Watch What Crappens - House of the Dragon: Leggo My Eggo

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* This week's House of the Dragon finds RayRay staring down the beautiful eyes of her weirdo brother over a stolen egg while the King decides to marry young. Thankfully, not THAT young. This week's premium Patreon bonus is a talk about Big Brother. Join Patreon at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, hello, and welcome to Winter is Croping. I'm Ronnie. That's been over there. Happy in. Hi Ronnie. How are you? How's it going? I'm good. Feeling great. It's another day of house of the dragon. So I'm very excited. I love some some game of thrones. How are

you feeling today? I'm feeling great. I'm, you know, it was, I'm honestly just writing the thrill of hearing the proper theme song again on the show. Last week on House the Dragon, we did not get the theme song and this week it finally returns, so I just hummed that damn song all day. But I wanted a new song. Why is it Game of Thrones? Okay, I mean, I love the song and everything,

but we deserve its own song. This show deserves its own song. I mean, I love the song and everything, but we deserve it. We deserve its own song. This show deserves its own song. I mean, what the hell, would you lowering the budget over there? It does, but I think they also knew that, as much as we want a new song, sorry, I'm about to sneeze, I'm getting choked up by this,

as much as we want a new song, you know that must also be like, it's good, but it's like not as good as the original new song, and now that I'm thinking that's not as good as the original I think the whole show is not as good as the original like it's like a slippery slope They just want to like let's give it let's give them the stuff that they love and like let's just get them on board with the new stuff Before you know at least remix it give us something like a little I think it was like a little

Wasn't there like a little bit no last week they gave us the choir, you know, they're like Wasn't there like a little bit? No, last week they gave us the choir, you know, they were like, Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Like Julia, the chef, Julia Trial, I don't know, squeeze pounding some chicken, like, Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, br honestly, a lot of it didn't make sense, but instead it was the origin story for the shining. It was like the blood and the elevator, the shining. It's like, where does that blood come from? It comes from the Game of Thrones opening credits

that turns out, because this blood is just cycling, it's just swooshing all the way across this map and funneling here and then almost on a little pinball bumper would just show up and be like, mob blood. and it's like things bouncing up, which is nice, but I liked, you know, the original Game of Thrones were like structures and cities would be going out.

It's like all the different houses, the blood touches it, my house pops up. You know, wow, what is the house? What is that, the house? Is it the house of crab feeder? Crab feeder of tri-ockey. Crab feeder is I guess, I kind of feel like it's, you know, the Crab feeder reminds me of the menace they tried to introduce, well, that they did introduce in the beginning of proper game of thrones, you know, but like, in the beginning of game

of thrones, where the entire series begins is like those guys walking through the forest and then like the white walkers are there and they got the blue eyes and they killed them and they're terrifying, but this time they're like, and now another equally terrifying threat. Someone who feeds humans to crabs, I'm like, hmm. I don't know, it doesn't have like a frame like. Yeah, I can't see too cute. Yeah, I feel like I can see the crab walking humans. You know, I watch like I watched the dodo videos, you know, the dodo. Yeah, it's like cute animal videos and they're like,

donate to the dodo. And I'm like, no, I'm watching this shit for free. Thanks. I'll watch a commercial. But anyway, I watch a lot of those and you know, I'll watch a crab, you know, hugging a kitten or whatever. I love those videos. And so this, they open with like a shot of like dead flesh. It looks like dead flesh, but then you see it's not dead flesh at all.

It's just someone dying and little crabs are eating it. And I'm like, oh my God, those are so cute. Those are such things. Look at him getting right into that flesh wound. I feel like it's like crab prom. They're like, oh my God, they put up a whole buffet for us. Guys, come over. Let's have a great time. I'm a big fan of survivor,

and one thing that survivor loves to do is they have international shots of crabs all the time. Like, there's always a crab on the beach, and it's staring, then it gets spooked, and it like runs into a hole. Like, every, like, it's like every episode multiple times, and I just love that crab. I'm like, that crab, like, he's like,

wants to be part of the action, but a little too scared to be it. I was like, oh, love that crab. I'm like that crab, like he's like wants to be part of the action, but a little too scared to be it. I was like, oh, love that crab. So I'm like, when I see this, that's where you actually crab. I'm happy for the crabs. I'm happy for the crabs. It's very bachelor-imperored ice to you.

That happens all the time. You see like the, at first they all look cute, but then they can't take baths or anything or they don't take baths. And then they're just gross drunks lying all over the beach with crabs afraid of them. And so it was like that. It's kind of broad and fleshed with crabs. Welcome to another season of Bachelor of Paradise. I just also feel like we're in a fantasy world with dragons. Can we have like fantasy crabs that are

more menacing like like an Elden ring? There's like giant crabs. Yeah, like like an Elden ring. There's giant crabs that crawl out from the sand and kill you. Like, can we have fantasy crabs? Can we have a giant menacing crab that's terrifying and redefines what we know about crabs as being adorable little skittish creatures. I just feel like they could have used more imagination on this front. Yeah, they were cute crabs. So then we see like beach ruins and there's like a boat on fire.

Gosh, it's just like when a Dell canceled that concert in Las Vegas. Like all you heard in the streets was, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH find out. So Ryan, Lord Commander of the King's God, dead of crabs, we don't really know. Should we try and tie it with a cute crab? Oh, cute, an adorable crab killed him. Yes. Yeah, I saw Ryan killed when he was agitated by the hounds. Great, great, great, oh, not the hounds, oh, by a little crab. Oh, we'll just say he died in a sleep. We'll say that instead. An adorable little crab. And Ray Ray is pouring the drinks for the small council or whatever it's called. And I think that I've seen these glasses and they're home goods. I don't want to use. I don't, I don't want to accuse you guys

of anything. But this is like that tiger glass stuff. And I'm pretty sure like that tiger glass stuff and I'm pretty sure I'm good. They went to like some some some prop prop master in Iceland is also a Maxine instead. It's like no one will know if I put these on the set, right? By the way, did you happen to say Srirayan or Srirayan because I just want to clarify for anyone who thought this person's name who died was Sir Ryan. You're incorrect. His name is Sir Ryan. Because it's fantasy and the first rule of high fantasy is you have to take a normal name and then change one random letter at it. And now it's fantasy.

So it's like, my name was Ryan, but I'm in fantasy's non-Ryan Am. No, I don't know how to shit I typed, honestly. Watching this show is so different than watching Housewives shows. I mean, for many obvious reasons, but one is taking notes. I'm just like, what the hell am I even trying to feel possessed? And then I go look at them after and I'm like, no, this makes sense.

Who's Sariyam? Who died? I'm really getting it. Sariyam died peacefully in his sleep as we are being told, but he is the commander of the Kingsguard. So, anyway, so the old guy in there is like, oh, his remains are being prepared for the silent sisters. I was like the silent sisters, bring them on. Who are the silent sisters?

