Watch What Crappens - Falling For Christmas w Reality Gays Part Three

Episode Date: December 27, 2022

*Also avail Crappens On Demand video at https://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens* Part three of Falling For Christmas is posted. Enjoy! Would you rather watch these episodes? Join at the Cra...ppens On Demand Level over at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for access to all of our videos and bonus episodes. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music,
Starting point is 00:00:18 or wherever you get your podcasts. I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, I have come, Welcome to part three of our Falling for Christmas extravaganza crossover with the reality gays Matt and Jake. So for those of you who don't know us, I'm Ronnie, then there's a guy named Ben, Kay, it's very handsome, and then there's Matt and Jake, go find reality gays and follow them if you missed parts one and two, they're up, go listen to them, and part four will be up tomorrow. Thanks for being here, guys. Muah! So she's in their her dad's office and she's saying that she doesn't want a job, but she
Starting point is 00:01:14 also doesn't want to disappoint him or whatever, and then she finds a snow globe and he goes, and she goes, your mother, I mean, he says, your mother gave me that in stod. Yes. I'm like, this is, this really a movie for a stod reference, I don't think so. I don't know where that is. No, I feel like this was improbed. Um, it's that point where I think Jack Wagner was like,
Starting point is 00:01:40 I am everyone on this set is way other depth. I'm just gonna do what I want yeah I'm gonna make mine better it's just like we did it in stud so stop winking at your back stop winking please miss you this town is built on my winks you little fuck roll it again I'm Jack mother fucking Wagner. Oh, so for regard is like I can't believe that you still remember your mother and she's like, of course, I remember her perfume and her hair and this hotel really reminds me of her. So just like a hairy scented hotel. I remember her white rain and her donkey booty father.
Starting point is 00:02:28 White rain. The weirdest thing that happened next is like, you know, I, all I promised my mother, promise your mother, that I would always take care of you. And I'm like, isn't that something you should just do with a child? I don't know. Yeah, Jack Wagner's the dad. Jack Wagner's the dad.
Starting point is 00:02:50 He's like, God, a baby sent my kid. Yeah. I was just like, that's such a strange thing to either right and say. I don't know. You would imagine like if you were like a family friend or something like that, you're like, yep, right.
Starting point is 00:03:04 When your mama was dying, I promised I would always take care of you, not your husband, not your actual father. That's not part of the deal. Just that's something you would do. That's just what a, I know what any has done it, because Sierra's like, well, you've given me everything I've ever wanted.
Starting point is 00:03:22 So don't worry about me. I'll be in very good hands. I'll be with my closeted, gay, future fiance. Chad. Chad. Chad. Chad, right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:34 Love to. And then, you know, this is now a tad moment. So it has to be as terrible and LA as you'd think. So he speeds up in the sports car. Just, he's coming toalle, but he's like, it's a Gucci edition Maserati. I was like, this is Netflix money happening right here. Okay. Because in all Mark, it would be like a Ugo or something 1988. Oh my god. Those L.A. drivers. I think we made our our point netflix. We've been getting our point.
Starting point is 00:04:07 Okay, so now Lindsay is talking to her assistant, not Matt Mar and she's like, I think I'm going to a tad. I don't want to be disturbed. Do not disturb me. Is that if you're talking about the snuck club already? He we did. Do not disturb me first.
Starting point is 00:04:22 He's like, okay, well, what do you want to do? I just said, don't disturb me first like okay. Well, what do you want to do? I just said don't disturb me And I went plot point got it you don't want to be in it We get it and then she strikes him in the face And then actually one of my this is actually one of my favorite lines in the movie is Tatto wants to a photo shoot He's like really into making their relationship public. He's into a photo shoot Shoot and so Terry is like well by the way because he had to want to a photo shoot. He's like really into making their relationship, pop, like he's into a photo shoot.
Starting point is 00:04:45 And so Terry is like, well, by the way, I reserved a private gondola for you guys. And Tad goes, gondola's are for losers. That was almost my name today. Instead of VP of atmosphere, it was almost Jake gondola's are for losers. That was, it's my favorite line in the film as well. Finally, this movie is speaking some truth.
Starting point is 00:05:03 Oh, good for me. Finally speaking. And so I wrote this down and I don't remember what happened. I wrote down the word, he Terry, I think, says he's colorful. He's colorful. Oh, because he goes, lady, the surprise awaits. And she's like, I thought we were doing our photo here. He's like, no slips were going to the slopes.
Starting point is 00:05:24 And then he just like gives him a little look and he's like, wow, he's colorful. And I guess that was his way of saying like, he's cute and also gay, like me. He's a big bag. Yeah. And also he's literally colorful. He's wearing like a black and white McKenzie's child's jacket
Starting point is 00:05:41 with like ruffles and colors all over him. And when he did say he's colorful, that is when I wrote in my notes, oh my God, I would be Terry. Yeah, I would still it. Like I rarely see things that you come off the page in. This is definitely one of those. I literally audition for the same role
Starting point is 00:06:01 yesterday on the morning show as gay Baker number one and gay Baker number two. I'm not even kidding. Same real. It's now they're driving along to a photo shoot and and so then Sierra starts to sing along the radio. So it turned the volume. I love this song.
Starting point is 00:06:17 I love this song. I love this song. It's a bright time. It's a bright time. It's a bright time. It's a bright time. It's a bright time. It's a bright time. It's a bright time. It's a bright time. It's a bright time. She's really doing it. And Dianzi's reminding us she can sing.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Little pitchy, sweetie, little pitchy. And he starts giving her a no. He's like, in the right way, in the right. And which again, for someone who's like under 20, will not get the Mean Girls reference. But for the rest of us, that was a very, that was a kind of like, you can tell Lindsay produced this movie.
Starting point is 00:06:44 I went, okay, that's a little, is Lindsey leaning into that, she's really choked around at this point. Everybody loves it. Do you know, and then he turns to air supply, and I'm like, so is air supply coated gay? I know, what was really weird was the music he preferred. Yeah, it was like dad rock from another,
Starting point is 00:07:03 I think you guys are right, that it was written a long time ago, I think you guys are right that it was written a long time ago. And that's why the writers are from goosebumps. I think it's just something like, I'm all that I love. Yeah, I'm butter. Yeah, yeah, but a modern guy who's like, oh, it's over about Instagram and modern, modern, modern, modern. Now we're on the line. But now, We're on the line. We're on the line. But now. No, it's a weird, there were so many generational things added to this that don't make sense.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Also the volume button in this Maserati is not convenient. You have to put your finger on it and swirl it around. Did you have the volume? That felt like an actor. It feels an actor, yeah, because it's how fancy cars are. They just like change things to fuck pork. More and make more work than it needs to be, but it's fancy.
