Watch What Crappens - LuAnn's Pumpkin Head and Sonja's Toaster

Episode Date: July 25, 2012

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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. This episode of Watch What Crappens is brought to you by Gamefly. Go to Gamefly.com forward haha for your free 15-day trial. Hey everybody, welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. I'm Ronnie Karam from TVgasm.com and I'm with Ben Mandelker from B-Side Blog.

Say hello, Ben. Hello. And Matt Whitfield of Yahoo TV. Hello, Matt. Holler. Holler. Holler. I've got my shapewear on.

Holler. We should start every podcast like that. Just saying, holler. I'm going to. I don't care that she looks like the Joker. I love her. Too soon. Too soon. Too soon. Too soon. Well, everybody,

welcome back to another What Crappens podcast. We're on two Housewives shows right now. I mean, well, we're not on them, but we're on one. Two Housewives shows right now because Orange County has sadly left the air. More or less.

Wait, but before we get into Orange County, quickly, our Twitter and our Facebook. Our Facebook is facebook.com forward slash watch what crappens. And then our Twitter is what crappens. I'm at bsideblog. Matt's at lifeonthemlist.

Ronnie's at tvgasm. So follow us on all those platforms, and you will be handsomely rewarded with fulfillment in your life. That's a big promise, actually. Yeah, and I can deliver it, okay? I can deliver it. I mean, we did get Jill Zarin last week, but come on. We've got to back that up. That was kind of exciting until I searched Jill Zarin and saw that she's

given an interview to everybody on the internet. I mean, Jill Zarin is basically calling the 7-Eleven down the street seeing if they need a quote from her. Shut up, Jill Zarin. No one cares. To be fair, the 7-Eleven has a very fascinating newsletter.

Yes, and actually that was a very fun conversation with Jill Zarin, and I would like to get her take on the two-for-one pack of Marlboro shorts at the 7-Eleven. So I hope she'll come back. I thought you gave up smoking. I did. I'm still not smoking. Can you believe that shit?

Good for you. I'm very proud of you. So Ronnie's not smoking, Matt's not eating. Matt, in case you haven't seen the photos, is now the size of a pencil. And I have taken on both those vices, except for smoking. Actually, I don't smoke. I just eat. I eat double to take...

You eat smoked foods. I eat smoked foods. Lots of smoked foods. I stopped smoking because somebody told me that I could look like Delta Burke if I stopped, and it totally happened, you guys. Miracles can happen. I'm so happy for you. Wayla! somebody told me that I could look like Delta Burke if I stopped, and it totally happened, you guys. That's awesome. Miracles can happen. I'm so happy for you. Wayla!

Can we get into some gossip here? A little gossip about Housewives? First, just because we're on Jill Zarin, I did actually Google her before the show to see what the hell she's talking about. The first quote that came up on Google is, Jill Zarin says it would take a lot of money for her to come back to Real Housewives of New York.

Lies! Everybody on the internet and telling them that she wants a lot of money from Bravo for an offer she's never going to get. Jill, enjoy retirement. It's not even about the offer from Bravo. I mean, listen to episode

25, our interview with her again and it's painfully obvious that she would do it for free. She even sent out a tweet this week that said, someone just sent me a rumor that Zarin Fabrics is filing bankruptcy. Absolutely not true. Does anybody know who started this rumor? And this website's like, no one started this rumor. It's nowhere on Twitter. I was going say i was gonna say ramona but you know that's like jill zarin's just what she's on the stupid housewife site uh the past week leaving comments like thank you for being mean to me i appreciate your support in my businesses jill stop just stop it she's gonna be

dangling herself from the balcony of a skyscraper in New York, and people are just going to be passing on by below. But to be fair, to be fair, she came on our podcast and retweeted it, so we can't hate her too much. No, no, no. We love her, but it's just like, I don't know. Here's the thing. I want her back on that show. I want Kelly Ben Simone back on the show. But reality check is it's never going to fucking happen. It won't. So we need to figure out, you know, she needs to find a new platform, a new show, a new network, a new something. She has. Good afternoon, America. I know.

I know. And I've checked her out on that. And she's actually really funny on there. And clearly she watches a shit ton of reality TV. But, you know, I think that she's bringing, like, in a weird way, too much attention to the Real Housewives of New York City this season, which, to be fair, has not been that good until last night. Well, I don't think she's bringing too much attention to it because I think you're woefully overestimating the amount of people that are listening to poor Jill Zarin. I liked it. I liked it that she was on our show, but I don't but it's not like she's sitting here able to speak to like 40 million people every single day

yeah so she's doing it one person at a time you guys are going to start getting robocalls from fucking Jill Zarin she's going to be so mad at us and I will record them and make them my voicemail ringtones I would love a robocall from Jill Zarin you know I like robocalls from anyone because it shows

that someone cares. Next time you guys get a call back in the mail, all of the coupons are going to have Jill Zarin's picture. Next time you pass a thrifty nickel, every sale is going to be something of Jill Zarin's. Just stop it, Jill. Leave me alone, Jill. Stop following me, Jill.

Okay, so that's enough of that. TMZ is reporting today. Is it today? No, this was actually Jill. Stop following me, Jill. Okay, so that's enough of that. TMZ is reporting today. Is it today? No, this was actually last week. Ooh, late news. But it's saying that Vicky ended up getting the mansion in her divorce. Like, that's some big scoop. Don't they still owe, like, millions of dollars on that home?

And why would she want to get the mansion? The Cotto di Casa home, I think, initially, well, it was on the market at one point for, I want to say, like, you know, mid-20s. $2.6 million? $2.7? Yeah, I thought it was like $2.5 to $2.7, somewhere in there. Anyway. $2.695.

Okay, not to be specific, but there you go. And, look, why would anybody, my main thing is, like, why would anybody want to not be neighbors with Gina Kehoe? That's all I have to say. Well, to me, it's more obvious than that. I mean, how could you give up a house that has that beautiful Caliente sign in the kitchen? You know what I'm saying? Okay. Sidebar, all of these crazy women love some fleur-de-lis and some oversized rooster accoutrement in their tuscan villas kitchens i mean they all look like the

fucking monte carlo in vegas with some extra roosters and florida lees and it is the tackiest shit i've ever seen i think that they are keeping they're single-handedly keeping z gallery and world plus cost market or whatever in business oh my god you're being way too nice because i'm looking at this kitchen right now online and it's totally Ross Dress for Less home furnishing section. You know what it is? It's like when you go to Ikea and they've got all their home decor stuff and there's some really cool stuff that's fun. And then there's the stuff that you're like, why would anyone ever buy this? And then you realize it's all in Vickies.

And Tamara has all of it. Actually, you know who actually has all of it? It's Gretchen. Gretchen is the one who buys that stupid oversized Ikea clock. You know which one I'm talking about? Oh, I know. You go into Ikea and they have a clock section. It's maybe like the man in the moon and it's winking at you.

It is literally like it has been sawed off of Big Ben. It is so huge. And you always wonder who buys that stupid clock. And you look at Gretchen's home and there it is along with all the other crappy – She buys that huge clock so she can make Slade look less fat. Shabba-wabba! It's saving their relationship.

One giant clock at a time. So the next piece of news is Carol Raz... Carol! Oh, hi! Last night on the show, when she walked into lunch, she really went, hi, everybody. I know.

