Watch What Crappens - Netflix's Holidate Part Three With 90 Day Gays

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

**This episode also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo** Matt and Jake from the 90 Day Gays Podcast are back for part three of our crossover Holidate three part ...recap. We hope you have as much fun listening as we had recording. You can catch the video versions over on Crappens on Demand. Find Matt and Jake at https://www.sissythattalk.com @90daygays @themattmarr @jakeitorfakeitOur Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, but people are going to be happy. Kids, what happens, what happens so much that happens? Well, hello everybody. Here we are, part three of our holiday three part recap of Stravaganza with the 90-day Gays.
Starting point is 00:00:57 Hope you guys have enjoyed this as much as we made making it. Did this need to be three hours? Probably not, but we had a damn good time. Thanks for being here. Enjoy the final part. Go find 90 digares wherever you listen to podcasts. And as usual, you know what, a fine desk you're here. OK?
Starting point is 00:01:12 But if you want the videos of this, go to patreon.com slash watch what crap ends, sign up for the crap ends on demand level. And you'll get all our videos, including these three. Love you guys. Talk to you next time. So speaking of people who can't speak English, Luke walks in with his girlfriend and Luke is also fine. Like, it's all the guy that she has in her life or fine. And they have this like really annoying, like of course, a girlfriend's supposed to
Starting point is 00:01:42 be terrible because she's supposed to hate her even though I don't know why we should hate her. But she's like, oh Luke, taste this cake pop and they have this like really annoying, like of course the girlfriend's supposed to be terrible because we're supposed to hate her even though I don't know why we should hate her but she's like oh Luke taste this cake pop and they have like this really annoying like sound effect like Whatever he's like like sit. I'm like is gross They actually give her the accessory of a fucking lolly pop They give it to her like she was like a teenage low-lita like, look at that. Look at me. I'm sexy. The fact that she actually does have a funny line because Sloan has like a basketball of chocolates.
Starting point is 00:02:15 And she's like, she asks her like, oh, where are the, like that, where's like the dark chocolate and Sloan's like, oh, I don't work, or she's, oh, I thought you were stocking the shelves. So. She was pretty funny. She also has another like, oh, I don't work here. She's, oh, I thought you were stocking the shelves. So, she was, what's pretty funny? She also has another really, this, she had to do some heavy lifting,
Starting point is 00:02:30 because she said, it's, he's amazing in bed and blah, blah, blah. And you know what, I bet you missed that because like, he's like the terminator, but I'm the one who's always coming. And I was like, does the terminator, you kind of did that well. Someone is used that like drinking in a bar forever and she's like, how am I going to say this movie?
Starting point is 00:02:50 But again, producers fucked things up when they're like, she wrote, he probably wrote Luke says, oh this is, you know, Sloan we used to be fuck buddies and proves like, we can't say that, we can't say that. What do we say kids today? Lovers, that's what we say. It's his lover. This is a white cell film.
Starting point is 00:03:09 Who said that? Who said that? This is a white cell. This is a white cell. It is classic. This is a classy white cell. So, some people are all gonna white cell movies. So then Jackson is walking by it because he's in in the mall again and of course he's walking by here
Starting point is 00:03:28 I think he's homeless if we had you seen his apartment Also, he's like creeping on underage girls at the mall like let's call this what it is if you saw your 45-year-old friend walking in the mall every time you were there wouldn't you be a little worried? Yeah, he's like your hot history teacher. That's what he really is. He really is. Yeah, that was actually very hot. So, he sees her in the store,
Starting point is 00:03:51 and this is like one of those romcom things that only happens in romcoms. He immediately figures out what exactly is happening. He immediately knows that that's Luke, and that's like Felicity, the girlfriend, important to know her name. And so he just like rushes in and he's like, Hi, girlfriend, Sloan.
Starting point is 00:04:08 Are you excited for Valentine's Day, date? I was like, how did he fucking know? That could have been like a guy that she was interested in in his sister. And he even does the husband, even does the husbandy thing by saying, or thought you were gonna make me in the Brookstone. You guys, there is a very gonna make me in the Brookstone. You guys, there is a very busy Brookstone at the small adorable that they think that Brookstone is still in business by the way. Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 00:04:33 Herk old story. Herk old story. Etael now. So Felicity is like into him. So she's like licking her lollipop like at him because, you know, he's hot. And so Jackson's Jackson's like like you're so beautiful baby are we done here are big planes for you Victoria's see great gonna buy you some sick saling jury yes so then they walk away and then he goes buy Felicia? It's Felicity. I was like, oh my god, I just got that. I knew that was coming.
Starting point is 00:05:06 I just got that. I'm Felicia. I was like, please, I'm just taking a hammer to my DVR at this point. Again. I was able to point it. 1994. 1994.
Starting point is 00:05:18 I was able to point it in Tiffany Paulson at that moment. I know, but also, you're so funny first still having a DVR. I actually don't. I actually don't. I should, but also you're so funny first, still having a DVR. Actually don't, I actually don't. I should have said Apple TV. I have a TVO. I love it. You're like, I love to holiday. I'm recording it on the DVR. I'm gonna keep it for 60 days minimum. Half of it. She's basically talking with him and they're like walking away and she's pissed that she he would even take He can't believe you would say that to me and she's like I can't believe that he's with that girl blah blah blah She's like give me something I need something and she tastes the green cheese. She's like what is this? I only put garbage in my body
Starting point is 00:05:59 That's why I'm so skinny Yeah And so and then he she tries to like, she tries to feed him some chocolate and he's like, oh, I'm a professional. I have to light all of a sudden. She's like, not you eat the chocolate. Yeah, she's like, that is not a sport. So how dare you? So then she starts calling him a pussy and he's like I don't like when girls say that And again, I was like this was written by a woman You know a lot of this like even recapping it. I'm like, oh, we're gonna get in trouble for saying that and I'm like But it's in the movie
Starting point is 00:06:37 What nice so then that she's like well you are a pussy Ah, and he's like well if you if I was such a pussy you'd still be stuck in that store talking to a very hot man and his trampy girl friend. She's like oh you're right I am a piece of shit. She's like you're right and I do owe you for that because you did save me and he's like oh take my angel and the parking lot she's like what are you 12 and he's like you go of angels it 12? So then he's crazy. Yeah, what do you do with a sixth grade dance? That's what I was like that Make that was the only thing that cracked in this movie. You should see Lester's eyes. I'm really
Starting point is 00:07:17 Lester never had it so good. How did he get her into his car? I? Couldn't figure that out. Maybe I need to do that. That's a good question. That's a good question. Maybe she probably didn't drive there on her own. She probably took an Uber, no car. Maybe. Well, and she was like, they're eating the bourbon truffles,
Starting point is 00:07:34 probably one in the mall, and then he got tipsy. Again, they made a big deal that he wasn't gonna eat them. And then they didn't really show us convincing him. They just cut to the car. Where we think, y'all spoiler alert. It looks like uh oh, she's I can't do it. Oh, no, but they're just eating truffles really aggressively.
Starting point is 00:07:54 I don't aggressively add like in secret. But question, why would why would you give away the really good hand job joke? If you just it would have been even a bigger surprise if you hadn't mentioned it in the fucking mall. Oh. Yeah, be like, like tease it like, I could give you something and then like,
Starting point is 00:08:14 it's like, oh, this is a real edgy. And that's the joke. That's the joke. Listen, listen, more, they're not gonna get it. Kids in the name, they're gonna get the joke in there. You can say, they don't get it. You give a hand jobs at 12 because that's comedy There's no context here. Who's not worse? Who cares?
Starting point is 00:08:30 This way you the white cell bus got it in there But why also so when when the camera is like sort of panning around and we see sort of through the rear view Window and we see her head is like bobbing and like his general area Why is she eating? Why is she having so much trouble getting those chocolates out of the box and why is it on his lap? Like it's all sorts of like it's very strange. It's so stupid and it's so people in movies who don't really eat who have to have eating scenes how they eat when they're like they take a bite. They're like, hmm, it's like walking to town today and their mouths are like their whole faces are going crazy because
Starting point is 00:09:02 they don't eat that. Oh my god, that is it. They're soap you can tell people they're eating and talking. It's like they're Also, no one acts like that with like little chocolates. I'm sorry I'm a chocolate hall like and whenever you have like a little chocolate out of like a box Whatever that comes with a wrapper. They're always nice, but I have never been like oh Like you do that with like a with a kick cat or snickers, but those chocolates are like, this is good, but why did I pay $45 for this? Yeah, you know?
Starting point is 00:09:29 And she's like, oh my God, that was so good. Do you want to smoke? And he's like, you smoke? And she's like, I'm not a good person yet. Okay, I'm still single. Okay. Later in the movie, when I become a good person by getting a boyfriend, all quit smoking is not
Starting point is 00:09:41 even a junk food. So then he's like, well, why didn't you call me for Valentine's Day? And she's like, I was just embarrassed because I was hoping that things would have changed by now, but they didn't. So therefore, I'm gonna go back into my cocoon and go back, like I was hoping for a romance in my life,
Starting point is 00:09:59 but I realized that's not gonna happen. So, you know, she does that like seven times in this movie. It's really frustrating. And now this is when he tells his story right because I kind of zoned out during his story so he tells me what he said why he's tortured. He is? Well, she was saying, he was saying, listen, the small holidays are the worst, you know? I mean, I spent Earth Day chain to an annoying girl in a tree. So let's make it official that every holiday from now on, which is so funny, because it's actually the word holiday, plus a date put together, and we'll spend together. And then, and then she's like, sure,
Starting point is 00:10:38 she's like, but doesn't, is this not the scene where he like says why he like? The scene down the line he's a man so he can't put his walls down until like He loved him and he loved him and done. Yes, I thought later. Yeah, cuz I know he had like a thing where he talked about why he doesn't like Yeah, that was the monologue that Francis Fisher was supposed to have when she agreed to do the film. Oh, okay. I'm so sorry everyone. I'm so sorry. Francis, we've taken away your monologue. We need for the hot guy to say. Did I say Francis McDormand? That would be good. She would have been great in this.
