Watch What Crappens - Fighting, Rehab and Africa

Episode Date: February 16, 2012

Fighting, Rehab and Africa on the Real HousewivesSee acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. This episode of Watch What Crappens is brought to you by Gamefly. Go to Gamefly.com forward haha for your free 15-day trial. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast devoted solely to Bravo and all the craziness that happens there. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com, and joining me on this podcast are Ronnie Karam from tvgasm.com. Say hi, Ronnie.

Hi. And Matt Whitfield, Features Editor at Yahoo. You can say hi too, Matt. Hi, Matt. And Matt Whitfield, features editor at Yahoo. You can say hi to Matt. Hi, Matt. And also joining us, we have Lisa Timmons, who is from my other podcast, Banter with Ben and Lisa. And she has a variety of websites.

Which website would you like to pimp out today, Lisa? WhereLisaLives.com. Clearly, I got so jealous of this other podcast, I had to jump on. She had to barge in. Lisa's going to be pretty much just sitting quietly and laughing along because she's not totally caught up on her Bravo, but that's okay. Lisa being quiet, I kind of find that hard to believe, even though we've never met face to face. He already knows me. She's very outspoken. So we have a lot to talk about. So today we're going to talk about, we had three episodes of the Housewives since we last spoke. We've had Orange County, we've had Beverly Hills, the last reunion, and Atlanta returned for another African adventure.

So we're going to talk about all three of those on this podcast today. And let's start off with Orange County. What did you guys think about this episode, the second episode so far? Let down. Yawn? What? I loved it. Totes let down. Really? Boring. yawn yawn what i loved it let down really boring really like the big the big fight in the first show of the season is people don't want to eat food that they don't understand alexis is an asshole like come on guys that's what i love about i mean i didn't think there

was gonna be any true fireworks because if they're because the way Bravo works is that there are no fireworks. They cut it off right before the first interaction, so you think there might be fireworks. And if there are fireworks, they let you see some of the fireworks, and then they cut it off before you can see the rest of them. So I knew there would be no fireworks. That's my theory. Well, that was embarrassing for all Americans to watch them get so confused over food. That's a trash bag full of fish. I'm sorry to break it down, but it was a trash bag full of fish, and I wouldn't have eaten it either.

No, but it was high-low culture. I thought it was great. Vicky does not know how to do high-low culture. I mean – No, no. Vicky clearly knew how to do it. These girls don't know how to appreciate it. I mean, like, it's honestly very – there's very little difference between crawfish and eating, like, any other shellfish, like lobster or whatever. These girls were acting like they were being served monkey brains, okay?

Like monkey brains with a feces dip. Monkey brains with a feces what? A feces dip. Never had it. That's the next Adventures in Domesticity video. I'm cooking it this afternoon with Lisa. You don't have a box of Franzia, a ball of pimento cheese, and a box of Ritz crackers, and these ladies are like, what kind of party is this?

It's true. Trash. I enjoyed it. I think the season is clicking so far for me I'm enjoying these personalities I liked the way that Heather was in the mix she kept on calling Gretchen cute in this really very patronizing way

beyond calling her cute she did nothing the entire episode except show us her house and how much of an asshole she is we're going to get to know more about her asshole-ness nothing the entire episode except show us her house and how much of an asshole she is. Yeah, well, but I mean, that's the fun. We're going to get to know more about her assholeness. Should we just jump ahead? Should we start talking about Heather and our thoughts

on her after we're now two episodes deep with her? Sure. So you think she's an asshole. Is that correct? Well, Heather is the gardener of the season, and she's planting lots of seeds. Good. Lots of seeds of discontent. So I'm appreciating her so

far, and I love that she's just so proud of being a Jew bitch. She's like, I'm the only Jew, and this town is gonna pay! I can't agree with you more. I love that she's from Chappaqua, New York, which is about two towns over from where I was raised. And she says, oh, it's a small town called Chappaqua. I'm like,

hello, the Clintons live there. I was just going to say Vanessa Williams, the Clintons, and about every other celebrity has a house there. Yeah. So don't try to act modest. Okay. Although accusing her of modesty is kind of ridiculous when this is the same woman who was like bragging about the elevator in her mansion. And the fact, how ridiculous is it that they have to go and buy a new parcel of land and build a new multi-million dollar mansion all because they had a baby and it wasn't part

of their plans. They don't have enough rooms in their huge mansion for the baby. It's like, buy a bunk bed. Make two of those kids live in the same room. Well, not only that, but why is that baby sleeping on a countertop? That's how we Jews do it, you know, as part of the Jewish religion. Babies have to be raised on a countertop. Was anybody else feeling that that baby was not too cute?

Just saying. Well, I don't think genetics are in her favor necessarily. I mean, look. We don't know what she really looks like because she is part plastic. She admits it. Yeah, you know, look. The good thing for that baby is that her dad is a plastic surgeon, so by seven it should all be fixed. You know what I'm saying? By the way, I thought the dad was hilarious.

It is an awful joke that he made about, he made like that awful pun about yamakas and Suzuki's. I was squirming. I was so embarrassed no no that okay so maybe you guys aren't from jewish households but that ben i am not officially a jew but i only grew up with jews i've been to nine billion bar mitzvahs and i love you don't know what it's like okay matt you don't know what it's like to be inside the household and my dad don't even get me started my dad makes jokes like that all the time. Like Lisa, for you, for a little background, what happened was he was wearing a Yamaha as a pocket square.

And so that already was sort of dumb. He was like, that was his big joke. Like, it's not a pocket square. It's a Yamaha, you know? So already you're groaning. And then he's like, I found it next to my Suzuki. And then everyone was like, what? He goes, you know, Yamaha sounds like Yamaha, Yamaha, Suzuki.