You know their bitches. You know they have like a blue grass band, right? Like that's the whole thing. Like, please welcome the silent sisters. And they play banjo together, but they don't ever sing. They have to have guest musicians come on. You know, it's like, can you turn it up? I can't hear right here.

Turn up the mics. So, so Sir Harold, who I believe is the, the Scottish guy, who looks, he's like the Scottish guy, right? The guy who like looks over Ray Ray. I know. He's just standing there and he's gonna, he's got to find Sir Ryan's replacement. And so they are basically going to be doing American Idol, but for Kingsguard's. And they have it down to like, they have it down to 70.

Sanjayya, go Sam Taya. West Rose Idol. This is my very current American Idol reference. So a Corlan storms in and he's like, look at you sitting there, dithering. I want to know what just to be done about my ships and my men. They are being attacked by adorable crabs. Those crabs are beggar in my shipping lanes. They are totally beggar right now by a crab. So like everyone's like, oh please, okay, you'll get a new boat. We'll pay for the people. You're gonna be fine, okay. It's like I don't want compensation. I want to seize the stepstones by force and

burn out the crab feeder. Crab fest is over. And the King's like, I don't know if we want to start war with the free cities, you know, free places, crazy, crazy places. You know, they've started wearing red baseball caps, sing really rude things in the streets. You know, they've started wearing red baseball caps. Sing really rude things in the street. You don't want to get into war with them. All right. One of them apparently has a football that could kill us all. All right. Don't want to fuck with us. So of course, like, well, these pirates are not from the free cities. And so then the king is like, well, who do you think provides them with their ships and tenders? A zing, kingsing! You just got kings, kings, kings, kings.

And Mr. Roper is like, in all this time, we haven't gone to open war with the free cities. The losses would be incalculable. Do you think they're having sex in that room? I hear something fishy. Oh, I wonder what's going to happen on the show. You think they're going to go to war or the free cities? So then, Ranera, by the way, she's doing that thing where she's like, my back is turned, but I'm listening in.

You can tell because I'm not going to move at all. It's like, hey, do you know what I'm saying? The cup filler is not moving at all right now. Yeah, she's probably listening in. It's classic cup filler move. Trust me. Where's my cool aid? Cool aid please?

She's like, oh, of move, trust me. Where's my cool aid, cool aid, please? You look, oh, sorry, I was just listening yet, redding some more cool aid, father. I was just thinking about cool aid, and how refreshing it was, and not listening, and whatsoever to what you were saying. So, Coralman's like, excuse me, what reason does the crab feed I have to fear us?

The King's own brother's been a loud take track and stone with an army of 40 of his gold cloaks. You know, nothing is more scary than 40 men running around in gold clothes. All right. Demon is squatted there for half a year without even a protest from the crown. They're doing drag queen story time at their library. I mean, where is the Lord order? So then the hand, who by the way, I think it's important to know that the hand is played by the same actor who think it's important to note that the hand is played by the same actor who was the goofy sidekick in Notting Hill.

And he is like, well, a seat at the table does not make you his equal. And so then the king is like, well, I have acted corpus, okay? And I've sent Envoy's to Pentos and Volantis. So there you go, Pentos and Volantis. The Envoy's have been sent. And everyone's like, great. Don't even. Voice have been sent and everyone's like great. Don't even know where those places are, but okay, great. He's like ships and men are at the ready.

The steps don't so be centered in time. Blah blah blah. And Ray Ray's like, um, we have dragons father. We have dragons. And they're like, oh my god, the Kool-Aid poor spoke. Who let her in here? Wow, she's a girl. Ew.

When you said we have dragons, all you're saying we have dragon aid, meaning like a beverage, or you're saying actual dragons, because you're a cup pool, and I'm not supposed to have any insult into all dragons. So she's like, no, we have them,

and I can ride them, send us, send us. And they're like, oh, God, person with a body part who's not being named is talking. Yeah, and the Coralyn and Coralyn's like yeah well at least she has a plan. There's more than I can say for you loses and they're like a stupid girl get out of here. And so Otto's like well perhaps it's better used for the princesses' towns, maybe somewhere else. I hear there's a competition about to start. Little Pollybdool sitting next to you. How do you feel about that? Little

Brandy Jackson action. Go on. I hear you're quite a fan of Sir Ryan the Seacrest, aren't you? And the king's like, go get a ice cream, Take her to do something girly. And she's like, I don't eat airy father. But I'm a box then get rid of her. Go clear her. So she leaves. She's going to judge the night competition instead. Yeah. What's she's like? I mean, so I seem to work out for her. You know what? When door closes, another one opens, and sometimes standing at that door is a gorgeous man with well-kept hair. I know she's like, I wanted to keep pouring wine for old man.

Now I have to go look at hot man who just want my approval. So she now goes to King's Garden. They make a big deal about her standing on this little booster thing. I think it's like the director is being like, look, she's butter young girl. So she's looking and I know it was very much like that. Like that she's going to be eating life cereal. Be like she ate it. She likes the life cereal. So so her Harold is with her. I'm so sorry if his name is not so Harold, but you know what he reads. he presents as a Harold, so he is going to be a Harold if it's incorrect. And so I call him Baldguard guy.

Yeah, I call a lot of them either variations of like old man, old bald man, official old man, but so anyway, so he's introducing the American Idol candidates. And I know the first ones never going to go anywhere because they put him in this like hideous, bright orange. And I like the first ones never gonna go anywhere because they put him in this hideous bright orange. And I'm like, oh no. Yes. Yes, he's like a couch from the 70s. And he's like, look, I have boats of my sickle

all over my nice patterns. Orangey, okay? I know. I was like at least try to be impressive. And so Harold is like, Sir, Desmond proves steadily, study in strong and steady in both the Tony list and without

and while traveling through the Kingswood on the way to Kings Landing. So Desmond recently punched his 10th sandwich on his subway card, which means you might hear, could get a free 12 incher. So that is Sir Desmond. He brought a beef poacher to justice. And she's like, uh, gross.

She's like, no, but you might think him at least for all of his duty. Thank you for your duties. Next. I know. She's like, aren't we in medieval fantasy time? Do we care about poachers? So, um, either fantasy time, do we care about poaches? So then, by the way, while she's doing this, Reynis, Reynis, not Reyni-Ris, I think last we got called a Reyni-Ris, but Reynis is like staring, she's like at the courtyard also, she's like doing like a,

I'm bitter that I don't get to pick out at night right now, so I'm just gonna watch from afar, you know? Like people, people. And she's like super evil today, because she's given herself rectangle hair. Like where, you know, how like women were bumpets to the back of the back of their hair, like make a little triangle. She's like, before the bump, it that was a rectangle. It's like just a big rectangle in the back of her head. Her hair is like a big square piece.

