Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Arrested Development

Episode Date: April 2, 2020

Tom and Jax wage escalating pranks at each other, and Brett calls Scheana "middle-aged." Just more fun on Vanderpump Rules, and it all ends with Schwartz being a terrible person! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is What happens

What Guess what happens Hey everyone, welcome to Watch or Crap Bands, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of The Real Housewives of Kitchen Island, which you can watch on YouTube, and also the Game Brain podcast, which is a board game podcast. I'm a new co-host on that show. So go check that one out,

and joining me is a man of many talents and many ring lights. It's the wonderful Ronnie Karam of Roseprix Bachelor Rosepodcast, what's going on, Ronnie? Wahhabin, how are you? How are you, Annie? I'm doing great, thanks. Doing great. We did great, wonderful are you? I'm doing great. Thanks.

Great. Great. Wonderful. Good. I'm just enjoying another beautiful day here, a lovely day here in Crapins land. Everyone, not only can you come listen to us, but you can come watch us. It's Crapins on demand. We got this awesome new streaming setup.

So like, if you were watching us right now, you would see that Ronnie has put up the production company logo for Vanna for Fruals. Evolution. Sorry about that. That was not even my intention people. I was just seeing if it was working. Okay. Yeah. So there, there it all is. You guys, before we dive into the recap, of course, if you want to watch it, it's at patreon.com slash watch for crapens. And then you can also subscribe to us on Instagram and on Twitter at watch for crapens and at what crapens. Tomorrow night, this is a big deal.

Whoa, it's a big deal. Real Housewives of New York is back tomorrow, guys. I feel like we have almost lost sight of this major, major event that is happening in our lives. Real Housewives of New York, the gem in the diamond and Bravo's crown is back. And to celebrate it, we are going to do a live podcast tomorrow night after the show. Also because we are going to record this, we're going to do a live recap of it over in Charleston this weekend.

And of course, you know, the world has changed. So what we're going to do is, what is the time that we agreed on, Ronnie? It was at 830. No, 730 Pacific and 1030 Eastern. We're going to do a pre-show on Instagram live so everybody can be there for that. We'll stay up for like 25 minutes and then we're going to move over to Patreon and it's going to be at the crappens on demand level. So make sure you are at that level.

It's a $5 level, okay? With $5 cap it when you sign up, how much ever you want to spend per month because we'll take all you got, okay, we'll take whatever you want to give us. But you can cap it too. So you're just spending five and then you'll have access to all these videos, all the live streams, all the videos that we've done in the past. We've done over a hundred now, believe it or not. So tons of viewing pleasure.

Yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun. We did one of these a few weeks ago for Real Housewives of New Jersey and we just had like a great, great time. So come join us and look, I'm even going to put, look, look at this. The new streaming technology means that I can add this right to the bottom bottom all the information you could possibly need that you can read it. So there it is But for today We're talking Vanderpump rules and on Ronnie. I have to admit I know this sounds totally crazy I think I'm starting to like jacks again. Oh

What did jacks what could he have possibly have done to make you like him again? I don't know, maybe it's just the spirit of it being April 1st, that I feel like it's like, oh darling, oh darling, I got you, I got you, it's the prank. Prank got a prank episode. God, you did get me, I'm so stupid with April fools.

I believe literally everything happened. Well, I went get me. I'm so stupid with April Fools. I believe literally everything I have. Well, I went for a very, well, you know what I did? It was like rule number four, dude, of pranks. Sometimes you gotta do a small prank to really prank someone. Because if I was like, today we're ending watch a crap and everyone be like, April Fools. But if I just say something like small and oddly believable, like that I like Jack's now.

I knew I could pull it off. Yeah, I don't say we're gonna end, end watch what crap ends, they'll start crying. I don't take jokes. I only, I don't understand sarcasm. Yeah. So you're basically like Katie at the end of the episode. Not happy.

Oh, that was not sarcastic. Man, poor Katie, literally. Katie, you know, even, I don't like Katie at all. Everybody knows that. She enrages me. She's enraged me for years, but even Katie doesn't deserve that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I mean, God, I don't even need to use a shit. That's why you should listen to this show, Katie, because I've worn too long time ago that guy was a lazy, good, for nothing, drug addict and your way to your goddamn life, okay? So have fun. Yeah, it's very, very true. So this episode opens up, where does it open up? I don't, I didn't even get my notes up. I was just so excited to be up playing with the streaming technology that I have like my notes in a totally different window.

So you can see it's up in the seventh circle of Hail Band, okay? Because that's where we are. Um, this opened up with... Ula la, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm like, what's your turn? I'm not even gonna try. And you know to be honest, I actually kind of liked it. I was like, I think I'd like this tricky monical song. Is this my jam? Not a Napoli Fool's joke. I actually was like, this is cool. I'm into it.

I like it. Mine. Also, another thing is that when I fired up the episode to watch on Direct TV, the episode description, the first thing it says is Brett insults Sheenal. so there was like a typo. First of all, I'd love that the episode is about Brett insulting Sheenal, and that Directive calls her Sheenal. She is actually... She is more of a Sheenal than a Sheenal,

if you really think about it. She is. She would be if she was Laura St. Hall's sister, she could be... Her channel! Hi, I'm Shina Shannel. Shina Shannel. So, okay, here's where it opens up. My first note is Jesus' Trixi Diction. So, there we go. I'm just registering my distaste for that lyric. But, um...

We're here to see Prince Tadon. Yes, it's Ariana and Lisa at the Equestrian Center and Lisa has parked her white Rolls-Royce front-in-center for it to get nice and dusty. And Lisa's like, oh I have amazing news. I have taught my horse how to speak Tadon Polly! Tadon Polly! He's like, well, not you, Kristen Kristen Darling, but just stay out of here. It's time for new waitresses, that's... that's... sir.

Tadon Palais! Can you say, Pompini? Where are you? Did somebody say Prince?! Like, go home, go home, pray for me. I love pray for you, Tadon. I'm a princess. So then we go over to Stox's apartment and she's just lying on her couch with an eye

mask on. She's hung over from Tom Sandevolts' party that last night and Katie comes over like with some in and out just looking. I mean, at certain point, I just, I kind of feel bad about ragging on Katie at a certain point because she is really added Nadia in her life. She's in a miserable marriage. She's not even working. She sits at home and can't even finish three loops on her knitting. So I almost feel bad Ragnon her. But man, she is, she is just a gray cloud wherever she and she's not even holding in and out can make her seem less of a great cloud Listen all of those things you just mentioned about poor little Katie Katie made all those choices herself Okay, it's like me today

I actually had to leave the house to go to the grocery store saw some things I wanted in there Don't wear those wiping my hands keeping my distance everybody get off my ass I can already feel you judging me. I had to go yep So I did buy you know something I totally shouldn't have, just chocolate croissants, I was walking, I was in my car and I was so mad at the chocolate croissants. I was acting like these chocolate croissants jumped and it's like they victimized me.

And I was like, eight the third one before this show, I had to remind myself, Ronnie, this was your choice, okay? So that's what I say to you, Katie. Yeah, exactly. And thank you for the delicious choice. I know, I am so jealous of you for the delicious choice. I know. I am so jealous of your chocolate croissants. I have not had chocolate croissants in quite some time.

I'm like jealous of past me. Like, I get it because I'm jealous and I got to eat them, but I'm jealous of the meat that was alive 15 minutes ago. They got to eat those chocolate croissants. They got to eat them. Oh, they were so good, darling. I'm always going to be fat and I'm gonna love it forever. That's why, that is why it's like,

if I wanted a word right now for being fat, I would say I'd like to thank you, Chocolate Crissons for the life you've given me. It's been a fun- Well, I'm looking at you right now. You actually look pretty spelt, so I don't know what you're talking about. My nipples are touching my nettes.

