Watch What Crappens - No London Calling for Ramona

Episode Date: July 4, 2012

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From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Countess speaking. We have arrived. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast devoted to all things Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and joining me as always

is Ronnie Karam from tvgasm.com. Hi, Ronnie. Hey, everybody. And Matt Whitfield from Yahoo! Yahoo! TV, in fact. Hey, Matt, what's going on? Holler, as Heather would say. No, you pronounce the R. She just says holla. Holla. Like holla the

delicious bread? Well, that's more of a holla. Well, you would be the category expert She says it like that desperate white girl Referencing Missy Elliott from like 10 years ago Hey she worked with Sean John And Beyoncé So she's down with them I think she really thinks she's got some cred

Because she worked at House of Darion You know what I'm saying Right like when you work with Solange Knowles You have some urban appeal. It's like the way I once played video games with Method Man and that makes me like 75% black.

Don't you know? What is the 25% part that's not black in your penile area? I already need a permission slip and we've been recording for 13 seconds no comment no comment um anyway uh we've gotten off to a wonderful start already um but there's so much to talk about as always bravo has given us so many gems while we start off with gossip as usual um i know we've got two very fiery pieces of gossip that happened the same day almost the

exact same time here in Los Angeles. The first was that Lisa Vanderpump's mansion, her former mansion, burned to the ground. How could you make a fire joke? We grew up in that house. I know, I know. I'm sorry. It wasn't a joke. It was more of a pun. I really did feel sad.

I felt like that house meant something to me. How fucking sad is that? That is something like I would say fucking sad is that? That is sickening. That is something like I would say, not something that you would say. I'm having my period. I think I'm going to die when I'm 70 because I'm having my midlife crisis this week. I'm teary about stuff.

I'm buying new cars. Uh-oh. Like letting the hair on my chest grow out. You have an earring. You are looking like Harrison Ford. You're dating a 19-year-old lady. Boy. You got married to Calista Flockhart.

Twink equivalent. Yeah, I'm doing the helicopter on myself just so I don't look tiny in my underwear when I'm changing at the gym. It all works. It's all good, Ronnie. What is going on, people? What is happening? Here's what's going on. It's all good, Ronnie. What is going on, people? What is happening? Here's what's going on. Or as Andy Cohen would say, here's what.

Lisa Vanderpump's old mansion burned down. Luckily, no one got hurt, I believe. They moved out of that place. Okay, let's get to the point. Did Cedric set the fire? Yes, he set it. Because he is so gay that he walked by and was flaming and it just erupted.

He is the human gay torch. And he didn't have our new address. He wouldn't give it to him. He's probably looking for his hidden stash of Skittles that he stowed probably in the pool house. And he died. Oh, the slam. Suggesting that Cedric would eat a Skittle is like the most offensive thing we've ever said about Cedric. Listen, he was a street urchin in Paris.

And he knows how to get by on little morsels, okay? Lisa, may I have some more? Oliver! He used to sleep in a blanket under the Eiffel Tower with a baguette under his arm every morning. His mom was Fantine from Les Miserables

and she was a whore and she turned tricks while he was trying to go to sleep. And he was running away from Javert or she died of consumption is that javert or jean valjean who's jean valjean was i think being chased by javert and who was on who's cosette and all this here's the thing i hate les mis okay so i don't i just know a bunch of characters and i forget what they all did but i know that i hated that musical game it, my God, your gainage should fall off for saying that. Who's Cosette? Somebody's Cosette, and there's a castle on a cloud somewhere.

Yeah, that's the little poor bitch who had to sweep because her mom was the hooker. Oh, that sounds like Brandy Glanville. Wait, was that in like the Master of the House da-da-da-da-da thing? Yes, the horror fontine, Patti LuPone, gave birth to Cedric and then died, and then Cedric got adopted by these horrible hotel people who used him as a maid and a sex object and sang Castle on the Cloud. And these hotel people would be played by the club people, the Vanderpumps in this case. Yes, yes. This is getting really confusing slash incredibly interesting. By the way, it's already ten times more entertaining than the actual Les Mis.

I'm going to tell you that right now. Now, here's the thing. They say you're either into Les Mis or Phantom of the Opera, and I liked Phantom of the Opera. And I personally would also like to see a real Housewives recreation of Phantom of the Opera. Let me tell you, the Vegas Spectacular at the Venetian is to die for. Really? Yeah. Do they have a solid chandelier falling?

Yes, and it looks like one that was probably in the Vanderpump Mance. Well, it probably was donated from the Maloose. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Well, I think that Patti Luplone should be in every Housewives show. I agree. She should be on our podcast. She could yell at us.

Lisa, why were you being snotty to me about my shoes? I don't appreciate the way you talked about my shoes. Lisa. And I thought I was the gayest. Here, I'm going to up the gayness. I'm going to say I would like some Ellen Green in the mix, too. Who the hell is that? We're talking Broadway stars here, okay?

Oh, my God. Let's steer this shit back. Lisa Vanderpump's old mansion kind of burned to the ground. Who gives a shit? Not me. And I think they may have been filming across the street at the Maloofs because I think I read an article saying that they stopped filming because of everything. So maybe it will be on TV. I'm sure it will be.

I hope. So the other thing that happened on the same day is actually a much more tragic thing, which is that, I don't know, if you live in Los Angeles, you probably have heard that some guy threw himself off the parking garage at the Grove and committed suicide, and he landed right at the most traffic-y area in between these two

restaurants, right by the concert. Right across from the movie theater, right by the fountain, the entrance. And it's horrible. It's terrible my new york accent just came out there but like horrible that's so horrible get mario but um like little kids saw it family saw it as a terrible terrible thing so of course brandy glanville she tweeted something like a joke about like i don't know what the joke was but she joked about this guy jumping off uh the grove what'd she say something Something like, oh my god, there was

a sale at Abercrombie and he was trying to get there faster? Or like what? Or was it like mean? She probably made a tasteless joke, which is along the lines of the tasteless joke that I made, which is that, you know what, the Grove will make a lot of people commit suicide some days. You said that? Yeah, don't go there on the weekend. Well, the parking structure will. I did not tweet it out.

The parking structure really will make you do it. It will drive you to that point. Well, I'm more about murdering people than murdering myself. Agreed. But here's the thing, though. It's terrible that this guy committed suicide. It's terrible that he did it in the way he did, which was he really exposed a lot of people to seeing some awful things. But Brandi made a joke.

But then she had to pull back. She then later apologized. Did she delete the tweet? I think so. But people have been bullying her since and being like you're so insensitive you're so mean and her response i think i can actually pull up her response was in typical brandy fashion where she basically was like look i'm really sorry but you know what those two sides really selfish so she said yeah good for her she good for her she It is selfish, you know? Especially to do it there.

