Watch What Crappens - House of the Dragon: Face Off

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* House of the Dragon sends in yet another cast and celebrates the King's getting out of bed with a sweet family dinner. ...Join Patreon at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens This week's bonus episode features very heavy opinions on movies we haven't seen.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. But when people run around, kids run, happens like this so much that happens. Hello, and welcome to Winter is Caroppany. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there.
Starting point is 00:00:52 Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Hello, Ben Saras. Good. Welcome to your show. And welcome to the show, everybody. Thank you for joining us.
Starting point is 00:01:03 We're going to be talking about House of the Dragon Season one Very good episode. I'm very touching family scenes lots of just like hey, you can marry your sister your marital side just as much as everyone else's scenes Really really touching stuff some great brutality. I was just thinking, God, this show needs some sword fights. There's no sword play in this show. Where's sword fights? Then someone gets their head chopped off.
Starting point is 00:01:31 Kind of. It was a sloppy chop. We'll judge that later. But yeah, it was, it reminded me, definitely, of like, Fruit Ninja. It was like, you know, yeah, it's like not a full point on Fruit Ninja. I don't know how you get. It wasn't like, right off. It was like, just all part of the, you know, part of the melon a full point on fruit ninja. I don't know how you get. It wasn't like right off.
Starting point is 00:01:45 It was like just all part of the, you know, part of the melon or whatever you're cutting there. But everybody, thanks for joining us. This is a crap and it's on demand episode. So you can see this. It's here beautiful faces on video. Just go to patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. Okay.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Watch what crap ends. It's our other podcast where we talk about brother stuff, housewives, summer house, fan-to-pop rules, et cetera. So go check it out. But today it's all House of the Dragon, all the time. Big, another big episode full of high drama
Starting point is 00:02:22 and people doing things that made me mad. Like a lot of people, like like you know, I have to say We'll get into the recap. I have to say you know what this king. I'm glad he died. I'm just gonna say it right now I mean, we knew he was going to die. I knew that I'm telling you right now I knew he would be all knew he was gonna die. I'm sad that his I'm sad that his life is over for his family But honestly, let's be honest He was a it was a useless. He was a real he was not a good king He was a he was an ineffectual leader. He couldn't even kill a deer. Honestly at least with one strike
Starting point is 00:02:55 He raised two huge brats. I mean we can't just blame Alice and for it He was the dad of those two brats. Okay, that's that that enough. That's a terrible legacy And then no you can't just ask everything He was the dad of those two brats. Okay, that's enough. That's a terrible legacy. And then, just for you guys, everyone's everything. You don't get to blame the grandparent. I can blame Elsa, but he can also blame the king. You know what? He, he's not the grandpa.
Starting point is 00:03:15 He's not the dad. Yeah, he reads like a grandpa. I also, but, well, he is a grandpa. He's like a grandpa and a dad. I mean, you know, I think saying what your name is and a family on the show is sort of irrelevant because you can be both like a grandfather, and a brother, and a spouse, all to the same person.
Starting point is 00:03:33 Yeah, this isn't really a good show to look up the family tree on. It's a circle. It's just a circle. Yeah. And everybody's inside fucking each other. It's the only family tree you'll ever look at where the branches are fucking. Right. Literally fucking. And I'm just like, you know, you have to mess everything up with your
Starting point is 00:03:51 dying breath. Is that really what you have to do? Thanks a lot, King. Like even in your last moments, you were literally going to cause so much chaos. Everything was fine. Like just don't say anything. Just just go and be like, whoever's standing over me, great knowing you. Can you verify, you know this is a family secret? Can you verify some identities first? Can we get some sort of thumbprint scan? Can we get some facial recognition before we start sharing our secrets? Come on now.
Starting point is 00:04:21 It's just an wink, because as someone who likes gossip, I just hate to think that my dying breath, I'm gonna be like, ooh girl, remember that gossip I told you, like come on, get a life, you know? I would like to think that by that time I'd be above it, which I probably won't be. But, you know, it made me sad, seeing like you still just want a gossip about your fucking secret.
Starting point is 00:04:39 And I don't even think it came true, did it, and gave it to Ronan, so like the prince, it was promise. Who the fuck was that? That was Jon Snow. That was Jon Snow. I think I'm pretty sure Jon Snow was the truth. Well, he was, you know, he kept,
Starting point is 00:04:52 I'll tell you what he did, he kept going to the North. Every single season, I gotta go back North of the wall, like the worst thing ever. He never just like hung out for a moment. You know what Jon Snow did? He cried pretty early, okay? And got, he went to the battles, the battles were fun, and that super power kind of way where everybody else gets beheaded,
Starting point is 00:05:08 but him somehow, he was right in the middle of it. But you know, he did do stuff like that. And he was pretty cute. And he did come back to life with magic or whatever. But for the most part, I mean, the guy just cried. I mean, grow a pair, Is it too light spoiler alert? Grow up here, John snow for fun. Yeah. Yeah. Geez. Either way, also by the way, King, if you're gonna be like, oh, make a gun, you got two A gun grandsons. Okay, you have to start, like you have to start making the differentiation, you know, like it's very amazing. Well, the naming is very confusing on this show. You
Starting point is 00:05:44 can have just keep naming everybody the same damn thing. I know. This is coming from a family with two randals. I know, because we now have, we've had a lot of names that are close, like we had Vaman, Vaman and Damon, and then we had Aegon and Amond, but now we actually have Aegon and Aegon and Amond.
Starting point is 00:06:03 And I just, you know, I get it But also like if you if you have a big secret You got to be specific You got he got he cannot like you got across those teas if you're telling your prophecies, you know It's just laziness. It's like spin the keychain wheel, you know of names at Disneyland when you're buying a Keychain with your kids name on it. Spin the wheel. It's like he just stopped on a it's like a gone, you know, and then he just kept it there. Spin it around. Maybe there's a maybe there's a bob in there, you know, Brad, you know, Samuel.
Starting point is 00:06:38 Samuel. Yeah, I'm very disappointed. I'm just saying I'm disappointed in the king. I'm also kind of disappointed in the show because they're gonna basically hang a whole war on this king's dying. Well, I'm actually disappointed in Allison too because you know that the king had said anything else. She'd be like, oh, he was saying nonsense. He was dying, it was nonsense. But now he's like, oh, Aegon should be king.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Now she's gonna be like, oh, he wanted it. That's what he wanted it. You know what, Allison? I've had enough of you, okay? Yeah, well, I was expected to be disappointed in her, but I was not disappointed in the king, and I was not disappointed in the show. How dare you.
Starting point is 00:07:11 I love every second of it. I love, I love it. No matter how many times they recast it, they really get people who understand how to play a better family. Because you would think that this family has been together forever, this group of actors, the way that they hate each other. It's so funny. Love that they
Starting point is 00:07:29 cast Laura Dern as the new amen. I think that that is just fantastic. You know, she really does a great job in everything. I'm like, finally, Laura Dern with my patch. Yeah, that's a great observation. No, I enjoyed the episode. I'm just saying, I realized when the king died, I was like, you know, I've had enough of this kid. His time has come anyway. Also, by the way, whoever idea it was to give the king a mysterious illness, I applaud it because at this point, I believe that was purely to get an Emmy for makeup.
Starting point is 00:08:02 Because I don't understand why the king looked like he was 75 years old and his brother still looks like he's like 42. I don't understand that at all. And I was like, I think this was this entire story about the illness was built in purely so that way they could get an Emmy for hair and makeup. Yeah, well, maybe, yeah, because Damon, they didn't even give Damon a different hair due this time. They're just like, yeah, that's just stringer.
Starting point is 00:08:25 You're Damon. He has a great skin care regime. They're like, I also like the story. I was thinking about the names last night. We will recap this episode at some point, everybody. Sorry, it's Monday. So we're like, hi, what'd you do? Let's talk about names for having.
Starting point is 00:08:37 I don't know. So I was thinking about the names too and how crazy they are. It's so weird to write them down, you know, because you're like, where does the Valgo? And everybody's got a crazy name and then the show's star. The show's like previously or whatever. So I'm trying to type, remember everybody's name and then the show begins and it's like starring Matt Smith. I was like, okay, you know, that's a naming process
Starting point is 00:09:03 I can understand, you know, that's a naming process I can understand. You know, give me a good Matt Smith. Yeah, the very clean, basic name like, yeah, two syllables total. Total. Let's find the most basic. Do we have a John Smith? No, Matt Smith, that'll work. Matt Smith.
Starting point is 00:09:19 Yeah, okay. All right. Yeah. All right. All right. So we start with Ray Nees, my favorite Aunt Ray Nees. I just feel like's start. So we start with Ray Nice, my favorite Aunt Ray Nice. I just feel like you have to be a bad ass with Ray Nice. I've never known a weak person.
Starting point is 00:09:30 Like your daughter is in the infirmary again, man, begging for you to come pick her up from school again. Please come get Ray Nice. No, it's like, man, your daughter Ray Nice is here in the principal's office. She just kicked about half a kindergarten's ass. Come get Reinis immediately, please. Yeah, Reinis has definitely not done the dishes yet.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Like that's her lot in life. Like Reinis, have you done the dishes yet? And you know, she's got like some long middle name just because it's always screamed out to because she's doing shit wrong in the house. Like Reinis, Albuquerque, Val Valery and Kitsurass down here. I was gonna say I felt like her middle name might be a Susan like Rainy's Susan but I think I like Albuquerque as her middle name actually I think
Starting point is 00:10:13 I like I'm gonna take Albuquerque unless it's both Rainy's Albuquerque Susan Targaryen you get over here and you do those dishes You get over here and you do those dishes. So season's name for the ant. And I love when people are like protecting driftwood, like it's the best thing. And you know, you see the driftwood thrown and I'm like, what is that chair? It looks like a broken wine barrel. It's like one of those giant wine barrels they have when you go to the Napa Valley.
Starting point is 00:10:46 They're like, oh, welcome, have a tasting. Look, you can get the wine directly out of the barrel. It's like someone made a chair out of that. And then I mean, honestly, for the first like half or three quarters of this episode, I was like, do people realize y'all are fighting over a broken ass wooden throne off in the boonies?
Starting point is 00:11:04 Like, why are you guys care so much about this right now? They sure do. So right now, right now, the curky. So she's like, it's been six years since my husband has disappeared. But he live, well, he live. And we're like, Corley, Corley gone. Come on.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Don't do this to Corley. I really needed to see Corley's aging makeup gone, come on. Don't do this to Coralus. I really needed to see Coralus's aging makeup. I was really excited. Yeah. Also, like, can we, why are they just skipping over something interesting that happened? Like, could we not have had like an opening scene of Coralus in the battlefield getting hurt?