That is exactly, that's like out of the, that's out of my dad's playbook right there. That's like. Is your mom as offended as Heather was? Yeah, I think my mom is usually rolling her eyes. But they love each other. They love each other. Heather looks like she should be in one of those giant hamster balls just rolling around, bumping into walls. Her face is literally heart-shaped.

She has hamster face. A heart hamster face. She's got the New York ass. She just does not fit in with OC, and I want to see her buttheads with the Countess, and I want the Countess to rule her ass. Oh, well, I want the Countess to rule everyone's asses, let's be frank. The Countess would probably love her. Yeah. They'd sit there and talk about fake shit all day long. I love that she's on

OC. Those women need it. Yeah, I agree. I feel like the season so far, I think it has a little bit more vitality to it. Maybe not vitality. It's like, I'm caring about what's happening again just because these women are so silly, you know? Ronnie, are you suggesting that she is going, that Heather

is going to elevate Tamra? Is she going to bring Gretchen up? No, she's going to make them look even more white trash than they already are. You know, that's what the OC is for. If they're not rolling around in trash, it's pointless to even watch it. That's what they've got going, is their white

trashiness. Well, you know, that's actually what was so great about Luann for all those years Is that you know, she created a social context for these ladies Luann is a little bit more upper crust a little bit more waspy So to see someone like Jill Zarin, you know doing things totally being totally gauche in front of Luann It just sort of adds that cringe worthy element So now that we have Heather who I mean it said that Heather represents like the Countess Luanne role of the season, but you know, we'll take what we can get, I imagine. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold,

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Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. shot. One shot. Yeah, I'm wasted. I'm going to fuck with my boyfriend. What was that? Vicky tried to have us believe that she doesn't drink very often and she's sitting there, like, rolling around, like, on the ferry or wherever. It's probably because she didn't roll overboard or reenact Titanic, you know. I feel like every time Vicky's drunk, she's on a boat.

Typically on a boat in Lake Havasu or she's, like, what do they do? They always go to the river. She always says the river, and I'm always thinking about that. They always have these white, trashy escapades. Oh, let's go to the river. With cheap cowboy hats. I love it.

And start crying. Getting hit in the face with footballs. Oh, I love that. What do you guys think about Vicky's new man? He is Don's secret twin brother. What, just because they both have, like, salt and pepper hair, balding, a little rough around

the edges? That doesn't make them the twins. Well, he hasn't called Vicky a fucking bitch in public yet, so that's missing. Give it a few more episodes. Yeah, dare to dream. Well, he's apparently a lowlife. I mean, he went to jail twice for not paying child support.

And I can't wait for Slade to rub it in Vicky's fucking face. Oh, I can't either. What a hypocrite. To be honest, Matt, I think you'd be happy to see Slade rub just about anything because you were talking right before the show about how hot you thought Slade was looking these days. Slade is looking good. I mean, clearly Gretchen put him on a diet and he is, I think

he's hotter than Mauricio. I think he looks like chicken skin separating in a brazier. And I'm a vegetarian, yet I still find that hot. I think Slade is a good looking guy. It is one of those things where his personality is so awful that it

makes him ugly. Why is he awful? Because he treats Gretchen well. Do you watch what happens live? Yes, I do. Did you see the one with Slade and Gretchen? And Slade was back there being the sexy bartender trying to be hilarious. It was just painful. He's just painful

and embarrassing. He's fake. You know what? He's trying so hard to be funny on the cameras all the time, but we know he's an asshole. We were there. We saw season one. He's just a fame whore. There's something about him that's just skeevy. So he's good looking, but it's like what Lisa, you just said.

He's self-aware. He almost knows he's hot. Although, by the way, Gretchen, I thought it was fantastic. Her body looked great when she got all naked. He almost knows he's hot. Although, by the way, Gretchen, I thought she was fantastic. Her body looked great when she got all naked. I know. She really did. Anorexia, yay. That's not easy to stick to.

Look, you know what? If it's going to give you a body like that, I'm all for it. Hey, that's my dream. That's my goal in life is to be a fucking anorexic. I just can't do it. I try. Yeah. My friend Veronica used to say this. She's like, I wish I had an eating disorder. I just

don't have the discipline. Kidding. My doctor told me, you know, binging is an eating disorder. I was like, not the helpful kind, so it doesn't count. It's an eating order. Speaking of Gretchen, Tamara called out Gretchen for something that we called of Gretchen, Tamara called out Gretchen for something that we

called out Gretchen last week on the podcast. Tamara said to Gretchen, oh, did you get your lips done? And Gretchen got all offended, but we independently assumed that she got her lips done because they looked different. I thought Gretchen convinced it was veneers, but now we're going to stick with the lips. No, I think it's actually the veneers.

I think that's how Gretchen got out of this, because Tamara said, oh, you got your lips done, and Gretchen said, no, I just put some plumper on. And I think that what it is is, I don't think she did get her lips done, but her teeth are different, and they're making her lips look different. Yeah, well, I think that the new teeth

make her upper lip protrude. Yes. And Tamara was not able to grasp that. Well, I don't really care about that. I mean, I'm not changing the subject. Like, I assume these women are all plastic fake bitches, but watching her without makeup, I've never seen her without makeup. So when she was getting ready for that, I mean, that was so crazy. She doesn't even have eyebrows.

She doesn't look the same at all. And then you see her get all dollied up you know yeah and it was it was crazy because when she when she was without makeup they were cutting into interviews with her where she was totally dolled up and you know the truth is this when she was out of her makeup you could see a lot of skin blemishes but i thought she looked much younger no way here's the crazy oh yeah here's the crazy thing i think that women in general typically wear way too much makeup especially the hookers on the housewives. Like Alexis.

