Watch What Crappens - Luann and Sonja: Welcome to Crappie Lake

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

*Also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo* Bravo delivers the gift that is Luann and Sonja: Welcome to Crappie Lake this week and we cracked up laughing. Sorry to anyone living in or even remotely involved with this town. We love you. This week's bonus is a Train Snaps episode from Boston and you can find all bonuses and videos by joining Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year, Happy new year we love to talk about! On your bros everybody, hi I'm Ronnie, please welcome to the show The Gorgeous The Talented Ben Mandelker, hello Ben, hi how are you? Good, so good to see you, seeing you on your beautiful lake view Ben. Oh yeah. You know, I decided to travel on out to crappy lake to record today's episode. So here I am. What a beautiful lake.

Yeah, during this hot Illinois sunshine. Yeah, well everybody, welcome to the show. This is on demand, obviously. We are on video every day now. So if you would prefer video recaps, come over to crap and it's on demand on Patreon. We also do videos. I mean, bonus episodes every week on that level. This week is going to be our Amazon Prime shopping special. We love doing those. We shop together on Amazon Prime. It's a fun, fun, fun, don't be staying.

Oh, I've already got like a list of things that I'm in the market for, and I'm ready to see those deals. Yes. Celebration of capital is some love bit. Okay, I love it. I'm with the capital C word, come on over. So thanks for being with us everybody. Super fun week, we had a week off,

so thanks for allowing that, because that was great. And now we're back, living our best lives. I mean, really, I mean, who could ask for anything more? We've got, welcome to Crapie Lake. The two showed up on Bravo, on Bravo Town. Love a little Crapie Lake, then. What did you think? Yeah. I mean, I think it was, it was better than I thought it would be. I thought it was, you know, like, I'm always scared. I'm like a five star review.

Yeah, I'm always scared when Bravo tries to do a comedy show. I was like, they kind of fail. And this one was definitely like entertaining. I think that like, it's a testament to Luan and Sonia and honestly, like, how good those, you know, those like stars of OG, Roni really are. I also feel like it's a strange move. I feel like for Bravo because I know this is a way

to drive interest leading up to the Roni premiere. That's happening. It's coming weekend. But it's also a reminder of what they've gotten rid of in terms of like, you know, personality wise. And I get not even personality wise, but in terms of like entertainment value wise. And it's kind of like saying, I'm a little concerned that Bravo's like, oh look at Lou Ann and Sonya, aren't they outrageous? And now please welcome a fashion influencer. And so I'm like, okay, Bravo, interesting move, you're like reminding us of what we're losing

right before we get the new people. And you know, we've seen some of the clips on Instagram and I'm like, huh. So anyway, the point is TLDR, lovely, Wann in Sonia. Well, I think that they're doing it to placate people, like the people who are like, I'm a few so I should need one because it's not gonna be the way I'm sending it.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I think they're placating them. I mean, like, okay, you can still have, you know, these, these all hookers over here, and you can also have the new ones. I personally support the New York so far. I don't see anything wrong with it so far. They're already fighting over cheese.

Like so, I'm fine with it. So we'll just have to wait and see what happens, but so far, we've got, we've got this princess of a show, which works really quite well. And you know, you were talking about fashion influencers. I think that Luan could be a fashion influencer. If it was like the 1800s and any time a woman had an affair, they would like, tie stones around her neck and make her jump in a lake until she drowned or something,

because Luan's statement necklaces are literally, can you swim in those? You're gonna die on me. There are the biggest things I've ever seen tied around somebody's necks, and I just keep thinking, who did you cheat on in the 1800s? Okay, don't be that kind of fashion influence or come back from the lake. You're gonna die in those necklaces. I have to say, I am like really always impressed with Luan's statement necklace game. They're you know in the episode of Below Deck that's going to be airing Monday night night I believe.

You're gonna see a statement necklace that's all I can say and you're gonna see that like statement necklaces are not always they don't you know you one thinks you just put one on but it really does take a skill to actually make it look good and Leuand has that I think you'll see that on below deck She's upping it. She's not just wearing one. She's wearing like five. Okay. It's like she's taking one that are made out of tree trunks And then she's taking another one with the stones from Stonehenge and then she's taking another one that are just like Gold pleated like hubcaps. I don't even fucking know, but they're huge. They're huge. And she's mixing and matching humongous statements together. And I'm just saying, you know what? Good for you in your next strength. Yeah. Is there anything that she can't do aside

from hit a note? I don't think so. We're a beat. We start in Benton, Illinois, population 16, and we start at the Motel Benton, and the guy who owns it, this is the Patel couple, his name is Akash, and he's changing the sign, and he's saying the sign and he's saying welcome Hollywood. And his wife's like, it would be nice if we had an exclamation point, fucking Akash, okay? How many years have I asked you for one fucking exclamation point Akash?

And you can't even do that. Now we're gonna click fucking idiots with Hollywood coming. I know, also so adorable that they think that this is Hollywood, that Leigh Wannand's on your Hollywood. They don't know who it is. They I know. Also, so adorable that they think that this is Hollywood, that Lewand and Sonya are Hollywood. They don't know who it is. They just know it's true. That's true.

Celebrity. And really, that could mean anything these days. You know what I mean? That's true. And this is a big rope adope. Like, I actually feel bad for this community. You know, Ronnie has the simple life behind him on his video screen today because this show obviously has the DNA of the simple life.

And so I'm sure these people on some level are thinking, well, maybe it'll be celebrities, let me be famous people, but maybe it really will be someone like a parasiton type. Maybe it'll be parasiton again. Maybe it's like older wiser parasiton. Maybe this is a reboot. So like I think everyone's excited for some like real deal star power to come through. So they're like, that's not like the earthquake, whatever happened in Jurassic Park and then Amber came and then it encrested Paris and Richie, what's about Nicole?

And it just like kept them until something like got through that Amber and then, you know, they came back out and they were the same. This is like the dinosaurs just kept aging and then they started filming them way later. Yeah. There was no preservation amber on this show. Okay. By the way, I also want to mention that they truly interviewed everyone in the small town for the show because like there's so many people on screen. There's like Sarah, and there's the city clerk, and then there's the coal miner, and there's the person who's like the cheer captain,

and then there's so many people, and I'm barely keeping them all straight in my head. But the coal miner was the best, because they literally dug the coal miner out of the coal. They were like, Oh, come up here, coal miner guy. I would eat you, he was like, Hi, I'm here from the coal. They were like, uh, come up here, coal miner guy. I was like, well, hi, I'm here from from the coal mine. He's like coughing out a poof of like pig

pen smoke, you know, uh, peanuts. Yeah. They're like, we got, we got celebrities up here and he like comes up and he's like, what is that? You dragged me out of the mine. I would rather be in a mine right now. That you're watching the Wands on ya. So she's like, the producers ask her all the wife. They're like, so have you ever had me famous people stay at your hotel? And she's like, I mean, trophy hunters or like deer hunters, like people who are like

that kind of famous, you know, so that's been pretty cool. And then we cut to Luan packing and she's got her assistant everything. She's like, oh, well, I have so many choices to make. I mean, well, there's this bank, this one's wide and this one's off-white. And I don't know. I mean, what does one even do when there's so many fashion choices to be made? How chunky can my necklace be? to be made. How chunky can my necklaces be? And we see that she's got all her backstage little cabaret. What do you call them? The plastic things? Oh, yeah, her lanyard, her

backstage passes and stuff. They're all hanging there. And then her assistant H.R. guts, which I love, her assistant Emily, who I believe was probably just hired for this or like isn't around that much. Because you know, Sonia will have the same assistance for years. And we've seen her interns, those bitches will work for free, they don't care. They'll be there for years, like they literally don't care.

