Watch What Crappens - Pump Rules: The Young & The Wrist Weights

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

After Tom Schwartz made a crazy appearance on Watch What Happens Live!, we knew we had to recap it. We were so blown away that our wrist weights almost fell off. Plus, the Avery Singer of it all was a delight.This was originally going to be a bonus ep for Patreon, but since it went 90 minutes; we've decided to release it as a proper full episode on the main feed (Bonus Patreon tier supporters will get access to a Crappens on Demand this week instead).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. This episode is sponsored by Uber1. We've all used Uber for rides, and I love using UberEats for food delivery. Okay, hello. I mean, I kind of live off of it. But have you ever heard about Uber1? Uber1 is a membership that helps you save on Uber and UberEats. With an Uber-1 membership, you get exclusive member perks, like up to 10% off UberEats and a $0 delivery fee on eligible orders. It just makes sense. I'm always getting Uberes.

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Follow along using hashtag BreakthroughXAudible. Hello and welcome to the Watch or Crap in bonus episode. I'm Ben. That's Ronnie. If you listen to this That means you support us on Patreon. So thank you very much for that. We always appreciate it. How you doing today Ronnie? Good. It's Easter over here. Lord is risen Yeah Lord vacated his cave moved to rock and So I want to trade her Joe's and got some jelly beans best damn jelly beans in my life And so I'm kind of cracked up from jelly beans, really, on Easter Sunday, I'm wearing like a spirit green.

I had a good old fashioned Mexican buffet to celebrate Jesus. And guess what? It's been great so far. And then, of course, we got to watch this very special watch what happens live with Thomas. Shhh, what? What?

I know, this was crazy this episode. Like so many people were like, you guys have to recap it. And you know, like, we got, we definitely got some feedback from people who were like, you guys went in so hard on Katie. You guys went so, so hard on Katie. Why don't you guys go in as hard on Schwartz?

And I mean, I thought that we did go hard on Schwartz, but like maybe it didn't come across or maybe in my mind how I thought it was was different than how it really did come across. So like, we're really happy to take this opportunity to show that like we are equal opportunity ranchers and we're equal opportunity, you know, like, you know, like bullshit caller outers. Well look, I mean, I get it. It's 10 years of me hating on Katie, okay? This is nothing new. This is somebody that I just haven't liked

for a very long time, because I think she's me. I think she's mean to people, okay? And I get it, it's 10 years. And my toxic trait, well, one of them, I have plenty of them. But one of them is if I'm just not in a mood or I don't have something to say,

I will always go negative. And I feel like reading all the comments, I see what you're saying. I see it was too much. Okay, now, does that mean I'm gonna suddenly show up and love Katie? No, hell no, I'm not gonna just change my opinion. But I do know that I tend to get a little over dark. I get a little

too dark sometimes. We both do. We move over. And it turns into just non-stop repeat, hate, hate, hate, hate. And I get the peep, you know, this shows for fun. And we often talk about this just to each other, you know, obviously not recording. But how the goal of this is to be fun. We want this to be someplace where people can come enjoy being shit with other people, right? So we don't want it to be like ugly being shit heads and I have veered into the ugly territory many, many times and you guys have no problem calling me out when I do.

And sometimes I think, no, I didn't and I'm a brat about it. This time I can see, okay? I admit it. I admit that I went a little bit dark, okay? I was like the first day, like Friday, we started to get people were like, you guys. And I was like, what the hell?

I was like, no, no, like I stand by it. And then on Saturday I was like, oh God. I was like, who was I? Just being like a total jerk. And then today I'm just sort of like, you know, like this is actually why I really like our audience because this has happened before You know where our audience will be like Ben and Ronnie you guys need to check yourselves and they and the audience will check us and Like we grow from I love that I love that about our audience and you know like you know, we went in hard on Katie

You know, and I think that like it did make me think to me about the stuff that I was saying on the show. I was saying things like, wow, well if I were, if someone divorced me and then they wanted me to go out to dinner, then I would be mad. And it's like, I think that for me, I may not, I may have like, totally lost sight of the nuance of divorce. And that's just not a cut and dry situation. And there's always like a lot of emotions that are going on.

And I was just like, Katie, shimmy bum, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so I acknowledged that. I acknowledged I was probably a bit too callous about how I just talked about that situation. And when we're just being shady and stupid on the show, sometimes we're just like whatever, saying this stuff, and not realizing how that, it's like,

maybe that situation calls for a little bit more thought before just going in for shady jokes. But, I'm glad it made me really think about it, made me sort of like reexamine how I approached, talking about those, like joking about those situations, also reminded me like, like gotta lean into Schwartzmore. Like really gotta lean into Schwartzmore

because by all means, I would feel terrible if people think that we were giving him a pass. Okay. But we don't. I mean, that's the thing. And we did call him out. We called a lot of people out on this show.

I think it just when we're calling Katie out, it sometimes gets to be a little bit extra because she's my, like, long time enemy on the show, like, I don't know Katie. I just mean as a viewer, you know. So, and if I'm in a bad mood, it just is over and over. It's like, we rag on everybody else. Yeah, but sometimes, you know, I get that it gets to be too much. When you like somebody and I don't like them, I'm sure that that sucks, you know. So I'll calm down, but I get that it gets to be too much. When you like somebody and I don't like them, I'm sure that that sucks. So I'll calm down, but I'm not changing my fucking opinions. Okay, Katie's still a dick, okay,

and I'm gonna stand by that. That's what's in the dick too. That's what you get too. But I also said, I would also just like to say, I did point out that Katie deserves way better. I've always said that about, I didn't think they should get married in the first place. Katie deserves way better than Tom.

She makes me crazy on the show. I don't know if it's a fucking person. She deserves happiness. She deserves goodness in her life. I'm not taking any of that away. I just think she's the dick, you know? But I'll stop repeating that 30 times a minute just because I have nothing else to fill my sentences.

You know what I mean? Yeah, and you know, the other thing is that I'm with you in the sense that I just, I want, I just want Katie to just flourish. And you know, to many people, she actually has been flourishing. And I think that in me saying like, you shouldn't, like, like, you should have seen when you offered your ring on the street, you should have gotten out of there. You should have done this. I think it came off as blaming the victim.

And I don't want to blame a victim. I just think that in my enthusiasm for wanting to have someone much better than Schwartz, it came off sounding like it was her fault for Schwartz being a shithead. And it's not. Let me just clarify. Schwartz is a shithead and it's his fault that he's a shithead. As we're about to see during this entire watch where happens, live thing that we're recapping.

But, you know, I definitely just don't want, you know, listeners tuning in and feeling like they want to escape from the bullshit in their lives. They come to our podcast and they start to feel like, oh God, like just more bullshit. Like that's not what I want, you know, for people to experience with the show. It's like important for me to know that, like,

we have our audiences back. And more importantly, that shorts is terrible. So we had heard about this Watch What Happens. So we ended up seeing a screener of this week, first of all. So we did that recap. It was up late night, I think that night. So we didn't even see this watch what happens live We didn't even know he was gonna be on there, right when we were recapping it So we hadn't watched that when we did the recap and man, I heard so much stuff about it

I saw little clips about it. I saw a clip of Katie being like I have been called a monster a lot of times and I can Count which by the way it was to I counted a month's day, a lot of times, and I can count, which by the way it was two, I counted. But I saw Katie's response to it. I saw all this stuff going on. I was like, what in the hell happened? I'll watch what happens live. So we're gonna do a full crap and recap

of what happens live. It's been a long time since we've been able to do that. But it was so fun taking notes on what happens live. This fucking show, I can't do this. But it was so fun taking notes on watch what happens live. This fucking show I can show this show. This is show cracks we up man. Man, this was I I don't know if have we ever done a full recap of watch what happens live. I think this may be one of if it's not our first time. It's like our second or third because I don't think we've ever gone like like where we did notes on the show and the aftershow

I should mention like we did the whole thing and I mean by the way also what a dream show to do because not only is shorts acting like a ridiculous lunatic on it and just saying just the stupidest shit like like again god bless you know what here's here's something very pro Katie congratulations on leaving this guy honestly but also that every singer was there. What a delightful cherry on the Sunday. You know as gay people, I'll speak for myself, as a gay man, one of my greatest fears as much as I love the woman is becoming my mother.

Okay, because I am her. I'm named almost just like her. She's a Ronda, I'm a Rondole. My goat ranting and raving too much in the negative space, probably a lot of that is learned to behavior, you know, and good waste and in pad, because you know I enjoy that part of my personality as well. But one of my biggest fears is literally becoming my mother.

And God damn it, if Avery isn't just running right into that hurricane, I mean, good Lord, she doesn't care. She's like, make me my mother as soon as fucking possible, please. Okay, she is on the path. It's like, but it's me. It's like, wait, are you okay? Are having new company with selling bachelor parties? Okay, it's in.

I'm joking a flash. Why would I be in finance? You want to fire me? I'll start my own job. There, the sale. I'm an independent woman. Okay. Now, what happens if shark tank,

what happens if shark tank brings batch boss on and they bring Bethany on as a guest? Like that would be some musty TV right there. Avery trying to pitch to Bethany to invest in batch boss. What was that hard? Was it hard to find some fucking strippers? Like what is that hard? I mean those dicks everywhere.

Like go onto the subway, you'll literally see a guy rubbing his dick at you. Like, and now you have to, now you have to get every single to fucking find you a dick, seriously. Like, what is this? This is like a batch of bosses, like a bunch of bosses get together and you make a batch of them.

Like, what is this? I don't even know if it's concept, okay? But what a terrible name. I'm sorry, it's a bad name for a company, batch boss, like, cause the whole girl boss thing, we've talked about this randomly. And that's what she's playing.

That's the word play, right? Bitch boss, like, yeah, I'm a boss bitch, except it would be boss bitch. So it would be boss batch, but then that would mean like, if you're a boss batch, and that would mean you are the bachelor, I guess. I don't know. I wish I was at this naming meeting.

