Watch What Crappens - Netflix' My Octopus Teacher

Episode Date: September 24, 2020

Netflix hit a home run with My Octopus teacher, and we're here to add Patti LuPone and nosy Jill Zarin fish into our newest movie obsession. This week's bonus episode is a recap of The Home edit, which you can find at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens**New merch! We designed lots of new face masks for Bravo lovers available at crappensmerch.com A portion of sales go to MedShare!Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few, follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, hello and welcome to a very special Watch What Crapins. I'm Ronnie, that's been over there. Hi, Bane.

Hi Ronnie, what's going on? Not much, so guys, we just recorded this bonus episode of my Octopus teacher, and it was going to be a two-part bonus episode, but we'd loved it so much that we're just going to put it out on our regular feeds. So that's why you're hearing it. It's on our regular feed. Yeah, we had said this would be the bonus, and then we'd be recapping the home edit this week. So we decided to put the home edit as our official bonus instead. And this is our big show for the week. And it was so much fun with this and we're like, we wanna make this free for everyone. Yeah, so thanks for being here.

Enjoy the show. I'm excited for this bonus episode. I'm very excited to, um, Ben picked this bonus episode. We were looking for things to cover and I was like okay octopus whatever is stupid whatever Octopus I guess I have to watch not that's video now And then of course I cried it's the best thing I've ever seen and I really want to find love now, so So for Ronnie's talking about is there's this documentary on Netflix called my octopus teacher and people are showing to talk about it Cameron from southern charm put up a video where she was a blubbering master.

She was like, I just said, I just said, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And it just felt like this was gonna be a thing that people would be talking about. And if they are, if they, if it doesn't quite reach Tiger King levels, that's fine. But we just, I just was like, this seems almost ridiculous enough,

and yet great enough that we should cover it, and we've never recapped a nature documentary before. We've recapped everything else, I think, except for nature. We've been there from rules. I mean, that's true. That is basically like life on the Savannah, with, you know, animals and, and, you you know lots of things with words, you know each other yeah throwing feces at each other So yeah, so this is it's the documentary is called my octopus teacher and It's about a man who befriends octopus. So I mean shall we dive in should we get into this madness?

Yes, let's get in Now this is basically one big long story told by him. Okay, so that's pretty much what you're gonna get in this And it opens with an octopus swimming People say octopus are like alien, but the strange thing is as you get close to them you realize You're very similar in a lot of ways No, okay I have eight arms. She has eight arms. I can change my color. She can change my colors Like sir, what else are you taking?

She can change her texture and grow horns. I can change my texture and grow on Now physically that might not be true He can change her texture and grow horns. I can change my texture and grow on. Now physically that might not be true. I was resisting this movie and I have been listening to the Oprah Super Soul podcast. As you know, I love it. And Brane Brown was on there. Now I resist some Brane Brown in my life.

I don't need some snooty Texas woman telling me what to do. I've had one my whole life. But then I listen to Brane Brown, love her now, of course. And her whole thing is about being vulnerable. And if you're resisting something, it's because it's bothering you on a level that you need to address, and you need to stop resisting that, and you need to be vulnerable to it. And so I was like, why am I resisting this octopus thing? And by the end of this, I was like, oh my God, I am just like that octopus. I'm even made of jelly. I could probably hide in a rock really fast. You could.

So I think you're like made for an octopus lifestyle, just like hanging out in a den, maybe going out, maybe maybe dating someone. Always alone, yeah. Yeah, I'm like, I want to die alone until it's time to pop out a baby and then I'll let a man into like, and break date me for about five minutes. And then I'm just gonna be like, fuck is,

I wanna, I wanna shark to eat me, you know. You know? Yeah, I think this trajectory really works well for you. Oh, I guess we should say that this is the, if you haven't watched the movie, there will be spoilers, because we're gonna recap the whole thing. So that was a post spoiler warning.

That was, yeah, post spoiler warning, like, I mean, you had to know so the To knock to bus okay nature is nature is violent so Yeah, so this guy his name is Craig and he is telling it we're seeing these beautiful by the way the imagery is beautiful in this But it's so beautiful like you just put on mute and just watch it and you'll just be zanned out. It's great But he's like you're stepping into this completely different world, such an incredible feeling. And you think you're on the brink of something extraordinary,

but there's a line that can't be crossed. You cannot have sex with the octopus. You cannot. You cannot. You, I mean, wasn't every family in the country going, please don't fuck that octopus. Oh, don't fuck the octopus. Because you know there's that show on Netflix right now

that everyone's like, I'm canceling my Netflix. It's called QDs. It's a French film or whatever. And everyone's freaking out that it's child pornography. And this and that. Now I've not watched QDs because I've read all this stuff. And I'm like, if I even watch this, I'm probably a pedophile. Like, I'm not watching that.

Like, I'm terrified to even watch it now. But I've obviously read a bunch like everyone else. But I'm like oh my god is Netflix trying to get me to fucking octopus like what's going on is it brainwashing what if the octopus wants to fuck you what about that I mean that would be flattering I wouldn't do it but I would be more flattered you know if it were the other way around I would be horrified but yeah everyone I think at the same time was like please do not fuck that up. Don't have sex with the octopus, please. Yeah.

And by the way, we never see his wife if he even has one. Because I would really like to know what she thinks about this entire situation. Okay, like, my husband is swimming out into the ocean to hang out with an octopus. I don't know. I think I would have some concerns. I feel like we don't see his wife, but I feel like it's Nicole Kidman in big little eyes without you

These just like bangs and sad Yeah, and he's like got major depression issues As he kind of alludes to but basically I wrote sad movie guy alone That's my overall note for this. But he's like, it was quite a long time ago that day. It's all started. More octopus teacher. We're in Western Cape South Africa.

There's waves against the cliffs. And these are not like cute waves. Like isn't that pretty? It's like a photo. These are like biblical waves wiping out humanity, you know. This is like some Mary Elizabeth, Masha Antonio screaming at you that you are in the jaws of the monster. Like you have to get out of there. Yeah. And the place is on the tip of Africa.

It's known as the Cape of Storms. My childhood memories are completely dominated by the rocky show and the tide. And then we see this little tiny house, which, I mean, who builds a house right where it's just, who builds a house in the middle of a dam wave? I just want to see that one. I want to see that house on House Hunters International.

House number three is far from town. And also, the ocean knocks it over every few months. Well, I was three was owned by a very nice man who drowned in his sleep. Well I just love these appliances fully updated mainly because it was destroyed about two weeks ago and oh look there goes the door. So he actually says he's like I grew up in a wooden bungalow as a child and it was built below the water line and the ocean would Knock down the doors and fill the bottom of the house with water And it was incredibly exciting to literally live in the force of that giant Atlantic ocean I'm like that sounds awful the ocean is like flooding your your first floor every single time

What about your toys? What about your TV like what like? That's what kind of life he's living. That's why I'm saying he's a depressed person. He's living in a wave, basically a constant wave. What can you not have? You can't have a TV in there. You can't plug in your phone downstairs. Yeah, dead fish can't iron anything.

It's nothing in the foyer. Everything's in the foyer. Yeah, it's like what are you never iron? Like that's, I mean, I don't either, but still. He's probably so annoying in school because you Go most of my childhood was spent in rock pools diving in the shallow kelp forest That's what I most love to do. It's like hey like you're at school. It's like hey you want to come over We I got my he-man figures. I have a better idea

Let's dive amongst the kelp Would you like to come over to my house after school and get your feet all wrinkly? Because that'll be wet the entire time. Knock, knock. Who's there? The Atlantic Ocean, pouring itself in exciting. It's like, is that delivery?

It's like, every time that there's a knock on the door, you don't know whether it's like UPS or a giant wave crashing into your house As an adult I'd been separated from that and that was fine at first until I went to Central Kana Hari 20 years ago And then it's like Yeah, and now you know here we are and there's like a man running with an arrow, like a tribal guy running with an arrow, and they're chasing some animal or something, and he tells us, I was making a film called The Great Dance with my brother, and met these men who were the best trekkers in the world, and to watch these men go to incredible lengths to find subtle finds in nature. Things my eyes couldn't see,

and they were do it for hours. They were inside the natural world and I could feel I was outside. I was like, well, yes, you're outside. Like deal with it. It's fine. We're all outside of it. Okay. But I want to be a lion. Yeah. Like you have to pick achievable goals, you know? Like you can't go to a zoo and be like, God, I wish I was a monkey my life's So 18 years later by the way and also when he was making that movie he was hot He was real hot. I was like Craig Let's have a that be your goal is to get like great dance But get back into like great dance shape. How about that? Yeah, go back to hip hop jazz, you know

But I think that he is still pretty hot I mean he had a pretty hot dad bod. I mean look that's Yeah, dad bod, but you had a hot you had like a hot like you know year 2000 Bob or maybe it was like the 90s. I don't know when it was but he's like totally one of those hot guys He uses patchouli and they're like I don't have to take a shower because I'm hot and I'm into nature and you're a gross How how many people did he bore at cocktail parties about like when I was in the nature, you're a gross. How many people did he bore at Cartel parties about like, when I was in Kenya, I met the greatest trackers in the world. They could see a grain of salt and know exactly what Adam and I came from.

It's like, great, thanks. I'm trying to talk about Big Brother here. Yeah, who invited Craig again? And he does like subtle things that make me think, okay, like he's sad and approachable now because he's filming himself at his kitchen table, but he's like a snob in real life because he wears rimless glasses and I think people who wear rimless glasses are truly evil people. Like, I think they feel like they're better than everybody.

They are. Yeah, especially when they like befriend Dr. Octopus and then they're like, my friends knocked a bus, and they're like, well, I can't top that. So he's telling, it's like 18 years later, and he's had two years of hell, and he's like worn out, and he's just getting sick from all the pressure that's on him, not really sure what the pressure is, maybe the pressure to move into a house,

that's not getting knocked over by waves, but he, I guess I'm assuming it's from filmmaking Etc. And he just didn't want to see a camera on edit suite ever again in his life my great purpose was in pieces Yeah, because he was a documentary filmmaker and he was choosing really dangerous shit to go document You know, it's like just walk around the dirt the desert for months at a time to find out how to track a tiger or whatever. So yeah, he was depressed. And I guess once he went back to the real world, he couldn't deal with an edit bay or

something. I don't know. Those are depressing places. They really are. I mean, this was 18 years after that. But like, I think that he just, I don't know, life caught up with him. And I read it in an article that he had like a adrenal failure or something like that. And he just wants to connect back into something.

And so, you know, he has a sad adrenal failure. Like, what is that? A good gland. I don't know. I think, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe the adrenal system that gives you adrenaline. I'm not sure.