Luanne doesn't keep them, and I don't know, she just doesn't have the same kind of luck or whatever it is, but I don't think we've seen this Emily one before, but I don't think she likes her very much. And I know why, because Luan just keeps treating her like an idiot. She's like, oh, look at this. It's a Louis Vuitton box.

Do you know why I like taking it places? Because you can put things inside of it. Yeah, she knows what a fucking box is, dude. I mean, we're saying about how. I mean, that's not going to be a ton of storage. So be sure to bring all your Louis Vuitton boxes to keep all your very important land here is that you're going to give away to the poor people.

That thing is as big as her apartment, okay? And probably more expensive. So you're an asshole. And Emily's like, aha, a box, got it. And she's like, well, I love an adventure. And when they asked us to help out the town of Beton, Illinois, I said, I love Benson. One of the best servants I've ever seen on television and I think everybody should try so hard. I said that all sounds like a lot of fun and well

all I know really about is that it's very hot and they have some lakes and I believe huge cabaret fans but don't quote me on that. I'm excited to go. Hello, person. They didn't understand what a box was until I just explained it. Look at this little thing I bought in West Palm, or in Palm Beach rather, sorry, West Palm is when I was in jail. Ever in Wazu's late dad. You understand how inhaling and exhaling works. So you inhale to get air in Saadur longs and you exhale to expal it and Ijili into a wazoo. Woo!

The wazoo, by the way, is more on key than the way I never was. No kidding. And then she laughs and it's like 100 trailer parks watching America's funniest home videos at the same time. It's just like. It's like Carol coughing in a cave. So we go over to Sonia's townhouse, which she still is not sold apparently And she's there with her her interns and Sonia's like there's stuff everywhere of course like piles and piles and Sonia's like Oh, I'm very organized even though I don't look organized

I mean these are pads for leaking for my leaking liposax shots Put these here as you start putting like ice packs like under her arm passes our bits and stuff Because I guess you got lipipoh ahead of this TV show. Oh, and Alex is like, wait, you got Leipoh's archive. And she's like, I hear her under my arms. This section here, oh my God, they were so disgusting. Got rid of that. Got rid of this.

And the producer asked her what she knows about that in Illinois. And she's like, what does anyone know about Ben's? I fucked in once. Both the servant and Lloyd Benson, former Democratic nominee for Vice President. So then we cut to some people in Benton and this is my favorite because it's a cheer coach. And already, you know, because I'm very interested by proxy in cheer because of my nieces or well, my one niece, cadence is a cheer girl.

So there's a cheer coach and she's like, I would describe Benton as a small town with family and life and then we cut to fucking little girls selling lemonade without any kind of permission from the city. I'll tell you that much. And no, but none of those little brats applied for this job.

And then we see behind cheercoats, she's doing this from the high school, and she's standing in front of a trophy case, but it's all full of volleyball and basketball trophies and no cheer trophies. So you wouldn't describe Beton as a big cheer town. That's worse shit, would you? Like, why would you pose in front of that? You're disappointed. Wow, really just taking Linda Smith down a peg. Oh my God. But Linda, like, why would you? Why would you do that?

She's like a talent pharmacist. She's like, you know they like interviewer, like what do you do? She's like, well, I work at the pharmacy. I mean, I also, I do like the cheer cap and hang on the sob, but mainly I'm a pharmacist. That's where I got my degree from. They're like, got it.

We're just gonna say you're the cheercapping. So like, okay, and now, here we go. Boo! Win more medals, Linda Smith. Get a better captain, Linda Smith. I mean, if you're gonna have your heart of the pyramid. If you're the fucking pharmacist, put some Xanax behind you. Something we can cheer for. But volleyball trophies, If you're the fucking pharmacist, put some Xanax behind you, something we give cheer for.

But volleyball trophies, when you're the cheer coach, I'm disappointed. That we get to Carolyn Carter, who is an elder care professional. She, I was like, okay, I don't know why it struck me as amusing, because she herself, she didn't look young necessarily. And so I was like, I

don't know, I kind of feel like it was, it was an odd choice for me. I don't know to be there. But you only want young people working for elder care. I don't want someone who looks like she might herself need elder care to be my elder. Like if I'm, if I'm, if I'm getting care, I don't want someone who looks like me to be caring for me. Shit, that's when I'm going into elder care when I'm being on me my hair like this lady. That's when you need to feel young the most. That's true.

That's me like, look at me, people slap in my ass calling me tits. You know, Carolyn Carter is like, I'm 35 years old. We have not heard of voice to rise her in Batman yet. I am such an asshole. But anyway, she's like, she's like, everybody knows everybody usually. And then we get Bob Rea, Rea, it's R-E-A, Bob Rea. I'm sorry, I have to find out something before we pass over to Bob Rea Pearlman.

This lady is standing, okay, the background of this meme on behind her is a, it's a pickup truck, okay? And then it's a painted sign that's leaning on the pickup truck and it says sweet corn. And I just love the, I just love the specificity of rancid corn. Did you come here for the rancid corn? Oh no, no, this is the sweet corn here.

You want the rancid corn down the way. I just feel like, look, if I am in elder care, if I, if, Oh, you will be. If Godless, if Godless, I can make it to elder care to the age where I need to elder care. I just don't, I want, I want someone who I feel like is not my contemporary

taking care of me, if that makes sense. She's not a contemporary, she's a with its sweet corn mima. Okay, she's probably just finished sweet corn science. She's not a contemporary. She's a with-it-sweet corn mima. Okay, she's probably just finished sweet corn science. She's very active. I'm not digging myself out of this hole. I'm just digging a deeper. I didn't know I'm okay with that. There's a certain thing in elder care,

I think when you're just like a little bit younger than some, I feel like it's like a gay bar in a way. If you're like, look, I'm in my 40s, but if I meet someone in their 50s in the gay bar, I'm like, well, I'm in my 40s, but if I meet someone who in their 50s in the gay bar, I'm like, well, I'm like a teenager, basically. You old fuck. I think there is that thing in elder care, because when my Mima was in there, R.I.P. love you.

When she was in there, I went in there one time, and this lady was like, oh, that's your grandmother? Well, she sure got Daniel. I mean, look at her. I mean, I've seen her go from here to here. I mean, God bless. I was like, is this lady really shit talking? I've seen her go from here to here. I mean, God bless. And I was like, is this lady really shit talking by me, Monster Dimension, right now to me?

Like she's doing so much better. I was so offended, but I was also like, I get it, you know? Yeah. I was never more offended than when I visited my grandma, grandma Sally RIP in her facility. And when I was waiting for the elevator, they had a TV screen there and showing like the activities and they were like, tonight's movie is Dead Man Walking

and I was like, that feels inappropriate. That is inappropriate. I was like, okay, like let's not do that. It's like a double feature of Cocoon and Dead Man Walking. I'm like, there's one Dead Man Eden Puddin. Do I win something? Or are we just picking out obvious movies now? It was not, I thought it was not a thoughtful curation moment of curation.

