Watch What Crappens - Married2Med: Miami Frown Machine

Episode Date: October 9, 2018

It's a bittersweet week on Married to Medicine as Heavenly goes home to Miami to explain why she yells at people and needs more windows in her life. This week's bonus is all about Ben going to see A Star is Born and Ronnie's distaste for Meghan Trainor. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Seattle and Nashville! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, when you go to the river, you can't just go, have this bird there so much that it happens. Watch what crapens would like to think it's premium sponsors. Ashley Chivoni, she don't take no baloney. Prisbee, wow, where'd he dowry?

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Megan the Slayer Taylor. Avadigila Weber. And our super premium Patreon subscribers. Shannon out of a da gila webber and our super premium Patreon subscribers Shannon out of a cannon Anthony Kelly Grant big rant master give them hope miss no well the incredible edible Matthews sisters and Lizzy Drucker a fun mother we love you guys hello and welcome to watch what crappings the podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Yeel Bros.

It's me, Ronnie. I'm from the Roseprix Bachelor podcast as well. And I'm here with Little Ben Mandelker, my co-host and Little Bestie. Hi, Bianne. Hey, what's going on? Nothing. How are you, babe? I'm great. I'm here in New York. I've arrived a little early in anticipation of our two big shows later this week

Which I should mention you know obviously our Friday show is sold out Friday We're gonna be talking real housewives of New York season four episode 10 which is called something like last call Maracco So if you're coming to that show that's the show you should watch to get ready. And then on Thursday we're talking Real House House of Dallas. I looked last night and there's less than 50 tickets left. It's like 40 something tickets. I haven't looked even today, but if you are thinking last minute,

maybe I want to go that show, you should do it now because it looks like it's where we're getting towards, we're running out of time, but we're also running out of tickets. Similarly, we have the crappies coming up in January and we actually sold that out. So if you didn't get your tickets to that, we apologize, but for those of you guys

who are gonna be coming to that, that's gonna be super, super fun. And next month, we're going to Seattle, so get your tickets for that. And then in December, we're going to Nashville, also not a lot for that. And then in December, we're going to Nashville. Also, not a lot of tickets left for Nashville. So if you're interested in going there, you should go see it.

I'm going to go get tickets now, because all these shows are going to be amazzing. So that's just my earnest, earnest plea to get everyone to come to our shows who hasn't bought a ticket yet. Yes, everybody. And go to watchrocraftens.com to get your tickets, by the way. Okay, everybody, here we are on a beautiful Mary Tamedi's in Monday.

Yes, Mary Tamedi's in. Well, we got to find out why heaven leaves like she is. And man, that vitamin K, is that what you get from the sun, vitamin K? I'm vitamin D. I don't know. I actually don't know my vitamins very well. I just know that vitamin C is what you want to have so that when you don't get sick. And then there's another vitamin that you get from carrots so you don't go blind. Oh, okay. Well, that's good to know. Yeah. But you know, you also get vitamins apparently from sunlight and heavenly didn't get enough

Okay, and that made her crazy So if any of you have children and you're keeping them in a shoebox or a windowless room stop that because you're gonna raise Heavenly and you have that coming home every year for Christmas Yeah, mixed blessing because on the one hand she did become a doctor on the other hand she did become heavenly. So What do you want? I'm gonna work until work from heavenly for all we know she's like the dentist from little shop before as I never gives you any Drugs because she gets off in your pain because she grew up in a windowless room. Yeah, she basically grew up like the kid in room Okay, and I don't know if that always translates to great dentistry. Yeah

Room starring heavenly times I never saw a room as I've mentioned many times before on this podcast, but I did read the book and I hated the book. I'm just hating everything in pop culture right now. I'm sorry everyone. I'm not a hater. I'm just feeling that way right now. Oh yeah, he's saying that because our bonus episode is talking about a star is born, the new gaga movie. Which everyone loves except for me, I like to test it. So that's an arthritis. So go get that at Patreon. So we open this with La Sanya. Oh, OK.

So Mariah is making dinner for Lauren. And she's like, now, any dish Lauren is similar to life. Everything is made out of layers. And Lauren's like, um, why does everything need to be a life lesson? And weren't you the woman who like pulled somebody's weave out or like hit them over the head with the purse? Or was that toy? Yeah. Yeah, I don't think I want to hear life lessons or learn about layers from Mariah. She's like putting

like, she's putting making a salad. She's like, now listen, sometimes in life, you have to wash yourself and put yourself in a thing that goes around and around and around to get all the water off okay Lauren is a salad spinner but yeah I don't want to learn about layers from her either she's like just wear a cardigan before you beat up your friend okay life life is about layers sometimes lasagna is just lasagna and it's nothing more yeah sometimes sometimes lasagna is just lasagna and it's nothing more. Yeah, sometimes sometimes lasagna is just a lazy ass dish. Okay, if you're gonna teach your kid

life, why just do the easiest baking pasta dish? Okay, like make a decent vodka sauce. Okay, Mariah, that's parenting right there. I mean, I wouldn't say lasagna is the easiest pasta to make because it can take a few hours, you know, like I think it's just shit in the bowl and in a glass tray and shove it in the oven was so difficult. Well, okay, well, maybe maybe average lasagna is easy, but if you're going to want to make a good lasagna, it's going to take a little bit of time. This is Mariah Lasagna, okay? How difficult? You're right. You're right. It's like prego and likeikata cheese and so she probably doesn't even use the noodles that you cook, you know, she used the ones that like cook themselves, which are like, that's the ones I'm talking about.