Starting point is 00:11:17 She would have been like that would have electrified this entire movie. Yeah, she was like a little fella. She would have just yelled at him. She should have played this role like a little fella. She would have just yelled at him. She should have played this role First she would have yelled at Jackson and then stippled his finger to a piece of paper Francis McDormick would have asked for script changes Crazy changes Like it actually ended up being a lesbian romcom. Yes
Starting point is 00:11:40 I measure if she were playing the role of Sloan that would have been just like I just a measure of she were playing the role of Sloan that would have been just like I just thought that's what I say. Yeah she would have been amazing. Okay so now it's St. Patrick's Day guys and Sloan is still smoking in single which means she's an alcohol with other guys because guys think she's cool so she's a cool girl. She's a cool girl. Yeah so they're all chanting Sloan Sloan while she chugs and they're and it is and they're but they're all chanting slow, slow, slow, while she chugs. And they're actually and collodating together. This is their first collodating.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Proper, yeah, proper collodating. If you've read Save the Cat, this is when we get into the fun and the game's portion of the script. So now like we're in Chicago, Chicago has a pretty big, St. Patrick's Day culture. They turn to River Green.
Starting point is 00:12:25 And one has to imagine that there are just tons and tons of pubs and bars having St. Patrick's Day celebrations. But who would have thought that our entire family would be in the same bar that she's in right now? Oh my God. I'm telling you, it's some codependent shit in this family. Either that or not a big casting budget.
Starting point is 00:12:45 And they're just so on the nose I love it because they're like, listen, we need one guy to be so drunk that he just falls over from the shot so I have to be a redhead guy because it's St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Get me a ginger. Do I cast Mr. White?
Starting point is 00:12:59 So yes, Mr. White. I'm like the old ginger. Find his redhead. And this is when we do find out that we meet the brother. And he's like, oh yeah, that's Jackson. They're like, how do you know Jackson? Oh, he's my golf teacher. See, this movie was gone so much better if he went,
Starting point is 00:13:18 oh, we went to boarding school together. And then we find out that they're both that's the movie I want to see well and here's at this point as a viewer I'm thinking okay here's what the complications are to set in because now They have to pretend that they're in a real relationship for her family when they're not really in a real relationship And they're trying to be holiday and they're like have to now they're forced to like Beyond trying to be holiday and they're like, now they're forced to like Oh, the tension beyond Yeah, holidays, there's things are gonna happen, something's gonna happen, I don't know what it is, but now we're getting
Starting point is 00:13:50 It's like, no, no, no, they just, they just know each other They're like, no, we just go on dates and don't date other people, but we're just holiday-ating and all the family is like, because you guys, if your loved one or friend tells you that you'd be like, huh? And they're all kind of like, cool, let's drink! Sounds good to me. Yeah, yeah. You thought there might be like a raising of the stakes,
Starting point is 00:14:14 like they might like say, like how sort of a ruse. Yeah, I thought, because I thought they were gonna play it up too. Like, oh, we're dating and so you could be my fake boyfriend for every holiday And with my parents. It's not that It's just a random guy who comes to all of her family thing I know so see this is where we get the Information that the new that the fiance doesn't really know anything about little brother at all because she's like you play golf
Starting point is 00:14:42 And he's like yeah ever since you've known me and then we get big sister who's there too and she's talking about her husband I guess and how like yeah yeah she's like oh my god like being a mom you go out whenever you can mom like the Wendy the Wendy what's her face role when not Wendy Malik Wendy from Reno 9-1-1 like the role in rides made Oh, I know I know who you're talking about Glendon Kuffy when the Kuffy this these two subplots were so soft petaled. I barely knew they were there Yeah, there was it was like he didn't just know his fiance doesn't know him and then the It was like he didn't just know his fiance doesn't know him and then the the the the adultery at the end
Starting point is 00:15:29 She actually kisses someone else He's also self-pedaled It's like I didn't realize they're actually having marital problems I just thought that she was just like over one with children. I thought anything was very sad like this What as soon as he said I don't really know my fiancee, I was like, that's extraordinarily sad. But like it was so glossed over, I was like, oh, okay. Okay. I'm troubled to come back to that. So then, so now we, now we're in Easter and we see this big Easter egg hunt happening. And I will tell, I will say, we know exactly when we are. So kudos to that production manager. They did, they did a great job of organizing the town. What time of year we were always in. I will say we know exactly when we are. So kudos to that production manager.
Starting point is 00:16:05 They did a great job of it. What time of year we were always in. Yes. Oh, yeah, they were. Sorry that my people's holidays were not included in this. We did not see any rush of shana or yumkko. No, but that's okay. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:16:18 No, yumkko. No, poro. No, poro. No, stuccoat. And you know celebrating on stuccoat? No, to R no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So now we're in Easter and so there's like this family brunch and Apparently you just can't go to Easter brunch without a date because that's like yeah now I'm Jewish, but I did not know that like Easter brunch was like a big dating like a show off your boyfriend or girlfriend Dude, Easter this family Jesus was so ashamed to be single on Easter that he like left the
Starting point is 00:17:06 tomb and nobody ever saw him again. Like he never saw this face again. And I know they're like at the last dinner Judas was like do we put the leaf in? Do we put the leaf in? It seems like I'm it seems like I'm still confused over this but like what is the difference between going to your family's holiday by yourself or going with a guy who's your fake date? Well, that's why I thought there'd be a ruse because it's like the family puts all this pressure on, so she's like, this is my boyfriend. Like it's my, it's like, I thought that's where it was gonna be. I love that you guys are still confused.
Starting point is 00:17:44 It's like an hour and 40 minutes in. Who do you guys are like, wait a minute. I'm confused at the fundamental principle of the month. Me? And I think that like, because it's like, is it because I don't want to be alone or is it, I want to get other people to shut up and find that I'm alone.
Starting point is 00:17:59 And it's like, how does it go back and forth? It kind of goes back and forth. And I will be honest, I was perplexed the entire movie by that. I kept being thrown. I'm like, wait, is the, wait, are they? I have real problems. I think it was just kind of their foreplay. It's like two hot people want to be,
Starting point is 00:18:19 but they want the other person to say it to first, right? Because both of them want the other person to say it first and then they're just gonna play this goddamn game forever. Then they'll finally get together, and then you have to pretend that you don't know that they're fighting, because they're gonna pretend that they're not fighting, but then they're gonna make the whole fucking holiday about them fighting. And you know, it's just one of those drama queen couples. Like, everyone knows you guys want to be together, just do it, stop putting gets off through this on fucking St Patrick's Day. Yeah, and so now we're here at Easter, and I'm thinking in my mind, the mom is excited
Starting point is 00:18:47 that she's bringing a guy back and he's hot and he's a professional golfer. And at this point, I think the mom is now gonna start parading this guy around. And now it's like, oh shit, mom kind of like stuck with this guy because I have to like, I hate him, but now my mom is like obsessed.
Starting point is 00:19:01 If I stop dating him, my mom's gonna be like, forcing this very hot doctor on me instead. And like, but no, the mom's like obsessed. If I stop dating him, my mom's gonna be like forcing like this very hot doctor on me instead. You know, and like, but no, the mom's like, no, I don't approve of this guy. Here's a doctor in a Easter bunny outfit. Here's for Luke. And he's in an Easter bunny outfit because he was helping kids with cancer.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Oh my God. Oh yeah, it's so weird with that. Oh. So there was supposed to sort of like be like, for Luke is like bad because he's like the other guy, but he's actually like really good. That's never explained and never defined. Like half of this move now.
Starting point is 00:19:34 No. And you just kind of expect him to suck, but he's like awesome. But he never re-grades a kid. And even highlights is like, he's great with kids. Don't you want to die him? Because every woman should want to have children And he's also like a dog
Starting point is 00:19:49 Worked anything. Yeah, and we should we should point out that Easter is not generally a time when people dress up But Aunt Susan is still dressed as a playboy But yes, I like that I like that. I like that. Yeah, I love her. I love that everything to her is just another Broadway show. You know, they say like the difference between acting on Broadway and acting and film, television is the it's the it's the subtleties. You know, it's a different, she's like, fuck that! You know, she just shows up and doesn't like she's on a huge stage every time. They're everything everywhere.
Starting point is 00:20:31 Now, they're sitting in this dollhouse, that's Meta. They're sitting in a pretty little house talking to her niece and her niece walks away. And then basically, she's kind of talking, they start to, I forget why, but they're talking about heartbreak or something. And then she says, Oh, here's the monologue. She monologues. Yeah, it is. The rants of the picture.
Starting point is 00:20:51 It's like women, heartbreak process, heartbreak differently. You know, because you guys, it's like, I thought she was gonna say, it's like men are from Mars and women are from Venus. It's getting women there. But yeah, then we get to um if this is a sorry I'm choked from laughing. This is Jackson goes into what it's a lot of people don't know this, but uh this is a very famous monologue called the Panini monologue. If you go to monologues by Alfred
Starting point is 00:21:17 Dot Biz you can get a copy of this to use for your object. But if you go to my logs.com You're gonna see porn. So I love it. Someone about that address just to show you for it. He also get a good. Yes, Ben. This is the Panini monologue. Have at it.
Starting point is 00:21:39 Well, no, because so he also, by the way, gets very Australian here because when she's saying she's not ready to date someone else like the doctor, he's like, what's it been? Almost like, yeah! I'm like, oh, Australian. So he, no, this is why I need to know from you guys because I sort of zoned out that he was dating a girl
Starting point is 00:21:55 and she was really into him, everything was great, but then she just left him and took the pinning maker, is that what it was? It basically, yeah. It was, it was, it was yeah, it was it was intended she pretended that she liked him like she was trying to be a cool girl to win him over And so she pretended like she'd like this friend. She'd like to sport She loved backgammon and then she put all this stuff in the bathroom and hit bobby pins of strange places and played Different sexual positions and then one day she changed the number and snuck out with my pinning me maker My pinning me maker And then one day she changed her number and snuck out with my punini makeup. My punini makeup!
