Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Beauty and the Greased

Episode Date: April 24, 2019

Brittany has a bridal brunch on Vanderpump Rules and Jax vows to always take care of number one: himself. To hear this week's Below Deck Med Preview bonus episode and to find Crappens on Demand video recaps, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. ***New Limited Edition Shirts! "Straight to the Rosé" and "Rosé All Day" merch available at crappensmerch.com! **Crappens Live is coming to Irvine, Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, Minneapolis, Baltimore and Nashville. Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And then so that's gonna be an Irvine. We're gonna cover the first episode of Southern John original flavoured And there's new t-shirts up. They're all about the Reza and straight to the Reza so good Get your summer shirts limited time only over crap and spurs dot com that is it i'm dead and by the way when ronnie said the first episode of southern charm you meant of the new season not the first ever right we did that yes uh... yes that is premier week so we will be doing that

because that's when the that's when it's on go figure Yes, and then our bonus episode which will be up after this podcast because Honest the alert I forgot to post it today Is going to be a preview of the below deck med so hi Cast it's gonna be a trailer breakdown. We had a lot of fun with that. So look forward to that. That's on patreon Lots of new hot guys some gayness Yeah, gay to raise money face a lot of fun with that. So look forward to that. That's on Patreon. Lots of new hot guys, some gayness, some gay to rage. A lot of hate to rage. Yeah, a homophobic lady. She's homophobic and mean.

To homophobes. I mean, she's homophobes. Yeah, she's like no homo, no homo. Yeah, she's like no homo. This is friends. Bonjour. Padahomo. Padahomo. But today we're here with Vander pump rules. Very big episode because it's almost over. Thank the Lord. I feel like I prayed on Easter and finally he listened to me. This season needs to end.

Sick of it. Although damn, I really love talking about it the next day. And really, I love watching it too. I love it. I really love talking about it the next day. And really, I love watching it too. I love it. I still love it. I still love it. But what I don't love is the Brittany and Jack's love story. That's just, it's just not for me.

And it makes me sad that this is how we're going to be like closing out the season is with Brittany just like orgasming over wedding dresses and flowers. I don't know. It's just. Flower in a jar. Yeah. I mean, come on. You come on the beast beauty of the east. Yeah, pretty good. Coming from Brittany. Jacks, why are you marrying the east infection? Nobody.

Don't marry your east infection people. See, here's the problem with Brittany is that she does believe in fairy tales. And so she does believe she's the beauty and she's marrying the beast and that she's going to transform the beast but guess what? Sometimes the beast is just a beast. Yeah, the beast don't really transform in real life, okay? Yeah. It's fucked over everybody and there's a reason that Disney kills off every parent at the beginning of the movie because there's no one to be like don't date your yeast infection, okay? Yeah, because you need to have probably,

like, you know, when a parent is like, the point is this, the beast is not gonna work out. It's not gonna work out. Honestly, I think it barely even worked out for Bell. I'm not even sure the beast really transformed. I think at that, by the end of beating the beast, she's just like, on crazy from living in a castle.

So she's now like convinced herself that the beast is this hot dude, but honestly He's still probably a beast and honestly I thought there were some other options for her So yeah, that bitch is delusional. I mean she's talking to plates, okay? She's talking to fucking plates She's walking around the town square saying hello to everyone Brittany wouldn't be doing it holding books, you know, that's what really bother us about the beauty and the beast analogy. Brittany, you don't read, okay, Bell, it varies, it's very specific that Bell is obsessed with books, okay? Well, Brittany would be holding Sermonies. Hi, hello, Bones or, hello. Bones or,

Bones or, Patagonia T3S. Yeah, no one can stand Bell, honestly, in that town. Honestly, I actually think it was probably a conspiracy to get her in that castle. Um, I think they were just like, can we just get rid of Bell? She annoys us. We just want to do our chores in the morning. Like I live a hard life. I don't make a lot of money. I have issues with my peasant husband.

I think he's sitting on me with a with a with a wench. And now I've got this girl every single morning the first thing I've got to do before I have my coffee as I got to see this girl walk through town and say hello And you know that there's that there's this guy in my neighborhood and he's how he always looks at the ground But I made the mistake of saying hi because I'm kind of Bell, you know, I'm like And I said hi, and this is why i don't say hi in public anymore because he's like hi how are you what are you doing what it's going on with you like it's kind of an odd guy you know and i was like i'm never saying hello again and i feel like that's britney walking

up the street she says hi and you're tempted to say hi back but then the second you do she doesn't shut up about anything you know you're stuck there on the street all day and your dogs probably you know eating weeds or whatever the else standing there bored. Exactly. She's like, and you're like finally say hello. Well I'm gay married to Jackson search and like I know he's a beast but I think I can transform him because I talk into a dish and then dish talk into like a teapot and the teapot actually has a kid and then we were all talking together and we're all like I think it's gonna be a good wedding and I was like but like I'm an ulcer I can't have any I can have any tequila or any citrus and let's have a very little

Me so that's what's going on me. You're like, oh my god. Why why don't I even say hello to this woman? I know I don't need very well But you want to come to my wedding? Oh You're buying gifts for some rando on the streets wasn't gas who who is Gaston Yes, don't get on with that guy No who is Gaston and who's so much for? Gaston was a hot. No one cooks like Gaston, no one's something like Gaston, no one's something like Gaston. I was not gasped on, I was hot. I'm sorry.

Yeah, Gaston's fine, but you know what? She's really marrying Gaston, that's the thing. She thinks she's marrying the beast, she's actually sensitive inside. Just marrying someone with a hairy back doesn't mean you're marrying a beast, okay? Brittany, you're marrying Gaston, the biggest douchebag on that show. Exactly.

Congratulations, your beast turned into Gaston. Yeah, it's like friends with a little donkey, isn't he? Am I getting my dirty shirt? That's messed up. Breakfast now. You know, other thing is I haven't watched Beauty and the Beast in the last 20 years. And when I did see it, it was in French class. I'm so it's all dubbed over in French.

So I think I missed a lot of it. All I know is that she wound up in a castle with a furry guy talking to Flatware. She wanted to talk to like base at the home department of Macy's She walks to Macy's and it's like oh my friends are here. Obviously we were triggered Biber really triggered side of the bell jars. Okay. I Was I was you know those roses probably wanted to kill themselves those roses are just shielding themselves from Jackson's breath like there They're changing the plot of the entire beauty of the beast and I'm not happy with it well

Well, Batman rules opens up unfortunately not with a song by Ellen Manken but by Trixie Monaco Trixie Mankenicalical, and it's like, Stronger than you think I am, I know, holding back. Are you throwing shade? Are you got time for that? Like, this song needs a three-line. Yeah, like, are we really here for your strength? Are we here for your busyness?

So Ariana and Tom are at the bar area on the has to work. And she's like, I guess I'll get ice and he's like, yeah, like I would help you, but I'm not an employee anymore. Dude, bro. She's like, I know you've been saying that all week long with everything. Like, Hey, Tom, it's the last Macridenza. I would.

But I don't want you anymore. Sorry, bro. Except for the keyletues, hey, dude. Yeah. And so they're getting ready for Billy Lee's brunch. And Lisa enters in a black, like, pant suit with a big old pussy bow, like her biggest pussy bow ever. I just feel like we need to have an intervention with Lisa.

OK, stop with this look. I cannot stand her pant suit pussy bo look It drives me nuts. I know that you are like the boss and this is your boss boss But you can still be the boss and like not look this ridiculous every single week. It just drives me nuts Oh my god, you can I turn against like Lisa Vanderpump to today everyone's no It's her fashion just her fashion. I'm sorry. I cannot I cannot do I cannot deal with the business suit in the pussy bow anymore Okay, okay? In my place of business business envelope envelope paper work I can't it's not like and it's not an issue of like oh choose a woman. She needs to dress more feminine

It's not that it's just it's so issue of like, oh, she's a woman. She needs to dress more feminine. It's not that. It's just, it's so funny, dirty. There's just too much, funny, dottiness going on with this look. You're Lisa Vanderpump. You need to, you need to come in with glamour, not funny, dottiness. Well, it's Billy Lee's brunch with Billy Day. And I love that they have a brunch with Billy Day and still barely show Billy Lee. For Billy Lee, just cannot win. Okay. She's not going to win anything on this. Billy Lee had there was an article this week where Billy Lee says that she had sex with a ghost. Oh, she had sex with Carl from Summer House. She's having sex with Carl on the weekdays while he's ghosting. What's your balance page? PANCH It's just for a box.

