Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Ain't Mistress Behavin'

Episode Date: April 23, 2023

We bring Scandoval to Philadelphia as we recap the latest Vanderpump Rules (S10 E11) episode. Raquel gets caught up in a minor Oliver twist, and Katie debuts her new curly-haired man. Plus, the first major signs of nefarious infidelity emerge amongst separate mistress accusations. This show is a beautiful mess.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. This episode is sponsored by Uber1. We've all used Uber for rides, and I love using UberEats for food delivery. Okay, hello. I mean, I kind of live off of it. But have you ever heard about Uber1? Uber1 is a membership that helps you save on Uber and UberEats. With an Uber-1 membership, you get exclusive member perks, like up to 10% off UberEats and a $0 delivery fee on eligible orders. It just makes sense. I'm always getting Uberes.

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Each finalist is driven by the same dream, to become music's next must listen. But to break through they'll have to dig deep, pushing their vocal, songwriting, and recording chops their absolute limits while keeping their feet and emotions firmly grounded. So who will break through? It's time to find out! Join Kelly, Sarah, and David on a musical journey unlike anything you've ever seen. This is Breakthrough. Listen on Audible or wherever you get your podcasts. Go to audible.com slash breakthrough. Follow along using hashtag BreakthroughXAudible. Watch what crap is watch what crap is who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is

What happens What crap What What What Happens when there's so what if I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy.

I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy.

I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy.

I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. Philadelphia. Oh, what do you have in here? Oh, oh, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Merevol bag you have here. So sorry, we're starting a little late, I just had to leave rehab, my mental health rehab facility. Sometimes in life when we make mistakes, it's important to take responsibility at a facility that's equipped to deal with it. Like Miravall resorts in Arizona. Dude, I am so livid at the Miraval Resort for posting that thing on Instagram.

I have never been more offended in my life. How dare you! You are a resort that I'm calling a rehab facility and I expect more from you. It's a classic move done in such a clunky fucking way. You got to hand it to those people. I mean, what a great idea. I'm taking care of my mental... Guess what? I was taking care of my mental health when I read about it. I was sitting with a bottle of Wow, well, it's a Saturday night. You know, this is Coachella weekend. Coachella weekend, Beijing.

You guys are all obligated to take as many photos as possible to drown out all the Coachella photos that are coming through Instagram. Coached, Chad, Crap, Cella, 23. Crap,challa! I encourage each one of you to go fuck a married person. In some sense. Yeah.

Listen, I mean, Coachella has a special place in the history of Vanderpump Rules. It's where Tom Sandeval spent $40,000 on his future mistress' engagement party. It's also this season where it was rumored that Rekel made that with Tom Schwartz who then later became Brock Tom who then later became, that's a lot of Tom Dick and Harry's in that girl's life and listen. A lot.

As a person with a lot of them, I'm not slut-shaming. Here's what I'm saying. Work on your rolodex. Work on your roll of decks. Make work on your entrance and your exits. You know what I mean. You can't be sleeping around all willy-nilly. You gotta have this shit planned out, and that we live in the time of I-Cal.

Okay, and Google Calendar. Plan your shit out, ma'am. No, but it's really awesome being back here in Philadelphia. You guys are always an amazing crowd. Love being here. This is our biggest Philadelphia show we've ever had, actually. I think it might be our biggest show of the tour so far. And so, like, I am like...

We're so excited. Philadelphia gives us so fucking much. I mean, the cream cheese alone, you guys should have a... Seriously. I want a fucking bell made out of cream cheese. Try and crack that bitch. We were in Toronto last night, and they're so lovely, and they are so nice.

People in Canada is so nice, but now we're in Philadelphia. Yeah, we're talking about it. We're talking it. They're feeling so warm. I mean, they really treated us so well. And I said I cannot wait to see a bunch of crazy people with forties and their sports. Yeah, I'm like, I want to go to a place where I'll get yelled at for simply saying two words. Taylor Ham. You know, this is the guy. That's next on Raquel's list, Taylor Ham. This is a VPR recap, so it's a night of a thousand booze. So we're going to start it off with the ham. You know what?

The country is divided on so many things, so let's all come together much like Tom and Raquel, and appreciate this moment in pop culture history because this is truly one of the most real things that we've ever had to do as podcasters, which is that we are recapping a show that is telling us one narrative, and we're responding to that narrative while being fully aware of another narrative that's happening in real life. So it's funky and it's weird, but you know what? That's what we hear for, okay? It's gonna be a lot like watching one of this National Geographic shows where you know that shit was wrong because now it's 2023. Right. But in order to get through the show, you have to say, well, that was the 1800s.

They didn't know any better then. Yeah. That's what we're about to embark on. So just buckle your fucking seat belts. It's going to be wild. And if you need to move somebody, he's right here. So feel free. I'll take all the heat for all the weird takes.

I kidding with you. Okay. You ready, Mike? Oh, by the way, this I'm kidding with you. Okay. You read my own by the way, this is a super sized episode. Super sized, which is a fucking blessing as an audience, but it's not a blessing to the husbands and people who were dragged here by their friends. Yes, sir, sir, sir, sir. That's so adorable that you're not that you're not a bravo fan, because you totally look like one.

So let me just tell you, you are dressed like one. You are ready to be one of us. So consider this your conversion, bitch. And by the way, as long as we're looking out here on the audience, I see one of our super premium sponsors here, Miss Hava Nagilalo Weber. Hava. Welcome. Thank you for always being a light in my menorah. Alright. Previously on Vanderpump Rooers.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. What do you want to do? Biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, biggest baby, I'm Oliver. Hi, I'm gonna squirt like a tube of toothpaste sat on by an elephant Guys, I think he's like guys. I think he's like married with kids. No, no He's separated I think what could go wrong? What could go wrong? So, Rick Kalfs, if you want to make out with Oliver's, like I totally don't even care. The thing gets better, the thing gets the best. So, Greg, last rich restaurant tour. When are you going to open up your little restaurant thing? When I'm ready, five years.

Whoa! Oh! Greggy, waky. Have you considered large planters that block the entryways and any pathways that people could be trying to move in your establishment. Oh, what about goat cheeseballs, but in the shape of empanadas with a purple light? Or a giant clock pendulum that swings back and forth,

carrying an ex-music video star, Kuig Mikhaila! My show! My attraction to Schwartz definitely outweighs my desire to be friends with Katie. So, Raquel, if you really want to make out, I don't think I would mind. I'm just gonna go with it. Well, I've been worried about bringing anyone around because I'm worried about Tom's feelings and he does this, well, I don't care anymore. I'm finding myself the most al-Yankovic-looking mother fucker

I can find. And I'm fucking him right on the starry night table that shorts and sandies, and I'm gonna wear a wicker basket parade while I do it! Hansen. Hansen, previously. and soon, previously. So the episode after that opens up, we're at Sheena's apartment. And Marina Del Rey. Yeah, it's just, we're going to look right now.

Yeah, we got, now that we have a baby, we want to have a, we want to have an apartment that has like a little staircase in every corner. So, does that have like a little balcony in their kitchen. I just want lots of hallways. So, baby's first word means to be, "'canna canna' so they're writing thank you notes for their wedding." And soccer, Brock doesn't know how to write.

Yeah. Literally. Literally, it does not know how to write. I wrote, Brock is writing thank you cards. Brock doesn't know how to write. I wrote, Brock is writing thank you cards. Brock doesn't know how to write. I remember seeing unfolded. Brock doesn't know how to write. Like, it literally does not know how to write his own name.

Uh, hey, Brock, that, like, doesn't even say Brock Davies. It's, like, not even legible. Are you vlogging this? He's like, it says B, and then he says, rock. And he's like, you says B and then he says rock. And he's like, you know you, bro. He's literally putting little rocks in the thank you notes. God bless his heart. Isn't he cute with his haircut?

If you guys seen his haircut, it's very cute. Oh, blessed. I haven't even need you to pay for your kids at this point. You paid fantastic exams. You're forgiven. So then we go over to James and Ali's apartment and James is like, oh my god. My back still hurts from that plane. Must have been sitting in a seat that a fat person was sitting in before. That slut. That slut theme. It's such a long DJ session coach,

but at least now I'm interplaying in a hauntai. Interplaying in a DJ, I played on four airlines now. Ali's like, have you talked to Schwartz? He's like, oh yeah, it's a bit weird. I mean, I could picture Schwartz and Rikaila continuing to date. I could totally see that, you know? She's like, you really, you really think that that time is the one you really see right now?

So you really think that guy who looks like he's got a bloodborne illness and a really thin dry upper lip. That is, sorry, but you know it's true. I Mean he's literally 40 and wears PJs out So I just don't really see that happening Ali. I'm sorry, but fuck you a I'm a lot older than that wearing PJs that and I can still get a little I'm a lot older than that, we're in PJs that, and I can still get a little. Meanwhile, let's not debase the older people in PJs set. I earned those fucking PJs.

Meanwhile, La La shows up at Schwartz's house. I heard something about PJs. So then we go to Charlie and Rick L, who are like the new generation of this show, you know, and you can tell because they're working on their content in the park. Yeah, content, guys. It's content, and the park, guys. Let's get together and work on some ditch-cont. Yeah.

That one's cute, Rick L. That was so cute. I love that look. Rick L. is doing like these poses. She just looks like all the palm trees. It's like where's Waldo, but palm tree version? Rick Hell's just in her, you know, mom jeans, which are back in. God knows why. God bless the youth, you know, to children in our future.

But she's in her mom jeans and she's just like posing really bad, and badly. And Charlie's like, oh my god, this is such an amazing, awkward space. It may be back up a bit. Are we going to use these for a new hinge profile? Do it on a boogie board. You're on a boogie board right now. And Rick has like, you're on an elephant.

You're on safari, right? Oh, Rickal, I just looked. You aged out of content creation. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Just aged out of content creation. Sorry. Sorry, just aged out of ditched cons. I'm sorry. Just aged out.

So then we have shorts making food for whatvers dogs, and there's like a knock at the door, and it's Katie. And oh my god. Go ahead, give it to her. Give her a kitty. Give her a her. Give her a kitty left. Take your such. Cheer for her. You want a cheer for her.

Do it. Yes. I believe in freedom. We have a big tent here. I believe in freedom. So, Swartz is doing that baby voice thing he does. He's like, oh my God, Peach is McGee. Are you so sad? Because you've got to go to Mama's. I love that he's even a terrible father to dogs.

Just talking about, just talking shit about their mother. Like, I know you're so sad. You have to go see your Mama. Just if she tries on another brace,, say please, no, no more. Sheenah calls up. Hi, I just want to let you guys know that both those dogs are also not allowed at the preferred club pool access. But they can't come to the pre-wetting and the post-wetting, and possibly the branch,

after the mechanism is served, only after the mechanism is served. So this is actually, I feel like one of Katie's greatest moments because shorts is like, I'm so stressed out today. I have to put slippers on and we don't have kitchen staff and it's supposed to open up this week and she goes, sounds awful. Okay, bye. Bye.