She looks so much better with a full face of clown makeup than she does without a drop. Well, she looks better in that you don't see all her blemishes. But I feel like, okay, so, yeah, she looked, like, deathly pale. You know, she's on camera. So, of course, it doesn't look as good without makeup. But that being said, it's still, like, I thought like, seeing through the blemishes as I often do in life, I thought that she did look younger. She looked like a real

person. It was just weird. And then she was still saying things like, Oh my God, I have a pink purse. Can you believe it? I got pink. And listening to her be so stupid while she looked so real, it was just it kind of scared me. That's kind of scared me. That's

kind of the joy of it, I think, actually. Or how about Alexis, who was doing hair and makeup for no discernible reason, and I even had her kid putting lip liner on her. She said she was looking natural. She said she was going for a natural look where it didn't look like she had a lot of makeup on. What?

Is it me, or is her son a little into the makeup, if you know what I'm saying? Oh, that's going to be a problem with that and her beliefs, I believe. I believe so. He loves a mohawk, and he loves to put some lip liner on Mommy.

Yeah. Well, I love that Alexis' entire scene was, well, I like brushing my hair. And brushing my hair. Oh, sometimes I like to brushing my hair and brushing my hair oh, sometimes I like to brush my hair I was like, is this bitch kidding? It's a five minute scene of her brushing her hair She's such an idiot

Well, what did you think about when things did shake out with her and Peggy in what I guess is Peggy's final triumphant scene Peggy wanted to go and have a talk with her and Alexis said, look, we've been drinking or whatever, I'll talk with you tomorrow, and then Peggy got upset. I have to say, for the first time ever, I think I was actually on Alexis' side.

I was too. I mean, Alexis is the dumbest housewife of every single franchise, but she actually made a good point last night when she was like, look, this is not the time, which clearly the producers want it to be the time, but Alexis was like, I'm not feeding into this BS. If you want to have lunch with me tomorrow, even though I don't want to have lunch with you, fine.

I was so team Alexis. Yeah, Alexis was actually – I think Alexis was being actually very rational. She wasn't blowing her off. She was just saying, let's just do it tomorrow. It's not now. Well, she was also saying, let's do it on a non-shooting day because they don't shoot every day. So what she was saying was, you don't do this for the five months that we're off camera. If you want to go to have lunch tomorrow without cameras there, fine.

And Peggy's like, meh. And Alexis is right about that too. Although at the same time, Alexis probably needed the lead time so that way she could think of some arguments to counter Peggy, whatever Peggy had to say. And brush her hair. And brush her hair. Brush her hair, yeah. I was sort of sad, though, that, you know, Peggy, you know, this would have been Peggy's

season, I have to say. I think Peggy would have been at the forefront of this season, and it's a shame that she backed out. Well, I'm really going to miss the depression after, or the postpartum depression stuff, because that's hilarious. Like, my postpartum depression, she's like, my postpartum depression, when did you give birth?

Like, a long time ago. Get over it. You can't still blame that for everything. She's like, these women, these women really inflame my postpartum depression. I gotta go. It would have been fun to see her holding on to that stuff, I guess. I don't know. Her husband is tired of hearing that she slept with Alexis' husband.

I think that's just too embarrassing. Yeah. I think so. Well, it should be. And Alexis should be embarrassed for sleeping with her husband. All these women should be embarrassed for dating ugly dudes. They're so obviously just fucking gross old guys for their money. They should all be ashamed of themselves.

Slate is in it for Gretchen's Christine Butte money. I know, the empire is growing. The empire is growing. So speaking of infidelity, etc., what did you think about the big fight at the end of the episode between Tamara and Eddie and Vicky, that whole mess?

Tamara is never going to get a better piece of ass, so she better shut her mouth because Eddie is going to walk out on her nasty ass. The fact that she got jealous about Vicky and Eddie, like, having some sort of, like, coy, like, you know, moment, PDA moment, I thought that was kind of ridiculous.

And it brought out the old Tamara that we know and love, the catty bitch whore, you know? I don't love her. Only you do. She's gross. Well, I said that with a that was tongue in cheek you could i'm glad simon threw a dog leash at her head she is i mean she really is an awful awful human being and every time she does something that i think is like really funny she does she counters with a catty thing like what she did last night and then she put beau's hand on her boob she She should be, you're right, she should know how to, she should check herself.

Well, you know, I find it's like that post-honeymoon phase, like she was saying, now he farts. Yeah. It's that thing where, I guess I can speak for gay guys, for some of us. You know, when we meet a new guy, we're like, hey, I'm Ronnie. Yeah, I, we speak kind of manlier. Yeah. We walk a little taller. And then once we've had sex a couple of times and we're comfortable, suddenly it's like, oh, my God, let's watch a housewife.

What am I with? And I think that's kind of the moment Tamara's going through where she just – her fakeness dropped off for a second and the evil queen trying to feed Snow White and Apple shone through a little bit. Yeah, but Eddie's an idiot because, you know what, that evil queen has been well documented for about four years now. So Eddie should be, and you know, and Eddie, and I'm surprised Eddie hasn't done it due diligence because, you know, a lot of people get a gay vibe off of him, I have to say. He got on the right train to get some screen time.

Bravo clearly paid for their trip to Europe last season. Yeah, that's true. He'll probably get a trip this year and then he will peace the fuck out.

But you know what, that being said, even though Tamra, the Tamra thing with the hand on the boob, whatever, I still think he was not being very gentlemanly

when he basically told her, like, go fuck yourself in front of Vicky and Bo. That was... That was the best part of the episode. But it was not, it was not, that was very ungentlemanly. Like, no one, even if you're pissed off, you should never say that to your lady

or your significant other in front of company. But I got it. No. This is what happens in the OC. You're presuming normal human values. Yeah. I mean, that's absolutely true what you're saying, but I think that a lot of people were probably like, how can you date the villain from a TV show?