Starting point is 00:11:38 Like could be given us that. I mean, that would have been much more interesting than, you know, half of the scenes of people walking much more interesting than, you know, half of the scenes of people walking through always brooding, you know. Also, someone else who has an aged reneas, is that in her contract? It's like, how many years has gone by? Reneas is still like, like, reneas hit 46 and just stayed there. She started this 46.
Starting point is 00:12:01 She's going to end this 46. What do you use? Well, she's like just like that. Maybe back then they didn't have Botox, they just would like let one of the crabs bite you like right here, where I get my Botox. Set the crab for the socks. I think that she's like a Jessica Biel
Starting point is 00:12:17 or like a Fade down a way. Someone who in their 20s look like they were 46 and then when they hit 46, they have achieved what their faces always look like. and then going forward, they actually always look younger. It's sort of like a pendulum swinging. So I think that's probably in 26. My weight changes, but I feel like I hit 40 at 20. I looked really old, younger, and then I'm just going to stay there, hopefully was tricked into a ship. I mean, there's an episode tricking quarterly into a ship. Like, what was there?
Starting point is 00:12:49 The sound of slot machines, I mean, what a lot of it in the ship. They just opened a yogurt land in this doorway. Come, this way, call us. Pop some popcorn, call us coming. He's like, hmm, it's not the smell of popcorn. Like, what was it? Yeah, so he let his sailors into an ambush,
Starting point is 00:13:05 and then it's basically Vayman does telling this. He's like, and into fighting his neck was slashed by a courses dagger, and he fell overboard into the sea, and the wound was severe. Much blood was lost. It's like, he got his hands stuck in an abandoned machine, didn't he? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:21 Who's trying to get out of that? Probably the Milky Way. We promised him we'd tell a better story. Yeah Well, yeah, so he got his next slash by a corsair's dagger So I looked up corsair because I didn't know what that was. I just thought it was like a brand of you know hair dryer and It's a pirate. Okay, it's a pirate of corsairs a pirate. So you're telling me pirates tricked a pirate, of course, he has a pirate. So you're telling me pirates tricked Coralie into a boat and then slashed his neck and I don't have any footage of that. That sounds like an amazing episode.
Starting point is 00:13:51 Yeah, why can't we get episode, why can't we see that? I would have liked to have seen that. The biggest concern is that he got a blood sickness and he's burning from within. He has gangrene basically. And so he's like sick and they're there, he's on route, like he's burning from within. He has gangrene basically. And so he's like sick and there, he's on route, like he's coming to Driftwood, like the boat is delivering him, but he's not there yet. He's like the one person on the show who can't get placed this quickly. So, the granddaughter, I forget what your granddaughter was,
Starting point is 00:14:20 but she's like, this is gonna make it strong, because the uncle's like, you know, he's basically pastoring, it was bailer. Yeah. He's like, yeah, but like, you know, Coro, this is probably going to die like no offense. And Rainy is just like, well, I would not suffer the talk of Cruz in my house, Vemond. Yeah. Because you know, Crotoc, we don't do that.
Starting point is 00:14:44 Especially to someone. So yeah, she's not talking about her crow's feet with you. And Vela's like, the seas make it strong. And she's like, we're not talking about your father's virility right now, Vela. All right. And Vela's like, well, listen, blood fever kills people, okay? Burning from the inside that you're not here about. I'm just with thinking it's like heartburn. Like Coralie's just eating too late at night. Or something.
Starting point is 00:15:07 I didn't know what it was back then, you know. Well, the Masons have not really proven to have a great track record on the show. Let's be honest. They haven't. You know how we have a show, the doctors now, it's like a talk show because everybody really respects doctors.
Starting point is 00:15:21 There was no the Masons back there. Would they like us? Let's just gather about the doctors and see what they think about topics. Yeah, there was no show called MR, like maester version of ER. So it all takes place in a break room. It's like what else did they do? Robes? It was called robes. That's what I was saying.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Well, he was done with the blood sickness, so I made him eat coffee filters. Hopefully that'll work. So good idea, my store. So, sorry anyway, so Raymond is like, I love my brother, but we must be honest with ourselves. And we may greet his ship to find him gone. And then who will take the drift would throne. And they cut to Rainey sitting on this thing. It's literally like half the throne is broken off. It's like literally not only like the worst throne we've ever seen in the world of Game of Thrones,
Starting point is 00:16:15 it's like one of the worst terms we've ever seen on television. It is literally like a half broken Adirondack chair. Yes, Adirondack chair. That is exactly what it's like. It's like an old decrepit Adirondack chair. Yes, Adirondack chair. That is exactly what it's like. It's like an old decrepit Adirondack chair on a beach. And she's like, I'm like, she's doing it. Adirondack, sucking the bottom lip. Like, oh, God, here he is. And he goes, I am the sea
Starting point is 00:16:34 snake's brother. I was like, okay, well, that explains his attitude because that can't be easy. Big brothers with someone named the sea snake in high school. You know, it's like, oh, you know, the sea snakeake, which one's that a snack like? It's like, you're never gonna live up to that. Yeah, you're like, yeah, it's hard. I mean, the thing is this, like, Vaman does kind of hot actually, and I feel like he's like, I'm hot and yet I'm not the one who gets any attention, and I think that he probably struggles with that a little bit, you know?
Starting point is 00:17:04 Yeah, I mean, C-Snake's my brother, you know? Yeah, I mean, it's he's next to my brother, you know? Yeah. So they can very already complex, yeah. Yeah, he's like, well, I should get the throne. And she's like, excuse me, one could take your word for creation. And so he approaches the throne. And he's like, I speak the truth. And she's like, the matter has been decided.
Starting point is 00:17:21 Okay. A kid named Lucy has been considered more of a man than you. He's like, yeah. Yeah. I'm being beaten by Lucy. So, he's doing the whole thing, like, what about the Vellaria 9? Is it to be snuffed out? It's implanted by the pubs of the house strong. Drift Mark is mind-blowing. I bought that ad-round act here five years ago from Home Depot, and I will see it through to completion, okay? And while I should like your support, I do not need it, Renees.
Starting point is 00:17:53 Yeah, and he's like the winds have shifted, and the crown has shifted, and they will be on my side. Listen, the crown's still on a head, sir. It may be shifting, but it is not. Otto's not wearing a crown yet. Okay. He's got his little stupid brooch back, but you guys need to calm down. Brooch back mountain. Okay. You an auto with your love. So he's like, it's not the king who sits on the iron throne these days. Good. Just it is a queen. And she's like, damnmit. It's a vagina. He's got to put the very unreliable
Starting point is 00:18:27 Man told me yes So then we have this like sweeping aerial shot that's like flying over Whatever it's called dragon something wherever Dragonstone. Yes, thank you and And basically, there's a mountain, and then there's a person's or spilunking down a crevice. And then it winds up being basically dammit,
Starting point is 00:18:53 and then he gets an egg out of Dragon plus end. There's like, whatever it is, if the egg is hidden in something, he's like, just like, let's get rocked, but it's goopy, pulls out an egg, he gets an egg. He has the dragons. And then dragons. Could you do me a favor?
Starting point is 00:19:06 Watch your eggs. Like seriously, you just leave a huge mound of dragon placenta sitting in a game. You don't hear like you don't hear the footsteps. Like what's going on guys? You think at some point dragons would be like, you know what? Our eggs keep getting stolen. What the heck? We should watch them.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Every animal has really good instincts about their eggs, I feel like except for those dragons. You know, maybe snapping turtles, they're not good with their eggs, I feel like. Fucking snapping turtles. That's why they're always so bitchy. They're like snapping at everybody all the time and you're like, it's your own fault. Watch your eggs. What are you snapping at?
Starting point is 00:19:43 Yeah, watch your eggs. Yeah, it takes some respawn. That's not really snapping turtles. They bury their eggs in the dirt, and then they leave, and then animals come and eat the eggs. And then they're like, oh, what happened to my eggs? It's like, well, you went back to the pond to do shady things, snapping turtle. Basically, you set up a golden corral
Starting point is 00:20:00 for the rest of the animals, okay? Yeah, like me, snappy. Don't blame me. Then the game comes out? Yeah. Only me, Snappy. Don't blame me. Um, gaming comes out and he's like, ah, Syrac's brought a fresh clutch. And I was like, I love it. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:20:11 It's like a part, you know, like a little purge. Two little clutch. Yeah. Can you imagine if the dragon's just like, gave birth to like very chic clutches. Like, oh my god, we're having a trunk show. Syrac's just delivered a new clutch. Do you guys love it? It's so good for the season. I could see Sutton's track putting a handle Like, oh my god, we're having a trunk show, Syriks, just delivered a new clutch.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Do you guys love it? It's so good for the season. I could see Sutton Stratk putting a handle on a dragon, Ed, and Caring good around as a purse. I could totally see that. So, he gets a tiny scroll. It's like the course. And so he opens this tiny scroll. And it's from Reinius and Baylalor and they're like, you're fucked.
Starting point is 00:20:45 Not C-Sonic is coming in to demand some power. Watch out. He's like, oh yeah. Yeah. It's funny because the innovation of larger pieces of paper is not quite hit this world yet. They're like, okay, we're gonna have a tiny piece of paper that's very long and we're gonna have on very, very slowly. I'm like, you know, you guys can have larger pieces of paper, right? Like it doesn't have to be this small and narrow. We can have larger scrolls, but apparently not. A lot of penmanship, you know, it's like so tiny.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Like how do you guys do that? I accidentally bought college rules paper for like my little notebooks and I was like, I'm not catching that. Like who writes like that? So people in college, I guess. So Ray Ray comes down and her son, what's his buttons? Jace is getting class from like Rosetta's, the original Rosetta's.
Starting point is 00:21:39 He's an dual lingo for Targaryen at the moment or Hivalarian. I'm sorry. Hivalarian, yeah. And it's like simple words are so big in Valyrian. He's a duo lingo for Targaryen at the moment or high valarian. I'm sorry high valarian Yeah, and it's like simple words are so big and valarian. The language is a very smart thing to have to say it's like the sentence is open the door and they're like So conchise is how many syllables do you need open the door just open the door. I'm just gonna knock I'm not even gonna say anything. Cause the sentence is too fucking long. Yeah, he's trying to learn his high valerian, you know, a tourist lingo, like, like, where is the bathroom? It's like, no, you just asked for a watermelon.
Starting point is 00:22:14 But, um, does this room come with a coffee maker? It's like, the giant amount of log is 20 minutes to get there. So, um, I'm gonna say, um, I'm gonna say, um, But does this harm come with a coffee maker? It's like the giant amount of log is 20 minutes to get there. So anyway, so he's learning because he feels like as a future king, he should honor the traditions of his forebears. This is like a way for us to see that he's like good because he cares about tradition and he's like thinking about things on a more elevated plane than just like being a dick and ceiling drag.