It's all I wanted. It's all I wanted. It's all I wanted. It's all I wanted. And then he's left alone and he's like, it is awful. If a tree manipulates in a forest and no one's there to be manipulated, did it still manipulate? So then he calls Sandevol, his doucheyly sitting cross-legged and parachute pants. And the diary room session. And Sandevol is like, oh dude, shorts is sexy. Oh, he's calling me.

Can I take this? Can I take this? They're like, sir. They're like, we arranged it. So yes, please take it. So we had a whole scene of Katie getting run over and then backed up over for about 20 minutes, but she left. So we're going to fill it with this. So shorts is like, but she left, so we're gonna fill it with this.

So short, it's like, ah, high, high sand of all. I'm just calling you because Katie just left right away, and like usually when we exchange the dogs, like we kick it for a bit, not the dog, you don't kick the dogs, we just kick it. And then I like make her feel bad about herself, and then I'm like, oh sorry, but you're still great, I love you. So anyway, and if she has sushi, I'll maybe eat some of it that I didn't pay for. So now what? Like, she's just coming in like doing a grab and go.

He's like, you have like, we enters in this 7-Eleven roller oven. I did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. How are the editors not cutting back? I don't care if this needs to be a 10 hour episode. I need a cut back. I don't even care what he said to Katie.

You don't go up to someone's table and take a piece of sushi. You do, fucker. You'll die in my presence. I would have liked one slow-mo shot and they're like blue and white with a pink highlight thing that they do. Does him take the sushi and blink it back?

I would have been like, the episode's done. I have seen enough. Still a face covered in Requel Lips smackers, mother fucker. So sand of all, of course, is like, bro, we're really don't see what you did wrong. You're like a single guy you got broken up with. I mean, we're in Mexico. That's what like somewhat good looking people do in Mexico.

It's not like you good looking people do in Mac. It's not like, it's not like you're homely in Mexico making hours on money. Yeah, I love Santa Vall saying, dude, it's just like you were both single as if being single or not single seems to matter to Santa Vall. Bitch forks. So short, it's like, yeah, we, forks. So, shorts is like, yeah, we were in Mexico. We were living La Vida Loka, right?

So, please don't invoke Ricky, sir. You can't pull off a Ricky Martin reference, sir. Please don't. Please, please. So, then shorts has a great defense of himself. He says, I may be a little off of my approximation. Katie might be blowing this way more out of proportion than anything in the history of our relationship. I mean, she's acting like a cheated honor.

I mean, she's more upset than when I actually did cheat honor. You know, just when you're defending yourself, what you want to do is stuff behind. So he's like, yeah, she could do whatever she wants, and I would totally support her. Like Tom, if you and Katie got married next week, online detector on me over a blazer, so you know it's really working. I would fully support it. But I know you would never do something

as morally bankrupt as that, right? Well, it's funny you say that because a punky Brewster buries in patterned tats have started turning the on bros. So get this going. So back to the park, where Ansel Adams is doing a session. Charlie goes, one of my favorite lines in Vanuper Rules because of what it's about and also its resignation.

She goes, Okay, content day. Well, we tried. We tried. They've already given up on content day. Well, because they're in that park by the Grove. It's like dog shit in heat. That's all there is.

And she's like, we tried. Well, it's like dog shit in heat. That's all there is. And she's like, we tried. Well, next time we should do it inside. So Katie invited me to brunch and go to the whole thing. It's like, let's go take modeling Instagram content pictures and 100 degree weather in mom jeans. Do people do this in Philadelphia, by the way, because it's all over LA?

Do what? What's your question? Just like, you walk around in LA, and there's always like someone standing, like going, oh, doing your content. Oh, come on, you guys do content. Oh, ha. Ben just got this cookbook by a lady in Minnesota,

and it's like all this crazy shit. He'll tell you the obvious thing. That's his story to tell. I don't want to steal it from him. That's my journey to take you on. That's his journey. But at one point, she's like, oh yeah, they called me to the Facebook headquarters offices.

And I was telling them, you know, like, enchiladas could be made with macaroni, you know? And we were like, even in Minnesota, you know this lady is doing content shots with her macaroni, like, law. Yeah, you know, we tried. Next time, let's do this inside. I'm sure there's someone here

who's done some Wawa influencing, right? Well, we've all been to Wawa, wall, wall, wall, we were under the influence first-er, taking stupid selfies. I've been with some of you. If you're hiring, you know what it's like to deal with economic uncertainty, and now more than ever, it's really important to hire the right people faster and more efficiently because you gotta keep the overall cost down. And thankfully, there's a hiring partner who's focused on you and your needs, and that

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especially if they're from impossible foods. They taste like beef. Exactly. Impossible is making meat history this summer. Yeah, they are. Summer of Impossible. I am so excited to be spending time cooking my summer foods all that good stuff and guess what? We

can use impossible sausages, impossible brats. I mean it's gonna be a great summer for impossible foods. Impossible beef is made from plants and 19 grams of protein per serving and it's better for the planet. And it's meat. Plant meat. Correct. So if you're looking for something to grab for your grill, grab some impossible beef. Summer of Impossible. Start making meat history today, just head over to the meat aisle at your local grocery store, grab some impossible beef, or patties, and get grilling. So Charlie is like so Katie invited me to brunch because we're still pretending to be friends.

And I was just like really disappointed with the information I was given, which is cool because I don't know if anyone's ever given Charlie had any information before. Also, I don't think Katie's ever done anything with Charlie ever before. Which is really funny that Katie's like working it, you know. So Katie did, we see this clip of Katie going, we were in La La's room and then Shina called her, like Katie's eyebrow were ones here, and then ones here, like a cart.

I love her confused, like she just doesn't understand. She's just trying to figure out a mystery. So she's like, we were in La La's, I'm sorry, I don't know if my Botox is letting me do it. I never know. So I had to, by the way, I'd like to thank Jesus for creating Botox on the eighth day.

Glad he took that extra day. God bless it. Sorry, I got everybody riled up with Botox. Everyone's standing up like, girl's mind moving, is mind moving? Is mind moving? So Katie is sitting her down. She's like, yeah, we were in La La's room.

And then she and a call sir. And she's like, did you see that Raquel and Tom are making out? And everyone was cheering. That was terrible for you. I totally understand. But also be mad at literally everybody because everybody was happy about that in that moment. OK.

Yeah, let it be fair. So charlotte is like, I think it's like this tasteful. What happened at Sheena's wedding with Tom, and that was Katie's anniversary weekend for her wedding and Rachel. I just said it, Rachel. I've said my first organic Rachel. I'm transitioning out of Raquel, guys. She goes, she goes, I'm not thinking about their anniversary, but to be fair, I actually don't really think in general, but like, they're not together anymore. And she also chose to go on this trip when she wasn't invited, and she knew what she was getting herself into.

Yeah. And she's, she's like, well, I'm just like, if I'm going to be your friend, I'm going to be honest, but I'm going to also like tell you the truth. I was like, that's so nice, Charlie, thank you. And she's like, that wasn't cool. And Rickah was like, well, if you're wondering him, I'm gonna be dating like, all over, like, no. She was good, that's a good idea. And then Rickah goes, yeah, I mean,

if shortshirt any interest, I'd be down to date him, but like, I'm not trying to be like Debbie Desperado over here or anything. Debbie Desperado calls up. Hi, it's Debbie Desperado. Hey, hey, soul, I was just coming back from my Facebook meeting. And listen, I know my name's Debbie Desperado,

but even I didn't go on a date with Peter. So anyway, have a great day. Hi. Have a great day. OK. Yeah. Debbie Desperado. You can try as many of those losers as you want,

but a whole crew of Vanderpump rules cast does not a hot dish make. OK, ma'am. By the way, Debbie Desperado already has an at-bitch. It's me. Yeah, I'd like to also say that I can put macaroni enchiladas, because guess what, my last name is Desperado. Okay, it's in my heritage.

By the way, I just want to say, don't cancel Debbie Desperado, guys. I just want to say... Debbie wanted to do is give us more potatoes and cheese. And look how we're treating her. Is canceling her ass and Philadelphia. No, just going, it's fun when we go through these notes because you realize things.

It's funny here, Raquel, saying, oh, you know, Katie wasn't invited. She knew what she was getting herself into. So I'm just going gonna assume when we hear the Please, guys, please this has been really hard on me. Please can you guys like stopping so mean to me? I'm like I feel so bad about what I did with you know, to Ariana. Are we gonna remember this line? She knew what she was getting himself into. I'm just wondering just asking I just So shorts and sandy Just asking, I just... So, Swartz and Sandy at work looking at Swartz's phone at work.

Okay, all they literally do is come into the restaurant and just sit in the booth. Yes. We've at least seen Tom Swartz move like one tub of some kind of ass juice to it, like caterpillar ass juice or whatever they make in that show. Yeah. ass juice to it like caterpillar ass juice or whatever they make in that ship to another counter otherwise they sit in the same booth at all times right so we see them there and he's scrolling through his phone he's like oh look at these photos I posted it though there's someone posted a photo wow photo from the wedding and it says come on bro did you hit that shit and it's about Raquel can you believe it like was it a photo of you making out in the middle of the fucking pool

under the spotlight and the floating table? Southern Shore says, Oh, I have a newfound sense of optimism and determination. Ah, what? He puts on a slipper once in his life and suddenly the world is his oyster. He's like, I know we're not gonna open when we're supposed to open and like it fucking hurts, but you know

it's a tough jacket little pill to, oh my god, what's the word? Losing the optimism. Swallow. Oh, thanks for saving me. So then Brett comes in like, hi, hi, everything's great. How are we? How was our trip? How is your non-working trip? How was it? Do you have a good time with this trip? When you weren't here working, that was fine. How was your working on the U.S. system? That was great.

Yeah, you want to make a menu? Yeah, you didn't miss anything. Just our booth maker forgot how to work booths and broke and quit and... No booths. He came in, he cut out pieces for the booth, then the pieces didn't fit together, then the machine broke and then guess what? He quit, that was fine.

Yeah, and then the chef, he quit, so we tried to hire the pieces of wood that were supposed to be the booth to be the chef. They didn't like that, and then we got haunted by a ghost, and that was real weird. Everything's been fine. And then Santa Claus said, well, did you just say like,

brubles throw you some more money? He's like, absolutely fucking not. The guy who just took his mother's retirement savings and the mortgage on the house of the woman he's currently cheating on this fucker. Yes. Just throw more money at it. Dude, like, what do we actually need besides kitchen staff?

What else do we need? I mean, like, okay, more LED lights, okay, what about a giant piranha, like a giant piranha skeleton that made a few tips that we could on the wall? Could we do that? All we need is a kitchen staff. You know, it's a restaurant. Thank God there's only one thing we need.

