Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Britney Shocked To Learn Jax Is Still a Pig

Episode Date: January 10, 2018

This week's episode of "Vanderpump Rules" sees Britney trying to make Jax a better man... and Lala slapping her back to reality. Nothing like some cold, hard receipts to dash Jax's redemption. Come listen to our recap of this crazy episode. No squirrels were injured in the recording of our show. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few, follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what happens would like to think it's premium sponsor! Can't have a burger without Megan Berg, Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go HIGHLOW.

And Kristi Dauri, the OG Prem Supreme. Plus our super premium sponsors, Grant the grant master and Lizzy Drucker a fine mother fuck to talk to other crap and listeners about the shows as they air, come over to facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo. We just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from BesideBlog.com and the Banderblander podcast joining me on this rainy LA day is a man who has many incriminating audio memos that he could send to many people around this town

about whether or not they cheated and made proclamations about whether they really want to marry someone else. Girl, you know I record my Skype calls now. That's right, it's Ronnie Carrom from trashtalktv.com and the Rosepricks Bachelor podcast, which is back. Hello! Yeah, I will record a Skype call. So if ever I call you from a funky number, that's not my number And I'm like, hi, just calling you from Skype because it was easier. I am recording you and trying to get you thrown in jail and or broken up with By Britney, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Watch out for Ronnie. He's tricky like that Here's something you should not watch out for in a bad way. You should watch out for in a good way tickets for our live shows.

We have just a whole bunch of live shows slated for the next few months and there will be more to come. But for right now, get your tickets to our live shows people. We got a show in Boston next week that we saw some tickets left for. So go buy those. That's at the Sinclair. That's next Thursday. it's left for so go buy those. That's at the Sinclair. That's next Thursday on the 18th our show on the 20th is actually sold out. So be be one of the chosen people who gets into the show on the 18th. We'll be bringing our aggressive. Be aggressive as we said Tom Brady is going to be there. We are we are we are schlepping our famous watcher crappins magnets Our watcher crappins poetry that you can stick on your fridge. You may have seen some of that online

We're schlepping that to Boston our last box of it until we get the refresh So if you want to make sure you get those Magnetic poetry kits those we were bringing about 60 of them are our last 60 And we're gonna be selling them at that first show So if you're waiting to the second show to get one you may not get one. So there's that And also if you go to watch a crap and calm you can get tickets to all our shows places. It like Detroit Houston Chicago

All of that's on sale and more dates and more cities to come. So don't worry. We're going to get across America. That's our plan for 2018. And while you wait for us to get to a city near you, um, you could buy your time by buying some watch your crap. It's merchandise like wine glasses or coffee mugs. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, go buy stuff. Watch what crap is. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So. Goodbye, Steph. Watch your crap and stuff. Calm. Yeah.

Turn off your text. I'm sorry. I thought it was on. I thought it was on silent. But that's that's that's that was the sound of someone purchasing a mug. Um, anyway, you guys very important stuff to talk about today. Super. Namely, the the genius that is Vanderpump rules. What about genius? And by genius, you know, it's like one of those really stupid geniuses. It's like, it's like just a dumb kind of genius, you know?

Yeah, it's like one of those things that's not really a genius or even a wizard, you know, like for instance, when you're setting up your new coffee maker and it says, well, if you want to set up the coffee maker to get out of the box going, just use our coffee maker wizard and I'll start off right for you. And it's like, it never works the wizard. There is no wizard. And why does it speak like sheena?

Hey, I'm a spamming beach ball. Like when your back isn't working. Would you like to help with your new Breville coffee maker? Blue, blue. How may I help you out? It's like Siri is no help at all. I see that you lost connection on the internet. Could you like to use your connection wizard to help you get back out going? Or do you like the connector to network? Sheena!

It's like the worst series ever. Hey Siri, because you give me directions to the mall. Oh my god, Siri just came on. You guys, I'm so sorry for whoever Siri just came on. And now she's writing a series. Can you give me directions to the mall? Oh my god, Siri, I'm sorry. Oh my god, you guys.

Hey, Sheena. Hey, Sheena, can you give me directions to the mall. Oh my god. Ciaram, sorry. Oh my god. Hey, Shina. Hey, Shina, can you give me directions to the mall? And well, I'm not really sure I can do that right now because I'm watching something on TV. I was like the most unhelpful. But you, I have to say that now that I accidentally did that with the phone, I have to say the Siri has come a long way. I think better than Shina, like that, that actually listened more than Shina ever would. It had like a whole paragraph written down on the screen from me saying, hey, to the phone. You know, as someone who just upgraded his phone this weekend,

because my last phone stopped pretty much stopped working, you know, you have to go through that initiation where, where you have to initiate Siri. And words the wise, don't do that in front of people because you look like a crazy person It sounds like you are You are begging for someone's forgiveness or you're just a nag because you have to go through this this this period It's like it's like a minute where you have to go. Hey Siri. Hey Siri. Hey Siri. Hey Siri Hey Siri. Hey Siri. Hey Siri. Hey Siri. Hey Siri. Siri. What's the

weather like? Hey Siri. Hey Siri. And just like listen, get the hint. She don't want to talk with you right now. Yeah, series busy. Maybe it is like Shina. Maybe she's just like picking up her own phone. Like your phone's picking up another phone. She is like, I can't give you directions to the mall because we're talking about cake cup cake. Cakemops now. We're talking about what Lyres everybody is because like everybody's boyfriend

shaving at the same time. I'm sure that's so hilarious that you want to go to the mall because you've never wanted to go to the mall and you would never go to the mall. So let's talk about cake pops. She just, hey, she is just in denial of anything you ask her. Hey, what's the weather like today? Um, I don't know. You can look at the window.

