Watch What Crappens - Married2Med: Vajay Walking

Episode Date: November 20, 2019

Dr Jackie has a party to release her Queen V book cover and outs Buffie's infertility issues. Will a dance off in cabo fix everything or just leave Daddy with a crushed skull? For our premium bonus about dog movies and our trips to Mexico and Thailand, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. *** Limited Edition Shirts! "Shannon Bowldor", "Twerp", "Dork", "When Life Gives You Tacos Make Taco Salads" merch available plus we re-released our Ramona Christmas and Chanukah gear at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to NYC, St Louis, Philadelphia, Denver, Seattle, Los Angeles (The Crappies), Detroit, Columbus, Austin (late show added!), Houston, NOLA, Birmingham, Vancouver and Oklahoma! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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During Bachelor's season, you can find me on the Rose Prick's Bachelor roast, but guess what? It's not for another month or two. So now, just find me here. Watch what crap. And here I am with my little co-host and bestie, Mr. Ben Mandelker of the Real House where I was a kitchen island, which is an amazing cartoon on YouTube. The Ben Wrights draws voices, makes out with everything good you to be make it up i miss your ban hi how are you doing good uh... we've been having a good time out there in the world with watch

what crap in i know and now uh... you're back in l.a. but now i'm in new york i am back uh... in my childhood bedroom back at home here in advance of our big New York shows this weekend Just have to say this past weekend we went to Indianapolis and did two shows in Chicago. It was So fun everyone would treat it so well. It was so lovely and we had the We had the true privilege of going on to the WGN Morning news, which is awesome the WGN morning news, which is awesome. The WGN is like an iconic Chicago station, and to be able to go on that,

that was our first televised appearance as podcasters. It was super fun. We were on with Larry and Robin, I believe, and it was great. If you will put that link up, we'll embed the video on our site if you want to see it. It's like seven minutes of us being so ridiculous on morning television But to everyone who like posted about it or put screenshots up. Thank you so much. May I feel really really cool?

Yeah, it was a fun day And we are going to continue this traveling. We've got a ton of travel coming up So listen for your city. We're gonna be doing two sold out shows in New York So don't buy tickets for that because It's sold out. Okay, dumb dumb. But we'll see you there this week. And then we're going to be in St. Louis. There's only 60 tickets left for that. So get those St. Louis. And then we're off to Philadelphia for two shows. The first is sold out. There's still tickets for that late night, which is going to be insane. They always are late night. Then Denver, Seattle, the 2020 Golden Cropy Awards

here in Los Angeles, Detroit, Columbus, two shows in Austin, first to sold out. Guess what that means? Late night has some tickets, okay? Then we're going to Houston the next night, then Birmingham, New Orleans, Kansas City, Omaha, Salt Lake City, which has a new house, while it's coming up. Vancouver, Orlando, Kansas City, Omaha, Salt Lake City, which has a new house. Well, it's coming up Vancouver, Orlando, Charleston, and Oklahoma City.

So we're going to be going pretty much cray, cray traveling all over and we're loving every second. So go get your tickets over there. It's also where you find merch links for your Shannon Bulldoor shirts, all your Christmas needs, dork, twerp. When life gives you tacos, make taco salad, we've got Ramona, Shingar, Santa Claus, leggings, and Christmas shirts, and Hanukkah shirts.

So go over there and hook it up, everybody. Guy. And you know, something we've been getting a lot of messages and tweets, emails requesting that we cover the crazy watch what happens live from BravoCon with 77 Bravo leverages. Well, you're in luck because we did it. We are doing that as our bonus episode. Yeah, it's already up. Oh, it's already up. Yeah, even better. Check it out. Yeah, we recorded that and oh, here airport because our schedule is so crazy these days that like,

hair airport because our schedule is so crazy these days that like we we wanted to get it up as soon as possible and this is gonna be like the like we don't have any more time tonight so we're like okay bust it out the iPhone recorded it outside of gate as like literally a kitten in a bag was like brought by there was like a lady with like a stroller there was like alarms going off There was pure chaos because it's oh here And you know what better place to recap a totally chaotic and ridiculous watching happens live episode. Yeah, hell yeah, baby Yeah, that's on patreon.com slash watch for crap Yeah, all our stuff is on patreon. We've got videos for crap and so on to man if you want that or if you want a cameo Get us on cameo and that is enough filling damage I know Ronnie you really went into it today you're you're feeling that you're

feeling the vibe the yeah feeling the quick the quick vibe of course that's still like 20 minutes long but hey guess what not as long as married to medicine married to medicine the big vagina show Medicine very to medicine the big vagina show You know this this what happens every season on marriage medicine you were saying it and today was the episode Where happened to me where I was like okay? Well, it's been a great season. Let's just um Let's be done. Let's not get it. Okay. This show this shows a great few episodes and then it just starts repeating itself over and over and over again. I still enjoy this show. It's one of my favorite song, Brawves, but I think especially now that the year is wrapping up in general, like the holidays are coming and Brawveau Khan

just happened and all these shows are... It's like, okay, next up, Project Runway, Vandipa Brules Summer House. I think maybe just seeing all the previews for all these shows coming out Triggered me we're like Mario singer. We see something new and we want it and the thing is that right now Right now Sorry, you've learned about it page six married to medicine. Yeah, I'm about By the way, if you do watch the Sun WG and you get to watch Ronnie I'm about. By the way, if you do watch the Sun WG and you get to watch Ronnie and me simultaneously doing remonising our impersonations for these legendary anchors from the morning show, like being crazy people.