Someone to cook food. So yeah, I felt like I was really pushed into the kitchen manager. Yeah, I was not comfortable Hiring him. Yeah, so I'm gonna let I let him go and I had him come back to me of some person Whatever I'm going crazy. Yeah fire the fucker. He's like the dishes fell short He's not the right fit for us. He's gone and sand about we have to open bro. We have to fucking open bro Hey

Saying we have to open is utterly pointless words, okay Do know but if we don't open we are If we have to some goddamn potato chips out there, we gotta do it otherwise we lose us! Please! Okay. Uh... Dude, we are a million dollars in! Okay, I could lose my fucking house. My mom's retirement.

Breckles and gets another job. Greg turns the keys into the landlord, and it's like, they don't have these kind of fucking stakes. Also, we just don't have stakes here. We also, another thing we don't have. Our refrigerator broke, yeah. None of us have stakes, actually. You worrying about whether we serve fresh fucking

chosen Ravioles in the Ravi-Den. And Breck's like, not worried about the Ravioleys, okay? The guy literally couldn't make anything. Brett, you are so close to being iconic. It's not, I'm not worried about the Ravioleys. It's, it's not about the pasta. Yeah. Yeah.

There you go. So close, Brett. But I'm on your side, there you go. So close, Brett. But I'm on your side, because you don't deserve any of this. We're coming. I'm paying for it. OK, Karen. OK. So Santa Claus is like, we have to open the doors.

I'm saying we have to. I mean, this guy literally just keeps walking off. You know, it's Santa Claus. So he's telling us, I love that, but at this point, perfectionism is death. This is Tom Saddleball's behind the music, by the way, if you ever get to that. This quote, as long as we're a B plus, that's fine. I mean, performers that perform live, they're stoked if they're a B+. Nobody gets to perform even at a B+.

Yeah. I can't believe it's music career never took off. That's so weird. That explains a lot about your confidence in being the lead singer of a band when you can't hit half the notes. You attempt to you fucking... Try hard. have to notes you attempt to fucking try hard. You know, when I look at like Beyonce or Lady Gaga, that's why they call her B.

Yeah, I'm like, guys, hello, where's your A plus game? Come on now. So shorts is like, listen, we're frustrated. OK, some of us had to put on slippers today. And I almost do myself over a bridge for this project. I was like, whoa. like listen, we're frustrated, okay? Some of us had to put on slippers today and I almost threw myself over a bridge for this project. I was like, whoa, did anyone else catch that? He almost, it's a wonderful life, okay?

Oh God, that would be the saddest, it's a wonderful life, whatever. It would be. It would be literally just everything we've seen. But in black and white, It would be literally just everything we've seen. That's what we can do with that. It's a wonderful life for Tom Swartz, but it's a 19-hour show today, so we'll have to hold that till next week. So then we go to Ariana and Tom's house, which at this point just feels like a vortex of sadness.

Like every time we go, they're like, it's so awkward. Because it's not only awkward because you know what's going on. It's also so sad because you know there's those Phillips, you like tube lights behind all of those couches just waving to sap electricity, you know? I think nothing's going well in this house.

So Ariana is in the process of starting to make a sandwich. And you know, I'm totally in favor of the sandwich shop. I think it's a super cute idea. And I'm excited for them to make their first actual sandwich on the show, because we haven't actually seen the sandwiches yet. So they're getting close to it on this episode. And I don't know that I trust a person who

doesn't eat bread to make me a sandwich. So I'm just going to say it. I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that. So, like maybe a meat shop. Just do that. Like do a protein and fingernail shop. That's all you're eating. We all fucking know it. Yeah. You look too amazing to sit around eating sandwiches. We all fucking know it. Okay. Open a horse shop. That's what I say. Sell some horse trapper keepers. Okay, so. Let's go to French. Speaking of Bipari French, actually.

Oh my God. Fresh from the Champs-Oliets. Katie. Girl, Katie. Help us help you. Katie looks like she was going to like a German shysa shop, you know, whatever. She's wearing a leather beret, okay, a sports bra, and it looks like she had a towel on over her sports bra, and people were just like shooting a towel on over her sports bra, and people

were just like shooting paint pellets at her on the way to... What the fuck are you wearing, Katie? Get some help! Damn! This is your season! This is your queen season! I... It better!

I liked it. I felt like it was like a lovely ode to Samuel L. Jackson. So she shows up and she has this very whimsical picnic basket. It's like this big, wicker basket. It's on her arm and she's brought cheeses for sandwich tasting. And this beautiful basket, and she opens it up and it's all just like basic super market cheese in there. I think I know what kind of sandwich Katie likes. It's a whole it's a bag this big of cheese. It's this big. It's a huge bag of cheese, okay. And the first one she pulls out she's like oh my God you

guys I was looking at cheese and I found this one. It's a espresso cheese. What? Fuck kind of sandwiching and to make with the espresso cheese. Get the fuck out of this house, man. Take a fill up to you with you. Get out. Guys, I got a lime-a-bean-brie.

Does anyone interested? I got a Mentos-go cheese, you guys. So anyway, Katie was saying how she dropped by, Tom saw him for like four seconds and said I was like, um, so like, are you guys like not friends anymore because of him and Raquel I'm making out. I'm like, I think they're probably not friends because of like 12 years of massive disrespect on Tom Schwartz's part, but that's okay too. Yeah, there's a lot of reasons they could not be friends.

It could have been a variety of reasons really. Yeah. And she's like, um, well, yeah. And he goes, well, I don't think that was like really a big deal, like making out in a pool, like their both hot. They're just two single decent looking people. Like in Mexico, decide to make out. Like how do you have two decent people don't make out? Doesn't even make sense, dude. It reminds me of that real half size of New York where Bethany was trying to set somebody up.

Who was like the young blonde? Who is it? What's the matter, what's going on? Was it Tinsley? Tinsley. She was trying to set someone up and she's like, Who is it? Like the young blonde. Who is it? What's the matter? What's going on? What's it, uh, uh, uh, tinsely? Tinsely? Or she's trying to set someone up and she's like, oh, you know what, you know what, like, she's blonde, she's fine, she's young, she's hot, and I know another guy and he's young,

and he's hot, and he's thin too. Just put them together. That's what they do. People like that, they just go together, like that. Yeah. Start fucking. They like two little cheetah brands, and you know what what they just get together and make one big cheetah brand By the way when we named it the cheetah brand tour we really did not expect

Seriously leaning into that name That was some kismet right there. Oh God all the ways this horrible fairs worked at my favor. Oh! Ha ha ha ha! Oh, so Katie's like, well, we've talked about it like a hundred times and he's told me nothing's gonna happen and he's not interested in her and he's like, well, people change their mind, Katie! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! And Katie's like, but it's the aftermath, which is a very traumatic concept for Raquel because

I screamed socials and aftermath. So that's so mean. I just took a, just took a math to get her. That's some aftermath. Raquel's in the fetal position at home. I never after math. I never got to go to ice cream social after math. So I do like, oh, whatever. She's a whore. Okay, okay, okay. Now here's a moment where, back in time, we don't know that yet.

Right now all we know is that she's made out with Tom. Does that really make someone a horn Katie? But I do love Katie's dedication. No, it does not, ma'am. No, it does not, ma'am, okay? But I do love Katie. I will admit, I am similar to Katie in that way. Cause I can't just be like, well, I didn't appreciate it.

I'm the same way. Like she's a horn, that's it. Yeah. Look, hi, my didn't appreciate it. I'm the same way. I'm like, she's the whore, that's it. Yeah. Look, hi, my dominoes, is this late? We don't have a dominoes order, a few stores. You fucking gawd, fuck it out. Sariana who's watching,

Katie and Sandival going back and forth, poor Ariana. I mean, she's just like, she's like, listen, she's not a whore, she doesn't get paid by anyone to do anything. Sometimes checking his wallet, like. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Outside of Laura Lee. Outside of Laura Lee. And Vail. And Vail. She's like, I mean, Tom also has a habit of sticking his tongue where it doesn't belong.

He did it like four times when we were together. So that shouldn't be the shocking or surprising to me, I guess. I mean, it shouldn't be. But you also have a habit of putting hats where they don't belong, OK? I'm not saying you're less right than him. I'm just saying there are things we can all work on here.

Express it. So she's my. Basically, Katie's just, Katie's like, listen. It just, it feels like disrespect, which is, you know, it's good. You know, she should also see all the other terrible things that Tom Schwartz has done to her over the years. Am I right?

So she's like, I don't think he'd like it if I'd started jumping all his friends, peens. She's like, I think I've been pretty respectful in my dealings. Again, editors, how did you not clip right to? I think you're pathetic. I think you're a drunk and I think you're a loser. Also, it's totally not fair, because Katie really can't have good revenge, you know?

Schwartz makes out with someone in the group, and Katie really can't, like, what are Katie's options? Like Schwartz has all these hot girls on the cast. And what does Katie have to revenge? Schwartz, that's it. That's all she got all the other guys are with somebody you got Peter Swarth. Kiermo. Chef Joe. It's not fair. So, Sandeval is like, oh what? So he's not allowed to have any other like friends because like Joe came to stay with him for three weeks. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don for three weeks Don't don't do In the future

We know Joe from being a crazy Possibly cracked out person at a Tom Sandivall show dancing like this Okay, but we don't know that yet But we don't know that yet. So for now, all we know is that Joe is just a roommate of Tom's, and then we find out. She called Joe called me up like crying, saying, Katie is calling me and leaving me messages. You fucking whore. So then Katie tells us, Katie gives us some more insight on Joe. She goes, Joe was literally Kristen Dodie's crazy friend, and if you're Kristen Dodie's

crazy friend, that says a lot. And then, yes. And then, just as evidence of how crazy Joe is, we then see the following clip. Joe walking out the door going see you later. Whoa! Yeah she's like I'm gonna walk the dogs now. Damn crazy. The swords are like I fucking love you Joe and she's like love you too man. Damn. Wow. Fucking insane. Insane that Joe. Okay these like the last text Joe sent me. When we now start divorce, said she will always love and respect me and the fact that she moved in with my ex two seconds later,

yeah, she's fat kind of bitch. She the sort of bitch that when she walks out of doors, she opens the door and closes it behind her. Crazy. She's that kind of bitch that when she needs somewhere to stay, she finds someone who needs a room mate. That kind of bitch. Hi, I'm Michael Patrick King, host of the official Max Companion podcast, and just like

that, the writers room. Each episode members of the writers room and I unpacked moments from season 2, sharing juicy details you can only hear from us. Stream and just like that season 2 is starting June 22nd on Max, and listen to end just like that, the writers room on Max or wherever you get your podcasts. So Katie's basically like, listen, I made a request and I said if you want to go fucking all my friends and you don't have my friendship and if you can't understand that then may God have mercy on your soul and pray that no one does that to you.