I know, same, I just feel like we've moved past boss in like this empowering way. At least I have. I shouldn't speak for society because I've already gotten myself into enough trouble. Okay? Well, you read that think piece about it, member. Where you were like,

because I remember you telling me, you're like, there was a think piece, Ronnie. And it's about how boss bitch is passing out. We don't say that anymore. I was like, okay, all right. And then for the next year, solidly, every TV show was like, I'm a Boss Bitch. Because the shows are filmed earlier

than these articles come out. And so people like Christine from Selling Sense that didn't know that the New Yorker or whoever was gonna write a think piece about it. And then she wrote a book called Like Boss Bitch. Or whatever. Yeah. Oh, what a year for Boss Bitch for Nacular.

Am I right? What a year. Okay, sweet. Well, anyway, let's get into Watcher Abyss life. People think he's Santa Valls decoy and he only washes daddy in Tommy Boy. It's Watcher Abyss life at Tom Schwartz and an Apple baby. John Owen Lowe, now, wow.

John Owen Lowe, happy Passover. Wow. John, oh, and wow. Happy Passover. Welcome to Watcher the Evans Live. We've got one guest who's a descendant of the Brat Pack and someone who broke their vow to not hook up with anyone in the vander pack. I was like, OK, did we need two of these right in the row? Are two of your writers fighting with each other over there?

We didn't need both of these. I know. OK. You're just going to keep doing them every time you start making conversation with one of them. Good Lord. Good Lord. So Tom Schwartz sitting there looking haggard.

More hagg- he's been on a haggard streak for about six years, okay? And he literally looks like he's like one of the people from Jeff Becomes are just like gray skin. You know, I think you took a potion from Isabella Rosleini and like his skin is peeling off. He needs to have spray paint to get like life it back into him. And he's wearing wrist weights. Oh God.

So I saw another thing I saw that might was he did an Instagram story where he's like, Hey guys, it's me, shorts. I'm backstage watching what happens. I'm wearing wrist weights because there's a drinking game about me touching my face. So here I am with the wrist. Like trying to be so cutesy and then to see him just repeat the exact same stick on here. I was like, did you not just blow your wad on your it's the stories? We've already seen this, sir.

Oh, also just like use mittens like honestly like why not mittens that seems to be the better prop for that situation or oven mitts right so and he's like well don't have nervous breakdowns when he actually has to do real work and is suspected of doing blow my other guest co-created co-produced co-starter and co-craft service and co-inkeating to the new show unstable with his dad Rob Lowe was that too long to make it rhyme? Well did that rhyme still or is that too long with sense? This guy John I feel like this is like his first and like his first live show

He seemed like a little uneasy at first and he's just like wow when I found out that that you were here Tom I screamed like a little girl. He's just like, wow, when I found out that you were here, Tom, I screamed like a little girl. He's like, oh, thanks. So Andy's like, okay, sorry, Roblo, son, but we have some business to tend to. Okay. So you watched, by the way, before we even do that, fake out, you watch one of tonight's bartenders grow up on Rony and they both started a business just for people who say, I'm getting murdered. that was my Luan.

Oh, you're murdered. Ah, from Batch Boss, offering elevated bachelor and Batch Red parties, it's Avery Singer and another girl. Hi. Ha, ha, ha. Our bartenders started a business and are using one of their racist idiot bombs famed to get dummies to pay for them to help with Batchler parties. It's Avery Singer and some girl who knows an opportunity when she sees one.

Batch boss! What on the end? That's what an end! What an end! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery!

And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! And Avery! Imagine it's every singer and another person

Wow and every's like whoa and thank you. Okay, you know what? Oh, you have to do to find us is going to cram and the Fick batch boss Okay, and he's like wow great So he's like drinking game alert my guess will know it But when anyone says the word recount drink like Tom Swartz's drink like until like Tom Swartz's armpit hair, you're cut off like this opening needed to be five minutes ago. Right? All right, all right.

I have a lot of questions for you. Tonight's episode ended with a kiss. You've got Katie nearby. Was it worth it? Was the kiss worth it? And Swartz is like, oh, well, the last time I did a little press tour I said yes, but um in hindsight, I don't think it was. I never wanted her Katie I'm like you never wanted her Katie. You just asked her to cut your armpit here

And when she said no, you then went off and did the exact thing that you requested you please don't do Which is kiss Rall yards from her with insight of her. You know, Katie was there in that table, that production made her sit at, so she could watch all the whole party. And she, I'm sure she had a very good view of that table. And Schwartz just goes and does that,

and goes, oh, I never wanted to hurt her. Well, that's a child's revenge, isn't it? He went in and tried to be nice to, nice to see with Katie and Katie told him off. And so he was like, fine, I'm gonna make out with a child in front of you, because Rick Helm may be 27, but every other way that girl is a child, okay?

I'm looking at that was one of the creepiest fucking things I've ever seen that kiss. It was gross, it was nasty. I can't believe someone that young, you're gonna be on a list. You need to stay away from young people, sir, okay? And your wrist guards aren't helping. Whatever the hell you're doing tonight.

Yeah, he's like, oh, the fallout, the blowback I got from that kiss, my God. It's like, yeah, because you did it right in front of Katie. You literally did it right there in front of everyone. You know what I mean, it was seconds after he spoke to her. It's crazy. That's on purpose, you know, of course. He's gonna do that to get her attention.

He couldn't get it in the positive way, so he's gonna go get her attention in the negative way. It's a puzzle. He was being totally passive aggressive. That's how you got to do your emotional abuse, right? You got to be consistent with this shit. It's like I tried to emotionally abuse you in the kindest way I possibly could.

You don't want that, fine. I'm gonna walk into the middle of a pool at a table directly across from the host to stand, which you happen to be peaking right behind. Cause you know, Katie was that table that was like right behind the host stand, like looking at the, giving dirty looks to everybody at the party.

Right. So then Andy is like, well, it couldn't have been a surprise. I mean, given how much you want, you were warned not to kiss her. And she, she, um, Schwartz was just like, yeah, there was such a big build up. And we had chemistry like, we both like ice cream cones.

And, um, we both like windows. And, and we both like windows, and we like air so much chemistry, Andy. Both of us have aged out of beauty contests. You know, it's a big thing to bond over, Andy. And John Owen, what's his buns? It's like, that's valid. That's that, John Mo. Why did you even agree to come tonight, sir? No one is going to ask you anything, and your gold jump suit is really helping nobody here, okay? You're not doing any you're not doing yourself or your father any favors

You might want to sit this one out. I don't I think it's unfair when watch what happens live does this, you know It gets someone like Schwartz and then doesn't talk to the other guests at all It's like when they had Ebony who was Ebony unfortunate enough to sit next to? Robin Jason. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And for Ebony, he's just has to sit there and like, you know,

the tip on her drink. She did great. She did see John, John Owen Lowe should take notes from Ebony because Ebony didn't get to say much, but she did a lot of really strong straw and eyeball work. She kept on sipping from her straw and darkening her eyes left and right, like a, like a, like a clock, you know,

from the cat. She was doing great. That was Ebony's greatest work. I think that Owen is here to be the guy who's like gonna hold him accountable because Owen Stick is that he thinks his dad's an idiot, you know, he's always making fun of his dad on Instagram and stuff. And so that's like his stick is calling stupid douchebags out. But I'm getting kind of douchey energy from Owen, you know, he does things

like prayer hands. Thank you. Thank you, blessed. Hush, blessed. Thank you. He does like the point not at people. And he's in a gold suit. So I don't know that this is really going to be anybody's responsibility coach to the air. Yeah, responses. Yeah, it's also yeah, prayer hands with a gold jumpsuit is like a lethal combination sometimes. You know, yeah, unless they're in a crosswalk and they're just begging me not to run them over because I'm revving my car at them. They're like, please, please, let me just pass. Please, let me just, then it makes more sense. But that's the same time you're like, well, just then walk. Stop, like why you stopped here.

So Andy's like, what did you first learn about Tom and Rikels affair and were you acting as a decoy on his behalf? He's like, oh, but very consistent story to tell you. Okay, I learned in late August about the affair. And I was like, no, one night stand. Hold on, let me look at my notes. Yes, one night stand. And allegedly, and no, I was not acting as a decoy.

Okay, so you learned of the one night stand in August, late August, she and this wedding was at the end of August. Yeah. Wasn't it on like my birthday? It was like at the end of August or something. So there was one week, so did they fuck at the wedding? Is that what we're finding out right now? Because that's what it sounds like it sounds like he they fucked with the wedding That's what sounds like to me makes it even worse, you know

Because it's like Mexico and the old magic and there's like so much stuff happening for Tom You know, he's like got his band Katie's miserable and he hates Katie and you know that's like music to stuff happening for Tom, you know? He's like, got his band, Katie's miserable, and he hates Katie. And you know that's like music to his ears. Like watching Katie cry behind the host to stand at the Mexican restaurant and not being allowed to come into that party.

You know that to Santa fall, that's like romantic music. He's like, I'm horny. I'm fucking anybody I can right now. That's the best day of my life. Commissars, here I can right now. That's the best day of my life. Commissures, here comes one right now. If you're a hiring, you know what it's like to deal with economic uncertainty. And now more than ever, it's really important

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Go on. Plants are meat. And not only are they meat, they're delicious, especially if they're from impossible foods. They taste like beef. Exactly. Impossible is making meat history this summer. Yeah, they are. Summer of Impossible. I am so excited to be spending time, cooking my summer foods, all that good stuff, and guess what? We can use impossible sausages, impossible brats. I mean, it's going to be a great summer for impossible foods.

