He plugs his cell phone into her and he's like, I'm looking away bag. Ah, but they have to take the battery out of me because it's no longer regulated. So I'm saying, don't say that. I'm sure you have to take the battery out of me because it's no longer regulated. So I don't say that.

I'm sure you have to respond to those people are so pissed that bought all those bags. I know. Well, we have, we had one, they gave, when they were sponsor, they were sponsored to you. And they gave it to us. And so we use that and that's like, oh, we can't do the back. They made me open mine up and they gave me a screwdriver to unscrew. I was like, really, you're not even going to unscrew it for me.

You're the monsters making me take it out. They made me do it and they're like, yeah, there's a battery pack in there. And and I said, oh, okay. And they're like, yeah, you need to start. You have to move out the line if you're going to do this now. I was just like, you're going to use it. Oh, I'm out. But they made him a lot now. I'm just like going in. You have. Well, they made them a lot better.

I've even brought my own away luggage because I love it that much. Oh, they're not a sponsor for us, but I knew that they're on the bag. They do have a girl boss scandal, though, too. So, you know, they're beleaguered, but I actually really enjoy my away luggage. They were sponsor. They were sponsor. No, they're not a sponsor anymore. Any more, yeah.

They were just in case for the future, you know, they're like, hey, what about those guys, you know, and we're like, fuck that thing. Almost got me thrown into Guantanamo Bay. Or whatever. So, she feels like useless and he's like, don't say that. You've got family, friends, a mop out there waiting for you.

Let's go to the Christmas market, you know, like maybe someone will recognize you there. I mean, it's no trouble. Plus Abby, you'll love it. She really has been designing multiple ways to kill you. I'm sure she could use multiple. I was wondering why your copy spelled like get her almonds. I was wondering why your coffee spelled like get her almonds. So now they go to this Chris, they finally have the bright idea that they should put her in a public space so that way people can be able to recognize her. And so they're at this Christmas market. And Sierra was like, wow, this is so pretty.

And then I think it does ring a bell. I've never never been to I've never been in any place so nice Looks like breakfast Sanchez like smiling at them with his veneer Fucking fat God, the Santa's really gross in this so yeah They're Jake's like yeah, look at Abby. She gets so excited about Christmas. She takes after Carla my wife. Oh, and she's twerking Not here

It's time for commercial It's time for a crap and commercial. We do find out that he didn't, he, it was her family who owned the, the, and I don't think we know, we knew that yet. Uh, but I didn't know it was. Yeah, because he tells her he's like, you know, uh, she says, where could you, where would you be if you could be anywhere? And he was like, maybe the city, you know, I says, where would you be if you could be anywhere?

And he was like, maybe the city, you know, I had all the key travel business. And yeah, I had a ski travel business. And I really hate plastic grocery bags. I just want to go somewhere where they only use paper. And I have a ski travel business. But Carlos dad gave us the hotel and, you people like the new resorts fucking people fucking people I like the simple things. I like the simple things. You know people made fun of me for having a ski business in the middle of the city But I said no, it can be said no This is gonna work in Phoenix

Cross country skiing on Central Park. Didn't work. Yeah, I just got to go back to the city where my ski business is. So this is where all these like, Daddy, look at this sleigh. And Santa's like, you have a very good taste of me. Yeah. I like beautiful, don't get it. Wait, wait, we're over, we're overlooking when Jake has his complaints about the new resource.

He's like, I don't want to have to sell it, but you know, people make all these new resorts with flash stuff like bells and whistles and housekeeping. And I still think there's something really special about the simple things, you know, like people like a decrepit old building with terracotta floor. Who wants a resort with a kitchen? That just feels easy. Like now people want to see it resorts with industrial sized washing machines that can actually handle doing more than one bed at a time. I love it. I love that.

People want a resort where you can actually book your reservation on something called the internet. You might have to call on an old phone without conference calling. Yeah. I'm like, where's the press number five for Obuela? Right? Exactly. Exactly. Obuela. Right? Exactly. Exactly.

Obuela. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I should have said four because that's G, right? Yes, that's G. Okay, so um. I'm all. I guess so she might just lay and Sam is like, yeah, you like my slick in the back.

You know, that's a candy back there. And Jake's like, no, single like my sleigh getting the back. The dude has a candy back there. And Jake's like, no, he's single balls. Those are just my balls. He's like, whoa, this sleigh is so Sarah. Sarah, you like plays? No, honey, I'm out of our lead. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It's that then, then we actually have this, Ben, you brothers, the biggest muguffin of the whole thing. Here, take this snow globe. It's too expensive. You mean the one we referenced in the beginning of the film? Yeah, it's like, yeah, here's the, they're not going to take the, the, the, the slay because it's too expensive. So we'll take the snow globe and establish the exact same one from the style, which is weird.

And it is the exact same one I didn't even notice. It doesn't matter. It's a fucking snow globe instead which is the exact same one from the style which is weird and it is the exact same one I didn't even notice that it doesn't matter It's a fucking snow globe. It's the exact same one and she still did No, it's just like she goes it's beautiful And then she's like starts to have a memory But then doesn't have memory and then never goes back that snow globe for the rest of the movie Jakes like we'll take it and Santa Claus like great. That's no globe for the rest of the movie. And Jake's like, Jake's like, we'll take it and Santa Claus like, great, that's $45,000. I know. Santa's like, we're all asking. Yeah, this is a big drama where the fuck are I literally like, are strong, are strong.

Like, literally says underneath it, property of the bow mod and she's like, huh, nothing's coming. This is how if they did the game, it go on a stage, you know, she got painted, huh, nothing's coming back. This is how, if they did the musical, on Estasia, she could paint it. Nope, don't remember anything. Okay, let's, my family's dead. So they leave and Santa's like, Merry Christmas. And then it just shows them walking away

and it cuts back to his face and he's like, oh. Oh. Oh. Cast this. He's just laying his finger aside of his nose again. He's just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it.

I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. I'm just going to grab it. and won his pants. Well, that's where she's not on screen. She has to go back to her

sonot globe. That's where she lives. So now it's tree lighting and so the mayor of summit springs gets up there and he's like, so you all came here to see some lights but without further ado, you know what? Why don't you come up here sweetie and help me pull the switch random girl. So this girl comes up and it goes summit springs. Are you ready? I was like, well, they probably were ready two weeks ago when you should have lit the STEM Christmas tree because it's December 23rd right now, but that's fine. You're a little late. And I like when he's like, this is my favorite reason to be mayor. Oh my God,

do something. You know what I mean? Fill the pot holes. There's plenty of shit to do. So if this was an 80s movie, I just want to say this was a 1980s movie, the mayor would be drunk or and or be a womanizing mayor. There would be like, there would not be a child. There would be a blonde with big boobs. She would come up do the tree lighting. He would try to grab her ass. Hey, hey, that's Christmas. Like that's again, I think that was all taken out of the movie.

Yeah. So now the fireworks are going off and there are everyone singing joy to the world. And Jake is like, Sierra, I mean, Sarah, I can't hear you sing. She was, oh, I can't sing. I can't hear you. Sing, she goes, oh, I can't sing. I can't sing. Who told you that? It's Christmas. So they start to sing together a little bit. And I was thinking, oh, okay, so they're setting up. There's gonna be a climaxing where the two of them sing together because they both have a background in singing as actors and we also saw the whole thing.

This is the moment for a fucking song that would have brought them to what up there on stage. I was like, I was like, you know what? No, they're going to wait for the climax. That's it. But no, this is actually the final beat of the song arc. Yeah. That's it. The end. So they stare off and then they have like a romantic moment. And then she's like, I'm beat. And he's like, I need to beat too. So then he's like I need to beat to so then they leave I need to be I need to beat to yeah, he's like I just want to tell you

I don't think I've ever met someone like you before like really someone what what original quality has Lindsey given us Honestly, you mean I also want to travel voice a gravel voice ginger hasn't come to your shitty ass hotel before. Yes. And you have this shitty ass town and also, you know, these fireworks were not real either. Lone Grove days, we did not have fireworks like this whenever we had a treat. There was like three. This was like fucking Disneyland or the growth. This is the caruso.