Maybe he's like, I failed to be startled. So he just... Nothing surprised me. I mean, I did grow up in a house that flooded every five minutes. When you wake up in the middle of the night because a wave has knocked your bunk bed on its side again, you stop getting startled by things. Once you've seen your family dog, be swept away to see dogs. Once you wake up with a starfish on your face, no longer frightened. So he basically is like he doesn't... He's like he wants to be a good father to his son but he's like in a funk and he's like he's like so I took inspiration from the

trackos and from childhood and the only way I knew how to do it was to be in the ocean. Now that's normally the point where someone signs up for Zumba, you know? It's a great time for Zumba. You can either plunge yourself into like a vicious churning waves in the capa storms that are like negative 500 degrees or take Zumba. You know, like I'm older, I'm slightly depressed, adrenal sits going on, apparently my wife won't even be in the same room with me. You know, I'll take a Zumba class or start walking around the neighborhood. Or games like that.

I'm always an advocate for board games, so there's a can. But just like it's going to live in the ocean, you know, that's a little extreme crag. Yeah, and he chooses the worst part of the ocean. It's like literally, it's a hellscape of water. These waves crashing and craggy rocks, and it looks cold. It feels cold, and he's like the water drops down to eight to nine degrees Celsius and you just have to relax and then you'll get this beautiful time

for 10 to 15 minutes when suddenly everything feels okay. I'm like you're getting delirious. You're going into shock and you're delirious, Craig. I literally dead, Craig. I think Craig died. I think this is all from is like guys ghosts Yeah, you're dead Craig. Okay, is someone gonna tell Craig that he's dead He's like the cold upgrades the brain because you get a flood of chemicals every time you immerse like dude

If you spent less time tracking and more time like out with people you would have found cocaine Okay, or cryotherapy. It's like much easier. You don would have found cocaine. Okay. Or cryotherapy. It's like much easier. You don't have to, you don't have to swim. So then he starts talking about how it gets easier and easier and easier. And then he goes after about a year, you start to crave the cold. I'm like, okay, Craig. All right.

Now you're getting annoying. All right. Creating the cold water. So he goes, he finds calm water. We see him diving. And again, I mean, we're probably gonna say this 100 times during this. This is just a stunningly gorgeous film.

I mean, it is beautiful. And I think he's shooting it all himself, right? I'm not sure because there was another director that was listed and her name was Pippa. So I think Pippa might be in the mix as well. I can't tell. But you think she was in the water? Cause and her name was Pippa. So I think Pippa might be in the mix as well. I can't tell. But you think she was in the water because I think to get that into me. Maybe she did the interviews.

Yeah. Maybe she got like a director or a critic because she did interviews and maybe some of the nature footage. Yeah, because I mean, he just shot this. I mean, it is just stunning. And I don't know how much color correction or whatever was done at the end. But I was, I mean, just totally taken away the whole time. Really gorgeous work. Yeah. Okay.

It's good back to make it work. Okay. Yeah. So he's like, he's talking about how like swimming through the kelp forest is really cool because it's basically like, it's a forest, but you enter from the top and you can, it's basically like flying because right, you're not bound by gravity. And you know, we sell these jellyfish and everything. And he starts talking about getting, he's like, he goes, you naturally just get more relaxed in the water. I'm like, I would not be more terrified than to be there like with only like my bathing suit on

and a mask holding my breath while there are sharks swimming everywhere. I would be, that's not my idea of relaxing. Yes, I mean, and that's, I think that's why depressed people do so well in the world because he's like, just kill me with the fuck to I care. Oh, do you think I care about jellyfish? No, I'm gonna go swim right in the middle of this jellyfish and let them surround my dead body and see if they, it's like he doesn't even occur to him.

Like, I could die right now because he's standing, I'm standing. He's not wearing a wet suit or anything either. He's wearing his Costco swimming shorts and a wire. And that's it. Yeah, well, he says having a scuba tank in a thick keb forest is not optimal for me. But because you don't like air, is that not optimal being able to breathe?

Hate air, stupid air. Only pussy's like air. It's like if you really want to get close to environment. Yeah, it helps to not have a barrier And I'm like wow, I wonder if firemen ever feel like that. Yeah, yeah, exactly I want to be more like an amphibious animal These goals that Craig has I think we have to I think we need to get him to a career coach Like so what would you like to be and then a phibious animal? All right, but you're not so what what would you like to be an N-Fibious Animal? All right, but you're not.

So what else would you like to be? Yeah, a rich N-Fibious Animal. Okay, you're getting closer. Okay. So then we see a penis fish. We see all different kinds of fish that I've never seen. Yeah. There's something in a coin.

It looked like a shark, but it was shaped like a donut. It was not shaped. It was like biting its tail and it shark, but it was like in a, it was shaped like a donut. It was not shaped. It was like, it was like biting its tail and it was like rolling around in a donut shape. I was like, that animal has to get it together because that's not good. Yes, the shark eating his own tail. It was like a little dog chasing his own tail, but it was a shark. And he had it in his mouth. It was like a horror movie. It was weird. Yeah, he had identity issues. He's like, I wish I could be more like a land-walking animal. That's like me. I want to be amphibious.

We'll see you guys at the Sharks mindset. So he's like, and suddenly I realized, I've got the energy to take pictures and film again. And so we see all these beautiful shots, we see a fish eating a crab, and then we see the fish eating his tail, and then we just see all these different kinds of... Jellyfish and good things.

Yeah, we see all these really cool fish and it's like going to a party on real house house in New York like all the people in the background who just sourced their at the camera. It's like all those fish. Yeah, it's like basically Romanos birthday party. Oh, my closest. Fish friends. Kai.

There's like one fish trying. We've all slept with him guy There's like one fish trying really hard for a look Yeah, there's like a little Elise fish. She just stands there in the middle of all this chaos going Yeah, she's the jellyfish Those jellyfish I mean they're stunning creatures jellyfish. What beautiful, why do they have to be such dicks, dude? What, they are dicks. But also does anyone eat jellyfish?

I'm sure there has to be a, they have to have a predator, right? And I'm wondering, I actually am like, glad they have a predator because I feel like, like no one's here to fuck with you jellyfish. So the fact that you're so aggressive makes me want someone to fuck with you. Yeah, and they only work in the water. Like Craig is privileged. You know, he has like water land privilege because he can do both and still stay alive. But like a jellyfish, it just

looks like a like a used water balloon. I was going to say use condom but that's disgusting. But I did end up saying it, which anyway, it doesn't look the same when it comes out. It's just like, just empty and stuff. So let me see. What do jellyfish eat and what eats them? I'm looking up there's an article in New York Times that says, who wants to eat a gooey jellyfish? Pretty much everyone in the ocean.

Whoa. So apparently marine biologists had believed that jellyfish don't hold enough calories, they're being significant part of the ocean's food chain. But guess what? Okay? Everyone wants a jellyfish, okay? It's 15 of my best jellyfish don't hold enough calories to be a significant part of the ocean's food chain. But guess what? Okay? Everyone wants a jellyfish, okay? It's 15-minutes.

Jellyfish is okay. And we all highly desired. I guess everyone needs them. It doesn't tell me. Leatherback turtles and ocean sunfish are exceptionally big. I guess that they eat the jellyfish. You know, sunfish, we talked about sunfish, but how they're dumb. Yeah, they're dummies.

Maybe it's like a hollow pain you in the fish world. It's just like a little steam. It's like a wonderful, it's a wonderful spice. Well, I feel like sometimes like, yeah, fish are like, their relationship to pain is like a little different than ours. I think that we're more babies. Like fish are just like, oh, well, that sucked. Anyway, I'm hungry so no don't

say that how could you want to eat a fish after this movie oh my god I've been eating fish and I felt so fucking guilty okay so the fish are they show these fish that change color to wherever I mean there's it's so neat and a big peach looks like a big peach with a squirmy tail. Yeah, it was really weird fish. Weird aliens. So then Craig is like, I remember the day when it all started. And then he basically started talking about how he went to a, he found this kelp forest.

And he's like, everything is murky, but there's a small patch where you can dive. I saw a strange shape to the left, which is what this movie also could have been called, because half the documentary is insane. but there's a small patch where you can dive. And I saw a strange shape to the left, which is what this movie also could have been called because half the documentary is insane. And then I don't know what overcame me,

but I looked to my left and I saw a shape that I will never forget in the rest of my life. It's like every time, it's like, you see something to the left. To the left, to the left. So he sees this really strange thing. And it is pretty cool. It's like a ball, but with all these shells glued to it, it looks like a collection of shells.

Looks like a second-graders art project, basically. Like someone was giving a star-phone ball and they had to glue shells on it. Yeah, I like if the cast of Little Mermaid was gonna go bowling, you know, on this shell bowling ball or whatever. Yeah, it looked oddly delicious. And then these fish were like,

What the hell's that? Hey, what the hell's that? Did you guys see that shell ball? Hey, did you see the shell ball? Let's go look at the shell ball. Yeah, yeah. There was like three little fish who, they just like,

because you know, they have big domes. We should've done. Fish are dumb. If I'm a fish and I see a strange ball that's larger than me that I've never seen before, They're little fish who, they just like, because you know, they have big dung eyes. They're done. Fish are done. If I'm a fish and I see a strange ball that's larger than me, that I've never seen before, I'm not going up to it. Like how, I mean, how many nature, how many,

honestly, how many underwater videos do we have to watch? A fish getting absolutely tricked all the time. It's like, oh look, there's a lantern. Ah, I'm dead. You know, like, oh look, there's like, this looks like a nice patch of sand. It's curiously open. And then boom. There's like a flounder underneath. It's like they're constantly getting startled by Shother shit. I mean all you have to say is treasure chest. I mean fish are the only people left in the world

And I'm like, oh my god, it's a treasure chest. Did you guys see the treasure chest? I see it. I see it over there But we're always you know, we're always told are I you know,'m always told, or I feel like I've always learned that fish are dumb, right? Like other animals are, I don't know, like they feel things, or as a vegetarian, I guess I've tricked myself in thinking that, like why is pescatarian a thing? Why can you only eat fish and not other things? And people are like, well fish are on a different level. You know, they don't feel the same way. They don't have the same feelings that other animals do. And then after watching this, I feel like a murderer

who's been tricked. Okay. Well, okay, so fine. Maybe a plot out to Octopus, but then look at these stupid fish just going right up to this shell. It's crazy ball of shells. It's so cute. I love that they're so curious.

You know, they're like, hey, guys, this is something new in the neighborhood. I've never, you know, I just figured fish have a neighborhood. They don't have a neighborhood. They just swim around dumbly and wait for something to make that, you know. But they do. They have like a little neighborhood and they're like, something's new here, guys. We should check it out.