Starting point is 00:07:49 So I feel like it. You can't steal me because you don't know how to turn me on. Stupid. I would say that that actually felt like, I feel like I've seen a car that does that and it was like drove me nuts. It's like the boat of God,
Starting point is 00:08:03 I don't know how to turn down to cardboard you. It's so loud in my stomach, it's like, it's like a fly. That's a fly. So, Jay, I'm trying to bring you dry, Clayton. She's all sad because she has to listen to air supply. And then Jake is back getting his frosted tips to
Starting point is 00:08:24 back at the lodge. And he's helping this young couple get in a sleigh because there's literally two people. No way, there's two people, there's that couple and then there's one family who all they do is hang out outside Lundie Lowe and put them. That's all they do. And by the way, I also think there's, I just call them eyebrows and another closet, okay? Because this girl had the worst thick like eyebrows.
Starting point is 00:08:49 It just looked like caterpillars on top of her, top of her forehead. Eyebrows are going through a weird moment where nobody knows what to do anymore because there was the microblading. That was terrible, but everybody did it. And then at the same time, they're trying to come back with no eyebrows, you know,
Starting point is 00:09:04 like the models are shaving their brows. We've seen that on 90 day. We're a girl showed up and I was like, they were bleached and shave is terrible. Yeah, it's not good. They're all going for the Hanukkah, but keep your menorahs away from your eyebrows. Yeah. And then there's the thin, super thin ones, but now they're trying to come back with the ones that people are putting gel in and like combing them up. That's what she did and I did not like this. Yes. He's your browser alone. It's a bad moment for Browse.
Starting point is 00:09:32 Summit Springs was not like really the hotbed of eyebrow fashion. They obviously they disappear every 40 years and come back. So, well normally, well, her boyfriend blesses her. Apparently, she came out of a bunker and he's fucking traumatized by everything in life because he's scared of just a fucking sleigh ride. Well, I would be too honestly. It was a janky ass sleigh and he goes, oh, don't worry, this sleigh has been in the North Star for generations, which is why that will have no meaning any time else beyond the scene and replace it by the end of the movie. And why would that make me feel better?
Starting point is 00:10:11 You've had a vehicle you're about to put me in for 200 years? Sounds great. You literally just could say it's from Orchlands, it's fine. Like, you know what I mean? He doesn't fucking matter. But what if it's a fucking slay get on? You're staying in a bed bug infested place with tile floors in the middle of winter.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Don't tell me you're worried about safety now. You're feeding or freezing. This is what my fucking play. This is what you're paying for. This is what you pay for. Yeah, exactly. So, now,
Starting point is 00:10:40 So we're flying through the floors on the thing. Meanwhile, yes, let's talk about Tadden Lindsay. Yeah, Tadden Lindsay, AK Sierra. they're now like in the middle of nowhere. And he's like, oh, yeah, we're going to do our picture here because like a top influencer, geotag the spot, which again, it just takes so much to get there. And everything is left to poor, tad to even all the dialogues sound so stupid. And she's like, you know, I don't actually ski, don't you? He goes, well, they don't need to know that. It's all smoking mirrors, baby, influences like me. But man, they're so stupid. They're taking
Starting point is 00:11:22 selfies. It's not like they have a photographer there, right? No one's gonna see your skis in the selfie dumbasses. You don't need to be sliding all over the place. So he's like, do you know how to unhook a FNM appeal and she's like, no, why would I not do that? And so she tries. Someone basically hands me my glass. I don't even touch it. I'm gonna have a look at Suna Bill. Yeah, she just kind of like does this with her hands And so she tries. Someone basically hands me my glass. I don't even touch it. I'm gonna look a zombie. Yeah, she just kind of like does this with her hands
Starting point is 00:11:49 and of course it doesn't unhook. He's like, unhooked, no. Yeah. I did enjoy when he just talked to the snowmobile like he would be and she's like, it's not voice activated. I think this scene was completely all improbbed. Yeah, this one felt good.
Starting point is 00:12:03 I feel like that. Yeah. Yeah, based on the bloopers at the end of the movie, it looked like this. I think this was all yesbbed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Based on the bloopers at the end of the movie, it looked very good. I think this was all you said. This was a really fun set. I've just got to say that everyone probably felt so protected. Yes. Probably very protected.
Starting point is 00:12:17 People could take risks. They could make choices. Yeah. It's a safe set. I'm waiting for the actors, the Laura Lennie commenting on this. The Laura Lennie round table of, oh my god.
Starting point is 00:12:33 So they get on the, they try to talk to the snowmobile. That choice, the work, the work. The director really let me do what we needed to do. That way. the director really let me do what we needed to do. So Plotpoint, he's like, we don't have any signal on this phone. It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh snowmobile and then they're going down a path and they go by a sign that has snow on it as they go by the sign that snow falls off and the sign says, danger do not pass. Turn back. This is cartoon. It's like nowhere. By the way, where was it? Where was it? Nothing. It's not like there was an
Starting point is 00:13:17 avalanche. There's not like the actual danger. The danger was is just they were on a tall mountain. And she there were like, it's nothing to do with the lap. Yes. By the way, if that girl had not made that wish, she wouldn't have fallen off. They were okay. Let's talk about the bat mean while girls going to see
Starting point is 00:13:34 tints creepy, creepy, creepy, even near Santa. Looker. Just look at every shot lurking. And she feels that she felt, first of all, I thought she was gonna sit on this lap and I went, she's too old for this, but thankfully she's just right. You ride a wish on a tree
Starting point is 00:13:51 and then grandma, they're who? Give it a secret. I'm some, they didn't talk about it, but grandma is so used to just picking up her other dead children that had been massacred through the years of their hotel. She just picks up her granddaughter and they put this on the tree.
Starting point is 00:14:07 And then suddenly, we're not in the real world anymore. And Santa, Santa all of a sudden, like, wants coke or something, because he touches his nose. I'll tell you what this is. This is Ron Oliver Magic. This is supernatural stuff coming in. This is just Mary Lou prom night. This is some date line shit. What's happening here? Okay, it is. We're back at poor hotel fist festivists or whatever they're doing. And the first of all, Santa's a creep and he's
Starting point is 00:14:37 handing out hot nets. I mean, yeah, okay, that's not that. Santa's in charge of the Santa and then the grandma is like here's how to do a wish you write secret it has to stay secret tell us your secret put it in this hole and then Santa just looks over grandma like yeah she's like make it count and then Santa's looking at them and he's like well
Starting point is 00:15:03 well well well well well what the fuck is this movie it's like make it count and then Santa's looking at them. He's like What the fuck is this movie? He's like about to like You know, he's something the grandma. He puts a finger aside of his nose Which is the strangest thing ever to do I get that it's in the in the poem She got trick she got triggered an almost relapse She had to be taken off set that day. I'm sure. I mean, it was literally like visual cocaining. It was like, he puts a finger here, almost all this like white powder comes flying at us.
Starting point is 00:15:33 It is. And then he's just nodding the line up the side of her nose. Air moves things and you all know that when wind blows, that means it's magic. Yeah. That's right. Magic. There was more homolog cords right now.