It's really not. So Bob Ray. Yeah. Bob Ray. Shout out to everybody in elder care right now. Shout out to the people who actually are doing elder care, you know. So Bob Rhea, a museum director, he has this to speaking of dead man walking. He goes, we had the last public execution by hanging

in the state of Illinois. Like Susan's ran in a still by a glass window putting her fingers on it. And then we get a shot of this museum because he's the museum director, okay? So we get a shot of this museum, because he's the museum director, okay? So we get a shot of this, it's at a real body that they embalmed, because it's great. It's like the face is half gray.

It's like some country, western looking guy from the 1800s sitting in a jail cell with a rifle. And the science says, John B. Moore Democrat, 1886 and 1889. I'm like, but why is that the background? Why are you showing us that guy with a rifle is the background when you're talking about public execution by hanging?

Like, shouldn't he be hanging? I mean, I think this is background for that. I'm having problems with everybody. I'm having problems with the sweet corn background, this guy's background and the trophy background. This is like three for three. Okay, memo to Bravo. When discussing public executions,

we really want to drill home the point. Could you just show a corp swinging from a rope? It's just not enough to show the person awaiting execution. We want to just see lifeless body flopping in the breeze. Thank you so much. Don't show someone drowning. It's like, hey, we had our last public execution by hanging.

You show, you know, like some lady drowning from statement mequises because she cheated on her husband in 1882. You know? So we also find out that there's a festival called Testicle Festival, and then we see a close up of bulls and testicles. And at Bravo Common, they preview this show. festival and then we see a close-up of bulls and testicles. That's not so crazy. At Bravo Common, they preview the show.

I do believe they previewed some testicle dining. That's coming up for us. That's not so crazy to me. I'm from Texas. We're used to some bulls-balls. Those testicles are huge. They showed the testicles. Those were some Thomas Gerrardy testicles.'s like going into the locker room at LA Fitness, you know, just like some

some like Tom Gerardi in there being like, so how's it going? Because you know, like, as her age used to just don't care anymore. And you're just standing there and those balls were just like dragging on the floor. And I also liked that first of all, all the people who work there, that it's ladies who work there. and they all are wearing pink tie-dye shirt that say testicle festival. And then there's a guy like waving a fan sort of a thing and whooping and wooing at the bowl. And above him is a sign that says cash only. And I just love the thought of people coming in. They're like, um, do you guys take Apple Pay? Can I charge these testicles on my Apple Watch? It's time for commercial.

It's time for a crap and it's commercial. So Mayor Fred Conjrets is there and he tells us our town is famous for having the only George Harrison mural in the world. I was like, listen, I think you guys need to get something a little bit more, a little less tentative as you claim to fame because like, that one's a real easy one to lose. Like that one, like, that can't be true, right? Hey, like, have you been to England? I'm guaranteed that George Harrison's hometown. There's George Harrison.

C, are we on C yet? I don't even know what number of letters we're on, but I will say, additionally, it's not a mural. It's like a big blockbuster cutout of George Harrison. It's not a mural on a wall. It's like a cardboard cutout of George Harris. That's what you're famous for. You guys didn't have any block posters. By the way, there's a mural of the Beatles in Hollywood. So does that mean that we kind of ruined it for Ben? Or does it have to be like George Harrison, like, solo, solo George Harrison mural? Mayor Fred Condret's pathological fucking liar.

Can't wait to see where we go from here Fred, if that's how we're starting out. Yeah, by the way, also, if this is true, because by the way, I'm doing an image search and I really have not been able to find any George Harrison murals. They're just solely George Harrison. But by the way, if that is true, fuck you George Harrison hometown. How do you not have a mural up of like your star? Yeah, that's true. And also, who did he fucking bet to get a mural?

Like, why do you do some? Why is this this the why is this where the George Harrison mural is what did ringo do to piss off betten? You know, so then we go back to the pittels the motel owners and It's like so we got a sewer plant back out in the back and in the summertime It really smells like dog shit and we we give it close up of that. It's like a big cement swimming pool full of poop. So that's really nice. And we find out that's why it's called crappy lake, is that why?

No, it's not called that because there's, there's an actual lake, that's seen behind me obviously, because I'm there. There's an actual lake called Rend Lake that they call crappy lake, becausei is a type of fish. But it's actually pronounced Cropi. Like Cropi. It's actually pronounced the way Luan would say Crapi.

Oh, look at those Cropi's. So, what's funny to me is that it's called Rend Lake, but they call it Crapi Lake. But if you think about it, when I think of the name, the word, rend, I think of rendering fat out of something. So really naming issues all over this place. Yeah. It's a stretch, but also I think they tricked us on purpose because they showed the sewage thing and then they cut right to the lake gushing.

Because it wasn't just like the lake being plasaged. It was like the lake gushing out on something. So you're like, oh, the sewage goes and then they cut right to the lake gushing. Cause it wasn't just like the lake being plasered. It was like the lake gushing out on some things. You're like, oh, the sewage goes into the lake, you know, probably does. It's disgusting. So welcome to Cropby Lake everybody. Yay, we get the little opening. And then we go to Benton City Council meeting.

A mayor Fred is like our pledge allegiance to the flag of Canada States. I was like, you fucking pot that pathological liar, Fred. You can't even get through the Pledge of Allegiance without why. Exactly. I'd like to pledge allegiance to the George Harrison, only George Harrison mural in America.

Fred. So then someone named May is like, I would like with great pleasure to introduce a guest that we have here tonight. He's the former Benton Ranger and he was a track star before he moved out to crazy Los Angeles and became soft. Mr. Russell J. Now let's hope he doesn't come back and try and bring the same laws that he voted for there here. So Russell J. Staglich enters TV producer,

former Bentonian, and he is there, and he's like, well, I'm a former track star, but now I have a dad bod. And they're like, haha, that fell as gay. Are you sure he's from here? Yeah, there's no way that that guy is from here. It's like, hi everybody, not gonna wait for my intro to finish.

I have a dad bod now. Get it? Great. Okay, we all get along. We've all got dad bods. I'm like, well, what other kind of body would I have on? I'm a dad. So he's like, so I'm a reality TV television producer.

I produce thousands of hours and created many television shows. Remember CT from the challenge? I created him. So my mother lives here, my twin brother lives here, and they were telling me that this town was really, really affected by COVID. And then we meet Brooke. Brooke, can I just say that we get shots of this town being affected by COVID? Don't blame COVID on everything, okay?

Because this town was affected first. From my own sense. It's been affected by a lot of things who is not just COVID, okay? They show to prove this, they show like health food store shuttered. I was like, really? Who's the health food store?

They're in even Marcus, we're just about to open. That was for you, I'm sorry everybody. I'm really not. Why am I saying? Okay. Guess what I'm doing right now. I'm going to IMDB to look up Russell J. Staglick. First of all, Staglick, that is a hot name, right? Yeah. Don't you think? It sort of speaks of the reality a little bit. Well, but like, you know, you also call like a stud, like someone who's really hot. Yeah, I'm not saying like actual stag, okay? Don't make me into a total weirdo, perv. Um, okay, he also produced Sumbling Empire, New York, House of Creators.

