Watch What Crappens - Having a Field Day in New Jersey

Episode Date: May 22, 2012

Having a Field Day in New JerseySee acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you buy your class. Money can't buy your class. And it gets us none, my friends. And it gets us none, oh yeah. Hey, welcome to Watch What Crappens Podcast. I'm Ronnie Caron with TVGasm.com, and I'm here with Ben Mandelkirch from B-Side Vlog.

Hi. Hello, Ben. Hi. And today, our very special guest, Mr. Drew Droege. Hello. From television and film and soon to be movies. Oh, movies and film and captured image. Film and TV film.

Theater plays. Long recorded things on the television. Why don't you tell the audience some of the things that you might be well-known for? Well, Drew is Miss Chloe Sevigny. Yes, I am. Of the internet. I'm the only Chloe Sevigny impersonator. Of internet, yes.

That I know of. There could be more out there. You are the only one, right? I think I know. You're clearly the most prominent. Yeah. Yeah. It's a very limited field, but you've excelled in it.

It's been a weird journey. Well, before we start talking about Bravo shows, I do want to ask you. Today I was thinking about when I met you like five or six years ago or whatever. And we met at some birthday party. But I remember thinking you do look like Chloe. I don't think you do necessarily now as much, I guess, because now I know you. Right, right. Did you just have that random thought or did you know that I was doing Chloe?

Because I've done Chloe for 10 years now. 10 years? Yes. I've been doing this shit for 10 years. How did you start it? Because I looked in the mirror one day 10 years ago and I said I look like Chloe Sevigny that is why

absolutely would you please do you do Linda Dano? oh my god I would love to see that she's amazing I looked in the mirror and I said I look like her and then I read an interview with her and she was referencing the craziest things.

I just was like... I wrote a sketch that was this weird monologue about her New York and come to New York. It was like an ad for New York. In 2002 it was right after the... New York was doing those post-9-11 ads. It was like Nathan Lane

would be like, it's Broadway and there's Sbarro Pizza and Super dally and it's singing and dancing and Susan. Yeah, exactly. Like come to New York. Like it was that. And so I did a thing where I was Chloe seven knee trying to get middle America to come to New York, but I was just referencing the most bizarre, weird, insane places. So it was the thing I did.

And a lot of audiences just stared at me without remotely cracking a smile for years that I did this thing. It blows my mind that 10 years later I'm still doing it and that these videos that I do are so popular because it was not for a long time. Yeah. Wow. It's crazy. It gives me hope for this

podcast that maybe in 10 years time there will be an audience that truly appreciates it. Actually, we have a pretty nice audience. Oh, do you? Yeah, we do. Don't be pissing off our... Yeah, we actually have a good audience. We have a nice sized one.

It can only get bigger and better. That's awesome. That's a pretty big group of sarcastic people to piss off. I'm totally going to be run off of this podcast now. It was my last podcast everyone it's been great I will take over Ronnie thank you

we have some and we are now we are official we don't even watch that many of the housewives shows or keep up as much but it's just fun to listen to him react we're searching right now for housewives news and he's like

who are these bitches i'm reading these things and it's like the cousin of fran drescher is gonna be on was in new york it's like does she drop that everywhere she goes or how do you know a viva it's a palindrome sort of sounds like something you take for your bones. It does sound like that. Bon Viva. That's what it is. That's why my head went to that place.

It's like the Mexican version. Or like a horrible, like a woman's bed disease. She's been holed up with Aviva since April. Meanwhile, it's probably some classic Israeli name that's been used for hundreds of years. We're like, Aviva! Probably, yeah. Of course we offend the Jews. Don't worry, I'm Jewish.

We're all in a cloak of invincibility with the Jews, because I'm Jewish. I approve all the Jew jokes. Oh, good. So let's go over some Housewives news. Did you read that Camille now is definitely coming back? Yes. I read that now she's definitely, definitely back, but it's still not certain if she is a full-fledged cast member or not.

Now, what was the reason why she was leaving and why was she? Well, she got this new boyfriend. His brother was a serial killer. Oh, really? Wait, wait, this is the real reason? I think so. And she was getting all this weird publicity and also the first year of the show she was a total... She blessed her heart

she was getting weird publicity because her boyfriend his brother was a serial killer. Her future brother-in-law was a serial killer. It went beyond her IBS and cross-dives and into dating serial killer. Wow. The sirens just appear at the mere mention of him. Yeah, exactly.

We hear serial killer. Sirens in West Hollywood are out. Things are happening, you guys. And also, the first year on the show, she was kind of the villain without knowing that she was the villain. She was just such an asshole. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Off of Frasier's money. You know, she thought she was going to be good. Off of Frasier's money. Oh yeah, she's a horrible person. So she was the villain. And so the second season, she didn't really say anything. She just kind of showed up and smiled a lot. Was very supportive and fake

about everything. Well, that's interesting. But she did, like, she knew how to play it the second season, and she went out of her way to put down Taylor Armstrong, who was the one that the audience hated now. So she played her cards pretty well, and she sort of left on a high note. I hope that she comes back. Like, I would love it if she comes back as a full-fledged cast member. Although I just read that the person who's been cast to replace her, who's, confirmed as a new housewife, is Yolanda Habib.

So she is the ex-wife of Mohammed. Mohammed, who appears both. Really? She is? Yeah, Mohammed is the rich guy that Lisa's friends with, and he also appears on Shah's The Sunset. So it's all incestuous. And I think that Yolanda Habib now is married to or linked to David Foster? Forster or Foster? She's married to him.