Yeah. She doesn't even boil the water. Yeah. So yeah, so she's making a lasagna and that's the whole throw at the end. Yeah. So then Toria is at her fucking house again, because what else would Toria be doing? I want to see one season where Toria tries to get a damn job. Okay, I'm sick of Toria looking at houses. She's like the Zillow. She's like the real housewives of Zillow. All this bitch does is go look at houses.

Zillow, that's hers. I go on Zillow. So she and Eugene are at the construction site. She's like, oh, wow, look at that little gym. Yes, that's all picture, there was no upstairs, but there are other upstairs. I'm like, oh, wow, look at that. Oh, Jim yesterday I saw a picture that was no upstairs, but that others upstairs. I'm like, it's called construction. That's how it works. Also, if your house is being built in a day, you're getting ripped off. Yeah. Okay. She's like, look, there's an entire floor, you

Jean. Uh, I think that's going to fall down. Okay. Hey, Eugene, that wall just fell over when I sneezed. That's pretty cool. I don't know. We a falloverable wall. Let's go back up again. Well, we were thinking about our f- of a whole, we thought of things that was brought to our family. Look, I'm getting chill, bubs. I'm getting chill, bubs. I'm a static about this closet, y'all. I'm a static. Oh, Toya. Sweet, sweet, Toya.

Sweet Toya and her basement closet. Oh, Toya, sweet, sweet, Toya. Sweet Toya in her basement closet. So she has, apparently Toya has told everyone in the group that they're buying a house except for Contessa, which I feel like will oddly become an annoying plot point in a few episodes, you know, like, because Contessa is, you know, later on, she's getting her double mastectomy,

so she'll have an episode where she's recovering, and then like the episode after that, she can go back to petty arguments, you know, because she's doing a heavy storyline right now. So then when she's back to petty-ness, it'll be like, oh, you didn't tell me about the house. Wow, I mean, all I was doing was going through a double in the sector, but you don't wanna tell me

about your house, the two-story closet, fine, fine. Yeah, and that's so, Toya. Toya is like, I tell her about our house. I mean, while contest is like, getting major surgery. Yeah, Toya is gonna be the one who's mad, that contested I tell her about our house. I mean, while contest is like getting major surgery. Yeah, toia is going to be the one who's mad that contested and tell her about the double and the sanctumage. She's like, well, we'll assist her. And even though I don't like you sometimes, you're so so tell me about your double, double messa mess. What's the call to get on? Messa me messa patemia. She get it. It's said to be

just gonna come back here and be the Lord of the Flies or something. She's gonna double Max a million. So then let's see here, I wrote down a million notes, I don't know why, because it's like, let's have a serious discussion while we stand in our basement closet or whatever. And he's like, please don't be mean to contest, I really like Scott and I would hate to lose another friend because you're an asshole You know, she's it would be she a my lab chops Just contest a state at lunch and like ate the food right? yeah, exactly and She's like and she's oh who's she talking about where she's I'm so sorry

I'm reading I'm like why did I write the entire script? It's like we're going to reenact the entire script from the, look, there's a pipe covered up over there. There's a pipe. Oh, look, it's a hill. I look at the driveway, but it's not, it's not done yet. So that's the, that's the driveway. For whatever, driveway, for whatever, driveway.

For whatever, driveway. One ever, driveway. One thing I will say, for ever, driveway. I'm your driveway. It's just every song is a different variation on forever, driveway. And I miss that. For the driver,

I want to be for the driver. I miss her obsession with sidewalks. Remember when they were getting the other house that kept looking at houses and she's like, I want a sidewalk. They're like, uh, but there's no sidewalks on the street, but I want one. And then she'd go to the next house like, where the sidewalk at? She's learned. She's like, well, the streets have no name. So 80% of the people in the street are going She's like, well, the streets have no name. So anyway, the conversation

shifts over to Quad and Greg. And Eugene says that, you know, he had his guys night and then Greg came over and he's like, actually, it's pretty surprising because Curtis was sort of doing an intervention on Greg. And then we see a flashback of Greg me like Curtis is like well do you honor back? He's like I want to back. Well, you got to do the course. It's like Thousand the intervention Yeah, just blame a blog like I did which of course Greg did you know And then the way the guys stand up for each other on this show is touching it away because they stand up for each other

even though they know they're totally wrong. But it's also disgusting, you know, because Eugene's like, well, Curtis had this intervention and he was telling us that every counseling session they went to, he had to set up. And then he would set up these vacations but then he would set them up in places that she didn't wanna go. And she's like well the obvious problem is

it with Greg okay yeah it is yeah it is he's the cheater and why would you think that it's romantic to set up a vacation somewhere your wife doesn't want to go like well I thought it was kind of effort is that you're making I thought it wasn't where she doesn't want to go I thought it was that she couldn't go I don't either way either way. Either way, like, here's the thing. You know that Greg is the sort of guy that's like, I'm gonna shrink this marriage.

Okay, I said, but can't think session for tomorrow, 2PM. And it's like, she's like, Greg, I have sister circles. Not that you can't do that. I can't do canceling. But you know, he probably like made, he probably like went ahead and was like, okay, we're gonna do this.

And this is the way it's gonna be. And he probably did not say to her like, hey, but this be a good time, whatever. He just declared it. And then she's like, I can't do it. And then he's like, well, I tried. You know, and then he's like, oh, well, I've been doing all the work.

