Watch What Crappens - Live DC Pump Rules: Pillow Talk

Episode Date: April 4, 2018

Our first night in DC was a blessed one, because we got to cover an instantly iconic episode of Vanderpump Rules. Bored in Mexico, Jax organizes his very own mystery party involving pillows by a hot tub. Thanks for the great times, DC! For all of our bonus episodes and other goodies, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to Chicago, San Francisco, Phoenix, Irvine, DC, and Atlanta! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, hi! Hello! Hi!

You're kidding me right now! Ah! Hello DC, thank you! Yay! You guys are so awesome. We saw that, you guys bought these tickets like, rabid, ticket buying animals. Thank you so much, we're so excited

that we get to do two shows here in DC. This is our first time coming here. It's so cool. Plus, it was really cool that we got to walk out and like slap people's hands high five. I felt like a celebrity that slapped people's hands high five. I was like, wow. I was like, I don't know who does this,

but I feel like that person. I walked into my hotel room and you poop right in front of a whole wall of politicians faces. I mean, you guys know how to do it here, OK? I'm like, Bill Clinton, stop harassing me, Tony. It's like right behind my head, shaking. Yeah. I'm very excited.

I have a few cousins here in the audience. Yes. Lauren and Shira. They're there. They're around somewhere. Go say hi to them, everyone. Yeah, this has been really fun here in DC today. I was, I like went and I walked around.

I walked, I walked all the way down to the title basin. Yes, title basin. That sounds hard. Yes. Everyone's like, oh, they're work cherry blossoms that I got to enjoy. Yes, title based in that sounds hard. Yes There were cherry blossoms that I got to enjoy I felt like I was walking in Villarose Are you okay? Please adjust that cherry blossom two inches higher So you have you oh

Ronnie Ronnie losses. Oh, it's extremely important that we have an audio and cable for this. They found out. No, no, no. Little baby iPhone on. Most professional podcast on the planet. Yes. Well, it's my notes.

Don't know where the audio thing is. That's OK. Worst case scenario. I'll just plug it into mine. OK. Matt. So. It's good. worst case scenario, I'll just plug it into mine. Okay. Matt. So, good, I worked out. Yeah, so I went to the title basin.

I saw the cherry blossoms, which I've never seen before. I walked all around the mall. I went to the portrait gallery. I saw Barack and Michelle's portraits. It was a very exciting day. Ronnie, what did you do today? I didn't do shit, okay. Yesterday, when I was checking in, I was like,

she said, what are you doing here? Because I had, you know, my homeless, like, do. I was like, really done up jogging pants. And I was like, conference, just kidding. I'm actually here with my best friend to cover Vanderpump rules. And she's like, oh my god. And she upgraded me to a suite, okay?

Thank you. Is that? This show is good for something. Yeah. So I'm walking around there. And of course, I texted Ben like, I got a better name than man. Because he's always wins.

If I book the rooms, Ben will always end up in the penthouse with like a garden and a lake coming through. A river coming through. It's actually true. I don't know why it happens. But this time, then on top of that, I'm always like, Ronnie, don't worry. It's not a competition.

But then he's like, I got a credulous suite. It's like that. Ronnie Karrom. So mad. I've got to play that. He tried to wind up me with a cheese plate. I know. Didn't work.

Didn't work. I was like, I'm reading this from my AIMS chair. So there's like a lot to discuss tonight. I mean, what's always nice is that whenever we do these live shows, and for some reason, whenever it comes time to discuss Vanderpump Rules, Bravo Airs, like the best Vanderpump Rules episodes. So we have a whole show, we got a Dika Sharks, but there's also some other business we have to tend to right here because I don't know how many of you guys are following us on social media or whatever, but we released a Banner Pump Rules bracket.

I don't know if any of you guys have done that or filled it out, but there was a weird response from one of the Banner Pump Rules cast members on Twitter. And so I feel like it's time for segment of, is Ariana Maddda's. Oh! Oh! This is Amy! So basically what happened was, we tweeted out this bracket, and then,

Ariana was like, I'd like to be removed from this narrative. And I was like, oh, that's funny. But then I was like, wait, maybe she does want to be removed. Maybe she doesn't like her ranking. I feel like whenever Ariana's talking to a stupid person like me, and she says things like with narrative, like she's just trying to see if I know how to spell that.

Like I feel like it's like throwing down a gauntlet, you know? That's a big word for me, okay. Yeah. That's huge. And I know we're in DC and everybody's really smart here, but still, I pay taxes, so. Yeah. You want to talk about privilege? I walk through this town like I own this.

I paid for that. So nevertheless, we're not really sure where Ariana lies. She did, because someone was like Ariana, like get a sense of humor and she's like, it was a joke ass hat. But then I was like, is the ass hat for us? So as this customary in this segment, we are going to tweet her right now at Ariana. Are you

mad at us And I'm just gonna tweet it right now and if she tweets us back during this show we'll give an update But this has been is Ariana mad at us and I'm out of this. Woo! It's a real number. Oh, no. So you guys have a really, you know, in the rest of the country, everyone's like, God damn, main street, walls, whatever they say, you know. See, to see how your reputation, I will say I love this place.

But Uber's lie here. There are motherfuckers. They lie everywhere I've been so far. And Uber's like, I will say I love this place, but Uber's lie here. There are motherfuckers, they lie everywhere I've been so far, and Uber's like, I'm two minutes away. My ass stood out in front of the airport for 17-something minutes, okay? It's like, why did you have to lie? And I thought, well, maybe that was just an errand lie. And it's not, you know, don't play him a whole town

for one Uber driver, like, who does that? It's happened every goddamn time since. Just tell me, I don't need you to lie, I'm not gonna call another lift. I'm trying to goddamn time since. Just tell me, I don't need you to lie, I'm not gonna call another lift. I'm trying to time my cigarettes. Stop lying to you, see. Okay, there, I'm running now, I'm running.

My ubers have been very truthful. And they're probably bigger and nicer, and they're all leather on the inside. Shock. No, I actually didn't lie to you for me as well, I have to admit. Thank you for whoever is air dropping me things. Computers are so weird, you know. Is that you, Dunning? Dulling! Okay, so let's get to the show. Should we get to the show?

Yeah, let's get to let's talk about this week's fan of pump rules, right? So I was very scared in the beginning of this, because it's like circled look. It's a weird circle. We're like in the round. I feel my ass bone for the first time in my life. It's fun. I was really scared, because they're so hints at what's coming for the show in the previouslys, right?

And so it opened with Katie going, Tom Bada, this is like the last time you're ever going to get away with just getting drunk and making out with somebody and thinking it was me and like, you know, she goes on with his list of clients and I was like, please don't say he's already f**king somebody in Mexico. Please, like, let us have a little suspense in the season because we figured he'd just go off and f**king somebody the next day. Or at least a chip in dip or something. We can all visualize it. That's the problem. That's why everyone's growing like, yeah.

And dip. I see why it's so popular. I'd like to point out that Ronnie somehow has a little thing of ranch over there. Ranch dressing. People know what I like to drink. A judge what I see around me based on what I see inside me. So, the episode opens in onus. Well, should we reenact the way that this whole episode happens? Do you want to do that? Sure. Okay. Here's how it opens. Well, should we re-enact the way that this whole episode really happens?

Do you want to do that? Sure. OK. Here's how it opens. But we're going to do it crap and style, which is, thank you guys so much for coming to the show. This has been an amazing show. This has been great.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much. Thank you, C. I'm sorry. I called you lying mother fuckers. Yeah. It's been great. Have a good night, everyone. 90 minutes earlier.

Seriously? Seriously? Oh. Wow. Man, Christians are sligh. How shut up, microphone. That was our version of. I've got half an inch of...

A test modern timeline. Okay, so this actually opened with the Taco Bell That was our version of. I've got half finished. It's a smart and time line. Okay, so this actually opened with the Taco Bell Kevin on the beach. Yeah. And the music people are just being hilarious. It's not even like Mexican music. They're playing herp Albert's whipped cream. It's like.

Pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft. What is this? It's not he's just holding her tail like I finally slept. I finally slept. I was caught off guard because normally I feel like shows that begin with something happening and then they're like four hours earlier. There's like a different rhythm at the beginning, but here they're just like, this sound is sandy as fuck.

I was like, yeah, it seems like a pretty standard opening. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so It's like that it's like the episode where they finally figure out time That's how that works I'm gonna beat the shit out of that news bitch So Kristen's like hey 30 I'm young youthful Instagram memes killed it nailed it with it or whatever So then the music's like My god some, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don they said, first of all, I like that Tom is already just a plural. They said, it sounds like thank you. So, they're like, they said that you hooked up with James last night and they just cut to Christians sitting there on the shows and be like, And by the way, doing a shoulder thing,

oh, by the way, what a gift from God that for our DC show, we got a Kristen intensive episode. At Log Last, Crazy Kristen was unleashed. I always wake up with a sore neck after we do these live. I was like, fuck, Kristen. Okay, they're all laying back in Sanchez. Kristen literally did this in her Sanchez. She's like this.

She's like, it's like, it's someone gonna ever help this person. Like, if you don't go to the doctor, they cannot diagnose you, okay? Doesn't anyone here even have web-em-d? Like, help the bit. Something is wrong with her. She's a one woman horror.

So that was for sure in Lauren. So anyway, so then it's like, so, yeah, there's this whole thing and then it says, 12 hours earlier, each an hour earlier, whoever many hours it was. I went, oh. Oh. 12 hours earlier, or 18 hours earlier, or whoever many hours it was. I went, oh. Oh. 12 hours earlier.

