Watch What Crappens - Pump Rules: Preferred Club Listless

Episode Date: April 6, 2023

Scheana's wedding weekend in Mexico continues on Vanderpump Rules (S10E9), and Katie manages to be the most talked about guest without actually being a guest. Plus, Schwarz and Raquel finally kiss. So much depravity.Watch with Crappens on Demand here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/81120091See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. This episode is sponsored by Uber1. We've all used Uber for rides, and I love using UberEats for food delivery. Okay, hello. I mean, I kind of live off of it. But have you ever heard about Uber1? Uber1 is a membership that helps you save on Uber and UberEats. With an Uber-1 membership, you get exclusive member perks, like up to 10% off UberEats and a $0 delivery fee on eligible orders. It just makes sense. I'm always getting Uberes.

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What happens What crap What What What Happens when there's so what if Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today in officially sanctioned part of the crap in resort. It's Mr. Ronny Caram. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Well, hello. How's it going today? Great. I'm really good. How are you doing? I love being right about things and just watching Katie be so miserable on her supposed girls trip is just, it just gave me everything I needed today. So thank you, I'm doing great. Katie proved to, first of all, be a liar.

When she said, oh, well, Mexico is a big country. Like, I'm allowed to go on vacation. I won't be in the mid, like I won't like get involved in anything. She has completely been all in the mix with everything on the sidelines. So, but it's so funny because she's such a stalker and she looks so pathetic doing it and it's cracking me up.

It's like it's not going the way she wanted. She's like, in her mind there's hijinks music going on from the 80s and she's like sticking a credit card into door locks so that they can't close all the way. She could sneak into people's room and cause high jinks. And it's just not going that way. You just look like that little girl in the bee costume who tapped dance to that music video all grown up and no one knows you are anymore. Yeah.

You still walk around and that fucking bee costume trying to get into party's girl. It is, it is sad, but also hilarious. Like another hilarious episode, like so funny. Anyway, we're on crap is on demand today. So go check us out, go to patreon.com slash watch or crap ins. And if you support us on the crap is on demand level, you can watch us do our recap. Ronnie's enjoying some tupu chiko, right?

As we speak, okay. And you can see Bueller right behind him, even more importantly, sweet Bueller back there. And also come join us on the road. We are going to Toronto later this month. We are going to Philly also later this month. I think the next day, and then in May, we're going to go to New York,

and we're going to go to DC. And then in June, we're going to a million shows, actually a friend just forward me an email from Ticketmaster that had like all these like people like Jan Jackson on the list of like people coming to like San Diego. And then they were, they were we were. So it's official. Whereas big as Jan Jackson, I always knew we could do it. So anyway, come see us.

Go to watch the crap and dot com to get your tickets. It's going to be a great time. Come with friends, come solo, whatever you want. You're gonna have an amazing time no matter what. And today, Vanderpump Rules, the season of Scandival continues. And it's just, it's a wild, wild season and hilarious, as we're already saying.

Sheena's wedding weekend, a wonderful disaster. Although it's not like a disaster on the front, like it actually seems like a great wedding weekend. It's a disaster in terms of like human emotions. So. Speaking of a disaster of human emotions, that's me, Cam, a disaster of human emotions. Do you wanna see them overflow?

You don't. So go vote for us in this one dream media saying, okay, it's one dream media at Instagram.com. You know what I mean. It's Instagram.com and they're called one dream media at Instagram.com you know what I mean it's Instagram.com and they're called one dream media that's our network we're new you know like with the new kids on the block and they have us in some caught in some contest and we're in the finals okay we're like in the final two I think is that right yeah we're in

the final two it's amazing I sports works and this is like a sports grid but we're against American scantle. You know what? I'm not even going to diss them because they're a great podcast, okay, but here's what I'm going to say. We talk about more American scantles in one week than they have in their entire run. It's just right in one dream media and vote for watching crack those versus America scandal, even though we completely respect America scantle.

Yes. And hope Ben is on there one day for all the shit He does behind the scenes. He's not called out for but in the meantime go vote for that on Instagram. Thanks, love you. It's important to me. Okay, I have nothing Oh, no, I'm not in a scandal. It's sad But I know I feel like you should be in a scandal. I'm gonna start recording So people know what's really going on behind the scenes bends like the little baby from Roger rabbit Like the second the camera's turned off. He's got like a little cigar in his mouth He's telling people fuck you. He's grabbing boobs. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm gonna take in time bomb but guys I'm out of control. I'm gonna be taking it's time for me to be taken down a peg, okay? It is so Control. I'm gonna be take it. Yeah, it's time for me to be take it down a peg. Okay. It is so

Yeah, you know like American scandal awesome awesome podcast We prefer to go the vibe of American scandal wall. So that's that's our Expected a segue. How about that American scandal? Okay, so this episode is season 10 episode 9 is called forbidden fruit I just fell out of our room by accident. I don't know what happened. It's Thursday, it's been noon, doles. I don't know what happened. I just got kicked out.

I'm coming back. I'm back, sorry. That talk about scandal. So last week, when we first met this, when we first saw this group of buffoons, Ali was walking away from the table because James was very upset because a guy came in like, Hulk James, and James shoved him away because he thought like, it's like, ew, man, touching man, that's gay, get out of my face.

So then he was like all upset about it and then Ariane yelled at him and then Allie was like, conflict and walked away. So that's where we are now. Conflict, but also like I'm dating a fucking monster to be on TV and is this really worth it? You know, I think Molly is having some some deep thoughts, but then it turns out she just went to a room and was like, it is worth it.

I'm on TV by, I'm gonna put up with this loser. Yeah, exactly. She sort of went back to her room and then just like looked at her small Instagram following and was like, wait a second I came here for a mission and she went right back down there, you know She sure did so Ali is walking off and Christina's like is she okay? Is she upset? Christina you shouldn't even be here. Please be quiet. Okay, you're not in this and James is like oh It's just probably upset. Yes, Christina. All right

She's probably upset. She's not used to this confrontation. She's not used to all of this from all of you Yeah, because you can't even fucking fake it For a long enough you can't even fake it for two fucking minutes dude. You're the worst also You're a pack of wild animals. No one talks the way you guys He's like oh, she's not used to these sort of intense conversations. I'm like, because you just all yell at each other and are terrible. So then say, even though there wasn't even a conversation, it wasn't

even a confrontation. He'd literally punch somebody or hurt somebody who was just saying hi to him. And then somebody said, please don't do that. And he got upset. Yeah. And then they yelled at him. Don't do that. I mean, we're not. Luckily, there's some sage wisdom to be shared from people like Tom Sandivall who says, dude, sometimes real power is having the power

to do something and not do it. Yeah, I think your trumpet's a little wet to be making that statement, Joe Dirt. Yeah, okay. It's an interesting person to be making that statement, Joe Dirt. Yeah, okay. It's an interesting, interesting person to be making that statement. Yeah. And James is like, who the fuck is Tom Sandoval? Uncle Ben from Spider-Man with great power comes great response.

Fuck off. I love that he thinks that that, did that saying came from Uncle Ben from Spider-Man? I would love James to be part of the Spider-Man universe. James would be a great Spider-Man. I would love James to be part of the Spider-Man universe. James would be a great Spider-Man. He'd just be like the belligerent Spider-Man that I think we all want. Oh, you want me to save you. Oh, doc octopus. Oh, I'm really so scared, but a fat man's got eight arms.

Okay, have I have two arms? I can really norm the piss. Stupid piss and upside down kisses don't need them either. I'm stupid. He would bite the person and then the person just becomes like a cheesy, terrible DJ, you know. Um, so- Just swinging from music festivals. Sounds nice.

Music festival. Yeah, say something. Because I know that we have a lot of comic book nerds who follow us, just kidding. I know there's a lot of crossover. I think it was Uncle Ben from Spider-Man, he said it. He said it in the car. He said it in the car. To hit Toby McGuire. Well, I remember him saying it, but I thought it was like a saying from like, What was Uncle Ben from Spider-Man? He said it. He said it in the car. He said it in the car to help him acquire.

Well, I remember him saying it, but I thought it was like a saying from like, I don't know, like Martin Luther King or something, like somebody from, you know, history. I thought it was like a historic saying. So guess what? I'm Dumber than James, okay? Because I looked it up and it says, it's an adage popularized by Spider-Man. Well, okay, it doesn't say it invented it, but it's still the only person sighted is Stan Lee.

Okay, so good job, sorry James, you're a good person, I'm terrible. Wow, yeah, in my mind, I was like, I remember that scene where that guy who has Ken's new hair says that Tatooabee McGuire, but I was like, I don't know if that's the first time that phrase has been said, so I didn't realize. Oh my God, Ken's new hair.