And then two of the other things. Making them start to, you're starting to make them sound like Brandy Glanville. Hey, guys. I'm glad that we gather here by this strange shell formation because I'd like to say that six months ago this shell formation I we had sex. Yeah, the shell formation ate me out. I've got the text to prove it. And she said that you're a bitch. So two of the fish are like, I'm not staying by that stupid thing. Oh, that's crazy. I'm getting away from that. And that one dumb fish is like, no, I want to taste it. It's like the like knowing that it might be food always outweighs the fact

that it might be the end of your life. Always. When you're cleaning the cat's shirt, what is that? I guess I'll taste it, you know? Fish are, yeah, it's like fish when they see a pebble. Oh, man, they're like, I know it's a pebble I've seen all these pebbles on this floor, but maybe for the first one of my life this pebble is actually food. Nope, not food I'm gonna spit it out again. Every single time. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and scum It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap-ins-com.

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I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Merch-o. I'm being totally freaked out right now because on my desk, I have little stuff to animals that people have given me over the years. I have a little jiggy and I have a little Lucy Lucy apple juice and I was moving them around. I just look you know I was moving them out of the way for a water bottle and I just turned around and Lucy

Lucy apple juice is staring right into my eyes. Oh wow. It's creepy. So if I look away from me, I can see why Doree got rid of you. This way. So Craig is looking at this shell ball. And then suddenly an octopus flies out. Like the shell is all dropped. And there's this octopus that had surrounded itself in the ball with all these shells. And it flies away.

And Craig's like, at the time I didn't know I had witnessed something extraordinary. I'd come at the end of a whole drama. You think what on earth is this animal doing? I think she's a little bit afraid of me, so she lifts up this extremely slippery algae and wraps it like a croc, and it she does. She goes to this huge algae tree and wraps herself in it and then peaks out with her little crazy alien eyes. She looks very excess-rized. She was basically so glamorous in that moment.

She just wrapped in algae. That was the moment when I was taking notes when I just named her Patty. Because I was like, she's giving me lots of patty-love poem vibes. Like, don't look into me right now. I'm just wrapped my show and it's been curtain and I'm now here in my evening where my evening gown on the octopus yeah it was a very like like very like a bucsum yeah a moment for the octopus and it was so cute and then boom she was

gone and then I wrote boom she was gone also oh did he say that was so cute and then boom she was gone and then I wrote boom She was gone also. Oh, did he say that? I don't know, but boom she was gone like she just jetted out of there She just dropped her feather boa and her cloak and then she like jetted for it Yeah, she's jetting through the water and then she he never mentions this. I don't think but they like blow brown Is that ink is that swimming? Yeah, Yeah, well, it's octopus ink. Octopus ink. I mean, what does that do? Is it like when a skunk shoots you?

No, it's just to like obscure, obscure. It's like to be like, you can't see me, you know? And that is so patty lapone to be just like take like a jar of ink that she has in your mind, just like throw it in your face while she runs away. I said no autographs. Psh. I'll be there, I'll be there.

Listen, I don't want to be in the stage. So the octopus flies away and crags like, well I felt like there was something to this creature that was unusual. There was something special about her. She had a fashion sense and I had this crazy idea. What would happen if I abandoned my family for a year and visited an octopus instead something special about her, she had a fashion sense and I had this crazy idea. What would happen if I abandoned my family for a year and visited an octopus instead every single day?

What would happen if I brought this octopus to Chico's? I've seen what it can do without you. What could it do with a nice rap? What would happen if I interfered with this octopus's life and nearly got it killed a few times because of me? So day one Initially she was affected by my presence, so I thought I'll just leave the camera and get her going about a business So he leaves the camera please. No photos.'s like, turn off your goddamn cell phones. Mm-hmm.

I'm not here for you all I'm using. Ah! She just knocks the camera right over it. The camera just like right there on her face, right by her den, and she just puts her tentacle and just like pulls it down like enough. She's so cute. Like she's kind of hiding from it with seashells,

and then she like kind of touches it with a sea shell. So she doesn't like get burned by it or whatever then she touches it and then she's like fuck that and she just turns it down. And she just like yeah, she literally just she literally puts it down. So then and I was just like and while she's like getting used to this camera, he is like, you know, roving around this area Trying to understand the kelp forest and then he finds like this cave that's packed with pajamas sharks They're like all crammed in there like a bunch of jules errands and they're like

They suck they suck those sharks suck and they have these they have these, they're flat, like they're flat and shaped. And then they have these eyes that look kind of like costume jewelry like that. So you know that jewelry is like painted with glittery paint. Yeah. Yeah. And then they have these like two little teeth that stick out in the front. Yeah. They don't look like the brightest shark in the world. They look like idiot sharks actually. Yeah, they look like cartoonishly idiot. I did like their stripes. There was something sort of cuddly about the stripes.

I know it seems odd because you know how sharks are like the worst, but like in stuffed animal form, they're kind of the best. And the stripes were sort of like, they kind of, I was getting confused because I was getting like stuffed animal feedback from the stripes, but I was like, no, but it's a real shark. So I fucking hate this shark. But I thought like there was something, like I did kind of want to like pet the shark

in a weird way, because I think it was the stripes. Yeah, they did have cute stripes, and they also really did like their triangle work on their body, like the fins or whatever. They had it. Seven or eight. Seven out of fins. Tons.

Yeah, so they look from far away, you're like, wow, what a well-fined shark. That's so creative. But then you get up close to it and you're like, ugh. And they're like the family in the chocolate factory. They're just like all in the same bed. Yeah. Oh my god, get another one. They're also kind of like the burglars from home alone.

Like they've got to that kind of like the burglars from home alone Like they've got to that kind of stupid energy about them like there they go bumbling around trying to find Kevin again Yeah, exactly that is exactly right. I did not like first of all also if I'm like in the ocean and I'm like Oh, I'm just gonna come into a cave and look. Oh, there's like 15 sharks just hanging out in here He was like way too chill about that. I'm just going to come into a cave and look, oh, there's like 15 sharks just hanging out in here. He was like way too chill about that. I'm like, uh, like that's that's when I start panicking and bonk my head at the top of the cave and probably die. I think that he's got serious problems at home. I mean, I think that you're right. Like his wife, you never see his wife, his son doesn't really talk to him ever in the film, but we don't see his son till way later. And I think that he's, I think he's on a suicide mission.

And like one day someone's going to find my camera and see all this great work I did, you know, I'm going to go hang out with the sharks. So he goes to hang out with the sharks and watch them. And they're just such assholes. They're all fighting each other. They're all just, yeah. Yeah, they're just gross.

And then they do everything by smell. And that's why they're in a bad mood because they have really sensitive smells. And I think that would be the worst talent to have. That would be the worst gift is like an increased sense of smell. Everything stinks. Well, and also like in the ocean,

like there's just like nothing but fish poop everywhere. Like it's all, it's like everywhere. The entire ocean is fish poop, especially down there on the floor. That's where all the poop lands. I mean, I think we've all seen like a fish tank. Like that has them clean and you see all that shit. And you know, like fish are really gross when they poop.

Like if you've ever seen a goldfish when it's pooping, it has like this, it looks like a line of like, like a streamer, like a party streamer, just like coming out of its butt. And you're like, please just like finish with that and let it settle, because I cannot watch you swimming around this tank. Like you have a banner behind you advertising course light. Like just drop your shitting at around

with the banner that says, Congratulations, Sviva, you did it. You did it, you shat in the tank. So he's watching the sharks and they're smelling the octopus. So they're getting down into her little cave, her little dog bed, whatever it is. And she's so far up in there that she is just peeking out, but they can't reach her. And he's like, I'm thinking how long before something happens with these animals?

I would hate it if I lure her out of her den and make her extremely vulnerable. I would hate that. And then I felt like that too. I mean, I like him and everything, but I was like, don't get this bitch killed. I'm like, what are you doing? She has a plan. Okay, she has a plan.

So what stinks more than a human? I mean, why are they coming up to him to smell his old spice armpits? You know? If you think he wears the odorant, you wear a saddened mistaken So, so now day 26. So the octopus, like she's now, like, chilling out a little bit and, you know, she's curious, but she's

not taking, she's not taking its dupe chances. She's sort of like, she's sort of like half in the den, but she's sort of like, she's like, you know, starting to like, now like, hey, I'm going to touch you, you know, and so he'll put his hand out and then she like puts her tentacle out and like touches and sort of like, she's like, you know, started to like now like, Hey, I'm going to touch you. You know, and so he'll put his hand out and then she like puts her tentacle at and like touches. And it's like, it's like a shoday video. It's like very underwater and sensual and like, you know, I started crying. No, did you? Yes, it's as far as I started crying because she's like holding onto the back of her little cave

and just peeking out like in case she's a predator. But then he reaches out her hand and then she reaches out her long arm and just starts like touching his arm and the music too. I mean we can't underestimate the power of music of this. It's like I was like the most romantic shit you've ever heard. I was like, this is the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I know, part of me was wondering, am I just projecting some sort of like human aspects onto this octopus? Was it just like, is there food here? Is this food?

Is this food? Is this their food under his arm? Like, you know, like, sometimes I wonder if like, we are just projecting this emotion from the octopus, but it felt right. So. I don't think it's projecting, because the octopus really did act like an animal.

We've all spent time with some kind of animal, right? When you're getting to know an animal and they don't trust you at first, and it was making all the same moves as a rescue dog. And then when it starts to play around how it does it and lowers its head and kind of looks at you, it was so cute. And it just goes to show you, everything is alive, you guys. Stop eating it. Stop eating it.

Stop eating that is a bone-on to birth. And he's like, something happens when the animal makes contact. I like to call it an erection. They're not proud. I'm not proud. I'm not proud, but this is the natural world. And at some point you have to breathe. Yeah, and he's a person, he's a your talker.

Like when he tells stories, he's like, you went down in the water and you're looking around. But at some point you have to breathe. So you go up to, I'm like, stop saying me. Okay, because you're making this like very scary. Because you're saying me and that makes me argue with him You know, I'm like no, I'm not no, I'm not don't tell me what I'm doing. How about that? So so now the now the octopus is at the point where it's starting to come out of the den fully and so now it's like Full trust and then we're watching the octopus Swimming around and that's when he starts talking about like they're quite amazing they can look spiky, look smooth, look sexy, look baguiling.

They can wear flats, they can wear tap shoes, they can wear a turban. Page boy haircut have long braids down to the ground. They have so many looks. have long braids down to the ground. They have so many looks. Well, I didn't know this about octopi or octopuses. Octopuses, yeah. That they can do all that. They grow little forms and the way it was changing colors as it like past rocks or the way it hid from other things by looking just like the thing.