Those are his only previous two. Wait a minute, but he's worked on like a ton of Unimary Productions. I guess this is like where he's executive producer. He's less executive. Yeah, I actually feel like I vaguely remember him from when TV Gasm was owned by Bena Murray and when we were blogging full time over there. I seem to remember Russell J from like literally 15 or 17 years ago, but I could be wrong, so don't quote me on that.

So that's him. So he comes in and people are kind of laughing at him and we get a shot of Brooke Craig City clerk and I wrote Blond hair, the bangs, the acid wash, Jean Jacket, God bless Brooke. God bless Brooke. She's very happy. She's just happy that Russell is back and they can like God bless Brooke. She's very happy to be, she's just happy that Russell is back and they can like fire up their VHS copy of Impromptu and like laugh about Judy Davis playing Chopin or something like that. She's been saving that denim gene jacket.

She's been saving it. They're gonna be watching dirty dancing. All the movies that they watched during high school. She's gonna be like, let's do some shots and he's gonna be like, are you holding my hand? She's like, I'm sorry, am I handed my hand in up there? It's like Brooke. Brooke, don't try to, I always felt like I had a chance with him.

I know I could turn him back. We're not going back down this road, Brooke. This is the road I ran down to get out of this town. Okay, I'm not running back down the same road, Brooke. So she's like, oh, sorry, go ahead. No, no, you go. No. Well, you're gonna say the same thing I said, I mean, I say so I want you to say it. Russell J and I went to high school together. I thought Russell would be able to get somebody

to come and to town because of all the celebrities he knows from doing the shit. What do you think is gonna happen if you get famous people? So you're gonna have more famous people going. Oh, the health food store closed. Well, that would never have had a chance, let's be honest. Oh, wait, we all agree. This show does not make sense, right? Like we're going to see. Literally no such. We're going to send true reality stars to a town and save it because it's kind of exposure.

Like all of a sudden, American Airlines can open up a route to Beton, Illinois, and the people are going to come flying in. I mean, literally open the description of the show with the cut of the sewage plants straight into the lake. It's what they made it look like. So yeah, yeah, the show doesn't really make any sense. It doesn't. I think that it was just like, it was a fun pitch.

Like, what if we take something in the Spirit of Shit's Creek with the people who made the simple life and put Luann and Sonia in it because they're not doing anything and people are mad at us because we've recast Rony? Great, let's do it. It doesn't have to make sense. We'll just do it. And I like to show the way it is. I don't need them to change it or anything, but I think that the original pitch was probably what's his name, Jay, Russell J. I think it was probably Russell J, marching in there and going, listen, I am from this shit little town, and I have a twin brother who's still there. And this would be great.

It would be like big business, but for real. One twin in the country, one twin in the city, I come back mock him relentlessly for not even be able to keep a health food store open. It's gonna be amazing. And they're like, no, you're not famous. He's like, damn it, I did bling empire. I'm like, no.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, nothing makes sense on this show, but we just go with it. So I need Russell J's twin on the show immediately. Thank you. Yeah, we need to see the twin. We're question. Okay. So basically, yeah, Brooke is really hoping that Russell can save the town by bringing to reality stars that were fired.

So we all say that do nothing but ask for things the way to do nothing but ask for things. They literally do nothing, but ask for the town to spend more money, okay? The whole point is the town is broke, and they're like, let's do a fundraiser for the town, we're willing to invite all the town to give us money. I'm like, you're asking for the, it's like going, it's like going to an underpass

and asking the people in the tents for $20. Let's not have this works. It's not, that's not Luan and Sonia work, though. It's literally perhaps. So Lohan's like, she's like, well, you know, Sonia and I have, I'm sorry. Sonia and I have done a lot of charitable things together. I mean, I'm even wearing a Sonia Morgan dress right now.

And then we get back to Russell. And he's like, so everyone, we do have two celebrities coming into town. I can't say who they are yet, but if the words fast and furious get you excited, then just know that no one from that franchise will be here. Neither one of them are fast nor furious, but they are coming. Constantly, apparently, or they're very upset. But they do come from very small towns and humble beginnings. Cleanest wood?

Nope, it's not cleanest wood. Whole Kogan. Nope, it's not. Whole Kogan. Don't eat the tiger. Nope, it's not Tony the tiger that's not a real person. They're from a premium cable channel not available in the city yet.

So just go with me on this. Okay, stop asking questions, God damn it. I made a dad party joke. Anyone from the expendables? I know. Well, actually, let me think about it. One of them may have been in that. No, no, no one from the expendables.

That is what our friend group called Brookham High School. That's not true. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Fast and furious is also how we describe the way she cuts her own hair. Now, if you want to take these celebrities to do an activity like fishing, go ahead and go up to him and show him all the great things. I think that's all you could come up with. You guys don't have a roller skating, you don't have a bowling. Nothing, you guys don't have anything here. Come on.

The whole idea of this is that like, Luann, Sonya are kind of just like freelance robots and you need them for a task. You just like put a quarter in them and they come and follow you and do it with you. Listen, I want you to show them everything this great community has to offer. Judd, not your penis, put your penis away, Judd.

If Clint Eastwood is going to get him a dick, that's what he's going to be. Judd, put your penis away, Judd. We want, listen, these are two VIPs and we want to show them the best of what Ben has offered. Linda, no, that does not include your cheer squad. Okay, earn some trophies first. Linda, you're really only here to cheer for the volleyball team. Okay, please don't talk.

How many times we have to tell you Linda, cheer squads for volleyball are not a thing. Okay. And then we get the real bitter guy of the series Craig Miller, the sewer plant guy. He's a guy who works at the sewer plant in case you couldn't guess. By the way, no one speaks like their country, like I'm speaking. I know, no. They all are familiar. And we're like, I know.

I either. I don't apologize, but it's just what's coming out. So he's like, I work over at the sewer plant and I got plenty of projects that need doing. I got sewer tanks that need cleaning out. And then he like does this in a lip, he does an ellipses with a pusher, but then he doesn't add anything to it. And they keep the camera on him to give him an opportunity. He just wants the sewer. It's clean. That's all he wants. Well, that's what's cleaned. Yeah. And he goes, if they think they're coming on vacation, it's not going to happen. I'm like, well, a great way to promote

Benton as a tourist destination. You think you're coming on vacation? No, sir. There is no vacation in Benton. They're like, oh, let's keep that. Let's keep that in the footage. Let's put that next to the door, Harrison Murrow. Oh, you know what?

We should put next to that slogan. A picture of Craig the sewer guy holding a dead duck upside down by his feet to figure out what killed it in the sewage water. Because that's what he's like holding a duck up so that I forgot about that. He was doing that. I just watched like, huh, there's a dead duck. So then Luann and Sonia are hugging at their, they're at their, arrived at their private plane in New York.

And Luann's like, well, we both got a call from Russell J. I was like, who the hell is this? Do you want an autograph? Fine. And he said, no, I'm a producer. I said, oh, yes, of course. And he said, I want Luan and Sonia, like Le Verne and Shirley. And I said, I don't know who those bitches are. But sure, we're unemployed.

We'll do whatever you need, as long as it's on camera. You know, he went to every housewife in America. and was like, I want Levereign and Shirley. Jacqueline and Teresa. I want Levereign and Shirley. Candy and Porsche because every freaking housewife show, there is somebody who claims to be Levereign and Shirley or Lucy and Ethel or Lucy and Ethel or Thelma and Louise which we also get later in this episode. We get a two-fer, and that's what I'm just saying.

