Watch What Crappens - Falling For Christmas w Reality Gays Part One

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

*Also avail Crappens On Demand video at https://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens* Crappens joins forces with Matt and Jake from Reality Gays to tackle Netflix' Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie Falling For Christmas. Somehow, we talked about this movie for over four full hours. Part one is here, and the other three parts will release daily next week! We had a great time and hope you do too! Listen wherever you get your podcasts! Would you rather watch these episodes? Join at the Crappens On Demand Level over at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for access to all of our videos and bonus episodes. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, but they don't really turn around. Kids, what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello, everybody. Welcome to Watch What Happened on Christmas Week. We joined up with the reality gaze, Matt and Jake.

Matt Martin, Jake Anthony. Otherwise, my own is Poodle. And we've done this for the past few Christmas's in a row. It's so much fun. This will be in four parts. So just keep coming back for parts T3 and 4. Okay. We love you guys. Thanks so much for the support.

We hope you're having a good time. And go watch, falling for Christmas with Lindsay if you want to follow along. Okay, it's on Netflix. Okay, love you guys. Enjoy the show. Well, hello. Welcome to Watch What Happens and Reality Gaze. Hello children.

Hello. Hey, it's Hello. Hi Ben, Hi Ronnie. Hi, we would say reality gaze and Watch What Happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're cross over there. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go Sorry, my main note on this is sorry. Well, the thing that's amazing about this is that you're right. It's not a great film. And yet everybody is so used to Lindsey Lohan doing more worse things

that everybody's like, this wasn't bad. Lindsey Lohan's back. Yeah, I actually was like that. I was kind of like, wow, Lindsey Lohan is actually a very good comic actress. I feel like she was in interviews saying that she never got to show her physical comedy chops. And she's like, I feel like that was a new man in about every other scene that she fall or pratfall.

I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. I think she really felt like she didn't like her be fully loaded, never quite got the audience to deserve. I think she really felt like she didn't like her be fully loaded never quite got the audience to deserve. She never got the Lucy Ricardo comparison since she wanted. Yeah. You know, she for me it was like watching an Olympic sport because I was just like waiting

for Lindsay to show up to work fucked up one day and just fall, you know, like literally fall or like mess up lines and mess them up so bad that they couldn't even cut. You know, they just pick what we have to use something and it's just Lindsay not knowing her line or it's like daylight in the scene and then it's night in the next line because it took her that long to get there. And so I was holding up 10th the whole time just for that. I'm like she came to work today. Yay!

That old! So the man who wrote it, I read on Wikipedia. Yes, oh, Wikipedia page. I did a deep dive here too. The man who wrote it said that this movie is a metaphor for Lindsay's life because he forgot what she was literally in the world of Hollywood at you know, Kip Shed her mouth. She forgot who she was and then she came back to who she was and that apparently is to look like her mother now. This movie isn't a metaphor. She literally fell off of smell. Yeah, I could I got lost in smell. I can see her like it's like you know her time at the at the North Star

lodge was like her time with a nightclub and Mika nonose, you know? Yes, I love that show. For those who are wondering what the heck we're talking about. Oh, yes, that's true. Go ahead. So first of all, I'm Ben. We have Ronnie, also from Watch Your Crappens. Ronnie and I are from Watch Your Crappens. We got Matt and Jake, who are from Reality Gaze.

And we are here to recap Falling for Christmas, which is a Christmas movie available on Netflix. And in case you didn't know, as available on Netflix, there were about three Netflix references within this movie to really assure you that you were actually watching Netflix. Wow. Yeah, thanks for doing that.

Man, when I say we're all gonna host this together, just not one of us does a damn thing. I know. What absolute horses they're just, but as much does a damn thing. I know. What absolute horrors they're just, but as much as they can, yikes. Yeah, they really are. Should we just get into recapping this mess? Because it's gonna be a bit, this is a big one.

This is a lot. And you know, I thought like, I personally enjoyed the way it opened, which is that as the movie began, I wasn't sure if I was seeing a, I thought at first it was actually just like the production, it was like another title card for a production house because like a whole bunch of clouds.

And then it sort of looks like the video that plays when you get onto an American Airlines playing. It does! When you're boarding and they play a video of clouds and like soft music to make sure you feel calm, you know? To make the passengers docile. Yes, I feel very sound to music with it. Like, that know, I felt make the passengers docile. Yes, I felt very sound a music with it. Like, yeah, I got it. It's like when I was 12, I was listening to this

tape, like how to quit smoking. It was like one of these things that like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I've like an El Paso. So you know, I'm trying to put spoken to 12. Hopefully I can be be good by 14. You would do this in between takes of the parent trap.

Yeah. So anyway, and it had this tinkly piano music in it. It's like, put it, tink, tink, tink, tink, tink, or like that, you know, it's like just five, three chords over or one chord just playing all the way up the piano back down. And I let me tell you I was smoking more than and I started smoking more now by the end of this movie. I was like, It's the chords they're using are the home alone chords.

Like that sound that all sound like, we're entering a magical world. So they use those all the time. That's me using music degrees for today. I really appreciate that. Oh, we should also mention, by the way, that as we are recapping this, this is also on video. So you can watch this on video.