Yeah, Mohammed is this guy. He looks like Cloris Leachman. He's this super rich guy. He's got lady hair. And he's on the Shaz, the show. Yeah, he's yelling at people. These people are also important. Well, since we're talking about the Shaz of Sunset,

can I mention that I had a Shaz Shah's sunset sighting right outside my door? So MJ lives across the street from me, but I've yet to actually see her in person since she's become famous. And this weekend, my parents were visiting, and we were pulling out of my garage, and MJ walked out of her door, which faces my garage. And I pointed her out to my parents, who, of course, did not give a shit because they don't know why I even pay attention to any of this reality show stuff or whatever. MJ is a sight for sore eyes. You know, I love this girl, but she – I don't know. She's probably like four feet tall or whatever. She was wearing like six-inch wedges and these pants that were so tight.

I mean this was like – these things were the definition of, you know, camel toe inducing experiences. They were tight and sort of like a rattle snake kind of snake skin kind of pattern. She looks like a melted Snooki. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like even shorter and like squatty and jump, right? I'm looking at a picture of her right now.

I don't know. She is. And she is a reporter for Bravo. I'm looking at the picture now. She has a microphone in her hand. She has a lot of important things to say. There's a light behind her. Oh, she's doing it.

Well, I was reading in the news this week that Iran is coming out with these new laws. Well, they have laws against dogs because they consider dogs to be unclean. Yes. So they're like ticketing people a thousand dollars or killing their dogs or like ticketing them for the ladies not dressing, you know, in their proper headgear and rope, you know, their whole fucking uniform that they have to wear. Yeah. And I just thought this is where the shahs of Sunset come from, you know, their whole fucking uniform that they have to wear. And I just thought, this is where the shahs of Sunset come from, you know? And we're really harsh on the mullahs

and what they put their people through. But look at what they're like without any boundaries. Fucking crazy. Maybe the mullahs have a point. Do you know, I mean, that's a real Middle Eastern thing, though. They hate dogs. They treat dogs like there's very little respect for dogs.

They're like, it's a dog. Like, you don't, they're not a member of the family. It's a real cultural thing. What sort of pets do they have over there? If they don't have a dog, they're like cats? I think they do like cats, don't they? I mean, I know an agent. No, I think.

Pharaohs love cats. Pretty much the same thing. My sixth grade knowledge of Middle East. In Mesopotamia, that album by the B-52 is like, I don't know anything. You do what? You find a toddler to marry and just throw a ball across the room. See, I'm really glad that we discuss these things because it's important for

our listeners to be educated about the cultural lifestyles of the Levant. Yes, absolutely. Learn, you're welcome. So we're all massively uninformed and we don't know what sort of pets they have in Iran. We're going to be so offended. This is the Iranian Petcast.

I hope and glad everyone tuned in. Well, MJ loves her dogs. And speaking of dogs. So you didn't say anything to her? I didn't. Didn't you go embarrass yourself? I was in my car. I was in my car.

I was looking at her. What would you say to her if you met her? Like what would you say? I have a podcast and we would love for you to come on. I'd probably say something like, you don't know me, but I feel like I know you, and you should come on my podcast. And I've been recorded in my office, and I don't know what. Oh, God, that was an inside joke from what we were – Yeah, I just realized as I said that, I just referenced a conversation we had before we started recording.

It's okay. Never mind. We should just start recording in the very beginning and just make people listen to had before we started recording. It's okay. Never mind. We should just start recording in the very beginning and just make people listen to three hours of us talking. Yes. Listen to people as we try to fix the levels on our microphones and stuff. It's highly entertaining. If I saw MJ, I would invite her onto the podcast. I would be like, listen, I live across the street.

I'm not trying to be a stalker, but I live across the street, and you should come over and come on the podcast. Here's the podcast. I would be like, listen, I live across the street. I'm not trying to be a stalker, but I live across the street, and you should come over and come on the podcast. Here's the thing. Her fashion sense is questionable. She may like things that give her camel toes, but she is pretty fun. Oh, she's fun. She's a party. Yeah, she's a total party. Oh, fun.

Yeah, she's that kind of girl that's all fun and games until she comes to your party and throws up on a table. Yeah, exactly. Those girls. I've been that girl before. I've never seen you throwing up on a table. There's plenty of time for that.

You don't remember. You didn't know me in the 90s. There were so many tables. So much vomit. Everywhere. Cascading off like a fountain. Hey, my mom drunk dialed me last night. Who did?

My mother. Wonderful. One in the morning. Oh, wow. Three something in the morning, Texas time. Wow. And she goes, I said, hello. She goes, hello.

Hey, why'd you call me? I didn't call you. You called me. What the fuck? Ah, you called me. I said, mom, I'm in a bar. I'm not sitting, even sitting on my phone. Hey, why'd you call me? Your dad's an asshole.

I don't know. This is awkward. Phone hugs. This is awkward. Do you have any more news? NeNe Leakes is going to be on a new TV show on NBC. Yes, she's going to be on a new TV show on NBC. Yes, she's going to be on The New Normal, right?

Yeah. It's supposed to be a great show. I'm really excited to see it. So she's going to be a full-fledged cast member, right? Yes. So now we can't kind of make fun of her. Because we used to make fun of her that she was so proud that she had a recurring role on Glee, which is admittedly cool, but it doesn't mean that she's a full-fledged actress now, but now that she has

a real role, I mean, that's legit. Do you think she'll leave the show? The Housewives? The Housewives, yeah. I mean, I wouldn't know. 911 app for Matt Keefer. Hello.

Hold, please. I am so confused How do I stop it? What are you looking at? Hey listeners This is what happens We start this podcast And Ronnie starts surfing the internet

He goes onto Pinterest He goes onto Google Maps And looks up roots to things I was looking at Housewives news stories And saw something about Sharae And then I clicked on it, and all of a sudden this man popped up on Ronnie's computer and started talking to us. Way too

animated. Way too happy. Was it Andy Cohen? We know it was Andy Cohen, right? Hey, guys! It means the work. It says Sharae Whitfield's going to be the next queen of exercise. Whatever. I've partnered with a company called Zuma. That sounds suspiciously like Zumba. Tricky bitch.