Starting point is 00:22:26 Nothing about this made sense. Okay, so like the issue is that like was the issue that like she presented to be one person but was actually a different type of person and then broke his heart or is it like that he was he fell for her and then she broke his heart So now he's like afraid to like go for it. I got to understand the psychology of it and how it related to wanting to the holiday. It makes no sense because the issue is that this is the kind of writing dialogue writing that you just write to try to sound funny, that doesn't mean anything, and you're like,
Starting point is 00:22:56 what's the last word I can say? What's word sounds funny? Penany makeup! It's the same thing with Erkel. It's the same thing with Leicester and Erkel. You're looking for for a comedy bit if you go again to monologues. That Alfred dot. Pitch and see that actual the actual it was a kitchen a mixer but It wasn't funny enough we know What an eponiti maker they could say George for me grill on this we didn't get the rights but here's the thing
Starting point is 00:23:23 I love Morty's the same you know what this was this I'm not gonna blame Tiffany the screen but here's the thing. I love Morty's assistant. You know what this was? I'm not gonna blame Tiffany, the screenwriter. Her name's Tiffany, right? Tiffany Paulson? Tiffany. I'm not gonna blame her because she probably had a thing that was like, originally it was like, he's a guy and he's just like, shout out like that.
Starting point is 00:23:35 And then an exec was like, we need him to be more grounded. And he just, it's just like fine, I'll just wedge in this fucking monologue in here to make this, you know, like, like, Jodie McBain from Hollywood had And you just, it's just like fine, I'll just wedge in this fucking monologue in here to make this, you know, it's like like Jodie McBain from Hollywood happy. There was so many you guys. I'm not sure though, but he wrote the script so many rewrites.
Starting point is 00:23:55 Yeah, so everyone had an opinion. So everybody knows I just looked at Tiffany Paulson on I am DB and my concern is that she's never really been poor and she's writing for poor people and guess where she's from. She's from a place called Kashmir. I'm rust my fucking case okay. I want to look up Tiffany Paulson also. She wrote the feature adoption of Nancy Drew for Warner Brothers which are not having seen it yet and she wrote the sequel adaption of nancy drew for warner brothers which are exactly haven't seen it yet and she wrote the sequel to the classic adventures in babysitting i did not
Starting point is 00:24:29 know there was a sequel i would watch you have a rave and which they did not need to do and in the robberts was a nancy drew and wasn't she an adventures in babysitting to or no maybe she was uh... she also an actress she was an actress she was in fr Friday the 13th part 8 Jason takes Manhattan So there's a lot of pedigree going into that like wait like the muppets Friday the 13th Friday the 13th
Starting point is 00:24:55 Jason remember that part where Jason was like skating around on toast on a flat girl on a diner Jason just wants to have a wedding with Big Bird in attendance. I know. It just starts out singing on a log song. Damn, kill them. So anyway, now this is what my life is like you guys. It's just non-stop orders. You are too.
Starting point is 00:25:19 I mean, look at us. We're all on IMDB two hours into this weekend. So now that we have now that we have uncovered, um, Jackson's hidden pain over a pinini made that he paid for that he paid for. And he paid for, well, of course he paid for it. We think to say, um, what do you guys think? When he says his sexual habits, what was it? What was his doors that he opened up? What was-
Starting point is 00:25:47 A finger in his back. I was just thinking that or she pegged him. Oh, I was just hanging. Just like, Jajouk, Jajouk, Jajouk. And he just cried. Yeah, I thought I'd be crying. I thought I'd be crying.
Starting point is 00:25:58 I thought I'd be crying. I thought I'd be crying. He's like, just because I have a fucking machine. It's like, just because I have a mini-backage. It doesn't mean I want to be pegged. I think it was something involving those bobby pins. Yes. It's time for commercial.
Starting point is 00:26:08 It's time for a crap-ins-commercial. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, some days, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking.
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Starting point is 00:27:03 You can listen ad ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. So now we're in Cinco de Mayo and this is where I screamed and threw my pad. I'm about Memorial Day. So Cinco de Mayo and they're doing shots you know and she still wants to know if he's done anal. She does that thing that like no one does in real life, which is says, hey, you never answered that question from the last scene that took place two months ago. Which I actually that I kind of appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:27:35 He's still like, drop it. They're doing shots and then we get you guys to let us know that they're drinking tequila. They're going to make sure they play the tequila song. Yeah. I was just waiting for him to come in. He's gonna be her meant to come in. He's like, oh, he's six. The Thursday with a waitress that you never saw
Starting point is 00:28:03 on from Saint Patrick's day. And I was that in player relationship. What wouldn't that be why some kind of a relationship like or a block. Twist exeter. Yeah, or something. It's been a long time since then and you're still calling the cocktail waitress from St. Patrick's day. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. calling the cocktail waitress from seat Patrick's Day. Yeah, yeah. That's for real.
Starting point is 00:28:25 What if I was your sister? You have a ghost. So take it to my, I hope that we'd be two months later. I watch a lot of mystery shows. Like that's all I watch. So everything I'm like, is she? How many? Because how many holidays does he have?
Starting point is 00:28:36 Because there were a lot of holidays. Like we did not see Memorial Day. We did not see Arbor Day. We don't see, um, well, there's a lot of, there's a lot of anti-war propaganda in this film. I'm surprised they give us a fourth of July Yeah, that's true. We see Mother's Day later No, Father's Day obviously could have made a moment on the other day
Starting point is 00:28:55 The moment where he could have been like sweet. He could have comforted her Nope So then they have then they have like a very then they have more funny banter where he's like he's like oh I feel bad for your Lick of a sex life and then she's like you're trying to get into my head And then freak me out and then we do have sex, but guess what we're not gonna have sex But I'm great and bad. I'm naturally gifted not that I want to have sex with you Yeah, you don't even find me attractive Dialogue that just goes in circles
Starting point is 00:29:25 and you're like, please, with a love of God, fuck each other, I'm exhausted. Yeah. And he's like, well, I know you're good and bit because you developed it in early age and gave hand jokes at 12. I was like, whoa, whoa. This is why I don't want to be in a relationship.
Starting point is 00:29:40 Using shit like that against you at random times. Like, really, you're going to use that against me at Cinco to Maya right now Yeah But there's a huge bondage. Yeah, they do have this drinking montage Yeah, yeah, and it's supposed to convince us that they get so wasted just shmammered To the point of with how they went on for so long that they both should be in a hospital For alcohol poisoning. Yeah, you think that, but instead they wake up
Starting point is 00:30:06 in a beautifully golden lit room, and she's wearing his Calvin clients, which was a nice call, I feel like there's nice reference to back to the future. Like wow, I've only, we could turn back the time on this situation, right? Yeah. You know?
Starting point is 00:30:22 And he's like, you're wearing my underwear, which has never really explained, the way no no and again That we can case you forgot it was the night before there's a sinko demildal on the fan Like yeah, yes Get the set decorator in here exactly So yes the line that kind of took me out of this, so she's in its underwear and she's like, did we have sex? Oh no, did we have sex? And he's like, well, Dave, wait. And she's like, I don't know. And he's like, well, you should know, I don't have a vagina.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Like literally, I kind of wanted to say, is my gizz in your gooch? It was just so out there. And I was like, whoa, Nothing dried on my leg. Yeah, that's what she said. She's like, nothing's dried on my leg or with her. Like if you would have checked your button when like, you're not experimental. You're like, let's just go there and just make this soft core porn. My journey does look slightly disturbed.
Starting point is 00:31:20 But they can think of what about her sex? She's like, what about your penis? doesn't your penis know if we had sex? And he's like, well, it does look like her. It does look kind of tired. I was confused because I don't think it was, I think it's a mystery whether they ever had sex or not. And it should have been very important. Yeah, it didn't really lead to anything. It didn't like, it didn't like raise the stakes on the relationship.
Starting point is 00:31:45 It did not like bring them closer. It was just this weird moment of I guess we didn't have sex. And I for some reason I'm wearing your underwear and on the floor don't understand why. So let's never talk about it again. We'll never talk about it again. And we'll never get any rest of it. I thought it was leading to a baby or pregnancy.
Starting point is 00:32:01 Where they have to like turn it into a baby or what. They're just going to keep reminding us of better romantic comedy. Oh, by the to turn it into a baby. That's a holiday. They're just gonna keep reminding us of better romantic comedies. Oh by the way, it was going locked up. Instead of, we'll see you on Fourth of July. Also, no one had any birthdays. Talk about holidays. No one had any birthdays this entire movie.
Starting point is 00:32:15 Cause those are the things that they sell to everything else. That would be a birthday is like when you want to have a holiday, right? Yeah, it is. Cause if you are uncomfortable being single, that is where you're like marking a year and whatever you know what we're just talking so yeah now it's Mother's Day and of course she's there alone and her mom's like oh my god and he's there he comes the one event that the entire family is not at is the one for
Starting point is 00:32:40 the mother that's the one they just they just went on Amazon and ordered a table leaf and left it at that. It's my fault. And mom is like, she knows everything. And so she's like, Jackson, why are you going to wait some of the time? Why are you wasting the dough to spend time? And man, she got things got dark again, which I kind of
Starting point is 00:33:02 related to because a lot of our listeners are on our podcast right now. I'm in Oklahoma because my dad has cancer, so he's fine. But we're doing chemo and all that. So which she, it kind of, this is the part of the movie that made me emotional because she just looked at me. She was like, when you have chemo, who's going to be there? Like why did she just say who's going to wipe your ass when you're married and married?
Starting point is 00:33:20 Yeah, that's what she said. She was like, someone has to be legally bound to be there through chemo. And then she goes, she tells her daughter, she goes, you have bad genes and both women don't get a lot of dates. It's like, that was the worst thing. This is not that funny. I was like, I just was like, I was like, I was doubly if I was like, it was cool.
Starting point is 00:33:38 I was like, I was trying to be edgy and like in your face, but it's so cool. It's like, isn't it funny that the mom saying this, but I was like, it was trying to be edgy and like in your face, but it was like, isn't it funny that the mom saying this, but I was like, mm, this is like uncomfortable because like, I'm like afraid of cancer and you just took me to that place. So I'm like, they're all happy. They're all happy.