I don't really care about the weather. I just care about cake pops right now. The weather is 77 like so far. So that's pretty good. It's raining. I can see rain. Um, and the far as I can see it's sunny. So I don't know what you're seeing, but it's sunny out

There's post house a person it like a 90% of 97 likes in five minutes Who who won the next game last night the next? Where are you sure about that? Yes? Why because they always win. I may be crazy if they didn't win Hey, Shina house the weather good be crazy if they didn't win. Hey, Shina, how's the weather? Which is your favorite prime cocktail, Shina? I'm not sure. I think I'd like to try one of each of the prime cocktails.

By the way, can you hear the rain right now? For real? Guys, I know that people across this country have dealt with such shit this year and are currently dealing with such shit weather-wise, but it's raining in L.A. And that's very dramatic for us. Okay, I'm supposed to go somewhere today. I write a best bet.

So going there is Uber ride and then another Uber ride. Then you have to get a ticket to go into the studio, you know, like a parking thing to get the Uber person in. I'm not happy if this rain is going to see through my crocs. Oh. Fielder won't poop. I, meanwhile, I'm in full sweats. And while I'm sitting here, now that I'm in my new place, my little podcasting stations

is right in front of a window, and I'm just looking out at the rain against the window. And just so happy that we are going to launch into really another spectacular episode on an already spectacular season of Vanderpump rules. I think so far we're only about five episodes in or so. This is already up there with season one and two, which I do not say lightly. Yeah, well, I mean, everybody's cheating on everybody now. It's almost like, hey guys, that's a good storyline. Let's just all fuck each other. Yeah. Every year. And then we'll fight about it drunkenly over like bowls of Cheetos and gummy bears with, you know, shit all over them.

Who has drunken gummy bears? Brittany, you understand that gummy bears don't actually absorb alcohol, right? Do we have to teach you this? But they're here and they are in everywhere. Hi, heck, I'm not bad. It's drunken gummy bears. Cause they're so good.

That's why. And Kristen has had her fucking fingers in them all day. That's why. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. So let's go on, because you actually have a real life obligation.

So why don't we tear into this amazing episode? Because I was, as we say, in, of course, the Nographer form because I was just writing every single thing down. Yes, I was too. But then sometimes I had to stop because I was like, oh, my fingers are tired. Like watching how much of the fingers on this cast work makes my own fingers tired. I know. Exactly.

Do you actually hear this rain, by the way? Is it actually picking up on the mic? Well, I hear it at my house. I mean, we live like a mile away from each other. That's true. I can't. I'm just excited for the people who are going to listen to this episode and feel cozy. I feel sorry that she didn't come up with the song. Rain, I feel it. It's falling.

You know what? That song is a very sheet of song. It's like if you really think about the lyrics it's like Feel it on my finger tips All right, so we open with uh... common jacks at katie and tom souse two hours after giermo's party this is like a real time season tunt tunt tunt tunt tunt two hours later it's jacks and tom and tom and everything seems cool they're just like whoa that was crazy and then the talk about coven enters

yes they all come in and well tom two's taking credit he's like apparently i have such a good friend He's trying to take the heat off you jacks At least I didn't do it in front of an old lady So yeah all the way all the part of this second to get that took me a second to get that but I appreciate it They're all coming over. I don't know why right I guess you're like well We're wasted. Let's just go be wasted it, you know, a less opulent place. Hey, Tom and Katie's. Yeah, let's do it under a really shitty piece of art. So, um, so Katie walks in and, you know, she's on her drunken

slash Katie pie horse. And she's like, um, Jack's, I don't recall requesting your presence here. So, she's skied on down the hall. She's, she just could recall requesting your presence here. Says, skid on down the hall. I'm like, she's, she just could be so obnoxious. I love it. Yeah, she's so rude. And Jack's has a motorized cooler. Yeah, he's literally on a school basically. Yeah, he's like, the coolest thing ever.

Don't ever marry that person. Don't. Why do you need all this evidence telling you not to marry the person? That is evidence in F. Right. Yeah. I mean, I mean and the best part is he says it's great So I can sit on it and it takes me three seconds to get down the hallway. I'm like is that on top of the Three minutes it took you to like do a K-turn out of the living room and get out the door getting what a coincidence That's how long it took you to come inside faith

Also with He keeps the evidence in the scooter. That's how long it took you to come inside faith. Also, he keeps the evidence in the scooter. That's why he has it. He has to get the name to get the evidence. Also, I really liked that Tom made a game of thrones reference. He's like, I don't blame you if you leave because winter is coming. I'm like, everything's freezing in the room as they hear the cousin come down.

And Jack's just like, Jack's dragon is that cooler he's like alright see ya he got probably excited that there's a girl named winter coming over if winter is coming i'm coming who's gonna come first jacks is coming so um so now with jacks gone the whole gang is on the couch now and Katie is like, okay, all right, no one gets to light fires and fucking walk away anymore. We can get to the bottom of this, okay. So then, um, so basically blaming Arianna for like starting entire Burbank on fire. Yeah, exactly. Leave from what she do. Your boyfriend was the one who did it.

So Katie, so again, it's like interrogation of Tom Schwartz. And she's like, this is the last time you get to say you don't remember, okay? If you want to be married, you cannot be wasted for the rest of your life. And he's like, Papa, you're not gonna tell me what to do and what not to do ever. And I was like, this is the first time I'm on my mom.

This is the first time he's ever had a backbone about anything. When she says you can't drink anymore, that's the only time he's been impassioned. Yes, he's finally got a purpose. Yeah. But of course he immediately loses it. He's like, no, I mean like, I'm just not black out drunk. Of course, that's what I mean, Bubba.