X-O-O-A. Alright, well, why don't we move on to the shows? Clearly the gossip is very thin if we're sitting here talking about how Sharae has partnered with something called Zuma. So, should we just start talking about Real Housewives of New Jersey?

Sure. So, last night was a fun episode. Basically, the gist of it was that Jacqueline decided to throw a little field day. And basically, everyone got together to play games and play tug of war and three-legged races and stuff like that. I called that intramural day when I was in school. Did you have that? Sure. We called it field day, actually, where I'm from you have that? Sure. We called it field day actually where I'm from. We had field day.

We called it field day. Yeah, we had – yeah, you had to like eat a bunch of crackers and then whistle and do like relay races, like read the sack race. I was horrible at all that. Do you ever do that thing where there's like a baseball bat in the ground and you put your forehead and you go around in circles and then you're supposed to run and pick up a dime? I remember I did that once. This is actually a college orientation. I did that. Talk about throwing up on a table.

I want to throw up on a lot of tables, okay? Because I spun around and after I was done spinning ten times around that baseball bat, I took one step and I just remember seeing the ground just like coming right up to my face. I didn't even feel like I fell. I didn't even feel gravity. I felt like the earth had come to me. Right. Oh, I know exactly that feeling. That's how I feel when I watch this show mainly. Why do they make us do that? That's one of those things I was like, I don't know.

I guess that was fun for some kids. It created so much stress in my life as a child. I was like, I have to do what? Me too. Well, you know who was... In general. I know. It was awful. It's like a whole fun day.

And you had to take it. Wrapping outside in the sun. Fucking huskies. Uh-uh. No. I was a husky kid. You know who was the most stressed out about it all, of all, on last night was Gia. Because Gia could not deal whatsoever with field day.

She went crazy. Well, Gia has now learned from her mother theresa judici judici yeah sure depending on the week but she's learned how to get some camera time that girl just caused it for no reason and start screaming and yelling yeah she was livid she was accusing everyone of cheating i didn't really see too many rules anyway i mean it was hard to sort of tell what was cheating and what wasn't. Although I thought it was really hilarious when they were playing tug of war. And I guess her side lost and she just face planted into the ground.

Maybe I'm just cruel because I like seeing like little girls do like crash and burn. But I don't know. I thought it was funny. Yeah. Well, let's rewind a little bit because the first scene was Teresa and Joe driving in the car and he's sick of listening to her being mad about her sister-in-law so he's telling her to shut the fuck up and he's like

if I have to hear about this anymore I'll leave you too and she's like Joe don't say those things that's just Joe he's a Gemini just that casual That's just Joe He's a Gemini Ew Just that casual Response to like I'll leave you

You're going to have to find someone to drive Your drunk ass to the Divorce What is he going to do if he leaves her She's the one who's earning money right now His pizza business is defunct Pizza parlor open that guy And he mouths off to her And he says I don't want to hear another thing about it, Tree.

And that's it. You fucking listen to me, you know? Yeah, shut the fuck up and listen to what I say. Do what I say. Gorgeous. And she just laughs and just laughs it off and says, you know, he gets mad. He gets mad. He's a Gemini.

He's a Gemini. He's a Gemini. Like, I didn't know Geminis were all assholes. Yeah. Was the guy who Farrah Fawcett burned in the burning bed a Gemini? What about the guy that she kept in a fireplace in Extremities? The rapist. Was he a rapist in Extremities?

That guy that Jennifer Lopez beat up in MS? Yep. Gemini. Yep. Exactly. They're all Geminis. Let's be honest. Ted Kaczyns next to Gemini? That guy that Jennifer Lopez beat up in MS. Yep. Gemini. Yep. Exactly. They're all Geminis. Let me be honest. Ted Kaczynski, Gemini.

Look, Camille Grammer's future brother-in-law, Gemini. Gemini. Yardley Smith, Gemini. Tiny terrorist. Well, the point is this. He's awful. And there was way too much footage of him shirtless and sweaty this episode, as has been the trend recently. And they keep showing him working out and stuff.

And I just don't need to see it. Like, you can keep telling me you're working out. But it's like me. You know, every day I talk about my diet and my exercise. And I gain weight by the week. So it's like, no one's listening to my bullshit. And I'm not listening to Joe's bullshit. I don't need to see it. But this episode

his little daughter Gia wants a bra and she's like 10. And I'm like, you don't need a bra. You don't have anything. She's like, I want a bra. I want a bra. And Joe's like, you're like your mother. You don't got nothing. Oh, lovely. Wonderful. And she's like, hey hey daddy you need a bra

why don't we give gia her own show and melania should have their own show needs one of those like those like kids like what amanda bines had like a kid show like a comedy show she'd do an opening dance i'm hearing that i'm like yep give her her show and melania could be the sidekick and stab every guest who comes on with a little pleasure. Super violent. They could get into adventures. They could solve mysteries. I mean, I'm open to possibilities.

I think it should happen. Well, it could happen, you know. Yeah. So Gia was actually a real pill this episode. I think she has a lot of. I love that expression. It's a great one. And she was a pill.

I mean, well, she's hitting puberty. And so this is the question. What is in the future for Gia? Is she just, is she just going to become a crazy raging like Jersey slut? Do we think? Yeah, because that's not even, you don't hit puberty until you're 12 or 13, right? This is pre-puberty and she's already this much of a raging C-word.