Starting point is 00:15:44 Yes. And meanwhile, while this is happening, now was more homologon cords right now. Yes. And meanwhile, while this is happening, now Chad and Sierra are up on top of this mountain. And he's the side he wants to propose to her. He's not set up a tripod to capture this moment. No, no, no. So he's going to propose. So he gives her some shitty ass like tope as that's two big finger. Oh, it's the ugliest diamond to like yellow diamond. Oh, yeah. One of those machine. Yes, One of those peak colored fake diamonds. It's really big. Ted doesn't have money.
Starting point is 00:16:08 No, no money. No, no money. No, we scroungin. She now this is when where is it? This is where Lindsey Lohan said maybe one of the best lines in the whole movie that I feel like I felt seen. They're taking pictures and she's in a snow outfit. She said, make me look sporty, but not like I felt seen. They're taking pictures and she's in a snow outfit. She said, make me look sporty, but not like I'm sweating.
Starting point is 00:16:29 That is what I try to do when I go to orange theory. Like that is what I'm just trying to do in life. It's 40 not sweaty. That was a great one. It never turns out that way. I just look like a big fat sweaty pig, but that's fine. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial.
Starting point is 00:16:47 It's like only one thing missing besides the penis. Another thing missing. I mean, drops to his knees and he's like Sierra Bermott. The last almost year has been magical. Sierra Bermott, will you marry me? And she's like, this doesn't fit. It's too big. And I jumped the gun. That's when we have the magic in the sand. It's going back and forth. It's very confusing. Santa's touching his nose, ornaments, the ornament actually flies off the tree. It's fine. There's magic. So much is happening. Back to Lindsay. She's sitting there on the feet. That's just doing like this. Yeah. He's holding the ring. Yeah. Hold the ring.
Starting point is 00:17:25 And suddenly she starts to slide backwards like Poodle does when he's on a king size bed with too much lube. Yep. Oh, Sometimes she just grabbed it. But you're holding on for dear life. And because he's because he's closet and gay, that means he's also very ineffectual because hence the the stereotypes. Exactly, like, grabs her by the ring.
Starting point is 00:17:47 And the ring is too big, and she slides out of the ring, and she slides off. And then you think, oh no, but then something horrific happens to Tad, which is the ground just opens up and you think. And swallow it up. You swallow it up by the mountain. And I was like, I actually feel very bad for Tad right now.
Starting point is 00:18:03 This is when we got a B story that still kind of left me breathless of Tads Adventure. And it really. This was a real film. This was a real film. And I finished shaking. It's horrifying.
Starting point is 00:18:19 It's just like, no, I was just gonna say, I was like, this is kind of groundbreaking. We don't have this with B stories. There's a richness here. That's it. That's it. You're Laura Looming, you're Laura Looming. You're Laura Looming.
Starting point is 00:18:34 The movie should not have gone any further because Sierra goes tumbling down this mountain, she's going down and she's like, oh no, no, no, and then she plows headfirst into a tree sunny Bono style. I literally wrote just like sunny about our Natasha Richardson. Tisun.
Starting point is 00:18:47 And then the other guy goes to a moment in jail and I was like, and they both died. I would like to note that I'm not laughing at any of that. And then he'll have that bullshit. And he gets mad later. Someone will. Someone will. Some of them was like 25 years ago. I feel like it's okay to do.
Starting point is 00:19:02 No, but for the cost of rape. The cost of rape. The cost of rape. was like 25 years ago. I feel like it's okay to know. Rayf isn't, Rayf isn't his car like, wait, is Liam Neeson or Rayf? Natasha, Liam Nees. Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson is like, I was trying to listen to something in my car. I've never been so disturbed. Of course, it's gonna be the one episode that I'm just gonna make take and for it's actually All coming back cuz Natasha Richardson Richardson played Lindsay Lohan's mom on the remake of the parents. Oh my god You guys okay, and so button we're done with the show And I did like that I did like that as Lindsay was going backwards. They'd let her sing one of her greatest hits
Starting point is 00:19:43 was going backwards, they'd let her sing one of her greatest hits. So I was like, well, these two people are dead. That says, they're all going to try to get into this movie. Well, that was fun. But are they are they dead or are they not? Yeah, I wanted to be like lost. Is that the twist? Yeah, that would have been this whole time. And then we see a polar bear, that we see a polar bear or it actually makes sense or Ralph, but I think this is a perfect moment to tease everyone. Will they make it? Will they not? You're just gonna have to listen to Oh, honey. No, we can just keep going. Okay. Okay. Yeah. We're gonna go way earlier than this. Okay. Great. I didn't know. Okay. I didn't know what you're gonna do
Starting point is 00:20:20 I didn't know what you're gonna do. I didn't know what you're gonna do. I just didn't want to give everyone the opportunity to get up again So I didn't know what you're gonna do. I didn't know what you're gonna get up the bros. I just didn't want to give everyone the opportunity to get up again. So I was like, let's keep going. Well done, me, Ronnie. Well done, me. Next thing, the next thing we hear is, Django bells, Django bells, Django all the way. Sung in awful harmony. I was like, it's a range,
Starting point is 00:20:41 it's the two people on the slayer. I was like, who are these two deranged people seeing their asses off this song could you imagine I would never if I had like random cord over street done like on a slay with cord over switches me and this other girl be like a jiggle fast jiggle on the word I was like there's not a worst Christmas song for me that's a worse there's not a worse Christmas. Although you kind of missed it when you hear the modern Christmas songs, because they all just play the Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is you, but they sing different things over it.
Starting point is 00:21:12 I'm like, you guys can't just use the same exact song and put other songs over it. No, I am mad at the Booble Aification of Christmas music. I feel like the past. It's a real problem. It's a real problem. We have been assaulted with music that belongs in a Creighton barrel. I agree. And I have good new original Christmas music.
Starting point is 00:21:34 I support this rant. For the most part, I do think it was a while ago, but maybe like five or six years ago, I enjoyed some songs from Kelly Clarkson's Christmas album. Like around a Christmas tree, but it is like few and no, it's between. I love was the 80s. I loved that Sarah McGlockland, very moody Christmas night summer, so winter solstice. Yeah, lay on the bear skin rug with your lady to ladies though. Yeah, I listen to a wreath of Christmas and Destiny's Child's Christmas. Those are my own.
Starting point is 00:22:10 I listen to Julie Andrews exclusively. I really got them by Klaus Murem music. I do enjoy, I do enjoy David Archeletta's Christmas. There you go. Oh, similar Archistad in this movie. He did. It's, I love David Archeletta. Jake, we saw him tad in this movie. He did. He does. I love David Arceleta.
Starting point is 00:22:26 Jake, we saw him. We saw him. We saw him in like fucking, what, where was that? It was in like fucking disgusting. I wish. I pay for it. I bet his asshole is really smooth. It's just like you just light it and suck a snow.
