Watch What Crappens - Live in Detroit: Welcome to SUR!

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com-watchwhat-crapins. That's patreon.com-watch-what-crapins. You can also find us on social media.

Starting point is 00:00:38 On Twitter, we're at what-crapins, on Instagram and Facebook at what-crapins. We'll see you there. I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy without the bird. Jess saying, okay. Sandling out of the cannon Anthony. And our super premium Patreon subscribers, Heligrand, Big Rand Master. Give them hope, Miss Noel. And Lizzie Drucker, a fun motherfucker. We love you guys. Hello, Detroit. Hello Detroit!

Starting point is 00:01:47 Welcome to Watch What Crappens Live! Congratulations for arriving at the best place on Earth! We hope you have a wonderful time tonight, laugh hard, clap loud and drink a lot of drinks, but try not to talk too much because some people can't hear when you're talking. So be mindful of your neighbors and have a great time tonight. Now, let's get on with the show! He's our best leader of our lives Just face your blessings I This once we use to the night

Starting point is 00:02:32 Fill them up, raise them up, build them up high Give me the crazy up up to the skies Just face your blessings I Just find yourself a blessing as I This once we use to the night What's up Detroit? Hi! That's called choreography. That was exciting. I've just set up the Facebook Live.

Starting point is 00:03:22 What's going on everyone? This was the most coordinated ever opening we've ever done. I'm wet. This is what we do for Detroit. This is... All right, I'm gonna... I'm gonna throw some straws off the damn ground, I don't care. I'm setting up the Facebook Live because I obviously could not do it while mimicking the

Starting point is 00:03:46 fine wait staff absurd. Wow, Vanderpump rules in Detroit. You guys. So a couple of crazy things happened this week. Someone tweeted us, or at us, whatever, young people. They were like, maybe you should post that for a step-a-sode that you guys recorded of Vanderpump rules. I was like I don't remember that I Went back into the archives. Yeah, you do that

Starting point is 00:04:17 I went back into the archives because like well, you know that show the show started what in 2013 who has been watching Vanderpump rule since the very beginning So have we This is it I can do it emergency no My god Ronnie called by one one I keep calling emergency services Guess what they never come I'm not the only fucking idiot. You know how many people who have been burned alive because the iPhone people are like, uh, this, it's Ronnie. Don't even go, don't send a truck. Yeah, but please come home. Oh my God. Now you see now like the police keep calling the phone right now. Okay, so no Facebook live tonight. Sorry, everyone.

Starting point is 00:05:05 So the reason I didn't remember it is because I was not there that day. I missed the first episode of Vanderpimp Rules on the podcast, okay. I was not even there. The first thing I remember is coming back and I was like, why are you guys making me watch this shit? I'm not watching this, this is bullshit.

Starting point is 00:05:21 I mean, I'm a waiter in Hollywood, so I was like gross. I hate those skinny fuckers. It's always a fat one running behind them sweating all over everybody actually waiting the tables. And anybody who's ever eaten in that town knows it to be true. Okay. Max Fanderpump taught or whatever. It's not a fat person, but you never even see his face because he's just zipping by. He's the only one there that works. And Peter. You see? Yeah. Sorry. I think I finally fended off the feds from this podcast. I'm literally, it was like literally going SOS, SOS, emergency. What did you do with the one second? No, I do it all the time. My ass is calling SOS constantly. So you guys, so I feel like we all here, we're just a safe space, we all

Starting point is 00:06:15 love band-of-hum rules, we've been loving it for years and years, and by the way, thank you guys all for showing up to this tonight on our cold Saturday night in Detroit. It's so exciting to see here. Yesterday the driver was like, you know that Michael Jackson was gonna open a casino here and they didn't let him. I was like, totally get it. Totally get it. She's telling me all the famous things to go see in Detroit. She's like, there's a chair where Abraham Lincoln got shot. There's still blood all over it.

Starting point is 00:06:44 True. And everyone goes, that was so great. It's still blood all over it. Like, true. And everyone goes, that was so great. It's true, it's true. It's true, bloody chair. Leaf my hotel immediately to check that out. So in honor of this show, this afternoon, I went back into the watcher crap and the archives to see what we said about Phantom Pum Brules five years ago

Starting point is 00:07:03 when it premiered. And as Ronnie was saying before, Ronnie wasn't there, so it was me and Matt Woodfield. I don't know how long. Do you guys... Matty Woodfield. Good old Matty Woodfield. We had some very choice, interesting things to say.

Starting point is 00:07:17 First of all, I did not have a very good reaction to this show. And here's an audio clip of me reacting to Vanderpump rules. It's Matt and I talking, which I'm gonna go on record and say it's the worst show of 2013. It's already a nominee for the 2013 crappy awards, worst show on Bravo. Yeah, it was honestly, it was so repugnant to me. It was just, it was vile. I hated every moment of it from the core of my being not even Lisa Vanderpump could make it better for me

Starting point is 00:07:50 So I believe the paraphrases I hate hate hate hate hate We've got we hated the show. I cannot believe it's become our favorite show So I didn't do it. I don't even know if I was protesting. Guess what I was doing? What? Waiting tables. Like, actually, waiting tables. I was like, I can't do it because, of course, fat work. So by the time I did come for the second episode, I just remember being like, their models for what?

Starting point is 00:08:15 Supercubes. Which gave birth to the name's horse face number one and horse face number two. Yeah. So over the years, I've thought, that's so not nice. It's a call someone horse. I mean obviously duh like hi. Welcome. I'm Ronnie. But I was like that's not nice. And I thought Kristen really doesn't have as much of a horse face which leads us into the evolution of this cast. What the hell? Kristen every time I paused to get a screen shot yesterday because I was trying to get her shrugs, you know. I kept pausing

Starting point is 00:08:45 it and every time I paused Kristen is in a different state of this. Well, on that first episode Matt Whitfield had some very choice words for Kristen. They, one of them actually was in a confessional and goes like, oh, everybody wants to be us. Everybody wants to work at Circus. We're so hot. And I'm like, your teeth are jacked up and you have a five head. Who the fuck do you think you are? These... Now, I had a slightly different take on Kristen back then. Here's a clip of me talking about Tom Sandeval. And I'm not really talking about Tom,

Starting point is 00:09:26 but when I say his girlfriend, I'm referring to Tom. I'm talking about Kristen here. This is me talking about Kristen. Kristen. His girlfriend, I thought was the house. And I thought she also was the most normal. Oh, my God. I also had a very interesting favorite character. You you guys would hear who my favorite character was

Starting point is 00:09:49 Okay, all right here we go ready Yeah, these kids are so dumb and there there's like one like the there's one girl named like Katie that seemed like all right One woman named Katie who's like normal Katie will still trick your ass. Bravo memory is very short. And everyone knows that every season someone's like, bitch, die. And then they're quiet.

Starting point is 00:10:16 That's why Peter's so popular. He does not speak. Everyone's like, I love Peter. I love him. And that's the episode, even. I was like, Peter is a disgusting human being. How does anyone like, I love him. And that's the episode even. I was like, Peter, it's a disgusting human being. How does anyone like, but we forget, we forget. Now, the funny thing is, I feel like it was like two seasons

Starting point is 00:10:34 ago we started saying, oh my god, Jack's like, he's really let himself go. He is aging prematurely. This is something that we were onto to on the very first episode. Are you ready for this? He's starting to age and his face is starting to look like a dog. A little like square jaw. Like his square jaw's nice, but he's starting to get like an old man face.

Starting point is 00:10:56 We were on to it very early. I thought he was starting to look like an ape. And then I watched this and I was like, no, he's just starting to look like a bigger ape. You always kind of have that cute, but you know, it's like, Curious George is monkey, like he's a monkey and he's really cute. But then when you go to the zoo

Starting point is 00:11:15 and there's that monkey throw and shit at you and it's not cute, that's a difference. Yeah. So I love that the bar lighting back there is hot pink like it's sir. It actually mad totally You guys we actually this is where in sir. Okay, I'll do one last clip here

Starting point is 00:11:30 Obviously did everyone do their homework and watch the first episode So obviously there's a scene where Stasi declares that she has some royal lineage. She was a princess So here's what Matt Woodfield had to say about Stasi being a princess. Ready? The only royalty on Bravo is Countess Luandela fucking Sep's bitch. I mean, you can't argue with that.

Starting point is 00:11:59 Still right. Still right. That's the thing about Matt. He's still right, Yeah. At all times. So let's start with the beginning of Vanderbilt rules. Yeah. So this I have never seen people change so much. It's like looking at my own Facebook from the past 10 years. You know when people are like, hey, or Facebook's like, hey, Ronnie, sitting on the pot, like with your back hurting now at 42. Remember five years ago when you were in a way size 33

Starting point is 00:12:31 and had like a hairline at least, even though it was a line at least, there was something. It's like that. It's like the saddest Facebook remember when ever. But the good thing, some things never change. So for instance, this show opened up with something that has become hand-in-hand with Vanderpump rules, which is royalty-free music, which is one of our favorite things.

Starting point is 00:12:56 Yeah, but this is when they like, I think they would take that royalty-free music, but then they hired someone to write lyrics. Like there's so many lyrics in this first song. I had to pause three times to write it down. It's called, you got time to lean, you got time to clean. That's it.

Starting point is 00:13:10 That's it. That's where there were so many words. I was like, wow, they've really dropped the budget. And they spent $5 on that whole season. Yeah. It's like, now they show like an entire, like, bus full of people at the beginning. It's like, look, it's, and it's like 30 people working. Right this is just Kristen pretty much. I like it so this

Starting point is 00:13:32 music. I like how the predominant lyric in it was oh no we don't wait we don't wait. I'm like this is literally a show about waiting. It's about waiters. But they don't make any sense. Like, no, no, we don't wait. Just hold the road. I get what I take. Well, that's stealing. You ought to, ought to know, come on baby, keep up. Because I can't get enough. With what?

Starting point is 00:13:57 You're stealing. Like, you're asking for someone to chase you. And then it says, don't just going to say it. Going to say it. Going to say it, you're gone. It's like a never ending voicemail from Kristen. Like, what are you even talking about? What?

Starting point is 00:14:11 Get to the point. I think it was the game. I think it was one of Sheena's demo songs, actually. Wait, wait, we don't, wait, all right. You actually make those noises in bed? Yeah. She make those noises in bed. Yeah, she makes those noises in bed. Yeah, we'll get to that.

Starting point is 00:14:29 Oh, the pickery. Oh, the pickery. So this is like totally right a song in some of the minutes. I don't know if you're cheering for the joke or actual songwriting efficiency. Like yes! This is my new song, it's called maaah! The song called... GAMES! You auto what you auto in a...