She has a shoe box back there. Yeah, I'm just using this all like the sucking on candy. Look that she always gives. She's like, so she's mad. And then we see like a new giant chest piece thing and this one has the eagle on it. And this is so Raymond Malista, When are the melee outside the more, more outside the mall? Sider, the melee outside the mall? No, a cider hall. I like that. Also, you know he's not going to be picked for whatever

this is that they're picking because like cider hall, like, oh, congratulations. You got into a melee at a place where you pick apples. You want apple picking. And before you can even get your doughnuts, you got into a melee. Congratulations. who's slaughtered people I want to see the slaughterers bring them on please yeah so then they bring in Sir Kristen Cole who we saw last week because he was the one who like knocked Damon off and so he's like you know he shows up his hair is like, like, blowing in the wind, you know. Yeah. He's the sun, the steward, the lord, black haven. And so she's obviously like, welcome, hot mess. You saw a combat, didn't you?

With the storm lands outside the storm lands mall, didn't you? And he's like, yes, I fought for a year against the Dornish. It's where I first found pomade. And I've been put in a pair of a scents. I'd like to thank you for not wearing an embarrassing shade of orange. That's for you, Sir Desmond. That's for you. I choose Christian, mostly because I love the hills.

Alright, and the assistants are artists like Cleft and all be true to you now. What about House's guy code, Malistar? Alright, once an insurance juggernaut of the future, and the other one, I don't really know anything about them, but it's better than your choice, I don't like your girly choice girl, and she said my father would be defended by a man who is known combat. Should he not, should he not? But one must recognize the fashion of Sir Desmond. I mean, that bright orange, that will scare away any enemy. I would have to say, am I right? Anyone? Raise your hand, René, René, René, René, I see you up there, raise your hand. I know you like the

orange now. Am I the only one? Okay, very well, I just had one. So then we go over to the king who's playing with his model city that he's making and he's lecturing. He's like, oh, this was the first library we've ever had. We had screening rooms back then. It was a wonderful thing. You could really pick out any beta Max you wanted and play it right there in the library. Amazing. He's just mansplaining to Allison who has to stand next to what was the equivalent of a model train set in Westeros. You know, like I'm surprised he doesn't have a little like engineer cap on and he's just like, oh and here, this is where the nobility lived.

Oh, and the dragons, this is where they were close to the magic and the power. Oh, and this was a no-grion. This is where bloodmages work their craft. She's like, mm-hmm. Yeah, so. It's like Chuchu, Chuchu. And she's like, where do you think that restress could be another Valeria king?

And he's like, oh no Valeria come on. We had a thousand dragons and something called Pizza, you know the dragons are dead. No one wrote down the recipe. I mean we're just a fox basically He's like, oh, I dropped a model a model of my dragon who get it warm me I dropped a model, a model of my dragon, who get it, whoa me, get it, whoa. And I got your dragon, dragon is broken in two. He's like, ugh. What will I do if only I were into the most powerful man and the continent who already had people already making these things for me? What will I do?

Wow, wow. And then they give each other this romantic look, because he's like, oh my God, she picked up my broken toy. And she's like, oh my God, a grown man crying over a broken toy. They're like, they're like, they're like in love now. Hell. Talk about a woman who's looking for a man to fix. She's like, he needs help holding things steadily.

God, I'm going to change him. I mean, we've heard of fixtures before. I think she literally needs to fix them because I think his body parts are falling off as that's what the first goes to the dragon, the dragon model then goes your pinky. Yeah. So he's like, so how is my daughter, what's her face? You know, these days she doesn't say more than a few words to me And I think it might be difficult to discuss personal matters if you know what I'm saying And she's like it will take time It did when I lost my own mother and he goes I wish you would approach me She's okay. I guess we're not we're not gonna share

That to tell you about my pain, but that's fine. We don't have to talk about me. That's fine Isn't my dead mother how are all right? So go we don't have to talk about me that's fine. Guess isn't my dead mother how are all right so go ahead could you have to complain about it? You're laying out on the table. Oh I guess you're toy bro okay I guess that's more important than me losing my mother but by all means continue talking my king. It's like well I wish you would just talk to me it's like well why don't you talk to her? No she should talk to me.

You should talk to her. She should talk to me then. And he's like there are times I would rather approach the black dread then find out what's going on in Kool-Aid Girl's head. I enjoy that rhyme, you're grace. So he's like, by the way, you do not mention or talk to Reneira, do you? I just feel that she wouldn't understand them being a girl and such. Oh, you're a girl! This is getting more and more awkward, isn't it? Oh, so I don't tell that bitch anything page-ripper. Page-ripper. It's time for commercial. It's time for-

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So then we go to the candle room and all the candles are going and Ray Ray is walking with Allison and they're like, oh my god, I love you. And then Ray is like, you know, it's only been six months since mother died and they're already trying to pass father off to another wife to replace me as air. And I know how they brought when I'm sent away. I know how they plot. And Allison's like, that is terrible. I mean, I can't believe your father would have to Be there is someone like if I had to take the crab feed I guess it's not my time for

Didn't have a talk please please continue by all means go let's just like you know what I like to do I like to like to stick on fire and blow it out immediately. It's a ritual. I have Yeah, you do it. I have thinking am I missing them lighting candles because I saw one light is stick and then she blew it out and I was like, Oh, I must have missed the candle lighting part. But then Ray Ray did it does it later. She likes to stick and then blows it out. I'm like, am I just blinking during the candle lighting part? What's happening? The idea of lighting candles as a ritual hadn't been invented yet They're like here we have lit candles for you so now you can do some sort of ritual like okay I guess we'll just light a stick on fire and blow it out. So you already lit the candles

That comes later that comes after fire and ice that's like the next book when we learn about just the ritual is the actual lighting of the candles Yeah, so Allison's like oh, what are you bitching about your dad loves you like he Like, he did choose you for his heir. And she's like, he didn't choose me. He's spent day-man. He's like, listen, all roads lead to a big chair that'll probably give you sepsis. I don't know, but that's for sepsis today. It's the, yeah, it's the leprosythrone, basically. And so, so they're like, they're like, they start thinnial at these candles. And um, Allison just like, I like to do this. I find, I find this is a way to be with my mother here in the quiet of the set. I feel closer. I know it sounds foolish. And Reneer is like, I don't think it sounds foolish. She's like, good. So maybe you should try. And anyway,

the thing with my mother is we always have these wonderful times together, and it's like, anyway, let me talk about what's going on in my life now. It's like, how poor Allison just can't share. She really can't. And Ray Ray is like, I just want father to see me more than a little girl who pours things. And she's like, well, my own father,

does not know the language of girls either. When I wish to talk to him, I know I have to make the effort and promise him to bag a king to even get the time of day, basically. And she's like, thank you so much for this talk. She's like, thank you. It was so good getting all of this news about my mother off my, oh, whatever, let's go play ball.