Like, that woman is horrible. And he's like, she won't be that with me because I won't take that shit. So, you know, he's probably got a lot on his mind when he's confronted by Tamara. Yeah. Maybe he was, like, a little turned on by Bo, you know? Maybe he wanted to have Bo's hand on his bosom. I don't know. Listen to me.

Gay dating. Maybe he wanted to have Bo's hand on his bosom. I don't know. Listen to me. Gay dating. Well, why are you going to be surprised when you're dating Tamara and she puts someone's hand on her boob to get a laugh? Yeah. That's so stupid. It's Tamara. You're lucky that she didn't get pregnant on purpose just to give a joke. It shows that both of them don't trust each other. The fact that she would actually be threatened by Vicky is ridiculous and and the fact that he would be threatened by this guy, Beau,

you know, although I guess it's more than that, but still. I think it all goes back to the shot of tequila followed by the mini bottle of champagne followed by Vicky's bottle of Chardonnay. Listen, what goes on on the ferry stays on the ferry. You guys, they were insta-drunk. They were like, alright, let's have a shot.

Oh yeah, alright! They were putting their keys in a bowl. That's what happens when you turn 65 and you go on a ferry, you know, let's have a shot. Oh, yeah, all right! It was like they were putting their keys in a bowl. That's what happens when you turn 65 and you go on a ferry. The high seas take over you. I mean, Vicky delivered her signature woo-hoo, too. I mean, it was all happening. Speaking of booze, why don't we move on to the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, to the reunion episode.

And the big story was Kim Richards being interviewed by Andy Cohen talking about how she's an alcoholic. Cut to Ronnie. Did you watch my video, you bastards? Give our listeners some Kim realness. Hey!

Thanks for calling! I love Kim Richards, and I love that she showed up to her, like, apology interview wasted. Clearly, clearly wasted. That was awesome. She's my hero. I was upset that she wasn't wearing her, like, iconic outfit of, like, that, like, red and white thing that gets... Are you talking about the blouse? The silky blouse?

The silky blouse with a bow around the neck. The boozy Laura Ingalls Wilder look? Yes. I was upset that there wasn't any of that. Do we think that Kate is truly on the road to recovery? No. She said she slurred

the line, I'm an alcoholic. It came out drunker than we've ever heard. I thought... Yeah, I mean, she was stumbling on her way. And also, she openly admitted that she's I'm an alcoholic. It came out drunker than we've ever heard. Yeah. I mean, she was stumbling on her way. And also, she openly admitted that she's on pills still. Yeah.

That the doctors at the rehab center gave her pills, which is just crazy. Yeah. That's just crazy. That doesn't even make any kind of sense. So you're sober? Yeah. Well, are you on medication? Oh, yeah. The doctors gave it to me.

They just gave me some pills. You fucking, you wasted-ass Kim. I love it. She's probably so disappointed to hear that Michael Jackson's doctor actually is going to jail. There's a good man. There's a good man right there. Hey, can somebody teach me how to delete contacts off my phone? She's a mess.

She's a wonderful mess, and I hope she comes back next season. Oh, yeah. She may be off the pill, or she may be on the pills, but she admitted to being off the gay bull mastiff. Do you believe that they're really still not together? I believe that. Yeah, because he wouldn't let her get away. I think, didn't they meet in rehab? I didn't know that. Isn't that where they met?

I heard that they met in rehab, and that's why she's saying he's being so controlling, because she was wasted in that episode, and he was trying to get her the hell out of the bathroom and stop doing drugs before they go to a party, and she's like, he's mean to me. It's like, you know, if Sid ever told Nancy, drop the needle, she'd be crying abuse in two seconds. This woman are full of shit. But she said on the show... She said on the show that she met him

just like on the street. Oh yeah, she met him at the mailbox. Yeah, well I was at the mailbox and there he was and I was like, oh my god, I've seen you, not really, but I've seen you, but not really before. I was like, oh my god, I've seen you. Not really, but I've seen you, but not really before. I was like, what the fuck kind of story is that?

You know what you're going to stick with when you tell your ugly little children? Come on now. I'll bet you it's a mailbox. Crazy ass. What do we think of the fact that she told Andy she is unwilling to ever apologize to Brandy because of the pain Brandy

caused her family. Yeah, I wish someone would, I wish Andy would have called out the fact that probably her alcoholism caused more pain than anything that Brandy would have said. You know? Well, that's why I don't believe for one second, because an alcoholic, one of the things that we learn in addiction

when we go to rehab, is taking responsibility for your actions. You're not allowed to say, that was Brandy's fault that my family's sad. You're supposed to say, I'm an alcoholic, I screwed my family. Brandy's a bitch, but that's up to her. She can't clean. I thought you were supposed to say, woohoo, we're going

to the river. Woohoo, we're going on a ferry. I'm wasted. How come they was making out with me? Yeah, no, I think that, like, to say that, like, the kids

were so embarrassed that Brandy would say this, I mean, maybe she, maybe what she's trying to say is that no one has suspected her of being on crystal meth until Brandy

made that accusation. But the truth is that, actually, way before Brandy even surfaced, people were always saying how she was on crystal meth until brandy made that accusation but the truth is that actually way before brandy even surfaced people were always saying how she was on crystal meth i mean i mean that's just sort of like that was part of her thing you know do you remember when um kyle got so offended because crystal meth is a lot different than being an alcoholic i mean really it's not i mean an addict is an addict i mean I know crystal meth is tackier. I'm not denying that. Crystal meth does not have the cachet, you know. Yeah, I mean, I know it's like the white trash

lose-your-teeth drug. Yeah, but it's not like Kim is drinking high-quality liquor. She's probably drinking malt liquor out of a... Schlitz. You know she's in a Hilton Hotel right now taking every little bottle out of that refrigerator. Ah, Mama needs a pick-me-up.