Starting point is 00:14:59 Ames! So, Lisa Vanderpump... Did I skip anything for you? No, I you to skip anything. We're at the opening. I know, we're like going through. So anyway. Yes, I have three pages of notes leading up to the... You're right. So Lisa Vanderpump utters the famous line that sort of opens up this entire series and has hung over the series this entire time, which is, can and I have two restaurants in California Willa Blancas where you take your wife and serves where you take your mistress

Starting point is 00:15:31 Assuming your mistress likes Chile and Sebas and go cheese balls Assuming your mistress is a hairy person male with ductile bangs I was like what are you talking about your mistress like cut to the person couple the guys got like the ductile veins. I was like, what are you talking about your mistress? Like cut to the person couple. The guys got like the ductile thing up. I was like, what mistress are you talking about? And also it's not. We have two restaurants in Los Angeles in California. In the entire state we have two restaurants. Look a mile from each other. What an adventure. A California, man.

Starting point is 00:16:08 Does your mistress like a menu that has zebra prints on it? Good come to serve. Oh my God. So many we're never going to finish this. I'm warning you now. Yeah. Thank you to all the husbands and friends who got here. It was the second show tomorrow for Act 2.

Starting point is 00:16:24 Yeah. I was like, so how long do we have? Even the menus. I have to just say the menus. I was like, I miss those menus. They were zebra print. And they were like, you know, Lisa, you know that Lisa Vanderbomb acts like she hires people to do everything.

Starting point is 00:16:40 But she's that bitch who closes the bedroom door. And she's got hot glue guns everywhere. We're just like an every. I was like, the sick phone book covered in zebra. do everything but she's that bitch who closes the bedroom door and she's got hot glue guns everywhere. It's exotic while she does say herself she goes, sir is eclectic, it's the lighting, it's the ambiance and the people who work here, he charred out, Nicky Lane. Nicky Lane. Nicky Lane. She goes, where else can we wait dinner and wake up the next morning with the possibilities of bodily scabs transmitted to you?

Starting point is 00:17:14 My who knows who? But they're harder than you, I'll tell you. We got the heart to escape, isn't town. Scab for Scabs. So we start seeing clips of all the cast, which is hilarious, because they're like, look at us youth! And I'm like, LOL. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:33 And one of my favorite, and this is gonna be my music clip. I see, look, I have a producer. Yes. But I had to do this because, you know, Sir really does have choreography every week, really, that this girl is on. And I just, I was dying this all episode because she can Never just go to a table. Okay, this is how Kristen does every single thing

Starting point is 00:17:58 Whoa Someone gets a girl a seat belt. That's just her saying Someone gets a girl a seatbelt. That's just her saying. One of the one of the pleasures of doing a live show is that we get to actually physically demonstrate some of our impersonations. So for years, for years, we've been discussing the Christian shoulder roll and now we can finally do it, which is there being like, seriously, would you like place an order? Seriously? Sorry, I didn't get that. She's beating herself. She's her own lifetime movie, Chris dead. She's like would you guys like anything? Oh Jesus Christ. Not in your own teeth out girl. So this is when we get a glimpse of our first glimpse of Jacks.

Starting point is 00:18:46 Yeah, I know. Isn't it sad? Rest in peace. Former Jacks. Back when Jack still had hope in his eyes. I mean, poke people so well. Yeah. Let's not pretend that that's new. But Jacks kept doing this thing where every time he had a line, he did this. Ha!

Starting point is 00:19:03 Ha! Ha! Like, no one has bow talks yet, and watching their faces move is hilarious. It's like, who smiles like that? His smile is so big and hopeful, he's like, Well, that was, he was coasting on the excitement of being able to, like, unbutton your shirt down if the navel and actually see, like, definition.

Starting point is 00:19:21 Who's a good jacks? They're like, hey, Jacks, well, why don't you take it down another button, Jack's because it's like down here. Jack's you know, like you can tell, like you can tell, you can tell what day it is because of like how my, how my shirts buttoned out and I'm like, you're watching. You got to love that. Jack's tells what day it is.

Starting point is 00:19:39 He's like, it's 12 a Monday. Stupid Jack. Let's take off another button. And he also always kind of had that to Rinda. Yeah. Well, he did have his nose fixed for the deviated septum. So let's give some deviated septum props now. Well, happy bot mitzvah Jacks.

Starting point is 00:19:58 Happy bot mitzvah. Haven't heard that one before. To me, what was so funny was, like like this was back when we thought Jack's was like hot and charming and he was like funny and sweet and later like oh my God who's that he's that hot bartender over there like he's really hot like he's the one redeeming part of this show you know before we found out every single other member when we believed him I will never forget that like I have a lot of regrets in my life okay well I really don, because I don't remember most of it.

Starting point is 00:20:25 But this I remember. I remember being like, shut up, Stasi, you liar. Yeah. Stasi is satanic in the show. OK, that's another thing. Yeah. That is Bravo memory again, by the way. Stasi came back and she's like, look at me, I'm nice now.

Starting point is 00:20:39 No, bitch. I could not believe what a monster she is. And I was like, you deserve it. Or whatever, because at the time, you're like, I would you believe what a monster she is and I was like You deserve it or whatever because that's what at the time You're like how would you believe this monster? I will never ever ever That first season she was terrible and I remember being like that's I think that's one of the reasons why I had that really intense Reaction to the show I was like I'm not gonna watch the show with an evil wench like this and now five years later Here we are in Detroit,

Starting point is 00:21:05 talking about it still. But Celice Evanderpump goes, some of these kids are into the crazy. And then they cut to Tina of all people going, like, whoa, I'm like of all the people. You cut to this poor girl who's on the show three times, their entire, like the entire run of the show and she's the crazy one.

Starting point is 00:21:24 Yeah, but Tina was working that angle. They're like, look, it's a camera and the Tina was like this. Yeah, like you are waiting tables. Where are you dancing like that? It's also shocking how many of them were just so up front that they just want to be famous. Like yeah, I just want to be famous. If I could be famous in the process, that'd be great. You know what I'd like to be famous. Yeah, what a terrible plan. Here they are. You win. You win. Well, not Tina.

Starting point is 00:21:49 I'm not Tina. I'm not Tina. I'm not Tina. I know. Tears for Tina. Not Tina. Tina could have had it all. It's not like Tina got fired.

Starting point is 00:21:58 She was like, I will be voguing someplace else. This place is a fucking man house. Yeah. So we see a glimpse of Tina's here. Stassy drinking a fucking man house. Yeah. So we see Glimps, we see your notes here. Stassy drinking a pink cocktail. Ha ha. Really? Thanks for taking the time to write that down. Rumble. Well, so now Lisa Vanderpump starts talking about our hiring practices because you're got to wonder where did she get these people. And she goes, I look for different energy and the people that work here and that's what makes him a great server That's

Starting point is 00:22:28 I like to collect all the broken beds Ronnie what sort of energy do you think Lisa Vanderpump looks for and a candidate job candidate? I don't know. I wish we had like resumes. Oh my god It's so funny that you mentioned that. You know, working on the internet and all. We found it a new organization that's really going against the man. It's called Jiggy Leaps.

Starting point is 00:22:58 We hacked and delisa Vanderpump's mainframe on her Apple 2GS. And we found all the resumes of our banner pump rules past. Ben, would you like to start? Well, I'll start with one of Michigan's very own. Oh, sorry, I'm going to put that back. It's a nice machine. Thank you, Kiamo. It's going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back.

Starting point is 00:23:26 I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back.

Starting point is 00:23:34 I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back.

Starting point is 00:23:42 I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. I'm going to put that back. Leave the last S-offer. Seriously? Objective? To make Diana suck. A dick! Education. The game!

Starting point is 00:23:54 The game! Skills and abilities being hot, sorry. Activities. The game. Colleorants. Modeling. KB-Choice catalog. The game. Colleagues. Modeling. KB toys. Catalog.

Starting point is 00:24:06 Winter 2007. Lisa's one-liners. Or just can't- Just staff. Like running a kinda golf in the round here. I'm like you're telling that to another waiter you idiot. But also, she's like, they're so different. You know, they're energy.

Starting point is 00:24:24 It's not about being the best waiter in the bunch. They do see Kristen. This is Kristen, right when she says that. She's like, it's not about being the best waiter. Kristen, do you want anything else? What is it? I'm never gonna stop. I'm never gonna stop. I'm never gonna stop.

Starting point is 00:24:47 Call me crazy, but I think in a restaurant it kind of is about being a good waiter. I don't know. Is that too much to ask for? Not that one. We've been there. I don't know if I care if my waiters have a certain sort of energy together, a certain sort of like, should I say a quaw, I'm like, bring my dancey bass. So let's say, Jack's eight-faced wanting to boom Stasi. Oh yeah, because Stasi's like,

Starting point is 00:25:12 because she's like, these kids are such rascals and Stasi's like, can I have a drink? It's like Stasi-nume, not it work. It's like, why not? And then Jack's like, yeah. And they get together at least. And that's what Lisa's like, it's all the characters put together. That's what makes you unique. I'm like, so it makes

Starting point is 00:25:32 her a shitty restaurant. That's what you're saying. Tell it to Yelp. So cut to Chris. It's like, nah, they may not be the best sweaters, but who cares? And Chris and say, oh, yeah, I'm going to need some lines in taxas for your start, me. It's bad when Jackson's correcting you. When he and he knows that doesn't work well together. Two drugs, just not so many, you see? That's what the show is taught us, you know?

Starting point is 00:26:01 This is called the road hard. The writing hard was fine, but not so hard that you'll put away Jaxzt. Darling. So then we catch the opening credits. This is the first time we see the iconic opening credits, et cetera. And one thing, I don't know if you guys have noticed this.

Starting point is 00:26:17 Do you notice how few people were there on screen? It was like the primary characters. You had Guillermo and a token Natalie. And then Portina is stuck in the shadow of Gina. That's a bad shadow to be in. I'm sorry. Well, you could have seen Tina. She wasn't moving the whole time.

Starting point is 00:26:38 She was like, vogueing. Oh, Tina, why did you vogue? Why did you ruin everything, Tina? So, Kristen's like, people always comment on the way. Tha-fa-sar. Like, yeah, probably. On my bits. She's like, they're all comments on this. Like, you have to be hot to work here.

Starting point is 00:26:56 Sorry. It's true. We're all really good looking. Sorry. Sorry. What was more settled, then? If she's basically hitting her head off, you know. It's like boom, whoa, Grisven said this. But back then it was like, and I like Stasi. She's like working at Sir is different than working at any other restaurant. The service here, I want to be like models and actors and singers and

Starting point is 00:27:27 dancers and acrobatists and sculptors and trapeze artists. An Olympians. Cheese graders. Ladder climbers. Floor looker at us. Chalice. Yeah. Artisan Chocolatiers. Air conditioner vent cleaners. Crash chest dummies. Bell boys. People who say, how do you at the door of Walmart? Bell bottoms. Bell tops.