But anyway, here's the thing is that there are all these news shows, all the funic-sounding stuff, but it's not just that. All of a sudden we now have a full schedule, like an over-stuffed schedule of six shows that we're just not willing to put any on the bonus because these are all important shows that we have to cover. And what happens is we are covering all these shows and just when we're like,

whoo, the week is over. And all we have to do is hop on a plane and go somewhere. It's like, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, Mara to medicine and quad is still dating someone in Contessa is still feeling neglected. You know, it's still a good show, but it's just like I want to neglect Contessa at this point, okay? I want to neglect you Contessa, you're getting on my nerves, but still a really fun show. So the song, it's still good, but sometimes it's like, sometimes you just feel like, like, oh, we're

still doing the same things we did a few episodes ago, and I'm like ready to move forward in my life. Yeah, totally. I mean, you said it perfectly. Mario's ingering this show, basically. We are Mario's ingering it. So, but we're not, because we're still staying. All right. So the song to open it up is, but we're not because we're still staying all right

So the song to open it up is maybe we're a bit Shun baby and then we go to heavenlees dentist office and there's like a piece of tape above the logo I don't know if you noticed but mute was glaring Because it says like welcome to heavenlees dentist or whatever and they had taped up a sign up there And then they just pulled it down and there's still that remnant of tape there. And I was like, you know what? That's fine. And I know I'm nitpicking and everything. But don't be playing a song saying got that ambition baby while I see tape remnants on your window. Clean your window, heavenly. Seriously. And if I was not mistaken, someone in her office was named Miracle, I think. I think she was like, hey, go Miracle. And I was like, I kind of would believe that Heavenly hired Miracle solely based on her name.

So that way she could be like, everyone in my office, his name is, it's part of me. I'm heavenly and daddy. That's Miracle. And that one right there is cloud and rainbow and angel and That's just daddy a Girl name unicorn applied but I didn't hire her because unicorn taught me a daddy Chris Lord Chris Lord. Oh, I heard three people that sprays. There's the and there's Lord. Yeah, um

The is on break right now. Unfortunately, I feel like, uh, I have only probably make some take new names when they start working. Oh, strippers, you know, she's like, you will not go by Marion. Okay. It's a miracle. Yeah. It's a miracle today. And by the way, miracle, please don't have your men calling here anymore. That'd be great. So can I go by Marion the miracle Johansson? No As a Marian It's basically her version of hustlers. It's hustlers to starring heavenly instead of J.Lo

Yes, so then we go didn't watch hustlers, but I'm gonna watch on the airplan I watched it no, I know but you're gonna watch on the airplane probably and it. No, I know, but you're gonna watch it on the airplane probably. And then you're gonna get embarrassed when the person next to you is like watching while J. Lo is on the pole, but you're gonna enjoy it. The lady next to me on the plane today tried to shade me, and I was not having it. And actually, we were getting along really well because she's like an oboe lethal, like a Mexican grandma,

and so she only needs Spanish. And so we were talking, I was practicing at Meduilingo, everybody, which was mortifying, probably to everybody on the plane, because you know, I was doing it very loudly. Like, look at me, I was practicing at Meduilingo everybody, which was mortifying probably to everybody on the plane because I was doing it very loudly. Like look at me, I'm bilingual. Which is totally not true, it was terrible. But I was, you know, she was real sweet and everything. And she was too big to get in her seat, but I'm also big.

And so she was telling me, she said, I'm too big for that seat because she was in the middle seat. And I said, well, I am too. And she said, just supposed to say, don't you want this seat? But she wasn't kidding. Like this is a grandma not messing around. And I was like, sorry. So we ended up becoming friends because we were basically laying into each other the entire

time. And so I was watching, I started watching that Quentin Tarantino movie, but I was like, I want this on a big TV because it looks really cool. So I started watching that pets movie, the part two, like your pets. Secret lives of pets. Secret lives of pets. Loved, loved part one. Okay, loved it. So I watched part two was just laughing my little face off the whole time. And so after I could totally imagine you watching the secret lives of the pet and just think about you live the entire time That's why you're laughing. You just imagine what fuel it does. I know it's like, feel is so wacky. Don't gosh being a pet that So I went to the bathroom. I came back and she said, uh, so do you like watching?

In Spanish obviously, but she's like, she's like, she's like watching kids made for movies. And I was like, um, sometimes, sorry, it's like fine lady, I'll put back on the Quentin Tarantino movie and you'll judge me for all the ass and violence. Like, pick the lane, I'll believe that. Yeah, it's like, sorry lady, please enjoy watching the art of driving in the rain, enjoy while everyone and every dog guys. That's why I had to bring it up because it's a really long story that has nothing to do

with the recap everyone. Sorry, but last week we were going off about how everybody's watching that dead dog movie. A dead dog movie. Like, what do I do? Spoiler alert, the dog dies. And don't get mad. It's a dog movie. They always die.

The dog movie. Okay. Yeah. Like a cat movie. You know what happens in a cat movie? They go up a tree. Yeah, you know that movie bugs life That was a lie that old movie was a lie because those bugs would have been dead like five minutes Yeah, I prefer ants to bug life. You know why because Ant had like Strange Nazi undertones like it was like a Nazi satire and I was like the fact that they incorporated that into like this

That this like subversive thing. It was obviously not pro no, I'll see you don't like that, but it was making a commentary on like authoritarian regimes in an ant movie. I love that. I love that for ants. Yeah, so point is, thank you, animal movies, insect and animal movies. Okay, so the point is, heavenly watch your windows. Okay, so then I can test it at home with her kids. And then quad is at home with her kids. Otherwise known as her wigs. Listen, our kids are all different things to us.

Okay, when it's cooler, there's your wigs. Yeah, Quad's playing with the wig and she's just like talking to it, like the secret life of wigs. And she's just like, oh, you're already curled, you're ready for the party, and you got your curl on, what are you working in the kitchen?