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Start making meat history today, just head over to the meat aisle at your local grocery store, grab some impossible beef or patt patties, and get grilling. Yeah, so that Andy's like, well, I thought you'd told me at the reunion that you learned in January of the affair. And it's worth it's like, ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, so okay. So the one night stand was in August. Okay, bring it on, but it on, but it was like a crisis. Tom was having a midlife crisis

and what happened in the fall, there's a lot of gray area there, but apparently not. I mean, I didn't think it was like a linear thing. Like what the hell is Tom Schwarz? This is what he always does. Like he throws, he just says all sorts of gobbledy-goop and then he's sort of excusing Tom to end

all by saying it was a midlife crisis, like my least favorite. Midlife crisis, what the fuck have your boobs touched your knees when you're pooping yet? No, they haven't. So come back to me, okay? Come back to me, sir, with your midlife crisis bullshit. Once a midlife crisis, I'll give you some midlife cry. How about when your knees are cracking, just trying to push you down groceries? How about when you're using a grocery cart and the trader Joe's, and actually leaning on it

to get through the trader Joe's, like a walker? Don't come to me with your midlife crisis bullshit, okay? Yeah, you're all enough to do blow still, and travel around the country with a bunch of teenagers, trying to feel like a rock star. That's just bad money management, sorry. Just poor choices, okay? He's been in, I mean, honestly, he, he's got

pierced the ears and, uh, and he was like obsessed with that sidecar thing. So he already did the midlife crisis things. This is at this point, it's no longer a midlife crisis. This is just like choices in his life. Yes, it's just, this is just bad. So, um, yeah, his whole, what happened in the fall, he says, okay, so he's having a midlife crisis, what happened in the fall he says okay So he's having a midlife crisis what happened in the fall there's a gray area though apparently not though But I didn't know it was linear. I didn't know it was linear. I just know what I was told so what were you told? And what was the real liar you fucking liar So then and also I also have to say I don't think it's right to what a shorts have to come on and defend sad The Valsand of all the piece of shit who did all of this to Ariana

You know who I want shorts to come defend shorts. How many people did you cheat with mother fucker because we all know it was plenty And we know you admit to it like glibly at some point. So why is he getting off? Scott free. I don't know what an old Scott free or Scott free? Scott free, but he's also getting off Scott free because like wears his tape. But like I think that for Schwartz also he's kind of like a shitty friend. He's literally going on to TV and just like blowing up his best friend's spot. And I'm not saying that to defend Tom Sandeval or Schwartz.

But I'm just saying like in the context of friendship, that's also really shitty. You know, like imagine if I went on to like a TV show, Ronnie, and I was like, well, Ronnie did this and Ronnie did that and Ronnie did that. That's so shitty of me if I did that. Yeah, that was shitty when you did that. I'm so sorry. That was such an awkward moment on Daily Blast Live. No one was expecting that. Really seriously. But you know, it's unfaithful people period. They're unfaithful people. He's not going to be faithful to Katie who is his best friend and wife. Why the hell is he going to be faithful to sand of all, you know? And I guess in his mind, it's kind of revenge. But I also think this is another manipulation tactic where he's like, look, I'm talking bad about sand of all. So nobody can be me into me anymore. Yeah. When in fact,

he's really trying to make sand evolve look good. He's putting all the information that sand evolve wants out there. It was just a one night stand. It wasn't anything more than that till January, well after the show had been filmed and blah, blah, blah, because we, well, I won't get ahead of myself in the recap. But he's acting like he's hurting Tom, but he's actually giving us the story that Tom wanted him to give. He's giving enough transparency that it feels like he's being real, but he's acting like he's hurting Tom, but he's actually giving us the story that Tom wanted him to give He's giving enough transparency that it feels like he's being real, but he's really he is advancing in agenda

So and Andy is just keep saying he just keeps saying linear over and over. I know And he's like, I'm getting a word sound from you right now Could you just like where did you find out about the affair and goes? Oh, well? He's like well it became from my point of view like an emotional affair after the one at San August could you just like, where did you find out about the affair and goes, oh, well, uh, he's like, well, it became from my point of view, like an emotional affair after the one at San August, which is still inappropriate, still inappropriate. Um, but I didn't think it was, I didn't think it was a linear thing. And so finally, John is like, uh, if the affair is told memento style, would that be okay?

Was it like, do we expect him to be like pulp fiction? Yeah. The movie opens with them fucking and then it's just all over the play. It just goes backwards. Like, is that easier for you to digest, sir? He's like, no, like, like in succession. And I was like, wait, wait, is this, are you comparing this to succession somehow? I was like, oh, you mean that you thought the, you didn't realize the sleeping

with was happening in successive dates. I got it. Got it. So he's like, yeah, like steady progressing, you know, because he came to me in January, and he told me that he's in love with Raquel. And then he's like, oh, and you're a reaction, he goes, flabbergasted, not surprised. What the fuck? What does that mean? Flabbergasted, not surprised. How does that even make sense? How are you flabbergasted but not surprised? Okay. There's my theory on Tom and Katie. Katie moved into this Craigslist house, right, where it was Tom Sand of all Tom Schwartz and Jacks. They were all roommates. Wasn't Katie

a roommate? Didn't she like come to like be one of their roommates or something for while men start hooking up with Schwartz? I think that's how it happened. If not, she started dating Schwartz while they were all roommates. But either way, I'm gonna start hooking up with shorts. I think that's how it happened. If not, she started dating shorts while they were all roommates. But either way, I think that a lot of weed was smoked and throughout their relationship, because listen, I've been a pot head for a long time. And when you become friends that all you do

is get high together, you have conversations like this. Like, how are you? I'm flabbergasted and not surprised at all. It's like, that shit doesn't even make sense. And I think because she originally settled for that, it was like, that's her stoner friend, that it was kind of normal, because I can't imagine the Katie that we see now

putting up with shit like this all of these years. I mean, this is bad even for Tom Schwartz. Yeah, I think I would go nuts. Then he says, well, I think there's a lot of people out there who kind of like knew about it because it was like an open secret. So it was an open secret. So he's saying he was not surprised because it was an open secret, but he was flabbergasted. So then why were you flabbergasted if you weren't surprised?

And if it was an open secret, then how were you acting like you thought you only knew about the one I, was that one I'd stand an open secret? Was that what it was? And then what does this have to do with the gray area? You mentioned in the fall, like the truth is that you, he knows something, but he is not actually being upfront about it once again.

Of course. And he's also throwing everybody on the cast under the bus by saying everybody knew, you know? Yeah. So Andy's like, open secret. And he goes, yeah, Tom and her knew, you know. Yeah. So Andy's like, hope is secret. And he goes, yeah, Tom and her cow, you know, and after that Tom was like, because like he was flagrant. Like after he said that he loved her,

he was brazen Andy. After he told me he was in love, it was like a release for him, you know? Like he was a release for me when he gave me that cold handy when I was trying to pretend I was gonna freeze my sperm and make some kind of an effort to have children with Katie. By the way, I'm being fed a narrative that he's broken up with Ariana or attempted to many times they're not happy and they're not healthy and blah blah blah.

No, because if he had broken, if he had told you that he broke up with Ariana, you would have talked to Katie about that. There's no way. You and Katie with your, oh, we're still friends. You guys still talk, you guys still share your dogs. That's huge and you're a huge gossip. You would have been like, oh my God, SantaVal broke up with Ariana, how's she doing?

I don't believe you. I don't believe any of this. And honestly, like, all he had to do was have like, just like a check in with Ariana. And I think that he would have seen that she had no idea that this was coming. Okay, now I'm not saying this to be name drop or whatever, but like, Ariana was at the crappies she had no idea that this was coming. Okay, now I'm not saying this to be name drop or whatever,

but like Ariana was at the crappies, like four days before this all broke. And there was not a glimmer, not anything about her that night that suggested that shit was going down in her life. Okay, and of course you never know what's going on behind closed doors, but like that's my way of saying, if Tom had just like talked Ariana or seen Ariana, I think he would have seen, oh shit.

Tom has definitely not broached this with Arianna. Like that's all he just has to do the most basic due diligence to know that whatever this quote unquote narrative is, is total bullshit. But of course he doesn't do it. What he was doing was due diligence, okay? He's saying, yeah, the disguise has been covering

for each other for years. I mean, when you have your bros that you're fucking around with, God knows what those guys did as young hot people. I mean, they were all young and hot living together in their early 20s. I mean, God knows what happened that we don't know about as viewers, you know, they're keeping secrets, you know. So Andy's like, well, we got a lot of your questions that wanna know, wow, when did Ramona start looking so leathery? Oh, sorry, every sorry, sorry, sorry, I don't know how that got in here. Uh, Arianna's been such a good friend to you, Tom.

How could you not tell her? And do you think, Sandevol, what have given you the same grace given that your business partners and this could affect your business? I guarantee Sandevol would have immediately told Katie because he doesn't like Katie and he would have done anything to hurt Katie. So I think Sandevol totally would have outed any affair of that for us. I don't think so.

I don't think so because Swartz has had affairs. He admits at some point. I mean, I saw him. I saw him. That's right. There was the kiss. Oh, God. The show has so many layers.

What kiss? Oh, I can see. Remember, there was really, there was a whole big thing that happened with Schwartz and Katie. I completely forgot about where Schwartz got wasted and kissed, kissed a girl. Remember? Right. And then he was accusing Katie of like having her head and kissed, kissed a girl. Remember? Right.

And then he was accusing Katie of like having her head and Peter's lap or something. And then, but there's been a lot of a fair type stuff from Tom. Like when they went to Mexico and he just took a walk on the beach and never returned. And then Ollie could say was I don't remember. Like I don't remember where I was.

I mean, come on. This guy's been fucking around forever. And Santa of all knows it. And he's never said anything. So I think he would keep it quiet. Okay. Personally, either way, I don't need to be right on that. No, no, I mean, listen, that would listen, you know, I mean,

you make a good point. Unfortunately. So it's towards us like, well, you know, he did a good job of placating me and, you know, I'm consumed with my own life and problems. And he told me he had a game plan and he's going to do the right thing. And he just kind of wanted, he just kind of continued to procrastinate. So that's weird because shorts is saying that San de Valle has pretty much already ended things with Ariana. But then he's also saying, oh yeah, he's going to, he's going to end things with Ariana.

So I'm like, again, the truthiness of this is so suspect with Tom Schwartz. I don't know how anyone could deal with him on a regular basis. All right, well, he's saying, well, he told me they broke up, but he tried to break up, but then they didn't, but then he kept trying.