Hey, Kathy, it's Kim. Just wanted to call and say thanks for breakfast. I got it. Oh, my God. Bless her heart. Bless her heart. Do you guys think that Kyle was just kind of faking her way through that little reunion

with Kim there in front of Andy, or do you really think that they are now this amazing sister bond that they had in their childhood? I think she believes in the sister bond. I think Kyle probably tells herself a lot of things to make her feel like

everything's okay, or make her feel like she's doing the right thing. You know it'll only take one second before they're attacking each other. In fact, it happened when I was there. Kim made some joke about how hard it is to live with this one over here. And Kyle's like, why you gotta say that? So clearly they're gonna be at

each other's throats sooner or later. Also, Kyle's just finished reading an entire season of people mean-tweeting her and telling her what a horrible person she is. Yeah. And Kyle's one of the only housewives that takes criticism like that and actually comes out and formulates an apology so that people will just stop sending her evil tweets. I think that no matter what happened, Kim...

What's that? She's a very busy lady. Yeah. Yeah, she is. She's got a lot of apologizing to do. And so I think that, you know, when it comes to something like Kim, Kim could have a needle sticking out of her arm and Kyle would be like, I'm supporting her. Yeah. You know, good for her.

Kyle's a classic enabler and doesn't know it. What do you mean by that? She enables her sister to do the alcoholism. She has to cover it up. She doesn't allow her to hit her rock bottom. And so that's why there's a lot of guilt there. Like at game night, probably. That was a perfect example of an enabler.

Kyle is done, like, putting her marriage in jeopardy because she does not want to lose Mauricio over her dumbass sister. So I think that she's actually kind of like i'm gonna put on a smile but i am done with this crazy bitch i think that kyle purposely put kim on that show to make her look like a goddamn idiot because yeah she knew that she was a drunk she knew that she was an addict and she got her on that show because she wants to be the star of that family and you know you never really forget your childhood no look, look at both of their resumes. Kim's resume puts Kyle's to shame. Yeah, well, they have actually such a fascinating relationship.

If you look at that, you know, Kim was the star. Kyle was, like, the second-rate one. But Kyle should have all the responsibility. But Kim believed that she was the one that was supporting her family. I mean, they are so fucked up. It's fantastic. Yeah, it's delightful. It really is.

They need to get Kathy on that show. Yeah, why is Kathy not like... I mean, I'm shocked that Kathy and Paris did not appear this season. Well, they say that they won't appear without being paid. So they won't show up at any parties or anything unless they make money. And so Bravo's like, screw you.

Yeah, they don't need them. If they were smart, they would get on board. I mean, look at Linda. What's her face? Brody Jenner's mom. Linda Thompson, she shows up. She doesn't have to be paid. She was married to Elvis, or she banged Elvis, at least. Yeah, that's slightly almost the same thing.

So speaking of people who show up on the Beverly Hills Housewives, how about Dana? Our old friend Dana showed up on the reunion looking super tan and ready to embrace the world so happy to be on camera she was

she's my favorite and if she is not on next season I'm done I actually she's turning into one of my favorites you guys

it's awesome she's so awesome well here's why I'm a horrible person because when I was younger, I was, like, poor. Well, I was kind of poor. Like, my mom was poor, but my dad was really rich. And so I went to school, and I was the type of guy who, like, made money from my...

I'm really proud of myself. Really, you're really proud of yourself for marrying a rich, ugly guy to buy you disgusting shoes to say, fuck you. Congratulations. Well done. Your poor mother's proud. Two things. I love the fact that she kept on referring to herself as I'm a guy. I'm sort of like a guy who's wealthy, and I'm kind of like a guy who's looking in and wanting to be wealthy. I'm like,

you're not a guy. Can we just clarify this? You are a lady. You're not a guy. For $25,000 sunglasses, I think she has a $25,000 penis. Okay. we just clarify this you are a lady you're not a guy but i'll say like for 25 000 sunglasses i think she has a 25 000 penis okay here's here's the thing i think she's got a gucci and farragamo balls but you know what though i i felt like i actually empathized with her like first first second there i thought you know even though she's ridiculous i felt like she actually was in her own weird way

burying her soul and I felt like I saw some vulnerability in there and I thought it was actually kind of endearing. Oh, she's so pathetic. She is pathetic, but now we know why.

She goes into that reunion getting ready to get Lisa because that's what Kyle's doing and she tries to snap at Lisa and fails miserably. Wait, what is she trying to say? How are you calling me ridiculous? You're the one with the dog that walks around fully clothed.

Oh, yeah. Did you see how nervous she got when she tried to tell off Lisa and try to say she started to, like, pant? She's like, well, you know, I mean, the dog's... She was totally right. What? She was totally in the right. She was.

I know that you're up Vanderpump's ass, Ben, but, like, I'm sorry. Her dog is ridiculous. Well, I love how Lisa's just like, well, he has alopecia. I was like, oh, okay, never mind. Yeah, because they don't know what alopecia means on that show, so it's fine. But poor Pam. You know, Brandy was out there for one and a half episodes, and Pam, she's out there. I'm calling her Pam, but her name is Dana.

She's out there for, like, all of, like, five seconds. And he's like, well Pam, she's out there. I'm calling her Pam, but her name is Dana. She's out there for all of five seconds, and he's like, well, thanks so much for coming. You could practically see her eyes darting around nervously, like, what? They're making me go? I don't want to go home! I know. And you know that she had to sit there for eight hours, because Brandy was saying that she had to sit backstage

sequestered, couldn't hear anything, for six hours before they brought her out. So that means Dana was back there for like eight hours just sitting there all alone to come out and show her stupid fake glittery fuck you shoes what oh yeah door hey leave her alone this is what we do we don't even know that she has a real fiance okay no she hasn't seen her and he's awesome and he speaks th, and he's like a genius already. He was like a genius when he was four, like my baby. He's awesome.

