Watch What Crappens - LuAnn vs. Ramona

Episode Date: June 13, 2012

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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crap In's, a weekly podcast about all the crap on Bravo. The crap that we love. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and with me we've got a full slate of people. We've got our usuals and my co-host, Ronnie Caron from TVgasm.com. Hi, Ronnie.

Hi, everybody. And we have Matt Whitfield from Yahoo. What's up, Matt? Holler. And also joining us is Miss Lisa Timmons from... From space. From space. She might sound like she's from space occasionally because we're doing this all over Skype.

And if the wireless goes out, you sound like robots. So just bear with us for a moment here. How's everyone doing? So good. I'm really tired from gay pride. But in a good way, like spent. I feel like I've done something. Are you sore? Are you sore in all the right places? No, I'm not having sex on gay way, like spent. I feel like I've done something. Are you sore?

Are you sore in all the right places? No, I'm not having sex on gay pride, you guys. There's this gonorrhea that's going around and it doesn't have a cure. Oh, yeah, I read about that. Listen, every time we do this podcast. Is it the one that makes you eat another man's face? No, although that is protein, so I could have that on my diet. I was a little sad that I didn't see any gay people on bath salts this past weekend here.

But, you know, maybe next year we can have it. Well, you know, honestly, every time we do this podcast, I kind of feel like it's gay pride. So I just felt at home. I felt like I was podcasting with you guys when I was out there on the streets watching Lisa Vanderpump go by on her float, which is what happened. Were you shirtless and throwing pearls to Jiggy? No, but I was baring my shoulders like a lewd woman in Morocco. I had on a sleeveless tee, which I never do, but I felt like, you know, when in gay Rome, do as the gay Romans do.

Shaking off your Quaker upbringing. Well, and it was also a very good gay pride because all the house jersey was like gay months. It's like gay month. I mean, we'll get to that later, but I guess it's just hitting me now that maybe they did that for gay pride. I don't know. That was my first thought also.

That's a lot of unintelligible gayness. Well, you had a brush with some gay Jersey pride, didn't you? Oh, yeah. I finally got into some big Hollywood party. I've never done that before, but I just know friends who actually work in the industry. And someone got me into Bryan Singer's big gay party. Oh, my God. That is always a scandalous party. Well, I can see why. Everybody's naked.

Not totally naked, but everyone's in their little Speedos because they're all gorgeous and have no body fat on them. Then there was big gay Greg in the middle of the pool, and he got really wasted. Normally, the rule in living in Los Angeles is you can't just walk up to celebrities. You have to pretend you're

too cool for that. Once everyone's wasted, it's like, and living in Los Angeles is you can't just walk up to celebrities. You have to pretend you're too cool for that. Yes. But once everyone's wasted, it's like, hey, hey, let's take a picture. And he's like stumbling out of the party. I was like, what is he going to do, say no? He can barely see straight. But I got to hand it to him. He sure pulled it together to give a nice smile.

He's a reality star. I love that you can – well, great. I love that Ronnie considers him a celebrity. I don't really know if I'm willing – I don't know if I'm willing to give him that title just yet. Well, he's on a Housewives show, and Dana Wilkie still writes a Bravo blog, and who the hell is she? She's like – I think if that girl that yelled at Vicky drunkenly on the OC at a bowling alley can have a Bravo blog, that Greg is a celebrity. Well, all we need to know is that more people listen to our podcast than read, uh,

Dana Wilkie's blog. So tell us that. I don't know. She has a, she has a burgeoning music career and I'm very excited for her. We're going to be buying her CDs very shortly. Who doesn't have a burgeoning musical career at this point? I know.

And, I should probably announce that I have a CD coming out soon. Songs about podcasting. Very limited demographic, but I should probably announce that I have a CD coming out soon. It's a song about podcasting. It's a very limited demographic, but I think they'll like it. So what other gossip? I have two Jill Zarin-related pieces of gossip to share. Do you guys want to hear them? Yeah, let's keep her relevant.

Great idea. Let's do that. So first thing, this is I think is funny, is that Jill Zarin stopped following Countess Luanne on Twitter, which is, you know, That is super scandalous. So now Luanne can follow Blocked by Jill Zarin. That woman who got blocked by Jill Zarin. That woman got blocked by Jill Zarin. But on top of that, I then also read that Luann had some sort of Real Housewives viewing party last

week. She did not invite Jill Zarin. She invited this guy, Rob Shooter, who I think is a celebrity blogger, gossip columnist, whatever, and he brought Jill Zarin as his plus one, and it's a little awkward. Apparently Luann was not happy.

Oh yeah, you don't do that at a luanne party and i'm sorry she has a book of etiquette and you don't do that i know i mean first a girl sneaks in booze to her son's birthday party and now a gossip columnist sneaks in oh yeah just randomly well she probably just found her maybe she got drunk on the street or maybe she tripped over a bottle of something that got into her through a cut in her foot. I don't know, but she was in our bushes. All I know is that someone's getting blackmailed

by Ramona. Honestly, I believe it's Danielle Staub. I would love to be passed out in Luann's bushes, and I don't mean that in a vulgar way. I would love it just to be like, yeah, this one time I passed out in Candace Luann's hedges. I mean, that would be a good story. Isn't that what happened to Aviva's ex-husband?

Perhaps. He was just falling asleep. Just falling asleep. She was speaking French. He couldn't stay awake. Did you guys watch Teresa on The View? Oh, no. Tell us.

Tell us. Well, thank God for the internet because I had to quit The View a long time ago because I realized that my suicidal tendencies probably had something to do with having that on every morning. But I heard that she was on, so I went to good old-fashioned YouTube, and I got really angry and wrote a rant about it on TVgasm. So if you're bored, go read it. But basically, Teresa goes on The View and refuses to go on because, of course, they surprise her. And they're like, well, guess what? Kathy and Melissa are also here. And she's like, I'm not going on with them.

So she made them do separate interviews. So she was first. And these women on The view obviously don't watch the show because they were so mad at theresa i mean well i guess they could watch the show and still be mad at theresa but they were mostly mad at theresa for being on a reality show and fighting with her family it's like yeah it's kind of the point you dumb bitches like what are you gonna do okay do you really expect elizabeth hasselbeck to have anything intelligent to say, Ronnie? Seriously. Well, actually, Elizabeth was on Teresa's side.

She was actually being nice to Teresa. Sounds like my Elizabeth. Yeah, she was. Of course, she's on the wrong side of everything. She's on the wrong side of history at all times. But it really did show kind of – it made Teresa look better because the women were being so mean to her and saying, you know, well, is it worth ruining your family to be on this show? And how could you still be on the show? And if you really cared about your family, wouldn't you just quit the show and give it up so that you could work on things with your family?

Like these women obviously don't understand how TV works. Yeah. Oh, let me ask you this. Do you think Joy Behar would quit The View to like hang out with her like boyfriend? No. I mean, they all want the paychecks too, so they need to shut the fuck up. Yeah, and they sit around there talking about

nothing all day. All they do is complain about old lady things all day long. Unlike us. How is that better? Unlike us. Well, exactly, but at least we know we're full of shit. The people on The View think they should be in the fucking Diamond Jubilee, idiot.

Well, speaking of talk shows uh matt oh wait wait we can't move on yet we can't because there's one more thing i have to tell you okay so theresa stands up for herself pretty good and she's basically like uh no i'm not gonna quit the show and she told the audience uh should i quit the show and they of course like four of them clapped and said no. But then they brought on Melissa and Kathy separately. Yeah. And they were so bitter because they were playing their big victim card. Like, I'm sorry, that's Bueller. Give me that. They were playing their victim card like they do on the show.

Like, oh, we just don't understand why Teresa is so mean to me. And Joy is like, well, don't you think she's just jealous? Because you came on the show and she was so famous and now you're all famous and she's just jealous of you. And Melissa actually said the words, yeah, but Joy, we're different brands. Oh my God. That made

me officially over that bitch. I was like, I'm done with you. It was bad enough that her first episode of Jersey she was already talking about her stupid terrible off-key album that she hadn't made yet. But, I'm done with you. It was bad enough that her first episode of Jersey, she was already talking about her stupid, terrible off-key album that she hadn't made yet. But now I officially hate her. Now that she's referred to herself as a brand. Yes. Yes, Colgate.