Starting point is 00:33:53 They're all happy. They're all happy. They're all happy. They're all happy. I had to stop the movie actually to go wipe my dad's ass. So it really took me there. I just feel like there are like other comical like versions of that that we could have gone to instead of like who like who's gonna be with you during chemo?
Starting point is 00:34:08 How about like who's gonna be with you when you shit the bed when you've had food poisoning like that's kind of fun Yeah, the mom needed to be either all the way arrested development or like a good mom She can't just like ride this middle ground Listen if you guys are just gonna hang out then just sleep with her. I mean, you guys have to try it. It's like escargot. It looks unappealing and it sounds unappealing,
Starting point is 00:34:34 but then you put your mouth on it and it sparks just fly. And I'm like, that was, like coming from a horrible mother, that would be good. But coming from a good mother, it's horrible, but coming from a good mother. It's horrible It sounds like that sounds like someone like trying to explain like cuddling us to a young man Like you know it was that was a white cell that was a white cell and rewrite He's like because how many times you've had to tell it to a son. Hey, I tried the escargot your mother and I took you to a fancy restaurant I know it looks gross, but putting your mouth to get a life it yeah, it's cargo like what was the last time you ever even heard that turn
Starting point is 00:35:11 Ergo Ergo so she's like did you just compare sex to me with eating slugs? I'm also like yeah, she also called you an appealing Yeah, so cool. Yeah, she also predicted that you would have cancer. So they leave her, which I love. Her whole family hates her. Her whole family is like, it's sad, your single. I guess we're stuck with you.
Starting point is 00:35:36 The terrible daughter who's always alone. Oh, yeah. So now it's like 4th of July. And it's like fireworks and stuff like that. And so this is all completely unclear. What's happening with this holiday? So now it's like 4th of July and it's like fireworks and stuff like that and so This is all completely unclear what's happening with this holiday because no a bunch of them are like piling into a minivan because they're gonna be going on a girls trip and And we know it's a girls trip because aunt Susan has brought some weird dude It was like sitting in the back seat and Liz does not want to sit next to him. No, no Like like she's like I thought was supposed to be a girls trip.
Starting point is 00:36:06 So we think they're going on a girls trip. Girls trip. Right? They did say girls trip like five times. And we actually realize y'all, they're just driving down 75 to go to the lake to meet the family. They're going to actually meet for something like that. Of course.
Starting point is 00:36:20 Just for the van. So with the girls driving together. A girls commute. It's a girls commute. Girls commute. Oh, girl, come here oh girl come here where my computer's that come on cuz they so they're gonna talk about breasts and vaginas only and listen to Helen ready so I'm in peace it's time god I love telling ready don't make me emotional and Kristen Shenowith has an uncle Sam that she's fucking in the back seat
Starting point is 00:36:48 Yeah, sorry I didn't I didn't explicitly say it was uncle Sam, but yes So now is time since it is an adult comedy that's being edgy. It's time for the like the innocent one tries Drug of the like the innocent one tries drug- Merr- for Todd. No, no. And it's gonna lead to hilarious consequences. Hilarious, young man. No, no, no. This is some dope film now.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Because you know, you guys, every Asian woman's uptight. So in case you were, did forgot about that, every Asian woman's uptight, so she needs to smoke hot. So that way she can get the munchies and scream and fuck. And you know how we're gonna show that she's really high?
Starting point is 00:37:32 We're gonna make her eat guacamole with her hands. No, I will say, I was, I did a, I did a, I did a, I did a, I don't call this over y'all, that's a drug, dude, you forget about forks with your, with your on drugs I mean it was I will say I did appreciate that I thought it was sort of funny that like she smokes up But she's like I don't feel anything in the new inspector to be like a disaster
Starting point is 00:37:54 And then she's like I think I'm she thinks she's sober. She's eating us like okay That's kind of like that kind of just normal Yeah, I like that she was normal, but I also didn't like that like we sat through all that for nothing That's kind of the tagline of this movie you sat through this for nothing. Yeah, it's that kind of movie So all the guys are like shooting fireworks at each other and Shooting up the guys in boats You guys are terrible people. People don't get this anymore. They built very crow magnum and now they just accepted Jackson.
Starting point is 00:38:29 He's like, oh yeah, he just won the guys. It's just like- It's just my daughter's fake boyfriend for every 12 days of the year. He likes exploding things. Completely normal. But Ronnie, there's a reason why men like to explode things. Oh my god, really? Man, why can't I see the connection?
Starting point is 00:38:47 Because they think of it as fucking the reason why I mean you. She gets so southern here. Things to explode. Chris and Jenna would dig it real. Because they make some think of their penis, your teeth, their shooting out semen all over your face. Black and explode with your- Like a cock. You cock you get a cock you're gonna shoot your cock at with men only live for the orgasm if they're not fucking
Starting point is 00:39:13 they're thinking of like wait a wait a second just movie saying that men only think about sex I haven't that's that's crazy that's the crazy idea but crazy you know what though you guys admit it when she said that I was like jerked off I was like I could be jerking off instead of watching this right now. It could have yes, yes and then like What's your name it Evan Roberts Keran backwards slow Sloan Sloan even in Slo's like, yeah, it's fucking.
Starting point is 00:39:47 It even hurt. Yeah, yeah, it's fucking. So now we have, like, this whole scene is supposed to be developing. This whole holiday is supposed to be developing Liz. The problem is we never knew anything about Liz going into this. Yeah. So there's like, it's hard for us to see a transformation because we don't really know anything.
Starting point is 00:40:04 So now they're like, it comes to this thing where Liz can't say the word fuck. And they're just like, say fuck, say fuck. And by the way, Sloan is being a monster right now. Like this poor girl doesn't want to say fuck. Okay, she doesn't want to. She doesn't believe in it. It doesn't like the way it sounds.
Starting point is 00:40:17 It's against everything in her being. And she's like bullying her in the corner just like deck and being like, say fuck. So then of course, and being like say fuck so then of course she's like Which by the way leads to nothing No one fell off a boat no one could have had firework in their hand and looked and turned around and Firework that's the reason maybe why a firework blew up in their hand. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But no, I don't think that was it. I don't think that was it.
Starting point is 00:40:47 I don't think that was it. I don't think that was it. I don't think that was it. But no, it was just then later on. It just started. We just hear an explosion. And then this movie becomes kind of like Apple Dumbling Gang 3. Like it's just like I don't.
Starting point is 00:41:00 Was there an Apple Dumbling Gang 2? Was there an Apple Dumbling Gang 2? I missed. There is an Apple Dumbling Gang 2. I didn't know that. There is an Apple Dumb a good tune. I'm in there is an apple. I didn't know that there is a number two I watched it. I'm watching that and adventures and babysitting part two I model part of my acting career on Don knots and I thought that Don knots was gonna show up at any Because she gets they like I respect that there cuz they're all looking for his finger in the sand
Starting point is 00:41:22 But yeah, by the way if you believe if you believe for one moment that a professional golfer would be handling a firework, right? I know I'm taking that back because there have been a number of professional football players who have destroyed their hands with fireworks. So I take it back, yes, athletes are kind of there. So yeah, well, yeah, but yeah, but anyway, he's looking for the finger. They are. And so they're looking for his finger
Starting point is 00:41:46 It gets when slapstick and kind of Frenzied for about it. It was just like Disgusting. This was like a disgusting twist. I thought yeah, and then coy or Joe or whatever his name is little brother finds it They put it in ice and then just so you know Jackson y'all I guess Australia's are tough because he looks instead of looking like he just lost his finger. He kind of looks like he's trying to fart, but he doesn't want everyone to hear it. Like that's his level of pain for this. Like, oh, this is a little cramping.
Starting point is 00:42:19 Well, he's not moving from this film into like a war epic. You know, like he doesn't have that kind of acting. He's like, charging in fun. He's not earning 9217 part too. Right. Like Ron Howard will not be directing his next film. And like, I feel like with these, like I feel like in a comedy, you lose your toe.
Starting point is 00:42:37 In a drama or a thriller, you lose your finger. And I feel like, you know, like I feel like the finger was like actually like oddly visceral. And like it was like a toe is fine Like fish called Wanda someone loses their toe, you know, but this it's like I was like this is disgusting And then he's like oh I lost my fuck you finger. It's like also your career as a golfer I'm a golfer and she's like well I can win up that guess who doesn't know how to drive but it's gonna drive you in Women can't drive!
Starting point is 00:43:06 It's when I knew it's just can't drive. Don Nots was gonna show up right now. I knew it. Why? Why? Why was she the one? Yeah, they had like a thing. There was like some passing dialogue.
Starting point is 00:43:19 She could be the creepy guy. The creepy guy. But what did you get? Also called ambulance. Colonambulance. It's like, I'm so happy. So they're gonna have fun on the way to the hospital with me not using my turn signal. the creepy guy but what also called ambulance ambulance I'm gonna have fun on the way to the hospital with me not using my turn signal And it looks scary it was actually it was like it was scary cuz she she gets in that car and she slams on the gas
Starting point is 00:43:37 And it like she just like like it got so fast that it was like it was like a boring identity I was like So fast that it was like it was like a boring identity. I was like she It turned to an action movie really quickly. Thank God she was driving a Toyota vehicle Okay, so they get to the hospital and they're smoking a joint now in the hospital room And it's not even their own hospital room. It's one of those. We don't even know what they got a joint too I'm assuming for that because he doesn't smoke but now he's smoking. I know but it's like a vending machine in the hospital. Oh God. I think that was from like a weed uncle Sam. Oh, okay. Yeah. So the nurse is all up. You know, the nurses added to you with them.
Starting point is 00:44:18 Six seriously. I'm too tired to report you out. And I guess who the doctor is guys. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root. For root for root for root for root is on fire. We don't need a toll. Let that motherfucker burn. Fruit is both a cancer doctor and someone who says fingers back onto people. They they he is a lot of special. Yeah, he does car he does vascular surgery. So a private isn't he also a private doctor because later isn't he like in a private doctor's office? He also can treat people who've had heart attacks. So he's both a cardiologist and a vasculoseurgeon and an oncologist.
