Watch What Crappens - Infidelity in St. Barth's?

Episode Date: August 30, 2012

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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Oh my God, I had the best time last night. Ran into old Italian friends of mine. It wasn't a group of Italians she was with. She was with Tomá.

Hey everybody, welcome to another Watch What Craftsman's podcast. I'm Ronnie Karam with TVGazza.com and I'm here with Matt Whitfield of Yahoo TV. Hello Matt. Hello. And Ben Magelker from bsideblog.com. Hello Benjamin. Greetings and salutations. So we are just going to jump right into it and skip all the gossip today because we have

an insane New York and an insane New Jersey and a not so insane but still insanely ridiculous and fucked up gossip girl. Oh, not gossip girl. XOXO. I'll never tell. Wait, there is one secret I will tell, Ronnie. Can you tell us, can you tell everyone where you can find us on Twitter and on Facebook and everything real quickly? Oh yeah, that's why I'm not really ever supposed to open the show because I just like saying hi and then I don't do anything else. You can find us on Twitter at WhatCrappens. Ask us any questions you want. Criticize us.

Love us. However you like it. We're on Facebook at Facebook.com backslash WatchWhatCrappens. And where else are we? I'm on Twitter at TVGasm Matt is at Life on the M list and Ben is at B-Side Blog

and I think that's it, right? We do love a nice iTunes review, I must say. I live for them. Matt lives for them. And also, wait, can I give out a very selfish plea? Which is that I am at like 70 followers away from hitting 5 000 on twitter i know this is such a stupid thing to ask for twitter

followers and it's so arbitrary who cares if you're at 5 000 or 49 30 but i really want to make it guys so if you're not paying for it yeah if you guys aren't following me on twitter could you please follow me and if you are could just just tell your friends to follow me? I'd really appreciate it. I can brag. Okay, that was just disgusting. It was... It's what I have to do. It's where I'm at in my life. I'm looking right now at our most recent

on iTunes, our reviews. They were all five stars from this past week. I'm very impressed with you people giving us the five stars, but there are a few requests. So before we jump right into New York, because I know Ben is putting us on a timer this week. I'm very impressed with you people giving us the five stars, but there are a few requests. So before we jump right into New York, because I know Ben is putting us on a timer this week. I haven't started the timer yet, but when the timer

goes, we have 30 minutes to talk about New York, and when we're done, the theme song to MacGyver will play. Go on. I feel like I'm on a game show. Anyway, so before we start, BK Housewife is demanding that even though the season of Million Dollar Listing is over, she needs a Madison Hildebrand laugh every podcast because it is fucking hilarious. It's courtesy of Ronnie.

You know, I love me some Madison, but he is kind of a creepy little gay joker. He really is. And it's basically just a cartman laugh from south park he's like a jack-in-the-box that actually has legs like he actually got out of the box and now sells real estate he's like that episode of friends where ross got his teeth bleached and you could see them under the black light he could easily star in his own you You know, if Million Dollar Listing ever gets canceled, please, Jesus, don't let that happen. But if it does, he could star in his own straight-to-DVD horror series. Or he plays a jack-in-the-box realtor.

Or he could just play Rumpelstiltskin in some strange movie. Guess my name. You're stupid. I really like that we've gone in the Rumpelstiltskin direction, by the way. I'm so proud. I'm going to pat myself on the back. I think that's what's going to get me my Twitter followers if I just make more Rumpelstiltskin references. I think so.

I think so. And for all of you listeners out there, if you make it through the podcast, through New York, through Jersey, and through Gallery Girls, we might even toss in some Kim Richards impressions because those are in high demand as well. And those are coming up soon, guys. And you know what, you guys? We're talking about, for all of our listeners who really don't care, we are talking about going out and celebrating Ronnie's birthday tomorrow night.

And, you know, we kind of just did discuss where we were going to go, but I do think we should go to Sur. We've been talking about it for night. And, you know, we kind of just did discuss where we were going to go, but I do think we should go to Sur. We've been talking about it for weeks. Well, we can arrange it. We can't complain about what's so expensive and then go, like, give all our dollars to the strippers on Saturday, which I know you guys are doing.

No, I stayed in. I stayed in on Saturday. I had Peking duck and I stayed in. Well, aren't we having dinner with... I mean, we're having drinks with somebody from Entertainment Weekly. Let's just make her pay. Yeah. I fear that we're losing listeners by the boatload.

We've talked about Peking Duck and Rumpelstiltskin, okay? And I haven't even gotten to AdamMail.com. Oh, my God. What is AdamMail.com? Please explain. AdamMail.com is a great website where you can go, and if you use the words B-R-A-V-O, those are not words, those are letters,

at checkout you will get a discount and free shipping, and you might even get three all-mail-free DVDs. It's really quite an exciting website, I will say. I think you can get condoms there. I mean, people, it's obviously a place for, like, sex toys and stuff like that, but quite frankly, if you want some condoms, get them at AdamMail.com. I found a used condom on the street outside of my driveway, and I live in a classy neighborhood.

You live in Hollywood, boo. I live in Hancock Park for one more night. Well, there's the problem right there. You have the word Hancock in your neighborhood. And you almost have hand in there, too. Oh, my God. there you have the hand cock and your neighbor and you almost have hand in there too so oh my god well i'm moving tomorrow and we will be neighbors and hopefully i will see many a used condom i was about to say you're gonna see a lot more it's gonna be like pennies in a fountain speaking of pennies in a fountain let's talk about the pennies from uh new york city as they

splashed into a fountain in saint bart's's. Alright, I'm starting the timer right now. Or as some people call St. Barth's. Is it kind of like Ibiza where you have that gay lisp or is it really just Bart's? It's Bart's but spelled Barth's. Well, I'm bored because I had no idea that it was St. Bart's but I was just

watching Alex's vlog on Stupid Housewives and she starts it off. First of all, it's so embarrassing that Alex has a vlog. Just give it up. Get a job. I just hate the term vlog. Go on Monster.com and find a fucking job.

Isn't that pathetic? Is it more upsetting or embarrassing than the fact that she and Simon would go to St. Bart's in the off season because that's all they could afford, unlike all the other rich ladies on the show? Oh, wow. Well, I think it's embarrassing because she starts off her vlog by going, i the only one that loves the plane ride into saint bart's she's the only one that goes to saint bart's in the summer which is the off season for poor people so maybe it's a lot softer landing at that the the skies are friendlier to her then yeah they're not fraught with money

well it's embarrassing enough that the women on the actual show embarrass themselves by trying to impress us with that information. You know, everyone's like, oh, well, we love, oh, who doesn't love the flight inn? Who don't? It's our favorite place. I mean, but at least they're on the actual show. You're on a vlog. Just stop it. Just stop. If she was really

classy, she'd be vlogging from St. Bart's, but no, she's vlogging from their hovel in Brooklyn. Yeah, I was about to say, probably from some place near Chuck E. Cheese or whatever. Oh, she's probably hanging out with Chantal and Claudia. She's at End of Century.

For Brooklyn Fashion Week. She's staying at the Marriott, the little cheap-ass Marriott by the Century 21 downtown somewhere. She's in Dumbo. She's in Dumbo. She's in Dumbo. No, literally, she's in the elephant. She's actually in the elephant ride at Disney World.

Even Dumbo's sick of her shit. He just swallowed it. She's going around in circles. You have pissed off the sweetest elephant in the world, Alex. Just be quiet. Put it on the video camera, Alex. Take it to the Rumpelstiltskin ride. Now that she's not one of Ben's 4,996 followers, he's ready to talk shit about her.

She dumped him on Facebook. Listen, there's, you know, a gay scorned is someone you never want to cross paths with. And I'm afraid that Alex may have scorned me by spurning me. And so now I'm mad. Oh, because he got rid of you on Twitter. Alex, if you just make up to ben he could be at 5 000 followers out yeah that however will not stop us from talking shit about you so i have a question can we talk about this uh this trip though so yes it's no morocco i'll start off with that it's no morocco well but it's still pretty good i mean um what

do you that's what my question was going to be. What do you guys think about this trip so far? Amazing. Yeah. I like that. You're like, it's no Morocco. And then it's like, how do you like it? Oh, it's amazing.

It's saved the whole season. I mean, I think the place isn't as great as Morocco, obviously. But Luann cheating and getting caught and then getting caught lying and thinking that nobody knows French except for her. That was amazing. And by the way, her French accent is horrific. Mine's not anything great. I took French for seven years in middle school, high school, and college.

I've heard my Macintosh speak French better than Luanne. When I've typed in French words and had it say it, she's like, Je m'appelle Luann de Lesseps. Je veux dire quelque chose.

You know, it's so not elegant. Je voudrais Johnny Depp. Je veux faire le blowjob, sir Johnny Depp. This is very international now. So Luann cheated with that guy.

She keeps saying he looks like Johnny Depp. Okay, the guy is skinny and dirty and was dressed like Johnny Depp from a movie, but he doesn't really look like Johnny Depp. Yes, he looks exactly like him. Here's what he looks like to me. He doesn't look like Johnny Depp. He looks like the Johnny Depp impersonator I see on Hollywood

Boulevard in front of the Chinese theater every day. I was going to say he looks like one of those guys who stands outside Home Depot looking for work, except he's had a shower and a haircut. You know, it's kind of the same thing, by the way. Yeah, exactly. That's where they find all the impersonators. They go to Home Depot. They're like,

Hey, you look like Squiggy. Got a good market for Laverne and Shirley impersonators. They just walk up from the Home Depot on Sunset to Hollywood Boulevard. It's only a few blocks. By the way, if you ever want to see the worst celebrity impersonators in the entire world,

go to Hollywood Boulevard. These people who show up there, they don't give a shit. You see someone who's 300 pounds and they have a lightsaber and they're like, yeah, I'm Luke Skywalker. You know, it's like that. Yeah, or like Spider-Man has like a stain on his ass

and it's just like, you're sleeping in that. No. Spider-Man, last time I was there, Spider-Man had a pee stain on the front of his suit. Spider-Man is always the scariest one. The best is when they have to go home.