What is happening to poor Ken? Ken looks like brown hair. Oh my gosh, I feel so bad watching Ken. So what happened? You guys couldn't finish dying his hair? Why is only half of it orange? What happened to the rest of it? It was bizarre.

What happens when he takes off the Rod Stewart wig? Is some of that color sticking to his head Where is what happened? It was almost like Lisa was doing his hair during the pandemic and he really liked it It's Lisa. I want to go back to the pandemic head. Let's do it right now. Go darling. Come on It was some just for men going on over there and his hair was like out it was like wide It was almost like going towards Martin space, like their friend Martin, because don't really, his hair is like tall and mullity,

but now it's sort of like coming around like a helmet, you know? I just felt really bad, because it was like splotches of red on his hair. It's like Vanderpump was doing a spray tan, and every time Ken would just buzz in the room, she'd just pat him on his head and send him back out of the room, you know? Back in the other room, room by, he's a beast, my little splashes of spray tan all over his head.

So maybe Rikkel hit on Ken. Maybe. Maybe Rikkel finally hit on Ken and we can all tell because of that little bit of spray tan she laughed just like a couple of episodes ago. So the producer asks Ali how she responds to conflict normally and she goes, I get up and I leave because it's like really hard to watch. Like the way that James just screaming, it was not cute. But it still does not qualify as a red flag for me.

So I will stay with him. Thank you. And the camera follows her to her room and she's just looking directly into the camera like a dodo bird. And then she just kind of closes the door and then the camera runs up to her room and she's just looking directly into the camera, like a dodo bird. And then she just kind of closes the door and then the camera runs up to the door to watch it close. So that is a, love the new camera person. I'm really making every effort today.

You know that was the freshman camera person because they're like on Ali Doody. It's like, all right, if you want to be on Vendipo Pools you got to start with Ali. Yep. So seeing this like, I'm going to go to my camera else and say hi, Vendipo, I can go to my camera. So she and I was like, I'm gonna go make my mouth and say hi. Bribro, I can, so she gets that from the table.

And we see a restaurant called Bordeaux and it's Katie and Tom's divorce celebration of we side the house dinner. Yeah, and I like that they're going to a restaurant that kind of expresses their marriage board. Oh Bordeaux So Tom checking in he's in a suit, but he's also wearing slides Which I hate I think he's I think it's supposed to be like a funny thing like oh look at me just wearing slides casual life

But like hello, I can't I can't, I can't, I just can't. And so he's like, I'm checking in. Baba for two, two bobs, two bobs who are in love, but aren't in love anymore. And the host, this is like, I don't understand. He's like, oh, yeah, because like Baba, that's my ex-wife, but we used to call each other Baba, but now it's more like, Bob now, you know,

well there she is. Here's Baba. Okay, great. And Katie shows up in full revenge body dress. She looks great. Whatever she's been doing. She shows up in like the lady in red dress. Still not a cute, the cutest outfit, but she looks great, you know?

And so she's like, yeah, revenge. Buh-long. And he's like, this, hey lady, this is baba. I was just telling her you know your baba But now it's Bob because that's more of a platonic way to say baba So I know that baba's lost its meaning, but we still feel like babas know what I mean guys You know and you're you're fucking falling all over yourself trying to be adorable act is really clueless I know I know I can't wait to watch. I can't wait to watch you towards your Katie because I know that this is the scene of the previews

where he is just left alone eating his steak alone. Yeah. And the host, no one is in our restaurant right now. We haven't had a customer in three weeks. And even given that, I'm willing to get you in this restaurant right now if you don't stop talking about Bubba's. So they sit down and they're getting a drink because they're going to celebrate.

Tom is going to be celebrating against getting dumped by Katie, so that's that. And they're sold their house, which may or may not have a door that is sold with it. We don't know the status of that. But how many times has that been knocked down? You guys are lucky there's not a car fax for houses. You know, friend, I'd go in knock down seven times when Tom gets knocked out of the house. That door is like Murphy Brown Secretary at this point. So the waiter comes over and he's so cute. He's like, hello, hi, I'm your waiter. He's really nervous.

And he's like, our signature drink is French Martini. And they're like, I mean, whatever. And Tom's like, we're celebrating. And he's like, oh, really? Are you celebrating your anniversary? Did you guys get married? And Tom's like, we got divorced. Yeah.

Oh. This is like romantic, I guess. But I wasn't going for romance. It just sounded cool. But you know, ah, l'ouette, ah, Lueh de, uh, Lueh de, I'm like, what's happening? Kitty goes, did you just make that up? He's like, no, it's a song, stupid face.

Which is kind of amazing that Kitty doesn't know about Lueh de. I mean, I don't know any word beyond Lueh de, but still. So, and I also like that that's like romantic to Katie, him singing a nursery rhyme. So, uh, and French, I guess, because of the French Martini. I'm just glad that he's saying something written by Uncle Ben from Spider-Man, because they're really keeping it. They're really keeping it.

I was honestly impressed that he knew those lyrics. I was like, okay, so Tom Schwartz has committed himself to something and that's remembering the lyrics of the song. So, uh, Katie is like, well, I wouldn't say that romance has ever been Tom Strong suit. And then we see a flashback of him giving her a ring on a string and then like making a romantic bed of candy. And then, I don't remember what the third one was. It's just an epic, I mean, I'm sorry.

But I don't remember just how offensive this fucking guy is, okay? That ring on a string and she's like, but you're giving me a ring that's on a string. I mean, that's not really what a girl pushing 40 wants. And then when he made the romantic bed that was just candy, that she had to follow a trail of candy all the way. And then candy all over the bed. I mean, oh my God. And then when he said he was gonna cook her dinner and he's like, everything's over cooked, whatever.

Oh my God. He was like a piece of a shot. I don't remember. Yeah, he really is. He's just like, he's just like so garbagey, right? Like, and I just wish I could root for Katie Moore also. Like, I want so desperately to be like liberation, but I'm like, Katie, why are you lowering yourself

to have, why are you having this dinner? What are you celebrating? You, you, you divorced him. Like, why move on? You deserve so much better than this. She's obsessed with going places she's not wanted, you know? She's gonna go with Tom because she knows that he's just gonna ultimately humiliate her and not want her.

She's at a wedding, she's not wanted at. And literally nobody is making enough her to even say hi to her. You know what I mean? It's like she's got to get the outfit to it. It's weird. Yeah, and it's also like why is she so dedicated to being friends with Tom in this post-relationship?

Like I understand she doesn't want a really, doesn't want to go into a sea of bitterness and fighting, but at the same time that's also her forte? Like that's really what she does best. So why not have that? When she has a show, she's on a show where she's known as the boring one. Nobody likes her. She's not friends with anybody. The only reason, the only way she's keeping the stamp job is through Tom.

Who else would keep her on here? No one else wants to hang out with Kate. Lala. Lala Squad. I don't know. So Katie is like, well, if Tom couldn't romance me when we're married, I don't think he's going to romance me now. I'm like, well, that's good because this is a

Celebrating the death of our marriage and selling our modern farmhouse in Valley Village dinner So it's not really that romantic of an occasion So Katie gives a toast just trying to come up with something nice and short So it's like no, no, I got one. She's getting back on the hedonic treadmill She's like Maybe we could make it better than that. How about, uh, closing our house is bittersweet. Is that it? Katie's doing a lot of like sad eyebrow work in this episode.

She is. No, Katie really tries to really work the cameras with her sad eyes. She's like, look at my eyebrows getting sad. Oh, my Botox is stopping me from proper, from proper sad eyes. Dude, you can do it. I feel like I you could do it Come on squeeze Ronnie. I don't want you now much money. That is what you're all squeeze. I look like I look like fucking pop by I've got a line Right here permanent line fingers

See my line. I got a few lines. I got one up here too. It's actually feels like a no no no no We're not gonna start looking at lines. Okay, we'll be here until next week. We'll be starting looking at every little thing. It's like when you start picking something on your armor before you know what you have no skin, you're just a bone reaching out for a diet coke. Which is how you get to be on Vanderpump rules.

So. Find them, thin enough. Get on VP on. Get a scabby bone on here. So Shorts is like hold on hold on hold on my pants are so tight. I gotta take this phone out. Okay, back to your nice toast So she's like so to memories and to all the good times that we have A hold on one second. There's like a button in here that's so uncomfortable hold on. Let me move my balls around Okay, come on, keep going, Katie.