Starting point is 00:22:49 I feel like this is a moment, it's like a character building moment for Chase. And so I guess, but I don't know that our four bearers traditions are always the best. You know, it's like, mom, I'm honoring traditions. I'm going to go out and protest women's voting. There are a lot of people who do who do rely on the tradition it's used for that kind of stuff. You're right. But in this case he's just he wants to keep the language alive. Okay. Yeah. I know. It literally says I'm hungry for knowledge. Mother. Okay. you can call me down. Okay, Grand Canyon University. So it's definitely a Phoenix online ad right there. I'm hungry. Hungry for knowledge, mother.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Good. If you've been with cinnabon, I'll say you're younger, you little fucker. Shut up. University of Fedex now offering classes in high valerian. University of Phoenix now offering classes in high valerian. I wish it was like a real mother's son conversation where the mother is like really high valerian. Yes, I'm hungry for knowledge. Who speaks high valerian? Right. Could you maybe Spanish?
Starting point is 00:23:56 Spanish is a huge one, okay? Like let's do Spanish. You can actually meet some nice people, okay? No, high valerian, mother. No, high valerian because it's actually really interesting, because it teaches you a lot about the roots of words. And also for like math, there's actually a lot of, this is not Latin, it's Havillarian,
Starting point is 00:24:14 equally useless, actually even more useless, because you doesn't have any of those features of Latin. So stop it, learn Spanish now. Yeah, Havillarian where it's too long to be the root of anything. So she's like, pal, unless you're planning to depose your own mother, you've got time to study. And she's doing that thing where she's rubbing her stomach.
Starting point is 00:24:33 Like, yes, right, right, we know you're pregnant. Oh, here's the thing I read about this show. In the books, people said in the books, her character gets really chubby after childbirth. And that's like one of her storylines. It's like she's, her character gets really chubby after childbirth and that's like one of her storylines, it's like she's all upset that she's chubby. I want chubby Ray Ray. I don't like that.
Starting point is 00:24:51 You guys change that. I need that. Bring that to me. Yeah. I think we all enjoyed that arc on Mad Men when it happened to what's her face. You know? Love that arc on everything. You know where I really love that arc real life.
Starting point is 00:25:03 I love that arc. I was going to arc, I go through all the time. I don't have children. I don't really have that you know excuse or reason, but I love it. It's a good arc. Get to it. You know by the way, I was just going to dance everywhere. That's what I need. You know, like I don't want Ray Ray being a happy shirt. How do I find this, but with elastic? How do I find this with elastic? The elastic throne. I have to say, I don't remember if I said this last episode or not,
Starting point is 00:25:34 but when you mentioned that Ray Ray was like, not being her stomach, I don't feel like I see a lot of pregnant women walking around just rubbing their stomachs like that all the time. But on this show, it's constant. People walk into room, like a pregnant lady walks into room and then she stops and she's like, I'm going to rub my stomach right now to tell the audience that I'm pregnant. It's like, I think like the novelty of that aspect that like there is, like there's
Starting point is 00:25:58 like a little baby in there. I think that's probably worn off for her at this point. She's just like, oh, get me to a chair. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest
Starting point is 00:26:24 and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego
Starting point is 00:26:49 in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. Let them come here. Show.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Now we get to see Damon and Ray Ray is a couple. Oh my God, standing. So shipping, shipping down. So Damon comes in. She's a... Coraless. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, he's like, um, tiny scroll alert. And she's like, oh, a scroll, I love him. So she's like squinting. And she goes, oh my God. So they mean to call into question, loose to legitimacy and backstabbed in cheese. And
Starting point is 00:27:36 my own claim to the throne. She's like, did you hear that audience? That's why you should care about this storyline right now because it is questioning my legitimacy. My children's claim to the throne. This is important for the story. Continue dear husband. Well, they have to because like in the next scene probably 25 years has gone by, you know, like they have to just... Yeah. The first parts of the episode are always like monologues about what exactly is going on. So it's like, oh, God, they only really care about Driftmark and the Vilarie line and that stupid AdRondack chair. Just say congratulations. We're putting your name brother of C Snake on the God
Starting point is 00:28:17 Damn AdRondack. All right. Oh fuck. Yeah. So they're just like, they're worried, you know, because Ray Ray is worried that Rene is going to be going back to, is going to basically start, is going to ally with the high towers. Essentially, that's the big concern that when Bayman and Rene is going to like, it's all going to go against Ray and her kids. And Damon's like, no, no, no, she would never do that. Because whatever disagreements we may have had, she's not cruel. He was like, disagreements. She thinks we murdered her son. Yeah. She thinks we had her son killed so we can get in cessed married. And he's like, yeah, but come on. I mean, she did take Bayla as a ward. That was very sweet. And she's like, yeah, because of Lena, she's honoring
Starting point is 00:29:05 Lena. All right, she's got no love for us. Also, what are you two dragons just leaving your children wherever? It's like, sure, take me, La, to take her. Go ahead. She's always learned, she's always wanted to learn how not to make Adorondack chairs. Take her for the summer. What do we care? Yeah, well, the brewed in that household is getting quite large because you've got you got Damon's kids you got a Ray Ray's kids and apparently there's already three new No Targaryen kids in the mix. So it is like a wild It is a wild wild Brady Bunch going on there like a TLC show over there seriously. So Damon's
Starting point is 00:29:44 They're talking about Corley and, whether he's going to live or whatever. And then he's like, well, how could they get all the way to Ray Nees to talk her into betraying us? Has the viper's of Adam spread so far? And she's like, those viper's ruling my father's name. And my father, what choice do I have? We're like, what about your father? What about it?
Starting point is 00:30:05 And they decide to go to King's Landing. Yeah, because they need to get involved here, right? Yeah. So they arrive and they show up in the courtyard. And there's like a guy's like, Oh, Ray Ray, Princess of Dragonstone, and the Iron Throne, and her royal concept, Prince Daemon Targary brings them and Dargarian and it's like, it's like scattered applause like no one really cares.
Starting point is 00:30:30 No one's there to be resumed. Yeah, everyone, there's such kiss asses like they only are nice to you if you're like in power. It's like, she's gonna be in power. Who cares? She's not yet, don't applaud. Just stare at her awkwardly as she walks in. So, when Brenda Blethin shows up at Craig's, there's one paparazzi that takes a photo of her. It's like, that's Brenda Blathen.
Starting point is 00:30:50 And they're like, yeah, but... Out of power. I know. She hasn't really done a lot of work in Hollywood in a long time. I know she does work in England, but not really here. So we're not here. Did a voice will only carry you so far, Brenda? That was 20 years ago since the Oscar nomination, let's be honest.
Starting point is 00:31:06 So I really love that the guy who's announcing the name, they put his name up on the screen if you have closed captioning. And his name, it's like such a pop star name, Stefan Darklin. I love that. Yeah, we're having auditions for the name reader. He's like, I'm Martin Luckezi, the boring. I need to come up with something better. So the next year he shows up in a little leather jacket, and his name is Stefan Darklin.
Starting point is 00:31:34 They're like, you've got something, kid. So Ray-Rez, they're walking around and she's like, wow, I hardly recognize it in here since Allison has been decorating. I see a lot of Mackenzie Child and some, I see a poster that just says Paris on the Nifle Tower. That's nice. There's a, there's a live laugh love.
Starting point is 00:31:59 I guess I should have expected that. Gather sign, okay. There's a sign above the door that just says door. So, yeah, it's just obvious TJ back signs, you know, or like those crochet art where it's like, look, it's a, it's crochet, but it's just hanging on the wall. But so her. The small council.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Now all they're all their like cups of meat are in glasses that say like sassy, you know, tequila o'clock. Time for wine. She's just walked so late because it's like creepy feeling, you know, and then miss Baldi McBaldi comes out and I love this guy. The bald night. He's like, well, come back. Prince has talked about someone who has an age today. That's another one. He went bald at probably 15 and still just looks as handsome. Bless his heart.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Yeah. Yeah. He's done. He's, he's really, he's avoided the aging bug. So then we go into the small council and the old God, Mr. Mr. Roper, uh, also known as Lord Beesbrue. I feel like I never knew his name until today, but he's yammering on about guess what? The stepstones. Like where are the stepsos have been set to done?
Starting point is 00:33:16 They all improved custom duties. So I was doing well. And everyone's just like bored because like literally all they've been talking about for the past six years has been the stepstones as you know used to wonder like, you know, we're done. We're done with the stepstones. Yeah, but if they had listened to Beesbury in the beginning, they wouldn't have to still talk about this with they. So I think he was always like, step so, like, shut up about the stepstones.
Starting point is 00:33:35 And here we are. So auto's like falling asleep. He's like, so boring. I don't like this part of power. I don't like it. So then they start talking small city news, you know. They're like, we need only the best for the festival of the mother. So we see that religion has really started to take over here.
Starting point is 00:33:55 And Al is like, oh God, thank you so much for that exhaustive accounting. Mr. B's. Bray. All right, Jesus Christ. And then the night comes in and asks us that the guest are there. And she's like, Oh God, I was really hoping to hear this news from Stefan Darklin. He's sitting here.
Starting point is 00:34:17 What's he wearing today? Has he released his new single yet? I can't wait to hear it. So so she's like, oh, okay. And then I was like, well, go, you know, I trust the guests have been, have been welcomed as the Fitzgerald station, which is sort of like a dig because they weren't welcomed at all. And I was like, yeah, I hope you threw some Diet Coke cans at their head on the way in. And one of the guys that counts was like, well, if it was my understanding that Paul is
Starting point is 00:34:45 wished his grandson to succeed him. So why the meeting? And that latitude with the stick gift is like, well, the poor husband raised most of his life away from drift mock, he could ride his dragon, but can he combine the fleet? And so God did they just find the smartest person alive to play this? I
Starting point is 00:35:07 Know swimming while you talk. He's like, yeah, I'm kidding something about And they're all they're all getting very happy about this whole topic because one one's like well That does not affect the claim and then there's this one guy who he's like he's like a douchey bearded guy And he's like with a seasick has never named him as an heir. And the crowd must choose what is best for the realm. And Beesbury is like, but he is laid off son. What grounds could be, oh! And then the other, the douche guy's like,
Starting point is 00:35:35 indeed, Lord Beesbury, what indeed? I was like, no, just because he's saying, indeed back in a serious way, does not mean you have a good point. Douche bag. Yes, I can't think that this kid's a bastard, or does not mean you have a good point. Do you shaback? Yes, I get it. You think that this kid's a bastard or whatever, but it's still her son. I mean, I don't care if a bus driver knocked her up, it's still her son.