I'm sex with a ghost, a lord. So, um... LVP is like, hello darling! He's like, what about your rascal ever partner? Giving me money in a briefcase! Who does that? You little rascals! Yeah, she's like...

All I'm saying is, don't give all I was telling him is don't give me one of your crummy Rubber checks rubber because it bounce And Arianna's pissed off she's like Yeah, I'm Arianna and Stasi made a couple of comments at the crappy awards that we were like what the hell The other mad at Vanderpump I really did and we didn't really ask so why because frankly, I don't want to know. You know, I don't want to be spoiled on a mystery. And I really don't want to be spoiled on Vanderpump rules.

You know what I mean? It's like, it really helped me knowing things in advance. And it also like, technically, she's their boss. So to hear that employees don't like their boss is not surprising to me. So I'm like, okay, cool. It wasn't like, I didn't feel like I had to probe for anything. Yeah, but now we're seeing this episode we're seeing what they were talking about. Because Ariana's like, I'm always respected founder, pump is a business woman, but the way she treats the tons lately, and then we see her basically treating them like she

treats them. But yeah yeah I'm giving you an opportunity what are you doing get your head out of the glass literally you know yeah I think that's like a stick is like they're like little rascals and only leads I can keep them in check yeah I think that like as abusive over lords go I mean from what I hear Amy Klobuchar is much worse. Or hell, Seth Penny. Let's have her go at that. Okay. I was more terrified of the lady who was helping them invent drinks. Yeah. Oh, look, we have a camera appearance from Dominique. Hi. And the Schum away. So anyway, so now I'm all distracted.

So anyway, she's like I've always respected her, but I'm really getting pissed off Which how she treats him like they're dopes. Okay, tell me what they did to just be handed a restaurant I'm sorry. I'm glad they got it. I think they're very nice people Glad they're getting their 5% in 20 years or whenever that kicks in Yeah, but these guys were just handed a restaurant and it's branding and they're supposed to be the two dips Like that's kind of I'll tell you what they do. I was making mouse can suddenly like stop hugging people and get his own room and never come out at Disneyland No, he's Mickey Mouse. Okay, let me tell you something. I'll tell you what they did Okay, they both were named Tom and they became friends with each other You

Case and point as Lindsay would say yeah, case and point so she's getting super pissed and I do get where she's coming from as far as the like how does it help you to constantly criticize your business partners Yeah, I do get that but it's criticizing them in the way like, Oh, you cute dumb little thing. I'll help you. Yeah, broken livid. Idiot.

It's just like British humor. British humor. So Tom, so then Tom tells Lisa, like, Oh, dude James is really one, it's all to you. And Lisa's like, oh my god, James always wants to talk to me. I mean, conversations I want to have with that idiot, Cooper Trooper cart. Let me guess, he wants his job back. She's a guess, well, I'm sure that everyone at Sir would love James Kennedy Denny to have his show back because they make money, but this is about James learning a lesson. Yes, like we all had to learn a lesson. That Nick Elaine is a true maestro look around you, Dick Tucklox.

So Lisa is like, I'm like the therapist, I'm like the therapist here, I should have a couch. And then just cut to Ariana just scowling at her like, die, get out of here. So then the next song is, I'm falling into deep, I'm falling into deep. Oh, I thought it was I'm falling into me. No, my version's way too poetic. Yeah, that has way too much hidden meaning. This is like literally falling. You know, Britney, I fall into deep. I can't swim with the deep. I fell into the pool. It's like she's just drowning in Diablo, Sostro and Taco Bell.

She's gonna wear a little swimmiest wear wedding like under her veil. I got my swimmies on case I fall into the game Yeah, I jackspot me floaties again Now I could take a bath Yeah, the only moves that don't float because you know that jacks fill those with like rubber cement to get an Instagram discount You know, that's why she's afraid of the deep end. Much like Tom Schwartz's Jax Rubbob bouncy bounce. So Brittany and Jacks are getting ready because the entire family is coming over for this bridal, this is an abridal shower, right?

Engagement party. At the end of the seventh day. It's it. Oh, they're getting ready for the engagement party,... at the end of the seventh day oh they're getting ready for the engagement party but then later britney has a bridal something uh... it's like a bridal bride i mean you know britney she is one of these like monster brides who's just

gonna make it a man for every single aspect every i'll do my bridal breakfast we have a right to work as oh but this is different from the bridal pancake breakfast because that's for pancake is This is just general breakfast feeds. Yeah, hey Brittany you want to go to Chipotle? Probably to pull away. I'm in I have the bride of old please Like I'm saying she's a monster not cuz she's mean But because she is going to like tie up your entire social calendar because every week it's gonna be something else I think she's already had two bridal showers actually. She goes, she posts on Instagram this weekend, off to bridal shower number one.

Like, oh my god. Like, I think like one bridal shower is already too much. And I know some people love bridal showers. She gets like a million of them because she's getting a bunch of sponsored ones too. We're brands. We're going to throw you a bridal shower for Cynthia Bailey speech, believe me or whatever. I know that. And so they go and they get paid to go.

I mean, if anyone's wondering why Brittany is marrying this idiot because she's getting paid to go to like 90,000 bridal showers or bridal parties or whatever. Well, and also he's the ultimate fixer upper. So anyway, so there's a Brittany and Jack's in the apartment and family members start to show up. So first, Jacks is their Jenny shows up with her husband Patrick and then Brittany's family arrives. We got Sherry, our old friend Sherry who, if I remember correctly, was not wearing her signature white lipstick. It's too bad. I got used to that. Yeah. No, it looks like someone in this family learns things.

It's too bad. I got used to that. Yeah, no, it looks like someone in this family learns things. I Know we had we saw Mamma and be there is Don and Linda and Milisha remember last week were like who's militia? Someone you're gonna have a wedding with someone named militia and someone named Stasi your wedding like is there Is there a Gestapo? Is there a firing squad that your friends with? Is there a hunterapo? Yeah, yeah. Is there a firing squad that you're friends with? By the tip. Is there a hunter? Is hunter coming? It's a penon pen.

OK. So. And Jackson's telling us about his sister. He's like, my sister is important to me. Like, she'll give you the sweater off her back, literally. And then they show a picture of them as kids and it looks like he stole her hockey sweater he's wearing a big sweater and I'm like Jack's probably literally did steal sweaters from his sister I mean where do you think he got the inventory for a

chunky sweater line he just went to his sister's closet that's all he only sold for and then we get the most touching scene we've had all season. Jack's is like, that's my dad's fireball bottle. Every time I take a shot from this fireball bottle, I think of my dad. I'm like, okay, you're officially overplaying your hand at this point. When you're surfing fireball bottles, you've overplayed, sir. Yes, yes, exactly. So then Brittany, of course, is just all of a sudden. I'm so happy that my family's here for the engaging party

I'm hashtag blast as I please just can you just like log on to the not calm and I'll come back until it's your wedding Because I know like she goes up. You know that jack's probably has to pry her away. It's like wait one more page One more article. I want to read about flower arrangement So she's telling us I love my family like I so much. I look at that. That's might be Presley and I'm like, oh my God, this family even names their kids after wife beaters. Oh, my goodness. I thought it was that. Look at that. Google it. I personally interpreted it as named after

Cast members of the naked gun. How about that? Okay, yeah, it's nicer. Yeah, exactly So anyway, so they were all like hanging around. They're all like talking and Jackson making small talk about like He's like, yeah, so I put that on the wall. I mean, I did this I put this all together I did this all and like really he's like no no I didn't do anything it was all Brittany I mean she she enjoys it she just sits down and put stuff right together she just loves that and you just couldn't you just can imagine like Brittany is like well I'm out to go get my manie petty hour okay Jacks I'll I'll put together another one of your your toilet scooters. Okay.