I went back and listened to it. I was dying. So I'm reading on these here internets. They took a little clip out of her blog. And she's actually very funny. And she does not seem to be taking this show seriously at all, which I really love. And she is talking about Sonia's toaster oven,

and she says, Sonia was not put on this earth to carry a toaster oven around in a toomy suitcase. Crumb tray or no crumb tray? And she's saying that that little conversation last night between Heather and Sonia about her company, how Sonia was getting all pissed off, is going to become a big, huge

fight on the show. And she also said that oh, and Heather's also quoted in here. Let me find Heather's stupid quote, dumb bitch. She's standing up for herself on her site by saying that she didn't have the guy go visit Sonia's website because she didn't want him to see it.

See? Another reason to like Heather. Why would you not want to see Sonia's website? First of all, it's probably like an Earthlink or something like that with some very basic HTM, like a flashing...

With the twinkling lights. I mean, wasn't this the photo shoot that Kelly Ben Simone showed up to Sonia's dump of a house? And Sonia was like sans panties, slapping her crotch on like a dusty dining room table. I think so. Yes. Yeah. Okay. That's like so two years ago.

Who cares? Sonia's like, come visit my GeoCities website. I'd see all about my brand. You might be able to find it through this thing called the Internet Explorer. You can sign my guest book. Well, I have not seen this blog of Sonia's, but we can only imagine what it's like. But Heather's quote is, the images of Sonia with the leather gloves and the S&M burnt into the toast, frankly speaking, were a bit scary. And you know,

if Heather says something scary, you know it's very scary. We're going too far ahead. Wait, it's a piece of toast with S&M burnt onto it? Come on, Sonia. Really? Maybe it stands for Santa Monica. Okay. Let's see what else. Really. Maybe it stands for Santa Monica. A little bit.

Let's see what else. Oh, and there's also gossip that half these bitches are getting fired. That's no shocker. And I think that's it. I think that's all. Wait, wait, wait. What about the rumor? The Brianna rumor? The big rumor of the week is that

Vicky andis are both getting fired we've already predicted here on this show that miss alexis is getting the boot but the rumor now is that vicky and alexis are going to get fired and brianna is going to be joining the okay there is no way on the face of the earth that vicky will walk away from the show or that bravo would fire her andy loves calling her the OG of the OC, and that is not going to change. And Vicky still doesn't even know what OG means. She's still very confused every time he says that. She just blinks and clucks her head.

She's still offended that he's calling her old grandma. You can't get rid of Vicky. She is the OG, and she's also still crazy and baddie as always like there's no reason to get rid of her life not like fall off a cliff more so than ever this past season you don't walk away from that people well i guess what it is is that andy is trying the rumor in the article which i think was on sarcasm.net is that um that they're trying to cast wealthier women uh maybe like more upscale but you know we saw what happened with what like peggy tannos first of all there's no such thing as a wealthy woman in uh orange county that's it's all a facade we're looking at the creme de la creme right now um you know

i was talking to someone um and was it chad ochocinco um i was talking to chad ochocinco but we were not talking about the real Housewives. Okay, just clarifying. Just clarifying. But yes, my crush. I did talk to him. But why is there no Asian representation? Because Orange County is chock full of Asians.

How about you get a wealthy Asian? How would you know? Are you an Orange County expert? Because I have eyeballs and I've driven down there before. And I also know these things. Plus, I was also talking to an Asian who lives in Irvine and have you ever seen that movie Better Luck

Tomorrow? It's all about the Asian kids in Orange County. No I just I close my eyes when I drive through Orange County and I've probably run over lots of Asian people on my way driving through it with my eyes closed. Well they are terrible drivers so that's understandable. Oh you just went there. I am kidding, everyone.

I am kidding, kind of. Not really. But here's the thing. No, but for real, though, there actually is a huge Asian population. Edit, edit, edit. There's a huge Asian population down there, for real. Where's Irvine? Is Irvine in Orange County?

Yes, yes. It's a big city. That's where they had their wine tasting. Oh. Where's Del Mar? Because let me let you know. That's not in Orange County. That's south. That's a big city. That's where they had their wine tasting. Oh, where's Del Mar? Because let me let you know. That's not in Orange County. That's south.

That's in San Diego County. Okay, well, I think that's the mud run that they did. And I saw sign-ups yesterday for the Del Mar mud run. And I think that we should go and beat up Tammy Sue, my arch nemesis, and Heather and her gerbil fucking face. I will gladly go and watch you run around in that mud. You won't do it? I'm not thin, A, and B, I prefer beating people up on Twitter. Okay. If Gretchen

can do it and then go out and have mimosas after, I think that we can all do it. No, I can do it. Don't get me wrong, I can do it. I don't want to do it. I don't want to run around in mud, okay? I am a beautiful person who does not get muddy. I don't want to run around in mud, okay? I am a beautiful person who does not get muddy. I don't believe in charity.

I'm not giving any money to charity. I'm not going to pay someone to go run in mud, okay? I'm going to go. I can find my own mud, thank you very much. At least the Girl Scouts give you fucking cookies. Yeah, for crying out loud. How about you cancer people do something to earn this money? Yeah. Bake some cookies. Yeah, I want cancer cookies.

Chocolate cancer cookies. Let's just offend everybody within the first eight minutes. I'm sorry, specifically Asian people with cancer. Who can't drive. They can't drive because they're cancer. See, it all makes sense. I hate white people. That's

okay. Everyone hates white people. Everyone hates white people. Even white people hate white people. Because we're so bland. All we have to do is just sit here and podcast about other white people. That's okay. Everyone hates white people. Everyone hates white people. Even white people hate white people. Because we're so bland. All we have to do is just sit here and podcast about other white people. Yeah, and also we're the only people on TV, so who else is there to hate? Yeah. That's true. Iguanas.

That's how we're stopping racism. White people are stopping racism by keeping other races off TV. Well done, white people! I think we're actually making races look better because we are so retarded on reality TV. That is true. Especially gay white men on reality TV. It does not get worse. Yes, it does. Gay white men

podcasting about gay white men on reality TV. We've come full circle. We're the bottom of civilization right now. So if any of these housewives would be like are like you know these guys have no life all they do is sit in podcasts about us we're like yes that's exactly correct yes but to clarify we're not getting paid so it's not like this is a real job

yeah this is a real job this is a real job it takes real men to do real podcasting about Real Housewives. Judge Judy. All right. Let's jump into the shows, you guys. Yeah, please. We're only doing two shows this week. Wait. What about Million Dollar Listing? Are we going to do Million Dollar Listing later?

Well, why don't we start with that? Start with Million Dollar Listing. Yeah. Oh. Let's just make it quick. I mean, how much do we have to talk about? Actually, I actually have gossip about Million Dollar Listing. make it quick i mean all right actually i actually have gossip about million dollar listing um so i learned that the way that they actually uh produce the show is that the sales all the sales that you

see all the negotiations they're all done this they have sold the house the transaction is over and they recreate it by going backwards so wait wait wait pause so are you telling me that the people the normal like real life people that are buying and selling on the show are then forced to act even though they're not actors yes so what you are also saying is that this show is now also a sham like house hunters which by the way when that news came out my world was fucking shattered yeah this is so apparently madison himself told this gossip to a friend of mine. And I trust it. Was your friend screwing him and that's what he screamed out in the middle of it?