We go way back. That's why he's always gone. He just doesn't like us to have a home that's furnished because it makes him really uncomfortable. He's a ghost. He died. His name is Bill Cosby. There's a movie about him called Ghost Dad. He's a dad to someone, and I married him.

He's awesome. Jell-O pudding pops paid for these shoes. He gives me the best sweaters. They're floating because he's a ghost, so I don't actually see him, but they float across the room to me. Poor Dana. Dana is just disgusting. I like her. She typifies the asshole LA idiot. That is true.

Yeah. That is true. Which is fabulous. You need that represented. Yeah. It's sort of like, you know, I loved how when Andy asked her about when she was saying those ridiculous things about how we have to all go on vacation, she's just like, I was hammered. You know, I was like, good for you for just saying that, you know? I mean, I hope she was saying those ridiculous things about how he has to all go on vacation. She's just like, I was hammered. I was like, good for you

for just saying that. I mean, I hope she was hammered. I mean, she was no Kim Richards, but... She was coked out of her mind, and so was Taylor at that party. I love when they show clips of it, and they just show Taylor sitting there on the ottoman with her eyes popping out of her head, and Dana with

her dime eyes. Those girls are coked out of their minds the only reason anybody noticed that kim was in the bathroom all night is because they had to go to the upstairs one to do their code and you know the other thing is that um you know like um uh dana was trying to like bust brandy's uh chops by saying that like that brandy was instigating the whole night no i'm sorry brandy. Brandy was not instigating it. It was not. I said it was not. No, but Brandy was squealy white trash, and she

was playing into it. Instead of just saying, hey, you guys, I notice that you're not liking me. What's up? Did I do something to offend you? She's like, ah! Ah! Ah! You know, she starts squealing when she gets mad.

It's like the tea's almost ready, and then the tea's really ready she gets mad it's like the tea is almost ready and then the tea is really ready and it's like get the teapot off you're gonna catch a house on fire now we're just making noises all right so why don't we move on to um Can't move on until we discuss one final thing. What is going to happen next season? Who is staying? Who is going? Who is coming? Go.

Well, the rumor has it that Kim and Taylor will not be returning, or Camille. What? What? So those are the rumors, but who knows? They need to have Taylor because she's a mess. They need to have Kim because she's a mess. They need to have Kim because she's a mess. They need to have Camille because everyone loves Camille now. They need to have Taylor because Taylor is going to be on the hunt for a husband.

Yeah, and she's going to be doing ridiculous things and trying to impress everyone. You guys heard the day's gossip, right? It just came out. Taylor, it's confirmed that Taylor's been having an affair with her lawyer who's married and has three kids. What? Yeah, that bitch just got caught. If you want to do yourself a huge favor, go to

Taylor Armstrong on Twitter and read the people chewing her ass out. It's awesome. So where did this come out? How was it confirmed? Did she confirm it? It came out in the most reliable news source of all time, Radar Online. Where else?

Wow. I wonder who sold that story, Lisa Vanderpump. No kidding. Lisa's like, I think I'll buy some below folks today. Wait a second. This is Taylor's lawyer. How long has the affair been going on for?

They say like six months. I mean, no, wait, hold on. That's when Russell died. I'm sorry. Let me see. Oh, I don't even have it on my screen anymore. I'm a terrible, terrible news person. Presumably, this is the lawyer that was going to sue.

Russell? No, I'm sorry. This is the lawyer who was presumably going to sue Lisa. And Camille. Or Camille. This is the lawyer who's taking care of her MMR case. She's being sued by

MyMedicalRecords.com for defrauding people out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. I wonder how her therapist is going to feel. Very left out. Yeah, very left out. Well, no. He probably suggested that she do it. That guy's like the worst therapist

in the world. Go on. Move on. Move on. He probably suggested that she do it. That guy's like the worst therapist in the world. Go on. Move on. Move on. He never wore any socks either. I always found that weird. I hate the no socks. It freaks me out.

It was very creepy. What kind of therapist gives marriage counseling, couples counseling, doesn't ever, I mean, totally betrays one of the clients in the public? That guy's disgusting. I cannot believe that that guy's allowed to practice. But he gave Taylor that special calendar with special stickers. She made that. He didn't give it. She made that.

That was a triumph of her spirit. Apologize to mommy every day for being born. Holy feet before I go to school. Don't get me on the toilet lid. You know, Taylor's whole past, I'm shocked it really has not come to the fore. I mean, look at Danielle

Staub from New Jersey. She shat on a sidewalk once and it became a scandal for four episodes. But you have Taylor who has changed her name. She has been accused of all these crimes, these grifter sort of past to her, and

it still hasn't really come to the fore. I think the plan was to do that, because the whole season was Taylor being an absolute crazy C-word. I mean, she was insane. When they were showing clips of her breaking down, I was like, oh my god, I forgot about all this.

I actually forgot about how crazy she was all season. And I think that probably was the plan, but guess what? Now she's got the victim card because of fucking Russell. Right. And I think the only one

who was not really forgotten has been Brandy. I think Brandy, I think that's what Brandy was sort of alluding to during the reunion when she was going after Taylor. The other ones all know.

Yeah. They were sitting there while Taylor was blowing on about, what about that story about how Russell was hiding in the bushes? And then he jumped out of the bushes, beat everybody up, threw her in the pool and tried to drown the entire party and the dog. Really? Yeah.

That was one of the most crazy stories. Like, do I really? Like, he overpowered four different people. I mean. Am I off? He actually looked away. What did you say? He overpowered four different people. Am I off? Lisa actually looked away. What did you say? It was a total lie. She's a total liar.