Starting point is 00:22:40 It's just like a snow make. We saw him in like in Bakers field or Temecula or something. It was like Temecula or something. And we did a podcast episode because we didn't have time. So we did an episode of the pod on the road, which I enjoy. Jake was terrified. No, you were a terrible driver.
Starting point is 00:22:56 I am not. We did all the time. We love that. See, I know, I love it too. He needs to get used to it. Because when we go on tour in the fall, we're going to be driving. You're just going to have to fucking get used to it. Yeah. But Jake, at one point was so far in the middle and he turned to me.
Starting point is 00:23:10 I think you said something like like the God is in that voice or something like that. One point he started David Archie, let it got choked up and could not keep talking about being LGBT and all because was about, he was singing about how Jesus, how all the people see Jesus differently. And I was like, they do, they do see Jesus differently. And weeping openly around old people.
Starting point is 00:23:37 Old people and other gay guys that were there. That was disgusting. Anyway, he's great in concert, y'all go and pay for him. No, it's ridiculous. I watched a Smith film. Stacey's a GF. So we go back to the
Starting point is 00:23:51 I have to say I'm so sorry to extend this, but you guys. Is Santa Claus trying to murder people in this movie because they show Santa Claus through the nose twirl and then the wind blows and then the wind takes up the invitation nose twirl and then the wind blows and then the wind takes up the invitation and then the grandma's pants fly off and then like dark dark storm clouds move in and throw Lindsey off of the fucking side of the house. Well maybe when I girls wish maybe Abby's little wish was my wish my Christmas wish just kills some bitch. I want to murder a socialite.
Starting point is 00:24:23 I can get behind this. No, it felt like to make this girl's whatever this wish was, was to at least murder tad. I think that was definitely his intention, whether it was bringing Lindsay Lohan to this town that time forgot who knows. Who knows. But I think Santa did try to murder both of them. Got it.
Starting point is 00:24:48 Maybe Santa could be, you needed to be a villain in this. Yeah. But also, Santa just arranged a meet cute instead of like actually causing head injuries. You think, like how many people lost their lives this day? That was a big storm Santa. A storm that apparently was only on that mountain because then, damn on the ground. Jake is like the sleigh with these two lunatics in the back seat.
Starting point is 00:25:11 He's better not be a dead body. Yeah, they see this body, so Jake goes running over and he's like, hey, miss, miss, can you hear me, like, turns her over? So she has this spinal injury. Well, good luck with that. Yeah, man, he's like, oh no. So he calls, he's like, ski patrol, ski patrol, get over your ski patrol. And then we cut to hard cut, hard cut to a
Starting point is 00:25:30 health clinic. They took her to a health clinic and not the hospital. No, that's all like this is the hospital. I think it's just a little small clinic. No, there was a, yeah, there was a sign on the outside that said health clinic. No, I think this is the hospital. It's like, I mean, if you get sick and healed to no clahoma, you're gonna go to the clinic. They don't get a hospital. If your town comes out of the stove, 30, they're every 30 years, this is what you have. This is like on seven brides for seven brothers.
Starting point is 00:25:57 The pass is closed because that avalanche, like they can't get anywhere. I feel like if you get sick in my house, you're gonna just go worse closest, the backyard until you're better and start bothering you. Well, that's your complaining. Well, I'm sick of all these city people
Starting point is 00:26:14 and their modern health care. Exactly. We come from in the country, we got one doctor who knows how to cut toenails, that's it. And he knows how to drill a hole in somebody's skull to let out the demons That's real
Starting point is 00:26:27 So so Lindsay Lohan is now gone tumbling down an entire mountain and has crashed headfirst into a tree And they're like well, she only has a minor concussion. No black eyes or anything just a little little bit of a little concussion Just a little concussion And the cops like amnesia Just a little concussion. And the cops like, amnesia? Something like that. He just got, he just notices it. He goes amnesia.
Starting point is 00:26:48 She goes, something like it. This doctor was... It'd be more specific. What do you mean something like it? What does that mean? This doctor is so over it too. Like, she's just tired. She is just tired.
Starting point is 00:27:00 But I like that. Something like it. When Jake goes, but she's awake. So that's good, right? And the nurse goes, depends on your point of view, sir. Because she's, she's like, oh my god. Get this bracelet off of me. What am I wearing, cotton?
Starting point is 00:27:14 Let me out of here. Give me a, so I can't remember anything, but I remember I'm rich. Yeah. But I can't remember anything. But I remember I like LaCroix. Because she can't. Because she can't. And someone's a hooker with the pillow. And why is Jake in this hospital room, by the way?
Starting point is 00:27:30 This is not a place for him. All their standards and practices in your artist. Nobody's wearing a COVID mask. This is not real. This is not real. Are you kidding? I know who I am. My name is...
Starting point is 00:27:42 My name is... My name is... Are we just going to start doing M&M right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, actually, there are some moments and this is one of them where Lindsey doesn't even try to act. She literally just saying the lines. She is saying the lines. My name is my name is and this is what I thought I wondered, how are they gonna do this in this movie? And we just, you guys, if you've never been arrested or employed, then nobody can find you. Yep, I guess that's what it is. If you're in a town that no one knows where it is.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Got no fingerprints. Well, by the way, also this, the, let me talk about the stakes of this stupid movie. It's like, it's not like she was off in the middle of a desert island. She was like a cross town from where she normally had a cross town. I don't think it seemed like it seemed like it took 10 minutes to get there. Yeah, that's what was crazy to me. No one recognizes the most popular hotel, Eris, who's like, no one gets it. They're like, we have no idea who that's a rich person. I have no idea where she
Starting point is 00:28:45 would even be staying. That's right. You could drive a really broken down slay through most of these plot holes. It's really bad. So they do the whole like, well, all we found was makeup. That's all she was carrying. And because she's a woman. That's why she still looks good. You know, she's just so superficial You know those women who wear makeup those harlots. Uh-huh. And then the officer is so lazy. He's like, well, I Was I could put her on the missing persons website Should we run her fingerprints and he goes, yeah, you know Yeah, we could do missing persons, but it's Christmas. So people not want to claim her until after the holiday.
Starting point is 00:29:28 What kind of family is that? They're like, oh my God, I hope our missing person family member isn't found until Christmas is over. This is going to be really long. This is going to be a long time after UPS store. Yeah. So, yeah, so, yeah, Ladonna, she's office week because her dad died. So, and she does that missing person's thing.
Starting point is 00:29:48 So, we're just going to wait for Madonna to get back. All the missing people are just going to have to suck it during Christmas. Yeah. Okay. And the cops are like, well, we have procedures to follow with the Jane Doe, sir. We're not going to follow a single goddamn one of them. Not one. Yeah, and we're going to release her to your custody and you could
Starting point is 00:30:07 actually be we, they know him, but do they really know him? They're just going to take him to the North Star lodge. Well, no, they do know him because remember the sheriff comes back because didn't he like know like the sheriff like changes, he changed the share of tire or something. I like circle jerked his son or something like that and then he gives him money. Like I'm sorry. I really just wanna be a jane doe. She doesn't wanna be a jane doe. She's like, I will not be named after carbs.