Could you imagine if that was what his like when he's like when Madison's having sex, he's like he feels the need to scream out spoilers about her show. 3.5% APR. No. So Madison apparently told this guy this. And apparently, yeah, because normally, you know, I guess clients would be very, they would not like to have their negotiations broadcast. But this way they sort of redo the negotiations, etc. Which makes sense because I think that sometimes Josh Altman sounds like he's reading from a script. because I think that sometimes Josh Altman sounds like he's reading from a script.

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Black is beautiful. podcasts. Well, they all do, but you know what's the saddest thing about this news is, is that Josh Flagg still can't sell anything, and it's all fake. I mean, when does that guy fucking sell anything? And granted, he's my favorite one on the show. I love him.

What does it matter when your grandmother invented plastic? Did she? She invented something. It wasn't plastic. She invented like, oh, wasn't plastic she invented like uh oh poly angers or something no like polyester did she really yeah she's also a holocaust survivor so good for her dealt with yeah i mean yeah give her two bonus points then she's and she's funny three bonus points but minus 10 points because josh josh's boyfriend is like the worst hey you know i hadn't watched

a show when we first started talking about this I hadn't watched a season and I was really super depressed and desperate one night so I did a lot of drugs and just watched like five hours in a row and I didn't think he was that bad he just wants a new carpet you guys Oh that he just seems he seems so prissy

He took Josh to Air One that like vegan grocery store by the Grove that is disgusting. It is disgusting, yeah. Yeah, who wants to eat fucking tempeh all the time? Gross. Anyway, and he's like, oh, quinoa. I'm just, I can't handle him. I can't handle him more than I can't handle Josh's bedroom slippers that he wears in public.

I can't handle, here's the thing about colton okay is that he looks so brittle and uptight and prissy oh it just it it gives me this really vile reaction maybe he's very nice but from what he what we see of him on tv i can't i want them to have their own spin-off and the whole every show could be about him wanting something new for the apartment like josh i want a carpet all i want is a carpet what do you think about the carpet have you been thinking about the carpet josh what do you want to do with the carpet he's like get whatever you want jesus christ loma i know he's gonna walk in one day and josh's brain is gonna be splattered all over the brand new car he's gonna fucking kill himself and then colin will be like oh what

a lovely splatter pattern and then taylor Armstrong is going to write a book about it and say how she was almost killed in a murder-suicide. Shut up, Taylor Armstrong. And then Brandi Glanville is going to call her ass out on it and say, oh, did that take a minute? Oh, oh. Team Brandi. Team Brandi. I love where we took this right now. I love it.

I know. What a horrible term. But I did also read about stupid Taylor when I was Googling. They're like, breaking news. Taylor was almost killed in a murder-suicide. I no she wasn't and b who cares that was like a year ago but i did also read this week while we're on million dollar listing and this has nothing to do with that um brandy is causing all sorts of shit in beverly hills this year of course and uh lisa and adrian didn't make up they're like going out it full force, and Lisa's making Brandy do all of her dirty work for her,

and in return, Brandy is on Lisa's new show, Sir. Okay, carry on. We can go back. Well, now I have a reason to watch Sir. Oh, we were going to be addressing that, because that is very exciting. Yeah, that is very exciting. It is, right.

Any way to get more Brandy on our TV screens and into our lives is a good thing, and I don't care who has to pay the price as a result. I agree. I agree. Well, I love Brandy because I've learned that in real life she's the same way. I've seen her at some parties. I have not heard her screeching, and I have not seen her fighting, but I have seen her literally falling down on the floor drunk at three out of four of the parties I've seen her at. Was she wearing a see-through nipple-enhancing sheath? No, no.

She wears a lot of Laura Ashley florals. You know what's funny is that when you say that you saw Brandi at a party and she was falling down drunk, we're like, yay, Brandi. She's so fun. She's having a great time and then when someone tells me that they saw Taylor Armstrong falling down drunk at like Club 11 I'm always like, oh, what a fucking mess, she's gotta get her life together I know, if I saw Taylor vomiting on the side of the road

outside of a club, I'd probably just step on her weave, but if Brandy was there I'd pick her up and be like, girl, let's keep dancing let's keep dancing well, my friend saw uh taylor at 11 and said that she was wasted and she got on a microphone and she's like where my gays at across the street to mother load i know what a what a classy place for her to be wasted to, 11. Come on, Taylor. I know. With all those old queens singing show tunes, you know. Make an effort, Tay-Tay.

Okay, so anyway, back to Million Dollar Listing. So it's all fake. It's all fake. Josh Flagg. By the way, can we talk also about Josh Flagg and Colton? Not to be totally 100% catty, but I'm just going to assume in that relationship, Josh is the one on top there, right? And that is a surprise to me in general. I'm guessing that they've

got a double dildy. Right, and I'm sorry to say this as I clutch my pearls, but the fucked up thing is we've gone over this, I want to say, with Madison and Andy Cohen maybe three weeks ago, and you asked the same question, and Ronnie gave the same exact answer.

So basically they're all just lining up for Josh Altman to experiment a little. They're all bending over for Josh Altman. That's basic because he's clearly on top. Josh Altman? I don't know about that. Oh, he's so douchey, Josh Altman. Gross. I don't even want to think about it.

There's something I like about him, oddly enough. He's such a douche but I like him, oddly enough. I liked him the first year but I don't like him anymore. No it. There's something I like about him, oddly enough. He's such a douche, but I like him, oddly enough. I liked him the first year, but I don't like him anymore. No, I've hated him the entire time, and I know the two of you... I don't know. The two of you hate me and disagree with me all the time, but I secretly like Madison. I don't hate you. I mean, I think you're

completely wrong. All the time. All the time. Matt's always like, you know who's kind of cool? Hitler. Where I was like, Matt know, he's kind of cool. Hitler was like, Matt. No, I don't think so. Wasn't he so handsome? Madison is a spoiled, rotten little fucker.

And this is how you know someone's a real gay douchebag. He laughs like this. He laughs like a mean bully in school he really does i don't think just because he has a lisp and he's like the gayest human being ever put on the face of the earth that he isn't a bully you know yeah maybe getting beat up as a kid turned him into that i don't know what happened but he's a bully and i hate him and i hate how he treated no sympathy for him what about the fact that his ex-assistant was totally backstabbing him and screwing the competition million dollar deal and he's spitting her face well but she's an idiot he got her ass on reality tv so that girl would be stripping on

a fucking pole in irvine without being you know you don't even know where irvine is you don't even know where irvine is exactly that's why she would be in Irvine. For all we know of what you know, you think that she's stripping in Beverly Hills, and she wouldn't be. Okay, fine. Rancho Cucamonga. Alright, there we go. Okay, here's the other reason I hate him.

He's terrible at his job, and I can't respect anybody who shows up to work in shorts and, like, a fucking tank top. Hello, you're selling million dollar... He works in Malibu. He is the beach community. It is more casual over there. You need to take off your...