For us, it's going to be with our crap is on demand function. You can see all four of us three of you guys have a wonderful webcam I am recording from what appears to be a 2003 Dell webcam So I'm a little like blurry and swishy. I don't know how to fix it Ben's inside a clamp and oyster chowder You know I cameras on mushrooms. There's like trails and everything. I'm doing it. It's okay. Blurry and swishies, what they call me in college. Yeah. So I'm going to have an immersive living in the Wuhan experience. So, so we get the music changes,

little thrilling violins, majestic gondolas going up, taking people up mountains with a slide down. It's called skiing. Yeah, I was very pretty. It's very pretty. I think they filled this in salt. I was like, where are we? That was my city question. That's where they filmed a lot of this wasn't part. Okay.

So I just want to bring that up again for, yay for diversity. And also you tall doesn't look like this at all. Well, that's, and there's a black mayor in the town. I was just like, okay. The black community in this movie was a bit questionable. By the way, I also thought it was funny because we see a ski lift, and then we see the title card falling for Christmas.

I was like, is this a move that someone who falls off a ski lift? That sounds terrible. That was a terrible concept. It really is. It's like a person. You know, most of those movies where they're falling to like, yeah, I'm a pro climber. Like, what was that one? Wasn't it called fall?

Where they're like starts with Sylvester Stallone. He's like, yeah, we're going to do this. We're going to do it. And then they fall and die, you know, but this is just born people falling off of. It's just people like, Hey, I just want to sit down to get up the map. and then they fall and die, you know? But this is just born people falling off of. It's just people like, hey, I just want to sit down to get up the map. It's a really, it looks like a very expensive resort.

Like, and it looks extremely douchey. Like, it's, yeah, it's definitely supposed to be like a tech brouille kind of resort, you know? I actually was like happy to see it. Because I think every Christmas movie in the history of Hallmark has been these cute little bed and breakfast places with adorable wooden Saturday night. That's a good play.

That's a good play. I realized that was coming down the play. Can I say too, like from a, this is a very film nerd perspective, but I really enjoyed the way they actually put the title cards for everybody. Like did you know they, they placed the like the cards for everybody. Like did you know they placed the names of stars. It was a very well placed. You could read them very well. And at one point, like they put up somebody's name and then somebody's solid in the snow and the snow swished the words away.

And I went, what detail? They don't spend money for that anymore. Yeah. That's like the old classic thing when there's like a shot of a city, like an aerial shot and you're sort of going by on a helicopter around a building and as the building passes by a title name appears. Oh, it was there. It was very intentional. It was a problem. It was my favorite part of the movie. I'm not going to lie. Well, they did, they did like a high budget version of a hallmark movie, you know, but they didn't pay for like a better writer, no offense person who made this a metaphor for Lindsay's life or whatever.

Ketapur. Yeah, it's not. Can we talk about his credits? I don't know if you guys look at this. Please, please. Um, there were two writers. Um, one named Jeff Bonnet and the other named Ron Oliver. He's the one who said it was a metaphor.

Ron Oliver said it was a metaphor. So I want to start with Jeff Bonnet. Just John Oliver as his like pet name, his secretly. He's got a little rice all of his movies. I think John could have written a better movie. Um, Jeff Bonnet was of his biggest credit was he wrote this thing called Christmas at the Plaza or something, some other like Hallmark movie in 2015.

But his main credit seems to be a production assistant on the show Heroes for a very long time. Well, that makes sense because there's probably this PA probably walked into Hallmark and it's like, hey, I'd love to write a movie for you. And this PA's name is probably like Josh Blankenstein and the people are like, oh, but aren't you a PA? He's like, no, my writer, really? I don't see your credits.

Oh, that's because my name is John Bonnet. Yeah, Bonnet. Yeah, Bonnet. Yeah, that's what I am. I think so too. It's, anyway, this guy, the other Ron Oliver has done a bunch of Christmas movies, but he's most famous for writing, excuse me, Hello, Mary Lou, prom night to a horror movie from the 80s, where a woman came back who was killed and she's going to make sure no one else has a good prom night.

Well, hey, I would, I love, I'm with her. I'm on her team. That sounds like my aunt picked out her. I'm going to that color to a lot of my views. So, and I was, I found a lot of supernatural elements that I could latch onto and things that I thought were gonna happen, but sadly they didn't. Is it possible that Ron Oliver was actually just writing about himself being forgotten all those years after Hello Mary Lou?

Yeah, I feel so bad because I just yelled, you suck at these guys, you guys can gr know, I'm glad that they keep, they keep us working. You know, they're like, hey, dust off Ron Oliver. Is he still trying to get goose bumps back on the air? He did would be very, very happy. He did. Are you afraid of the dark? He was one of the, he directed some of those. So he has been around, wrote a lot of Christmas, framel marks, now I insist on the dark. That's my film. Yeah.

No, I just sent you guys this, I looked at the production company because this movie was made by the motion picture corporation of America, NPC, that's the actual production company. Oh, yes. So I was like, what else have they done? And they've done like, they do a ton of Christmas movies. And they have one out this, this season right now with like Brandy and like John Sedino or whatever's name is or Mark Sedino.

And it's directed by Mary Lambert. And the press release says, it's like, here's a new Christmas movie directed by the Pets Cemetery director. I'm like, you're leading with pets, cemetery from the people that brought you that cat that you buried in an Indian burial ground. Well, listen, Christmas is a holiday about a guy who died and came back. Comes back.