Kristen just trying to figure out her life one minute at a time going backwards. So we flash back pretty much the end of the last episode, where we see Jack's talking to Shina, where Shina is basically, I wasn't trying to set her up on a date. I just want to know another person of her mind that's all I'm saying, Jacks. But, Diana's are sometimes made for more, you know, not scary, squirrels carry around more than

why not sometimes Jacks? Like, Chena's just trying to justify herself that they're totally confessing at the same time. It's so funny. It's like, I didn't try to try and set a rap line, I was just trying to get her another boyfriend, because there's other people on the world, Jacks. Like, what are you trying to do? It's like you're both attorneys fighting yourself. There's other fish in the sea and rob can catch

all of them in less than seven minutes. Yeah! Whoo! Also, what we see of... Another part, you look, this whole cast needs help. And this is a very long season. They all need different kinds of help. Jack's just needs...

A, he needs his nasal passages clear. It's okay. Someone just needs to go. And can we just find a better drug than cocaine? Why is that even back? Okay, it's ridiculous. It's like, do you want to kill yourself? Great.

It feels great. You feel like you're having the heart of Jack. You never breathe again. Well, I feel for him, you know? We've all been sucked in, eh? Yeah. So, Jack's at Custal Last Night. And Jack's is staring at this wall

made out of torn t-shirts. Did anybody notice this? It's like this. I believe it's called the Christendote Spring Collection. Oh! So Jack's yells at Brittany's like, this is your fall, you went on a date, or whatever.

And then it only started. He spends literally half the episode staring at this t-shirt thing, like... Well, they're raky t-shirts. Those t-shirts just offered me a job. Oh, it's been my dream to work for a t-shirt! A dream! T-shirts are my passion.

Speaking of passions and dreams and lifelong fulfillment. That's a Stephen Fondheim ethical. We then have James, DJ James Kennedy, downstairs, and he goes up to the DJ at the club, and he's like, Pablo Porfavore, Pizzo Mahado. He's like, and so then, Peter's with him, and he says in Spanish,

like, oh, he's a DJ, and then Jim's like, shh, I got this, I got this. Taco Tortilla. Guacamole La Bomba. DJ's like, all right. James Kennedy never leaves his house without a thumb drive. Oh, James, Wakania baby, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, Wakania never leaves. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, Wakania never leaves home without it. So he's gonna put Sunt in Mexico. It's like Sunt, but it's in Mexico. I'm like so. Sunt. Yeah. It makes it little sense as it does in Spanish.

Yeah. And by the way, thank you everyone for coming to the Watcher Crapins Tuesday. Turn up. See you next Tuesday at the DC improv. As it is Tuesday, but not the Mexico edition, unfortunately, the DC edition, but, um, so in the most recent episode of someone, please help these people. He starts playing, uh, he starts playing his music.

We've got some of it here. You want to hear some? Oh, yeah. We actually, oh, wait, let me plug out. Let hold on. You've got some of it here. You want to hear some? Oh, yeah. We actually... Oh, wait. Let me plug out. Hold on. You might hear we're really annoying. Oh, my mouth.

Sorry. Ah. Ah. Oh, I still hear it. Hear it. Everyone. Endure. Why?

Why? Ken. All right. So we actually hacked into DJ James' his garage band. And we actually found some tracks that he's produced. They have not actually had their debut yet. He was gonna debut them at next Tuesday, but we're more of a see you this Tuesday,

sort of podcast. B-B-T-T. Seriously? B-B-B-T. B-B-B-T. Duh, duh! Psst! Psst!

Puppies! Puppies! Psst! I mean, wow. I was amazing work. Yeah. Amazing work. We'll have to check back in with that. How long is this? how long is this court?

Damn it. I'm retired now. I'm a tie it Leaving my thumb drive here. It's going back in so Yes, so Jack's of course has a different take on James's music. I mean, we all believe it's Brilliant, but Jack's is like to me James's music is just noise. It's just a bunch of songs he put together, which is like some loud banging going on back. I'm like, yeah. Isn't that pretty much your love life? It says the guy who's playing children's drums

in his apartment and yelling at his girlfriend. So I think I was trying to like, be James Galloway with a penis flute on the second floor of this club. Yeah, it's a James Galway reference. I'm gonna do it. I will do it. He's gonna try and DC, okay? He's gonna whip out every goddamn lit.

He's like, look, smart people. This is the home of the Kennedy Center, I thought James Galway would play. You know? Anybody like to talk literature? So yeah, Jackson's like, noise. So, but he brings pot. Yeah, he's like, but he brings coke, so.

Yeah, he brings some pasta. So, Kristen, so we knew, we knew this is going to be a good Christian episode, and this is why I was saying in another episode of Please Help These People. So she's, you know, Chris and Wasted, because it's Kristen and they're in Mexico. So it's like double Christian Wasted. Yeah. So she's, you know, Kristen Wasted, because it's Kristen, Anna, and Mexico. So it's like double Kristen Wasted.

Yeah. So she's dancing like this. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Like, why is nobody watching Kristen? She's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You're right, that. God bless that girl. I feel like she's doing like the electric slide, but with her arms instead. You know, that is how Kristen slides. That is how Kristen slides.

That is how Kristen slides. It's not even like, b-e-e-e-e-e-e. It's like, b-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e. You can do it. You put rocks on the slide. Okay, okay, okay. That's my line. You can do it. You put rocks on the slide. Okay, okay, okay. That's my line.

I'm literally still checking Twitter to see Barry and I have stood it back at us. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious.

I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. I'm just so curious. Oh, like he can be charismatic and fun-loving and like he's also, she's just dead. It's like she's gone for the rest of the thing. Kristen's knocked herself out. Get some CPR for Kristen, please.

Meanwhile, James is downstairs at this small club acting like he's at Coachella. He's like, my name's James Kennedy. And he gets off and he plays one song because the DJ lets him play one song. And when he gets off, he goes, I just played Mexico. Oh, my God. I don't know if anyone heard that,

because I actually watched the show twice. It's only the second time, this is this little thing. You played Mexico. It's not like you were at the Capitol, like we are. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We had case ideas. We played Mexico too.

Yeah. Boom. Ernst Asi would say in season one, booyah. He's like at the Q-Doba. I just played Mexico too. Yeah. Boom. Her and Stasi would say in season one, booh yeah. He's like at the Q-Drobo, I just played Mexico. So Kristen is dancing to the music. I mean, she's still got her eyes. Look, she's got an angel, okay? Yeah.

So she's dancing, she's doing that like, and I'm not being a slut chamber, like the literal hoe dance where it's like, bb, bb, bb, bb. Like-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b It's like Black Swan. But yeah, she's like doing that to the floor. And then James goes, she's wet literally. I'm like, yeah, she's like cleaning up the floor. She's wet in her back. Oh, there's probably Diet Coke. Don't flatter yourself. So then Kristen walks up to James.

I know she says that, I didn't say it. I like when Kristen gets all lady-like. And she walks up to James, it's like, I'm a really fun girl. He's like, I know, we dated. He's spits in her face. Someone's a lorps going off. Someone's a lorps. Oh my god.

Oh my god. He's one of our host's darling. We've got 30 games. We've got 19,000 devices. Yeah, fine. I'm a noise. So anyway, so they decide they're like wrap up at this club, they're going to go on to the next spot.

And then I think most of us caught this. Jack's stuff in entire bottle of Absolute Vodka into his pants. Which, you know, seems like a, seems like I wouldn't do that if I already had a felony for stealing sunglasses. Well, at least you can drink this. I mean, last time it was from the sunglasses, at least he's still like useful shit now. I don't know. I think that-

Start stealing books. I think- What's happening to Jackson? He's improving too much! Another Barnes and Robo. Noble was raided. I have big gorilla with a snort. I kind of feel like if someone's gonna steal something, like steal something that's gonna last, not something that you're just gonna drink, like something that's gonna last, like, affection.

LAUGHTER So, I hope Shakira watches this show and just sees a fuck out of it. I don't know what these people think they're doing with stealing music, but not really stealing it, because they were singing, doing it, it's like, Oh, Lily, have a bow, and people out in bed. I'm like, that's not even the song.

Like, if you're gonna steal it, steal it right. So it's like some bad, uh, secure a song. And then the lyrics are, my body is becoming the sea, and I just stopped writing. I was like, I'm done. I'm done with this song. I like royalty-free, secure a, or as I call it, a'm done. I'm done with this song. I like royalty free Shakira. What's I call their Trixi Monaco. Oh. Shakira, Trixi Monaco, Trix, Trix, Trix, Shak-Shak.

Everything you call Shak-Shak. Everything's just slightly off. It's like, oh, no, I'm tired. And my thighs don't tell the truth. That's actually shit. That's actually shit. That's a shit. There's right. There's actually a thin line between secure and shina, and I hate to be the one to break that news, but it's kind of true if you think about it.

Both of their bodies have become the sea. It just makes me want to pollute it. You know what I mean? Okay, so sorry, I'm American, okay? I'm like throwing those plastic rings from the whole the coax together in there. I'm throwing a bit of Sina's face. Oh my god you guys she gonna can't open her mouth she got caught in one of that. Someone polluted and now I can't talk. So Rob can totally have a plastic soda thing around his beak and he can still totally talk.