Starting point is 00:44:58 So he'll give you new boobs if you're nice enough, Jalen. So he's like sort of surly because there's sort of this like plot thread that like he might be jealous of Jackson because he was brought in to be with her in Easter, but then it didn't work out. So he's kind of like cold, but like that would require like a little bit too much effort to like go all the way there. You're right. It's like halfway and so we don't get anything yeah they keep making all these finger jokes he's like bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh br and they just look at him like fuck you for real. Fuck you, it's an art joke for real. I got the one funny, that actually made me,
Starting point is 00:45:45 I was like, fuck, that's so cute. No, it made me laugh as actually that nurse. When they were like, can we, like we need a doctor right now and she's like, sorry, I guess you should've been a jackass to me earlier or something like that. I was like, yes, nurse. Yes, nurse. That was something about that nurse that they're like,
Starting point is 00:46:00 have I seen you before? I'm like, is she someone that was my first thought? Because she was such a specific character. I always just say Cindy Williams, like Shirley from Laverne and Shirley. Is that Cindy Williams? Yeah, I just assumed she had a four episode arc on Sisters in 1991. You know, see the war. We were just talking about Sisters on our podcast.
Starting point is 00:46:20 We're always just talking about Sisters. Guys, let's go to a spa and talk about about our child. Oh God see the word with the best word she was so trouble love C.L.O. war I know she'll love her. I just saw her on something wasn't she on the possible west world I'm gonna look her maybe well you know I have my famous us I'm trying to see the water she was just on see the word was just on Westworld
Starting point is 00:46:45 I love it. She was gone. Oh, she was so good. She's gone girl. She was yeah, girl love She was very sweet. We like she's also in hell. Oh again. Yeah. Yeah, okay Point is slow and takes him back home and she's like don't worry They're gonna deliver you soup and I called your mother, she didn't answer. I told her you had an answer. Which we don't know why. I thought we'd be like, oh, now we're finding. I'm not. His parents divorced, and that's why he's afraid of commitment.
Starting point is 00:47:14 We're gonna get another plot twist out, and that was like, no, we didn't. There we go. Yeah, missed it. She just didn't, she just didn't. I thought it was like, mommy issues time. I was like, here's Brenda Blavin. She doesn't, here she comes.
Starting point is 00:47:26 Or even if maybe Brenda Fricker, anyone, but like, no. Even the Fricker would have worked. Yeah. So she, he's like, okay, but he doesn't want to tell her that she should stay and she doesn't want to say, I'll stay. So they have like this awkward thing where she's looking.
Starting point is 00:47:40 And he's looking. Yeah, she's looking and he's not looking at her, but then he looks up to see if she's staying, but he wasn't looking at her. So's I yeah, I actually liked that moment I was like okay, it was sweet. I'm feeling romantic things in here. I liked his apartment um But who leaves someone post surgery? Also, how is he let out her hospital so quickly? Just got a finger so bad Yeah, like he's been he's definitely on anesthesia. One of his these why are you going to leave someone? I mean, he's turned the TV on y'all.
Starting point is 00:48:08 He can't do that. That's why I didn't call Tom his friend. Like where's anyone in his life? Yeah, so what we find out because now he's all upset for some reason. He's golfing with his friend, which is apparently okay. He can totally golf find don't worry about the figure. So he's golfing with his friend and he's like our hands touched during this thing. Oh yeah, that's right. And his friend is like holy shit, did you use protection? And then at the same time she's talking to a sister about it about how there was a vibe. And then we cut back. Yeah, like does that mean it's serious?
Starting point is 00:48:41 And his friend's like, dumper, dumper now. Yeah, because the thing is, Don't go to, because you're going to wedding. The wedding on Labor Day. So it's like, it's the holiday thing, but wedding is like, the friend is like, wedding is like super commitment. So if you go to that, then she's gonna,
Starting point is 00:48:58 like it's gonna like go to the next level and you don't want that. He's like, yeah, but it's also a holiday. I gotta do the holiday thing. And then on her end, she's like having a whole thing where it's like, oh, like, what do I do? And I don't remember who she's talking to. Maybe her sister or something like that. And like, whoever's talking to her is like, well, men hate weddings. So if he tries to get out of the wedding, So if he tries to get out of the wedding, then you know that he's not into you. But like if he's okay with going to the wedding, then he isn't you. So this means something.
Starting point is 00:49:32 Yeah. And then the friend is friend. Yeah. And then his friend is like, you know, tell her you're going with somebody else who has potential. And I was like, but isn't that trying to make her jealous to be with him? Your advice is crazy. So. And I was like, but isn't that trying to make her jealous to be with him? Your advice is crazy. So It's kind of void Stakes they're not they're trying to void like commitment like it would amongst each other right? They don't want any expectations Well, they both think the other one is gonna want the commitment right?
Starting point is 00:49:55 So they're trying to avoid the other one wanting them But then the friends like trying to make a jealous, which will make you I don't know Nothing makes sense. It's so confusing. I didn't understand and then one like so You're gonna do this because you say this Yeah, very strange. I was so confused They're doing making a sense then we get our favorite place the mall Someone's at the mall. I think it's him right he calls her from the mall and she's like right you calling me It's not a holiday and they you guys this is the moment where uh they were the producers like
Starting point is 00:50:31 moody how do we make this young how do we make this movie how do these cameras just talk to each other moody i don't know i don't know the bus uh texting no no no no bus texting now email emails bus now they face time what is it that's what they're doing these days right mr. right side so yeah so they both are talking about things like well thinking about this
Starting point is 00:50:59 waiting coming up and it's it's a wedding and a holiday and you know what I was thinking and she's like I I forgot who said what but they're basically like I'm thinking something to and they're like let's say it together Let's go We should bring a tramp let's bring a tramp We just let it dance let and again y'all this what is so sad about this it's just that damn if just if women would just learn to speak up But you know what that's not what a woman does so she just hold on to her belief She's the way for a man. Yeah, this way. I tell her what you want
Starting point is 00:51:37 Oh, they'll they'll come to you or they won't and you'll die alone Yeah, anti-feminist try disguised as feminism. And it makes me soo mad. I just wish they had like a sassy gay friend. He was like, girl. And what was the sassy gay friend? What was the man who was a sassy gay friend? I'm like actually a little sassy.
Starting point is 00:51:59 Oh my phone man. Yeah, I feel like this is for this man. Like in a movie where like they just didn't develop anyone. They could have just inserted one in for just one scene. Be like, girl. There was one black woman going in the sprouts. They did have that. They did have that.
Starting point is 00:52:21 They did have that. They did have that. They did have that. They did have that. I mean, sprouts. It's sort of, you know, it's on way sprouts. It is the gay best friend, right? I mean, the sprouts is the gay best friend of two. That's true. You're always, you're always not knowing how close you are
Starting point is 00:52:34 to fucking someone that looks like Ryan Gosling with the Gaussian filter on him. Yeah, that sprouts. That's so sprouts. It is a gay old food sprouts. So now we're at the wedding. And so Sloan brought Farouk, right? Uh-huh. And then here's something that doesn't quite track. Jackson brings Aunt Susan. I was like,
Starting point is 00:52:52 well they met at Easter and she's, members she said she liked him. She liked somebody in a furry costume. So that was the instigating moment. So this movie is one of the only few things that tracked them. I'm gonna be honest here. It's like kind of only one thing went, oh yeah, that happened before. This movie is trying to do that thing where there's like a whole cast of characters that are kind of wacky and they all kind of like wind up with each other in strange ways, but it doesn't quite work, you know know and but this is one of the ones where they try to do it and I was like okay alright okay so they're both trying to make each other jealous across the room and Kristen Chenoweth is of course being like really sexual and stuff and he only pretends to be in it when the girl
Starting point is 00:53:40 from the help is watching and then C.rice to be really into Farouk which is just really cold of Farouk I did not like how Farouk is treated at this film now and then Kristen Chenoweth is like sucking on his His deep finger Bangle surgery finger and inviting it to I'm like, could you please not She was like testing it to see if she can feel it. I I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.
Starting point is 00:54:08 I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.
Starting point is 00:54:16 I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.
Starting point is 00:54:24 I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. and has to be good with his fingers. And for once, when they told us everything, they didn't finish their line that would have made a slash. She's like, so he could finger bang my gooch. But that's what she should have said. I just don't think you can tell everything by man's hands. Again, like left, that's a plot line on the floor. I love that your gay word for vagina is a character from MAME. It's true, it is.
Starting point is 00:54:51 He always says goose. So, so now things truly fall this is I think this might be a turning point in the movie because things really fall apart in this scene and in the movie. So, you would think at this point, oh, it's the climax, it's the climax, right? It's the wedding, it's the wedding, it's the wedding. It's the only labor day, Ronnie. Don't be ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:55:09 So then it's, so you would think, oh, they have other dates. Now they're going to get, this is complications. So then they meet up at like the, at the bar, the open bar, and it's clear that the complications have no bearing on their situation whatsoever. And they're talking and They're like they're sort of having like fake a fake argument, but it's not like a real argument about like Maybe we should rethink this holiday thing that I don't know But then there's a moment that's supposed to be a comic set piece
Starting point is 00:55:37 But again like literally makes no sense. I don't know if they didn't set up Maybe you're supposed to be some sort of like loss and translation moment But there's now a father daughter dance and this is Liz's father. So he's an Asian American man I don't know if he's an American Asian man and he starts dancing to I'll make love to you by boys to men Everyone's like oh no. He doesn't know what that song is up. Oh, it felt really gross Yeah, and what's worse is Kimmy Schmidt, the show, made the same joke. They did? Really? It's, well, it was with, it wasn't racist though.
Starting point is 00:56:13 Titus Burgess goes to sing at the, her, his, Korean friend's funeral. Who he's, he's trying to avoid paying his rent. And the landlord, Carol Cain, goes. And he he's like and I'm here to sit singing a wedding and he starts singing Close your eyes make a wish she goes. Oh, no, it was supposed to be boys to man into the road. She's like, that's the wrong song So that that was the joke and and so it's been done before yeah the joke and so it's been done before yeah but you're like no set up for it it was supposed to be like this crazy thing and it didn't like it didn't like they didn't even set up the fact that they're because they had to stop it from happening they wouldn't just dance with them I don't think they're
Starting point is 00:57:01 and by the way neither of those self-impaed people would ever do that. They would sit there and laugh. They did that at the New Year's Eve party. There was no way they're going to cut in and laugh. So, you know? So then the couples are trying to make each other jealous still. They're like, well, dance with their dates and look at each other, not look at each other and make each other jealous.