Like, that guy jumped off. There were, like, I read, like, there were eight-year-old little girls who saw this and were screaming and crying. They're traumatized for life. Oh, please. They have plastic surgery moms and philandering dads and maids that raise them. That's worse than a guy splattering on the floor. I thought you were going to say that they had plastic surgeons to, like, somehow, like, to help them. Like, later when they're self-loathing because of this incident, they'll have plastic surgeons to make them feel better about their bodies at least.

Which is true. No, that was your thought. That's where I took it. Hey, remember two minutes ago when we were talking about Les Mis? We can do that again. We can go back there. I dream a dream of time gone by. Ronnie, do you have any more gossip?

Because I have a gossip question if you don't have anything else to reveal. Well, Ad Age, the famous, wonderful magazine known for its gossip. I always go there to get all my celebrity scoop. Ad Age. Bookmarked. I can't wait. Ad Age came out this week and is reporting that the Real Housewives of New York fired the three ladies that they fired because of negative feedback on social media. Now, I don't know. I mean, I know that.

I think we would never have a cast if that were the truth. Okay. Right? Right. You cannot read anybody. I mean, Taylor Armstrong still has a damn job. And that was some of the meanest stuff i've ever seen on social media i'm sorry but any like feedback is good feedback and even if we were talking shit about kelly ben simone and cindy barshop and alex mccord and jules aaron

guess what at least we were talking about them now do you think i care to tweet about aviva drescher because i don't i know i would rather tweet about patty lapone and ellen green in my fantasy real housewives musical no kidding i know that just sounds better than the entire new season of the new york clearly there's more to the story and in fact um someone i was speaking to someone this weekend who read andy cohen's biography because i sure as hell have not, although I hear it's good. And she said that, like, he has really nice things to say about all the housewives except Jill Zarin. And this girl says that he sort of skirts around Jill Zarin, which makes me think that at least in the case of Jill that she probably got canned because Andy didn't like her.

Yeah, and now the fucked up thing is he's afraid to talk about it because he fears her wrath. And I'm like, you know what? Get some balls. Well, he can get sued, I guess, if he talks too much at a school. Well, yeah, but if he's skirting just around her, I mean, it just makes it more obvious. And it's kind of like, just address it. All I know is that he doesn't follow her. And I want to get to the bottom of this.

I want to know what happened well the rumor that the rumor about what happened is that she tried and it came out on the um one of the 18 hours of reunions last year or two years ago was that she was trying to control things behind the scenes and get people fired and you know hired based on who she liked by talking everybody else into filming with them more more specifically i think that the straw that broke the camel's back is when jill was trying to convince the other housewives not to tape with bethany during the third season and i think that bravo and specifically andy who knew he had a star on his hands with bethany in a spinoff probably in the works, don't fuck with my cash cow

because then you're going to be the one to be going home. You know, she does not have hiring and firing authority. Only at Zarin Fabrics. Only at Zarin Fabrics. But the thing is this, though, last year's reunion didn't... Wasn't there a big accusation that Ramona told people not to film with Luann

or Jill or something like that? Look, I mean, look, reality check is all of these women probably have these conversations before every season starts. And they're probably all scurrying like little rats to figure out who my alliances are going into that season so that they, you know, at least have one buddy to tape with. I mean, well, who the hell knows what's going to happen with Sonya? I mean, at some point, it's just going to be her and her fucking toaster. Yeah, that's a great alliance, by the way.

That's a great alliance. That's a stronger alliance than two women. I would rather be allied with an inanimate object that I can stuff food into rather than any of these other women. And by the way, let's get into New York City. And this is a perfect transition because we can talk about the fact that Aviva has been going around petrified that people think that she's allied with Ramona. Well, that's an interesting way to take it. What way would you take it?

She's obviously allying herself with Ramona, don't you think? No, she's aligning herself with everybody because all she does you think? No, she's aligning herself with everybody because all she does is stick her nose up everybody's asses and I'm sick of it. She is annoying. They need to just change the title to the show and just call it Old Ladies Hurting

Each Other's Feelings for No Reason. If they did that, I would watch that. Well, I still watch it, but I would You didn't invite me to London. You hurt my feelings, but you started it. Okay, back to Aviva for a second. I'm sorry. Has anybody stirred the shit pot more than her in a 42-minute episode?

She takes her leg and she puts it into a cauldron and stirs it up like crazy. That's what I'm saying. I mean, does she just have nothing better to – I mean, is she – it into a cauldron and stirs it up like crazy. That's what I'm saying. I mean, does she just have nothing better to... I mean, is she... Yes, she's a housewife. She's a housewife. The answer is yes. She has nothing better to do than to rename her children every day and then cause shit.

Okay, but at least some of these other people have careers going on. So this poor woman, and not to say that being a mom is not a career because it is. I don't want to catch that flack. What I'm saying is... Oh, it is not a career because it is i don't want to catch that flack what i'm saying is oh it is not over here okay ron that was ronnie at tv gas oh sorry yes we'll get back to those later ben you totally fucked up the beginning anyway what i'm trying to say is it's like this woman has nothing better to do and we're only like six episodes in if that and i'm like if she has nothing better to do and we're only like six episodes in if that

and i'm like if she has nothing to do at this point why is she even on this show because everyone fucked her husband and people thought that like oh i forgot very good point i'm too too shay too shay see everyone thought she'd get all mad about it and instead she's just been sort of generally you know pleasant and uh a shitster but she hasn't been like a fun shit stirrer and this week we saw her sort of get caught in the middle of ramona and heather but you know she kind of just she she got she got off easy i think she's not gonna do herself any favors i think at the end of this episode i was kind of like i think ramona and heather both think she's a bitch yeah well well yeah i mean ramona not going to trust her now, and Heather's not

going to trust her now. Sorry. By the way, Heather gets negative points for giving us the imagery of what it's actually like deep inside Ramona's rectum. Oh, yeah. It's dark.

What's he say? Cavernous. She was like, Aviva is all the way up Ramona's ass. That's not a good place to be. It's dark in there. There's stalactites and stalagmites. There's those little cartoon spiders that come down, you know, then go back up again with googly eyes.

That was pretty awesome. They all went shopping together this week because Heather's trying to make it up to Ramona. Well, you would make it up to her by just inviting her to London, not suggesting another whole day of shopping when she's the only one not invited. But that was really funny when they had that confrontation in the store. And then Carol

got that news about her book being turned into a TV show. A TV show about being a widow. Everyone cheers for her and then Ramona's like, did I tell you my wine's going to be in Target? I have to say, actually, that's kind of a big deal, especially considering apparently no one else in the entire country carries Ramona's wine. So the fact that she got it into Target is pretty awesome, but it was not the right time to announce it for sure.