Okay, look, this is the reason my nipple, I have to pick them up like it's a sheet off the floor and Anyway, the point is not to hate on myself the point is to say fuck you Katie. Thank you chocolate croissants. Yes Okay, I feel like all the emotions are directed towards all the right things Okay, thank you. So then we go over to James and Rakell's apartment and James is making bacon and he's like Oh, the way it streams. I was in some sort of virtual reality, stressed out and Lola was in my dream. And Rikail was like, why was Lala in your dream? I don't know you stupid horse, sorry.

Last, we were in the studio session and we were making a great music. And I was like, let's put that on, let's lock that one down. She's like, let's do that. And I was like, okay, we're gonna lock it down. And the song's called, I just Let's lock that one down. She's like, let's do that. And I was like, okay, we're gonna lock it down I got and the songs could called I just able to piece a paper and you're gonna say no one's no one's paper Like you bitch, and I'll say yes, I do. I'm the Kanye of stabilers. That was the dream Thank oh, I have to ask you point link Did you drink at that party?

Yeah, and he's like, I would sweat on my life. I didn't drink. I haven't even had a drink since like, since, it's been like six minutes, okay, it's six minutes. I mean, six days, okay. Yeah, so he is sobering up. You know, listen to every baby steps. Every day without a drink is a...

Day, it's a day, isn't it? I'm not gonna say it's a day without a drink, is a day you can lecture other people, at least that's what Lala's view is. Hey, I had to do that with like anything, really. If I'm on a diet for one day, everybody I see, I'm like, you're fat, you're fucking fat. I could stick to a diet for a day you could. So back with Vanderpump, she's

like, James came to see me and said, he quit drinking. And I said, really? Then why are your legs here? And your toes so over here? It's because I sold you in half magic! Oh, I'm so sorry that my illusions have driven to drink again. Oh. And, uh, Ariana's like, oh my god, it's like Groundhog's day. But without talented people attached to the scripts. Like, I'm not going to give it. I'm not going to give it to fools, not Groundhog's day.

Uh, she's like, yeah, I try to be supportive, but you never know when he's gonna snap. And she's like, yes, you do. And it's when he's had his first drink. So as long as I call him every day! Yeah. No, I think this time will be different, Ariana, because Rakehler has put her foot down. Her tiny little light, not scary foot. So backwards James, he's like, well, when I talked to Lisa today babe You know Lisa and I talk every day now and if I had been drinking at that party, I would have said fuck you

Fuck you Fuck you Forgot the rest of it. Can I have a drink really thirsty? No James. No So the backover stars stars his apartment. She so, Katie, in your drunkenness, you, uh, said you were gonna have a girl's night, but Kristen's not involved. Are we still doing that? Katie's like, yeah, no, yeah, that's still happening. That's like very much on brand for me.

I've got to exclude one person from any social event I do. So Kristen's- it's Kristen's turn. Clip of Katie, saying, um, it's my first girls night in my house a fuck off Katie Okay, you got to control the narrative with your stupid wedding for a year already or two years or however long that took where it's like Oh, you're gonna come to my wedding thing not if you're not nice You can't go to my wedding thing and now you got a fucking house to control everybody with him. Have your first act. You know, this episode Katie really gets mistreated at the end, but that does not forgive all the rest of this crap. Stop Billy Lee and Kristen.

Yeah, exactly. And she's like, you know, there's just like a lot of new people and I haven't been properly introduced to them since I'm no longer working at Sir. I'm like, yeah, that's why you haven't been introduced to them because you're no longer working at Sir. Or anyway, we or doing anything. Yeah, like who has a wine night to meet the new employees of the job you already left? Yeah, it's weird. She's like, how am I supposed to fuck up everybody's life? If I don't even know them.

Yeah, exactly. So Katie is like, she's inviting Raquel, which is shocking, and even Stoss, he's like, you're inviting Raquel. which is shocking, and even Stasi's like, you're inviting Raquel. And she's like, I mean, I can't invite every single girl who works at Sur and not invite Raquel. I'm like, you literally can,

because you've done that, you did it to Lala, you did it to Kristen, you've done it to Lily. You've literally done it to everyone, okay. Yeah, and Stasi's like, she is got a shit on the floor So then we go back to watch Stasi loves this by the way. She's like I cannot believe you're doing this. I am so ready. I've already made popcorn Oh, yeah, so back at the horse stable Vanderpromp is talking about love to make out with my horses She gets so creepy with three animals and Ariana Ariana is like, my horse has a small penis.

So. When things are up here. Where are you looking? Yeah. It's a lot. It's like going in a strange direction. I feel like Lisa is trying to be wacky right now, but it's just kind of falling flat.

She's like, oh, look, do you want to see his penis? Prince Tadon, Palais, Palais. And then she starts like rubbing him down there. Yes, like I can get it to come out. Maryann was like, that's weird. It's like, I know that it seems perverted, but if that is wrong, I don't want to be right. I was like, okay, May West. May West wasn't fucking horses, you know? Like this is all fun and games into your watching Grill Housewives of Atlanta and the cast member is charged with like B.C.ality and everyone's like, oh did you hear he fucks dogs so anyway? Yeah, it's like I'll become very casual

Yeah, but Lisa's like down there rubbing. She's like Ariana. Do you happen to have a quarter? Because I found one behind Prince Todd on penis. Here you go magic Uh quarter because I found one behind Prince Todd on penis. Here you go magic. The best of the best, the cremdle, the crème. The mother we do. We walk our side. I was like, this isn't even rhyming, Trixie. Okay. Get the best out of your out of your veins, lady. So Tom and Jack, cremdle, I crem, words that are not used around Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant. So Tom and Jack's, which Tom is this? SantaVall? It's SantaVall. SantaVall and Jack's are behind the bar at Sur.

And Jack's is like, I used to say I would never be at Sur at 40. Wouldn't you know it? I'm still at Sur at 40. So my life's sad. I know, no one else is shocked. So Raquel comes to Peter and she's like, Peter can I take five? And she goes outside to hang out with she

and the smoking section, which still kills me that they smoke right next to the propane takes. I know, well that's very unbranded. And so she was like, you look so cute last night. Like, you look so cute. And we're cause like, you look hot. And she was like, oh my god, I had so much fun without luck.

And we had flashbacks of she and I at that party going, bad boy, bad boy, bad boy, bad boy. I had so much fun without breath, but that was like, wait, I've been like whipping people all night long and I was whipping me and that is when I bet Ring ring and Rick feels like okay, hello. I love it. I can't even finish her her fun wacky scene a story I know and I love that that's she does take away is that she's like I was whipping everyone online But then like no one even whipped me. I'm like, I don't think that's like implied in the the costume that they have to whip you. You're the one who's the whipper.

Why does everybody just want to be my friend? So, um, Raquel gets a call from Katie. Katie's just basically like... She's like, who's this? Um, I'm sorry. Uh, she knows this for you. It's someone breathing heavily and it sounds like they haven't moved in about five minutes? Maybe it's one of your johns?

No, that was a costume. Why is there ramps leaking out of the speaker? My phone. Katie like, I don't know if you've heard, but I have like a house and like, I'm gonna have girls mad at my house. That would be awesome if you could come. Ah. Rikail just starts to cry.