I don't get you want some food, you want some gibbles and pets, you want some gibbles and beds. She was telling her, wig, okay, what are you doing with your hair down? You're working in the kitchen, you're doing some fries, aren't you? Like just talking about,

I thought, you know, of course, Quad gives her wig the personality of terrible, like, fast food hygiene, you know? It's, Quad gives her wig the personality of terrible, like, fast food hygiene. You know, it's like, it's the longest wig there. You know, you couldn't pick the short wig to give the, the, uh, fried, cook or job to. Come on, Quad. So then we go over to Toya and Ujín in their new house and, uh, they're going to be having

company, aka Cecil and Simone and Miles. And so they're getting ready and they've got some love clicko and Toya's like, Oh, jean, I put the wool in the refrigerator. Then we get to see my favorite new character in this show, Toria's new lights. Okay, because Toria has this big mansion and she designed it herself, you know, and you can tell a lot about a person by their interior design. Hers is cage lights. She loves cage lights. You know those lights that look like cages and there's light bulb in the middle. And you're like that for a light bulb. What did it do?

You know, why is it in cage? Every light in her house is in a cage. Yeah, and you know what else? I know why the cage light bulb sings at night, but you know why you know what else she seems to really love lack of personality in a house that seems to be a really big thing for her Because that is that is custom lack of Sir, yeah, that's right. There's no because there's no funnest yet There's just hot ceilings and she's like when you have a custom built home. You cannot go to rooms You cannot you cannot go to rooms to You cannot go to rooms to go. You have to get custom furniture and that takes time,

especially when you haven't paid for it. Can I tell you what all sticks to them? Rooms to go. Okay, so don't think that you're pulling one over on anybody. I was just at rooms to go. I hadn't ever even heard of rooms to go. You haven't? No.

Well, I have you to go. You did a room to go. Wow, wow. I wanted a diner room. I, I want you to go. Wow. Wow. I want to a diner room. I wanted a room to din in. Yeah. Rooms to go to huge furniture store. It's like a slightly less classy living spaces, which you know, I love a living space is. Oh, Ronnie's just sent me a photo of Toya's cage lamps because this is obviously an important thing for him.

And the ice cream is saying, because there's ice, you actually see two different styles of cage. Yes, that's what I'm saying. They're all, it's not just the entry. In the entry, there's like Madonna boob, you know, the Madonna cone boob, boob lamp cage. But then in the back in the other room, there's other lights and cages. It's just a lot of cages, Toya. Yeah, you know what, the ones in the foreground,

this is gonna be nerdy, but I used to be a big mega man fan when I was a kid, and there was sort of hilariously now that I'm older and gay. There was one of the enemies was called top man. Well, it's also a store, but you would like get a top and it looked like these lamps. The point is this, I'm having flashbacks to Mega Man. Toria's house reminds me of Mega Man.

Yeah. And she just saved rooms to go. Toya is not doing really well with me. I love her rooms to go. So fuck off, Toya. She's like, once that custom furniture arrives, we're gonna bust open a bottle of booze. How do you pronounce it?

Cause I don't know. Vuv, vuv, vuv, vuv. Like my favorite paper towel, the Viva. Very similar. The thing is the way that Vuv Klico was pronounced, it's pronounced the way you would expect Toyo would mispronounce something else. Like, vuv, like, like, if you were to say, like, I don't know,

like, here's my aunt Vivian. She'd be like, here's aunt Vuv, you know? It's vuv, but she says, vuv, like, here's my aunt Vivian. She'd be like, here's Aunt Love, you know? It's love, but she says love like, she probably says, it's like five. Yeah, it sounds like Verve. I always pronounced it Verve. Verve click. Oh, I love the Veeve. Yeah, I like Verve click.

It's like a nice remix of Nina's songs. Verve pipe. What? Nothing. Just referencing it's seminal 90s band. The uh, pipe. What? Hmm, nothing. Just referencing it, seminal 90s band, the verb pipe, not confused with the verb, which is another band. Wow. Um, so we're on that.

I'm confused by every rough. You don't have to say anything. You, you're in a cage, land place. I'm in a sounds like move place. I feel like you're caching my light right now. I am caching a little bit on the edge. So untie it. So right after she made it, I'm going to put it in the door open and you're like, can go free. I'm going to murder you. I have to like that. So basically everything in this house has high ceilings, white, sterile surfaces, it's antiseptic. It's like, I mean, admittedly, there's no furniture in there, but we know that when the furniture gets in there, it's not going to help, because it's going to either be totally garish or,

I don't know, as it's going to be a, it's going to be a show. It's a giant, giant, giant cavernous house, which, you know, I can't really tell how much I like it, but I'll tell you who does like it. Toia, okay? Yeah. We get a tour of Toia's house and she's just like, is it amazing? And then you walk down this glass staircase. I'm like, that is a wood staircase.

But you know what? I love your excitement. Yeah. And we get to see her two story closet again. good staircase, but you know what, I love your excitement. Yeah, and we get to see her two-story closet again and it's all set up and she's excited because you know, because someone's like, it feels like we're going into a store and toy like that's the point, that's what you want your closet to feel like.

I'm like, I see the logic in that, but the problem is that Toya is like actively looking for a saleswoman. Can I speak to, well, is it take to do to get some help around your toy I see the logic in that, but the problem is that Toya is actively looking for sales on them. Can I speak to the... What does it take to literally get some help around your Toya urine closet? Oh, Toya. Plus her little heart.

I also... I hope that we're not watching this house being taken away in two years. No, it'll probably be more like 18 months, but the thing is this is that I, where I have an issue is that with the two-story closet, I feel like there's such a waste of space. It's nice having all these displays, like an entire shelf for one bag, and you have a nice display, and it's cool. I see how cool that is, but I also feel like this all-cub and consolidated into a normal closet. Well, yeah, and it's also a settling closet, right? Because she couldn't get the closet space that she wanted with the square footage.