I remember one time walking on Franklin Avenue at night. It was like 10 and the uh the guy who plays like bumblebee from transformer he was just walking home sadly alone it was like there's really nothing more depressing than watching a transformer amble into the night i can't wait to move into the hood there is something more depressing than a transformer amblingling into the night, and that is Ramona trying to pretend she has working sexual parts. Again, we had another week of Ramona and Sonya doing their best to convince us all that they're sexy by screaming and yelling and flashing their vaginas at people and then getting naked. Do you ever notice how they laugh so loudly at the most basic sexual puns like if you were to accidentally say um like penis instead of like i don't know like fern which would be a

strange thing to happen but if that were to happen they laugh so hard as if they've never even heard the word uttered before they've only seen it in text have you ever noticed that they just want to say a lot of shit really loudly so that they're on camera all the time. And that's why I don't blame Heather and Carol for running to the bungalows away from the main house. That's probably why Heather broke her nose. She probably was just trying to run away from Ramona and she was in such a panic she just ran right into a glass window. I love that Ramona's not believing her. Oh, what? You hurt your nose? Oh, how'd you do that?

Oh, did you break it? Oh, it doesn't look broken. Oh, you were sure gone a long time for that her nose. Oh, what? You hurt your nose? Oh, how'd you do that? Oh, did you break it? Oh, it doesn't look broken. Oh, you were sure gone a long time for that hurt nose. Well, the thing is that poor Heather, her nose already looks like it's been broken

about five times, so you really couldn't tell. She looks like Mark Wahlberg in the boxer movie. I still, I'm team Heather until the bitter end. No, Heather is definitely

on the upswing for sure, for sure. Although I think the close-up, Heather is definitely on the upswing for sure. For sure. Although I think the close-up of her nose grease on the glass was maybe not the most attractive quality. At least she called herself out on it. Yeah, 100%. Ramona would have yelled at one of the staff members

for putting glass in the door. Oh my god. Actually have Heather go around and put her face against every glass door so no one else gets hurt. I know. I would like that. Heather always looks like she's had glass press up to her face. Like she walks around with a window that she holds up.

She's always staring into a window. She's an orphan. Little orphan Heather. Would you have rather had sex with the butler or the chef? Chef. I don't even or the chef? Chef. I don't even remember the chef, but I have to try and stay away from people who make food. But I have to stay away from people who've been molested by Sonia, so I have to go with the chef. Smart move, smart move.

What about you, Matt? Oh, by far the chef. The chef, yeah. But it was pretty funny watching Sonia literally, like, you know, she has the clunkiest moves of all time like when she had a plumber in and she jumped up and down to make her tits go here she just went up to the butler and it looked like she was trying to lift him up the way she lifts up Milu her very proud and now deceased dog

aww poor Milu poor Milu Milu probably committed suicide after he heard that she got that upset with Aviva. Well, he's a proud dog. Of course he would commit suicide. That's true. That's true.

He doesn't want anybody to know about him losing his bowels all over. By the way, considering that she was, that Sonya was in such a tiff, that this might be the end of the road for the dog, when the blade was bladder control, yada, yada, yada, seems sort of curious that she was happy to go away for like five or six days to St. Bart's while her poor dog was on his deathbed that is a note that i actually was jotting down because it was kind of like she can't go to a charity event for children without legs but she can leave for five days to go to saint bart's where the dog is shitting and peeing by himself and not being

um you know spooned wearing a diaper in her king-size bed. Well, it's a very proud dog. It doesn't want her to take charity on her. He's like, go to St. Bart's. Milou was like, I'll be fine. I've already packed your Louis Vuitton for you. Just go. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong with me. I'm fine. I'm fine. And then Milou goes to the corner and cries. Leaking, yeah, leaking feces

out of its ass. I'm so glad that there weren't reality shows when I was growing up, because I would have been mortified if my mother was on TV acting like these women. I mean, Sonya running around, you know, in the previews for next week, oh, well, Luann got to fuck him, so now

it's my turn to fuck him. Oh my god. No shame. I agree. I would be mortified. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have a parent who goes on TV and acts like this. Well, that's why all of the children of the Housewives will be on a Dr. Drew show and probably offing themselves in the next six to eight years. But I can tell you guys, by the way, how proud my parents are that I sit and watch these shows

and talk about this stuff and hawk dildos during the show. Well, I'm going to text... Go ahead, I'm sorry. I was just going to say it's really like one of the few things I can bond with my mother over. She loves the New York. She loves the New York ladies. I mean, she hates them. But she likes to call me and go, did that Luann really sleep with that Johnny Depp? She always puts that in front of the name.

My parents hate reality TV. And every time I go home, which I'm going back to New York next week. And every time I go home and I force my mom to watch the real housewives, because I have to watch it for this sort of stuff. My mom always sort of looks incredulously as if she's seeing like a unicorn, but a grotesque unicorn, like, what is this?

And she, and then she eventually after 30 minutes, she goes, you watch this. And then every now and then she'll turn to my father and she'll go, our son has declined. Yeah, my parents watch it from the canasta table, which is behind the living room. It's like an open concept place. So I watch it on the couch and then I have to turn it really loud because my mom is drunk behind me going, well, that's ridiculous.

That's bullshit. What a bunch of whores. They're all going to hell. Has anybody heard of a Bible on these shows? What a bunch of whores. Why aren't you inviting us to Texas? I know I want to go. Oh,

trust me when you do. And you will, when we go to the South by Southwest festival, for whatever reason, we're going to go there one day. Because we're going to be podcasting from there. Yes, my mother will insist that you stay at her home, and she will drunkenly... Will she call me a whore? Possibly.

Possibly. Depends what you do. Not in the beginning. She'll be very nice at the beginning, and then the box of Pinot Grigio will start getting thinner and thinner. Lower and lower. Lower and lower. Lower and lower. But what I was going to say was this. Is that when I go to New York next week, I'll try to write down the things that my mom will say.

Because she usually has some withering critiques. And I will share them on the podcast. Why don't we all secretly record our moms? I know that that's kind of illegal. But because they're our moms, it's probably okay. And we could each record a few seconds of what they think of the New York City cast. I think that's a fantastic idea. For this season.

My mom will totally be up for it because she won't know what's happening. Yeah, exactly. Mine too. My mom always is like, these women have no class. I love it when my mom does that. My mom is basically Lucille Bluth. Well, speaking of people without class, we need to dive deeper into this whole Luuan sex scandal with the johnny depp look-alike and you know i was texting you guys during the show last night because i wasn't sure that she

actually slept with him and is bravo just making this up to make the season juicier or did she really bang the shit out of him well she called she called the lady at the club and said you can't tell anybody that he stayed here wait Wait, so who was she calling? Was she calling the other cougar lady or not? Yeah, I think she was calling that cat. I don't think... I think she was calling some secret socialite from the island that

runs all the gossip channels. There were two cougar women that we encountered. One was Sonia's friend who was wearing a doily dress, and the other was this woman, Kat, who showed up at the end of the episode. Kat is Luanne's friend, was wearing a doily dress and the other was this woman cat who showed up at the end of the episode cat is luanne's friend and luanne called cat and i think that johnny depp is dating the doily woman right or something like that cat and the doily woman were the same no no i think they're different people i think they're different people it's hard to tell

i think you're right but so here's the thing then so is um Countess's friend somebody that can control the gossip of the island? Because as Ramona said, once it's out, everybody knows. I think it was more of an issue that don't come to the party and be like, so I heard you brought back Tomas, you know? Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List,

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where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.

Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights.

She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Okay, that's probably true. Or when people ask you, like, if you have to do the interviews or whatever, blah, blah, blah. She's telling them to lie, but stupid Luann, you're wearing a mic,

interviews or whatever, blah, blah, blah. She's telling him to lie, but stupid Luann, you're wearing a mic, and French isn't some secret code that only you and, like, two other old ladies in St. Barthes know. Right, you can type that into the interwebs, and it will translate the whole fucking thing for you. In a better accent. We all got Siri, bitch.

What did you think, though, about Luann? She kept trying to force the notion that she brought a group of her Italian friends back when in fact she was bringing one Frenchman back, but it did make for a really awkward moment because Heather said that she was

that Luanne barged in with this man into her bedroom while Heather was asleep and she saw Thomas there, and so it's kind of like she put Heather in a very awkward situation, and then she's kind of like steamrolling it and forcing heather to go along with it even though heather's like in the confessional going like um no yeah well it's funny because um i was watching this with our friend michelle last night and

michelle made a very astute comment which is that heather was sitting here in the confessional saying you know this put me in a strange position i didn't want to talk about i didn't want to like like um ruin things for Jacques or whatever. And she's saying this, but it's like, you realize if you didn't want to do any of this stuff, you wouldn't be telling everyone and telling everything on the confessional. You know what I'm saying?