Sorry. I'm gonna drink again, just not to let my mouth run, man. She's like, I'm telling you not to get wasted. Excuse me. Excuse me. Your mouth, your mouth, and everyone cried over. Everyone was like the slow sweet and cute me. Really loves you. And it's all in our past, but it's not in our past.

I'm like, I'm going to let you hear you. I'm like, you've got ranch on your chin. A, and B, the guy while he was giving you those vows that he stole off a shoebox agreement was smelling like Lake because it couldn't even take a shower before you're wetting, okay? You got a very good. You got a very good Lake, it was River. River, okay. That was like full on beer down the river on inner tube smell. And you probably smell like pee and you still married him. I don't feel bad for you, okay? Exactly. And she's standing up and

she's yelling at him and her earrings are like thrusting forward. I'm like, that's why she wore those big earrings. It makes it look like there's like three KDs coming at you, you know? Because every time she juts her head forward, the earring just like poke forward like, oh, yeah, yeah. That's why her eyes are always half closed. I used to think she was a stoner, but now I just think she's getting hit in the face with her own earrings when she's mad

Which is all the time. She's like I trusted you. She's like I said have fun, Bob Do your thing and they cut to Kristen shaking your head like the crimes Seriously seriously like you know, it's crazy while you say that right behind his head It's a big sign that says bubble over and over is anybody else seeing that? There's so many levels to this shit seriously Says he's like I'm on a mom strip in New York and you're at the bungalow I'm like, why do you want a mom strip? Because you're not pregnant as far as we know or you're just hanging out with moms What is this is here's the problem Katie.

You got your social priorities all wrong. You should've been a bungalow also having fun. We're such victim chambers, but I can't help it. And she's, we're not going to start. We're just kidding. We're just kidding. The song starts to play and it's like, I got nothing to say to you.

Nothing to say to you. Get out of my way. And she's like, goodbye. and she slams the bedroom door I'm like so wait. He still gets to party with all your guests Which means they're all gonna get wasted and he's probably gonna make out with somebody this is the problem You need to slam him into the bedroom. Not yourself stupid. You also Whatever happened to we're not getting off this couch. You can totally figure this out What happened to we're not letting a fire and walking You can totally figure this out. What happened to, we're not lighting a fire

and walking away. You just lit a fire and walked away, Katie. You literally, well, you didn't literally light anything on fire, but you walked away. You literally walked away. I heard, I think Katie heard the song playing because it switches into, I'm gonna rise to the top, top, rise, rise to the top, top.

Which is what cream does. So she comes back out and grabs some cream and goes back inside the Katie it's not helping I I loved that the the producers played that song It was just their sick twisted joke because no one ever says the words rise the top and then refers to sir There's no part about working at sir that ever includes the notion of rising to the top. Also, if your boyfriend is getting too many boners, then the editor start playing a song about rising. It's like they're not on your side. You know?

Not on your side. And to prove that basically there's not enough bandwidth for more than one cheating scandal, we see Jack's and Brittany arrived at the restaurant together. And she's like, Baa, so you'll later make a kiss on the cheek. I was like, what happened to the cheating storyline? Made their fines. She's like,

I hope you've got a chance to die. Good luck, here's your sandwich. I made it with Pam and Turkey. No. Trust. Pam, stop trying to change me woman. So Lauren is at the host to stand. Now this is the how is this the how who was fucking the Eddie Sibri on look alike. Um, but yeah, yeah, she was the one who was with James on gay pride two years ago. And then

it was a whole scandal because Lala didn't know. Lala was sort of dating James. And then so Lala blew up Lauren's spot by telling the guy, the bartender that was there. And then they had a fight. I'll remember. Okay, well Lauren, that fight aged Lauren like 20 years. It's just like, hi, welcome back.

I know. And Mama's like, hey Lala, and she's like, hey Lala, Lala,ala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala and better pump comes in Lala Lala finally Miss Kent I caught this shit I can trust you She's much happier with LL than GG Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala Lala, Lola, Lalo, Lolo. GG, GG. Anyone seen GG? Miss Kent, you're back.

So I like the Lauren's, I'm sorry, babe. What'd you say? Oh, no, I just said thanks Lisa. I like the Lauren is like, are you scared being back like at the house? The stats you remember how to do it? Well, we all know we're table seven is okay. I think anything else we can just kind of figure out as we go along. Yeah. Do you remember how to host this? Hi.

Now, Miss Kent, your back, be consistent, Miss, consistent. Get it. They're messing about. Lala. You only get so many chances to be a hostess at SAAAARGH! So meanwhile, Brittany goes up to the bar and orders a strawberry martini or a strawberry reeneer or something from Jacks. And he's like, that's funny. I was just making that charm, charm, charm.

She's like, oh Jacks, you're hilarious. Are you sure? Are you putting sugar on the ring? I'm like, who's both two? He's like, yep. So he's being all smiles, like, lovey, lovey. And we learn that they are planning a house-forming party. And in his mind, he figures that if his friends drink his booze and eat his food,

it's gonna be harder for them to talk shit about him all day long. I'm like, you know, another way to make sure they don't do that is if you stop acting like a pig. Okay. No kidding. Also, seeing as how all you do is steal the beer and booze from Lisa's restaurant, you still talk shit. I don't.

We all know that that's not going to work. Yeah. Exactly. So Brittany is like, okay, we can still have our housewarming party. J.X. But be a new man. Start by being a better bartender. This should have a better room. Yeah. And they're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Look, as Brittany, you should never encourage your man to get better at room jobs. Just tell him, just just say, can I have a keep in your pants? Okay, lock it up.