This is the caruso. This is the caruso. This is the fireworks. Well, you see, you just made people one of them for him. The caruso underrated this production. I feel like they don't have fireworks on Christmas, because Santa's flying in the air with a sleigh and reindeer. You know, put a heart for the Christmas. That's true. That's true. It's disrespectful. So, um, now with this, yeah, I'm a fucking kill him. I mean, this guy's a monster. I know. So now they're back at the hotel and, uh, Jake goes and talks

and Abby and then he's sitting with Sierra at night and she's holding the, the, the snow globe and she's like, I suddenly had a memory of being a child and this beautiful woman gave it to me and then pushed me into acting and then next thing you're nervous about a Mickey Mouse. I don't know. Where are we? Line, line, line, line. I'm not a problem with alcohol. Stop trying to make fetch happen, it's Saturday. I told you, don't say fetch on set. It's triggering. And he's like, well, at least you remember something, that's a start. And this is the word, he's like, I'm beating.

He's like, I've never met anybody like you. Who cares if I had? I'd remember. No, you fucking, you've got no. No, you've got no 20 times sir that was the strangest line because it actually was counter it now I don't know next day Lindsay next day we see Balthazar okay who's just ready to turn himself into glue at this point he's like please don't make that terrible mom. I love this James Corden is an ear with five.

They've asked for a good cut. Concussion has a bitch share her life story with me. I mean, for crying out loud. So Lindsay throws up in her curtains and the family's there again, just standing right in front of her window. And this time she's like, hi. Oh, I'm sorry. Hi.

And now she wants to remember go at my nose, Ronnie. She also now knows how to make beds. Yes. That's her thing. Yeah, she has now a new lease on life because she wants to make an omelette. So she's having sort of like a ghost, Patrick Swazie from behind at the bottom of the real moment with the omelette. She's having a lot of

things. Alena's on. But these are Alena's on. But these are low in a sauce. A lot of our, let me say terrible pancakes.

I've never seen pancakes. Why are they brown? What? I think they're close in brown. Were they pancakes or Sunday side up eggs? I think they're in life.

The problem. It's also interesting that all of this is also curing her I think the gloves are great. Were they pancakes or sunnetside up eggs? I think they're in life. They're in life. It's also interesting that all of this is also curing her natural clumsiness. She's actually now in her body now and she's not an actual comedy and she's not just a disaster walking. She can now flip pancakes. It's making her more coordinated.

Oh, she's showing them these like, it's all in the wrist and And she's like, is that it had to be off joke? It also is bad writing in that we didn't see her make pancakes before she was making eggs. So we should be seeing her making eggs. I just actually just really wanted to see your crack and egg gently like a. I want to see like one hand or just like, bam, really wanted to see your crack and egg gently like And I want to see that one hand her just like bam. Why needed to see her properly use olive oil?

That was my most important thing because That'll fuck up your whole kitchen. That shit never comes out. It will listen Well bothered me the most was then we see her like reformed laundry ways and she's standing there with Abby And she's pouring in the detergent into the laundry machine Carefully. I was like and the girl is teaching her how to do it. Use the measuring cap. That's still not the right way to do laundry Even it's like this is a measuring cup. We use cereal bowls that we eat out of later, right? Does it taste funny? Those are that's what the flavor of blessings. Oh!

That tastes like mommy! Oh my God, I have to say. It's tastes like it burns. I love music, I love singing, I'm learning to play the piano. I hate the guitar guy. I hate him. I just hate that guy who just whips out the guitar like get around everybody. It's me. And I'm going to play the guitar. Stop stopping that person. I know. I know he's singing you singing hooting the blowfish.

He's like, hold my hair. And I want to learn how to play the guitar. And I promise when I learn I won't be that guy. I won't one day just be like, Hey, Ben, sit down. Come on. You will win. Well, I don't know. I don't know running. You might. So then they're making gingerbread houses and they know what she knows how to do now. She knows how to do. It's like, but she's acquiring all these domestic skills of Christmas because that's how you get to be a good person I had to do that middle school in a harder than a skyscrapers because she was from the city and they all were like a Turbomy's van der Rohe, but now that she's like a reformed person. She's making the proper house

I love that Jake is just trying to build so many properties that he doesn't have to like a property Properly carpet or hire maize for. No, no. No, I know. No, not at all. Not at all. And then Sierra puts like a little bit of frosting on his nose and he takes a bunch,

he just starts throwing full force at the girls. This was an improv moment, I'm sure. I'm like, they threw marshmallows at you. You can't throw cutting boards at them. He just throws an axe. We just give another axe callback. So then they go skiing and she's like, looking great everyone.

I love skiing. She knows how to ski now. She knows how to ski now. She knows how to ski, which she did not. She said before, I don't know how to ski. Well, she ever left. He said, you gave her a lesson. He said, don't worry, you'll be fine.

So she gave her one lesson. She gave her one lesson. Nice ski. And remember, because that's where they fall. And they followed it this time. She doesn't fall on her own. They fall together. They fall together.

They fall together. They fall together. Because now together guys. They fall together. Because now she knows how to ski because she got the one missing ingredient, a man's approval. Yeah. So that was my. She learned to do housework.

That was what she needed to do. Right. Oh my gosh. You take your man right and look what you get. This is propaganda. Yeah, it is. She learned to be like a 50s housewife. She learned to make a gingerbread house.

She became coordinated. She can carry wood now. She does because those two crazy people from the sled, now they're checking out because they're like, we're not gonna stay in this shittin' hole over Christmas. We're getting out of here while we still can. They check out and see how it's like, thanks for staying at the North Star and Merry Christmas.

And Jake just looks at her like, yeah for staying at the North Star and Merry Christmas. And Jake just looks at her like, yeah, she's a very young lady now. She's walking in the door. Even as an actor, it's true. Even as an actor, she didn't even open the door and kind of register that she notices people. She literally opened the door robotically and just said, thanks for staying here. How much do you want her that she was giving notes on set? Oh, she was executive producing. Yeah, I guarantee she was giving notes. She's one. She was an executive producer. She didn't make it quote about saying, it's a really big deal for me to executive produce this.

It was a different level of professionalism. I mean, this, can you, can you imagine the production meetings? They're like, they're like, should we wait another half hour for Lindsey? Yeah, sure. This is fucking like, this was Lindsey Lohans to Charlie's Thoreau's monster. Like this was the, this is the film that brought her back for her. So Sierra, so now like, Sierra finds Alejandra crying in another room. And Alejandro is like, she's smiling and crying. And- Remember, they gave her the note.

They said, don't be too sad. Yeah. And so she was looking through a memory book, like a scrapbook. I call it my memory book. That's what that's called. That's a strange concept. The writers call it. They're just sitting there going, what should we call this?

What's she going to call this? What should we call this book of memories? Right, Joe, what do you call a memory book? Get my secretary. What's a memory book? I don't know, I'm missing you got in the court, but you can't make it. Okay, tell her she's got it. And I don't know, Mr. appointment in 10 minutes. So Sierra's like, they're looking at this book. And Sierra's like, wow, I can't talk. She was so beautiful. And then Alejandro puts her hand on Sierra's chin. And it's like, you oughta be able to work too.

I'm like, so strange. What's up with that? This is a violation. It's also strange because she's like, I know that was my child of my loins that died, but I'm over it. Can you replace her? Can you make?