All you really need is a different score. You know, pets, cemetery could have been a very different film. No. No. From the people who brought you saw too. Chris Bisson, New England. Exactly. That big semi truck comes down the road, a barreling for that kid, just throws out some candy. You know, always. You just say it's a little late. I will say, just like dead reindeer, dead reindeer are coming about of the ground.

This Santa with his dentures was creepy. I will say. Oh, he was a lurker. He lurked in every. He was a lurker. Dude, see something say something. I would have texted that. If I had seen that Santa at a mall, I mean, what the hell? I don't trust a Santa with the veneers.

Okay. Yeah, they were really. There was there's also he looked like a strange Santa that like, you know how like Santa has like the kind of like, kind of normal like symmetrical features. It looked like this one had been dropped a couple times. Like it did look like your, yeah. Yeah, this was like a, like kind of in bread Santa look.

Yeah. I have, I have a, are you making an open home a joke? I live in Texas. I'm allowed. It's a sister fucking fits. That's true. Oh my God. I'm so glad I'm not straight.

And my sister is not hot because I would have no. I mean, why not there in your house? It's easy. I'm all about convenience, guys. I've got to see my cousin in just 10 days that got married. So yeah, there you go. Yeah, my family actually had a party and the t-shirts said incest is best. No, incest fast is what they said. Because so many so many of

them were Lebanese. And so so many are cousins, you know, and they're like, wow, they're not first because I think they're third cousins, but they're still third cousins. It's not a couple of firsts. Yeah. But most of them are second and third. But then I went to that reunion. And I was like, I can see how this happens. I mean, there's so many hot guys. Yeah. Oh, Lebanese guys are really hot when we're young. It's when we get older that things start to get hairy literally. Okay. From the people who brought you the grudge comes a very incest Christmas. So it's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So we have Lindsey Lilhan. We don't know her name at this point, which is appropriate.

No, we don't know. I've never, very long time. She's lying in that bed. She's lying in her hotel bed, sleeping very unnaturally as in in corpse position with her hands above the sheets with a mask on her face. I'm like, well, the reason why you're not falling, the reason why you need a mask is because you're not getting cozy into your bed lady, get under the sheets. And she's in those luxurious sheets that like you know someone's rich when they don't care that their bed looks fat. You know, it's like you're so right because I'm redoing my bedroom and I'm like what

and I you're like I want my bed to look fat. Oh, you're right. You're right. Yeah, you want that fat bed. It's like the mark of it's like the mark of my bed to look fat. Oh, you're right. You were as awful stripes. Yeah, you want that fat bed. It's like the mark of, it's like the mark of wealth in the middle ages if you were fat. Yeah. You know, I have a rich bed. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. So yeah, so she she like it. She's asleep and she reaches for a remote and she hits the remote and the blinds open This is all to indicate and she has her mask on that this is a lot of lip gloss a lot of lip gloss This is to can note the yeah, or this is what she does every day. She does is every day. She's a creature of routine Also, oh sorry, I left the camera because I'm smoking on camera that so, that's so trash. I thought you were masturbating at this point.

I just thought I'd just go over to you. You're in there eyes, like we've lost Ronnie. You came back like you were doing like a local segment for a TV news thing, like boom. Yeah, I just like to make an entrance. So I come out just what I just stand and wait for a pause every time I come back. You you smoke up a personal and if my thing goes, I'm just drinking my McDonald's, Dr. Pepper, because that's where I am.

You're just going for that. No, but see been you're not doing it right because Matt is going for a brand, you know, he's like, he's searching for McDonald's. Look, and look at that McDonald's endorsement. We can't just be like, here's my home, bro. You know, you know, he's like, he's searching for McDonald's. He's like, can you get that McDonald's endorsement? We can't just be like, here's my home brew, you know, you got to have that. We got to, we got an option one time for to do an ad for McDonald's and I thought we'd finally arrived. But they made us do and they made us do an audition for the ad.

We had to send them a video of the, our audio of us talking about how much we love McDonald's. Oh my God. And guess what? We didn't get it We weren't convincing and they don't love McDonald's enough. I love gastro and test from all distressed exactly Gastro and test anyway. I'm sorry So Lindsay you guys were talking about her lip gloss. I have to say just overall Another reason I'm proud. She's just so well moisturized. Because recent, you know, in the past decade or so, Lindsey Lohan, I mean, she's looked rough,

you know, she's looked very paper baggish, but she's so moisturized and like from the inside out, like she's drinking water. She hasn't drinking water. It's a little, she had her periods where it was like dinosaur skin for a while that Kind of yeah to ourselves, you know, it's like sun sand powder You know what she had really yellow teeth and the internet freaked out about how yellow Lindsey low-hands tape work

Yeah, I feel like people who are listening to this who are like in their 20s didn't know didn't experience Kukumagoo Lindsay Yeah,s didn't know, didn't experience Kukumagu Lindsay. Um, yeah, they didn't know. You didn't know what the daily go-tos were. We were checking in with her. Yeah. Like, yeah, we've been checking in and hoping for her and praying for her. Okay.

And she's doing great. So I once bumped into her at a rest. What was it? Remember that restaurant, Dolce? Yeah. Oh, what was it? Remember that restaurant, Dolce? Yeah. Oh, it was huge. It's all. It's all.