Yeah, so then we see Katie, she walks up to La La. I was like, when it's not too busy, can I talk to you for a second? And La La is like, I can do that. So they go out to talk to figure out like what's going on, you know, because I thought they were in a good place. And then La La is saying this stuff.

And like, why don't you say it to me, La La. So La La of course course is like, well, she now told me that you said that my man is messed up and I'm like, I thought we were in good place and the kid is like, I thought we were in good place and she's like, well, I thought we were in a good place. Well, are we in a good place? I think we're in a good place.

Are we in a good place? I thought we're in a good place. Well, I have to hand it to Katie because she's learned that it's about the hobonding because you never take the man's side on this show, okay, because they're always fucking up on you. Yeah. So she's like, look, I don't wanna hear it from you telephone,

I wanna hear it from you, like not telephone style, because it started with like, you know, my man like got a phone call, then it turned into like my man's like, it's like going crazy in Katie's mind, because everything in Katie's mind is a giant telephone circle, you know. Lala's like, well, I'm not about my mom.

Like that. He was married. Okay, are we going to pretend that Lala's man wasn't married now and that she didn't steal this guy from some married dude. Like, I love Lala, but let's not pretend like you're some independent, this Lala, I'm an independent woman and I tell my man what to do. Bitch, you're married to some 40 year old fat cross-eyed dude. He's produced like two YouTube videos for a Range Rover.

Let's stop pretending that you're like glorious dynam. Okay. I can't help it. I went back into this place and I think my duxerop again. Okay. My duxerop. It's like, she always falls back on that. Like, I just, I couldn't help it.

It's something came over me. Like, I can't help it. So anyway, it's just confesses. She's like, I can't argue that. It didn't occur to me that Shina would repeat such a thing, but it should have because Shina's a Shina. And why the fuck would she do that? She's taking every opportunity to throw me under the bus. Yes. No one would do that to the bus. Okay. We respect public transportation in this town. And by the way, see, your point before is actually is flawed

because you said that Katie's learned to do the hobonding. Hobonding isn't really hobonding. It's just that they just bond together and find another girl to villainize. Well, still. Well, so now, yes, she's bonding. So now she knows she knows what she does. But she knows does deserve to get yelled at for that

because that is blatant causing shit. Start fights, you know. Oh yeah, no, she actually was blatantly starting to pot. It's seen it does deserve to get yelled at for that because that is blatant causing shit. Yeah, start facts You know, oh yeah, no she actually was blatantly stirring the pot. So now Lala's so now Katie's like all right Well now that we settle that she knows the worst just tell me everything about this this girl What she said about Tom and then Lala's like well, he was really drunk and kept calling her Baba and Katie's like That's like our name for each other He has a tattooed on his ass, okay? Like when we fall asleep on the couch,

when we wake up, we see it on the chalkboard and above our head, and we can't even erase it because it's like spray painted on there. So, sorry. I've never been more offended when I walk by a Bubba Gump Strip Shack, and I'm like, that's our name. How?

She's like, I can't believe Tom FUK for a scump. Like seriously? Like I was listening to some vintage rap from 10 years ago and there's someone in Bupa Spark that's like, what? That's ours. Bupa sparks. You should be something like, why can't you be anything else sparks? Okay.

Thomas like a Thomas like a box of chocolates He's just trying to get swallowed by anyone who will take him He won't stop running So Lala's like Katie goes, I mean, I just don't get it like since we've been married It's been like bliss. So why is he giving me reason to feel insecure and all that goes, you need to feel safe. I need my mama. I need my mama. I feel safe with my mama.

So Vanderpump comes to the bar and she's like, Hello gentlemen. May I have half a glass of resa, please? And Katie comes over and while I was like, oh my god, you never know what's around the corner. Is that half a glass? Is that why I'm losing money? Did you just confess to losing money? Because Randy Glantville just wrote that down in the notebook somewhere in this, you know? I mean, I think we're losing money.

I don't know. I have to consult in my spreadsheets at my minute of photo, work, work, work business, sheets, documents. Let me move these little metal tabs to be touching each other like they're kissing and magically the mandala envelope opens. I have been told that I am one of the most powerful women in business. That is why I have a program called Points of Power. Those of power, I'm not sure Oh the power of word Am I right ladies?

Please come see me in my office my Microsoft office And if you can't afford to just toss them numbers around I've been I've been drawn by many people that I excel in business. So stupid. So Vanderpump and Katie, Katie's like, can we have a word, put some power? Vanderpump's like, of course, come here my little nanny wrist.

My little nanny clad wrist come over here She's like we can have a bit of privacy in here table seven unless someone is listening Of course I bring you here to this space. I know it's private I know where the only ones here and I would never be accused of being here thinking that there be other people here than I've been in here! I want you to be in the room confessing things where I forced you to paint it purple. Do you remember that Katie? Friends purple! Katie's like sweating. Yeah, I have a plate full of tuna tartar.

I know it looks like an exceptionally large mound as if it's covering up a microphone, but no, it's just a huge amount of tartar. Here, speak, speak closely to it. It makes it more tender. So she's like, well, I'm a lot better than last time, I saw you because I talked to Tom, and he said he took a lot of shots and blacked out

Like so you feel better? Yeah What is happening on this show? She's like I hate seeing that ass. I feel better about Tom Because partnership is like marriage You can put up with this bullshit, but I'm not going to I'm not going to the vent partnership, the vent partnership. It's an institute of never-fot partnership. I don't like that word, but I couldn't think of another round KT. Hello, this is Lisa Van der Pum. We are taking a commercial break now, but if you don't hear one, don't worry.

You're very lucky. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the hosts of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build up, why it happened, and the repercussions.

What deserves session with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up any time soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums?

Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. Um, Celise is like... Alright, this is about me now. I don't want to have a business partner. Who's gonna get wasted and black out? Okay, if I'm going to... Pardon the pun. Get in bed with him. Don't be triggered! Don't be triggered. Anyhow, as I was saying, if I'm going to be called pardon the pun, his work Baba relax, relax, Kady. If ever I'm going to jump into a pardon the pun,

Baba bat with him. If ever I'm going to pun pardon the expression, get a terrible painting that says, Baba on it. I'm not gonna tolerate it. It's just no expression, sir. If ever pardoned upon, I spraypate Baba on top of a restaurant, then watch it make out with some whore on Mother's Day. Pardon the pun, darling. If ever I'm going to take a bite out of your iceberg lettuce pardon the pun She's just nagging her for no reason

She's making it ever pardon a pun. I wonder into Tom's hidden valley darling. It's like wait a minute I take a taco off of the potten the pump taco tower. I'm sorry if I'm being a bit cattie. I'm distracted by your ridiculous forearm tattoo. So now I'm on Katie's ass about marrying a guy who smelled like lake and who it aren't. She did on her like five on a like five on Wednesday on a hump day. Yeah. You get married on a day called hump and you expect your husband not to be trying

to help everything. But I also have to get on Vanderpump because she's going to call this marriage. Tom couldn't even work one day at your restaurant like you left crying in the middle of a shift. Yeah. I actually think he'd probably have better work if he blacks out. No kidding. At least he could just sit there and people can take pictures with him. You know, he can be like one of those cutouts. Just put a sombrero on him and see him in a chair. He won't even, you just pose next to him. Proposal.

Like we get a burn is. I say burn is we can't put names. Stop it. Please try our new steak. Jeff Joe came up with it. Stake with weekend at burn is. So, um So let's have a commercial break and when we come back Lisa walks into the restaurant a different day and there's a lady named Emily and she's

She's you know arranging all these lists like a ton of flowers roses and Lisa better from like oh MLA non-Rosioio let me show you something here if you peel out the petals it's like what beautiful and we go and Lisa mine like yes thank you Mises thank you for giving me more work Mises yes she's like I like things to look almost expired oh that reminds me this cannot bed yet. Let me give him a call. Ha ha ha ha ha. Then you're still with us darling. Come down here, Mama needs to turn your petals. So Stasi shows up, party planning A-F, and she sits down with Lisa,

and Lisa's like, I just got her ticket, which was a little shocking. It's like the most fowlable Lisa's ever been. To Chicago, the musical starring candy boris I'm a Morton It's a ticket to Hamilton Oh, you thought it was a parking ticket. No, Stasi. I would not do that I'm not like you. I can I can read signs and I can see the signs if you know what I'm saying

I just got a ticket. He told me you kind of stopped, but not really. I guess I'm kind of guilty. Like kind of schwa-tsy eh? Did you learn this lesson? Class is dismissed, Darcy. I told the police officer. I totally paused. Get it? I'm speaking to your generation! Because you're clueless. I tried to tell him, officer, I didn't completely blow that sign. I just made out with it.

Sound familiar, Stasi? Stasi, what I did there was I was trying to add an emotional element. Swarming. See, what you have to do I was trying to add an emotional element to our meeting See what you have to do when you get a parking ticket you have to add an emotional element So when I was ticketed for being in a loading zone, I said load. I don't know the last time I had one of those Ken The last load Kenbley was on his birthday. That is Dassy! Anyway, so it's Harrison's birthday, little puffball, and Dassy's like, oh, am I gonna plan Harrison's birthday party AF? And Lisa's like, no. Basically she's like, no, absolutely not.

You do not get to touch my puppy dog. This is too big for you, Stasi. Now, you started at the bottom, Guillermo. We'll just sit here and wait for Diana's slash. What's the other one's name? Nata-lai! Nata-lai! At some point, they'll need some muffins picked up

with little smiley faces on them. And Stasi's like, that dog has his nose turned up to me. It's like, seriously? What the fuck are you asking? She's like, I told him about you! Get it, Stasi! That was my personalizing Harrison story. Whoever's watching this, I'm sure it's a decent mercy, Marty. He's been hearing about you, Stasi. Get it? It's a reference to the secret police

of what you've been named after. Stasi's like, uh, teaser. Okay, teasing to that chat. Just had a really awkward weekend on Snapchat. Yeah, I'm working my way up to a secret police scandal next weekend. I'm still working through my Nazi scandal. So can we just like,

I want some space in between them Like I went from the we so what are Oscar so white scandal to the meaty scandal to the Nazi scandal Can we just wait for something else big to break? Okay, I don't eat the snap help right now. I asked I was the workshopping maybe something like a callback to Milosevic and Yugoslavia scandal I don't know if that's like too soon, but like Anybody made fun of having cat people on snap yet Yes, I know have we done anything with the Camaroos yet because I was thinking about having a really evocative Insta story about that

So she's like speaking of offensive things that's gonna offend everybody on snapchat Jackson I didn't mean to a housewarming. And she's like, so that back together, I don't understand it. Just this morning, he messed up her strawberry. Strawberry. Strawberry. She's like, Brittany should be looking for a new place, not warming this one.