Lisa actually looked away and sighed like, oh, my God. All the women looked like they didn't believe it, but they're not going to be told off on Twitter. I'm telling you, Twitter is ruining reality shows. No one wants to get told off. Matt, you were trying to say something before i've been trying all day ben i'm sorry take some pills oh brandy over there in the corner speak your mind matt no i have nothing to say i just think taylor's a big fucking liar and i don't i won't miss her if she's gone yeah uh. I will miss her. I just need Kim there.

I mean, I would hate if Camille left too, I'll be honest, because I love her now because she's now fake and trying to please the audience. But Camille and Kim can stay. Taylor can go F herself. But you know what makes Camille all the much better is that if she has a Taylor to play off of. Exactly.

So you need to have all of them. You need to have all of them. But Camille's the type of woman who will always have somebody that hates her and that she hates because she's that kind of woman. That's true. You know? But also, did you hear the other – oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. No, I was going to say the sad truth is that the one that's the most – I think probably that you could get rid of the most easily is probably Adrienne.

I think she probably brings the least. Adrienne needs to go away. She's not even interesting. You know how much I hate her because she looked like the biggest idiot in this entire reunion thing. And I'm sorry, but I am so Team Brandy at this moment because, you know, she's the only one who is real. The rest of them are all fake. Yeah. So what was the other news, Ryan?

Well, she's also the poorest. Which helps. She can't afford to buy a persona. Buy a fakery. Yeah, she doesn't need to be fake. Well, I was very happy. Brandy actually tweeted at me the other day.

I was very flattered. I asked her if she wanted to get coffee. She said she had to go to the gym. But after, and I was like, ha ha ha, and I was like, she's not serious, is she? And I got sad. And then I waited for three hours. I'm sorry, kids, you, ha. And I was like, she's not serious, is she, though? And I got sad. And then I waited for three hours. I'm sorry to get you, but no, her assistant wasn't serious.

I think it was her. I think it was her. Well, the rumor is that Sly Stallone's ex-wife, Jennifer Flavin, is going to be the new housewife. Really? Jennifer Flavin? That's a name I have not heard in a long time. I would love to hear some sly BS. That would be great.

Have her come saying about their marriage. Oh, yeah, that would be like Kelsey times 10. Didn't Jennifer Flavin end up marrying Joe Pesci? Really? Oh, God. She really has a thing for over-the-hill Italian guys, huh? Is Papa John far behind? Yeah.

Oh, my God. I can't imagine. I cannot imagine. All right, well, we have to go on to Atlanta because we're already at 47 minutes. So let's talk about Atlanta real quickly. I didn't watch it. But I'll fake it. Okay, that's all right.

Matt, did you watch it? Obviously. Okay, now here's the thing. I wanted this episode thinking it would be so boring. I thought they were just going to be going on safari. I thought it was hilarious. These women on safari, this is like, first of all, this is a way to make, to set, like, I think, the view of Americans back, you know, about 50 years.

I think it's also, honestly, I thought this episode was really bad for racial relations. I was like, this is going to make people racist. It's just going to make racists think everything that they've always thought is right. Yeah, it's like when homophobes go to a gay pride parade and see the Nambla float, and they're like, told ya.

Yeah, this was, I mean, honestly, when you have like Marlo there on Sephardi be like, oh, look at that antelope. We're saying things like, oh, look at that zebra. I got a zebra carpet on my floor. Oh, I feel bad about it now. I'm going to take a picture of this zebra and put it on the wall. That way it matches the zebra carpet that I don't want to take back because it looks pretty.

She was literally saying those things, Ronnie. Matt, you can – Did she say that? Yeah, Matt, you can back me up right matt yeah no it was that is quit matt is like matt is clutching his pearls right now they were they were saying such ridiculous things on a safari you know and it was but at the same time, it was also hilarious. They'd see a giraffe and you'd hear

Candy go, girl! In many ways, it was the most perfect thing ever. Well, they're all afraid of animals, so I don't know why they went on a safari. Well, the best is that half of them thought they were going to be riding the animals.

Cynthia thought it was like, so are we going to be actually riding the animals today, or are we just watching the animals? And they're like, there is no riding. It's a straight fucking face. To Cynthia's credit, the closest she's probably ever come to animals is posing on elephants. Well, so this Marlowelo character i think this was the episode where marlo got put through the bravo ringer they did everything possible to make her look like the biggest idiot ever um including when she when she came to she came to breakfast and she's she announced that she was wearing louis vuitton to the safari and cynthia cynthia actually cynthia

i thought was likable this episode what do you think matt i hate cynthia i've always hated her and i always will yeah but but she was a little bit more likable this episode she knows how to be seen she's she thought it would be good for her to jump on the nini bandwagon but then marlo came to town and now cynthia's left out in the cold and the smalls don't want her and the talls are done with her. No, the smalls will take her. The smalls will take her. The thing is with Cynthia, what I liked about this episode was that she

seemed to be the only one saying, hello, we are in Africa. Why is everyone late? Why are we at Nobu? We could have gone to Miami. She seemed to actually have some self-awareness for once. Then why didn't she not go to Nobu? Well, she's not strong. He sat down and ate Japanese food in South Africa.

Shut the fuck up and get up. I know. She didn't want to eat zebra and feel bad about it. And then I love how she's like, oh, yeah, I like to mix, you know, some low-end items with some high-end items. Look at my, like, African beet bracelet and it's called, bitch, you don't have any money. All of your shit is low-end items. Well, no, but though she said that she said i'm on a budget and that's what and you know what i agree with her i like that she she was talking more about having a look anyone could put on uh gucci and then they cut to marlo coming down and say i was like hey i got my louis

so wait who has this new budget look cynthia cynthia oh yeah yeah okay has she opened a new business no but her husband peter is failing in everything he does. So it's like they haven't... So has her. Her new business isn't doing great. She's like seven years old, okay? And she clearly rents her house in the ghetto. Yeah.