I timed him. And only takes Rob seven minutes to get the soda rings off his beak. He's like so wise. Oh, so Shakira music is playing, but everybody's asleep. Which I mean, Shakira's just getting rascicked in this episode. Let's just say it. They hate Shakira. So everybody's sleeping and then Peter shapes his armpits. I don't know why I wrote getting rascicked in this episode. Let's just say it. They hate Shakira. So everybody's sleeping. And then Peter shapes his armpits.

I don't know why I wrote that down, but I felt it. It does. It's a theory to point it out. I think they all do, because I think Jacks does too. I think there was a Jacks pit moment as well. Just, I mean, all right. You know? The important thing about this is that it's the morning.

And we see Stasi in bed. And then the camera sort of pans to the right, and we see that Kristen's bed is empty. And then we see Peter in bed with his arm up, and we pans the right, and James is bed is empty. Uh-oh! So, Jackson Brittany in the morning, Jackson's like, that's different. Love that radio show. Did I wake you up? Yeah, that's different. Love that radio show. Did I wake you up? Yeah, that's the only way to go down.

He's like... Did I wake you up, Britt? Did I wake you up, Britt? Ow, ow, ow. He's like, taking his raky rock. He's like... That's what I like, y'all. She's like bleeding out of the eyes.

Hey, am I waking you up? I'm gonna wake you up. So he's like, uh... Yeah, Shina, that was the PS. Like, she's trying to set you up. Like, OK, you don't have to remind us of the scene before this. We saw it, OK? Bruney's hair is just getting sucked up into his nostril.

I'm like, Jax. It's like when you run over like a string when you're a badger man, you're like, no. You just, for the rest of the night, you just hear, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- sneaky, like I don't know why she would do that. You know, getting involved with our relationship, and I'm not mad at you, I'm not mad at you. I mean, I understand if you're mad at me, I would deserve it, but I'm really mad at you. Not that I'm mad at you, but I'm mad at you. But she's not so sneaky, right?

Anyway, I'm not gonna get in the middle of her relationship. But let's talk about James and Kristen, okay? Like, nice pivot. It's like, ericative. Pivot. Pivot. He's like, here's the point. So James and they were in my pool in my room.

Jack's just, he's take ownership like I do. Like I own this whole town. Jack's owns Mexico now. He's like, that's my pool. My pool. Well, you do have their own pool. They have their own special pool, remember? It's mine.

He's like Vicki's, Vicki's grandson or whatever. Ball, my ball, my butt, boy, boy, boy. Mine. So he's like, they were at my pool. And he's like, and they took a whole bottle of vodka soda. I was like, well, you brought it for him at least. It's like Jesus robbing Peter to pay Paul. Guys, make Easter end, just make it ends.

I cannot, the Bible will not leave me alone. Like every episode lately, I'm like, remember what Adam did to Eve? Like, really? Get over it already. Not you Bible, I just mean me. And my best friend. We are in the midst of Passover right now,

which is why I've course I'm drinking my kosher for Passover beer by Budapest. Um. Anyway, so Jack's has an announcement, which is that he saw Kristen and James together with a bottle of tequila in the pool. And so he starts to reenact it, you know. He starts to reenact this whole thing.

So first, his first piece of evidence is this, he's like, well, Kristen was in the hot tub drinking alone, and she's a social drinker. She wouldn't drink alone. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, haven't you seen all of your interviews?

You guys are all sitting there drinking alone, talking to the camera. This cast doesn't drink alone. Give me a fucking break. Yeah. I hope they do. How do they deal with themselves? I mean, look,

it's called self-medicating. Don't judge me. Yeah. And then Jack says he walks outside and then James was there and he grabs a bottle to Kiela and scarries away and he's like,

and that's strange, just because James is also a social drinker and he also would not drink alone. I'm like, even more so that he would drink alone. It's James, you know? He sleeps on the floor of a fat old gay guy's apartment behind an IKEA screen.

He drinks alone. He dies. He dies. I mean, for Christ's sake, if anybody had a reason. But then my, my, it's me. Watch it turns out to be me. He's in my apartment the whole time. Yeah.

Yeah. Because you know I would, to, I'll be like, you can stay here, little man, just behind the screen. Thanks, Wony Boy. Oh, I closed it. I'm a musician as well. Boop, boop, boop, boop. So, but here's the real, the real P.S. to resist ons. I mean, this is the thing that makes us an open and shut case.

Guys, the pillows were oddly arranged. And I have to thank already, already brought us a pillow and I left it backstage by accident. I was gonna make an odd pillow arrangement, but... I mean, the smoking gun. This is the biggest thing since the smoking gun Uber, the smoking gun pillows. The way that the pillows were arranged, okay,

weren't they on like a bench? Wasn't they on an L-bench? It makes me wonder if Jacks understands pillows. Does he think they're like wall sconces? Yeah, he's woken up on so many speed bumps that he's just like, that's weird for the pillow to be there on a bed. Jacks? On a bed?

It's called a bed, okay. But yeah, they were, okay, so there's like this L thing, like one of those benches. A corner. Oh, just me fried into DCs, muddy pants. Oh, just move right into DC's, Mottie Pants. Sorry, I'm trying to stop that. My hair! My hair! I'm trying to stop that, but man, once you fall in love with Babe,

you never quite forget him, little rascal. Okay, so there's a corner, and's... There's pillows right at the end. So any normal person who's ever laid down on a bench, which I mean, we've all taken a bus, right? Yeah. So you laid down, that's where your heads would meet, right? So it means they were laying there, probably on their backs, talking. And being like, oh, remember that time?

Ooh! And he was like, yeah. I mean, the pillow was just there to stop Kristen from breaking her fucking skull up and death. Which, if anything, proves that James is a good person. Okay? There's my detective work. Yeah. So you do well. We'll put a pin in this very important investigation

because it's time to head over to California to Vila Rosa. It's also time to turn over to Ben's newt instead of my own. Oh, yes. Because I am somewhat disabled and cannot copy and paste things properly. Also, I was writing these, girl. I felt so famous in my hotel. I was like, I'm going to go downstairs and I'm going to drink my tennis with a straw in it, like she-na.

While I wrap my notes, so by the time I saw him later after the show, I'm like, hey, I don't know if I'm real good. What do you think about Billus? What is that? That's all right. Okay, and Kristen on the beach. So now we go over to Villa Rosa. You know, because they have to throw in some sort of LAC

and see Lisa Vanipup in there. So we had some sort of a token scene where Lisa is there and Ken walks in with the dog. What was the name of the dog? Monroe of course. It was Monroe, right? Which is also the name of Jeff Lewis' baby, LOL. Yeah. It's also the name of Sheenah's second child. Hello. Portland, Maryland, Monroe is like, great. I'm reborn to Jeff Lewis getting yelled at all day and some butt off the streets. This was great. Glad I lived a really important life to you guys. Thanks a lot, humans.

We all have Monroe's all better in heaven. I'd like to introduce you all to my second daughter. Her name is Monroe Azusa, Valleaux Parks, Vellata. LAUGHTER Anyway, so Ken walks in with a dog, and Lisa Vairn de Pomp does this whole thing like, oh, Ken, I just can't take another dog. I just can't.

No, Ken, no. Oh, give it to me. I can't have another puppy. Meanwhile, it's like... You know there's a lot of people playing. No one takes in that many dogs. She's got a crewella factory over there. It's getting fishy at this point. She's reverse crewella.

Yeah, she's like, come here, name this little creature. Come here. Let me help you find your mommy. It's the circle of the savander pump. I don't know. So the Lion King ends immediately. The circle of Lisa Vanderpump I don't know Sir The Lion King ends immediately, it's like The circle

She's just Delicious She's just holding a giant pump tinny up So stupid So yeah, so Ken is the comes like I got it on I can't Ken And she's like

I don't like the name Monroe. And I was like, ooh, I cannot wait to listen to serious XM. Yeah. You're ripping her ass a new one, Jeff Lewis. You know, Monroe is one of our presidents, thousand old DC fact for you. Anyway, so now I know I sit right in front of him this morning.

Who says that? That's really gross. I saw his portrait today. I actually literally saw his portrait today. I didn't, I was facing away. Yeah. I wanted to put portrait gallery. So now it's like after this little scene with the dog,

we're back in Mexico, Christensen bed, and Tom's end ofron, booze, and it's like it's time to start the day, you know? They're all gonna go golfing, and Tom Santa Valt's got like a little golf outfit on, like a little legend of bagger vans. Yeah, he was totally Bob Ho for that, Santa Valt. And you know he Googled that shit for weeks,

like, oh, bro, golf! Oh, can't wait to get to a base! Third base, I'm gonna finger that hole. It's like no, Tom, it's baseball, Tom Link. Come back to the five in time, Tommy's send a vote, Tommy's send a vote. Oh, Ariana, I just love the Ariana gets to gay bash from the bed.

She doesn't even have to move anymore. She's like, God, that's so you to not know how to golf and have a $400 golf outfit. It gets better with Ariana. Like the sweetest bully you're ever. So then we see Tom Schwartz getting ready for golfing, and he just looks like shit. He's got strut.

I mean, he looked like he just like crawled through an entire gutter that connects the club to his hotel, the Andas gutter. No, he was hard to watch him in my suite. It's like, so dirty. So dirty. The Katie's still doing that thing where she's like, I enjoy his alcoholism, and that's how we love. You know, she's like, I totally chose this for myself.