Well, you know, Ronnie, I'm still a Melissa fan, but maybe I'm just a different brand as well. We're different brands, Ben. We're a different brand on the podcast. Yeah, I'm Arm & Hammer with Baking Soda. You're more Trident. as well we're different brands ben we're a different brand on the podcast yeah i'm armin hammer with baking soda you're more trident speaking of speaking of brands uh matt why don't you tell us about bethany's show well last week we mentioned this ben and i'm just i'm done i'm done she has a new talk show it's really bad she's tap taping it on Ellen's set. They just like changed the furniture. They premiered this Monday.

It's really just boring. And I'm just – I feel embarrassed because I bought all the products. I got so obsessed. I read the self-help books for ladies even though I'm a boy. And I really just think that I'm making her rich and I'm not boy and, um, you know, I really just think that I'm making her rich and I'm not getting anything from it. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you're getting skinnier. Yeah. You are getting skinnier, but that's not because. Yes. But, but not because of her sugar infused drinks. Well, you're getting better. You said you read her diet books and stuff. So her self-help.

No, you know what you're getting? You're getting a better sense of self, because the truth is this, for a little bit, we probably all were thinking, like, this bitch, she goes on to a show, she creates an empire for herself, and what am I doing myself? But you know what, though? Now you see her do this show, and you realize, you know what? Maybe she doesn't have so much going on for her. She's a crazy woman

who talks a lot. Well, not too different from me. And she has a show that no one likes, so we can feel better about ourselves. Look, here's the thing. She was good good as a co-star and having crazy moments in the confessional she should not be the star of her own show whether that be a reality show or a talk show i'm done i'm officially done what was was it like uh is the show like the format of like ellen or is it more of like an oprah or like what's it like it doesn't know what the hell it's doing i mean she interviewed ellen as her first guest how lame is this because ellen's the doesn't know what the hell it's doing. I mean, she interviewed Ellen as her first guest.

How lame is this? Because Ellen's the producer. I mean, it's just, it's tragic. It's only playing in about five markets on Fox networks. So, I don't know. If any of our viewers or listeners are tuning in to her, I would love you guys to post comments because I'm just sick of that shit. Well, I feel like it's going to be a huge success. I remember when Sally Jessie Raphael came out.

That woman was awkward. But she sure came through, you guys. Years and years. So, Bethany, all she needs are some red framed glasses. And then we'll be set. Yes, she just needs some terrible glasses and some bangs. Okay, so speaking of Bethany and Jill Zarin and New York City, why don't we get

on to the Real Housewives of New York City? And by the way, to touch back on Jill Zarin, she posted a big blog, a post on her blog today about Real Housewives of New York City, and she basically suggested that people should boycott it, and then she removed the blog. So a little bit of a scandal there, too. What did you think about this

week's episode? Boring. Boring. I loved watching Luanne raise her, like, make the camera crew come to the Hamptons so she could prove that she's actually trying to raise her children. That was hysterical.

I think the whole theme of the episode, it was so fun, the whole theme of the episode was how Luanne's sort of solidifying what Ramona has been saying because her daughter – wait. Was this episode the one with the art show or was that the last one? That was the last one. This is the one with the son who's failing French. Okay. The son is failing French.

Last episode, her daughter had an art show, which I thought was good. I liked it. It was good. Yeah. How dark is that art? I love how her poor – like her children are just like not who she is trying to portray them to be. They are rejecting their French heritage and they are doing very un-waspy type of art. Well, and they both look like they're on severe amounts of drugs.

Let's just be real. They do. They both look lobotomized or something's wrong with those children. Well, they probably have a farm up in the Hamptons and they're just stealing the horse tranquilizers. Well, they no longer know what emotions are after their mother did not go to taco nights so many nights. They stopped becoming invested in things like emotions. But let's also be honest.

The fact that they are on drugs may be one thing, but they are so beautiful, both of them. Tag and release that Noel. Tag and release. Wow, Noel. Now, he's only 15, so I will not say anything sexual or amorous about him. But when he's 18, he will be fair game. No, he's one of those guys, you're like, he's so cute,

and you do everything you can to get him, and then he just smokes all your weed and eats all your food and does nothing all day. No thanks. I mean, seriously, could there be a lazier kid on reality TV right now? The kid has a French dad, a French, like a mom who likes to think she's French

and a mom's boyfriend who actually is French and he still can't pass French class? I was dying at that scene. Luann was hilarious to me in that scene. Luann could not have been more livid. Luann has like French me in that scene. Luann could not have been more livid. Luann has, like, French Tourette's. Zutelor!

Oh, I kept thinking about that last episode where, I think this is going to be a theme throughout this season, but last episode where she was dying to speak Italian with Heather the first time they met. Well, because it's her way of doing the humble brag to show, well, you know, I lived in Italy. I loved, you know, I speak Italian, but I do love that she got, her rage French was great when she was like, Jacques, would you like

some more water, Noël? She was angry, like, I'm speaking in French and you will learn this. Yeah, I love like what she said. Yeah, that's right. You better say oui. this. Yeah, I like what she said. Yeah, that's right. You better say we.

I was dying. She has nothing better to do, and I love, my favorite part, I mean, don't get me wrong, I still hate Ramona, but my favorite part of the episode was, like, the four occasions where Ramona kept reminding everybody, including the viewers at home, that Luanne really doesn't have a job, so she

has plenty of time to scream in French. Well, it's the new Vicky. I love the new Vicky Gumbelson. My favorite part about that argument was when Ramona got so heated and said, I don't even have time to get a manicure. But you know what? I got these gel shellac. And the thing is, they actually last for three weeks.

And then she's genuinely – but anyways, I'm mad at you. Luann just – it actually comes up to a very interesting question, which is who won this argument here? Is it like – on the one hand, Ramona had a point, which is that Luann is always condescending and truly does not understand when or how she's being perceived as condescending. But then Luann has a point, which is that Ramona's crazy and vindictive. So who won here, aside from the viewers? I think Ramona did. I think Ramona did. Ramona did because Luann's actually going all the way to the city,

which is two hours away from her house, away from her kids, again, to have a stupid fight with Ramona in a park and then go bang jock at some hotel in Manhattan. So you kind of auto-lose. Maybe you should call them while you're in the carpool line at school or, I don't know, like pouring over your son's French homework. Yeah, but I'll tell you who did win. Doing it for him.

I'll tell you who did win. Purveyors of purple eyeshadow. They won for sure. They are getting a great showcase with Ramona in all these fights. Ramona and Luann are both stuck on the old way of doing things. Like them, to get camera time, you have to yell at each other about this stupid shit that no one cares about. And the new ladies are actually bringing something fun to it. And I liked that last night actually concentrated so much on their motherhood, their mothering skills.

Because that's actually really hilarious to watch, and you don't really see a lot of that on TV, like the real side of it, you know, like the really lax parenting. I love Aviva. Well, now, Matt, what did you think about the way Heather and her kids, the way they were causing a ruckus in the restaurant? You know, I think they're cute. I think that they're normal children and i

think that kids do that and i actually think that heather is the most real of all these crazy women and i don't have a problem with her kids you know acting up you know they're three years old and they want macaroni and cheese you know and they probably want to throw it on the wall in the restaurant whereas aviva's children it's like so fucking formal. That's the goddamn diamond Jubilee. Let's put our napkins in our lips. Shut up, Aviva. Jesus. Remind me, by the way, when you eventually have your little adopted Madonna family to never go out to a restaurant

with them because your kids are going to be terrorists. I'm not going to say children until after they've graduated from boarding school. Don't get it twisted. No, actually, I completely agree with Aviva. I think Heather's very fake. I love how she had her little conversation

with Ramona last episode. She said, oh, yeah, that's great. In the confessional, Ramona's a bitch. I hate her. They're like, I don't know how Ramona thinks, why she invited me to this dinner. I don't know why she invited me to this dinner. It's like, because you accepted, you nut. No, no, I'm going to fight you right now, and let me tell this dinner. I don't know why she invited me to this dinner. It's like, because you accepted,

you nut. No, no, I'm going to fight you right now. And let me tell you why, because let's kind of park bench. I don't go to any park benches the day after a gay pride. Okay. Thank you. Um, anyway, what I'm trying to say is Heather at least had some class at Ramona's, you know, dinner party, not to get into it with Ramona. So if you're not going to get into it, of course you're going to talk behind their back. And Ramona deserves people to talk behind her back. I mean, Ramona is evil and terrible. But you know what, though? That's one thing.