But it's like, no, but you haven't actually been doing the work with her. You've just been telling her, okay, this is a time for counseling. This is just what I'm inferring. This based off of nothing. Yeah, well, we've seen them in counseling and their group counseling with their friends. Where I think the last time we saw him was the time he fell to the ground, foaming at

the mouth, which I still can't get out of my head. So, that was odd moments. Yeah. I don't blame anybody for not wanting to go to therapy with you. That was terrifying. You look like a rabbit dog. Yeah. Exactly. So So Eugene, you know, just it's more talk about like, well, Greg has to fight for his marriage. She's got to fight for his marriage. And Toya is like, I wanna say the basement. Can we look at the basement again? All of the club.

Yeah, Toya, remembering what's important. So then in Miami, where Heavenly Jackie and Simone are to go on Heavenly's origin story, they're at a restaurant and Heavenly's like, you like the sun? You like the sun? And Jackie's like, I love this sun. And Samona's like, Jackie, you know that sun causes skin cancer, carcinoma, off sorts of unhealthy things while you're lecturing me about health And just not only these three girls can have a conversation about the Sun and just keep me entertained for an hour Well, I'm glad for you Ronnie. Everybody's to pin me on the Sun

Yeah, it's at last It's like a lemon squeeze but with Sun So It's like a lemon squeeze, but with sun. So, um, so Toyar calls up and she's like, oh, what I should have did was been to call you normally, but I first time to you. And anyway, um, Marage of Y'all, the perfect name. She said, y'all were the Golden Girls and it's not hilarious because you guys are holding in my arm right now. It's not what, wait, should have did is laugh at that right now, right, right, right.

And Jackie's like, let me see this for a moment. Click, sorry about that. I guess I hung up. Oh, they don't even call her back. She doesn't call back. Just like, no, by Toyota. Bye. I cannot hear you now.

I cannot hear you now. Click, click, click. Yeah. And then heavenly's like, you guys say, I'm brutal, but Jackie can say whatever. Because Jackie told someone that she needs Botox. Yeah. That's because when Jackie says that she says,

you know, like, you could use some Botox as opposed to heavily, like, what bitch, how would like, daddy, you could use some Botox, your mama could use some Botox in her face and her face, that's what she could do. And now she just, how daddy, daddy. And it's like, whoa, heavenly. I think that Jackie comes off as a most positive person of all time but

then she's like you really see who people are on vacation you know and she's really difficult to go on vacation with they're ordering yeah and everybody's ordering and she's like well I don't want shrimp I'm like you're even complaining about shrimp yeah shrimp is healthy sorry so. So, um, Simone's like, I want to know why we were the fab five last year and this year were the fab nothing. And then they do like a flashback and it's like Mariah squawking about something like, well, there's the answer. Mariah is here. That's why that turns five five into nothing. They have nothing. And Kuntessa.

Well, I can't think it was their last year, too. Yeah, but she wasn't part of the Fab five. Was she? That's true. Because I think that she was I think that Heavenly brought out those t-shirts before the newbies were introduced. Quite possibly.

So Jackie base, it was like, well, last year when I was going through my issues with Curtis I feel like everyone rallied around me and that gave us a unity but quiet won't let us do that so she's ruined everything for us. Like mm-hmm sure yes. Well we have a lot to work on ladies! Jackie get on my day of interview but it's something we all gotta work through. And then they're like, okay, let's go to Little Havana and Jackie's like, I don't want sugar. Yeah. Yeah, I know, come on Jackie, Little Havana, you don't have to have a sugar cane cocktail.

Okay, just go and enjoy something. I will not be having sugar or straw hats. I'm telling you that now. And I have to be like, no sugar, no alcohol, no dick, what can we get you out here? So then they had off and they're like driving to South Beach on the way to Little Havana and having least like, I'm excited to see

a side of my am you haven't seen before. I'm like, wasn't this trip supposed to be about therapy and you're sightseeing right now? What's going on here? This is not gonna help you right now. Yeah. Oh, and it turns out that every part of Miami is something she's never seen before

because her mom never let her out of the house. I mean, what the hell? So they go into. Like her house is probably in Little Havana. Oh, look at this neighborhood. I never know this neighborhood exists here. It's like you lived there. You lived there, Evan Lee.

And they're both shocked at how road rachy Simone is. But then all we see is Simone's road rage is she's like, you are turning without a turn signal. Yeah. I'm going to have to discuss this Mercedes Ben. And she is right up on that steering wheel. She looks like she's like driving a forklift or something. She is right up on it. And she's like, no, taxi, no, no, you cannot pass. Seasaw, like we, Seasaw's not even here. She's all mad at Seasaw still. She just sees Seasaw in all the cars around her.

Could you stop acting like the cause guy, Pyrolex? She's like, uh, turn her loud out, make and tampo tantrums make you it Stayed to be in the passing to see you. You don't know when a bitch gonna slap it you were thought how are we? Like that's like every lunch with you. Yeah, exactly So they they arrive in the little Havana and they go to a cigar shop and They're like looking at this lady rolling up a cigar and having them say oh daddy I thought it'd be like shredded or something you know what I mean like my r-wad I mean well well well she's like I never seen me run up before it's like no

heavenly you're stone right now we know it oh so heavenly start smoking up and Jackie's like, oh, smoke. I should have said yes to sugar. I know. Exactly, Jackie. Yeah, Jack is like dying in the corner. So, then Quad is having lunch with her couple friends. And Quad is that girl in the restaurant who's like, well, look at you. So pretty. It's like the waitress. Yeah, she's like the waitress come on I say look at you so pretty hey, how did that glass sister-sook alive Reporting live from a beautiful ladies restaurant And the lady's like hi, my name is Brittany. She's like hey And the lady's like, hi, my name is Brittany. She's like, hey, Brit Brit! Brit Brit Brit is the Brit and the filter in the top of the deal!