Like, don't act like you don't want to blow up Luann's spot and then talk about it on the confessional. That's kind of true, but at the same time like, if Ramona has an inkling that something went on, you know that Ramona was true but at the same time like if ramona um has an inkling that something went on you know that ramona was going to be the one to spill the beans constantly throughout the rest of the trip and that's we're going to see that on next week's episode but like you know the crazy thing is the only two that i like really are um heather and carol luann but i

and oh and carol i like the brunettes i hate the blondes but um it was kind of like you know unfortunate that heather was going to have to throw Luann under the bus there. Yeah, well, it's Luann's own fault. She's so dumb to bring back a fake Johnny Depp to a place that has cameras crawling all over it. And then Ramona. And Ramona is awful enough as it is, demanding the master suite, complaining about Mario not being there. I mean, Luann could have stopped this in so many different ways can we can we all just agree though that toma is hotter than jacques right

oh yeah oh god yes so if you're not married to jacques yes you might be in a committed relationship and you know any of my potential suitors that are listening to this don't think horribly about me more so than you already do but like if she can still go get a piece of Tomah, fucking go get it, girl. Well, I was wondering if they had an open relationship, because... Clearly, that's what I'm getting at. It's always been rumored that Luann is a sex addict. A swinger. She's a swinging

sex addict. I guarantee... And she even said when she was confronted about it that they had an arrangement, or she said something weird, you know, to make everyone believe that she was open so i'm sure you know what look whenever you work out your hornier if i lose five pounds i'm fucking half the city and luann is in very good shape so i'm sure that her sex drive is still working with a little ky a little warming ky from adam mill.com i mean but i mean she was going with a bare midriff

while they were dancing like whores on tables, and I think, you know, she's up there. I mean, she's like 47 or so. I think she looks amazing, and I think, you know, Tomah probably got a good ride. She does look amazing, and I'm not totally convinced

that that pirate costume was actually a costume. I think that actually came from her wardrobe. I think she just... Exactly. I think she wears that out to the Lower East Side when she's looking for some poontang or whatever ladies look for. You know, again, I love that you say the word poontang how crazy is that um but the weirdest thing to me is like i have no problem with luann hooking out and like going

on vacation and getting some peen because you know that's what you do on vacation my problem is when luann thinks that her mic is maybe off and she's walking to the bar with him while the rest of the ladies are dancing like whores on a stage, she goes to him, you know, something blah blah blah, well, you know, I'm an Indian and like, I don't fuck around. Yeah, she's like I want to be treated special. I'm not

just some ordinary pirate woman. I'm an Indian. Don't fuck with me. I'm going to take out my tomahawk and scalp you and you know, then we're going to take out my tomahawk and scalp you, and then we're going to go fucking a teepee. Why does she keep saying that? She's really advancing the causes for Native Americans in a great way. First she talks about scalping,

now she's showing that they're just total lying, cheating sluts. I was fine with it when she was just putting on a heavy amount of turquoise jewelry in seasons one and two, but now she's taking Indian to a whole new level. Here's my... I want to get back to her... And I'm racist, and I think that it's making me uncomfortable. What does that say? Yeah, that's pretty bad.

That's pretty bad. You know, here's my thing. I want to go back to her excuse about, like, oh, I ran into this old group of Italian friends. Oh, Italians. Oh, I love the Italians. So my question is this. The other thing is she might have had a gangbang with a group of Italians before she got with Tomas. I mean, she was doing a lot of fucking that night. She was definitely walking the plank, that's for sure.

But my question is, could she, what other excuses, I mean, that was pretty much the worst excuse you could give, that I ran into a group of Italians. Like, what other excuses could she have given that would have been, like, maybe slightly better? She could have said that she was writing a sequel to her best-selling novel, Class with the Whore. Or Ass with the Countess. Yeah. She could have said, well, you know, I was trying to prove that I was Indian, so I wanted

to make a good fry bread for the Italians. I was building a totem pole that looked like Tomas' penis. But I didn't actually... I made it with the Italians. It's an Italian totem pole. It's a submarine sandwich. I made it so. Well, St. Lawrence has a lot of things.

They have ATM machines, they have normal grocery stores, but they're just now getting balderdash. So I thought it would be wonderful to invite some Italians over for some board game action. So I wanted to invite some Italians over for gelato. Even though there were no Italians on the island, I said, hey, let's dress up like we're Italians. So we all dressed like Super Mario Brothers and came on over and stepped on mushrooms. Oh, my God. See, you say things like that, and then you do it, and then I'm like, you have to be her for Halloween. You can things like that and then you do it

and then I'm like, you have to be her for Halloween. You can't be Susie Orman. Darling. Maybe I'll be Slutty Luan. Slutty Luan with fake Italian ghosts because they don't actually exist. Can I go as your racist artist daughter? Oh, please.

Be very haunting. I'm going to go as Carol. Carol. I'm out of the Milky Way. I'd be picky, but I knew Princess Diana. Ross is coming. So Carol, you know, is getting a little bit more comfortable with name dropping. So last night we got her uncomfortable on the plane because

of her friends who she didn't want to mention dying in that plane. But she did say John and Caroline, who we all know who those are. Oh, that's right. Well, that was... Oh, I guess she did say that. She finally mentioned that last night. But she didn't give their last names, and just so you're wondering, it's their names rhyme with

Schmenedy and whatever. What was her name? Bessette. Oh, that was a bad rhyme. Kissette. There. I'm just saying my joke all the way through, people.

Well, today it's all over, well, not the news, you know, not the real news, but the Housewives news, darling, that she used to date George Clooney. Okay. Did you not hear that on the show last night where she she was walking with her hot-ass little bikini, which was showing off a lot of booty, and it looked really good, and she's getting into the water. She looks like an anorexic... She looks like...

I'm into the emaciated, flat-chested kind of types. She looked good for... If you don't want a lot of booty, if you want a standard, typical white girl sort of thing, she looked good. Okay, she didn't have a lot of booty, but she was showing a lot of like white girl sort of thing okay she didn't have a lot of booty but she was showing a lot of backside skin she had she looked good she looked hot okay well i don't know if she looked hot she was like a play-doh statue of an anorexic girl

with like chicken skin hanging off okay maybe that's my thing and anyway but ramona did say last night that she was getting with Clooney for a year. And then, like, everybody started lighting up the boards last night because they're like, was she really dating Clooney pre-Elizabetta Canales and Stacey Keebler, former WWE diva? And the answer is apparently yes, right? That's the rumor, but there's no, like, I've been looking through all of the photos today trying to find them together on a carpet, but I can't find them. Of course she did. She was on Oprah for crying out loud. And thank you to whoever it was

who posted that Oprah clip on Facebook. Was it one of you guys? I think it was one of our readers, right? Or listeners? Yes, it was one of the readers. That was good. I'm really glad they did that because then I spent the next hour

going through a bunch of Oprah slideshows, including one that included 30 people, 30 guests of hers who've died. And I sat there near tears by the end of the hour. So thanks, everyone. Thanks for making me sad. So what was the Oprah clip now? I didn't see it.

She went on Oprah, and she talked about JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bessette and her husband. And reality, her face looked a hell of a lot different when she was on Oprah a few years ago. It did. It did. a hell of a lot different when she was on Oprah a few years ago. It did. It did. A hell of a lot different.

But you know what, though? She's got a great body. Sort of looks like a sexy turnip. Or parsnip, maybe more. Am I cray-cray for thinking her man is kind of cute? He is cute. But you know what, though? They kind of look similar. And he has the same hairstyle as Luann.

And I have a problem with that. I like Luann's hair on a man. No. I don't like it on Luanne or on a man. Which is kind of the same thing too. Yeah, because she has a man voice. I love that they kept making that joke like, Luanne came home with a man last night.

You know why? We could tell because two men's voices were in the house. Yeah, Carol. I heard two French men in the house. One was Luanne. Her confessionals are stellar. Yeah, she's getting funnier and funnier. Her line about the toaster oven,

that this is the most talked about toaster oven that no one has ever seen, was really spot on. She's very funny. She's cool. She seems to have brains. She has a good outlook. I feel bad that we make fun of her so much,

but I can't help it. Well, we make fun of her because we love i can't help we make fun of her because we love her but i like that she snapped at ramon and was like um if aviva wants to bring her husband who cares or like if i want to go get with my man who are actually talking about getting some sex the night before and it was kind of like i deal with all of you and your stupid fucking husbands all season long if i want to get a booty call on vacay one night in my casita, shut the fuck up. Yeah, I was really glad you did that. And, you know, she's so good at it because she's so calm and she's just the voice of reason.

I mean, even Ramona shuts up. Well, she called Ramona crazy. I mean, Ramona was like, well, I'm just going to act like myself. And she goes, don't do that. Yeah, I was like, do me a favor. Don't say anything crazy. Just stop yourself because that's a horrible thing. But she says it in such a calm way, Ronnie.

You're right. And it's just like Ramona, like it's the sermon. It's the gospel to her. Well, I liked, by the way, that same evening how wasted Sonia was at dinner. She's talking about, once again, talking about her divorce. She was bringing Grey Gardens to that house right there at that moment. She says she's finally over it. I don't believe that for a second.

She was a disaster. Oh, I also liked how Ramona and Sonia made a big stink about getting pool noodles for some reason. I love they go to this really fancy villa. It's beautiful and gorgeous, and the first thing they ask, they're like, can we get some pool noodles over here?

Pink champagne. Pink champagne. They brought glasses of champagne. They're like, no, we wanted pink champagne pink champagne pink champagne rock glasses of champagne they're like no we wanted pink champagne but then i love that they never got pink champagne yeah like fuck you drink your fucking prosecco and shut up i know they've i mean it gets it gets me mad it gets me mad to see perfectly fine glasses of champagne go not to use those women though are really fucking disgusting the way that they talk to the staff members in that house. Like, if they're really not giving

them a $30,000 tip at the end, they should, you know, go kill themselves because they are horrible women. Ramona is terrible to the staff. They're all horrible. And Sonia, it's like, Sonia, the staff makes more money than you. Could you please, like, have some fucking respect? Like, stop looking down

when you're, you know're in the gutter. There's nothing to look down at, you stupid hoe. Exactly. They should ask her to go fist the toilets clean at the end of the week. She just clog them. Clog them with her tampons. Oh, because she's a big bleeder. Yeah, it's a red tide in St. Barts.

I love Carol's talk about their food or something. And Carol's like, oh, really? Because I'll fire them. You tell me you, oh, really? Because I'll fire them. You tell me you want me to fire them, I'll fire them. Yes, Sonia's like, this is the driest spring roll I've ever had. I'm like, I can't imagine that the spring rolls are too moist over in Great Gardens over there. You cook shit in a toaster, bitch. Yeah.