To the chalkboard that we had in our house. Damn, I really am bat-winging down here one second. Let me just do a little flap, flap, flap. Oh, yeah, okay. All right, what you were saying, Katie? Uh, uh, poor Katie. And he's like, wow, how about maintaining a friendship because I got to tell you the suit is killing me I don't even know where my dick is god I used to look amazing in this suit

fit me like a glove oh I don't want to ruin the moment though because it's just so nice but well I fell a little guilty like gotta be honest got a little guilty telling Brock and she knew that I couldn't go to their dinner tonight. Yeah, I felt like a real dick. And she's just sitting there with her eyebrow work all over, like trying to look so sad. Yeah, let's also not forget that she's in it basically for a free meal. So then Lala is meanwhile, she's talking to James because they're still having a dinner and she's like, James, I don't want to fight with you like you're one of my best friends, okay? And he's like I know and Ariana I really do want to tell you I'm sorry like I'm not gonna disrespect you ever again

You stupid fat stupid bitch sorry sorry that one too. I followed was that one too But that one can count as the original disrespect. It's all one disrespect umbrella and then after the rain We close the umbrella and I'll never do it to you again. If you're a hiring, you know what it's like to deal with economic uncertainty. And now more than ever, it's really important to hire the right people faster and more efficiently because you got to keep the overall cost down. And thankfully, there's a hiring partner who's focused on you and your needs. And that is Zippercrooter. From pricing to technology, everything that Zippercrooter does is for you and what works best

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that zippercrooter.com slash crappins. Again, that zippercrooter.com slash C-R-A-P-P-E-N-S. ZipperCrooter, the smartest way to hire. I'm going to say something scandalous running. Go on, planants are meat. And not only are they meat, they're delicious, especially if they're from impossible foods. They taste like beef.

Exactly. Impossible is making meat history this summer. Yeah, they are. Summer of impossible. I am so excited to be spending time, cooking my summer foods, all that good stuff, and guess what? We can use impossible sausages, impossible brats. I mean, it's gonna be a great summer for impossible foods.

Impossible beef is made from plants and 19 grams of protein per serving, and it's better for the planet. And it's meat. Plant meat. Correct. So if you're looking for something to grab for your grill, grab some impossible beef.

Summer of impossible. Start making meat history today. Just head over to the meat Islay your local grocery store grab some impossible beef or patties and get grilling So they hug it out and mama's like oh my god guys. Are my nipple defense? So then we go back to Katie and Swartz and Katie's like I mean now I feel bad because it's not like I want to stop anyone from celebrating anything. Gosh. And then Schwartz is like, oh, wow, Katie, this one's on me. I mean, I want to come

here and celebrate the closing of our house, whereas I like to call it a structure that contains the worst memories of my life. You know, it's funny. Now that we're divorced, I'm even more apt to defend you No, you're not what and he's like, oh, yeah No, you're not Brock Brock who we've known for five minutes pulled the groomsman card on you And you marched right over there to him to defend you marched right over to me to defend him and I pulled the wife Card on you as he goes, but you have used the husband card. You can't pull it 16 times a day.

It's just, but you never let me use it. I just get pulling it and it was never accepted. I feel like, I don't know, Mike Crazy. I feel like you literally can pull the wife card 15 times a day. I feel like, isn't that like what being married is? Is that like, we're married and we are like a unit. So like, hey, hey, can you stand up for me right

now? So I'm always addicted to me. Please, I'm your wife. I feel like you can pull that card many times, multiple times during a day. I mean, if you want to get divorced, because that's what happens. So she's like, yeah, but you never even accepted the card. He's like, oh, come on. I was a great fucking husband in which Which moment we all stopped the TVs and just laughed and then shook our heads slowly like is this real? Yeah, no, he was literally worst husband we've ever seen on Bravo and you're terrible You are terrible Can he's like what I mean he's literally using own, he's pulling his own husband card right now. So Katie, Katie's like, Tom, when I have said to you, I need to go defend my honor,

like LOL, like her honor as, as if she's like in Camelot when they're just going to like, lobsters and beer and Culver City. But when I've asked you to defend my honor and you went and you would do that, like what have you ever done for me? You smelled like riverhead or wedding.

Or Wednesday wedding. But she's trying to use this thing with Brock. Brock saying, I don't want drama at my wedding is some evil affront to Katie. That's the problem with Katie. It's pretty normal for someone not to want their enemy to show up at their wedding just to cause fucking problem. It's pretty normal. And by you insisting that you're going to, you're making a villainous move.

So take it. Stop fucking crying all the time. I'm so sick of crying villains, okay? Just be a fucking villain, Katie. We'd probably all love you, but you're a whiny little brat villain. Nobody likes a whiny brat villain, okay? I like a sniveling villain. That villain, nobody likes a whiny brat villain, okay? I like a sniveling villain. The twirl your mustache. A gay-coded villain, you know? Yes, girl. Like put on a feather boa and just be like,

and I'm leaving it, you know, something with it. Yes. Not this, like, oh, wait, wait, wait, like crying all the fucking time, like a fucking victim. And then whipping out your victim language whenever you don't get your way. Like your gaslighting meat. Like, your gaslighting me. No one is gaslighting you.

I think that's how I'm doing gaslight. Let's, I mean, here's the thing. Katie, I feel like it's poised to really be a hero. And yet, she just can't quite get there. You can't do it. It's like, every year I feel like I come to this. Like, Katie is gonna be a hero this year.

I just feel, because I've vasolate, you know, when you're all like somebody, the next year I won't. I feel like I'm very easily manipulated by the television, okay? I will believe what they're telling me. But God damn it, it just never happens.

And they're handing it to you on a cookie plate. It's literally like the cookies. The Spider-Man Spider has descended down onto her hand. It bit her. And she then found an antidote. She was like, I got bit by a strange spider. Do you have any medicine? They're like, actually we do.

Thanks so much. No, no, let that radioactive spider turn you into spider lady, Katie, but she won't. Are she just spent a whole movie crying because she got stuck in the first place, you know? Okay, so. Or just spits out a web and then gets stuck to the wall. Tom, can someone help me?

I'm stuck to a wall. So she's going on about this Brock thing, which I can't believe she even would care about Brock, the biggest fucking idiot on this show. And that's saying something. So he's like, Katie, but I'll tell you what, what in Santa Fe more in our marriage, okay? Because you abused the wife Santa Fe more in our marriage, okay? Cause you abused the wife card early on in our relationship. So the producer goes, so like,

do you like ever like try to like unpack and like analyze like why couldn't like take, I was like, is Lars a writing these captions? Who's writing these? I know. And Katie's like, the only thing I could ever come up with was was that he just didn't like me and like he might have loved me But he didn't like me. I'm like well. Yeah There you go boom. Here's $20. Okay, so the ring on the string really sort of was great evidence of that and I could have saved you a lot of time

I think the drink all over you. I think the drink all over your head. I think the drink all over your head on the night out. She had the good one. Yeah. So Katie's like, okay, well I'm happy that you're conflicted over someone who you literally see only three times a year. He's like, no, no, that's not true. Like that's such a cynical thing to say. And the waiter comes and interrupts again.

And she's like, oh don't don't gaslight me Okay, because that's what you said to me and you're like, oh, that's your favorite term like I watch you gaslight other people on a regular basis Katie Yeah, she does and so to see I'm not saying gaslight I get their love language actually Yeah, but you know, it's nice to see people trying to save electricity Emotionally and then the French onion soup is delivered and there is nothing that says But, you know, it's nice to see people trying to save electricity emotionally. And then the French onion soup is delivered, and there is nothing that says, I'm never making out with you again, like ordering French onion soup. Yeah.

And she's all dressed in her, like, pretty dress and stuff. I was L.O.L. There's not going to be any sex happening with these two after that French onion soup. That's for sure, okay, because once it works its way through that system, that is not going to be a romantic bedroom. So Katie's like, um, no, it's not gaslighting. It's the exact conversation we had when you asked, when you, he asked you to be a groom's man, like,

hey, I guess it's like, okay, I like him. And I don't even know him that well. I guess I like him more than you, Katie. As if Katie did not do the same thing with Lala, right? Like, doesn't that like their friendship? Like Katie hated Lala and then all of a sudden when it seemed like advantageous to her to become friends with Lala, she's like,

oh hey, I like Lala now. So I mean, friendships are pretty transactional on this show. Yeah, so Swartz is like, okay, okay, maybe it's just better that we don't talk that much. And she's like, oh really better than we don't talk that much. Really? Now you don't want to talk to me because I just mean right now at this moment in time It's like so wait you don't want to be friends you'd rather be friends with Brock and he's like that's not what I bet

Because oh yeah, yeah, you're probably so good with Brock who you've known five minutes But you can't handle the truth now first of all my Katie This is why no one wants to fucking be around you. You're a miserable, miserable woman. But on the other hand, Schwart started all of this. Of course, as usual, he does push her into it. He makes her crazy and she falls for it every time as she looks like an asshole. Because they were having a nice mouth and an asshole. Man, and then what does he do? He immediately is like, I feel so guilty for not being a Bronx and Sheenah's thing. Which is gonna push her over the edge.