Some weird, so, and he's like, so. But he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like, but he's like so Leading happiness leading comedy. Yeah, I just I mean God, that's terrible. I like how we're like we're gonna you know, you know, it's it's important not to lead with anger I'm like, okay now it's a rip into Tom Schwartz. I know now I'm like dying your sleep After this episode Yeah, so now they're going to be happy. Well, part of my joy is to be angry, you know,

that's just sorry. That's if you're heroin that it's my heroin. No, Tom, heroin is your heroin, okay? Grey ass, your gray fucking ass. So, um, and he's like, okay, if you weren't playing up, you're connected with your Kelto Protects Animal, doesn't it bother you that he let you take so much crap when your doubly-its-pales in comparison was really happening and he goes, yeah, and this thing, I mean, look, we really don't have to dive too deep here or dissect it here.

And he's like, yeah, we do, all right? If you ever wanna paycheck again, yeah, we do. And he was having none of it. This is my favorite version of Andy, when he just like does not take any bullshit. He becomes executive Andy. Oh, it's so good. So Schwartz is like, well, Tom is not real. I mean, he's in shock.

He's down bad. He's like a shell of himself. He's just like a mustache with the helmet on in a sidecar. And he's not realizing the negative impact that this has had to his other ventures and his businesses and his bar and his band. At first and foremost, Ariana, of course, Ariana, who is the most important person in this situation, which is why I absolutely never checked in on her

when I knew that Santa Claus was cheating. But absolutely, Ariana first. Right, and the only reason he said that was because you hear like a grown because this audience listen, this audience is three rows of five people, okay? This is not, you're not going to get away with shit with them because they're sitting like two feet away from you, right? So every time they started calling them out, he would change course and changes.

But also I love that he's a shell of himself. He's always kind of in a shell. I mean, there's not much depth to Tom Sandeval. He's very shell-forward. He's a shell of himself. He's already a shell. So he's like a shell of a shell. He's like a bobbushka doll of he's like a bad porn stat. A traccia. Yeah. Or a bobbush. I love the idea of a bobbushka doll. I'll take that any day. I love the idea of a Bush Giddle. I'll take that any day. He's like,

you have so stupid. So Andy's like, uh oh, you're touching your face right now. And he's like, oh my God. Oh. Just want to make sure it's still there. So Andy's like, okay, let's tell me about Tom right now.

What I saw at the reunion, oh yeah, I think I said this, and he's like a show of himself. So short, it's like, spot on. Listen, I'm not trying to evoke any sympathy for Tom, but I am passing around a hat to the audience. They want to throw some money in there. Okay. Hey, you know, I don't want to evoke sympathy, but you know, Tom is fought for this country. And you know, Tom, Tom is back here with this one leg and a dog on the street with a little bell. And you know, I just suggested everybody when you see that will, will seeing heart for food. That you just ask him for a song or two, ask him for a tap dance on that one foot.

Just give back. I'm not asking for any sympathy, but I did bring a video of Tom Sandeval come back into shorts and sandies for the first time in a week and a dog running up to him and him hugging and people clapping all around. So you want to look at that video? I just want to show you this quick video I took of Tom washing oil off of the penguin in the Amazon forest, you know, penguin could have been dead. That's so mean, dude.

That's so cool. Sally Strothers is just like crying in the center, like off center of the screen. Like, sandals want you, can't. Listen, he knows what he did it's disgusting because he's been told that and he literally right out of handle. He doesn't believe it, he just knows it and he literally could not have handled that affair in any worse possible way, but I understand the vitriol, but the vigilanteism is getting out of control and I just want to remind people to take a breath.

He knows what he did. So, you know, and so does Rekal, and the threats and the mob mentality just getting a little out of control. And he's like, yeah, you were saying, well, he wasn't saying Lewis last week, and dot, dot, dot. I say, dot, dot, dot. Who is I talking? Who's dot? Are there triplets? No less than ellipses

You're supposed to complete the sentence That that wasn't linear. I'm gonna come to that. I wouldn't need it. Could you ask that question again? What I was able to say is Oh People were taking pictures of him and he was like this is awesome But then they want to throw beer on his head. He's like no, I just blew out my air So like it's hard and someone yelled at him Cheater could you imagine we have to go through being yelled at cheater? It's almost as bad as I guess being cheated on I would say even worse

So and he goes wait a minute I thought you said that people actually threw beers on him and he goes no, no, they just threatened to oh really In St. Louis so he went to St. Louis and people were like, you better watch out. I'm going to throw a beer on you. I don't think that's how it works. I've never heard someone threaten to throw a beer. I've seen people throw a beer.

Okay. Yeah. It's right to throw a beer. It's a very nice, very, well, you know what, you know, Bravo fans can be very friendly. But hold on for a second. I'm going to throw a beer. Oh, thanks for the warning.

I'm going to throw some beer. But before I do, have you ever had deep fried ravioli? It's a saintly with specialty. Okay, you have. All right. Okay, here comes the beer. It's Captain Sandy. Captain Sandy, the most...

Captain Sandra Yon, the most polite beer show ever. So he's like, so it wasn't like when you actually poured a drink on your wife and then through a beer at Stasi. It's not nothing bad like that. You got to love the guy has no fucking recollection that he actually throws beers at women. That is exciting. Including his girlfriend and wife. He poured a drink on his future wife on TV. And he gave, based, gave Bravo the ammo that they would use

for the next 10 years of just, they just, they pull up that clip almost as much as Theresa flipping a table. Right. And he looked what that's different. They were women. And I'm just a sweet guy with an all-shock face among armpate air Andy.

Mm. So he's like, are you mad at Raquel? And he's like, um, well not, well listen, he's like, you're not mad at Raquel. I mean, that was your close, that was her close friend. And she's like, I'm more upset with sand of all because they took advantage of my kindness because I'm an inherently very kind person And he put like a lot of people not just myself Been very compromising situations where our integrity was at stake I'm like integrity you're on Vanderbump rules being on the show, but you're integrity at stake But Tom has ADHD. Oh for fuck sake. All right So do why if you ask the CVS pharmacy on LaBrea, okay? It doesn't give me an excuse to do to do this shit. And he's like, and he just became obsessed. You know, he's notorious for having one

singular obsession. Every little step he takes. No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, now you're just doing horizontal line. Can you please stay on? Remember like the sidecar who's really obsessed with that? Or like, Raquel, she's his heroine. Like, you know, my heroine. Heroine. Do you mean heroine with an E on the end or no E on the end? It makes a very big difference. It's like, I don't know. So John is like, do you think it says bad as heroine and Schwartz is like, uh, do you think it says bad as heroin and Schwartz is like, oh, uh, maybe,

uh, maybe that's not a good analogy. Like, wait, can I start over? I mean, because I hope I don't minimize it or disrespect people with addictions or the disease of addiction. And this was the moment where I was like, he's cousin Greg from succession actually speaking of succession. He is literally cousin Greg testifying your congress right now. But much more worried, he's more worried

about offending heroin addicts than he is, Raquel. That's crazy, like think about it. He's like, I hope I'm not disrespecting people who love heroin, yay heroin. But you know it's the disease addiction. Oh anyways, I got lost in this, I think he just got lost in the sauce. Oh god I hope that doesn't sound like I'm denigrating alcoholics. I didn't mean it like that. Oh geez hold on a second

I'm getting a call from Brett our manager. Hey Brett No, no, there's not a new addition to the menu. There's no new sauce. I just was a metaphor Okay, I could run Bruns like I cannot enter the new sauce until I know the price and the name of the new sauce. Commissures, here comes one right now. Hi, I'm Michael Patrick King, host of the official Max Companion podcast, and just like that, the writer's room. Each episode members of the writer's room and I unpacked moments from season 2, sharing

juicy details you can only hear from us. Stream and just like that season 2, starting June 22nd on Max, and listen to end just like that, the right is room on Max or wherever you get your podcasts. So, um, Andy's like, okay, okay. Another big question we got is, in what, by the way, poor Andy is like coughing through this entire show. He's sick, but he's like, I'm coming to work for this one.

He's like, he's smoking weed and the commercial breaks. We all know Andy's fucking smoking blunts during the camera. I mean, I love by the time the after show comes, he's just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, time, time, time, short, puff, puff, give him a ride. It's like those old talk shows from the 60s,

where they just take a class, smoke over the interviewer. So he's like, okay, shorts. And what way do you actually think you're a great husband to Katie? Because that's what you've said on the show. The viewers don't see it. I think the viewers see a ring on the string.

They see the candy you put out on the bedroom. They saw you pouring to kill on her, disappearing out of resort in Mexico, abandoning the sandwich concept you had with her to do shorts and sandies, shitting on her every time she had an opinion, especially about shorts and sandies, and taking down to her when you were shooting a scene at shorts and sandies earlier this season and getting involved in the hotel spot thing, which, admittedly, is a hilarious argument, but why'd you get involved in that? I mean the list goes on and on oh Outing all her drunk text on TV, oh for 10 years, wow! So tell me how were you with good husband? Well you know Andy, of all the hurtful things that I've seen on the show,

one of the most hurtful things is to see our marriage retroactively to earn a part because regardless of what you see on TV Which is just snippets? I'm telling you we have the most magical times the most romantic times one time We wrote bubble on a shock board. It was great. We had a great marriage Oh, I was supposed to tell you the reasons that I was good to wear that never mind He's like oh oh, God. And he's like, I'm not even gonna try with you. So he's like so any questions from you, John Owen, and nobody's really given a shit about at all up until this moment. God, you're talking suit, ugly.

Would you like to say anything? And he's like, I am just so intoxicated right now. I would just say there's never a moment that you covered for him, maybe subconsciously covered for Tom. Come on, nothing, nothing. No, no, I'm pretty sure. I mean, I think all through that gray area and through that open secret phase, I don't think I ever covered for him.

So Andy's like, well, if you knew he had slept there in August, and she's just wetting, if you knew he had slept there in August and you're at sheen is wedding. So when you made out with her like, you know, sounds like him covered for him. And he's like, but I didn't know what the wedding I didn't know. And he goes, and you didn't know when you made out with regalia, he goes, no, no, that was a real, that was a real thing. That was a real convention.

What did I write? Kineff Kineff Fussion. Kineff Fussion, maybe. That was a real thing. That was a real convention. What did I write? Kineff, Kineff, Fussion. Kineff, Fussion, maybe. That was a real connection. That was so real. And you're like, so you made out with her and then you found out that they slept together and you said what?