So, um, so I'm just like, oh yeah, well, you know, we have great imaginations, we're very creative people. Yeah, we're always in the moment. Um, and the way I'm like, yeah, and we can do cabaret with them. Just what every small town you're in for. Group cabaret, like. Just what every small town you're in for. Group cabaret. I'm like, what actually is I'm,

I don't think anyone really knows what they're supposed to be doing on this show. There's like, I'm gonna do like a benefit or, I don't know, there's supposed to go fishing, but also gonna do a performance. Well, first I was cracking up because they're loading their stuff onto a private plane. And I was like, I love that this show is pretending

that Luan and Sonia aren't like literally two steps from living this lifestyle. You know what I mean? I know. Like they're pretending that they're these like really rich people, which we all know is a bunch of bullshit. These two don't have five dollars to rub together between the two up and they're getting on this little private plane. And I was like, Oh, they're acting like they're fancy, but it turns out they don't have planes that go to this place, right? So they have to take this little prop plane and they're using plastic champagne, champagne glasses and lose doesn't even have a bottom on it. I'm literally scared for these two now. So now they're on this private plane and Sony was like, oh, Lewand and I have

known each other for so long. I mean, it's just been wonderful in Louanne's like, yes, well she's the Yang to my Ying or the Ying to my, what if the parade in my caba, whatever you want to call her. She's the Yang to my clang, the clang to my clang, the clang to the clang to the clang goes to trolley. She's the V to my chic sailor. And Sony is like, I mean, we have so many things in common. I mean, God, we've all fucked half of Manhattan together for crying out loud. But when I was like, uh, we both loved it before.

I mean, I'm the one who actually sells tickets, but between Sony and I, there's no jealousy. We never fight. Well, I guess we've had a few moments in the past When we see some flashbacks stuff By the way news flash what you have in common is alcoholism and let's stop pretending it's anything different So then we see clips of them. You both been yelled up by Bethany Frankl Yes, you've all been called stupid horrors by Bethany Frankl even brutalized by Ramona singer

We see a clip of Sonny going the winds been fucking my guy. Oh really? I'm really getting sick of you now You're pissing get up your fucking eye hoi I'm on a camel. Thank you very much So then um Sonia's like we both know what a good friend is no matter how busy we are with the big lights And the big city like Sonia you still don't have hot water Why are we and why are we pretending you're not bringing in bottled water by the gallon from the dollar store to take bad? I know okay Yeah, this motel they go to is only the second worst

House that we see There's an entire episode whenever we go and look at the downtown home. So then, so people are, another top, we're talking to more people in the town and people are afraid that Luann and Sonia are going to be snobby, which they will be. And then Shane Cockroom, who has a great name for porn, there it is. Shane Cockroom, we've got a, we've got a stag lick and a cockroom. I know, maybe that's the twin.

He's the bet and fire chief and he's like, you know, small town people don't necessarily like change. I was like, oh, well, I never knew that before. Thanks for finding that. But they get a lot of it because all we really take here is cash. So we don't do apple pie. That's for pansy's out in Los Angeles. You can pay with apples. You can. You can. Granny Smith preferably. So then, oh man, it's like, oh my god, you've got

sweaty palms, so near. And she's like, oh, it's actually just the stuff that I have to put under my teeth after I got to lipo right into their field. She's like, gross, so near Jesus. So then we go back to the airport manager, Matthew, who's very upset that celebrities are coming to town. And now he's got fucking Brooke over there. And Brooke's like, no, we need a proper red carpet. And he's like, no, what about Maroon? Because Maroon stands for Benton.

I was like, no. One Maroon stands for Benton. That is the rollout carpet from the middle of your airport. So know it was like a rectangle a wide rectangle. It was not appropriate So broke of course she unfurls her red carpet because she's like I went to put I went to party suburbs for this Okay, cuz and I close in a party city. Yeah, yeah party suburbs party party cold the sack Yeah, and this is the fine one. And so hers is like a proper red carpet that she had unfurled. So the airport manager is clearly on, like, so mad that like a Benton maroon is not being

represented in this moment. Benton maroon, I'm so sure. So then the plane starts landing in Lewand, I'm like, oh my God, thank God for this fan. I feel like I'm a clown bacon. I'm a, I'm a clown bacon. I'm the clown. You know, I feel like I'm a clan bacon. I'm a clan bacon. I'm the clan. You're not the only one whose clan is bacon. Thank God I've got four pairs of underwear in my purse.

So now that we go back down to land and the mayor is talking to some local girls and he goes, so what celebrities you guys think are coming? So one girl's like, Kim Kardashian and another lady goes, I'm hoping for Vin Diesel. And then we go to Taylor Kearney who's got a mullet and he is listed as a car salesman slash singer songwriter and he goes, Jessica Alba for sure. I think that's probably the best guess. Actually, I think Jessica Alba would be a really, I mean, I feel like she's, she would be like, I can imagine Jessica Alba doing this.

Just someone going to Jessica Albin pitching it to her and she'd be like, you know what, I think I will do that. I think for the one with the biggest dreams in the town, Taylor has the most grounded guess. Yeah, this is Jessica Alba. Yeah, because if someone says we're bringing in a celebrity to save this town, I feel like, okay, it's got to be someone really famous because they said it in a celebrity to save this town, I feel like, okay, it's gotta be someone really famous because they said it's a celebrity.

So I'm already not thinking anyone on Bravo. I'm not thinking any real housewife. And I'm thinking it's someone famous, but not like someone who is currently on any projects or in any franchises. So I think that's like Jessica Alba. And then she can stock the shelves with all her like honesty or whatever. Isn't that her brand, the honest company

or something? But all that stuff on the shelves. I don't give her a lot of my mind just can't. Wow. Wow. Sackermost date. I don't remember what she's from. She's from a sci-fi show, right?

Like it was like dark, dark angel or something like that. And then she was in the area's TV. She was in the Fantastic angel or something like that and then she was in the areas TV she was in the Fantastic Four or something like that. So then um we got to a point I'm totally star-saving Jessica Alba. I know she's hot. I remember that. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crapance commercial. Okay so pilot they ask the pilot's like well they asked us to circle the runway a crap and commercial. Okay, so pilot, they ask the pilot, it's like, well, they asked us to circle the runway a bit. And so he was like, wait a second, is everything good, Cap? Because she knows that Jim.

She goes, is everything good, Jim? And it cuts to him, it cuts to him, it has a caption that says, Gene, comma, not Jim. She goes, yeah, no, it's fine, there's livestock. There's livestock on the runway. Because you know, this has happened to Sonya a lot where she's like, are we okay? It's like bad memories.

There's a Sonya pooping in her diapers on the gym. So she's like, well, where's the stewardess? Where are the instructions on how to float these seats? And the way I'm like, there's no stewardess. There's livestock on the runway. You really think that's going to be someone handing up peanuts? Ha, ha, ha. I mean, livestock on the runway. You really think that's gonna be someone handing up peanuts? Ha ha ha! I mean livestock on the runway. This is the first for me.

I mean, not that there's livestock on the runway, but that we're not. Just plowing right into them. Get off my runway! Count rays are coming through, survival of the fittest goats. They're literally goats on the runway. They're so cute. So the town gathers and they're cheering. They don't know why, but they're cheering and they've all made signs that are like, Hi, Solar Ruby.