I'm the one who made her four days. And you're fine with the water. Can you make her widowed husband happy? So maybe I can watch you having sex with her in my former daughter's bed. I'm on my God. Yeah, I think she's coming from the place of listen, this guy's running our hotel into the ground. You can't do shit, but you've got to be better than him. Please, God save my family, so tell me. Please get this white man away from us. Can we talk about when she finds the tree topper? The, she's, which is, which is complete snooping.

Right, because this is right now. People, no, actually this is not this family. Fuck this family. They've all been coming into her room whenever the hell they want to. She can go through their drawers. If she damn well, please is, she's broke this. Well, this is why she's looking through the drawers, okay?

Cause basically Alejandro's like, this may be our last Christmas here, that whole thing. And then she gives Sierra the memory book. She's like, oh, you want to look at this here. You can have this. And when you're done with it, just put it back in the desk. And I'll have a hundred.

Alejandro walks out the door and Sierra just closes. Just goes right into the desk. I was like, yeah, I'm done. I'm done. That was a great moment. I'm gonna do your scraps. What am I gonna do with this? Oh my God, I got to your bowling league picture

and I had seen enough. Okay, I'm like, I'm just like, I'm trying to recover from my memories, not yours, okay? My, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. Here's a piece of trash. I'm not a strand of spaghetti from her.

The time the Boston league had their neither picture of your dead daughter in a bikini Jesus Now weird pictures just bikini daughters of that but she's putting the book up and she sees the angel Just in the death Looking true tof we don't get me started but anyway I or don't get me started, but anyway. I mentioned this book about it. She's like, Aaaaaah!

It just shows that cord over street, like Jake said, really isn't a good businessman because she's fucking snooping in his desk and he's like, what are you doing? And she's like, the drawer stuck. Oh yeah, that happens. It's probably nothing. Let's not even question anymore. The desk is just full of like beverage napkins with numbers on them. Oh, yeah, that happens. It's probably nothing. Let's not even question anymore.

The desk is just full of like beverage napkins with numbers on them. It's just that's his plans. It's like a it's like a dick pump. It's like a pump. Sorry. A penis pump. Yeah, we can see how much effort I make in life. I feel like I feel like that. If this would have been since this is a run all over joint, this could have been, this could have been like, I thought the tree topper might, might hold the spirit of his dead wife. Oh, and as soon as they put it, they put it on the tree, like she appears and shoots fire at a rise and annihilates Lindsay Lowe.

It has the spirit of Marshall's, which is where it was purchased. Yeah. So it still smells like mothballs. Yeah. So they basically, he basis like, look, you know, I'm not ready to put it back up on a tree because Carla, like we, I bought this with Carla and then Listen, let's not talk about this anymore. I got to go to a toy drive all the sudden I think something's coming back to me. Okay. I went to toys are messing with the car

Okay, I went to Toys our Russ and crashed the car Can drive that I want to see Let's go so he's like yeah pork his deserve things too and she's like they do So She's up the toy drive all of a sudden you're such a good person So now they're good so now she we go the toy drive and she's like wraps. She's wrapped terrible So way out wrap a present. I'm not a good rapper. Well, so Jake is like, oh, thank God, I can man's plan.

He's like, listen, also do the trick, little lady. You got to put so little paper as possible. And like wrapping technique should require more than three pieces of tape. I like, thanks. This was such a strange thing for the movie, which is such a traditional male, traditional female thing for him to be teaching her at a rapper presence.

She's like, I don't know. I'm just putting two pieces of paper together. Ladies, if your man is teaching you how to rap a present, he might be a tad. Yeah. And then she goes, she goes, oh, very good. He goes, I told you. And then he just stares at her.

It was weird. It was weird. It's a weird zero chemistry. It was a zero chemistry. It was weird. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So then he got the toy drive lady and she's like, oh, we've never seen her the entire movie

for five minutes and ever. This is this actress's moment. Yeah, this is her moment. They could have made it like a doctor or something. Yeah. No, this is the sheriff organizes the toy drive. Yeah. That actually happens in communities instead of, instead we get Louise.

But I think it was because they're like, guys, I don't think that we understand that Jake's a good person yet. Let's bring somebody new into inform us. So Louise comes in and she's like, oh my god, Jacob, you're the best person in town. You've done this for everybody. Let me tell you about some Jake Russell.

Jake Russell will make a beat off jokes. You know, the orphans, the homeless, he makes them all he's working in the soup. And while he's building habitats for humanity to the rabbis, all everybody to the, like say, rabbis. As he said, this is what he says, he said to the say rabbis. As he said this is what he said to the religious

convention. He said, Hey, you need a hand with that? I do. I do. I pointed down to the scratch. He done that to you yet.

She's actually kind of loves the beat off jokes. I just I just wish there was some way that summit springs could show him how much he means to us all. Oh, well, I was going to be off, which we could give him a hand.

He gives away all his money to charities. This is the financial planning. Yeah. And he's not getting a tax write off. No, no, no. Yeah, it's not even smart enough to do that. You know, I'm going gonna do my own taxes. Well, how do I explain this? 90% of my income that I just gave away.

Well, so then they go back, they go back to hotel. Keeping away my account. Back to our bank account. So they go back to the hotel and Jake is like, so you think you'll remember any of this when you get your memory back? I'm like, you know that's not how memory works.

No. Yeah, it doesn't just switch back into the other memory. No, it's not a single state thing where like, okay. It's like another thumb drive they find and put it into your brain. Yeah, we didn't remove one drive to put another. Yeah. She's like, I'll never forget it, which we all know

is a goddamn lie. So, there's these, I'll never forget it. Which we all know is a goddamn lie. So there's these, these memory forget lines. Oh, and she had, she makes a meal out of every one of them. Well, it's gonna get a nosebleed soon. Well, at least someone's making a meal in this hotel. So. Oh. Boom boom.

Hey, guess what, they're under mistletoe. And so and so oh and instead of just looking at the mistletoe like every fucking chris and so if you have a moment the writer said hey We should say We're under mistletoe and she repeats. Yeah, we're under the mistletoe So that or you know, well that way like she knows why he's coming in for a kiss that way. Ah, you know, I'm saying just in case she doesn't remember what Miss Routou is. Yeah, that's so she's like, yeah, it is Miss Routou. It's about a thought. I just got my lips done.

Get it. He comes in for a kiss and then stops and she's like, is it the Capri's? I was like, no, no, I just... Did I eat garlic? Do I still have cigarette breath? It's the Bruce Gettie, isn't it? He's like, we shouldn't do this. What if you were with somebody, you know, before? And she's like, that would be unfortunate.

I hope he's gay. Me too. He's like, I have both... For sure, we're both of us. Finally, I'll find someone to beat me off. And he's like, I have both, unfortunately both of us. Finally, I'll find someone to beat me up. Jesus Christ, right? I have to ask the entire set. So then, Sierra, so then they go to sleep.

Sierra, there's one of those things they're staring up the ceiling and bed. And so the next morning, Sierra just like runs into a room where Alejandra is and she goes, she goes, good morning. I have an idea of how we could help the Noah star. So I'm thinking like it's gonna be some big thing. We'll have a telephthan and this and that will put me

on the billboard and it'll be complicated. And she's like, we're gonna have a fundraiser. I was like, you dumb idiots. Never had a fundraiser before this moment. A fundraiser on Christmas Eve. This blew my mind. What? A fundraiser on fucking Christmas Eve

when literally everybody is busy. Also, I have to announce that this is really the sign that Lindsey Lohan is a good person out. This is how she goes to sleep. She puts her arms in prayer, her hands are prayer position, and then she rest her head, gently, and that's the sleep in the fetal position with her. No one sleeps like that, especially when you already have a pillow, you don't need to do the hand thing. So, um, um, so then, anyway, so Alejandro... The cum rags even off of her eyes. It's true, actually.