I guess you shouldn't say that about a 10-year-old. You know what? It's okay. She looks like Shakira. Maybe she's a Gemini. Classic Gemini behavior. She's going to be horrible. She's Teresa's daughter. She's going to be the next generation of Bravo star. She's going to be horrible. Well, she's Teresa's daughter, and she's going to be the next generation of Bravo star, you know?

She's going to have cameras following her around the rest of her life through all her slutty, horrible, violent... It was kind of hilarious. I'm not a chief to the president. I know. It was kind of hilarious watching her go bra shopping, though. I mean, even I had to, you know, I hate Teresa, but even I had to sort of laugh along with her when she was like... She was literally laughing at her daughter because, like, because there was just these bras for her to put on, and they were basically like little handkerchiefs with straps on them. Oh my god.

We're watching a 10-year-old girl go bra shopping and laughing at her lack of tips. I know. Her own parents are like, you don't even got nothing there. You ain't got no boobs. And she's like, Ma, don't even talk to me. You didn't even get your boobs until you was 23. And they were so small you had to get implants. It's amazing what these parents will put on TV.

I would imagine this is like a private thing that a mother and a daughter go through or whatever. And here they are like, oh, let's put a camera in G doing a dressing room while she tries on her first training bra i mean for crying out loud so they're talking about her becoming a woman and she's like honey you're not becoming a woman that's ridiculous and next you're gonna want uh a tampon like somehow it gets to periods and theresa says i didn't even wear a tampon so i was married what she says she should use a pad italians to use uh to put anything up there you can't do that until you're married so we just went and dunked our twats in a river so we'll put some of uh joe's leftover pizza dough in your panties and see what happens suck up all those juices that's horrifying that's that is against like modern science

the whole episode was pretty bad and then the uncle during the field day all right let's it's a three-legged race i'll play alone like all these little kids including one little boy by the way whose name was like like hammmy or something like that. I don't know what was going on with that. But then, you know, Teresa wasn't being the only perhaps inappropriate mother. Caroline once again proved to be mother of the year as she talked about her daughter Lauren. And Lauren, of course, is early 20s and overweight and feels really shitty about herself. And Caroline gets on national TV and says her daughter

is, she's like, basically like my husband with a dress on, which is, I don't think anything, any daughter. Because Caroline's such a fetching lass herself. She's such an attractive spell. It's like

Cujo with fake lashes. I love it. Cujo with fake lashes i love her kujo face yeah and then even worse then caroline goes and probably totally embarrasses lauren uh by revealing to america that no one would ask her to her junior prom and so she had to take albie her brother albie as her date it was the saddest story. But then she starts crying. She's like, Albie, Albie took her. She's crying because her son is such a good person and her daughter is such a fat idiot. Her son took pity on her.

She's so proud of her son. She goes, I just want my girl back. And I'm thinking, what girl do you want back? Because you apparently even hated her for being fat when she was a kid. So you want the you want back? Because you apparently even hated her for being fat when she was a kid. So you want the fetus back? And all of it you're revealing too, like you're saying, Ben, to America. Yeah. Like this poor girl.

It's all about how fat she is. I mean it's – I'm being frantic. She's a house. How do you come back from that? How do you deal with that at that age? Like that national attention like that as like a fat kid. And I don't know how you deal with that. Look, she that you know that national attention like that as a kid as like a fat kid and i don't know how you do it look she's in her early 20s now she's an adult but

oh but you're saying back back when she was in high school i would be mortified if my mom got on tv and announced that i like i was too fat to get a date in in high school you don't ever get over that no matter how old you are. Like you don't like to take her brother. I'm very, I spill things on myself a lot. Like I'm very clumsy in that way. And especially when I get home or my family, it's just that I fall back into that role.

And every time I go home and spill something on myself, my family has this joke and I'll go, well, Drew's home. And it makes me so upset. Yeah. But that is like, that is like a, that is a, that is nothing. That is dropping the bucket compared to, you know, I'm saying like things that bothered

you when you were a kid that are like not that big of a deal now, but when it comes from your parents or your family, you turn into a kid all over again. Like the tiniest little things that come in. If I spilled something on myself and you made a joke about it, I wouldn care but if my parents do it like mom of course yeah well so well lauren it's kind of nice but caroline's a total c word well and then and then caroline also said she also says she's like well look let's be honest i mean if she lost if she lost some weight she'd be more attractive wow i mean she did not those exact words but she said like, she'd be more attractive. Wow. I mean, she did not have those exact words, but she said, like, either she'd be more attractive if she lost some weight or whatever. Yeah.

I mean, the poor girl. I mean, look, I, you know. Well, and then Lauren, the rest of the episode is, like, bitching about, oh, I'm so fat. How come my brothers are so lucky? They don't have to worry about it. It's like, look, Lauren, you did not just get. She's like, I can eat a head of lettuce and I get fat. It look lauren you did not just get she's like i can eat a head of lettuce and i get fat it's like you did not get fat by eating a head of lettuce

and nobody who's ever had a weight problem thinks that that's true so stop calling little caesars take them off your speed dial you know what i say own it be fat and own it be like i'm fat and awesome that's what she complained about she was saying to to her dad, she was like, why can't I just be overweight and own it and not have to feel this way? Lauren, hi. It's Drew Droege. Can be fat and awesome. Do it.

Own it. One or the other. Make a choice. Don't be fat and complain about it. Yeah. Well, it is kind of hilarious because she's on this draconian diet where she can only eat egg whites and cinnamon. But you all know this diet, the Dr. Perricone diet.

I don't know the diet. What is it? Is it the caveman diet? No. Dr. Perricone's like a really old school diet guru who's basically like... He put girls on slimming programs. Pretty much, yeah. I mean, his whole office was big giant jars of fish oil pills.