How about the fact that they took a commission from his dad? How gross was that? And he didn't even do anything. He stole that poor old lady's commission who did all the work. And all he did was bully her i love that old lady oddly enough i really want her to come back madison's a horrible fucking human being and i love whenever every season of this show they inevitably get to the part where

he's like nobody nobody ever wants to date me i just don't understand why no one wants to date me it's like um because you're fucking horrible okay have you noticed that have you noticed to clarify i don't want to date him i just kind of want to pet his hair because it looks like nice golden retriever fur matt that's your version of dating okay be honest well i've had a dry spell so yes you're correct i want to put a tennis ball in his mouth and try and teach him some diction oh if you put a tennis ball in his mouth i'd be all over that yeah you should have seen what matt did to his waffle last week i'm a tennis player that is not some like effed up snm shit yeah you're gonna you're gonna start calling him deuce you know what i'm saying yeah i hear the thing with madison i actually feel like he actually

has a very similar voice to carol he sort of has a gayer, slightly more high-pitched Carol voice. Carol's down here, and Madison's more up here. It's very true. They're true of the same bird, except he has a lisp. Yeah. He has his... Well, first of all, I have to say, I'm a total hypocrite. I know I have the gayest voice in the world.

But I wear pants to work. Okay? I put on pants. So I feel like I should be bullied less. I think you should be. I think you should be. And especially also because you are not smoking anymore. So you're more sensitive and you deserve to have people not bully you. Now, you know what? That makes me a pussy. Why did I quit? What a quitter? What a loser. You are a loser. You would never sell a house. You would never be able to sell a Persian palace in Santa Monica the way Josh Flagg is trying

to at this moment. Oh no. Josh Flagg. He ain't gonna sell it. That house is a disaster. I have to remember the last thing he sold on this show. I think one time he like rented a like a garage unit. You know like one of those storage units i think that's the last thing i saw him do on this i think he rented um mj from shahs of sunset her um her

classy abode oh oh your new neighbor matt your neighbor well my neighbor and soon to be your new neighbor don't tell people where we live don't tell people where we live well all this i've been talking about where mj lives across you from me all this time and it's been fine and now all of a sudden matt's moving into the neighborhood i'm not saying where and all of a sudden he's acting like he's freaking the ghost of princess diana who can't be revealed okay look i'll let you stalk mj but i get mike the ms well it's too bad they're in the same building god there goes my day i'm just gonna i don't want to know any of these Fucking people

Well you don't even live on our block So it doesn't matter Well I wasn't going to say that Matt lives on my block But now he just outed himself But we all go to the same country club The Abbey Can I be honest with you I have not been there since I got in a fight

During Gay Pride When I was 25 years old So i have not been there since i got in a fight during gay pride the on my uh when i was 25 years old so i have not been there and i think wait wait what sort of fight did it was like a madison hildebrand type of fight with like what are being sloshed around it was with this guy that i kind of used to see we weren't like officially bfs but we got into a fight during gay pride weekend in the abbey and it got really nasty and he threw a drink on me. It was like a Madison fight. It was a Madison fight.

Why did he throw a drink on you? It's too graphic. I cannot go there. Did he accuse you of cheating? More graphic than a double dildo? Wait a second. I know we have some Real Housewives stuff to talk about, but this seems like it'll be the perfect segue. Tell us about your big, epic fight that's worthy of Bravovo okay here we go i'm pretending that nobody's

downloading this right now yeah your secret safe we were kind of seeing each other and then it kind of like got bad and then i think that i wanted him to be my bf and then i was getting the vibe that maybe he didn't want to be my bf and then i was kind of a angry person about it and then we got into a public fight. But then he was the jerk who threw the drink on me. And how could anybody ever say anything that's worthy of getting a drink thrown on them? Not even Gina Kehoe deserved it last year. Well, now let's be honest.

Was this person, did he realize he was in this relationship with you? Or was he just like a go-go dancer that you were fixating on? Be my boyfriend. Be my boyfriend. I don't like go-go dancers. I only like rich men. So it was Andy Cohen. It was Andy don't i don't do wonky eyes because i have one of my own yeah well we all do all of us have a have a little wonky anyway it's spiraled out of control from there i can't finish because it gets trey graphic after that but anyway i've been in a fight in the

abbey and it was not good and why are we talking about this can i get because it's great it's great this is better than anything that's happened on bravo this week well now the abbey you basically fight with persian girls you know parting and throwing up all over the place that's basically what's there now and they also stand in the way like in an area where people moving through all these girls just stop and stand they just love standing if i'm getting in the way performing a remix of diamond water um at the abbey that's the only thing that would lure me back um did you guys by the way you said remix i had i had to just jump in did you see um what joe on twitter thanks joe on twitter sent us i put it on our uh facebook page it is the Tarantulas music video.

Are you kidding? I watched it five times. It's fantastic. Walking down the road. Yeah, Tarantulas. Wow. I love Asa. I love her.

I can't wait for that show to come back. I kind of feel like we're sort of watching it by watching Million Dollar List listing and looking at all these ridiculous gaudy mansions but every time i drive by chai veranda on sunset i think of the fight that was there between what's her face with sunny mj and all those all those crazy girls so that show's got a second season supposed to yeah it did really well the the season finale numbers were like over 1.5 million viewers which is, which is a hell of a lot better than a lot of the other shit on Bravo. And Shaz is going to – I think they're taping actually right now. They tape in the summer and it will air in the winter. Fantastic.

So why don't we move on to Real Housewives of New York City since we are now just like babbling about anything. So why don't we go on to New York? Where should we begin? Okay. Can we get back to Sonia's Toaster O we mentioned at the top of the show yeah i was laughing last night because the the sheer absurdity of the situation sonia is sitting here talking to us in this elegant red gown with a giant bow and talking about how about her toaster oven how is this woman this elegant woman hawking a toaster oven it is the funniest thing in the world it is the funniest thing is anyone else ben you're a fucking cook you know you're gonna buy that you know i i would except it's actually

very tall i don't know if i could get you know if i get a free one because like i'm in the same financial situation as sonia so um if sister can help me out, I will toast the shit out of so many things. I was going to say, what's weirder, her hocking the toaster oven or wearing the gown? Because you know that gown smells like 1993. Oh, yeah. She pulled it out from under a damp mattress. That had been soaked through from Hurricane Irene. that have been soaked through from Hurricane Irene.

Honestly, my favorite topic of the entire year has been Sonia's nasty-ass disheveled house wardrobe, lifestyle, bankruptcy, toaster oven, beak nose, broken down, veiled hats. I mean, I'm obsessed. Watching her interact with this um this uh image consultant or whatever he does brand brand engineer um call him what he really is font doctor yeah photoshop font picker whatever whatever he is he's more qualified than she is and watching her flip out i thought was hilarious and also watching him get super testy, I thought it was brilliant. It was, because he wasn't just taking her shit.

And I don't know why anybody hasn't told her yet that she's just using Bethany Frankel's logo. It's the same fucking thing. Has nobody noticed that? Well, I love also that she loves that J so much, her sexy J. And you put a dot on it, it's wonderful. Everyone can see it. Oh, wait, no, no, no. But put a star above it instead of a dot and then add some

twinkling lights and boom! Magic. I would love to see her produce a video. It's for movies because movies have stars in them. She should not be talking about movies because she couldn't pay the $7 million she fucking bankrupted herself. Isn't that why she's in debt? $20 million?

Take movies off your list, you dumb bitch, and start thinking about getting a bank account. I say quite the opposite. If this woman thinks that the way to have a movie logo is to put a star over your J and have loud, twinkly stars in the background, I just can't wait to see what movie she comes up with. It will be full of not just star wipes,

but those rotary wipes and crate checkerboard transitions. It'll be like every abandoned transition on iMovie that no one ever uses, she's going to scoop it up and put it in every single scene. It'll be like, you ever see The Room? I just saw it for the first time. Oh, my God. Did you throw the plastic spoons at the right point? The midnight showing? I saw it on video.