I mean, but and I love when he's like, Oh, yeah, I didn't do anything. The dad's like, no, that I'll believe. Yeah, he had hates jacks. And Jackson's like, you know, like the dad doesn't like me, but I'm not going to just sit here and bow down to make sure he forgives me. You cheated on his daughter multiple times on national TV, like maybe, you know, sometimes it's okay to say you're sorry. And then you brag about, because there's a fundraiser for Brittany's niece, or definitely isn't,

oh god, this is so jacks. Yeah, so, you know, when there was this fundraiser, Jack said he was gonna match whatever is raised. And so he's like, yeah, basically I bought for it's brother or baby. And like I feel like you're like, look at the baby, the baby's getting so big in Jackson's like, yeah, it's almost like we were having a fundraiser for it. Like it was yesterday.

You're such an asshole, dude. Yeah, that's exactly. Listen, you know what though? Listen, at least he bought the baby instead of shoplifting it, okay? I don't believe it. He did buy that baby first of all and then they were having some like fundraiser at a chileys And he's like whatever we raise at this fundraiser all match it. I'm like well, how much did they raise? You know, for all we know, Jackson could have given them $20 and that I don't have to say I'm gonna make some money.

Yeah, yeah, he's never gonna let it go for the rest of his life. He's gonna be like at the first communion, like, hi, baby, I bought. Hi, baby for you. I generally do not ever believe, anytime someone in Bravo says they're going to match someone's donations. I think the only time, because remember there was

that big issue with Kenya and Nene, where they were like, fine, I'll pledge, there's something like, I'll pledge $20,000 to Detroit schools, if you will. I'm like, fine, fine, fine. And then Kenya did and then Neenie never did of course So then Mamma gives her speech. She's like Jackson brain made some ups and dies But it worked out real good. How's it worked out real good, Mamma? Okay, you fucking betrayer you and the mother are both fucking fame horse, okay? You're letting this guy get away with anything because you get a little money in a TV show at a bot and paid for a grand daughter

I don't appreciate it. You're sending your daughter down a life of misery shame on you, Mama. Shame on you. There I said it Yeah, I mean I think this is probably just like a family of women who are just like, as long as they provide, you know? Like, well, you know, you know, Boz will be a Boz. I think there's probably like a lot of back going on. You know, that's usually what. It's on the lead and kiss another, Mayun. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

So then, Jackson, like, hold on, guys, I want my dad to be here. And he pulls out like a little box where he's storing his dad. And I'm like really a cardboard box. Jackson really like a card box. Could you use like empty out an alt towards tin? Can we just upgrade this a little bit? I am impressed that he wasn't just mixed into the fireball,

but still Jackson. Actually, that would have been cute. To be fair, it would have been cute if like if as I mean his dad has left a prized vessel Why not? I mean that would I actually think that would be nice In the fireball. You know, they just drink it in that in that house, you know, no fault bottle of fireball is safe That's true even if it's empty Um, so now we go to brunch and just fuck it then We're really we're really like so Even if it's empty So now we go to brunch and feel like Talking about that

We're really like so I don't care. That's the side of that I woke up on this morning. Okay. You're just gonna have to survive this We're just like tearing apart families generations of families make fun of People sending their daughter off to Mary jacks fuck them that is not a good family I know they've also it also seems like they've raised brini Uh to have one goal in life which is to get married which I think is sad honestly I know there are a lot of people who love getting married and want to be bride and all that but for me personally

I think it's crazy when someone has just like a singular Devotion to this like one thing and then of course once that happened Then it gets redirected onto you know what? Baby. Oh my god. I I already am like terrified for her Facebook friends who are gonna have to deal with all this shit on their feet I mean we all know these people Okay, it's just It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot for those of us who are not as enthused about it. Yeah, and also I think it would be more helpful if it ended this season. You know, if it was like the season finale is their wedding in Kentucky and everybody goes and has a little fight there and then we all cry and it's over. Okay, but it's not it's going into next season. Yeah, a big go up for next season too. And then when she does get pregnant,

then we're going to watch her get pregnant. And it's going to be a very special pregnancy. It'll just be like, well, you know what? Like, baby's ruined sitcoms. And you know what? They're ruined reality shows too, sometimes. And I think this is this little we don't. Spending for rules cannot support a baby.

We cannot have a baby on the show. Okay. The only episode I want to see if that is when she gets birth to a chalupa. Okay. We cannot have a baby on this show. Okay. Yeah, the only episode I want to see if that is when she gets word to a chalupa, okay? We're a hockey puck. It's time for commercial celebrity beef. You never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife.

And I'm Sydney battle and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent tick-tock of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows, it snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up any time soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondria. It's time for a crap and it's commercial. Oh, so let's go to Prunch With Billy.

Corner! Corner! Corner! Corner! Corner! Corner! Connor! Connor! Horny! I fucked that basketball team, a baseball team, a hockey team, and a whistleball team.

Connor! So she just shows up to brunch with Billy Lee and she's running at the White Teacher and like she's like cinched like a leopard belt around it and she goes up to Adam who's also running a White Teacher and she goes, um so this is what I found in your closet this morning and like this is what I found on my car. So I sort of like put it together, okay? He's like, you know, she should have a style so just based on she has in her trunk, you know, like K-1Ps from some duty fact and then a piece from your trunk. Seriously, probably better than half the stuff we see on Project Runway this so far this season. Seriously, probably better than half the stuff we see on Project Runway this so far this season. So she's like, um, I know I told you without my friend Ethan is packing town and he

likes once I meet my project and I saw my, I think I'm gonna do that tonight and Adam's just like, gotcha, cool, great. He's like, who can I? I'll be honest, when you went on dates with other people, I didn't care. But like we're staying near each other's house like every night. I'm like, well, make up your fucking mind, okay? I hope Shina fucks a whole football team right in front of you. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. And if you're gonna be auditioned to be on this show by fucking Shina, A, you wouldn't be the first, so I can't really fault you for that. You know, half this cast is on it because I fuck somebody. I'm looking at you. You know what, Shina was our entry into this world. Yes, but at least like do something you know James Kennedy fucked Chris and to get into the world But he's still like does things now. Yeah, you can't just sit there and like Not be in to Shina. That's what all the cast does

Exactly and then Shina who is trying so hard to like play at cool and be like no, I'm just having fun I'm just like a single girl a just like, I guess I'm like, oh, I love sex. She's like, if you don't want me hanging out with other people and I clearly don't want you or hanging out with other people, then like, why aren't we just dating? I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, like, he's just like, dead eyed like, corner.

So, yeah, she's like, why aren't we just dating? And he and he's like, I don't know if I'm ready to believe with someone exclusively. He's like, yeah, look at this guy. And of course, this is such a scene of date. It's like some bachelor reject with freshly, you know, waxed brows that are still red because they're so fresh, showing you like boxes under his pants on Instagram. Right. That's like socially. Yeah. So they come to the agreement that she knows, she knows just not going to post anything about this date. And then she walks away and I'm like, good talk. Which I thought was funny because like,

watching these two is like the exact opposite of like frost mixin. You know, it's like, whatever the great debates were, whatever the great like Lincoln Douglas. Like frosting frosting. It's like whatever the great debates were whatever the great like Lincoln Douglas Exact opposite Also, I love her okay, I'm gonna totally go fuck other guys, but I won't push about it on snapchat Okay, that's like so People still use snapchat by the way I do I'm on date 11 of a streak with my niece

Because she broke it on day 50, okay? Oh, and I'm on date 11 of a streak with my niece because she broke it on day 50. Okay. Oh, okay. And I'm still pissed. I get that you're becoming a teenager. You have schoolwork, volleyball, tennis, cheerleading, sports news. Apparently not. Well, you know what? In total, other filters catch up until I can be a bunny face on something else. I'm into Snapchat for life. Okay. Fine. Fine. So now we get a new tricky ballot. Everything I'm telling off everything today. Yeah, we're all we're mad at everyone. So now we get like a tricky it's like a ballot. It's a little slower and she's like, this is the life of mine is this life of mine is all so new.