Well, I will say I would, they're terrible people. These are two not good people. They're not good. And honestly, I would actually be pretty annoyed if like the person, if like someone served me divorce papers and then was like, we should have a dinner. In the middle of like my vacation, we should have a dinner in the middle of like my vacation. We should have a dinner where then I complain

that you don't wanna be friends. It's like, you, you divorced me. Like, I would be really upset, but I think that Tom is just more like, oh, he's like, I think he's upset too, but he always likes to play like, oh, everything's good, but I think he's upset because he showed some real ordinary sides to this.

But like you said, he also was the one who injected negativity into this entire evening. Yeah, he's trying to push her over the edge and make her look like as much of a bitch as possible so that he can go play the victim card in bars all over America and getting Poussetset wherever he goes because poor Tom is just emotionally abused by Katie.

You know, my dislike for Katie doesn't mean that I like Tom. Tom's a fucking monster and an asshole. And one of the biggest things you have to worry about in a place like LA, because it's some semi-attractive tall person, A, they get everything, right? And then all they have to do is be like, oh, my feelings are hurt. Maybe, maybe. And then girls like, oh my God, he's tall and he has feelings. It's like a sheep dog So in case you didn't know that Katie is from Utah. She then says your bond is that good with Brock that you like you can't handle me

Just like like handing that truth to you. Tom just be real just be fucking real Be real be real Tom be real And he's like coming just and then he gets really pissed. And he's like, oh, really? Coming to someone else's wedding when you're not, I mean, I can't imagine in my wildest dreams, like my craziest, I mean, you just come to a, oh, food, there's food. Oh, thank God there's food now.

Oh, blah, blah. Okay, I don't want to ruin our time here. And now Katie's scratching because it's a swatht thing. And now she's crying because he's like, no one even wants you. You flew all the way here to someplace nobody wants like that is pathetic, which is true. But it's the same times you don't want to hear that, you know? Yeah, this is supposed to be her big revenge moment where she shows up looking great. And you ask her to get married on Sheena's big wedding day or something, something better than this.

And then he does patronizing. Oh, Bob, Bob, oh, and she's like, all these people surrounding you, like being great friends to you, they're being awful to me. And he's like, oh, but only two people have been awful to you. Like as if that's okay, if only two people are awful to someone and she's like, oh, but only two people have been awful to me. Like, as if that's okay, if only two people are awful to someone and she's a Katie Rick Allen. She does. We have it also.

She started it with both of those girls. She's never been nice to either one of those girls and now she's here crying like a little fucking victim. Like always, you're not a nice person. People are not gonna just suddenly start kissing your ass because you're you. You have to be my other people. Well, and also, like, I just want Katie

to do better things for herself. She's like, I'm gonna keep this room because I pay for it and I'm just gonna have a Mexican vacation instead. And it's like, okay, well, I want you to, like, if you're gonna do that, like ride that wave of like, of like, impairment and like, go to the resort and then go off and do some shit, bang some hot guys there that are on vacation. But don't stick around, don't pull people from the events and don't just like watch through the

windows like no, that's not a trade-out like a spin-off. Yeah, you're with Christine, I mean that's not much of a spin-off, okay? But even if you didn't have any lines, even if they just kept cutting to you and one minute you're windsurfing, and then the next minute you're swiping through Mexican Tinder, you know, and then the next minute, some trailers rocking back and forth on the beach, and then like the next scene is her like bowling.

I don't know, who the fuck that is? Just living your life and having a good time, but this is. Bang someone at the hotel, okay? Like, she's waiting, she's, she is doing too much of a white lotus right now in a bad way. Like, there's always the characters in the white lotus who are going down a sad path.

And that's what she's doing. She should be like forgetting Sarah Marshall. She's on vacation, her ex is there, find someone hot and like, persevere. Be, be, be the, be the, be the super hero. So she's like, yeah, but we're killing China. Like, I'm a, you know what, I don't even want to hear anymore. I don't even want to hear anymore.

Save it Tom. You can just save it. And he's like, but you're a provocateur. She's like, what? And he's like, you're a provocateur of that stuff. And she goes, that is it. I am leaving. So she gets up and he just smiles and laughs.

He's like, uh-huh. Don't leave. Oh, you know what I mean? You were the provocateur for some of the Katie. Oh, I'm just going to eat. Yeah. Oh, I think she had to go the bathroom waiter. So meanwhile, James is the other meal continues on and James is like, go, oh, okay, when she comes back, okay, I know this is like not new for us, but like, we see these very intense conversations as agreed, but she's not, and like, I know you guys don't give a flying fuck, and Lala's like, I'm listening. She's, alright, Lala, you know what, you don't really care, I know you, I love you, but I know you don't really care, and then Ali walks in, so then James's like, oh, Ali, Ali,

okay, come down here. You lovely, lovely beautiful girl. Will you practicing our spinny thing that will be doing tomorrow night? Sit with that so She was like all right tomorrow. We're taking the cat of moron out of the bed out of the beach for the bachelor party I have the bachelor party. It's gonna be on a calmer out. It's gonna be out of the water. It's crazy Our calmer has like a ball. So then James is like law law you go and go on the cat moron She's like, Lala, you go and go to the cat maran.

She's like, I don't know. So I was gonna see his house tonight, wins. And he's like, I hate Lala, I'm not gonna go. Now look, just don't wanna go, she's not. She's like, fuck you, dude. Like it's a group event. There's like 20 people going, come on, Lala on the cat maran.

So. And Lala, the person who's constantly fucking attacking people and reading them for filth for no reason on this show Yes, I just want to be somewhere where I'm safe The most ridiculous bullshit where she's safe So she's like um what is we're calling an I do a lot of make her feel not safe and sand of all Santa Vals be like're like, dude guys, let's stop talking about this, let's go upstairs.

There's a place called Desires. I feel like there's a recal joke in there somewhere. I haven't fully formed it, but it feels like it's right on the cusp, right? So short, it's like, I'm gonna go back, oh no, she's like, I'm right back in my room to put stuff away, I don't even care, a lot of those are not coming all the catamaran,

which is the thing that goes on the ocean. It's really fun. Everybody loves to drink at the catamaran, but whatever, if you don't want to come all the catamaran, I'm going to go put stuff away in my room. And so Lala follows her out and she's with Brock. She is with Brock. And so she's like, can I talk for one second?

That was not your place to do James. Okay, I was going to sit her down. So stop you guys. Listen, I don't know what James did that. I just said that I don't want my feelings to accept her, you know And then it's like your big day and then he puts out that like I'm not fucking going But like I was sitting there going like I want the energy to be amazing for youth I'm just here for you She's yeah, I want to have a conversation

I want the Angie to be amazing for you, which is why I was advocating for Katie to keep her rooms. And I was going to have a conversation like this is where I'm at, okay, because like help me get to a place where I'm feeling comfortable, because I have to break away from like a lot of shit to come down here.

Okay, I have a lot of like no job to do, okay, and I have a lot of like really like nothing that I'm leaving behind. They're okay, so like I'm doing this to support you and it's like I'm not really great at being like in fight high fight mode right now, okay? And finally so much just explains this in a logical way. Brock's like, Kylie didn't want to be here and it feels like you're taking Kady's side and not wanting to be here. And that's why it's annoying, because you're not wanting to be here in solidarity with someone else who doesn't want to be here.

All right. Does everyone understand the plot now? Yeah. And she's like, oh my god, that's crazy. And she's like, yeah, like, why is Christina here, and she's not in my wedding dinner? She totally ruined my cat and my random house.

That was a lot of fun. Um, no one told me that this was like a wedding dinner dinner, wedding dinner dinner dinner. And it's like, Lala, what else is it? You're inviting one of her enemies to one of her things on her wedding weekend, you dipshit. I don't think. Let's see, did you pay for your meal tonight?

You probably didn't. So it's a wedding dinner. So Lala's like, she not keeps saying that she wants to have a drama for weddings. And I'm like trying to give her what she wants. I'm like, you're literally not. Like she knows about to cry right now. And she was like, where are for me and when I ever get it? Where are for me and when I ever get it?