Well, way to find your – oh, God, I was going to say your Target audience, but I didn't want to be that cheesy, and I didn't even mean it as a pun. But, I mean, Target is like the perfect Ramona Pinot Grigio audience. You know, the thing is this. I actually like Ramona Pinot Grigio. So knowing that's at Target, I'd be more than happy to go buy some. It is better than Anthony's. Yeah, I mean, sorry. We got real serious over this Pinot Grigio

discussion. I'm sorry. It's my fault because I took it down. I got serious about the Pinot Grigio. I'm like, guys, let's stop talking for a moment and let's talk about this Pinot Grigio, okay? It's important that I got on the target. This is important news. I thought that Heather

and Ramona's odd reconciliation that was not really a reconciliation at that store was ridiculous because they both didn't refuse to admit that they were offended by each other. No. Okay, look. Here's my two cents. Fuck Ramona. That's what I have to say. Fuck Heather. I love Heather.

I'm starting to love Heather. Why? Number one, her child is adorable. And you have to root for him and you have to root for her and all the shit that she has gone through as a mother with a child who's had a liver transplant. Was he not the cutest kid ever? Yes. Doesn't she realize that the way to cure her poor son is to introduce him to Beyonce and have Beyonce just touch him magically, and then all will be well. I don't know why she hasn't figured this out.

Bring him to the House of Darion. Because she probably hates Beyonce, and that's why she doesn't work with her anymore. She's probably Team Kelly Rowland, as I am. She probably didn't invite Beyonce to London once, and then that was the falling out. Anyway, I like this back. I invited Michelle Williams and Kelly because I can just let my hair down. But Beyonce, I don't know. She's just so unfiltered.

She is. Have you seen those dance moves? Well, listen. You know what? Beyonce, remember those commercials where all she wanted was a boomerang? Would you take someone like that to London? Oh, God. Enough with the boomerang.

No. She needs to stay home with Blue Ivy. That's why Heather wouldn't bring it. I like Heather. I like Heather. I like Heather. I like her kid. I like that when Aviva was being a monster at the beginning of the show and was stirring that cauldron with her broken ass leg and kept going like, well, actually, I think you're a mean girl. Heather said, actually, I don't like her.

That's why I didn't invite her. Yeah. You know who does that? Mean girls. Okay. But can we at least give her some credit for just saying like, yeah, I kind of don't want to be friends with her. So what? No, actually, I will tell you why I will not give her credit because I think the reasoning is fine for why she didn't invite Ramona.

She's like, you know what? She's on filter. But like Aviva said, she's not owning any of it. If she owned it, she wouldn't have. What do you mean? She admitted that you didn't want to invite her. No, no, no. not owning any of it she refused if she owned it what do you mean she admitted she admitted no no no no no no she didn't own it because when she had the chance to tell ramona the reason why she didn't invite her she she should have said listen you know you're a very unfiltered person you've

said it before and i just have business colleagues and i'm sorry this is this is not um this is not something i feel comfortable doing i you know i feel like where we got off to a rocky start whatever instead she invited her on this fake-ass trip, fake-ass shopping trip, which was total bullshit. You know what? And also, who said last week that they're basically the same woman at the end of the day? I mean, look at what Heather did this week. They walk into a store, and she's like, hey, Aviva, show them your fake leg. Oh, my God, you guys.

Look at her fake leg. Don't try and give her shoes. It mortifies everybody in the store. And then she – Wait, wait, wait. Ramona does come in. She's like, this is my friend Ramona. She needs a makeover.

Yeah. Give her a makeover. Let's stuff her in something that makes her look like an emu. The first episodes of this show were all about Aviva talking about her fake leg. So if Aviva is not going to shut the fuck up about it, why should anybody else? Well, Aviva's been talking about it to, like, us in the confessionals, you know? Well, I talk about dicks I want to suck, but if I walked into a party and someone was like, this is Ronnie, my dick-sucking friend, I wouldn't be very happy about it. It's my prerogative to talk about it if I want to, not yours.

Exactly, exactly. Note to self, when we about it if I want to, not yours. Exactly. Note to self, when we go out, I'm going to say that. Fine. Fine. You say it. Why would I be that dirty on a podcast? I don't know.

I think it's because it's party time. You guys, why aren't we out wasted at a bar doing this podcast right now? It's the night before the 4th. I know. It's America's day. I don't drink calories. Sorry. Oh, we It's America's birthday. I don't drink calories. Sorry. Oh, well, we'll give you something clear.

Speaking of regal things like America, let's talk about Luann for a second. When is she going to come up? Oh, wait, wait, wait. We have to talk about this damn TV show that's going to be made out of Carol's book. Hey. Okay, so they're going to make a TV show out of sex and dating for widows or the widow's guide to sex and dating. First of all, I'm glad that Carol Channing has a comeback vehicle for a TV show because I think she's going to be great on that show. But who do you guys think should star in that show if Carol Channing decides to go back on tour with Hello Dolly, who do you think should star? Jack Hay.

Oh, my husband did. I 100% agree. I think it should be on BET. Yeah, my instinct is always to volunteer Jack Hay first for any role. And then when I get the note back that no, Jack Hay is either unavailable. Then we move on. Then we move on to someone else. I'm always going to choose Jack Hay first for any role, and then when I get the note back that no, Jack Hay is either unavailable... Then we move on. Then we move on to someone else. I'm always going to choose Jack Hay. When they're like Lara Croft, Tomb Raider, I'm like, Jack Hay!

I'm like, Margaret Thatcher, Iron Lady, Jack Hay! And you know what? Everything that you've mentioned would have been better with Jack Hay. Absolutely. Actually, I was just thinking of her today because I read that they're doing Steel Magnolias, a Steel Magnolias remake on Lifetime with an all-black cast. And guess who's not in it? Jack A.

What? I know. It's Felicia Rashad, Queen Latifah, and I don't know who else, but let me just say. A whole bunch of non-Jack A's. Yeah, but that's a whole lot of not jack a that's it's a whole lot of not jack a and they should really just find some marla gibbs and some regina king and just make it happen yeah you know just like just how i want to see a real housewives rendition of various broadway shows i would like to see a 227 rendition of everything else i mean this sally field can be Marla Gibbs, and her daughter can be Regina King like it's Brenda Jenkins back in action. Perfect.

No, I think Pearl should be Sally Field. Pearl is no longer with us. I am so mad. I just want to hit somebody. I just want to hit, hit, hit, hit somebody. Now, how much would I have to pay you to be Pearl for Halloween?

Or would you do it for free? Well, but you can't wear blackface in 2012, so that's out. Well, you could be white Pearl. No, I just want you to wear the wig, yeah. But then he's going to look like, what's her face from NCIS? Linda Hunt. He doesn't have that nasty mole. But if you're going to dress like Pearl.

Look, the truth is this. White Pearl is Linda Hunt. And Linda Hunt... Now I'm Linda Hunt. How did this conversation... I'm not saying you are. I'm saying... I'm not saying you are Linda Hunt.