Page ripping little bitch. I'm gonna get you page ripper. Let's go to that official innocence place with the red leaves and we can lie on the ground and stare at them, shall we? That means we were officially childhood and childhood and innocent. So now Step off these stools yet. No, we're still very very young and innocent. All right. All right. I'm gonna try to marry your father though. I just want you to know. So so now I'm going to try to marry your father though, I just want you to know. So now, Serious and Reynis and Coralus are walking in this garden. The king is sort of like smoothing things over because they had that hot, you know, like

a tense moment before in this small council. And he's like, now I just want you to know that I value the bond between all houses quite a bit. I mean, you know, Reynis is my favorite cousin after all. Just look at that assalo face. Is that not hilarious? Just look at it. It'll make you laugh. I mean, she's got to be your favorite, she's already kind of a little bit of an icon. Am I right? Reynis with a rectangle hair. I mean, she has just always been the entry of all the other homes. And Coralyn's like, well, I apologize for the tenor today in the meeting, but there was no baritone available. And the king's like, well, listen, your fleet,

we love boats, listen, you know, one thing I respect is a man with boats. So thank you for your boats, but you have to understand. I have to avoid war, all right. I want to keep your boats floating. And Coralus is like, listen, may I speak plainly? We call that speaking rain asleep, get it, rain, us plan. Right, nice. Say it, just say it. Just like our mother used to say when we were

children, say it, rain, nice, just say it. So, so you should, he, Coralus is like, I fear that the eyes of our enemies are presently fixed on the red keep. Specifically, my wife's rectangle hair. I mean, it is a bit ridiculous. Is it not, I like it! It's not up for debate. It's like, listen, the Queen's dead, the girls the heir, the brothers disinherited. He's claimed to seat on Dragon Bone without challenge, and now people have parked in our shipping lane.

Alright, they're just parked there, parked in our lane. What are you gonna do about it? They have I say, they're beggar-ing them. They are beggar. They are beggar at the moment. And the king's like, oh my god, you're toxic. Like, can we, like, have a nice day in the garden? I don't understand the angry dude. And Rainy's just like well it's true. We're looking vulnerable. Okay, we're looking vulnerable on way. And Coralus is like listen, when there's a storm coming you sell into the storm or you go around it but you never await it's arrival. You can also, because normally I wait in the bedroom, which has a ceiling on it, and the storm comes,

so I don't get wet. Is there an option to go inside? Can you just go inside during the storm? Is that okay? Because that is an option, right? So, so then, Sarah says like, it's like, well, do you have a,

do you have a specific course of action to propose? And he's like, join our families. Where are daughter Elena? She is hilarious. You will love her. I mean, she's about eight years old, but I mean, let me tell you something, you guys will be per fact. Love these two together. I ship you to, which is upon because I'm the master of ships. God, I love my life. Hennephilia is never sounded so far. Trust me, you'll love it. I mean, she's in her frozen face right now. Swacking around going, oh, oh, I don't really know what it means, but it's really adorable. You'll love things like, excuse me, it's a child. And Rene says,

like, well, you've got to do something. All right, you could not ask for a stronger match than Lena. All right, she's built an outhouse out of ice. You know, I told her she couldn't have ice cream one day. Boom, we've got a free outhouse as long as it stays cold. Question, are you good with long division? she may have some questions for you about that just just saying does she have model glue I don't think so so then it's dinner time and it's like well right right in the king have to eat again together yeah there's no there's no like Siri to turn on the music you know you can't just be like play some some adult contemporary, you know,

all you hear are crickets, which is an onward, you know. So she's like, we haven't spoken much. And he's like, I regret not speaking. We should be free to speak our minds. And then she's like, model, blue, plain, choo choo pizza, God, I miss pizza. I don't even know what pizza is. I wasn't born yet. So she's like, she's like, uh, she's like, well, you can say whatever you want. I mean, you are the king. That was a joke, father. Oh, yes.

hilarious. Is that guy I love to old mother? She's like, I love my mother. And then they're silent. And so he's like, so, oh no. So right where he's like, so I was doing tonight competition today. Let me tell you something.

Lot of off-key nighting going like that. All right. But I questioned them and I discovered the only one who actually has been in battle before is Christian. All right. The only one with hair product and experience. He's hired. The one on the orange. No, no, no, the heart one. Really because those birds, you know, sort of if you could get into a fight, people would just see an orange man coming with little birds

all over him. Just be so confused that they'd go inside during the storm. Father, you have to go with the one who's going to sell more albums. The heart one. The heart one. So, um, he's like, she's like, okay, and by the way, today's meaning, everybody got all pissed when I made a suggestion. He's like, hey no mind, we will not talk about the meaning now. He gets on with that. And she's like, but I just have some ideas. He's like, we were not talking about that. We were not just guys. So right now tell me more about Christians here. Tell me more. You're young and me declaring that you're young and

and underestimating you will never come back to haunt me. So now we go to a close up of maggots and they're basically putting the King's hand in the maggots because the like the old doctor guy, the grand meister, I believe, he's like, maggots, I'm going to remove the dead flash and we'll save your finger. So don't think that's gonna work. That doctor is killing it. That doctor is so good.

Every week I'm stuck there. We begin LA very soon. She's like, oh my god, Diane, your hands are amazing. Yeah, thanks. It's Maga Therapy. Oh my god, where did you do that? Montana Avenue? Really?

Okay. I'm going. So the king is like, well, everybody, thank you for being here for Macat finger day. But I held an audience earlier today with Lord Corleys and Princess Rainey, so where do you get a little of this shit? And they're like, well, what was it? He wants me to marry a girl obsessed with Frozen, right? So that notion did you let it go? Okay, that's enough. This is a serious matter here. No, like well, he has boats and you have a kingdom. So that'll give you a lot of power. Okay, let's combine.

Well, he has boats and you have a kingdom. So that'll give you a lot of power. Okay, let's combine. Okay, it'll show that our strongest days are ahead. And Otto's like, well, that's an overreach. Such ideas must be discussed with a small council first. Privately, he's like, that's what I'm doing. It's not like we're on television,

what I'm getting my finger eaten by a maggot. All right. I mean, I mean, if you all are gonna come in here and watch me get maggot therapy, then we're going to have a small counsel session. What else do I have to say? And the doctor is like, well, if you ask me, we should cut off your toes and wash out mouths with it for too good to health.