Okay, okay. Obviously, we know that St. Bart's drama is just kicking off. We haven't even had the touchdown. Well, actually, the major fight between Aviva and the other blondes, which is definitely coming up. But what do you guys think is going to happen

next week with the Luann stuff? Is she going to cop to it? Is she just going to keep pushing the Italian job? What's going to happen? She's going to just stick to her party line she's gonna she's gonna have some ridiculous excuse that's gonna be hilarious and i'm actually glad that she's gonna do it because watching her lie will be worth every single penny i mean the luann especially i mean all of the women on these shows do it but luann will just stick to a lie and just keep repeating it over and over. Andy Cohen will play that audio

of her on the phone lying her ass off. During the reunion. It's going to happen. During the 10-hour reunion that's about to air. And she's just going to deny every single thing. She's going to say that she was just on the phone with her because she didn't want anybody

to get upset because he was supposed to be at work. They were just chilling out together. They weren't doing anything. They were looking for noodles, so Ramona could have decent grip. We need to get some noodles. The Italians, they know all about noodles, so I thought they could have some pool noodles.

We could have new pool noodles and pinot grigio. I love that she says grigio, grigio. Pinot grigio. That's what I'm saying, darling. I like, by the way, I'm slowly turning her into the Count. I was going to say... She's turning into Dracula. My impersonation of Luanne is turning into Dracula.

And you know what? I don't think it's that far off from what it really is. I thought you were starting to sound like that Kevin guy who planned Pandora's Wedding. Shishishoo, darling. Shishishoo. I thought you were turning her into who planned Pandora's wedding. She-she-she, darling. She-she-she. Happy hell. Sucky, pucky, pie dollar. I thought you were turning her into...

Laurence. Martin Lawrence P. LeVar. My Lord's Bard. We have to get the pool noodles. I found my Italian friends with Countess Luan. We decided to get some pool noodles from Walmart. Oh, he would only buy his pool noodles from the Mary McDonald Collection.

I'm going to be wearing a sarong that I made at Joanne Fabrics. Again, the fabric would be from Catherine Ireland. It would be. And I'm not lying when I said I went to Walmart and Joanne Fabrics yesterday, which is why I made those references, because they're the first things that popped into my head. There isn't Walmart in

Los Angeles. Where the hell were you? I was in the hood. I was at Crenshaw and Martin Luther King Boulevard. Thank you very much. What kind of Walmart is it? Is it a normal Walmart? Is it a giant Walmart? It was three stories high in total disarray, full of very

interesting people, and I bought some Band-Aids. Why were you buying Band-Aids there? There are Band-Aids closer. I didn't go there to buy Band-Aids why were you buying band-aids there there are band-aids closer i didn't go there to buy band-aids i went there with lisa timmons i was gonna say were you on a date yeah i was a date with lisa and she needed to get some stuff and i found band-aids there so i bought some band-aids for myself lisa if you're listening to this ben just added you as a walmart shopper you should probably go kill yourself uh i don't i think she'd actually be very happy to be added as a Walmart shopper.

Yeah, I wish I had a Walmart around here. I miss it. But now that I've seen the new ones that they're building all over the country, like in Texas, I need one of those giant Walmarts. It's like a whole neighborhood. You can go to the grocery store, you can go shopping for bed stuff, or you could go to

a Home Depot. Well, I'm sure that Martin Lawrence Ballard would love a good all-in-one Walmart. Martin, a super center. A super center. I can get some planters for my patio. You guys reminded me of a commercial I saw last night.

Do you know who sounds like Count Chocula? It's Mama Elsa. Hey, there's the MacGyver theme song. I love that the MacGyver theme song was tied to Mama Elsa. Hey, there's the MacGyver theme song. I love that the MacGyver theme song was tied to Mama Elsa. And by the way, that commercial was actually amazing. That commercial made me so excited for Miami.

I know, but she's not even officially one of the housewives, but all I want is her. That's all we need. You don't understand what I'm saying. I hit you with my pocketbook. Pocketbook? I do not know about this Walmart. I kind of want to be here for Halloween.

I want to be a young man. I need to be a young man. I need to be a young woman on Halloween. Now you sound like a high-functioning Downs. Yeah, like Elsa. Alright, so we're moving off from New York now. Are we done? Did we get everything?

I mean, I don't think there is any way to get everything, especially when we're talking about Walmart and our mom's opinions of our fucking lives. Wait, okay, so does Aviva regulate and call Sonia and Ramona white trash next week? Because I can't wait any longer. I think so. I think she does it because she's mad about

Reed. What I'm going to surmise is that Reed feels uncomfortable because they're shirtless or they're topless in the pool and then Ramona probably says something like, why don't you go to a hotel? And that probably upsets Aviva and Aviva gets mad

and I'm assuming Aviva yells at them. I can't wait. Please. Jesus. Well, and Aviva gets mad, and I'm assuming Aviva yells at them. I can't wait. Please, Jesus. Well, speaking about yelling on vacation, why don't we head to the considerably less glamorous locale of some podunk winery in Napa, where the luminaries of New Jersey, including the CEO and founder of

Caface, or Caface, or Catface, or Catface, or Catface, or Caface, or I don't know. Caface. The Manzo Gorga Judice Jamboree. And, wow, was this

an hour? This was basically an hour of fighting over the same things over and over and over again. What did you guys think? Well, I was smoking some currently legal herb while I watched that show, and the only reason I point that out is because at one point, my heart was beating, my palms were sweating, I was just like my inside voice was just so negative and horrible.

And I was like, you're a horrible person. You know, I was just getting that, like, massive depression, like, go jump off of a bridge kind of vibe. And I was like, what is affecting me like this? And then I realized it's because I'm watching this fucking show. Why are we watching this fucking show? It does nothing but stress me out what are they even fighting about it's like they're just yelling at each other i was in knots i'm still stressed out they're fighting about literally nothing nothing and they did it for an hour an

hour long of nothing can i tell you what made me the angriest about the entire episode i know ronnie was like sweating and you know know, maybe he was catching some shingles or something while he was watching, but... I'm guessing... What? I'm guessing Lauren. No, normally Lauren is at the top of my shit list, but I will tell you this right now. Nothing

made me fucking matter than stupid-ass ball-less Jacqueline who pretended to be sleeping through the entire fucking thing. You are such a bitch and I cannot believe that you would... I mean, I was like,

come to anybody's defense at this point. Just don't lay there like a sad lump pretending to sleep when all this shit is going down when you are clearly involved. It made me fucking furious. Yeah, and you know who else? By the way, number two, I would say

is Albie Manzo, who sat there and let his wife get into a huge tizzy over nothing rather than cutting it off at the pass and be like... You mean his mom? Or are you talking about Albert? I'm sorry, I meant Albert. Apologies. Albie was just sitting there watching his best friend

get into a fight, while Albert is sitting there pretending to sleep. Dude, I know you claim that you're being a stealth husband and being careful and they're all like, you just watch because if he switches the switch turns, he's going to jump up

and beat everyone up. No, that's not going to happen. He was in a food coma. Jacqueline was faking it. Albert was in a food coma. He should have gotten his wife out of there and been like, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. Because, you know what, it wasn't worth it. No, but guess what pays the bills? The real housewives. So let them fight. That's what they're all thinking.

Here's the... If I were to analyze it as succinctly as I can, I know that's not my forte, it would be that Caroline made, I think, some good points and busted Teresa for sure and Teresa sounded like an idiot as usual. But at the end of the day, it really bothered me.

Caroline bothered me the most because she should know better than to engage in this ridiculousness. You can't sit here and talk about how you're over it and over and over it and then instigate Kathy talking to Teresa, instigate this, instigate that. It's dumb. And also, you can't just sit there and tell something. You know, Teresa wasn't even fighting back. She was just going, whatever. I said I'm sorry.

I don't know what you want from me. And then you've got Caroline sitting across from her with that fucking bulldog face just going, you're disgusting. You're a disgrace. You're a disgrace. You're ugly. You have the forehead of a tennis ball she just keeps going on and on and like adding on and just criticizing and criticizing because theresa won't say anything back it was gross well here's the other thing it's like you know yes theresa did write some

snarky little things in the last book and you know what i actually think theresa is too dumb to realize that those things that she said about Caroline being one 16th Italian could ever hurt anybody's feelings. She's too dumb to process that. So if we are only looking at the evidence here

of really why Caroline hates her, if we keep just looking at this stupid fucking book that nobody else really took offense to, like, if that's all that's really upsetting you, stop calling her a disgusting person.

We know she's disgusting. Yeah. Like we all watch the show, but if that's the only thing that's really, really upsetting you. And the fact that she sometimes puts Jacqueline's tummy and knots, shut the fuck up. I think it's more than that.

I think it's the issue really is that with Teresa, well, there's the whole Dina thing, but then the issue is also that Teresa is, she's delusional. I mean, she really is delusionalesa dina well there's the whole dina thing but then the issue is also that teresa is she's delusional i mean she really is delusional she doesn't understand things she is a she's a monster she's ferocious she's i mean she's a horrible mother she is i mean she's a wild beast and the thing is it's so frustrating to deal with that i think we've actually all dealt with someone in our lives who you're just like, you can't get through to them, and you desperately want to,

because the truth is, on some level, you actually must care. And it makes you mad, and you sit and you talk about that person to your friends, and it's all you can do, and it consumes you, and you know you should probably just move on. But in the same time, there's sort of a masochistic joy

about keeping that person in your life. And I think that's why Caroline is really in such a tizzy. It's, it's more than just a cookbook. Well, and I think she's also losing. I mean, she's Caroline's coming from the place where she wants everyone to

automatically be on her side and they're not, she's got the family now who is supposed to be on her side, but they're still filming with Teresa. And now they're making up with Teresa. And then like last night well there was a couple things one is her blatant racism against her own people which I thought was really awesome that I love that show because when she's saying oh she's saying I'm not Italian well that's so um that's so off the boat behavior and I don't act like that because I'm an American I'm

not just off the boat like her okay nice racism nice racism. Love it. Actually, I didn't think that was racist, to be honest. I felt like that was a classist thing, maybe. Oh, it screamed Olive Garden. Well, it was a great repeat for Olive Garden. Well, I mean, it was classism, but... Guys, do you think that the Judices are the Italians that Luanne ran into? Very possibly not.