Starting point is 00:57:19 And then Jackson starts twirling Kristin Chenow with the round until she just falls over. And then for Ruth Renz runs over and he's like The Rossi okay I am now He cares are off lord Where we Going off they have chemistry on the Sun and then it's Halloween and guess what she's still single and that makes her very depressed
Starting point is 00:57:47 so she's chocolate because she's just so chubby. This is where I wrote the title. This is where I wrote the title. This is where I wrote a how are there 40 minutes left in the space? Seriously, we were going to do this for a two part of recap. This is going to be Monday through fucking Friday. I never. It's gonna be a holiday recap. It's gonna be like, you don't have a date on your holiday, you listen to this recap. Yeah, it was all day on Christmas. It was 2020 when you started this and it is. 2021 when we're finished, okay?
Starting point is 00:58:18 So the sister is like really excited. Abby's really excited to go to a Halloween party. It's her first adult party since she's had kids and I guess I I guess they couldn't find a babysitter or something like that. So like the husband's not coming. So she's really excited. So they go to this Halloween party and And Jack Jackson's there too Was that intentional? Was he supposed to be there? Were they holidaying at this moment? I don't know. They're not holidaying but he's invited because he's still friends with York. Yes.
Starting point is 00:58:47 Who was party was this? Did I miss that? I was the same people who did the New Year's Eve party. They are promoters. They're promoters. The Jack said he is though, because he's going to be the pirate and then Sloan is the slutty pirate. He's the pirate.
Starting point is 00:59:04 But he does say he picked the costume. So it is. He's a pig. And she was, she was a slutty pirate. We know she's a slutty pirate because she showed a little bit of screaming underclavical. Yes, yes, she's a slutty. Yes, thank you. I was a pirate in 1992 because that's when people actually was 2002, but that's when people were hired. People were trying to be Jack Sparrow. And they even make that reference again. I'm like, whatever. Yeah, but the friend Jackson Jackson's friend dresses as black fanther, but he dresses as a literal black fanther. That was funny. It was that was one of the few details where I laughed out loud. Yeah, it's a visual pun, I liked it. So then,
Starting point is 00:59:45 Kristen Chen with his of course, sexy nurse. Mm-hmm. And Liz is, Oh, and Liz is, and for who could just the doctor? He just put his scrubs. Where could just the doctor? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:55 Liz is a, Liz is Cleopatra, and then you're supposed to come as Mark Anthony, but he comes as Mark Anthony, the second. So that kind of made me laugh too, actually. Me too, I was like, I thought like one funny We also should note because you guys this is gonna come back and it's gonna be so funny that
Starting point is 01:00:11 Sloan's older sister gave her an ant-asset because when you wear a girdle apparently I guess it gives you acid reflux I think it was the candy she was talking about oh I thought she was nervous either way oh maybe because I was like y'all So that was very clear I'm I, I thought she was nervous. Oh, oh, oh, maybe because I was like, so that was very clear. I'm 41 and 210 and fat. I get acid reflux on the daily, but when you're 28 years old and a skinny white blogger, that's why I was like, you don't get acid reflux.
Starting point is 01:00:38 I have acid reflux. Let's see what white side. So then, the girls are all talking like, oh my God, some of stri-eye, and they're all everyone seems kind of itchy. The girl comes in because Luke is there, sexy Luke is there with the police. Thank you. Who invited him? Again, this was the one thing they did right. This is like a soap opera party. Where just everybody in town comes. Also, the felicity is about to give birth in like two days.
Starting point is 01:01:10 Why is she at this party? I guess that tracks because she's like thirsty for attention. For attention. I think she says ridiculous. I just told him we're going to act like our lives aren't going to change after we have a baby. And then this was a total mom joke. But the way that that actor Abby delivered it mainly laughed.
Starting point is 01:01:26 Yeah, she was by and the sister started cracking up. She's like, Oh, you're right, it's not gonna change. Yeah, it's funny to me. Yeah, that was like running, just like this. This scene was on a roll. It was, it was a roll. It was on a roll. We had a hot shirtless guy and jokes that tracked. Yeah, this one was kind of organized, unfortunately. We stopped there.
Starting point is 01:01:53 So, you know another funny, I'm sorry. There was another funny joke I thought, which was that, so she takes the pills because she's like nervous. I think she takes it to calm down. And then Abby is like, oh, you want me to take you home? And Sloan goes, yeah, she goes, oh, She had no intention to take her home. Which I thought was fun to do. Yeah, I do that. Jackson, but she's because and I was I was concerned. I think she was kind of devastated about the baby.
Starting point is 01:02:21 Yeah, she was sad about the baby. Oh, that's what it was. Because so she was really sad about the baby. That devastated her because she wanted to have his baby or did she think that she would one day get back with Luke? Yeah, she still she's still under like that's still her thing like she just can't live without Luke for what. Yeah, she broke down. Yeah, again, that's just like really, it's this dramatic. Yeah, so she freaks out and then she gets in the cab with him, right? She goes on the cabs.
Starting point is 01:02:52 They're going home and we do, by the way, we get a reveal when she revives at the, it was, the older sister. That it was, it was, it was, like a cartoon reveal. It was like, it was like a cartoon reveal Can I have one of those like I wrote all caps is this an anion that made it movie Acme it was like
Starting point is 01:03:14 Accident helps and it was like a giant. It was like a sent Like she pulls out an anvil out of her purse and drops it out like IOT I don't think she had like a little baggie, she's like, Act me, brand laxatives. Here's my box of laxatives. Why is she carrying around laxatives in her bag anyway? So we're like, oh no, she's gonna have the poo person. And as soon as that happens, we get the most disgusting guttural noises that you've ever heard.
Starting point is 01:03:46 It was too real for me. I've been down that path before. I've done that where you're like just trying to get to your front door and you hear those noises and you're like, why is Stranger Things happening inside my stomach? It happened all of it. It happened all of it. Then we get Dumb and Dumber for a little bit. Just for them like the humor. Yeah, like literally just a scene from
Starting point is 01:04:07 dumb and dumb. It's like I know. Then it's like they get through it. She's like crap. He runs in the bathroom and then it next cuts to like you guys. I don't mean to just just what I thought it looks like she's a sexual assault victim I hope I'm with eyeliner under eyes and she's like that really uncomfortable and it was like a moment when I'm like you just washed poop off of her yeah it's that's what I was saying like this must be a moment where it's like oh my god they actually have like there's something like deeper going on between them I'm like he's washing poop off of it I don't think
Starting point is 01:04:44 that you should allow that I don't think that he would allow that. I don't think that she would allow that to be honest. No, I had questions. I was like, did she take a shower first and then he came into the bathroom or did she just sit in the bathtub tub with poop everywhere and there's still poop there and there like, we love each other so I don't care about your poop.
Starting point is 01:04:58 And he just, like, he just like sprayed her off, like, hosing down a hippo at the zoo. I know. It was really hard. Can we also talk about like that this was also a classic like spray her off, like hose and down a hippo at the zoo. I know, yeah. Really weird. Can we also talk about like that this was also a classic thing where like they were in that elevator right before this for so long. It was like, she was, you saw the exerium,
Starting point is 01:05:16 it was like a three story building, and then they're like in there forever, and like the elevator's going up and up and up, I'm like, the door should have been opened by now, and then like it stops at a different floor, and other people see them just as she's saying rip this off of me and this old couple's like You know like the classic then the elevator just goes on for like 10 minutes Yeah, they're mind I'm supposed to be the surprise so y'all just keep going because I've been dying Okay, oh my god
Starting point is 01:05:42 But that's the surprise I feel like that's happened before. And the, oh my god, we'd ruffle some feathers, but yet we've had a come in my mouth joke. I know. And, yeah. Okay, so they wake up in the morning and they're facing each other and he's like, you know what? I'm not going to be awkward about it today. I've washed poop off of you.
Starting point is 01:06:02 So he's like looking at her and his hand is on her shoulder and they stare into each other's eyes and he's like, that's it, we're gonna kiss. So he goes in for it and she's like, Oh, I hate when people kiss in movies in the morning. It's disgusting. And he's like, how about you say you just hate when people kiss in the morning because a bad breath, okay? We have to, we have to, we left that about an hour ago. Yeah, she's traumatized by romantic movies. She just hates them. We have to we we left that about an hour ago Romantic romantic movies you just ate them so he's like moved that blanket a day It's we're making out and so they do and then he takes off his shirt and
Starting point is 01:06:37 It's like full top gun that take my breath away And I'm not expect that I have never seen a movie where a man gets on top and then takes off his shirt like a woman in a Skittamax movie. It was very, this was the one thing. Especially after she's just shattered. That's what I thought too. I know. I know, I like that they act like diarrhea.
Starting point is 01:07:00 It's like, oh, it just happens in five seconds and then everything's OK and you just fuck somebody. Nope. This was like a monster that came out happens in five seconds and then everything's okay and you just fuck somebody. Nope, nope. That's like a monster that came out of me. That's like an event. Like you take five accidents. Yeah, that's going all night long. That's an all night long, people.
Starting point is 01:07:13 Okay, so after it's kind of, she thinks he's gonna wanna leave. And so she's like, well, I guess you should, I mean, you can go if you want to. Go ahead, you just leave if you want to. And he's like, what? You won't need to leave. ahead, just leave if you want to. And he's like, what? You want me to leave? Oh, I'm gonna die. And then Abby runs in, like,
Starting point is 01:07:29 like she walks in the door, it's like, bangs on it, it's like fucking, what's this Neil Simon, a Neil Simon play, and she runs it, she's like, I made it out and committed adultery and everybody goes, whoa. I'm gonna get you. Whoa. She kissed the black panther.