Starting point is 00:35:53 So you should get the throne, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Like, have you never seen a melodrama about a mom with an adopted son? Have you never seen that moment where they say, you're still, you're still my child. It doesn't matter whether there's blood or not, but you are my child. Have they ever seen that scene before?
Starting point is 00:36:09 Don't they realize it's real? Exactly. And if you're going by blood, the powerful blood belongs to Ray Ray. It didn't belong to Laynor. What did Laynor have? A fucking Adirondack chair. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:20 Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Get so pissed off about it. So she kind of marches out and Night comes after her a night with a man bun, which I love to so cute. Yeah comes after and he's like Your Grace a matter has a reason. She's like oh save it. Varic. And he goes ma'am. I'm Eric. Oh Well, fuck me. I'm so sorry
Starting point is 00:36:47 Oh, well, fuck me. I'm so sorry. It was crazy. The V was silent, man. All right. Fucking original name. But he went egg on fucking loser. Yeah. Like the first person in this world of duplicate names, the first person to be like, actually, there's a such a difference. And you're going to correct the queen of all people. Like when she calls you, Ferric or Derek or Kerick, that is your name for the next five minutes. She is the queen. She's like, so sorry, man, but can we just stick with man, but keep this simple. He's like, it's about the princess. There's a delicate situation in his apartments and she just gets that look on her face like, oh, God, did he rape somebody again?
Starting point is 00:37:20 I'm fat, why do you get? Thank you, Merrick. So then, so now, me, now, Ray Ray goes into her dad's room and there's spider webs all over his model town, which is sad. Means. And it's, well, it's actually happy because it means that there's some spiders that move to, and they're like, oh my god, we hit the jackpot. There's so many places for webs.
Starting point is 00:37:41 And it's like, the city, it's spider city. They're like, they like all their friends. Like, I'm happy for that spider. Also, you know what? I have to go with you on your King Varys is a lazy a hole, even though he's dying. Sorry. What has been done to that model of the city? Nothing. That has been the same fucking city from the beginning 20 years, 20 years. I mean, seriously, what are you doing in there all day? Is that like your secret place that you really go look at like scroll scroll hub or whatever like what are you doing in there because
Starting point is 00:38:11 you're not doing models of the city. Well there are definitely some spider that are larping in there right now like pretending that they're humans and they're like good day to you good day to you they're like pretending their day to you, good day to you. They're like pretending they're merchants in the streets right now and then catching up. One last little spider. It's like, my name's not Varic, it's Eric. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh So Ray Ray and Damon go into the model room and they're like, yeah, and she's like, for that. And he's in his mosquito netting and he's like an old vampire now.
Starting point is 00:38:54 He's just like in the head and, you know, I'm looking about, it's on Trent. I'll just say, yeah, I mean, I understand the disease has made him age quite a bit, but I still feel like they've made him still look about 50 years older than his brother at this point, even with the disease, I don't think he would normally look that old. Well, I love that he is like a diva, because he's really kind of a boring guy, you know, he's just like a very milk toast guy. But as he ages, he's a diva because now he's got sleeves. He's got like silk sleeves that are like tied on his arm, but then have like the big bow collar thing
Starting point is 00:39:31 on the collar of the sleeve. And I was like, you are fabulous. I love your Liberace night clothes. Like, you're really, you aged well, I mean, not your face, but your sleeves age to very well. Your sleeves, yeah, they're not your face, but your sleep's age to very well. You're sleep's you're you yeah, they're like well Let's give us let's give us some nice cups. So The King's like who goes there?
Starting point is 00:39:53 And she's like he's me my King Ranera. He's like oh Joanne no Ranera is it Faric? No Ranera? Oh? Joanne oh my god, are we going in a leap? Yes, is it Farric? No, Reneira, oh, Joanne. Oh my God, are we going in a leap? Yes, is this Farric? Yeah, and so she's like, I'm here with Damon, he's like, maaada, but he's just weezing and stuff. And so she's a lot of him up.
Starting point is 00:40:17 Yeah, a lot of with a lot of breath. He's very weasel forward now. Yes, weezy Jefferson. It's a lot of breath work. So he sits up and he's like, oh my God, It's a lot of it's a lot of breath work. So he sits up and he's like, oh my god, it's been so long. How does Damon look the god damn same? Seriously? Do you have an age to god damn day? Have they invented moisturiser and dragon stone? What the hell? I don't have that for face.
Starting point is 00:40:43 And so Damon's like the seasnake has taken a grey boon in the battle of dare I say it. The stabstones. Oh God, I'm done. You have to mention that God for second place for me. I thought that Damon, like Damon, can you be nice for one second brother? You're looking well. Something. I mean, he's just like, it's like hi there's a battle in the steps down to is going to take the throne can we just fucking go we just get out like do you have something else to do is there a movie starting in ten minutes somewhere you know to be like what the hell so the king is like well we won that war years ago and he goes no the triarchy is for research and I was like are you kidding me you's Barry just said, everything's chill in the stepstones.
Starting point is 00:41:27 And now we find out the stepstones, that's where this is all happening again. Could some, like, why have they never been able to take care of the stepstones? It's like constantly happening. So the fighting is a new, and there's a petition to decide on the succession of Driftmock and the air of the throne. You know what? This reminds me of like,nup talk, you know? Yeah. It shows when everybody gets a pre-nup and they're like,
Starting point is 00:41:50 oh, that didn't matter. I'm suing him anyway. I'm taking count. What the fuck is the point of having a pre-nup? You know, and that's the same thing here. It's like, why decide anything if people are just going to sue your ass? What do they have in the Supreme Court? That's what it's like.
Starting point is 00:42:03 It's like the council's just like, we don't want to do it that way anymore. We don't have to. Can't fire us. Also, by the way, another reason why I'm like, I'm not such a big fan of this king. Look at all the loose ends that he's left. Okay. There's clearly a moment when he's like,
Starting point is 00:42:18 I am going to seed over my daily duties. But tie some ends up, fix some things. He never settled this stepstone issue. He never put triarchy out. seed over my daily duties, but like tie some ends up, fix some things. He never, he never settled what the stepstone issue. He never put triarchy out. Like he just never really did anything right, you know, except put Ray Ray in the throne. Oh my god, can I tell you? So he's like, all right, listen, and the king's like, what a house, everything, do we house
Starting point is 00:42:40 the kids? And David's like, listen to me me you must affirm Lucy affirm Lucy and he's asking you about Coralus and she's like well we don't know yet but Father there's someone we want to introduce you to and then it's like a babbling little baby and then another baby it's like she just brings on a parade of babies and he's like oh my god how cute like any grandparents like oh my god how cute and then they start crying. So I go, oh, just get these fucking things out of here. Okay. Call me when they're 10. Right. Well, because he's like, oh, look at the baby. Oh, then he's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The kids are like, oh my God. Like, this is, can I go back to playing? This
Starting point is 00:43:20 is too much for me. So they put the kids away. And they he's like, my G, my G. And so he drinks to see and he like sells down and then Damon like snips the cup. And I'm thinking, okay, if they finally realize it's being poisoned all this time, but it winds up. That's just more of the minute of the puppy. It was kind of being poisoned. They're like, hey, would you like a heroin juice? Okay. So then we go to Al, who's checking the apartments for this piece of shit son of hers. Oh, and by the way, one of the babies of Rainier is named Egg on. Again, can we just let it go? Like how many of you have you been there to be?
Starting point is 00:44:01 Yes. So anyway, there's a servant there and she's crying, like freaking out crying. And Alice is just kind of looking down at her given current evil look. And then she just decides to be sweet. She's like, come here sweetly. And the girl's basically, she's like, Diana, what a pretty name. I understand you find yourself some trouble, Diana. She's like, your son raped me some trouble. Yeah, I'm not. She's like, um, you're so draped to me.
Starting point is 00:44:26 So. Yeah, now, what the hell? Yes, yes. Well, I believe you, sweet link. First of all, anytime someone calls someone sweet link on the show, you know, they're like up to no good. Yeah, they're like, so Diana's like, you do?
Starting point is 00:44:41 You do believe me? She's like, yes, but what about others? What are others may not believe you? She's like, yes, but what about others? What others may not believe you? So she basically pays off Diana. She's like, here's some money. Go away from here. Oh, and before you leave, have some of this tea. You know, quote unquote, tea.
Starting point is 00:44:57 A lot of tea on this show. Kapakras tea. Have some of this Kapakras tea, okay? The reason I won't speak to Ray Ray is because of this damn tea. So why don't you have a cup to protect my son? Oh, the democracy of it all. Yeah, exactly. And importantly, there is a lady who is like, who comes with the tea. She's the one who first is like, this is Diana, and then she comes back and she's like, here's the tea.
Starting point is 00:45:20 And this lady, I don't know her name because I didn't look it up afterwards, but I think she is. It's important to know her because we see her again later on. Yes. So, yeah, she makes her drink the hypocrisy. And then we go to Allyson confronting Egon, who is now this surly little, aw, what would you call him?
Starting point is 00:45:47 He looks like a nancy, like a nance. He's got this kind of soccer mom hair. Yeah, he's sort of someone who lived in Brooklyn in their 20s, but now in their 30s, they kind of coast on the fact that they lived in Brooklyn, but then out there in the suburbs, like, oh, God, when I lived in Brooklyn in their 20s, but now in their 30s, they kind of coast on the fact that they lived in Brooklyn But then other in the suburbs like oh god when I lived in flatfish. I was I used to love going to the farmers market Yeah, yeah, I'm not a metal worker one time. I made my own tennis shoes out of metal. It was I mean it was art It's like when you live in a receipt of now
Starting point is 00:46:20 Yeah Now I sell illegal puppies that I breed myself. Well, I mean, I don't breed them, but I mean, I put the dogs in the same room. And then, yeah, I mean, it's a living, it's no metal shoes. Okay. It's like, you work at a bookstore in New Canaan, Connecticut now. Yeah, but I lived in Flatbush for a little bit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:42 He has a very punchable face. He looks like a little fucker this kid. So, he's like, what mother? And she's like, what do you mean what? It's Diana, the servant girl. He's like, what about her? She's like, you said to fleeing from all company. That's what?
Starting point is 00:47:01 Yeah. And by the way, like, Alison has like yanked off the sheet, so we get like a full-on shot of Aegon's pasty pasty white butt. And so Allison is like very used to seeing her son naked at this point. Aegon has to like anticipate that when he's naked his mom's gonna walk in because this is now the second or third time that's happened. Okay, like at least this time he's not dragging off out of window.