I'm like, look, sometimes you just burn the garbage and whatever trash can you're in front of. You know what I mean? I use stoss it. Brittany needs to move out and we'll get back, just burn the garbage and whatever trash can you're in front of. You know what I mean? I was like, Stasi, Brittany needs to move out and we'll get back, we'll circle back, I'll get onto my high horse later on, I'm sure they went together, but you know. I'm sure when Brittany finds another house to live in

that has a reality crew filming inside, then she'll move out, okay, until then she's staying, but it's called Keeping Employed. You should have been like, Kristen, it gives Kristen more relevance. I'm surprised Kristen didn't just like put out like a bed for her I mean, it'd be perfect. Brittany is never going to you know Brittany is She's a lost cause. I'm sorry Brittany. You are you thought you could change jacks and that is a fool's errand. I mean Can you can you change the way the sun shines?

fool's errand. I mean, can you can you change the way the sun shines? Can you change the way the rain rains? Can you change the room of a strawberry or taming? No! Okay, it is what it is. So basically, Stasi's like, well, I object to this housewarming, but I'm going to go because I need to watch to see what happens, which is basically how we all feel. Yeah, I'm better. I'm like, you haven't changed it over Stasi text me videos from it. So yeah I haven't changed either So then we go over to a painting studio where the bros are gonna go to paint Cuz originally Tom Schwartz. I really wanted to have like a hunter as Thompson day in Josh or tree Where we just get drunk and high and take pictures and paint with each other

But you know painting in the valley is good too Yeah, it was either hand jobs in Josh witchry or Mindy the art instructor So here we are so here we are there the bros are there to paint each other and Which I think actually just means that whatever plan they had, whatever, you know, blind date Roger Lodge event that he had with Cancel's they had to call back up Mindy like, hey, can you fit us in? Can we shoot there again? She's like, share.

Come on down. So the art instructor, I have a feeling that Mindy has been passed around by this crew a lot. She says that look about her. Like, I've got the canvas ready, but was come on in. about it. Like I've got the canvas ready, but what is come on in? I mean, see three, if they go to it, if they go to the same place twice, something's that they're coming someplace. That's all I'm saying. Well, I'm sure there was a very, very interesting interpretation of a Jackson Pollock painting that happened.

So, um, so there was, uh, it's like, oh, why? Food. So the guys come in and Tom's words like, I'm going to take it, I know drinking but Santa balls like dude. I brought some absinthe cuz I'm set on the absinthe scene so green fairy dude I'm doing arca jane. I'm sorry And then jacks goes Did James tell you what happened? We did absinthe and then they show the clip and they're like, well the pictures are moving bro It's like nothing fun, but thanks for the clip. Yeah, so So of course the guys do what they will normally do which is get busy painting penises on their aprons Did she said no, no, no, no, penises on the apron dude

No, they excite the aprons bro So like huge yeah, so they start painting their gold digs. Yeah, gold digs. And while they're painting, Brittany Katie and Kristen go to get drinks. And Brittany, of course, is saying all sorts of dumb stuff. Like my heart is just wanting to believe that Jack can be a better person.

I love him too much. It's like, wait, it's just not fair if I don't at least try to save this. I'm like, no, no, it's not on you to save it. Okay, he already threw it out the window. Okay, this is a lie. This is a myth that it's on you to save, to fight for this relationship. And whatever you love isn't real, so don't fight for it. Leave.

That's just like that plate that you put too much of on it the golden crab. You're sick of it but you know it'll taste better if you just give it a little warmth. See us for a box and then they give it to you and you say if you got a bad too because boxes are hard to carry and you'll leave them in the car. Lord knows you'll leave Jack some of the car in the sun, he'll go to sleep, threaten, end up dead. Then it'll be my fault, oh girls. I love sandwiches too much to give up for when I make him a turkey sandwich and he wants a ham sandwich. I'm just not gonna give up on that.

She's like, so I wrap him in plastic and put him in the fridge and not girls. And Katie's like, well, you have to like, arrive at the point where you're gonna dump jacks on your own. For instance, I'm not dumping Tom too, even though he cheated on me again, because no one's gonna tell me to, because I make my decisions, because I'm an independent woman. I think that Briny should just follow the rules with jacks

as it is basically the shellfish rules, which is when in doubt throw it out. If it seems a little slimy, throw it out. If it smells not right, throw it out. If the eyes aren't clear, if they're looking a little glassy, throw it out. Just the fish rules. Any seafood rules, just follow it. Girl, if they followed that, there would be no cast for this show.

If you press the flesh a little bit and it doesn't bounce back, which just stays indented, throw it out. You've just thrown away the entire cast. The wonky eyes, the pressed flesh, the bad circulation, they're all dead. Thanks. Yeah. So it goes back to the guys

and they're all painting each other or each other's faces. Sort of. Yeah. And Jack's is committed just other, or each other's faces. Sort of. Yeah. But, Jack's is committed just painting the background and not their faces. Yeah. And, and the truth is that the paintings that they make,

like, no Tom and Tom, I think Tom Schwartz, paints Tom Sandeval, Tom Sandeval, paints Jack's, and Jack's just paints an abstract collection of colors. And they're like, oh, you just painted colors. I'm like, I kind of like Jackson's painting the most. Yeah, it actually said the most promise, obelina. Yeah, but I did like that Tom painted,

Tom to you painted Tom one as kind of like a sushi waiter that hasn't rubbed in his base yet. Like he put like squares of like foundation all over his face but never really rubbed him in it's like Tom before work you know it's like a it's like a street urchin at the turn of century you know when this is the circles of of blush please sir can I have some more dude here's this flower do you want to buy it oh don't tell anyone it's on a string dude i like that one for us it's all i like that Dude, I just called it that. I thought it was. It's all right. I thought it was for us.