So Alejandro is like, oh, I have contacts with every guest who's ever stayed here. So she pulls up this... Um, the one person who knows how to fucking do something. Yeah, I know. I went out with her. But the one person who's used the computer, and so I paused because I was curious to see what fake addresses they came up with or whatever for this thing, and I looked at the addresses, this list of addresses of people who stayed at the hotel,

and all the addresses were people who live in Summit Springs. So someone, there's your problem. You're marketing to locals. Try to get out of town or to stay in your every single person was like so it's so it's spring So it's true and it's not like the town can come together and say oh my god Have you noticed no one ever says in this movie? Oh my god? He employs so many people because he doesn't know works at this hotel, you know Maybe it's like a really cheap motel that people just like fucking you just have a fail

That's that's why that's why it's so much. Why why that's that's the place you go to the you go to the summit lodge You go you go to fuck your to fuck your secretary Hey, there's boss. See you coming in there. Come on panties on I got you down for two hours, huh? Come on, panties on. I got you down for two hours, hun. All right? So Jake and Lindsay are in the tool shed now. Jake's like, there is no way I'm having to fund Razer. Check it out.

It's like a Rosemiss party. And it gets such a, it becomes like such a posh-man-ass party. And man, they're just like, no, I don't need a help out. I don't need it. Because I don't understand the way money works. What are you gonna make me take a ballet class mix? That's like, they should cook food.

Here's a reluctance to do the most fundamental thing to save his place. It was just like made no sense whatsoever. Well, you know what? I think that they address all of that right now because she's like, do you want to lose this place? And he's like, maybe I do. Yeah.

You don't mean that Jake. You don't need it. Cored over straight. And he's struggling. And he's struggling. And she's like, I'm not. And he's like, this was a time of things breaking down. And she's like, this was the Edward Albee section of the play.

This is where we finally give up our deep dark dark deep secret. Deep dark. What do you want to do? Dark dark dark. Dear, good or dark. They're good. Dark. Yeah.

So Jake's like, I do. I'd be happy to let him go. And what do you know about memories? Anyway, you don't know your name. She went, ah. I tried to move her face, but she just again went kind of, yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo that people have done to Lindsay in this movie. That's the worst thing. How dare you. They've made you clean. They have turned you into an indentured servant, but this is the problem you've got. Um, so yeah, because Sierra, it's not you. Actually, it is you. Ever since you got here,

you made me feel things like things I never thought I'd feel again. Like, well, it's just coming back. It's incurable. You can stop it for a while, but it never really leaves. Yeah, this place has a lot of memories, but I guess I'm afraid of making new ones, even with someone like you. And so he walks off very dramatically. Well, she's like, listen here, Patty. It's

well, the Zaw. And then I'm impressed. And then somewhere someone shook that snow globe and Alejandra falls out and she goes, stop for my scene. I know. And Jackson is office. And she comes in and like sits on the desk. I was like is she about does it do some what is happening weird? It was weird. It was weird. What's going on son? I know it's this whole group. We always think someone's about to fuck like that I was looking for whether it's mother son. We don't care if we brothers She's like so this this this lodge that's been in our Family not your family for three generations that you've decided you want to give up on. Yeah, let's talk about this. Let's talk about this.

This family, this lodge that you were given with no fucking effort on your own that you've completely run into the ground. Let's talk about you quitting while we're broke. Not the right time. The fact that you've ruined my daughter's memory, let's just get over that. I think you can let her go. You've been doing everything you can to hold this family together, but we're okay now, Jake. It's okay.

So let's go. Let go of my dead daughter. Forget her like I have. What I'm trying to say is I'd like to use your desk drawer for a USB router. Can we get rid of this G-S topper? No one likes it. But I'm trying to say is I'd like to use your desk drawer for a USB router. And we got rid of this. She has top right. No one likes it. So now we're in the lobby with grandma Lindsay and the tree top around God damn it.

Lindsay's like, I think it's time to leave. It's best for everyone that I go. It just came out of nowhere. Like we didn't get the moment where Lindsay like goes to the fight makes a decision. Like she just made it. Yeah, because he got upset with her one time. Well, the thing about it is y'all, where is she gonna go? The Christmas morning.

I can't. That's where she is. I'm gonna leave. Where? She's gonna be like a walk, like a women shelter. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no walk like Lou Ferigno. There's no way that I can think of it. The only person she's even met is the lady from the toy drive. You think she's gonna help you?

Hell no. How do you ask her if toy's drive? And she wants to suck that guy's dick. So she's like, I'm leaving. And Abby's like, you're leaving? You can't be leaving. I thought you were staying under the hotel. I mean, in the hotel.

In the Christmas. No, with you need to be part under the hotel. I mean, in the hotel. In the Christmas. In the snow globe. With New Eden, part of the hotel like me. I'm always here. I'll lay. Plans of change. They went from no plans to also no plans. Yeah.

And Jake's like, plans that we didn't have have changed. Actually. And she's like, Dad, what is that? And he's like, it's a Christmas angel. You moron. Now, don't you remember this one? Guys, like I said, you put slut on a fuck. I spoke to your grandmother and she

needs to use the drawer for a router. So decided we're going to get this angel up on the tree. And I can only do it with Sarah's help Let me just say this one more time. I can only put this Christmas tree topper on with the help of Sarah Venti It cuts to a cut wife topper new girlfriend it cuts a dim standing around this Christmas tree and Jake is on a ladder putting wife topper, new girlfriend. It cuts it. It cuts it in standing around this Christmas tree. And Jake is on a ladder putting the topper on the Christmas tree.

I was like, well, what did Sarah have to do here? Classic man. Classic man. Classic man. This is supposed to be Sarah's moment. That tree topper is fucking crooked as fuck and barely on that. That was the worst fucking placement of a tree topper. Well, it's already been established.

This man cannot do anything right. He can't. So every time we see him, he's like got tools in front of something broken that never worked still. You know, like have we seen anything actually repair? I'm shocked that their printer work is now they're printing out flyers for their fundraiser. First of all, I'm shocked they had a color printer. And I'm shocked.

It seemed like it was printing out things in more than two pages per minute. Now that they got a router, they can do wireless printing. You're right. You're right. None of this matters anymore because Tad and Ralph are still in the woods, y'all. Can we go to Tad and Ralph? I just have one question for the audience.

Are you still here? What the fuck are you doing here? Yeah. I mean, nine hours of this? What is wrong? Literally, my mic just turned off like 10 minutes ago. I had to like reboot it all. Mic was like, I'm done. My fish crawled out of the bowl and his walk down the stairs out of all. It is a bone. Okay. So let's go to Ted and Ralph and Ralph's like town for some tasty beans and they're around a fire and

That's like thank you friend these are the best You should start a survival blog. I'll help you get followers They literally just said what they could do they could become Ralph could become an influencer with him and then they're an Insta couple. Yeah, I'm telling you. And it's a fucking war. It's a beautiful film that they fucked up at the end. It was like, thank you, Ted, but I've already got my OF go and know what I'm saying. All right.

When the only fish and the end of this weird moment where he eats the beans and the beans are hot. And so he just shoves no in his face and it's like I said cut that's it we got it we got it for this movie I feel like that was a pretty good button I think it's the first time that I thought he might be met for Lindsay after all so guess what Beauregard's back in town. Beauregard's back in town. Awesome. Yes, but you got any questions?

Yeah. Where's the tennis court? Oh, God. Martina. Someone get Martina off the set. Sorry, I'm standing with here. No, I'm back. No.

No. Martina. So, um, he's like, so where's my daughter? They're like, how would we know? She just left with someone and didn't tell us a thing. And he's like, you were supposed to take care of my daughter. And they're like, sorry, she went skiing with Tad. Yeah.