Where are for me and when I ever get it? I was like, that's poor scene is. Like the night before she flew, she was just going, where are for me and when I ever get it? Where are for me and I have for date. Yeah, and Lala's basically like on Ruchmother, rather hang out with my crew than be on a boat with Raquel, but she's gonna like do it, right?

Because that's who Lala is, she's like a team player. So then Katie and Christina text, and Katie's like, all caps, I effing hate him. And Christina's like, oh no, what happened? He's a dick, can you meet me in the room? There's like, all of a sudden, wherever Christina was, it just turned into like a cloud of dust. Where'd Christina go?

Where'd she go? Yeah, and also like, Christina's not doing anything. Christina's like there for a, as an emotional support animal for Katie. Like, can Christina go out and live her day on life too? Was it only a girls trip for you, you know? I think I'm miserable. That went terrible.

Come back to the room. I listen to me fucking cry about it. So Tom's still at the restaurant, by the way. And so he calls up Katie and he's like, Katie, come back. Can we end this on a positive note? So that way I can tear it down? What?

She's like, shut the fuck up. So Christina shows up at Katie's room. Like, what happened? I got here as fast as I could. Well, it started off good. Really? But then what happened? Well, like I thought it was gonna be good,

but then literally he wants to defend anyone but me like whoever I'm having issues with He's gonna side with them. This is well. This is a reminder of why you're not with him. I Get it and then there's a knock at the door and Katie's like do not open the door. We have to see who it is So she looks at them people and she's like it's Raquel And so they open it and we're kind of like, do you mind if I come in for a second? And they're like, and Katie goes, why? And she's like, we could just talk here in the hallway

if it's better. She's like, no, come on in. Because she no wanted me to come over. She said, I got ice cream social if I do this. So I won't even sit down. It's only gonna take a second. She wanted me to let you know that because you didn't book a room through the hotel and you used a third party site. And this is a preferred room that you all that you don't have access to the preferred pool anymore because Mr. Orbit's called and said, no Katie. Oh my God. So then we see a clip of Sheena and the lobby when they all got there going, um, so who's going to be the bridesmaids like Katie know that she's not going to like

be let into the preferred area or the cat in Iran. And everyone's like, not it. And then Raquel's like, what? How does that work? So Raquel's like, well, like, she just like doesn't expect you to be around that area. We're all there for like the wedding festivities. And Christine is like, it's like, in a show that's been built off and do Christine's. been built off of the new Chrissians. This is one of the moral little Christmas that we've ever seen.

Rick L announcing that Katie and Christina are not allowed at the preferred that is pool. It was so good. So they're cracking up. And Katie's like, oh, this is just so rich that Rick L is gonna tell me not to do something. The self-awareness is just a cell lacking. I was like, ooh, Katie.

Okay, maybe this is Raquel. He's like, I'm gonna fuck this wedding up. No. Still no, still no fucking hope. But you know, I did have that glimmer. Ha. Commissions. Here comes one right now.

Hi, I'm Michael Patrick King, host of the official Max Companion Podcast, and just like that, the writers room. Each episode members of the writers room and I unpacked moments from season 2, sharing juicy details you can only hear from us. Stream and just like that season 2 is starting June 22nd on Max, and listen to end just like that, the writers room on Max or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're kels like, I mean, it's literally the only pool that has like a swim up bar. So like, that's how you know, if you see that,

that's how you know you're in the rock. You're in the sear, you're not allowed to be in. Seagulls, yeah, that's the place that has a swim up bar. That's a bar that you swim up to in the pool to get a drink. Okay. Thanks, Rikal. So, I gave you, so I booked a room

like through her block. So apparently I got a boot from the pool from that. And Christina's like, is it me? Is it me or is it just, can I go to the preferred members club? Christina wants the preferred members club? Kristina wants to go to the preferred pool Kristina's like fuck this this Katie shits boring. She's like um is it just me or is it Katie or me too because I want to the dinner tonight I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable and Katie's like she's a bitch, dude. That's all it is

You weren't disinvited and showed up anyway and are being nothing but a nasty little troll. I- Hilarious. Hilarious. I have a question. Um, the lazy river, is that considered part of the preferred access pool or is that something I can also partake in because I really enjoy that amenity? That's literally where you got married, shut up, kiddie.

So um, Rick Hells, like, yeah, she doesn't want you around to be blatantly honest, Christina. Christina's like, well, I would love to sit down and have a conversation with Shina and ask what I did. You're not invited here. What do you wanna have a conversation about? What are you doing here? Yeah, like if my mom showed up and then was like trying

to go to Shina's events, my mom doesn't have to have a conversation with Sheena to know that my mom wasn't invited to the wedding and that for she should not be participating in the events. So your mom out of the bus there. Well, I think he's like, everyone has to be held. Everyone has to be held to scrutiny, even my mother, if she went to Sheena's party.

So Katie's like, this is a hotel with 600 rooms and you're telling me I can't go somewhere. Oh, I'm not gonna be a prisoner. I'm gonna go where I wanna go. Yeah. Well, you know, that's the point. There are 600 rooms. It's a big facility.

Go to a different pool. So, Rick Hells like, so you're just gonna go to the preferred members pool anyway. And, and Christina's like, okay, well, we won't go to the preferred members pool anyway and Christina's like, okay, well, we won't go to swim up bar Like this is like yeah, this is what we do and we might go to the swim up who knows I might be too drunk to know the difference. I mean this is the best thing you could have done to Katie because this is like Katie's wheelhouse, you know So Katie's like whatever we feel right? Yeah dumbass. I feel bad for her. She's trying to do her evil wine swirling laugh but A she doesn't

have one because she's the name villain and B her partner in villain crime is looking so uncomfortable because she wants that swim up pool. Christina wants nothing more than a pinocalata put into her hand while she is wet in a pool. Yeah, she wants to be able to do her key card and be able to walk into a gated pool area away from all the children. So now it's like 1 a.m. Tom Schwartz is in his own bathtub drinking alone, which is sad. And everyone else is at a club. Maybe this is desires.

And they're dancing and Lala goes up to Shina and she's like, hey, so you're wearing a hot tomorrow because like, you know, you don't wanna get burned before your weddings. Could you even imagine? Could you imagine? And she was like, ah, ah, ah, good job, imagine. There's a lot of weird small talk.

And then Shina, Raquel comes in, so Shina's like, oh my god, spread chicken. And she goes, take Katie's. I was like, point blank. Just wanna make it black and white, so there's no confusion. And Shina tells us, um, to be honest, me telling Raquel

to tell Katie she's not allowed in the preferred area, was I told her joke? And then Raah continues. And I mean, very clear, you're not welcome here. And that's all. The fact that she actually listened, it's savage. And I'm actually here for it. By the way, tomorrow, please be savage

on the column around. Yeah. And then Brock, like grabs Rickah, like spins her around. He's like, oh, look at this. You got a bob, and you got a poo table over there. And that's the bob over there, he's like, oh look at this, he got a bar over there, and he got a poo table over there, and that's the bar over there, he's world. I was like, sir, have you been in a bar before? He's even in toilets in the back.

It's the morning and they're splitting up for boys and girls, days. So James isn't bad, and he's like, yeah, do you have going with a brok in his idiot friends to a day club, doesn't sound fun, doesn't sound fun at all. BAM BABARIANT BAAAARGHH! I would rather be in a club spinning sweet beats for ladies who've come in for Minnesota to listen to me play the beats. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

So the girls are packing into bands for like girls girls catamaran the guys go to the day club They take shots and the tombs are talking in shorts. It's like look how many shots he's pouring those are huge shots and Santa was like you excited man, bro, bro. Come here, bro. Look look at me man. I'm your tree bro And the Gucci Sun what the fuck with your Gucci sunglasses this guy is such a cheeseball. I can't believe I ever liked this person. And he's like, yeah, look at me. I have Gucci sunglasses. You excited about? You're gonna be bad, bro.