Starting point is 00:47:24 He doesn't even care anymore because the first time he's that's happened. Okay, at least this time he's not dragging off out of window. So he doesn't care anymore, because the first time he's like, oh my god, that was saying me naked. And this time he's like, what is it, mamma? But also, don't you think that the actor who is playing Amand looks more like the guy who is playing A-Gon? A-Gon.
Starting point is 00:47:39 It looks weird, they kind of switched. I thought that was a strange thing. I guess that's because the new AIMMend has such a good evil face that they're like, well, let's just say it's a good one. It's too good. I think Laurie Dern was like, I'm not playing AIMMend. Are you fucking kidding me?
Starting point is 00:47:57 Do you know who I am? I specifically said I would like to play a villain, not a fuckboy, okay? Yeah. So she's back him around and she says, I specifically said I would like to play a villain, not a fuck boy. Okay. So she's smacking him around and she says, yeah, I know son of mine. And he's like, oh, but I didn't ask for any of this. I've done everything you asked.
Starting point is 00:48:14 I tried so hard, but that's not gonna be enough for you and dad. So you just raped somebody, sir. I agree, I'm gonna sit here and cry that your mommy doesn't love you enough. I fuck off. Yeah, so then then the And so then Helena walks and I believe and she's like has anyone seen Diana? She's supposed to dress the children. I think it's Helena either way Diana. Yeah, yeah, and Everything she says now. I'm like is that psychic because last week you were talking about how she's probably a dreamer. She's a dreamer. Okay. Dreamer, of course she is. Yes.
Starting point is 00:48:49 She said the thing the week before that, when she was like talking into her fingers, she said something about how agon will have to lose an eye to get a dragon. Now, then the next week, you got the dragon lost an eye. People noticed that. And then this week, I know she muttered something later on about like there's a piece done at the throw a ball it's so I'm like now I'm like looking at the floors like there's something to pop out you know it's time for commercial it's time for a crap and commercial so then I'll comes to see Ray Ray and Damon finally and they're still sitting there in their way you know they're like we're a badass couple anyone wants to finally, and they're still sitting there in their way. You know, they're like, well, a badass couple. Anyone want to talk to us?
Starting point is 00:49:27 They're like sitting there posing like a badass couple. And she comes in and she's like, well, hello, it's been so long since we've been granted by the joy of your presence under his eye. And she kind of catches a look at the scar on Ray Ray's arm. And Ray Ray's like, do not stare at my arm. You did not win that one, Biotch. Don't look at my very cool arm scar, that's for me.
Starting point is 00:49:52 So Ray is, you know, Damon's all mad that like no one greeted them and Ray Ray is like, well I'm sure the Queen had some pressing business, you know, Max and Easter's have a very busy schedule, am I right? And she's like, you know, especially with ruling the kingdom and the means like, I don't know, I, me, I don't rule the kingdom, that's outrageous. I can't believe you would even think that I rule the kingdom. I don't do that.
Starting point is 00:50:19 You know, my dad and I were just, we're like stewards of the kingdom and everything we do is totally your dad's choice. He told, we say, listen, can we put up a star in the main room? If the answer is yes, weas, and he weasers. So I mean, the answer is, we're just following his wishes. Yeah, the image is like, how exactly is that wisdom expressed like a fart in the wind?
Starting point is 00:50:45 Like, what does he do? A blink the one I, he has. What is it? What does it that he does? And she's like, well, the King's condition has, can, worse and considerably. And on the advice of his maesters and ravers like, oh, so, so, so, the maesters, they've glued a carrot to his pinky finger socket. A baby carrot,
Starting point is 00:51:05 you know. So then keeping him adult on the milk of the puppy, like what is like his Sid and Macy with a fanter of the opera face? Like what's going on in there? Have you even consulted the Mastors at Dragon's Sinai? Have you even, I mean, these people are like, oh, I'm not there, they're not at that level yet. So Damon's like, well, you know, for the King's suffering, the maesters also recommend the removal of Targaryen,
Starting point is 00:51:31 Haraldry and the installation of various statues in stars and live-lap love. Two tables everywhere. And I was like, oh, the stars remind us that they're very, very religious, better than everyone else. Sorry, we covered up the OG paintings. Okay, sorry, sorry about that. And we're like, well, and on the morrow, what? And on the morrow, what's that? Tomorrow, tomorrow, or I'm sorry, my son is learning high for Larry and...
Starting point is 00:52:01 Why would you add extra syllables to the concept of tomorrow? Listen, you don't have to read everything, but I prefer to say on the Morrow. Well, it's funny that you say on the Morrow because Amy Grant will be performing in the courtyard, enough with your religion. All right, let's move on. So Ray-Ree is like, which authority will sit in judgment of my sons claim to the throne and she's like, oh me, me, yeah, my dad, both of us. We're probably not going to ask the king about that one, but I'm sure he's gonna approve.
Starting point is 00:52:27 It's gonna be great. Yeah, so now Luke and Jason are like walking around. Like, hey, remember this courtyard, hey, remember that wall? Hey, remember that piece of sand over there? God, remember when like, amen, shoved your face into that. That was so good.
Starting point is 00:52:39 And they're like walking around the courtyard and people looking at them like, is that, could that be, is that? Like, look at Chase. Is that a 11 year old or a 23 year old? I can't tell by his face, it's very confusing. So, well, I know the last time we were here, everybody called us Sebastian and we lost our father
Starting point is 00:52:55 that day, but whatever fun, fun times. And it's like, oh my God, everyone's staring at me, stop. And so he's like, no one would question me being at a drift market, if I looked more falarian and strong. And he's like, where did they pull? Doesn't matter what they think, okay?
Starting point is 00:53:13 Not that I would say that out loud, because it's very classist. And really the only thing I have a hunger for. It's knowledge, right? Good person. Yeah. And by the way, Luke is not saying that he, if they would not be questioned
Starting point is 00:53:25 They looked like they were stronger it was if they looked like they were valerian and not like hardwood strong so So Kristen so meanwhile there's yes you I'm saying Well because I don't want you to cut into Amin's big pun later on in the episode. Cause that was a minute. It took me a minute for that one too. Yeah, it took everyone a minute. That's why you had to repeat it like two or three times.
Starting point is 00:53:53 Yeah, I mean, well, the capitalization is like, if I just don't hear it, I don't get it. Like Lance Armstrong, you know, I've heard Armstrong so many times, but I was like, his arms aren't that big. That's my name. I was like, yeah arms aren't that big. That's my name. I was like, damn it, I didn't see the capitalization. No, Ron, you got that one that wrong too. It's Lance whose arms are as strong as the Harvard strong. God, Ronnie, what ought to correct you on everything?
Starting point is 00:54:17 So everyone gathers around, they're watching a fight, and it's Sir Christian, who also has not aged today. No, Tim has been the same age for 30 years now, okay. It's not fair. He doesn't seem to get a fucking haircut, Kristen. Like, no, no, no, no, no. I think it's different. Like, just do, like, they could put a beard on him,
Starting point is 00:54:35 like some sort of like, token thing to be like, like, he's a little older, you grew a beard, you know, but they don't even bother. They're like, no, it's the same Kristen. And he is fighting with Amin. And Amin is now like a bad ass fighter because now Amin is really leading into being an awful person.
Starting point is 00:54:51 So he's like, he's a bad ass fighter in a way that you hate like he's dangerous, not in a way that's cool. That's like, oh, like I wanna be like him. So we know he's gonna be, Amin is a force for terrible things, you know? He He's got his soul dragon and now he's a good fighter. So then someone's like, open lock it. And the driftwood parade comes through just giving the kids a dirty lock.
Starting point is 00:55:18 They're like, I'm the brother of the CSNAC. Who are you? Nobody knows. So I go in and then, um, Al is at the table. Okay. So Al's talking to Otto now and he's like, my queen. And she's like, well, I must confess to her uneasiness now that this is all it had. I mean, listen, calling me very well live. We don't know that he's dead. And did you see the pirate episode? Is there a copy of the footage somewhere? I'd love to see it. I'm very, very bored. I've graduated all I can.
Starting point is 00:55:48 Are you telling me there is no pirate episode? Do we even have a scroll that can give a play by a play about what happened to all this? No. Why are we not including this very interesting passage in this experience? So, Vaman is there. We see that Vaman's there. And he's like, we must be prepared if he does not live. And then he sits. And I was like, okay, now you're
Starting point is 00:56:12 just taking a seat without anybody asking you to Vaman. This, this is not going to end well for you. So, he's like, he's, yeah, he's basically like, well, the next, I'm sorry, yeah, Otto says, you do. You say, I'm not going to end it. No, Otto's basically like, well, the realm has enjoyed a long piece, but the threat of war looms and it may arrive at our shores. And when it does, do you want a child at the helm of the greatest fleet in lesteros? And the queen is like, well, we must of course act in the interest of our subjects and Vaman does like well the next Lord of Tides would be deeply indebted to you She's like wait
Starting point is 00:56:49 There's a sequel no Lord of Tides not the Prince of Tides. No, I'm not talking about a book I always thought the Barbara stri-cent was wrong for the role there. I've said it out loud I've said it out loud. It needed a real director. There I said it. I said it all. So Rainy says outside staring at that giant red tree with her lip sucked under like red, still red. Black me at the street is not aged. I love that tree. So Rainy comes out and so and Ray raised with Raina. It's all comes out, she's like, Rayna, and so Ray raised with Rayna. It's all the rays, okay? Ray, Ray, me, Rayna.
Starting point is 00:57:33 So Ray raised like, well, I heard Bayla, Bayla told me you might be here. Oh, God, you've really done a great job with Bayla. I love her. You know, she's added an art to the end of her name and started studying very deeply. So we love that. And she's like, mm-hmm, you honor me. You honor me.
Starting point is 00:57:53 Well, I've gotten out of my Adurondack, Chair, what do you have to say to me? And Ray Ray is like, beat it, Rayna. Gotta have some alone time here. She's like, I wondered for many an hour what your purpose was loan sign here. She's like, I wandered for many an hour what your purpose was and coming here and whether you'd speak for or against the suit brought by surveyor men, but then I realized you intend to advocate for yourself. And this is no fair proceeding. This is a trap set by the queen and a hand-out wager pick proclaim my son as illegitimate.