Tad. No, Tad. No, can they go into the room? And then he's like, well, my daughter never goes anywhere without her luggage, because she's a girl. And I have security check every resort and call the sheriff. So, and by the way, the sheriff. So, um, I'm very excited. Oh, didn't think of that.

I know the sheriff just resorted the sheriff. It's like what would I say? But not my daughter at all. But not my daughter at all. Yeah, it's like what it's like, well, what do I say to the sheriff? Because tell the sheriff's my daughter's missing. What's the one? How did this guy even get this job, Terry? I was missing. What, come on, how did this guy even get this job, Terry? The next thing they are at the sheriff's office.

And so, before they're at that, the sheriff goes, the sheriff finds Ralph's truck. Yes! The note on the truck that says, heading over the pass on foot, please find us. Well, obviously there was like a road nearby because the sheriff was able to pull up to where they're there. He just pulled up to it.

So they, why don't you, why don't you walk along the road? The road. I have no. And sheriff is like, it's just a, just rough again. Just broken up the kids. Yeah, just Ralph out here, poach and fish again. We're done. Found him another fan of another fuck boy

I was thinking can you poach fish maybe you're not allowed to fish in that body of water. Yes, okay Yeah, that's a big deal like new stats and people got caught outside of art You know what? That's another story that's a big deal like new stats that people got caught outside of art. You know what? That's another story. That's a different story. You can't take lots of, lots of shots and we not learned that from Seinfeld. Yes. So then we go back to the hotel and Lindsay standing in front of her bed and she's got like a wash rag, a mop, and a bottle of Windex.

And she's like, she's kind of just trying to find something to wear. Like, like what does she have at this hotel? Literally nothing. And so the grandma was like, I took the liberty of picking out something to wear for you. And she's like, what is this? She's like, gauze. Abby will be in here to wrap you in it soon. You know what?

That would look better than this fucking nightgown that she ends up wearing with a What's the best dress is this it's like a slit? It's like a slit way up like it looks like a it looks like a nightgown street walker kind of thing and That's hot later on is like you want to sleep well? Give me a call But later at the party the the party's not formal. So it's weird. Well, the party is a little, it's confusing.

It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing.

It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. It's confusing. Shopping Network. That's really what would help this really boost up and make it look young and fresh.

Just a go, Jimry. She literally rated her mom's closet for this shit. She looks fucking 50 years old in the jacket with a odd band jacket. It's taken her 100 did not buy that stuff. She just fell off and found again. Yeah, so meanwhile at the police station, the police have actually arrested Ralph, because they're like, listen, all right,

there's the sixth time we've got your soliciting, okay? And Tad is like, this is an outrage. That's mine as a hero. He saved my life. You'll have to arrest me too, officer. This should be the moment where he says, I can't travel without him. Kiss. Yes. Yeah, it should be that instead.

Um, um, what's his puns comes in? Boa, regard comes in. He's like, oh my god, dad. And um, dad, yeah, he's like, dad, Ted, see that Ted still talks. So he's like, where the hell is my car? He's like, at the hotel, I suppose. We were on the slips and I proposed. And he's like, you proposed what, marriage?

You proposed to decorate her room? Decorate, do our eyeshadow. So the sheriff is like, I know where she is. And wait, how does he know where she is? Because the sheriff, the sheriff, the sheriff is one who brought her to, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And now the sheriff is finally put two and two together.

Who caught the sheriff? I got him. If you're a murderer, go to this town. You can't get away with everything. You're going to wait with it. So then the town's like, but wait, what about Ralph? And the sheriff's like, let him go. It's Christmas.

I'll forget who he is by morning. You will. And that was that was the last of Ralph. And that's it. And Ralph. Ralph had no like Dan Oomar anything. He just said, raise let's please. I got to go poach some more. Yeah. That was it.

And the Poke. I think they really went out of the side. I agree. Thank you. So then we go to everybody in the lobby, right, running around to get this party together. And by running around, I mean, standing there, not too many people in the hotel and no employees. Remember, there's Christmas Eve. There's tons and tons of food and finger foods. And Abuela's like, we're going to go to have enough food. What's going to happen?

He's like, well, there's not going to be people. It's like Christmas Eve. What are you thinking? Yeah, there's like not much in terms of decor by the way that they've done. I guess No, we're going to do a damn thing. Yeah. So then Lindsey comes to the top of the stairs and a strapless gown and just y'all just tits just tits tits. They're out. Just being good. Yeah, I don't like the direction of body with good. It was very she's all that. It was.

She's all that. Yeah. Kiss me. You know, that was that was an era. And yeah. Yeah. And we're like to have the radio station right now. So she's like, don't I need to make more appetizers?

Like, no, we don't. Cut it out. So, cut it out. So, Jake and Lindsay walked the hotel for a final inspection. And she's like, the place is like gray. And it's like, yeah. We moved some tables.

We put in a dance floor. Did a dance floor? Put it in there. They rolled up the sad carpet from lows. So that's a revealed more terracotta to dance on. I mean, I did. And I think we, should we dance? There's playing this.

Should we try out the dance floor? And then, and then she's like, I'm not sure if I know how. And at then point, I'm just, wouldn't it been funny if she didn't know and he just drug her around the dance floor? Because she didn't know how, just dragged her body. She just stood there. Is this dancing?

So the mayor, the mayor comes in. They're like, oh my God, the mayor's here. He's like, yeah, I'll take two hours grandma. Just kidding. This is the fuck pad, right kidding this is the fuck pad right it's the fuck pad I think that we're about 20 quarters aren't you grandma put this jingle ball in your mouth exactly I'm there like wow how much is our costs What do I pay for about this off?

As long as it's not James Coden. They're like, wow, the mayor came. The person who traditionally gives as much of their own money, is ever in town. It's like the mayor's the cheapest ass person. I feel like there's actually probably laws where the mayor is not allowed to just give money to people. This was a weird financial kind of thing where they're all showing up. And as you said earlier, Ben, very different types of decor.

And then they're like, and then, you know, shaky over here, he's been a hard time. And this guy just kind of looks at like, hey, and he's just in like a Rudolph sweater. And they're like, he at like, hey, and he's just in like a Rudolph sweater. And they're like, he's like, I'm literally worried about speaking. I'm really worried about asking people for money and he doesn't like to ask for help. And so he's just up there to make the speech.

Poor man, poor man, having asked for a hand out. And Lindsey low hands like, come on, you can do it. You can try, she's trying to encourage him with her face, but again, it's just It's like first time I audition for a movie Yeah, she's just like staring off like you can do it So you don't do it. Hey everyone. Thanks for coming. Hey, hey if you see a gingerbread house Please don't take it by it's's really decorative. Talking to you, Kenny. Hey everyone, Kenny's a fat fuck,

and we've all seen them for years, so feel free to pile on if you want to. Kenny's a fat fuck who's eating royal icing the wrong way. Yeah. Hey everybody, Kenny's here at the only person in the wait and not watchers meeting. OK? Kenny, if everyone's off the gingerbread,

anyone's wondering about that kuku clock, why the doors open, nothing comes out. It's Kenny eighth the bird. Oh, damn, we're at the tree top or go, canny. It's like a little piece of, it's a little piece of doll dressing you know,

wait, where's ball? This are where's Bob. He says, and then he's interrupted, thankfully, by some man who we've never been, who we never met. You know what? So old man. You know what, the first time I came here, I first time I came here, you taught my son to ski

and I think I owe you for the lessons. And so everyone's like, you know what park ranger? Yeah. I don't know how those had those had to do. Yeah. Because you still have to go to school to be a park ranger. Um, and then everyone starts coming out saying, this you, you were helpful with our wedding and took pictures of that guy who was in that wedding couple was the worst actor. Well, I love this. So everyone's like in sweaters. And all of a sudden there's like this glamorous couple.