It's all so new. This life of mine. Yeah, okay, thanks Lord of the Rings, Trixi Monaco. Here's the song she should be singing. Mamma be trade, Brittany, but Brittany doesn't know it yet. Darn, Ditto, Darn, Ditto. Darn. Yeah, so now we're at the Violin's Basement Dress Barn. Yeah, exactly. Let's go to like, Laura L lies. Oh, by the way, Laura Lee had a new movie out this weekend. How about that? What was it? It was called under the silver lake. I think that's what was called. Oh, geez. Wow. Wow. It's about the sewage system

in superlake Los Angeles. Really fast. And she's dating it. Yeah. So, Laura Lee, please come back to this show. It needs you. It's time. It's time to come back. Yeah, Laura Lee, get off your high horse of your high flutin movie times. Get back on Vanderpump rules. Lala just did a scene with Al Pacino, okay? And oh, she talks about how much she's really earned this Wow, it's like people can talk about my connections, but I know that I earned this I wonder if they shared stories about being in mob movies and how they've just been so critically maligned and and how Hollywood just not ready for things like Goddie or the Godfather? So Cal, I know it's really rough for you when people couldn't get into Donnie Brasco by now

You know, I've been there. Been there. Yeah, Holly was just not ready to accept mobsters as part of as a viable genre Oh good. Okay, so we're in the Finelines Basement Dress barn with Brittany. It's like the's like the violence basement basement. Okay. It's like there's a basement under the basement. It's like, you know, into that movie, just Serbia. Like a basement underground parking for the base. This is like under the silver lake. This is like, Finally's under the silver lake right now. Okay. And there's like, there's like an underwater river with like a little boat that has a Phantom of someone wearing a mask you get on

and he'll take you to the dresses okay that's what's going on under this violence basement so stassy stassy sees all the dress that she's like I'm about to orgasm I asked the clerk's like oh my god Uh, the clerk's like, full bridal mariposa mold. Mariposa, kaka, kaka. She's like, do you have anything with a cape? She wants a wee, we cape, you have a cape? You have a cape? Stasi's like, yeah, she needs like a princessy vibe.

She's literally getting married in a white castle. So, a little white castle. And now the girls are, now the girls are wondering why they haven't been asked to be bridesmaids yet. So he's like, um, I have to pick out the dress. So am I a bridesmaid or not?

Like what the fuck? Okay. She's like, why is Noan excited AF about the fact that we're going to be bridesmaids? I'll tell you why no one's excited because now your calendar is going to be booked for the next five weeks. Every single thing is going to be an event for you. That's why no one's excited. Yes, I would not want to be a bridesmaid in this wedding.

Like you, you, you would need a second job just to keep the amount of the expense. Yeah, the amount of money. It'll be a Vegas trip and then there'll be a trip to the, there'll be a picnic at the beach. And then there's probably going to be like a girls night and then there's going to be a Palm Springs get away. And it'll get a class.

But you know, who does this not as cheap as the people who work there, okay? It's just not as cheap as you would think it is So yeah, Stasi Fine establishment Just kidding it's awful so anyway, I'm such a shit mood today. I'm actually in a really good mood. That's the thing, you know, it's because you know what? I mean, or when I'm in a good start off, because you know what? Because when we talked about Bell walking around and knowing everyone in town, which I think we've actually mentioned that before. I think we like we come back to that every now and then about that. Like we're still like quietly going to fight to fight that bell is a maniac. And I think that when we started podcast talking about bell, it just gets under our skin.

Like it's hard to be the only ones who see this, you know? Yeah. Yeah, maybe that's why I triggered. So Brittany comes in and says, Oh my God! These are so beautiful. I've got gays, look, I've got gays, bumps, I've got gays, bumps. I got chills look. I got goosebumps. I got Gays I got chill bumps. You ever see a chill bump and a

Gays bump? I got little grease in my arms. They're bumping. So That person that makes you look at her goosebumps so that you can witness the fact that she felt something like congratulations. Yeah, and like how many times you have to say I'm getting married in a castle. So happy looking for you. Is that like a brain saying? Is this a cape? Is this a cape? I have a friend. Is this a cape? Is this a cape? Is this a cape? I have everything on my desk today. Cleaned it just this little napkin. Is this a cape? Is this a cape? Is this the Cape?

Is it the figure Cape? It's like no, it's a handkerchief. So Brittany is also this person. She's like, I've been thinking to get my rig my whole life. And finally, it's my turn. I have a friend who does that with everything. Oh my god, I'm getting buried. It's my turn.

On pregnant, finally, it's my turn. It's like bitch it's always your turn. It's like I'm getting a croissant. It's my turn. Hashtag that was also me. If you're just willing to settle, life is your lazy season okay. It's always your turn. I mean the truth is if I were a straight woman I think I'd be a monster. I think I would pretty much be Brittany. And I think that's why I have so much anger is because I see too much of myself in her. So Brittany tells a really fascinating story. She goes, we ain't growing up.

I actually had my my size Barbie. That was like my size obvious, but it was the wedding one. So I wear her wedding gown all the time. The producer's like, who was she getting married to? She goes, you know what? I don't even think she was marrying anyone. I just like to dress. I was like, well, you know, you're so on the nose right now. Yeah. She's like, you

know what? That's why. You know, I always tell myself, this dress is so pretty. I want to grow up and get married. I don't even care who the guy is. I literally will take any guy. Just so I can get married. And now I got jacks pretty much I'm gonna have it look at his train. I've always dreamt of trains Oh god, you should see me try to ride Malibu Barbies car though. Oh, oh I was so jealous of that cramlin. Oh As a matter of fact, it kind of looks like Jackson, one of those classic cars he drives around now. When you talky Kong and the tiny little car in Mario Kart.

I think maybe that's why I'm attracted to him, because he could try to drive the car that I was willing to drive. We can have a dream house. So, Mamma is talking to the witches and she's like I was married 54 years Britain's mom was married 54 times. It's our lucky number And stuff she's like that. It's like the longest time ever. She's like only a database I miss him so much and it's really sweet because Mamma sweet even though I hate her today, but she's like a sweet general Yeah, she generally sweet even though she like leads her daughters down the wrong path She's a sweet even though she condones abuse, but um she's she's telling the sad story, you know

I'm like oh Bama and Christians like swiping through her phone. She's like oh I'm on cape.com trying to find some options so Apparently you can get a cape that's made of cod crazy. So um... The badditude Kati's like, yeah, well last year they were broken up like three times. So this is nuts. It's like, God. Thanks for bringing me to that sparkling positive attitude, Kati. Exactly. And then Sherry's like, you know what? I was never gonna give up on J.X. Never, ever, ever.

And then when his dad died, he told me, I want to be the man that my dad wants me to be. So I'm glad I didn't give up on him. I'm like, I don't like this narrative of like, you're never gonna give up on him. How about like, where's your self worth in this? Where's your daughter's self worth in this? I think if, if Jax's transformation really is true, great, truly great. But honestly, like what you basically tell your daughter is,

it's like not like, oh, it's not, you're not teaching her, oh, it's good to keep catfaiting people. You're saying, even though this guy did use so wrong, you should still be by aside. Because he's on TV and he has money now So she'll stand by Jackson's on this bravo does I'll give her that So then then they're all talking about what a shit head Jackson's and Cuz Sherry's like also Like really and then Chris is like yeah, you know, I haven't been jacks for like what a year No, yeah, I haven't been jacks. I, what a year. No, I haven't been jacked.

I'm like, this is so sad. Everybody's sitting around talking about like, oh, he hasn't fucked me over in like two weeks. And by the way, Kristen, it was literally like two weeks ago, at least so time that Jack's just telling everybody that you really did fuck James in Mexico. So I don't know, I mean, I don't know what scale you're judging on, but I'm not sure. So, um, so now we go over to Tattoo Parlor on Melrose where Jackson sister are gonna get tattoos to celebrate

their father and they're talking about you know Jackson saying like isn't it weird that mom's not here and Jenny's you know she's like well you got to do what you feel and we learn you know more about how like the mom didn't tell the kids that that the dad was in ICU at the end there. And so for a while, we've been blaming Jack's for it because we're like, well, why don't you call your mom? Like, we sort of felt like this was like, what Jack said that before.

No, I know, but we still felt like it was Jack's was like, warping the truth. But now, like, hearing Jenny, I'm like, oh, wow, that does sound, that is like really fucked up. And that is is really really sad. I don't know what happened. Yeah, it is really sad Jack says well, I don't know You know, I don't know what if somehow or some way dad told her to do that like not tell us certain things and for jacks to even say that I don't think jacks really thinks that deeply no offense I think that's probably what the mom told them was like he didn't want me to tell you, you know

And I don't know. I don't know the truth But I just think like not to invite your mom to your wedding over something like that Like trying to protect your feelings while your dad is dying You know maybe the dad had I think he didn't want them there But whatever happened is really sad and I'm not gonna make fun of it But I will say you're a motherfucker for not inviting your mother to your wedding and treat your like treating your like a lepper You're a fool. Yeah, I think so too.