That sounds like a good idea. Put that on the docket. Put that on the docket. Doctor's got another hum dingo coming. So Otto is like, what I ideally loved my wife. You all may remember her name is Julia Roberts from Notting Hill. Remember? You know, okay, she's from different universe. Fine. The pain of her passing still haunts me and to be compelled to replace her for duty's sake. I mean, you are the king, but I do not envy you being forced into pedophilia at this moment.

Yeah, Jesus. So the doctor's like, ooh, this could feel a breach and uniting the great flaring houses or signal units, you're the doctor. All right, listen, concentrate on doing the bang up job like you've been doing. Alright, come up with a cure for, I don't know, you know, chicken pox or something. Let's let

all the children hang up together until everyone's got chicken pox. Alright, it's actually a good idea. Let's see how that works. Alright, now, okay, small cancer. I just want to, let's just summarize this. So right now, the sevens, the free cities think that we're so weak we can be taken down by several crabs on a beach. So the way we're going to do a sign of strength is that I'm going to marry a small girl. Is this what our plan is? Are we sure this is the best plan? We do have two or three dragons. Can we do dragons instead of Betafilia? No, I think that Betafilia is a way to go. All right, we'll do better. And besides the whole... She won't shut up with, you know, I think that better feeling is a way to go. All right, we'll do better. And you know, besides the whole,

ah, that she won't shut up with, you know, I don't want Ray Ray to get mad. Now, I don't want to lose a good, cool late, Pura. You know, and they're like, propagate the line, so propagate it. And yeah, so creepy. So then we go. But we don't know it's put a feel at this moment,

necessarily, unless you've been really paying attention, which I mean, I feel like I've been paying attention and we've seen the daughter a few times, but I did not, at this moment has not clicked with me. And then it's this scene where now the king is going on a walk with his potential bride. Yeah, so he's walking with Lima, okay. So she's like, oh my God, what's it like for him to black trade?

You has last tried at the blackdread love him And we call it the blackdread could you get me a soldier path could you get me a soldier craft last thread? I love him do it. You're gonna do it. You're gonna turn into ice you're gonna turn into ice for a map. Oh Yeah, he's like oh my god. She's like oh my god. I love dragons. Hey, did you know that that guy still lives? I hear he'd Thagon lives so well, but too large for the dragon pit. Is that true? The bag I still live but too big for the dragonbees? Yes, they say that she's on the coast of the Narrow seas somewhere. Oh my god. The Narrow seas somewhere. That's so what they say that she said Is she a sad dragon? Do you like dragons? What's a favorite color? Do you like colors a lot? I love colors

Let's talk about all these things. Oh married Let me say, well, I imagine even dragons. Get lonely, chick. All right, all right. You're grace. It would be an honor to join our houses. I would give you many children of strong blood. Do you want to build a snowman?

And he's like, is that what your father told you to say? I added in the snowman song because I love it. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, my father said that I would not have to bet you until I turned 14. He's like, so then, you know, Ray Ray is watching from a window, which is like the thing that people do. There wasn't TV. So what you do is just go to a window and just like watch whatever. You're just thinking I'm on a balcony and wait for someone to start some shit in my garden. Are you ready for dinner? No hold on, my favorite TV shows on person walking by window.

One second. So also reenies is up there. So she's like, um, she's like, it blows the dude. It's a knot and marching there and bothers you. And she's like, my father is the king. And it is just stupid to take a life She's like I didn't ask for a history lesson girl asked if it bothered you

But of course it does but I understand the order of things I will I say I'm sorry. That's what Renera's like what does it bother you? And she's like, of course, yeah, you're he's walking around with your baby, you know what the hell does it bother you? And she's like well Yeah, he's walking around with your baby, you know, what the hell does it bother you and say, well, yes, but I understand the order of things and rectangular hair. I'm not sure what you do. And Ray was like, well, if you mean to listen to some sort of anger for me, you should know you're failing at your failing at the process. You're failing princess.

You're failing. Karma princess. That's what I said. You're failing princess., princess, that's what I said. Yeah, that's one. You failed, you failed, comma, princess. At the process. It's like every time I had, every time I got called in for a one-on-one in PE. You're failing, princess. So then, yeah, so then Renese is like, we're quite the opposite.

I don't see any rectangles in your hair. So whether it's to my daughter, someone else's, your father will be married soon or later. It's his new wife who will produce an heir and chances are better than not that one of them will be a male. And when that boy comes of age and your father has passed, the men of the realm will expect him to be heir not you because here comes the closer. That is the order of things. Thank you. because here comes the closer that is the order of things. Thank you. And she's like, but when I'm queen, I will create a new order. She's, oh, how I wish that could be, but the man already had a chance to appoint a queen. And they denied it. She's like, um,

they denied you, Rhaenys, the queen who never was, but they all bend the knee to me. miss the queen who never was but they all bend the knee to me. Like they did when I was anointed, the air. Err, Anise is like, oh do you remind your father's men of that as you carry. Oh, there cops, there cops, oh yeah, boo yeah, cop, you little girl. Everyone loves a good cool aid, poor A. And she's like like here's the hard truth which no one else has the hard nuts to tell you no has got the sack so men would rather put the realm to a taught since you're a woman ascend and your father is no fool. That was the end I probably should have ended with the the cup burn I had before but I just I don't know when to stop sometimes.

I'm gonna suck my bottom lip in and flare my eyes a bit out, you're a bit more intellect-fout here. I can teach you the final art of lower lip suckling. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap-in-scommercial. So now it's a dinner, king dinner. So he's like, well, oh he's with Alicent and he's like, well the small council wants me to marry and the realm wants a new queen and God the woman she's suggesting won't stop waving her wand at me and then asking me how I'm still moving. It really is ridiculous. Well, you haven't gotten to Bruno have you yet. Oh, thank God not yet, but she's going to see it sooner or later. She's going to see it soon.

She's like, well, a good queen will bring a good queen will bring cancer or so. Anyone in particular you're looking for maybe a girl who can't stop picking up her nails until her fingers bleed? Hmm. What's the, you know, I've heard that a good wife is someone who knows how to pick up broken dragon toys. Perhaps there's someone you have in mind just thinking out loud. We've both got disgusting wounds on our hands, but that's not a here nor there. And he's spanned.

He's like, well, Carlos has offered me the head of his daughter, Lady Laina. Oh, I know who you meant. Yes, she's tried to freeze me as well. You're supposed to just stand there and then tip over. Really? She won't leave until you do it. He's like, well, I must admit, I don't know Laina very well. You know, mainly because I'm, you know, in my 50s and she's about eight years old. So we just haven't really connected just yet. And so she was like, well, I'm sure she is good and kind and that she will enjoy your company as I have your grace. Have you tried the nose game, you know, like, got your nose? That's a good icebreaker. So I really enjoy spending time with you. It's like close up of her bloody hands while she picks. And it's beautiful.