Well, what's... Yeah. But still, though, I still think she came off looking better than Marlo. Marlo wore... What do they call them disco pants she wore like bejeweled designer sparkling pants on safari with high heels and then the night

before they were at a club and she was making it rain in a club like for no good reason she was throwing money everywhere this woman is like she didn't even know the denominations because she was just throwing the bills. They were not American dollars.

And then Phaedra and Candy are scrounging on the floor and grabbing the dollar bills. Well, they were like... I got some pampers to buy and I will buy myself a new pair of shoes. If she's throwing away that money, I'm going to take it.

That's why Candy's the smartest one. She saves all her dollar bills. Oh, and how embarrassing it was when they arrived at their lodging at the safari. So for Lisa and Ronnie here, they get to this place, and half the rooms are super modern, and half are sort of old school style. They called them antique or whatever. So all the women wanted to be in the modern rooms, but they both were beautiful lodgings. And they sat around and they

drew numbers. I mean, was this the most ridiculous thing you'd ever seen, Matt? I would have only wanted to stay in the modern wing myself. Yeah, but I would have figured it out. But here's the question. Were there enough hangers for everyone? Not quite sure about that. Well, actually, Marla was asking repeatedly for more closet space

she was like oh is there um is there hair and makeup here they're like in a house in a house in the middle of the safari and she's asking for hair and makeup and amazingly they got her a hair and makeup person yes they did they searched and they found like a creepy looking little gay dude who did her hair and makeup real creepy real. Real creepy. Well, did they go visit kids with flies on them? Because who goes to Africa without seeing the kids with flies on them? Yeah, yeah. They went to the orphanage. They gave stuff away.

But that stuff wasn't interesting. You know, that was like, you know, you've seen it once on a reality show. You've seen it a million times. Like, let's go look at the beautiful kids. They'll play some inspiring music. The kids will sing. They'll be happy. And we'll realize that they can be so happy

with so little. Yada, yada, yada. People are fucking awful. It made me misty-eyed. Did it really? Yes. I mean, I thought it was sweet. I'm just saying it was nothing special. Maybe my biological clock was just ticking because I was like, I need some little black babies. They're adorable.

Well, get on the plane and you better hit up that orphanage because it's a hot ticket now. I did actually see that part and I thought it was really funny how the way that Sheree was like, they were just so excited to see us. Like, it made it sound like she made it sound like I didn't even know these little kids watched

Bravo. I didn't know how far my stardom crossed. That's pretty much what she was saying, yes. But it was funny to watch them, like, break it down in the dirty old dusty streets. Like, you know, they're all popping and locking. I mean, I thought it was fun. It brought the women together.

Yeah. You know, I actually got an appreciation also. Well, I always have an appreciation for Kandi, but I had even more in terms of, you know, they went to a dinner party earlier, and then later that when they met up with these kids talking about like hip hop and music and like candy is such a big deal. Like, like these kids in Africa probably heard, you know,

all of her songs, you know? Okay. Excuse me. Candy is awesome, but she is not that big of a deal. She did not write no scrubs by herself. There are five songwriters on that one fucking song.

So, so, so she's not like a genius. No scrubs by herself. There are five songwriters on that one fucking song. So? So? So she's not like a genius. Did you see the other episode where she went to Jodie Messina's house and they're making a country song? It was shit. No, I enjoyed it. I fly above all the haters. I fly right fucking sail bin at Target for $1.99.

Perhaps you haven't heard of a certain song called Party for the Party. I rest my case. I rest my case. Genius. Genius. Oh, oh. You see? I still know it. All right. Well, we're almost hitting the one hour mark, so I say we can wrap

this up. Does anyone else have any pressing matters that they have to get off their chests? Top Chef, I wish that skinny little evil bitch got sent home. That's it. Oh, I like her. I want Sarah. Lindsay, I wanted to make Michelle happy. I just feel terrible.

How about you stop being a flaming cunt on national TV? How about that? How's that sound? Yeah, I wanted Sarah to go home, but I knew Ed was going to go home. I knew it. Well, as long as it wasn't the young Asian, I love him. Yeah, we like him. No, the moment that Ed decided to go for canned

oysters, I was like, boop, he's gone. They always, they hate that. Yeah, why would he do that? Why would he do that? Why would he get the canned oysters? I'm offended. I thought it was embarrassing for Whole Foods that they didn't have any fucking oysters. Well, they're in Texas, you know. But, I don't know.

Ronnie, maybe you can speak to the availability of oysters in Texas. We got Rocky Mountain oysters in Texas. Yeehaw! They're bull balls. Bulls balls. Okay, well, speaking of Rocky Mountain oysters, I think it's time that we all go for lunch. Ben is going to go massage his balls. Okay, well, speaking of Rocky Mountain Oysters, I think it's time that we all go for lunch. Ben is

going to go massage his balls. I gotta oil up my balls. This has been a very sexy podcast. Thanks, guys, for another great episode. It was super fun. Thanks for joining us, Lisa. Thank you for letting me join, guys. I had a blast. Yay, Lisa. Team Lisa.

Thanks, Matt. You're being very quiet over there. I. Team Lisa. Team Lisa. Woohoo. Thanks, Matt. You're being very quiet over there. I said woohoo. Let's not press the issue. It wasn't a dominant woohoo. I didn't feel like you were about to go onto a ferry, so. I felt very subdued. Anyway, I'm going to go dig into a big old bag of crawfish now.

And I mean that in a metaphorical sense. And you figure that one out. I guess we'll all speak next week. So, bye everyone. Bye. Bye. Bye. You don't have to wait any longer.

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