Starting point is 01:07:45 Yeah. And I was like, this is serious. And it's just like, it was so far afield. And then she's like, Peter's the saint. How can I do this to Peter? I'm like, really? Because we haven't seen him. We saw him in the first scene of the movie.
Starting point is 01:08:01 And we haven't seen him since. I just noticed the guy from SNL. And Alex Mark, I can't believe I did this to him. And then Jackson comes out. I'm in the first scene of the movie and we haven't seen him since I just noticed the guy from SNL Alex look I can't believe I did this damn and then Jackson comes out and he's like good morning, amy Oh, I've just been hurt on my feelings. How are you this morning? After I rolled all doge assist all night long All the way don't go in the bathroom. We still have some more cleaning up But one day you just like to wash your down. Would you like me to wash the adult's real cleaning up to cleaning up a spurting anus We really had it
Starting point is 01:08:33 Wow, so then so then so then Abby's like wait a second Even though I just destroyed my marriage. Let's talk about something more. You guys have sex. Yeah Even though I just wrecked my children's lives. Totally. Let's talk about your bag. I know. No, we didn't. She was a dream.
Starting point is 01:08:53 Yeah, I was a dream. I was a dream. And it's like, we didn't have sex. Fine. And he's like all in his emotions about it. Yeah, so they get all hurt. They get all but hurt with each other But hurt
Starting point is 01:09:08 He goes across to the his friend again. I can't remember his name. I just keep writing friend. Yeah, Tom I guy. Yeah, and he's like oh, I didn't get a cheat name. You know, all for a cup of coffee Yeah, yeah, I was like why are they having this tension right now? I don't understand this tension Because this turns into this turns into they turn into the girls, right? Because they're turning into everything they've been complaining about. So he's like, oh, I've never been asked to leave. And he's like, and she didn't even call you. He's like, no, that is so funny.
Starting point is 01:09:35 No one's ever done that before. Isn't it funny when guys are not to be the girls after all? Oh my god. Oh my god, guys, we're all the same. Morning, morning, we're going the same morning we're gonna flip the script that I'm telling my third of fam was funny let's write that in yeah and then the friend is like kind of into at lit sister he's really into the sister and so he's like you know what you should do you should go to Thanksgiving
Starting point is 01:09:59 just to make her jealous and take me with you. That would show where they're like coming up with wacky high-tech. Yeah, wake up that family. I know. But here's the deal. He says that. But they never bring them up. And he doesn't come. He does. I was like, are you, are you, are you telling me you're gonna raise the stakes on this like adultery situation, but like not? Again, that pulled in Andarla. they walked right up to and said, Tiam, get my pies. Like wow, imagine the awkwardness around that Thanksgiving table. When Abby is with her husband and the guy she kissed and she hasn't fessed up yet, I wonder if it's all going to come out or we could not do that. No, we could just forget that plot line all together.
Starting point is 01:10:39 Why does it make her bring a pie? Well, happy Thanksgiving everybody and Kristen Chenoweth, of course, is like, me, my name is Fran Warren. And it's the dad from Wonder Years. Yeah, he's like, Walla, like, my little crispy. Yeah, and so then there was like this time is full on deliverance. And since they've like clearly cut out pages of the movie to make it fit, they don't even try to make a realistic courtship between the mom and Wal-Wheel.
Starting point is 01:11:09 He walks in with Kristen Chenowith and then smells turkey burning and he walks into the kitchen and is like, hey, y'all, look, look, it looks like your turkey's burning. It's like, wow. It's just a woman who cooks a turkey. That's what I'm into. He has like, stars, hearts in his eyes. You and me are the oldest people here, Dane. We did.
Starting point is 01:11:28 And he's like, oh, Chris Bittergish, like, well, I hope it's not burnt. And then literally she checks on it, it's not burnt. Spoiler alert, two minutes later. It's burnt. It's like on fire. By the way, it already looked burnt. And the whole needle is burned.
Starting point is 01:11:43 It did look a little crisp. Who's cooking all those things at the same time in the oven Anyway, I know you cooked that stuff after take the turkey out. Yeah, that that was probably that was one of the fakes things in this movie That I've been could even hold all that stuff in it So the mom's a super upset somebody better get to the store. We have to do all of this again And then we get the gay character, everybody. Send the single one. So we have another is Jackson coming because I don't want to take off the leaf. Yeah, Jackson's coming and he brings a pie, which is great.
Starting point is 01:12:15 But then I'm sorry, I was too quick to say, then we get the gay character of now they're in sprouts. Yes, they drive just sprouts. Sprouts has clearly sponsored sprouts. And Toyota have drive just sprouts. Sprouts is clearly sponsored. Sprouts and Toyota have sponsored this movie. It's basically my life. And they're in sprouts and there's awkwardness. They're just like walking around sprouts awkwardly
Starting point is 01:12:34 because there's weird tension for no reason. For no reason. She's eating potato chips. Because remember, only garbage can go in her body. White cell is like, I need awkwardness and sprouts, okay? Need it to be real. So she's eating chips angrily and he's like, she's like eat a chip and he's like, you know, I don't eat that shit. Oh, we're just gonna pretend nothing happened between us.
Starting point is 01:12:56 Like, clean the poop off of ya! And so now she's really mad and so she's like storming away in the sprouts. And he's like, what are you so mad about? You're the one to say to leave that morning and she's like you didn't even want to have sex with me and there's a little kid there and then that's when the lady's like hmm I'm not gonna leave she could come out and so yeah and then she's like you don't want to have sex with me you think I'm ugly you forget that she's really hanging on to that and then he's so then that's when he gets Another monologue from what was it monologue dot biz dot org?
Starting point is 01:13:30 Monologues. Yes monolog by Alfred Dott. Okay. He's like oh I was simrand and Blake at the mall What do you think would have happened if I said you're incredibly beautiful with these lips that are begging to be kissed? to play beautiful with these lips that are begging to be kissed, eyes that I don't know what they are, but they make me forget me own name. And there's just no way you would have gone out with me. An extremely handsome man who's a professional athlete who's taken interest in you and complimented you. It never would have happened.
Starting point is 01:14:00 It never with an accent in a country where people sexualize your accent This is the one time they're like okay Tiffany was like okay every time in this movie I'm gonna take a famous movie quote and I'm gonna make it better but at the end I'm gonna save it I'm gonna write my own words what's in my own heart and that's we realized it was better before And then you see me with my sprouts car being like, could you please get out of the aisle? I'm trying to get to the garbanzo. Yes. Could you please feel somewhere else? I need to make a roasted pepper hummus, please move. And then she says, then she literally says, no, no, after all that and every,
Starting point is 01:14:41 every, in every time that you complete me speech happens, every movie is like, okay. Yeah. And then this is where she also betrays her. This is where I got mad because she gets nothing has changed. You can just relax and bang all the cocktail waitresses. And I was like, oh, so she wasn't really just happy having a holiday. And the whole time the woman of course had to have him as a real boyfriend It was all just a trick acting like a cool girl. She was resentful the whole
Starting point is 01:15:09 whole fan Right and I'm and I'm expecting to say there was no wait Triss I lied you know I'm expecting it like oh it's me one of those But he's like no I did actually bang her. Yes, you're right. Yeah, I banged her and guess what Ryan Gosling's not coming He's not ever coming This makes no sense why I would suddenly say his name but Ryan Gosling Ryan Gosling right if you say it three times He'll appear if he did show up here in sprouts then you wouldn't get on that that one Gosling train you would be mean to one Gosling in sprouts And then I saw my thrift shop once he does do his own shopping and then they show the shadow behind her is Ryan Gosling Oh really you think You think it's my own shopping? Zach Snyder of romantic comedies.
Starting point is 01:16:08 I know. I was, I was, she was just, she was just so terrible. So then we go back to the house and, um, Wally is like, oh, I like the leaf on your table. You sexy turkey burner. And, uh, slow, table you sexy turkey burner and Slums like Jackson didn't come back with me. It's all my fault And so I was like oh so this wasn't the climax either Also, where is Bonnie Hunt shouldn't Bonnie Hunt be in this movie? Yeah, it feels like it's a Chicago movie I feel so Bonnie Hunt is way above this movie. Yeah, you're right. That's right. It just felt like you would be here for these one moments.
Starting point is 01:16:46 Oh man. At least be like the checkout woman at Sprouts. It's like a little like, I'm Bonnie Hunt, you know? Oh. So in the middle of this, so then, so my favorite part, actually, my favorite part in the entire movie is that when she says Jackson's and coming to the mom goes, no!
Starting point is 01:17:01 I knew it because I'm a cruel, cruel person. And I lived to hurt my daughter Because they were all struggling to get that leaf in there and then she was like victory as mine Then everything starts precipitating it's just like The sisters like your personal life is a mess and she's like you kiss put you kiss black panther That guy and the guy walks and the husband walks and he's he's like, what do you mean, you kiss that guy? It's all comical. Then Wonder Years' Man has a heart attack and I cackled.
Starting point is 01:17:32 I was like, they're gonna kill off, they're gonna kill off Dan Lauria. Wow. I busted out laughing. I was not sad or concerned. I busted out laughing because of how comical this whole section was. You were serious. Yeah, I assumed Francis Fisher was gonna take him to the hospital and this was gonna get their romance I busted out laughing because of how comical this whole section was and I just
Starting point is 01:17:50 Yeah, I assumed France's Fisher was gonna take him to the hospital and this was gonna get their romance on the road But actually it's Susan and then also What's her for slow? Yeah, Christian's like you're coming to the hospital. You have to come to the hospital come on We'll go together so they go into the hospital and She's like I don't even know this guy. I mean, I had to write his name on my arm. It's on my fault. I guess it's just my fault. So many men love me. But once they get too close, I backed off. So here I am. It aged 49. 49. I think she said that it was a joke, which made me happy because I was concerned. And guess what? Guess who the heart attack doctor is?
Starting point is 01:18:26 It's for Rook. For Rook. For Rook. General medicine is the way to go. He's like, you guys, I just fixed the leg of a horse and now I'm ready to need some heart search. He did. The leg of a horse.