Starting point is 00:28:03 Bell weathers. Bell bib de Bell tops. Bell weather's. Bell bib devote. Contestants just kidding. It's like the totally wrong. They cut to like Bell bib devote is actually working there. It's like, oh, okay, that's what they are. Yeah, like people working at other restaurants just want to be weather's that sir. Okay, no, no, no, no. Now they do. I mean, now that's true, because now it means like getting on a reality show, but back then it was like, oh gee, I want to work at that place so I have to walk around in my underwear and squat to sit somewhere. I'm like, who wants to do that? Okay, let me tell you something. There are a lot of restaurants in LA.

Starting point is 00:28:42 And LA is a place that's famous for aspiring actors and dancers and singers etc. And they all work at all the restaurants. Sir is not special There are a lot of attract people everywhere. So just slow your role, Stasi. Okay. No one cares about working at sir At least back then So Sina intro Sina who's take on her own life is just adorable. I really I don't care what you say okay MMM What might I say? Or Sina would say good morning MMM

Starting point is 00:29:14 So Sina's like HELLO How's Sina? How's everyone doing tonight? I'm Sina I'll be a waitress tonight I'm a new girl, sir. I just want a fat arm. I was like was this like role-playing. Why are you? I think describing her entire I'm Shana. I'm lift plates for a living on walk across a restaurant I was like, so don't tell darling. So don't tell my future boyfriend can make dinner in seven minutes or less

Starting point is 00:29:43 my future boyfriend can make dinner in seven minutes or less. In minus one plus seven years I'm going to find the amount of my drinks. Math, she might be too good for this restaurant. Hey Guillermo. Oh, the Guillermo's is always under a table, for Lisa. So she is there. Oh, Sam. Ah, Sam. Bellamini, oh, you're welcome. You're welcome.

Starting point is 00:30:15 I just want to start out on the right font. What table is that? Table on my. Oh, wait, that's what about my left foot? So she is like explaining. Because obviously, there's a sort of pass. She dated at a Cyprian. And she's like, everyone knows I dated a married guy.

Starting point is 00:30:31 His name is Rob and I haven't met him yet, but like, in like some years, his marriage was work. I love her placing herself in the victim space. It's like, oh god, everyone now is dating a married guy. Lucky me. Like did you fall onto him? Like, see, next it sound like she rode over a pothole and had to get her. Oh, lucky me.

Starting point is 00:30:51 The heart wants what the heart wants is kind of like how I always want every one of the prime cocktails. I think I'll have one of each of them, please. I have no idea that Brandy was part of Lisa's life, whatsoever. I was like, big word Sina For syllables you know Sina lion So she didn't stop you guys love how much I love myself I'm like who is that cracking up. It's me hearing myself back in the echo listen the at the end of the day I always say this.

Starting point is 00:31:26 Whenever we do the podcast, I love all of you guys, but I'm always just trying to make Ronnie laugh. That's my only goal. It's true, it's true. Do you do it every three seconds? It makes the podcast special. All these energies coming through Chef Penny. So this is also back with Chef Penny God blesser.

Starting point is 00:31:48 I really needed some Chef Penny in this episode. Unfortunately, she was cooking something sexy somewhere else. She was still in the food network at this time. So, Stasi is fighting with people. It's so funny. I'm going to be a bitch. It's not fight with somebody. You know admirable because she's really good at so Sheena later and throughout the whole season Stasi is accusing Sheena of flirting with Jacks

Starting point is 00:32:13 Which are like who is gonna flirt with I mean us at that time like you taught her like she is not get off her ass. She's just trying to fit in. This is literally she knit the bar. She's like Hi, Jax You know, it's so funny is that like you're a really good bartender and like at least everyone's a good bartender It's sort of like why my heart fell in love with him and like I haven't been able to find my smile since I left out I but I think I'm probably gonna go I Think I found my smile. Oh Wait, it's just a cocktail straw never mind. Hmm I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it.

Starting point is 00:32:52 I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if I can do it. smile, walking me. So Stasi comes up to start some random fight with her and she's like, did you tell them the specials and also you know Stasi's pissed when her posture is like this?

Starting point is 00:33:11 Yeah, she's like wearing a back brace. Did you tell them the specials and she's like, it's like, I got a drink order. And got a drinker. And see, it's, um, well, it would have really been convenient if you did that. Is it that hard? And when Gina goes back and just says, the, the, the specials are, I just love that like, Stasi is like, really bent out of shape about the timing of when someone learns about their specials and serve.

Starting point is 00:33:38 And guess what? It serves. The specials like a baked potato. It's like no big deal. It's potato salad. Potato. Whoa. like a big potato. It's like no big deal. It's potato salad. It's warm. It's called Lisa's warm potato salad. You know how I know? Because I order it every time.

Starting point is 00:33:52 I don't know why. I know it's going to be the death of me. Like I should be dead of a heart attack, a stroke, anything by now. It's going to be that fucking warm. Who puts mayonnaise in the microwave? That is the grossest shit I've ever heard. Lisa.

Starting point is 00:34:04 Eat it. I would ever heard, Lisa. Eat it. I would order it right now, honestly. So, Sasi says the reason why she doesn't like Sheena is that she has no respect for Sheena. Sheena is a man-stealer. Yada, yada, yada. She's afraid of Sheena being around her man.

Starting point is 00:34:17 It's like, Jacks, et cetera. Which makes sense, because Jacks is a man-hor. So this is like two forces that you don't want to come together. But still, it was a bit much on the Stasi's part. So Stasi goes, sweet. And Jackson goes, it should be, I made it. I'm seeing it go, maa. Maa.

Starting point is 00:34:36 Ha, ha, ha. Maa. Like you are being a little hooker right now. Like looking back on it, I'm kind of, it's weird because Stasi, we know at the end that Stasi was kind of right about everything. So now I'm like, she's right about Shina. So Stasi's basically like, Shina, I'm like about to do Shina voice for everyone. Jack's is like, Hi. No. So, I see like, Sheena is just so below me,

Starting point is 00:35:07 AF in terms of class. Like, I love that someone was like, Yes! She's like, I went to an alt girls private school in New Orleans and she's just like, not the type of person I would ever surround myself with. I'm like, Hey, you're still surrounding yourself with her five years later. And be exactly who do you surround yourself with?

Starting point is 00:35:28 Have you seen the Taco Bell Covenant lately? This is not good. The Taco Bell Lady. This is Stasi. So she starts using a lot of syllables for Sheena when she's like full of shit and this is what Stasi does. She's like, I'm running for mayor. She starts talking like this. She's like, I went to an all-girl school in New Orleans. I'm like congratulations. You won the mayor's ship. Yeah. I don't think she's on Bourbon Street counts as going to New Orleans school. She was on the Amazing Race Family Edition. Did anyone watch that? Because I watched that. Amazing race family edition. When Stasi was eliminated in New Orleans, by the way, what? Brunez Stasi, when she was

Starting point is 00:36:13 Brunez, she was like 14 and she cried and winded the entire time. It was hilarious. I support Stasi's new chin, so I will not watch that show. Okay. That's so rude. But also Botox. Can we talk about how far Botox has come? And by far I mean in everybody now, it does pretty much the same thing. It's like the bubonic plague, you know, that you do to yourself. But it's weird seeing Stasi's forehead crinkle. I'm like, who are you? Because she looks so young, like she's not that they look old now, six years later. But like I said, Facebook time. Anyway, she doesn't look old, but it is weird seeing like, she's like,

Starting point is 00:36:48 I don't know, I'm like, oh my God. It's like in kindergarten, when you're learning to write in kindergarten, you have those lines, you have to write the letters in the lines, you're like, oh yeah, I remember those, you know. It's quiet wrinkles, they can write letters in. How did any of us ever get laid? Could you imagine me with Botox? I need this.

Starting point is 00:37:06 This is protective, this dark deep line. Before you hear my voice, this is what you see on the subway. No one's trying to win. You can't look Ronnie, I like that one's fucking winning. Until I'm like, I just must stop. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasai.

Starting point is 00:37:30 And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the hosts of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Disantel. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity few, from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

Starting point is 00:38:00 But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is team jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder yet. Now, like beat him up, beat him up, take his wallet. So, so Jack's is talking about Stasi and saying how he's never had a girlfriend like her, you know,

Starting point is 00:38:30 because he's like, she's so intelligent, she's so smart, like we fight, we fight. And then we have sex, then we fight, and we have sex. I mean, that's every girlfriend you've ever had, Jack. Every single one. My favorite couple of things, I told them before the show It's like the only thing I can't spend an hour on is the arguments between Stasi and Jack's because they're basically this You're a dick and he's like you're a bitch. You're a dick. He's that closely both the country like yeah

Starting point is 00:38:57 Well, I'm a bitch. Oh, yeah, you are But the couple I can with Kristen and then Tom yes, who is this crazy Positive attitude. It's fucking hilarious. Oh my god Sexiest person at sir is my boyfriend Tom He's got hottest bartender in LA. Shoulder. High shoulder five. Oh, 10.

Starting point is 00:39:36 Got shoulder 10. So they, they come. Also, Tom number two is basically cliff from tears. Yeah. Tom number two is the only one who still looks the same. Mostly, mostly. To me, it looks exactly. He's been his green old Navy shirt.

Starting point is 00:39:50 He still has that. He combed his hair probably the year before this, and it's still that. It's still the same hair. And he based it, this one, he doesn't even pretend to move around. He just cleans there the whole time. He's like, yeah, what up, Sammy Boy?

Starting point is 00:40:04 Yeah. Is that out there. How the heck Carla, what a spitfire, huh? He never moves. He's there every time they show. He's like, yeah, come on, gays. So Tom Schwartz is there at the bar. Tom Sandivall is bartending and Tom Schwartz tells other Tom, oh, papa, do you know how many calories

Starting point is 00:40:21 are in Sprite? You got a shoot tomorrow. And then Kristen comes in like all Flirties and be like, whether Boyfriends is like, yeah, like, don calories are in Sprite? You got to shoot tomorrow. And then Kristen comes in, like all flirty, to be like, whether boyfriend's is like, yeah, like, don't have any Sprite. You're gonna be a fat tomorrow. And I was like, I love that she just like refers to being fat as like a category of person.

Starting point is 00:40:35 You're like, you're a fat. Don't have that Sprite tom with the hottest waiters in all of Hollywood. Ugh. Seriously? Seriously. You know, I'm the gallery student Sprite there, Sammy Boy.

Starting point is 00:40:48 Oh. Chris McClure. Oh, man. So just those two being so young and then Tom number one. Of course, this is a funny saying now. I don't know why. We've said it for six years.

Starting point is 00:41:01 I don't know why it's funny now. I'm like, Ha Ha number one, that's creepy. That's hilarious. So Tom Sandivall is doing his cocktail thing where he's like, flippin' or whatever, and the drink is like this. And Chris and the, oh my God, Mr. Sandivall, you're getting saucy. You're getting saucy.