There would be piss all over the walls. They only go to the Dominican Republic. She's like, I ran into this woman with crazy black hair, dressed like she was from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Unfortunately, they raped all the statues. Sorry about that, sweetie. Sweetie darling. But, yeah, I thought it was just blatantly horrible and it really showed who caroline is um but also in this whole fight you get caroline and she's like well here i am fighting

this fight all by myself like she's such a victim you know why you're fighting it by yourself because you're fucking attacking someone in public you stupid bitch well and i i actually like how melissa you know melissa was barely in this episode but i I kind of do. I don't like that she's backing Teresa and that they all left at the same time. But I do kind of like that she threw up her hands and she's just like, shut. She kind of is just thinking what we're thinking. Like, shut the fuck up, Caroline. Let it fucking go. Joe Giudice.

Behind the scenes and then she sits there and acts innocent when everything's going down. Don't buy her shit. Honestly, Joe Giudice was the voice of reason this episode where he's like come on come on drop it drop it drop it carola and then they're like i'm gonna kick his ass talk to my mom christopher i'd like to even see you get out of that chair you hairy backed pasty motherfucker i would actually love i would pay money to watch, I'm not Team Giudice by any means, but I would pay money to watch Joe Giudice

do some fucking karate chops and some split kicks on those Manzo kids. Oh, he could. He can kick that punching bag way too high, and he can do a split. Although Albie did go through police basic training, which was really suiting him well for his career selling black water.

Yeah, they've done really great in school, those Manzo children. Oh, wait, I better not say that because Caroline might start crying in the corner again. We all know they never went to school. Brilliant fucking children who clearly are all adults and have nothing going on but this goddamn reality show. No kidding. Let's all get a fucking Warren. That's what we all need is a big fat Cuj by our side you can't form a sentence hi i would like to say something about my mother okay you said nasty things to her it about her in the magazine and

that's not cool that's not gonna fly on kafase and i mean there was a good point but like everyone's also talking about that one magazine like look okay we know that she gets paid money to be on the cover of these magazines because she doesn't have the brownstone or a rich husband that supports her, so she has to go out and make the money. So I get her kind of, you know. It's annoying, too, that Teresa's not telling the truth, where she's like, I don't plant the story, I do plant the story. Whatever the point is, we all know that she's a liar, and we know that she does it.

So just put that to the side for a second. But when you do actually look in the magazine, you know whatever the point is we all know that she's a liar and we know that she does it so just put that to the side for a second but when you do actually look in the magazine and you see like when they had those little squares of the four of them which they're all getting riled up about they truly are just twisted quotes from the show yeah no i'm listen i i don't disagree i mean they there's a lot of hypocrisy going on that being said i did love when caroline busted theresa on this whole thing about Richie, where Teresa said that she didn't realize that Richie was making a joke, and then Caroline was able to bust Teresa on that.

I felt very happy about that point. I was very team Caroline at that very distinct moment. Yeah, well, the thing is, if your argument is Teresa's an asshole, I don't want to hang out with her anymore. Everyone understands that. The whole world understands it. But when you go on the attack like that and spend a whole year trying to turn everybody against her and then trying to get her fired from her job and then sitting there just criticizing. I mean, that was only an hour that we saw. That was probably six hours of drunken Carolina.

You're right. Yeah. You know, and I think that that's when it becomes disgusting when you make me feel sorry for theresa you can go to hell i still don't feel sorry for theresa i don't feel sorry for her but at the same time i'm kind of like if caroline if if this is causing you that much stress and anguish and causing you a breakdown and all you're gonna do is sit around like a big old lump and just bark at people don't be on this show get your family off the show get your stupid fucking children off the show stop taking the money and stop taking up so much of these hours that i want to kind of enjoy myself

and look i love a good housewives fight but this this whole caroline against theresa thing and just caroline just using the same excuses for the entire season is incredibly tiresome and I'd rather them fill her spot with somebody who's going to bring some more flavor to the show instead of just sitting on her ass barking. Kim D. Kim D. M.G. Kim D. All the Kims. All the Kims. Every Kim D, G, and even Z.

Kim Coles. Kim Coles. Kim Fields. Kim Fields. Kim Jong Il from the dead. Okay. Oh oh wait go ahead oh no I was going to say I wanted to talk about Joe Giudice and

Chris Loretta having their fight and I love the way that they deal with their issues which is sort of to voice it out get a little loud and then just start calling each other cocksuckers and kiss each other on the cheek that's why they can never have a real house husband show to voice it out, get a little loud, and then just start calling each other cocksuckers and kiss each other on the cheek. That's why they can never have a real house husband show. Husbands are just like,

Get over here, you motherfucker. Give me a kiss on the cheek. Okay, you motherfucker, you're a little cocksucker. You're a cocksucker. There was a lot of kissing and a lot of cock talk. Yeah, there was. But I was reading, and I normally don't read the Bravo blogs because I figure I've spent enough of my life on this stuff, but I was reading and i normally don't read the bravo blogs because i figure i've spent

enough of my life on this stuff but i was uh looking at stupid ass wives and because you know i like to get my gossip from there for this show and i she posted theresa's blog from bravo and it is hilarious it is so good and it's too long to read the whole thing but i would like to skim it for you guys um first of all, the picture of her is like, you know, her eyes half open and that whorish, like, sleeves or whatever the hell she's got going on there.

But, la la la, let me see. I sat down and watched Alice in Wonderland with the girls. First of all, this is very well written, so obviously someone's writing this for her. My guess is Gia, but I don't know. I think it's Melania.

And it would just be like bear paw prints. Then she compares it to the show. If you think about it, it actually fits really well. If I'm Alice, of course she is, and according to my cast members' blogs and interviews, blah, blah, blah, Teresa, blah, blah, blah, Teresa, Teresa, it's the Teresa

show, then it's pretty easy to see who everyone else is. Caroline is the Red Queen. I don't think I need to say anything more about that. Her kids are those playing cards running around trying to make the Queen happy so they stay on the payroll. Ouch. Oh, snap. Yeah. That's too high level of

a metaphor or analogy for Teresa's make. Yeah, there's clearly a gay intern writing this. Yeah. That's so good. Jacqueline is the goofy... That's too high level of a metaphor or analogy for Teresa's make. Yeah, there's clearly a gay intern writing this. Yeah. That's so good. Jacqueline is the goofy, confusing, and very confused Cheshire Cat, and Kathy is the high and mighty caterpillar with her hookah, who insults other people's intelligence, but can't pronounce word correctly herself.

How dare she? And Melissa, I think she's both Tweedledum and Tweedledee, since she seems to think she can play two different characters at once. The innocent, fun girl who puts on a show falling into a foot of water in a river and pretending to be scared, and her real self with her nasty little comments, blogs, and interviews. Okay, if any dumb fucks out there

think that Teresa actually wrote this, I mean, seriously. Teresa probably watched Alice in Wonderland. Yeah. If Teresa wrote this, it would sound like this. She's like the queen one. The one with the queen in a house.

You know, with the... With the common. With the common and the ingredients. They serve the tea to the guy in the hat. The hatses. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, just like that guy. She wants to cut off my head. Yeah, it's like the caterpillar, the 50 years old caterpillar.

So that is how Teresa's blog would properly read. We know that a gay intern at Bravo is cranking this out for, you know, college credit to go to, you know, probably somewhere like, I don't know, Fordham? Where Albie went? Yeah, exactly. So, did you guys by any chance watch, there was a special

this week on Watch What Happens where it was like the housewives come clean and it was a special 15 minutes with Caroline followed by 15 minutes with Teresa. Andy's not back until i don't think september 9th but um he sat down with both of them it was kind of like a a mini reunion because it's making me think that neither of these women or maybe caroline is not going to show up to the reunion i don't know what's going to happen oh they will i think they just probably this is something that they could easily do ahead of time like i mean the ratings were great for it so so no surprise. I didn't see it.

It's funny, I was going to ask the exact same question. And I recorded it, and then somehow, after that hour-long episode of bickering about the same thing over and over and over again, I just sort of lost the stamina and the will to care. Look, there was no... About anything. There was no anything in life.

There were no real revelations by any means, and I'm sure it's just going to get rehashed on the seven-part reunion in a few weeks here but um the point is they fucking hate each other theresa i think still makes it seem like there is a glimmer of hope but caroline's done so if caroline's done just be done with the show girl what did what do you guys think about um theresa when she laid her hand on Kathy? I wanted Kathy to punch her. Yeah, I thought that Teresa was like, that was, I mean, I didn't think it was a particularly violent move, but I understand why Kathy was upset by it.

And I feel like Teresa should have said, sorry, instead of, yeah, I was trying to make you look. I was trying to lift your, like this, lift your chin up so we could say hi. But then i feel like we saw i feel like we saw the truth when they went back to that room wherever she was packing her shit yes yes he went back there we saw the truth because she's like theresa and she's like you know i'm not trying to beat and she kept doing it over and over and yes theresa's just fucking horrible it's so awkward to watch her but she's like we've done that to each other millions of times we've had these fights and done this to each other and now you're acting like i'm an abuser because we're on tv and i see what she's saying you know what ronnie am i crazy but like after this episode

this week i'm starting to become a little more team theresa like i get it i get it yeah i mean she's right what she's saying the the family members joined behind her back because Andy wanted more drama, and he heard he could get it from her at that reunion. So he went and hired her two enemies. So he hires them. She doesn't know it. So they're suddenly in her life, and she has to deal with these fucking people. And now Caroline's turned on her because she knows that Teresa's unpopular after the last reunion.