Starting point is 00:58:28 And she's like, yeah, you did worse than that with Layna. Dig, you knocked. Did you knock to the west and I would layna? Or did you not kill my son, Ennobyre? And she's like, I love your son. And you may not believe it to be true, but I did. I did not order his death. Nor was I complicit in it. I swear this you will, I'll make you an
Starting point is 00:58:45 offer." And so Rainy says, like, who is it? So Ray Ray says, if you back Luke's claim and be trod Laney's children to her children, then Baylor will be the queen of the seven kingdoms and her sons will be heir to the throne and will make all the other incest look even lighter because this is like right brother on sister in the show like she's like that's just incest fest let's do it. And it's a good solution I would feel like because of vaimins whole issue is like I want like real valerian blood, not strong blood. But if his, if Vaman's like niece sort of niece, I can't, I can't track what what relationship Bayla and, and Rain I have to Vaman. But the point is they are like legit Valerian. So it is bring Valerian
Starting point is 00:59:41 blood back into Drifwood. So, Vaman should logically like this. Yeah, but he's power-hungry, right? Yeah, he's this. So, Raynese is like, oh, generous awful. Full of red desperate one. Ah, and she's like, who cares? What does it matter? Like, the law enforcement officer,
Starting point is 00:59:59 take her to leave and they may have to run back, lady. We are fighting over your decrepit chair. Okay, you should be so happy that we're making this effort. Yeah. So, Rainy says, you're right in this at least. It does not matter. And then she comes really close and gives her that smirk. And she's like, you can bargain with me. All you like, bring my granddaughter with you to soften me up. All you like. But tomorrow, the height, how is land there first, Bring my granddaughter with you to soften me up all you like. But tomorrow the height how is land there first row. They force you to your knees and I must stand alone. She's like, let me give you that look up and giving all season like I'm about to do something evil
Starting point is 01:00:37 and yet I will not do anything evil at all. Yeah. She really does. I'm waiting for her to make her big evil move and she never really does Do something powerful, Raynees so So now we raise back in her dad's room and he's like And she's like no, no, it's me. It's your daughter Renera. It's Renera Yes, that's what I just said. Hey, remember that thing you were saying about the song of Ice and Fire, the secret that you wanted me to keep secret
Starting point is 01:01:10 for some reason? Do you think that's true? I was like, right. Of course, you think that's true. He thinks it's so true. He told you it acted like it was the biggest secret in the world. And she's like, yeah, but you told me it was so, you always are a duty to uphold the realm united against a common foe, but naming me, eh, but you told me it was so you always are duty to uphold the realm United against a common foe but naming me a you divided the realm daddy, and I thought I wanted this
Starting point is 01:01:30 But it's hard. It's hard. Girl, it's hard because you've been living a fucking dragonstone. Is there even a home goods there? Like there I've seen nothing in dragon stone You're going fucking crazy fucking your uncle out there just a baby factory like of course you're depressed. Yeah, and so the king's like my own you child which is so shady because he literally has two other kids. And she's like well if you wish me to take that then four three three four who's got 45 he's got I'm on a mint hollina hollina She might have any more little babies running her.
Starting point is 01:02:05 I can't even start. I'm not going to understand why people have many vans with all the stick figures with names on the back. I mean, lots of family gets going. You're like, how many of you or their amount? Didn't I just see you at last Christmas? How do you have two more sticks on the back of your van? So she's like, well, if you wish me to bear this, then defend me and my children.
Starting point is 01:02:25 And then she's crying and he's using. And that's how he doesn't really understand what she's saying, right? So in the morning, they're doing the work on the king. You know, they're like putting a little toxin, a little jiu-videurm in the one cheek that he's still got and working on his sores and stuff. And Otto's just watching like disgusting but worth it for the brooch. And the king's like, I want supper. And he's like, it's the morning king. Stupid old man. And then he's like, no, by the way, never mind,
Starting point is 01:03:01 I'll just make a stupid point about how nothing it doesn't matter, just about how the king looks old. But basically, he's like, no, I want to be at supper and my whole family's here, I want to dine together. I want us to be a family for one. So Ados like five more members of this family have had sex in the past decade. They've had sex more times than we've had dinner. Okay, that is just not normal. Yeah. So then Otto is like, okay, so bring in the milk of the poppy and he
Starting point is 01:03:32 can say, no, no, no, no, I do not want this. I want to be present today. So Otto is like, weird. Okay, fine. So then we go up to the main court and now it's like the day of the Kelly part of the show and auto is like he's like all right everyone. I'm gonna play the king today so and he gives like a whole speech about you know the success note drift mark and how we speak for the king and the crown now you're petitions and he sits on the throne which is probably like he's probably just got a huge erection at this point, you know So let's hear the petitions. So we start with Vailan, okay? So he comes up and he gives his speech. He's like the history of our noble houses Extend beyond the kingdoms have Vilarion is rule the seas you've ruled the skies earth win fire in my right So our four barfers knew that if they failed in their bloodline stied, well I've defended my brother and his blood runs through my veins I win I have a blood claim. So Rayway is like, excuse me, that blood also runs through my sons, the offspring of Lord
Starting point is 01:04:41 Valerian. And if you care so much match your house's blood, serve Amen. You would not be so bold as to sublime it. It's rightful. You speak of your own ambition, not because of blood. And he's like, really? And Alson's like, excuse me, give him a chance.
Starting point is 01:04:58 You're going to get your totally fair chance to speak as if we already haven't voted on this. I know. Amen is like, OK, settle down. Rainier, Adol is all, okay. What do you know about Valerian blood, Princess? I could cut my veins now and show it to you. You still wouldn't recognize that this is about the future and the survival of my house, not yours. And I think it's another dirty look to Luke. I mean, what the fuck, dude? Leave the kids out of it, sir, okay? Bring in some housewives rules in here.
Starting point is 01:05:28 Not the children. Yeah. Yeah. And so, so he's just like being all pissy about it, right? He's all about like, my blood, my blood, my blood. And then Ray-Rez, like, this is like a farce. This is ridiculous. And then all of a sudden, the door is like fling open.
Starting point is 01:05:47 And then it's flinging and I was like, oh Jesus It's gonna take him the rest of the season to get and it's sure enough He's like coming down the coming down the way. It's like staff Stop and the and the unlike the knight is like it's king for Sarah's house the talk out And first of his name king of the andos another run out the first of the first of the man of the Iron Game of the Protector's the Ram, Shupper at Shupperite, Target loyalty members, Subway six out of 10,
Starting point is 01:06:32 Puncher's on his way to his foot long sandwich, vice-series Targaryen. He's like Jesus Christ the first time I've ever run out of words, walk faster. I know, he's like, I'm trying to add everything on. Builder of models, wearer of slippers, walk faster. I know. I'm trying to add everything on. Build a model, wear a room slippers, one chicken,
Starting point is 01:06:50 whole life and face it, king, but still not there. Still not there. I'm like, can anyone help this guy out, by the way? Like maybe someone like run to a side, because he's like, ugh, ugh, I'm like, is that just someone steady him, help him across? They need like a gay son. I can't believe out of all of these children, they don't have one gay child just seeing night
Starting point is 01:07:12 time show. Because this guy is in a full on badmouthing the offer is mask about gold. It's like gold. It's beautiful. You know, and so yeah, it's taken a while. And it's a very long walk. And Allison's all worried. And then the king, the only person who looks at his Ray now. I was like, oh,
Starting point is 01:07:45 like, like, like, and I like, I get it dramatic entrance, but we're all experiencing it in real time. And I'm like, well, 10 minutes of this show just, he's like, he's not even, he's, he's just approaching the staircase. I was like, like, it's like, oh my God, everybody, that's what it took. Kristen has finally aged.
Starting point is 01:08:01 It's a crazy, so I think it was to wait for the fucking king to walk down. And then he'd like, and just keeps on like doing these very long close-ups of people watching him. It's like great British Bake Off when someone's about to be eliminated. And then he gets to the staircase. And they're like, oh, God, there's a staircase. So he gets to the staircase and he's like struggling in his crown falls, but then Damon picks
Starting point is 01:08:23 it up for him. Damon is a good person. It turns out. Oh, yeah. Damien is a real peach. He just wants him to get his ass up on the chair before he dies so he can announce that his son is still going to have power. Fucking Damien. I kept saying that on the internet too. I was like, oh my god, this was so touching when Damien helped his brother. Oh,, not so serving it all fucking Damon. Yeah, Damon killed his wife, don't forget. And she was awesome. And those two seconds we knew her.
Starting point is 01:08:49 So he's so the king's like, uh, well, I must admit my confusion. I do not understand why petitions are being heard over a settled succession. The only one present who might offer Kena insight into Lord chorus's wishes is Princess Reinis. Reinis, now is your moment to do something. a keener insight into Lord Coliseus' wishes. It's princess, Rhaenys. Rhaenys, now is your moment to do something devious and evil, you have the floor. And look at fucking, I love this king, you see? This is the only person who A points out
Starting point is 01:09:15 that they're filing a petition for something that settled A and B, he's like, who would know better than his wife? Would anybody else do that? No, no other king would be like let's hear from the woman So rainy skits up there and she's like, hmm hold on. I'm just having an appetizer of my bottom lip Only teach all grace and it was my husband's will to drift mock pass through
Starting point is 01:09:42 Tulane was true one son Lucy I'm not never changed and as a matter of fact and they're all shocked because she didn't go for her own claim right and so she's like as a matter of fact the princess Ray Ray has adjusted for me of her desire to marry her son Jason Luke to Lord Cornless's granddaughters a proposal to which I heartily agree, fingers crossed for blonde hair. Well, it seems crazy. Apparently blonde hair is not a dominant gene as we all suspected based on evidence of two hundred years. So then, they can say, well, the mantle is settled, settled. Again, that was a passive aggression. Yes, I may be old, but I can still do that.
Starting point is 01:10:24 So then he's like, I hear Bob Rieffin, Prince Riseras of the Chaos Valery on his air to Driftmark. He will now receive an outer rundock chair that is half broken and the throne shall be his and he will be the next Lord of Tides. Lucy is only when like outside, he's like, fuck me. I still have to do this. I do not want this.
Starting point is 01:10:44 So Allison, Allison to shaking her head, she's all pissed off because they just lost. Yeah, that's it. Auto and Al, you fucking lost, okay? And I can't wait to keep seeing you keep losing. And I cannot wait to see it too out of three of your children dihorrible deaths because there were people, okay, can't wait.
Starting point is 01:11:02 Yes. Well, I'll tell you who's not really happy about this at all. It was the uncle. Even though what Raynese just proposed means that Valerian blood is truly coming into the house, like it's gonna stay there, you know? And so he's like, oh, so, hmm, so let me get this right. You break the law in centers of tradition
Starting point is 01:11:22 to install your daughter as heir and yet you dare to tell me who deserves inherit the name Valerian. No, I am not going to allow that. And the king's like, allow it to not forget your soul. Okay, she went to the sweet and just pressed fast forward at least for us, okay? And so baby, it's like no, that is no truth Larry and Certainly now nephew of mine and Ray Ray's like oh my god, go to your chambers I don't want you to hear this awful things being said. Yes, I'm gonna fuck your uncle later. Just go to your go to your room. So
Starting point is 01:12:02 Everyone's like in a half now and the And the king's like, excuse you, Lucy is my tree born grandson. And you are no more than the second son of Driftmark. So how's that feel? Brother of the sea snake. Yeah. And he's like, well, you may have run in your house as you see fit, but you will not decide the future of mine. My house survived the doom and a thousand tribulations besides deathright tribulations. And God's be damned, I will not see it ended on account of this. Buh, he goes this, Buh.