It was owned by Ashton Kutcher and then right there on my own Beverly. Yeah. And I had a friend who's like her brother and law with a part owner. So we would go and eat there like for free and shit like that. And so we were walking out. I'll never forget it. And I was walking out and suddenly we left it like nine o'clock at night, and I'd had drink.

Let's be honest, several. And suddenly I see all these, suddenly, I got totally turned around, because I went, wait a minute, is it daytime? Because I thought it was daytime. And then I bumped someone's shoulder, and I looked over, and it's Lindsey Lohan staring right by, and it's the paparazzi.

And I literally thought it was four o'clock in the day. It was people lifting the chest. And then I saw her and instead of posing, I ran because all I thought was, I'm going to look so fat next to Lindsey Lohan. And I just ran off the thing. You like you guys could have had like a red hair moment together where you'd be like, you can take my identity like fine, Lindsey, you take my identity and then you walk out and you're like, I'm Lindsey Lohan. That is the, that is my movie. That is my movie.

Yes. And then I meet Aaron O'Connell, who works at a lodge. Yes. That applies me there. So Lindsay Lohan has, as waking up, yeah, Ronnie, you go. Oh, no, no, I don't need to. I was just like, so did you like it? Did you like the robe she puts on?

It's very, this is a very old reference, but Jennifer Lonnie Anderson from WKRP. It's the long flowing as they say, a woman whose husband died of mysterious circumstances when the police say that, is there a problem officer? Like you know she killed him when you see that, Rob. Yeah. Also, I have to say, as much as I'm complimenting Lindsay, terrible stretching out acting.

Like when she, she went on the road, and she stretches, like it's the morning, so I'm stretching. And she goes, ah! What the fuck was that? Are there no people on set to help her? Like Teller, Lindsay, is that how you stretch out in the morning? You know, she's like, no, I wake up face down in a trash can. You're like, with Drew like right here.

She seemed uncomfortable. This was like the limit of her method acting. Was the stretching. Yeah, she's like, oh, I'm waking up. Can I have a can of tuna? Just kind of like on this part of my face. Banana peel. So, she's waking up and then we're just, we're seeing this whole resort or whatever it's

supposed to be. And we're seeing sports cars pulling up. And then the thing that struck me immediately, the reason that we could tell that we were on Netflix is that they were like, were like, craneshots. I was like, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Hallmark does not do craneshots. No, no. We learn. We learn. A camera onto a stick. Yeah, we learn. Because we keep calling them craneshots. Like, I feel like we're like the old ladies of podcasting because we're like, remember those cr shots. And so the dumb asses, someone commented dumb asses their drones.

They're just like a kid like flying the drone, but every time Ben and I are like, wow, did you see that crane shot? It's been a lot of money on that. No, but I think the hallmark channel actually attaches a camera to a crane like an actual bro. And I was like, let's just see what we got. I do. I will say I do think the crane looks better than a drone and it's a smoother shot.

It is, I actually agree with you. It's like that swoop. I actually felt like we got a little bit of both because I wrote down, wow, they have crane shots and aerial footage. So I think that like it's all of the above, which is a huge departure from Hallmark, which is- There's been a lot of money on thismark. There's been a lot of money on this movie.

They actually spend a lot of money on this movie. They got music rights. I was like, yes, we did. There was Brenda Lee's rocking around the Christmas tree was in there. Oh, call me when you get Brenda Blattin. You know what I mean? So the drone is flying around. And whoever's operating this drone is a total perv

because they were obsessed with the see-through hot tub on the top of the hotel. Every time they show the hotel, it's just like girls and bikini bottoms, you know, showing their butts in the hot tub. Is it water? Is it floating? Is it water? It's a hot tub. Yeah.

We don't know. Yeah, and that's a fancy like a see through. I would get drunk in there though. That'd be fun. I love that hot tub. I wouldn't. You get drunk faster. What, who can I'm not going to be in a to see through hot tub with a little kid jerking off with a fucking drone on my fat old butt.

No. It was like a very low rent white lotus. Like, like, like, cloudy Lotus. Yeah. Cloudy Lotus. Beach. Focus. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. Not even three two minutes to tell you anything and everything and set up like yeah people's lives That's what they do early 2000s. It's very early 2000s montage glam squad. Yeah, I mean good for Lindsey Lowhand she she's she carried it all on a phone call. I was proud for her Really dead. She said the lines. She said she said her lines. lines. She did. She said that and her lips were moving along with the words coming out like you can tell that she wasn't. You know, some part of me was like waiting to hear Julie Roberts's voice, but then you just see Lindsey going like, and she still got her kind of grabbly kind of Lindsey voice. It's very, very little bit,

little like here always. I was expecting the director to just put like a piece of hair on Lindsey's lip and have her try and get it off like putting peanut butter on a dog's tongue. And they just have some wonderful red techniques. Okay, Lindsey, you stand up and then the walls are closing in. And she's like, okay, that's a stretching scene. That's a stretching scene, everybody. Did you guys ever see the canyons?

If you have a new must, it's her and the porn star, James, I'm gonna blank on this. Yeah, but he is a straight porn star, unfortunately. I'm in. But what did his name James Dean? Yeah, James Dean. Yeah, James Dean. Yeah, I'm sure. And it was one of the worst things.