He's in a talk, she's liking it down. They're still in the wedding outfit. They came here on a honeymoon. Like, how was that getting to your honeymoon now? It meant so much we're still dressed for. You came back, yes. She goes, when we got married, we couldn't afford a honeymoon.

He goes, yeah, Jake, you gave us the biggest suite in the place, champagne, everything, even though we couldn't take it down. But now we wear a tuxedo. We're rich. So we have money now. We're rich. We're rich. Now, let me tell you something, as a rich person, stop giving away your fucking presidential

suite to the poor. Yeah, free of me. You can't bad, we don't have to do this for a whole new person. That's rich dad, poor dad, 101. and stop giving away your fucking presidential suite to the party. Yeah, free of shabby. That's rich dad, poor dad, 101. Yeah. Where the fuck is Robert Kiyosaka? The thing about this is, the financial plan seems to have been spend or either give away all your money

then complain that no one is showing up, then throw a party and hope, just hope that people's, people just like show up and hands you personal checks. Yeah, that's basically the plan. So you've been paying attention. Welcome to being a white, as you say, a white mediocre, the straight video is rolling upwards. Yeah, rolling upwards.

So then the mayor's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a good time for an announcement. On Christmas Eve, the city council has just had a business meeting. And it's decided. There's just too many things. This is too many things. They've decided on Christmas Eve to have the lodge declared as a historic site. That should help with funds for renovations, which you can't make. Now lodge declared as a historic site.

That should help with funds for renovations, which you can't make now that you're a historic site. Good like you do. Exactly. And do you know, so or anything done ever in the rest of your life. And he said, and grants, and I went, they can't afford a grant writer.

They're never gonna get a fucking grant. They'll never afford a grant writer. It's forever. It's your most expensive cost. So everyone's donating money at which point I'm like, well clearly now Lindsay's gonna come up and sing it. Christmas carols everyone because it's just the season. But no, instead, Jake is like, wow, he's like, wow.

I have to say none of this would have been possible if it weren't for a very special guest that we have here in the lodge. Ladies and gentlemen, the raccoon, come on in. The married ladies like, oh, I'm going to fuck somebody. And you even say, you even say her name. He just, it's such a weird thing. It's like a very special guest. Yeah. It's nameless. Yeah. I've taught this woman how to do laundry. She can flip a pancake now. And I'd like to just extend to this woman my greatest. You're welcome. Yeah. You are now, you're an unacceptable woman for this town. But everybody, I wish she was to fuck my horse.

for this time. But everybody, I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome.

I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome.

I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you were welcome. I wish you darling. There he is. There's Dad.

I've searched and searched. And he runs up and she's like, oh my god. Sierra. Wait, what's your name? Sierra? And then he's like, Sierra. Sierra, I remember. I remember that name.

Sierra. Oh my god, you just sort just told me to add another syllable Your mr. Belmonte daughter that's so weird. Yeah, and um the dad's like oh my god I've met you to mr. Russell. He like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't know who you were. Yeah, Corda, I was really like, I didn't know you were, I'm sorry, Sarah. I mean, Sierra.

And then the dad looked at him and says, really creepy. I don't know what transpired here, but I appreciate what you've done for my daughter. And it sounds like, thank you for cuckolding my little lady. It also, it's true. And it also could look like if you were a conspiracy minor person like I am that because he refute the dad refused to give him money, he kidnapped his fucking daughter. That's why I emailed you guys last night and said this movie is psychotic because it was clearly a kidnapping and a man's history.

They kidnapped the ground. Yeah, right. Because he's bad at raising money. Oh, no, the last key for money. You can't ask for money. You would have blackmailed her. A boy with a kidnap. You have to ask for money.

That's rule one. Well, that's how it's going. I'm cutting out the letters and making the, and she's like, here you go. Here's the letter for you. He's like, I just can't ask people. I can't do it. I can't. I told you for you. He's like, I just can't ask people for money. I can't do it. I can't.

How do I tell you we've? I'm out of magazines. I can't ask people. I can't ask more to her. Can I murder her? Yeah, this is how Netflix needs to do this. If they're gonna try and do a hallmark thing, which it looks like they're gonna do,

they're making a bunch of movies now, like Christmas movies. They need to make them like Christmas movies, but then they get scary or they're still suspenseful or something. I mean, like make your own brand, for that. Make your own brand of holiday movies. Yeah, I'm to it because all that makes sense with the plot. It goes. Yeah, he would know the dad. Oh my God. Okay. So then she's like, okay, bye everybody. I'm leaving now because I know my name. Literally just, I'm out. Yeah, like bye.

Yeah, she was like, bye. And so that, Wait, Sarah, I don't want you to go. I haven't poisoned you yet. Yeah, she's like, I just want you to remember to say goodbye to the olive oil and the horse. My lose are late. My lose are late. Well. My favorite is that Sierra's

like I'm sorry sweetie I I have to go home. No but no but I have to go home. I'm like she's going five minutes away to the big hotel. Yeah. You guys can just go into the nicer place. Yeah. Yeah. And so she's like daddy we're seri going is it to heaven and he so um, she's like daddy. We're seri going is it to heaven? And he's like no, she's like damn it

Well, that also don't you don't overlook this word play here because when the series like Jake I don't know what to say. Thank you so much and he goes forget about it. Yes. Oh God you guys Oh God you guys. Okay. So I just got that. Forget about it. I just got that out of it. I'm out of it.

I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it.

I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it.

I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out of it. I'll be without you. Yeah, it was so good. So then Lindsay is back with a real mask on, you know, even though she's got a couple of little warts on her left eye. And she's back.

She's got some back with her fat, her fat bed sheets. And she remotes the windows open this Christmas morning now. So we should know, say, win-halls, it's like all that. It's like all that. It's like all that. say win hall. Yeah, it's like all that morning. Her wife and yeah, she can remote control things and The song is still playing and I'm like, oh my god. Am I crying? And it's beautiful girl. I'm a such a musical theater queen. I went there. I did do yeah whenever you play a beautiful song And I'll like a sad montage and someone can remote control. They're curtains. I'm like It's everything you want in life. Yeah, it was tough seeing her being back in her old bad not sleeping with her fiance

Her gay fiance they've never slept together. That's that's the trick. Yeah, I didn't even I didn't even that didn't even get on my radar So Lindsay okay, so Terry Knox, and of course, is like, it's like the gay smokey. Oh, scared. And the knock is like, he's going to be terrible again. And it's like, how do we know, how do we know again, like that she's not a bad person, wait, but she was never bad. So high maintenance, I guess, whatever she was. And they walk in, she's like, I'm in here,

coming in here, and they're like, what? What's happening? And then they walk in the bedroom and they go, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, because she made the bed. The thing is, she said a resort. You don't make your, someone else is gonna do that. This actually just helping out the housekeepers.

No, she said Christmas. Yeah, Christmas, you understand. They don't give a fuck about your bed. They want a hundred dollar bill on the counter. And if I would have, and if I was playing the role of Terry, that's what I would have looked at her sister and I would have gone. That's was playing the role of Terry, that's what I would have looked at her sister and I would have gone. That's what we needed, a tongue pop.

Listen, if you don't doubt that Lindsay is a good person, she gave that little dumb, dumb a job. Okay, that's like the kind of thing she could have ever done for now. And Ali no hands like, she's like, I brought you a gorgeous piece from Milan and Lindsay's like, I think I'm just going to go simple today.

Even casual. A white blouse with a kind of Christmas plaid jacket. I'm going to go out. I'm going to go out. I'm going to go out. And then they bring this vegan. They're boss's daughter. They bring this vegan caviar.