She's like, I've seen this in a movie. I only have seven days to live now. It's like, no, no, no, it's not that kind of phone call. The ring. Katie just crawls out of a TV. Katie, Katie's too lazy to crawl out of the TV. Like the ring never would have happened because that bitch is too lazy to crawl out of the toilet. the ring never would have happened because that bitch is too lazy to crawl out of the toy

You would just say like hey, this toilet's clogged like you're hitting it with the with the plunger. She's like, I'll leave me alone She's just sitting by the well being like, why don't you come to me? I Don't say what I always have to go to you. It's like well Katie. We can't go into the TV for you to kill us narrative I don't understand why I always have to go to you. It's like, well, Katie, we can't go into the TV for you to kill us. It's like a big narrative. Oh. Um, I just got my own TV. So if you want to come over, I guess you can.

We're all through the TV. We're having a wine night in the well. I'm just going to invite people down there to kill them. So if you want to come over, I'm just inviting everyone but Kristen. And Raquel is so happy. She's like, Katie's never been mean to me, but she's also never been intentionally kind to me. So that was really sweet. Katie's really set a high bar for herself.

And then wow, Katie's not giving me dirty looks from across the room. So touched. And then on top of that, because it's on speaker, she's just listening in, and then she starts nodding and going, I'm going, I'm going. Like, she's so excited that she can be like, I'm going to something before someone else. But she's not the last one to know.

She's like, oh, I'm going to that. I am actually invited to something that's not with the new people. Yeah. So she's like, how's it going to be? Well, on a friend's earth, it'll be me, I'm gonna be a lot on an offer So maybe me I'm gonna be doing I could do anything me me me me me me me me me me me me you want to wait me Do you want to wait me is totally fine?

Do it Bad boy bad boy Bad boys bad boys what you gonna do when they're good as gold. That was a mashup That was a mashup. Come on shoes, here comes one right now. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell.

Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity few, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted

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We love you guys. Let's go. We're still growing up. We're still shawin' up. We are back. So now we're with Brett up, we are back. Ha ha ha ha. So now we're with Brett and Shina talking at Sir. And Brett basically just wants to say,

my subscribers as many times as possible in this episode. That's all he says. Yeah, you know what? I've previously called him a, like a hot but weathered tropical fish. I actually think that he's like a seahorse. Now that I really look at him, now that we've had like a half season, I think he's a weathered tropical fish. I actually think that he's like a seahorse now that I really look at him now that we've had like like a half season I think he's a weathered a

Weather Jersey seahorse Okay, that's where I'm landing if you look at him. He really is a seahorse Well, I'll tell you this He thinks a lot about his subscribers. Yeah, so subscribers. Well, you know what his subscribers are People that exist on his channel, which he has subscribers to and so he pulls she knows aside He's like, hey, he want a chat my subscribers would really like this moment if we had a chat so You want to come you know click to subscribe and chat with me She's like, okay, cool. He's like, I've been doing YouTube videos for about five years

Yeah, like my subscribers want me to be my real authentic self because like a lot of my subscribers are women. I'm like the gay men. They're all gay men. And they just follow your apps. Yeah, they're waiting for your only fans link, okay. And then they show him doing, you know, workouts and stuff on YouTube. I'm shocked. Yeah. That's his YouTube channel. I was like, I wonder what it is. maybe puppetry. What is Brett's real authentic self? I think we actually saw that earlier this season off camera. And he's good.

Yeah. So Brett's like, so she and I says, yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm totally down, like, subscribes. And he's like, yeah, you know, I think a lot of my subscribers will be really into your story being such a young, different say. I mean, like, look, like know, I think a lot of my subscribers will be really into your story being such a young divorcee. I mean, like, look, like when we met, you opened yourself up to me, like so quickly, like, not that way she and I was like, NOOOOO!

That's bad for it. So, like, if I look, I like you, you know, if someone I can trust, I'm just like, yeah, I'm like, I think we're gonna be even like, Butter from, like, we're just gonna get better and better and he's like, yeah, I would never want to hurt you by making you think that we're something that we're not. Yeah, yeah, and she's like, and you know what, it's like it's, yeah, because like, and you know, to anyone who would ever let you go, like you literally check off every single box, like every single box, like as a friend, as a friend, right? Like, yeah, and as friends, so like, you know, it's like, I don't look at you like that like if I'm with a girl

it's because I'm like I'm like we're either like fucking or together and I look at you she knows like a guy you're like a guy friend yeah yeah I was like it's like I can go fucking girl and be like yo shina let me tell you about this girl I just fucked right she knows she's like yeah totally yeah totally it's totally like I would just totally I mean you never know one day Maybe we could be together like maybe one day we could be married and have little babies like it's gonna be amazing I'm gonna have a house in the valley He's like no, no probably not no, I don't I only will ever fuck so well you never know what the world's gonna take us

Yeah, no, I think we're just gonna focus on my subscribers and I'll be like this is my friend capital F underscore friend for now. Mm-hmm, I will move in with you. So shorts comes over to Santa Valls house and maxes over there. And then we get like a wacky, wacky prank. Yeah. Yeah, because basically it's Jackson's birthday, his 40 40th birthday and so he and Brittany are going to lunch

I think it was at Villa Villa Blanca and so they go to they go to lunch. I was bracing I don't know if you were I was bracing So much I even paused it and turned Hedomaniac and I was like what are the odds we're gonna see Brittany say right now This is your first birthday. We're celebrating his husband a lot. But thankfully we never had to see that moment happen. But I guarantee it did happen.

I guarantee it. Are you gonna have fishing chips? We're married, so I know you're not fishing chips. I remember when you were single, you have only a hamburger, but no, that were married, you moved on to fish and chips. Raaah, we're married! So then we cut back and sand of balls going through something today.

He's checking beer from beerbongs. And he wants to teepee Jackson's house, bro. So Schwartz, of course, is like the ultimate askissor. And it's like, no, you can't do that. You can't do that to up a job. No, don't reach out on his birthday. I don't know that your relationships really in that place to be doing something like that. And Santa was like, let's just like take a funnel and think about it.

Shorts is like, no, no, I can't do that. Like, oh, man, I don't think I could do that. But of course, he still funnels the beer. And he doesn't even really do it correctly. Like, aren't you supposed to get down on a knee and have someone hold it up? And so he just sort of like holds it at face level and just kind of like, chugs.

No idea, that's not what you're in the glass. I ain't drinkin that shit My calories. Thank you very much. So Jackson Brittany Jackson Brittany's house in Valley Village And then I love that they make their house look so fancy But then now that they're having to shoot in front of it You see the street that they're on and it's like yikes. Is this like a Mike so Ed project? Yeah, I mean he's's basically like an auto zone nearby. So, yeah, so the point is this, yeah, they start to go TP, Jax's house,

which I also don't think is a great idea, just because, well, I mean, it's not that, you know what, let me back that up. To some sand of all, it seems like a good idea because he thinks everything is good with him and Jacks. But Jacks, being the asshole that he is, has been lying about their friendship. So Sandevol has no idea about the fact that Jacks

kind of hates him right now. Well, also this episode is airing during coronavirus and everybody is stuck at home and there's no toilet paper anywhere, okay? Toilet paper is like the new gold. So to see all these privileged white fuxx just throwing toilet paper everywhere. I know. It's just very, it's so vandal from rules. You know, it's like of course that's happening on this. Exactly. It's terrible timing. So yeah, so they go over to Jackson's house and they start tee-peeing the trees and everything and the gardener shows up, which also,

I think that's actually the most insulting part. It was like knowing that this guy who's like, okay, cool, I come over here every once a week to take care of this yard for not a lot of money. And you can see that. I will be cleaning that up. So thank you, thanks guys. Thanks. And Max is like, yeah, he seems be cleaning that up. So thank you, thanks guys. Thanks.