Starting point is 00:30:33 It's like, no, it's not a DOE. No, you're like DOE. I'm not a jane. And Jane wanna play my grandmother in some movies. So I do not wanna be named Jane. I really wanna make it clear for people that didn't watch this or that are thinking, it's like overboard.
Starting point is 00:30:47 No, it's not. No, it's not. Because an overboard, Yolly Han, Deather, and the writers did a really good idea of convinced you that this woman had amnesia, but yet didn't know she was rich, she just kind of had an affinity for things. This is Lizzy Lohhand fully know she's rich.
Starting point is 00:31:07 This is not I don't understand. I'm not sure what amnesia is or something like it is because is it like a factory reset on your iPhone where you don't have a personality or because it seems like your battery starts going down really fast all the sudden. Yes. The new you out there somewhere that they want. Yeah. That's a good question. What's confusing is do you still have your same personality? Because it seems like she has a completely different personality. Really?
Starting point is 00:31:34 Like this is like fucking a thing. I thought her personality was the same. Yeah, I was the same until like suddenly did she decided not to be the same. Is it a hospital? It's like 15 minutes after she leaves the hospital. It's like I think like that raccoon that's coming up. It scares her personality out of her because after that she's like, I need to start being more humble.
Starting point is 00:31:54 It's like a raccoon at the window. She the inability of Lindsey Lohan and no judgment. I have boat talks right now, but the inability of Lindsey Lohan to not move her face to look terrified. Oh, yeah. But again, one of the funniest things, she kind of screened and one eye actually looks like it's gonna pop out because the body is having to move in some way to make that expression. Just kind of like, so Jake decides he's gonna abduct her to the North Star lodge, which is already pretty creepy, I think.
Starting point is 00:32:28 And so she's like, with the North Star lodge. Does that have room service? Because I feel like I'm rich. I just get the sense I'm rich. She also doesn't have any clothes because they have to cut her out of her clothes. So she only had a minor concussion, but they used to use like, yeah, but like that's her clothing. So she obviously has no ID with her, but they can, it's just because they cut her out of her clothes, does that mean they were cut to ribbons? I'm sorry, ma'am.
Starting point is 00:32:59 There probably was a birth certificate. We found this sliver that said birth certificate, but we put your clothes through a shredder. So, we did. All right. Hey, I'm sorry, man. We knew a sliver that said, burr certificate, but we put your clothes through a shredder. So we did. Hey, I'm close to a shredder because I didn't have a hard nearby. Our bad. I found a driver's license. But look at it. Yeah, we had to drive our license, but it's not a real ID. So I don't think it counts. It's so strange. We had to cut you. This is your frequent sub.
Starting point is 00:33:25 This is your punch guard for, for, for, uh, congratulations on number nine for your foot long. Damn, you were so close. We need to find out who you are. Yeah. Okay. So she's gonna have to stay at this hotel and, um, she doesn't want to.
Starting point is 00:33:41 And so the nurse is like, fine, you can stay here. And she gives her food and it looks really sloppy. And so she's like, I will not stay here. I will go to the hotel. I was like, you think the food's better at the hotel? No, the food's wearable. Just wait. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:55 And so then, Jake is, she's, so she's like, yeah, what kind of breakfast? And Jake is like, maybe she's better here. And the doctor goes, no, I mean, we don't want her here. Please, please get this bitch don't want her here. Please get this bitch out of my nice clinic. I like that. I like that. That's what I like.
Starting point is 00:34:11 Get this whole. Get a good job. It's working really well for this dog. Oh, get her out of this hospital. So dad got back to dad, which I'm glad they didn't kill off dad. That would have been too easy. So this is the story we all need. This is the story we all wanted.
Starting point is 00:34:28 We wanted a snowback mountain. Well, that's the thing. And that's why it became the story we didn't want. Because I was like, this is your gay storyline. And I cannot believe they didn't do it. Because it really seemed like they were doing that right. This is the gay storyline. You're with Ralph.
Starting point is 00:34:44 You're with Ralph. You're with Ralph. You don't care about, I know from every movie I ever play, I die alone at the end. That's what my character does. Yeah, me too. So that's what gay people do. But this is the sequel where now it's like tagging off with the assistant.
Starting point is 00:35:00 And they think they're going to be all happy, but then all he can think about is the guy with the beans. Right. I want to see this movie movie and then he goes back to see him Yes, yes, yes, this is I mean listen. I want to see wreck it around Can and he finds a bean can in the closet and hugs it Just a can of just a lovely can of pork and beans Rack it Ralph. Russell'sles it, smells it. Racket, Ralph. So, um,
Starting point is 00:35:27 that's one thing around. Coming this Christmas to Raging Stallion Studios. Racket, Ralph. Racket, Ralph. What's a luck? Oh, I'll show you big boy. Boy. So, Tad just wandered around through the snow
Starting point is 00:35:42 and he's like leaving his last wall and testament on his phone. but he's like, what, Tour de force does Neville, Taua, and then his phone dies. So, this is a project along. And in my mind, I'm like, why are we watching him in the forest? Okay, whatever. He's still pretty. I love his video.
Starting point is 00:35:57 He's like, I have survived a death defiant phone. If someone finds my phone please post this You know you know that he was trying to be I think his inspiration in this character was actually not a game I think it was Emily Blunt in the Devil Wears product He wanted to be there's lots of Devil Wears product ish feel to this movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So let's go That's what they think we're people it's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial So Lindsey oh Lindsey I was like who's Lindsey it's the main character It's only Sarah also yeah, whatever. Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:36:40 That doesn't jog anything. Hi, your name, your name is math, math. I like that. I think we should call you Tiara. I wish I could remember my name. I want to call you Sarah, but you have an age at the end. Yes, Sarah, feel that age is not, it's not bringing me into it. Sarah. So she's at the hotel and she's just staring at a Kuku Klock.
Starting point is 00:37:07 Like what, where the fuck am I? Yeah. Which I think we all do. I still wonder like, who did that? Why would they do that? A Kuku Klock is pretty much otherworldly. Yeah. Strange thing.
Starting point is 00:37:18 I just can't believe that the North Star law isn't getting more people. Maybe they should look into upgrading to digital and maybe that will attract more customers. Or also not have jolting noises coming out doing your peaceful time at a vacation. And it's like Christmassy, but not that Christmassy for a hallmarkish movie.
Starting point is 00:37:38 You know, it's like a tree. That's a tree. And then the little girl is looking down from the upstairs and hiding and she's like, oh my new mom's here. You know, immediately this girl is looking down from the upstairs and hiding and she's like, my new mom's here. You know, immediately this girl is like too meaty. I call you mom. Can I call you mom?