And he's like, here's some chocolate powder and some egg whites. Have fun. Yeah. So she has been a cranky mess ever since. This is how you lose weight. And what's on the pericone diet? Egg whites and cocoa powder. That's all we can tell you.

I mean, I'm in. I'm solid. I love those things. She has been so cranky ever since she started this diet, and I think it's hilarious. So later on in the episode, the field day goes wrong, as you can imagine, and she goes on this whole rant about, you know, whenever we do field day with the family, it's great. But whenever we introduce other people, it's not good. I'm like, you know what? You're way too invested in this field day for someone who's 24.

I mean, I know maybe that's the only thing that's going on in her life is the field day, but she needs to pull it back. You're way too angry about being involved in drama when you're on a drama. You stupid biatch. And by the way, I don't know. Maybe my family is – maybe we're the exception to the rule, but we never had like a family field day. Did you guys have that? Did it? No.

My family is the most unathletic and I'm rabidly aggressively so. My father growing up was like, you don't need to do this. It's terrible. We are not an athletic family. We all have flat feet. We like to drink. We like to make fun of people. We don't do that.

The Drogies do not. We don't do that. We used to bowl because I grew up in a family-run bowling alley. That's awesome. We had to just support the business. We were on the family bowling team. What do you call that? The bowling league?

Yeah, sure. Three years in a row, won the trophy with somebody who dropped a bowling ball on their foot and they're holding their foot like, ow! One last place, three years in a row. Wow! with somebody who dropped a bowling ball on their foot and they're like holding their foot like ow one last play is three years in a row wow bowling even considered sporty we couldn't even do that

yeah I hate bowling when I go I love bowling I'm just terrible at it I love it I just I'm horrific at it so about any time a friend has like a bowling roller skating no I a bowling, roller skating, a men's activity party,

I am 100% out. No, I am sorry. I will sit at the bar and we can have an actual conversation because you know what? We're adults. Because it also, yeah, it just means that like you're not going to have, you're not going to get to talk about anything.

Well, and it also means you're not my true friend all right my friends wouldn't do that yeah so i'm i'm breaking up the bowling discussion as as intriguing as it is i'm going to put an official pause on the roundtable discussion of bowling and its social implications and get back to the field day though for a moment um the other thing that was notable about the field day was melissa and her and. The other thing that was notable about the field day was Melissa and her booty shorts. What did we think about? Were they too short for field day or were they perfectly fine? She always dresses like a whore.

That's how she got a rich husband. I'm not going to take that away from her. If I could wear those things, I would. One time I lost 10 pounds and I wore short shorts all over the damn place. Yeah. You're like, look at this. You're welcome America. Although I think the cameraman hate her because if she was walking

away, they got a close up of her and she was all cellulite. Yeah, I noticed that also. Honestly, they'll take a shot at anyone if they can. I was happy she was chubby. Oh my God. We forgot one thing in that fat conversation. Oh, what's that where albert said

you know i was always really happy lauren was chubby oh yeah because the guys always want to be friends with the chubby girl they don't ever want to have sex with her or anything oh my god i could not believe that he said that i mean i understood what he was saying i just wanted to say He's a good parent. I take it all back. But, like, he, I mean, could you imagine saying that and, like, it's basically the underlying message there is that if you're fat, no one will like you sexually. That's what the message is. And so what he's saying, I know why he's sort of cracking that joke, but he doesn't realize the message that he's sending his poor daughter jesus yeah and it's also like i'd rather you get type 2 diabetes than have

you know a penis anywhere near you well guess what the joke's on albert because you know what he because lauren has a fat boyfriend named vito so oh that's what that's her yeah yeah she's still getting it even though she's not and another another thing we forgot in that little section was that Lauren called Caroline out for getting the lap band. Yeah. She certainly did. Which Caroline has been denying and said, oh, it's just portion control. Which, of course, it is because if you have more than a spoonful, you're going to explode. Yeah, you'll explode.

Stupid. Exactly. So that was kind of awesome. She totally sold out on that And I also like that Christopher also owned up to the fact that he's pretty fat and that Lauren's not the only one who's fat. So some good revelations all around, I would say. Now here's my question. Getting back to the field day. So as we've mentioned before, Gia flipped her lid.

She accused everyone of cheating and she threw a tantrum and she cried and she went downstairs and basically caroline and and jacqueline tried to talk some sense into her and and jacqueline pulls out this book called like something called like like what's a bad sport or the bad sport or like how to be a bad sport and she starts reading this book it's like a bad sport is someone who pouts and they cut to gia pouting and a bad sport is someone who's only happy when they win and they show gia being angry a bad sport is someone who cries they cut to gia crying and and gia of course then starts screaming and it's like the book is all about me you know and my question is this this is torture but here's the thing though i kind of was

on gia's side at that moment because i felt like it was very passive aggressive disciplining was that was that just me absolutely i totally agree that's just such an awful way to parent like well i'm gonna read a book about her your awful behavior to you and her kid it's someone else's kid like fuck off lady your kid just you just kicked your kid out because you couldn't properly exactly it's like this is this is what i've been saying all along you know we always talk about ashley jacqueline's kid who's a disaster and the reason why i think uh ashley's disaster is because of this sort of parenting i'm sure jacqueline pulled all this sort of past aggressive shit all this time oh yeah and we're just too

we're too afraid to just hit our kids anymore. I know. Sometimes you need to... I mean, I was spanked as a kid, and I'm sorry. I totally believe in it. You know? The late, great Bernie Mac. America, beat your children. Absolutely. I'm going to put you in a corner, and I'm going to read a book at you,

and we're going to talk about how it makes you feel. Fuck that. You're getting a spanking. If you're an asshole, you get it spanked. You would think that if anyone would be down for spanking their kids, it'd be Teresa and Joe. I mean, they're like traditional allegedly, and yet they can't control their kids whatsoever.