Like what? You can clean my wand all day long, sister Zaka Brit! You might be a filter, but I am completely unfiltered, Brit Brit! I shall not be filtered by you, Brit Nidawagerus! Well, fill up my pigeon! Boom, boom, boom, Brit Brit! You can't fill up a pigeon Bump bump bump brittin You can't fill up a picture unless you have a stapler on top of a moon moon I'm not Brittin it. I'm I'm just gonna leave this here. Sorry

So one of the couples from couples therapy comes over for a couple a third-wheel meeting I guess we'll call it yeah hot mark my favorite from the therapy group Yeah, and she's like I already got us shots I ordered a sodium rings I ordered a sodium ring I ordered them 10 minutes ago and they have not arrived I'm in ring because my sister's circle is now fried He had in rings a mind of the promises Gregor made to me what he put And actual I didn't regard my finger. I'm waiting. I should have known I should have known Greaser finger spoon that for deal honey. So I thought about getting French fries. I thought about it. And I said no.

No, it will be okay. Quad. So this girl isn't like afraid to get yelled at by Quad because she's just like so. How are you handling the situation, you know, with the blogs and stuff? Because he's been caught with this girl now putting the business in the streets. And Quads, I, it is not working. It is worsening by the day. Literally, literally. Literally, it's tension, it's tension. Now I'll be like, well, has Greg like shown that he's like sorry. Basically, it's Greg shown contrition and quasi- He blames me. He blames me. There's nowhere. I'm going to adore.

What? I am been enduring. Mirror doorway. There has no friend that looks adorable. That reminds me of the country of Andora Ben the break me anyway it's it can be an un-reciprocity. Un-reciprocity, my marriage. Four-wits work. And she tells us it's not easy to just say he screwed up once, so I'm out of there.

You know what? It would be easier for us. So could you please just leave already? Because I can't with this. This is making me crazy. And she goes, there's no way I'm going to end getting no rest of the process it. She's so dramatic I love it. They're like, Will, what does that mean? She needs, I mean, what are the onion rings? So you wanted the sodas. And the lady's like, it sounds like you need

time apart. Here's how this is, which is her way of saying, this way we don't have to talk about it anymore. Yeah, she's like, and I guess we're paying for this lunch, too, right? Because you're the sad one. Yeah, pretty much. It's time for commercial. It's time for a... Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday's parenting is unbearable.

I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares of our Freshingly Honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong, what would we do differently?

And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So the next day, yeah, so now we see like pops there everyone and we see Toya in the kitchen. She's with her son and he's like learning math in school and she's like, oh, that's

so what's five times four? No, seriously, I need to know. My phone's up there as I can't do it on the calculator. She's like, take it, time. I'm like, I want to see you come up with the answer. Like, are you gonna ever tell him because you know she thinks it's 27. Yeah, five times four, which we know is 13.

Yeah, thumbs up, which we know is 13. So Mariah, Aiden and Lauren go to a nice restaurant, which I thought was actually really cute. They were on like a little formal dinner together and they sit down and Lauren's like, okay, crazy mom, hairplug dad, the situation we're about to talk about is very, very delicate and sensitive. They're like, what? Huh?

Watch the birds and the bees. Let's discuss. Oh, I thought we were going to talk about the situation who didn't pay his taxes. It's now in jail. Lauren, is that what you want for yourself? Now, Lauren, look at this dinner roll. It's like left.

You can tear it open and put butter on it. It will be delicious, but we'll also make you gain weight. What weight what you think about that Lauren. Mom, it's a dinner roll You see Lauren dating is like an entree you got a waiter for it Okay, well just wait or for it Sometimes dating is like this jumbo shrimp cocktail that just arrived here at the table It can be a little cold and you have to grab it by the tail and dip it in some sauce to make it more exciting. Now high school is going to be like this bag of breadsticks, okay? They're going to keep bringing you lots of sticks, Lauren. You just keep saying no sticks, no. You want one stick? You can have it

you second year on college, Lauren. Now, sex is like this cream of spinach right here. Okay. Now, spinach technically is good for you, but this is a horrific dish for your life. And we'll fill you with regret. For Lauren, no wonder she's confused because they keep having this talk with her and they just say boys, but they don't really explain it. And she's like, okay, I guess we're going to talk about the the birds and the bees I got the hint three weeks ago and we see the clip where Mariah's like the birds and the bees and the busters and she's like what's that she's like the broke damn boys he's gonna be approaching you the busters like you cannot reinvent scrubs of Mariah you're not at that level the birds and the bees is already confusing enough it's like

do the birds fuck the bees? Like, how does that work? I still don't even understand the sense of the bees. I don't understand why it's called the birds and the bees either. And I don't know why Mariah is confusing the metaphor with the busters. Because like, what is a buster? Is it like another type of animal? Is it just a guy?