Starting point is 01:12:34 And they must like, go ahead, say it. Say it, go ahead, you know you want to. And Feynman just stops and then he smiles and he goes, her children, ah, BASTARD! Swear! And she's a horde too on top of it. Stop it, Amber. I'm a sh- I won't be stopped.
Starting point is 01:12:53 I'm adding the horde too. I was like, I thought I was just two bastards, but I was like, no, I'm going to hold it. Basterds and a whore. We've all been there, where you just let it go, you know? And the king, and she's got poop on her face too. It's like they keep getting watered down a little as she goes. Honestly, I don, and the king. And she's got Pope on her face too.
Starting point is 01:13:05 It's like they keep getting watered down a little as you go. Honestly, I don't like a haircut. I don't like that style. I know. I don't think it looks good. It's not flattering. I there. I said it. I mean, fjeho are fine, but it leaves me look nice. So what are we going to start calling a princess flip flop? I mean, is that what we were to call? So the king... A kitten heel, really, just commit to be the Rahai heel or a flat but not a kitten. So the king whips out his knife which I think is hilarious that he's still carrying
Starting point is 01:13:34 around his knife after what happened last week but he's carrying it around and he's like I will have your tongue for that and he's, and then we just see his head lopped off. What kind of? It's his head right above his jaw. Yeah, sloppy lop. Damon, it's Damon just like slices his head off. And then the body falls, but the tongue is still attached to the neck and like wagging. It's like, it's like a brief moment of levity in this show of like, like, haha, and so gross levity. And then auto's like, disarm him! And the greens, I call the Mastas,
Starting point is 01:14:10 the very effective Mastas. Like, Allison, his head has been chopped off. What is a Mastar gonna do now? He's a co-woman. Like an Allison. So basically everyone's freaking out, right? And the King just falls back into his chair like I did it I stood up for Ray Ray and so then Allison's like please take on medicine. He's like I
Starting point is 01:14:34 Just get me to my room basically. I want to see my models. I want to see with a little spider love Is it doing? I'm playing spider sin city. Okay, I need to see what's happened. So now we go to like a basic mortuary and the maesters are attending to Vaman's body and they're and Rainy's just watching. It's so funny. Like, because they've got him like so formally laid out and then he's here and then his head's like right above it perfectly lined up. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:04 And she's watching. She's like, I actually just love watching this kind of stuff. Like this is my favorite TV show, you know, she was basically. So the maester's like, you should leave because let the silences just do their work because it's bad luck to look at the dead. She's like, how do I put this politely? Literally everyone I know and care about has died. So don't talk to me about bad luck at this point. It doesn't even matter. Okay. You got to love somebody coming up and being like, you're gonna get bad luck. She's like, um, my brother-in-law was just beheaded in front of me. So I think I've got it. I think I've got it already. All right. I think so.
Starting point is 01:15:46 So then we go to this supper, because they're like, oh, so let's still have dinner. They're having a family dinner after. Family dinner. Still Sunday, okay. After like, demons. Slightly head off a family member, and they're all just sitting there having supper.
Starting point is 01:16:03 Yeah, so Alan Ray are kind of on either side of where the king will sit, so they're next to each other, and they're all just sitting there having supper. Yeah, so Alan Ray are kind of on either side of where the king will sit. So they're next to each other and they're all pissy. And the king is carried in, which thank God, they weren't, she said, God, he was like, I'm walking to dinner. I would've been like morning, you know, but I'm like, okay, omelets for dinner.
Starting point is 01:16:21 They're like, well, this time we do, like we are on a kitchen schedule right now. So we're going to accelerate this process. Let's just carry him in. And he's just being such a fucking weirdo. I mean, that got Laura Dern. I'm telling you, every time I look at him, I can not even see it once I saw it. But he's just sitting there with his iPad, giving like one really, he's like,
Starting point is 01:16:42 giving like one crazy look to everybody. So the king's like like he gives a speech and he's like OMG here we are together it's my fam. Hey Allison want to pray before we begin and Ray Ray's family is like oh fuck Christ. I know there's a evangelical bitch. So the Queen's like oh sure, may the mother smile down on this gathering of love and may the Smith men, the barns that have been broken for too long and to be men Valerian, may the gods give him rest. That was pretty awkward what happened today. Also, I just have to say, God, if you're listening, I was thinking about installing a new
Starting point is 01:17:25 star thing in the window over in the West Wing. If that would be cool, I'm gonna do that. Oh good. God said it was all right, everyone. We're gonna put a star up. Anyway. Everything conclusion, live, laugh, love. Amen. That's always my favorite heart. So, Aghant, say congratulations, Jase. You can finally lie with the woman now because you're getting married. And the Kings like congratulations to Prince Luceres, the Prince of Tides. No, there it is. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like, yeah, you're gonna be great. You're gonna be a great principal ties. And Aegon is like, oh, well, then Aegon's still like mocking Jase. He's like, so you know how the act is done at least in principle, right?
Starting point is 01:18:12 Sex, S, E, X. And Jase is like, you can play the jazz jazz jazz much as you wish. But hold your tongue in front of my patrols. And then the king stands up, because the kids are squabbling. And he's like, all right, time for a toast. A toast that won't freak anyone out whatsoever, okay?
Starting point is 01:18:28 All right, listen, it gladds my heart and fills me with sorrow to see these faces around the table, the faces most dear to me in the world. Yet grown so gistin' from each other in the past, I decided the only way you would come together is if I bond you with trauma. So let me take off my mask and you can all say it. Okay, who ordered fried calamari and why is it your face?
Starting point is 01:18:59 Look, I have no eye and I have no cheek. Isn't this fun, children? Now you'll be terrified and you can always come together and be like, remember one grandfather took off his mask? Oh, yeah. And so he's like, I may not be hot as I once was and I was like, oh, Viserys, you remember that hot. Never a mod.
Starting point is 01:19:24 And he's like, but tonight I wish you to see me as I am It's like mm-hmm. Could have done without that. Okay, maybe you could have just described it Yeah, you could have been like I have no eye. Yeah, I think that's pretty good. I could We use you it's not like you're hot with the gold mask You could have just said I'm still I'm not as handsome as I once was and still have worn the mask You know still would have worked this is not like not as handsome as I once was and still have worn the mask, you know, still what it worked. This is not like when Jean Smart took off her wig and hacks. Okay, this is not like, ooh, the real Jean Smart.
Starting point is 01:19:50 This is like, oh, keep it on. Yeah, this is very vial of Davis and how to get away with murder first episode when she sits down in front of the mirror and like, pulls off her wig and then yanks off her eyelashes and just cries in front of the mirror. Yes, yeah, that's exactly it. But it doesn't have the same effect. Like in those moments you're like, ah, here they are, stripped down.
Starting point is 01:20:11 But here it is just like, oh god, no. Yeah, like your vibe is already kind of stripped down. So we get it. We get it. So anyway, so he's just like, this is me. This is who I am. I am not just a king. I'm your father your brother Your husband all of the above to some of you But you and your grandson, but you may not it seems walk. I'm not gonna be here much longer So that's not hold ill feelings. Okay, because the crown cannot stand he basically does his He basically does his
Starting point is 01:20:49 Okay, King. So he's like, We just don't get along and so our looks over it Ray, but she doesn't look back and then he's done So Ray Ray's like, I'll make him effort then for father. So she's like, I would like to raise my cup to her grace the queen Probably won't get his eyes stick that's up her ass, but still, I'll try. I love my father, but no one has stood more loyally by his side than the lady drugging him with heroin his wife. She's tended to him with unfailing devotion, and most of them most important age she's given him fabulous sleeves. So to that, thank you, queen.
Starting point is 01:21:23 Also, I apologize for that, stopping you from stabbing my son in fabulous sleeves. So to that, thank you, Queen. Also, I apologize for that, stopping you from stabbing my son in the eye. Okay, I'm sorry. Yes, and I just add on to that, I've been so mad at her for being just like a jedi-ru bitch all these years for casting me out just because I had some sex, not like she didn't sleep with my father.
Starting point is 01:21:42 But then I look at my father here, the old one-socketed man with a wholeness cheek, look at my father here, the old one socketed man with a wholeness cheek, I think, God, she's had to be sleeping with that for so many years. And I think she is the one who really has suffered the most. So my apologies to you, Queen Allison. So Al is like, oh, God, now I have to give a speech.
Starting point is 01:21:58 So she's like, well, your gracious men to me very deeply princess. And with so much in Cloth common. We both have hair, we both have skin, no fence honey, it's not a personal slam. We make mothers, we love our children, so look, we've got so much in common, and I raise my cup to you and your house, your stinky, stinky house, and suburbs, it's known really good to you. I'm sorry you don't have a home goods there, but it's out for my jurisdiction, technically.
Starting point is 01:22:28 And you're gonna make a fine queen one day of some way. Because it's not gonna be fucking here. I'll tell you that. But somewhere, somewhere. And so they thought that they were gonna hug it out, because they're both not as smiling like, oh my God, we're still friends. I don't think you really hug it out in this world.
Starting point is 01:22:46 You know, this is like the closest it comes. This reminded me very much in the real house wise world when there's a reunion and Andy Cohen basically wants people to make be happy at the end of the reunion. And so people come up with these kind of like facile explanations for their few. It's like well, you know, I Think the reason why we fight is because we're actually so similar. Yeah, cuz we're like family
Starting point is 01:23:11 You know, and like I wouldn't be fighting if I didn't care about you like they come up for these reasons What I do it and then they hug and it's awkward and the next episode of the next season. They're like fighting again Yeah, so I needed that housewives hug, you know. Yeah, so then, Egon stands up and he goes over to Rayna and he's like, I regret the disappointment you're about to suffer, but if you ever want to be laid properly, give mom hair a call,
Starting point is 01:23:38 all right, give soccer mom hair a cat a call. And the other kids man, like, I'm going to kill him, but he case, the guy's like, I'm gonna kill him, but he doesn't because he's hungry for knowledge. So then, Egon, something like that. So then Egon's drunk wife. So it's Helena, you know, because it's a sister wife.