And I think she felt like she was doing this kind of like, like Gina Rollins kind of performance, but it was so over the top and awful. You must watch it, it's wonderfully bad. I remember when I came out that there was a lot of press about like this horrific Lindsey Lohan moment, and I think they were actually trying to make it seem like there was gonna be some sort of art house comeback. They were, and that's why it was I would think they were actually trying to make it seem like it was going to be some sort of art house Come back. They were that was and that's why it was so wonderfully awful

Yeah, I'm in I'll totally watch that catch it. It's worth it. So see through hot tub swanky hotel slow-mo snowboarding They're like hey guys do we have five dollars left today? Let's slow the skiing down Do we have $5 left today? Let's slow the skiing down. Like slowing and like us jumping really slowly in the snow. And then we see the Belmont summit resort. Jump a stretch hammer. Limmo is pulling up. Very glamorous.

Very. Oh, I hate that. And there's a guy and so upset about those cars. They're awful. They're so awful. They're terrible and they can't make turns. Nothing says that you're just a waste of space on this planet than a stretch hammer. Right. Thank you. It's kind of it's kind of character building right now because now we meet Tad and he got the heck of the stretch and he's played by an actor who was given no notes whatsoever.

George Young was his name. I looked him up. George Young, they said, just go for it, honey. Go for it. Don't worry, if you wind up sort of presenting as closet and gay, we'll fix it at the end of the movie. Yeah. And what you said is really appropriate,

because they went think like gay person from the late 90ss early 2000s and go a little bigger. When you say that this movie was co-written by someone who had success in the 80s, I was like, that makes sense because this was definitely written like a sounds like someone who has no idea what an influencer is, but has just heard about it from their grandkids and has mad about it. That is exactly one of my notes that I wrote down.

This movie could have been written in the, it probably was written in the 80s. It feels like. And then someone probably Jeff Bonnet or Jeff Bonnet said, you know, to make this more relevant, let's make the boyfriend and influencer. That was the only change. That was the only change they made. Well, in the 80s, Ralph and the mayor both would have been drunks. Because there was always a funny drunk in a Christmas movie, and I kind of felt like it

needed that. Everybody was too sober in this. This is definitely missing that lady from 9 to 5, the secretary who just sat outside the boss's office drunk the whole time. And every time one of the lady pulled off the boss, yeah, they'd come out storming and she goes, ah, a girl. Like, that's, that's who the Alejandra should have been to be honest. Yes.

The receptionist at the hotel should have been like a drunk, I hate Christmas. And she's the one that melts Lindsey Lohan's heart to go fuck this court over. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Laila, she should be like, I hate Christmas because that's when my daughter died, so I'm drunk now. And that Lindsey Lohan has a moment because Lennon will tell you the truth here. I don't hate Christmas.

I fucking love it. That's why I drink so hard because I love it so hard. So you'll get them. Let me tell you the truth. The only reason I stand in up is because I glued some popsicle sticks to my spine. Like a fucking reindeer girl. Be like me. That's what we needed.

I went hungry. Baltha hard. Where are you? Baltha hard. Where are you? Yeah. So this guy, yeah, this, I love that. He got no notes.

This is the guy who got no notes. I think it's so true. Every single, every single scene, perfect, Ted. Perfect George. He had a perfect moment. I have to say, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, please call me, Ted. Please call me, Ted. I'm saying, I'm method, I'm this.

Ronnie, shocker, that's a fake accent. I don't know if you knew that. No, he's, he's British. He is British? Yeah. No, he was British playing American playing British. Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's for, he was British. Yeah. No, he was British playing American playing British. Yeah. Yeah, that's that's more he was British.

Yeah, really because I wasn't watching some of his Instagram videos and then it was hard because he speaks fluent Chinese as well. So he's actually really hot. No, he's really hot. Oh, yeah, it's really fucking hot. Like this guy's so much hotter than court over street for sure. Like the ages. He's got a beautiful wife and beautiful children.

Like I'm kind of the, he's the Aaron O'Connell for me Ben of 2022. Yeah, his hardness is definitely mom in question. That's for sure. He's really cute. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. Now as far as Cordovareet, what a stupid fucking name for a

car. Okay. We name it. Over podcast. More like no under road. Yeah, add your over a street. What the fuck is that? You know, are you a street sweeper? What are you? What's over the street? Or the street? I hate it. That's hate that. It does feel that piece of casting. It does feel, you know what? I think about him is even when he was on Glee, I couldn't figure out how his face worked. Like it is this kind of it a little bit.

He has kind of like a substantial jowl situation, but it's, butl situation, but it's thinner face that was always kind of pulled up and that huge lips. And he would have been great as like a teenage model. And now that he's a man, he looks like a little boy with a beard. Yeah, he's, to me, he looks, I think the term is, I didn't make up this term,

but I love it, fat ready, where you just see someone and you're like, they're gonna be fat in the future, right? But he's not at all, like he's, you know, whatever. And who cares, I'm fat current, you know? So anybody out there who doesn't know me, I'm not judging it, but he looks like, he looks like that fat flower is about to bloom. And I'm ready to be there to pick up the petals.