And he's like, yeah, I was like, was it before after we made out? I'd like to know that much. And come to think of it, her breath did taste kind of like cigarettes. Oh wait, that... And people just grow. Everyone grows. Oh wait that and people just grown. Everyone grows. Oh that was a bad joke. That was a bad joke. That's a bad joke.

Bobba. That's a bad joke. Oh I'm sorry. I'm just a nice guy. I'm just a sweet nice lovely guy. Bobba. What an absolute tool. This guy looks like so much more of an asshole when he doesn't have people there to also speak. I can't. He just give this man police. Well, his whole, his whole mo is that he says something like either nasty or passive aggressive or just rude and then goes, Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And usually he does it to Katie, and Katie gets mad, just to file the show.

And so then she looks like an angry, an angry lady, and then he gets to be like, no, oh no, sorry. And he's like a cherub, and he's like this nice sweet guy. And he doesn't have Katie there to do that. So now he's just doing it, and it's all falling flat for him. And he's just sort of exposed for who he is. And so, Andy's like, okay, it's a Shotsky siren. You know what that means?

I want to point out John Owen is sober. Lose her. And he's going to be having water. One, two, three. A shot of water. Are you a shot of water? Everyone get over here and get a wedgie, so busy. Uh-oh.

The timing of that that Shotsky siren off of Tom Schwartz's bad joke of him being like Or a red-dits sort of smell like cigarettes bad joke. I was like oh my god this show is chaotic and hilarious right now So he's like wow so anyway Roblo's son congrats dude everyone loves your show and he goes this where he does prayer hands He's like oh my god So humbling so humbling guys Seriously, you're great. You're Wow, you are you're great. You're really really great and he's just like he just He like kind of punches his heart a little and he's like yeah

Mm-hmm andy there like there is something on the tip of Andy's tongue in that moment I feel like Andy wants to say, that's amazing. You're, it looks like you're about negative 17 years old and you already have a producing credit. You didn't have to work your way up and become friends with Julie Chatton's hair, Jessica Parker to make it happen. Congratulations, Neville baby.

Congratulations. You'll probably have a late night show before I do. That's on the networks. Guys, we're back with a triggering gaslighting was who can't stop saying Bob and the twinking gold I'll probably try to rub later. Let's face it. It's some shorts and John Oh no get over here and sit on daddy's lap John And also we have two bachelor at experts who are pouring drinks until we're all acting like penis draws What does that mean? I don't know, but it's Avery Singer and someone who vaguely looks like she was maybe on Big Brother

five years ago. It's Avery, another girl. It's a girl who looks a little like Paris Hilton, but she's stinky so we call her Paris Stilton. It's a girl who didn't quite get cast on certain hospitality, but here she is at Batch Boss. Ha ha ha ha ha. And everybody's like, whoa, Tom, you know what? We don't only do bachelor parties, Kay. We also do divorce parties, we do birthday parties, we do birthday divorce party,

divorce your own birthday party. You know what, we're very free and company. It's it. Well, it doesn't matter if your party is beautiful or de-class, say, okay? So then Andy's like, well, she is Ramona's daughter. And she's like, I will deliver, okay? So Andy's like, ha ha ha, no doubt, just like your mom.

Okay, drink drink game reminder. Anytime you see this word, Rick out in honor of Rick out drink until you're not sure which Tom you're kissing. Ha ha ha. Let's go to the virtual audience. You should've from Drownton the River on your wedding day. What's your question?

And he's like, oh God, hi, John Owen love unstable. But question for Schwartz, can you find by the way? He sounds like they're like, about to. Sure, can you finally admit that you do about Santa Valls affair last time you on What's Happens Live? And that's why you couldn't answer a single question without Sandalaw's approval. And he's like, yeah, you seem to be trying to him for guidance the entire episode. Were you just bottoming for him?

Shorts like, ah, that's very funny. I don't know if I totally get it, but I wash it back and I totally understand the optics, okay? And I was trying to be inclusive. You know, I was just being me and inclusive guy. You know, so whoever you wanna make out with whoever you wanna sleep with, big tent here, big tent. What is he even talking about?

Inclusive. And what is Andy talking about? Like you let somebody else answer to your bottoming? Have we met different bottoms? Because... But... Every bottom I know is in control, okay? I don't know what anybody else is thinking.

So Andy scrunches his face and shorts goes, why was that a BS detector? Oh, I just triggered your BS detector. Oh no, okay, no, look, I totally understand the optics, which is why I'm reaching out to everybody in America Not only white single men come under the tent come under the tent log log cabin shorts and aiders Okay, everybody's invited. It's like a Toyota sales event. It's a big tent event So he does this I'm trying to be inclusive

So he basically said, what is this I'm trying to be inclusive? He's like, I just wanted it to be a, he's just like, you're right, you did set off the BS detector. You like, you just, you're just lying. Like no one is even pretending to believe him. And he just keeps on keeping.

And bringing in igloo cooler through TSA right now, that detector is going off. And it's like, not even like a question mark about it. And John's like you're charming and this does seem like BS and shorts goes thanks a lot and he's like sure buddy and he goes yeah because that was feedback and I really like feedback from all kinds of people like one of our native brothers John Owen John. Thank you for speaking and it's, you're thanking him for that. Oh, because he said you're charming.

That's right. That's the narcissist in you. So they were like, well, Tom, Tom Privillage from Sweaty Guys' Veil Upwards, what's your question? And the Slate is like, Tom, short, you're spilling the tea. And I'm right here with this Styrofoam cap

trying to get all this tea inside of me Yeah, I love tea. So I'm on what's what happens live I'm just gonna say tea a lot Tee tee tee give me some tea But unfortunately their producers are making me ask a question to the other guy What was it? I felt so bad for her. I know she was like reading it off her her script. Like, what was it like to see her about your dad's sex tape? You know, and John's like, well, yeah, it was pretty awkward. All right.

Okay, hey, is it true you've never seen any of your dad's films? Well, just kidding, I don't really care. Let's go back to Tom Schwartz. Well, I would actually like to comment on this section because he goes, yeah, including the sex tape. And he's like, but you haven't seen any Rob Low movies. I mean, the outsider, hello. And John's like, well, I've cherry picked the ones I'll watch,

but it sucks because it pulls you out of reality when you know you're watching your stupid dad. You know what, you little shit? Your dad is the only reason you're sitting here, okay? So have some more respect for the low. Okay. Get some goddamn respect. I don't know where you think you are,

but it certainly would not be on my television without your father. So you might want to just send a little, I'm sorry, and thank you. He's giving Teddy Melon camp, I'm not gonna lie. So now Andy is like chewing, he has like a second candy in his mouth. All right. So Tom Olivia M wants to know if you would have made that with Raquel when she first

had the camera's not been there and he's like, oh yeah. And he's like, oh really? I think it was like a moment where Shwarz was distracted and didn't realize he gave like a straightforward honest answer for once. And he's like, oh well, thank you for your honesty. So, okay, great, love to hear that. Um, so, and he's like, so, John Owen Goldsuit, what do you think of the whole Neppo baby craze? I'm like, that's hilarious that you're saying that when you have him and fucking,

every behind the bar. And Tom Schwartz, who's not married to anybody, but was given restaurants just for being part of the Vanderpump family. No other reason. But okay. So he's like, well, I don't know that it's a craze, but I think it's very important that Neppo babies admit that we have privilege because they're a doors that are open and others don't have those doors open. But once you get in the door, you have to prove yourself. And you know what's on the other side of that door? A batch threat party. So go to batch

boss, okay? No, why? We also throw proof yourself parties, okay? We'll make a big balloon that said, my dad's famous, so am I. So what? What do you, you can't get out of here poor person, okay? I don't want to be educated, okay? You know what? You can't have a nipple baby without a nipple baby shower, okay? Boss Batch, Batch Boss, whatever the hell we're called, okay?

So, now we have one of the games. It's like, now we have a game for John Owen, what's his fun? Then it's gonna steal the bomb, teeny! So one of the questions is, was it a fair request to ask shorts not to hook up with anyone in their friend group? I love that this is still nothing about John Owen. I know. In your new show on Netflix, are you and your dad? Please describe what it was like when you saw Rick L. disinvite Katie from the preferred

pool. And so he's like, he's like, yeah, it was not a realistic request or a fair request. And Andy's like, shorts, you really didn't get that. Did you? And shorts is like, well, she was hooking up with other guys. I mean, I don't know.

He was like, not in the group, you ready it. Well, it was a tenuous agreement. I'm like, it sounds like you're married. It was tenuous, not linear. Yeah. It does sound like they're married. So Andy's like, first commit small linear. Yeah, it does sound like they're married. So Andy's like James Yeah, so Andy's like is James moving too quickly without me and trying to know it's like yes

well Why was shorts never able to come to Katie's defense and Swords like oh my god, I'm putting on earmuffs hairmuffs everybody remember when I did that in the show was really successful and fun that let's try to get earmuffs I'm just a cute little boy I can't I can't come to defense people need to defend me I'm sweet and innocent so John's like well I think he's conflict avoidant I was like like, I would say so. So and then he asked about Raquel's galaxy and the S about Raquel's galaxy like cool or not and John's like, honestly They're pretty cool, which is why I had one projected onto my suit before it was made

And Andy's like, okay, thanks for nothing John. Oh, it Owen stupid face. Oh sure, it's back to you Even though that was all about you sure it's we know you took a trip to Big Bear with Joe sand of all and Raquel So who ruined with who and why did you take your wristbands off Tom? Come on. He's like, okay This for the record that trip was mine and Tom's trip and then I told Joe she could come later But then he smuggled in Raquel and what was I supposed to do at that point? She was smuggled. Well, so first of all, you were the first one who broke the vibe of the trip because you invited Joe up to it.

Joe is the roommate for those who don't remember. So you already did that. Also, what is this smuggled Raquel, was she in a duffle bag in the back of his, of his like Ford Bronco or something like that. Like what is he talking about smuggled her in? He's just saying it a while ago. Why no? You know, was she swallowed by like some needy person from a third world country and like

brought over on a donkey with that shut up Tom. And he's like, yeah, he's smuggled her like contraband. And at the point at that point, I knew they were in love because who smuggles when they're not in love, you know, it's like the only person I've let do anal tumies, Coke. And then I was also under the impression that there were more or less broken up and you know, I love Ariana, you know, but I think that he was in love with Raquel at that point. So what are you going to do? Well, I was to keep saying I was under the impression that there were more or less broken that he was in love with Raquel at that point. So what are you gonna do?