It was really mean. But then the even match, the match texture. Yeah, it's crazy. It's like, it's crazy. Change their textures to look like rock and stuff. It's neat. Yeah, it is really crazy. And he's like, but once in a while, sometimes she takes out

her two little legs and starts walking along. This was so good because right before, right as he was saying this, she curled up, she curled all of her legs up to look like a big hairdo. It was so cute. Yeah. And then, right? And then, she kind of moves and then two little legs come down

and she looks like a lady in a big dress. Yeah. Walking around. That's like the old lady in the dress. No, no. Hey, boys, I'm here. It's like this archbishop strutting along. Like, yes, I made myself look like a rock,

because I'm here to rock your world. Hit it, boy. You know, I put, she walks like a lady, ha ha, because she really does. And then, away she goes, just walking down the, you know, the miniature rock. She's just strutting into the giant brother, but now, and the judgy fish is watching her like that tramp,

look at that tramp fucking down. Yeah, all those fish are so, they're so stupid though, because they don't even realize it's the octopus probably. They're like, who's this bitch walking around? Someone go tell the octopus. We've got trash in the neighborhood. So stupid. So, and this is when, you know, yeah, so, so this is when Craig tells us that she basically

has one year to live. That's the, that's, that's the average age or age range for, or age length for an octopus. So we know like, he's already setting up like don't start thinking this is going to be like a lifelong friendship because it's going to be it's not going to last that long. Well, and he already looks like he's holding scissors in one hand just ready to end it on camera. This whole time feels like a last-willing testament, you know? Yeah.

How long do octopus live? Because two. One to two years for three years? Three years well octopus. I don't know. It's just as average. Who knows Wikipedia anyone can change it Patty might have gone on here and changed it tell me I'm gonna live one I'm gonna live forever for Amy Corvalry is what's now coming now even as an octopus she can't unantiate for sure

here's to the octopuses who launch uh... so i guess at her age while this was being shot she probably only had like a year left. So this, she changes, oh wait, I keep going back to the lady in address. Okay, she puts her body in a strange form like a rock and then two of the like start moving again, like the rock is moving. And then she changes into the wobbly extraordinary lady again. Yeah. He's like, perhaps he's trying to mimic algae. Or a fucking amazing Broadway star, sir. Maybe she just wants to serve a look.

Well, this is how she worked. The incredible creativity to deceive. An octopus is essentially a snail that's lost its shell, a soft animal that relies on intelligence. She has no mother or father. She's alone. Like, oh my god, you're killing me with this cray. Craig is falling in love. So now it's day 52 and he starts talking about how, you know, if you're going to become friends with an octopus, you like your kid, like your camera

kid and everything has to be perfect. Everything has to be instinct because, you know, you can't afford to make mistakes, but unfortunately he was still making mistakes at that point because one day she was following me. It was such an honor. Here she was, a Broadway star, following me through the KELPFARIS, and then suddenly my lens dropped and scared Patti away.

And then she just like, fuck this shit. Gone. Yeah. And she ran and blew ink at him. And she said, you could have kicked yourself. Stop it, Craig. I could not have. That could have ended in the most incredible interaction. Have you ruined it forever? Will it ever trust you? And then I approached her too fast. And that's when she left the den and got a real fright and didn't come back to that den. I thought it was over. Terrorizing her was gone. I know in her documentary it's like it's like a girl talking in the

vow you know. And then I tried to leave and they wouldn't leave me alone. He said if I didn't come back there, he was gonna send everybody the video of me walking like a sexy lady down the street. What are you talking about? Yeah, her documentary is like, so this guy, this big thing is creeping around. I'm really not sure what the deal is with him.

I've pretended to be nice. I've pretended to be polite. I've tried to sort of like look ugly, dress down, sort of look like an old lady in a coat, he still follows me around. And then the other day, he just like throws some shit at me, which I felt like was a threat. And then I'm just hanging on my den,

and I'm like bout to fall asleep, and I wake up and he just comes like barging towards me. And I'm like, you know what, enough with this guy, I'm getting a restraining order, And I'm done. I'm done. That's her documentary. Yeah, he is pretty creepy. So then it's very sad music because Raston has point of view. And he's like, well, I had these amazing experience

with Trekkers. I wanted if anyone could trick underwater. This animal has spent millions of years practicing how to be lost. I had learned what octopast tracks looked like. It was so difficult. What's the difference between urgent tracks? Fish tracks.

Worm tracks. Egg casings. I'm like, oh my God. Oh my God, Mark Hellenberger. I just wanted to hold a flashlight above his head, you know? It's like a black light. I just wanted someone to just like, like maybe his wife just like find another octopus

and just like put it down there, be like, here, can you just like stop? Like, cause she's like walked into like the living room and there's like a bulletin board with like all these, it literally is like CSI or like the Golden Thade Killer or something. There's like yarn from like, wait a second. I spoke to this piece of cap and it said it saw nothing

but then this enemy said that it saw an octopus who's lying. I was like, okay. The jellyfish said she last saw a beautiful woman in a sexy dress getting a burger in a trowel. And there's like this crab. This footage of this crab because he's like looking everywhere and this crab poked out the sand like seriously WTF. Could you just like leave us alone? Like we don't know where the octopus is and honestly we don't care

because honestly she wants to eat me so just please get away. Yeah and then he's drawing a map of every little thing and it's like star maps basically and then we see it like going across his goggles like a beautiful mind. It's crazy. He's like losing his mind over this. Yeah, I wonder if they are going to make a movie out of this. I bet they do with the guy from a beautiful mind. What's his name?

Russell Crowe. Yeah, this is totally a Russell Crowe project. I think it's Tom Hardy. This is total Tom Hardy to me. He'll be super serious, you know? And he'll work for a lot. Yeah, so then we get, but don't make it like really gross because it's Hollywood. Okay, so then like Cape Beckinsdale or something like, that's like obviously like a beautiful

Hollywood actress. Yeah. Yeah. So then we see the yeah, the crab arm and those are the animals. She's fleeing. And then he picks up a shell of the study at and he's looking at everything that she ate and the marks that she ate and The marks that she's left in the sound and the changes in the pattern on the sand and the algae and all this stuff Yeah, it's basically me playing animal crossing diving for like seashells and animal crossing

Within one or two meters. I felt her. I knew she was close to me now and then She's there I knew she was close to me now, and then... BABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBABBAB waving and saying, hello, I'm excited to see you. I could feel it. Except it's knocked a bus in a new den trying to get away from you. So she puts out a tentacle like, alright, okay. And so they're like, they're happy. And so then there's this actually really sweet scene where he like, he puts out his hand and she's like, fuck it, I'm going for it. And so she just like swims up and just like latches onto his hand and then he's like, oh no, but I have to breathe. So he like goes up to the surface and he thinks that she's just gonna like let go and be like, okay, back to the den.

But then she's like, no, I want this, this is a free ride to the surface, I'm in, I'm in. And she goes, she rides his hand the whole way. It was so cute. It was, that was so cute when she did that. Yeah. And he's like, and there I was staring into the eyes

of this incredible creature. And they just like, sit there and be friends, I guess for a long time. And then she swims away from him. And like, he's like, it was different. This part was kind of funny.

He's like, it was different. This part was kind of funny. He's like it was difficult to see it first. What she was getting out of her relationship. I think it was pretty clear what she was getting out of it. She's like oh sweet. I have a giant thing that can protect me against those pajama sharks. I'm going to be friends with it because it will surely protect me anytime I need it to be protected. That's the way animals work. Right. Um, and he goes back down and he's like, it's quite stimulating for that huge intelligence.

And they just stare at each other under the water. And he's like, you know, somehow she understands that this thing's not dangerous. So to do a litter tango, and I was like, finally some dancing, you know, because she does like reach her arm out and then like, he takes the arm and... Ah. Yeah.

And he's like, maybe it does give you some sort of strange octopus level of joy. Like, no, you are now her defender. She realizes this is a mutually beneficial relationship. You can defend her and she can give you, she's like, I don't know what I can give you, but you're defending me now. Okay, you're part of this now.

She's giving you a film and you're giving her defense. Yes. So she reaches out and she sits on his hand and then she moves to his other hand and then she goes to the surface again with him and he's like, there's no great feeling feeling on us and then she goes on his chest. It was that was that to me was remarkable when she was just on his chest like a pet. Yes, like a little dog.

Oh my god. Yeah, that was adorable. She rests for a while, they cuddle basically and then she swims away and then we see him later standing by a tree and he's like, all I could do all the time was think of her. In water and on land, it became a bit of a obsession. You just want to visit her every day, and you want to see what's going on. You couldn't wait to back in the water.

Honey, are you talking about me or the octopus again? Or the octopus and not your wife? How did I need silence woman God damn it? us again. Oh the octopus and not your wife. Okay, well, I made you dinner again if you want to have it. No, we do need another camera on the wife for when he's gone. Well, Craig's gone again. Oh, really? So, so Paige, what's going on with you and Craig? Well, he's been he's been focused on on someone else Oh really is it Diane down at the supermarket? No an octopus. Oh I don't know how to what to say about that So then he goes back and we get a close-up of her face and he's like what is she thinking?

Does she dream? And what about? Probably you saving her from sharks. I was like, I got the high life now. I got a bodyguard. So she's like excited. And now he's like reading scientific papers about octopuses. And he's like, I did some research.

She's a common octopus a common watch is like fuck you I am patty okay I am doing a show every night down here in the kelp forest you don't even see because you didn't come visit me at night okay don't tell me don't tell me that I'm common I'm so glad you felt defensive for patty too because I really did I was like that's rude this is spectacular octopus yeah like she's just a common lonely octopus looking for any man to give us some attention. Okay, she's not fantin. Okay, she is a superstar. Yeah. So two-thirds of her cognition is in her arms. Her entire body is thinking, feeling, exploring. She's got two

thousand suckers and using them independently. You can compare her intelligence to a dog or a cat. Thanks a lot. Or even a lower primate. That is like what part of me changing my entire body to look like five different shapes and like fitting in the colors for any texture says I'm a lower primate bitch okay. Show me a dog turn into a rock and a dress. Last time I checked no cat rolled itself up in shells and pulled a bunch of fish. Yeah Craig is very elitist you know and that's why I think he wears remeless glasses and goes down into the ocean he's like look at look at all of you, can't even speak. Yeah, he's like, he's painting himself out to be like this amazing friend, but he's actually so dismissive.