And it'll be like a side dog. It'll work. It's a golden retriever. It's like a gold or a gold, not even a golden retriever. He's like a golden doodle, but like, you know, people like, oh, they're so smart, but he's like the dumb one. Like, oh, you got a golden doodle on. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's be honest. This was 1993. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the hair. It's the hair. The frosted hair. You have frosted tips, cord.

I mean, of course, you're making the cord. That's like frosted tips are coming back. Frosted tips are coming back. Stop. No, they are. Do not say that. All right, that's where they are. Frosted tips.

Yes. Are you talking about Oklahoma? No, no, I'm starting to see like younger men in Los Angeles. Listen, have them. I don't mind seeing a frost a tip, but I just feel like this this court over street version of it is not always doing it for me. I feel like this was a total, like Lindsey Lohan

deserved someone just like hot as fuck. I'm sorry. She really did, yeah. And someone who didn't look like her child, y'all. This movie looks like a mom is courting her son in a cabin. And it's not just her hearings. I think he looks young at all. I think he looks like. Oh, it's age appropriate.

Yeah, it's her energy. Her energy is old. She has old energy. Yeah. We're planning on covering a show that he was on TLC in January called Milf Manor. And she 100% looks like she could be on Milf Manor. And yes, that's a real show now. Maybe I saw it on your Instagram, I just saw some of the Milf Manor. Well, there was a 30 rock show, a fake show on 30 rock called Milf Island,

that I always loved. It was about these older women and these young teenage boys and who would survive before masturbating. It was such a great idea and it's almost like they're now we're just bringing back parody shows now. Who has one out right now also called the groove. Yeah, it's Bravo. Are you all doing love with without borders? No. Have you have you want to you don't want to jump into our world of terrible dating shows? How about they give us entertainment without borders? Okay. Oh, how about watchable without borders? And I call those love with that. For people. It's pretty terrible.

But I'll I like some. Is it how they found? Well, yeah, catch me up a little on it. I don't know. I don't know how they found? Well, yeah, catch me up a little on it. I don't mind. Somehow they found people who no one would like. Like. I can't even put it on this movie.

I know. I know. Except for dumb Dana, who is from Montana. I kind of like her because she's probably forgets to get out of the rain. Like is that the one you didn't know where Ireland was? Yes. Okay. And she's also, you know, they say with turkeys that they can't be in the rain because they'll open their mouths and they'll drown. Oh my god. A turkish man. He's saying that's what turkish do.

A national bird. Okay. That's true. That's true. It's mentioned with Franklin. That's such a cord over street. Yeah. That's good. I'm surprised that's not the storyline. Well, our family's turkey farm was doing great. All the turkeys died because they left them out in the rain.

They all drowned. And now we don't know how we'll pay the bills. This may be our last Christmas on the turkey farm. Someone left my turkeys in the rain. We need to talk about the financial systems that are at work, because someone needs rich dad poor dad, or something,

or Susie Orman, or something. So you should. So either way, Tad shows up, and he's in this stretch limo when he's calling her, and she's like, he's like, tell your father, you don't want the job. And she's like, buddy, flew me all the way up here. It is private jet for Christmas

cause he's rich in me of a hotel. And I, and I don't want to lose feelings and, and he wants to be the hotel business. But I don't wanna be, is that vegan leather? Again, and every Christmas movie you watch, they have to hate vegans. vegans are terrible people in these Christmas movies. Well, vegans come from the cities where all the queers are.

I know. I tell you. Well, every, every hallmark movie, or one of these is all about the cities are evil, the country life, the simple country life is the best. Literally, bacon was elevated in this movie. Yeah. It was a big plot. We got a piece of bacon people. I hate bacon.

Bacon was good because it could both be like anti vegan and also anti Jewish. There you go. Bam. They really have like two. Yeah. I am. Birds. So she's, she's supposed to be like Paris Hilton. That's what we're supposed to do. That's a hotel area. Yeah, early 2000s. Yeah. So she, let me see. So she comes into the hotel, of course,

and you know, then we get the other gay. This one, luckily, though, we're so lucky to have him here on this podcast today. Matt Marl play this. This should have been your role. This is a bad role. I should have the role of Terry Goddain. I wrote it down to you. I was like, this is my honey who needs to be in this show. You would have killed this. This guy, I was like, I'm not buying it.

I didn't buy it either. He felt straight to both of these actors. They straight, they gaywashed. Both these actors, they, they, they gaywashed. Both these actors. I, I, thank you. I agree with, I literally, I just think you would have been funny. You know, I feel like this guy, like I got some gayness from him, but I didn't get like the effervescent.

So it's not just the fact that it's gay, you guys, there's like an effervescence about it. There was like, they needed that waiter from from the from Salt lives last night, the episode that I. All those. Waiters. So gay. Yeah.

He's like, we're having a flat of margaritas. You should get it. Okay. There was no prancing. There was no mencing. There was no trilling. There was no love of Christmas because everyone knows. K people love Christmas.

No. There was, you're right, there was no self-loathing. Like, I guess I'll just go home to my three cats. I was none of that. Christmas is one of those holidays. Like you still have to be included in. Like all the other men's like, yeah, they can be like, this isn't for you.

This one's not for you either. But Christmas, they know you're the only one with a single person income. And they're like, here's what my kids need. You know, just say, you have a little stuff. You just bring a holiday. They also know the kids are gonna do like the best Christmas day for.