Starting point is 01:24:00 So she's like, well, I would like to test Bailo and Rayna. It isn't so bad, you know, mostly he'll just ignore you Except sometimes when he's strong It starts crackling up to like, oh god, when your brother won't I love when my brother won't fuck me here, ma? I just love it Everyone's like, when did Helen and I get so funny? She's usually the girl standing in the corner playing with spiders and giving weird prophecies. Now she's drunk and big and hilarious.
Starting point is 01:24:27 Can we party with her some more? So then they're like, and then all of a sudden some music starts playing. And I swear to God, it sounded like I got you, babe. I was like, it was like going front to the table. The only two people dancing. They're totally that type of people that love starting a dance floor at a wedding. And they get up there and they do this really like bunny hop dance.
Starting point is 01:24:56 They're like, they less often in bars. It's like, did that, did that, did that, did that. What is the dance? What is this? So, he gone mad, of course, because of course he's the person who sits at a table because I've done dance. So, he's mad and he's like staring at like everyone
Starting point is 01:25:15 because that's like his vibe and more dancing. And then food is rising. But he's getting along. So, like the whole point is like, oh my God, look, they're a happy family for five seconds. You know, let's watch them be a happy family. So it's like this long shot around the table. Can you see everybody doing themselves things?
Starting point is 01:25:30 You know, like, oh my God, that's so the king, you know, trying to get them through his cheek. And then my favorite little shot was they show Rayna and Rayna is just smelling her food before she eats it. She's like, and I was like, I'm gonna love her. I'm gonna love my character. She hasn't done much yet, but I love that. I put like this big ass roasted big right in front of Amond,
Starting point is 01:25:54 which I felt like they were trying to make a statement with that. And by the way, the entire time I'm expecting some terrible thing to happen, because the rule is in the house of the dragon and Game of Thrones, when people are eating food and smiling and laughing There's gonna be a mass murder any moment And also this whole episode I've waited for Allison to be more evil like I keep waiting for her to kill the king or inject him with the poppy shit
Starting point is 01:26:21 You know whatever and then she doesn't. She always kinda backs down from it, but yeah, I was looking for a mass murder too. So the pig is just sitting there in front of Amand and Lucy starts laughing at him. He's like, my God, look at you. You haven't peaked in front of you. And then finally, Amand bangs the table. And he's like, all right, crazy, lower-durn eye,
Starting point is 01:26:42 final tripte, to the health of my nephews, Jace, Luke and Joffrey. Each one of them handsome, wise and hmm, let me think of the word. What am I thinking? Strong. And I was like, that was nice. I mean, I could sense he was being sarcastic. It was that was nice because let me say that again.
Starting point is 01:27:04 These are strong boys. I'm on it's like oh, amen. Yes, we see what you do. Strong, boy, strong, strong. Wow. They enjoy wood, softwood or maybe hardwood because they're strong. Yes, guess, aiming to be get the joke now. You can sit down. And Jason, Jason's like, hard, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, yes. The Ray Ray is like, do I have to say, don't have the heart to tell him, he just asked for a plastic chair. No. Okay. So, Aamans, it was a compliment. You don't think yourself strong, and so, Chase punches him, and then the moms are like,
Starting point is 01:27:58 that is enough, we are mothers. And, eh, go to your room. Lucy into the table, and then the the fights broken up, the fights broken up. And Amon's like, well, I'm just saying that I'm proud of my family mother. Obviously, they aren't proud of this. And so Damien just steps in. He's like, don't make me behead another motherfucker today.
Starting point is 01:28:19 All right. Right. He just stands there. Yeah. He's like, congratulations. You think you're so cool. Guess who had your look first? I'm me. Okay. All right, right. It just stands there. Yeah, he's like, he's like, congratulations. You think you're so cool. Guess who had your look first?
Starting point is 01:28:27 I'm me, okay. So. Yeah, I know kidding, wish a version of me. Could you just give it a rest? Okay. So then, so the kids are broken up. And so the queen and Ray Ray, they have a moment. Because honestly, all Allison needed was to have
Starting point is 01:28:42 up in the poly. Like all she needed. So now she's kind of like, can we be friends actually? Can we get coffee on your lap? Yeah, can I lay on your lap and you could read that book and not rip out a page this time? Really so much stems from that page. I just was so bitter because I bought that book and you never really appalled us. We're tearing out a page.
Starting point is 01:29:02 I just thought it was so rude back then. So she's like, let's hang out. And Rhea is like, well, I gotta take the kids back to drag and so on. But I'll come back by drag, you know, I'll come back on a drag and do you have a parking spot or anything? Because then yeah, it shouldn't be a problem.
Starting point is 01:29:16 And she's like an Uber too. She's like, I would love that. So they have a touching moment and they kind of smile. And so we're like, oh my God, maybe they're friends again. But no, because guess what? The sign of doom, a black hoodie walking down the street. I was like, oh geez, what does Damien even do? I thought Damien would be fine now and happy for a while,
Starting point is 01:29:36 but there's Damien back in his black hoodie, making it up the street, someone's gonna die. But it's not Damien, it's the maid. Go on, go on, go on. And the maid is going to see Missouri and the Missouri is like well It's been quite a night at the castle. It seems and then the lady is like yes my lady and I was like oh It's the maid. I don't know what it means But it's just a good telling secrets to the well to the white warm lady. Yeah, you can tell Diana and stuff. My note says, who girl? I'm watching the show. I was like, I don't know what, yeah, I'm like,
Starting point is 01:30:13 I don't know what this is going to mean right now, but I know it's going to be bad, but good. And so now we go to the King's bedroom. I was like, oh gosh, put this thing out of his misery already. I'm expecting her to do something terrible. I'm like waiting for the pillow over the face. Because we all know it's coming, right? I just thought, here's her Allison murder somebody on her own. So he's like moaning and groaning.
Starting point is 01:30:37 And he's like, I'm sorry. She's like, I'll be quiet, drink a heroin. And he's like, but I just wanted you to know that I do believe it to be true. She's like, be quiet, drink a heroin. And he's like, but I just wanted you to know that I do believe it to be true. She's like, what? He's like, don't you remember? She's like, no, egg on. Our son, our grandfather, our male man, which egg on?
Starting point is 01:30:56 You need to be more specific, egg on. He's, his dream, the song of Ison Faya. It is true. What he saw in the North, the prince that was promised. Queen's like, I don't understand. So, our son had a dream about Ison Fire, the prince, prince Aegon. Do you night the realm against the golden, the dock?
Starting point is 01:31:20 It is you, you are the one. You must do this, you must do this. The Queen's like, I don't understand this, but I feel like I was given something. So I'm just going to run with it. Yeah. She's like, Oh my God. I'm the one to the United Kingdom. She's like, Yes. And so she rubs his face. She's like, that is so nice. I'm rubbing your M&M, all. Okay. I'm a blue one. I'm a blue one. And I could have sworn she was gonna pillow his face, but she didn't. She just pulled some handle.
Starting point is 01:31:48 She's probably triber. He's like, oh, you pulled things. Don't you remember? I can breathe through my cheek. You bet a smother better. So she covers his cheek. He's like, I'm breathing through my pinky hole. How many holes do I have? I give up.
Starting point is 01:32:13 So she just walks off instead and then we see the knife, a shadow of the knife with a song of ice and fire on it. And then the king is like kind of crying in his sleep and then he does the ball fist thing and he starts saying no more, no more. And then he does spirit fingers to the sky. And I was like, I love this stuff. I love that they're like visceris. Give us some spirit fingers on you. He's like, jazz hot. Baby. And I'm like, this is your moment for your Emmy. Go for it. I will do this. And then it goes to dark.
Starting point is 01:32:42 He goes, I love. I like. And then a shampoo to your falls on him. And I was like wrong part of the musical. Ah, it's so awkward. But like he's reunited with his wife. It's nice. He was my love.
Starting point is 01:33:03 I thought that was touching when he went, my love. I thought that was touching when he went, my love, thought that was touching. Overall, I was like, okay, we can follow the bomb. I'm sorry, it's fine. You know, because I like the king and stuff, but man, I thought the king, I think the king dies every week. They make it seem like the king died. Like when at the wedding, when at the shotgun wedding thing, you know,
Starting point is 01:33:21 he's like, oh, finally my baby is married. Oh, that's still alive. That's still alive. I actually still wasn't even convinced he was dead until the previous for next week. Otto goes, the king is dead. I was like, are you sure? If you really checked on in, in on in. Yeah, but a good episode and it looks like it's setting up a real humdinger of a couple of finale episodes. Smollow. Yeah. Looks crazy. Yeah, it looks like, um, yeah, there's a lot of, a lot of, it's be a whole war based off of this misunderstanding at this bedside now. So. Yeah. So I love it. Nothing alike either. Like, on really who's gonna get Allison and Ray Ray mixed up like come on King
Starting point is 01:34:07 Even said Our son like no, I know I know the King's dying. I know he's barely with it But just to shut up You know Just shut up. Yeah, I love your hair today. Yeah Shut up, shut up. Yeah, I love your hair today. Yeah, I'd like to say a little bit. Don't be talking secrets.
Starting point is 01:34:27 Or give your internet passwords. You know what I mean? I need to tell you, get my crypto out of this wallet. Yes. The password's on e-cock. A-gon. Potholder. Trying to write down the wallet.
Starting point is 01:34:43 All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being here. Subscribe to WintersCrap and I- We'd love that. Okay, if you want video or you are on video, Hi everybody. Go to Crappens on to Man-Ton Patreon, and we'll see you over on our main feed.
Starting point is 01:35:00 Watch what Crappens. Bye everybody. Hi. Watch what Crappens would like to think it's premium sponsors Ain't no thing like Allison King Ashley Savoni she don't take no baloney Dana C Dana do she's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniella itchles air and Mcniculous. She don't miss no trickleess All the Nagila Weber
Starting point is 01:35:21 Jamie she has no less name me sit some scotch with Jessica Tratch. Jess saying okay. She's always supplying. It's Kelly Ryan. Kristen the piston Anderson. You're never alone with Lacey Montellown. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.
Starting point is 01:35:41 Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good. The Bay Area Betaches Beaches. And our super premium sponsors? Always the wiser is Allison Weisler. Somebody get us 10 C's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Better do what she says is Elva Enrique's.
Starting point is 01:36:04 Can't have a meal without the Emily signs. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We will, we will Joanna Rockland you. My favorite Murto. Karen McMurto. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. She's a good hobby. It's Lauren Hobgad. We want to hang with Liz Lang. The incredible edible Matthew sisters, Nancy, Ceas and Desisto! Give them hell, Miss Noel! Choose the Queen Bee, it's Sarah Lemke! Shannon, out of a cannon Anthony! Let's take off with Tamela Plane. Shaint No Shrink and Violet Coo-Tar! We love you guys! Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watercraft and add free on Amazon Music,
Starting point is 01:36:44 download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.