Not to harp on last week's episode. So the dinner party was one thing, because Ramona was crazy and said that whole thing about the interrupting. But when Heather had Ramona to her office, and Ramona tells the story, heather says thank you so much thank you for sharing that and then in the confessional totally rips ramona to shreds i think that's fake why do you people have a problem with that no i mean i thought it was entertaining but i'm just saying you can't call it real when i think the confessional i think the confessional was probably done after the fight at Ramona's house.

Well, clearly. Because she was trying to be nice to Ramona, and then Ramona pissed her off. So now everything is cut. It's like when you watch Jersey, and Jackie is very diplomatically hating Teresa the entire time. That confessional was done last week, and the season was shot last year. They've been seething for a while, and they've seen other stuff and they've experienced other things. So then they really bring it by the time the confessional cameras roll. Well, I think that Ramona is violently idiotic.

And I don't understand how anybody makes it through two minutes without getting a baseball bat and taking it to her head. That woman is so obnoxious and so cross-eyed, bulging-eyed crazy. That woman is so obnoxious and so cross-eyed, bullsing-eyed crazy. Well, I mean, I love – as much as she likes to say that Luann makes little digs, when they had their fight, Ramona kept on saying, like, look, we'll be fine. As long as you don't start up with me, I won't come back at you. So just don't start up with me and we'll be fine. It's like, no, Ramona, that's not the way you get a resolution. Resolution is not like – you don't couch in an attack in a resolution, OK? But I have no filter. That's just how I – that's in a resolution, OK? But I have no filter.

That's just how I – that's just me. It's me. I have no filter. That's not an excuse to be a C-word. Yeah, she's simultaneously – Yelling, so I just can't talk to people. She simultaneously takes accountability and then denies accountability. It's the most fascinating thing I've ever seen.

Well, look, we're never going to hear the tapes from that phone call. So who's – I mean do you believe that she threatened Luann or not? Yes. I believe it's somewhere in the middle. I believe she said something that was vaguely threatening, but she didn't realize it was threatening because she was probably like in some like seizure blackout space of rage. And Luann, also also missensitive she probably is the one who you know she probably did embellish details I mean look at look how dramatic I'm gonna be I'm gonna

be honest with you I think that Luann is really really self conscious right now and I that she is blowing this up to make it bigger than it is I mean yes I do think Ramona probably got on the phone was like well I actually know what's going on with your kids so like don't think you're fooling anybody which yes Luann can spin that into, yes, she's threatening her.

However, Luann should feel defensive right now and she should feel self-conscious because clearly she is a shit mother. Yes. I love defensive Luann, especially when she – I love Luann when she gets a gas. Like going back to the French thing, when she told us, she was like, would you believe French? Out of all subjects, French. You know, she's like, what'd you do with the Cancer Society a few seasons ago? She's like, would you believe Ramona could burn me at the Cancer Society? That would be like me

failing countessing. Well, if you think back... He's failing math. Oh, I'm sorry about that. If you think back to the lunch, the hit and run lunch where Luantha sat down and was like, Hi, girls, Ramona blackmailed me. Okay, got to go.

Talk it over. Yeah. And she just left. That lunch, Luann said, Ramona blackmailed me, but she also made sure to get in that story about the girl in the bushes, which means Ramona basically just said, Why are you bringing up your children all the time? If you want to talk about your children, we'll talk about the party with some drunk girl on a bus. Yeah. Why are you bringing that up on TV?

And then Luann's taking it as blackmail and everything else. Basically, get a fucking storyline, ladies. Props to the new girls for deciding that they were going to hear both stories. And by the way, which brings me to the – I want to talk about Aviva for a second here. Sister. She's the new sister. Is she not? That's exactly what I want to say. Totally. Well, when she, I love, you knew that that was

coming as soon as she said, I mean, a little fib to keep from hurting someone's feelings is appropriate. Well, back to that hit the hit and run lunch for a quick second. I mean, I really think that Luann thought that that was her way to gossip with the three new ladies, totally get them under her wing and have them have her back against Ramona and Sonya for the entire season. But I think it's going to actually backfire on her. I think so, too.

It looks like. Yeah, because Carol is Carol is going to stop that. Carol Channing with Carol Channing. She has Carol Channing. Carol is going to stop that. Carol Channing with Carol Channing. She has Carol Channing. Well, you know, to quote Sonia Morgan, I've been hearing a lot about this Carol Radzowell.

Oh, Sonia, this episode has been – I've had so much fun watching clumsy Samantha Jones. Rolling off her Hurricane Irene soaked futon. Hurricane Irene soaked futon. Hurricane Irene soaked futon. Can I just make a suggestion here? She has no money. She's like $17 million in debt. She should fuck the shit out of that plumber. Oh, yeah. No kidding.

Well, she knows that. She's trying. She's trying. That's why she was literally jumping up and down to make her boobs bounce around. And by the way, do any of us actually believe that Hurricane Irene causes damage? We know it all came from back up from the toilet when it was clogged with a blackberry last year. No, she's making it sound like she was in Katrina. Like what?

Hurricane Irene. What? I know. Why is she the only – And got you a pistol to defend her home front. Why is she the only one in Nework city who has any damage from the storm because she lives in a shack she does she lives in like a five-story piece of crap apartment and she's like well my ex-husband renovated this entire place really because the walls are like

buca di pepa in there that is like faux painting don't even give me that i love i love someone with a tiny sponge going along every in the whole house so tuscan so yeah well next time they take a sponge they might want to fucking clean her pit i know you know kelly ben ben simone or whatever was sitting at home like i told you it was dirty in there the walls are falling apart i like but i like the i like the attention that she puts into having a proper drip pattern using her draperies. I was like, this poor woman is so bored that she probably spends hours

arranging her draperies just so. That way she can get this nasty yellow one. Don't you love how she had to tell us that each little tassel not lit was $35? What a dumb bitch. I'm like, if $35, take down the draperies for crying out loud.

She's like, these are stained and moldy. I mean, they if $35, take down the draperies for crying out loud. I was going to say, sell that. She's like, these are stated moldy. I mean, they can be cleaned. Really? Because they're not cleaned, and that hurricane was a long-ass time ago. And I've watched hoarders, and I know what they do to mold, so shut up. And you guys, what was with that assistant, or whatever her name is, and when she's telling the story to the plumber, she's like, and my assistant was like,

oh, miss, miss, it's raining in here. I was like, what, is your white, big-titted assistant suddenly Mammy from Gone with the Wind? Like, I don't know. It's like she's being racist to black people while talking about a blonde white girl.

I did not understand it. Well, let me explain something to you about Sonya. This girl is from the south, so this is probably the closest that Sonya's ever gotten to a black person. Unless you count the drag queens at the GLAAD event that they went to later in that evening. Oh, my God. That was amazing. Where Sonya missed her cue. Although I don't that evening. Oh, my God. That was amazing. Where Sonya missed her cue. Although I don't think that was Sonya's fault.

That was clearly Stasia. I don't think so either. And I like the way she handled it. Hello. She has no money, so she has to get the free kebabs backstage. I mean, the girl has no money. There's a free meal. Take it, girl.