She's like, I brought you a box, I have a box. And he opens it and it's a fixed dragon. It's the dragon fixed and she's like, I got it fixed. He's like, this is very kind, Alison. Does this person work on fingers? All right, just to have that number. So then speaking of fingers, the hand enters, and he's like, the emergency small council session right now.

So it's like, why? Which is funny. It's like, well, that's why you have to go to the council session because then you'll find out about the emergency, sir. And the things like, all right, well, thanks to the dragon. So love your real housewives of Orange County sleeves. Keep this. keep this. They're like, they're like, they're like, lay stuff like those cutout dresses.

Yeah, so, so then like, there's like, they're, he's at the small council, and then there's a guy who's there, and he's like, he's in the blackness, testimony. Yeah, he's like, it occurred in the blackness of my lords during the law law during the hour of the bat The thief have alluded us up a suit Sir, and he's like a dragon's egg was stolen. How can this happen? Like it was your brother. He knows all the codes

All right, we caught him on the ring, but it was him. It was it was a blonde male You need to be more specific. He flipped off the ring. So we got a full shot of his face. All right. But then Otto is like, the prince left a misive, which I believe might explain this. Well, well, why don't you leave with that? Why are you intriguing this poor guy? Literally, I know it was him, the confession, sir. Oh, we forgot to mention this actually entire note that explains everything. I was like, oh, God, your terrorizing is poor commoner for crying out loud. It is a pleasure of Damon Price, rightful heir, to announce that he is taking a second

wife in the tradition of Old Valera, Lady Massaria of Dragonstone, her grace is with child, and will have Dragonst's egg placed in the cradle as his custom. The prince has invited you to his wedding, which he will be charging you for the catering. So you might as well come and eat the egg rolls. All right. Love, Damon. If this is not a real housewives spin off show, I mean, this is, you know, like there's a lot of crossover, honestly, with a show in the real house, so I was like, this is it, you know, like guy, doing a passive aggressive wedding invitation, the whole thing, you know, like stealing something, this is just very, you know, of the proper universe.

So then Coralus is like, who is Lady Miseric? He's like, I don't know, he's like a noid. And so then, of course, Otto is like, Damien's hor! Which is really bold. Like, it's really bold him saying, Damien's hor, when he is literally horring out his daughter for the king. But that's fine.

He doesn't either hear her there. Um, he's like, this is nothing less than sedition. And the king's like, oh, he's just trying to provoke me. Let him be. You know, give him the shipping lanes. Give him the quarrels. He's like, sir, the realm of watching. He's like, well, what would you have me do?

Send him to the wall, put his head on a spike, make him go brunette for a couple of months. I mean, open to ideas. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Everyone's like, yes, please do all those things. So then the hand is like, damn, it has to be dragon stone. And surrounded himself with gold cloaks,

it has now stolen a dangerous weapon Which is an egg yes, I mean Let's face it. This is what our our society is facing threats from an egg and some crabs But it's just what we have the hand we've been dealt no pun intended because I am the hand and Ray Ray is like glah glah glah glah glah glah glah glah glah glah Did I say that out loud? Sorry? I have an idea. I'm like a what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. And the thing's like, oh, symbolid detachment crew. Well, Drag is bony ass here back myself. And Otto's like, my apologies, but I cannot allow that. Let me go terrifying auto.

Yeah. So now, it's like the night before Otto's going to go to Dragonstone. And so, Allison is dressing up her dad. She's sort of like tidying up his outfit and he's like, you're the most homely girl. I'm sorry. I mean, you're the most homely girl.

Homely girl. That almost went to the wrong direction, my dear. Why do you destroy yourself? Because her fingernails. Yeah, it's like, why do you do that with your nails? That nail she'd do, you know? You're gonna bang the kink tonight, right? She's like, if you wish it, don't give it a go. And then Kristen comes over and she's like, please look

after, look after the hands of Kristen. He's like, look who's talking. Okay. Need a pair of gloves tomorrow. Okay, let's go on. So now they go to Dragon Stone and they arrive. It's like very dramatic. They start going up this path, which we've seen before, obviously in Game of Thrones. And it's all these dramatic views and there's like this,

it's like the old west or something. They walk up to each other like Otto with his group. I love how Otto, they show his group. I love how Otto they show his group. So he's got Sir Kristen behind him, you know? Sir Kristen's like, the hung, he's like, so like, he's a great knight. And then there's just like an old guy. I'm like, now, how about we don't put the old guy

in the front line. Let's put him like a few rows back. If we're gonna do an intimidation, a little bit of intimidation. Let's get like another, just put a generic knight maybe. I don't think we need like an old, like this just a hold for Hell Guy. I think we need like an old like this just a whole for hell guy be like I'm going to get that egg back from you. I've been getting

echoes back for decades. For me in front. I'll do it. I have a stick. So auto, Damon's like, Welcome to Dryacombs Stone. Mmm, it's like a total brat mode. And Aude's like, Your occupation is at an end. You ought to relinquish the act to Span your army, Bannish your horse. And Damon's like, we're rude. Where's the king? Where's the king?

Why am I talking to you? And he's like, The king would never lower himself to entertain a mummers first. A mummers first? You do just to entertain a mummersparse. A mummersparse. You do just call it a mummersparse. Wow, mummersparse.

Wow. Wow. Burn, mummersparse burn. So look at you, so Christen, eh? My apologies, I can't really recall your name. It's Christen, right? And he's like, perhaps you recall when I knocked you off your horse about that.

Wow, that's a two for the Targaryen. So I'm this one here for the Kings party. So, it's like, oh, very good, very good. So then the auto's like, this is a truly pathetic show, damn, and you are so desperate for the Kings attention that you've resorted to skirking about like a common wait for it cut purse cut purse wow mum is far far from the bunch of cut purses if you know what I'm saying everyone right who is with me he's like I'm just keeping traditions alive yo and others like

those traditions are for the royal born not for bastard fathered with a common door and he's like well lady mas sorry is to be my wife and she's like She gets on that she's like you think I do outfit you have whatever you want now You told me you needed me to help of your Ranger wardrobe, okay? This is way too much so Damon's like way too much. So demons like my men are loyal to me and you've come for an egg so here you go take it and I was like you will not win this you are declaring war and he's wonderful. We're even if it ends in the death of your unborn child and his mother and everyone's a sword they're like yeah

and they're like yeah, and she's just like wait a second wait now I'm pregnant excuse me, this is bullshit. Yeah and of course you hear like in the dragons like sitting on top of the mountain and they're like oh god well put it away it's got a fucking dragon alright this is how every episode is gonna end put your swords away it's got a dragon. God damn it. It's really is. The whole series is gonna be people taking out the swords, a dragon showing up and someone going, oh, fine, it's a dragon.