She says that to Tom Sandevol and then there's that long sad shot of Ariana and I think we all went, oh God, this is just going gonna keep getting worse and worse, won't it? Yeah, because it was a really long shot right in Ariana's face. They were like, I hope nobody ever does this to you. And then the camera man was like, Ariana's like, uh. Is this a spread of cheese?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm make it look like there were 15 people here? Wow. So James is on, she's doing us thing at the pizza oven, playing CDs and everything. Playing his pizza, playing his thin crust.

And Lisa comes in and there's a new host there. She's like, hello, how are you? Nameless wonder. Hello, new future human trafficking victim darling. No chewing gum on the floor, I can see it. I can see everything that goes into your mouth and don't think I'm not counting the change later. You know she's trafficking out of these restaurants, right?

I've been saying this for years and I'm just waiting to be proven right. There's never the same person there. Hi, Richie. There's never the same fucking person there. Every time you go, it's some new, beautiful person. And the next time you see them, they're like a black and white Xerox on a pole somewhere in West Hollywood. See something say something, I'm doing it.

I'm just trying to save people. Darling, darling, you should not be chewing gum. This is a classy establishment. Anyway, how is cockpicking this night going? Me as like, you're right, I'll spit it out now. Oh, that attitude will come in handy in this profession, darling. You'll be just fine. Clean the menus.

I love a nice long groan that goes from that side all the way to that side. Yeah. It's a roll, it's a roll like wafts over you like a summer breeze. It's a Jill Zarin grow, my god. So James is you know, he's in full on look at all these fat sluts. Look at all these fat sluts. Oh Lisa You look beautiful He always does that He always does that. Oh, dear. Oh.

Oh, it's the lighting surely, darling. Not any of the stem cells I've already taken from me, huh? Whoa. You just see me as the hostess doubled over, like. And wow, what happened to me? So she's like, oh, you seem very calm and mature, which is not true. And he's a little like coaxed up out of his mind. I'm going to be like, oh, you seem very calm and mature, which is not true. And he's a little like coked up out of his mind.

I'm going to be like, oh, fast, look! So he's like, oh, yeah, I just got back from Mexico. And a lot of happened. Schwartz was making out with Wickel. I was like, wow, you got right to it. You guys right to it. They're all such tabletales, I love it. So then we go to Schwartz and Sandy.

They're sitting at a booth at CU next Tuesday. And we get to see my favorite thing, people waiting tables at Sir. I love watching it. It's always been the funniest things. So, Rikkel goes up and she's like, hey guys, you had the lasagna. I don't know why that I ruined on that three times. I had it self fucking funny. Well, it was the first time she actually didn't pronounce the G, so we were all proud of her. It was a...it's Patagonian Tuesday's fish, darling! Yeah, someone orders Papa Deli, and I'm just impressed that no one's like Someone wants to know who's dad owns a deli

And do they use a espresso cheese yet? Actually, that's a Charlie waiting table scene which is also really good. Oh, I'm Charlie actually works there You know Charlie's there's always one person a season that actually works at sir and that's Charlie right now Like she doesn't get paid shit, we know, I have Twitter. She's trying to get out of there. I mean, she did go to that Gwen Stefani, like cosmetic brand addition that unfortunately didn't pan out. Yeah, but Charlie really works here and you can tell she hustles because she's like, oh, hey, I guess we'll do the popper, Delay.

And she goes, yeah, do it. And the sweet corn ravioli. Am I right? Because that's really good. And I used to be a non-pasta person. I've really grown on this show. OK. So two of the poppers and two of the corn ash.

OK. And a pump teeny be right back. And it decides it. Yeah, I'm sorry. So Lisa is still talking to James. And she's like, oh, so is it strange? Is it strange with the Raquel and Tom Schwartz making out? I think you're a bit jealous.

And James, he's so chill. He's so chill he goes, I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous. What did we get to understand? I don't even care about Raquel. Stupid slut. She'll be like fucking sweaty Peter after like six hours.

I'm in a bituary. I'm in a student in his song. Raquel. I'm in a bituary. I'm in a bituary. I'm in a bituary, I'm in a bituary. I'm a student, it's wrong, it's wrong. I'm a student from here. I'm a gatherer. I don't like that. Stupid dumb slut. Never, never, never, you want. Good luck, you can't.

Good luck doing things without me, stupid slut. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Not jealous. So... LAUGHTER Hello, James. He's like, wouldn't it's everyone gonna understand? I don't care about Rikou.

All right, she makes that with sweaty pizza after a six-hour shift, all right? Huh? And then she'll move on to fucking buzz button over there. All right. Buzz button. The buzz button. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Dude, you have buzz button. You guys remember what the buzz button is? That's what Tom Sandeval at Tom Tommy's like, well, this is a drink you have, but first you gotta eat this buzz button. And it's like the center of some kind of flower that numbs your teeth. It's poison. And then supposedly when you drink the rest of the drink, it makes your mouth dance or something. No, no, what it does is, when you eat the buzz button, it makes the flavor of the drink taste the exact opposite,

which is always what I look for when I order something. Hi, I'd like to order something, and then I want to taste the exact opposite of what I order, thanks. It's like in Harry Potter, where they purposely get jelly beans that could possibly taste like dog poop, you know? Yeah, I'm just saying it's holding the buzz button, because that's like a deep cut that James has been carrying

around since the opening of Tom Tom four years ago. James holding the buzz button. Because that's like a deep cut that James has been carrying around since the opening of Tom Tom four years ago. He's like, you know what, fuck this buzz button, motherfucker. I'm gonna get him one day. So, so then Schwartz is having another existential crisis just when he was feeling optimistic about things. I have to relearn how to communicate. I'm not good with words. I usually love words. Like, you're a regular linman well-marando over there. Seriously. I want to be in the room where

where. How's that song go? So, it's kind of all like, yeah, I remember, it used to be really good with words, dude. I used to have a brain. Wasn't when this show started. We haven't seen it, just saying. Not saying it's not there, I'm just saying we haven't seen it. It's like the Lord. So, it depends on your faith. Gotta have it.

So, LVP comes in for a double kiss. She's like, hello, Poz. Come here. Come here. Two of the only stalk I could never sell. How good to see you here, darling. Do you haven't been here in a while? What are you sniffing around here for?

You ate nothing but a hound dog, and short, she's like, well, and then Raquel comes by and she's like, hi, would you guys like a drink? LaZanya! She's like a Pokemon, like a Raquel approaches, So she appears out of nowhere. And then Lisa, I mean, Lisa's really on a surfboard. Raquel's writing tables like she's on a boogie board. She's like, hey, guys, just boogie boarded over to you. Content day. So Lisa is, she is really on her A-game in terms of manipulating situations, right?

She's like, oh, Rick Hell. Have you two not seen each other since Mexico? Chorks is like, no we haven't. Let's high five. Hey, Rick Hell. Let's do our handshake. Remember, like the uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, down down baby, down by the rollercoaster, sweet, sweet babe.

I don't want to let you go. She would do you go, good night. Yeah, just Francis is an awkward, bright Raquel. And Raquel's like, I mean, obviously, I don't see myself dating you or anything. And Sande of All Goes. Hey, I can't hear you, hey, come here Raquel, come here. Yeah.

I can't hear you. Hey, come here, Raquel. Come here. Cheers. Literally sits Raquel in between the two toms in a booth. The first, now we're really getting to see a sandwich. I know. You know what? Raquel is stolen a lot of things and now is her personal, perfect chance to steal the sandwich shop idea. So at this, she could also call it TomTom. personal, perfect chance to steal the sandwich shop idea.

So at this, she could also call it TomTom. It would be amazing. No, by the way, it's like very obvious at this point, right? That the affair has begun, because she's sitting there like the public, the public thing, and the private thing, and my boss right here, and and she is she does not know what to do right now. And LVP is like she's working that'll cost you $27. Put it on the table darling. So he pulled they pull her down on the couch and Rick tells like you're gonna get me in

trouble. I guess I already am in trouble. You just see Peter passing by like, ee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e Michael, what's going on, Rikkel? Hey. Oh, I don't want it. Dude. So, Lisa's like, Tom, you've got to smile on your face. What's that about? And Rikkel's like, have you talked to Katie? Has anyone talked to her?

And Santa was like, yeah, I talked to her. She's not very happy. She called you a whore. He's like, oh, a whore So yeah little fucking whore she called me a whore and she of course like no one I'm probably the only person I know that actually likes being called a whore like who likes it nobody likes it To me that suggests like work you know what I mean and nobody likes being called a whore and so she's upset but sand-of-alls doing the old lifetime

movie thing where you're breaker and then you tell her you can fix her yeah are you crying now come to daddy let daddy fix everything for you. Daddy doesn't think you're a whore. Sit on daddy's lap. You fucking creep. Get your fucking white van and get the fuck outta here. So, Tom Sandeval, you know, listen, this guy is not taking enough shit. You know why?

Because he's not here. He's off key somewhere. He hasn't been here. But to now see him actually in action, making a girl cry so that he can fix her with his teeny weeny. Teeny Weenie. Fuck you, Tom Sandeball. Let's make it very clear today. What a jackass. Fuckin' A.

It's good to be back in Philadelphia. Yes, thank you. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, down with the meth pipe or whatever you're doing because this week, this week, they showed pictures of that beef jerky ass with meth face and hair that looked like it had been through the desert. Have you seen that picture? I would normally say I'm worried for him, but I'm actually not. That will happen after you go on Howie Mandel's podcast.

Oh my god. Oh, well, get to that. Anyway, so, Syracal's like kissing people makes you a whore. I mean, I think a big thing that has been a roadblock for me have been roadblocks. They're like really hard to drive by. But also, like, being trying to be liked by other people, like there's people that used to surround yourself with that either charge your battery or drain it.

And I don't want to drain my battery. And I don't want to have that. She is a robot. We knew it. You're answering your own question. All you need right now is battery power. Okay? Also, stop trying to make these men like you

and find some fucking battery powered solutions. Yeah. And get yourself together. Hey, I actually have a, you know, I understand that. Like when you really want people to like you, one tip that I think is a really good one. I think it's a really easy one that we can all do. Don't sleep with your best friend who happens to be the best

person on the show and on Bravo, her long-term boyfriend. Who the ways is now selling battery-operated toys? That's true. That would have solved this whole thing. Do you love the full circle? We love, by the way, we we we spend so much time spewing all the hate and hate and the hate. But the truth is that Ariana is thriving right now. Ariana is thriving. She's got a deal with blooming

dales. She's in a lifetime movie and she's got this hot new guy from Coachella, the first good thing to come out of Coachella. So we're very happy. It's like the quickest move on we've ever seen on Bravo and I'm so excited for her because every time I open Instagram people are like, here's my video of how I feel about Ariana. She's sobbing and then you scroll down one post in its Ariana for Bloomingdale's and like, a glamour dress-like. My eggs have been fertilized by Bloomingdale's and like a glamour dress site. My eggs have been fertilized by Bloomingdale's. Well, and also in other news, Shina is going to be doing work for Blooming Onions. Hi, I'm Shina and I represent the Blooming Onions. Damn wrong you do. I make fun of it, but honestly I would the blooming onion. Ha! Damn wrong you do.