Starting point is 00:41:20 Look at me, I'm carefree. I'm lovable. I'm Kristen. carefree. I'm lovable. I'm I'm Kristen. Sorry. So I just wrote why are you talking about the calories and sprite you just did a man-dad shoot or a Dad bod shoot in your underwear last season. You see how karma is on this show. I was like blah blah. There's so many calories and he's like karma is on this show. It's like blah, blah, blah, there's so many calories. And he's like, oh, can I hide behind a plant while we do this,

Starting point is 00:41:47 Sammy? Hey, you got a fact that there's something I could hide behind. Well, I'm standing here in my underwear. Hey. Sorry, old people references. The facts machines going off. The facts machines going off. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Starting point is 00:42:02 We're getting another facts from Jiggy Leaks. That's my facts machine. Oh, thank you, Keke. It's from Tom Sandeval. himself. Oh my god, Tom Sandeval. Oh yeah, Tom Sandeval. All right, let me look this over. Experience.

Starting point is 00:42:23 Dude. Education. Dude. Skills. Christian. Activities. Dude, visualize your outfit, dude. Makes no sense. You're hired.

Starting point is 00:42:51 Now take 30 minutes to forget my drink young man. Who is calling me right now in the middle of this podcast? I guarantee it's like a telemark. Oh my god, they really are. It's like wait a minute. We can't do this. We just did a factsmark. Oh my god, they really are. I was like, wait a minute, we can't do this. We just did a facts thing. Yeah, I'm a load. Do we have a facts bit?

Starting point is 00:43:09 You can't really. It really is a phone call. 3-3-3-8-5-1-4-5-7- What? I will not dox you. Jackson's brother, dox. So stupid. Yes, stupid.

Starting point is 00:43:24 GKD's. Okay, so Peter is like, I was like, why are you talking? When did Peter start talking? This was when we thought Peter was going to be a relevant part of the show. Because he has this whole monologue about how he used to date Stasi and then Stasi and now is dating Jacks and Jacks who's been with Tom and Tom is dating Kristen and Kristen's best friend is with Katie and Peter also hooked up with Katie and Katie is now dating Tom Schwartz and Tom Schwartz and Tom Tanavala best friends. And I was like, wow, Peter's really in the mix on this show.

Starting point is 00:43:50 He's probably going to be a main character. But also he's making connections that don't even, he's like, yeah, it's like America around as far as dating. Like, he dated her, they dated her, then they got milk from this person, and then they went to store in the person behind the counter. Was this, I'm like, you're not even talking about dating anymore. You're just enjoying saying names over and over again. He's just talking about his day.

Starting point is 00:44:10 By the way, did you hear that Peter is growing his hair back? I feel like this is a strong move. There's someone at the bar right there who has Peter's hair. I can see the ponytail. Look, it's a silhouette of Peter against the sir lighting. I feel like it's like a scene of Chicago, right? Shouldn't someone be doing some Fossy back there? Peter had a comment.

Starting point is 00:44:30 Oh! Seriously? She keeps fawr-focusing. Not knocking herself down. Peter had a comment. He got... Peter had a comment. The sand of all had a comment.

Starting point is 00:44:40 Sand of all. Jax. Vanderbomb I don't know guys as a ball first. I can tell you Peter is not growing his air back. That's not how it works Okay, you know just start growing your hair back. I really damn Bruce Willis would have hair This was six years ago Bruce Willis is rich motherfuckers. He would buy hair if you could do that He does not because it does not work, okay? I wouldn't be mad if he like adopted the death becomes or wig. I like that wig on for swells. That's a solid wig. That's a solid look. But Peter's hair while I'm saying this,

Starting point is 00:45:14 you can grow, sure, I could grow my hair back. Okay, I'm going to have a ponytail. It's going to start right here. Okay, these are my bangs. Do you see them? That's going to be him growing his hair. Even in this this he's like There's no one told him, you know like these people are so mean to each other But no one was like dude your balls like cut your hair stop it. He was shut up. I'm bald By the way Peter's not bald again. I don't know what you're talking. Yeah, he was okay And then he's ball he has hair hair and then it's like this like this much space This is funny, which is fine. Just keep it cut, you know, know your hairline Hello, I walk the walk talk the talk shave the

Starting point is 00:45:56 Any who we then go back into the restaurant Oh, yeah Terrible check was your fault. You stupid little. Tonta is passing judgment on everyone here. Tonta, you're useless. Congratulations. You've got your job at Sir.

Starting point is 00:46:17 Here's a drink. Oh, good. She's not delivering her to a table. She's my best waitress. Sleeve witch, she goes up to Jacks now. And she goes, it's the one's ready for a white wine spritzer. Just anything she says makes me laugh.

Starting point is 00:46:37 I'm like, that's what she said to me about spritzers. I just love the fury that I felt from the British people. And also, who is Jacks saying this? Because she's like, what's going on next for them? I think I felt from the British people and also who is Jack saying this because she's like People and he goes British people who don't tip And then later in the episode Christians like thank God for you because those French you sure don't Jesus aren't you doing enough to America this so this is surprising Okay, so she's gonna last way too hard My next out

Starting point is 00:47:20 That's all next thing so yeah, you know sausage really mad because she's actually being nice She's like you know anything So yeah, you know, sauce is really mad because she's actually being nice. She's like, you know anything? Can I help you with anything? You bitch. So then she gets in her fight with Jack. So I said, I would not transcribe. But she's like, why are you talking to her? I talk to everyone.

Starting point is 00:47:37 And she's like, the only girl that I don't like at Sir, I have a really hard time believing that. But yeah, I'm just taking off my clothes. I'm sorry. I you know You know I'm 20 degrees He's shed his plum sweater So ready So Vanderpump's like, Stasi, how would I describe? I'm like a warm potato salad.

Starting point is 00:48:10 Why rewrite a menu? He describes evil, terrible waitress, nasty, mean girl. Darling, speaking of the opposite of that, people at the bar, gold, just ponytail, man-bunded man behind the pink thing because someone bring me a drink Love you. Thank you Tip you Well, I like so I like your bartenders by the way people. Let's show them. Yeah, we can do it raw

Starting point is 00:48:38 So Lisa Vanderbomb. How would I describe Stasi? It's a kind of jack taught over Zellas cheeky little minks. You really got her Lisa. Jack Tart. Jacked up. It's a minks. So Stasi, okay hold on. I have so many notes literally about nothing.

Starting point is 00:49:00 It's virtually impossible all the time. What are you going to do? But I love her. Isn't that funny how all these years later, it's Brittany saying that about Jacks? Yeah. He's like, that is so abusive. All she does is abuse me.

Starting point is 00:49:11 But I love him. Said man, said man. Was anyone just like slightly disappointed that there was no Lorily in this episode? She's a real star. I wish she would come back. I think it's I think it's time. I mean she went she did a movie She did that thing she got a taste of freedom. It's time to come back come back to the bowl, Laura Lee We waiting really can you really top getting dumped outside your AA meeting? I feel like you you hit your apex, you know. It's not a word.

Starting point is 00:49:47 It is a word, but I don't know if I'm using it properly. So now we have a... I'm Shina. So now we have a, our first sort of real moment with Katie and she got a big tip and she's very excited and she tells us about some of her hopes and dreams. And she's like, she's like, someday, I want to have my own record label. I want to call it Wednesday wedding records. It'll be really inconvenient for people to get to the studio to spay a lot of money and take off work in the middle of the week

Starting point is 00:50:24 to come record with me. This is right around the time that all the record stores closed, which is so funny. It seems like it was so long ago, but it wasn't. Let's think back. Katie's like, it's my dream clothes, clothes, clothes. Oh, look, it's a regular stossi herself. Well done

Starting point is 00:50:48 Ronnie got his refill Lesson you useless slack puppet Much more competent much more competent then Okay, Katie's dream now who here is a waiter or a server? Benny Kai. That's it. How was that possible? I have been. Yeah, fuckers. Yeah, we have some have been like half been waiters, not that they are has been.

Starting point is 00:51:13 What's a way to always a way to. I don't care girl. I may not be working as a waiter at the moment, but I'll still carry 10 damn plates from a table just to show them I can. I'm like, can I take your plate? You're so strong and service like. Here's why I'm asking. Katie, this little skank, stole money.

Starting point is 00:51:35 Did you see her stealing money? This is why it's very important to notice this because the big controversy is they don't want to pull tips. Well, yeah, your tits are pulling all over the tips. That's why the controversy is seven money in her tits and secretly says tits. Who says that? I'm so sorry.

Starting point is 00:51:50 Like, I'm a grandpa now. Sorry. Boobs. And then like, I know though, but I literally never say that word. It's gross. So pulls out and shares it with Kristen. How much could that even be with those two jokers

Starting point is 00:52:09 Who's a big tip you? Here you and with you So then we meet some of we hear some of Tom Sandevolts dreams and aspirations. He's like dude I want a I want a head I'm gonna be headlining at the Vipa room. It's be huge dude Turns out well for everybody who does that. I do wanna be famous. I mean, I don't know if I wanna be like Michael Jackson type fan, but I definitely wanna be famous. I'm like, okay, I'll like make sure to tell all the millions of people who are going to be huge fans of yours. You're like, no, no, he doesn't want Michael Jackson to be famous. Yeah, sorry.

Starting point is 00:52:44 Sorry. Sorry, I just don't want Michael Jackson famous. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. Sorry, just don't want that guys. Like, would you like to play stadiums and have your own theme park and your backyard? He's like, hmm, not too famous. The little too famous for me. Sorry. Really aiming a little bit lower. Not too much, yes, a little bit lower, bro. So Kristen Peter cashed out. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:04 There's some Frenchies. They did not hit me. They were probably worried for you. It was actually several people who are... Would you like anything else? Emergency services. Why don't you work when we need you? I like to think it was not French people.

Starting point is 00:53:22 It was just like several people who played the character Frenchy on Greece. All those French people it was just like several people who played the character Frenchy on Greece all those Frenchies Why they have a Frenchie So amazing a whole table of Frenchies from Greece Okay, who's saying beauty school drop-out at your high school, okay? It's actual diddy con it's there it's her it's time for like the server meeting just friendship it's like the saddest character in Greece like nothing good happens

Starting point is 00:53:58 to friendship okay she's like she never even gets her own goddamn solo Someone else comes in and steals it all away from her. Does it end well? It never does. So of course they're meeting it sir once a year We're the meeting of the Frenchies lucky enough to get crisp and dodi is there waiter? It's the annual annual gathering of the Frenchies My goodness, they get all dressed up. Here we go girls. Oh my god. Are we ready? Ready for sir? Our big our big night out. So good. Someone comes dressed as Frenchy. They've just come dressed as Frenchy every time. It like Weird Someone aspires we say energy they're like you're out It's really kind of a metaphor for the show

Starting point is 00:54:51 Risa thinks she's so great with her abortion storyline right friends. Hey, yeah Bitch someone gets the wrong member. They can look dress like I think I've mustard like what? I'm like, what? I thought. It's like you can join, you can join, you can join. So now it's like six Frenchies and someone dressed like mustard. I Chris is like, oh. They don't even have pockets or an mustard, gosh, we'll never get a tip now. But no one from Greece would tip.