Like, you can't, you can't bring busters. You cannot buck years of tradition with birds and bees with busters. Okay. I'm sorry. Yeah. She's just making a bunch of confusing things in there. Lauren's not going to know what sex is. You know, she's going to think it's like folding a restaurant napkin. I know, especially because as they try to embark on this discussion,

the waitress comes over. It's like, okay. So what are we deciding? I'm like, I am sorry. We're discussing the birds and bees. Okay. Oh, here's how it works. Guys and girls have sex. We guess what guys and guys can have sex when girls and girls can have sex. And you can have sorry we're discussing the birds and bees. Okay, oh, here's how it works. Guys and girls have sex.

We guess what guys and guys can have sex when girls and girls can have sex. And you can have a baby if it's guys and girl. And I don't want to regret it. Be safe. And a fucking guy who looks really hot. Okay, you want the prime rarer? What?

Yeah, pretty much. And Aiden's like, well, our culture is more about doing what mommy and daddy say. For example, five out of seven of my brothers and sisters had an arranged marriage. And then Mariah's like, you definitely wasn't arranged. That's for sure. Is he also like, is his family also the family

that test toothpaste? Like five out of seven dentures approved, old B. Five out of sevens of my brother and sister, have a wife that the family's not terrified of. Okay. Yeah, exactly. So, Aiden's like, well, so I think that you can get married, the second year, I'm not married,

you can start dating the second year of college. And you can even Mariah's like, what? What? What? He said, when I first saw your mom, I just stalked her. I would watch her and follow her. I'm like, okay, you guys are really making this creepy. Yeah, I'm not liking this discussion. Yeah, exactly. So then we find out that his first girlfriend because he's like, that was my first love. She's like, I was not. You didn't have this old rady girl when I met him. if I had to think about it. She looked kind of like heavenly Yeah, he's like well, she's like who did he look who did she look more like me or heavenly? He's like, uh, I don't know I was like me or heavenly. He's like

Maybe right in between you guys. She's like Seek it's really mad and then it comes back to food thank God because more like it's like more eyes mad, but she doesn't really know why. And then she's like, well, that's the first date. Look, you got to eat what's on your plate. Don't put anything that's not on your plate, Lauren. You know, if you can't eat it, you did it wrong. Eat a little and be like, this steak is divine. Yeah. This steak is divine. Yes, Yeah. The stick is the bad. Yes. Lauren say it. I'm not saying that. Okay. The ones like I'm joining chess club.

I'm becoming a nun. I'm in office. If you wanted to talk to me and to never having sex ever, okay, you just did it. Like, congratulations. You, you, you want. Like how many years has Mariah just been going, this is the, yeah. They're like, oh my god, that lady with her steak.

The poor waitress is just like, oh god, another bird's nebise discussion in the restaurant. Why they always come here. Is anybody going to tell me who Buster is? That lady, that waitress, you probably Why they always come here is anybody gonna tell me who Buster is That way just you probably have to post a Brianna Tart on her bedroom wall like this is what happened He was Brianna Tart the waitress She was it is like Oh

Mariah hook I have so on my my loyalty to you and Would care for nothing more than to serve you some ribeye right now. I promised your mother I would never let you go hungry. I made about you mother, then I shall always serve you Bernais' sauce. Bernais, that was her name. Bernais. I'm just like, I'm just a guy with this sort of part. This is the problem. See now that I've watched Game of Thrones, I'm like, just awful.

I just think I'm going can make Game of Thrones references left and right for the next two weeks or so. So I'm sorry. Let's just what's going to happen. And then once you stop Game of Thrones, it's going to come back on. This is how life works. Yeah, I'm sorry.

So something just as fun as Game of Thrones, Contest is going to go get surgery. Yeah. So sad. This is sad. I have nothing really to say, do you? The only thing I have to say is that I really respected that on the day of her surgery,

she was making pancakes from crusties, which I think is the better mix than Bizzquik. Oh, there you go. Prosties is good. I'm not a mix kind of a person. I say order some flour. OK. Well, listen, I'm also not a mix sort of person,

but one time I went and had breakfast at my friends place and she made pancakes with crusties and I said, what's this? And then I had the pancakes and they were delicious. So there, if you have to use and mix, use crusties. There you go everybody, use good crap and see if that works at checkout. Just try.

I know. They were actually, I don't advertise her, but maybe they want to be now. Honestly, crustaceans is awesome. It really is. Honestly, you should be making your pancakes pancakes out of TBT. Just grind it up. Throw some flour in there. I make pancakes out of old Hello, fresh boxes. And eat them while you lay on your Casper. Casper mattress. I use a Casper syrup.

Yeah, so anyway, it can test this good for surgery and it's sad. So now we go back to Miami. And it's the next day. Did chaffer dishes come in this room? Why are there still chaffer dishes in there? Are they having every meal catered? Because that's amazing. And if that is what heavenly does, I want to go on vacation with heavily.

Because I've never seen that. It's like next to the couches. There's just chafers in the room at all times. Yeah, Harry, Harry chaffer. So, um, yeah, they're, so they're going to be going, today is the big day. The big day that they're going to be going to her childhood home in Miami, where she grew up. Um, and, uh, she, you know, Heavenly, she's been enjoying Miami so far because as they're driving she's saying how like, you know, their time has serene the city is and they really love Miami, but she would never want to live here because she's basically traumatized growing up in Miami. And by the way, I do want to mention a fun follow-up story. Remember last week I talked at a link about Moonlight. I was like, oh, I know about growing up in Miami.