It's calling you a common octopus, like belittling her intelligence, and then going back home and being like, oh, I'm friends with an octopus. The octopus is like, you have not even asked me how I'm doing. You just take pictures of me. Yeah, you're objectifying me. You're octopus, you're octopus Lee objectifying me. Yeah, so he goes, so he keeps talking about her and he's like,

Mollus shouldn't be this intelligent. You're sounding gross, Greg. Like, you're really sounding like a real real. Yeah, I mean, you your other one who's like swimming in this violent water. Who's the intelligent one here, really? Yeah. He's like, well, you go into a place under study

and on a weekly basis, you can find something to do to science. And so we see more of him swimming around. And then it's day 104, and it's the whale day. Yeah, which doesn't really mean that much. You just see some whale swimming and it's a full moon and he's decided that since octopuses are supposed to be nocturnal, he wants to see them at night. So he decides to do a night dive, which is even crazier than doing a day dive because

it's like a day dive, but you can't see anything except what's in your little flashlight. So he's swimming around. And it's a universal thing that the dark is fucking scary, right? Like it's scary to us as humans. We're like, oh my god, the dark! Like that's where every horror movie takes place. Like we get that that scary. It's also very scary in the ocean, okay?

That's when all the scary shit happens in the ocean, too. Yeah, exactly. Have we learned nothing from the little mermaid? Those eels, they really come out at night, I feel like. So he's just swimming around, he's like, it's a bit scary. I'm like, yeah, no shit, Sherlock. And you hear the whales, they're like, there's like, ooooooo in the background, you know?

And so he's like, he goes and she's not on the Dan, of course, because this is like, this one's, it's time to, this one patty eats, you know? Like, I don't want to be don't Don't show me eating don't show me eating. I'm waiting till nighttime no one can see me eating One meal a day that's right boys. I'll keep this body forever And she's basically he finally finds her and she's basically what you would imagine patty lepon doing to her staff you know you no Yeah, okay, come here. Come here. Okay. I've had enough of you. All right bring me that bring me that glass

All right, all right now. What's that memo? She's like jabbing with all her tentacles up I asked for a coffee not for a toffee Like patty your emunciation got to get better So she's just like catching fish. That's what she's up to yeah, she's hunting hunting and caught the neon jellyfish. Everything is so cool. It looks like it's made up. You know, it looks like a movie. I mean, it is a movie, but it looks like a fake movie. And so hyper alert because there's the sharks. Don't, don't, don't. And he's worried because she's not in the den. And I was going back to shore, but then something made me veer slightly to the left to the left. That's always to the left.

To the left to the left. Right in the shallow water. Can't see what she's doing, but... Lightning fast-struck, she's in her arm like this strange weapon. I was like, it's an octopus arm. It is a strange weapon. She's literally catching fast. She's eating.

Yeah. And she's like rolling her arm up in a fraction of a She's literally catching fish. She's eating like yeah and she's like rolling her arm up in a fraction a second and then catching them. It's so cool and he's like, I've never seen this in the day. It's different. The shocks. It's different for the shocks. It's more dangerous now because the dark I guess the sharks are afraid of the dark or something. Is that what it is? I wasn't totally sure I wasn't I wasn't sure what was going on But I guess it just was safer for her at night Because I don't know stupid dark so I'll be pretty performs only at night Okay, like she's not a mad nay person except for Mondays

We're dark on Mondays So then we cut back to Craig and he's sitting at his table and he's just staring off and he's like The first instinct is to sketch ox away But that's interfering with the process of the forest. I'm like you've already interfered Okay, because you're not a member there and you've already made her feel like she can like hang out with you during the day because she has a protector So you've already interfered so don't talk about interfering because you already done it And you've already got your old spice smell all over her. She's probably the strongest smelling thing in the ocean.

You know, and I don't want to blame him because he seems so nice, but I just don't get, I don't get what he's saying. Like yes, it's bad to interfere with things in the forest, but like if you see someone pull out again in a 7-11, you know, you want to interfere with like the nature of what's happening in the 7-11? Like protecting the inner self.

You're already patty-do. Yeah, exactly. You're already anthropomorphizing this octopus. So Maz will just like see it through, right? Yeah. So he's like, she was out of the den, near the edge of the forest, doing some press on the today's show. And that's when I saw the shark. And so here comes Jill Zaron, like, ah, I see. So she comes, Jill Zaron comes swimming through.

And so Patty goes to hide, you know? And Patty, not Patty's strongest moment. Patty has really been like on point with everything she's done, all documentary, but this is bad. She just basically is like, oh, I'm just gonna like, sit in this crack where no one will ever be able to find me, but it's like the perfect crack for, you know, pajamas shark, you know? Well, those sharks are so stupid. Like, you just assumed that they're always gonna be stupid, but even stupid people look out sometimes, you know? Look at that guy from Malkop. Oh god. So she hides in a leaf, like she wraps herself

in a leaf, and he's like, oh, I thought she's safe right onto the rock, but now there are two and now there's these fucking I hate these sharks. I hate them. They're terrible. Hate them so much. And then one of them, she's in the crack, but I guess not all the way in. So one of them clamps down on one of her arms and it starts rolling around like a dog with a toy, which is really an option. It's like a death roll. Yeah, it's a death roll, but it's like trying to be cute when you're killing my friend. It's not trying to be cute. It's trying to be, it's just doing that thing because I think that's what, isn't that what like alligators do too, is not like how alligators really get you, is they roll on you.

Well, they roll on you to crush you. This thing I guess is. No, I thought by doing that, it sort of like stuns its prey, the spinning. Like, you know, whatever it is, it's like when an animal starts spinning like that, it's bad news. Yeah.

So they're like, he's rolling around all over the ground, turning over and over, and I could clearly see a severed arm in its mouth. And I was so grossed out because it looked like calamari. I know, I was like, I felt bad because for a moment, I was like, ooh, that looks like kind of delicious. I was like, oh, you're a monster. I do love, I do love, I honestly,

I do love a grilled octopus. It's like, if you go to a Greek restaurant and you get some grilled octopus, it is like so divine. So I kind of felt bad because that's what it looked like. And I was like, ooh, and then I was like, no, no, no, that's patty's arm No, we know stupid. Just there and get out of there. Yeah, I was having such like V vegan vegetarian Flexitary, I was having like a crisis the whole time, you know

So he chumps the shark chumps down on it and he's like and then you have that terrible feeling in your stomach And I'm like finally at least we're on the same page now. I do have that terrible feeling in your stomach. And I'm like, finally, at least we're on the same page now. I do have that terrible feeling in my stomach. Yeah. So now Patty's like, okay, but now she's like weak. And so now she's just like, she's like, ugh, and she's like, thanks a lot for the help. I mean, I befriended you for a reason. You just stood there and watched,

while this fucking shark ripped my arm off. And I'm just, I'm just supposed to sit here and we're supposed to be cool. No thanks, I'm going to my den. And not only watch, but watch with a fucking camera. You know, it's like all the crimes we see committed, like you see Twitter videos, you know, like why was nobody helping, you know?

Like how are you all sitting there with your cell phones out watching this terrible shit happen? And she's probably thinking the same thing about him, like you're filming me now, Frank. And then he's like I wanted to help her back to the den, but I didn't need to. Like, well, oh, oh, little too little too late, okay, Greg. If you wanted to help, you should have helped with the shark.

Yeah, sorry, I let your arm get eaten off. Can I give you a ride home? Like no, Greg. Oh my God. I mean, it's like, I didn't know what would happen to her with a finisher off that night. Well, it's a question you wouldn't have to would happen to her, would they finish her off that night? Well, it's a question you wouldn't have to ask if you just intervened in the first place

and shoot that turn away. Yeah, making that turn away. Yeah, seriously. So she closed the surprise under the rock and I'm crying again. I cried like 10 times in this movie. So I'm crying. I'm like, this poor thing.

I'm like, her friend betrayed her. And he comes up for breath. And he's like, he's so depressed so to in his you know to his credit He's depressed. He's like, I didn't know what was going to happen to her Was this going to make a weak and vulnerable and finish her off? I couldn't help but feeling Am I responsible for this? Yes. Yes. Yes. You are you are and then he's like I Thought like it's something that had happened to me. No, are all your limbs intact? It did not happen to you. And he's like, I started to think about my

own death, my own vulnerability, my child, what's his face? What's his name again? Who's his mother? Tiny little poople man, whatever he is. No, I hadn't been an overly sentimental reperson towards animals before, but she was teaching me to become sensitized to the other. And I thought that was really sweet. And I also thought it was funny that he's like, I'm going through my own dismembering as I walk to get myself a cup of coffee. Like, Craig. Also, you're not that sentimental because you let your friends get ripped off by a shark. So yeah, and also I was thinking about real estate. Like how much does that place cost because wow, I mean, this place was amazing. I mean, we the house looked beautiful.

Oh, I thought you were making a joke about the octopus, Dan. No, that's like the underground parking of an apartment. But this place, his house is gorgeous. And he's like, look at me so depressed. And he's looking out on this balcony that looks over the entire ocean. I mean, stunning. It is beautiful. But then I was like, but you can't plug in a TV because you live at the waterline. So is it worth having this beautiful of a place if you can't even watch TV seriously well, they probably don't believe in TV Okay, they're probably like they read books You know, they had to like drive into the city's Apple bees to watch this on Netflix. Yeah, so then

So he goes back to visit her the next day and he's all scared and she's alive and breathing but she's weak and she's dull and white She doesn't even have the energy to change colors So he's like I know I shouldn't interfere, but I must so, I got her an appetizer here, a muscle. I'm like, oh so now, it was cute, but I'm also like, oh so now it's okay to interfere. You're allowed to like, like, you're gonna serve her a muscle. Okay, looks delicious, where's the aole? Where's the aole?

Yeah, and he opens it for her. It was really cute. He's like, oh it's not feeling good. Let me open this muscle for you. But it's such a man thing to do, isn't it? It's like he cheats on you and then he brings you chocolates the next day. Like, oh, that fixes everything, Craig.

Yeah, the muscle fixes everything. I mean, while the muscles are like, what did I do to deserve this? I felt so bad when she was all dull and white. It was like in cocoon where they were all young and vibrant and then they turned old again and died. It was like those last shots, you know. Yeah. So I never saw cocoon, but I didn't recently read the plots. I did recently read the plot description on Wikipedia and that's really not a lie. It sounds like I'm making a joke, but I was like, I went

on a strange, I went on a strange journey about cocoun. Okay, so you have to watch. I want to see it. Cocoon, steel magnolias and the color purple. Oh my god, I'm just be crying all day. Well, Cocoon is more of a comedy. I mean, it's like, it's got some drama in it, but it's more of a comedy. But there's day, day, day.

You know, I'm very sentimental these days, even though I haven't cried yet in this movie. I, I, I, I get sentimental when I think about death, and it makes me like really tear up very bang. You're talking about wanting to eat an octopus while you're watching an octopus. Human death. So day 134 named after my favorite highway in Los Angeles and it's a week later and she's healed quite fast. And guess what? Patty's grown a miniature arm.