I'm thinking it's like pepper. I think he would be pepper if he was a manny. He'd be a deep suck, bro. So back to the electric owl, where the girls are drinking. And of course, now that's about Shina. And like how it wasn't right that Shina, you know, just starts saying all this stuff Especially you know because she's boyfriend has been making out with other people. I mean the tokamadera chick. Hello

I'm like wait what tokamadera chick. I love that they say tokamadera 10 times. They're like tokamadera Okay, Chris did we know you're still here? Seriously, seriously tokamadera Okay Chris did we know you're still here okay Seriously seriously talk about era Chris I'm like, oh, I'm here too. Can he's like look guys. We all know that Tom Lutzley who's and takes it to bar sometimes Okay, I love that you learn to just sweep it under the rug this easily and Chris is like yeah Peter Pan was played by the chick from the Wheat Dins commercials Everybody loves her sandy Sandy Duncan, what? It's like, okay, Kristen, we know you're here.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what was that? Where did that come from? Because they're talking about how their Peter Pan's who won't grow up. Oh, I somehow missed that. Sorry, we're the Sandy Duncan tangent go. I don't know, I just appreciate it. Once I get into old stupid musicals,

I went from Annie to Peter Pan. Why nobody knows, but see what I'm going to start thinking sucks from so about. Okay. She was one of the girls. She knows the girl with the glass. I, she's afraid of Virginia wolf. After that question, Bella Adler's so mad at me right now.

question She's got what Adler's so mad at me right now So anyway, basically there's this waitress at sir We've seen in the fringes of the show over the past few years her name is Jen Bush and she also works at Tokamadera And she saw Rob Valetta who by the way Rob Valetta is related to Amber Valetta Which I did not realize but I suspected because the name and I, Rob Valetta is related to Amber Valetta, which I did not realize, but I suspected because the name. And I love Amber Valetta. So now I'm very, who's Amber Valetta, the girl from Teen Mom?

From Teen Mom? No. Amber Valetta is like a model. She is a model turned actress. She was in what lies beneath, but more importantly, she was in revenge, mainly season one, and she played the mistress of the dad. Oh, she's so good, I love her.

Well, her brother is a total cheese ball. I can tell you that with that. Yes. Yes, but because apparently he kissed the girl in Tokamadera and Jen Bush saw it all. And the girl was like, I'm aren't you dating Shina and he's like, no, not really. Yeah, I like that Katie's Christian goes, yeah, well, he held up his phone and he was like, is this the girl you're dating?

So now we have a picture of him. In my gut. In my gut. I hope I'm wrong, but like what I'm thinking she's gonna break her fucking heart like looking her fingers. Why is Kristen always eating something with her hands every time they show her and who since when has anyone cared if she knows heart gets broken? I think that's what they live for. Yeah, she doesn't even know when her heart's broken. She's like, it's not broken, it's supposed to be like that. Well, that's what my heart was built by it's supposed to be broken. It's two hands, like your heart's broken because it's together. Yeah, so basically, yeah, this is the new scandal. So that brings us up to three concurrent cheating scandals

happening at once. Yeah, it's all the same three cheaters as usual. So over at Rob's house, which is this beautiful house in the hills, now we see where she is coming from. I mean, this is a huge upgrade from Shay. Huge. It's like not even an upgrade. It's like, I don't even know. It's not even, it doesn't even make sense as an upgrade. This is like going from Matt classic to, to, I don't know, the billboard in Times Square is your laptop I don't know what I it doesn't it doesn't make sense to me

Yeah, she's like, oh do you have anything to pour water into things? Do you have a nice bucket can you get it please? I'm putting water in the flowers I'm putting water in the flowers. Uh, uh, uh, dating Rob, I feel like I'm really with a mom. Cause like he runs a children's charity and produces a show like. This is what it's like to have a man that works.

It's just like our big house. It's great. I'm like, oh, already taking ownership of this giant house, huh? Yeah. She's just going into playhouse at somebody else's house. That's so shina. Oh my god, it's a house in the hills. She's just going into playhouse at somebody else's house. That's so Shina. Oh my God, it's a house in the hills. I want it's a house.

I mean, right, go out. We can have a private shop, cook us a nice dinner. And by the way, well done, Shina. Well done. I'm not going to shame her at all. I say, well, I'm giving it a polite clap. I'm like a little standing ovation because you know what? She dealt with that Shea bullshit for a few years

and she deserves an upgrade. So you know what? Enjoy that that nice house and the catering, okay? If you're kind of if you're going to be schooled by the streets, okay? Instead of going to college or whatever, which I ain't even shaming because I didn't go to college either. But if you're going to be schooled by the streets, you already got burned by Eddie Sibrian. Okay? He didn't marry. He didn't leave his wife for you, all of that stuff. Then you get burned by Shay, who didn't even get his ass off the fucking couch to buy his own drugs. And now you're here trying to pretend this guy's house is your house.

When are you gonna get knocked up by somebody so they owe you Alamoney? Do I have to teach you everything? For Christ's sake. Well, I'm proud of our sweet Shina because she, listen, if she's gonna be in a dead end relationship, she might as well be in a dead end relationship in luxury. Yeah, I'm not kidding. At least it's a cold of sack and not just an alley, okay?

Yeah, okay. Well, you're working at that. Good for you. So, Tom and Ariana head over to this house with the Rob's house basically. And, you know, they're like whoa This is big almost nice. Zars. Oh dude Well, bro, what a house. Well look at this. There's like doors. They're so tall like do you have tall friends?

What's up with these tall doors? They're so big whoa Like nine feet tall right bro. That's gonna be like not me right? So I built my draft of giant like seriously 9 feet tall right bro. That's gonna be like not me right? So I built by a draft of giant like seriously Like it's chaos here now honestly a little afraid of who's gonna come and do the doors like I'm just like I came a Lajuan But I'm basically going to make him a Lajuan Dude, he's coming to dinner like Hagrid like damn dude. Dude. That's you Just like I get the usual like dude dude. It's like an elevator just changed the apple dude

Ariana's like oh my god. This house is amazing. My vagina is suddenly working again This is all I needed Well, you feel like you're neafrosting. I know. It's crazy. Look around this place So they all sit down at dinner. It's a lovely catered dinner and you know, Tom and Ariana are just falling in love with Rob. They just, I'm like, I'm not Rob says or anything, but I see what I see is into them. Dude. But I totally want to give him a road job. Rob's like, yeah, well, it's my house and my office. So you know, I go a little out for it. He's like, well, it's almost as nice as our place. You need a window you may somewhere. And she must like, hi, hi, hi, that's Rob's neighbor. Hey Rob, you know Mr.