I'm saying if you try to dress like Pearl with a little wig, anyone who's white in that wig will look like Linda Hunt. This is a fact all right here here is my question with heather's show or not heather's show excuse me carol's show are they gonna try to make this into like one of those like dumb cbs comedies and put it after like two broke girls and it's gonna be like you know shit my dad says but like my husband died let's make a pun shit my widow says well yeah like or is it or is she gonna try to be classy and get it on like fx all right let me tell you something first of all it's

not getting made second of all if it were getting made if it were if it were to go on to like a network it would probably wind up somehow being turned into a thing where like the ghosts of the husband actually is like exists on the show as well. And therefore Jennifer Love Hewitt will star in it and it will be on Oxygen. Ghost Widow. Ghost Widow. Ghost Widow. No, I think it will be an older actress. And I think it will be like Sex and the City if that show just kept going and they were all old ladies like they are really right now.

It will be like Jean Triplehorn. I love Jean Triplehorn. She's too young. Okay, what about – No, it would be like the one who played the mom on Big Love, Laura Palmer's mother from Twin Peaks. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. I love her.

I love that woman. I forget her name. She's a character actress. I just looked her up the other day. Or it would be like Angela Lansbury dating, discovering new sexual positions and solving murders. That would be great. She'd have a magnifying glass. I actually think it's going to be Ceele Award.

Ceele Award. Do you know what's so funny? Yes, that's actually a very good one. I think that that's actually a realistic choice. 50 and thinking she's hot, even though Ceele Award is hot. Let me tell you something. I recorded an episode of Banter with Ben and Lisa earlier today, and I mentioned seal award what is going on i don't know but apparently you should have invited me to be on that show still we got seal award on the brain i would also also offer any

of the cast members of sisters they would all be fine suzy kurtz suzy kurtz oh my god suzy kurtz talking about dating and sex please make it happen. Wasn't one of the sisters on Sisters a widower? Or a widow? Yes. One of their husbands died on that show. Which one was it? Was it Frankie, Georgie, Charlie? Alex? I don't know. I didn't watch that show.

I felt guilty about avoiding my family and then watching that. Let's get back to the Real Housewives because we're not even talking about Bravo. Anyway, is anybody going to watch Carol's show? Yes, I'll watch it. I watched The Good Wife. Well, no. No, I will watch it if it's funny.

If it's funny, I'll watch it. And as long as it's more entertaining than anything that she's doing on the show because let me tell you something. Her date made me want to slit my throat. It was so boring. That guy was hot. He's good looking, to slit my throat. It was so boring. That guy was hot. He's good looking, but oh my God, what a boring date.

And she thinks she's so clever and coy. And she's a funny woman. She's smart. But oh God, her date, she's the worst. Not smart wearing those mini half leather gloves wherever she goes. They're hideous. Maybe she has man hands. She definitely does.

I mean, she kind of looks like Sarah Jessica Parker. And we know that. Maybe she has man hands. She definitely does. She kind of looks like Sarah Jessica Parker, and we know that Sarah Jessica Parker has skeleton hands. Maybe Carol is secretly a velociraptor. It's not out of the realm of possibility. It's not a secret. Men are not interesting until they're 40.

Who thinks that men are more interesting after they're 40? I mean, the only way I would see that that's true is that men can no longer use their penises the same, and so they actually have to start having fucking conversations. No, they don't. After 40, all they do is slip into some stain-resistant dockers and watch golf. Listen, the only reason why she likes people who are over 40 is because they actually understand what she's talking about when she mentions Peter Jennings and Diane Sawyer, okay? Yeah, they don't judge her when she tries to mash up her food. Okay, before we move on to the Countess's vagina

and getting pregnant, I need to know from each of you, out of the three new housewives, Heather, Carol, or Aviva, who would you marry, fuck, or kill? I would clearly fuck Carol because she's clearly the best in bed. You can just tell.

She gets a lot of practice. She likes a funny guy in bed, just like you. She does a lot of research. I would marry Aviva because even though she doesn't make great TV, she seems like, you know, oh, she is kind of crazy.

I'd have crazy kids. But then Heather's such a bitch, I wouldn't be able to deal with her passive aggression. Actually, no. You know what, though? I'm changing it up. Carol I would marry because she's smart and she's probably, like, cool as a buddy for the rest of my life. Aviva I would probably have sex with because who doesn't want to try having sex with an amputee?

And Heather I'd have to kill because she's just so fake. Ronnie? This has got to be one of the more disturbing questions. Okay, I would probably fuck – god, I think I'd probably just fucking kill myself. At the grove? Yeah, I'd jump from the grove. I think that I would probably marry Heather because she has a job. I'd kill Aviva because she would probably try and change my name 20 times before our first date was over.

But I just don't see myself fucking Carol. I think I see Carol fucking you. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Well, okay. Okay, then it's Carol. I bet with those teeth she has a very dangerous blowjob.

Oh my god. Alright, then Carol. I take Carol. What about those camel lips? So what about you? No, the question was for you guys. What would we rather stick our hand into? Ramona's rectum or Sonia's toaster oven?

Oh my god. The rectum. It would's toaster oven? Oh, my God. The rectum. It would be like one of those games you played in kindergarten where you had to stick your hand into a box and you didn't know what was in there. And you had to guess what was in there. And be like unpeeled grapes or something and you'd scream. Totally, totally. Do you think that there are heating elements in there as well? Like maybe like little orange stripes that come to life.

When she has to poop, suddenly there's like... No, look. We're not going there. We're not going there. We're already inside it. I feel like she probably has those googly eyes that you get from craft stores and glue onto socks to make puppets.

In her ass. Maybe some firewood. Do you think waffles come flying out of her ass when they're ready? She doesn't need carbs. Ramona bends over and waffles spring out. There are no carbs up in there. Maybe some hot dogs. Okay, look, look, look, look.

Can we talk about the Countess and her baby plans? Luanne got pricked this week by some pins, and she felt something happening. She felt her acupuncture was getting her ovaries. The ovaries were coming back to life. Okay, well, this is what I was going to ask. This is a French gossip area, but have we heard anything? We haven't heard any news of her being pregnant, correct? No.

God, no. Jeez, no. You know why? Okay, let me ask you this. Do you think that she's doing this storyline because Bravo kind of came to her and was like, yeah, we're thinking about keeping Ramona and having her recast the show. If you're going to stay, you better do something. And that means your storyline is, let me pick it out of a fishbowl, going to have a baby. I think she just wants a do-over because she's got a racist daughter and a son who can't speak French despite his father being French.

So she's like, you know what? I want a new kid. Well, I thought that this whole episode with Carol dating and Luann with her fucking trying to get pregnant, dating and and luanne with her fucking trying to get pregnant i felt like it was that whole old lady trying to hold on to youth in our minds like too late bitches there's this old lady at the dog park who likes talking about her sex life and like what she used to do when she was and she gets really vulgar and it's like i know that you want to be like fun and sexy but you're not just stop it stop it you're just a crazy lady in a moo moo and i don't want to be like fun and sexy, but you're not. Just stop it. Stop it.