And Brock Sarkin, you know how I feel? Or I could go all over the world, too, whatever I want. Because I know where I'm coming home. Toshina. Yeah, and SantaVall says this weird thing. We go, dude, I am so optimistic about any relationship ever Optimistic that you will destroy it. I'm just like we get some more clarifications on that because I think it's trying to spread that So he can be like remember when I said I would be positive about any

Relationship ever why can't people be like that about my relationship? Why is no one being, because you know, sound of all is another huge victim, and he's going to make himself the biggest victim in all of this. The heart wants what the heart wants, all that bullshit. So, meanwhile, over in party central, Katie and Christina are sitting down on some Shes lounges by the pool, and they're like, cheers, and turns out they're at the preferred pool after all. They're like, yeah, like I had like a moment where I was like a little scared when they were like, come here, your name please and then they swept the car and I was like, check. It's like,

like we're still here. You guys are such fucking losers. Like congratulations. You're at the preferred pool and no one else is there to even take the sick burn. They're literally acting like they're in Ferris Bueller, you know? No offense to Bueller. But like, it's like congratulations, you got to a pool area. Yeah, and so Christina's like, this is the perfect day. And Katie's like, yeah, I have a do not disturb sign on my head, so no one better disturb me. And Christina's like, do you want to go into the water? And Katie goes,

should we? Guys can someone just show up now just drive Katie away. Just drive her to the words of people who are who are just yearning to disturb Katie. Don't disturb her. So now we're in Marine Alson. And everyone's getting onto the boat and she was like, this is like my happy place. Like on a boat with all my favorite people, like we're on a catamaran. We're on a catamaran right now.

And I'm just gonna walk onto the catamaran. I just wanna say thank you all for coming on this trip and like celebrating me and Brock and like cheers for the next few days for all my real friends. So then we go back to the boys and they're all in, Brock loves Speedos. Okay, that's his thing.

Like him and his crew love to be in Speedos and like slap each other on the button shit. So that's what they're doing but they have Brock's face on all their dicks. And so Santa Claus is like, well, Brock, I've never been so close to you, bro. And James is like, you know, I'm very open to different cultures.

All right, he gave me a fat noodle. All right, I'm very open to different cultures. Alright? He gave me a fat noodle. Alright, maybe I've never seen it before. It's got some kind of raw shrimp on it or something. Alright, I'll try that. But this culture, big men in speedos slapping each other on the bat, sticking each other's fingers, sticking fingers on each other's asses and speedos. And so, hey guys, let's take a couple couple of fire grows and fuck some kangaroos and arrived

I don't know kind of hot well not the fucking the kangaroos part so then she knows like What she's doing, but we just hear her go. Oh, it feels refreshing Cuz the girls get in the water that she knows she knows always giving an endorsement to like literally everything she does She gets in the water and goes oh the swatters. Like the water is not sending you a check, she know. Okay, just get in the damn water. Excuse me, water, can you vlog me while I swim in you? Thank you. So now they're just like, it's like party,

like party montage, like Brock is like playing with a water, like a supersoaker filled with booze I'm assuming and then they're like chugging my wet and there's like shorts like eye on all these girls and the bikini and he's like, line there's like Schwartz is like I and all these girls in the bikini and and he's like line There's for one on a day bed and Santa falls next to him and he's like Why does it still feel illegal to check girls out? Oh and Santa was like do me and Ariana check girls out all the time and guys who cares?

That's we gonna yes And shorts is like oh my god is that girl brcale over there? No, bro. It looked like brcale. No, bro. Do you wish it was brcale? He's like, I can't explain it. She's just like so beautiful.

Really? You can't explain it. You're an aging divorcee with very small prospects going forward. And some hot girl, 10 years younger than you, is pretending to be attractive to be on TV. Yeah. I'm shocked that you're in love. I'm shocked. It never happens with Los Angeles. That's crazy.

Yeah, who'd have thought? So, yeah, the other girl's not Rakell, and Tom Sandvol knows this, because she's not wearing a lightning bolt necklace. So, Rakell is meanwhile on the cat I'm ran, and she's like telling a girl that, like, oh, my skin is burning. Hold on.

Let me just wrap this up clean. Let me just like put some gauze around this lightning bolt. So yeah, she's talking about how Lala was like afraid to come on the catamaran because of her and she's like, I could have been like a bitch and been like, no, I don't want her on the catamaran, but I feel like I'd just be giving up Lala energy and that's like not who I am. Well, I guess I'm sort of like Lala, but in ways that have yet to be revealed.

So then Lala is with Ali. Oh, so Lala is talking Ali on this boat. So she's like, sad he's built. And Ali says much better, we taught. Like I guess he was just having a moment and Lala was like, just listen. I just after what I've dealt with, I just don't want you to wake up to be like, who the fuck am I? What is my life events? Like I don't want

that to happen to you. I want you to keep your powers. Okayens! And Ali's like, I love James. I love James. I love James. We have a singing thing. I love James. But I love James too, but last night with James compared to what you can find in the future with James. You know? You have to tune him out and remember, you're not responsible for the way he acts.

Lala who goes around talking being, is talking about like, I ride her die for you, James. I'm your, James is my best fucking friend. And she just goes, and Lala's, by the way, not wrong at all. Everything she's saying is 100% true. But she's like, her best friend, she just goes up to this girlfriend and is like, yeah, just so you know, he's a piece of shit. It's gonna be terrible.

You're in for like, misery if you stick with him and Take pay attention to the red flags because he's a terrible terrible person Yeah, yeah, and she tells us you can be the smartest bitch in the world And would you fall under someone like James? You're in like this whirlwind of life where you're like where the fuck's the am I? Wow, that's bad for the smart bitch in the world. So imagine what I was like for Lala. So, when you're the other end of that spectrum, it's probably even worse. So now she's really crying.

She's like, I really just need to protect you. I feel this need, like I don't even know you, but like I can tell you're such a good person. And a great ally for me versus Raquel and potentially James. Come on, hugs. So then Sandeval is saying the source needs to put himself out there, meet women, and then we'll help him get over his marriage.

So then we see him, Sandeval, and showing shorts to one of the hot girls that he liked. And she's like, oh, is this your friend? And he's like, hey, this is Molly. And she goes, bar? I know you though. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

That's it. It's already awkward. It starts off awkward. Yeah. Oh, nice to meet you. I like your song glasses. You have great eye press too. Oh, oh.

And Santa Claus is like, I remember when Schwartz moved to Los Angeles and he was like awkward but he like got his strides so it's just like a matter of time and Schwartz is like, I'm re-acclimating to society. I just got divorced. I'm like, wow. I have to say the divorcees on the show are to really terrible job at meeting people in bars. Does he say, I don't get out much, I was a mermaid. That's what I wrote. He might have, I didn't write it down, but maybe he said I don't get out much, I was a hermit, instead of mermaid.

Oh, because I'm a mermaid, because he was just in a bathtub drinking a beer by himself. So he's like, come on Dale, grow. So Molly's like, okay, I'm gonna go back to my friends, okay. And it's like a massive fail, but he's like, come on, Dale. Grow. So Molly's like, okay, I'm going to go back to my friends. Okay. And it's like a massive fail. But he's like, wow, so in love, I'm going to make out with so many people tonight. Yeah, me go back to my friends who don't smell like river and do smell like deodorant. Okay, bye. So now over to villa

Rosa to check in with new hairstyles of Lee Sin Ken! Who's coming to dinner tonight, darling? You're doing something for somebody for dinner tonight, aren't you? I have some of you coming to dinner tonight. Ken, I'll tell you, Pandy, Jason and our grandson! Now, hi, I'm Teddy. Well, she and I just texted me, they're all having a blast. Oh, everyone's having so much fun. Even the boys, except the boys are being criticized by Greg,

who just doesn't understand that they're lazy fucks, and that's part of their charm. We should call Greg and have a meeting and tell him who he's working with. I'd hate to get my fingers in the pie. Ding, ding, ding. Hello, Greg. Do you feel my fingers inside of you? You're my little Greggy pie. Finger, ding, ding, ding. Hello, Greg. Do you feel my fingers inside of you? You're my little cracky pie.