And so it's just all so fake and phony and now all these people are trying to act so sweet and they're really bitches. I mean, I like Kathy, but Kathy and Melissa are obviously shit-stirring bitches. Have they done anything else to talk about Teresa? But Ronnie, they're all shit-stirring bitches, okay? This is like,

this is a moot point. You upset Ben because you called Kathy a shit-stirring bitch. This is true. No, they all a shit-stirring bitch. This is true. No, they all are shit-stirring bitches. The difference is that Teresa, I feel like, is actually delusional, and I think that's what makes her a little more hateable. I think she's also a little bit more malicious. Also, the other difference is they came on specifically gunning for Teresa. Exactly.

Teresa started this show as just a regular cast member. These women came on to fight her well wouldn't you want to do that too if you've been dealing with like years of Teresa being awful and then all of a sudden she's on a show and being celebrated for being so funny and wacky it's like no we're gonna show people what the real Teresa is

I mean yes she's dumb as a fucking rock but she was funny and wacky I'm not calling her the Lucille Ball of Bravo but she was funny and wacky in those first few seasons. I actually never liked her. Starting from season one, I always thought she was trash and not likable trash. Don't get it twisted. Okay, she is trash.

No one's going to deny that. But I think this is why I don't like her is that given that they're all trash and given that they are all shit-stirring and they're all bitches and they all have ulterior motives from one reason or another and they all have family things going on, Teresa is the only one who's like, she's incapable of reason.

She's incapable of understanding someone else's point and that's what drives me nuts about her. Okay, but at least she's consistent. She's consistently retarded. You know what? Never mind. She's consistently evil and she's consistently a She's consistently retarded. You know what? Never mind. She's consistently evil, and she's consistently a shit-stirring bitch.

I think that more people would be on her side. You know, I know this isn't a Big Brother podcast, but one of the best lines from Big Brother this week was the bimbo got kicked off. And she was trying to explain why she shouldn't get kicked off, and she said, well, obviously I'm not articulate. And then she just stopped talking. Because she was like. I can't talk. So why try. Why bother.

Yeah. And I think that that's very Teresa. Because she can't. She doesn't know how to form into words. Like Kathy. No. It's not. It's not.

It's not about articulate. She doesn't know how to properly form. Hold on. Because I've been reading a lot of history on this shit. She does not know how to properly form. And say look. My brother married this trashy girl. With these evil sisters. Who were always mean to properly form and say, look, my brother married this trashy girl with these evil sisters who are always mean to me and always making jokes

behind my back, and they're hideous bitches, and we haven't talked in ages because we hate each other's guts. And now this bitch shows up on the show, and she's trying to pretend we're friends. I think you saw the real Melissa in the very first episode she was ever on at that christening, when Teresa came up and she's like, hi, guys.

And Melissa was like, oh, now you want to say hi because there's cameras here and then joe started pounding a table and throwing things in i mean that's the real them all this other shit is disneyland don't believe it i agree i think i agree i'm team ronnie i'm team ronnie yeah i think this i think that they're all inarticulate though because this all could be resolved it's not just theresa who isn't saying things properly you know know, Melissa and Joe and the other Joe, if they were all articulate, they could vocalize all this stuff. Here's the difference. At least with

Melissa, I do sense there is an attempt to try to fix things, despite the fact that she clearly hates Teresa. But is she doing it only for her husband and not for herself or for Teresa? Why is that not good enough just for the husband? I mean, it should be just for the husband. Ideally for herself or for Teresa? Why is that not good enough just for the husband? I mean, it should be just for the husband.

Ideally for her, too, but I mean, if it's just for the husband, then that's good enough, I think. I would agree if it was true, but I think that she's just doing it for the TV cameras, because if she was really trying to make up with Teresa, she wouldn't be saying the shit that she says. But half the stuff that Teresa's doing is for the TV cameras, too.

So again, it's like, again, it's the moot point, because they're all doing stuff for the TV cameras. Well, you also can't be a budding pop star and be an evil... Is that MacGyver again? That's MacGyver! Okay, you know what? I know that we said at the beginning that we would talk about if I liked that or not. I officially don't like it. Yeah, we'll never do it again.

Especially because it's coming right now in the middle of the... Actually, you know what that's like? That's like when Joe came up to Teresa and was like, we're going home, and she's like, yay! I can't wait to see my girls! Oh, that was so awkward. A quick exit out of intensity. Look, Ben, here's my point. Everyone accepts that Teresa's a monster

and a wildebeest and a horrible human being. We all accept that. That's me to wildebeest. Me included. You know, she doesn't even know how to pretend she's not. I mean, she actually said last night, after lying for 45 minutes straight, she goes, she goes,

Kat, I don't even know how to lie, Kat. I don't even know how. I mean, we know that she's a horrible human being and she's going to rot in hell and her husband will be in jail and they deserve everything they get. And I'm going to laugh the whole time. But Melissa's pretending she's a good person, and people are buying it. And I'm just saying, don't buy it.

She's on this show. I don't buy it. I don't buy it. Make your own damn money. She's trying to become a pop star, and you can't become a pop star if you're a big, nasty villain on TV, and she's trying to make herself look like an angel so people will buy her shitty music, but that's not happening.

I think she's probably a monster too, but I think that Teresa's a bigger monster. I think Teresa's at least an illusional monster. Teresa's a scarier monster because people that don't know they're crazy are the craziest. Yeah, and I feel like it's like the ring. She's just going to pass it forward, you know? She's going to pass her crazy forward. I think you're absolutely right, but Teresa's a gorilla in a zoo. And it's like that little kid who jumps into the gorilla

cage and gets dismembered. I don't feel sorry for that kid. His parents should have kept him out of the goddamn cage. Right, and in this point, it's Caroline, and guess what? Go home and go to the aquarium, bitch, because if you go to the zoo, you're gonna wrangle with some orangutans. You know, actually, Caroline said the truest...

Caroline said the truest thing. I didn't even think that was funny, and he's laughing. He's stoned. No, I'm not, but I love that you'll just take it and run with it. I liked the zoo. I mean, it was working for me. Well, here's the thing, though. No one else realizes that they're in the zoo, too, and that's the biggest problem.

Caroline thinks she's a spectator, but she's really just in another cage. She's another animal in another cage. She's another animal in another cage. Right. Yeah. Well, I the thing that disgusted me the most I think about the whole episode was Lauren. Oh, yeah. And the kids. I mean, not Albie. Albie's really sweet and kind of hot, so I usually leave him. Ew!

He's a little too serious. He's a little self-righteous. He gets it from his mom. He is, but he at least tries. I mean, the other ones are just, he's at least humorous gets it from his mom. He is, but he at least tries. I mean, the other ones are just, he's at least humorous and stuff in his. And why is Greg there, really? To give, like, sort of vaguely effeminate glares at women. That's true.

He's also Team Kathy. Yeah. Yeah, he's there to say a bunch of stuff in a really gay voice so everyone laughs because it's said in that voice so everyone assumes it's funny, but it's not really. Yeah, all he says is things like, well, that's not right. She looks fabulous in that gown. He's there to happen to pick up magazines where Teresa bashes people.

Again, but it's all stupid Caroline's family and the Caroline family adjacent folk that it's like, like, Lauren, I'm sorry, but you're not a housewife. I had to stick up for my mother. You are a supporting character if there ever was one. You are not

going to be elevated to a full-time cast member the way that Brianna should on OC. Bravo, listen up. She's just there for the craft service table, Matt. You're just there for the craft service, and it's really tragic. Wipe the fucking Cheeto orange off your fingers and get out of my storylines, bitch. Exactly.

Did you guys see the video that she posted this week of Fat Face? Like her walkthrough through Fat Face? Oh, no. Moonface Ashley tape for her. Oh, my gosh. Ashley did it for her? Oh, my gosh. I posted it this week,

but I forgot to send you guys the link. It's just, it's a 10 minute video. Oh, 10 minutes of catharsis? First of all, videos on the interwebs

should not be more than three and a half minutes. No kidding. But podcasts should be four hours. Podcasts should just never end. Well, you don't watch

videos in your car. You can listen to a podcast while you're driving really far. Right, you guys? Right? Do you know how many people we to a podcast while you're driving really far. Right, you guys? Right? Do you know how many people we probably sent over a cliff because they're so sick of hearing our voices? They're all still sitting on the 10 or the 405 right now.

They might have made it, like, from the Robertson exit to, like, Sentinella, but that's it. So it was just her walking through her store. Okay, she's got makeup piled on all these fucking tables, like so much makeup in this small room. And then she's got like three makeup chairs with shit covering everywhere. Then she's selling dresses. And then she's got a spray tan area. It's like five different stores in one little store.

Nothing fit. She can barely walk through that place. Is Kathy selling cannolis in the back corner? No, but she is. One of the products that she was showcasing is poop pourri, which helps make your poop smell better. You spray it on your poop. I don't want anything. She went through all the different kinds of poop pourri.

I was like, you're really selling this. You're really elevating the Cafface brand. Yeah. Oh, my God. and I was like, you're really selling this. You're really elevating the Caface brand. Yeah. Oh my god. See, it all goes back to the Manzos thinking their shit don't stink. Oh, because they got Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo Gallery Girls. If we don't start talking about the favorite person on TV, Liz from Gallery Girls, I'm going to explode. Okay, so any last thoughts on New Jersey? I hope Caroline explodes.

Yeah. I hope that we actually get to see Albert try and start a fight with somebody and get his ass whooped. I hope that Jacqueline finally wakes up from her fake slumber and gets split kicked in the jaw by Joe Giudice. I hope that Caroline finally looks at the makeup that Lauren's been doing for her on the show for which she has a credit in the ending credit,

closing credits and realizes what a tranny she looks like now. I hope that the Bravo cameras catch Joe Gorga eating out Vito. I hope the Bravo cameras. And now I'm done. I was gonna say, I hope the Bravo cameras catch Vito eating out a giant thing of mozzarella. Which I think is probably the most likely of all these situations. Probably.