I think it's a sad situation. I think ultimately it's a very, very sad situation, regardless of the fact that it's like jacks or not. I think it's a sad situation. But that being said, now you only have one parent. So like rather than like not invite your mom to like the most important day of your life, aside from the day that you got offered a job to work at Tampa at a local hockey team. I think that, you know, invite her and like, deal with it later.

You'll regret this the rest of your life. Invite her, talk it through, find out what she was thinking. Don't do this, Jacks, don't do it, don't jack your mother. Don't go back, Jacks. So, you wanna say anything else about that scene? Sad I just thought it was funny. I've forgotten that jacks got a tattoo for Carmen Carmen's like from the forgotten era of antipromptu rules around like that season three season four time Carmen me mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, like a cruise line specifically the princess cruise line because I'm a breathing ass and then Cara's taking pictures of her Cara's her best friend and she's like Cara is sound important to me I need to be my mother my mom never before I even

do Jackson be my husband I'm Brittany's you Brittany likes the first one the best like who cares why am I writing to shut down so I'm Britain's like um could you do me a favor dress lady Okay, you need to come down here. I need to talk to her season one with the she to print shirt and she to print arm Yeah, that one. So he's scowling looks like she's having a terrible time. She's trying to fold laundry even though there is none She's her muscle memory that one looks like she's trying to poop out of turd That one she's going for the ranch dressing. Yeah That one looks like she's trying to poop out of turnie that one she's going for the ranch dressing. Yeah

So Katie comes back to like the back area. She's like hi She's like Katie I want you to be my my trip of honor Or as I like to call it my old lady soul Dauer Elderly friend of honor. Katie, you've always smelled like rose water and fart. So I want you to be my my diviner, Katie. Katie's like, um, like, I don't know what that is.

And I'm not an old major in, um, and I don't know if I have to put on a bonnet and turn butter at her wedding. Look at what I'm not an old major in, um, and I don't know if I have to put on a bonnet and turn butter at her wedding. You know, maybe such an asshole on this show that when people act like that, it makes you think they're smart. It makes me think they're smart. Like when I'm like, I just assumed they're smart. But for Katie to think being a major in a bonnet means she's going to have to put on a bonnet and turn butter at a wedding. Well, honestly, I would not be surprised with Britney. Hi Katie, here is your honorary butter churner and here's some milk. Get to it! The buns are gonna be

served in an hour! We're open half all the butter ready by cocktail hour so if you could sit next to the cellist that's playing Pocobel's cannon that'd be great. So the girl sent something's going on but Kristen's trying to like keep herself busy with the baby She's like Kaka Kaka Is that baby wearing cape? Is that a cape on the baby?

So then the next song is I don't really care what you think I'm going deep I'm doing me I'll do it over myself. Oh you're a callback With me I'm going deep. So James is that sir and he like walks up to this girl named Monica Who's like one of the managers there and she just dares him like really your back again? Yeah, she just looks at him like yeah Really your back again. Yeah, she looks at him like yeah Every time I look at him she looks at him like I looked when I pictured Katie turning butter. I was like Katie would make the worst butter to she wouldn't even turn it right she was just be slow leave it to Katie to ruin butter for me Yeah, I know it'd be like a runny effort into it. She's just like fold. She's still like putting her laundry in it

running effort into it. She's just like fold. She's just like putting her laundry in it and then sitting on the house. He's like, this is Ranch Katie. I just do what I feel is right. So yeah, this manager hates James, but he goes to find Lee said he's like, hello, sorry. He's like, hello, I've only found you, Lee, so finally, finally, finally, found you. It's like, oh, stuff, finally, finally found it, it's like, uh, hello James. I was just about to buy a new set of pussy bows, fine, go on, tell me something. Well I had 20-something messages from you James, a little obsessive, don't you think? And he's like, no, not obsessive, it's just a prockie. I'd like to call it blackies. Like, what do you want James?

Oh, that's the sort of, sort of of 23 messages, the sort of thing that detail-oriented person like me would do because I have a lot of great ideas for See you next Tuesday. Like I was thinking Lisa I could bring in an astrology laser and then we could put on the ceiling I'll be like a space-party kind of thing Yeah, I'm like James, this is James Have you seen the lounge that you DJ in? This is not a planetarium, okay? You were not gonna be putting astrology on the ceiling. Like, like, uh. So, yeah, also this place is already alien themed.

Have you seen the faces of the staff? Okay, this is all Instagram plastic surgery faced staff. Okay, it's already alien themed. This is like close counters of the fifth sixth and seventh kind so Vanderfell is like you don't what part of you don't work here anymore don't you understand Jamesy Wainty and he's like yeah but everyone else has been really lazy with their night and they're not coming to work and they're not doing it right I mean you put all your underwear and your

ducks on a bar and James poor James is beaten down. And you know, I've been on James's side. I feel like for most of the season, but at this point, it's like, you're fired. Go get a new job. You know, you could probably like your job, like the other job that they showed him and went through the season was significantly better than doing sir. I mean, he was like a, like, an actual club, not in like the back room or the side room of like a restaurant that serves Patagonian to fish. Yeah, and he really should have taken the time that he had to get with all the lower cast members Billy Lee, Jesse, you know, all those people and just start a fight with each other. They should think they can take In every this whole show because God knows nothing else is happening to season and so I guess

I don't feel as back because I feel like he's wasted an opportunity here. Okay. Yeah, so he's she's just like He's begging for his job and Lisa's like it's not going to happen and he goes oh Come on Lisa Come on He's like like he's like literally whining to her now. That's what he's been reduced to yeah, and She's like this is the third time James stop whining like a now. That's what he's been reduced to. Yeah, and she's like, this is the third time James stopped whining like a two-year-old stabbed her foot,

have you been drinking? And he's like, well, I mean, a couple of beers here and there. Yeah, and she's like, oh, Jesus. He was, that's not really drinking. James, James, you need to, okay, here's the thing, James, you fell into this trap like two episodes ago and you lost brunch and billy-be. So even if you have been drinking a couple of beers and I really don't advocate this for

people who are trying to be sober to lie, but at this point just lie, honestly. Like, why do you keep telling her that you're having a couple beers? Why do you think a couple of beers means to James? You know, I think he's saying a couple of beers means to James? You know, I think he's saying a couple of beers because he's sure that she's already heard that he's trashed all over the place, you know? And that's his right to do that.

Like I'm not drunk, Jamie. I'm just saying like if you promise someone that you're gonna quit drinking to keep your job and then you don't do it, don't come in here fucking crying, you know? Yeah, I'm gonna get a sick of watching James cry and he's like literally sitting here crying and begging again like yeah Do you some of the stuff?

He has this like this whole weird He keeps saying things like sir is my home. I grew up here from scratch This is what I live this is the pizza oven. I have spent my my fuzziest memories my warmest fuzziest memories So I had to have a memory scrolling up at my first fuzzy memory as I bought the pizza oven Yeah, I can't believe growing up at my first fuzzy memory. As I thought the pizza oven was my favorite. I can't believe I wasn't given one last chance. Like how many chances do you get, my god? We've been having this in the U for three seasons.