She's trying to smile, she's like. I just like that now, when he blacks out, he blacks out thinking about me. And they show like a flashback to him, just getting just wasted at the club. And she's like, Baba, you're wasting. You're wasting. You're wasting. It's okay. How you so wasting?

Like, Baba, I don't feel too good, Baba. But like, this doesn't alcohol like I can get behind. I don't judge an alcoholic. I'm. Like, papa, I don't feel too good, papa. But look, this doesn't alcoholic I can get behind. I don't judge an alcoholic. Like, who, why would I? But there's a very important thing about drug and alcohol use.

Good work. If your teeth fucked up that you can't go to work, you asking somebody else to buy you shit. I'm not buying you shit. I'm not buying you a functioning Function tolling functioning called responsibility. I mean, I think the in general everyone should be high functioning if they can be right? I was totally zoned out. Yeah, I mean this podcast is not to be Stop functioning. So there I made my point Um, stop functioning. So they're like, there, I made my point.

LAUGHTER Err, so then we cut over to Shina and Lala's room. And there's the doorbell rings. Ding dong! I'll give it! LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Shina's like, leaping through like the binder and how to clean up the room.

She's like, Mary, so she goes, whoa, Ronnie. It's very presidential, I'm doing. Ding dong. Oh my God, it's flowers. No power on me. I'm fresh in through the lawn. I'm like, me. Flowers from my man.

From my man. My flowers got me flowers. My man got me flowers. I'm like really shocked as just a dozen. Am I right, ladies? Do these flowers arrive on a pee-puff? Try to fly it. Puff-a-puff. Yeah. So, Sina's like, Lala's like, so, what about your flowers? And Sina, you're like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm, Sina's like, uh, Lala's like, so, what about your flowers? And Sina's like, I'm not really a flower, it's not a flower, I'm not. I'm not really a flower, it's a person. You know what flowers say? I mean, they just die. I'm like, so do people. Yeah. What's your point?

Soda music careers. So she's like, she's, so I like that like after that like two of them up here like class like, I like DC where you can shade someone and people hug. So... You're learning, you're gonna be president one day. So Shina has this whole thing, she's like, Rob would never send me flowers because I fucking hate flowers, they just die. Like, if I got a bouquet of red roses,

I'd be like, okay, hashtag, basic. I'm like, again, your Snapchat. Even your pretend hashtag is basic. And it's of basic. It's like, hashtag, my, my, my, my. Oh, how'd you're bottoming out basic? She's like, I thought that Sharon Stone movie was all about Red Bouquet. So, she's like, I don't like brothers.

Like, I like a foxin. I'm like, your I don't like roses. I like a fox in. I'm like, your boyfriend doesn't kiss you. Like you. You're making this so sad. Like, if you're not cutting your thighs, I'd like to volunteer to start for you.

Like, oh, man. Last time I checked, I think red roses are affection, right? They better be. God, embrace your depression, you can eat more. You leave the house left. It's actually really fun if you just... Embrace it, darling. Come on, Siena. Anything I want, I just get from myself anyway. I'm just... I'm just so simple, like us.

The first thing she said, right? Yeah. You know what I'd really like right now? I think I'm gonna just try one of each of the prime cocktails. I want some prime cocktails. Or games. Games. Oh wait, ding dong. Oh, gammat.

Sheena, this came for you. It's a ball of Tabasco sauce. Ah, it's mostly from your boy thing, because I'm's a ball of Tabasco sauce. Ah, it's mostly from your boyfriend because I'm not really in a Tabasco sauce. I'm wearing the affection, but Tabasco sauce. That's so rude. I thought I was such a nice gift. Because Tabasco sauce left me. It's like running away. It's like, because I'm good as basketball sauce left to me. Meeeeeah! It's like running away, it's like good. Because I'm good as Tabasco.

Hmm, we need to work on that one. I'm gonna be back, per bank. I like how also Lala, Lala is like, girl, you're not getting affection and you're not getting presents. Like, you need to be a real woman and leave this guy and then takes her Baba and puts it in her mouth. Is it? Oh, you're a grown-up.

That's woman, okay? Yeah, and people are furious about Lala with her bada. It's the funniest shit I've ever had. People are really mad at her. I know, but the internet just fucking kills me. I'm like, this is what you're mad at? I know. Like, how long have we been watching Vanderpump rules

and people are like, I can't believe that this is our feminist icon! Ah! What's up, Arnold in the bed? What am I missing? Um... I mean, to me, it just sounds like I'm making an effort not to spill. What's that?

How many bottles were sold last week? You know a ton of them. You know they're bought skinny girls all over the place. Like, you're fucking bottling, Ben. I like my pee because it handles my baba like a pro. Like a champ. So now we go to a golf course. And all the guys are there.

Schwartz looks like he's just going gonna throw up all over the screen. He's gonna turn a different shade of green. Four Tom Schwartz. I mean, he isn't a good outfit, but this is Tom Schwartz. This is him. He's got it. Yeah! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Wow!

Got tackle. I got tackleled last time. He came back as Erica Jane. He got tackled so hard. I think one of my favorite visuals of this whole golf course scene was when Tom Sandivall got trapped in a sand trap. Did you guys notice that? It was so quick. But he was like, he's like, dude, he didn't say anything,

but he was trying to like walk out of a sand trap, and his legs were just like, and he's talking about a sand. It was like a cartoon, and you could just imagine, like, dude, dude, I'm dying, man. Some hope he had a sand trap, dude. Jack says one of those people that's so we're like an hour a year,

but that hour, he's so judgmental of other drunk people. That's so true. I always say on this show, if I lose two pounds, I will fat shame your ass for a week. I'm like, oh, I could do it. Why can't they? Oh, and that's so Jack's in this whole scene. He's like, they're drunker than me. That idea.

So meanwhile, yeah, Tom Sandoval is trying to hit, everyone's trying to hit the golf ball, but Tom Sandoval is trying to hit it. And then James just sitting by his golf cart, then he's just like, that was great, Tom. That was great. If he hit the ball, it would be fire. Fire. I just played Mexico. I'm like, shut up, James.

So, Jack's has decided that he's going to get revenge really on everybody, OK? He's going to get revenge on James by telling everybody that he boned Kristen, which we still don't know that that even happened, but Jack's has made it true in his mind. Yeah. And I believe it. We all believe it.

Yeah. So, he's going to get revenge on him and who else? He's the other person. James and Chris, anyone really? Anyone? She knows. She knows. But how does he get revenge on Sheena by going after James?

They're all getting revenge on everyone at all times. This isn't ongoing. Yeah, Jackson's just like, look, you cheated harder than me. You know, he's gonna get James and James doesn't get it because he's like, me and Jackson boy, we're so taught now. I'm like, you tried to ruin his life 16 episodes ago. He's not gonna, I mean, he forgets most things, but he ain't gonna forget that.

And James, meanwhile, is driving drunk on this course. He's in a golf court cart driving on the tee, which apparently you're not allowed to do. Crash into other golf court carts. And then he's like, and then they're like, James stopped doing that. He's like, you guys are jealous that I'm having more fun than you guys are.

I'm like, you're literally in the same exact place doing the exact same thing. And he's like, it's a private course. Jack's, here's your private course. He gives the middle finger to Jack's. Like that makes no sense. Yeah, because, because all the guys now are very polite. They're like, dude, you're not driving on the tee, bro.

Who does that? You drive on the tee? You don't drive on the tee, bro. Bro, it's a tee. You don't drive on the tee. Poor Peter is like, because Peter only gets to say something if it's like, you got time to lean, you got time to clean, or, you know, you know,

I don't know. So don't queer it, clear it, or whatever. So he's like mad about rules, you know. I don't know. So don't queer it, clear it, or whatever. So he's like mad about rules, you know. And he's like, he's driving on the tea in fraction, written, written, no more smoke breaks for you. The poor guy, his shirt was totally transparent because he was sweating so hard.

And honestly, I thought it was gonna sexy. I don't know. Thank you, Ben. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, man, you're welcome. So, James winds up texting someone on Ines Golf card, like off the side. So, Jack's like, guys, guys, guys, come on over. Come on over.

It was very much like a 1950s, like West Side Story thing or whatever. Like, come on, let's have a talk. Even those guys would call these guys gay. Yeah. The Jets and the Sharks both would be like, mm-hmm. It's a very, it's a very Kristen musical. Da da da da da. Da da da da da.

Uh, uh, uh, uh. Seriously? Seriously? I mean, like, when you're a jet, your jet will be earned. When you're a jet, you're a jet to the end. Ugh. When you're a jet, you're a jet all the way from your first cigarette to your last onc day.

Ugh! I want to have a gochis ball, it's sir. I want to have a gochis ball, it's sir. You know what? One time it would be nice to say off to go out of town and not deal with you being a jet. LAUGHTER Carter. I just can't someone name Carter.

I want to live in America. Everything free in America. Man, you have to pay for that. Fuck off. I want to live in America. Suck a dick shark. I'm in the mirror! Suck a dick shark. What?

What? What? Yeah. Tata, tata, tata, tata, tata, tata, tata, tata, tata, tata, tata, tata, tata, tata, seriously! I like that, I think that could both work. A double-ug in the series. Yeah.

That was like a harm, and that's a Christian harm. If only we understood some time, no to tree. Tum, tum, tum, tum, tum. Uh-oh. Tum. tum, tum, tum, tum. Uh-oh. My damn phone is going off again. And it's the broth. Oh, you stopped it, clever. Clever.