Why does he keep saying I was under the impression that there were more or less broken up, but then later on he's like, oh, this is what you should do to break up. It's just like he willfully keeps himself in the darks that way he can't really be a hell to task, that way he has like plausible deniability. But like, they were clearly not broken up.

Like it was very obvious. Yeah, I think he's clearly tattletailing on Schwartz or Sandival to get some kind of public energy back on his side, but then he's also throwing Sandival into the bus. I mean, I don't know. He's doing both. He's flying both sides and it's just clearly not working.

There's also an element of him saying like, oh, they were clearly done. Like, I thought they were done. There's also, I feel like an implication that like, we shouldn't really be so upset about it because like, this, their relationship was on the decline anyway. It was gonna end anyway.

And it's like, no, we should be upset. Well, that's what's coming. It's coming. That's what's coming. That's what always happens when he gets caught cheating. The man, you know, anyone who's been through a divorce or been through it with their best friend knows that that's what's coming, you know. You get caught and suddenly it's your fault.

It's you didn't give me enough love. You didn't give me enough attention. You acted like you didn't even want me, you know. Then you should have been a fucking adult and broken up with me. You stupid fuck. But instead, now you have a brick through your windshield and you know half the money gone for the rest of your fucking life and you're lucky you're not being

burned alive right now. And you have a beer that might be thrown at you in St. Louis. Or threatened to be. Which is just as bad. So Andy's like what did you think about the reunion and Schwartz goes, oh, I've never seen such a ruthless denunciation of two human beings in my life. I mean, Ariana had a fire in her. She had viscerated those two.

I've never seen anything like it. I didn't know she had it in her. I've never seen anything like that in my entire life. I'm like, please don't paint Ariana, like the crazy shrew here. Like, please don't paint her like, oh, she just mowed down sand of all and Raquel. It was so v- it was v- it was v- it was v- it was the visceral shit. I hope she fucking did. I hope she fucking did. It's like a movie preview to me. I mean, when he was saying that, it's sound- this is how it sounded to me. I've never seen such a ruthless denunciation.

BWONG! Of two human beings. BWONG! never seen such a ruthless denunciation BOOM of two human beings BOOM in my life BOOM BOOM BOOM she had a fire in her BOOM BOOM

I was like, I'm not popping my popcorn I can't get my weight for this No me too I mean I want her to do that but like the way that Schwartz is saying it there is a suggestion that like she's doing it in a way that's almost like unfair

It's so harsh. Oh, yeah, it was real close You know, ruthless denunciation So so Andy's like who got ripped up more and Schwartz is like oh Tom But like for sure or Celtic some blows. I mean Tom got a fist-rated and he's like well And what's going on with your business? Have you have you opened up Schwartz's and he's yet by the way and he's like, well, what's going on with your business? Have you, have you opened up shorts and sandies yet, by the way? And he's like, yeah, well, in the beginning it was a little rough, but I gotta say every time I go in, it's kind of thriving. And if you guys come and want to talk about this, all day, I'm happy to talk about this.

I will whore out my best friend just to get some butts in those seats. Don't worry about it. Come find me. I'll tell you everything. Yeah, it's just so fucking low, my God. Well, it's been great, great. You know, there was a moment that people were vandalizing our spot,

and that's way out of line. You know, I get it, but vandalism, we're calling it scandalism now. So it's basically a sand of us fall, but listen, I mean, this is the fall. But listen, I mean this is the least patronizing, I mean this is the least patronizing way people. Go outside, take three breaths, it's gonna be okay. Who's that patronizing? I'm just so cute. I have long gone pay the hair. Can I try again from the top? Okay. Everyone

just take a deep breath and focus on the little jobs you do to earn your money or whatever it is The mac and cheesy eat at home. I don't know just focus on that kind of stuff instead of us. Was that patronizing? Welcome back. I'm back with the phony that America Coddles and a girl with the same eyes as her mom when she models It's talk shorts and every single every what's the most Ramona moment you can't watch on the show because you cringe too hard. It's like whoa you know what? A lot of people ask me that question and I'm like you know what you're just supposed to be embarrassed by your mom right? Look at that. You're supposed to be embarrassed but your dad. But as a kid at the show, our embarrassment was on the largest scale platform

you know and that's that's just that's what you do with your famous Thanks, Andy. We also hold embarrassed by your mom parties. Okay, let's give it a cool The most remote thing you can do say you know what? I'm sorry I'm sorry that your mother embarrassed you growing up But my mother just embarrassed me a little bit more than your mother, okay? Because why was that a larger scale on a larger platform? Okay, and it's a platform that's so big you can have a party on it.

We have a party on a platform, we call it a platform party, okay? Go to batch boss to get your platform party, okay? You know what, it's not really one moment that embarrassed me the most. Ah, how about your mom oiling up your dad's chest? Whoa, Andy, I spent 45 minutes today trying to purge up my memory. Well, it's all back. Sorry.

How about your mom almost single-handedly getting real housewives of New York canceled because of her ignorant racist self? How about that? That, that effect, you know? No, you know what? Here's what I say. We have, I don't want to be educated parties, OK? We're doing it the very beginning of the school year.

And a bunch of kids say, I don't want to be educated. Then they come to the gym and they have some cake. Only talk about white people things. You know what? We also have a congrats you just got canceled party. Tom, you might want to have one of those Thursdays too, okay? They're really, really fun, okay? And we also have, we are pop icon parties, a great party too. All parties for everything. Okay. So now we get down to some more nitty gritty. Andy is like, so do you think Tom and Rekel would come clean? Were they waiting till after the reunion? And shorts finally tells the truth, which is, yeah, from when he told me he was going to sit her down, Ariana and tell her the whole thing. Well, his version of the

whole thing probably highly edited, but yeah, he had a plan. So then everything you set up to this point is a fucking lie. And you do already broken up. You fucking get it. You pretty much broken up. You fucking idiot. And also fuck you, sound of all. Like this, it's bad enough that you're a terrible human being

and a terrible partner, okay? And a terrible friend to everybody around you. But to also just be a terrible partner, okay, and a terrible friend to everybody around you. But to also just be a terrible reality TV star, your show is sucked for like three years, dude. It's been fucking unwatchable, mostly because of you and your stupid sidecar antics and your porn stash and your cheesiness. And now you're not even gonna give us a breakup on TV.

You're gonna wait until the season is over. You know, what's also cowardice, it's cowardice. season is over. You know, it's also Caratis. It's Caratis. Fuck you. Of course, but it's also robbing your fucking audience. Fuck you. Well, it's Caratis. I mean, the whole thing is Caratis to be honest.

Okay, we have Caratis too. But because it's like, it's, it's, it's, he's trying to avoid all consequences, right? Because he knows that if it happens before the reunion, he's gonna have to deal with it. He's gonna have to deal with the entire cast. And thank God it all came out and it was not prolonged more. But yeah, it just shows like a calculation. I, it's ridiculous.

It's gross and it's funny because when they were shooting the last scene, you know, I know all of us talking about this right now and listening to this recap, read this already. But when they shot this, you know, they went back to shooting after all this happened and they shot one scene with Ariana and Tom in the house where Ariana just unleashes on him. And Tom tried to shoot down, set down shooting because they said they were trying to make him look bad. I'm like, you are bad.

I don't know what you did it. You did it yourself. By the way, we didn't mention, did you hear the news today that Ariana has been cast on the new season of Dancing with the Stars? I did. Yes, I did read that. And she's actually a dancer.

She started out on this show as one of Sheenah's backup dancers. I'm not forget. Yes. Good as gold. Major credit. That's good. I love that she's got a lifetime movie, Dancing with the Stars.

I mean, it's not going to, it doesn't heal boons, you know, the pain is still the pain. But I love that. I love that. I love that. So Andy's asking if Schwartz can have a friendship with Ariana and she's like, well, I think she's indifferent to me. And he's like,

indifferent maybe generous based on what I saw. He's a voodoo doll that has several sticks going right through it right now. So you want to really phrase that. He's done what I saw. He has a voodoo doll that has several sticks going right through it right now. So you want to really phrase that. And he's like, So he's like, Well, I'm still here for if she needs it.

Love you, Ariana. And I'll sporadically reach out to text. I'm sure she'll really look forward to those text. To those sad emojis. He's probably just going to keep sending out the Homer Simpson backing into a bush gif over and over and over again. Oh, this is me right now, Rihanna. So he's shameless to fucking do that.

Yeah. So now he doesn't back into a bush. He doesn't write in your fucking face and then acts all cutesy about it. You know. Sorry to flatten your hedges. Rump of my armpit hairs and hilarious. So Andy is like, so what about Katie? And he said, yeah, I think our relationship's good. And Andy goes, I don't.

No. No. It's no idea what to deep down. She likes me. Not that we'd get back together. Just the last week, Schwartz is accusing Katie of gas lighting. You're always gas lighting. You're always gas lighting.

This is him gas lighting right here. Do you down you like me? Do you down you like me? Like I'm sure she hates you right now. And then this John Owen, I mean, I'm sorry, because it's really about his fault that he got stuck on this night. But at this point, he's just an at.

And he's like, oh my God, guys, my brain is exploding. Do you feel like maybe you were too complacent with all this stuff? Get out of here with your fuck it. You know what? I want to see you just about as much as I want to see unstable. Get the fuck out of that chair and take your gold ass out of here, sir. Go. So we're waiting. He left. He left. He left with my mind. He left. He left. Oh, he took my coffee. What a jerk. So poor guy. He's just he's he's he's I know it's not his fault. It's not he's like literally it's like his first TV interview. It feels like he just he got the he got a sweet gig. It's like a watch happens live that everyone's watching.

Yeah. And we're like Rob loves loves like, yeah, Rob loves like, go ahead, start with watch what happens live. It'll be the easiest one you could possibly start with. Yeah, but I'm sorry, when you start with prayer hands and then you pat your heart and go like, yeah, blessed, blessed, you're dead to me. Okay, I know what kind of person you are. Continue, Ben.