And Max is like, yeah, he seems to be fired up. Like, I don't even know what he's doing this for. Like, it's like he's taking all this rage out on Jacks, like, with TP. Like, so then we go over to Jacks coming home with Brittany. He's like, oh, you fucking kidding me. Who the fuck does that? Who the fuck does that who the fuck does that

It's like this a short written all over it. He's like not as fucking sad about so they start calling everybody and Everyone's denying it of course and everybody and everyone's denying it, of course. And Boca's, do you think we drive to the Valley to do that? He could throw in a Valley disc. The truest truth of the season. Anyone go to the Valley if they truly do not have to. Anyone have an elective visit to the Valley?

The answer is no. There is no. No. So no one will cop to it and Brittany's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, but it's pointy, but he's wearing it and the back of his head, so it's like pointy and going backwards. So it sort of makes him look like alien. You know, like the Sigourney Weaver's like nemesis. I'm like, why are you like, of course you would make himself look like a xenomorph, right? Like a turd colored xenomorph. Of course he'd like make it awkward with Sigourney Weaver. He's like, listen Sigourney.

No, I've been following you around the ship and like, basically, trying to get my mouth all over you, but just want to be friends. So, I hope I didn't give you the wrong advice, Eric. I've got the idea there. Yeah, Sigourney, listen, I'm sorry about eating Tom's carrot, but my subscribers really want to know what's it like to be an old lady on a spaceship running away from me? And she was doing that, uh,

that thing where she's like trying to talk about how much she gets laid. So she doesn't look like she's into it. I'm just like, oh my god, I didn't go home. I was like, and he's like, oh, same guy. It's like different. Oh my, it was God like all four times. It's like, okay, she, you know, and so then they're, of course, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,imirie, which is the production company, the former production company that would do like real world and real world, real world,

real world road rules challenge. And one time, walking into the building and CT and Derek were standing by the front door. They were like flanking the front door. One was on each side of the front door and they were talking to each other outside and I had to walk directly between them and I've always thought they were like two huge douchebags.

So you had, I had to walk in between them and I've always thought they were like two huge douchebags So you had I had to walk in between them and as I walked in between them They were comparing how many my space followers they had and I was like I Always remember that being in a CT and Derek sandwich with my space comparisons I've seen that yeah, I Oh, it's Sina. Yeah, Sina's like, I'm out of my mouth. So I'm like, all right, he goes, whoa, whoa, you don't need to sit so close to me, Sina.

You don't need to sit so close. I'm like, oh, I'm getting my gunside, so. Yeah, and she is saying like fully sideways. Like she's giving like a, she's like her back is shown. She's like, Hi, I'm Sina. This is my short-legged side. Hi.

Hi, yes. Hi. She was going out of her way. I mean, even more I care, it would be like, damn girl, you need to relax. So he's like, hey guys, here I am, my subscribers with my homey, who's now one of my subscribers. Shina, you're 34, you look really good for being 34. She's like, thank you. I thought it's bar talk.

So guys, look at her. Yeah. Yeah. She knows she's a little bit older than me. She's a middle aged woman. I'm sure menopause probably kicked in about two years ago for her. I mean, she'd been going through hot flashes and I mean that temperature wise, I'm not saying you're hot.

Sheena, we are still just friends. Hmm. And she's like, she tells us, I'm sorry, but I am 34 in what world is that? Confederation, what a la la la la. In the Vanderpump rules world, how long do you think Vanderpump rules cast members are gonna live? Like 80% of you have to maybe, maybe 60. I mean, your past middle age.

Yeah, I mean, listen, if this were like 1200 AD, I mean, you are basically looking at the last few years of your life, okay? So Brett is like, yeah, she's been around the block, she's been married in divorce, she's also freezing her eggs on account of being so, so old. Wow, the wrinkles are the next thing, right? No bowtaskin' fix that know right am I right old thing? Well, I'm like literally not getting married again or dying somebody in lots of like what someone who totally blows my mind I'm all I totally have to happen. Yeah, but when the happens maybe I'm gonna do it

I mean like hover a day of some fuck boys Who is asking you all of this She might my subscribers really want to know all five hundred and fifty two thousand... My subscribers really want to know, all 550, 2000 of them, they'll want to know... When you're seeing a fuckboy, do you ever think, damn, I wish I were young again, so if you'd find me attractive, does that ever cross your mind? And does that make you a fuck girl or a fuck senior citizen? She's like, am I... Niagara from middle age to fuck girl. Like, why

am I even doing this to me? Sheena, subscriber number 48,063 wants to know, have you ever found yourself in a position where you've had to yell, I fucked and I can't get up. Anything? No. Jessica must subscribers want to know I'm at your threesome with Jessica Tandy And then that's like the end of the interview. He's like she was old used up and and Skanky, okay, thanks for coming my subscribers will talk to you next time. They turn off the camera And she's just like Calls back on what yeah, she's, why don't you call me a fuck girl and middle age, I like that.

And she's like, I didn't see it that bad. I think, I mean, you're a middle aged woman who no viable man would ever find attractive. I mean, I think that's just facts. I think it's okay to embrace truth these days. God. He's like, if you're a mad, why don't you say so on camera?

I mean, like, you're a middle aged woman. You can say, stop calling me middle ages. I'm like, fuck off. You man, why don't you say so on camera? I mean, like, you're a middle aged woman. You can say, stop calling me metal, I need to be very fuck off. You know, I know that technology is harder for older generations, such as yours, but it's really not that hard. Don't be afraid of the camera. I'm not afraid of the camera. So over at Villa Rousse, I mean, it's like God is listening

to us and watching Vanderpomp rules, bringing us Rocio. Yeah, a nice moment of the Rocio. Vanderpump with Rocio, she is alive and well. So we think this could also be like that situation with was it in there's some like, there was some country on the Arabian Peninsula where like the daughter had been missing for a long, long time and everyone's like,

what happened to your daughter? And like, she's fine and they like wheeled her out for like a photo op and she's like, I don't know, they put her back in. She's got Cinder blocks tied to like her. She's like, I love my family and I've not tried to escape the royal compound three times to get to America. Looking up on your time, it's actually an amazing story. not tried to escape the Royal compound three times to get to America. Looking up on your times, it's actually an amazing story. No, Rosie, it looks great. And she gets all of Vander Promp's clothes. That was the storyline on one of these shows a while back.

And she just looks amazing now because she's really, she stayed there for so long that she's got like a whole wardrobe. She's wearing like a Vander Promp pink silk, you know, I needed like a golden cape, but you'll get their Rosio, but it was really good to see her. I love that woman. Yeah. So Vanderpromp's like, oh, it's so overwhelming going to my mother's funeral, which of course it would be. And then she just gets her little dot her little puffy ready for, not ever in her. Harrison or jiky. Yes, I like that at least she's given

their different names and isn't just trying to pass them all off as the same dog That's true because I would do that. I'd be like look at look at jiggie. He's just everlasting. Yeah And that's pretty much it right. Oh, she calls James Yeah, so we go back to James and he's with Raquel and he's like so Raquel Well, you guys say to La La to not when she comes at you, you know And she's like, I don't know, I'm still working on my multiplication tables. So then he answers the phone from Lisa. And he's basically saying, he still hasn't had a drink.

He's got a meeting tomorrow. And, you know, things are going well. Yeah. So then, and then Lisa goes, I don't need another child in my life But I see this vulnerability in James and it just tugs my heartstrings. I don't know what it is about it I don't know why I'm drawn to him in this vulnerable Vulnerable state could it be the die sense a broken bird Unbroken bird there are tears. I knew I could sniff one out still

I know but she's unbreaking the bird well that's her that's her role she needs to fix the bird No because then the birds fly away oh but then she can be like oh she's the victim The bird is flown away for you Kyle Richards jeans Hmm so then it's Katie's one night. Uh, so Katie is getting ready kind of in the way that we think Katie would be getting ready. She's dumping mustard into the middle of a plate and then surrounding it with raw shell. Yeah, like, like almonds and stuff. Even Stasi's like, skin diamond, not shell, of course she's a sheld. Of course they're sheld. Come on.