And then we see the clouds below them, because they're so high up. And then clouds are below them and we just see a path like dig dug, you know, like a path to the dragon. Through the clouds. Through the clouds. And then a dragon flies up and it's Ray Ray

And Otto's like what are you doing here? I just preventing bloodshed also I heard that you guys needed some cool aid So I thought I'd hit no kids with one stand Don't fuck with my dragon. All right. He'll burn you to death and then she walks up to Damon and Damon's holding the egg like this, which is how I held my books in school and always got For it like in front. I wouldn't hold them like a guy on my side. I'd hold them like a girl They said as I bashed my head in the locker, but I thought that was like I'm just holding that egg So then she's like my father named me princess a dragon stone

And that is my castle that you're living in, Uncle, even though I never actually go there, but I was gonna maybe air BNV it out. Okay, so excuse me, please get out. It's like, well, it's not true, I was until you come of age. And she's like, oh, really? He's like, well, I don't know why everybody's so pissed off. It's a day of celebration. I'm getting married. Can't wait to cheat on my second wife with you. All right.

Yeah, she's like, well, we already have a wife. She's like, well, not of my choosing. I mean, well, like, you know, mysterious, whatever, anyway. I was just like, um, I do I get to say anything here? I'm like in this very chic outfit. And yet you guys are telling all these lies on me right now.

She is. Missaria's outfit is so cute. It's like a green colored cape with like shoulder cutouts. Whoever does this show does watch Orange County. A lot of cutouts and lace-ups. Yeah, very much, very much. So then basically Damon's like, well, you share, he's just talking about the egg, right?

And he's like, I want the egg from my child. Why can't my baby have an egg? Your baby's to have an egg. My baby's gonna have an egg. His baby's gonna have an egg. And she's like, oh really, you're going to have a child. And he's like, one day. And the hook. It's just so real house wide. It's like, oh, we're not even pregnant.

So then she's like, what's her name again? Why do I keep calling her a mysterious? Missouri. Missouri. So she just walks off because she just can't do anything else anymore. And she's like, I'm right here, Uncle, the object of your eye, and the reason that you were a disinherited.

And if you wish to be restored, you have to kill me. So do it. I've been done with all this bother. And he's like, do I kill her or make out with her? They give each other that look. And he's like, you're hot. You are out with her? Hmm. They give each other that look. And he's like, you're hot. You are, Uncle. You are.

You are, Uncle. You are. And he's like, all right, I'm going to walk away. Throw the egg down, don't drop it, come down. She catches it. She's like, no, no, it got the egg. He's like, you're lucky that I'm in the middle of a flipper- flip of lot marathon because otherwise

I would have killed you, but I have to get back to it. So I think she just started without me. So there, take the egg. She's like, who has the colton of melted cheese? Who has it? And like, here it is, Madame. She's like, shhongk. They put the egg into it.

Yeah. And then she flies off with her dragon. So then, Dame is just like all angry, walking back. And he's like, he's there with Missouri. Why can't I say her name? I don't know why I have a block on her name. I apologize, everyone is listening. But she's like, so you announced that we're to be wed?

Like literally, I don't even know you. I just like, you just came here to seem like it would be interesting, but like I don't even know you. I just like, you just came here to seem like it would be interesting, but like I don't even, I don't even know you like that. And I'm pregnant, you know that affects my price. Sir, okay, you can't just go Rand calling a hook or pregnant, okay? People are gonna stop booking.

I mean, it's like, I'm a brand, but I've been working on and you're kind of ruining it right now, okay? You know how hard it was to build up those followers? And he's like, we can make it true. And she's like, I promised myself a long time ago, I would not be hurt by childbirth. Okay, and you promised to protect me. He's like, what's she cool here? She's like, a fucking dragon just came here. What are you talking about in secure?

I'm just like, I'm gonna be killed. Okay. Which is like, I have been sold as property more times than I care to count. Beginning in my home and oh, by the way, I have a crazy accent that sort of sounds French but not right. So including my hung land and I can no longer recall most of my years have been spent living in terror. Yeah, I'm not sure. Because at first I thought it was French. Last week I thought it was kind of Frenchist. And this week he's like, don't worry, the house is secure. And she's like, unless the king we claim this is ours, we don't have squat or rights

in this timeline. They want to put your head on his bike, but what about with the common or what about with the common or head on his bike? He's made wife and I'm not really sure what's going. I think I like this one better though. Yeah, I think the actress made a choice and they're just like, well, we gotta get production going. We don't have time to recast.

We're just gonna let her do her weird accent. She'll be dead by episode three. Let her have her choice. So she's like, listen, I've been sold, okay? Many times and I'm usually living in terror because you fucking I've been sold, okay? Many times. And I'm usually living in terror because you fucking assholes rule everything, okay? And you're a Targaryen, you can afford a stupid game

with the king, I can't, they will kill me, okay? I think I'm here to use you for your gold, okay? I came here to be liberated. And he's like, liberated from what? I can't, I can't with the men on this show. Liberated from what I can't I can't with the men on this shot. You know liberated from weight She's like Fear it's like my still understand, but I'm gonna we'll have sex later and they keep out because he's the victim here He's the fucking victim of course, so then um the king is like playing with his dragon toy like no she fixed my dragon toy on my finger my black finger

god damn this finger oh maggot therapy it's not working so he's now with a guy Lord Lionel he's like I want you on and come but opinion he's like all right it's like okay so I've always felt like Coralus has been envious of me like Like he's always been like, you know, like, giving me like stank eye from across the black water. So I want you to know, I want to know what do you think. So Lord Lionel's like, well, you know, Coralus is the master of ships and Lena is his oldest daughter and she does like adorable in that else address.

So, you know, they're at the wealthiest house. She's 12 years old. She's like, she won't be 12 forever. He's like, oh God. And he's like, well, you have an obligation as king. And he's like, well, what if I just rejected it? Right? He's like, no, you cannot just do that, okay? Because we're on the precipice of war in the stepstones. He has ships. There is crab feeder. Have you heard of a little man named crab feeder? ships. There is crab feeder. Have you heard of a little man named crab feeder? Do you notice that the crabs all are napping a lot because they're eating huge amounts of human flesh? Okay? He's like, well, surely. He's not going to withhold his ships. And he's

like, well, you know, it's better to marry someone who's your ally than, you know, have an enemy because he could do it. And if you wanted an unencumbered, just opinion, okay? Let me take the spanks off this opinion. Marry the kid. Marry the kid's a kid who cares. He's like, look, you're asking, is he wouldn't like withhold his ships?

He's trying to marry off his eight year old daughter. Marry, just, this kid is man can't be trusted right now. Just marry, marry the kid, it'll be okay. It's like marry the kid. And so the mic comes in and he's like, you're grace, the princess has returned from dragon stone. He's like, dragon stone, does she bring Kool-Aid? Cod.