You're just a crazy lady in a muumuu and I don't want to think about your vagina. Please stop. That's how I feel about this cast. Just stop it. Stop it, Luanne. I mean the sad thing is like I kind of used to really love, love, love the Countess and thought that despite her fake book of tips on class that she actually was a little more elevated than the Ramonas and Sonias of the world, but now when I see her acting like such a fool,

I mean, it's so irresponsible for her to do this. I mean, she has two other children that she's not a full-time mom to. Look, I agree with Ramona. So it's kind of like, why is she doing this? It's totally embarrassing. I have to say, there was a part of me that was like a little nervous that when the doctor told her to get down to her, like, bra and like bra and like underwear that we were going to see Luann in her bra and underwear.

And I felt like that was wrong. I felt like I'm not allowed. That was going to be Luann jumping the shark, right? Yeah, it was going to be. I was like Luann is not allowed to do that. And thankfully she had towels. I think that Luann did just jump the shark because the fact that she's taking herbs, not herbs, herbs i was kind of just like oh what's next is she gonna start using you know crystals as deodorant i'm out all zyno as luanne would say

all zyno is that algonquin yes it's algonquin for i was just checking yeah it's it's the algonquin translation for all i mean do they have a rosetta stone for algonquin yes it's called the luan de la seps guide to my heritage oh okay um now i have a question can we let's talk about uh sonia a little bit because it's like my favorite thing to do is when we get to talk about sonia uh she did like pretty much nothing this episode except uh now she has three interns to do a third she has less work for three interns. And I mean I sort of like the way Sonya is very upfront with how poor she is and how she like – American Express dropped her. She has to take these pills to filter out all the poisons she's getting from the tap water.

She's too cheap to get bottle water. I like that she's upfront about that. No, but then she says that I need to have three staffers to take care of my five-story home. Oh, and by the way, I used to have 75 staffers and a yacht. Like, guess what? You're divorced. Well, I like that she somehow thinks that her life is somehow imparting life lessons to these kids. Maybe as a cautionary tale.

Okay, okay, okay. Excuse me. How are they getting school credit? That is what made me the craziest during this hour. School credit. You would be shocked at what some schools offer, okay? Like, you know. Where do they go?

Are they going to like. They're going to ITT Technical. ITT Tech. Okay, clearly it's like. They're going to the Chubb Institute. Would you like to be a veterinarian technician? Yes. Listen, the truth is this.

You can go to any community college and say, I want an internship, and you'll get credit for doing just about anything. I get more than 200 emails a day at work, and I don't have an intern. Well, that's your own fault, isn't it? I don't also have an empire, and I'm not a party planner. Well, I guess that Sonia is pretty savvy then. Because, look, you have all the work, and you've got no one helping you out. She's got nothing to do, and somehow she found three people willing to jump at her beck and call. And I'm not – well, I'm not $17 million in debt, so I win.

That's true, but she's got a toaster oven, so she wins. Okay. I like this argument. Toaster throwdown. I like this argument because it actually makes no sense Whatever Matt says, I'm just going to respond You just said throw down And part of me is like how great would that be Throw down if Bobby Flay showed up at Sonya's house

And he was like toaster oven cook off bitch Well she does make those macaroni muffins That she's so proud of Oh my god I was hating on her until she mentioned the macaroni muffin And then You can't hate somebody who makes a macaroni muffin You know, yeah, I was hating on her until she mentioned the macaroni muffin. And then you can't hate somebody who makes a macaroni muffin. But you know what, though? She probably just gets some, like, Stouffer's macaroni muffins, puts them in, and she's like, oh, yeah, I love making these things.

You know, she's like – and acts like she made it from scratch. Wait, do they have that? Is that a real thing? I don't think so. But, by the way, Stouffer's mac and cheese is by far the best pre-made mac and cheese. I have never made mac and cheese in my life. Will you teach me? Yes.

I can teach you. Go get – honestly, people like the Kraft mac and cheese. No. Stouffer's frozen mac and cheese is like – it's divine. Oh, is that just like peel back a top and like cook it? Yeah. It is divine. I've never made the kind with like powder.

Oh, I've made it. It's like okay, but it tastes actually very fake. And the Stouffer's one tastes like happiness. I feel like I'm bundled up in a toaster oven. I feel like we should go to Target after this and get some Ramona Pinot Grigio and some Easy Mac. I honestly— I feel like we should go out on the street and start hiring interns to come do shit in our houses. Yeah, I am seriously considering getting some

Stouffer's mac and cheese for dinner tonight. I'm not even joking. How about this? Why don't we move on to New Jersey because we've spent a lot of time in New York and we're... Clearly the show is so entertaining that we've had tangents about getting frozen food. But I have one more question. Are they ever going

to fucking London? Yeah, next week. Okay, finally. Yeah, next week. Okay, finally. Yeah, because everyone in London is like, hello, princess. And then Luann has to admit that she's outranked. Yeah, this will be great. I'm so excited for it. Okay, so New Jersey.

Here is my question. So Joe Gorga and his sister Teresa finally went to therapy. Do we think this therapy is going to work? I got the distinct impression that it was like a one-off deal. Before we even discuss the therapy, we have to talk about how horribly that started. Teresa walks in and Joe goes, oh, my God, you look great. Red is so sexy. That therapy, I mean, so those guys, is it just like common knowledge that they used to fuck each other?

Are they just making like inside jokes like we're all stupid? No, no, no. There's definitely – there's some shit going down. Like there's some flowers in the attic weird shit going down. This is not a sane family. In fact, I'm going to take it back even before the therapy. There was actually a very touching, beautiful scene, to be honest, that really did sort of inform me about how fucked up this family is going back a few generations, which is that Kathy's mom told a story. Tell me if I've got this wrong. That I guess Kathy's

mom's aunt couldn't have babies, so Kathy's mom delivered... I'm sorry, the great grandmother... Do you want me to take this? Can you handle it? I don't know the generations, but the point is... Kathy's mother was shifted from her own mother

to her mother's sister, meaning her aunt, because her aunt was barren. Therefore, she grew up without her proper brothers and sisters, living with her aunt, and she was never close to her siblings until she got older. And then she said once she had her own children, meaning Kathy and Rosie, that's when she realized the importance of the relationships between siblings. Yes. Thank you.

You explained it much better than I did. And God bless this crazy mom for doing that because you know what? Kathy's side of the family all turned out like normal and great and wonderful. And Teresa's side is awful. And it all stems back from this terrible woman who would give up her own child. That's terrible. Well, she was just doing it to be nice. Yeah, but it's messed up.

It really is messed up. This wasn't like an adoption situation. So it really gives you an idea of how many generations of weird familial things have been going on. Just say it, Ben. Inbreeding. Inbreeding. Inbreeding. And now finally two of them are finally in therapy.

There's a lot that that therapist has to say. But like Ronnie said, I think that this was just like a one-off thing. I mean clearly they all need weeks or months of shock therapy, but they went to physical therapy once and now they're done. And the therapist was actually good, but nobody listened to him. Well, he was okay. I mean I kind of felt like his advice wasn't much better than what Caroline would have said on her radio show, which was like, yeah, you know what? Be nice. What you got to do is you got to be nice to each other and don't dwell on the past. And next time you go to hang out, think about what do I do to contribute to this and how could I not do it tonight?