Well, he's like, hey, welcome to my party. Have fun shelling those almonds. You're about to eat, guys. That's what, that's what we're about. Katie would do that. Well, she would put like, she's like, okay, I've put out rhubarb tops, like Katie, those are poisonous, you can't have the leaves.

She's like, I didn't know that. But she, yeah, of course she has like the, she's plates are an ongoing issue on Bravo. I have to say, and this is, this is better than a Jennifer Aiden, choose plate at an extra one place or like the, choose plate at the winery in Summer House, but like why do you have a dedicated plate

for almonds and mustard? I think so, yeah, so, mod choice. So then we go over and they're talking about how she didn't buy Kristin, back her, like aw, so then we kind of, like, she's going to shit her pants when she finds out, let me get my camera ready. It's going to be great going on, I do. So then we go over to Kristin's house and Kristen's just like getting her clothes ready for Jackson's birthday party.

So cool. Lynn clothes out on the bed like. And she has to get their all wet but by the time she finally gets it on the bed she's flopped around so much they're just fully air dried. So she calls and she's like, I'm so just finished falling to see your type of thing with a broad and he called me middle-aged like middle-aged No, what eat on a girlfriend bro and because yeah, especially in middle-aged one Seriously, seriously, I still do comedy yeah

So she's like well, I want to be the first one to tell you this that way I can shoot a scene without the new kids but basically I want to be the first one to tell you this, that way I can shoot a scene without the new kids. But basically, Katie is having a wine night and she's invited everyone, including me and Raquel to it. So... And Kristen's like, oh, those precious, ah! I'm sorry, those precious.

I was on the ground. Sorry, sorry. That was on the ground. Sorry. Oh, that's precious. My wine partners are doing our having a party and I'm not invited Well, don't feel bad. I mean she invited all of us are Dana Danica or Cal Ranica Ricana Danelle Charlie Marley Manica's planica Just look shocked oh

Even rock It's like you are fucking joking right now. She's not a little really invited everyone so basically anyone with other Jaina is there except me Not Lisa Rander Papa. She's got a vagina, but she is going to her mother's funeral so maybe she wasn't fighting. Poor Kristen, she doesn't even have a bowl of pasta this time to make her feel better. Does not what happened last season or two seasons ago when she was left out of something so she stayed at home and ate pasta?

Yeah, and Carter was playing video games on the couch. Yeah, now she has her two little dogs and so I killed my best friend. Oh, I know cars in the closet like can I come out now? So then it's one night and Katie everyone's making a friend of Katie's mustard plate. Yeah, everyone shows up. Perkel is like wearing the biggest puffy's sheer sleeves she can find, of course. And then there's like this, like, new cast member. I'm so grounded off that happens. Where Danica's like, yeah, I mean, like,

I can actually still drink box wine. I just like don't have a refined palate. It's crazy. And Danica's like, yeah, I mean, like, I drink like mad dog. So like, I'll just like drink whatever. Yeah, so it's like, yeah, mean like I drink like mad dog so like I'll just drink whatever yeah so yeah yeah I drink turpentine I've been turpentine and and white out so I guess I'm just like really just like cool like just like

I don't care about one you know yeah it's not funny like when you're young you're like oh yeah I need to prove that I don't give a fuck about fanciness and then the second year old you're like I better look like I'm as fancy as fucking possible. Get that mustard on a plate. I know. Awesome. I'm on to a plate. Yeah, seriously.

Any plate, I don't care what's with it. Just put mustard in the middle of all the plates. Yeah, they're not going to know that all, you know, bear almonds don't get dipped in mustard. Just put it on the fucking plate. And she just shows up. I have strange cheese and I might have had one on the way I'm like, why would you bring drink cheese to a party with fancy cheese like do not Rock with string cheese

This drink cheese is not middle aged. Oh, we didn't even say that Yeah, I know a poor scene. It has to go to a party with so many aged things after her rough. And it's interesting. A fashion she's talking, she's telling the same story to everybody she sees. She sees Ariana's like, Oh my God. So today we're shooting this YouTube video and he called me middle eight. Middle age. I just trust he had an entire polyester inches Around the block and middle-aged

And the panic is like oh my he's like two years younger than you so I don't know what the fuck he's talking about I don't even know why he would call me middle-aged, but I can say that I did use a coupon to get the string cheese so I don't even know why he would call me middle aged, but I can say that I did use a coupon to get this string cheese, so. So over at TomTom, jackskim silver. With Brett. And by the way, Brett looks like he's from 1992. He's wearing a white tank top and over it like a denim, like a light acid wash, like denim shirt,

that's all the way open. It's just like, he looked like he was about to do backup singing for Color Me Bad. And though I guess you're having like a pre-party before his birthday party, they're having like a booth. Like that birthday party. Yeah, like yeah, exactly. We haven't celebrated Jackson after the summer.

I know. Every fucking week is another jack sing. Seriously. So then back with Brittany uh Brett is like post everyday jakes is party it's a rock is across the street top top anyone having the idea to eat my hands by the way I just want to know I gotta know who tapey at the house two weeks after my wedding I've never seen note prints and

princess get tapeied before and Stasi's like I have a theory and she's like Mother is I'm a princess! I think it's sand of all because he tried to pin it on us and Arianna's like um I was at home And someone like literally did it to our house. So I take T-Ping very seriously Okay, so Tom presents a gift to Jack's and his toilet paper. Yes, and I'm like, oh, but Jack's is secretly like not very impressed. He's like, who does that? Who does that, you know?

So then Brittany is talking to Katie and Stasi about Kristen and everything and Katie's like, as far as our friendship goes, it is indefinitely off at the moment because I have nothing else going on in my life, so I have to create drama wherever I can. So it's indefinitely off. And Brittany is doing her- This is awkward! Are we all going to be in for the hangarding Inc? That's just more than it's going to be prehens!

And they can- I just want us all to be able to get along at Jackson's birthday this Saturday! That's right, you have to come to another social obligation. This does count as a wedding event. And the other girls since they're left out of this conversation, obviously, because the old cast is like, let's invite the new cast and then totally ignore them so that we can have our own scene and not let them steal our show, right? But the new cast has better ideas.

Danica's like, Ariana. Raquel doesn't like opening bottles of wine because she's not comfortable, so I think we should do a mock table service. Which I loved. It was like they were playing house with her corner. I was like, can we watch that please? I want to watch, I want to watch Raquel's mock table service way more than here about Katie calling their her friendship with Kristen indefinitely off. It's so funny and the whole time it's like cutting back and forth between all this drama with the other cast members and it just keeps cutting back to Raquel like like this my cast Raquel you can do it.

You almost did it. She's like oh my goodness. She's like you can do it Raquel put the glass on the table. Just one more inch away. I don't know if I can finish this no It's you just have to put it down just want you're an inch away from the from the table. You can do it, Rick. Oh So funny so Lala goes up to Sina outside and she's like Dude, this is awkward. I heard from Jackson He was like that girl Rick. girl, Raquel, dude. She's like flotting what she said to you the other night, like telling you to shut the fuck up and shit.