It's in a clever of you. Yeah. Pulled a patty the poem on your ass. How dare you take me out of this moment of gypsy? Oh. Oh. I want to live. of Gypsy. I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man,

I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying that.

I'm saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying that. I'm saying that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, That's video ever. Sweet potato pie! I saw that guy last week. You were talking about it. I love that you knew that that was him. That was a sweet potato guy. It's a baddie sweet potato guy. Someone had to tell me.

I'm just giving it a... Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on. Some days, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding and thinking.

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Really? Um, so anyway, so Jackson's called everyone over and he's like, guys, guys, guys. You know, like I saw like Kristen and James were acting weird by the hot tub and like she's not, she's a so-strength or he's so-strength and all that. And he goes, and he goes, why else would you be drinking at eight in the morning with couch cushions by the pool? God for a bit, you have some comfort

while you're hanging out the hot tub. Yeah, Jackson's the worst. He's like the worst Angela Lambsbury ever. If it was like murder she wrote, no one would ever fucking get caught. No. He's like, he did it. He has pillows. That guy, the murderer's like, LOL running away. He's done too much coke to ride the bike.

Yeah. It's like the begating. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- That's a pung. The back just falls over. So then, um, so they just discussed us, so they decided to confront James. And I like that when James gets confronted, he becomes super British. Because they're like, so James, did you hang out with Chris? And he goes, did I war? War?

I was talking to Basil. And I drove. War. Thanks, but no, thanks. Oh, no. What? What? What?

I was like, I'm just saying, did you hang out? And he's like, yeah, we hung out a little bit. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I look a bit, but not really. And, Jess. I like it.

You're just an ISB ISBN number right now, OK? Now, this is actually pretty important, because Tom asked, this is one of the rare moments where semantics matter in Band-Up on Brawls. Girl, no one in this crowd's anti-Somantic. I'll tell you that. This is an educated audience. Waiter, can I have a vodka soda of regular one this time?

Damn. Anyway. So it's all work. So Tom Sandvall asks specifically, did you and Kristen hang out last night? Which is ambiguous because it could mean, oh, were you guys actually hanging out? Or was it mean, did you guys hook up?

Question, when you guys heard him say, did you guys hang out, who here thought he meant hook up? Woo! This cast isn't like that, though. You know, this cast isn't gonna be like, that's why I believe when they said pasta, they meant pasta. This cast isn't smart like, they're not-

They're not talking it. It's a very literal show. No, I swear it no, because first of all, anyone associated with James knows not to share their coke. That girl, Jack, Jacqueline or whatever, is not gonna be like, does anybody want to share coke? And then be surprised that the cast does it all.

Okay, she was lit it like that was pasta. She was literally mad about pasta. This is the same. If it was fucking, he would have been like, did you fuck? And he would have been like, yeah, fuck the bonda, did it, did it in the chair, on a pillow, put the pillows up.

We did it in a corner. Oh. Oh. Corner, corner. Corner, fuck. So basically Tom says, you guys hang out. So James is like, oh, we did a little bit. And then, this is what I love.

Jacks just goes and talks me. He's like, I see I knew this is why we become friends. He's like celebrating infidelity, you know, of course, Jacks is, right? So then, so then they need to clarify. And Tom's like, so did you bring cushions out to the hot tub? Got to make sure the story pans out.

And even James is like, what? No, what? Cushions? What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Who's that? Oh, no. Fresh.

Don't put your puds. I'm gonna put that, uh, uh, uh, uh. Australia's calling him like we're sending help. We heard you. Uh. Um, also, as this cast is like, what? Look, I'm straight.

I'm really straight. I don't know what an outdoor cushion is. Like, okay, Tom Sandeval, we get it. Those are outdoor cushions. They sit on the fucking bench, okay? But then Jacks clarifies why the cushion is important. He's like, I get it. I get it.

You know, I fucked a girl in a hot tub before. You have the cushions that we know your back is in like, you know, uh, uh, uh, you know, I'm like, I got it, it's okay. Yeah, because Jackson's really sensitive. Well, he's fucking some rando on top of a hot tub. I know. It's your back okay? Just want to make sure you're feeling okay.

Like, you're about to fill her with a scab covered fetus. Okay, let's not pretend, but you suddenly have manners. Are you comfortable? So then James starts to deflect, you know, his defense mechanism is just a deflect. He starts putting it on to Jacks. He's like, well, do you have sex with yoga? Why don't you do that? Why don't you do that, Jackson Boy, Jackson Boy?

And Peter's like, oh, we got two deflectors deflecting on to each other there. Deflect, deflect, deflect. We got two deflectors not doing their silver rollups. And guess what that leads to? People not having silverware that's rolled up. So they've got one over here with a fork and one over here with a fork. Both have napkins, both are blaming the other one

for not having an eye so that they can roll up their rollups. So, like this is the most Peter is spoken in years. And I can see why they keep his ass off the screen. So, so, Jack's like, listen, listen, listen, I'll, I'm gonna clarify this. He's like, I took a picture. It's okay, you don't have to deny it. It's clear as day on my phone.

He's like, look, I took a picture of the cushions, and they show the cushions there again, just like, two pillows. It's like like two pillows. But that's Jack's, and I could see him being like a lawyer on the back of a bus, you know? He's like, I'll save you, and you're like, say, one last, the accidentates will not save me.

This is a lot, but then he shows up and saves you like on breaking bad or whoever called Saul or whatever breaking Saul. Breaking Saul. Whoever called Saul. Hey, so, whoever called Saul, he's like, glad you did. Jack's will get you off on shit like that. Look, I took a picture.

A pillow. Like, I prove nothing. What are you proving? I just want to see Jacks go into home goods and be like, oh my god, there's been so much fucking in here. Hello, pillow, pillow, pillow, pillow, pillow. Just walking out with a massive bone. So then James, he's just, again,

and also remember that James has wasted as well. And he's like, fine, I was like, oh yeah, I took a nap by a pool. I put the push-ins out there, and then I fucking put in your pool. I don't give a fuck. Like, what are you even saying now? And then he gets, and then he gets,

and then James is, I'm telling you, this cat's like, I'm straight, I'm straight. I put a pillow in the pool! Like, this is the best episode of Judge Judy ever. He's like, so then James comes up with his big defense. He's like, listen, listen, leave me the fuck alone. I'm over, Kristen. I don't think she's sexy or hot at all. LAUGHTER

Not at all. Not at all. She's neither sexy nor hot. Nor attractive. Mum. At all. And furthermore Yorkshire Puts. Prince Harry. Top of the morning.

British. Pippa. Wimbledon. I'd like a biscuit. Top of the morning. Fresh. Pepper. Wimbledon. I'd like a biscuit. He's like, I'm refusing to know the word cookie now. Because I'm polite. Pudding that actually looks like cake and not pudding. So he also says, so like,

Rell, so that means you cheated. He's like, what? And he's like, do you just admit it? He's like, what? Pudding? What? I'm like, no, he cheated. He's like, I would never he's like, do you just admit it? He's like, what? Button? What? I'm like, no, he's like, I would never cheat on Jacqueline Dup. I'm not very like...

Raquel. Raquel, Raquel. I would never cheat on Raquel. I'd never cheat on Logan. She's not Miss America for God's sake, man. I have a sexy girlfriend. She's about to be Miss USA, and she's about to learn her first words.

That's the only thing this episode is missing is Raquel. But like, everybody thinks that they stop with the camp can't be enough. She was gonna go there, but she accidentally took a flight. Raquel was supposed to be on the trip, but she accidentally took a flight to Luxembourg. She's over at Carmen's house waiting for the cast to show up. I love that James uses like on dating a Miss America. I went to the Miss America contest on my birthday the summer. Trust, they married to a bunch of Faggoto baritas. And bless their hearts, too, you know.

Who needs the fucking marriage? No one fucks it. I don't know that. I don't know that. I mean, I would say that there are some people, there are some people who marry pageant winners who are very straight. I mean, uh, hello, Mr. Daily.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Mark Daily, huh, that's next. It's next. I like that it's like settling in in a really terrible way. You know what? Almost anybody can come to my show, but do not bring Kenya more into my show, sir. I will Kenya more. And to my show, sir! I will not have it. Look, I immediately rekeld.

I was like, well, congratulations. But she's married. I love you. Love who you like. Love the one you wish. Anyway, so, oh. So, so there's still, by the way, there's still argument these pillows, because now James is all mad. It's like, I don't think the way, they're still arguing about these pillows,

because now James is all mad. It's like, I don't think she's, I don't think she's a striped of a tool. And Jackson's like, I just asked why my pillow was out there this morning. And he's like, because I wanted to put it in the fucking hot tub. I'm like, that doesn't make sense either.

Well, then my favorite character came back to the show. Victim James. Yeah. I love victim James. He is like, I don't know if he murdered somebody. They're going, he's basically on a murder trial, where they're like, but he was herit.

He was herit first. I'm like, he killed his parents. But James, yeah, he's back on his victim tour. He's like, you're hurting my feelings now. You're hurting my feelings. You're hurting my feelings, bro. You hurt my feelings. You hurt my feelings, bro. You're bullying me. You're bullying me.

You're taking me back to a dark place. A dark place in England. So I was like, well, you're not allowed to bring that bullying right now. Okay, come on, bro. You're really making me upset right now. I just played in Mexico. And now I'm upset. I'm a corn DJ. I'm a sad Brundi DJ.