Starting point is 00:37:50 Yeah. So Jake brings out a pile of clothing from the lost and found and which how is this stuff not claimed by the people? It's a tiny little place. Like I lost my. Well, but if you were there, if you, you know, if you, I mean, if we left something it was if we left something in Branson, we weren't driving back to Missouri. It was going to stay in Branson. Well, also, I mean, can you fit dignity in a box? Amen. Amen. So he's
Starting point is 00:38:20 like, these aren't your clothes, but they're better than scrubs. I'm like, are they? No, they're not giving those, you know, what a sand to do to the first ring. Those look like fucking figs. That's nice. They were they were nice scrubs. I wear that shit to podcast in. I don't put I'm wearing sweatpants now. Listen, he takes all of his fashion advice from TLC, the band.
Starting point is 00:38:43 Ah, the band. Uh, the left eye. So then, um, whatever. So she gets on the clothes and then the grandma is like, here are fresh sheets and towels with as opposed to the ones that have been on the bed for about three years now. What was it? It was ever used clothes. Here's my son's 10 year old com rag that he hasn't cleaned since my
Starting point is 00:39:05 daughter died. Here's a crusty sauce. Here you go. From where these sheets are very clean. We've been cleaning them in our 1992 whirlpool washing machine. She's later this movie. So she goes to her room and here scratching at the door. And
Starting point is 00:39:21 I'm like, Santa's got his dick out. You know, we did. And this opens the, see, obviously that's the, she's trying to find a remote control for the curtains, but there's one. I've never been in a place with a remote control cart. I would know what to do.
Starting point is 00:39:36 It's, they have, just press the button. I don't think I have. That's right. It's a boy. It's literally just like one button. I know. You just press it. I'll put it in.
Starting point is 00:39:45 But anyway, yeah, so she opens up the curtain and there's like a little raccoon at the window, a rabbit raccoon, by the way. I'd like to. The animatronic. Again, the producer said, listen Larry, if we don't have an animal that's kissing, but nobody's gonna watch.
Starting point is 00:40:01 Yeah. This rich girl needs to be taken down a peg by an animal. So this was the most expensive thing in the movie. I don't think it takes down a vegan. Like a record. Like a record. But who is she saving anyway? They're all rabid.
Starting point is 00:40:18 So she's gonna want to eat an animal after this one. Kids. So she freaked out. She falls over on the lazy boy, which already implies they're a lazy boy in a hotel room. I don't know. Yeah, she falls over it. It's a nice bit of physical comedy.
Starting point is 00:40:33 Now, here's where I have a problem. Jake comes storming into the room to savor. I'm like, you don't just go into a guest bedroom, sir. No. This is why no one's going to the dark star. Yeah. Throws open the door. this is why no one's got the dark star. Yeah, throws open the door. There's holes in the wall at the north star. Yeah. And there's like eyes.
Starting point is 00:40:50 They would know. Can we hear a toilet flush and the grandma comes out of her bathroom? Like something going on out of here or something. I clean the toilet. So she's like in the wilderness, you might have some visitors like me for example. Yeah, and she's wearing this like green plaid heavy. Oh, it's truly awful. And he goes nice granny gown.
Starting point is 00:41:17 Sir, you're the one who gave it to her. Yeah. So it's time for bed and then we go to chat struggling in the forest. And in Al C. Zimmern, he's just looking at the how old piss and what are you looking at? What's your Pinterest? What's your Pinterest? There's like a cabin in the distance and there's like lightning in the sky for some reason that's supposed to be scary.
Starting point is 00:41:40 It's like a really house. It's hard to have a lightning snowstorm, but it is. And he walks into this cabin and then he, this is not realistic because he butts through the cabin door. A guy would have immediately taken out of A45. He would have gone out of there. He would be dead. He would be dead.
Starting point is 00:42:00 I'll bet a gun. Yeah. We're both from gun places. He don't just do that, too, isht, but he swings up on the door and he goes I love dad. I love this character. We need to spit off the guy. He's got a whole cut in the eyes because he's Ice fishing whatever and so he doesn't have his gun in his hand. So he throws a fish it is sad, you know But the fish like it's like a box of like fishing lures and bait and everything. Like a fishing lure.
Starting point is 00:42:27 He's got a lor in his face. No, this is where the real, this is where it begins, yes. Yeah, because then, then he's like, so cold, you have a cell phone and then of course, Ralph is like, I don't have a cell phone because I don't trust them. I don't trust the government. But I don't trust them. I'm not going to any pizza parlor in DC either What day did that January 5th great, oh shoot I'm supposed to be catching the plate
Starting point is 00:42:58 Hey grab me that buffalo headdress then we're gonna get out of here You don't have a charger here for the model 15 do you know? Buffalo headdress. Then we're gonna get out of here. You don't have a charger here for the model 15, do you? Yeah. So Ralph's like, uh, can I get that lure out of your face? What? No, the one stuck on your face. I have something on my face. And then if you would have changed the music, if you would have changed the music to like,
Starting point is 00:43:27 in the arms of an angel, it would have been a different movie. And it's rough as adorable, right? I know, that's adorable. Is that something just like being our age where we can see people? Because these are made for like younger people, right? Where they look at it and they're like, Oh my God, it's someone old and with a beard. It's someone old and with a beard and like growth.
Starting point is 00:43:44 And I'm at the age where I'm like, Oh my God, what a cute little daddy with a beard. It's someone old and with that beard and like growth. And I'm at the age where I'm like, oh my God, what a cute little daddy man. What a cute man, Kate, you know. What a cute person. And he's also caring and he's like taking on someone who's selfish. He didn't ask for any pronouns, so. No, he did.
Starting point is 00:43:57 I will say, by the way, are we just like glossing over this like gruesome fact that they show that there is like a lure that has like pierced Tats face and like one end of the hook is coming out from like his eyebrow. Oh, yeah, it's like Yeah, it's just awful. It looked like Ibrow ring that he got when he was like 25 years It was a visual metaphor because now Tats reality has been pierced and it's all coming out Now Tad's reality has been pierced and it's all coming out. Oh, girl. So then we go up to Lindsay.
Starting point is 00:44:28 She's waking up with a sock is her mask. Hopefully not the crusty one. I just had to say though, proving the 80s point though too, all gay, effeminate men when freaked out, fainted in 80s movies and it did paint. Oh, he fainted. You're right. Thank you. I put a ring up the rep. Sorry. Go ahead. No, no That was very important. I left that and he didn't just faint. He was like
Starting point is 00:44:51 Because we're from the city and we don't know hard work. I'm gonna face the tough realities. We just have to think Yeah, she's faint our sister our systems are very very weak compared to weak Constitutions. Yeah, so Lindsay wakes up with a crusty sock on her face and then she's like, oh, thank God It was just a dream and she's looking around for She's like, why do I smell come? Yeah, she's my I burn what mouth like bleach So she she finds her remote on the on the table and she turns she presses to button and Netflix turns on And that puts his playing Christmas in a castle which is produced by the same company exactly He says a shit
Starting point is 00:45:37 So she's like, oh my god, what's wrong with this thing? She gets up and she just like pushes out her arms She gets up and she just like pushes out her arms. Like, he tries to stretch again. Director, you know, walls are closing, Lindsey. By the way, how shitty that this guy put her on a first floor room? I mean, for crying out loud. For the worst room. Well, he is staying for free.