This is not about John O'Henneport. It's not, but maybe it is. So Schwartz basically says that he's going, you know, he was complacent because he's going through some real-world stuff like his dad almost died, his brother got cancer and he's like, I'm not morally bankrupt. I just, I don't know, I was consumed in my own little world

and for once I actually had a reason to be. So maybe I should have been more proactive about it. In my defense, I did tell Tom exactly what he needed to do and he agreed and he didn't do it. I'm like, well, I just don't believe you did that because the story keeps on changing on what he told Tom and when he found out about anything. So and even if you did tell Tom about it, it doesn't sound like you really held Tom to the fire. I don't know, it just feels very easy. You know that he told Tom, this is going to ruin us. We have two businesses counting on

our personalities being popular to the public. And now you're going to fuck Wrekel behind Ariana's back after Ariana's been so good to her. This is going to ruin our businesses. Yeah. You know, he was like fine with the idea to wait after the reunion. It only makes sense. Not that Schwartz is the most logical person, but still, that's the only thing that logically makes sense if you're trying to keep your business afloat. You know, have yourical and eat it too

or whatever you're doing up there. True, but also like Schwartz is, I think he's a pusher over with any pushback. So I guarantee, I agree with you. I think that he probably was like, dude, you have, this is, you gotta like, you gotta like tell Ariana to sing it become crazy.

And I'm sure, if Santa Claus was like, dude, here's what we're gonna do. Okay, I got a whole bunch of cool LED lights and we're gonna set them up in the backyard and we're gonna set up fireworks. And while those are going off, I'm gonna tell Ariana then in three years. Yeah, man, that's a great idea.

Let's do it. Yeah, so then, John Owen's like, my brain is broken. We figured stupid, be quiet. And Andy's like, well anything else you wanna say in closing before we end the show. And shorts is like, well, first of all, Ariana, love you, you know. I know you don't love me, but I love you, and also Tom, and I know the whole world hates you, Tom. But I'm not gonna bad at you, you know, I know you don't love me, but I love you, and also Tom, and I know the

whole world hates you, Tom, but I'm not gonna bad anybody, and everyone knows what you did was wrong, but you know what? Guys, give him a hug, even if he doesn't deserve it. If you see him out there, just give him a hug. He's down bad. He's down real, real bad, guys. Did I stick the landing? Did I stick the landing?

Give him a hug. Give him a hug. You can try to hug. Well, we will opt not to do that. There will not be a hug. Could you imagine, could you imagine that's how he ends this episode? Poor Tom. That's how it ends is poor Tom yet again. Poor fucking Tom. So now we're going to the after show. So. Well, behind the back, please welcome back every singer and the waitress we found from the rain first cafe. Welcome.

Well, you know what? I'm going to have monologue in a minute. So ask John. Oh, it's something first. So I'm like, wow, John Owen. Now that we're not actually on television where people are watching, tell us about your Netflix show, okay? I didn't wanna waste your word, never is on you. So, welcome to YouTube. And he's like, well, it's about my dad's an idiot, and my childhood trauma goes to waste if you don't watch us.

Like you're, you know, I'm sure that's funny when you're in like company that gets it, but to me, I'm grateful. Okay. I'm saying to you. John, that was a really good pitch, but you do realize we've got every singer here. Okay.

So we want to talk about embarrassing parents. I think she got you a little bit beat. Okay. I think she knows a bit about John's drama. Oh, and Avery, let's talk to you more bespoke parties. Wow. Oh, you guys brought me something. Wow. A merch baseball cap. Wow. the soccer you more bespoke parties wow oh you guys brought me something wow a

merch baseball cap wow thanks idiots hey Avery I have to say I have a very special place in my heart get back behind the bar she's on the list get her back in there what fine sorry okay so stay behind the bot. He's like, oh, because lighting is good. Okay, the lighting's very, very good. So you grew up on the show and you were the voice of reason on New York. So he's like, I love seeing you on the show and I hope it ended up being a positive experience, even though your mother is known to have murdered the show and put lots of people out of work.

So how do you feel about that? Well, you know what? Everyone asked me what it was like growing up on reality TV and it's like important to remember that when we started there was no real housewives franchise, real houses of Orange County who hadn't even thought of yet and there was no Instagram, okay? And it's been like a whirlwind and I've always tried to be my own person,

my own path, okay, and I'm really stuck with it and I'm working on finance and I went to UVA, okay? I mainly went to UVA, because it sounded like okay, okay? So we worked in tech, and then I had this idea that was gonna start something called batch boss, okay? And that's what I did, I found a missing market, and I did it, I made it, okay? Like you're just turning this whole thing into batch boss.

Yeah, and then she's like, yeah, I mean, and she talks so long about it. She's like, you know what? And I just took what you guys gave me and then I turned it into trillions of dollars because there was something missing in the market. No, there wasn't. People, there have been party planners

for 90 million years, okay? Like, fuck. But good luck to you. Yeah. Who would hire Avery to throw them a bachelor at party? Who? I'm not sure. So I love going out with my mom.

This is one of my fun things bringing my mom around the girls. Member of the woman who's like, oh my god, I'm just like, what are you girls? When Angelus or Carrie, my sister, Sashdora, Sashbeth's friend, I feel like Avery really is just trying to be like one of those Netflix romcoms, speaking of Netflix. She's like, you know what? I'm a high strong party planner who doesn't understand the value of life.

And I'm gonna meet a guy in the country and he's gonna teach me because I'm gonna work on a farm and I'm gonna give up all the things I learned about having a career, okay? So, and he's like, mostly game is time to bring back that Thunder Bumper! So, John has to make the case for one person that he wants back on Vanderpump rules,

and this is when John Owen officially dies to me and stays dead for the rest of all time. Yep. He says, well, I choose Jacks because he was the king when he was on of scandal and there's never been more well, there's never been more well-versed to come back and speak on what is currently going on and maybe compete for the title.

Boo, hate that take, we all know the answer's lowerly. Right, or fail, I would go for either one. How early I think, I think lowerly was the best. I think that's true. I have a little ratio. Honestly, just not jacks. Not jacks. And also, what kind of thing is this to say? He says, he could speak on what's going on currently and maybe compete for the title. So you're basically saying you want Jackson come on so he can cheat on Brittany. Like, what the fuck are you saying, John Owen? Be quiet over there. So Andy's like, you're basically saying you want Jackson come on so you can cheat on Brittany like what the fuck are you saying John Owen be quiet over there

So Andy's like you're not from anywhere near as cute as you think you are has a question You're not and a lady's like hi Andy. Oh my god. Andy. I'm such a fan. Andy. Hi Andy. Hi Ask the question I love when they do that he looks so pissed off. He's like, question, please. Please, I'm dying to get back to the balls of medicine. I love you. All right. So she's basically like, Hey, Tom, what was your reaction to Jack saying, sand of all, she done a Ariana

multiple times over the years? And do you believe it? And he's like, oh, no, I only knew about the one time, because believe it or not, we're separate people and like we don't tell each other everything even though I've clearly stated the case that he told me everything about this. It took 10 years, but he finally started telling me secrets. Yeah, um, he's like, but you know, like, let me just tell you in the beginning of that relationship, it was so special, it was just so romantic. And I'm like, if Tom and Ariana can't make it, no one can make it.

And John's like, so you're saying that no one can make it and he goes, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, no one can make it if there's one good person and one awful shallow idiot. That's just not how it works, you know? You have to be like a Jackson Brittany.

You have to have like an amount of awful in your own rights. Although I really didn't think Brittany was too awful till the last season or so. I always kinda liked Brittany, but... I think I probably... I feel like Brittany is probably a very sweetened person. I bet you could like sit and have a talk with her. She's like, oh my god

I'm so happy today. I just found this cute, Josh, cute, Tarot get up like oh my god That's so cute. She's like, yeah, you want to go back up to Tarot get's I can buy you one too I'm like, yes Brittany like I'm sure I'd have like the best time with Brittany Which by the way what I say about literally everyone on literally every provost show But yeah, she just became really in sufferables on the last season of Vanderpump rules. You marry Jacks. You know what I mean? Like there's something broken inside of you. You can pretend to be however you want, but you support Jacks. Like you support what he says. The shit that comes out of his mouth. So I can't. Yeah. So Andy's like oh, sorry

Blah blah blah so none of us believe this we all believe that yes Of course he's have multiple affairs because cheaters generally don't cheat once so Andy's like all right second fiddle even on From Andy's second fiddle even on from Andy's late night show has a question for John Owen and This lady's like yeah, which one of your parents famous friends were you least faced by? And who were you most star struck by? I was like, oh my god, this is poor. I was like, the only way this guy can redeem himself right now if he says, I was most star struck

by Mayor winning him. But unfortunately, that's not what he gives us. No, and like, he can't get one question about himself. I'm almost feeling bad for him. I know. I think his response, I didn't even bother writing it down, I'm almost feeling bad for him. I know. I think his response, I didn't even bother writing it down, but I think it was, well, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow is my godmother.

So, you know, she's just done so many great things and she's so acclaimed. But honestly, it's the sports people. Like when Peyton Manning came by and like said, he'd like my dad, I was like, wow, it was really star-struck about that. It's like great, great, great, sorry. Wow.

So what did you think of her? For Cal sending that message to Katie, that she couldn't use the preferred pool. And shorts is like, that was a little sassy. I mean, oh, God, this is going to get complicated. And John's like, just say what's on your heart, man. I just talked about guwyneth being my godmother Thanks man. Thanks for the strength say what's on your heart about a preferred pool and

Tom's like well I think where Cal was right it was she knows mom and it was she knows once in a lifetime moment and Katie being there was Obviously going to distract from that magical moment. By the way, I wish mentioned was she knows twice in a lifetime moment But Katie being there was going to distract from that magical moment and out of the kind, nice answer for her, she should've chosen to use the non-preferred pool. With all the kids pissing everywhere, with little ducy's floating around and the toys floating in the pool. And Addy's like, well, Katie feels like you never advocate for her. And this is another situation where you don't. And he's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And John goes, come on, man, that was a political answer.