Oh, and by the way, there was a black person backstage with her. It was Wilson Cruz from My So-Called Life. So there. It's all worked out. So there. It all worked out. I could just see her with the drag queens. How much did your tassels cost?

She's probably trying to hire them to renovate her home. She's like, listen, you are big guys, right? Why don't you come in, fix this drainage problem I'm having, hang out. I'll make you some crudités in my toaster oven. Not that you make crudités in the toaster oven, but probably Sonia would. Poor Sonia. I love that she's still holding on to that, by the way. That's the toaster oven. Not that you make cookies in a toaster oven, but probably Sonia would. Poor Sonia. I love that she's still holding on to that, by the way. The toaster oven cookbook.

Well, isn't she actually selling toaster ovens now? Oh, God. Oh, yeah. Something about her logo. It's called Products. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Yeah, she's selling toasters now because her toaster was so ratty, and she's trying to sell toaster cookbooks. I kind of want a toaster. I ratty and she's trying to sell toaster cookbooks. I kind of want a toaster. I want to see how it works. I feel like you open it up and there's some sort of long-winded explanation about why the door isn't opening properly. I know. You'll open it and it'll be dirty rain onto your toast. Yeah, and then you'll find a beat-up

blackberry in the back. There it is. Oh! So let's get back to Carol Radziwill for a moment because we haven't touched on her that much someone from target will come to your house and repossess the toaster sorry that's good that was good i'm gonna make a bold statement. You ready? Yeah. Carol's mouth scares me more than Taylor Armstrong's multiplied by – Carol sort of has to do that one Muppet. By Alexis. Oh, the drummer.

I'm sorry. Carol's mouth freaks me out. It's a wrinkly, old, like pruney sack. It is weird. It is weird, but not worse than Taylor. Yeah, it's worse than... Taylor's at least doesn't have wrinkles crawling out of it.

Here's the thing. It's like an old velvet coin purse with dust in it. I think it sort of looks like an awning, which is what I appreciate about it. It's like if it's rainy... Awning! It's like if it's rainy. Awning! Like a tootie awning. It's because she got those toilet lid teeth

before they were perfected, and now they stick out. My favorite thing about Carol is she fancies herself the Carrie Bradshaw of the group. Yeah. She sounds like an old lady, though, which sort of works against that whole effect.

She's really funny because she's like an old lady though which sort of works against that whole effect well the well the thing that she she's really funny because she's like oh i'm a widow i wrote a book about being a widow please don't remind me that i'm widow but my next book is about being a widow so yeah i really wish that you'd stop taking me into that headspace about being a widow but you should know that i'm gonna write an encyclopedia britannica on widowhood but stop asking me about it she's sort of she's sort of uh also turning into the one up one upper of this well she's not only a one-upper i'm sorry she's not one upper i think she just has a lot yeah she's like she's like i was more terrified listening to luann than the time that i was in a fighter plane going into afghanistan and talking to peter jennings on the phone. That was terrifying.

Look, she's a complete disaster. I mean, she's, like, ridiculous. But the problem is, like, her ego is getting inflated because Ramona and Aviva are suckling at her teats. Yeah. Well, I mean, Ramona's right. I mean, she is probably more accomplished than any of them, you know? Nobody's as accomplished as Ramona and Mario. I mean, look at their money.

That true-faith bullshit jewelry line is a cash cow. Although, you know, I mean, Carol is, you know, screwing around with someone from Aerosmith, even if he's a touring musician. Okay, no. Thank you. Let me clarify. He is not a member of Aerosmith.

Exactly. By the way, I liked when she was like, you know, I love just driving around and listening to the song that I inspired. It's like, shut up. And meanwhile, what was that song? It was like, I feel lonely when you're here. Or no, I miss feeling lonely when you're here. In other words, I don't like being around you.

I'd rather feel low. Like, what an offensive fucking song to write. It was written about her experiences with Peter Jennings and Diane Sawyer. So it makes sense. You know what would have been perfect? As they're driving through New York, Luanne is driving the opposite direction, blaring, money can buy you class.

In a rented Chrysler Sebring convertible from Budget Rent-A-Car. You want to have a baby? A baby? Yeah. Oh my God. from budget rent-a-car. Yes. And Doc said, you want to have a baby? A baby? Yeah. Oh, my God.

By the way... A pregnant with Luann would be amazing. I like sort of the idea of Luann and Carol drag racing. Especially because they both look like drag queens. So it really is appropriate.

I have a feeling that the Countess has never driven a car. I mean, she's a Countess. Well, she's probably driven a Citroën, you know. That's very possible. This is an automatic?

I can't drive an automatic. She only will drive if she can wear big sunglasses and a scarf around her head, and it's a convertible and it's a small car. Oh, yeah, and driving gloves. Yeah, and it's on the other side of the... And it's a British made. She's like, oh, this is gloves. Yeah, and it's on the other side of the – and it's a British maid. She's like, oh, this is so weird, you Americans.

Où est la voiture? Où est la voiture? Il faut que conduire la voiture. Oh, Ben, you're failing French. I am the Noël of this podcast. Would you believe me? Former French president. French class president.

Fermé Labouche, honey. Fermé Labouche. Okay, before we get to Jersey, I have one quick question about Heather. Yes. The dead dad thing bothered me in the premiere episode because it was bizarre and awkward. But I actually thought that party was nice and that helps me think that she's a good mother and I don't hate her and she's secretly my favorite and I feel like you all are haters. What I was going to say before

when we were talking about Heather is that this week I thought she was redeemed. I thought she was much cooler this week and I loved her house, but I have to say, you know one thing that I thought was so funny? When she and her sister were reading this really touching poem that her dad wrote, their dad wrote, and it's about veterans and they're crying or whatever, and at the end her sister goes, I'm sorry, and it's about veterans and da-da-da, and they're crying, whatever, and at the end, her sister goes,

I'm sorry, he's so fucking talented. It seemed like a very emphatic response. Sort of like, he's a star with car, he's so fucking talented, I'm sorry, but it's true. Yeah, it was just like, it was such a beautiful moment, and to sort of say

fucking was really very kind of, like, jarring for me. Yeah, whatever. If your dad's – I don't buy it because last week she was like, oh, you know what? My dad died last week, and then I did my laundry, and then, you know, whatever. Like, it was no big deal. And then this time she's saying, you know, I loved my dad. We didn't have the best relationship in the world, but I still loved him. But you know what?

I don't care really that much. I'm very nonchalant about him dying, and we weren't that close, but I'm going to have a big party in our Berkshire's house, which is not pretentious at all. Because you know what? It's very real there. It's very real. We're going to have a party on camera to cry about

it for you. Like, shut up. I really don't mind that she was awkward about her dad dying because you know what? Honestly, there's no... I can understand that. When something like that happens, you just kind of blurt shit out and you're like, I can't believe I just fucking said that.

I can't believe I said that. What I find weird is if I were in her position, I would have been really uncomfortable letting cameras into my home for that intimate moment with my family. Well, yeah. I mean, it's part of this. But you know what? By the way, that when you do that, then all of a sudden it just feels too much like a power play.

It felt to me like the way Countess Luann, like having this conversation. Look, I am actually interacting with my child. I'm getting him a glass of water. Lisa, this is merely the form her grief has taken that's all it's the form her look these like aviva and i mean the three new girls need to make shit happen and i think that they all are trying to make that happen as soon as they can because again you do not want to be a one season wonder like cindy bar. So they are trying to get the drama, hook people in,

maybe get some fans, maybe get some haters, maybe even more haters. Cause that's probably better. But, um, you know, I don't blame her for that.

I mean, these people look, they're all horrible because they want to be on reality TV and make money. So let's let them be horrible. And let me say one other thing about Heather before we move on. Were you guys not expecting to see, did you just tell me last thing? I said one last thing okay um i actually don't yeah you need to i'm keeping the flow going somebody's not having his car thing and i say okay one last thing and

it's all of a sudden i'm wrong for saying one last thing go say you're one and it should be more real about it. We're going to get into a point. Anyway, I was expecting to see Heather's child when they showed little jacks at their party in the Berkshires. Were you not expecting to see him in a hospital bed with 19 IVs? Oh, you mean a bubble? Bubble? Talk about that child. He should be in a bubble.