She needs to feel lucky that she's been graced by my presence. Yeah, you know what? And then she goes and you will know your place. You know what Lala? You need to go to shut up, Mountain. It's official. I've had enough of Lala. Okay. Used to be the biggest fan of her, she has become so awful. She's out of control, okay, first of all, she's taking what Jack says at face value in Jacks is the number one like gossipy person on the show and he always gets shit wrong,

he omits stuff and he exaggerates stuff to create drama. So there's that, that's happening. Second of all, the person who would be like, that would be you, like when, like, like, like, Raquel Raquel being proud that she stood up to her bully and then telling someone I stood up to Lala and being happy about it. Like that's what, that's the sort of shit that Lala would do if she stood up to Stasi. In fact, I'm sure if you go back and you watch any time that Lala has stood up to someone like Stasi or Katie back in the day, she would crow-bat it on her interviews. So like, who do you think you are? This poor, sweet, not very smart girl is just struggling

to poor wine. And you're going to tell her to know her place and she can't be excited that she had one victory in her life. Shut up. Yeah. Yeah, she sucks. She totally sucks. And she's a girl who just keeps using that money that she's making on her back on her face. And it's like, girl, please stop acting. You're a trick. Just stop. She's out so mean to this poor girl. So she's like, yeah, people like Rick Hell need to remember to stay in their lane and that people like me red shit. Like what are you talking about? What are you literally what are you running? You have no job. You have no job. What are you running? Is it like what you're giving suggestions to Jeff Lewis on one episode of flipping out? Is that what you're running? Fine. Okay you have a nice

chair. What are you running? Like literally you're running nothing. You at most you're picking up dogs and at Vanderpump dogs. Cut to Rekel's still trying to open the same bottle of wine. So then she comes in and she's like, um, Rekel, we're going to have a real talk right now, just me and you right in front of everyone. Yeah. And now I just want to make things real clear. I pulled you aside at Santa Vald's birthday party because I was genuinely concerned, okay? Yeah. I heard that James was at a party and I wanted to make sure he was okay

and he turned it into an ugly thing. I was genuinely concerned. So concerned, I didn't even text or call you, okay? Yeah. So concerned about his well-being that I brought up gay rumors again, on national TV. How dare Lala say that Rakequel turned it into an ugly thing?

Like Lala, you were the one who brought up the gay rumors again. Like you were the one who was insinuating all sorts of shit. I know, and then she ran off right after that and bragged her friends like that she just like really gave it to Raquel. So she just took the regret. And Lala goes, and for you to focus on Logan, on Logan, I'm like Lala, you were the one who brought up Logan Yeah, that's what Rick L. Says she goes no you were focused on Logan

She goes excuse me. I am speaking. I am speaking Rick L. is like we're having a conversation and that means that two people get to speak and here is your wine Man, can I do it? Did I do it right? They do it. Well still it's got half the cork still on the bottle, but that's good. You're not spelling it. Yeah, yeah, okay It's the work work on that, Rick. Oh, it's like that me finish. I think that you forgotten your place Rick, I was like, I did forget my place. What's the address again? No, it's a metaphor, Rickel. And she's like, you said that Logan is obsessed with James.

I was like, oh, really? The one who shouldn't be focusing on Logan. Why are you bringing Logan up again? Why are you bringing Logan's thirsty ass up again? So Rickles, because he is obsessed with him, and Ariana's just size, like, oh, Jesus Christ. I may also see a close buff Charlie, who was my new favorite person of all time, because he is obsessed with him. And Ariana's just size like a Jesus Christ. I would also see a close buff Charlie,

who was my new favorite person of all time, who just didn't know all these middle age women are fighting right now. Yeah, she got all these avocado eaters. Oh, Rickah was like, and then Rickah has a great line. She's like, in her confessional, she's like, okay, well, could she's saying how Lala's basically a bully? And she's like, if we don't all agree that she's a bully,

we can all agree that she's a bitch. I was like, Raquel, good for you, a shady confessional. Yeah, and Lala, Lala's doing that thing. Like, she can't win this one, so she can't win. She's like evil and violent disgusting, and nobody's jumping to her side, which to her credit, to her credit, she always jumps on the other girl side

and they do not even try on this one because it's like plain that she's just wrong, right? So instead she just starts moving around and doing stuff in the kitchen and she's like, I wanna bang myself on that fucking counter right now and we go, go, cut because do it please be my guess I don't know where this for a game from but I love it.

So Lala like switches over to the fridge open. But Brittany is like yeah Brittany is like I think that Lala is just like upset because she like genuinely cares that James went to like a I and stuff and Lala goes don't say if I genuinely care okay I set up studio sessions because he thrives in the studio. I'm like, oh wow, like, you know, Nobel Prize went over there. Nobel Peace Prize for setting up studio time in Burbank. That is wow, what a therapeutic thing you do. So that he can record you singing, by the way, as well.

And then you set up studio sessions for him to record with you and then you bail on him because you want to be with the other girls. Yeah, great friend. Well, that's what she did. She set up a studio session so they could record another song, which is out now, and it's terrible. So there you have it. Just spoiler alert.

And then Charlie, again, Charlie has the best read on this. She's like, from what I see about the way La La speaks to Raquel, maybe she still likes James. I mean, why else would you fight about with Raquel? She's like, you could like still like someone and like know that it's not right to be with him and secretly hate their girlfriend. It's totally normal. It happens. Raquel's like, he did not drink at that party.

He's like, you're missing the point You are the one who's not bringing it back to the point You just went off of what Logan said and she you ran off the point when you got off Balzi and tried to tell me off Oh, you're getting a big and bold Yeah, I feel like that's like Again like Lala was infuriating me because I feel like Lala's whole thing is That she wants them in to be like Balsey and strong and now she's like now she's like She's making fun of Raquel for being Balsey. That's just like shut up She's like yeah, and you're most vicious day. You're a yapping to wow. I'm Raquel's like you're a rot whileer

Anyone like that you're a lot of other She's like no bitch. I'm a pit bull. I'm a Michael Vic fucking fighting dog I'm like you know what happened to those dogs right? Don't want to bring up bad memories, but Yeah, it's all that I mean it's also like too close to home because you are kind of being used for some rich guys Entertainment and then you're just gonna be like discarded when he's done. So enjoy that.

That's true, that is true. So, so Lala's like, I really don't wanna go into in on you, Raquel, I really don't. This girl who's trying to act like she's so tough because she got into like an Instagram fire with 50 Cent, which now by the way, by the end of this episode, I now believe was 100% staged. You do? gram fire with 50 cent which now by the way by the end of this episode I now believe was a hundred percent staged you do I

Mean ran throws epic pranks. Oh God, but he looks so stupid in that But she's like, um, yeah, this is exhausting me recaluse. She's like rearranging the refrigerator because she's got nothing and Stasi's just laughing because this is so stupid. She's like God. this is the new cast like this is what you're trying to replace us with Yeah, and someone says what are you laughing at Stasi? It's just like I can't even follow this like there's parts I'm following I guess and Lala goes, um, you know what Stasi? I just want you to stay there in your little bubble. Okay. Says the bubble says the woman is comparing herself to a Michael Vick fighting dog while she lives in the Hollywood Hills. Says the girl who's literally injected so much rubber

she looks like a bubble boy. Okay. Says the girl who moved here from Utah and then flies around on a PJ because she checked up with a producer one day after she met him. Yeah, bubble. So Stasi's like, okay, Lala's my girl, but she does not have a like this tantalent, okay? And Lala goes, do not project on me what you reflect. And everyone just looks like, what is she even talking about? I don't know. She was probably wasted. So, oh, wait, she's sober. So then the next day, James Rackeller hanging out and Rackell basically tells James about the argument and everything and he's basically about to go off to a meeting. So it's just sort of like a, it's like a sweet little scene where she drops him off at the A meeting

and she's going to go off to do errands. It was like nice Yeah, so now's time for Jackson's 80s party. Whoa Jack's that rock Lanspaces Yeah, oh is that Lanspaces restaurant? Mm-hmm. Oh, no, what are that place to stay open? I keep wondering how that place stays open It's not terrible. I've been there. It's not terrible It's like it's like super cash, right? I mean, it was like a sports car.