And so they had to settle to make it on the second floor or the floor below. So it's kind of like a settling closet. So it's like congratulations on your sheet racks that you settled for, you know, settled. Like a settling closet. But, you know, that said, I want to be happy for Toria, but she's just such a dick. It's hard to be happy for her. It is. It is.

And then the closet also like that opens up into Eugene's man cave, which again looks like it's like theoretically it's awesome, it's huge, there's like a bar, there's space, they can do things, but it also kind of feels like I am like in some secret room in the Jefferson Monument or something like that, it's all so marbly, right? It's like, oh, I love some marbly. I love some marbly. I loved his man cave. I didn't love her, her two story closet is match.

I just feel like I do like a sleek surface and I like a sleek room and I like marble, etc. But I need like some other stuff going on and I maybe just like jumping the gun because it is not finished. It's not furnished. So who might a judge, but same time, who am I not to judge? That's exactly right. Who the hell are you to tell me not to judge?

Yeah. Judging. You invited us over. If you invited us over for dinner party via Bravo, then have your shirt ready. Otherwise, I'm going to judge. Yes. Well, Eugene is enjoying the house in the way that I would enjoy this house, which is with a brand new gigantic grill, which he's just making delicious food on. So,

Eugene is also a dictator in this episode, but for now, I say you enjoy it, you crazy kids. Yeah. So let's go over to see Jackie. She is talking to herself in the car. She's losing her mind. Jackie's just going crazy or crazy or fight herself in the car. She's like, it was actually a good night tonight. Two deliveries. My makeup is still intact. Okay. Well, that was fun talking to myself. So thanks. So it is settled. The cruise control in her car is more supportive of her than Curtis is, because at least it lets her say her things without giving her a look. So she calls Quad to tell her that she is about to have

a book launch party and not a book launch, a book cover launch. But that's just more impressive, because you have to really print hugely to have a book cover launch. You have to really pay for that kinkos to get that huge ass poster of yourself. Yeah. People and this might be a good time to announce that Ryan and I are writing a book and next week we are going to have a font reveal. Sansaer. Smailer alert. Comic Sans. Okay. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro.

Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro.

Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro.

Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. Sonsarro. don't like her just pretending fatness never happened to move on to vagina. Like, could they at least be fat the gin as could you work all of your things into just one thing so I don't feel like it's lost projects. Yeah, that's the problem. That's that's always a sad thing when there's someone who every single season has something

new like Fadre. I mean, Fadre was the queen of it because her things were always so massively desperate. It's like one season. She's like Martha Stewart of Atlanta and then the next season she's running a funeral home and then the next season she has like the Don Quibbuti, you know, or I forget if she's Don Quibbuti or Kenya Don Quibbuti, but you know what I'm saying. Like there's always something and if you have something new every season, then people basically know that like whatever you're working on last season failed And so it like just undermines your credibility as a business person. Yeah, I think you have to build it up season by season

Like yeah fat vaginas are the new it you know or fat vagina is the new it what would that be for fit? I think it's fit fit vaginas are the new it not fat vaginas. I mean fat vaginas could be. Oh, you're right fit vaginas or the new it not that vagina I mean fat vaginas could be oh you're right fit vaginas are the new it yeah yeah so yeah I you know but I'd like Jackie um of course you know just a tip this is so she's gonna do a cover party and she wants everybody to wear vaginal pink and quads like I know what salmon pink is I knowartz like, I know what Sam and Pink is. I know the pink of the town. What is vaginal pink? Is that a crayon book, baby?

Yeah, and Jack is like, well, it's in the box, but not the crayon box. I was like, ooh, zing, Jackie. And Quartz like, my stuff is pink. So I'll wear a brown. And and Jack is like that's your labia Nice We're gonna have to we're gonna have to give you an advance but have to give you the galley. Okay. Well give you the advance copy of this book Guess what?

Someone has just bought a hundred thousand dollar Lexus from my vagina. So thanks for coming So Toya's house. I know Lexus pink. Is that the same thing? Lexus vagina. So Toya, back at Toya's barbecue thing, Simone is, brings up Simone is, Simone brings up this trip, right? So they're going to be doing a trip to Cabo. Also, I have to mention that Toya is wearing the same sleeve that she was wearing on Bravo Con,

but in a different color, which makes me wonder how good she is at just getting two for once and stuff. So make it intensely sleeve. I, it's so funny because in this one, especially in the conventional look, it makes Toria look like a stuffed animal. There's something called the sleeves. There's sort of just like this.

There's like a crease or a seam or whatever that really separates the sleeve from the rest of it. So it just looks like she has been sewn together and she's like this adorable Toya animal that you just kind of want to like stock in a museum gift store and then hope children buy when after they've seen an exhibit about how to go to space. Yeah, you pull a string and then it shames you

for not being married. It's a cutest toy ever. Well, you're so there, that was a thing to say about, it's like you can go on the couple strip. Uh-uh. Yeah, so they're doing this. She's doing this thing again where she's trying to leave quiet out because quads not in a couple.