I love that Teresa is like, yeah, you know what that means? We should drive in an RV together. And he's like, no. Yeah, that's what she said, right? He's like, no, absolutely not. Don't do it. Okay, yeah, we're going to go drive together to Napa. Let's prove them wrong.

Guess what? That's Bravo slipping an extra 50 grand into her paycheck saying definitely share the rv with your brother i love yeah i love how these two mooks were in best behavior with a therapist making it seem like there's just a few little things that need to be patched up they step directly outside of his office and begin fighting like crazy well guess what i kind of don't blame joe if i had to pay for my parents' housing situation forever and Teresa didn't pay for shit, I'm sorry. I'd be pissed too. Yeah. Well, especially – Well, he's not even pissed at that. He's pissed that she's taking credit like she is paying for it, but she's not.

Listen, I would never – Well, she and her husband are building a shit Joju Dice for my parents. I would like – that's the last thing I – that's like I might as well – you might as well just send your parents, put them in a crate and knock them off a cliff. That will be safer than any building that they wind up in. Just bury them in concrete right now. Just put them on the top of the grove with a blow-up mattress. Oh, nice. Really depressing music. We've come full circle.

We've come full circle. See, we can make fun of the suicide, but Brandianville can't no we're not rich she's a tv star she's a star so i've seen brandy glanville now at three parties and by the end she's literally falling down in every single one of them so i say brandy you drink girl drink it up. Are her nipples hanging out of every ensemble? Yes. And she's also 6'10". So question. Back to New Jersey. Back to New Jersey.

I tried. I tried. Segway. Segway. Why is Lauren Manzo such a bitch? She – do you hear what she was saying about like Albie's new girlfriend, this cheerleader, whatever? Like she has to go through me uh since when does lauren manzo get any authority on who her brother really fucked up let me tell you because look i'm allowed to be a bitch because i'm hungry

but that bitch has not stopped eating so she can't be angry because she's like hungry because she's not she's still we know that the family history is basically the kids teach each other you know how to diddle others or like they get they give each other sex ed in that family it seems like i mean and she's got a good old-fashioned case of the jealousies yeah i mean just because uh albie was her junior prom date does not mean that he's her boyfriend for life go to prom in jersey without fucking your date? You've got to put out in that town. That's not optional.

There's been some pepperoni on that pizza. I'll bet he's at least put it in between her boobs. Let's just go there. Come on. Gotta be. Well, they do like to play throw the ham in that family. I think it has another meaning. Whatever happened to Billy Joel's daughter?

I thought she was going to be Albie's love interest, no? Alexa Ray Joel, I think is back in rehab. Because her voice was terrible. Also, Albie was so charming that day. That's so true. Why do people think he is a golden god? I don't get it. Because three seasons ago

he looked pretty cute, and now he looks very average but he has residual cuteness residual cuteness anybody would look cute standing next to chris and lauren come on that's true too that's why veto's there he's like finally i look thin veto the sausage king i love it i like veto i kind of like it it's just this guy who's in the back yeah but you're kind of also like why why the hell is he with her? Ugh. Well, I mean, who's he going to get? Melissa Gorga? Yeah, no kidding.

What's he going to just spend all his time in the apartment above his family's deli? I didn't know that Lauren is a candidate to drive us. I was going to say Melissa Gorga doesn't give a shit about looks. All she cares about is Joe's money anyway, so whatever. Joe's hot. What are you talking about? You guys are on. Joe is hot. He is four foot one., so whatever. Joe's hot. What are you talking about? You guys are on. Joe is hot. He is 4'1". So what? Toss him around.

So what, Matt? So what? Yeah, put a little coconut oil and toss him around like a noodle in a bowl. Clearly Matt wants the green giant. The jolly green giant to have his way with him. Also, I love that fight after therapy when I don't know what he thinks they're turning off their mics to be nice or whatever, but we got that whole fight and you see the real side of joe which is

the same side we saw at the christening exactly which is just over the top and screaming like a five-year-old girl i love that when his voice gets off he does that screaming thing like when melissa is seated beside him she controls him and he like keeps his act together. But when he is not on camera with her, he becomes a little monster a la Gia and Melania. It runs in there. It's in their blood. I agree. I think it also has to do with the fact that he didn't have access to his weed for four hours while he was at therapy.

So he may have been a little less like chill. That's true. His eyes were not bloodshot this time. Yeah. Um, speaking of, um, hotties, uh, do we think Rosie's gonna be able to find love with Kathy as her wing lady? Well, it looks like she did, because

that blondie that they found in the gay bar this week seemed to show up at some party at their house next week. I know. Rosie's gotta remember those names, though. She's not gonna have any luck if, uh,'s got to remember those names, though. She's not going to have any luck if she can't remember whatever her name is. She's not Belinda. She's not going to have any luck

if she's going to sit her ass on one of those bar stools and say, I'm too lazy to go chase somebody. They're going to have to chase me. Yeah, but then look what happened to her. She got her bulldog on, and she was like, Hey, ladies! Yeah, ladies! Rosie what happened to her. She got her bulldog gone, and she was like, Hey, ladies, yeah, ladies. Rosie basically has the world's best Match.com profile,

which is that she's featured on Bravo prominently now. And we all know people flock to that shit. Like anyone who's gay and on Bravo, they walk around WeHo, and they're considered a celebrity, like a serious celebrity. So Rosie doesn't have to do anything now because the girl is going to come up to her. And honestly, the truth is this. It's a great portrayal. I mean, Rosie comes off so lovable and wonderful. Like, if I were a lesbian,

of course I'd be trying to maybe hang out with Rosie. What do we think about the real dirt that happened this week with the gayness where Teresa has lunch with her. She has lunch with Rosie. Rosie tells her to just fucking stop all the bullshit.

Teresa sweet talks her and then casually mentions that her sister Kathy was always mean to Rosie and was always mean to her about being gay and a total homophobe and never accepted her. And now she's acting like she's this wholesome...

I don't believe it for a second not for one second and on the flip side I totally believe it look I have liked Kathy Ben you finally got me on the Kathy bandwagon late last year but I do have to say she can't be perfect so guess what she probably did have a problem with her

sister being a lesbian she might have I'm not saying that she might like that she didn't have issues, but the thing is this Teresa for Teresa has such a war perspective on everything for Teresa to be like, Oh, she never accepted you. Think about the,

all the things that she said about Joe, about Melissa that have been similarly warped where, where she says it with extreme authority. Like that's the way it is. And the man does believe that for all this time and Jack and all this stuff, Teresa will happily slander people just like that just to make herself look good. Look, I'm not defending Teresa.