It's all spelled wrong. Hello, sir. We're doing... I love the honest company. It's just the one guy, Taylor. And yeah, they're excited for like Vin Diesel or Kim Kardashian or Jessica Alba and then the plane lands and the lands watch get the window She's like wait a second. There's a lot of people here. What's going on? So Dia's like who are these people? Wait guess it's a demonstration I think quickly turn the plane around before the service was total PR nightmare

They're demonstrating all right, Macca make America cabaret again. We're on the same side, the side of music. We're all in our bubbles and our bubbles could be in a saxophone right now. Let's get some cabaret going. I don't know what I'm saying. He just getting to my head. Listen, we can relate. Sony keeps plenty of important documents in her bathtub. Don't you, son? relate. So you keep plenty of important documents in your bathtub. Don't you so? So then then the one realizes that this is not a political demonstration that people are waving. Oh my god, they're waving at us. This is amazing. Now why is that one saying we love you, Vin? Who is Vin? Is that you, Sonia? And Sonia is like, oh my god, I'm going to be sick. And the's like, welcome to our small town.

I was like, well, that's, you know, that's a pretty good generic sign. You don't know who you're gonna say. So you're like, here's who we are, a small town. Hello, my name is small town. Linda, could you please put down that sign? You're not even holding it right. Now this is why we can't win a championship in cheer.

She's holding the sign upside down. Linda's like, I'm gonna do a cheer for you. Hey, okay. That was a volleyball, Linda. Goddamn, maybe it. Linda, your signs has bring it in. It's supposed to say bring it on. God.

Thank you so much. Brought it off. Come on, Linda. So, Mayor Fred's like, hi, Mayor Fred, welcome to our small town. It's like, oh, let me guess you're the one who made the sign that says, welcome to our small town. Sure did. Okay, let's hug. So Sonia hugs him and, uh, Viren goes, thank you for coming to meet us. I thought there was writing. I saw these people, I mean, to me, that was high. Thought there was rioting. I saw all these people, I thought, duck and cover incoming Molotov cocktails, but it was just people coming in to witness a caperist.

I should have known, this is so funny. How adorable you are, all you cute little small town people. Hello there. I mean, we get a clip of this lady, whose name is Kristen, and Kristen is like the classiest woman in the town. She's like, we'll be pretty. She's wearing a beautiful butterfly dress. She looks like I'm going to either kill these women or take their lives or both.

And she runs the local cafe. Bloom. Yeah. And she's like, we had heard rumors of who would be on the plane and we were delighted when Sonia and Luan walked off that plane. We were so delighted. I mean, first we had to say, now who are these people again? And then we found out who they were. And when I said, okay, let me go Google them and I Googled them.

And I was like, really these are our celebrities. And I said, yes, I was like, oh, okay. But then they said they're becoming to my cafe. And I thought, I could use some extra sales. So we've just been so excited. So then one lady is so excited. Like most of them are like, who the fuck are these people? But one lady is like so thrilled that they're here, right?

And she's like, Oh my god, the man I've watched, I've watched it, I've watched it, I've watched it, I've watched it. I was like, oh, hello, how sweet of you. You sweet, normal, turkey necked woman. God bless you. And she's like, you have to go to the bathroom, you know, loose, and youed woman. God bless you. And she's like, Jeff, you go to the bathroom, you know, loose. And you see the

room. Hello. Yes, this is true. I do need to use the little lady's room. So you all can go back to doing whatever it is you do, opening up cans of beans and playing banjos. We'll see you later. And better sewer crags. I guess like, spoilers, rich girls from New York City. This is going to be a long five weeks. Like, dude, you work in the sewer. Is there a short week for you?

Is there a day that you're ever like, whoo, that one back quickly? Five weeks is a very long time. I feel like to be displaced in someplace like Ben. I'm sorry. No offense to the Ben nights, but like, as a long time for this gig, I thought there, no offense to the Ben Knights, but like, that's a long time for this gig. I thought there were gonna be there for two weeks.

I mean, the ultimate girls trip vacations are like seven days and there's stuck in this town for five weeks. That's a lot. Yeah, there's a lot, but it's only two people to rely on too, you know? I mean, that's something that's only gonna go out there a couple hours a day. She's not shooting more than that. Yeah, more than anything. More than anything. So it doesn't really. I feel like they there a couple hours a day. She's not shooting more than that. Yeah, more than anything. So it doesn't really.

I feel like they're both in battle. They are probably flying back to New York like every other day. So let's be honest. So mayor Fred, it's like, well, I got a list of things to do and Russell's there and he goes, he's like, ladies, please don't let me down. This is my hometown and they're already angry at me.

My twin brothers already angered me that I moved out to Los Angeles. So please, please make me look good. And they meet, of course, Brooke. Because Brooke's got like access because she's friends with the gay. You know, she's friends with the, it's like finally pays off to be friends with the town's gay.

She gets everything. I picked that red carpet. So then, I count the Ann from city finance. She's the city finance commissioner She's like, I'm so excited. They're here. They are beautiful But I thought wow, they have a rude awakening What a time for the health store close the health food store close Terrible timing for that. So now they go out. They're gonna go to their car Because the way I'm like mayor mayor. where's the car? I need to get my, do you guys have Uber here?

I need my vehicle. And so then the mayor's like, oh, the car's the one there with the open door policy. Yeah, it doubles as our insurance car for the town. Just go on right in there. Oh, the Y-1. Oh, okay. Well, I guess when they say black car, when you order a black car and not normally white, but I guess that might be a big town, little town difference. And it's a white car with like bars on the front, you know, like for when you hit deer or something in the road and you like want to move them out of the way instead of run them over. I don't know what they're called, like crash bars. Or deer catcher. Yeah, they've got, it's a white car with that and it says the Benton Airport. And so she's pissed.

And so Mr. Patel, the Motel owner comes over, it's just shit-faced already. I mean, this guy is like ready for it. He's like carrying a strawberry margarita and he's like, hello ladies, you're going to be staying with the Patels. And so he goes, so you're the hotel owner? What's the official name of the hotel? He's like the Benton motel And she goes that is smart marketing Bethany parachutes in no, it's not I already came up with the band motel. This is a cheetah brand. She did brand motel

So Luanne's like they're driving and she's like so do we think they are a conditioner works mayor mayor I have a I have a question for you Does this air conditioning work in the car? And the mayor is like, well, it was operating yesterday. Really? He's like, I'm just begging for forgiveness. Oh my God. So on your reach out, we have a big problem.

There's no air conditioning in the car. How's my singing voice supposed to perform under these conditions? How's that even possible? Is the car from 1985? I mean, we had AC in 1985, didn't we? Yeah, she think it's an 85. She's going to recognize this. So new recognizes the makin' model of the car from 1985. It's like, how's the name? It's just, how the fuck in this

town to get a car? And people laugh, not knowing that she's like literally serious. She will fuck her way into a car, you know. And the man's like, what's plan B? She's like, I don't know, I haven't had to take that for a while. Anybody hear that? No worries with me. So Luana is actually driving. I thought that they were being picked up,

but Luana's actually driving this car. And she's like, oh my God, it is so hot in here. She's like fully devying out. And Sonia's like, well, you know, I carry in my bag at all times, several pairs of underwear. And this is a three-panty day already. So the mayor is in there with them.