Starting point is 00:55:22 I mean, that's one musical that I can guarantee you, no mother fucking character on Greece is going to tip you. Especially Sandra D. She acts like she's so nice, she ain't tipping you. No. I feel like Diana Mannoff's character would tip. I feel like she'd be like, here, I know, they're bitches, sorry. What was her character's name? Marty. Marty. Marty would tip.

Starting point is 00:55:45 The one with the boy friends. Thank you. Darling, gaga. Marty. Thank you. Oh my god. This is like, this is why I got boobs. Basically.

Starting point is 00:55:58 So, um, this event, her was still at the beginning of her manipulating spider web webbing ways. So she wasn't as subtle back then. Now she's like, some people, she and I'm a arena new new girl girl, make more money than the other stupid people likes. Oh my god. Okay. Alright everyone settle down. Alright. Here, I'll make these up. Thank you. Alright. Thank you. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:56:29 Get up. What a good, what a good man. Thank you so much. Oh my God. It's going to get ugly now. So, bear in the back is not settled at all. She's like, someone's not making any money stuff. Sheenah makes all the money. Sheenah.

Starting point is 00:56:50 Yes. Oh my God, that looks like the cast of Sir, basically. Yeah, okay. The only three members that can still fit into those dresses. Right. You know what? That's awful to say that they earned fit into those dresses. Right. You know what? That's awful to say, but they earned it in this episode. They earned it in this episode.

Starting point is 00:57:12 They get what they sleep in the bed that they made. They don't make their bed. Oh my god, we're getting another fax. That's another job application for sir. Wow, who is it from Ronnie? This resume is by Ramona Singer. I never knew that Ramona Singer applied to be a waitress at Sir. That's so weird. What I did, okay?

Starting point is 00:57:41 So Ramona, tell me some of your experience. Whoa, this is crazy. This one time when I was a little girl, I went to a restaurant and I was like, I'd like some french fries, please. And the waitress was like, no, you can't have french fries. I was like, who are you to tell me that? And the waitress was like no, you can't have french fries. I was like who are you to tell me that and the waitress says I'm goddamn jailed in person Smith, okay? No french fries for you And this day I've never had french fries so I would like to be a waitress so that way I could try french fries for the first time Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but it's true. Other...

Starting point is 00:58:32 Any experience? Yes. Here's what I would like to have. I would like to have a tequila in a short glass. And then in a tall glass, another tequila with three warm and then another glass that has an ice cube in it and a toothpick, okay? Thank you. Thank you. You could just set them up right there, please. Activities. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Education is really taking a beating today. It's so interesting. Thank you, Guillermo. Thank you. Thank you, Guillermo.

Starting point is 00:59:12 I never thought Ramona applied for it to be a waitress. Could you imagine? Wow, weird. We're things we're learning from this fax machine. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Yeah y'all. Y'all. So the guys are starting a bad precedent. You guys are just spending money now. Yeah. And we're out. See you later.

Starting point is 00:59:38 So of course, they're thinking nobody's making tips because Katie and Kristen are eating them in the back. Yeah. So Lisa's like, uh, blah, blah, blah, where they're very clicky here and not very open to newcomers. I was like well good Wait a pinpoint her and make her stand out and everybody hate her even more Lisa. I love you in your work Lisa van the bump Good job only decent way to rest in the entire wise everyone's so mad at you So Katie fills us in on some of her techniques as a waitress when she's trying to really upsell some food. Get those specials move and get people order them.

Starting point is 01:00:13 She goes, the best way to sell food is to talk about it like at sex. You know, like, hmm, I want to ride your cabbage soup. Mmm. Mmm. Want potato salad? Mmm. You wanna hide in my valley? Mmm. I wanna be a cowgirl and do you in a ranz. Mmm. Hey, I'm feeling hotter than someone sitting on a beach in Chile and sea bass.

Starting point is 01:00:47 It's really Patagonian teeth fish. We call it land sea bass. This episode is also noteworthy for the fact that Kristen is nice to anybody ever, really. But especially to Lisa Van der Pomp. She's like, well, because she's like Lisa, she and I got the most hit and second by a long shot. Kristen Dota, bird, duty, here she is. And Kristen Dota, boom. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:16 It's like, yes, well, that's why you're still here, Kristen. She's like, oh, well, one of the reasons. Boom. Boom. Hashtag French Convention. Oh. So he's trying so hard.

Starting point is 01:01:30 And then Bannerpump's like, the only reason. Get it lower, classed, low, shit. Low, shit. This is where Stasi did you already say this? No, I didn't. My mom has always told me that I'm a descendant of a Swedish princess. I think she meant Swedish fish. It would make more sense.

Starting point is 01:01:56 Lisa is basically saying that stasi is coasting off of everyone. AKA she knows good work. She knows working really hard and because all the waitresses like to pull their tips, Sheena is working hard bringing all the tips and then Stasi is coasting off of it. And Lisa is like, do you know your whines? You know your whines? You think we're making money on that pasta? We're not.

Starting point is 01:02:18 Come to find out they most likely are. Let's say it all together. It's not about the pasta. They wouldn't be making so much more money. If it was just about the goddamn pasta. Yeah, it's about the pasta. This casket remember the menu of anything. It would be that. Like, eight balls. Here can just bring you an eight ball? It's like boom suddenly you're all good at your jobs. Congratulations. Thank you. I feel like if Kristen were a pasta she would probably be like wagon wheel. Right? It's like who uses wagon wheel?

Starting point is 01:02:56 And yet it's sort of like, oh wagon wheel. It's like fun. What's that one that's around about it's flat but it looks dimpled? It's like a teeny? Yeah, that's like Kristen because you just want to be like you know, it's like everyone that comes it's like good to have mate I hold a lot of sauce Um, it's a called though because it sounds delicious. I think it's Bucatini there talking about. Maybe.

Starting point is 01:03:29 It's Bruce's soul pasta from Top Chef. Yes. Did you mean to describe pasta like that, Ronnie? Did you mean to put your thumb into somebody's head? We're so sorry that our dear friend, Gail Simmons, couldn't be here tonight. She thought to destroy people's movement with one of those sushi things. She's just been waiting there for the salmon to come by. Like Gail, you have to get off the people's movement. She's like, no, bless her heart.

Starting point is 01:04:11 The people have elifter, right gal? It's called the people move, not the gal move her. We don't want to. It's called the people who refused to move themselves, move her, am I right gal? Gal just keeps going up there to that people move her and looking on and saying, my God, it's like she's never been up beyond the first I'm not sure if you're going to get the ball. I'm not sure if you're going to get the ball. Gail just keeps going up there to have people move and looking on saying my god it's like she's never been up beyond the

Starting point is 01:04:36 first floor before. Bless her heart. Did you mean to go face first into that pile of war and potato salad, Gail? Gail stopped drinking You're drinking up the river gal. So Vanderpump trap Cena. She was in part of this episode. We just dragged her right in.

Starting point is 01:04:52 We love gal. Pat me don't care. Pat me with a harsh, harsh, harsh beyond. She do's not. It's a course. So, um, why did I write Peter at Villa Blanca, we didn't fool. Oh, that scene is like, wow, like censor asking me and all that. And the Blanca, we don't pull on.

Starting point is 01:05:13 It's like, we have our own tabs. And that means like, if I write on the table and then they get me on top, then I can't write on top. I don't like every time anybody else. Because like, I made that tab. Like, why would I give it to anybody else? Like, well, I think she's explaining it? I'm like, why would I give it to anybody else? I think she's explaining it.

Starting point is 01:05:26 And I thought, what is everyone here stupid? And then it cuts to everyone. And they're like, and Chris goes, yeah, but it really depends on the weather and the crowd. No, we're not talking about when you can go into a pool. We're talking about whether you should pool your tips. Oh, I'm not jacketing the tips. Kristen, let's check the weather and see if it's going to be okay today, sir. 80 degrees, 80 degrees, 80 degrees, 80 degrees.

Starting point is 01:05:56 Like where the fuck do you live? It's 80 degrees every day. Is it my little brother? the weather. So, it's like, oh my god, she's so pretty. They're going to fucking kill her. It just started spitting on the side. It's been pulling tips for like 10 years available. I mean, mine is like five years of dating, sure.

Starting point is 01:06:18 But like, it's been like a long time and like those tips are like so wise. I'm not just like, they're with those tips and I'm like, oh my god, I just got lost in your eyes a little bit there tip. And then Jacks you totally wants his penis inside of this new odd fangled bug-eyed little creepsina. It's like who is she? I want to be inside of a zoo bat. He's like well, there are some lazy waiters here. I've not seen you flip a glass and tilt the other glasses with it, Jacks. Okay, Mr. Judd, Judd Staxi. Judd Staxi.

Starting point is 01:06:51 So Staxi's like, Staxi, she just glares at him. And I have to say for all this shit we've been talking about, Staxi, God, I do miss those Staxi stair downs. Those are some of my favorite things. Like, we talk all this shit, but secretly like this is like my favorite version of Stasi this season It is

Starting point is 01:07:10 You know all this like calling somebody a bitch and this man like she was satanic I'm like come back come back to Satan You know and I wish it for everybody on these shows if I wanted to watch somebody nice it well, I don't know anybody nice So you know what I mean. Like I'm still waiting for Tamar Barney to just have a comeback to Satan party. I'm waiting for it, okay. Oh please. Reverse baptized that bitch.

Starting point is 01:07:34 I need her back. Yes. Okay. Like a pulled play video coming out of the water. So, so they're basically so stostastic saying, well, the reason why we don't have to pull tips is Because you know the reason why we do pull tips is because they're just like really much closer as a group Then I build a blanca like I build bronca everyone's out for themselves But like and sir were like a close-knit group a app and she's like, um, but it's like the same at villa blanca And sausage like no, it's like a different level of helping each other out here like if someone's in trouble like we'll sleep with you, okay

Starting point is 01:08:09 We go that extra mile We take tips and we also share scabs, okay, it's totally different and she's like It's like nope when I said was a difference like You just don't understand cuz I said was a difference like It's different You just don't understand cuz I said it in Swedish It seems like I can't see it's lying I got this means I'm the bottom of the total mole again Mwah, lucky me

Starting point is 01:08:37 It's like Eddie all over again Read into that what you want people Read into it what you want I love when Ben gets a grown. I'm like, aha. One of the everyone's like, no, not about Eddie Ciprion. Yeah, Stasi's like, um, me, apple, a blank, I was like, Shana. I mean, me apple, a blank, I was like, Stasi, it's her. I'm like, in what way exactly? There's nothing like you ever at all, ever,

Starting point is 01:09:10 a like, ever, never. How sick of them, Blut! You're right, Stasi. I'm like, maybe she's right. So, it's like, it's so exciting to be the new girl. Mm. Kristen's like, um, I hate to admit. She does this slow motion, Kristen, and we're all talking. It's a fire with her shoulder. Seriously seriously seriously seriously seriously

Starting point is 01:09:54 Um We are we're in a place called Tito. Tito. No, we're not. How dare you. I'm not drunk. So let me tell you that. Some people just need to be put in their place.