So how are you calling it a couple strip and also bringing quads. And I say what I say every year to this, which is it's a cast trip, you are on a television show. And her or it would be, but it's called Mary Dmitisyn. She's not Mary Dmitisyn. And my answer would be stopping me and be thankful that you have a house and stop getting back karma. How about that? And my answer would be, you know, why don't we move on from like the couple strip concept because honestly, you know, I mean, there's obviously there's always gonna be something funny on a cast trip, but like the fact that we have to odensit do like those endless scenes

of like Simone therapy where she's like, we are sitting on sand every grain of sand represents a dollar that sees so invested in something terrible. What did your husband invest in? Without telling me. Simone is already starting off with a yelling. She yells through this entire episode. This is her last scene of not yelling in this episode. So I'm just warning everybody at home. It's coming. her last scene of not yelling in this episode. So I'm just warning everybody at home. It's coming. Yeah. And so Eugene is like, I guess I'm being a little self-assure because I'm going on a couple's retreat to learn how to be a better couple myself. I'm like, well, if you're trying to get something out of it solo, then quad can do. Yeah, exactly. So Cecil's like, well, you can still learn from her like what not to do and someone goes yeah

She needs to learn how did she contribute to her divorce? How can she change for the next time? I thought good luck good luck with that that train of thought How can she learn To thank her real friends like me and Toya before says their circle her real friends like me and Toya before sister circle. Yes, and Toya speaks for us all when she says, this doesn't set that good trip. Yeah, because you know what, we're in the light and it's not gonna hit twice.

Last year the couple's trip, honestly it was saved by that crab, that the crab that startled Toya, that caused Toya to beat up, you know, contested boobs. You know, and I don't know if we're gonna, I don't know if we're gonna be lucky enough to have another, you know, you know, contestant's boobs. You know, and I don't know if we're gonna, I don't know if we're gonna be lucky enough to have another, you know, you know, real like scene stealer crab. Well, the crab this time was the actual child

who was swung around into contestant's boobs. But contestant's boobs just never gonna make it out safe. Basically. Yeah. From the season. They won't. So let's go over speaking of contestant. So let's go to contestant Scott. Therapy, Therapeutizing or Therapeutying.

Yeah. So they go to see a therapist named Dr. Little John, which I love that name. And they are, they've been in knowing each other lately. So they go in and at first I did not have a lot of faith in Dr. Little John because she had some placards on the wall that said things like kindness and inspired so I was like mmm she's one of those. The good thing is her name is little john so she probably stovent from rich people to help out poor people. Yeah, yeah exactly. Or she has a very small toilet. Little john, sorry you're going to have to wait. I'm sharing with this with the office

next door. Okay. So they sit down for therapy. And Dr. Little John is like, so tell us what is the issue that you guys have been having? Just tell me, and then immediately Scott gets a phone call. Like, sorry sorry i got to take this like well there we go and contest i had just told him to turn his ringer off and he said he had turned his ringer off so uh... she's telling the doctor like that i'm telling him to turn off his ringer he's not he's telling me turns it off and he just answers the phone and he doesn't write in my face

and then she tells us she's's like, I'm a doctor, I get it. Mm. She's like, but at some point you have to say, what's more important, life or death situations or me? Yeah, because she goes, you know, I get it because I'm a doctor too and taking a call can be important as if like, you know, like a heart attack could be fatal but also your wife could

need a hug. Yeah she's coming from an odd place in this. Yeah like I get what she's saying but the same time it's like it's not a place. Yeah at the same time I don't want to call her what I'm sick. Yeah, at the same time, I don't want to call her what I'm sick. You know what I'm doing. Yeah. So, he comes back in and the doctor starts in with him. She's like, what do you think she was feeling? And he's like, I guess neglected or overlooked. It's basically every entry in my eye cow.

It's like, you're neglecting me. Yeah. Oh, you know what? I'm so sorry. I have to take this. I think this might be subway calling about my rewards card. I'll just be right back. Could you imagine if subway did that?

I would be nice. I know, I'm trying to decide whether or not that would be nice. Well, in my mind, I was thinking with subway, be calling to offer a new deal or subway calling to say we found your reward card. Oh, either way, I wouldn't expect anything to happen. I wouldn't expect either situation. I would just like subway to call and be like, hi, you eat a lot of tuna. Do you want to talk about that? So Dr. Little John or some way. Dr. Little John.

So basically, she's neglected and then she starts crying about how she tried to take care for herself by going to Nashville for school, but she doesn't mention that she went to Nashville for school. She just mentioned that she went to school. And my opinion on this is the same opinion. It's been this entire time. So I don't know that I need to repeat it again, but I don't know, go to school at home. You know? It's hard braising all those kids. You know, your mother, you have to take those to the work. Or also, if she's going to Nashville to school and Scott's like, well, it just was a lot harder than I thought.

Hyarann Annie, sorry. You guys are well off. The show is about how you guys are well off. Like I wouldn't say that to anyone, but you guys, I would say Hyarann Annie, because you used to have one also, by the way. Yeah, that $15,000 birthday budget could go towards the nanny for sure yeah so yeah so she yeah yeah yeah basically basically contest that just was like the doctor little john is like um so like are there some you know actionable things that you guys can do. Can we propose some things that you guys can do?

And Scott basis, like I just want non-judgmental statements to be stated, which is sort of a judgey thing to say, honestly. And Contessa just wants a hug. Yeah, Contessa just wants a hug, which almost made me sad, but then I avoided it. So let's go over to Dr. Jackie's cover reveal party. Whoa. Jackie's doing what quad likes to do when quad throws a party. She walks around at the beginning acting like she had a hand in every single thing and she just tells

people to put like hot spicy pepper on her devil eggs or whatever. So Jackie's version of that she goes, oh wow this is great. Okay. Do we have air conditioning? People are going to get hot. Wait a minute, Jack. Do we have a door to this building? Because people want to get in and leave. So, yeah, so Jackie is talking about how, you know, it's time to empower the V, the vagina. It's to make the V the best that it can be, which is very similar to the army slogan. I kind of like it. And heavily shows up and she's like,

I'm already very, very in touch with my vagina. You know, a woman's vagina is very paraphernal, you know, for a man if you're doing it the right way, you can get anything you want for man! And then they just see a flashback of Andy going, Did you trap daddy? Did you trap daddy? With your vagina? How is your vagina anyway? Any changes? Any changes that you pregnant? It's time for commercial. It's time for...

Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.