I make fun of it, but honestly I would love that job. I would love to be a blooming onion influencer. So Sandivall is like, yeah, she's like, you know, shorts doesn't need to go around fucking all our friends. And I was like, you gotta be kidding me. Because like, but why would she assume that we're fucking? I don't know, Rick, maybe because you made out with him in front of everybody on purpose.

It's just they're giving people the idea, you know? So then SantaVall's like, yeah, but I was like, that's not the case. Let me fix you, my broken little doll. Buh-hah-hah-hah. So she leaves. Rickles, like, all of a sudden. She's like, I'm putting this order for a lasagna

mappolitan in the machine right now. I's like, I'm putting this order for lasagna and the politician in the machine right now. I was like, who gives me? She's boogie boarding off. Like, I'm gonna protect my laptop there. Dude, a lot of emotions happening. Skitting. Ha, ha, ha. So, sand of all, it's like, oh, dude, I didn't anticipate Requel being so upset about Katie calling

her a whore. I mean, I thought she'd shrug it off. I definitely wanted to know what people are saying about her. Requel, a bastion of strength, who clearly would shrug off being called a whore. This is so warped. How am I like sort of taking Requel aside? It doesn't make sense. I don't like this.

So Lisa Vanderpump basically knows, right? What just happened? She knows, you can see it in her face, because she's like, ooh. It looks like sorrow. It's like, cod your boat's still so stupid. And yet, 40% of tractivism you were when I hired you. It's very sad for you

So she's got that look but she's also got like three Betty Boops in her eyes like at the slot machines in Vegas like she's like Come back season I feel like Rakell doesn't have a lot of people in her corner and she's like a really sweet girl and she doesn't have a bad bone in her body I mean She might have one bone in her body She doesn't have one bad bone in her body. I felt every single one of them under me, so I know There's no way to get around it, okay? Sorry.

It's just one roadblock of many tonight. So now we go to La La's apartment. She's got bookshelves in her new apartment. So she's got a lot of La La books. Yeah. That's all of her bookshelves are filled with La La books. There's all the leftover inventory. So La La's like, good for her girl.

I've eaten plenty of a cup of pasta out of a watch out crap in some egg. That's true. For 11 years, who am I to say? If anyone knows about leftover inventory, it's us. So Christina and Katie come on over and outly, or they're going to be coming over. And LaLa is like, there's something very special about my birthday.

Just want to squirt all over my cake. Feels like a new chapter for me. What you can read about in my book that no one has bought apparently. So they have this moment where all the girls who are like having the best time of their lives like in the lyrics of the song are like, oh my god, tomorrow's your birthday, Lala. Oh yeah, I'm so excited for your birthday. That's tomorrow? Yeah, I'm excited.

Me too, I'm so excited. It's going to be so fun. What are we going to do for your birthday? It's going to be so fun. I'm going to turn up. More than we're turning up now. It's going to be so fun. It's going to be so fun.

I'm going to turn up. More than we're turning up. That's the birthday that we've ever had. Turned down for one. It's gonna be amazing. So Katie is gonna be finally bringing her new man, who, as we've mentioned, is like a combination of Timothy Shalame and Werdell Yankovic. Also known as Wired Shalame Yankovic. And after dating Tom Schwartz so long, it's nice that she's going to date somebody with like picture energy, you know what I mean?

So his name is Satchel. Yes. He was named after a very famous baseball player named Satchel Page, but you know when they announced that, you know that's somewhere page Sor sorbos like, oh my god, I love that someone named their child after my satchel. I'm such an influencer, contenting. So Lala's like, oh my god, satchel page, is that the one that brought you to both from Mexico, from Morocco, that the one that brought you to both, and Katie's like, I was doing all my stuff in private out of sight with Satchel

But now I figure it's the time. I'm fucking satchel in front of everybody. You're fucking birthday. I was like, yes Katie Bring him on because you know I can't wait to see Satchel. I'm like bring me Satchel bring him along now Satchel of gold a Satchel of gold So now Oh, it's just oh, it's just it got it's a goal, a satchel of gold. So now, oh, it's a serious scene. The Tom's have a ride at Villarosa. And we hear buzzing, and it's Ken. He's like, it's a person out there.

No, boys, I haven't even doing much. Look at my house right now. That's really so good. He's got his little hat on. That sort of looks like the thing on and off and to turn the flame up. Yeah. And then Santa was like, hey, Ken, brought you some flowers, bro. How you doing, bro?

Dude. And shorts is like, yeah, how you doing, brother? I'm so sorry about baby Rose. And Ken's like, well, you know, I wish I were good. I wish I were so good at words, but I'm so sorry about baby Rose and I wish I were I wish I were so good at words but I'm not so here's my card we love you Tom Tom said feel better we love for we love little Rose very much it's like a horse but it wasn't just a horse it was a tiny horse it was like a horse for people to ride, but not big people, tiny people. Tiny people could ride the horse.

Love those very, very much. And then LVP is outside talking to her little puffy, the dog named puffy. And she's saying, you know I'm upset, don't you? You're going to miss her too, I know. But don't worry, there's one that looks exactly like her, which helps with the pain, little jiggy. Now give mama a kiss.

By the way, did anyone notice, Puffy looks like he has alopecia also. What is happening? Is this concerned to like, do you? Is this get turned into a Hulu movie? Like, rarely. It's like, some weird like, like, doggy munchowsons. What if she was the real munchowson all along it was LVP Wait a second we flew without the amazing twist

So anyway, it is actually it's it's very sad what happened It's so sad my god God we were we were sad guys Yeah, I know it is sad those horses are are so cute. And now the one is without, I'm not gonna talk about it anymore. Okay, so then we go through the story which we like to give out. I like Lisa's pivot.

I like Lisa's pivot. Oh, I just feel so emotionally depleted right now. So tell me about the cheating in Mexico. Yeah. Let's talk about how we're keeping the show on the air show with me. So sound of all is like, oh my god, that trip, what a great reset. Well, that's when his affair supposedly started. So I don't know that that was the best choice of words. So Lisa's like, Lisa's like, you've got to get this restaurant open so that way I can close very soon after from terrible reviews.

And shorts is like, we can't start a fire in a restaurant, it's not open. And shorts doesn't give us money for things like that darling. It's not fun when no one eats your strange, barouviant ceviche, and the restaurant's not open yet, it needs to be open. So, at least it's basically like, she's like, you gotta get this open, and Schwartz goes, oh, it's not like we were skirt and responsibility by being young hooligans, you know? I'm like, one of you started an affair,

and the other one ate someone sushi off their plate. Yeah. That's young hooligans. And Schwartz goes, we don't even have a working freezer. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. What? And sand them all's like, yeah, one sick of the fucking neckline timing.

Let's get it open. And shorts are like, oh, I mean, it doesn't matter how much you huff and puff and say that. You don't back it up with your actions Yeah, that's a big accusation that he doesn't back it up He's like well sometimes I back it up and send him up like oh And then Schwartz actually has some small receipts here, which is more than their POS machine does. He's like, well,

when we had to submit the menu, you went to band practice, and then you got your nails done, and then you waited at 12.30, but I'm about to pass out from doing nothing all day. Dude! That band practice was scheduled week before, and I'm not about to walk around with some grubby ass, ship-ass nails. Dood, hey, dood, dood, dood. Dood, do you know how much band practice you have to do if you're trying to hit that just average B plus performance rate? You can't run an almost B plus band without white out nails, bro.

All right. And he's like, bro, the real issue is, the real issue is, we've been waiting to pull the trigger, and there's one person, one person, putting on the brakes every fucking time, and you know that person it. Oh, there he goes. Sit down, woman. So, now we go over to Tom and Arianna at home.

I know. We're just all ready. We're ready for it. I mean, guys, we're all going to go through this together. Hold hands with your neighbor. It's just okay. Remind each other that we all love each other. We're all part of the Bravo family here because this is tough. This is tough and it's awkward and strange. There's just so many trigger words in here. You know, there was the... Oh, we just went to Mexico and had a reset. We pushed your reset button, okay, that triggered. And then we have this, hey, dumpling, I'm like don't use a word with dumpling it.

I hate you so much right now. Okay, now this scene is important because if anybody listen to, well let's face it, a recap of the Howie Mandel episode, because I know it was very difficult to get through it. Tom said that he broke up with Ariana and that the day he broke up with her, she came to him and wanted him to fertilize her eggs. That is this scene, is it not? Wow.

So let's watch this scene of Tom being very clear with Ariana about how he wants to break up with her. It's very clear. Yeah. So the scene opens up, Ariana's talking about the eggs and how she wants to fertilize them because they're more viable. And she doesn't want to have a biological clock dictate her life, more power to her I'd like to add. Yeah.

And it doesn't mean she necessarily wants to have babies, but she just wants to have flexibility, okay? Yeah, she's like, my stance on all things related to being pregnant, like giving birth, like that hasn't changed. I mean, I'm not totally anti-baby, but like I'm afraid it'll come out with a porn stash and a flat tonal quality,

but still, you know, an ed fertilized by an off-key Ali Shidi and breakfast club want to be. It's worth more than an unfertilized egg, so... Wow, I can't believe you brought Allie Shidi into this. I mean... She's been through a lot. She's an underrated member of the Brat Pack. Remember when she made it snow over the picture with her... Dan Draft. She's probably my number two rap hacker behind Mayor Winningham.

There I said it. God, wouldn't it be great if Mayor Winningham joined a real housewives? It wouldn't make any sense. But I think it would work. It should be very quiet. So Santa was like last year when she asked me to fertilize her eggs, I said, sure, fine. And then we see a clip of last year when she asked me to fertilize her eggs, I said sure, fine. And then we see a clip of the reunion when she's like, well,

Thomas supposed to fertilize my eggs, but then he like didn't like, he forgot or something. And it cuts, it cuts back and he's like, well, why would she want me to fertilize her eggs when we might or might not have kids, whatever she decides? And he's like, I need to let off some steam, Ariana. Yeah, you know, he does. I mean, he just had like a whole five days in Mexico.

That's stressful, man. I hope he gets to let off some steam. Well, because the suggestion was he can't drink, he can't drink or smoke for five days, right? Right, for the fertilizers. For the fertilizers. First of all, I'm fine. I mean, God knows what my mother was doing.

Actually, I do know what she's told me, because I do know what she's doing, because she told me what she was doing. She was drinking a bottle of wine a day, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Okay? Now, I'm not suggesting anybody do that while they're pregnant, but I am suggesting I really want to drink in a cigarette right now. Okay? I forgot where I was going with that.