I mean, hello, it's called Harry and David, not Harry and Shashana, okay? But... Shashana. Which again, I feel like I'm bringing change the shot. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I just give you bread socks. It's just our food arrangement of, oh, it's not food, it's just socks. It's a pile of socks. I want to say as the Jewish representative of this group, my parents did just send me some socks for my birthday. Oh, wow. So yeah, so he's supposed to be fabulous, but he's not really.

And then he's like, good morning, Miss Belmont. I'm Carver, is that his name? It's Neneri. His name is Terry Carver. Oh, Terry Carver from guest services. And I've been asked to work as your personal assistant and this is your glam squad. I've seen it on housewives, so I know it's gained fabulous. I'm sorry. That

was the stage direction that the guy who wrote goose bumps put in here. Did you notice that Ali Lohan was part of the glam squad? No, she was the one. She was the one with the black bob, I believe. I would not know how to lowhand. I remember her when she was younger, and so I would not have known her now, but I looked at the credits and said, like, Allie Lohan as Bianca. And I was like, Bianca, and then I looked at the picture there

and I triangulated. Oh my God. Oh, it is Allie Lohan. I actually covered. I did full 10 page recaps for every episode of living lowhand. So, I know her very well. Wow, that was one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

I had to look her up on my phone. That was hard. You actually watched Lindsay's low-hand sobriety crumbling in that series. That is when she became hard to watch. And she wasn't in it, but she was a living low-hand. It's the one that her mom did, right? I think so.

Am I saying the right thing? I think I'm saying the right thing. Yeah, I think I'm thinking about Ali. But do you know what I wanted to be? She basically wanted to be Kim Kardashian. She thought that's what she did. Oh, I was thinking about the other. Wasn't there another Lindsey lowhand? Yes, there was one recently, but this one was like 10 more than 10 years ago.

And it was her mom and Lindsey wouldn't do it because she was still kind of, you know, castable, I guess that. And she was getting to be a mess. Like people were starting to realize she's a mess. But at that time, she was still really famous and stuff. No, that's when that was the same time. Remember when I had that rumor, SteeDee, Stuck in my car room, that poodle. I'm getting Roma started. Yeah. Also, she's singing this movie. I was kind of she's saying, to a guy was like, you don't, you're quite pitchy. I know they set that up. The singing day I set up first was the scene cut out because I feel like, well, we'll get to it. We'll get to it. I thought we'll get to it. We'll get to it.

We'll get to it. We'll get to it. We'll get to it. We'll get to it. We'll get to it. The gay leads her through the hotel and they're doing that thing where they follow her and they stop when she stops. Yeah. But you know, when someone is walking and talking on a phone, that is the best time to give exposition. Yeah. Again, like an 80s movie. This really double wear.

It's prada. They took all those, all those tropes or just all of the West Wing. Like because the West Wing was all exposition. So they just played well. The president of Russia was coming in. And then the president of Russia really likes airplanes airplanes were made in my can thirty seven button shut up to be the

the lindsey and Lindsay just does it she's like well daddy wouldn't understand i mean as far as as far as he's concerned this the perfect career for me he's making me vice president at miss miss i mean it's so hard for me here i am a rich girl a girl who was born rich who doesn't even have a mother anymore, and a father who's a hotel magnet, and who also has an irrational fear of ducks. Anyway, I'd love to sing sometimes, talk to a leader person on the other side.

And I hate bacon. I hate bacon, I hate bacon. And I hate bacon. I wanna say, it is, we're gonna talk about something, but I realize it is a complete just faux-pon and that court overstrict sings really fucking well. The fact that neither of them did not sing really legitimately in this movie is an issue. He sings on Glee. He sings, he sings okay. He sings okay. They

auto-tune to Mungly. Everybody is auto-tune to Mungly. I listened to some of the other day because I was rapping and I was like, oh my god, I loved Glee. I'm going to listen to some of the other day because I was rapping. And I was like, oh my God, I love to glee. I'm going to listen to some of those, you know. I thought you were like, you're a rapping. I know. I was like, and I'm he is on your room. You're like, dude, let me lay down a verse during this to be episode.

Don't don't don't don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop. Believe in. We got you, Ronnie. We back out. Hey, I could wrap. I just made that our band is not called in a sink.

Our in sink is called out of touch. That's our boy band before this. Ronnie DMC. Oh, Ron DMC. There we go. Bring it on, bitch. Well, it's still the G. Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

That's what, that's the thing. She's walking on the phone. I'm like moving your record back and forth. I'm like, you know, like a rubber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't get it now, DJ. DJ things don't have real records on them. They just, whatever.

It's, I feel like it's whatever. It bothers me. Yeah. So she's on the phone telling off, and then is that when Tat is like, let's make our, I know how, let's make our relationship public on Instagram. And so that is a, I guess it's a big deal for people. Well, he says, I have a question like,

is the people know who she is? Like I would hear from you. So is she a celebrity? That's what I was asking. It wasn't established, but it is. We'll find out later on. I think she is because she's famous enough that she says, because he says, how are your socials doing?

Which by the way, it was like, clearly someone from Netflix's social media team was like, I have a note about that one line. They don't say social media, they just say socials. They just say socials. Okay, we'll fix that. So then, and then she goes, I told you, you're like, listen, Farbea, for me to give notes to you. What's your, what's your friends to numbers like? Yeah. Yeah. And she's basically like, well, I told you my account was hacked by that girl.