I didn't know you were supposed to throw plastic spoons. Oh, my God. You have to go to the midnight screening because there's props and people are screaming out thing oh my god listen i'm gonna throw plastic toaster trays at sonia every time when her movie comes out because okay i i know you guys are haters on heather but can we at least can i at least get you guys to admit that she is um somewhat of a successful businesswoman and maybe if sonia wanted to make a fucking dime she might want to pay attention to what heather's saying I ain't never heard of Heather's bullshit until this show, and I'm into

shapewear. Is that your fetish? Is your fetish women's shapewear? No, it's my downfall in life. I'm a fat bastard and I need shapewear. What about Squeezed by Jules Aaron? Um, sorry. I love that Andy Cohen

just slapped the shit out of her by hiring another shapewear chick love it sorry jill zarin so i'm sure she stopped listening to this after i told her to get a life right or maybe she's in the middle of writing an email to you right now i'm gonna get the email because i'm gonna get the nasty email from her ginger ginger don't blame me um wait no so heather no no, Heather does seem successful. I mean, I think Sonia is an idiot for not listening. What is the name of Heather's shapewear company? Yummy.

Tommy. Heather Yummy Shapewear. I'm going to see if she's successful. Well, look, she has overseas distributors. That already is a step up above almost any housewife entrepreneur. That is true. Well, how can I tell if she's successful? Should I just put Heather Yummy Successful?

Sure, why not? If that is the way you do your internet research, all of the gossip that you bring to the table each week is all fake. Discount everything that you've said if that's the way you do a Google search. I always wonder sometimes with those Google suggestions, I'm like who who makes these suggestions how these get in

the google database i'm like oh no i know it's ronnie anytime you google something by mistake and it comes up with something fucked up and weird blame ronnie it's ronnie but no so um wait um i also i was for some reason i was really amused at watching Countess Luanne get her eyebrows done. And how, how, how an agony she was over the whole thing. And how furious, you know, she was. Because she probably had her makeup done and everything. And then she emerged from the scene with, like, her eye all red and swollen. It made her pumpkin head extra pumpkin-y.

It was. And by the way, I've seen her pumpkin head in person. I think maybe, Matt, you have too. Yeah. It's huge. It is a pumpkin head extra pumpkin-y. It was. And by the way, I've seen her pumpkin head in person. I think maybe, Matt, you have too. Yeah. It's huge. It is a pumpkin head. It is huge, but she carries it with such grace and elegance. How do we feel about Luanne tricking Ramona and tasting

her own wine? Before we move on to that, I think that I need to stick up for eyebrow waxers everywhere. That eyebrow waxer was not treated with respect by Miss Countess Luanne. She was being so rude. Just get your fucking eyebrow waxed. Why do you have to be such a nasty bitch about it?

Of course your eye is going to be red. Have you guys ever gotten your eyebrows waxed? Yes. I've never gotten it done. Can we go do that? My eyebrows are perfect, so I don't need to. Really? They're perfect? I'm looking at a photo of you on Skype right now, and I see a few errant hairs. Well, they're intentional.

Who are you talking to? Ben or me? Me. Both of you. Wait. By the way, can we also talk about that eyebrow woman for a second? I don't know if I would trust anyone to do my eyebrows who has those two giant caterpillars over her eyes. Thank you.

Her eyebrows were so huge and out of control i would have gone running running into the east river you know what i also don't trust when you walk in some place and there's nobody else in there fucking buying or using the services well i think that they cleared it out i mean i didn't i didn't mind her eyelet her eyebrows but i wouldn't let a fat person touch me so especially if it's called it was called boom boom i wouldn't let a fat person touch me. Especially if it was called Boom Boom. I wouldn't trust Boom Boom. I wouldn't trust. Was the place empty because they probably shot it at 3 a.m.

when they could get in there? And I love how Heather was like, oh, let's just casually pop in here. And the camera crews are waiting when they open the door. Yeah, exactly. That drove me nuts. They literally had a shot from inside the store of Heather and Luann chatting.

And Heather's like, oh, can we just like, oh, I've got this great idea. Why don't we just pop in i'm like bitch we're not idiots there's a camera crew in there well one of the big things that happened in that scene is that we didn't discuss is that heather actually took uh luann there to not only put her in pain and fakely laugh at her for an hour but to also tell her that everybody's been talking behind her back because she's her friend and that's what friends do. Friends do not do that. That's not true.

Well, hello, they're not real friends. They're reality TV friends. And I do think that she actually does have a point there. And, you know, I really, you know, Ben and I love us the Countess. And, you know, she can rarely do wrong. But Heather is really trying to make a good point here. And Luann is just not getting it. Okay, Luann's not getting it, but also, you know, Heather, though,

she delivers these things about these women. She says, like, well, Sonya says this, and Luann's like, what, so I'm supposed to just hang back every time? And then Heather's like, yeah, I know, right? Ha ha ha ha. It's like, what side do you want, Heather? She's on Heather's side. Yeah. You guys suck. You suck. I like Heather. Well, Heather's gotten better, but she's on heather's side yeah you guys suck you suck i like heather well heather's gotten better

but she's she's not the best she's you know who's the worst fucking aviva well aviva is just you know what aviva guess what i don't want to hear about your sex life your husband's sex life your fucking father's sex life uh everyone else's sex life while they're having sex under the pictures of you and your husband and your kids. That being said, I thought Aviva's father and

what's-his-face's mother, Fran Drescher's mom, I thought the two of them together were hilarious and they immediately need a spinoff. And if possible, why not bring in Elsa from Real Housewives of miami they're all down there together the three of them would be a riot and i'm not even saying this as a joke i literally think that they should get their own little half an hour show i think it would be brilliant the real old people love boca yeah people love the golden girls why not have these? Yeah, I hope that they leave their mics on while they have sex.

And it'll just sound like a tree being sanded down slowly. I will say that Aviva's dad probably gets more crotch than Blanche Devereaux. So, you know, I'm all for that. I don't know. She got around. She got around. She did. R.I.P.

Rue. R.I.P. R.I.P. Rue. I was so tired of my wiener when I was like 30. I can only imagine how that guy feels. It's like, you're still fucking doing this? Just calm down.

He's in Miami. There are a lot of hot ladies. A lot of hot Sofia Vergara types down there. Whatever. I'm in West Hollywood. There's a lot of hot ladies down here, too. My penis is still tired. I would like to see those two old people have their own show because they're a lot more interesting than Aviva and Reed.

Is that his name? Reed, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead. No, I was just going to say, I do love the fact that Aviva has very waspy inflections to the way she speaks. I love that. I think that Aviva is so enamored with herself and thinks she's so fascinating, and she has nothing interesting about her except that she got caught in a conveyor belt.