We'll talk about what went right and wrong, what would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So Cecil and Simone are on their way and Cecil's just cracking up because they have to save vagina a lot.

And he's like, I just don't get it, vagina's. And she's like, men already think, you know, everything about vaginas, but you don't know anything. And he's like, trust me. I don't know jack about the China has trust me. You might want to work on that because your wife has already almost left you once, okay? Yeah. Making effort.

I'll tell you who knows nothing about vagina's. This guy over here on this side of the podcast, I'm like, the China, what is it? Yeah. Yeah, we're real vagina experts over here. Yeah. So, so we're talking lots of people are there. Buffy shows up. Uh, she's fine from her mammogram.

The mammogram follow up. She's totally fine. Uh, so that's good. Obviously it's good. It's great. Actually, so there's that. Yeah, and then, um, Quad comes over and she's wearing her pink and someone is like,

whoa, a bad, a-dress! I can smell you over here! And she's laughing and hugging her, and Quad is like, uh, yeah, so last time I saw Simone... She did what she did in her fashion, she and Toya. I didn't get thanked quickly enough,

so they left. But what? It's a small thing. To a giant! Absolutely nothing! I was like, you might want to ask the giant that who's dead on the floor from like getting hit in the head with a pebble. Okay. Yeah, it's called David. David? David, David, did you throw up? Did you throw up pebble like a lion? David? Huh? Huh? Huh? I see where I see where I stand with

Goliath now. He's dead. So Curtis comes in. Everybody's just saying hi, hi, hi, hi. So Mariah comes in and like a hot pink outfit with glitter all over it. And then he's like, I think Mariah were brought Fuchsia Pink because um, she has an infection. It's so, so much or as so hilarious. Yeah, she's like, she needs to see Jackie right away. Don't even see it in Simone, don't play. Just go to Jackie. Yeah. So, Heavenly apologizes to the group for putting quad on some blind dates.

And then she's like, well, I'll tell great qualities in the man, but maybe they're just not great men for her. And Troy and Kintori goes, I just can't see heavily though a cute guy's like, who does heavily though that's cute? No one truly. By the way, something that I noticed. You're way to shade somebody like your friends are ugly.

I, um, in the background, I saw, I don't know if you noticed this, but you know who I saw was, uh, none, none other, I forget his name. I want to say Dr. Jeff, but he's Candace and Giselle's, uh, therapist on Potomacomic he was lingering around the background oh uh... you have a good eye will therapy uh... will therapy crossover in the background there so jockey for her launch thing her her poster board launch she has hired somebody to interview her so the city's monella

and so she's like thank you thank you very Monietta. I will be interviewed by you. They sit down in these big chairs and Monietta is just reading off her car. She's like, so Jackie, how important was it to give women a guide to their vaginas? And she's like, thank you for that question. What a thought-provoking question. Monietta. Yeah, Monietta, I just want people to read the book and say, well, that happened to her too. So she must be okay. So, you know, that's what I want. And Toya's like, yeah, this is really great because I think that every woman wants to help another woman. I was like, and what in your behavior has ever demonstrated that to you? You're literally trying to get quad kicked off a trip because she doesn't have a man. You quad who are going probably to the worst shit

out of everyone right now. So then she moves on, you know, she talks about her breast cancer. This is Jackie obviously. So she's talking about how, you know, to find out the thing that we grew up wanting to do the most we can't ever do. Oh, find out the thing that we grew up wanting to do the most we can't ever do. Oh, Buffy, you can relate. You're in fertile. And then it's just like this long pause and it makes it look like Jackie is just staring at Buffy for like 10 minutes while everybody reacts. It was just like the most random awkward and inappropriate call out a buffy, because almost every time that the women have gotten mad at Jackie, I've been like, no, Jackie was ultimately in the right.

But this is the first time I've been like, yeah, that was a misstep, that was a full on. Like, yes, I went through so much. And then I realized I could never have what I truly wanted. Buffy knows she's infertile. And it reminded me of uh, Heavenlead's first, I think it was her first episode,

but definitely her first season when she brought the, um, Miss, Miss America, like Miss regular size America or whatever it was called, where she was just, I remember, she was like a plus size Miss America or something. I don't remember what it was called, but she brings her and she introduces her to Jackie and Jackie's like so have you ever considered losing weight? It's like oh my god Here's fucking Jackie. I just want Jackie to say and Buffy you can relate your infertile just at random times like Well girls, I'm so glad that we gather here today. We're going to

Learn how to build chairs from from driftwood Buffy you can relate you're infertile so buffy is mortified and then everybody's like foveal like how what the hell Jackie So shockingly they don't jump right on Jackie. Yeah. Instead, well, Toya tries to, so Toya and Mariah, they're great. Well, here's what's so funny, is that? So Jackie does this thing.

It's like a record scratch, because it's just so awkward. You just announce that someone has fertility issues. But to say just like, you're infertile, it's the same as saying, basically saying, you're like, oh, I'm having fertility issues. If that's sort of like the softer way, obviously, that obviously saying you have fertility issues,

it's not mean you're in fertile, but you know, just saying, oh, she's in fertile, it's just so like, so like clinical and cold and harsh reality, and it blasts that out to a room full of strangers is so intense. And so Buffy is like really from this and she's like uh... she's like i'm gonna talk to about this casually with jacky but like nothing to do but i don't know why she told my business with

bunch of strangers and then all the ladies gather around and they're like can you believe that jacky just said that buffy's infertile yet infertile buffies infertile he's just bleep she said she said she said that she's a real that she would say infertile. She said she said she said in fertile and Buffy infertile, but let's just make it quick. You're the name Buffy just a merely think in fertile. Okay, Buffy Mariah and Lake Lake and Mariah just cute Lake and Mariah Mariah and like they just keep going Buffy is infertile She's infertile. Did you hear that? She is infertile.