Starting point is 01:18:41 And then they say, she runs up. She's like, no, it's not to be she She wants to be with him and she's like no, I Just need to move away from things. You just you can't let your heart get broken. She sees them and she says I love you Yeah, yeah, because Sloan all of a sudden becomes that person says you have to say something You can't let them go. You have to say something. Wow. Is it weird? I'm giving advice that I could apply to my own life, but I'm not taking it. Yeah, and she's like, okay, but I'm like, uh, you're the most amazing man I've ever met. He's like, then you broke up with me. I'm scared. It's what I do. That's a really good question. I was going
Starting point is 01:19:21 to say it's uncanny. You guys have been both and I had a Christian Chen with me. That's a really good question. I was gonna say it's uncanny. What? You guys have been both and I had a Kristen Chen with me. That's great. You don't even move your forehead like her too. No, her forehead doesn't move. That's the problem. I'm fine with it. Oh. So, um, so he's, she's like, can you please take me back?
Starting point is 01:19:37 And he's like, I can't imagine being happy without you after that amazing wedding we went to together. I love you. That was like a mad magazine joke That was like a magazine joke. It was very rest of the belt. I thought I stay. Give me your finger and pulls it So we're thinking that at this point. Oh, no, never mind. Sorry now. It's Christmas time. So Sloan is looking at her Cinco de Mayo photos from when they got. She's sad. She's read. And actually, I think a book, I think the book was a Nancy Drew book. I think that's a not a. That was. This is the Nancy Myers uh, symbol of being sad of wearing a blanket and reading a book. You love it. Tiffany, Tiffany
Starting point is 01:20:22 Paulson's pulling a housewives and just like putting her own brand of things in there. She's like, wrote that, wrote that show. It's true. And so she's like, I'm gonna go, she's like, I'm gonna go see him. And she goes up to his apartment and she stands kind of by the way, she enters in the key patch. She doesn't know she's gonna press his number or not. And then he walks out the door behind her and she just stands there and he doesn't see her. Because her back's too many. And she walks. there and he doesn't see her because her backs too many
Starting point is 01:20:45 Walk and so she doesn't think she doesn't think for a moment like I just came all the way over to his apartment To say hi to him and I'm trying to find his buzzer and then oh he walked out the door So I maybe I'll turn around and say Jackson, but she no She lost her she lost the guts guys and by the way they weren't in a mall So that has to be Reminied let's go We're in the mall now. Oh, it's the mall at Christmas. It's the best choir. I've ever seen it Christmas at the mall Dracks. It's the drag for a gospel choir. Yes. Yes. Only choir. I've ever seen other Christmas at the mall at Christmas They sure but I didn't want to just all pass I wear a crew up because I thought maybe that was just normal everywhere else and
Starting point is 01:21:24 But you guys who she at them all with? The girls. Who owls her family? Our family. Our family. Where is everybody's mind now? Oh, I'm talking family. Yeah, apparently they've made up now
Starting point is 01:21:36 after the adultery. Yeah, really? That whole thing about trying to ruin my marriage is fine. Let's get the things from everyone. The broad things are the surface that they could address. That goes into things forgotten. Okay. Things forgot, yes, exactly.
Starting point is 01:21:48 They, it's like what, what do we do? How do we, what's the happen stance that these two meet each other and see each other again and we'll just put them on the escalator. We'll just do that. That's a classic escalator shot of him coming down and her coming up and they look at each other It's a white cell classic. Yeah, it's a trail town Chicago It's a white cell. We got to have an escalator. What do you know? That's what we got ahead I'm afraid me to bite say come and write that so they
Starting point is 01:22:19 They go up and they're like go after him. She's like no, this is not fake. He lives at the fucking mall They're like stopping bitter and horrible. Did you no, this is not fake. He lives at the fucking mall They're like stopping bitter and horrible. Did you just ask your cigarette out on Santa's hand? Go and so she decides to run down and she's pushing people out of her way Ron, you forgot to mention there was a really edgy part where the little nine year old girl says aunt Sloan Living life is giving you a moment. Don't fuck it up on nine and I said fuck. Ooh, burn it. She was like, I'm gonna be the new McCulley Culkin. Watch this, everybody.
Starting point is 01:22:51 Watch this. She's a big fucking bulliet school, I bet. So she runs down and she's screaming. Jackson, Jackson. And then she stands on Santa's chair and screams. Jackson. And still, no one can hear her. So what do we do, y'all? What do we do? I wish we had a witty choir. And he's on Santa's chair and screams. And still, no one can hear her.
Starting point is 01:23:05 So what do we do, y'all? What do we do? I wish we had a witty choir. The choir sings in perfect harmony without being. Yeah, just as Jacob and I were both, well, y'all are singers. We all were like, I'm like, they would never know what chord to do.
Starting point is 01:23:19 No. No one's gone. No one's gone. Also, if you think that like, I am supposed to be on her side while she pushes all those people to the side on the escalator, no, you just take the escalator down like every other normal person. If you did that to me, oh my goodness. Yeah, that's on Santa's chair.
Starting point is 01:23:37 I mean, the other- It's presumptuous. She starts going to him and saying things, I missed you. I'm blah, blah, blah. You know, I was wrong. And the best part of this are the background actors who are saying, yeah. Oh, there's like Midwestern cheese monger woman who just go, oh, no.
Starting point is 01:23:59 And here's a deal. I don't know. I don't think that they went to Monologue's by Alfred on this one because this was the worst monologue This was in the entire movie. It's the best one. I think white cell wrote this one not Tiffany Yeah, white cell took over I'm gonna use my fifth wedding bells. I'm telling you they're gonna work You know when this might not seem like the best ending in the world, but Francis Fish is gonna sell the fuck out of it.
Starting point is 01:24:28 I'm gonna get this one. So she goes through the whole, you know, typical thing. I'm a scant, I'm letting you go, it's been one of the toughest mistakes I've ever made. I quit smoking free, I quit chocolate because I realized I'm finally ready for a relationship. And only now I'm smoking people who can't do my job. Santa's sharing the tear.
Starting point is 01:24:56 Again, oh that was so terrible. Yeah, Santa was crying actually. I forgot. And she's like, I know I'm probably too late, but honestly, you're the only one I wanna go through chemo with and everyone's like, I know I'm probably too late, but honestly, you're the only one I want to go through chemo with and everyone's like, oh, that's the weirdest catch phrase I've ever heard. That's a strange call back. She's like, just kidding. I don't have cancer. Okay. I have scarred back.
Starting point is 01:25:19 At this point, you're thinking that's the weirdest callback this movie could have possibly made. And so then he, and then she's like, if it was the worst thing's given in my life. And so then he's like, he smiles like he's going to go back to her and then he's like, no, and then he walks away. And you're like, no, but then he turns around and he like runs towards her. They run to each other and they kiss. And then he goes, that speech was cockamé me. Ha ha ha. Remember when you said that 11 and a half months ago?
Starting point is 01:25:50 White side goes cock print! Cockamé me! And we clean out on cockamé me! Oh God. You're in a cop addiction. I'm moving the guy with it. I'm it. Can't look hands.
Starting point is 01:26:02 Yeah. And we get our drone shot and then it's the nice ending to make us all cry a little They're on a plane and they're seeing fireworks together. They're in Australia with the gang of rags And then for rags with Kristen Chen and we get hoarse on a parachute Yeah, and all this is serious fucking her husband again in Vegas. They're remarried. They get remarried again Because I guess they fixed it, which is great. Somehow this movie becomes all about travel in the end. It does.
Starting point is 01:26:33 It's like we've got every business in case. Yeah, it's amazing, right? So there's a lot. It's just basically they were like, hey, we have this screen screen studio and Van Eyes that we can use on Sunday. This is how we're going to end this movie. Yeah. We have a bunch of people to shoot one last bracelet. And the black guy gets he's with the the the cook the cult family. Yeah. Yeah. And our beddies coming in our mouth. And mom and Wally are together and then Liz and York get tattoos
Starting point is 01:27:08 They are what a funny arc for her because remember she didn't want to say fuck and now she has a tattoo It is nighttime here now where I am We did we just did almost a three hour. Oh my God. That was a holiday. This was as long as a holiday. Oh my God. That was double the link to the movie. This was it. It was true.
Starting point is 01:27:32 This is actually kind of though. It's like, you know, we're all men. And we waited so long to do this little crossover. And this was like an explosion. We all just orgasmed together. Oh God, this is like a kick pop, like a kick pop. Yeah, guys. This was really, really fun. Thank you so much for doing this.
Starting point is 01:27:48 It was fun, guys. Hello people. It was 90 day gays. Come listen to watch a crap and some people watch a crap and go listen to 90 day gays. Yes, because you all do shows for our list. You have like what, four or five shows every week. We do six.
Starting point is 01:28:01 45,000 shows per week. Six or seven, some weeks we do seven. We split one of them. And then Patreon shows. Yeah, well, we're gonna keep on doing them and you're probably 2021 by now when must you are hearing this. So happy fucking new, you're ain't
Starting point is 01:28:17 it much better than 2020. It's true. We should say for people listening to the five, we should have said this beginning, but oh well, for people listening to the podcast, if you want to see a video of this, it's on our Patreon here and or it's on the Crappens Patreon so you can join. Yeah, choose your Patreon. Let's have a Patreon wall.
Starting point is 01:28:33 Yeah, this will be like, no, Lisa left ILO Paz challenged the other members of TLC to reach release a song and whoever charted the highest would be the winner. Oh, burn. It's true. That has been the best burn. Well, we really appreciate you all so much. And you know, you've been kind of like like mentors for us. And so people are like, thanks for saying that.
Starting point is 01:28:53 That's so nice. And I'm like, no, Ben and Ronnie do it the best. And you really do. No, thank you so much. I love you. Love you. This is the best. I'm really proud of you.
Starting point is 01:29:01 Everything you guys are doing out there in the world, kicking us. Everybody loves you. Everybody's asking us all the time about you guys are doing out there in the world kicking ass everybody loves you Everybody's asking us all the time about you guys, so there we did it. Yeah, stop stop saying those things. That's just Kaka-Mami Maybe it is me Christmas happy holidays and Kwanzae y'all Dennis white side Going in all Just got dollared.
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