Caviar. I brought you caviar. Look, caviar today. Vegan. So then, something else. Cut. I want my momiar. Look, caviar today. I'm eating. So then, something else. Cut.

I want my mom breakfast. Yeah, she's making my own breakfast. I can flip pan eggs now. First of all, can you imagine a person demanding to go into the kitchen of a hotel and make their own food? Actually, I bet could see some rich person doing that. That is such a rich, normal. Yeah.

Yeah. They're like, look, I'm just see some rich person doing that. That is such a rich, normal. It is. Yeah, they're like, look, I'm just one with the people. So then she's like, oh my God. Yeah, fucking Channing Tatum does that shit. But come like domestic goddess now. Now she's eating bacon. Yes, I did not recognize tat. We've talked about this already, but I almost did not recognize because the hair was a slicked down and

It was great cost such a great great. Yeah, this amazing costume on and he's seeing her making this pancake and he's Horrified and he's like darling the press conference is in 30 minutes you need to get dressed and she goes I I am dressed he's like What's wrong with gay gla? Can I give you right? Well, insert horrible gay glare here. And so she's like, eat some of this. It's calm bacon. And he's like, oh, no, what are you doing? Terry, give me your hand, Terry. There's like anything. there's like anything. And then Terry like a like a like a little fat gay was like this bacon's good bitch. Yeah. And so over over the other place. Yeah. Abby is, Abby is opening her used shoes. She's open here to use shoes. And then the mother just says she's so sad

Alejandra. She got let out of the globe for a little bit. She looks at court over streets. She just says, thank you for the a little bit. She looks at Cordo over street. She just says, thank you for the book. And this is the first time I actually I think she felt sad in the whole movie. She goes, just gotta fucking have a look for Christmas. I love my book, but it looks like something like a journal. Like that she wrote.

I know it's called Heart of a Warrior. Wow. I feel my biography on theary Tanner. Thank you. What's your sad y'all? My favorite president. Thank you for my book from the library. He's like, you've got about seven days with that one, mom. Go crazy. There you go. I've got it to New Year's. But then Abby is like, I got you with Helmet. She got a helmet for her dad. I was like, this is one of those things where people only get one present. So it's very much like, and I got this.

Daddy, I got you a helmet. And I got a chemistry set so I can learn how to kill people more efficiently. So then Sierra's on the TV. So I've been thinking, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. It's really having a press conference, yes. Yeah, and Lindsay's like, before I answer any questions, I just want to say thank you to the guy

with the Frosty tips and his family at the North Star. Tell him, Lodge, let me say it again. A Lodge star. Nore star. Just take exit seven. That's the big tree. We can't miss it. Okay, the broken piece.

It's a small mobile in the front yard, but you can take great photos with it. Okay, North Star Lodge, internet coming soon. And don't touch Balthazar, he's mating. And this lady who has not been missing at all, no one who's reported her missing, okay? Has the entire presidential press corps there? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. On Christmas.

And so they're like, what about your future person that nobody in town recognized, but is suddenly a celebrity. And it's like, let me out to you by showing you this. And he holds up her hand and shows them the ring. We are promised Wednesday. Wednesday going to be Sierra. Doesn't sound like Sarah. Wednesday. She's like, I don't know. I don't know. We're planning. Remember calendars. Yeah. Yeah. What's count? What month is I don't know And I don't know you are you. We're catching a plane and a couple of hours to an undisclosed We are oh, I didn't know she just knows nothing So meanwhile at the hotel the phone starts ringing and Abby's like my Christmas wish didn't come true. That bitch is on the news.

I wish for Jake to find someone to love and she wanted someone who could take care of Jake because he's terrible. He's ruining my family's legacy. I wish that Alejandro would have said, well now you said it out loud. So it definitely won't come through. You're down dead. So it's like, it's not that easy, honey. Don't just make wishes. And she's like, yeah, it is. You so it broke the czar. So now they're like, there's still time. There's still time. I can go get her. So he gets on the snowmobile.

Put the snowmobile's broken. Oh no, I'm like, remember, what about your truck? You have a car, right? No, it's probably broken. Oh no, I'm like, uh, what, uh, what about your, your truck? You have a car, right? Oh, no, it's probably broken. He's still probably hasn't fixed that with the screwdriver. He's trying to. No. So they're going to take Balthazar and Abby's like, oh my God, my Christmas wish is coming true. Getting on the freeway with a horse. My treat is, I'm going to die in a terrible slayer I accident finally. So by the way, the slay, the slay, the slay. The slay, the slay.

The slay, the slay. Yes, the slay, the slay. We guess that's a miracle. There's nothing, we have no idea. So it's just magically there. Well, we know Sam to did it, you know, because they were like, oh my God, I just wish we had a slayer.

Not before jerk it off and that thing all night. Oh, and I'm sure it's rigged with so many cameras. Yeah Just gonna see everything. Sliver of slaves. Yeah So Sierra's talking to her dad and And she's like, dad, I just want to say I'm sorry. I didn't get to tell you about dad. she's like, dad, I just want to say, I'm sorry, I didn't get to tell you about dad. He's like, look, the most important thing is that you're happy. You're happy. You know, he's gay.

Can we talk about this? He is basically begging her to say, to say he's gay. He's like a non-dick. Yeah. He's like, look, I don't care if you have a gay best friend, but I just, I don't like that I just want you to be honest with the situation. So at least I've got your office set up right next to me. I'm excited.

Yeah, I should know about the job, dad. It's like, don't worry about it. It'll be here when you get back. And she's like, I don't want it. I mean, the vice president of atmosphere. I mean, I'd have to climb up into the sky with what? A squeegee or something Just doesn't sound fun. I couldn't even get up the nets to climb up to put a fucking thing on top of the Christmas tree

And I was supposed to be the one to do that for crying out loud Like get a ladders dad. I know you're trying to take care of me And I'll always be a daughter, but I need to find my own way Okay, I hope you're not angry. She's like angry. No, I've never been more proud of you I told your mother. I promised Did you take care of my daughter? Finally, he's looking finally trying to take care of yourself You spoiled little breath for crying out loud. The years I've spent having to do it on you. And this point you guys, she was trying her hardest to cry.

It was she can't overface really. There was tears, but just nothing. Nothing. Just no. Now Alejandro is getting a million phone calls. She's at the front desk and she's like, oh my god, it's a phone call. Oh my god, we're safe. We're safe. Please hold, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no She was very famous even though all these people saw her. You didn't get carpet, did you? No, okay. No, okay, we're there. We're there.

We're there. Six months. We're there, there. So then she's a queer son out. And I was like, wow, this town has some maids. You're counting me. Renita, I hope this hotel has a fucking kitchen. Right.

That was helpful. So then Tat and Terry are in the lobby and Terry's like, oh, can I get you any? I'm gonna need him. I hope this hotel has a fucking kitchen. Right. So then Tat and Terry are in the lobby and Terry's like, oh, can I get you anything, Tat? He's like, my jacket, maybe. And he's like, oh, cause it's winter. Right, I'm gonna get your jacket. So he's like, Sierra, ready to go. Darling, it's like, listen, sorry, Tat, you're a great guy,

but I'm just not ready. Fuck off. He's like, oh. I'm so darling, I'm so sorry Ted, you're a great guy, but I'm just not ready. Fuck off. Fuck off, Mary. And then he goes, wait, do you mind if I post this on my page? This could be great for my numbers. Let me give you, let me give you, literally raise my eyebrows and just look at you like, what's their fucking name from Sunset Boulevard? Yeah.

Yeah. Nothing like a breakup to pad those numbers. And it's like, good luck to you, stupid. And so Terry brings this jacket and he's like, I'm, oh, he's like, I'm so sorry, Mr. Featured. Oh my God, the holiday's too. This is crazy. Oh, that wingle fit me.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was. And without missing a beat, like he'd seen him for the first time. Oh, that wingle fit me. Tablet. And without missing a beat like he'd seen him for the first time. Wait, we're both effeminate. What are you doing for New Year's? Literally. What are you doing, you're Zave?