Yeah. Or a hamster ball of some sort. about that child he's in a but he's he should be in a bubble yeah well based on the conversation between her and ramona in like all the interactions that she and ramona have had the truth is those two are i don't think i don't think ramona was right i don't think heather was wrong i don't think you know but they're just so fucking similar they're just like intense talkers yeah and they they rub each other the wrong way and i I think that Ramona brings out the worst in Heather because Heather does really well with more subdued people.

Well, and Heather has her own business and she's surrounded herself with people who make her think that she's intelligent and everything that she says is important. So I think when she's outside her circle, no one really gives a shit, lady. Like, shut up holla yeah they're

called spanks and you didn't invent them okay okay so let's go before we get some hate mail from jill zarin let's move on to new jersey because you know we need to we need to move along we have a limited amount of time um so uh new jersey my goodness where should we start this was a wedding ecklund jide maybe i forgot about that that's better that's better than coming i'm sorry it's not fair it's better she's like ecklund jide who is she it's that's better than when theresa said that her brother wanted to go to physical therapy. She didn't know what a tree trunk was. Why am I acting surprised? And yet the women of the viewer are on her side.

Elizabeth only. The rest were anti-tree. So I guess the big story this week. The big story this week was that Teresa had that bombshell article in In Touch or Life and Style or whatever the tabloid was where she bashed all her cast members. And this, of course, came out while they were all together in Chicago for the gay wedding. And Caroline was none too pleased. Well, notice that none of the – Caroline needs to get that stick out of her ass.

I'm sorry. I'm starting to hate on Caroline. I was thinking I kind of feel like that too. She's being such a drama queen. Well, I noticed that none of them denied anything that was in that article. Caroline said, oh, she's twisting

my words. Well, Jackie said that Caroline actually did say that, but just didn't mean it that way. And then Melissa said, what? It was just the truth. Why am I in trouble for saying the truth? Okay, bitches, so you're basically all saying that you did give quotes to Life and Style that were bashing Teresa, whether you consider it hateful or not. They were rude. And now you're acting like Teresa's just making it all up for some magazine.

They're all making something out of nothing. Look, they all said those things, and none of them were really that evil or critical or bashing, and Teresa is not bashing them for saying those things. It's just – it is what it is, and clearly we need a storyline this season, and they're going to keep rolling out this life and style bullshit because life and style is probably paying their bills at Bravo right now. But it's just – I don't think it's a big deal, and I think that Caroline is acting like an asshole. Well, it is kind of funny that Teresa posed with a little dog after she made such a big fuss last week about how she hates dogs. That, I thought, was great. I love that. That is hysterical. Life and style

brought the dog. I didn't even know there was going to be grass on the ground. Normally, I'm afraid of dogs. I didn't know what was going on. I was just rubbing K-Y jelly on my tits. Oh, my God.

KY, KY, KY, KY. Joe always looks like he just ate a pot roast that had been, like, stuffed with sleeping pills. Somebody needs to put him on a spit and turn him over. He just does not look comfortable. Like, he's always like, ugh. I always feel like his pecs are going to burst and yams are going to come out. He's like a Thanksgiving meal waiting to happen. That KY scene was so embarrassed.

I was actually embarrassed for Kentucky. I was like, that's just so gross. Sorry, Kentucky. Why do we see so much of him shirtless? Is it like, does Bravo, is this their cruel joke? Like, we'll show you Joe Gorga shirtless, but for every time we say Joe Gorga, we're going to show you twice as much of

Jojo Dice as a punishment. Oh, God. Well, Joe Gorga has almost a disgusting body, too, because it's so ridiculously, like, action figure-y. Ooh, I like it. I think there's an implant. He's four feet tall, people. I was just going to say that. He is teensy-weensy. He is, like, the size think there's implants. He's four feet tall, people. I was just gonna say

that. He is teensy-weensy. He is like the size of one of those, yeah, like a He-Man. Yeah. I am not prejudiced against people of

heights of tall or lower. I am perfectly happy with a short Joe Gorga. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for Black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance

at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. I guess I'm the only one. Okay, well now that we've settled that. Now finally the question has been answered.

It's hard for that awkward silence. We can all die content. We already know that Ben's not into the pasty white boys. This is possibly true. No, I'd be fine with some Joe Gorga. I would kick him out of bed.

I was going to say, I agree with Matt with the way that Caroline's behaving. I liked Caroline for a while but I think she's taking this queen mother matriarch thing too much. She's acting like she wants Teresa to come and kiss her ring. She's always had that problem. She's always had the problem of being high and mighty. The only reason why I'm okay with it right now is that I hate Teresa so much that the enemy of my enemy is my friend. By the way,

here's some gossip I should have mentioned. I should have mentioned this gossip at the top of the show, but we'll talk about it now because it's Caroline. We learned about the fight with her and Dina last week and someone on my blog wrote a comment that one of the rumors is that it actually has to do with this gay wedding.

And the rumor is that the gay wedding was thrown together at the last second um for dina's hg tv show and then caroline came in and took it for bravo and so that's why it was an issue of undermining uh dina and business opportunities and all that that is juicy that's good that's a good much sense and that makes much more sense makes much more sense yeah okay i will say this you know i can't stand caroline this season as we've just discussed but i do think that a lot of the anger and the hurt feelings do come from this whole dina

situation which unfortunately we're never gonna see like that whole thing unfold i fucking wish dina we're still on the show dina's on the attractions for the season she's gonna yeah she's gonna be on but i don't think it's gonna be but it'll be for like one I fucking wish Dina were still on this show. Dina's on the comedy attractions for the season. Yeah, she's going to be on, but I don't think it's going to be. It'll be for like one episode at a party, and she'll walk away from the drama. All I know is season two of Real Housewives of New Jersey, Caroline was really on the same high horse with Danielle, and I found it to be really annoying. And she's doing it again with Teresa, but I think Teresa is so deluded and so awful. And then on top of that, the fact that the anti-Teresa camp, the Gorogas

and the Wakilas are so fun and they seem nice and they seem like cool people. Even if they're a little passive-aggressive, I'm like, you know, how could I be mad at anyone who's on Team Anti-Teresa? You know? I love Teresa. Really? Oh, I hate her.

Teresa is hysterical. I laugh every week at Teresa. All you really have to do as a housewife is make me laugh, and she makes me laugh every time. And I know she's psycho, but that's part of the fun of Teresa. I mean, that's true. I mean, you know, she does,

as Matt loves to say, she makes great TV. And when she said. Is her forehead shrinking? Like, what's happening there? Yes. It's like the glaciers in the North Pole. It's like that's what's happening to her forehead. They're melting away.

I know. I feel like. Yeah, it's global warming. I feel like Melissa is even competing with Teresa in that way. She's like, look how high my forehead is. She looks like an egghead. She looks like a conehead from the Saturday Night Live sketch. It's conservation of forehead mass.

You know what I thought was really funny was when Teresa, towards the end of the episode, she refuses to go to therapy with her brother, which is retarded. And she's like, why do I have to go to therapy? I don't have any grudges. I don't have any grudges. That was probably the most infuriating thing I've heard her say. And she said – she's like, why do I have to go to therapy? I don't have any grudges. I don't have any grudges. That was probably the most infuriating thing I've heard her say.

I'm not the one holding grudges. Really? I'm not the one talking about it all the time. Really? Because you're at a wedding and you're talking about it behind a bush. I love – but my favorite though is Jacqueline being so passive-aggressive. And as I was saying to Ben while we were watching the credits, contrary to what she says, even though she's a Vegas girl,

she never calls anyone's bluff, ever. Yeah, she said I'll call your bluff. She doesn't call anyone's bluff. She was sitting there. She goes, ha, ha, ha, I really wish you wouldn't have been talking about this for two years. Ha, ha, ha, just kidding, just kidding. But you're now seeing her starting to crack, and obviously the this for two years. Ha ha ha. Just kidding. Just kidding. But you can start. You're now like seeing her like she's starting to crack and obviously like the preview for next week. Like the shit really hits the fan next week because she calls Teresa out on all of her stuff.