Yeah, I learned from the movie Moonlight and then I talked about it extensively. Uh-huh. Yes, what? The director of Moonlight was on my flight to New York. So there. Oh, wow. Isn't that cool? Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. Did you tell him, hi, I'm Ben. I just talked about Moonlight. I really wanted to. I did say hi to him though, because we were standing next to each other at baggage claim. And so I said, I just want you to know. I said, I just want you to know. I really wanted to. I did say hi to him though, because we were standing next to each other at baggage claim. And so I said, I just want you to know. I said, I just want you to know. I really loved your movie deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply.

And he's like, oh, thank you so much. He's, what's your name? I said, I'm Ben. He's like, I'm Barry. Nice to meet you. And then he went on his way. He was so nice. He's so cute, so cute.

But I really wanted to be like, I wanted to be like, yeah, I just talked about your movie on my podcast. But that I felt like would be deranged. And I felt like a simple, you know, I really enjoyed your movie. Deeply, deeply, deeply was a little bit more sane. Yeah, you got three deep please in there. So yeah, I really feel like I give your film three deep please. Yeah, I feel like I feel like I really expressed how much I loved his movie. I feel like that really came across Well, that's good. That is kind of crazy that we were just talking about it, right? It's weird So back in the car with heavenly heavenly like Driving down the streets of Miami. I feel the mood's not affected me deeply,

it's a tear out of town, it's a tear out of town. So she's like, to find a room, that's part of my amy, I'm out of room. It's a live here. So some months I could do you have good memories in your childhood home. I'm like, you know she doesn't. She had to come back here to like to solve it, okay?

Yeah, at which point Simone then falls asleep in the back seat. Yeah, so she just starts heavenly talking and then goes to bed. Yeah, exactly. And so Heavenly tells us whole story about how her mom kept her sheltered her childhood because she was the good child and her older sister Denise was the disaster. So Denise was allowed to go out and like view the boys, but heavenly basically was not allowed to leave the house. She was stuck in the house the entire time. Well, am I the only one who felt like the sister is the traumatized one in this family?

I mean Jesus. She's like, I couldn't go out like my sister. She said I was a good one and I could be something. Let that woman go out if she wants to. You're gonna study. I was like, this mother totally traumatized the other kid, okay? I'm gonna feel like for the other kid. Well, both of them were probably traumatized

because Denise probably felt like she could never amount to anything and was, heavenly was the good one. So Denise wasn't worth anything. And then, heavenly was the one who's, you know, has the pressure being the good one, but then she stuck in the house and tortured and not given social skills and probably resents Denice on some level for being able to live a full life.

Yeah, who's really sad. And then she says that the mom told them that they were both gonna be doctors and listen to that. So I don't know where that went off the rails for Denise. But Denise became a dental office manager and couldn't handle heavenly. So now she works for somebody else, which is good because the way that she talks about her, I'm like, God, this woman is in prison or she's on like intervention, you know, like one of those ladies collecting things. I also feel like it's clear where heavenly has all these crazy notions of other women

where they come from. Because you know, she's always talking about, that's how they're always going out to the man. You know, she's always talking about that. She's always calling all these women hos and she just distrust them and she thinks the hos are the real problem. And it's clear that like Walt Denise was out in the world. She and her mom were just sitting at home just complaining about women. Like her mom is probably like them, you know, and then Heavenly probably was

like, yeah, and her mom was probably like, I'm just gonna assume her mom was like bitter about things in life and that she just would stick home with Heavenly and just complain to Heavenly. And that probably really shaped Heavenly's worldview, you know, this is probably a woman who was stuck at home while her husband was overseas. And I don't know, I don't know if he was doing anything or not. I can't even say if you don't know anything about him, except that he was overseas and absent for a while. But you probably was just like stuck at home and bitter

and just taking it all out on little childhood heavenly. And that's probably how she became heavenly the way she is. Yeah. And Jackie's like well I'm starting to understand why she's in so many conflicts if you don't socialize with kids your ability to problem solve Is warped Jackie for everything in the nicest way. I know. I mean thank God. I was the captain of every single kickball team I ever played on which explains why I'm able to solve all conflicts easily and materially

And Simone is snoring in the back seat now with her mouth wide open Which was so funny because they just kept her in the shot the whole time Yeah, the heaven leads like giving her origin story Yeah, it was like It's the most fun thing. Evan is telling such a serious heartbreaking story. And Simone's the backseat and we're like looking up her nostril. She's like in the back of Evan Lee's head and every shot. I'm having this like Simone, we're not going to do this shit. We are the journey of France or journey of your sleep.

And we learned that like, Evan Lee's dad came home when she was, I don't know, what was like around when she was like a ninth grade or something like that. She came home and he came home and then he started imposing all these military rules, which caused the chaos in the house. Like it's like, it sounds like a house of childhood trauma. It sounds like there was, it, it does sound like a Prince of Tide situation. Like one of these, like there needs to be a novel written about Heavenly's childhood because that is the shit

that novels are made of, you know? Yeah. It's kind of, it's like, it's crazy. Yeah, I was sad. So then we go to Contessa and Scott. She's going to the hospital and her dad calls her to make sure she's okay. And she's like, well, I was nervous,

but now I'm not because daddy called and that's all I really wanted. Which is so, I'm like, Jesus, why does, stop cutting the contestus, it's making me too sad. Also, why does contesta drive herself? I mean, so, Scott was in the passenger seat, but like, Scott, drive contesta, let her, let her be in the passenger seat. I think because he walked them into school, because when they drop off at school, he had

to walk them in and stuff. She probably didn't want to like go walk them into school. Because when they drop off at school, he had to walk them in and stuff. She probably didn't want to go walk them through school or whatever. But wouldn't she want to walk her children to school? Like, if it was, if I feel like for me, maybe she was afraid of being like a blubbering mess, you know, I feel like if I were going, I just mean like the job with less movement

is the walking them in. Oh, maybe. But who knows, why are we talking about that? I don't know, it's my fault. I just, I feel like, I'm like, why am I mad at Scott right now? Wait a minute, is this justified? I did that to you. I did that.