Thinggong! Oh my god, another delivery. Oh. What is it? Oh, I'm so sorry. This one is for Lala. That's okay. I'll accept it for her. Okay. Here you go. It's a street waffle.

Oh my God. Yay! It's a street Lala. You got a shoe waffle. Oh my God, I'm surprised it's not like a dozen street waffles. You can have it all to yourself because I don't really like street waffles. I'm not really like a street waffle girl.

Like, if Rob wanted to get me a street waffle, I'd be like, that's nice Rob, but like you could eat a stru poffle, you can't eat a faction. Okay Rob. I'm so jealous that you's eating it. Brick me off. Don't hit my feelings.

Could you break me off a piece of stru poffle? What's so fun? What's that? What's so fun? Is that? Oh my God, it's my smile. I found my smile. Yes, right, Row.

Yes, right, Row. That is in quality shit right there. And so is this troupe waffle. Thank you for bringing these. You sweet little monster. They're delicious. Oh my god. So anyway, so James is now, this is the golf scene

that we'll never end because James is now crying in his golf cart and now he's being insulined and he's taking, he has like a little thing, he's sitting there and he's like, oh, you man, I hate you. And then he like picks up a little box and just picks it up and he goes, go get another box idiot.

Ah. Ah. Ah. That was a high-stakes stunt because there's an electrical outlet here. Yeah, that was a big. I remember that. We're all safe. You're a regular SIG field. But the way you just blew that box down, like it was just great protests, a great revenge. I'm throwing my box down on the green.

You have to get another one now. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Yeah, it was my own... You guys, seriously though. If there's a waiter, can I have a vacacota? Thanks. I wasn't part of this show. Uh, so get another box idiot. I love your notes. This is way better, dude. Can I just always have your notes? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I have to try and understand my health.

Let's dress more life. Am I right, everyone? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha try some more life. Am I right, everyone? Ha ha ha ha. Hot socks. Hot socks. Hot socks. Hot socks. Send it. Karl. Karl. Here's my impersonation of the summer.

Karl. Here's my impersonation of the summer house finale. Karl, let's drink. Let's drink. Okay, Karl, let's drink. Stephen, can we talk? Like, uh, really are my feelings, Stephen, but you're like a giant I like a lot um I just

Steven before the summer ends I just want to know why you hurt me like that you know I'm just just trying to communicate better or not be just a fuck boy you know trying to be a better guide I like cars. I saw it. Oh, Steven. Oh, it's turning into a literal cat. The season finale is summer-ass. I mean, I did watch it drunk last night in the hotel, but I was like, what's happening on this show? Nothing? Okay.

Steven, he did that talk with Steven. He's like, with a bow. And Steven's doing this like a cat. Like I just did. Like cleaning himself. In the case, like... Roll. Roll. He did that talk with Steven's like, with a bow. And Steven's doing this like a cap. Like I just did, like cleaning himself as a case like. Like, roll.

Roll. Roll. Roll. Put out some fantasy piece for you, bro. I don't know what else I can do, really, bro. Yeah, let's just talk about it. Yeah, I thought, you got a blood job on time, though. Love he's angry about a 20 year old blow job.

So anyway, we go back to... Speaking of jacks. Now we go back to the on-dos result where Brittany and Shina are getting massages. Oh, God. Eh. Eh. Eh. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Oh, my God. I was like, wow, that massage comedy is really killing it. No. Wow, that scene, I think, finally took off that scene of noise. It's about time someone made a joke about she has lumbars. I'm a really a spine person.

I'm more of like a time massage person. Okay. I used to call it chicken sash sherry. My follow up single was gonna be called pan and curry. But it never got traction. I'm trying to think you don't have to it's okay. We don't have to pop roast icon you hear me That's like literally all I have and it didn't even make sense. Okay Keep it going keep more These are banner pumps in the back don't stop now you're doing great run

Great So this is my favorite dance number of the scene. It's called Kristen Taking a Sour. OK. Oh, yeah. She looked like she was trying. She looked like she was among those boxes, where there were dollar bills flying everywhere.

She was trying to gather them all. I've never seen someone so attacked by water before. I'm Hodgepobick. I read, quiet up here, you little coven of Stassi's down here. Stassi, Cullen. Oh my god. That was literally the most exercise I've done.

Look, I'm like, yeah. And a towel. Oh my god, and married. Yeah. Well, so they're lying, they're getting massages. They're getting massages, and you know, even though the night before when Jack's confronted Shina, and she was like, no, I just wanted her to meet new people

who work at Sur, that's all. And now she's like, I'm glad Jack's confronted Sheena and she was like, no, I just wanted her to meet new people who work at Sir. That's all. And now she's like, I'm glad Jack's feels insecure because she should be with Adam. She's basically reversing herself, talking to Brett. Yes, so we're cutting back and forth between Kristen getting attacked and then the massage. And Brittany's like, well, the way that Jack's pretty is there. They were there and then Jack's walked away very slowly backwards.

And then there was a pillow. She literally said it. She literally said that. She goes, JX said everyone left and it was just them and a pillow. Why was Jack a week? Why was he walking around? What sort of ass was he trying to get into? He's like, where's my fucking pillow? Oh. Yeah, Brittany is like so stupid and so lovable.

Like, I really just love that stupid kill. Bought in hell, bitch! We're looking for places to eat last night. I really just love it. What, hey. You can tell. Rotten hail, dance. We're looking for places to eat last night. We passed by closed hooters, and I was like, God, did Brittany die today? Who closes a hooters? Is this in respect for Brittany? Like, I've never seen a closed hooters.

How the town is this? Oh, Ronnie, there's no sound on the Facebook live. Oh, well, here. Who cares? Bye then. Oh. What, here, who cares, bye then. Oh! Oh! What are you gonna do?

I can't fix the Facebook, oh my god, this feels so weird. We're now, we're just with 200 people. Oh my god. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, no! I was pretending I was Beyonce before.

My look at the staining arm. Sorry, Facebook Live. That's exactly how Beyonce does it. Look at the stadium, guys. Shin Yancell. This is weird being like a little two person thing because like who's gonna do that, you know? This beautiful man over here. I was like, could you press record?

That's a minute. I was like, could you press record? He's like, sure. I was like, could you go get my notes you press record? He's like, sure. I was like, could you cook at my notes off my computer? He's like, sure. Anywho. So anyway, Ariana and Lala joined at the spa. And they're just talking about this whole situation.

And Lala firmly believes that they were fucking. And her reasoning is this. Once the dick has entered one of your holes, it's easy for it to reenter. It's true. We all know it's true. I mean, I always find that once the Bubba enters one of your holes, it's easy for the Bubba to get back.

No, that's a hole that closes itself. That's different. It's like a self-filling wall. But yeah, it's like memory foam. Like it remembers. They have hands over their eyes right now. We're horrifying the front row. True.

Hmm. Hmm. Anyway, this is a certain way, OK? Back to Los Angeles, to the future home of Tom, Tom. Tom, Tom. Tom. Tom. So then we...

I'm just thinking about it up in lights. John...Mot... John...Mot... Let's... Let's wear... Tom... Tom... Tom... Thomas guard...

Tom... Tommy... There was a rapist in that. Oh, there was a stomp back. He's a pinball bartender. Do all the musicals tonight. Anyway, so they're at TomTom. And Lisa's like, on one of those mechanical lifts

with a pink hard hatch. She's like, Sandy, what do you think, Sandy? With this guy, Sandy is like, I don't know. LAUGHTER He's like, I just came here to deliver the food. So... She's just there to show off her new card hack. She's doing like, at least, you know, it's like her Lisa van Obump business here,

which is like, business, business, construction, I've been... Oh, look at me now, now. Hammer, hammer, funky. Hammer, hammer, funky. Pupiti, brothers. So Ken's like, what are you doing up there? I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog.

I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. I'm a hot dog. So, like everybody does when they're like doing business. She's like, Sarah, can't believe that Brittany's

doing the solo party for Jacks. I mean, it would make sense if she was doing a party for Nick Laine, my show. I still laugh. We didn't really make a big joke about it. I still laugh the fact that when he showed up last week or two weeks ago, she went, my show.

I'm like, he designs light bulbs. So she's like, well, you know, it's gonna be hard for Britney to ever leave Jacks, you know? She's a little girl from the country and he has a man of the world living in Hollywood. Yeah, those guys from Clearwater. They're regular world travelers. Yes. Like, does Lisa know what Tampa is? Oh, so, so, God, I hate that about me. So, she's a little country mouse, city mouse.

And Ken's like, Yes, you know, I was in the amount of the world once. I was in the amount of the world. Now, these two are, these two are shade talkers. This is where they hide what they're saying. He's basically saying, I fucked everybody in the goddamn world when you married me. What's your fucking problem?

Like, I just started breathing out on my nose like two years ago and I'm 97. And she's like, no, I said man of the world, drugless creature who's 60. So then, so then we go back to play Adele Carmen. And by the way, how hilarious it that Brittany is throwing Jacks a birthday vacation at a beach that's named after his last girlfriend.

No kidding. Yeah. Playa Lourley. Where are you doing to me? Playa. Oh. You know, Carmen's still eating and dried out hamburger at that sunset grill or whatever.

Like, fuck this. So just let me go. Well, it's better than Plyodil Stasi. Like, this sand is hot AF. Who does that? Plyodil Stasi, the hotel that writes a review about you. This fat motherfucker almost broke my eums. The manager of the hotel just gets in bed with you.