Starting point is 00:45:58 I would get the nicest room. I think it's probably just one story this place. No, they have stairs because there are little girl was hiding on the, but probably not an elevator. So, you know what? I'm with them. I don't think it's ADA compliant now. You can't roll a wheelchair on those fucking towel floors.
Starting point is 00:46:17 You just go, go, go, go, go. So this is where she throws open the curtains and there's a family standing outside of her window. And they're're hi. That is Jake's nightmare actually on the couch. Or just people in general when I'm up, when I wake up in the morning. Yeah, get away from me. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:34 And she's like, oh my god, it's not a dream. And she looks in the mirror and she's in that stupid flat out, my gosh, like who are you? And then the door's Really good, Lindsey Ronnie. The door's flung open and this Abby walks in. I'm like, what the, this is why people don't stay here. Your door's so locked and your little girl has no boundaries. None.
Starting point is 00:46:56 This is literally a guest room. Okay, this is a one star Yelp review for me. You know somebody's written that review. Like I got come in my eye from the sleep mask they gave me and there was a strange little girl just walked in my room and asked me if I would be her new mother pretty much. Actually, what Abby does is she walking and goes, your room is a mess. Well, guess what? You're on housekeeping, girl. That's to it. Your mom's dead. Chop, chop chop mommy ain't coming back.
Starting point is 00:47:26 Just coming in hard on Abby. Little Abby. The cutest little girl in the world. Like, fuck you making effort. You shout out and listen to the white man. Let's go. Abby or Abby. Oh, I said Abby. So she's like in a little uniform hat or whatever. And Lindsay's like, no, it's come to clean my room yet. She'll be there so presumptuous.
Starting point is 00:47:51 Oh, I looked it up. It is Abby, AVY. Yeah, I thought they, in my subtitles, I thought I saw it. Yeah. It's like a video format that no one can play on their max. Exactly, API. Yeah. It's like a video format that no one can play on their max. Exactly, API.
Starting point is 00:48:05 Yeah. Yeah. So there's no made service, I guess. And she's like, you're the lady you doesn't remember who she is. My dad told me. She's like, you're so dad, honey. I think I want the bad highlights.
Starting point is 00:48:21 The guy who looks nothing like me. I know everything in this hotel. And so then Sierra's like, well, hey, do you have a hair dryer? And so she's like, of course, in my room. So you would think, okay, so Abby's going to go to a room and bring her a hair dryer. No, Lindsay has to go to Abby's room. What sort of services in this hotel? This is a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a good, a of services in this hotel? It's a good name. The child's room?
Starting point is 00:48:45 Also, I'm amazed that this little girl just has this hair dryer that she's just like sitting there drying her own hair constantly. But later on, she cannot comb her own hair. She cannot comb her hair. And she doesn't dry her hair. There's not a diffuse room. I know. You're not drying that.
Starting point is 00:49:03 And they've got a king. She has a king size mattress and Lindsay low on stuff on a twin. It's not a diffuse. I know. You're not trying that. And they have like a king. She has a king size mattress and when's it low on stuff on a twin? It's on a twin. And after Lindsey drives her hair, I mean, I have a little bit longer hair now because I sometimes have to dry my hair. With all those fucking hair extensions she had, she would be, have y'all ever been around a woman who just spent a dry an hour drying her long hair? She would be, have y'all ever been around a woman who just spent an hour drying her long hair? She would be so hot and in the worst mood and she's like perfect makeup, perfect everything in its sweater.
Starting point is 00:49:32 This is a Christmas movie. You guys want the most depressing Christmas movie. I mean, realism. What I'm saying. I want Lindsay to wake up with a bloody nose and like I forget it. Here's a piece of air missing from her head. Here's what I want.
Starting point is 00:49:45 I don't, listen, if you want me to care about this Shady As Hotel, at least make it seem like a hotel that's worth saving, but as far as I can tell, they have no maid service. The staff walks in on you, and then if you need something, you have to go to the staff's room together. You go get it yourself, Ben. Yeah, I like it.
Starting point is 00:50:01 That's why you're broke. That is. This story needs to be like the daughter of a construction company that doesn't have the heart to do what it needs to do and just knock a crane into this building, but then she finds love and learns that through love she has the strength to demolish this fucking building and you just see Abby running there, you know, with like a little unicorn thing on its head and then the guy could come out of the shed and throw a fish tackle at it like Got it got it
Starting point is 00:50:28 Okay, so um she's like She says so what what what's your name Lindsay and she's like, I don't know I have a lot of stuffed animals. You can have the name of one of my stuffed animals There's Frankie Wallace Potter Demetria Harlow and animals. There's Frankie Wallace, Potter, Demetria, Harlow, Sarah. She's like Sarah. Sarah. Sarah plain and venty because that was a plain and venty. Sarah is perfect. Sarah sounds like nothing I've ever known in my whole life. This is not triggering me any memories. What's that? I can't remember anything. Give me that glow. Wait, nothing either. Hey, is that a picture? Is that a DVD of Melrose?
Starting point is 00:51:17 Place, hey, look at that guy on there. He reminds me of someone. Somebody. someone somebody. So she sees a picture and she's like, wow, donkey booties. Is this your mom? Abby Abby's like, yeah, she died. She was trampled by a unicorn. You know, sometimes that's why we're that's why we're earmuffs inside That's why that's why we're a unicorn Dremine myself of the way she died every day every day I think Abby Abby did something to her mom because she does not give a fuck. She's like my mom said Daddy says she got sick, but I know better. I know better
Starting point is 00:52:07 She got sick from the dawn soap. I slowly put it in her cereal. It was Chuck Burke and it was my fault. Exactly. I miss her a lot. Sometimes, you'll think this is weird and her, I don't know who I am. Nothing's weirder than that. All I know is that when I breathe through my nose, a song comes out.
Starting point is 00:52:21 I'm happy. I'm happy. And Abby's like, well, this is weird, but sometimes I threaten her picture. And she's like, now, now, now, you're taking this into a different movie. I think Abby had something to do with it. I'm just saying, I've watched a lot of movies, a lot of murder movies. You have talked to her and I say spells I don't think there's anything wrong with that I think that's beautiful Yeah, let me sing about
Starting point is 00:53:00 Let's just keep on me in my mom. It's full on like a New York cab driver. But I know you're a little little little I just cast a lot of life. I'm a lot of life. I don't know about you. It's something about that swall.