And then out of, you know, stage left, Caroline barges onto the deck, you know, and then it's like game time. That's like Caroline's game time. So like I think we're – she loves to barge in. I feel like we're finally getting there. Yes, Jacqueline is kind of lame even though I love her for some fucked up reason. But I think that she's going to explode all over Teresa next week and I think it's done after that. Well, Jacqueline did have a great – she had a great line this week which is that when – I guess they were talking about Joe and Melissa's house being done with renovations. And Jacqueline goes, oh, her redone house.

I guess you can correct that on her redone house i guess you can correct it on the redone house call back to it was melissa said that to um theresa right or to yeah that was a good line good for jacklyn for me having a good line um you know theresa wants to renew her vows with joe what do we do with that oh god that's delightful i can oh as long as melania is the flower girl monster umannosaurus Rex, I'm all for it. Well, you know, whenever they have parties, it's great. It's always like the kitchen sink thing. They're like, okay, we'll have a sushi bar, and then we'll have someone who looks like Moulin Rouge, and then we'll have Kim G in a cage, and we'll have Kim G hanging from the ceiling.

And then we'll have Melania with a knife near some meat. That's awesome. It would be great, actually. I love Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding. They could do a season two and they could have Dina be her wedding planner for the vow renewal. If Teresa were

smart, she would start buddying up with Dina. If Bravo were smart, they'd fucking hire me. Teresa is friends with Dina. If Bravo were smart, they'd fucking hire me. Teresa is friends with Dina. That's the problem. That's the fight. Dina's the godmother of Adriana or whatever. Yeah, hopefully Dina, maybe Dina can design Teresa's new wedding

and then it can be like prison themed or something. That's Dina's thing. She throws these big theme parties. You know, she can be like, okay, here's like 10 black guys to rape judas before he makes it down the aisle well it's like alcatraz if i remember anything in his apartment it looked like a hallmark store exploded in there so i just imagined those figurines everywhere well i was telling ben at the gay wedding i was it was really jarring to the system

to see those guys house because I was like this is weird to see a tastefully decorated home on the New Jersey housewives I mean it was more tasteful but it was still I don't know if I'm gonna call yeah I'm not calling it tasteful I didn't see any

marble columns or gold on it it did not it did not look like the money Carlo theme. I didn't see any marble columns or gold on it. It was a tree. It did not look like the Monte Carlo in Vegas, so therefore it was nice and refreshing. Yeah, but it looked like one of the resorts in Disney World. It looked like the I forget the one that's like the lodge.

Yeah, Ben, we don't know the words to it, the name of it, because we haven't been there. You guys, were those the touchiest, filliest gay dudes you've ever seen? I would have barfed at that wedding. And I love that Greg was like texting through the wedding or whatever. I know. Why wasn't Greg crying?

He should have been crying. Because he was probably embarrassed for the gays. That's why people don't want gay people to get married because that's what you have to sit through for an hour. Every morning when I wake up, I'm so lucky to have someone who loves me and then the guy's like i love you what did he say something like i love looking at you for who you are that's like calling someone ugly you know i think you're beautiful just the way you are mark and fat bald and sweaty you know and they were also did anybody know they had some nurse shoes on like that was not a cute outfit oh i didn't notice i was just paying attention to the fact that everyone was sweating it looked like it looked like the most humid wedding of all time that was like the worst time of the year

i like when he was like you're what i dreamed of when i was a little boy really you dreamed of wearing like a skinny, sweaty, bald guy? No, you didn't. When I was five, I thought that was so hot too. Yeah. By the way, I thought – and then the reception afterwards, Teresa mentioned that her book was on the bestseller. I have to say, even though I hate Teresa, I didn't think there was anything wrong with her announcing that. She just got an email.

I think that's exciting. Why was Caroline so pissed about that? Because she got that email like five days ago. You know she did. Oh, that's true. Never mind. You know she said that on the plane when there were no cameras there. And then she said it again at dinner.

But you got to love Caroline. You and your hat. Shut up. I love that that's Caroline's line of defense now. Every time they say anything, she's like, shut up. Shut up. I love that that's Caroline's line of defense now. Every time they say anything, she's like, shut up. I think it kind of works, to be honest. I mean, it's true. It's hilarious.

It's hilarious. Let me talk about Lauren Manzo for one second. She bossed around Vito so much, and she's got such a sour attitude. Like this woman, I know what she's going to be like when she's 45 when she's 50 she's just going to be one of these naggy housewives i'm sorry like this is gonna be she's gonna be how she is now but fuglier yeah wait so will she be no go ahead i was gonna say i like when they were when they were walking into the wedding did you notice that she he was a good five feet behind her yeah and she was just like whatever well she was probably mad because she knows that all she can get at the wedding is just

egg whites and cocoa powder no cake for her ugly people feel powerful by being mean to somebody you know they're like look i have somebody to be mean to fuck all you guys Haven't you been to a mall? It's true. It's very, very true. I guess that's why the Gorgas and the Achilles always have such a great time. Although Rich, really, he's very nice to people, and that doesn't make sense. Well, he's like the Aviva. He's like, hey, let's talk about therapy again. Why don't you send in another text about some therapies?

Shut up. Oh, but I love that Joe Giudice called Lauren Kathy Bates. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's right. She's cute. She's cute. She's cute.

And she's like, yeah, that's Sinka Balmali Brown. Yeah, she was fat. That's why they couldn't Sinka. Like, no, that's not why they, that's not true, actually. fat. That's why they couldn't sink her. It's like, no, that's not why they – that's not true actually. Where did you get that? It's like a very positive thing.

She's unsinkable. That means she's fat. Why were they talking about Titanic? I don't even remember. Honestly, I don't even remember half the episode because I was a little drunk when I watched it, as Lisa can attest. He was falling asleep in between sentences. I had a long day. I had a long day. I hope you didn't miss the

Wakili party scene where Melissa's sister showed up looking exactly like her with identical, fake, horrible cantaloupe booms. And then we got to hear Melissa's new terrible song. I like her sister's tattoo. Oh yeah, it was around her belly, right? Or something like that? Or around her back?. I like her sister's tattoo. Oh, yeah. It was like right around her belly, right?

Or something like that? Or it was around her back? I don't know. A dragon eating her stomach or something. I don't know. It was poetic. I feel bad for the neighbors. I mean, you just saw the neighbors sitting on the deck like, we're going to fucking kill ourselves.

Yeah. And I like how they talked about how classy they are. Melissa, we're fun, but we're classy. That's our motto. And then you see people, like, drinking fucking whipped cream. And Rosie is dropping the F-bomb in front of all the children by the pool. You know, like, it's a really classy kind of place. Yeah, and they're, like, filling up pitcher after pitcher with Malibu, you know.

That was great. Look, we have to move on to Orange County because we're running out of time. So, let's do that. That was so long ago. Oh, my God. Well, but there was still some fun stuff on it, which is that we had to close to read. You know, I gotta say this. Ben, last week when we did

the show, I was complaining about OC like, oh, it's so boring this season. But the past few episodes have been so good. Well, it's because Vicky's, but the past few episodes have been so good. Well, it's because Vicky's completely losing her mind. Yeah, I think they should send Vicky down a raging river every single week because the results are fantastic.