Yeah, she's like, your a person you should never have another drink and you'll screw up your entire life of it. But you won't do it here, James. And he's like, boy Lisa, man. So it stops off. And then this is my favorite way to get out of a van der Prumpf rule scene. Every time they end a scene and the girl is mad, she's like, goodbye, James. Phone, phone, swipe, phone, swipe. We see sheen that do it. We see, Lala do it later later on the episode. It's my favorite swipe. favorite swipe my favorite get out of the good swipe yeah so then we go over to tom tom where uh... tom sand of all in stossy and

christian and ariana right a table and tom sand of all just like cramming a sandwich into his mouth like he hasn't even like four weeks uh... and so uh... ariana's talking about how Lisa really pissed her off of what she said uh... apparently um, Tom and Tom were with Lisa doing press with a food blog and the interviewer asked something like, so Tom and Tom, have you guys been really stepping it up now at the Yonabar and Lisa interjected and said, oh, tell them why you just were stepper up a She's like, hello, she told them to go to Mexico. Now she's like turning on them on extra about it. Yeah

And Ariana like the Rianner goes I mean like if she thinks that like Tom is such an idiot then that means that I'm an idiot for dating such an idiot and like that's not cool I'm like are you just getting that now how long have you been on this show? I don't know I'm again I'll say it again. I think that her big thing is like oh I'm giving a restaurant to these two rascals and that's just gonna do that forever because that's like this stick of it I don't get it and also I wouldn't be so I mean I guess if you're offended then you should tell somebody You know why do you treat treat us all like idiots? It makes us look bad and it doesn't make me feel good I don't know how she handles it well Ariana's gonna handle it soon enough because she says she's gonna talk to Lisa Vanderpump about it at the at the engagement party

I'm like well good luck with that, Ariana. I'm like, that was me. I love what we've seen the previews for next week. Lisa going, it was a Jew. Who are you again, darling? We have an interactive. I'm pretty sure everybody is sick of hearing from Lisa Vanderpump at this point. Mm-hmm. So for now, she's like, yeah, I'm going to talk to Lisa.

And Tom's like, well, you know, we're close. You'll never with Vanderbilt, but yeah, we are kind of repunching bags and she's like, well, I'm gonna talk to her and Stasi's like um, I Wouldn't do that Like it's like I should know how much that sucks and then we get a clip of one of my favorite Scenes of all time. You're not important enough to hate sit down. Yeah. So then Adam joins the table and they

start talking about Shina being out on date. And what's the deal with Adam? How does he feel about that? And he's like, I'm just not ready for relationship right now. And Stasi goes, she's like, Adam, I want you to care because Shina really likes you, which I thought was funny because that's St of Stasis wave undermining because What every man wants to hear is that the girl that he's like casually having sex with the girl really really likes him

Yeah, she really wants a relationship with you. I hope you like it on board. She really wants your babies Yeah, I feel like Stasis like like really went under the radar with that undermining line right there. Even though it was supposed to be supportive. Stasi's got the split up. Adam, I don't care about Adam. I think he's just using her to get on this show. I don't care about him. He's like, I know, he's pretty.

He can just sit there. Like, what I like about Adam is that he's pretty but doesn't take up a lot of bandwidth. We just look at him here and there and it's like, oh, that's nice to look at. Yeah, he's nice. It's like a nice vase. So then we go to Sina on her date.

And we're not gonna run. Like I said, he's like fresh from the eye waxer, his eyes are pink and I'm like, cheese ball, the guy's like a total cheese ball. And she's gives him a huge glass of rosé or whatever, she's like, what'd you get? So came.

And then she tells us like the story. a huge glass of rosé or whatever. She's like, what'd you get? So came in. And then she no tell us like the story. This is this is she knows dating life in a nutshell. She goes, I'm 33, but Botox House of May, like 20, six, so like every 25 or all like once that like asked me out and I'm like, yes please, make my dinner. Go down on me. And I'm like, yes, please make great dinner. Go down on me. Ah! I'm all for it! Bye! And then she are, and then this guy's like,

I think he's also a generous self-assessment that the Botox is making her look 25. Did she mean 25 years older? Is that what she meant? Yeah, Botox generally does not make you guys look younger. Sorry, sorry to be the one to have to tell you. So this guy's such a cheese ball. He's like,

yes, slap that meat. Oh, yeah, love a good slab of meat. He is such the perfect example of like an Instagram thought. Like he is fully like you know, you know, he's got like 78.4,000 followers and it's like a lot of like pictures of him shirtless and then like him at LA fitness doing a selfie. It's like probably lot of pictures of him shirtless and then came at LA Fittiness doing a selfie. It's probably like hashtag aesthetics and then pictures at the beach. And then pictures with a bro with their arms crossed like this. Yeah, he probably has like but waxing,

but whole waxing videos on fans only. You know tons of Coachella shit. You know there's like this past weekend, there was like about 45 photos of him with a little bandana over like his lower, over his like mouth, you know, and like getting excited about like Kanye. Yeah, yeah.

Even though Kanye was there. Cena immediately drops her promised Adam to Autumn and starts snapping. She's like, oh my god, my friend, give me my day. I'm terrible at snapping my ass. She's, she's, she's, she's starting. She starts snapping it. And then we go back to the restaurant and everyone's phones like, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, because she knows how things keep coming up, which I find hilarious that people don't have seen a muted. Yeah.

Their phones like, I don't believe this this i believe this was some serious out of facts yeah i don't yeah i don't even believe they like she has she has been on do not disturb for this entire cat for about four years now okay no one's getting a she-nam notification especially not from snapchat you know so so are you on and saucy get these like text of like she know with Ethan like we're making so can over dinner and he's popping me So he's like leaning he's like putting her against the wall with his butt. He's like yeah, you want some salt? My rift pocket

Yes, we're pocket that's right Oh God rip pocket's name is banned. So then, and you know, by the way, he's the sort of guy who totally has like a tribute to Nipsy hustle on this Instagram, even though he's never even heard of Nipsy hustle until three weeks ago. You know that, right? You know that. So anyway, so Shina is, first of all, also, we have to mention the fact that she is holding this giant wine glass that says wine here on it. I was like, I found this really amazing novelty glass on my whole. I love it on the more holes, and I found the best glass on my whole. It says wine here because it gets one I like to drink wine here.

So, Ariane is like, okay, look, I'm sorry Adam. I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but she's snapping her date here. Look, she shows them, and she knows like, Karate! Oh my God! Yeah, she's like, look at Karate! Karate!

I love root vegetables! She is like so impressed with those Karate. I mean, they were big carrots But they were like the size of like through chinas. She's hilarious. So then she's like She's talking about the steak and she goes I prefer a tea bag to one. I prefer two little to one bag So I've never had a three farm and he's like How about you like I just got on national TV. Are you really gonna make me talk about butt sex right now? Come on He's like how about you and she's like wow am I early hot she tells us she's like am I early? Like I just got on national TV. Are you really gonna make me talk about butt sex right now? Come on.

And he's like, how about you? And she's like, wow, am I early? She tells us. She's like, am I early? How are you with yours? I'm at Packers, I'm Lakers, I'm Spurs, and sometimes there was more than one person involved. That was just one time.

So how about that? Yeah. Yeah, I meet like T-ball teams and like intramural ball with all teams and like a croquet teams and like, I don't know, it just got real wild. It just keeps us to Bravo tradition where young people on Bravo are like, I'm not a whore, how dare you. I haven't had sex with anybody, you know, like the arguing, like the Lala for a season, like, how dare you call me a Saudi yacht whore, you know?

And then the second they start feeling old, they're like, I'm a whore, I'm a whore, I'm fucking everybody. I can so fucking, I can't do anything. It's actually viable, I'm viable, I'm viable. I love the carrots and I love by the way that they, like, they sit down to dinner and like, Cheris said, they're there and then we just, the camera just cuts to the cat, and the cat just gets up and walks away.

The cat's just like, I am not sticking around for this date any longer. I was like, I had chosen this place on this Shag carpet to have a very comfortable evening for myself, and you guys are ruining it. I wanna go back to West Hollywood. So she tells Ethan, do you wanna go for it?

And he's like, you know that happens, it happens, it's like, um, you know, if it happens, it happens, stick in my pocket, let's see where it takes me. And she's like, ah! She goes,

oh, she's like, she's like, um, so like, you know what's funny? Because like, I've never been that woman who's like, I need to be married, I need to have kids. I need to be an independent woman. I'm like, what? What?