Yeah, it's likely. Okay, so let's move on to Gallery Girls. I love this show so much. I love it. It's the best thing on TV. Why aren't more people watching it? It's so good. I don't know.

It's really sad. I hope this doesn't go down the route that Misadvised did, which was not such a good decision, Bravo. Well, one of the gallery girls, Maggie, she actually tweeted at me, and I can tell you my little exchange I had with her. Didn't we talk shit about her last week? Maybe it was just Ronnie. Actually, it was you two. Okay, I have a problem with people that speak like babies. It's an issue. Yes, you made a big to-do about her baby voice, which was not unmerited.

It's also like whispery baby. It's like creepy whispery baby from like a horror movie. And Ronnie suggested that she might be a cutter. I think, you know, even if she's listening i think ronnie and i are sticking by that claim sure well here's the thing you know what i was pulling her hair out jesus christ oh right so this is what so this is her hair so this is what she said um so i my thing my my twitter tweeted out that there was new podcasts out and she tweeted back and she said i actually love this dot dot dot said in my baby voice.

So she has a sense of humor. Oh my god. That's like embarrassing slash we're famous. And then I said, then I responded to her. I said, ha ha ha. You don't want to stab us with Brooklyn glass. Oh man, that was good except for the part where you wrote ha ha ha. Well, I thought it was funny. And it was polite.

On every tweet. I know. He loves ha ha ha. I always do do ha ha ha it's just a good way to start it's a good way to put someone your listeners if you message me with an lol just stop i can't fucking handle it lol um and then i do actually really like maggie maggie and liz um and they have like this budding friendship i kind of am enjoying the two of them, whereas the rest of the girls on the show make me sick to my stomach. And I never guessed that I would have admitted this. I am so team Upper East Side. I cannot stand those Brooklyn monsters.

The Brooklyn hipsters are hilarious. I think I just about died of laughter. I was crying on the floor. I had to watch it five more times when Chantal was talking about the new artists that they have and they're exhibiting. And she goes, he is a genius. His artwork is literally mind-blowing. I don't even understand it. And they show his artwork.

One is a wooden frame and the other is pretty much just clouds on a blue canvas. I secretly liked it. I liked the wooden frame but not for 1300 it was not mind-boggling that's like i could have made it with a trip to michael's and watching a little bit of tory spelling's craft wars which i watch um i also say amazing and we should have a podcast dedicated to tory's craft wars just saying craft wars it's genius is this like the franco-prussian war but with crafts it's actually like chopped but with crafts oh that sounds very so you're in i am i'm not opposed i'm not opposed i mean i did just go to joanne fabrics so okay that is true but okay let's get

to this is maggie currently sleeping with or formerly sleeping with Eli Klein, Chinese contemporary genius artist, curator. She's probably blown him. I mean, sorry, Maggie, if you're listening to this. Sorry, Maggie. This would be what I'm guessing just from what I see on TV. She's probably had some drunken sex with him and expects that that's going to mean she doesn't have to answer the phone anymore. But now, you know, you should have listened to your mother when they said you don't buy the cow when you get the milk for free because he's

already drank that milk. He burped it out. And now he has zero respect for her. And he's going to run her around like a goddamn slave. But she's cute and he is disgusting. I just, Maggie, if you're listening to this, Eli is gross. You can do better. She has done better.

No, I'm just thinking like I'm just saying this and her boyfriend who in the next episode or maybe it was this last week I don't even know but like he looks like he's about to go off the rails and act like a fool at some party I think she can do better than any of the other girls I think she's probably more talented smarter

and cuter than the rest of them why is she going out with these creeps well look at least the boyfriend is hot for crying out loud give him that and he has muscles but that doesn't make your face hot i thought he has a cute face too oh and by the way here's another thing from that twitter exchange you last last week why does she have such a crappy apartment uh it turns out she like addressing all the shit i talked uh well this case he did and and he said it was it was actually um it was actually his apartment. Oh, okay.

Well, if he lives in a hovel, fine. She's too glamorous for that shithole. Yeah. And she also said... Oh, there's more? There's more. I didn't get to finish. Oh, my God.

They're going to show up on my doorstep and murder me. No, they were being nice. They were being funny. And she also said... She said... Because you said how much you hated her ponytail, Matt, I think. I didn't hate her ponytail. Or Ronnie did.

Whatever, you guys. I like a pony. I like a side pony. Just like Ashley and Julie Chen. She said, Maggie explained that the cute Asian that blows out her hair warned me about ponytails. So she's aware. And I wrote back, beware. Oh, my God, Ben.

See, you know what's happening? You're going down that road again where you think that you're becoming besties with one of these Bravo reality stars, and then they're going to spurn you and burn you just like Alex McCord. Or just like you and Jill Zarin. Oh, girl. Oh, yeah.

She never followed me, and I never followed her either. Shit. You just told her that you loved her for an entire hour. Oh, and I did love her for the entire hour and then I remembered why I don't. The haze went away. Yeah, it's a podcast, so shut up, Jules Aaron. Just please shut up.

Oh, yeah, yeah, Ronnie, you forgot to say that. Right, Ronnie, that was a good point. You did have to get that in. Okay, can I tell you a few other things about Galareels that I'm obsessed with? Please. Oh, wait, hold on. I want to finish about Maggie and fucking that guy. Yeah. Okay. Here's the on. I want to finish about Maggie and fucking that guy. Okay. Here's the thing. I believe that we are looking at it differently because we're gay

guys, but girls don't necessarily look for looks. They look for power, and she thinks that Eli has power. So I think the only way out of this is to find another gallery owner who's not a complete fagito burrito. And doesn't have a legion of penguins that he orders around the city with little missiles on their back. Basically, work for free for somebody who doesn't have a legion of penguins that he orders around the city with little missiles on their back.

Yeah, basically work for free for somebody who doesn't have a dog bowl out front. Save yourself because you should not hate yourself that much. She should not be counting rocks in a bowl. She is too good for that. I didn't think that was I thought that was totally staged, by the way. You've got an art degree and you're sitting there counting pebbles for this Danny DeVito lookalike. Cut the shit, girl. Get yourself together.

Yeah, Maggie. Right. I'm sorry. Real talk. Real talk. If Amy, if sad, tragic, drunk mess Amy can be working for that actual art lady, Maggie should be doing at least that. I know, Maggie. If Maggie's listening to this shit, we are empowering her. Maggie, rise up.

Maggie, you have to address something in you. If you're still an intern while Amy is working in a legitimate capacity at somewhere that's not McDonald's, you have to really think about what you're doing wrong. Amy's an intern, too. Oh. Well, then never mind. And counting rocks. Yeah, that's true.

We're not going to diss you that badly to suggest that Amy's actually doing better than you. Yeah, we would never go there. Okay, can we talk about Liz? I'm obsessed. Liz is... Go ahead. Touching your hair. Matt's going to explode.

Let him say this. I just want to talk about how much more I love Liz now that we know that she's a former Miami socialite cokehead. Go. I actually agree because I feel like her comments are cutting and whatever, but she actually seems okay. And I sort of like how she has these awesome— The daddy issues are TV gold. Plus, I kind of love how she has this tiny, tiny, tiny apartment, and she's sitting in there with her mom eating lobster in it. Like, Chris, did you see that kitchen?

It doesn't look anything like Maggie's boyfriend's kitchen, let me tell you. Yeah, Liz is clearly, like, her dad clearly does not like her because she is living in basically like a galley in an airplane. At least it's a glamorous galley. I did like the bedding on her. The stripes on the... To die for. To die. To die, I'm telling you, those king-size pillow shams, oh my god, that's the gayest thing I've ever seen. She better not let any of her classmates in because you know they're going to put a big old footprint on that bed. It's true.

Oh my god, can we also talk about how she was talking major shit on all the Asians? Yes. Oh my god, I love her blatant racism. She's blaming all the Asians. Oh my god, that was so bad. They're all quiet and they're not willing to stand up. Some Asian stepped on my artwork. Okay, can I say, I have a friend who goes to the Pasadena Art College, whatever the hell it is.

It's a big art school out here in California. Are they CalArts? No, but she says, and I won't say her name, but she's told me told me you know it is all the racism that you hear against asians you really start feeling when you go to art school because everyone there is asian and it's like you're the minority and they will run all over you they talk literally on your canvas they uh they're really rude blah blah blah and she just went off on asians and i was like i sound just like the shahs of sunset i said i've never heard such blatant racism about asian people i really haven't i mean i've heard mexican i mean i've heard everybody else but i've never heard

that against the asians she's like everyone everyone well thank god for liz on gallery girls because she is going to bring the asian rage asian rage and if she doesn't bring it angela will inspire it in the rest of us that's's for sure. I hate her. Angela, okay. I'm sorry. I can't stand Angela because Because, number one, she's not sexy. Stop it. You are not sexy. Put away your ugly tits.

Put away your Puritan slut costume. But here's the thing that drives me nuts is that this girl, she left Orange County. She hates the blonde. She hates the face. All she does every episode is talk about how she wants

to be surrounded by beautiful people. She goes on a date with a guy who has some interesting life experiences. Maybe a little dull. Yeah, but way too good for her. Way too good for her.

She dismissed him immediately. I mean, look, I don't know if I would take him either, but you know what? The point is this. She is just as shallow and catty as the rich girls

she claims to not be. Bechamel! Get the bechamel off my wardrobe! My favorite part from the entire episode last night was when her gay friend came over. And this guy also was tweeting at me today. I feel like I've got a corner on all the gallery girls. That's one of the reasons why I cannot stand going out in West Hollywood. Because that is what is there.

why I cannot stand going out in West Hollywood, because that is what is there. That is what thinks that they are hot with their little cut-off jean shorts and their buttoned shirts all the way up to the throat, with their faux mohawks and their three-day-old scruff, and they think that they're hot shit, and they're gonna tell

their Asian lady friend that she looks sassy and hot in her Puritan sex getup. Guess what? Those guys make me fucking ill, too. You know what? He had the best line of the night, though, which was when he said, he's like, did you Google yourself again? And she goes, no. He just goes, I go.