At age six and she's still milking it. She's still milking it. Every chance she gets. But she's like, oh, look at me. I'm in heights. Oh, which I'm suddenly not afraid of the heights, but I was afraid of the heights. Oh, I'm so wacky. First of all, you're making up

fears to be interesting. Excuse me. Guess what? They did not drive to Miami from New York. They flew. But Reed was with her. Reed calmed her storms. Oh, God. I hate her. Okay, here's the thing. I don't hate Aviva. I don't think she's the best,

but A, I'm going to say nice things because I want her to invite me to her awesome condo in Miami, and I would like to go there. Second of all, from the previews of the season, it looks like she is going to... Don't start with that, because that is a whole... I have a tirade. I'm so ready to go there,

but we have to discuss the other things in the episode first so that I can make you hate her before we like her. Okay, so that's... Now, when she had dinner with Ramona and Mario, when she and Reed had dinner, do you not think that she just sits there and stirs that fucking pot, and the pot

being the fight between the ongoing issues between Ramona and Luan? She does, but I think that Aviva was right. I think Aviva was actually correct in this instance. I thought it was actually nasty of Luan to do that. Okay, but that is something for Ramona and Mario to handle. Aviva getting in the middle. But there's nothing for Avan to do that. Okay, but that is something for Ramona and Mario to handle. Aviva getting in the middle. But there's

nothing for Aviva to do. For everybody who hasn't seen the episode, Luan had this wine tasting thing where you had to be blindfolded, and Ramona couldn't even, not only didn't even recognize her own wine, but totally dissed it and said it was bland and needed more flavor. Yeah. More body.

And then boom, it was Ramona's wine. That was so embarrassing and so fucking delicious and that ramona took the rest of the episode to talk about how wonderful her palate was to realize that her wine is like the kind of wine that would be sold on a target shelf but congratulations you've got a great palate and a terrible wine great advertising she doesn't even have a good palate all she was able to do is smell floral water and lemon water. Shut the fuck up. I don't care.

And she also was able to figure out that there was cilantro in her ceviche. What a shock! Oh my god. Cilantro, it's not, you know, cilantro has a very subtle flavor too, so good for her. Oh, it really does. It's not often recognized. Right, and it's not often on tops of all the salads.

Or in ceviche. Or in Miami. It's very rarely used in Miami. Right, it's never in Miami. It's more of, like, a Montana type of vibe. Yeah, it barely even makes a dent in Latino food. It's so true. Could you imagine going to dinner with her? Here's the menu, which you can probably, you know, alter, you know, if you want the fish cooked well, whatever.

No. Why bother to give this bitch a menu? She should be able to go into Burger King and order filet of soul. She should be able to go into Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant and order a Big Mac because this bitch makes it up because she's Ramona and she should get whatever the fuck she wants. Can you believe that? When she demanded that the church minnows be cut in half, that was amazing. That particular salad did not even exist on the fucking menu.

She's crazy. But I don't know. there was something about the way she ordered it like so you have heather in orange county who does the same thing but when heather does it it seems so pretentious when ramona does it you're just like oh she's just a wacky crazy bitch you know and there's something sort of like you know okay ramona's just striving so hard to be important. And you know, she's just, she's like competing with everyone's competing with Bethany. I feel like everybody on these shows now, Bethany is set like the standard of what everybody wants to be. And they just need to stop it. Just stop, just sit down Ramona, uncross your eyes and do a crossword puzzle, please. Please. How, I mean, the only, the only other thing from that scene that was memorable is the um

disgusting uh meal that aviva ordered and i just really wanted them to show somebody taking a bite of it because that would have been tv gold how did they miss that one i don't know by the way i didn't i didn't think that looked disgusting just was it was very like suggestive but i'm like i love hot dogs i'll'll have a Kobe hot dog. I don't care if it's giant. Oh, oh, by the way, sidebar. Did you, I can't deal with Aviva. Another reason to hate Aviva.

When she was like, I don't normally eat hot dogs because they're filled with nitrates, and nitrates gives you cancer. Guess what? Everything gives you cancer, bitch. Shut up. Soda's rubber, and you've got that on your leg. Oh, snap. Just throw that oh snap she's gonna get knee cancer oh no i look i wouldn't wish a missing leg on anybody but i also don't except

because turtle time on one stump would be hilarious well maybe we'll get to see that later in the season so what can you tell us why why you're about to go on a tirade about the previews for the season? Because those previews look great to me. Okay. So I'm watching this episode last night. Everything was pissing me off because Aviva's talking shit and stirring the pot. Carol is talking mad shit behind Luann's back the entire time like she's some fucking saint herself with her nasty-ass shriveled-up mouth. Oh, my God, Matt. This is why you get into fights at the abbey you realize this is why

you shouldn't have broken up with carol at the abbey damn it yeah she threw a glass of ramona pinot grigio on me anyway so keep going i will say you know at minute 58 got swept aside when i love that we we've already had like eight episodes but for some reason last night bravo decided to deliver us a special special treat meaning a remainder of the season preview and this shit looks like it goes off the rails into the deep end completely crazy and I think the show desperately needs that. The ratings have sucked so far this year, and I kind of wonder if the editors and the network were like, dig up all the shit, string it together, I don't care if it makes sense or not,

but make it. It definitely did. We need to go to Crazy Town, and we'll reboot the season. Yeah, and you know, by the way, Matt, you know who seems to be in the middle of all the craziness? Aviva. Aviva. So she's clearly's clearly gonna snap which i'm very excited about don't say snap that's too hard for her leg oh my god i don't know why i'm thinking of snapped now i was thinking of crazy women going

crazy and killing somebody um that led me to think of alex and simon getting getting onto a new show did you guys hear about this i forgot forgot about it in the gossip section. What? They're coming back to TV on VH1's couples therapy. Why do they need therapy? They love each other. Because she's married to a gay guy and he's married to someone drawn by Tim Burton.

I can't watch VH1. I just forgot that in the gossip section. We don't have to talk about it. That ending of New York really did make me kind of want to watch it again um that whole thing about when what's her buns aviva says i did it for all the girls with one leg you tweeted that last night and i pissed my pants. I'm excited. I'm very excited. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was just rude and cut you off, but I forgot the most shocking part. What? What is this situation where Luann bangs somebody that's not Jacques? You mean Johnny Depp? She bangs Johnny Depp looking young and sexy from Pirates 1 from like 1992. Well, it's been said on the reunions when they get into these fights and they almost start revealing each other's secrets like happened on Orange County this season about Vicky cheating on Dawn. That has happened in the New York reunions where they've hinted that Luann's cheating was what got her marriage in trouble because she

was the big slut of the Hamptons. Luann, though, do you think she would be so careless as to cheat with the cameras? Yes, because in a way it makes her feel younger.

That guy's like 20-something years old. So, yeah, you being a 20-year-old guy, it's going to make her feel a lot better in the long run. So probably in her mind, Jacques will probably forgive her. I mean, he's French. Yeah, he will. That's true. He's not cheating on her, please.

He looks like Balki. He's a straight man. And, of course, he's cheating on her. And he is mixed with Adrian Brody. Besides, she's going to have his baby. Baby? He's basically doing the whole

house husband thing and getting his business promoted on national TV. She can do whoever she wants. She can go off and fuck Johnny Depp while he raises her fucked up children who are going to become, you know, uh, mental institution patients.

Yeah. Or something like that. They're going to be like lobotomy. They already, aren't they both kind of lobotomized already, her kids or daughter? They were lobotomized from the get go. And once I saw that art show,

I was just like, find, find that girl. I padded cells stat. Well, or at least throw her in the hedges with the other drunk girl. That's true. And hopefully, you know, hopefully they'll be found by Luanne at some point before, you know, the alcohol poisoning sets in.

Hopefully when she gets back from New York, because she only has a mother on the weekends, you know. Well, if Luanne has like this gorgeous pumpkin head, do you think that she has a pumpkin crotch? I don't know. Are all the men wanting to get in there? It's a Halloween special. What the hell is a pumpkin crotch? That doesn't even make sense. I don't know.