Finger finger. See you at noon. Muah! Muah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha who's in bed with and he doesn't have he doesn't have a clue whatsoever. I know who I am in bed with and I'll only give it to him once a year. Get it. Get it. Get it. I was surprised. So she gave a little saucy least of anapum joke when she said that. I think at this point Ken is just she's just I feel like her hand is really like moving a stick that's moving

Ken's head up and down at this point. So yeah, she's going to start this plotline of like trying to like white cape for the boys with Ken with a Greg, but who knows, she's going to try to save the day because this is my show after all. So let's go back to Mexico. So it's a Shina and summer and Erica and I guess the mom Yes, Eric is the mom and like it was like a wonderful day and like here comes Brock and a speedo is like oh hey, honey. Oh, yeah, you look at it. It was so fun. It's gonna be such a great

time tonight. I was like yeah tonight is like the big welcome wine party. Even though last night was a welcome party too, but tonight's like the welcome party and like, I am like Zen, like I'm totally happy. And I'm not gonna like Katie or Christina, like we're on anything for me. I am so Zen now, run the Q to the class back. I'm like, I'm not Zen right now. But I like this is like, I'm not gonna be like that right now. So then James and Allie, James like doing that. Oh like during public

So he's like plying at her and grabbing her hands. We got my girlfriend look at me. It's me and my girlfriend So he's like Ali Ali Ali. I was trying to rally all of Brock's friends when they were like oh Viagra get the blood What's it going to? I was like James Kennedy at his highest, you know, it was terrible. Thank God I'm so much better now She's like, uh-huh. Well, I was with Lala. We had a moment. He is oh, so you text so she compared me to Randall again Tell me everything tell me for beta and so she basically says that like Lala checked in on her and everything and he's like upset She's like she's she's she's warning Ali about what I mean she was engaged to fat man for so fucking long that they didn't even want to see each other anymore They didn't want to see me anymore, okay? And like then she told me all for gossip. I don't know how she even did it. Oh, yeah, I do know how she did it

She did it for a pick-a-ball in the backyard Pickle bar calls And um, um, she's like, oh for a lot of to sit and talk about me Is she coming from a place of love or is it, oh, love, James? But do you know what you're getting yourself into girl? Like, do you know what you were getting yourself into? Hello! Hashtag fat man.

So, um, James is like, I know I have my issues, but I've never loved anyone anymore than I have loved you, and like you are the lot of my life, and you're so compassionate to other people, and you've got a spark in your butt. Now please, practice the spinny thing for tonight at the white party, okay? Show your love through the spinny thing if you know what I mean. And she just like looks at him and she has, um, yeah, nodded to it. So then now we go to the welcome party and Peter's there and Peter's like, I had no idea Katie wasn't invited.

And sorts is like, yeah, but she came anyway. I think they're having dinner in that restaurant right there. Katie is having dinner in the restaurant at the pool. Yeah. They're all celebrating that. And of course, she and Christina were in all black as a pure contrast to the white party. And so Lala is joining them. And Lala is basically saying, like, oh my god, there's like so much happening in this party.

Like I just can't do it all. I'm just gonna like go to dinner with them, okay? Because like I can't be expected to do all this. So they should they go to the table and Katie is telling us, she's like, the only reason I picked this place was because the menu looked good. And like we didn't know to be right next to the white part to her party. Like she was going to think I did this despite her, which I did not. But then she smiles.

She's evenly at the camera like, ooh I sure so. Yeah, Katie, you're really showing everybody. What a fucking loser you are. She even sat at a table that looks directly onto the party where everybody can see her sitting with Christina. And Christina, I don't think, did know because she goes, I mean, maybe this resort is smaller than we thought because that's weird that they're so close, right?

You sort of see over the course of this episode that Christina realizes that she's hitched her ride onto the wrong wagon or on the wrong horse. She's sort of like, oh shit. She should not have done this. Hitched her horse to the wrong wagon, is that it? She hitched something to the wrong something, okay? She hitched her wagon to the wrong.

You know, it's like the second time in a week, you said that I know or folksy. Are you planning on running for office? You're working on a folksy angle. I plan on singing Shenandoah by the end of this episode. Um, a cell, then she sees them. And she's like, oh my god, your guys are having dinner. They're like like right there

And then Raquel does this thing where she's like yeah, it's the perfect place for you to like put in your two cents like the two guys from the Muppets like oh look at everyone there they're at a wedding ha ha look at everyone having so much fun I hate fun look at everybody much fun. I hate fun. Look at everybody feeling love. I hate love so much. Ha ha, I'm a muppet. I'm a muppet too. Ha ha.

They just let this camera roll. Is there like five hours of footage of Raquel doing this? Raquel doing her stardom and Waldorf bit. And then, but then it does cut to Lala. I'll be like, everyone's so goddamn annoying. I'm kidding. I'm not putting bad energy. The only bad energy I'm seeing is like, you're guess Gina.

Yeah, and then more Recalstuff and then Katie is like, I mean, I have the best energy. Like, what are you talking about? People fucking love me. And then Gina's walking through her party and she like, stumbles across the 360 as if she didn't know it was there all along just Oh my god, how cute is that?

It was like a surprise from the 360 company But I love that she knows reaction was just to laugh and then literally pointed them and laughs some more and Katie season gets all upset, you know because her plan is spoiled So then later ariana is walking through the party yawning, and that's when she's like, oh my god, how cute is that? She's like, this is the best party, really. So then we see the spinny thing,

where it's one of those like selfie moments, so James, like, oh my god, she's like, this is so sick. Hello, Rony, you just froze. Did I? My frozen then something happened. Frozen. There was a drama. There we go. It's back now. We got scary. Got rear scary. Fat man. Fat man doing the fat man's scaryness. Right here. Not you, the top of the internet. But Kristen is so then Christina is like talking to Katie and she's like, so I just had a conversation with Sheena

and Katie just has this look on her face of ultimate betrayal. And basically it was like we see an hour earlier, Christina basically telling Sheena, at the end of the day, you never really did anything to me and I just wanted to set the record straight because I feel like I never said that and like I've never really given you a chance and I guess this is my way of saying Is it cool if I go to the swim up bar because I really want to go to the swim up bar? And it's also been so many years that Christina's been away. She's coming back to this like you guys are still doing this shit

Like I garden in Santa Monica. I'm an adult. What the fuck are you guys are still doing this shit like I garden in Santa Monica I'm an adult what the fuck are you guys doing you know yeah so she's like she and I'm sorry like I really didn't it's almost like saying something to someone you were mean to in high school you know like that probably hurt your feelings I'm sorry yeah which I always imagine happening just kidding um so she is like thank her I appreciate that thank you thank you you have one preferred day at the pool, okay? Here you go. Here's the sticker. Yeah.

So then Lala, of course, it comes back. Amala goes, did you know that she went and did that? Petrail. Like, listen, fence sitter. Okay, you can't call Christina. You can't make it seem like Christina's would be trying anything. When you're literally dressed in the outfit

for the white part of your butt to touch them for. I know. And Christina's like, yeah, well, I've said things in the past that she's holding against me from seven years ago, like about her first wedding. And Katie's like, I feel bad that you felt like you even had to say that. It's like, oh, sorry that Christina had a shred of guilt

and wanted to use the preferred club members pool because she was sold a bill of goods that she's be going to the sweet hotel room with a soul at bar. And Katie's on mad because she can't even hire somebody to be her friend. So then they start doing the entertainment stuff outside. They're like fire dancing and doing those rain drum things

with lights in the next routine. It goes, wait, are we getting entertainment? And they're all trying to like look out the doors to see the entertainment. Oh, it's madness. And so the James is like, all right, Tom, for the spinny thing. Ali, Ali, should we do our spinny thing?

She's like, what's our spinny thing? He's like, you know, what's our spinny thing? Really? You know, the dance, the spinny dance, you know, what's our spinny thing? Okay, well, you know, what's our spinny thing? Really? You know, the dance, the spinny dance, you know, what's our spinny thing? Okay, well, you know it, then we don't have to do it because if you don't remember our spinny thing So you, well, then you're, you're embarrassed of it. Okay, fine Now they're all looking at me because I tried to do the spinny thing You wouldn't do the spinny thing with me. Okay, whatever, whatever, whatever

It's just our spinny thing. No big deal. No big whoop It's just the thing that we just practice our spinnin' around and here I am Put in my hands that like I mean, he's spinning in the whole world. All of Mexico is watching me, James Kennedy's trying to spin in his girlfriend, doesn't want to do it. That's fine, that's fine. I see it just looks at him like, okay. So then Ariana, sand of all sorts,

I mean, Ariana, sand of all Shina and Brock are sitting together. And this is her end, it's like, wow, the best party of all Shina, it's just really a good party. She has wow, this is the best party of our scene. It's just really a good party. She was like, this isn't even the wedding guys. I mean, the catamaran was chill, nothing else to draw, I used to just see them.

I was like, oh, Matt, what a catamaran. I've never really talked about it. You know what everybody was saying? The water was so refreshing. The water was like that. It was like an amazing day for a catamaran and for refreshing water. Like, I even put a hat on the catamaran and I was like, it's a catamaran on a hat. Okay, I was like, basically the for a cotton ran and for refreshing water like I even put a hat on the cotton ran

I was like it's a cotton ran on a hat. Okay. I was like basically the new doctor for suit I was like Dr. Shina. Everyone loved it Um, so uh, Arianna's like yeah, so you were Lucurious. I don't know what that means. You were You're a Oh, you were luxurious With the boy's day luxurious too, and he's like, you can call with that if you want to.