Like, the bell hoppers being so weird. I'm sleeping in here tonight. LAUGHTER OK, so now it's like, it's real time. So it's like, do do do do do do do do do. Now happening now. Whoa. Our flashback is over.

Yes, so the girls are, you know, we see the same scene that we saw before. That's the funniest fuck out here. Uhhh. Just lounge. I'm gonna get some sun. Hey. Like, I'm blood, Kristen's chair.

Oh, better. So, we get, so Katie's like, mean, a narrative and then that we see a flashback of Tom shorts be like Baba James and Kristen fucked on a pillow. Oh, Baba So biggest mistake ever. Yeah, so Katie's like just Katie will repeat that but in the most violent way possible Yeah, we know it's we know what's coming now. Yeah, so she's like the Tom's are saying that you and James hooked up and Kristen she goes So she's like the Tom's are saying that you and James hooked up. And Kristen, she goes, Oh, I'm going to get really angry. I'm about to get really angry. Don't do that.

Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Crap. Back in the ocean. Don't look at me, Crab. I would never, I would never, I would never, I would never, I would never, I would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever Don't you fucking dare don't you dare I paid the $900 to get that video from Lisa of your first season with Frank Don't you fucking dare Stasi? Don't entertain this You know these bitches do too. You think what if what is that deleted? Vanderpump sitting at home like oh Monroe

like, oh, Monroe. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'll go fuck the fuck. So then the best thing is one of the things that I love about this show, really all these bravo shows, as they have now gotten really old, they now have years and years of footage and back episodes. So the best thing is when they tell the editors, go ahead and make a montage. Because sausage like, well listen, it's not out of the realm of possibilities that Chris could be lying to us

because she spent a whole summer lying to us once before. And we get an extended montage. Of course, I'd be like, I didn't sleep with Jacks. No, I would never. I didn't sleep with Jacks. I didn't sleep with him. I didn't have another room. I'm not out.

No, no, no. I didn't. Seriously, I'm your friend. I would never do that. That's laughable. I never did that. Yeah, I still put jokes. I'm the one who's laughing.

Best thing about this show. So I would never do that. OK, so then every of the gangs had to be just like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Wait, before the gang shows up, I like that Kristen's final defense of herself after this montage goes, you know, I like that Kristen's final defense of herself. After this montage, she goes, you know, I've grown since then, so, like, for real.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! So everybody's coming on the beach. And she's like, Oh, all right, let's fucking talk, Rod. No, they're like, ha! Everyone's like, oh my god, I think there's gonna be a tsunami.

The tide is receding, and the ocean's like, no, no, I'm just getting out of the way. Oh, the ocean's like, shh. We see all the pillows running down the beach. Take me with you. There's a pillow by the ocean. So yeah, everyone gets at the whole gang. The whole Scooby gang is there by the ocean. So yeah, everyone gets at the whole gang. The whole Scooby gang is there by the beach.

Oh, this is some bullshit, okay. So and you put this to you. I add this in my notes to be fair. Sandeval asked about hanging out. Yeah, that's all he said. Did you hang out and he's like, oh, condom so whoa. That's all that happened.

Now they turned this jacks. I can't believe that jacks is a fucking mastermind only on this show is jacks a mastermind Yes, it totally works. She's like, so I hear James said that I fuck you the vote whatever get anal on a pillow on the L couch Just heard what a corner is Cheers like all right, let's going on? I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, what's going on?

I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, what's going on? I'm like, yeah, but shorts was there. And he's like, no, I laughed, I think. And Katie goes, after 730? Like, that's the time.

Now that's the cutoff time, you know? And he's like, yeah, then I woke up in some other resort. Yeah, yeah. And I don't know. Now, we know that just happened to me in Mexico like a few months ago. So I was actually like, oh my god, I'm actually bonding with Tom number two right now.

Well, ironically, you did that. You woke up at another resort and with Ariana of all people, see? Little circle, darling, for a circle. And she'll save your ass. She ain't gonna leave me that. Tom, sign of all, we'll just leave your ass on a beach. You don't need to.

You like, come on, we're done. I almost have with the bookie board when you hit me on the head. Well, we saw how we reacts to sand. So, what's funny because he's like, he's like, I was on a buggy board. You hit a football with it. But some, yeah, Tom Schwartz, like, yeah, I don't know what happened. I just found out, I just found out bad like another resort.

And Ariana has like, how did you do that? This resort is huge. And I know it has been to any sort of resort. It's like, it's like miles and miles. And when you get to the edge, there's like a moat because they don't want you to leave. And like, barbed wire. I woke up in another resort, and I was mad at it.

People were like, hey, bro, what's up? It was like, shut up. Give me a cab. Katie's life. I was the victim. He's like, I can't believe you went to another resort. And you didn't even know where you were. Oh, my God.

All right, you're not drinking the rest of the day. I'm like, I think he's not going to be sober for two more days. Yeah. Way to stand up for yourself, Katie. Yeah. So Peter with James, full vodka, next to James. James, James, can found it by the reading light. Oh my God.

So is this one when we go back to the room with James and Peter? Yes, as you just read. No. You're like James and the room. Well and Peter? Yes, as you just read. No. You're like James and the room. Well, it's not like they're shocked. It's like, spoiler room. He's lying there in the bed. Oh, wait, is this when James and the room

go lying in the bed? Kind of, but it, you know, it has to hit like a spark. And it did. OK, guys, I have these things in my hotel room too. And I was like, what the fuck is this? I was the same way. I was like, Amy, get it myself. Because it's like on the attorney thing.

I'm like, is this for Instagram? I'm like, I had to watch it show. I had to watch it show. Instagram flash. I had to watch Vandruffump rules to learn what a reading light is. That's the saddest shit ever.

We'll be all learn things. So yeah, so basically James is in there. He's the best of the highlight of the scene is that he doesn't understand the reading lamp. And then it goes on in his face. And he's like a vampire. I was like, no, get it off me. Don't let it see me cry.

Don't, no, no. And Peter's just like, he's like, oh, so much better. I didn't like that at all. I didn't like it at all. I was saying really proved up there. Bro, I saw the lot. I saw the lot and the lot was like, see you next Tuesday. Sunt young man turn around.

So then now they're all getting ready to go out. And Kristen gets a text and she's like, oh my god, StarC here, God, talk to text from James. It and she's like, Oh my God, Stasi, I got a text from James. This says before you list, before you go listen to any not case saying we did anything. It's a fucking lie. I'm living a few things I'm talking shit. It's fucking crazy. Oh my God.

We're a fucking Jackson back. I'm gonna fuck it. So I was like, um, let's not be impulsive. They were already impulsive. They were fucking on pillows outside of Hot Tub or whatever. But that was not the time for your advice, okay. Wait, I have a question. We didn't even ask the audience this. Who here thinks they were fucking in the Hot Tub?

I don't. You do? Wow. This town really is divided. Well, pardon me, things. why would they be so obvious? Why would they fucking the hot tub with Jackson's ready to tattle tell? And then Stasi reminds us, they fucked on the Mercedes in the parking lot of the raw stress relacer, whatever.

They want the attention, like, obvious is not a concern with this cast. Yeah, that's why. Obviously, they do it. Obviously, this is not a concern. I just look, you know what? We all tell, we all say when we got in Mexico, don't drink the water. How do you think the water feels?

And they've had this whole cast inside of it. I know, I know. I know. They're all throwing up. They're like, don't get soaked with the Vanderpump kids. So we start coming into the, through the final big sequence in the show where they're all getting dressed to go to catch.

And Sandeval so mad because he went and got like the spook shorts suits for them all that were shorts leave with shorts. I was like, dude, we're gonna wear the shorts suits tonight. Jack's like, no, I'm absolutely not wearing it. It's like a hundred million. Yeah, but I'm the internet. I got shut. And like your dress like Fred Flintstone on purpose.

Like who does that? You're the one who bickies and your dress like Fred. I feel bad. I actually felt bad for Tom. I'm the one who's on it. I felt bad for Tom because James is the only one who did the suit. And it reminds me of like, I remember being in college.

Sometimes you'd like email out to like your friends and be like, hey, who wants to go to get dinner right now? And then the one person who writes back is the lame one that you don't want. And then you're still having dinner at the dining hall with that guy and you're like, oh, you know, that's basically Tom and James. Okay, it was my-

That's why I think that a college, you know I'm that fucker. He's like, come on, come on. I need to have a small talk over your mozzarella sticks. I got stuck with Ronnie. Yeah. I'm like, have you seen the color purple? They shouldn't make a musical out of that.

And then they did, I was so mad. Like I'm literally still mad. That's like someone heard that. So they're all sitting around the table and, you know, shorts is still just wasted. And I'm just laughing at catch. Because this fucking, it's so, it's so American to be like, look, we're in a different place.

It's got an Applebee's. You know? Because catch is this place in LA where everyone's like, oh my God, if you're a catch, you're something. And so they all go to catch. And so one time we were hanging out with someone that like, we're going, I'm going to catch, and we're like, that is so dizzy. Oh my god, let's go.

So we didn't go in, because we're us. But we stood outside to see if anybody would take our pictures. Because no one knows who anybody is. So we were literally doing this in front of catch. We're podcasts. We're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, and the guys from TMZ were like, I could, like someone gave us their car keys.

We're like, okay. Like I'm gonna run for a car. I won't run if my house is on fire. I'm not running for a car. Anyway, I wonder how to catch. So anyway, so yeah. So Bubba's like, I want to go to Chili's guys. Let's go to Chili's Bubba.