And, um, Mariah is like, did she give permission? And Dr. David is like, okay, you know what? It's fine. It's fine. They're like, no, it is not fine. And of course, Mariah is like, not only has Jackie perpetuated lies about me, but now she's telling Buffy's truth. And it's not her.

I'm like, let's not pretend this is the same thing as you possibly doing coke sometime Yeah, and let's not ignore the fact that you know we were talking last week about geodesic domes Well now I'm a rye is wearing one on our head. It's like a weird geodesic dome crown. It's like a little jungle gym You know like it's like those legal paper clip things that are trying You know like the agency logo through those kind of clips Yeah, like a not an it's not an alligator clip, but those weird those weird like butterfly clips Butterfly clips To my daughter at night because she's growing up. I don't want to give her a butterfly

Keep clip for papers Butterfly clips is so But a flyclips is so buffy is crying to quad and talking about her infertility issues and how they've tried a bunch of different things But nothing worked and no one can tell them why like no one can explain it and quad I just want to be made to feel better by quad because she says my favorite thing. You'll be fun, baby I love when she says baby. I love when she says baby. Oh yeah, so yeah, so Jackie is just like hoping everyone buys 10 copies of her book. And also Buffy wants a surrogate, but her husband, this is named David David. I forgot his name.

Dr. David, he does not want to. He's your favorite name. You know, it's just a lot of David sometimes there's only one David, you know. So so Heavenly is, she's basically she's proud of Jackie for for all she's telling Simone she's like, she's like, you know, I'm just like really proud of everything that Jackie's doing. It's like amazing. She got the book. She's got this, this and that, whatever.

And someone's like like she needs to back off on some of that stuff spent spent time with her man and just enjoy life. I'm like no, no, no, no, no, we are not going to like make Jackie have to just like stop stop her ambition because other ones because her husband cannot be relied upon to not get on the pants of someone else if he's left alone for too long. Well, that makes me crazy about this show in general. It's like a woman empowerment party, and we're talking about how women should be strong and live their lives and do what they want.

And Toya and Simone are both being awful. You know, Toya's like, well, she can't, but she's that a couple. It's like your life is worthless if you're not fucking married. And then Simone's like, well, she can't come, but she's that a couple. It's like your life is worthless if you're not fucking married. And then Simone's like, well, she really needs to spend time on that man. Like, yeah, I'm with you. I don't like to hear that, especially on an episode like this. Yeah, plus Curtis seems fine. He's getting a big new house.

You know, Dr. Jackie said he could keep his marshmallow vintage car. So he's happy. He's actually like in great spirits. And he's like telling the guys. She did a fantastic job and Eden is the one who's been. No, you did a fantastic job. You did you did a fantastic job. It's all about you. You know, there's always a man behind the woman like you did a fantastic job and he's like, yeah, I shut up. Eden. Yeah, he's kind of out of his mind. He's just like jumping up and down and just repeating himself over and over in a yelling

tone. Not sure what's going on with him, not going to speculate. It's like someone told him there was going to be a reboot of the electric slide and he's just like on level 12 right now. So the ladies all gather together and are talking and some months like, well, this is where Simone begins her yell segment of the thing because she's going to lead something. So she's like, well, I'm hoping we can all go on this couple's trip to Mexico. And Torrey's like, slap call it a couple of a couple of strip. I'll be going to sell husbands with quad and quad's like, please,

no, please, I don't want to share your house, please, please, keep your husband steer self. And Maraz, like, I just don't don't understand Simone because your stance is very different than it was last year. It's very different. Last year you had a very different stance like the shoes mad now that someone's not ganging up on quad and Simone yells the say again. Buffy's in fertile.

Yeah. So Simone yells. I'll share my opinion of last year. I had a problem with quad coming on the trip. I had a bad attitude, but quad blew it out of the water. Yeah, it's like quad got a good annual review from Simone on annual review for her trip going abilities. So she passed the flying colors.

Yeah. Simone is now gatekeeping Quads eligibility to come on trips. And they're acting like she's like a wild animal that like, you know, like, how is her training going? Wow. She's great. She's almost ready for this. Her kiss.

It's like this woman. I mean, Quad is ridiculous in many different ways, but she's also going through a divorce. And it's like not a pretty one. And she needs friends, and she needs like, they need to learn, it is what they were saying before, what's he so was saying, they need to learn from her, she need to learn from them, and they all have to throw glasses around. Yeah, exactly. So contest is like, well, whatever, it's your trip, you make the rules, and if they don't like it, then I'll have to come.

And heaven needs like, yeah, I don't care what that side of the catchers have to say. And so now everybody's from having each other because quads coming. Or you know, everybody's everybody has their stance on quad. So someone's like, I hope this trip goes better than this conversation. Yeah. And now it's time for Mexico. I'm to pack for the trip. So we have a song that's like, I feel it till you feel me too. I feel it till you feel me too.

But they're packing. I don't know what like packing has to do without feeling it. Yeah, or feeling me. Jackie and Curtis are packing and she's showing off her new sex toys. It's like, I got you liberator pillows. The fuck is a liberator pillow?

Did we see that? I think we have. I think we saw the liberator pillows. The fuck is a liberator pillow? Did we see that? I think we have. I think we saw the liberator pillow. He's like, I got you a butterfly paperclips. Yeah, stolen from Mariah. So enjoy this. So Simone and see, I don't know everybody's packing. Wow.