They have to admit that their kids are doing something wrong in the first place. Teresa won't even admit that her husband's doing anything wrong. He's about to go to jail for like five different things. He's spent all their money. He can't doing anything wrong. He's about to go to jail for like five different things. He's spent all their money. He can't make any money. He's a drunk and abusive and she's like, oh, he's

a Gemini. There you go. Don't they get it? I'm funny like Lucy. Did she say that? Yeah, she said she likes to refer to herself as like Lucy. Oh, that's gorgeous. She likes to refer to herself as Lucy.

I thought she was like Lucy. Oh, boy. She means like Lucy the cave woman, okay? She means Lucy Arnaz. Lucy the ball's daughter, who is the daughter. It's not funny. Although she was my neighbor growing up. Isn't that strange?

She was? Yes. How crazy. She lived down the street. Amazing. She was not funny. Although she was my neighbor growing up. Isn't that strange? She was? Yes. How crazy. She lived down the street. Amazing. She was nice enough. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold,

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Black is beautiful. Not so bad. She wasn't so bad. Lucy Arnaz? Yeah. She's a big Broadway star, right? She is, and her husband, Luckinbill, whatever, he's a Broadway actor. So

now everyone who's tuned in has learned something else about society. Call me back on your show. I will talk about anything but the topic I'm having. Do you guys like oregano? I'll just talk about anything. Alright, let's move on to Orange County. Do you have more about New Jersey?

No, I was just going to talk about how Teresa was, when all this stuff with Gia happened, then Teresa became a total bitch and was like, you know, I didn't even want to come to the, like, Gia was complaining that she wanted to be down on the shore with her sisters and her dad. And then Teresa then says to everyone, well, I didn't want to come to

the field either, but, you know, I came to be a team player, you know, that's how good I am. Another backhanded, bitchy, awful comment from her. Well, I think she's saying that because she's showing up and these women hate her so much that they're picking any reason to just be a bitch to her. It's gotta be

uncomfortable. I mean, she is a cavewoman and a horrible person. But they're a bitch to her because she says things like this. Yeah, that's true. But she just walked in to two of the women who are passive-aggressively hating on her, telling her kid off. Yeah, but you know what, though? While she's outside.

You know what, though? It was great seeing that kid get told off. Even though Jacqueline was being passive-aggressive, Gia and all those demon children need some disciplining in their lives. Well, I don't know that Jacqueline's the one to do it. And also, Jacqueline's not really the one to be giving, like, losing weight advice to Lauren either. Yeah. You know, Jacqueline should not be giving advice to anyone about anything.

Okay? She's an idiot. She should go take it to Lucy Arnaz, okay? Run a don't walk sign. Like, one of those electric flashing signs. Stay away, Jacqueline. I'll walk when I want to. All right, so shall we move on

to OC now? I know you tried to transition before, and I halted it in its tracks. God. I know. Please stop fighting. Well, they did go bowling on the OC a couple weeks ago. They did, yeah. They did, and there was some minor drama. But this time they didn't.

This time, Alexis Bellino, boobs for Jesus she's called, because she has these big, giant, fake tits. And she's married to an older, really ugly, supposedly rich guy named Jim Bellino. And they're super Christian-y. And he controls her by saying,

well, that's what the Bible says. Oh, they seem really happy. And since she's an idiot, she just believes him. Well, she deserves it. She's a huge twit. She deserves it. And this year she had a birthday party for her twins. Yeah.

Her boobs? Yeah. Okay. The living twins. Okay. And she gives this big, long speech, and she's like, Thank you, everybody, for coming. The kids almost weren't born because I was on so many drugs, and it was a terrible pregnancy.

And I almost died. And I almost died. How old are the twins? Four. This is a room full of, like, toddlers and little children, and she's telling them how she almost died giving birth. How is that going to entertain slash help slash inform anyone? These are questions that don't really occur to Alexis.

That requires a certain amount of analytical slash critical thinking. I'm not sure that's really her forte. It's not even going to like, sorry, Ronnie walked away for a minute to deal with the dog. It's not even something that's even going to disturb a four-year-old. It's not even something that's even going to disturb a four-year-old.

It's not even going to scan. But a four-year-old is not really going to be like, that disturbs me. Right. They're certainly not going to sympathize with her. And what does she expect? Yeah. Well, I think she was playing to the parents who were there. I think she was trying to get some empathy.

And she just clearly just wanted to talk about herself. What drugs was she doing? I'm not sure. I think basically there was something that happened with the pregnancy. She got an embolism or something like that, like a pulmonary embolism. Oh, in her heart? I don't know. Or in her lung.

I don't know. She had a blood clot. That is lung, isn't it? Pulmonary means lung. Yeah, I think so. Oh, yeah. I think you're right. Another educational moment. Yeah, we know a lot about that, sure. Lucy Arnaz had an aneurysm.

Whilst she was bowling. Yeah, she was bowling. She got so mad talking about the dog and the ram. How did my dog get out? Your dog is outside? Oh my God, how did that happen? We have an emergency on the podcast.

I have no idea. The dog is like, I hate everything you guys are talking about. Can we just leave? What else? So now here's the other thing. So this was one of these very over-the-top birthday parties for these four-year-old girls. And Alexis goes through this whole thing about how, you know, when I was a kid, you know, for a birthday party, you invite over three or four people. And your mom busts out a homemade cake, like a little square cake.

You put some candles in it, and you have a fun time. And that was a birthday. I'm thinking, yes, exactly. So why is she now putting in thousands and thousands of dollars to have – she had pens of puppies. She had all these puppies that were brought in. She had these princesses that were people, women dressed as princesses. This whole ornate thing. How old are these women that are dressed like princesses? They vary in age, actually.