Starting point is 00:53:15 Oh, so she got they got the lobby and they see the couple from the play and the girl from theigh eyebrows. Oh my god, these eyebrows. Yeah, I'm sorry. And her gay hug again. I've heard everything. She goes, Hey, how are you doing? And she's like, do you know me? Oh, yeah. Black people. Hey. She goes, who are we met? We met on the sleigh ride. And then the
Starting point is 00:53:43 other guy goes, yeah, I mean, you were unconscious the entire time. Well, anyway, enjoy breakfast. I'm like, you people are literally insane. You were talking to what could have been a dead corpse and acting like you became friends. But the next thing she says, this completely through me, she says, I'm capable.
Starting point is 00:54:02 Oh, there's like, do you want to say breakfast? She's like, I'm capable of making my own breakfast How how do you know then you know you're rich? But yet you know you can make your own breakfast. I think this is time I think this is time for improvisational physical comedy from Lindsay Lohan Terrifying terrifying physical comedy because she has sorry no, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No go ahead. No, sorry I'm sorry. I just totally know because I totally was just I just totally went and why is he making breakfast? I'm someone to make breakfast in a bed and breakfast true
Starting point is 00:54:44 I was doing someone to make breakfast at a bed and breakfast. That's true. That's true. I'm just so sure. Anybody to make breakfast at the bed, what the frick? I think I heard what was happening. They have no kids, they're getting hot too. There's no kids. There's no kids.
Starting point is 00:54:54 There's no kids. There's no kids. There's no kids. There's no kids. There's no kids. There's no kids. There's no kids. There's no kids.
Starting point is 00:55:02 There's no kids. There's no kids. There's no kids. There's no kids. There's's like, she's using this, she's like shaking it up and down, which is scary because it's probably hot because they were just being so many pumpkin pancakes that they ran out. Yeah. So then she's like, no, this, he's like, this is how you use it. You dumb little lady, you press the on button. She's like, oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:55:16 And then she's like, has to pour some oil. So she pours the oil on the top comes off because I'm supposed to be like, oh, she's so stupid. But like, who the fuck left the top comes off because I'm supposed to be like oh she's so stupid But like who the fuck left the top like that with the olive oil right and there's like an open flame right there She is now poured a cup of oil into the skillet and they're like okay now Crack the eggs crack the eggs you maniac so she takes the eggs and she goes Into the hot oil which splatters after I was like, how is no one getting such a reburns?
Starting point is 00:55:49 I was scream laughing this whole time. And we're supposed to, we're supposed to, we're supposed to, under have a mom died. I'm telling you, this family set this mother up to die. I'm telling you. I just, this was to me, this is a classic thing like, oh, people from the city, people who'd like careers, people who, people who come from out there, they're so dumb, they don't even know how to crack an egg.
Starting point is 00:56:13 I mean, she's a little cracked like an orangutan. She just vegan-ed on the vegan-ed Donnie eggs. Vegan-ed Donnie eggs, how would they know? And they have a board, and that one's born vegan, you know? You see people crack an egg. It's not like a confusing thing. Lindsay, of course, Lindsay might not actually know how to crack him. No, I mean, there's one person I would believe. Again, in the next breath, she says they basically say, do you want bacon? I don't do bacon. No, she
Starting point is 00:56:41 knows she can make breakfast. She doesn't do bacon. She knows how to crack it. I'm with Jake on this. We need to have an amnesia expert on this show, because I'm so confused. I'm so confused by the nature of amnesia. Yeah. I watch a lot of soaps, and I still don't remember. I don't still can't figure it out.
Starting point is 00:56:57 Abby, who I'm worried about her future, because she's like, have you tried it? Then how do you don't know? You don't do it. You should eat it. Just try it. The first one's free. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:09 Yeah, religious religious reason to chasing that high. Abby's going to do Molly in college a lot. Do you like chasing dragons? What do you mean you don't, you don't like your religion doesn't go against it? Sounds like you're a heathen. Hey, Kordo, where's your daughter acid? She's dead.
Starting point is 00:57:31 So Lindsay eats the bacon and she's like, oh my God, I like bacon. Wow. Because people that like bacon are good people. Yeah. No audience was like, oh, we're learning her side now. There's a transformative slice. That was like, that's what we're learning. Her side now. There's a transformative slice. That was a real turning of the corner for her.
Starting point is 00:57:49 It was. Switch the channel to one America news. That was Alejandra. Meanwhile Alejandra's like, I don't think that she's from around here. And take her. There's something about her. I think I've met her before.
Starting point is 00:58:04 It's like, you know what? Why are you looking at me that way? Because she's actually for just eight blocks west. That's actually where she's from. Meanwhile, people are seeing their eagerness. Alejandra is just sitting there watching this whole fiasco happen. Put yourself to work.
Starting point is 00:58:17 Help out a little bit Alejandra. And by the way, Frosted Tips has been following her father for years and trying to get businesses and I would presume Googling all of the facts about this man and his hotel. And going to what Jack said, if she was famous, is she famous or not, we don't know. That should have been like overboard where he does find out she's rich, but decides to keep her anyway, right? Well, that is a plot.
Starting point is 00:58:42 That is a plot, right? Yeah, because she's terrible to him and and and and she makes that wonderful shoe closet and Goldie Han doesn't pay him for the shoe closet because she didn't like that it was made out of pure and walnut. And so that's why he wants to do it for her to work off what she owes him for the closet. But that movie actually has you understand because people have motivations to do things. Regardless if they're good or bad, they're motivated. Also, I want to say something that we just need to talk about right now.
Starting point is 00:59:10 Also, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hahn have chemistry, whereas Court, Older Street and Lindsay Lowe have none. Yeah, it's staggering. Lindsay's fault. I feel like Lindsay's really trying her best here. I blame court. He has nothing to give. He has he not done several of these homework movies.
Starting point is 00:59:31 I don't know. You know, I'm not familiar with his filmography. I mean, how can you not? Your name is. It's over street. You know, you've got to have done some of this shit. He'll be on the canvas camera network. I can get.
Starting point is 00:59:42 Yeah, he will. So, um, I got a few. I got a few. I got a few. I can get. Yeah, he will. So, um, I got to be on Instagram with somebody about that. Oh, really? I'm so crazy. So I know, but it's like telling hallmark fans to fuck off. It's just so funny. You know, it's like the sweetest grandmas in the world. It's like, right, though. He was in, he's, he is, I'm looking. I mean, those highlights came from somewhere. I think you're in. I'm several of them.
Starting point is 01:00:14 He's been in like, yeah, he's been in, you know what? He really, he hasn't been in a ton. No, he was in early and he didn't work after that. Court over street needs this, y'all. He needs this. He isn't a new series called Acapulco. Oh, that's a cute one. People love that show.
Starting point is 01:00:35 So good for him. He's like in 18 episodes of that. So good for him. Yeah, people love that show. And that brings us to the end of today's Christmas session. We'll be back tomorrow with part four, the final installment. How would it end? We'll incy be happy and find love.
Starting point is 01:00:52 Well, the snow globe, make it through this movie intact. Let's find out. See you tomorrow. Love you guys. Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Saboni, she don't take no baloney. Dana C, Dana Duh.
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