Starting point is 01:10:17 Oh my god. Some people. Yeah. Katie. See, that's the thing. You're like, oh my god, that girl's so nice and so pretty. She doesn't even say anything. And then she opens her mouth and it's like a vortex sucking you to hell Yeah, I think she's horrible. Why am I been watching this person? Okay, so Kristen it's slow motion Kristen tried she's like

Starting point is 01:10:45 Just collapse she just melts into a pool I'm sorry. She just collapsed. She just melts into a pool, into a puddle. I'm going to be so upset when Kristen becomes a victim as has something, like Tourette or like, I don't even know what that means, really. But like something that does that, because I'm going to be like, oh, now I'm the dick. That being said, I think we're having a criminally

Starting point is 01:11:09 underrepresented Kristen in season six of Interpreterals. We need more Kristen. At least the Vanderpromp will take a lot, but you don't just tell Diana to eat a dick. Like, who does that? Like at some point, you got to get fired. Yeah. So now we go to Peter and Jacks go to a bar in Hollywood.

Starting point is 01:11:26 They're just going to hang out. They're going to grow out. Again, this is what we think that Peter's going to be like a real cast member. And. Hi, I'm Courtney. You're a waiter. Hi, Courtney.

Starting point is 01:11:37 Like where are you from? Florida. America. You just hear America like soccer. Yeah. Soc, campus, soccer. And Jack's like, oh, hey, what's going on? Like so why'd you move to LH like I moved here to pursue massage therapy Across the entire country

Starting point is 01:11:58 You're gonna need some Botox Kidding it's like so stupid it makes no sense So Jackson fights Courtney to come over to search. I can tell you like a bartender, because you ordered something with like a twist of line. He's like, yeah, I want you come to search. He's like, no, is that a gay club or? Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Starting point is 01:12:17 Like, whoa, gay bar, whoa, whoa. Like Peter, you're wearing a full face of makeup. He's like, I sato, lashes out to here. They're, whoa! Because we're in West Hollywood, doesn't mean we're gay. I'm like, maybe you're born with it. You're gay. You're gay enough.

Starting point is 01:12:38 You're gay enough for a waiter to be like you're gay, right? So then we move on to a really important scene, which is Gina and Shay going to the music studio. And Gina announces, studio time! Like all the music engineers just hide under the desk, they're like, close the doors, maybe she doesn't know that we're here. I love that Tisina. It's like going to the dentist. Say he's following behind her, suffering along the gooo. You know, don't say.

Starting point is 01:13:11 He's just like, where am I? But Tisina's like, that's one more session. And we should make up the gooo. Like, it's just a girl. Are you checking on your braces? Oh, good, good. I like the sound of that. How many sessions?

Starting point is 01:13:26 One more, maybe. I need to keep working. Oh, my teeth. So, seeing us like, how's it coming out so far? And Russell, okay, there's two people here. There's Russell, who's basically masturbating through this entire scene. I don't know what's going on with the Russell. He's just from Craigslist, and he just showed up.

Starting point is 01:13:44 And he's like, I got a Casio keyboard that makes him a music producer. So... Say... I think, say, has felt like Bruce Willis and that maybe where he's dead the whole time. Death becomes her as referenced earlier. Yeah, Grace. Death becomes Grace. Just kidding.

Starting point is 01:13:59 The fifth element. Six cents. Oh, I knew it had a... Come on, it's fan-appropriate. I just shade it Ronnie for no reason. I see. I knew it had a, come on, it's fan-appropriate. I just shared it, Ronnie, for no reason. I see it. I think, say, is so shocked that somebody sees him. He was like, wait a minute, I did not sign up for this movie. And he also, he also looks like he just saw Misha Barton throwing up under a bed.

Starting point is 01:14:20 Whoa. The guy's like, yeah, Juwef, right? He's hot and she's like, So this guy's a pig. So then there's like his little assistant who seems like he's gonna be the nice gaiton, right? You're like, oh, like if I was in that studio, but thank God this guy's here, he's gonna be nice to me. Which he's not, he's like the worst. It's like, which is worse? So Russell comes in and it says, Super Box CEO, anybody heard of Super Box?

Starting point is 01:14:56 Super Box records anyone? I think Katie just got a deal there. So yeah, he's like, hey, I said Conor and Rousseau, so he said, he's basically like, he's like, yeah, you know, Shina, you know, I like, you know, you're sounding very like Brittany Gaga, you know, like, first of all, as like, hey, I'm going to say those two sound nothing alike. He goes, sounds like you're a pop star. So, so Shina goes, huh, I never planned on being a singer, never had vocal training,

Starting point is 01:15:26 I'm like, really couldn't tell. You speak out of tune. I got to that I look like Brittany all the time. And this is when she is doing her innocent Gina with her eyes for like this. She's like, yeah. I got to that I look like Brittany, oh, that's what I am. Because I saw a blonde hair. And thought, what about me and the food court? And I said, wow, I'm here with come up to me. And I'm like, are you Brittany? I'm better, yeah, huh. And then I practiced.

Starting point is 01:15:51 I practiced her autograph. I practiced it. You practiced it. That's the first thing you've ever practiced for in your entire life to sign somebody else's name. But good job, baby. Yeah, I like how she says, like, oh, yeah. Yeah, like, you know, people come up to me and like I don't want to break their heart and be like,

Starting point is 01:16:08 Sorry, I'm not brand new spirit. So I learned raw autograph. I'm like bitch, you'd love that. Okay, you love pretending to be brand new Spheres and you know what I would do. Yeah, and she admitted it at least she's like, I don't even know when I want to know when people start Like jumping out of the bushes and taking my pictures. I've made it. I'm like congratulations Because now our mom's like stopping me to she nods their soul maybe She may know what she asked for okay. It is learn a better autograph Learned like George Washington. I don't know so she and it gets in the recording booth And she's given she's gonna be singing her song

Starting point is 01:16:42 Tarnio freak And she's been given the directive to add some sexy sounds to make it She's gonna be singing her song, Tarnio Freak, Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- Yeah, I make her do it. I make her make those noises and she's like That's what I like He's just jerking on like yeah, you know good you that. All right give us another What you do and the gays and he thinks gonna be so supportive is like um we need less phone sex operator and more points are So she and it goes she Cena goes some, to like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, you at home. Yeah, of course she does. She does that in a crosswalk. Me. Me. I'm flied.

Starting point is 01:17:49 I'm flied. I'm flied. I'm still on clear water in my notes. Yeah, I'm so mad at Courtney, the waitress from Clearwater. Why? I don't know. So now we go to Jackson's Dossies apartment.. And it's Christian, Katie, and Dossie. They're all sitting around talking about dinner plans,

Starting point is 01:18:09 and everything. This is also, you see, they fell into the same trap that we were in. We were like, what? Dossie's totally being a bitch. Like, Chris and Katie, this is where they're like, why are you being so mean to Shina? She's the new girl.

Starting point is 01:18:20 I mean, come on, Dossie. Listen to me, bitch. She's the bitch. And I hate that. She's the bitch. I'm like, come on, Dossie. me, bitch. She's the bitch, and I hate that, she's the bitch. Come on, sausage, and we're on their side, you see? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:18:30 Yeah. Sausie's in full bitch mode. She's like, my boyfriend's not going to dinner with Sheena. I don't like her. I'm sorry. OK. Who does that? Going to dinner, having sustenance after 6pm.

Starting point is 01:18:46 Wasn't it amazing how many of the guys like actually pretended to be models? Every one of them, well except Cliff, he's still at the bar with a lemon drop, Martini. Who does that by the way? But all the guys, Tom was like, Well, can't have seven up, so many calories to get a shoot for Hugo Bessoso or whatever. And this one, Jackson's like, that money don't make itself, I'm gonna, you know, be modeling today.

Starting point is 01:19:08 I'm like, you are not. Show me one time. Actually, I have that saved on my computer, but it was from before this. He did actually, when he showed up in the scene, he actually did look really good. That was like, I was like, oh, I missed this, Jackson. Just wearing a white t-shirt with like a thing

Starting point is 01:19:23 and I was like, wow, how things have changed. And It's just wearing a white t-shirt with a thing. And I was like, wow, how things have changed. And it's kind of funny because Chris and herself says, people grow up, they change. I'm like, if this show is actually shown us one thing is that they actually do not change, whatsoever. But the case of jacks, he did change. Like the physical side.

Starting point is 01:19:40 Don't date people with apps like that. You never know what they're going to look like in the future. When you start dating someone that you're gonna be long-term with, imagine them fatter and older. Trust me. Trust. And I'm single. So, Stasi.

Starting point is 01:19:57 I can still get in a plane seat. That rule does not apply to me. Call me after this. So, Stasi's, you know, coming down hard on Jack's, I don't know what at this point, but I guess having to do no machine, and Jack's like, you know, Stasi's last two boyfriend cheated on her, and even if I didn't do anything, I'm still getting heat from her past. Also, I cheated and I needed a girl in Vegas. There's that too. Her past got this girl pregnant at a

Starting point is 01:20:25 crafts machine. Crazy. Such a mailhor. So then we go to Lisa's house before Villa Rosa. Now it's that other place that burned down mysteriously. Not for insurance. There were Villa Rosa. It was. Yeah. Then why did it say Lisa's house? It's because it was before Villarosa just became iconic. They didn't have a gate yet. Villarosa is Villarosa, it's like Lisa's house. So it's like, I don't know what this show is. Pandy is still working on the fonts for our front gate.

Starting point is 01:20:56 She's going to debut them on the divine addiction. Thank you for correcting me. Because I was like, what did they just belt the same house up or again? Stupid. Okay, so... They're truly the pettiest podcast So Geurima's there and he's Geurima, you know, he's like, oh, you're so breathing into what you do and you know look at your standing behind that counter right now Oh And Lisa's like we need something new and sexy and exciting, Gamer. He's like sushi. What about sushi?

Starting point is 01:21:30 It's a brilliant! A fish that's not cooked and just put on a plate. What if we added something like potatoes that are warm with mayonnaise? He's like, no, how about rice? And she's like, rice as sexy. How about rice? And she's like, rice, sexy. Oh, I just love her because you know I will stand up for Van the pump during anything I don't care I love her but it's so funny over the years to watch her shady ass

Starting point is 01:22:11 she's like where the Guillermo had this business and I thought perfect he can work the floor and don't make up for money I got chairs you have to squat to sit on them it be brilliant. This poor Guillermo runs every goddamn restaurant ever and makes 2%. Welcome to Guillermo, Guillermo, it doesn't work. We need two dumb people named Tom. What? Tom, Tom.