What? Yeah. And so then we cut back to Lala and Katie. And she's like, what if that's kind of two after this? And Katie's like, drink. I really want to turn it up. And Lala's like, I just don't have the energy to go to the white party.

Like, I don't think she is even going to know that I'm not there. Uh, and Ariana, of course, everyone's like, where's Lala? So she was like, um, she's at dinner with like, Canadian Christina, like I saw her sitting over there. And Ariana was like, um, well, yeah, she said the stuff that she didn't want to come to was stuff

that was intimate that this, oh yeah. Ariana's basically like Lala said that she only wanted to go to big events for the wedding weekend. And this is like the biggest one that we're doing, but she's going off to dinner instead of the Katie and Christina. Yeah, well Katie and Christina,

she'll be right here. And Santa was like, yeah, last night, her insurance went out of fucking dare. You know, when he's too mad about something. Yeah. And she was like, ah, I just want to rush to make out with some amount of the wedding. And so, Ariana's like, shorts come over here. So, by the way, shorts is talking

to the hottest guy at the wedding. I was like, could you leave shorts alone? Let him live his life. This hottest person he's ever spoken to in his life. Leave him there. So, she was like, are you gonna make out with anyone at the wedding and recal all of a sudden, Rachele materializes and is like, can I join this conversation? Like a more of a sudden like pink light.

Y'all the sudden there's like pink light and little, you know, fake stars everywhere. It's like the abyss. She's like, hi. So, um, Arianna's like, like, I can literally see Raquel's ears perk up with the sounds, the words. He's gonna make out with someone like, here she is. Yeah, and Swarth's, she was like, but are you gonna make out with her money?

He says, no, no, because like, come on, come on. And Ariana says, yeah, you've really only liked to make out with someone when you're married to someone else, right? It's weird. So she's like, okay, let us know your version of what happened last night. And he goes, it was just called closure, closure to 12-year chapter of my life. I mean, I was like, how many more closures do you need to have? And I was like, yeah, can we be dumb with this?

He's like, no, she's still my girl, guys. She's still my girl. Um, she's like not your girl anymore. She's like not your Bubba anymore. Can you please stop mentioning her? No, because I don't call her Bubba. I call her Bubb because Bubba is a platonic version of Bubba. That's how I identify And she's like no, she's not your wife your Bubba or anything I mean and then he says being single I thought people were gonna stop telling me what to do, but I'm feeling a little detached right now People will tell you what to do shorts because you don't do anything anytime no matter what so Santaval Santaval space like can we just like have her stop coming to taste things like there's more tastings to come

You guys have more tastings on the schedule. Yeah, it's like I don't want her around anymore You're divorced stop bringing her to taste things, you know, he's like, I don't want her around anymore. You're divorced, stop bringing her to tastings. You know, like no offense, but I don't want her around. I hate her. I'm the happiest person in the world that you got divorced. And I still have to hang out with Katie and hear her opinion on lobster fucking hot dogs. Yeah.

It's a distraction, dude. So meanwhile, someone, I guess Katie is asking Lyle if she still talks to Vodon. And she's like, yeah, I thought Katie is asking LaLa, she still talks to the dawn. And she's like, yeah, I thought it was to be some all the times. I'm like, well, I'm sure it was great conversation, scintillating, scintillating, to be a fly on that wall to hear them having conversations on the phone.

She goes, yeah, you know, because I'm skeptical of people. Oh, yeah, LaLa, you're very, very picky. You're standing there. Especially men's. And I don't know why I asked this, I was like are you good dudes and he says yeah Why did you get my background checkbacks? So me mom like a lawless life cracks me up so shorts is behind a big black pole just like spying on them and waiting for someone to notice him Yeah, he's like spot. He's like looking. And so finally, Christina Kelly is like,

hi, Schwartz. He's like, oh, hey, Christina Kelly. Okay, I'm gonna sit down here. Okay, everyone. Earmuffs, earmuffs about what I'm gonna say. And Christina looks and goes, wait, do you want me to actually put my hands on my ears? I just like, I've reserved the last remaining energy I have to lift up this fork right now I'm not putting it towards my ears and I'm 31 years old so I'm not doing that He's like okay, well Katie and I above Bubba and I have this thing where I'm really secure about my armpit air being so long and Katie used to trim them for me I mean it goes really fast like alarmingly and And Lala's like, you want her to do that?

Is that what you're saying? And Chris Gaye's like, I'm not trimming your armpit hair, shorts. He's like, why, blah, blah, why? Why don't you have like Brock do it? Like he's your best friend and like you see each other three times a year. So like when you guys do see each other,

those three times a year, why don't you have him do it for you then? So he's like, he's like, he's like, Brock do that. You know the way, if you love Brock so much, why don't you have, year won't you have them do it for you then So you just make broth to that you the way you love brox so much why don't you want to have one? You have a hair armpit air ceremony when you marry Brock She's like he's in drunk mode. It's like oh, she's drunk. He's this pest mode and then so Lala's like shorts goes shorts Goes all right. I'll just call him and I guess I didn't hear him say that His coms are a bit here So then they're like, Lala's like, you know, I don't like it that he comes in and shits on you and then acts like everything's fine

And does the puppy dog thing and he feel bad for him and Christina's like guys I need to go somewhere. She like lifts up some razors like I'm sorry. I just feel too bad for him. I gotta go Oh God, so Chris Christina's like, yeah, we were like, bye. And Katie says, yeah, no one feels bad. Everyone feels bad for him. No one feels bad for me. And all he goes, I do.

She goes, no, but I mean, the rest of everybody else. Yeah, I wonder why that is. Yeah, I wonder. So Lala is like, yeah, well, you're never gonna change the thumbs. This is how they see things. And you're never gonna change that. And Katie's like, but Tom would take it a step further and make me look stupid. Like last night we're supposed to celebrate and it's like a fight. Of course.

Well, why are you barking up the Tom tree to celebrate? You know he treats you badly. You know this. He treats you so badly that you actually served him divorce papers. So why do you then go and have a dinner with him to expect anything different? Isn't that like the insanity definition that you do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome? She's so much Katie. I'm tired and sane.

I got all the time I talk about Katie anymore. She's killing me. Just take her away. Just let this be her final hurrah. Go, just go. So Schwarzenegger kell go to a private table in a pool. She's like, Kim Yaris-Jawar. She like drags him over to this romantic table

and he goes, what is this? You trying to seduce me? She goes, why? Do you feel seduced? I don't know. I was asking you that because I don't know how to have my own thoughts. So um, so Schwartz is saying like, I'm just like annoyed that what people have done to coercive us to make out. And now I just, I kinda wanna do it now. Is that crazy?

Oh yeah, it is crazy. So Katie didn't give you the attention you want, so now you're gonna make out with someone right in front of her when you know it's gonna trigger her and make her fucking crazy. Wow, I'm shocked that that's your choice Swords I know absolutely shocked so she's like wow Swords when did you come to this realization? He's like well, Raquel you're sweet and gorgeous and I Believe it someday you might show some personality So he never was a thing but Katie made it a thing and now you're forbidden fruit So I guess from anything that might happen from this point forward, it's all Katie's fault. Yeah.

It wasn't even a thing till she made it a thing, and she was, yeah, she definitely made it a thing. More of a thing than anything. And now I can't stop thinking about it. I was like, you two fucking idiots. Oh. Well, you'd like both of them are like, oh, never even liked you until Katie made it a thing.

Now I'm obsessed with you. You guys, if that was true, blush and boobies. What's that fucking website? Boobies and blush or whatever the hell Katie's website is. I was gonna say bourbon and bubbles, but that's a whole different thing. It would have been like bought by Gwyneth.

You know what I mean? Katie does not make people want to buy things, okay? Stop trying to make like this is awesome ad campaign that Katie did, right? We all know that Katie doesn't know how to do an ad campaign. We can't do a viral marketing. Listen, let's give Katie what she wants because she put in our heads and we can't control

the things we say or do. So let's make out. So they do, they have a nice long kiss with like a, you know, little tongue circle, circular shot going on. And we hear people cheering and screaming in the background for them, because they're doing it right in front of everybody, obviously, and people are cheering. And we only think we don't get is Katie standing there like, I know, like the one moment, her view of the entire party is blocked when this is happening.

I'm so frustrated. So that is the end of Vanderpump Drew. Yeah, the big kiss finally happened. They really did kiss and we'll have to see what the fallout is next week. But until then, everyone have a wonderful weekend and enjoy whatever holidays you may be celebrating, and we will catch you on Monday with fresh new week of episodes.

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