I think that she is the craziest monster of them all. What I'm saying is like I find it hard to believe that you don't think Kathy could be awful ever. I don't because Kathy is made of angel dusts and I don't need a drug. Just because. She's made of starlight and rainbows and she's a good person. Just because she's made of cannolis. And they're rainbow colored and they are for gay pride. And she is a gay pride float with a big happy face on it.

You know, it's hard to fight you on that one. But I will say that I just think that Kathy turns on the charm when the camera turns on. And, of course, she doesn't want to be portrayed as like, you know, a sister who would not, you know, be down with her other sister being, you know, a lesbian. But, you know, she did in a weird reality show way, admit it. Yes. Where she said, you know, yes, it was hard for me, but the reason is because she just wasn't accepting herself.

Because that made me mad. So that's obviously not true. That's bullshit. I think there was probably friction. I do think that there was probably friction. It is Kathy putting the blame on Rosie who is somebody who has had to live her life in the shadows and have a life. At the same time, here's the thing. I mean if we're going to get serious about this for a second, I will get serious, which is that there is – I believe 100% that Kathy wasn't like, oh, like totally loving about this for a second i will get serious which is that you know there is i believe 100%

that that like kathy wasn't like oh like you know totally loving about this but i do think that maybe what she was trying to say is that rosie wasn't comfortable with herself and as a result the way she interacted with people might have been unpleasant it's like yeah and that's maybe that's what kathy was saying i mean i think that gay guys like unhappiness is part of our charm. Yeah. Like we learn to be funny about it. Lesbians, not so much. You don't want to be around an unhappy lesbian.

They will just fuck your life up. Yeah. They will. Yeah. They were born with other wonderful traits like building things, scoring points, physical games. You're becoming a robot. Put down your phone. I'm sitting here. It's your fault, Matt.

It's your fault. I feel like the Rosie. You guys are just putting it all on me. Well, you are the bitter lesbian of the group. That is so not true. Well, I think that gay people... We can't hear you. Stop talking until we can hear you. Okay. I'll just sit here.

Okay. You sound good. Okay. I think that sometimes gay people have this expectation of their family members. I mean you're from an old school Italian family and, yeah, you know that they're a bunch of bozos. And, of course, they're going to have a problem with that just like my born-again Christian family was going to have a problem with it. But, you know, eventually you have to get over and take responsibility for your own assholishness. Like if you're living an unhappy, sad life, it's not all because you're gay.

You can't blame everything on your being gay. I agree with you. And I also will say it's not like these girls are in their mid-20s and figuring this shit out like Kathy and Rosie. I mean Rosie is probably knocking on 40, if not already there, and Kathy's definitely in her 40s. So it's like, you know what? You get more of a pass when you're young, but now it's like, you know what? Shut up and move on.

I get that. But you know what, though? Kathy accepts her now, and whatever the issue used to be, there was something about the way Teresa said, well, she never accepted you. Yeah, Teresa saying that and then saying what she said to the cameras without Rosie there was so fucking horrible. Yeah, it was really

mean and it felt like Oh, bad, bad. No, do you hear yourself? Silence. I can't hear you. You're embarrassing yourself. I can't hear myself because you're talking over me. The reason why I thought it was so mean is that it was like she was trying to turn at that moment sister against sister she really was and it was i love that i love how that's

where you draw the line oh my god now you really care i do care i care because it's kathy because i care about kathy because kathy is the one woman out of all these castes. Stop with your cannolis. I'm okay. Done. Cannolis. Here's the thing. The point is this. It's also an example of what everyone else has been saying all along is that Teresa poisons people against everyone else. That was a prime example.

She might have said – she could have said it in a way which was like when you're younger, I wondered whether or not Kathy accepted you. It seemed like she was uncomfortable with it. But instead she said, oh, Kathy never accepted you. It's just, ugh, it's awful. She's terrible. The day Teresa stops poisoning people is the day this show is over, so poison on, girlfriend. Well, she's clearly gotten you. You and your Judah-ized

family love. Ronnie loves her. Ronnie was rooting for her last week. That was last week. I mean, Ronnie, come on. You still have to hate Caroline because I'm on the Caroline hatred band. Caroline's horrible. I mean, this week I laughed at both Housewives shows a lot. Like I had a really good laugh at both of those shows.

But it also made me feel, you know, I also like whipped open a laptop and looked on Craigslist during both episodes for a job. Like it made me want more for myself. You could be my intern. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck off. How dare you? I thought you were about to say like there's no way I would ever work for you. No, I'm actually like trying to figure out if we could change this to Apprentice and maybe I can get a few dollars a week, baby.

I want more for myself, you know? I don't want this to be my whole damn life, worrying about what Teresa says to her goddamn... I kind of like it that it's my life. Grossed out with myself. I like where I'm at. I like that I do things like spend an hour making jokes about

toaster ovens, rectums, and getting passionate about these two women in New Jersey. I like that. Spying on MJ across the street, the star of Shaz of Sunset, your neighbor. I know. I haven't seen her in a little bit, but I'm sure she'll pop up. So wait, is there anything else we have to say about New Jersey before we do some odds and ends at the end of the show here?

Well, we didn't talk about Jacqueline at all. What did she do? She didn't do anything this week, did she? Oh, what a waste of space. Does anybody even know what her fucking problem is? She still won't admit her real problem. What did she do this week? I literally cannot remember her storyline. Bitched and cried about Teresa the whole time. Well, that's pretty much it.

But I did think it was funny that Teresa, in addition to putting in a dig with Rosie about Kathy not accepting her, putting in a dig with Rosie about, you know, Kathy not accepting her. She also did bring up the fact that like Jacqueline's husband, Chris, have some of his businesses gone into bankruptcy? Like, are they facing financial problems as well? That started to come out now. Who would have thought? I mean, I thought like anyone who would

create a business to market Blackwater would really have a good, like, a business sense. Don't you think it makes it sound like this dude has like 27 different businesses, but I actually thought this dude has like 27 different businesses and but i actually thought that they had like their own money and were not in debt is that not true not anymore they're all shady they all own some kind of construction business i thought he really hit a cash cow when he tried to popularize the uh square haircut but uh i guess not or the man

wrist tattoo yeah it's been a while since someone came out in public and tried to bring the Barney Rubble look back, that's for sure. Actually, Chaz Bono did last year. I want hair like Chris Lurita. I just want to look like a computer head. He's got good plugs, right? Those are plugs that he's got right you think no no i think those are real i think that's like oh no no that's some plugs i mean yeah that's yeah oh yeah really yeah i always thought that was well i know he's been hanging out with

cy spurling in the hair club for men wow because albie is also doing the square hair thing well albie i think is getting plugs too because he was thinning last season and now I'm not noticing thinning. Well, maybe he's just doing Rogaine or Propeach. No. Doing a little bit of the Propeach. Nah, that shit don't work. Joe, anything would be funny if Lauren killed his girlfriend

and then we would just see an episode and it would be like her eating her like a Thanksgiving turkey. That would be hilarious. I don't know why that just flashed through my head, but I just see Lauren gnawing on flesh. It's not hard to imagine Lauren gnawing on things. That's true.