Starting point is 01:22:35 Same thing. It's like six years later, she is still pulling the same shit. Guillermo gave her $30,000 that he saved up in his entire 20s. And that poor thing has stuck the rest of his goddamn life and I love it Speaking of Tom Tom, can we give a shout out to the straight guys in the audience that got dragged along and our board out of their minds Be like what is this? Yeah, that guy right there He's struggling. Bless you Also, can we give it to the straight guys who did not need to be Yeah, that's Nick over there

Starting point is 01:23:09 hot Yeah, I mean all of you but we're are okay, so He is genius at this. I don't know what I'm talking about look now. I'm obsessed Giromo sushi. I'm kidding. So Ken, of course, is so supportive. Our friend Elaine is here and she's like, God, you guys, wasn't Ken smooth? And we both just like looked at each other.

Starting point is 01:23:34 Like what? Like a pebble? I don't know. Ken still is. He's like a new, he's like a newer room but even though he's older now. He's like, we don't know Tsushi's bringing down here.

Starting point is 01:23:44 Yeah, Tsushi. Yeah, he's brilliant. Yeah, he's brilliant. I love Shinry. You don't have to go and get a Japan. Get Ken back. Get him back here. I'm a cow. He's in the corner.

Starting point is 01:23:53 Save him. Save him. He keeps hitting the same corner. Oh, he's brilliant. I'm just brilliant. I'm just brilliant. I'm just brilliant. It's really insane.

Starting point is 01:24:02 It's wrong fucking face, Lisa. Jesus Christ. So let's review the menu has like a roasted chicken Chalancey bass go cheese balls and a whole bunch of sashimi sure makes sense And flan I just have to add that every go to restaurant and And their fast casual concept hmm this Katie's restaurant next door to Tom Tom and flan. And is there a fast casual concept? Hmm. This Katie's restaurant next door to TomTom. And flan. Oh, why?

Starting point is 01:24:27 I would just speak to you, would you? I love flan. So just while everybody's thinking sushi is so brilliant, Ken goes, sushi, Asian specifically. It's like, well, okay, Ken. She's like, Ken is the motaka billionaire from his restaurant knowledge. I feel like it's always a bad sign when a restaurant adds sushi to its menu and they're not like a Japanese restaurant

Starting point is 01:24:50 I feel like that's a very bad sign. It's like We wanted restaurants today where it was like the entire fault was like chicken and waffles and like Ex Benedict and all this stuff and then we turned the pages like sushi. I was like wait and all this stuff. And then we turned the page, it was like, it's sushi. I was like, wait, what?

Starting point is 01:25:05 They did. They did. I didn't even make that kind of thing. Yeah. It's like, this doesn't feel like a match. Sushi and dwarf foods. It's old age. The rage.

Starting point is 01:25:13 Ha, ha, ha. So look what happens, man. Look, it looks like it's the end of my notes. So I put my notes in Apple notes, whatever. And of course, it doesn't work. Ever since Steve Jobs died, my notes doesn't skip. Don't you hate when people say that?

Starting point is 01:25:28 Like, ever since Steve Jobs now look, it says my notes are over and they're not. Yeah, that used to happen to me, which is why I switched applications. I don't know. I guess just. I guess I used to have to stay close in their relationship with my computer, you know We pull our tips go on tradition Baka

Starting point is 01:25:50 So Lisa they're talking about Stasi and how Stasi met is like not a good worker and she mad off to someone until it's someone like you Need to get your deck sucked or something like that and so at least it was like well, you know My staff the young and're passionate about their lives and sometimes they make foolish choices, you know? I mean, nothing crazy, like having a Wednesday wedding or something like that. And Jeremy goes, did he told them to get his dick sucked? What is he supposed to do with that?

Starting point is 01:26:23 And Manipurm's like, well, maybe he should go get his dick sucked. Ha is he supposed to do with that? And Manipurm's like, well, maybe he should go get his dick sucked. Ha! Get it! Get it! Do you get it? Get it. I guess I didn't really make a joke there, Guillermo. You still could laugh. You still could laugh, Guillermo. I'm literally done with that. So I'm going to follow you and enjoy it. Oh no, I like this. This is a good view. Wow. done with it so I'm gonna follow you and enjoy it. Oh no I like this. This is a good view.

Starting point is 01:26:54 So, it's a Tom and Kristen are at their apartment and Kristen's like, uh, you're gonna be late for work. It's Tom's like, we're gonna be late for work together babe. I'm so romantic. Oh my god, they were like so from the 50s like Holy Yeah, they have a flat iron He goes with my moves Oh god, there it is like this scene is so wacky so she gets me like just just use my Tom if it says manageable and touchable it's bullshit I'm not I think that says touchable or style level is garbage I need something that says hold Kristen hold dude your hair spray sucks baby any more shrink than that

Starting point is 01:27:40 dude hello sir restaurant hold bro oh bro Tom's the oh by the way Yeah. Good. Hello, sir. Restaurant hold belt. Oh, belt. Tom's the, by the way, Kristen is a monster and we make fun of her all the time every day. Every second. Yes, she is. She is. Hey, Monsters Inc was a very cute, she's a hilarious monster and I never heard of you buy her.

Starting point is 01:28:00 Like a monster's ancient monster. Like a Shrek monster. It's the light. Like I'm going to say, this is her home turf. You got to be careful running Because she's from Detroit Just from Michigan. She's from the man anyone from El Paso to back me up I think Chris is still a romantic at heart for instance when she says Tom and I have been together for four years. We've been sleeping together from five

Starting point is 01:28:23 Just so progressive Bernie Sanders. Oh, what I was gonna say was, Kristen is a monster, but she is the only person that's there who really answers the phone. She's like, uh, don't do. Hello? What do you want? Can you hear me now?

Starting point is 01:28:40 I'm like, she, no one ever, I didn't even know that phone worked. Yeah. So, there's Detroit. I just gave it to your girl. See answers the landline well now Okay, this is a very important moment. Okay, who here when this scene happened was cringing when Tom said In five years with Christian. I would assume we would probably be married and maybe I've wanted two kids with Kristen, I would assume we would probably be married and maybe I've won two kids. And to make matters worse, Kristen gets her five-year projection and she goes,

Starting point is 01:29:15 in five years, I want to be known for the work that I do. You know, falling out of hoobers, going places, walking, going to Starbucks. Do you have any of these shirts? I fold the t-shirts. I can fold t-shirts without the little plastic square thing. The irony is that it has now been five years, and I actually don't know what Kristen does. I literally don't know what work she does.

Starting point is 01:29:41 Kristen could still be a waiter, and she'd actually be doing better than she is now. We would know you for the work you do. Now we're like, what? This is me. What? No way. It's like nothing on it.

Starting point is 01:29:55 I do really wish Kristen were still a waitress. It's like, I feel like she's lost in the ether and I just want to put her back in. She does. This shows like Neen Stasi and Kristen back as actual wait put her back in. She does. This shows like Needs, Stasi, and Kristen back as actual waiters on the show. For sure. Yeah. Hating somebody is very fun, but I can't hate them

Starting point is 01:30:11 when they're not there. Yeah. You know what I mean? Now, here is, so now we now go to a scene with Shina and Tina. Shina and Tina getting tea. Right down, right it down. It's all lyric.

Starting point is 01:30:24 I'm in the industry. Yeah, Tina getting tea. So they're getting tea. This is one of those, someone just knorted in the front row, by the way. That was great. It was my echo. You know, here's what's great about Vanderpump rules. There's so many hidden gems everywhere.

Starting point is 01:30:42 And it's really important to revisit these shows because we have special moments like Sheena Telling, Tina. I have a call back for the Power Rangers. And I love that Tina really is a supportive friend. She's like, really? What's that? That's so cool. And she goes, whoa, we're the miles.

Starting point is 01:31:02 I stopped out like one more dancing. And then we take it off or whatever. And Tina's like, whoa. And then the lady comes in a place that you can only find, especially at that time in West Hollywood. It's like a lady, you know, with glasses and kind of a hunch. And I'm only pointing this out because it's like health, it's a health store. And she's like, we can fix whatever it's broken.

Starting point is 01:31:22 I'm like, no, you can't. So they're like really Let me have some tape lady if you haven't met Miss Lala Kent My greatest project So Tina's like she goes This is a place where we'll give you What do they call it? Alixirs. Alixirs, yeah.

Starting point is 01:31:47 It's like, it fixed so strong with you. And Tina goes, I've been to one of these before. So the one I went to before, you show your tongue. And they can say, what's wrong with you. And she was like, OK, show me your tongue. It's like, exactly. I'll go with this. Jack's is like writing down notes.

Starting point is 01:32:01 That's a good line. Show me your tongue, and I'll tell you what's wrong with you Bim Tina goes I was like your your tongue is poking right now Tina to stop to stop Are you handing me this water? No because it's the way the Facebook. There's like a big Dessani water in the middle Facebook live and they're all like thank you for pointing out a hot person Yeah, Mike Bowman says they're running in the bigger straw. So anyway, so they're drinking this elixir and then Tina turns to Sheena and goes, do you feel anything? And I was like, this is the most profound

Starting point is 01:32:36 moment. In the series history, Sheena, do you feel anything ever ever? So then they start talking about the mean girls, but like they're so mean. Oh my god, they're so mean. I feel so bad for your girl. Oh my god, I'm gonna go to different restaurants. No. No.

Starting point is 01:32:53 No. No. Right, it's a Tina scene, who cares? The takeaway is that Shina was up to be a power ranger and some idiot passed on her. Could you imagine Shina as a Power Ranger? Go, go Power Rangers! Her!

Starting point is 01:33:08 Oh my God, it's so funny that we're beating this monster because last night I was talking to Shay and I was like, Shay, what would happen if I met a monster today? And he was like, I don't know. I thought I could beat him. I could meet up with the other Power Rangers. And he was like, maybe. So then I was called to my old friend Rob,

Starting point is 01:33:21 but I've only been seeing for like seven years, minus five, plus one, minus one month, and I was like Rob, how would I beat a monster? And he's like, you know what you should do? You should just like punch the monster. I was like, oh my god, you're so smart, you're so wise Rob, and I was like, Rob, what would you do?

Starting point is 01:33:34 He's like, I don't know, I could probably beat the monster in like several minutes or less. I'm like, wow. Oh my god, another fact has come through. Who is this, who is this fact from? I can't read the writing, the dot matrix. Shame on shameery. Oh, it's she knows she knows shame or rees resume.

Starting point is 01:34:02 Yeah. OK, objective. Framing out. Education. She has a bachelor's in. My mom. My mom taught me like literally everything I know. It's crazy.

Starting point is 01:34:22 She's like so smart. But not smart as Rob. He taught me a lot lot too but I have a master's in rob and a bachelor's in my mom experience crop tops are kind of my thing mindy like crop tops that's your made me a crop top wedding dress experience I like that she's a would she actually sounds like the facts machine. It just sends out papers. It's like, oh, is something coming through?

Starting point is 01:34:49 Activities. My favorite activity is forgiving people because life is too short to be mad. And it's like, why are you mad? All I'm trying to do is be a good friend. And you're like, mad at me for that. And it's like, not fair. Okay, bye. That's a cool activity.