She has this little arm. Can't keep a good diva down. And you know that's happened in real life. But you know that like during anything goes like a toe fell off or something. And she's like, Don't worry, it'll be fixed by Tuesday. Literally anything goes. Anything grows.

Octopus patty the phone music. And then of course Craig has to make it all about himself. He goes, seeing her with her little nubby, technical, I realized that I too was getting past difficulties. In a strange way, Olofs were mirroring each other like Craig, you did not lose a limb. Okay, while your friend watched okay like your thing is that like you you said hi to your wife today for the first time in six months not the same it's like my relationship with people with humans were changing my son at this stage was fairly interested in

everything under the water so I put him down into the water, waited for his shock to bite one of his limbs off and said, there, now we both know how bad he feels. I like that he said his relationship with humans was changing and yet we really saw none of his relationship with humans except for his son swimming. I mean that was nice, his son swimming, but like, why don't you show us your wife or family? I mean, assuming he has a wife, oh my god, could you match? We're saying all this stuff and his wife has like passed away or something. You take it all back. I hope not.

Geez. Yeah, maybe that's why he was so depressed actually. Okay, what's his name? Let's look it up. Craig is a Craig Foster. Craig Foster. Australian retired soccer player. Octopus. Craig Foster Octopus. Craig Octopus.

Wife. We're doing like an emergency like, is he married? There's an actual article that says from the Sinmaholic. Craig Foster, he's married the pot. He's been a locksmith. Okay, where's he from? He's from South Africa, yes.

What does he do? Okay, yes, yes, yes. Where's his wife? I don't see it yet. Where's he now? His wife Swati Thiago Raja

Raja okay good. And he's oh he lives in a pristine hillside overlooking false Bay. Of course he lives in false Bay What's false Bay? I don't know, but that's where he lives They have it when I looked up her name. There's a little video and from far away It's a very small picture of her, but she has a Padma vibe, she's very beautiful. Smalla! Okay, now I have to look where Fall Spey is. Fall Spey. Oh yeah, there she is.

Fall Spey is a body of water in the Atlantic Ocean between the mountains. Oh, so this was the house that we saw, right? No, no, you're looking at the wrong Craig Foster, that's not, oh wait, no, Craig Foster, wife, Swati? Yeah, Swati, the God. Oh my God, she's gorgeous. See, Swati. Oh my god. She's gorgeous.

See, okay, so here's the thing with Craig. Now that we know he has a gorgeous wife, of course he's the guy who's like, good looking has a gorgeous wife, has a gorgeous house, has everything perfect, and he's like, but some things missing. It's like Craig, look around, you've got everything. Yeah, she's a famous author too.

Wow. Okay, I'm so glad she's a famous author too. Wow. Okay, I'm so great. She's alive so we can continue. Me too, you really scared me. It's like, I'm gonna have to record this. I can't go through the emotions again. Well, guess what?

Day 250. The octopus's confidence is back. She's back, baby. I'm limited engagement on Broadway. My name and the big lights, cause I'm back and I'm going for the Tony hmm finally 180 days later my almost regrow so violins are playing and he's like it's amazing to think this animal is capable of that we're standing that type of attack and fully recovering and I'm

so happy because I thought this was it for her. You know, I was like, this is over. I was already crying. I was ready to just be done with this whole thing. But she's back. She's got a second chance, baby. She's got a second wind and Craig is busy appropriating her pain. When I lost my limb during that shock attack, I didn't think there was another chapter for me. Like, no, it wasn't you, Craig. You did not lose the limb. to come up to for me. Like, no, it wasn't you, Craig, you did not lose the limb. So she goes back to normal and she's slinking on a rock. And he's like, it was a nice comb, clear day. This crab's chilling and she comes around the corner

and she sees a crab. And he's like, never saw. For more paint. It's pretty, pretty. I'm not. She's like, uh-uh, no, no, no, no. I'm the one here. I'm gonna win this. Yeah, and she's like the problem Uh, he says the problem when you're crap. Did we see that musical together War paint? No, you saw it. No, you just saw it by yourself and told me about it Oh, so good. I mean, I really but it was cool to see them

Um, he's like the problem when you're a crab. You're now being hunted by liquid animal But he's like the problem when you're a crab. You're now being hunted by a liquid animal. She could pull herself through a tiny crack. I know the feeling of being hunted by a liquid animal. I'm like, no, you don't want. You don't know the feeling. And Craig, can you just, okay, just grab the crab and give it to her. Like, this is, this is spending so much energy. So this crab crab this crab thinks it's got it all figured out. I kind of felt bad for this crab mainly because it was about to die, but also like I know sometimes I mean I find crabs to be hilarious because they're like basically the

Bethany Frankles of the sea right? Like what's the matter? What's happening? What's going on? Just hanging out here. Okay, you know what you got to do? Okay, just get away from me. Okay, you're a liquid animal. Okay, how about you eat other liquid? Okay, because I'm a crab. Okay, let me just okay, I'm just gonna jump off this ledge, okay? I can't, I literally, I can't. Okay. And the crab, now I was wondering, why am I feeling for the octopus,

and now I'm never gonna eat octopus again, but I'm not feeling for the crab, is it because I think the crab is dumber than the octopus? And so, the crab is crabby. I guess, but the crab, it's kind of a cute scene, even though you know it's going to end in death. And I was like, this is sick that I'm thinking this is cute.

But anyway, the crab knows that she's coming for it, right? She can't really see it because it's so good at hiding itself and turning into rocks. I mean, the whole time it's changing into different things. It's so cool. Terrifying for the crab. I know, but the crab just knows that it's there. It senses it, right? So it starts hiding and then it, you know know it waits and then it hides and then it just waits and then it hides under like the C version of Mrs.

Roper Stanley is there crab under me Yeah, hey, sadly, I finally got crabs Gras like Mrs. Roper making old gross sex jokes It's this big red sea enemy is it enemy enemy and I say it enemy whatever it is I don't know I wrote poison poisonous enemy, but I was like wow Why would they name that thing an enemy? It's like the most gorgeous pink, you know, frilly grass from the like Mumu Yeah, it is no, but it's spelled I think a and E M O and I think it's an M and E and

It's you know it's like clownfish hang out in them like hmm. I want to get me you'll have to deal with Mrs Rope at first hmm, so the crab is like under it and then so patty's like fine. I'll wait. I can always wait Okay, this show is not starting without me. So she just waits in the crab. This is where the crab is not very Bethany because Bethany would never fall for this shit. Maybe now the crab is smarter for sure. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's not Bethany. It just has a Bethany vibe, but maybe it's, I don't know what would be a more

accurate Bravo star for this, for this crab. Maybe Kristen from like a Rukal. It's kind of a Rical. I guess Really fish. I'm gonna hide in a dress. It's like you're wearing a dress No, the crap is Lindsey from summer house. You do not want to see me activate it I'm gonna pinch you. Oh my god, and then like hides and it's like I'm literally in a like a new hiding space And this is awesome But then someone tells her that there's a cocktail special at like Hampton social or whatever it was. Oh my god. I gotta leave this in the room. I gotta find the

special I'm not hiding the shout at your body So it thinks everything's okay. Here's a event at Hampton social and comes out and dumbass. I mean, god, dumb, dumb. So the close, you see the close up of the arm and it starts to kind of envelop the crab and you should be yelling, run, crab, run, but I'm like, I can still like crabs or idiots.

Yeah. Paddy's like, give me that and she's like, try to scrap it. And so then this crab just is like, then the crab just like skitters away somehow. And then it just like, creens off of like a sea cliff. And then it's just like floating. And just like, it's a full on like Lindsey like,

do not activate me straight to the other end. Yeah, and just like floating through the water. Yeah, dropping like a slow motion die hard. It's like, that's it. I'm going off this building. And then it just like drops where you're like, it's the water. You had dropping like a slow motion die heart. It's like, that's it. I'm going off this building. And then it just like drops with your like, it's the water. How fast can you drop your crab?

And also crab are there. It's not fair what God did to crabs. I feel like God was like, ha ha, you're gonna get eaten. I'll give you a shell, but you're never, you're never gonna walk straight. Yeah.

For one thing, you can only see sides aside. Yeah, and like everyone can get through your shell too, by the way, your shells are just like a fake defense because like everyone gets through crab shells. Like every animal has figured out a way to get through crab shells. Don't worry, your shell's gonna be super hard

unless it's wet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Haha. Enjoy looking delicious too, by the way. Oh gosh. So yeah, so it drops and then we see it close up on the crab's eye like, oh fuck, Mark B. And then the octopus jumps on top of it and spreads out and just like envelops it, you know, and then takes it back to the rock. And then Craig being so like, Judgy to his friend is like, well, she's not a very clean eater.

You know, like, just let her eat her food, okay? So then, so she of course, she does have like food everywhere. And like this crap is like everywhere. So then all these like, creepy ass, I think they were called brittle stars. They approach have no where there.

Like they look, those look like aliens. They're like these little black squares, but they have like those four arms. They just like, it seems like they don't have eyes or mouth. Whatever they are, they come out of nowhere. And they just are fish. They're like starfish in the movie Alien. You know?

They look, they're black, they're terrifying. And she just tips one over. Like she flings one over on his back. Yeah, it really does look like a starfish, but they're just like the creepiest scariest version of starfish Yeah, they were terrible. I hated them. They just kept coming and I was like, please stop and She's just like, you know, she's like get out get out this dress room is for friends and family only get out Get out especially if you're Glenn fucking close So she says she's gonna have this problem of brittle stars taking all of her food and not that long in the future She thought there's brittle stars coming after her and then I realized she has this talent of picking them up with her suckers and throwing

them out of the den. Now she's the boss. But also like she literally has eight arms, like what did he expect her to do? Like she does like literally the simplest thing. She takes an arm and bats them away, of course. They're like, they basically are like, they basically like Oreos, Oreos with legs. Like they're not gonna have a huge amount of defense. But it is for me how she does it. Like she suckers one, she suckers one, but just like one sucker and just flips it on its back and it's like, hey wait a minute, god damn it.

And now where are the sharks, why don't the sharks eat the brittle stars? Cause like something should eat them. I don't want them around. I don't know, they really show you in this that there is like the order, you know the order of the food chain and how everything has something to eat. Yeah. It's so terrible. I would hate to be like, like, and I don't want to be

in the food chain like that, you know, like to think that like your entire life is basically like, like, am I going to be eaten by something else today? Like, that's a terrible way to live. Yeah. Well, I guess, I think humans are probably going to end up getting eaten one day. Like aliens are going to come down and be like, oh, wharty looks delicious. He's been seasoned with cheese tomato sauce and carbs for 40 years. Get him! Pretty much.