Yes. Well, you guys, I'm still doing those little video re-dub things of the coming next week previews, and tomorrow, what's tomorrow? What is today? Today's Tuesday. Yeah, this will be going up Wednesday, week previews and tomorrow what's tomorrow when what is today monday tuesday today's tuesday by the time this so yeah yeah this will be going up wednesday so go to tbgasm i'll be putting up a video redub and i'm gonna put a ringer a telephone ringer up there as a bonus for you guys to

download and it's gonna be vicky woohooing on the river no i i want my ringtone yes so every single one of them oh thank you so come to the site and i'll give you a free ring it can for real be my ringtone yeah i'll make it for the iphone and then i'll make an mp3 version for everyone so just come download it from tvgasm and we'll just all use it until i get sued for doing that i personally would like um i would personally like a ringtone or maybe a text tone to be Vicky saying, guys, it's going to be really sad when one of us dies. I want one of when the – what was it? The newscaster training lady was saying to Alexis, okay, so those people survived. And Alexis goes, oh, good.

Oh, in the fire, the fake fire. Yeah, the hypothetical people who did not die in the fire. What I love about these women is that we have a whole different type of immaturity going on with these women, where you have this whole drama about who Alexis lets into her cabin of tears, you know? And then all of a sudden Vicky's best friends with her now. Look, I understand it. Look, I know that we're supposed to have fun here and we're supposed to talk about light and fluffy

things, but I am mad at Gretchen and Tamara and I really am now Team Alexis. What is wrong with me? No, I'm not Team Alexis, but I'm not Team Tamara. I'm on Team none of them. I'm on Team Heather. So here's the thing. I mean,

I was on Team Alexis at this point when Gretchen went to her cabin. And Gretchen goes, oh, my God, you don't know how hard this is for me. I love that. That is my favorite. You guys all just attacked this poor, dumb girl. It's like you just took a fawn and stabbed it with a knife. Yeah, but you see, that's what these housewife shows do. They make you crazy with these insipid

women, and then the women get called out on it, and everyone else is the asshole. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ronnie, this is a different story. Tamara is a vile, disgusting, evil fucking monster bitch. Nobody in any of the housewives

lands and franchises has ever been just a nasty fucking evil person like Tamara Barney. Yeah. Yeah. But she's still funnier than Alexis to me. Yeah, she is. I mean she's dead on what she's saying about Alexis. But, you know.

No, she's not. No, she's not because, you know what, at the end of that fight where she's all fucking mean to her, then she goes over and gives her a hug. Guess what? You still fucking hate her. Don't give her a hug. I was shocked about that. Alexis fought back and said to Tamara, you know what?

You're saying all these horrible things and how I need to change it. You need to look in the fucking mirror, bitch, because you should change your nasty attitude because you're a hateful person. It's so true. Well, you said that in much better English than Alexis used.

Yeah, I didn't even realize that's what she was saying. Yeah. I just changed my whole perspective. I just heard Dino from the Flintstones. Could that be my ringtone? I want that. You have to admit, though, Alexis, though, she's no innocent person. When they were all awkwardly crammed in a van the very next morning,

and Alexis goes and pats Vicky on the shoulder and says, thanks for coming into my cabin last night. She should have done that. But Gretchen came in also. Gretchen did come in. Gretchen came in and talked about herself. Surprise, surprise. So you know what? I have no problem with Alexis doing that passive-aggressive pat on Vicky. And I also love how in Vicky's confessional, she goes, well, you know what?

I didn't throw my best friend under the bus. Did I? No. I'm amazing. I'm so mad at Brianna right now. We only got memory to Vegas. So you guys, Slade and Gretchen, They're not broken up in real life, are they? No. Are they still together? As of Easter,

I actually saw them at an Easter service, so I don't know. What? I think that he gave up our way. Oh, sorry. No, I was just going to ask if Jesus was bleeding more than usual out of his eyes. I was like, you guys know this is a church, right? Granted, it was an Orange County church, so it's like there's like a rock band and like a play.

She thinks that Jesus like hanging up there in his underwear every week is like a beacon to her, you know? Yeah. Jesus is into alt rock. Jesus is like, I resurrected myself for this? I just turned Jesus into Jackie Mason, by the way. It's like Jesus is the go-go boy. I'm totally going to his church. Oh, yeah.

The Gretchen and Slade stuff is my favorite because it's just such a train wreck. There's no way he's going to, like, redeem himself at all. Well, aren't you guys hearing that Bravo wants her to dump him because they think that he's dragging her down and they kind of want her to be out there single and looking for other dudes? And the funny thing is, like, I actually think that he did end up buying her, like, a shitty promise ring of some sorts. But Bravo wants him out of the picture. Yeah, I was reading. I'm sure they've wanted him out for years. But I was reading on Stupid Housewives that the next uh storyline for her

is that they're broken up and she's living single like you just said matt and i'm wondering if they're really going to go that far and fake a whole storyline of her dating when she's still with slade i don't know i think that i think at the end of the season i mean i'm sure that they are fabricating things for for the current season surprise surprise but i think at the end of the year they're really going to sit her down and go look honey you want to stay on this show get rid of him i mean they might make that ultimatum there is no doubt in my mind that she will take the show over slade yeah but that would just prove that they have learned nothing with taylor armstrong because that's what happened to her they say that's why russell killed himself because they were like listen honey if your

husband's going to be causing all this trouble you know you guys are out and so she served him with divorce papers. Slade loves himself way too much to go kill himself. Oh my God, right? I just love that we have now witnessed Slade having to go to couples therapy for two relationships

for women that he was never married to. Like, Jesus, you're on that couch a lot, buddy. Did you guys... I wasn't here last week but did you guys talk about him getting a radio show did you hear about this oh my god i haven't heard the show yet though i mean imagine that it's actually honestly while we're podcasting it's actually airing right now as we speak. It is? Yeah. We have more listeners. We have more listeners. What channel? I believe it.

Probably. What channel is it? I think it's 92.7, formerly Jill FM. Now it's Playlist 92.7. Oh, are they talk again? I thought that they – oh, no. It's still music for divorces, but he has a show, I think, at noon, and he's on for an hour, and he plays music, and he talks about gossip and whatever. If I had like a radio...

I was just going to say, who still owns a radio? Who has a radio that can turn it on right now? Well, I have it in my car, but I don't have one in real life. I'm only in my car. Maybe we can get the... Maybe we can get it to stream. It's going to turn into a robot. Don't give him a Nielsen rating, please.

I will not do that. Yeah, I feel bad even bringing it up. I'm sorry. Skinny girl margaritas. Yay. And I have one other crazy thing about Vicky because there was about 90 things. What did you guys think after they went whitewater rafting where she was sobbing at the lunch table and going like, if Don wanted me, I'd go back. She pretty much was just like um yeah i want to go

get it with don and i mean does that mean that the brooks love tank is empty like what's going on it means that vicky is not getting enough attention and so she she's not going to get it through brianna so she's going to get it you know she was the one who fucked up everything with don i mean granted he called her dumb bitch a lot, for my taste, but it is Orange County. And she basically threw his ass away, and now that he has cancer and she could actually have more camera time, she's upset that she's not with him.

Also, too, I think she might be... I wonder if she's, like, menopausal or... There's a lot going on with this woman at this point in time. I mean, she's 90, so menopause again was 40 or something. Sometimes when you have a near-death experience with piranhas, you reflect a little bit, and that's what she did.

She was around some piranhas. Her hair was curly all of a sudden. The truth is her rock is Brianna. Brianna has always been her rock. Things are not well with Brianna, so she's looking to Don and thinking about that. And the thing is, she did screw it up with Don. And also, I think this was her little opportunity to be on camera saying, everyone thinks poor Don, poor Don. But there was other stuff going on when there really wasn't.

Well, he was caught in some swingers club like having sex with multiple people, right? Yeah, but then Brianna caught Vicky. He was caught when Vicky walked in, I'm sure. Vicky having amorous emails with Brooks, right? Ugh, gross. Whatever. I'm still team Don for some reason. Me too.

I'm team Don. I'm team Don and nothing makes me happier on Orange County than when Brianna gives it back to her mother and makes Vicky feel like a shitty mom because that is TV fucking gold. It is. And well-deserved. Yeah, well-deserved. I'm team Heather at this point. Really, she's the only one.