Speaking of Lauren Manzo being fucking obnoxious, I was reading Twitter the other night in bed and she was on there joking around with her brothers and they were pretending they didn't know who she was. They were like, who? Lauren who? And she's like, you know, the Bob one.

And they're like, what? Lauren what? Who? And she's like, oh, you know, the chunky girl from Real Housewives of New Jersey. And I'm like, oh, my God. You know? Now she's, like, made herself famous in her own mind for being the chunky one. I was going to say, the chunky one from Jersey is your mom.

And guess what? You're a supporting player at best. Now, if she had said the CEO of Face by Lauren Manzo, then I would have known. Different story. Different story completely. Because that's a very famous brand. It is. It is.

They should put that in Target next to Ramona Pinot Grigio. um she it is i think they should put they should put that in target next to ramona pinot grigio i think that actually she started up a new cosmetic thing called like la face or something like that or i don't know the face i i or is it like law l-a-w face law face um there's already a record label called love face but anyway tony bra What? I object to that lip gloss. Objection. Okay. Let's do some, because there are other things on Bravo, let's talk about some odds and ends. Did anyone else watch anything else on Bravo this week?

I watched a lot of commercials for Misadvised. Me too. I watched all the commercials and not the show. Okay. I actually sat and watched Million Dollar Listing today because I thought you guys were going to be watching it too. I'm only one behind. I'm only one behind. So here's the thing.

This was the first time I'd watched Million Dollar Listing in about three years. The last time I'd watched that guy, Chad was still on. And Chad was still on. I miss Chad. I miss Chad. And What's-His-Face was still in the closet. Oh, my God. You don't even know their names. Okay.

Chad is gone with his girlfriend, Victoria, and their dog, Starly Cakes. Replace. Yes, I know that the dog's name is Starly Cakes. Replace with Josh Altman. I know Josh Altman. So Josh Altman. We have Madison from Malibu, Hildebrand. And then we have our signature little weasel, Josh Flagg.

Okay, Josh Flagg. So here are my impressions having been away from it for three years. I think the show is much better than it used to be. Like I was really into it. I was like highly entertained, and I was also stressed out by every single real estate situation. And all the negotiations had me really – like it was a bit much for me. I don't like that. But I liked it as a TV show.

I don't like it. You need a Xanax. That show was stressing you out too much, and you're getting way too emotional about Kathy and Teresa. I don't need a Xanax. I just need a drink. That's all I need. But I did enjoy it. Madison annoys me.

I don't know why. He just annoys me in the depth of my soul. I think it's because he sort of has Rosie Pope's accent, which I find strange. Josh I found to be less obnoxious than I used to think. I actually thought Josh was endearing. His boyfriend seems to be one of the most awful people in the world.

Creepy. His boyfriend like awful. And their apartment is terribly decorated. So tell me about how awful his boyfriend is because at the end of last season, they just introduced the boyfriend. Oh my god, he's so creepy. I don't know anything yet. I've still got all the episodes on Motivo,

so I haven't watched them yet. So the boyfriend, he was only in it a little bit, but he was like, hey Josh, I really want to redecorate the house. I want to put in a new carpet. I want to put in this thing, and Josh was like, okay, do it. He's like, okay, because I want to go to the carpet store now. It was just, he seemed so preoccupied.

I mean, really? Who's doing who? I mean, I just watched the two of them and I'm like, this does not fit together. Yeah, it's like race your way to the bottom. I mean, without saying that, you just did it for me. When I watch the two of them, I'm just like, there is no sex

happening here. Yeah, there's a reason stores sell double dildos. It ain't because they look pretty or fit in your closet well. Now, Josh Altman, I have to say. Ben, you need to edit like half the show, by the way. I will not. I'm keeping it in its pristine form. I want it to be pristine, much like Sonya's toaster oven. You know Jackie pressed stop like 45 minutes ago, right?

Right. So now we only have two listeners because everybody else left. I think, to be honest, I think we pretty much lost our entire audience when we got into the Les Mis conversation at the top of the hour. Note to self, next week keep the Broadway chatter for the end. Note to self, next week, keep the Broadway chatter for the end. You know, it's my bad because I was steering the ship this week, and I was supposed to start talking about our new Facebook page and our Twitter handles at the top. I even made a whole big thing about it before the show started.

I was like, hey, guys, we really have to do this. I started the show. You took notes, and that never happened. So why don't you do it right now? I am going to do it right now. We have a brand new Facebook page. It's facebook.com forward slash backslash whatever it is. Watch what crap happens.

Very simple. Just type in watch what crap happens after the Facebook address. You can also do it in your search bar. Become a fan of ours. We have no cover photo. So submit one that you think would be a good cover photo and post it on our wall. And we're going to choose one. And it will be our new cover photo, so submit one that you think would be a good cover photo and post it on our wall and we're going to choose one and it'll be our new cover photo. And I will be the Simon Cowell of the judging

panel and I'm going to be really tough. So if Kim Zolciak and a glass of wine are not present, you're probably not going to win. That is correct. We also have three wonderful Twitter handles that you can follow. I'm at bsideblog.

Matt is at lifeonthemlist. And Ronnie is at tvgasm. So you can follow us all. Plus we also have the show's Twitter, which is whatcrappens. And, and, and you can email anything to us that you are unwilling to post on Facebook at watchwhatcrappens at gmail.com. We got it all, people. You can contact us any way you want. Any way you want it.

That's the way we got it. So this feels very wrap-up-y. I could go on about million-dollar things some more, but really, what's the point? What's the point? Well, how about this? I'll watch it. I'm going to be in Texas next week. So next podcast, um, we'll probably have screaming children running around me asking what dildos are.

And, uh, I will make sure to put all those episodes from my TiVo onto my electronics and watch on the plane. Oh, so next week I'll be all educated. Are we going to watch some of the other better shows when they come back at the end of July?

Because I'm, I'm excited for top chef. I want, I at the end of July because I'm excited for Top Chef Masters. I'm excited for Top Chef. I'm excited for Tabitha. She's returning. She's back already? Yeah, she's back already and I mean more than anything I mean hello flipping out people. Come on. Yes, I'll watch that.

I'm not feeling the excitement and I love me my Jeff Lewis. I'm just I just really need that macaroni and cheese right now. I'm running on empty. Mac and cheese muffin, you guys. You guys, are we going to go to Gay Town tonight and drink stuff? Because it's almost Independence Day.

I could, but A, I have a birthday party in Hollywood. And B, well, there's other companies. What are you guys doing tomorrow for the 4th of July? Drinking. I can't say on the podcast. Drinking. No fun, Ben. I can't say, but there will be drinking, I'm sure.

Okay, so let's just say bye so we can find out what Ben's doing. Okay. Bye, everybody. Bye, everyone. Bye, everybody. Thanks for listening. Thank you. Thanks for listening.

Thank you. Parks, reconstruction, MLK, February, black history month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.

Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.