So Ariana's like listen I think you just need some help here. Thank you. Thank you. Those are my people. You know when they say they're the Ronnie and there's a Ben. You know my people are like oh yeah there's a drink in a smoke right here. You want to do some lines? My people are like oh did you hear that? He wants a drink in a smoke right here you want to do some lines? My people are like oh did you hear that? He wants a drink and smoke I can't believe that. Your people are literally marijuana sitting there like my god.

That's why the scattered applause for marijuana. Those are my people thank you. We're a quiet people but we have very devastating opinions. You just watch out for us, okay? Silent assassins. Then we get to the real twisty gross part of this scene, which is where... He's trying to...

He's now started, we know this from the future that he's now begun this affair with Ariana and so now he's doing the guy thing where Mer winning and you're right. Oh my god With Mary winning him in the future. He did start a relationship with Ariana With Raquel okay, he's already started the affair with Raquel So now he's doing that guy thing where he makes everything your fault And he's been trying to break up with you this whole time, right? We've all been there So he's like he's like and just gets frustrating

I mean like I feel like the past few months. I'll like explain to you a situation I'll like explain my point of view and it feels like you're like very quick to take the other persons like point of view And like I don't want someone at my back unconditionally, but I want someone to say, yeah, cool, I'm so glad he spent $3,000, I'm more lights for our apartment. You know what, it makes me feel like you question my intelligence. You can't question something that's not there.

Yeah. Yeah. So, Ariana is like, Tom, I wouldn't be with anyone I thought was an idiot. And secondly, if I thought you were an idiot enough to say it out loud, I would be so nice to you all the time because I'd be like, oh my god, he's so dumb. But you know what's great is that Ariana actually actually does that on their regular, and he just doesn't notice. Yeah. So Tom's like, yeah, or like, like I'm annoying or something.

I'm like, I know you or something like that. And I'm like, you're in parachute pants. I'm like, you're the one in the cover band. You're in parachute pants and a black silk shirt with gold polka dots. And you just painted your nails white and drawing eyeliner to a meeting about fertility. You fuck.

Ariana's like, Tom, we've been together a long time. I can only imagine how annoying I am. No, Ariana, you've literally never been annoying on this show. It's unbelievable. Stop saying that. What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, she has. Ariana's been just as annoying as a lot of these mother fuckers on this.

Listen. Ariana is- Maybe about sketch comedy. I get it, but let's not push the whole boat over here, okay? So, um, we go to LVP and then guess what? You need to kayak that down there, Madame. I'm sorry, I love you. Tell her, I love you.

That's the part you have one way to take it to on the blind. She's doing bass. She's doing bass. She's doing bass. She's doing bass. She's doing bass. And then I trained to Georgia. OK, so LVP is talking to Jasmine,

because no one knows what happened to fucking Mia from two scenes ago. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. Yeah. I'm telling hello, Jasmine. Now, listen, I know it's hot out here But it won't be a minute. There will be a white van coming around someone will put a bag over your head

Just stay calm with all work out who be in my little muffin Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- trying to explain why the restaurant's empty. She's like, oh, I know it's super quiet because it's so hot, right? Jasmine, fan your face. Fan your face. It's hot. Wink, wink, right. And then, so then, you know what I thought? Did it all snow? It's this weird moment. When Lisa says to Jasmine, she goes, okay, well, I'm gonna go sit over there and my friends will come in and Jasmine goes, go right ahead. Jasmine, you don't get to tell Lisa Van der Bum to go right ahead. Jasmine, you don't get to tell Lisa Vanderbump to go right ahead. Thanks, Jasmine. I will. Ma'am? She was never seen again.

I think she was never seen again, that's right. You just here? Like, we'll squeaking outside and she's gone. This is like, yeah, Mo, get the one at the booth. I don't want to see her again. The eagle has landed. The eagle has landed. So I sit down and very excited because this is at last our big Garsell crossover moment. Love Garsell. Winner of the 2020, three crappy of Bravo Liberty the year. And we also, I was shocked. There was a local news anchor man there, played by Oliver. Thank you for having me here.

Yeah, it's me. Yeah, I'm Oliver. I'm Oliver. So they start talking about Lisa's Rose and Garsell's like, whoa, of course your rosé beats everyone else's rosé, so I mean, it's fabulous. At least it's like everyone. Everyone. Everyone, yeah, like I said, everyone, okay, Leesor Rina, I'll say it, Leesor Rina.

Leesor Rina I'll say Lisa Rina Lisa Rina So the producers like how do you feel about Lisa Rina coming up with her own and a vand her prom? I'm like, oh, you know, I just think that people should come up with something unique That's all and it just cuts to Lisa Rina like Serena like. I made Rosé! I made Rosé! I made Rosé! I made Rosé! Well, listen, Vanderpump said I should come up with something unique, so here is my

new establishment, sexy unique cafe. Suck! Light fun, silly, jock, Lisa, Rinesshage. So all of the girls are fighting over you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What's happening there, Oliver? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Who me? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. So she's like, so you're going to go see Rick Hell. He's like, huh? Yes, we have a little rendezvous later tonight. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Well, now, just so I can get this on record, as the news have already broken,

they're cheating on your wife. And I want to make sure I have no culpability. Even the most likely I've known this the whole time, Oliver. You like Rikal, and you've separated from your wife, have you? And he's like, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, we must split up from us now, okay? Well got mostly mostly, you know, we're working on co-parenting. She has kids love her kids her kids are great

They're great, you know like co-parenting I like her living together. It's great. I did get my own place in the our apartment You but sometimes I go back. Yeah, we like we may sleep together in the same bed. I go by my own grocery, stay don't sell the joina. So sometimes I'll go back there occasionally. We're like mostly, it's in my place, mostly.

We're basically completely divorced. So, um, Garsell's like, well if I can say something, I think my ex-husband Mike modeled what his stepdad does. I loved your dad when I was married. I love that Garsell does this whole comparison to the first dad. Garsell left his ass, okay? And I think that that's all that needs to be said here. So Garsell's like, I mean Lisa, how did you mean Ken? Did you feel it? Oh, I felt something. I think I was bending over in a hot tub, and I felt something like a little room about my ankles.

It was very strange. I said, is Rod Stewart knocking at the back door? Come round front, Rod. Come round front. Oh, my God. The Jameson Alley. So James and Ali, oh my god, the James and Ali, oh my god, James is another one who, you know, gets off really easy on this show. There's always someone who looks fucking psychopathic, okay? This is James in the scene. Ali, alright, you put on the pink dress I told you to, 12, 12, 12, 12 around, 12 around in a circle. Alright let's get faster,

faster. Alright that's good. You know put on some knee socks, put on some knee socks, I need knee socks. Alright look good. Yeah, you look good, you look sexy girl, you look good. You look fat now, you look fat. Put on your blue dress, blue dress, put on your blue dress, put on. Alright, looks good. Come to me, I'm going to marry you, I fucking love you, I fucking love you, I'm so fucking of love with you, I can't stop looking at you, you've got damn it, you fucking fun. Like Jesus Christ James. It's over, have a seat now. So, Ali's like, last night at Lala's apartment, I was grabbing my stuff to leave, and then

we were chatting, and that's when I mentioned, I might have started something. I was like, here's Allie, just doing the old Rikkelak. Like, what? Wackant, you know what I want to do? Where a dress that you'll like today, that's all. He he he he. And then she shows up with the plot line of the season. You know, as a girl.

And I have to hear like sports. I'm like, take it. I'm going for it. Ali coming in with a smoking gun. So she's like, last night I was at La La's apartment as I was getting stuff and chatting and leaving. And that's when I mentioned I saw Santa Vall and Raquel dancing together at the Abbey.

And I was like, that's kind of weird. I was like, where's Ariana? And also, who's Abbey? They're just dancing on that dance mom's lady. Ha ha ha. Oh. She's like, out. Get out of me. So, Ali.

So, Ali is like, I thought it was kind of weird. It was like 1 a.m. and we're like, where is Ariana? And she tells us, I wouldn't be comfortable with my boyfriend being out with someone at 1 a.m. But everyone's different. Your boyfriend is out with somebody at 1 a.m. every day. What the fuck are you talking about, but also I'm on your side right now.

So very well done. So James is like, you know, I've noticed how much Rick has been hanging out with the Toms, both of them. Best of both of these days, aren't they? Best of three little slutty people all hanging out together. So then James is like, yeah, they're best, you know what, they're just best friendsy day. I wouldn't put any stock into that. Pink skirt again, pink skirt. So then we get a song, a Vanderproporeal song. We haven't done a knee tonight, but this one really caught, caught my fancy, okay? It's like, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

can you hear me? It's, it's, I can whistle. Twits, that's not a song. That sounds like a little kid. Can you hear me? It sounds like Charlie's audition for Gwen Stefani's Cosmetic Brand. Can you hear me?

I can whistle. We'll try again tomorrow. So we're at Rekel's apartment and Graham, the dog, is barking. And Rekel's like, do you hear Sheena? I was like, I think the entire neighborhood here, Sheena, because it's like, ah! Not, not, not, not. I never know if I should knock or knock.

But I was like, I think today I'm like, not gonna knock, but like maybe tomorrow I will knock. I don't know, it's like a lot of things to think about, but like I'm gonna document all my vlog, and we'll get to it together. You don't know if you should knock you visiting a lady in a tree? There's a door there, knock on it, you fucking idiot. So then we got a lot of- Oh, was there? Oh, sorry, I wasn't sure if I should do the knock, knock part of that joke.

My mama, my mama, I just answered myself. Oh my God, this is why I never knock. So we're now at Lala's apartment and Christina comes over and Lala has that, you know, Lala has that mom who's so supportive and sweet and brings over like, happy birthday Lala. Your house spelled out really big and it takes up your whole house and like, thanks mom. So she's got that balloon. And then Christina comes over and she's like, oh my god. Hi, happy birthday Oh my god, how's it going? So much fun. I was thinking about this all day. I was potting soil

Hey, I was talking to Stasi and she said you could do the birthday thing if you want okay goods Hey, it's my mother fucking birthday. Just full of doing the saucy thing. It's my first birthday that I've celebrated singles and I've very long times. And I'm just feeling like all I want to do is end the night with birthday sex. So whoever's ready and willing comes to my back. So she's like, I have so much to tell, Seos. And Christine's like, but I just saw you the other day.

Did something happen between me potting that plant and the me potting the plant that I just planted before I came over here? She's like, no, listen, I just sent you and Katie's the screenshots of all of her swifes samps. So, I was like, wait a minute. She goes, so she reached out and she said that all of her posted that pick of us and that she knew that the way that all of her was leaning in on him that she got a pit in her stomach and she knew something was wrong so I told her that we're made out with all of it.

You were talking to the wife, La La, come on! The wife reached out to La La really and La La just happened to answer some Rand O.D.A. from the Y. That is not the case. You know, Rick L. looked up that wife and guess what I just saw at a place called Putzies in Polar Bears in Las Vegas. What is that place called? She just called Putzies. Just go Putzies as a second Michelin star.