Do you know what it feels like to have a man interview while you're eating hot beans? Could we roll play that? Could we roll play that? Oddly enough I do, man. That's like, don't ask questions. You don't want the answer to you. You get the bean and cheese at Taco Bueno at 2 in the morning. Someone's also going to get inside.

I'm going to need you to put on a big beard. So they go off because they give each other the eyebrows and go off because that's how it works. You know, if that's how it works. There's only two gay people in a town that they get together. We all live that. We've all been tried to be, we've all tried to be set up with somebody from our gay town. I know a gay person and you're like, it's the bus boy at the holiday and. Are you fucking crazy? I'm like, I'm a goddamn. Yeah. Exactly. We have nothing in the room. Literally one guy that he had no teeth in an eye patch and they said, he's great. He doesn't have the lyrics to the woods. I dumped him five months ago. Thank you.

I blocked him on the grinder. So then the limo is back.. So then, um, the limo is back. It's the limo. The limo is back. Is that cheesy ass? I'm gonna look. He's flying thin, look at the saddle and, right, he runs up. He just, I don't know how he knows that she's in that big limo because this is a very nice rich, this could be fucking anyone.

Why would she be leaving already? Why would she be leaving already? So why would he even know that? I mean, I guess the press, so he runs in, and he knocks on the window, and he just, this is the worst like, this is the worst. It's like a graduate.

This is like literally like the, running into the church and being like, Dora! It's that, except it's like with a slay that probably stopped up traffic for three miles. What are you talking miles. That's fucking miles. It's fucking a horse with a sleigh on the main road. Everybody in Aspen is pissed.

Everyone is in some of spring. Yeah, Lisa Barlow is behind his fucking sleigh. You tall going, she is pissed. Hurry up. In the Taco Bell line. Yeah. So he's like knocking on this limo and he's like, he's like, listen, listen, give me a second. Look, I know we barely know each other,

but you know, you're probably gonna think I'm crazy for saying this, but I can't have you leave before I tell you how much I have some loads of laundry that need to be washed. So I was wondering if you come back since you've gotten really good at eyeballing that detergent. Yeah. Andy is talking to a closed car window.

You can't hear anything about that. You can't hear anything. He also basically says that like, yeah, I came over here to tell you that the lodge is going to be fine. And it's like, no, you didn't. Yeah. But then you, the tad rolls down the window and he's like, oh no, no, he says I know he says I can't let you leave with that Telling him falling in love with you. You're right. Yeah, the window rolls down and it's sad and he's like, oh that's flattering

But I have other plans TV Come on Teddy. It's time for blow jobs Yeah, so they weekend they get their rolls up. Yeah, and instead Teddy comes back. They should have had Teddy Poffer from his or Terry if I would have been that guy would like can I pop up from his crotch and be like happy Christmas Yes, what they should have done. I had pops up like that appropriate Santa's now working strong choices

Santa Santa's now working strong choices. Yeah. Santa's now that lay at this place. So he's like, I believe what you're looking for is in the courtyard. He's like, oh, that's where they have the urinals. Oh, the other thing you're looking for. So Lindsay is just like no of us. You know, standing at the tree like, wow, I love Easter.

And then, I love Easter. Jake then, I love Easter. Jake runs up and he's like, Sarah, I thought you were leaving. And she's like, no, change a plans. I'm staying without dad this time. And he's like, you're saying that he's the frigate. Turns out he's a big jake sucker.

So Jake is like, he's like, look, I want to thank you. I found out the North Star is sold out for the rest of the season and she's like, wow, sounds like you need help running the place. I mean, actually, I could have told you that before you've been sold out for quite a bit. It's a ship box. Yeah, you're a bad business person.

Yeah. Smells like feet in there. So I should have offered that a while ago. But my dad mentioned investing, but I didn't think you'd be interested, but I told him I would try. Yeah, you dumb, but I'd try convincing you over the holidays. That is if you want to spend, I was like, does Lindsay need a nap? Because someone pinched, you've got well, you know, and the dialogue just slowed and slowed. I'm like, just

finishing because there was no like, she was mad at him and now they have to make up or just like two people who like each other see each other again. Right. Great. That's how you an hour ago. Yeah. Sure. Can we kiss now? I was so nervous that you were going to be moving five minutes away, but I think it just actually stay where we are. I think so. Fine. So then he's like, guess what?

I brought some mistletoe and there's a holiday tradition. But for the life of me, I can't remember what it is. And some ladies probably run. It's like, that man stole my brush. She's like, let me help you out with that. He's like, finally, the worst chemistry ever. And in the name, and then I bet you they had to do this kiss like 20 fucking takes.

Was it a kiss double? It didn't look like it. It almost seemed like it. Yeah, it's a really awkward. I think she had fallen asleep by that point. There's like someone holds up Lindsay. Hoba, Lindsay. And then meanwhile, like, Veneer Santa's just like watching jerking off at the top.

Yeah, totally because, yeah, it goes off to Harold and Joseph. Because off to Bing grandma, you know. And then the dad's like, what happened to Ted? And she's like, Ted, and it wasn't meant to be. And Jake's like, what a great Christmas. And she goes, yeah, what I'll never forget. Anybody have any of that hand sanitizer? She's like, I love it.

I'm so glad the most important people in this story are here to celebrate this moment with me. Like how to a boil up, like how to parking lot. She's in that so globe. No, she's back in the globe. Because for some reason, she just led her granddaughter just go with this old white man that that she's never met before. Yeah, as well as in the snow globe, reading her sad live. Yes. Yes. Either that or she's blowing that horse in the parking lot. What did it do? So, it's one I'll never forget.

Don't don't. And then there is this big fancy crane shot that just takes us out. Yeah, it takes us right out with some licensed music. The crane operator falls off of it. I don't remember who I am. Y'all even the even they had like a little bloopers reel and even the bloopers reel wasn't funny. Literally nothing. I couldn't believe they put that in there. I said it before that they were trying to say, this is a really fun set. Like I

tell y'all that they everyone had a great time. Everyone was really respected. It was it was I watched the entire blooper reel and I thought it was funny as that in the middle. Did you guys know that the director put in like a random home video of her and her husband kissing? I was like What is that? It was a producer request Also, I love that all the bluppers were just linseed not being able to say the You know that's what I thought it was going to be. I'm like, this movie's going to take

five years to make. There were some good tad bloopers. I enjoyed that, but that's about it. Jack, when you're just like, I did general hospital for 20 years, I could remember 40,000 lines in a day. Yeah, thankfully I only had six. Wow. Well, once again, we did it here.

The movie. We're like, the way Tad feels after eating those beans and getting raw dog by Ralph. I think about what might have been between Ralph and Tad. Oh, I always will. I think that's something that's going to stick me with. Yeah, what's what's our takeaway is that our take away. That's my takeaways. And also I had more respect for Tad after the bloopers. I was like, Oh my God, look how much he works hard and like I say, I like to grow. I love him. I've already followed him on Instagram. He's going to be the new Ben last year was Aaron O'Connell. I kept sending you pictures

of hot Aaron. This year, it's going to be George Young. Let me do Aaron O'Connell.'s gonna be George Young. Oh, let me do it. Aaron O'Connell, I'm into it too. Well, everyone, thanks for being with us. Thank you for it. I'm sure this started in 2022. By the time it has all been posted, it will be 2027.

Okay. I'm gonna go un-num the bottom half of my body. I know, right. We did it with a nude. All right, everybody, we love you, we'll talk to you later. Y'all happy new year! Happy holidays! Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors.

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