I mean, first she makes her own breakfast, and then she has to drive herself to the hospital. I mean, can she just like have, like, can we just like a little bit of pampering for her before the surgery? Yeah, well, she had a good, she had a good mix, okay? That's all she gets today. Good pancake mix. Yeah, she got a crusty's pancake. Good for her. Get those carbs. Yeah. Jack is speaking of which Jackie texts her support, like you're going to get through this. Don't you worry. I know you had pancakes this morning, so we won't tell anyone. But after the surgery, no more pancakes because fit is the new it and I'm watching you. Thank you

Yeah, she's like take one step and then another and then another and you'll realize fit is the new it Take one step and another and another and you'll realize You too could have been on the keep going. Well, court. Hopefully you'll be fine enough to come to the trampoline park in the near future and do some hope jump in jacks and hopefully no one will be smoking any cigars nearby ruining your months. I'm glad you're not here being poisoned with sugarcane and the smell of cigar smoke. This is a new wit, love Jackie. Please send help.

They're trying to make me eat shrimp again. So, so, so then we go back to Miami. And now this scene, this was a really intense scene. I actually got choked up, I don't know about you, Ronnie, but I got really choked up during this. When they start walking around, Heavenly's childhood house, they walk around and Heavenly was all nervous.

And it was sort of weird because as they were walking up to the house Heavenly's like, oh look at this, I didn't know there's a backyard back here, oh there's a sidewalk, oh get dated, oh there's a tree over here, I didn't know this, they're like, how did you not know? She's like, no, you don't understand, I literally never left my house.

I went to school and I came home and I was not let outside to play. It's like, yeah. And they just keep asking your questions, like the same questions, Jackie's like, so you didn't play outside? I was like, no, I told you, I never even moved on. I never did anything, Chancellor. Someone's like, so you didn't have friends.

Oh, what party now? I'm just saying to me, it's some kind of damage. Was this backyard a good backyard to play tagging? Daddy, how many times have I been tagging? I didn't play no door-low down tag. I was stuck inside my whole childhood, daddy. Yeah, and so they're like, wow, this explains a lot, you know. Simone says she didn't get the chance to experience a lot of the childhood conflicts in a kickball game where you feel someone else cheated and you

poke their eyes out with a big pin. She didn't learn conflict resolution as a child. She didn't learn what it's like to play kickball and find out the second basement invested all your money in an app. Well, I just wanted you to know what kickball felt like. Ha on a GILLA BITCH! You're learning, Heavenly. You are learning. Heavenly. What did it feel like to sit at the window in your bedroom and look at your neighborhood?

God damn it, how many times I gotta tell you, I didn't have a window in my bedroom, daddy. Oh, so the guy who owns this house now is named Louis and She's called him to make sure they can come over obviously and he's like hi everybody welcome and she's like I don't know why I feel nervous Louis and he's like well come on in so they come in with this whole camera crew or whatever and Louis God bless his heart. He's so sweet to let him do this and then he's like hey welcome to my house

his heart. He's so sweet to let him do this. And then he's like, Hey, welcome to my house. And they're like, this is the most depressing thing ever. Well, poor fucking Louis, okay? Yeah. Louis, like paying for this house. You guys are acting like, you know, it's a horror, it's a horror museum or whatever. I felt that. Yeah. And you know that all of Louis's friends are so mad at him right now, like, oh, fucking Louis, acting like his house always looks like that. He's never had his house that clean before. He found out that TV cameras were coming through and he called up someone to vacuum it. Because no, he was like, oh, welcome to my house, which is always at the state of cleanliness.

Yeah, I don't think Louie understood that he was signing up for a day full of depression and house-saming, but you know, and like. Yeah, because they're like walking around and we see where Heavenly shows us where her bedroom used to be there's like there used to be a wall up in this one room and She lived in like a tiny room that had no windows. I mean it was it's it's sad and on top of that We'd learned that they always had to keep the lights on they were not allowed to go sleep with the lights off Her mom made them keep the lights on all day long, which is also

There's something there that's oh that's a weird thing that there's there's some shit with that, you know And then they're walking around and she's like, oh, this is the room where my father died Which was really intense and I also was wondering like what Louis was thinking because she was like He died right there in that room right here in this room and Louis like She was like, he died right there in that room, right here in this room. And Louis, like, that's my bedroom. Yeah. And there was also like a hole punched in the door or something, you know, like a hole on the door. And that was really, it was, that was like a really intense thing because she was like,

she hadn't thought about that memory in sounded like 20 years. And then she saw it and was like, it all came back. And she started to get hot and panicked. And she just sort of like, it's like, I gotta go. I gotta go. And so she walks out of the house, which was kind of funny because the production, they all of a sudden added tense,

like a dinosaur was chasing you in music for like two seconds. It was like, she was like, I gotta go. I was like, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. And with that's it. I was like, oh, okay. Chase music like one second and now we're back to sad music. Yeah, she's like, now what city are we in? They're like your front yard.