So should we just go to the actual trip? Yeah. Do you want to talk about packing? Sure. The one thing I wanted to say about the packing, actually, I probably could talk about packing, you know me. But the thing, the one thing I wanted to say about the packing was Scott and Contessa talking about therapy during the packing. And Contessa's like, so you think we should do more sessions or we're probably good at

with just like one. And he's like, what? Just one. I was like, Contessa, you're the one who was pushing for therapy and now you're ready to at it with just like one. I mean, he's like, oh, what? Just one. I was like, a desert. You're the one who was pushing for therapy, and now you're ready to throw it in after one. You're like, oh, you got a hug, and now therapy has done it. It did as duty.

Yeah, I looked at that as her testing him. Like, so are we going to go back? Or you're right. Are you going to turn off your ringer this time? But they're very careful to cement in every single scene how much they hate each other. And literally at the end of this one, they're both sitting together in the diary room. And she's like, basically, our problem right now is, and he goes, we don't like each other.

She goes, yeah, we don't like each other. It's a good place to be. Okay. So now the airport, they all arrive at the airport and Heavenly is like saying Spanish curses and since Ronnie is the one who is working on his Duo lingo. I'll really let you handle all this Do mama is mwe feo, which means your mother is very ugly, but I think it's fair. Okay. I mean, I'll check my two-wheel lingo app um and I'll check my two-wheeled lingo app. She's like, I'll record it. It means, Open Big, you say that to me, Daddy.

He's like, please don't say that. I don't say that. So, now what does that thing, once they're past security, it switches over to producer cam, basically cell phones. And they've all gathered at a TGI app or something. And truly, one of my favorite things that ever happened on Bravo was that like the whole cast just started shaming Scott for not having TSA pre-check and they're like oh god oh god Scott stuck in so that's not good

the normal line and Cecil's like if you actually go through pre-check and you leave your husband in the general line you all are having problems I'm like you know I think it's up to Scott to catch up to Contessa with the T are having problems. I'm like, you know, I think it's up to Scott to catch up to Contessa with the TSA precheck. I'm sorry. Yeah. Get a nanny. That's up in this couple hood before this couple right here

that you're listening to that happened. That's been, and when TSA precheck first came out, I was like, that is fucking ridiculous. I'm not paying the government money so I can go through a lot, so I can stand in line. Fuck them. This is not fair. This is bullshit. And then I was like, okay, have it your line. Fuck them. This is not fair. This is bullshit.

And then Ben's like, okay, have it your way. And then he just glides through because no one even had TSA preaching at that point. And I was so mad that I had to go stand at that long line. And you don't have to take off your shoes. There's so many things that TSA Pre-Check gives you. And I was so mad. And guess what? I got TSA pre-check. Did I get met up in? No, I didn't. I went down to the fucking office in Burbank, and I got my TSA pre-check. Okay? I don't like having gone through the Atlanta airport recently

on a Sunday morning with everyone flying out of it. I think it just takes one time at that Atlanta airport, the busiest airport in the nation to realize like there's no way you can live in Atlanta without having to say a pre-check because that cattle call, like it is just like thousands of people. It is insane.

And I don't know how Scott has like, has, is it like a big successful doctor and has not gotten himself pre-check yet? I don't know, I understand. Maybe that's why. He's probably a blame on his travel. She was traveling so much, you know. Maybe he's complaining. He's like, well, I would have gone to USA pre-checked, but I'd take care of the kids because my wife went to natural. God. And then Cecil was blaming her for being a bad wife and leaving him.

And Scott walks in still on the phone. He's like, hi, everybody. And I was like, why isn't that a sign of problems? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Then we get to Mexico and Simone has Simone Cecil have arranged for a giant family band to pick everybody up from the airport. They're like, wow, great Thanks. No one. Scott says no one has gotten transportation from the airport to the hotel right on one of these trips. It's not happened once. That's true. Last year to hire a cab. I mean a crab.

Oh, good. So the Simone announces that the hotel is a boutique hotel, but there is a penthouse suite sweet and one of you will win it from a dance competition she is screaming so loud so yeah she is really into it and the fact that this is going to turn into a dance competition and then I look down because you know it because this aired right before the what the watch happens live thing it was like oh love it man so watch happens live thing. I was like, oh, 11 minutes so watch happens live So we could actually like account down until this episode was over and I was like, oh god We're about to get 11 minutes of this dance off. Oh god. Yeah, we sure did too Got every single minute. Yeah, every single minute. I have nothing to say about it except heavenly one Because she works really well. Also, Scott

did. Scott was pretty good. He was doing the warm. He was doing a lot of floor work. Yeah, we, um, this at this point, so I was actually watching this on an airplane. And it was at this point that my eyes drifted away from the TV show and up on to Gina Davis being interviewed by Jimmy Fallon on some TV. I was like, you know what, I just want to look at Silent Gina Davis right now. This is what I'm... You're like, is anybody going to watch the Dead Dog movie?

That would be great. Could someone put on the scene where Amanda say free dances slowly with Milla Vintamilla, please? Thank you. And Daddy does a... He tries to do a headstand, but it doesn't really work and he falls over and Jackie's like, Wow, that is a lot of weight to put on that one head. I know that was. Jackie's kind of gotten shady all of a sudden.

She has like a book cover and all of a sudden she's missing. I know. And that pretty much brings us to the end of it. Um, yeah, there's really there truly is like nothing more to say. There's just dancing and Jackie saying a lot of body for one little head. So yeah. Well, that brings us to the end of Mary Demetizen. We will be back tomorrow with guess what?

It's going to be exciting day because we're going to have the real housewives of Dallas. Well, because in New York, we are going to be doing Real Housewives of Orange County and Real Housewives of New Jersey. So those will be live shows this week. Uh, if you need more episodes, go over to Patreon. We've got our BravoCon, watch what happens live in an airport. We'll live for us in an airport. And, um, a bunch of bonus episodes over there. Uh, and in the meantime, we'll talk to you next time, meantime, time next. Bye, everyone.

Hey, prime members, you can listen to WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wundry.com slash survey.