And he's like, okay, well, here we are, a town square in Benton. And Lohan's like, okay, do I gotta turn around? Okay, I'll turn around. Wait a minute, is this the whole town? This is the whole town here. He's like, make a ride, no in the middle. No, the right ride, the middle ride.

Whoa, which way is it? And so, it's like, well, they arrive at the motel, and it's like, wow, this is all vintage chic right here. I mean, so I really love that you have some real potential here. Sort of like, hi, low, I mean, mainly low. Like, it's a high end of the low end. Mainly just like very, very low, but I love it. What potential?

And then it cuts to a dented gutter drain in the mud. And she's like, well, I do stay at places like this in Palm Springs. I stay in these kinds of hotels. And he pointed like a rusted, what are those wind veins, a weather vein? A weather vein. Yeah. You guys, I can't believe I knew that. Some old rusty weather vein. And she's like, the roof looks solid.

The roof looks solid. Looks great. Looks like it only has about four to five leaks. So, so Luanne picks room number 22 because it's my daughter's favorite number. We're so I imagine I haven't talked to her in five years. And then Sonia's like, I'll pick 21 because I feel like I'm 21. Also, I'm hoping I can fuck 21 guys

before this shows over. This is on the mayor by the way, is wearing Sonia's big straw hat by now. Yeah, so you check out their rooms They're hideous of course. It's like mods double beds fly sounds, you know, yes, and the man's like well I think it is a little love and attention. That's what I think no class. It's gonna pass out in here It's like I know I think I saw this in a movie. I mean, look at the was. This used to be a jail or something. I love it like, you need like the adorable little town jail. That's the size of a motel.

So then we see Sonya's room. It's also terrible, but she has a candle in her. And so Louis instantly jealous. She's like, how come I didn't get a candle? And she goes, they just gave me a candle because someone died in here. The Motel owners right there, he's like chocolate. He's like, yeah, true story. Well, I like your refrigerator better. I demand to speak to the manager. So, um, so he's like, well, I'm not gonna

blur it out WTF because that's what I'm thinking. And I don't care if it's a five star motel. I just or hot five star hotel. I just want a tub. And if you know me, I love a bath. Yeah. So you see clips of her taking very cold baths, you know? And then she pops a stitch on her lipo because they have to load their own boxes into a truck. Luan has sent clothes to herself because she has to have costumes for every day. So she's sent like five weeks worth of clothes in boxes and there's no one to help them. And I love that Patel is like, no, I'm not doing that. I'm like five back reasons.

Okay. How fun. You have filled up my entire manager's office with these boxes for like three days. I am not going to touch them again. She's like, well, I mean, here we are with boxes of clothes and no help. There's not even a door, man. And there's certainly no valid parking. That's not happening. You have to imagine that they wanted Ramona on the show at some point, right? Like, this is like the biggest Ramona trap. Like Ramona would have lost her mind.

Yes. Ramona wouldn't have been cool about it like they are. They're both pretty cool, you know? Ramona would have fucking freaked out. So this is Ben's favorite kind of scene where it sounds like someone's having sex, but it turns out to be working out. The housewives are talking. I love it. So it's that, but it's Luanne doing her workout.

And I like that she's doing a prison workout, you know? She's like, well, there's not gonna be a gym here. So, ha! Ha! Ha! She's doing the Batmiddler and Ruthless People workout. You know, she's like, oh, there's not gonna be a gym here. So She's doing the bet middler and ruthless people work out stuck in yeah in Helen Slater's basement lifting paint cans. Yeah, so so the wann is So then she's like trying to she's like knocking on Sonya's door and so on you know, it's like trying to sleep and

Very upset that LeWand's always up early and Leands saying, well, I'm trying to get settled in, but there's no room for anything in here because the closet is so small, I can't fit anything. I mean, the clothes can hang out here until I mean, you know what I need? You know what I need? Bins. Bins. Bins to put in shoes. This is how you get ahead in Cabaret. You think about things like bins.

It's called anticipation, am I right? Now where the hell do you get bins around here? Then we get Sony in her room. There's just sit everywhere. I mean, it's a disaster in there. She's like, but I'm organized because the same fung shway, the astrology of the room, the numerology of the room, everything is working for me. I can find everything.

But it's intercut with her not being able to find one fucking thing. And then we go to see the mayor at City Hall, where Brooke is waiting, her favorite denim jacket. She said, my God, hi, it's me, Brooke, remember from yesterday? Well, that's a good, a bin. I finally found one. No, it's me, Brooke, are you sure you're not a bin?

Double check, can I put clothes in you, Brooke? She's just throwing scarves onto Brooke brook. Statement necklaces on to brook. Yes, well, we do remember meeting you Rick. Brook. Yes, Rick. Brook's like, we are such huge fans. I know. I know. So mayor Fred, he's like, well, great to have you girls here. Hope you rested well at Hotel Benton. No, it's like, well, great to have you girls here. Hope you rested well at Hotel Benton. No, I'm not saying yes. Well, Tetanus is more relaxing than I thought it would be to give it credit for that.

And Sonia is, yeah. And so he's like, well, you know, it's a friendly town and we're really glad we have you here for the summer and I've got a list of things you need to do in town, okay? First and foremost, open up a health food store, second of all, there's a crime that we haven't solved in about 40 years, could you guys get to the bottom of that? Third, Nancy, can you break the news to her

that she's just really not cutting it as our cheer coach for the town? That's really all we need you to do. But seriously, guys, he's like, guys, one of the things is the mayor that I would love for you to do is build a park for under privilege. What? Build a park. Go fuck yourself.

Yeah. Do you want these children to have legs? You want them, you want Sonia Morgan to build a slide for children to slide down. This is going to be a town full of people with perpendicular joints. Underprivileged, could you be more specific? The only thing you have to do here is eat testicles and go fishing. You're all underprivileged. How big is this park going to be?

It's the link of park for the kids. Okay. Got it. Okay. So cabaret performance for the kids. Okay. Got it. Okay. So cabaret performance for the children. Okay. Can we put Brooke into theirs that way people can throw their old clothes on her, you know, don't into the poor? We're not afraid to get our hands dirty or our panties. I've got six more pairs in my purse. It's like, well, we want Christmas in July, make it bigger and better than regular Christmas. Also, we want you to increase tourism, make appearances, chat with people, hand people things.

I know. Okay, well, here, do you have something I can put on to Brooks Head? I would love to balance something that giant noggin of hers. Also, I'm big and animal rescue, so we want you to bathe the animals, rescue the animals, play with the animals,

scour the animals cages. And she's like, well, we would love to bathe the animals, rescue the animals, play with the animals, scour the animals cages. And she's like, well, we would love to help with that. We support ASPCA. I mean, mostly we did that to get Sonya Newdard because she didn't have the funds really when the time came, but we do have an in. Funny story. I really had no interest in the ASPCA. I thought I was trying to get my scene career going and I registered my music with the ASPCA instead of ASCAP.

It's a hilarious story, but anyway, here we are. Now, just to warn you, I did protest PETA for years because I thought it was a kind of a bread. Ha, ha, ha. Once I found it was actually an animal organization with lots of well-meaning gaze, I was back in. Rumor has it, they do want me to replace her McLaughlin on their commercials. I've already been warming up.