Where was this, Gina? And then she, and then like, on the heels of her saying, I've never been that woman who like me to be an independent woman. I'm like, what, what, where was this, Gina? And then she ended up on the heels of her saying, I've never been that woman who liked me as to be married. She goes, so how long are you here for? He's like, three weeks, she goes, oh, so do you want to go front? Yeah. Oh, so meaner. So then back at the restaurant, Tom's like, what's hard to

bro, being in a, beingina, and being committed to her, or watching her be with someone else. And Autumn is like, uh, I'll only think about it. It's so excited to tell you that much. And they're basically like, dude, do you care or not, you know? And then he's like, well, you know,

I'll just see how it goes and don't go, dude. They're definitely fucking, and it will start cracking up at Adam. He's mad. We know this because the cat has texted me saying, please get me out of this apartment, they're definitely fucking right now. And so then we see Ethan and Shina like making out on the bed, and then he goes,

oh, my mouth is getting tired. So we are eyelids, his red eyelids. So Andy's like oh I've read this down because the watcher happens live little interstitial came on and Andy's like Seena shake I love it. She's up to her old ways again. She's gonna be here tonight She's gonna be here. Yeah, wait a sec. I call for summer house I told you something also coming up. We is it? La la la. So, Vanderpump is it. Tom Tom and Lala comes in. She's like, oh my god, Lisa. It's beautiful here.

She's like, yes, well, I'm so proud of it. What is it? La la la. Vanderpump is not in a good mood today. What is it? I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it.

I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud here. She's like, yes, well, I'm so proud of it. What is it? Lala.

The matter of the problem is not in a good mood today. She is best. It's like, well, I'm glad you finally cover up your navel. It was a slot. Harlett. Pretty much. She's like, are you wearing that tonight? I prefer it to what you wore last time. You look like you were going to a brothel. And Lala's like others like um that's a

compliment to me so Lala let me give you a little bit of advice if you want to keep working here it's called pizibo.com look into it you're with an older man now and he wants to be proud of how you represent him but you know you're not making him proud but you know, you're not making him proud. But you're looking pretty me. Like, oh, yeah, I'm sure Rand is just with her. So she'll make him proud. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Rand, and that's how Bander pumps a read on that. Yeah, Rand is, yeah, exactly. So, um, so Lisa Basis is like, listen, you know, I let I didn't, I didn't like, like, rake you over the

coals about the way you acted at Billy Lee's brunch because you just went through something tragic the way I did. We both did it at the same time, so I understand, but that doesn't give you an excuse to act like a crazy, raving fool. So you need to get it together. And honestly, I was just talking to James, and I think he really benefited from having someone like you by his side who could help him along. And so now Lala, who basis like, oh, I'm in trouble with the boss. And I think he really benefited from having someone like you by his side who could like help him along and so now Lala who basis like oh, I'm in trouble with the boss and I have to like I need to get back on Lisa's good side It's like okay show show these are LVP

like my dad would say Forgive James so I Mean I forgive him. I like it. Sorry, I just took TV party. I like that. She's like, yeah, that's so me, like helping people. Like that is so easy. It's like, you know, and Vanderpump's like, crap,

those big ears and shake them. Like if you don't like her sense of humor, I totally get it because she is always shading everybody, but she is always shading everybody. So yeah, like I mean, there was a long time where I really felt like Lala was the best. And like they're like Lala was the best. I love Lala, but I feel like this season, I mean, maybe it's because she has gone through some some real, you know, major major trauma slash tragedy but I'm just not digging Lala so much anymore. It's like it breaks my heart. I don't know what it is. I think that like she's being a dick, maybe she's been a fucking ass for the wrong reasons. She's always like a dick

but dick in a way that we I think maybe we're also just suckers for when those girls all gang up on someone. And yeah, she goes with the girls who don't like she won't like whoever the girls tell her not to like she's not so well. She's a kind of she's a kind of person to school who's mean to you because the popular kids tell her tell her to you know, I just want to make a lot of great again. Make well like a great again. I do. Good luck with that. Maybe you should make some hats. I hear those work. So now we go to everybody. What? Well, you said back at the brunch.

I just want to clarify now we go to brunch. Oh, we're in a different Brittany party. Semantic. Okay, semantic. Totally different. I'm just trying to set the stage for those people who, yes, stage should be set. We're back at another Brittany brunch there. We're at Pumb and it's a brunch.

And Brittany has a lunch. We're at a brunch. I'm just trying to set the stage for those people who No, that's okay. Yes, stage should be set. Yeah, so we're back in other Britney brunch there. We're at pump and it's a brunch and Britney has set up. There's all these play settings and everyone has like a little like a tall It's like a black box that looks like it has a sono speaker in it, you know, at every play setting. Yeah, and she's like, I ran up in your tiny bottles., I'm up in your tiny bottles. There's tiny messages in your tiny bottles.

Sorry, I want to interrupt one more time because I don't want you to ever get through the scene. So the way Brittany says, as she's setting up the tables, she says, I've been wanting to get married since I was a little girl, so every little detail is so.

And then my direct-to- direct TV receiver did that glitch thing, where it just advances about a minute to 90 seconds. I was like, wow, even direct TV doesn't want me here about this anymore. She's like, I've been wanting it, Mary, ever since. Direct TV just starts recording the Lindsay Lowe and repeats instead on me. Direct TV is like, canceled.

So Stasi's like, oh my God, how do your hands even make tiny things like this? They have little scrolls that they have to open up that are inside the roses or something? Yeah. And so Arianna's like said, does this mean you want us to be bridesmaids? And Chris is like, this conversation is making my shit my past okay Clearly I'd be the best made of honor like clearly cool Come call So Brittany's like well I'm my best friend is my made of honor and Katie's Katie's my matron of honor

So maybe you can help her get a passion meeting or something I Was thinking one of those old Russian ladies way her down the street and say a moniker, but about a babushka, you know, something like that. Do you want to get a little walker? Can you get a bridal walker for her? Yeah, could you get some glue to keep her teeth in? That would be good. Thank you.

So then, uh, Kristen's all mad, of course. And she's like, oh, can't compete with the best friend and I mean Katie's married so So then she gives them their gift which is the flower in the jar and area I was like, oh my god, it's beauty in the beast Which is kind of the theme of your wedding. Oh Thank you for giving me this totally impractical bell jar with a flower inside Thank you for giving me this totally impractical bell jar with a flower inside. This is great. I'm not going to put this next to Katie C. Towel in the Goodwill donation box at all.

And Stas is like, yeah, he is like the beast. Like he's big, he's sweaty, he's terrible manners, but like he left bell. And then he turned into Prince Charming, got an instant discount on boobs. Like on boobs he like better than hers. So yeah, it's a Disney, it's how Disney works. Yeah, exactly. Oh my God, I don't know, the whole scene drove me nuts. So now we go over to Lala and James at TomTom.

So Lala's sitting outside, James comes up, and she's like, hey, James, I just wanted to check in on you. You know, just want to see how you're doing. And James refuses to make eye contact with her. He's like, looking, his eyes are drawing all around like a dog, you know? And she's just like, just like, um, could you like maybe make eye contact with me? Um, was that, would that be so hard, you know? And he's like, um, so I just feel hot for me to look at you

because you've been so mean to me and to okay and everything like that It's like you're from a friend of mine, you know good. I just can't like stop caring about someone So I just want to know where your head space is. I know you've been really though and like crashing and stuff I'm like you crashed into him. Yeah, you were going to record with him That was like gonna be his beacon of hope. Yeah. He's like, well, honestly, I've been really good. I've been seeing therapy, seating ice cream occasionally.

And she's like, oh, look. Here's the thing. We could talk about things that I've done to people. I'm not on some high horse. I'm perfect. Could you pay attention? He's like, what do you want from me? You know?

And she's like, he tells us, well, I miss Lola. And if you put this person next to her, they don't even compare, like, in a bad way. Like, she sucks, you know? And Lama's like, well, I just see you getting kicked. And I'm just saying, like, next time you want to lash out, call someone, which is funny, because that's exactly what Ariana told her.

And so it's just like she's copying what a caring person would say. And reading it to someone, she doesn't give a fuck about, but the producers made her shoot with. Exactly, and I like James's response. I was like, well, I'll actually call my therapist. Not gonna call you. Instead of Lala.