So, she goes pussy, I've never had a boyfriend. She goes pussy, I've never had a boyfriend. She goes pussy, I've never had a boyfriend. Over at Rekel's apartment, Rekel, now it's like a back and forth scene, right? So Rekel's like, you guys, Gina, guess what? Why, is it gonna be something about the fact

that some bitches putting macaroni in Angelottas because I won't stand for it. They should just cancel Facebook already seriously. So, because I was like, well, I just cut it to you. I'm from somebody saying that apparently Oliver isn't separated from his wife. And his wife is posting stories saying he's been cheating on her with multiple women and specifically naming me. I don't know, are they together? Or not?

What a predicament. Well, I mean, there's like no way that he'd be like coming around if he's not separated, like, obviously. Would you wear a wreath that he's siffry on? You know that's a damn lie. Men don't lie. Men totally don't lie. Man, totally don't lie. I can tell you that much.

You're just what I know about, man. If they're with somebody, they're not going to be coming around, burking at your back door. Like a howndog crying all the time. Get out of here, Lisa. I'm not even your scene. So then over at Lala's, Christina's like, obviously, Rick Hellen is none of this, right?

Yeah, well, Rick Hellen is about to know know because I'm about to go fucking in on that hoe. Okay. Lala trying a little hard here. Come on. Here. So Christina, even Christina is like, oh my God, I love that they, Christina was willing to come back to help, but she's so mortified by being there. Everything. She's like, oh.

So then we go back to Brock and Shina and Brock's like, you're going on a date with him tonight, oh yeah? Is that what you're supposed to do tonight? Do it. Hey, here's a question. Spell Brock, do it. Let's see if you can do it. Huh? Look at this. Miss brilliant pants over there. 16 letters. It's a hard one. So, let Hells. Let me give you a hint, you're not gonna need to buy any valves. Rick Hells basically like, well, Oliver texted me last night and he's like, see you tomorrow, beautiful. And she was like, oh, while you should like, definitely still go and like, talk to him in person, what, that's the worst advice of all. No, it's not. She doesn't like get the scene out of it. She not opened Vanderpump rules by confronting. Brandy or being confronted. See, here's what's hard.

I never know on any given scene. Are we talking about the scene or are we talking about like the production? Because yes, she should totally get her scene out of it. But then in life, it's the wrong thing. And I'm getting I'm, I feel like I'm always analyzing the wrong thing. No, it's all the wrong thing. It's Vanderpump rules. Okay, it's all bad. If you're ever and down on Vanderpump rules, just say, I fucking hate these people, and then everybody claps.

That's true. That's a great way. That's a great catch-all. That's a great correction. Oh, that was a great reset. But also, here's how I look at it is production because listen she knows she now literally light down on the train tracks and got run over to open the show like she she saw the scene with the brandy glam bill telling her off okay and that started this whole show so she knows also Oliver used Raquel to get onto this show. And it is only right for Raquel to use Oliver to make herself the heroine of this show, even though it doesn't

work in the end. You got to credit the plays that were played, okay? So, you know, basically Raquel is like, you know what I'm gonna do? Because this is not planned at all. I'm gonna call the ex who's number I suddenly have. Hi Samantha, it's Rick Hell. Yeah, no, you're not FaceTiming with the broomstick. It's an actual person. I'm so sorry to hear everything, and I watch your stories, and I read your Instagram posts, and I had no idea that he was still committed to you.

What? No, no, no, I'm fine. No, no, I'm not having a seizure. I'm wakeboarding. I'm just nervous, so I'm like wakeboarding in place. I aged out of pageants. So, she tells us, the way this amount is talking to me right now, she's saying that Oliver made promises to her to work on marriage and they're still living in the same apartment together. It just seems so manipulative and selfish. I mean, to do this when your girlfriend knows about it,

that's terrible. Woo! Woo! The entire time, while Raquel is talking to Oliver's ex or not ex, my favorite part is they keep kind of a shina who's basically like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha don't you call her? Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. So Lala meanwhile still like, she's still trying to explain this all to Christina who's

bored out of her mind. Lala's like, keep in mind. Oliver left the pussy place and went home and slept with her. And Christina goes, he slept with his wife and reminded me of soap dish. He's cheating on me, Rose. What's his wife? Where's his wife?

Where's his wife? What's his wife? So Christina's like, he went and slept with his wife. She goes, yes, his wife. And Christina's like, wait, so you're saying he hung out with Rikkel, then he went home and then he slept with his wife and she's like, yes! And then La La gives us her big victim story.

She's like, I know the feeling so well. I saw a pig of my acts literally walking across the street with two chicks. There was nothing about that photo that was telling, but my god told me all I needed. You know what, so funny, that same day, that article came out that said, Randall Emmett is broke and those millions of dollars to people and has been fucking starlets on a casting cast. The way the world just...

I have to say, when I saw that photo Randall Emmett, I had a sinking feeling in my heart because I realized, oh my God, I've been sleeping with a wild boar. Oh my God. And I know Lava, so shocked. Did I have a question? Did anyone else think when Lava said, I know this feeling so well, she was going to say, oh, like just how Rikels was talking to Oliver and Oliver said, oh,

I'm separated, but then he wasn't, that she was going to gonna say it's like me with Randall when he said that he was separated and he wasn't And she was like no it was because when I saw the pictures in Nashville I was like Okay, okay, so Christina's like so wait what is she gonna do now? She's going on a date with him tonight And Christina's like you're joking. Oh my god. What am I doing here? What is she gonna do now? She's going on a date with him tonight. Sksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksks You're gonna get dragged on social media, you're so lucky. And like, you're gonna be like the other woman. Like that's like not fucking fair to you, because you know what? Once you are labeled as a mistress, it never goes away. I've literally been called this for the past 36 years of my life.

I came out of my mother's womb, and my baby bottle was shaped like an A. It was horrific. In my earbuck, my early saying is crop tops are sort of my thing. And everyone who signed it signed it, your mistress, I hate you. It's really hard. So we had for a social media, your books. At whore. Your mistress. This is also one of those moments where we all know that Raquel deserves a lot.

But at this moment Raquel is being slutshamed in the wrong time period. I mean isn't it all, it's crazy how this all worked so it's a pre-dragging Raquel for something that she did not deserve at this time but that she's actually doing at this time that we just didn't know about yet. This is crazy. This was 12 monkeys. This should be studied in Yale. Next year I just want to see 12 monkeys spill and drink on each other in the opening. That's it.

Just for the Madeline's still of it. OK, so. Which by the way, 12 monkeys took place in Philadelphia. I'm just going to say Philadelphia whenever I can. Philadelphia and Mayor winning ham. Oh, shut up, mayors. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

So then we go to Lawla's birthday. Okay, let's just go to Lawla's birthday, because we have to get to Satchel before it's stroke of midnight. Now, Satchel, look. I looked at Satchel and I thought, I'm fat, I'm fat, he knows. Because, you know, he looks like Weird Al. It's like Jason Schwartzman is playing Weird Al Yankovic.

A Weird Al Yankovic is doing a parody music video about Timothy Shalame. Yeah. What did you call him? Weird Al Salame. It was either Weird Al Shalame or Weird Shalame Yankovic. Yeah, what did you call him weird out shallime? I like that. It was either like weird out shallime or weird shallime, Yankevic. I haven't decided which one do you guys like more because that's what we'll run out of.

I like weird out shallime. Weird out shallime. That's good, right? Weird out shallime. Yeah, I was drawn. trademark men, trademark men. That is so good. Okay, so this game is.

First of all, people are really ragging on this guy including us We just called him weird ass. I'll make but honestly I'm the guy this guy is actually adorable Okay, like if this guy showed up in my hello fresh box I would not put it in the garbage disposal like he is cute. I think is very cute Listen, I don't know if I can co-sign. Do you guys not? You guys did? Did he do something? I, you know what? I appreciate his ode to Ralph the Muppet, but, you know, haircut, yes.

Like does he look misguided, of course. Like he needs work, but for his first time, I think is cute. Ronnie. Well, all right, well, all right. Ronnie, it is my job as my co-host to yes and you, but you're making it very difficult right now. I mean, I just think people are ragging on Salamanys, kind of like you just shave his head and you smile and you know.

Everyone's allowed to have fine beauty and different things. Man bun him or something. So anyway, haters. We never thought this would be the moment that would break all of us. I know. Now the show turns into bad luck. We've talked about so much shit up into this point. Now you all are taking off your clothes, flipping over cars and shit. Okay, so Don't worry we're in the final stretch here everybody. I was getting long So Shalame comes up. I think he's fine, but then I realize right away this guy's a piece of shit. Let me tell you why He's a user just like the rest of them listen Yeah, you think James is the only one who could use someone to get on this show You think Rick Cal you think all these people this show is built with bricks of users, okay?

Yes. And this is why I think so, because the entire time is just doing this with Katie. Oh my God, Satchel. Where else do we see that? Every other piece of shit guy on this show is James. It's James doing this. Although James never brought a bolt Morocco. Well we'll see that's my prediction. So Makati is

like well let's just say I won't be complaining to anyone about his dick or his low dryer. But... So, actually, no other like... If he comes in with a seat with a flat iron here, I don't know what I'll do with myself. I'll be like, I don't know. This may be the end for Bravo. But, so everyone's like, oh, look at this interesting person. And James is like, hello, hello, hello, strange person who likes Katie. Hello there.

This actually feels wonderful. I just want you to know. I know. It's a back scratch. He's lowering himself into a job. Like, this is natural. So it seems like, oh my god. scratch he's lowing himself into a job like a statue So It's like so weird seeing Katie with this like a actor shaggy dog looking motherfucker. I mean He looks like he got groomed a band of pop dogs. I mean to be fair Brock is a literal golden retriever

He's literally sitting there with the ball in his mouth like, I'm welcome to the wrong rock, I'm going to want to go on to the wrong rock. And then, and then in a surprise cameo, she surfaces every four years, Jenna appears out of nowhere. For those who know, they know. Jenna's there and she goes, as a couple, you two have the best eyebrows combined I've ever seen. So that felt like an attack. Yeah, that felt like a back-handed compliment, for sure. Jenna.

OK, so then, time-old tradition on Bravo is when pieces hit Grossman that you do not want to see naked, have shower scenes. Okay, is Shep does it every year or two? I think the only one we actually welcomed was like... Gorgah. Member Joey Gorgah has one of those every season. Jack's back in the day.

Gorgah's shower scene, let's be honest, that was wonderful. But mostly, come on. Mostly in recent memory, it is Austin and chef. Let's be honest, okay I then of course like no shower scenes with Andrea. Thanks Bravo So he's just like oh my god is so slippery in this bad I need to find somewhere to put my teeth. It's just me and a some little Tom short I'm gonna write a poem, because I was a word smith. So back to the party.