So, so now patty decides. Now that she's like all cocky because she got a crab, now she wants to go for a lobster. And she's like, notquy because she got a crab now she wants to go for a lobster and She's like not very good catching lobsters. She keeps on trying to do crab techniques on lobsters But you know there's a two different kind of you know beasts and so she keeps on like whiffing She keeps on like sure I try to try to do like almost like a big like surprise. I'm hugging you But like the lobster is like I'm out of here like every single time Yeah, she like tries to do the embrace thing

Yeah, where she's like sneaking up but the lobster and lobsters aren't that bright either like they swim backwards I never knew that Did you? Well, I read I recently read a book called the secret life of lobster So I actually know way more about lobsters than I ever thought I would like did you know that they pee out of their eyeballs? How about that? Oh Like Michael from real house less of Potomac Yeah, they know they do like if they do like shoot backwards like that

There was and I used to know like if you asked me about two months ago I could give you every single fact about a lobster, but now I now they've already started to fade It's like there is like an enemy's coming and they're pressing reverse, you know And you just those movies where they're going down the freeway all in reverse speeding away. Also, there's not the cutest animals, which I don't know if that makes you feel better in that. Well, that lobster was like, that was a like a spiny lobster, so it didn't have the big claws. When you have the big claws, they become a lot cuter. Oh, okay. You know, when it's just like body and tail, it's kind of, they look a little ridiculous.

So then he starts noticing all the animals that she's capturing. And he's like, well, how is she killing them and eating them, you know, because like, let's face it, she's not the most graceful. Like, she's got her arms out. So then he says that at the base of all of her arms there's a drill and it can drill through the shell and it drops poison into the shells To see how they react so she has to test different ways to get into that shell and find just the right spot to drop the poison into Because it'll only relax if it's right in the apex of the shell and he's like the geometry that she does To drill the precise spot to get her food. It's like the geometry that she does to drill the precise spot to get her food.

It's very high level. But still pretty much a lower primate. Let's, let's, let's, let's not cross that line, right? And then we see she will never have the right to vote, much I can tell you. But great geometry. Great. Great. Yeah, and he's like, she's teaching me so much.

And we just see him with the shells. He's like learning about shells. He's like, oh, there's a hole in that shell. Okay, I've learned Like we could be there could do the same thing Then we also see bad ass though like I never I mean of course. I don't know that much So I'm impressed by everything, but I was like oh, I guess you do see those shells at the ocean that have a little hole drilled in there Yeah, it's like how did that happen who drilled a hole in it? Well, was that hole from the drill or is that was that happen? Who drilled a hole in it? Well, was that hole from the drill or was that was that hole? She drilled that hole, right? She drilled it. Yeah, she drills it and then she

drops poisoning and then the animal opens up and comes out of the shell so she can eat it. Right. Yeah, exactly. Also, I like that we saw there was like a cutaway shot to it. Look like a sea slug that was wearing a Yamaka and how it's like, I love that my people are being represented in the kelp forests. It's like a sea slug with a Yamaka, literally a slug with a Yamaka. So on his board, he's like, now I know how the Helmetshow that's connected to the octopus, and I know how all these lines and dots are connecting

with all the animals of the ocean, and then we see some more amazing footage with the unsung hero of this film, The Jellyfish. I mean, wow. Jellyfish is not getting any credit. Jellyfish are just floating around, looking beautiful, and they are. They are.

They're stunningly gorgeous. Okay, so like the forest mind, I could feel it, that big creature. It was a thousand times more awake and intelligent, this giant underwater brain, developing for millions of years, keeping everything in balance, and everything was perfect in the forest. And then horror music, of course. It's a charm. Ah!

Ah! By the way, everything was in Balancedville, you showed up, Craig. Let's not forget, you were the one who was the outsider here with your camera. Yeah, balance, tipper. So here comes the sharks, okay. So scary-ass sharks, I don't like it. The shark looks bigger than it ever has. It's just so big. And so now there's like this really harrowing shark sequence that really stressed me out

the entire time. I'm not going to I was very stressoring all this it was really really stressful because you kind of know it's coming right and he's looks just so sad I mean he's about to jump off the Rocky lives on yeah so depressed and he's linking back to here as a whole time so he swims down and there's horn music and he's like, I have this burnt in my memory of the shock just suddenly approaching. She kept still and tried to hide, and he just saw the shock swimming on the periphery picking up a scent. And I thought, oh no, this nightmare is happening all over again. And then like a chase begins. So now it's like the shark is chasing,

octopus and everything. And then like she's like, she just like, find some kelp and she's like latches onto it and she's like, I'm getting back into my fur because she like whenever she gets finds like a leaf, she just gets so glamorous and she rolls herself up and she hides and the shark is like, she's like looking out from the kelp,

like, is he there? Is he there? Are the critics he has still? So the shark is like, she's like looking out from the kelp, like, is he there? Is he there? Are the critics he is still? So the shark is like swimming around, smelling her and like biting off pieces of kelp really aggressively. And I was like, that's not cool. That was like, can you just like eat a little more politely

like with your violent bites of kelp? No reason not to have manners. Yeah, seriously. So it's dumb, you know? And it's only going off smell so yes, it's snapping at all the kelp. And this guy also, again, has balls of steel following this, because it's like he's right there the whole time. I mean, he gets such amazing footage.

And he holds his breath for such a long time. I know, but I'm also like, she's probably like, yo, could you like get away from me? I'm trying to hide like this camera right here. Like this is pretty much tipping off the shark where I am. Could you just like go get out of my tent? Yeah, true. But she also hides and so it's like there's so many rocks girl

and you're hiding like it's like patty the, okay patty. Someone's coming and she's like, all right, I'll be a show girl. They're like, well, that's not helping. All right, I'll be a tattooing show girl. How about No go to your skit go to no go to your panic room. All right Give me a fair and a bow on a top hat. We're gonna do this the proper way. No, just get to your panic room She's doing like Buzz be Berkeley down there So she shoots she finally the shark is gonna get her right because she's in this fabulous outfit

So she shoots out of the outfit and blows ink out and then she is running so hard She's like fuck it. I'm going to where the guy came from so she climbs out of the water onto a rock And he follows her right up onto the rock and He's like I'm amazed. I almost can't believe my eyes, but then the problem is of course She's got to go back. And so her nose. Oh, God. This is heart-wrenching. So she jumps back in. And the shark picks up her scent again. And then another crazy chase is on. She runs like hell. And then she sinks back into her to a rock. And the shark keeps coming in, coming

out her and coming out her. Yeah. And at this point, again, I'm like, Craig, at what point are you like, you've already... Like, you gotta step in here, Craig. I mean, you already gave her a muscle, so you've already crossed a line, so it's fine. Just get rid of that shark, because this is your friend here, and this is going on way too long. It's over. Enough, enough. Yeah, it's too much, dude. So then... Um, he's like... And then, oh, so then she goes, oh, go ahead, what do you think? No, I'm just laughing because I know where this is heading. And

basically, she, she finds a bunch of shells. She has like a moment of freedom. So she finds a bunch of shells and she wraps herself up in the shells just like before. And Craig has like the most obvious realization and he's like and that's when I realized When she's surrounded herself with shells she was doing it to protect herself I'm like, yeah, do you know what shells are for? They're not only for accessories. I know, but she does it so fabulously It's so cool because she's got like thousands of suckers on her and she just grabs individual shells from all over and puts together this Amazing out. I mean she's amazing gorgeous. It's like Molly Ringwald and pretty in pink how she shows her own prom dress

You know, it's like oh my god. She's so talented. I love the pockets. I love the silhouette. I love it The only thing I don't like about this outfit is the death. So she is like crazy little piece of art. You know, this like beautiful shell ball, the shell bowling ball. And the shark doesn't notice her at first, but then obviously he smells probably the old spice covering her and it grabs her and then I'm losing my fucking mind at this point. It is like, so patty is a ball of shells and the octopus has her in his mouth and it's just like shaking, shaking, shaking, shaking, just trying to like get her to relent and this shark is a winner for a can and then of course Craig's like but I have to breathe

So he goes up and he takes a breath and then when he comes back down again Patty has done the most patty lipone thing of all time which is For some reason somehow we will never know how she is now on top of the shark just riding it like a horse Still all in her shell she's fucking amazing this chick, okay? I guess she reached up somehow and stuck herself onto his back and pulled herself up there and confused the hell out of him because he can't move to catch her back there. And so it's like this beautiful little jeweled cell bowling ball riding a shark. It's like this weird thing of like, wait what? There's an octopus riding a shark and she's just like here I am boys

I told you anything goes My god and then so the shark is like yeah, just This is when Jill's Aaron gets fired off the housewives. She's like, what, what, what, what? Sorry, Jill Zaryn, the audience just thought you were too negative this time. Sorry, you're a shark, and then you end up with an octopus on your back. It just doesn't work with your brand. We're going to have to demote you.

So she's swimming, and the shark doesn't know how to get her and he goes, the shark had just been completely outwitted. And then the shark just went so dumbly. I mean, it's like so dumb. They just walked the coldly coolkin again. You know, it's like they had him cornered and they firebonded the wrong house. So I hope that this shark was actually just like

banished from that weird shark sex cave because like they probably were all watching like are seriously like this really like this like do you see yourself you have the art it's on your back it's on your back you are ashamed all of a sharks and you were banished go out to find another kelp forest. Well maybe that's why they were biting them in the beginning you know because all of the stuff starts to circle back and in the Beginning we saw the sharks fighting with each other and maybe they were just like you idiot And that's been his arc the entire time like I would you get a job

We told you get a job earn your own money and like make like make a decent name for yourself What are you doing? You're writing on the octopus on your back? So she finally gets off of him because he's so dumb. Like she sees a rock and pushes herself off of him and slinks into this rock. And Craig is just so impressed. Everyone's impressed. I'm like cheering in my house and then they do a close up on her face. And it's so awesome. Like she's just

peeking out from this rock and she squints her eyes like yes. Fucked with the wrong octopus. Yeah not only did I win but I humiliated you, you stupid shark. That was on film more than you'll always have to live with that. I don't know what's going to happen with me going forward, but you will always have to live with that. So, he starts saying that he's suspect that he was around about 80% of her life, which you know, you now know, like, uh-oh, things are wrapping up here.

And then we have this, it's like, there's, there's a school of fish that have come by, and there's all these fish on the bar. And Patty just has all her arms up, and she's just like slapping the fish like, hello, hello, oh, I love when all my fans come to see me. Hello, who wants an autograph? I'm very approachable, despite what the articles say about me. Look at me, I'm having hair, so here's my arm, here's an arm, here's an arm. I'm not getting in that limo until everybody has a signature on the ticket. House of the play bill, honey.