My favorite moment of the entire night. He was sitting down at her laptop to Google himself right after, and then somebody said offscreen, um, wait, you're not a cast member. He did Google himself, and then that's probably why you tweeted at me, because I posted an audio clip. And now you're dating him via Twitter. Good job, Ben. We're not a cast member. He did Google himself, and then that's probably why you tweeted at me. And now you're dating him via Twitter. Good job, Ben.

We are in a torrid affair, and Angela's going to try to come between us, but I won't allow it. Well, here's where I differ a little bit from you. I like that girl. I think she's very funny. And I like when she said, I can't date a guy without an iPhone or a Gmail email address. I thought that was hilarious. And I also, there's something about this show where I can't hate anybody on it because they're 20. That's true.

To me, I just want to hug them all. Because I remember being 20 and insecure. Okay, look, for my birthday. I remember being 14 and insecure. You have to hate Claudia. My aunt sent me this birthday card and it said, man, I wish I was as thin as I was back when I thought I was fat. And that's how I feel about this show. Like these girls are so much self-hatred.

I mean, I think maybe it's in being a girl, but it's also just being that young and insecure. And I just want to hug them and be like, you guys are prettier than most people. And you can form a sentence and you're thin. Like be happy and go make some money and stop just giving yourself away to gross people I feel that way about Maggie and Liz And the rest of them I couldn't care less about What's her face? Claudia

She seems alright Oh, Claudia is tragic and can't sell a fucking painting To save her fucking life She's sweet, but tragic She should definitely be not doing what she's doing She should be working in a library She would be the first one eaten alive. I mean, she's the first to go.

Well, we just found out why she never sells anything. So how much do you want to sell my art for? I don't know. It depends on the art. Okay, well, what kind of cut do you take? It depends. Yeah, I'm sorry. I fucking hate Chantal.

But when Chantal was like, um, bitch, can you sell something? She was not, she was not out of, she was, she was definitely right. I mean, Chantal was right in that case. She's an idiot. She's an idiot the whole episode, but she was right in that moment. Even though she had lipstick on her teeth. Um, and poor, gosh, Amy. Can we talk about Amy being drunk and like accosting maggie

in the bathroom well it's funny first of all it was funny first of all it was funny first of all when amy's like that guy he's so hot and maggie's like he's got a great apartment why is that like the next line and then amy's like because it's important but then i liked how amy was like does he does does he do you know who i am like i don't care about any of that stuff i look deep i look deep inside i come from a good family you know who i am i don't care where i got enough money if there's a guy who's poor but he's real sweet i don't care and then it points to my favorite confessional of the night where it's Maggie going, um, she is a hot mess.

Pause. But not hot. Yeah, that was great. Maggie, good work. I was bowing to the TV when that happened. Maggie, good work, Maggie. I also liked when Amy said that this bar Dorian's was like her cheers. I was like, does that make you Norm?

Because I think that does make you Norm, Amy. She walks in, she knows 45 people that she's given blow jobs to and she has diseases from all of them but that's fine because she gets her hair blown out four times a week is it me or does amy belong in alaska like i i listen poor sweet amy she's she's but i feel doesn't she belong in like some bar where there's like lumberjacks you know she doesn't belong in the art scene in new york she needs to go somewhere where she could point guys to one girl she needs to walk into a place where she can wear jeans and a plaid shirt and like a little like plush like vest and not look like a lesbian you know and that she dresses well because she's from the upper east side don't get it twisted no but i think that like really i think that alaska would be more fitting for her in a

good way i don't know i could see her like she could be like one of those people like remember northern exposure she could work at one of those stores and have like whimsical adventures with people like rob morrow um except i would not want to watch that and all i want to do is watch gallery girls i kind of i kind of want to watch it carrie for a second i'm just like yay carrie you do everything and you work 27 hours a day and you have nine jobs and you're making it work girl i don't care she has time for everything but a personality thank you or uh horse i like how she's like the nicest person and we're like oh therefore we have to just basically attack

her she's nice but i'm like whatever i think she thinks she's hot shit and she's bringing like yeah you know any gay that wears a sleeveless, black, furry outfit like that. Maybe wings. Like, I'm sorry. That is so like goth gay 2005. I did it for Halloween. Stop. And I remember she's like, you know, they're all nice to him.

But I could see when our backs were turned, they were like looking at him. Because he's a freak. Yeah, exactly. He's dressed like the black swan. And Angela did that last week. It didn't even work with Angela, did it? And when you out-freak Angela and Chantal, guess what? People are going to stare

and they should probably even throw stones. If you look like a creature from Labyrinth, then that's a problem. Exactly. Yeah, that's the kind of gay that my Meemaw is afraid of. She thinks that when you say, oh, I'm gay, it means I'm that. You know, like when I'm here in LA, that's what I'm doing. Well, and the unfortunate thing is every time you see a gay on reality TV,

that's what they are. Well, Bravo especially. Yeah, exactly. But you know where you might find a different type of gay? At AdamMail.com. Oh, or Brooklyn. Same thing. Well, if you do like that kind of gay, you can find giant double dildos at AdamMail.com.

And I actually think there might be even some DVDs starring Chantal's boyfriend Spencer because he's totally gay. That's true. I don't think... I hate the way she talks, but I don't think he's gay. Oh, I'm sorry. We were all talking at once. The rumor about

Carrie is that she's actually a high-priced call girl and not a shopper. And I think that people are... And I don't know if this is the word on the internet or just in the comment section of TVgasm, but everyone's like, oh, she's a high-priced hooker and everybody does it. And I think

it's because her apartment is so nice. I mean, I think unless you've really lived in New York, you don't understand what an apartment like that... Hers is nicer than Liz's. And Liz is like... She's got money. She's eating lobster in her apartment. But she has like five square feet. Yeah.

So I don't know if that's true. What's her last name? Does anybody know? She's just Carrie, like Madonna. Yeah, just Carrie. Listen, guys, we actually probably should wrap this up. Uh-oh, is a MacGyver bomb going to go up in the background? No, I decided to... You dismantled that bomb? I dismantled it, is a MacGyver bomb going to go up in the background? No, I decided to... You dismantled that...

I dismantled it, much like MacGyver would. But that being said, I'm looking at the time and we are massively over. But honestly, I could talk about Gallery Girls forever and ever and ever. You know, we should just have a Gallery Girls podcast. We should because, you know, these podcasts are getting so long and people want more than one

a week, so maybe next week we'll do two on the Housewives and one on Gallery Girls. Maybe. You never know. You never know. Ronnie might want to kill himself, but you and I might just do it. Mm-mm. Uh-uh.

Ronnie says no. We don't even get to talk about Top Chef Masters, which apparently I'm the only one watching, and I like it. Oh, it's so bad. While you brought that up, because I do have one thing to say. I finally realized why I hate Top Chef Masters. Why? Because they're all actually famous chefs, or they're successful chefs,

and they're too nice. I can't watch it. No, not Art Smith. Art Smith is the worst. Art Smith is a man-bitch. He's the worst, and that's what makes it good. They have to do a challenge at the Grand Canyon. Every one of them's like, we are so blessed to be at the Grand Canyon amongst

the wonderful Native Americans. What a blessing and an honor. I know. Luann's like, don't fuck with me. Don't fuck with me. I'll scalp you at the Grand Canyon. Native Americans. We're called Indians.

Don't fuck with us. Dolly, I found a bunch of Italians eating at the Grand Canyon. We were drinking Pinot Grigio. I feel like a normal Top Chef cast would be like, the Grand Canyon is fucking hot out here. Fucking poor-ass Indians. Oh, great, we'll make something with corn. That sounds really fun.

Great challenge, Bravo. I think the issue is more that Top Chef, normal Top Chef, has a whole bunch of fat lady chefs who get cranky. And Top Chef masters, all the women are skinny, so they don't get cranky and top chef masters all the women are skinny so they don't get cranky for some reason exactly i like a fat tattooed lesbian chef that is mean i'm like

a line cook from applebee's over the owner of poutine okay oh is susan finnegar on this season no she's not i can't stand her restaurant which one street street sucks street i think she's not. I can't stand her restaurant. Which one? Street? Street sucks. Street's good. I think Street's good. Border Grill is much better. Oh, my God. Border Grill is gross. The margaritas are good.

The rest is bad. No, I had some very good food there just a few weeks ago. I have to say at Border Grill, I think the food is better at, like, Carlos and Charlie's. Thank you. I'd rather go to Pink Taco where Gina Kehoe's daughter works at Century City Mall. I'd rather go to Pink Taco where Gina Kehoe's daughter works at Century City Mall I am going to defend the honor of Border Grill and say I had a

very good meal there recently I'll take Jar I'll take Jar over Susan Finnegar any day Jar is obviously better Border Grill is good You've got your red neck and nice Red neck and nice.

Oh, my God. We have to stop. If we could only do a Honey Boo Boo podcast, my life would be complete. I am starting our fall podcast at TVGasm soon, so I'll make you guys come on and talk all this shit with me. I would hope so. You better redneck and nice. All right. I'm supposed to be signing this shit off

So you can follow me, Ronnie At TVgasm, find Matt at LifeOnTheMList Find Ben at B-Side. I mean, B-Side Blog Well, you just fucked it up Now he's not going to get 5,000 followers on Twitter 4,999 You can follow me and Matt this week

This week, please just follow Ben He's got to get some He's got to get some meaning in his life. I have him. I'm so empty. I need numbers to make me feel popular. It's true. I don't have anywhere near that. I'm pathetic.

You can find us also on Facebook, backslash Watch What Crappens, or you can tweet all three of us at What Crappens. We will see you next time. And please, if you need anything sexual, head on over to adammail.com. Find yourself some lube, guys. Yeah. Let's listen to what Matt has to say about it. Bye, everyone.

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