Starting point is 01:35:01 All right, Kiermout, take this fact back. I hate it. Oh, my gosh. Hey, my bag is back at the machine. So now it's back at Sir, and Shina walks in. And she's like, hi. And Sasi, Kristen Katie, just ignored her. They just sit here like this. It was great.

Starting point is 01:35:20 And then we learned the biggest offense that Shina could have ever committed. Sasi's like, she chose my color. Oh my gosh Everyone knows that I'm the great slash blue color and dress up. You just don't go there I'm like you actually are happy to be dressed up like a bruise and Then Katie's like yeah Katie's face like so it was nice for them, but Katie's like, yeah. Katie's face, like still it was nicer than, but she's like. She's like, yeah, like I used to wear that dress and then I stopped wearing it because you wear it.

Starting point is 01:35:55 Everyone knows that Stasi is color, okay. Yes, so then we get into the surdresses. Now this is why I'm saying they earned it at the beginning. I'm sorry, but nobody can wear these dresses except ads. You have to be like a size two. Sorry. And with some like, yeah, they gotta be size two, sorry. I actually felt bad for all the waitresses having

Starting point is 01:36:20 to wear that thing because like watching it, like I don't think I had an appreciation five years ago for these sort of things but watching them they should like we have to spend 25 minutes putting tape on so that way we don't flash our boobs and like they bend over and their ass comes out it's actually like really it's kind of insulting right I mean I just want more potato salad don't sell itself how else you gonna sell that shit you're gonna sell that special. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it.

Starting point is 01:36:46 You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it.

Starting point is 01:36:53 You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it.

Starting point is 01:37:01 You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. You're gonna sell it. Of course now they're basically patched mean as that they can like clip up. And I'm like, yeah, this is a job I could have. They're just ponchos. They're just wearing like this is the rest. I'll be back at the end of the rickshaw. So, so now there's like more Gina and Stasi confrontation because Gina doesn't know where

Starting point is 01:37:18 the hot sauce is. It's like, well, those are the condiments. So do you even know what hot sauce looks like? Okay, you can read. So do you even know what hot sauce looks like? Okay, you can read. So figure it out yourself. Great. Jackson's like, condom, condom, no!

Starting point is 01:37:31 Like running fast. So Stas is like, she comes up to Stas being Katie, and she's like, what's my stopper? I'm like, oh, I'm like, I want to go out because I got for those songs. So. And Stas is like, um, yet the Polish glasses, um, put forts on the top of the shelf,

Starting point is 01:37:49 um, turn over all the tables, and run into the middle of the street and just wait for something to run you over. And she's like, oh, baby, baby, it's like, um, I don't, I don't own this dress. She's like, fine. So she and it just walks into the middle of the street with the glass she was like

Starting point is 01:38:12 So she's doing that at least a van about for some reason just like sitting at a table. She's like table 11 Why is she not posh in a glass? She doesn't even know what the glasses no this isn't right Where's my manila envelope Okay, are we Who told you to polish glasses? Uh, Stasi. Now, by the way, she knows the least of antihomes right there. So this is her version of polishing a glass.

Starting point is 01:38:55 You're at least a antipump. Oh, I was going to have to do this. I'm having things. What's your doing? I'm just saying whatever that's not because of what I'm doing I don't know why it's amazing. I'm your boss. She's like, okay. There's no lesson learned.

Starting point is 01:39:19 So then she is like, stop it. There we go. I'm sorry. What? No lesson learned. So then she is like, stop it. There we go. And so she's like, what? Oh, I'm joking. OK, we'll go to the Smetting Alley. And this is the very first appearance ever

Starting point is 01:39:36 of the iconic back alley of Sir. And I was a scene between Sheena and Stasi fighting. Yeah. So Stasi's like, I don't know if you are, but I'm not your bad son. I'm not going to she and Stasi fighting. Yeah, so Stasi's like I'm I don't know if you are But I'm not your bad time. I was gonna do everything that's that but I did finish all those tables And I tried to get run over but everybody stopped like what is this like it's crazy that people are so safe around here What's I appreciate but I'm not posting anymore glasses hold on Okay, I'm done wait one more

Starting point is 01:40:03 Okay, I'm done wait one more Okay, now I'm done for real yeah, I'm done totally done so Sus like um When you told me that you need that girl. I'm Ramona now. Oh my god. How did that happen? What if that was does it? He's like, well, let me tell you something Well, let me tell you something. Hey, Miss Sheena Benino, you told me that time that you know girl named Randy. You had sex with some guy, but you didn't know who he was. And then you found out that he was somebody else. And then I found out he was on a show about firefighters and sunset beach, which I loved.

Starting point is 01:40:37 Remember, that was when the older lady had sex with a young man. His name was Eddie Sarriola, something. And I loved him so much. A day you have sex with him And she's like, would you believe it girl she thinks I'm cheating me sheena Why this is like interrogations like smashing was English. I shouldn't like behind sir What's this what's going on like live here kids me up cheating one more time like I'm just be dead I'm just like to me right now like I'm just gonna be a power ranger and just gonna kill myself There'll be a power ranger for one like that's it lately. I can't

Starting point is 01:41:08 Let's just do Rinda I'll just be a Dorenda and see mother I I'm just being like, he's loving Jane, he's a great Jane, I'm looking very much like Jane, he's loving me, I mean, I don't know why, can we just be friends? Guys, guys, listen, Stasi, I'm terribly sorry, but I work here now, and I'm sorry, but I never slept with Eddie, I don't seem to remember that, Stasi. Stasi?

Starting point is 01:41:46 We'll tell you this. It's been midrins. Sit here in the Smokin' Alley. I look deep into my soul and I say, Buh! Is it Smokin'? Is it Nale? Is it Smokin' Alley? I don't know. I've dreamed it.

Starting point is 01:42:00 I've named every dumpstaff to you. Lease of End of Boop-Boop. Stats is foda Switzerland, Missiland. Sina Bonino. Sina, now, star sing. Ha ha ha ha. I don't want no drama with you. Don't need no drama with you, but if you keep causing me

Starting point is 01:42:23 when I'm trying to study for my Malaranger audition, it's not cool. But I love you, thank you. I was meant to ride that. I can't describe why I said love that. But every time. So basically, you seem to stop. I didn't know you was married. And I was like, oh my god, and I said on the screen, I was like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god,

Starting point is 01:42:47 I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, oh my god, I mean, you're just paranoid because it's like your own personal, I swear. And you think I'm going to sell your man and stuff. It's like, um, yeah, both my boyfriends before him cheated on me.

Starting point is 01:43:12 I think, oh, okay, let's try to win any fight. Like, you charged me too much for this Uber. My two boyfriends before this cheated on me. That actually works really well. I think that's a very solid thing. We got freelance today. Yeah. Told got freelance today. Yeah. Told a random person.

Starting point is 01:43:27 So now we had this really weird scene that was clearly shot nine months later, because Jack's had a full head of hair. He's had short-cropped hair at this entire time. And all of a sudden, his hair is up to here. Tom's hair is going down in full Chloe DeVal. And they're all hanging out at the bar. And they're all just hanging out. And the three guys,, you know, and they're all hanging out at the bar. And they're all just like hanging out,

Starting point is 01:43:45 and like it's like the three guys, two Tom's and, you know, Jack's, and then all the girlfriends come up, and they're like, hey, like tell me more, tell me more. It's like, seriously, tell me more. The adrenaline. The adrenaline. The adrenaline is so mad, Sandy just got here. It's like, look. She's making it.

Starting point is 01:44:05 Ugh! So when we saw Vanderbump rules uncensored, season one, or whatever, which was four years later, which, if you haven't seen it, oh my god, do yourself a favor and go to have it, okay? Jesus was like in this episode, he's like, yeah. We found out that this was the first scene that they shot for the whole thing. So I'm guessing that this was part of their pilot episode, which is why they all look different.

Starting point is 01:44:29 But they were like, we didn't know. The producers are like, idiot waiters with like taped on dresses came on and or whatever they were saying. Yeah. Then we turned on the cameras and Stasi's just fighting, starting a fight with everything. She's like, how dare you? Aqua, what? Stupid.

Starting point is 01:44:44 You stupid motherfucker. And if you saw, he's like, dare you Aqua what stupid you stupid mother fucker I Reel horrible people to sell a show yeah, and as no better evidence that when the whole group goes to Tarte for brunch, Tarte, which was seen on Los Angeles, Los Angeles, Los Angeles, Los Angeles. Yes. And as Nick, our straight man, Nick, was like, I hope you realize that they took the lowest of Tarte, so we can probably hear those. We're like, yes, we did.

Starting point is 01:45:17 Yes, because our members say, who goes to Tarte? Only my friend Trisha with her parents was like, I went to Tarte. Because he talked like Xena. I went there. is like I went to Tarte because he talked like she now I went there you want got a Tarte I'm like no no Trisha years later you want got a Tarte hey where do you want to go tonight Tarte no drop it they went to fucking Tarte on the first episode it's like it won't leave me alone this week yeah it's hard it's hard you're a Tarte yeah so they all go together for brunch they're all sitting there and they're all getting mimosas and having fun and we Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. You're a tarot. Yeah. So they all go together for brunch. They're all sitting there and they're all getting mimosas and having fun.

Starting point is 01:45:48 And we learned that Stasi and Jacks had a big fight the night before. And Stasi was like, I don't like you. Why don't you go? And he's like, I'm going to go. Buy a boo-yah. What's a boo-yah? I don't know. It's a word.

Starting point is 01:46:00 Okay. What's a word? Things we put letters together. Okay. Like in the mail. No letters are like ABCDE. and what's next? Like FGH, keep going. Uh. Booyah. So you had to sleep on the couch,

Starting point is 01:46:12 you only learned his letters. Booyah. She just kept doing that to win every point. He's like, how could you treat me like, Booyah. It's so good. He's like, well, while I go to sleep instead of sleeping on the couch, you were mad at me so I went out for five minutes. He's like, well, while I go to sleep instead of sleeping on the couch, you were mad at me,

Starting point is 01:46:25 so I went out for five minutes. She's like, that was not five minutes, Jack. She's like, yeah, it was. You know, Jack, God knows what Jack's doing on all of those nights. You know that little more. Living in West Hollywood, trust me, it's where I live. You don't have to dig that deep, okay? So he's like, why would I go to bed with Hideova?

Starting point is 01:46:44 And she's like, I am the devil. Don't you don't you don't you don't you don't and guess what five years later we have not forgotten it yes and we have embraced it and we love it and god damn it I love this show yes and that's begins the origin story about now payment that. That was that was how better purple started. That brings us to the end of this mobile cell. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for coming. Don't forget

Starting point is 01:47:18 to buy some merch or whatever, and then we're going to hang out after we're going to go back to each finish up some stuff and then I think there's like a area right there. Going out with after so like 45 minutes or so. Thank you all for coming to join. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:47:30 This is awesome. Thank you. We love you guys. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. You can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

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