One looked like she was about 60 and one, and about three look like they may have been like 21. Oh, God. It was giving them, just giving them the fantasies that they've always wanted. Yeah, those are like the starving actors of Orange County. Oh, God. I just think I don't, and as you guys, if you're

listening, can tell, I don't really watch these shows regularly. I watch them enough to kind of know who the people are. But I think Orange County might be the most deplorable or beverly hills because i and i mean it says i live here yeah but i just feel like what is the because like new york new jersey atlanta like there's a real point of view there there's a real like regional thing where you get like the world of it but like orange county and i know they were the

first one right well what is the perspective perspective irvine the the perspective there? It's like Irvine. The perspective is like I would say the total, total nouveau riche trash. It's white trash with money more so than anywhere else. This is your question why they had a party with like puppy pens and women as princesses because it's nouveau riche trash. And what I liked – and the thing that's sort of funny is that on Beverly Hills, Taylor Armstrong has now thrown two over-the-top birthday parties, one involving a Mad Hatter tea party and everything and one involving horses and

a band playing. And they were ridiculous and over-the-top. Like a crazy party. And Alexis is like, I got some purple tablecloths and hired some princesses. Oh my god, this is so crazy and over the top. No, it's not you, sad poor bitch. And it's like just completely uncreative.

Nothing truly bizarre, outlandish. It's just like just gross. Well, it's just like the nouveau riche version. It just pales. I feel like everyone in Orange County is trying to be fancy like the people in Beverly Hills. The people in Beverly Hills are already nouveau riche. You have the nouveau riche trying to be the nouveau riche.

And it's just a disaster. One thing I sort of liked about this was that it was called a puppy princess party, but Alexis, she made a big point of noting that sometimes she likes to call it a princess puppy party. And I'm like, her life is so vapid. Yeah, she's like, well, I was it a princess puppy party. And I'm like, her life is so vapid.

Yeah, she's like, well, I was having a puppy princess party. I mean, well, I like to call it a princess puppy party. What you like to call it? Oh, did you name it that? Oh, you discovered that? Oh, my God. Her life is so empty that the delineation means something to her, you know? I like that.

That's what I call it. Like, isn't it a made-up thing? So when I go to the movies, I have popcorn, but I call it buttered popcorn. Just like, you did nothing with that. Don't stop talking about what you call things. She's the kind of person who says things like,

that's just my point in view. Ew! She did it on accident. My point and view point and view I and view she's just really and she's also the type of person who

she hires all these people to rearrange her house to do all this stuff at the party to bring in all this stuff and she gets a spray tan while it's happening and then she tells us if I can pull off this party it will really show that I really can do it all. I'm like, bitch, you're not doing anything but spray tan. You're not doing a damn thing.

And if really, even if you were, if that's your goal, and it's pulling off a party, it's just showing people that you can do something. For four-year-olds. Yeah, that's the thing. I really can't do everything. You know what four-year-olds like?

They like spicy Cheetos and mud. They like cartoons. They don't care about all this other crap. They don't care about all this shit. The other thing that's funny about her, I mean, talk about a princess for a princess party. When the party's actually going, one of the puppies pees on her floor. And she just stands and she goes, uh-oh, there was pee. There was pee.

Everyone, there was pee. And she just basically waits for someone to come and clean it up. I'm like, bitch, why don't you clean it up yourself? Get a napkin and watch it. Here's a paper towel. Here's you pulling off the part. She's got so many people working for her at that party. And then the other thing that was sort of also noteworthy, I thought, was that

again, her daughters are four years old and she had them put up, put in like full on makeup. Like, is it me? Is that like a little young to start wearing makeup as a girl? No, not when you don't have a point of view, a point in view. Not when you're a tramp in training. Just exactly when, you know, I mean. She's like, honey, you need more makeup. I want, you need more. i want you need more uh-huh

exactly i'm so confused like why are you a whore all of a sudden well i'm trying to look up tweets from alexis right now so she's awful but but this party wasn't the only thing that happened in the episode another thing that happened was that tamra um being the classy broad that she is, she got a tattoo previously of her then-husband Simon. He got a tattoo on her ring finger. So it was like his name was like a wedding band that was permanently on her finger. And then, of course, they divorced. Of course. Chop it off.

Chop off your finger. And she had a clip of when she did it. And she's like, look, babe, I got this done. And he's's like that's like the first unselfish thing you've ever done oh my god to be fair he was really incredibly selfish yeah totally it's so gross because it's like yeah mine forever and i draw my finger it's completely selfish yeah so hit me with this hand because you'll hurt your own name um We've got to actually wrap up, Benjamina. Do you have anything over there? We've only got Drew until 8.

Oh, man. It's not a hard out at 8, but I do need to go as close to them as possible. Well, there was other stuff. I guess we can go through quickly. I was going to talk about I was highly amused that Tamara and Eddie had this heart-to-heart conversation at this restaurant. But it was like this restaurant that was right next to a train track. And every time she'd be like sharing her soul, a train would come barreling through the window behind her.

Well, also the conversation was he's going to move in with her or what they're going to move in together. And she's got like three kids, right? She has three kids or two kids. How many kids does she have? Too many. I don't know. None of them are allowed to be seen on camera, though, and one of them is white trash. Yeah, she's got kids. One of them's like 25. But I don't know, because

what if you can't handle my kids and then you break up with me? And he's like, then I break up with you, babe. I mean, stop worrying about it. A.K.A. he's going to break up with her, by the way. I can't handle it. Then it's over. She kind of stops

crying for a second. That's not what you're supposed to say. And then the train comes barreling through. That's so professionally honest. I love that. He's like, exactly. This is exactly what I'll do. And then she'll turn around and be like, I had no idea why he broke up with me. The other thing on the episode was that Vicky and her daughter Brianna got into a big fight.