Yeah, that's, yeah, LandsBass owns it. And there have been, I mean, I went in there once, I should say, but I only stayed there for about five minutes because we were looking for dinner and they all, it was just like, it was all just like nachos and we wanted like. I went in there with Kelly Dodd and we got kicked out because Kelly Dodd got in a fight with the karaoke host So that was time no no no no no that was that's that one was that's not Rockos Rockos is isn't the one with the tables the Kelly Dodd one that was one three of us were there that was

High tops We know it wasn't high to at that point at that time. It wasn't called high tops. It was called Like nines or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah But Orakos is on the corner of San Vicente and Santa Monica Boulevard It's where they used to be like a Mrs. Fields there and it's kind of like a sports bar It's got a good TV. It's like yeah, there's a lot of sports bars there now. Because Vanderpump brought all these straight people. OK?

That's what happens when you're like, hey, West Holywood is full straight people too. And there's like TVs everywhere, OK? Gigantic TVs. And not to kind of revolve, like a revolver, which play like music synced to old dance videos, you know, like Broadway dance videos. It know, like Broadway dance videos. It's like sports.

Yeah. So anyway, they're all close right now. Yes, so blah, blah, blah. So Jackson's gotten a gift from Tom's hand of all. And it's a samurai sword with Randy Jackson's autograph on it. Yeah, it was a first house thinking, was that a wrestler? And I was like, oh, that's right, Randy Jackson from American Idol.

So I immediately assumed that this was Katie because Orla was doing, right? So I texted her and I was like, did Walter, did Walter give Sandevol the hookup with Randy Jackson. And then she sends me back a video. It's like her Walter just like party. It's like a one in the morning. She's like,

haven't watched the show. It's not yet, but no idea what you're talking about. Woo party. So good to see that Walter. And you're having a great quarantine. That's like every time I text Katie. We love that Katie. That's funny. The the the What was the name of their band?

Are they crappy? I'm suddenly blame. I want to say the crappers. I want to say the crappers. I was like, that doesn't sound right. Crappers. Our house band, the crappers. Yeah.

So he's like, yeah, he tells a story about how they always watch step brothers together when they all live together And so he got the samurai swords on my brandy Jackson and then the producers like so what did Jackson get you for your birthday? And he's like, uh I don't know. I don't think he got me anything actually Sounds just about right so then and by the way, I had talked over you, what you mentioned this just now, but yes, please note that this is a theme party and Jack's is dressed in a wig and in costume,

by the way. Yeah, and I know he thinks he's all cool and he's having, you know, like a fun 80s party, but it looks like he's going to the Vita party. Yeah, it's awesome sense that and the way he explains it because the producers kind of ask him like you last episode You had this whole fit about like you like who dresses up for a party more who does theme parties, you know And so he's like, you know, I love the 80s. I love like it's not just like a decade for me like I love the 80s So for me, this isn't a theme, you know, this isn't a theme. So that's in his mind why it's okay,

because it's not a theme party, it's just his life. Yeah, we couldn't tell you love the 80s, Jacks. Your sinuses just walked away down the street. Okay, they're bleeding out of their eyes. You might want to go pick them up. Yeah, like the entire cast of Wall Street was like, dude, that guy's got a chill out. So then Schwartz gives Jacks a box of really weird feet to fuck. Like they're really weird like real baby feet.

You know what are they like all those? I don't know, but they're feet, but they have like a vagina in the ankle. And so like, you can basically fuck the foot. But then I think it's since you have a foot, if you have a foot fetish, you can suck on the toes. I don't know, but it was like creeping everyone out and then so naturally they did a shot out of it So Kristen comes and talks to Britney Britney's like it was so weird you weren't at one night I'm written and he's like it was so weird you weren't at one night I know it's a day because I was on there's time now on your side. It was so fun now

For countless there it was crazy Suck this girl on it went time she couldn't go to a ball and her mom said if you pick all the rice out of the bar place You can go to the ball Hey, when you were at that party last night Did you sort of feel like snow wide being exiled in that house? The seven dwarfs, the ball, the dwarfs were Carter and then at the end, you weren't a princess. I was a princess because I got married and I feel like that. And then, uh, Kristen's like, I don't even know their side.

I don't even know why they're mad at me. And then the music stops and it just cuts to Carter, like clinking ice around in a glass. No one talking to him. Me like, hey, what's up? Yeah, cool, cool. So yeah. So then we have like, we cut away to like James talking about AA some more.

And which is nice. He talks about how we shared for the first time and that, you know, he's realized that he's always trying to be the fun guy. And then he's just going to part it to be the fun guy because DJ James Kennedy. And it's been seven years. And all of a sudden, he's realized that he's always trying to be the fun guy, and then he's just gonna party to be the fun guy, because DJ James Kennedy, and it's been seven years, and all of a sudden, he turned around, and it's been partying for seven years, so... I thought AA would be a problem meeting, but it's a solutions meeting.

It's good for him, so far. Yeah, so Jack's keeps, you know, Jack's just keeps flipping his hair everywhere. So Rand comes after him, and he's like, hey, listen, when someone's in the 40 club with me, listen, I don't think they should be fucked with. So I'm giving you payback, alright? I'm a prank mess, I do it on all my movies, right? Yeah, I do it on all my movies. Like, for instance, one of my best pranks is,

Hey, I'm gonna make a movie with John Travolta and call it Gotti and pretend like it's gonna be a good movie, but guess what? Bad movie Frank's on you The best prank I ever pulled was making al Pacino film a scene with Lala the shit with hilarious People just aren't ready for gangster movies, okay? so So he's like all right. I've got it. I listen. Okay tonight at Tom's, Tom's house,

prank cars, prank cop cars are gonna pull up and arrest him for vandalism, okay? I'm sorry, I'm looking at Al Pacino and Lala. Al Pacino approved Lala Cancer Roll in Axis Sally. Okay, that's what it was. So, so what movie is that? Okay, everybody, sorry, got on a little side track. Why the fuck is Lala in a movie without Pacino? And why did that stick in my head? Okay, it's solved. Crazy things have happened. Hey, did you ever see a pitching love and catching faith?

Because I watched that. I sure didn't. I watched that with Lara, and wow, Lala. Lala was not bad, actually. We're not, we're not lie. She's all right. She's all right. She's all right.

So Tom and Ariana are now having people with their house for your party. Yeah. Or is this at their house? Yeah, no, it's at their house. It's sort of like the after party. If that night, they're at Tom and Ariana's house. And Ariana like rented furniture because she didn't want people ruining the furniture that they potentially could

have and she's like, oh, I'll repeat my house. She's basically saying, I don't want a bunch of idiots to walk in and mess up my house and then it's the door like flings open and jacks like knock something over immediately. Yeah, Tom Schwartz actually did. He like walks in and drops plastic cups or something all over the floor. Oh God, I'm just a cute little kid who doesn't know how to do things right. Oh, gosh And Jackson's like all this cheese and alcohol they can't even buy some fucking furniture It's like dude if they bought all this for your birthday. God the guy So then the cops how about they spent all their money all their furniture money on your 15 parties for crying out like he counts So many people like you know Jennifer Aiden is the one on brawfer right now who is getting all the flag for counting

Other people's money, but jacks is the one who really does it the most and and and he the amount of time He's been talking about the money that he spent and versus how much money other people spend. He's just a tacky asshole Yeah, that's our Jackson boy. So the cops come in and arrest Tom basically. Yeah, and they're like the worst cop actors. They're like, hello, good sir. We are here from the Los Angeles Lori Bobby service.