That was the strangest line in the movie. Wait, I missed that line. Do we ever know what girl that was? No, it was such a weird thing. That's what we all know though. It's dinner. Okay. This could be the villain that tries to steal Tad from her.

That is one thing about this movie. It made no one really a villain. Everybody was nice and just like, I thought this movie was gonna be like overboard with Goldie Haum, where she's a regimen being in the beginning. And also, if you watch overboard now, I still really enjoy it, but the fact that like,

after me too, the fact that Kurt Russell completely subjugated her to like just, no, you could never do that. You could never make that movie now. So this one, they're like, they made it. Yeah, but it's not bad. I think what you said, I don't, the problem here is not a lot of questions about amnesia and what it does to a person.

But the, the issue I have here is we don't know that she's really a bad person. We just know that she's quite materialistic, but is she a bad person? No, she's just poor she doesn't know what bacon is, you know, but we're supposed to believe she kind of becomes a good I don't know I was I agree we need to know a little bit more about her world I mean she's lazy and the fact that her her social media has been hacked by some girl and she's like literally just done nothing about it. That girl, by that girl. That girl. I love that you consider that laziness.

I mean, she's not even taking care of her socials. I mean, Jake was hacked and he said, I'll worry about it tomorrow and he went to bed. He did do that. I've done that. Like, what are you going to do? It takes them forever anyway. It's not like there's a phone line that you can call. But also, there's one point that we have to point out because when she's telling Tad that her dad wants her to work at the hotel,

he asked her the position and she's like, five's president of atmosphere. Yes. She's like, that's not even real. All people see as a spoiled eras and I'm not spoiled. And I was like, that's the problem with this movie. You have to be awful. Yes. You know, be awful. Yes. You know, every half of you have to be spoiled. She has self, as a, like from a writing perspective, she does have self awareness too early in the film because she should look at, she should, we should see her save by President of the atmosphere.

It's this big thing. I was shocked when she made it. It never, it never, it never felt like an arc at all. It just Oh my god, you're right. You didn't have an arc at all. No, no, yeah, it was just a slope, which I guess fits with the theme of this movie. But I think I think that what was funny to me is again, how you can tell this movie was written by someone who had their success in the 80s was that when she says her socials have been hacked by that woman, the or that girl, Tad goes, but luckily you're dating one of hype magazines top social influencers. I'm like, I'm pretty sure most social influencers

are not in a magazine. Yeah, I'm high-casing coverage. Those have been done. I'm not going to hide this thing in coverage. Those have been done. I'm referenced in a niche magazine. I'm on the cover of Entertainment Week Away. It's not a magazine anymore. I've been featured on Usenet several times. I've been on three to one contact magazine. And so they're, oh,'re, you hear him say selfies and a sees. I've never heard that.

Yeah, I said, that's taken a see. See a couple of us. Like an us see like subversive selfie versus I never, I didn't know that was a thing. I didn't call it like a wee because the saloonzy lowhand. So a bit, all right. All right. Go when you can.

So the shoes drinking and they're like lifting the glass up to her lip for her because she's really good. You guys. Yeah, maybe with food, not with glass coming. I like, I paid a lot for this. I paid a lot for this. No, it looks dangerous.

How hard is it to lift a glass? You do have early pretty teeth. I just commented in a photo about them. Oh, well, thank you, honey. They're actually natural. But you know, like I, I keep them from getting it, because I'll chip shit with the corn chips, you know? Like I've had to glue shit back on.

I used to have super glue. When we were on tour, I broke my muller one. Who cares about why am I talking about this? You could move your muller with super glue. Yeah, because it kept coming off and it really hurt. So I kept just putting more super glue on it. And then I got back to the dentist and he's like, what the fuck happened to your tooth?

I was like, let's take a nasty. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Sorry, I don't know where that went. It's my Jake Chipped-A-Too that everyone's well, he'll whistle like an old prospector on the show. I will whistle. When I say SH sounds, I will whistle sometimes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, That's the best care of gaming. Like, after an arrest development after Joe about like a candy apple or something.

Yes, that's what it's like sometimes. I'm just swistling sometimes. Oh, you know what you guys? I know that people are like this tooth content is amazing. I can't wait to hear what happens next. So you're going to have to wait until the next episode. Bo-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-. Itch-o-o-s! Aaron McNickles, she don't miss no trickle-o-s. Hava Nagila Weber!

Jamie, she has no last name-y! Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch! She's always supplying, it's Kelly Ryan. Christian the Piston Anderson! You're never alone with Lacey Montellay-Own. Let's give a Kissarino to Lisa Lino! Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good.

The Bay Area Betches. Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Always the wiser, it's Allison Weisler. Somebody get us 10 C's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

Better do what she says is Elva Enriquez. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Under your fasteners, it's Erin Casner. Nobody holds a candle, it's a Jamie Kendall. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. We will, we will Joanna Rocklandu, my favorite Murto. Karen McMurto. We love him madly, it Rockland, you my favorite Merto, Karen McMerto. We love him madly, it's Kyle Podd, Chadly.

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We love you guys. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us?

We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums?

Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondering app.