Speak from your heart. And I just want to mention right before you say this part, Ronnie, that since I watched the after show on YouTube, there was a comment from Chex Mix, like the official Chex Mix YouTube account commented on this. And Chex Mix said, it's odd that he's tired of defending Katie, but never tires of defending Sandeval.

I was like, wow, you got that to him. Wow, Chex Mix. Yeah, like that is the most shorts thing to happen is that shorts can get read by Chex Mix. Like Chex Mix is... It's weird in here. Like a benign, breakfast cereal slash trail mix has read you just you just got checked that just how is that wrong you are you just got checked by checks mix so

Swords is like here's the thing early in our relationship she abused it you know because she was always getting in tiffs and was like you're either with me or against me like she demanded unconditional loyalty early on and she put a lot of work into her stuff and she's better now. Katie, you love you Katie, hi. But in the beginning, she was a monster. I mean, she was just a monster

and she's had a falling out with every single person in her life multiple times. I just don't wanna get dragged into that. It's like the little boy you cried wolf, you know? And Andy's face, they just cut the Andy D's card like this. The, the, why did you marry her? Why did you? What? It's so bad.

But it's like, shorts, you know, like if she was a quote-unquote monster, if she was putting you in situations you didn't want to be in, why did you continue with their relationship, you know? I don't understand. I don't know. I don't know what, what things are like a relationship breaking things. I mean, obviously I found plenty of them in my life, but I've also found so many reasons to not ever break up. So I don't know, but this whole thing, I mean, obviously Katie is like that. Katie has had so many fights with people over the years that she's like,

well, go stand up for me now. And I wouldn't. I'd be like, hell, no Katie is like that. Katie has had so many fights with people over the years that she's like, well, go stand up for me now. And I wouldn't. I'd be like, hell no, that's you, you know? It's like I had to tell my mom in a parking lot one time. When you flip somebody off and start screaming the F word out the window in a parking lot, they're not gonna beat you up. They're gonna beat me up.

Okay, so can we just use our inside voice, thanks. I think the lesson from Katie and Schwartz is you gotta pay attention to red flags. You just have to in life, you know, because you know, just as, you know, we said, hey, Katie, like when Schwartz, when you're like, hey, like, are we gonna get married or not?

And he gives up a ring on a string. That's a red flag, you gotta pay attention to that. And Schwartz, if you're feeling like you're getting dragged into arguments that you don't wanna be dragged into, that's a red flag too You got to pay attention to that. And shorts, if you're feeling like you're getting dragged into arguments that you don't want to be dragged into, that's a red flag too. Okay, you guys, you guys all you guys played capture the flag with your hearts and you chose the wrong flags. So Yeah, but it's ridiculous a lot of times that she gets in fights with people is when he's like getting her mad You know like we saw in the last episode when he's like,

God, good to be at this dinner. But, gee, I sure feel guilty about telling Brock and Shina, you know. So whatever that whole thing was, he just like gets her rise. Yeah, he instigates. And then I was like, oh my God, you're acting so crazy right now. Yeah, he's a complete instigator. And I just can't wait to get back out there, guys. So, and he's like, I think I'm gonna leave it there.

And he goes, was that bad? And John's like monster, monster's the word you're gonna use, and he goes, it's a nice thing, monster. And John's like multiple times, just angel. I'm an angel. I'm an angel. I'm sorry.

It's because Tom has ADHD, ADHD. I have ADHD, That means I can only pay attention if it's an HD and we're on YouTube right now. Sorry. Oh, I'm not an asshole. I'm not an Instigator. No, I'm not an underminer. I'm just sweet Tom. Katie's an angel. So, um, God. So then Andy's like, okay, let's just leave it there. The season's over. Like I got to go home, you know, I'm on my third blunt. He's like, so shorts is like, handy. God, shhhh, handy bro. I'm still recovering from that reunion, huh?

How you holding up? And Andy's like, actually, I'm okay. It was pretty good for me. When show of mine that I thought was about to take forever came back to life because someone got massively fucked over. So thanks for all your work. Yeah, it's works, it's like, oh man. Yeah, that was very, it was palpable, like you could feel it.

It's a very high stake situation. High stakes, that's kind of like my drinking game. Every time you hear the words I stay a drink something Call Katie a monster and be like no, I didn't mean monster. I mean angel And John's like oh my god I admit that there was a moment. I was gonna go camp out in front of the studio So I could see people cover their shut up John Jesus Christ you're adding nothing John all right So then Andy coughs some more and he's telling us that was the first time there were paps there and all that.

And do you think we're, we're killing Tom will make it and shorts is like, that'll be a miracle because I mean, it's so toxic. Like, it's so toxic. I don't know if it's sustainable. It's already toxic as it is. And then you add the entire nation thinks your scumbags, but we'll see if love prevails.

And the audience just like laughs. Well, you just hear people being like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy saying, we'll see if love prevails. Not with that, not with that sort of endorsement. So Andy just starts laughing. And he's like, you know, you're so funny. I'm going to give you some tips after the show. Okay.

Hey, are you surprised by how much attention he's getting? He's surprised by how much attention this is getting. He's like, yeah, I mean, I could appreciate it on some level, you know, it's taken on a narrative and it's a whole new life on the internet and conspiracy theories and I can appreciate shot and Freud and, you know, to some extent memes are hilarious. Like like I saw one where Santa Vola's Dracula and Raquel was one of his brides. I'm Renfield. Am I Renfield? Am I a mall? That's Westfield? Not Renfield. Oh, thank God. By the way, I have fallen in love with your mother-in-law this season because who Terry? Oh, I love Terry. Terry, I love you.

I'm just hanging out with Terry and Katie's brothers. I love them like family. Yeah, such a weirdo. And Andy's like, are you still in contact? And he goes, well, out of the respect for the divorce, there have to be boundaries, you know? I promise Katie I wouldn't make out with Terry. So I'm gonna try and stick to that one.

I love Terry. I mean, it was such an honor to spend so many years humiliating her daughter and leading her down a trail of emotional manipulation like really really have so much respect for her. Man, I'll tell you it was really nice to have Terry there because whenever Kati made me mad, Terry was always there to wash the tequila out of her hair afterwards. That was really sweet. I'll leave it there. Wow. That was a disaster for you. So I'm short thanks for coming on. Another guy. Thank you too. And little Ramona. What a day.

So that was it. Oh my gosh. That was a full on. That was five times as long as the actual show. But, um, wow. What an episode, what an absolute disaster of a human being that guy is. Yeah, what a crazy, I mean, but I'm really, you know, it's great. You know, we've said for the longest time on this podcast, the Tom Schwartz always gets a pass. He always gets by, people always say he's cute, he always has a smile. He's very this impish charm. And he just gets by. No one ever blames him for anything. And I feel like with Watcher Happens Live, you know, people like really saw the true Tom and not just being like, we called it first or really the first ones to see it. It's just

more like, it felt like he was really all like it was all just out there on the table. And it was like very validating to see that. Listen, people still thought for it. You know, I've read a lot of comments because we're recording this on Sunday. And when did this come out? This came out. Venter Pobrules Wednesday, right? So this has been out a while.

And I've read a lot of comments about it. And, you know, people are totally like, oh, I believe him. He's so sweet. He's just there trying to defend his friends. It's like, oh my God. You know, a little charm. I'm telling you, a little charm and a little height will get you fucking everywhere.

It's in the Constitution. It's like if you're over six foot tall and you're like a blonde guy and just kind of laugh and say some funny things a couple of times, you can get away with fucking anything. I mean, congratulations. It's actually pretty impressive. And the restaurant is still full every night. I mean, I know there's only 10 tables in there, but still. I know people waiting for the Peruvian tartar, but like, you know, it's also crazy thinking back on Winterhouse

when the Tom's showed up there and Tom Schwartz was, you know, he was doing that thing. He was acting like, oh, man, Katie left me. Oh, I'm just so sad. I'm torn up right now. I was like, and I was feeling bad for him. And it's like, well, manipulated again by Tom Schwartz. Well, that was recorded, that was recorded before this season. Right. But still, I'm just saying just the general, like, how easy it is to fall for Tom Schwartz. These had fallen to all the traps, you know. But the end of the day, it just happened. I knew that on Winterhouse, he was just doing that home.

Man, man, man. So he could get laid more girls and bars going, oh my God, you poor thing. You poor guy. That vicious, vicious woman just turns you into such a sad, sad man. Let me buy the drinks. Let me buy that.

Also, notably this weekend, I think it was like Ariana posted it or Shina or Katie or maybe all three of them. They posted a picture of the three of them standing together like in solidarity, which was great to see, but it's also so funny to think of like all the back and forth about like Katie and Shina

and this wedding and this and that. And we're just like like all this. Well, she should have, she should capture all of them. She shouldn't capture all of this whole stupid debate, which is honestly one of my favorite debates of the year. And at the end of the day, they're all friends again. Like that's so Vanderpump rules. At the end of the day, we get into all these like,

like these squabbles and then they stay friends. So that's why you gotta shoot, gotta show the shoot. Gotta show. they said they put There's a difference is aside for a friend, but they'll be act they'll be back on it The minute it starts rolling again, which should be in a couple of months usually your next month I mean it starts in May or June, right? They're seasoned pros. I got a hand it to them Like the whole thing. I mean, I got really caught up in the hotel thing the hotel drama and like That was just like that's was just brilliant reality starring right there.

They just knew, they're like, this is great drama right here. And my hat is off to them. Well, this is another end of a crazy, I can't, we should just put this on the regular feed at this point. Let's put it on the regular feed. This is a full-ass recap.

This is crazy. Yeah. And to everybody else on the regular feed at this point. Let's put it on the regular feed. This is a full-ass recap. This is crazy. And to everybody else on our bonus feed, since we're putting this up, we'll put up a video of something for you guys too at the bonus level this week. So you guys can check out a crap and sell them to man. Kate, make it up for you. And thanks so much to everybody for being here.

And for always being with us, even when we piss you off, you know, and we appreciate that. And we will talk to you next time. Bye. Everyone. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens, ad free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondry Plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellas-Ive.

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