Yeah, she's signing all these on. And the fish are kind of, it looks like the fish are playing with her because they keep coming over in their school and then like sitting right above her and then she snatches it all of them and then they run, but then they come right back. And then she chases. I think the fish are done. I think the fish have just had no idea what's going on. They're like, oh shit, we gotta get out of here. Wait a second. What if we go back there though? She's like, oh the dumb fish are back. I love playing these idiots. We were getting swatted at but now we're not getting swatted at maybe if we go back to the place that we got swatted at we won't get swatted at me more. Maybe next time we won't get

swatted at. Get out of here patty. Get out of here lies and this is my though. This is my cat far as well room for one diva in this place. Swat, swat, swat. So I thought she was playing with it. It looks totally like a pet like animals playing to get. Well, I mean, you know, it looks like dogs playing with whatever fish. I can't make a comparison really. He's like, well, I was like, hold on. When she hunts, she's strategic and focused. This behavior doesn't feel predatory. She's playing with them. Yeah. And she's like this anti-social animal playing with fish. And then when she's done playing, she sees Craig and she like swims up to him and then

cuddles up on his body. And it's like just so cute. She's like my friend who doesn't save me around Charax but still like I'm just come to accept that about him and you can't change people. and I've accepted him for who he is and I really like him. He's a terrible protector but he's got soft skin so I'm going to cuddle on him. So then you cuddle and then he goes and that was the last time we had physical contact. I was like no. I know and then he's about to cry and And then day three, 24 storms are coming. And the

waters are all, you know, rough and they're sentiment everywhere, air sediment everywhere. And he goes down and horror movie. Boom. There's another big octopus right next to her. Twenty three. Twenty three. It's very rare to see two octopus close together My god, what the hell did this guy come from what's going on? I hate to break it to crack but certain things happen when when a When a man octopus and a lady octopus have feelings for each other

Yeah, I'm a octopus. There's such man Man octopus and a lady octopus have feelings for each other. Yeah, octopus is such a man. You know, it's like I'm gonna, I'm gonna come here lay and get out of here. Have fun raising off five million children. I know. He lays next to her and he's like, all right, they're boning, I guess.

And one of them has their octopus arm sticking straight up, which was hilarious, like a boner. And I don't know if it was like touching the camera or what it was, but... Did you notice that? I did. At that point, I was like, now Craig knows what it's like to be gay man, okay? Because when your straight friends have babies and you never see them again, okay? That's what you just got to experience. Congratulations. The last time she had dinner with me. The last time we had a baby.

The last time we had a baby. Then she got a baby. This is what it is, people. I'm just breaking the news to you. You may not like it, but this is the truth. While this stage, I mean, quite well, the stages of an octopus's life. So while I was excited to see the meeting, meeting I mean who wouldn't be Bonetown?

There was a dread in the bottom of my stomach. She wasn't coming out of that den. There was no more feeding, no more game night, no more films at the ArcLite. How did I have a question though? Where did how did Tony Shalube find her? Because like it seemed like she was the only octopus in town He must have just been like it must be something like when the guy is ready to do it He just starts like trolling you know help forest or something

You know it was those idiot gossipy fish that were like what when you slide get off street slide Huh look at the lady slab walking down the street like a lady. It's lady slapping at us Yeah, they're like, hey octopus, dad, you looking for that slut? She's probably in that rock over there. Looking like a bowling ball or something. Slut. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Stupid slut, hang out with humans. Why don't you show what a real octopus is like? Yeah, they were like the busy body townspeople. They're like bandanas and they're hair. Choon gum. Yeah. Yeah, about that slut down by the corner cat bar She's hanging up. They came in yeah, my own she's show

Why'd you be a real octopus and show what a real octopus does? How about that, huh? Yeah, hi to your husband's ladies It's like so off. Yeah, all of them so he's like I just keep going back every day to check and she's Oxygenating her eggs with her cypher form. She's slowing her death and timing her death for the hatching of those eggs and it's struck home so hard of me. Here's an invertebrate, a molisk, sacrificing her life for young. Reminds me so much of myself. Like how I almost sacrificed my life, really only for myself, actually.

Yeah, it was for myself. It was just for myself. Yeah, it was for myself. It was just for myself. I have an entire family and I could have died many, many times out here just for the sake of an octopus and love them in the lurch, but it did remind me of me in some sort of way. So then the eggs hatch and there are these tiny invisible like their see-through little tiny things and then go into the water column and she's not eating She's not eating it all by the way, right? She's like Jessica Tady end of cocoon like totally full on

And so they they all had she's spent all her energy doing this again like mark where's your muscle now like maybe she wants to eat Something because like she can't afford to leave because it'd be vulnerable. So she just has children and not feed and not hunt. And it's like, bring her a muscle. Maybe she wants to be there for her kids. Okay. No, it's time to die. It's just how it works out. So she's starting to die basically. And then of course, the asshole towns people come out and start gaining her. Yeah, because she sort of like, she sort of like tumbles out of the den She's so weak. She'd like the water. I think just sort of like washes her out of the den So now she's just like out there on the sidewalk like in her bathrobe

Yeah, hey, I used to be a broadway, you know, yeah, she's all white and she's dying. It's so sad So of course I'm crying, you know, I'm crying get this part and then these fucking starfish things He's get away from her give her some privacy Monsters they just start pulling on her leg just ripping her apart eating her alive really fucking really I can't stand them I think the worst of people like why do you want to live in the middle of nowhere? Don't you want to live in a community? No, this is why this is what they do to you You know they see you out there at your worst and what do they do? They fucking eat you. Yeah, they fucking eat you stupid brittle stars. And then of course, I'm surprised it took this

long. This shows how stupid those pajama sharks are because she's just laying out there vulnerable for like two days. And then finally, the shark just comes and is like, all right, I'm taking this and just comes and eats her. I was actually almost happy at that point because I was like, can we put her out of her misery? She's fucking brittle stars and there's random ass, like dynamat all fish. Just like get her out of there.

So the Jules Aaron just comes in one soup, just takes it in her mouth and just goes, I don't know why I took two days for that shark to find literally free food, like a big ol' piece of food. It's the dumbest shark ever. I'm gonna take it home. It was like, I finally did it why I took two days for that shark to find literally free food like a big ol piece of Shark ever at home. It was like I finally did it and a congrats Theodore you got a dead one. Yeah, you found your hat. Congratulations. Yeah God it was It was sad and the Craig starts to choke up and this is when I started I started to choke up now I was like damn it. I can't believe I'm joking up, but he's like looking out and he's like

He's like sometimes I float above her then I miss her. I was like, oh, I miss her too. Oh my God. And it's like, I mean, in some way it was a relief because the intensity of going every day, tracking her, trying to capture footage, it was tough and away. I just, I slept, I dreamt this animal.

The other night I was in a deep sleep and I woke myself up because apparently I was singing His wife is like yeah, was that tough for you? Going to check that octopus every day. Yeah, you know what I was doing everything in the house right when you while you were gone every single thing Yeah, that was tough for me, too Everything in the house, right, while you were gone, every single thing. Yeah, that was tough for me too. Oh.

So, yeah, this was so sad. But then we see two sets of feet now, walking along the beach and he's with his son. And his son is now older, his son has grown up a lot. Yeah, like a lot. He's just like a year. Yeah, he's teaching his son how to do it. And his son is like very natural in the freezing ass water And I'm sure the mother loves that too like I'm taking my I'm taking all of a sudden to freezing water

Kish your mother might be the last time He is developing a gentleness from nature because nature is so gentle like when that shock Destraud patty. Yeah, don't worry if he doesn't make it. I'll I'll ask the brittle fish to eat him patty. Yeah, don't worry if he doesn't make it I'll ask the brittle fish to eat him. So then the sun finds like this tiny little octopus, a little baby octopus, and he's starting to imagine that it might be one of her young because it's like rather the size that it should be and it's in the area. I mean I'm fully convinced it's patty's daughter. Yeah, it's like a little baby patty. A little baby patty, And, you know, it's like exciting. And now there's just like swimming

and there's like seals, there's like seals hanging around, you know, which is fun. There's like a seawater, I think, at one point. That's so cute. And then we see all the babies of the forest because I guess they're showing us the circle of life or the cycle of life that, you know, things go, they leave these really violent, scary lives where they're always protecting themselves from

each other, basically. But then they're always being constantly being reborn, you know. And so they show like a little baby otter and even a little baby shark we get to see born. There's like a cuddle fish. There was like, he was like, he was like chilling with a cuddle fish, which is like, not the same as an octopus for sure, but I guess it's like, okay. It's like, what's that? Was that the one that's half fish and half octopus

where it has this like fingery? That was a fun one. I'm like, that one. It's like, okay, like I appreciate you cuddle fish, but you're like, you're not quite a squid, you're not quite an octopus, you're not the same. I just like, itattlefish, but you're like, you're not quite a squid, you're not quite an octopus, you're not the same, I just, like, it's just, I'm sorry, I don't wanna get to see you.

I was like, who makes, they probably all make fun of the Cattlefish, because it's such a dumb looking little thing, but he's being nice to it. And then it's really cute because he's actually friends with the fish, like the fish come up to him and then he's holding one in his hands and the water and petting it. Yeah, it was so cute.

And I can agree to fish again now. And then yeah, and then like we see a flashback of Patty, like touching him on his mask, which is so sweet, Patty, you know, she's so inquisitive. And he realizes that like, you know, that you're a part of this space, you're not a visitor, you're a part of this space. You're not a visitor. You're a part of this space. I am Amphabias. And he is now like actually developed a group of people who dive with him and like checking on the kelp forest and you know like yeah they all go on a group and into the wild. And the one of the last shots is a shot of patty when she's like had a long day of play with her friend

And she's back in her little nest and it does a close up on her eyes like squinting happily and then closing like a little doggy taking an app I mean, yeah, this was the best fucking thing I've ever seen Love this I was crying. I'm gonna watch it probably a million times. I think we should make it a musical. It was just weird. Well, it was great and this bonus is actually longer than the movie itself. Yeah. But there was a lot to take in and a lot to discuss. This was really, it turns out that we can do, it was actually really not that hard to recap. This is a nature talking matter. It's actually pretty easy. I mean, this fucking beautiful to watch. It was really great to talk about. It was actually really not that hard to recap. This isn't nature talking about it. It's actually pretty easy. This fucking beautiful to watch. It was really great to talk about.

It was longer than the film. I guess that's normal for us, but thank you for being a part of this two-parter everybody. Thanks for listening to us, and we will be back next week with God knows what else, but it better not involve something adorable dying, because I'm not gonna make it for much longer if we have to do that. I'm seriously, seriously. Thanks everyone, if we have to do that. Seriously, seriously.

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