Oh, I've never seen it before. Yeah, this whole thing was really sad. Yeah, so she starts to cry and she starts telling, and she tells a story about how she learned when her father died, like how her mom called her when she was in dentist school. And like, she's taking finals and she was, her mom was like, you have to come back and she's like, well, I'm taking finals and her mom started screaming at her like, you have to come back.

It was just like really, really sad. It was sad because it's always sad hearing about, you know, hearing someone tell the story about learning how their parent died, but then also sad seeing how this trauma really impacted her. And like the lifelong scars that these things leave, it was like, I got really sad. Yeah. So Jackie, it's like, you guys want to pray. Give me your hands. God is good. That's God is like 10 to 10 is the new it if you want to lose weight Jackie was trying to get them to pray like every single time Err, she's like we're gonna go to the scar shop again. Okay. Should we pray also? Do you want to pray? You want to pray? No? Okay?

Life can be hard life can be like a bugger Just please don't make me eat sugar thank you so so then we go to Contessa who's going into surgery and Scott then gets he we're watching footage from his Scott's phone and he's like well a lot of good things happen in hospitals and also a lot of bad things. So, she's, thanks, Scott. Yeah, thanks. Yeah, so she's, she's like, you know, I don't want the kids to think mommy's just doing something just to be doing it, you know,

but I don't want to be a burden on my kids and I want to be here to watch you grow up. I was like, geez, This so is killing me. I know. I'm not gonna play it against a wall. What the hell? So then we go back to Miami and now it's nighttime. And heavily in the ladies are at a bar.

And some of Heavenly's old friends from high school are gonna come by to say hi. So all these women come by and they're all, I forget all their names, but one of the women, she has like a white friend. And I loved how the white friend looked exactly like the white woman from an living color. I was like, that's just perfect. Did you notice that? She looked just like that woman. No, I did notice that her face was always like,

she definitely had just gone to raw stress for less and was like, I'm going to pick out a sassy outfit for bravo television I liked it all the women's squeal like heavenly it was all you hear is like All the dolphins and seagull in the Miami waters start like jumping around They're just they just started dying because they're hurt all these weird mixed signals. And so the girls pretty much know heavenly, you know, I mean, God, could you imagine heavenly in high school? It's like

heavenly times 50, you know? Yeah. And so they all know her pretty well. And Jackie's trying to give her trouble. She's like, uh, well the only thing we've heard about Heavenly was that she's the smartest person in class and blah blah blah and she's like, but then the ladies were really supportive of her. I really liked all these ladies. Jackie's like, well, does it hurt you the way that Heavenly speaks to basically anybody and anything in the world? And I'm like, no, that's just heavenly. That's how it is. She's great. I, uh, my director, we did that glitch thing again. We're like fast-forwarded two minutes out of nowhere.

So, uh, I just heard them say, like, remember when heavenly used to drink mad dog and then all of a sudden, next day I saw I was Simone being like, and that's okay or something like that. I don't know what just happened. Yeah, the lady is like, remember we would drink, get drunk on mad dog and you passed out in the back of the car and it's like, oh no, no. And Simone's like, we have moved on. She has dropped the magna and picked up the crown, moving on up. And so she's like, so heavenly tends to get sharp with us. Has she changed?

You know, was she like that? And she's like, no, that's just heavenly. It's heavenly being heavenly. And Jackie's like, yes, but would you get to be mature like we are? You can't express yourself in the same way. And the lady's like, um, but when you get to be mature, like we are, you can't express yourself in the same way. And the lady's like, um, I mean, Heavenly's always expressed herself.

So I don't really know what to tell you. She's made it this far, and she's a dentist with a huge house with tons of windows. So I mean, anybody want to fill out a complaint form? Yeah, seriously. OK. And basically, that was the lesson for Heavenly. It was an interesting...

It was an interesting ending to the episode because They, you know, they're all like, I love you. It was like girl power and stuff, but Heavenly's like, well, Thank you again for coming. She's like, I think I find out a lot of things while I'm here. And it's an ongoing journey, and I'm still gonna, yeah, and scream at people and possibly break some skulls on the concrete but I'll try and be master about it. Like yes now there's a lesson you know. Yeah and then they wind up going back to their hotel room and they're just sitting there and Dr. Jackie's like, so ladies what a fantastic trip it has been. We're gonna go back our bags now and get ready to go to bed.

You could tell they're like, um, it's 7 p.m. She goes, I'm sleepy, I'm tired, I've been eating bad. It's like, oh god, of course, that's like, how she looks at her whole vacation, you know, what she was forced to ingest. I don't like it when I'm with people and someone says, well, and now we're going to go to sleep. I'm like, uh, uh, you don't tell me when I go to sleep.

I'm going to stay up and read the internet. Yeah, you go to sleep. Jackie, you go to sleep. I'm going to go find a quiz nose. And I think that's what we're going to do right now. Because that's the end of the episode. Everybody, thank you for being here, daddies. We will see you in New York City. Been's already there, but we'll be there this Thursday and Friday for real house

Wazadalus and real housewives of New York season four episode ten in Morocco and then in November we're gonna be in Seattle then December we're going to be in I know this in then no in What is wrong with me can you can do it you can do it December in Nashville? Yeah Tennessee so go get your tickets over watch what crap in stock calm every but deep and if you want the bonus episodes Go over to patreon.com slash watch it crap and get them also new ring tones are up

There are a ton of ring tones So if you want this go on and get him he's stopping you. Yeah, don't you want king of snorkehs and You can get it get it now bye everybody. Hi Everybody. All right. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. by completing a short survey at 1dry.com slash survey.