And we are here to arrest you and we will say you have the right to stand here and handcuff and such I'm like you can't even do a fake Miranda rights And Ariana is like what is going on? And he's like do you know about vandalism? Am Vandalism is like Jackson they say this is about vandalism He's like I didn't say anything. I mean maybe the neighbors did but wasn't me Yeah, so they yeah,, everyone's, like,

Jack's goes, this, this prank is why he'll never be the number one guy in this group. And I was like, except that you had nothing to fucking do with it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And so, the fake cops put sand of all into the fake police car and then Randall walks up to the car and is like here's the thing kid when you fuck with jacks on his birthday and you don't give me two pieces of fried chicken we fuck with you

and it's like uh fuck with my friend and then Lala's like we got you all we got you all like now she's taking credit for all of it. Yeah, so Ariana's like, uh, that was dark. And Katie's like, yeah, I don't know that it's funny to see my friends like handcuffed and put in a car. I mean, maybe I'm the only person that associates that with something terrible, but they're definitely is, you know, I didn't, when I was watching, I was like, this is stupid or whatever. But like, that I can't actually, I'm actually surprised that it was Katie who made me think like, you know what? I actually think she's kind of right. Like, there is a huge amount of privilege in doing a prank like this. Because for other people, like, this shit like happens. Like, a couple walk into your house and just arrest you, or worse.

So, I was like, yeah, this is, you know, I'm not like, oh, I'm offended, but I think the Ariana got it right. I thought it was, I actually thought it was tone deaf. Yeah, and of course the guys loved it. Love that they loved it. And Ariana says, actually, Ariana said it just right. She said, you know, the mental relationships some people have is very different than other people's mental relationship with the police. And this was kind of in poor taste. Yeah, like, hello, you're actually in a position where you can do this and not get shot.

Yeah, exactly. So Katie's like, yeah, I don't know that I don't think that that's really funny. And shorts goes, Katie shut up. I'm like, this is the thing that makes you break you shorts. Yeah, she's like, shut up. I'm just like, this is the thing that makes you break you shorts. Yeah, she's like, shut up. And she's like, that was some funny. She goes, it's not funny.

Yes, you're ruining a great moment. We're laughing. We're laughing. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, because you're laughing. Your wife is not allowed to be upset by something. And why is this the moment that you choose to get mad mad at her when she does this pretty much with everything and This the first time she does something that's actually kind of merited no idea No idea what's going on here is like some weird underlying

Tone that's going on here. I'm not really getting it. So Katie's like it wasn't funny Not mine. She's what I don't think it's's funny because well we did no one cares about your opinion Katie I'm talking animal like turned on my life He's like shut up dude shut up. And yeah, he goes I've never been more turned off in my life This is why I don't have sex with her. I was like oh dude dude. I Mean you it's one thing for us talk's about Katie, but you're her husband, and you're with your friends. Yeah, that's disgusting.

And fuck you, you know, fuck you for so many things, shorts, but especially fuck you for making me stand up for Katie for even two seconds. You are a piece of shit. You are so lucky. Talk about failing upwards. A man who's never done shit, you couldn't even keep your love handles off

for an underwear suit. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing that pisses me off is that he goes through an entire season being like oh Shucks. Oh, man. I just want everyone to get along and oh, I don't know. I don't know if I go T.P. What if a ring? Oh god, that'd be scary and then like there is real like asshole side comes out You're like you are just an asshole. No, you were a fake in a phony out. You're like, you are just an asshole. You were a fake in a phony. Those people who act like they're all sweet and nice, but they hang out with the most evil person room are often the most dangerous people out there. At least the ones who are outwardly evil like the rest of the world. Do you know what they think? Yeah. So he's

just like, she's a moron right now. Well, I guess that's another two months that we're not having sex. And those like, dude, I got gotta say no on that one. And he's like, sit down. So, you know, you need to sit down on this one, Bo. And he's like, no, I'm not gonna sit down. And he's like, yeah, you know what? I'm not looking for you to agree with me ever. All right. Like, Bo, see, that's the thing. Bo is like a nice guy, but he's not like a fake nice guy. Like, I don't think he's a fake nice guy. He comes off as someone who's like, sweet and generally happy for other people. And he's like decisive when he needs to be this.

I believe, for instance, if you gave Bo a hamster, he could keep the hamster alive. And I believe that if you gave a hamster to Tom Schwartz, well, we just have the dog incidents. So I don't have to go any further. Yeah. We put cold water on it. We put hot water on it. We put hot water on it. We don't even chai tea.

It's like, are you doing to that lizard? Yeah. So everyone's trying to get Shor's to shut up, but he doesn't. So then Katie comes over like kind of moping while he's, Tom pulls him aside, Santa Bob pulls him aside. And Katie kind of kind of comes up, slumping over and Sh over and swords like, blah, but that's a worse thing you could have said

It's like that You're still going there and she goes well then fine. I'm not mad if you really feel that way and he's like gross You know what it's gross. I'm deeply turned off Katie. Deeply turned off No one really cares if you know who else is deeply turned off all of America by you. Okay. You are the prime boner killer on this show right now. Yeah. So Katie is like the last time Tom spoke to me like this was last year in Mexico and the only difference is that he's being mean and degrading in front of all of our friends. Yeah. Although the thing is last year it was funny because Katie was all angry because Tom wouldn't give up his first class seat for her

So they got into a huge fight and he was just kind of like you're a cacophony of noise Bada bada bada bada so that time it was like funny But this one was actually came out of nowhere and really had no like the vitriol that he spewed at her was so outsized compared to what she was doing and and considering that what she was doing was her attitude Was not a lot different than her attitude on a lot of things. It's like why this and why at this moment is he gonna snap Just to me this showed a much darker and more evil side. Yeah, he's so gross So Katie leaves and he follows her out Ariana's like Katie in sorts like come on Katie you are an idiot. He keeps following her out and Tom's like Katie in sorts like come on Katie you are an idiot he keeps following her out and Tom's like

Shut up don't call your wife an idiot you fucking asshole and so he follows her out She's like don't come with me and he's like come on let's go. It's like I'm not going with you idiot like What the hell you're just gonna abuse me the whole way home That guy's an asshole Stupid face, but of course you know that he's gonna come back It looks like not next week, but whenever he's confronted with this he's gonna be well, you know We were going through a rough time, but I love my papa and everything's okay and everyone's gonna be oh Sometimes I got drunk and I just say things and I got to learn how to like say them in a nicer way

It's like you know, he'll say that yeah Well that brings us to the end of that one. You're an asshole, Tom Schwarrr. You're an asshole. So everyone, hopefully we will see all of you guys on Instagram live tomorrow at 7.30 p.m Followed by our live streaming recap of Real Housewives of New York at 8 o'clock Go to patreon.com slash watch what crap ends to get all that stuff. It'll be super fun. And remember next week we are having our Tiger King marathon. We re-capped episode one which is on the main feed.

Episode two is also on Patreon. And then next week every single day we are releasing a Tiger King recap of the remaining episodes. So it's a big, big cats week. Maybe we'll watch cats when it's all done, Roddy. We'll have a fun time. Anyway. So yeah, those Tiger Kings 2-3-6 will all, or 2-3-7,

will all be on crap and it's on demand as well. So you can watch those on video if you're at that level. Just like this recap today was, if you want to watch it on TV, OK? Yeah, and in fact, I have been looking at my terrible long bangs to this entire recap that I pledged to put product in my hair for the Tiger King or next Tiger King episode. That's what that is. That's what that is. Coming to you guys have a great day.

We'll talk to you next time. Stay safe and inside. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to WatcherCrapins, add free on Amazon Music. Bye! survey.