Huge fight. Because Brianna got. Of course Vicky's daughter's name is Brianna. I mean, that's what you need to know about Vicky. Which one's Vicky? Oh, she's the one that looks like Skeletor and she has a daughter named Brianna. Got it. No, Garbage Pailicky? Oh, she's the one that looks like Skeletor, and she has a daughter named Brianna. Got it. No, Puff is Garbage Pail Skeletor

because she's like puppy face. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's got some puff. So the big issue is that Brianna elopes, but now Brianna does not like Vicky's new boyfriend who she feels that Vicky has sort of run into this relationship too quickly.

So they got into a big spat about like, oh, you don't get to talk about doing things too quickly. And then they all started yelling at each other and citing different things they heard about each other about their spouses or boyfriends on the internet. And it's pretty intense, I would have to say. Which side did you take on it, Ronnie? Well, Vicky obviously didn't want Brianna outing all of this stuff on tv because

brianna basically let everybody know that vicky was basically having an affair with this man man when they were both married yeah and vicky's been trying to play it off like oh they met each other through business and they were just friends and then later became and got into a relationship and vicky's like you can't believe everything you read on the internet, Brianna. And she's like, Mom, it wasn't the internet. It was your personal computer. She's like, I can't believe you went there. I'm leaving. And she got up and left. This was the week of throwing your mom

under the bus. Like, Vicky got thrown under the bus and Caroline got thrown under the bus with the lap band. And I love that it was Mother's Day. Good, good. They both, happy Mother's Day, you assholes. You both deserve to be thrown under the bus. You're horrible. You're on these shows. This is what you did to humanity.

And also like the way you deal with a conflict with your daughters. You just – you say I'm leaving and you just go. Yeah. I don't deal with it at all. Well, her daughter is saying a bunch of shit that she could be in trouble for because she's not divorced yet. And her ex is trying to get money from her because now she's the rich one. Yeah. So he's trying to get money from her and if it's

out there that she was having an affair then she's in trouble. And Brianna just totally threw her under the bus. I love it. Happy Mother's Day! Brianna also needs her own show. Whether it be a talk show or whatever it is. Well, she's pregnant now

so it could be, you know, about birthing. I heard Dawn had cancer. What? Yeah, I don't know why they're not mentioning that on the show. God, what a downer. So, that's the podcast. Well, you know, they can only they can only... Thanks, you guys. It's been great.

Cancer high-fives, everybody. Let's talk about Lucy Arnaz again she can kick that woman that woman makes choices on stage that you wouldn't believe

she knows a lot of things about a lot of things including dogs and Iran come on she knows all the answers we'll get her on the podcast she's going to be the next guest Dogs in Iran. Come on. She knows all the answers. We'll get her on the podcast. You know what? She's going to be the next guest.

Next guest, Lucy Arnaz. I'd be so mad that I wasn't on that one. We'll have you back on it. She was like the mannish in that Benetella game. I'm going to be on a mission to make sure she comes on. Yeah.

I think, I'm sure she's on Facebook or Friendster. Well, I mean, she's pretty busy. You can get anybody now. Yeah. You can tell off any old person you want to. I want to go on, tell Julia Roberts off for that movie she came out in. What? Which one? The white movie. God, that was terrible. Why did you watch it?

The hard part is to be obsessed with Julia Roberts when she keeps doing shit like that. Yeah, and you're obsessed with her? I love her. Oh, see, I'm not. I like that. And you're obsessed with her? I love her. Oh, see, I've never been there. Yeah, I love her. I can imagine. We'll just have Julia Roberts on the podcast. How about that?

Get to her. Get to her. She's on Facebook. She's totally accessible. Guys, what if Julia Roberts was on Facebook? Like, she just uploaded pictures all the time. She had Farmville. Could you even imagine?

If you befriended Julia Roberts, she kind of would annoy you. Like all these requests, I guess. Sure. You got another zucchini in Farmville. I got poked by Julia Roberts. No one pokes Julia.

There's something amazing about the idea of superstars or just celebrities in general, doing things incredibly mundane. I know. I love it. It's what's kept Us Weekly in print for ten years. They're just like us. They're just like us. Well, you know she's got to be on Facebook.

In some way. In some capacity. Yeah. Well, she's got more free time lately. I'm not surprised if she's on there. I mean, she's probably a listener of the podcast, so let's not fool ourselves. Hi, Julia. How are you? I was just by Wines by Wives.

Huh? I got added on Twitter by Wines by Wives, the new wine club on Real Housewives of Orange County. What? Do you get like a monthly bottle of wine or anything from them? No, they're just following our tweets.

I see. You should let them know that they should have like a podcast that's sponsored by Wines by Wives or whatever and we drink wine and podcast. Wouldn't that be great? Yeah, maybe have some of those crazy bitches on here. Well, you have this crazy bitch on here back too because I love wine.

So let me know when you're doing that. Oh, yeah. It will be just like a huge roundtable. We'll just have a podcast with like 10 people on it. Oh. And we'll all talk at once. And drunk. Yeah, 10 people drunk on a Radical laptop.

That will be real successful. It will be real fun. Kind of like my social life as it is. All right. Well, thanks for having me on, like my social life as it is. All right. Well, thanks for having me on, you guys. Thank you so much for coming on. And thanks, everybody, for listening. Yeah.

You can follow B-Side at B-Side Blog on Twitter, and me, Flip It, or at TVgasm. And what's yours? Twitter. My Twitter handle is just at Drew Droege. That's D-R-E-W-D-R-O-E-G-E. Yeah. I'm going to follow you right now. Follow me.

I'll follow you back. Follow. Okay, everybody. Thanks a lot. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Thanks, everyone. Bye.

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