I will remember. Line. Line. Line. You. And Sony is like, well, I did eat dog food growing up, but it's probably not a good idea. Which are the lines from the show and which are the ones that we are making up? So it's always a danger in this show, you know? It's like so about how did he dog food? So then Fred is like, well, all right, I'm just going to process that for one moment. Let's see, it broke.

Okay, it broke still small. And so I think that was process that for one moment. Let's see, Brooke can, okay, Brooke's still smiling, so I think that was supposed to be a joke. Okay, so I want you to put together an end of the summer performance. And Lou is like, whoa, that we can totally do. I mean, it's right up our alley. We can just have Brooke band-over will paint some piano keys on her back and pretend

with Billy Joel, the keys. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh uh uh. Uh uh uh uh. Uh uh uh. It sounds like.

Yeah, let's get some cash flowing into this town. Let's be honest, we're not going to spend five weeks here luxuriating by a pool. There isn't one. Yeah, let's say there is not. Now that's that'll probably know you have, you know where you lug your, we know it's Pooley, lug your idiot around here.

A sewer pool. So, son, you're saying, thanks mayor, good meeting. You look gorgeous. Have you gotten worked in between the time this meeting began and this, the time it's ending? Sonia, you're talking to a cardboard cut out of the mayor. I know from my 20 years ago, when he first was elected into office. So now

we get the coal miner, Philip. And he's like, what do we do for fun? I go fishing. Yeah. Crop Lake is real good for fishing. Yeah. So take them to fishing. Probably not. They're from Beverly Hills in famous. I don't know if they'd like fishing or anything. And you know that like when LeWan and Sonia were watching this back, they were so happy. Oh, you think some from Beverly Hills? Wow. And famous too, this show is dynamite. Own it, baby. So Luan goes to Sonia's room and she tells a story that she called her mother to tell her that she's going to go catfish hunting and then she does her mom's accent and she's saying like, whoa, why don't you watch your dog on our wealth, the cops? Fissional! I didn't go for it.

Eat him. Isn't that hilarious as a French Canadian accent? Can you believe it, girls? She's from Quebec. Talk about needing a fundraiser. I'm building a park for my mother. So, Sonia is like, well, Russell said the best thing to do here is go Newtlin. Do you know what that is? Newtlin?

He says that people pay to go Newtlin here. I thought it was we get need with Lin Manuel Miranda, so I totally misinterpreted that. That's why I signed up for this stupid show. Newtlin. And the way I'd say, well, we're going Newtlin or hogging. She goes, what's hogging? What's a newtlin got to do with a hog? And what does Newtlin or a hogging have to do with the catfish? Well, I don't know, because I'm no fishing expert. I'll tell you that much. All I know is that I'm currently in literal hell.

So they get a crappy leg and there's two poo pool noodles just like in the driveway and just lying there and just oh it's the noodles we're figuring it all out. The mystery is becoming clear. And then someone is like, oh hold down one second I have to do a gas thing hold on. Actually just farts. Well at least it wasn't diarrhea at that time. I never know what's coming. Jesus. So then we see Whitney Richardson, Newdler expert. That's her official title, Newdler. She's like, you guys excited and then Jason Miles, Newdland skipper. Now there's one. That's a new below deck, below deck, Newdland'. Yeah, he's like, so we're gonna go out, we're gonna find a hole,

and we're gonna see if there's fish there. Oh, it sounds like my sex life. And if there is, we're gonna go down. Yup, same thing, and put our gloves on. Yup, right on the money there. And I'm gonna try to pry out that fish. It's getting more abstract now, but overall, A plus. Do they actually burrow? Do they actually burrow?

Do they actually burrow in holes? So that's a please not go over my high school history here. Do I? I've said enough. So the way that Newtling works is that the catfish are in holes, laying eggs, and then you're supposed to basically stick your finger in there. So they get annoyed and they're going to bite your finger. And then it's like, ha, you bit my finger,

but now I've got your jaw and then you pull out the catfish while it's lying its poor eggs. This is on the heels of Lewandby. Oh, I love working with the ASPCA. Now excuse me while I go prize some fish from the wilder, try to give birth and have spawn. This is horrifying. I didn't know this is how you got these fish. I don't think that's how

you generally catch catfish. But I think this is how they catch catfish. This is fucking crazy. So they, Luan, they're both in the water. They both get right in. They're going to do it. And so he's like, okay, so what you have to do, I'm going to find, it's like, I'm going to find the hole with my foot. And then you guys crawl down my leg to the fish, right? And so he's like, which leg, your first leg, your second leg, or your third leg? Also, why isn't the fish biting his toe? Yeah, that's where I guess he's not, I guess he's finding the rim. I don't know. I don't want to get him. He must have like a very unantimidating toe. And one guy, they're like, but wait, does it hurt when they bite your finger?

And one guy is missing a finger and he lifts his hand. He's like, only hurts the first time, honey. I'm like, you. I'm like, I would be like, no way. I am keeping my fingers not for some stupid reality show up to go, like, I'm not here to try to like deep through to frickin catfish, okay? So or I guess I have the catfish to you through my finger.

I guess that would be either way. So Leuand's like, I mean, apparently Newtling is fishing with your hands and your arm becomes the fishing pole. Sounds disgusting, but I have to say Tom wasn't to that sort of thing. So what do I know? And Leuand goes right down and comes up with a damn catfish wrapped around her hand. I was so impressed. Well, also, I was impressed, but not surprised if that makes any sense.

I was, she just went down and I was just like, ah, it knows my music. All I had to do was hum a little bit under the water and it wanted me to shut up so badly that it tried to bite my face off. We got the catfish. I also like the big girls. We got the sewage plan. I also really like the way that Luan got into the water. She basically sat on the edge of the boat and acted as she was against scuba diving.

She just flopped back and then Sony just clambers off and belly flops into the river. So they're out and Lewand's like, wow, can you believe it? Oh, I got a catfish. Can you believe it? And Sony's like, wow, you can cross that off the bucket list. It knew my music. It knew my music. Well, I've gotten a catfish many times before. It's like the time I was dating John John Kennedy for three months.

And then I found out he had died 20 years earlier. Talk about cat fishing. So, drafting back under my eyes, does it even matter? I mean, where are we? Benz and Illinois and the producers are like, well, you look like you just came out of a lake, but prettier than that. I guess I don't really know how to say it well. She goes, I look freshly fat. That's how I look. Freshly fact. Yeah, I guess so. I'm not lying. Yeah, so it's like all the class that you would expect and wait until next time, because next time they go out and they get some.

I'm excited. I haven't seen the second episode yet. I just watched the first one, but yeah, fun times. I think that these shows are kind of hard to pull off, but you know, like Luan Sonia are like, they're just like really fun to watch at all times. So, you know, I'm happy that there aren't too many of these we're going to do, but this sure was a good time. You have to at least do the first. And no matter how many we actually recap, you have to watch a show.

The shit is very, very funny. They did a great job. And it is great having them back on TV. Yeah. It is great. I'm a great job. And it is great having them back on TV. Yeah, it is great. I'm glad that people are enjoying it so much. So anyway, thank you all for being here. Thank you all for listening.

And yeah, we'll be back later this week with just more Recombs tons of blow deck and all that stuff. So catch us on YouTube, catch us on Patreon, catch us just on your, on your podcast player. Bye, everyone. Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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