Poor King doesn't even realize that Reneira took a whole ass dragon out of the kingdom. And no one reported to the king like, yo Grace, the princess has taken a dragon. They just don't even bother telling the king until she's already back. So, yeah. So of course he's all pissy. He's like, you disobeyed me. You fled King's Landing with no word and acted without the crown. You are my only heir.

You could have been killed. I am thirsty. I am thirsty. The A. Who will fall for the cool aid? So she's like, may I sit? He's like, fine. That was a good power move.

Asking me to sit. So he's like, she's like, well, I retrieved the egg without bloodshed. A feed I'm not sure so Otto could have accomplished alone. He's like, yes, well... I forget sometimes how I like you both were. Your mother that is stubborn. I'm happy now. Yeah, and he's like, you know, without your mother, the red keepers lost his warmth. And she's like, well, it pleases me to hear that you have feelings and to know I'm not alone in my grief. Look at you hulking that tiny little dragon toy. It's creepy and adorable.

And he's like well I wish I'd known better how to talk to you you know but then I struggle to realize my daughter is a woman grown. Well I still have a step stool. I've got a couple of episodes left. All right no mind you. All right I just want to know that you understand what is now expected of me. She's like... Everyone's saying that you need to diddle the child immediately. Right? It's a gossip around town. What on the street has you often engaged in?

Just a touch of pedophilia. And you know what? I'll just look the other way, father. He's like, thank you. Thank you. He's like, I could never replace your mother. No more than I want to replace you as air, but you are my only and our line is vulnerable. Heart of crap, Frito. We need to be better defended against whoever might may challenge us. I do not wish to make us estranged. And she's like, oh god, you're the

king, I get it. You know, mother would have understood just as I do, you son of a bitch. You said that out loud. Sorry, Danny. I get it. I get it. Father, before you take a child, Brad, has anyone thought of just bringing some food to the beach to distract the crabs away from the humans? Maybe that's a good tactic.

Can we leave some pineapple or...? No kidding. Just bomb the beach with some fucking sandwiches. Geez. So just, there's no like a natural remedy for all these crabs before we have to, kidding, just bomb the beach with some fucking sandwiches. I don't know. Geez. So there's no like a natural remedy for all these crabs before we have to, you know, engage in this. He's like, no.

So the next day, council is called and the king is thinking at the window, you know, he's basically watching TV. Well, they're like, sir, turn that off. It's time for the meeting. He's like, hello. Okay, glad you're all game. Good morrow. I've decided to take any wife.

They're like, oh, a corollos like leans in like, oh, can't wait to hear about this one. And he's like, I intend to marry the lady Alison who conveniently is right here. Yes, lady Alison. But right before he announces it, he's like, Alison just like picking your finger bloody again, you know, and he looks at her and then Ray Ray sees them look at each other and

she's like, excuse, what the fuck is happening here? She gets all upset and then he announces Allison. And then Coralist is like, there's absurdity, beggard, beggard, beggard. Corolla just storms out. He's like, I'm going to turn my wife. And I'm sure she will have lots of lower lip suckling to do about this. So he storms out. And Reneer is like, oh, she's got her eyes are like glassy

and angry and sad at the same time. Now, I don't know what the dry cleaning is like over there, but Allyson is in the same dress as yesterday. So Wack of Shame, much. Allyson, she's like, I did want to take it off after I got that track and glued back together. Oh, make this my last forever. So then it cuts to Coraless. He's like, all right, everyone. This is my FOIA consideration speech. And he does this whole long speech about how, you know, like the, there is houses origins or go all the way back to all the Valeria. Everyone's really obsessed with all the Valeria.

They got to move on. Okay. And it's like it's even more ancient than house Targaryen, but they weren't dragged and keepers. They had to work. They had to work hard with grit and luck and use the sea. And then when he finally ascended to Driftwood, he knew he wanted.

So he went out and he seized it. And unlike every other lord of the realm, I can say I built my houses high seat with the strength of mine own back. And I've always thought of you, you person who's off screen, and I have been made of the same cloth. And now I shall reveal who I'm talking to

and it is unsurprisingly a daemon. And daemon's like, oh really? I wasn't aware you had a king for a brother, so we're the same, huh? And he's like, we've both been passed over too often, that's for sure. And he's like, oh really? Did you call me to remind me of what a loser I am? I was to some other reason. I mean, really?

I mean, I'm just like you, your loser. So does that make me a loser? Great, well, he says, who's the, by the way, thanks for inviting me to Drift Bark, a place named after literal Driftwood. I literally live in Dragonstone, named after a drag, and this is a big downgrade, so let's get to what you really want, okay? So he's like, listen, you've heard of the troubles

in the Stepstones. I've been petitioning the king to send my Navy into the territory, and he's like, oh, that was never his strong suit. What being king? Aren't I so fair? So then, he's like, well, the crab feeder was backed by powerful entities from within the free cities that wish to see Westeros weakened by a sea of tiny crabs. George Soros has mass-produced tiny little crabs to take over the kingdom So he's like I will not have drift Mark Beggatt

Well, he has balls and journeys and demons like listen, I'll speak ill of my brother not you got it Only one bitch in this basket, got it, Corley. He is a garbage person, I can say that you can't say it. So Coralist is like, this is a chance to prove your worth to those who might doubt it, which is basically everyone. We're seconds on, all worth is not given. It must be made. And then we see this person on the beach who we have to assume is the crab feeder who's like, ah, like he's supposed to be

the existential threat. And then it just goes to dark. So it's like, uh-oh, watch out crab feeder. They're gonna kill your crabs. Watch out. They're gonna kill your main way of killing people, the crabs. How are they ever gonna kill those crabs? How, like, I mean, it's one going to kill your main way of killing people, the crabs. How are they ever going to kill those crabs? Like, I mean, it's one thing to kill a dragon,

but to kill a bunch of crabs, I don't know. I mean, step on the, oh, I guess they can just step on those crabs. I think that's what I'm saying. I'm just going to have to get their heels on and get to stomping. This guy is hideous looking. I thought the crap feeder was going to be hot, you know, because it's like he feeds everyone else to the craves, but he's still hot, you know, but, um, no, not hot, unfortunately. But that brings us to the end of when there's crap fitting has to the dragon. Thank you guys so much for being with us. If you want to watch this on video,

come to Crappens on Demand over at Patreon. Just search for Watcher Crappens on Patreon. Find us, it's also a weird fun bonus episodes. And check out Watcher Crappens. That's our other podcast. It's even more ridiculous than this one. It does possible. Thank you everybody for being here.

We'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye. everybody for being here. We'll talk to you next time. Bye! survey at 1dry.com slash survey.