I was just going to bring up Heather. You know what's funny? We've been talking for about 15 minutes about Orange County and we haven't talked about Heather because she's boring and pointless. I like her. Matthew, I can't believe you. I thought you were her biggest fan, babe. No, Ben is her biggest fan.

I never boarded that train. I like her because she seems like she's vaguely smart. She's got a nice husband. I don't like that she keeps saying champs because the slang is champers. Like, I'm bringing the champers. It's not champs. And both are really 2006. As is her face.

There's something about her where the one thing I think that's annoying is that you do get the feeling that she, too, thinks that she's the Carrie Bradshaw of this cast. And she's not. Well, she's late in life. She got rich later in life, so she's still learning the terms. But someone was writing us about – God, what was it? Let me – hold on. I'm sorry I interrupted and then I'm like, what? No, it's okay.

But it was about her husband. He was a plastic surgeon on The Swan. And on that show Bridal Plastic. And on Bridal Plastic. And he's a reality whore. Ronnie, we've lostastic. And on Bridal Plastic. Ronnie, we've lost you. So, not her. I think I just heard somebody yell my name.

Yeah, because we lost you. You made a point and you disappeared during the most salient part of it. Ronnie was making the point that her husband is no stranger to reality television. He's been on two series. The one was The Swan, and I saw him on Bridalplasty. And he had a lot of face time on Bridalplasty. Yeah, so he's the one who wanted to do that show. So it's no wonder that she's not making up fake drama.

And she's actually kind of a sane person because she's not really meant to be on that show. And that's also why they show him so much, I'm sure. He also probably seems to be doing it smartly in that to get back to the whole brand issue, he actually does have a brand as a doctor and he's probably driving interest towards his practice. You're doing it by seeming like a nice guy. I do like her in the

way that I like a Michael Bluth in the situation where when Vicky starts sobbing and Heather goes, but guess what? we're all okay everyone's fine now we're not dying the piranhas are over there and we're here Heather's like her?

like Heather would never make sense on a show by herself we all know that but I think that in the context of the craziness it's fun to me to have a sane person in the middle of all this insanity. She bores the shit out of me, and all I can say

is my heart is racing with excitement because Gina Kehoe comes back into the fold next week. What? Oh, really? Oh, fucking yes. How did I not see that? Yes. But she's just a temp, right? Someone yells at her and then it's done. She and Tamara get into a fight again

I want her to be dating Don Shut up That's genius I really wish she was back on the show I miss her She's like one of my all-time faves I miss her and her asshole son Oh, yes

In Canada I like that she was abused by everybody in her life. I thought that was true. I love that she suffered physical abuse. I'm sorry, that's horrible to say. You are abused. I know what you mean. Nobody fucking gave her any respect.

She was like Rodney Dangerfield of the show. Yeah, I love that. I love that she was mentally abused. That's why she's so passionate. Doesn't that sound better, you guys? We gotta start wrapping up. Are there any other odds and ends we want to discuss before we wrap up this show? Do we want to talk about

the new Summer by Bravo commercial? Which is like Olympic themed with a Madonna song? Yes, I think that Bravo Andy is fucking the guy from Million Dollar Listing LA, the really healthy one, Madison, because he gets so much camera time in that, and it's all about his naked body. And also in the Watch What Happens live thing where they had all the Bravo people on there, I thought that he was fucking him too because that guy had so much screen time.

He was sitting up there on the stage and he barely ever says anything even on that show they're fucking you heard it here first well I think that well you know Patty Stanger set up

Madison Hildebrand on an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker and it never worked out so I think that Andy swooped in and by swooped in I mean did him yeah

I'll bet that they go to dinner and fight over who's going to have to be on the bottom that night. Well, I think... Shit just got real. I think the commercial, by the way, I think that in terms of the commercial, it just can't compare to last year's. I thought last year's

with the Britney Spears song was pitch perfect. The summer camp theme. This one, this Madonna song is a little too kind of mellow. It's like a little wah-wah-wah. Well, Madonna kind of sucks. Yeah, it's kind of wah-wah. This one too kind of mellow. It's like a little wah-wah-wah. Well, Madonna kind of sucks. Madonna is kind of wah-wah. This one's kind of tired, kind of like mad. It has like a slow

feeling to it. It's just like it's trying to hold on but it's dying inside. Yeah, it's like I want to sing about young fun drugs that kids did in the 90s to pretend that I'm not 55. Shut up, Donna. All I'm going to young, fun drugs that kids did in the 90s to pretend that I'm not 55. Shut up, Donna. All I will say is I like seeing – I'm glad – like I just – I always get nervous that Tabitha is going to get cut from the lineup.

But I always like seeing her because it always reassures me that her show is coming back. And it makes me want Flipping Out to return ASAP. Like I need me – And Chef Roble made it into the commercial. Which is ridiculous. That's And Chef Roble made it into the commercial. Which is ridiculous. That's like Chef Roble and company? And stupid cat Cora. Ben, are you still watching Around the World in 80 Plates?

It's so dumb. I'm not loving it. I'm not loving it, I have to say. I'm seeing it through. Aren't you ready for a fresh Top Chef or Top Chef Just Desserts? Well, Top Chef Masters starts soon. Boring. Must they keep it the same way? I'd like to change how they made it like the real top chef well i like the star system um you know i also saw a commercial last night with andy cohen in it it was they're having this like some commercial for the source and i'm not

talking about like the hip-hop magazine it's like some oh god that bravo what is that like a bravo web series or i don't know what it is but but but Andy Cohen popped up, and he looked like he was holding a Watch What Happens board game. Is this what's coming into our life next to Watch What Happens board game? Oh, God, help us. Have you guys seen what we're talking about? It's these commercials for – they're doing some tie-in with Bravo where they've got some online storyline going on with somebody named Khloe. And every time I hear it, I think of Khloe Kardashian. And I'm like, please, Bravo, don't do this to me.

But it's not. It's a made-up girl named Chloe. And they're like, find out what Khloe does next. Find out what Khloe does with her hair. Nobody gives a shit. And I'm going to be honest with you. Like, you know, the way I feel about Bethany, Andy Cohen is right on the brink for me, too.

Like, I am sick of this shit. Just go sit in the clubhouse and do a show twice a week. Oh, my God. When he showed up as an uncooked bacon on the Miss America, I was done with him. I know. It's officially over Saturday. We don't need Miss America. We don't need you on four or five nights a week.

We don't give a fuck about your – but, like, please calm down. Reel it back. Otherwise, you are going to be done with me or I'm going to be done with you the way I'm with Bethany. Yeah. But if you want to come on our podcast, he's more than welcome. Yeah, he's more than welcome. And I feel like everybody's – every network is so proud of themselves by putting such a flamer on their TV. Like, oh, we're not bigots, everybody.

Okay. You know what? Tone it down. Tone it down. We believe you, NBC. Okay? We believe that you guys aren't bigots, everybody. Okay, you know what? Tone it down. Tone it down. We believe you, NBC, okay? We believe that you guys aren't bigots. Now get that piece of bacon off my TV. Ronnie is wearing a muumuu and shouting from his porch.

I'm shaking a fist to the heavens. Tone it down. Hey, you and your hat. Shut up. See this? I keep this now. Do the chariotary bit. All right, we have to wrap it up

this was a really fun time good to have the gang back and have you here Lisa you guys are always lovely so thanks everyone for listening everyone everyone say

your Twitters Matt what's your Twitter at life on the M list and Lisa I am oh sorry sorry oh wow sorry he's doing a ladies first thing at Timmons Lisa life on the M list. And Lisa? Oh, sorry.

He's doing a ladies first thing. At Timmons Lisa. And Ronnie? I'm at TVgasm. And I'm at B-Side Blog. I'm at B-Side Blog. Yeah, come to TVgasm and watch my redubs. Come on, everybody!

And get the ringtone. And everyone, keep listening. You can subscribe to us on iTunes. You can listen to us on the Sideshow Network. And everyone just have a swell week. We'll see you next week. Yeah, everybody. Bye. Bye.

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