What's a pumpkin head? What is a pumpkin head? A pumpkin head makes sense because if your head is big and circular, it looks like a pumpkin. A vagina does not look like a pumpkin in any way. I think her vagina probably— Unless it's a carved pumpkin. Her vagina probably feels like when you put change into a Coke machine and the Coke

doesn't come out and you stick your finger up the change return thing and at first it feels like it's going to be tight, but then it's just like a big, vacant slot of nothing. And then your fingers smell like wet nickels after. I'm crying.

Are we going to go there? Is this the time? No, let's move on. We have to get to New Jersey. We've been doing this a long time, and so much happened on Jersey last night. So much! We talked over everything on New York, but whatever, I don't care.

We talked about New York for 25 minutes, Matt. If you couldn't find another point in there, then it's not worth making. It's my fault. Let me at least say my favorite part of Jersey before I forget it, because it was a very two-second thing that I thought spoke volumes. And you guys just mentioned

a few minutes ago about how everyone is just competing with the Bethany Frankel Skinny Girl brand yeah how bitchy and stupid was it of that dumb hooker theresa to say that oh i'm making a fabellini man but i don't like it to taste all diety like a skinny girl cocktail you wish you had 85 million dollars you wish yeah shut up, Teresa. You know that that means that Bethany Frankel was probably rude to her in the green room of that stupid Watch What Happens thing. You know it was like something that Bethany was mean to her, and now she's getting her revenge. I'm not going to suggest that Bethany's not mean because in order to get to where she is, she had to be the nastiest bitch on the face of the earth. I am not ever going to buy a Fabellini.

I'll tell you that right now. I will never have one. You are a dumb liar. First of all, I don't even like Bellinis because I don't like peach flavors. And second of all, I don't want Teresa's Bellini. First of all, Teresa's Bellini, that almost sounds like a weird sexual thing, you know?

And I don't want her fab Bellini. And I don't trust... Well, her and Joe are sitting there in the cellar of this poor winery that thought they were getting some good publicity until these two mooks showed up. They were sitting there chasing these things. They didn't know what the hell they were doing. They don't even know what a bulini is. Joe was getting sploshed.

And then I love how, like, the uptight lady who worked at the vineyard or the wine tasting room or whatever was like, yeah, we rented you a designated driver. Hint, hint, because we know you're an alcoholic who crashes cars and don't have a license. No, no, he's not an alcoholic who crashes cars. He just sometimes he crashes cars and he gets so rattled he has to do like five shots afterwards. That's it. Oh, right, to calm his nerves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's all.

He's not an alcoholic at all. That was painful to watch, that whole. And then, you know what else also that bitch fucking caroline shut up caroline everything caroline has to say is something nasty about theresa now granted it's all correct it's all correct but why should caroline be sitting around there and talk about like i don't want caroline talking about like theresa's marriage we're allowed to talk about that yeah we are We are on a bitchy podcast. Caroline needs to get over it.

She needs, you know what? Caroline had her flame out. She said, I don't want to be friends with you. And now it's time for her to shut up and move on. Exactly. Now go start Cafes,

let it bomb, and then put Lauren back on a diet. Can we, can we, by the way, can we have a moment of silence for Chateau, the art of beauty, which has now gone out of business.

It starts now. Moment of silence. Okay. That's all I get. that was great um wow what a that is like a landmark business for that you know who should move in there not cafes posh part two well you know posh is probably behind it actually no i think the manzos and their mafia connections probably bullied chateau the art of beauty out of that space so that way kafache could come in and take over it's gonna go in and then they're gonna have a little stand in there selling nasty ass brownstone ragu pasta sauce they're gonna be washing everyone's hair with black water i i won't drink it and i certainly won't let that touch my mane no you should not you should definitely not um by the way um someone

who can always touch my mane is dearest kathy because she can do no wrong and i thought when she had a tasting she actually mentioned it i wasn't sure she was going to mention it and when all of a sudden in the background you notice that there's like a cemetery there's a cemetery behind her tasting i thought that was the funniest thing i love kathy and i think her desserts look amazing and I think that she is like real and honest and I just, you know, all that. But the background being like it looked like Final Destination 5 in the background. A bake sale at a cemetery is what it looked like. A bake sale at a cemetery with like creepy tassels and her artistically challenged children making like posters that were drawn by Melania.

I mean it was just kind of weird i was really resentful because earlier in the episode theresa had the balls to say that her her autograph signings have now become classy affairs and i was like i was like fuck you theresa you're absolutely wrong and then you go look at kathy's you're like oh i guess i can see what she's talking about it's like oh but by the way i would a hundred percent a hundred percent buy any cookbook that kathy would make and i'm not even joking i would literally buy it it would to have like a skinny recipes in it i would buy the full fatty ones and by the way and fuck you theresa for being like who wants to buy a cookbook that only has like desserts in it uh it's called people who like to bake you dumb idiot yeah who wants to look like an emaciated burnt pony?

You, Teresa. Yeah, and your stupid friend Linda, okay? An emaciated burnt pony? Yeah. I love that. Yeah. And also, by the end of that episode, she's talking about how her next book is going to be a dessert book. Right, starring Kathy's mom's recipes.

Yeah, and by the way, these two idiots, well, it's really not Kathy. It's more like Teresa. She's like, that's not your mom's recipe. It's my mom's recipe. Hey, do you ever think that maybe it came from both of their mothers? It came passed down? Did any of you dumb fucks ever think that Betty Crocker designed every dessert ever and that she should be the only one getting

credit? That's it. The end. Yeah, I agree. Teresa is an idiot. She continues to be a huge idiot although and her husband is also a huge idiot because he's so disgusting let's talk about the husband's summit and uh how joe starts airing his grievances which apparently stem back to a missing tool set from a mason job gone awry when the other joe was all of 19 was trying to break into the business and clearly you know he's still holding this grudge. Yeah.

I really do feel bad for Joe Gorga. Because I feel like when you see him and Joe Giudice go at it, I feel like I see in Joe Gorga, like, a little kid who, oddly enough, kind of just wants to be accepted. And just has this guy, like, coming down on him for every single little thing. I don't know. I feel like I see sadness in his eyes. I think that you want him to cry on your shoulder and then you want to tap that. Gorga, you see sadness in his eyes is called marijuana abuse.

Oh my god, that dude needs to do like Visine commercials. My god, he's always effed up. He really is always always. And how about Joe Giudice taking credit for everyone's career like Richie. When you were doing, you were pumping gas. And Richie's like, yeah, six months ago you were doing you were pumping gas and Richie's like yeah six months ago

you were flipping pizzas and now you're doing nothing yeah and you're getting you're getting chauffeured in an Escalade limousine over to Casa de Jacqueline and like drinking wine and sweating yeah they really all have like big

rock-hard boobs and sweat and red wine is dripping out of all their pores. I mean they are not a pretty group. Poor Chris Laredo. How did he get into this mess? He deserves so much better. And what's happened with his life? His apparel business has gone down the drains.

He has this stupid – he's marketing a water that will never sell. And his marketing team is a bunch of kids off of the Jersey Shore. And now he's going to be stuck on an RV trip with the world's biggest idiot. I feel bad for this guy. And his stepdaughter spent his money on lip injections. Yeah. God, what a tough life for him. Yeah, it was kind of a sad one yesterday in general,

I think, watching this show. It made me feel grateful. I wanted to just hug my family. Well, you were just with your family in Austin. God, I couldn't wait to get away. But then after I saw the show, I was like, I love you. Mom, it's Ronnie. I love you.