Someone actually helpful. Someone actually is gonna try to support me. And Lala's like, I see you spiraling, and he's like, yeah, right, right, right, okay, okay, okay, uh-huh okay uh huh right he is so not and he's so over-discovered by yeah which was actually I thought I actually thought that was a sign of growth for him because in the past you would have been like I just want us to be friends again okay for you I'm so sorry about the things I'll say I don't know what I say the things I do mother I don't know well yeah cuz usually it's him who's doing the shitty things but this time it's her

You know, it's like how many times can you be? Which I guess is her point to like how many times can you be fucked over by the same person? Right, but she's like yeah, at some point he has to own what he's done He's like yeah, thanks for chat. See ya. Yeah, come on now. Come on So it was kind of sad, but also not really. I'm partly. Yeah, I mean, I would like them to be friends again. I realized that when the scene was ending, I was like,

maybe like the greatest real line of the season is the story of James and Lala, but then I was like, okay, get over yourself then. So then we go back to that brunch and like everyone's like sitting around like, princess, princess, princess, old lady of honor. And then she is just sitting there in the corner like she's like texting like you know she's like a loud textor with her fingernails like and then like what's what's going on she and she's like um so Autumn's probably gonna like change what is wearing because he's like not gonna want to match me

anymore because he's like fucking head smell like I can't but we're not gonna match that want to match me anymore because he's like fucking heads me like I can't but we're not gonna match that and Ariana's like oh yeah how was your day and Britain's like wait you went on to die are you in guy yeah and she's like oh my god put me on blast march this is about I just really wanted to match with Autumn today and like he doesn't want to match on him or I'm like why don't you want to match with her anymore? Autumn and She knows like whatever I don't ask don't tell I'm like that's like a really old policy actually Yeah, it's like not like Considered to be a positive policy also you told you did tell by the way

Yeah, what you don't what I told don't ask don't snap You know, what about whatever happened to don't tell when not asked You just told you told no one asked So she she does like You know you got your flowers in the jar and your time and messages in the bottle. Everything else that I spent 19 months getting ready for you all, so you know who's making a bad scene of the dog?

Hey, let's go, time. So she's trying. She's like, it's just like Adam. He's been like saying really nice things and we both been getting nasty to each other and I'm like, he's like my best friend. I can't lose another boss from him. Especially not, oh, I don't know.

Like, am I gonna match with now? Like, magic is more than just like on Tinder. It's like what you wear, okay? And so she's like, that's weird, because she just told us that they were just best friends and then we get a nice ex-cita montage of that. This is my best friend. It's my best friend, we're like best friends.

We're like best friends, but best friends. And so we're best friends. If you ever see the best friend, because that's what we are, we're two best friend. I'm not best friend. We're like best friends. We're like best friends. We're best friends. We're best friends. If you have a best friend, because that's what we are. We're two best friends. We're like two friends, but we're the best. Like, have you had some best friends with the best? That was the most amazing, because that was like a long montage of short clips.

So then we get... Oh, I also like Stostisch, he's your best friend and you're sleeping together. You're in a relationship. Hey, my best. Fine. It's a guy time. It's all the time. Yeah. The cousins and the brothers and the friends and the all the boys from Arkansas. The brothers.

The brothers. So we go over there and the guys are like, I'll have a water. I'll have a coke. I'll have an ice to you. I'll have a water and jacks like that gun the rocks. I didn't even know that. Every time I've got the rest of my life. So then there's like a lot of like small talk about like well, it's a good thing. It's not raining

It'll be terrible for rain. Oh, I hate the rain. You know what I don't like? I can't stand the rain on my window Down on it goes it never rains in California and the dad goes running money So the dad's like raining my money all right now What got me is Brittany showed us his picture of this huge rock and people are all excited about it And they're so excited about that ring, but what's good to me? You know what excites me faithfulness jacks That's what excites me and Jackson's like Do you think I'm faithful to my porn helicopter cow? So I knew this would happen.

And then Jack's, God Jack's is such a pig. He's like, yeah, he knows terrible. Then my dad had to pass for me to become a better person. It's like really, you're whipping out a dead dad card. Don't do that, Jacks, okay? Say, I've been faithful. Who does that? That's so gross.

Yeah, exactly. So he's like, the dad's well, you know, you screwed up royalty and it didn't please me at all and Probably no one else and Jack's like I was going to my own issues, you know, I was going to my own like I feel like the answer Is always like I'm so sorry like that was I was so mortified. That's the worst thing I ever did But it's like I was going to my own issues Not not a good answer Yeah Yeah, I'm not a good answer Dad wasn't taking it either because it's like I know you lost your dad Now you were you still screwed up, you know, and he's like are you trying your best because that's all we're concerned about And Jackson's like look I know that I messed up that how many times you're thinking to give me the third degree

Oh my god, which is a classic Jackson and meanwhile there's like one guy at the table I think one of the brothers or brother-in-law's who doesn't really say anything He's just like watching with big bug eyes like oh, yeah, so brother. That's his sister's Boy, yeah, he's like So then one of what's the one of Britney's brothers is like well, Bernie seems to really care about you don't know why after all you don't or Yeah, and the brother's like, REEEET! Uh, I'm Jack's like,

all right, all right, enough of that, you know, like uh, oh no. No, then Jack's goes, so all right, all right, you guys coming to the bachelor party? It's gonna be bad! Nothing good is gonna happen on that. I was like, he's just asking you if you're faithful and you're like, you wanna come fuck some strippers at the bachelor party.

Come on, Jacks. You know what was great is that my sky totally disconnected during that, but I watched you on TV party, doing that entire rant. And I was great. I was like, you're taking it. I saw you doing this. And I didn't know what you were saying, but I felt it.

I thought it was strong. He's so infuriating. And then some guys like, well, are you going to ask for everyone's blessing again? We want her to be love and cherished. And Jackson says, yeah, but like, she's going to love and cherish me. Who's asking that?

And then he tells us, he's like, I don't know what part of the country these people are from. Like, you do. You've literally, you, he's like, I don't know what part of the country these people are from. Like, you do. Do you've literally, you're getting married in that part of the country in a castle, which barely makes sense. And then like, Jack says now, now he's like eating this cauliflower, like a goblin. He's just like, he's just sitting there just like hunched over it, like, Anthony, questions. Like, he's like, whatever, whatever, I don't care oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, What about loving and cherishing me? What happened to take care of your husband? Huh? Mm-hmm.

Unless it's like, west the brothers like, well, it's important in how you talk to each other. And Jack's like, well, I always have to have the last word. So no matter what he says, I'm like, shut up, you stupid bitch. It works out pretty well. God, he's such a pig. And then he's like, look, look guys, I love Britt to death.

It's always what he says before he fucks somebody over. And he's like, but I gotta take care of this guy first. Or I'm always gonna be number one. Now, there's been discussion of this online where people are like, but you do have to take care of each other yourself first before you can take care of anybody else. Okay guys, this is not an airplane.

Where the airplane's crashing and then oxygen drops down and you have to give yourself oxygen before you give it to the baby. This is not the same thing, okay? Jackson saying, Jackson's been a total pig and if you don't, if you're gonna read something into this statement that he just said and get let him off the hook, what about the, yeah, but what about her taking care of me? And what about, yeah, that guy's such a pain. So he has to look after himself and she has to look after you too.

How about you look after your partner and your partner looks after you? Is that way by you looking after your partner, you're essentially looking after yourself? Yeah, and then I wrote caveman eating. And then, if you was like a caveman. Yeah, and then Shina is back at the thing, wait, is this next week or did this happen right now? Must be next week because that was the end of the episode.

Oh, it was. Where's the eat the butt hole part because she is texting. And then they're like, how do you meet and cares? Like I saw Jackson. I saw Jackson. I said, Hey, come over here and talk to my friend. And he said, I want to eat her a whole rat. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that was like, that was like interspersed with this. I didn't even bother writing that down. I was like, I don't think I want to participate in this anecdote. And they're like, um, your sister's right here. I mean, his sister's right here. And Jenny's like, yeah, sounds about right. No. Well, that brings us to the end of another infuriating episode of Vanderpump Rules. Uh, not much happened yet. We found everything to happen with it. Sheena is like one of the few things that's keeping us see this season. Although I don't hate the season, I like it, but Sheena is truly the high point.

Yeah, for me too. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM B I Don't used to be my high point, but now he like hates me like I used to match with my high point And now I like match with my low point. I'm like, ah Everybody, thank you so much for being here. We will be back tomorrow with real housewives of Beverly Hills and Go get tickets for our live shows Milwaukee Minneapolis Irvine Baltimore Nashville go get your tickets and go get your Rosalee all day and Damn it. I shouldn't have made two rosacea shirts because I can't remember what they are Rosé all day and straight to the rosé

AAAAAAAA Okay everybody thanks so much we will see you next time BYE! you Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself

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