Bubba, I want to go to just, I want my baby back, baby back, baby. Look at people feeling for Schwartz. Look, or baby back ribs, I don't know. Apple, these, I used to work there. They called me a bad apple when they fired me, so. I mean, they weren't wrong, but, yes, they did, because I wouldn't dust the top of the lamps. Fuck you.

Well, you were not family. When you're here, you're not family. Oh, that's all I've got. Sorry. You're family, as long as you dust lamps on the top, which nobody sees, except other bus boys. So, uh, so everyone's FaceTime me at the table, FaceTimeing with their boyfriend and girlfriend, and Sausage is just sitting there alone.

Apparently, so she and Patrick got into a text fight because she said she was going to text him when she landed in Mexico and she forgot because she's in Mexico with her friends and he got mad at her. And I'm like, what a fucking bitch this guy is. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's also not just language, I apologize. But fuck this guy.

That is a damn line, too. Fuck this guy. This is a guy who blocked her and went to Amsterdam and then almost shed a tear at the Van Gogh Museum. And now you get mad when she lands and Mexico doesn't text you right away. Go away, man, bun. Yes, but that's also, yes, agreed.

Sorry. And if that were the truth, I'd organize a parade with you. Or I'd stand on the side at least. But that ain't true. You know Patrick isn't like you didn't text me. What the fuck does he care? He didn't even know. He probably got the, he probably got the I count notification was like shut the fuck up, Stasi.

It's probably just as excused to just shut off his phone and go phone some random. Who knows what? Woman bun. Woman bun. A lady bun. So then we get, we get Cena who knows that she's about to get told off at any moment

for all the cities she's got. She's like, Hi, I'm like the makeup toes. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, are many things you know, one of the things you're going to make a little bit of that. Rob's not really into catch or you'd maybe be here. He's not really into Mexico. So thank you. Rob can catch things really well.

Like this, this restaurant you're just been called Rob because he catches so well. You can catch like 10 balls in seven minutes. I timed it. And Chris is like, no, no, I got to tell you. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh I'm dead. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM He's like, thanks. Thank you. Thank you. Also, James, she said we hooked us off,

fuck you! Oh, no. Kristen doesn't sing where you know Kristen's really mad because she stops punching random people in the street. She's not like, she doesn't do that. She doesn't sing instead. Like her eyes crossed, but one of them's looking over here. I don't know. There's one in the middle.

It's like, uh-oh. Both grissis are pissed right now. There it is. So yeah, she's like, and James, you said we hooked up. And he's like, I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I never said it. So all the guys are like, ooh, I just said it too.

Bob, you said it a little bit. You said maybe you guys are hanging up a little bit. Remember, that's not what happened. And you all know it's not what happened. And keep it like, keep it like. Yes, yes. Because it's amazing to watch. Yeah.

So like, here I am, just trying to be a good person. I'm like, LOL, no one, everybody remembers. And you deserve what you're getting. I'm gonna love every second. So then James goes to his standard bag of tricks, which is to fat, Jamie's like, you know what, Jackson Boy, the only thing you can do in life is just, you can, all the thing you can do is cheat

on your fat girlfriend, fat boy, fat, fat, fat boy. Oh, just you wait. Remember when we saw James, he's like, I quit drinking for a day and all I can do is eat ice cream. Okay. Mummy. See you on the other side of this. LAUGHTER

It's one of those girls I cannot wait to see him at the Great American buffet. I'm going to come up there and just be like, Oh, James, welcome. Welcome. I just played the Golden Coral. Oh. Oh. So then, uh, Katie, of course, weighs in.

I like it because it's Katie alternates. One season, she's just a raving lunatic. And then another season, she's just, you know, impervious to everything. She's, so she just goes, I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who act like children. I just shake my head. I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who act like children. I just shake my head.

I'm like, Katie, you had a Wednesday wedding, okay? Your husband is eating dried enchilada off the bottom of the table right now. He's like, Is that a fingernail or an enchilada? It's like space food when you add water to it, it gets bigger in your mouth, bava. Katie, your husband is reenacting the shape of water in a puddle in the back of this restaurant. And just like Katie, I wanted to like that movie better. I wanted to like it more. I just did.

I was like, I'm going to love this movie and then I hated it. I was like, how do I hate the only person that drinks ranch from the bottle? Like, it makes no sense. She's just leaving the faucet on in the bathroom. It's got to work some more. You want to stick your tongue in this? It really is delicious. I got a Vitamix and started making smoothies.

You look how it's working. I made a vegetable one, and it tasted like shit, and I put ranch in there, and it worked. Just a little. Anyway, so Chris has now just going off on James. You're a piece of shit. You're a piece of shit. And he's like, well, hey, guess what?

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck at all. At all. No, don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck at all. At all. No, dammit, you fucker flying. What? What? What? What?

What? I don't... I'll... I'll... And Kristen's like... Those two are made for each other. Just... I will knock your ass out. Don't you dare. Shut up, Chris. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't. Don Believe that. She throws her drink at James.

And of course, the one who gets angry is Lala. She's like, excuse me, you just do your W at my P, and it took it like a champ. But still, look what you made me do. And Chris just looks at her and goes, sorry. Ding dong. I'll get it! Oh. Oh my god, look, it's finally for me.

It's a message from, it's a message from Rob. Oh. I actually like that because water is one of the Earth's greatest natural resources. So whenever he throws water in my face, I'm like, good, I like that, I'm helping my the Earth. Thanks for the lamb, really into water, so... Ding dong. Oh, get it!

We're in three in Lala. It's a fork! Who is this from? I think I see a thing on it. Would you believe it, girls? I got them a fork. It's from... It says it's from Countess Luandola Saps.

I just had to squeeze that in because, oh my fucking god, real house has a New York is back tomorrow. Tomorrow. And it's gonna be, it's gonna be the most amazing thing we've all ever, ever experienced. And to the straight guys who got dragged here, we never, the straight guys who got dragged here start watching because you will like it.

Okay. That one last. That one last. I'm sorry. I've been watching you. You know, W hat. He looks very straight. That guy works at W.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.L.A.L.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.A.L.A.L.A.L.A.L. last. I'm sorry. I've been watching you. You're like a baseball hat. He looks very straight. That guy works a lot.

He's very cool. He's very cool. He's very cool. He's very coordinated. Whoa. This is a great job. Straight. I'm going to do it.

How do you handle it at the beginning? And I was going to be like, are you straight? You were like this. I'm going to be like, is this man over here is wearing a hat and has a W on it? And I think the W stands for, whoa, this is crazy. Whoa, this hat reminds me this one time. What was a little girl?

I want to go to a baseball game. I say, I want to go to a baseball game. Oh, yeah, hat that has a letter on it. And Jeldin, Parsis Smith was like, no. Little girls don't play baseball. This day, I've never played baseball, okay? But I have coughed. And it turned out that when you cough, Don't play baseball. But this day, I've never played baseball, okay? But I have golfed, and it turns out that when you golf, you need three balls, okay?

Put them in front of you. You take the first ball, and you do this. And that means I'm thirsty. Whatever single guy is around you, will buy you a baseball. You guys, I cannot wait for real Housewives of New York. He's so excited. Can you believe it girls?

So anyway, as this episode wraps up, Lala's man, and she's like, she storms off, James storms off. I'm mad at myself, who does this? Why you mad? Oh, you got, oh, because she spilled. On purpose, I didn't spill I'm mad at myself, who does that? Why are you mad? Oh. Oh, because he spilled. On purpose, I didn't spill it through it at myself. For a joke that didn't even make sense. Like, that's a thing. It doesn't make sense.

I did the same thing in Detroit when we did that thing. I threw the bottle up and I got water all over me. I know, but you were wet in that one. That's why I was funny. I know. Well, you know what? Maybe you should learn something from Lala because she's mad that she's like,

this girl's girlfriend. She goes, Lala goes, listen, I've shoved people to the ground because that's a badass fucking move. I'm a badass bitch. I'm a gangster bitch. Tupac is inside me. And that was a gangster bitch. I'm very white.

But Tupac didn't die, he moved into me. But I'm not gonna throw my margarita with salt because I'm not a fucking bitch. I'm like, you just said you're about option. Yeah. No, I know. Both bitches are terrible. We're real glad to say that. The fake you and the real you. Although I have to say, I really do like her, and she's just, look, she just doesn't want to waste Margaritas. And if we can leave you with one lesson tonight,

I think Lala just pretty much summed it up. Yeah. Bitch. Bitch. That brings us to the end of Van the Bumperous. Bumperous. You guys. This is the first time we've ever done a recap,

where we told them it would be an hour and a half, and we're only 13 minutes over. So, wait. Ronnie, we have one last little piece of business. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. This is me, I'm the baby, I'm the baby. OK. Thank you. She hasn't tweeted back. Okay

Thank you She hasn't tweeted bad I just wanted to play the song That's so wrong is that so wrong You guys you guys have been an absolutely meeting amazing audience you guys are our total maniacs We're back tomorrow night. Is anyone coming tomorrow night also? Tomorrow night we're talking real house of Beverly Hills, which is airing tonight They go to a holocaust memorial wait for the tasteful jokes. They're in coming. Guys, guys, so excited to talk. Real House has a Beverly Hills tomorrow.

BABYLE! BABYLE! Thank you so much. We will see you guys some of you tomorrow. Some of you in your ears the next day. Bye everyone! Plus, in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wundry.com slash survey.