So, Katie, what did you do today? Huh? Changed my sheets. Oh my God, it's like, what did they smell like a espresso cheese? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm not believing that you banged Satchel all day, okay? Is that what you're trying to sell? So they're having, they are just full of Shadden Freuda right now.

As we all, as all of us, probably were when this happened. Shadden Freuda, yeah. Here we some Shadden Freuda. Okay, you know what, you better back it up. Back it up, okay? Shadden Freuda's decision. You know what, shit, a lot of shadden, Freud, okay. I'm sorry.

Okay. You get shadden, Freud, but you're not ageless, okay? Swart. So, the news has broken that Oliver and Raquel may be having some sort of affair. And so now, Laugh. And by it's broken, Laugh has her phone

out and is waving it around, going, Ha! Ha! She's taking a victory lap. And by it broken, Lala has her phone out and is waving it around going, Ha, ha, ha, ha. She's taking a victory lap. So then we cut to the date with Oliver and Raquel. Now, I don't know if you're coming in pig tails, because do you think that's going to make me forgive you quicker? Fucking pig tails, really? Oliver.

So he's like, hey, Raquel, welcome to the D. Please have a seat. We're gonna have a fun time tonight. Remember disco pussy. And she's like, your wife says that you cheated with multiple women and I'm one of them and that's like shocking to me because you made it seem like you were separated completely. completely and when people make out in Vegas they mean to know everything about each other's marital status and have paperwork on every little thing out there you do this to me. That couldn't be farther from the truth. We are not we're fully divorced slash living together still in a committed relationship still flash totally broken up totally misconstrued slash slept with her about 10 minutes ago. And she's like, I'm furious at all of her for making me look a certain way that I'm not at all.

He's very openly a cheater and hasn't done anything to hide it from his wife, and that makes me think he wanted to feel bad. Now if he had lied to her and she didn't know about it, that would be empowerment. Like, what the fuck? I doesn't it doesn't make up for me getting bashed on social media where people are saying I'm sleeping with a guy who's actually married. It's not fair. I'm sleeping with a guy who's merely in a long-term relationship. So she like has a

big walk-out moment where he's like oh oh, I mean, I guess I'm sorry. She's like, okay Bye Like hoverboards out and that's it. He's like he's like, do I still get to be on the show? Oh, fuck it my mom's famous I know what a night for Garcela the debut. I was like, oh so then, um, Raquel has Cajonase. You've got to hand it to her. She's pulling all of this off right under everybody's nose and then leaves this scene and text Sina to come to Lala's birthday party. I mean, Raquel, like, they clearly give her marching orders and she's like, okay, if this will get me an ice cream social, because remember this scene from two weeks ago

where she walked up to Katie in Mexico and was like, by the way, you're not allowed at the private club member with the pool. You're right, that was a full circle moment for her. She finally became the girl who's not inviting you to the ice cream social after math. So, yeah, so now Rick Hell is going to go over to Lala's birthday party. Okay, so cut back to that. So James is like, Lala, how does this head Lala make you feel then? Because I'm too glad you went to one making that with Oliver.

Because before, maybe Richell is of a making that with Oliver. Because you wanted to make that with Oliver. We're forgetting that about him now. We're forgetting that now. because you wanted to make out with her, we're forgetting that about her now, we're forgetting that now. This bitch sat across from me and says, you're a mistress, well bitch, I wouldn't be so quick to throw daggers at me, mistress, bitch,

mistress, mistress, confidence, mistress. Mrs, I beg your mom to run. I beg your mom to run. I'm proud of skills now, bitch, fast. You know how she says, I beg your mom's real proud of you, bitch. And then she goes, there's the woman at the other end of this. Yeah, you know what's so funny? And I think it's really good that when this happened with Lala and she found out about Rand, that she immediately left Rand

and made it right, you know, because that's the right thing to do. Oh, wait, here's some Instagram post I just found from that time. Oh yeah. When his baby mama wants to be a somebody but is basic and boring as they come, she doesn't even get invited on a press tour, Lafay face. Honey, watch me rock the rocks with the picture of Lala's power ring from the television show power So she and Raquel meet on the sidewalk as if they're like exchanging government like information between like Russia and

The US like it's too spot like the Americans their dress like they're from the 80s like a lendate novel It's like okay. I only have five minutes before I get it back in the rather ones US like it's too spod like Americans they're dressed like they're from the 80s like a lend date novel It's like okay, I only have five minutes before I have to get it back in the run the ones my coverage could be blown So we're gonna say that was nuts. I was like I'm sure you heard things were going around and then I got up I left the take he didn't even get up when I left the table Have rude Wow, I can't believe I'm in the show. Oh my, Chera, that was crazy. So she was like, no, I'm out.

What's going to happen now? Well, I want to see Lala. I'm like, Lala, I want to see Lala. That is hilarious, dangerous. I love it. I'm going to get Lala. It's going to be so funny. Come on, then to Lala.

Let's go. Let's go. Lala. Let's go to Lala. So they go inside. Raquel does her panted thing where she waves from her hip hip where she goes like this I'll be really quick

I'm feeling bad. So I'm only gonna wait for my hip hi. I'm gonna stand at an angle. Hi, can I just talk to you for a second? And I was like what's up mistress? What's up? What's up, mistress? What's up, what's up, mistress? Just keep saying it. And Lala was like, well, I'm not shocked. I'm not surprised. But I'm like, of course, you would show up

at my birthday parties. And I'm thrilled to be mad at it. I just can't wait for it. It's going to be something I'm going to rip her to shreds. It's like five minutes later. She's like, OK, love you. I don't know. I don't know.

I've never saw both women. So they go outside and while they go outside, San Devall, Katie's loving it too. She's like stupid bitch. And so San Devall's like, yeah, Katie goes, Katie goes, I don't mean that's just funny to me. It's just funny to me. This is like Katie's happy place.

You'll notice that you never see Katie smile unless she gets like stick it to one of the girls on the cast. Seriously, it's not even at her own party. She never smiles. Maybe she's enjoying herself. But the only time she truly smiles is when she can tell someone to fuck off.

And frankly, I get it. I mean, I get it. It's a good feeling. So, Santa Claus, like Katie, you seem to get like a lot of joy out of that. And she goes, I don't get joy I get it. It's a good feeling. So Santa was like, Katie, you seem to get a lot of joy out of that. And she goes, I don't get joy out of it. It's just like it's funny to me, you know? And Katie's like, you know, and you seem to get a lot of joy out of Raquel, by the way. Wow.

Wow, I was not expecting a line like that to come out of this season. So, yeah, because we have a lot of fun together. So cool. So yeah, you guys go to the Abby together, one o'clock in the morning. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? Finger nails. Get the fuck out of here, dude.

Get the fuck out of here. His eyes are going left and right. Like, where's the exit? I got to get out of here. So outside, Raquel is like, la la, I didn't mean to crush your birthday party. Happy birthday, by the way. La was like, you know what? You gave me the best gift, so I'm cool with it.

I just squirted over your gift. So Raquel was like, cool, cool. Well, I wanted to come here and apologize Cool cool Laws like you're a fucking bitch mistress cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool like you know when you're going to talk to Lala like When is Lala ever been kind to Rickle you know so she's like here I go here to get called a dumb slut, yet again, by Lala, you know. So she's like, cool, cool. OK, so I just wanted to apologize for calling you

a mistress specifically, specifically mistress. I'm not apologizing for the, I'm not apologizing for the space lights in my room, because that was fucking neat. But sorry for calling you a mistress. And Lala goes, why? Because you are once? Because you are? With your slut lights.

So then, Rickles, like, well, yeah, I guess I am one. After today, ha ha. What the fuck? My whole world got turned upside down. And I had no idea he was with his wife still. Cool, cool. So Lala's like, you want to say, and have a suit. I was upset at you because Oliver picked you instead of me, but you know

what you should have been asking? I know you said you were separated, but how long has it been? Because I was asking those things. It's like, Lala, it's not you. You were there. This will be Lala in an Oliver scandal instead. Lala's too excited about winning something she didn't win. Like, some guys are piece of shit. How does that make you win anything? You know? That's like one piece of shit you didn't fuck on this show.

Okay, I'll give you that one. But otherwise, you didn't do anything here, ma'am. Do you have Oliver's Trends Union report? Because I do, because I got that. Sir Raquel's like, well, this is why I'm trying to come to you to apologize because I didn't realize how easily a man can mislead you into thinking one way. I'm like, you dated James for five years. This does not work. And Lala's like, the opposites. And she know how it feels. He's going to get off of this

pretty squeaking clean, both fingers pointing at you and the female always takes the brunt. I was like, you are the baseball bat bromting up against her. She literally just called her like a slut in a mistress 20 times inside. And it's like the women always get at the worst. Yeah, the women are always slut-same.

I love this show. So it's funny. It's so much. It's legitimately very funny regardless of who's side of whatever this whole message is. It's very funny. This show made us believe in the Hip-A-Crap party. Yeah. And it has for 10 years now. So, Rick, she's like, finally, look, Lala is a pro at this. She's very good at what she does. And no matter what we say about these people, they're very good at their jobs. I mean, Lala is a very good reality star. She's a really compelling personality if you ever listen to her podcast.

Yeah. And she knows when it's time to change. She started off a little funky when Rikaela comes in like a little bambi-eyed bitch, basically, I was like, sorry, I said you bitch, that's not bad. You're like, no, no, wrong move. But now she's like, yeah, now you see it's the men. It's the men who do this to us.

Yeah, we've had our veils and our laurelies and our dannicas. There's a reason why La La, like we've had our, we've had our veils and our lorlies and our Danicas, there's a reason why Lala has stuck around she knows when to pivot and so Lala Those other people also had self respect member veil was like no, no No, I won't be doing when people still to this day are like hey, Vale you want to talk about vanderpromp? Vale come back, Vale, Vale I think Vale thought she was applying to be a host on QVC and was very confused by the whole process. So did someone just, oh, oh, because QVC's local, sorry.

Oh, I must forget. Yeah, Serena has wiped down a lot of hotel rooms in this city. Yeah. So anyway, so Lala, all of a sudden after going so hard, he said, Lala just wanted to break Rikkel down She just wanted Rikkel to be broken down and kiss the ring and Rikkel is finally doing it So Rikkel's like like yes, sorry

So Lala's like listen listen, I've been to home wrecking horror. I've been the mistress I've been all those things, but you know what we rise above by sort of thing really low and you know what else You know what? We rise above by sort of thing really low. And you know what else? We know what the truth is and the truth is out there. We were possessed by aliens. She's like, you are not a mistress and don't let anyone tell you that you are. It's all next week when I start calling you a horror 20 times.

A day, a guy. I'm Rick Lala, I'm really sorry, sorry. And like, Rick Lala goes, I mean, Lala goes, I forgive and I forgot, spits. Have a good night, bye babe. And Rick Lala's like, bye. Bye. You're not disengaged, spits. Disengaged, Batch! Disengaged, Batch!

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