How about Jacqueline's encounter with Teresa at the tasting? Well, let me ask you, who was Teresa's friend? And was she clearly trying to make uh you know a move so that she can be hired on as like obviously her name is linda yeah have we seen her before what do we know about her i don't think so we know that she's a cheerleader for theresa but then she turned right around and told jackie that theresa lost something so theresa's gonna see that and probably get rid of her and then uh she also does not eat desserts and yes we did learn that she's a total c-word for coming into an event that she's not even invited to and criticizing the hostess of the event and everything that she just put together what a bitch anybody

that is rude to kathy we want to hurt yeah i will i will hurt them yeah i'll hurt them with my words so anyway so we had um jacqueline and theresa um kind of bumped into each other there theresa is you know i'm trying to put everything in the past and you know pretending that nothing ever happened and jacqueline is totally like brushing her off and saying i said hi but i didn't say hi but i said hi and um i don't know like this is the beginning of the end clearly what bothered me actually most about that scene was, you know, they had their little interaction. But then Caroline and Lauren are standing there in the corner, like, just staring, you know. Lauren, who ate a dessert, by the way.

Oh, she ate a bite. She ate a bite. And then perhaps a whole tray. But then Caroline is staring. And the thing is this. Caroline acts. She's over it. She's over it.

She's done. Da-da-da-da-da. I just want to make sure jackson doesn't get hurt bullshit you still want to be involved in this drama and you're staring like a hawk and uh you have to get over it you have to get over it caroline oh and i'm glad we had another moment of caroline sobbing because her daughter's fat shut the fuck up i know my daughter's in there somewhere oh my god you're horrible it's like just ate her daughter and she just wants her to be free again. You know, I talk a lot of shit about Lauren just because she annoys the shit out of me. And I don't think that she should get as much screen time as she does.

But at the end of the day, Caroline is a mean, mean mother to her. Like, if all you do is talk about your daughter's weight, clearly you're going to give her many fucked up issues. Like stop crying and saying, I know my daughter is trapped under all that lard somewhere. I mean, how fucking awful is that? Well, when my mom complains about me being fat, which she often does, I tell her, you know, the doctors tell me that I'm fat because of my mommy issues. And then it just stops. And that buys you like three more weeks before she brings it back up? It buys me a pizza.

You know that bitch is going to order a pizza after I say that. She's like, I love you. I love you no matter what, okay? Here's a pizza. I want a pizza right now. I haven't eaten anything today. I'm starving. I don't. I want to go Lord Man manzo on something the end i would offer to take

you to lunch but i don't eat so it's fine yeah i know damn you um is there anything else about jersey or should we start wrapping up this podcast um time to wrap it i don't have anything except that i cannot wait to see these people in a fucking RV next week. Let me just bring that up. I don't know who either of you or any of our listeners have been to Napa, but I've been to Napa with another ex. We might have thrown some wine on each other in Napa, but anyway,

I flew into San Francisco and then we drove to Napa. It is not something that you need to get in an RV to do. Yeah, this is not like going to Yosemite. It's called like you rent a car and then you get a bed and breakfast. It's five minutes. We had like a driver take us like maybe less than an hour to some vineyards.

Yeah, Napa is only – well, let's see. San Francisco Airport is probably about half an hour south of the city. Napa is about an hour north of the city. This is not a great American road trip. We're talking about 80 minutes. We're not talking about some Thelma and Louise, some Smokey and the Bandit bullshit. the city napa is about an hour north of the city this is not a great american road trip we're talking about 80 minutes we're not talking about some thelma and louise some smoky and the bandit bullshit we're talking about like they're gonna be in there for 60 minutes let's get as much shit as we can on tape but like this is not a fucking road trip well they want to do it because they

know that maneuvering those giant ass rvs so they look like more like buses but maneuvering those giant vehicles is going to be hilarious, because all these people are going to be idiots. Well, you know what's super hilarious? Joe Giudice, by the way, I know Teresa still doesn't know what her last name is, or how to pronounce it. She's still asking her husband for confirmation. He can't drive, so

I know that Teresa's going to get herself behind that wheel, and I know that she's going to run over people, and cars, and babies. Joe Gorga will be doing all the driving because they're all in the same RV. His feet can't reach the pedals. That's true. That's true.

So anyway, we have that to look forward to finally the Napa trip and we have hopefully exciting things on New York next week. And apparently there's a behind the scenes Orange County episode tonight, which yeah, We have hopefully exciting things on New York next week. Apparently there's a behind-the-scenes Orange County episode tonight. Lost footage, yeah. Lost footage, which they really didn't start promoting until yesterday. So we'll clearly check that out as well.

How about to close the show, we each predict a couple of scenes that are going to be on the lost footage special tonight. Okay, you start. Me? Yeah. Lost footage special tonight. Okay, you start. Me? Yeah. Okay, I predict they will show Alexis confessing at church,

but instead of being in a confessional, she'll have accidentally walked into a broom closet or something. I think that could happen. I would like to see that. I like the idea that there is a broom closet anywhere she is. Like she lives in some old Victorian house all of a sudden.

She's in a horror story. She's in a haunted house. Now that I would like to see. Alexis and a ghost. Okay, what do you think is going to be on the Lost Footage special? Me? Yeah. I think it involves Heather.

She is spelunking and she's in a cave. She has a flashlight, and she's looking around, and she's all excited. Because she's a doer. She does things. She do's. And she's looking around, and then she's horrified to find a pile of about 200 broken fondant bows. She realizes... You can't let it go.

This is an epidemic that is far larger than just her party. You just like saying fondant. I do. I do. It's a great word. Bowgate was my favorite thing that happened in the entire season, and I will find any way to bring it back. Oh, and then Sarah will be down in that cave, and it turns out she's some sort of cave monster.

And when she's in the dark her eyes turn green and her teeth become like um you know like mumra in um in in thundercats you know when mumra is like like in the crypt you know and has a weird mouth thing that's what sarah looks like and for all of our listeners out there who have no clue what you're talking about go google it but don't google it the way ronnie googles things is mumra successful okay shut up i love how this has just become us making fun of each other and the two of you calling me stupid go on matt do you have a hidden footage that you would like to see um i don't know that i'd like to see it but i wouldn't be surprised if we got some behind-the-scenes footage of maybe Peggy fucking Don in a swingers club. Okay.

Because, you know, Peggy does all the husbands. Peggy does them all. I think Taylor will show up on the show asking somebody to be her baby's godparents. Yeah. What? Taylor Armstrong? Yeah, in the Beverly Hills Housewives lost footage, it was Taylor like,

oh, Adrian, so you're my daughter's godchild, godmother. And Adrian's like, and I'm not going to be. She's like, well, I was just thinking it would be nice. And Adrian's like, I'm not going to be. She's like, well, I was just thinking it would be nice. And Adrienne's like, no. That was amazing. Adrienne was like, I like my shoe line more than I like Kennedy.

Sorry. Oh, man. We sure love you out there. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast and downloading and sharing. You can always tweet us at WhatCrappins. You can find me, Ronnie, at TVGasm. You can find Matt Whitfield at Life on the M-List. You can find Ben Mandelker at B-Side Blog.

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