Credenza, right? No. Oh my god, he's such a great actor. I love credenza Washington. Rob knows so many famous people. He has a show. I don't know what it is, but he's got a show. So Rob's like, guys, he used to living, loving, learning, and filing in love with something new every day. I was like, well, you're gonna fit right in on this show. Yeah, exactly. He's like, what the two do you think they'll say? No, I always say. Desert and sex are like, very similar.

Oh my god, just kill yourself, okay? You're not getting bolted in that! Oh my god, it's so true! You're gonna get bolted in my socks, just kill yourself, okay? You're dead, you're dead, you're dead, you're dead! Oh my god, it's so true! You're gonna get buffed tonight, sucks dessert! And Mr. Credenza, I'm calling him over. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Better wait a minute. Can we get to that place? Can we get to that level? So uh, she was like, oh my god, you guys don't smile like so much. Like he helps my botox wear a thomper. MAH! I'm gonna snap that. I'm gonna snap that.

So then they're like, so are you still married? And she's like, wow, technically I'm married, which means that wrap and I we can't get married until July. And he's like, uh, she're like, so are you still married and she's like, wow, technically I'm married, which means that rap and I we can't get married until July and he's like She does that laugh. I was trying Yeah, I wrote dad D. Sheen is last two because I never do it But she really does have a laugh that sounds just like this. I practiced it last night. She goes That's what it was. I was trying to, because I was practicing it, but now it's like, I'm not totally in my system, so I couldn't get it again. But it is like, it's like when you put your cell phone to go to like your speaker and

The 3D printer Oh my god it made a credenza No, don't don't film out the right thing damn it. Oh, dude. Maybe it's a bus. I just learned that She was like I have a countdown up on my phone that tells me the exact second my divorce was finalized. Right now I'm like one year or five months free, so I go, maaah. So, um, meanwhile, back in elsewhere in Los Angeles, Tom Schwartz presents his Tom Tandeval portrait to Katie and he's like, look, Baba I made a portrait of Tom. I'm gonna put it up here next to our other terrible artwork. This is my way of saying I'm sorry She's like you should have done a portrait of me. He's like, yeah, well, that's why he looks at

He's always looking at you Baba Baba. From this wall, disappointed. Yes, exactly. So she confronts him about calling another girl Baba, and he immediately goes and says, Oh, gosh. And then Katie starts ranting about how Lisa is so upset about Tom being drunk. He's like, I'm gonna change.

I don't know. I mean, I like the taste of Yeager. You're gonna be a partner at least that. What are you gonna do if you don't work at this restaurant one day? Like how are you gonna even keep this guy in check never mind? There will never come that day. Yeah Exactly and so you're being douchey shocker He's still wearing his same old Navy shirt from four days ago and is someone who's doing the same thing. I can tell you it smells Okay, so So you know at the end of this argument basically

Katie before she huffs up to her room she goes we're married for life You're not married to your friends and shorts is like that's like the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life Like it's true, but at the end of the day, even though she is kind of annoying and prone to drama and very demanding, she's actually kind of right. So, you better, you don't get to just cheat on her. You don't get to just cheat on her just because she's gady. Yeah, exactly.

Also, where's your bottle of apology ranch? That's how to save the situation. Also since when do people stay married forever? What city do you live in? Yeah? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life too, but I'm still on Katie side for this it's only because I enjoy ranch So Lala and Arionico shop at some host store Lala's like oh my god look everything see through and I wore this one and my nipple show through Okay, well great dick great great friend date, thanks. Yeah, then so they're talking about, they always wanted to talk about jacks.

You know, Ariana is so excited that Lala's back in her life and et cetera. And so they, but they do wind up talking about jacks. And they were basically, they're just like annoyed that Brittany has not kicked him out or has not moved out and that has essentially taken him back and they're doing this housewarming because it tells Jack that there's no consequences

to his actions and he can show like a little bit of progress but and it's somehow it's okay. And I was like, preach, this is exactly what we've been saying. And it's the kind of, kind of. But I mean, Lala's like, Brett and he is a bigger person than me. I want every woman to know her worth, like literally, okay?

Because you have a price tag on it. You're with some fat gross old guy that was married and has children, and then you're driving around a Range Rover and shopping with this black card. Like, no, you're worth. It doesn't mean literally price tagging, you know? And Erie, I was like, she makes me feel like a million bucks

and sometimes I need that. Yeah, but like a million bucks in your heart, not your fart maker, okay? It's not a price on your butt, your actual butt. It's a price on your heart. Okay, there's a difference between how pride and pride. Well, listen, I still think the point remains, which is that Brittany should not be going back to Jacks and Jacks needs to learn consequences. And that's, well, I don't know if he could ever learn consequences,

but if there's a shot of him learning consequences, it's got to be the Brittany. She says she wants to change him. She's not going to change him by breaking, by not breaking his pattern of behavior for condoning what he's done. I know, but why would you listen to Lala? She actually says this. She's like, I can't believe there are men out there who have happy lives. And then fuck around with every Tom Dick and Harry and Harry dick. I'm like, you just stole a man from his hose. What are you talking about?

Like you just did that to some other woman. Like, I'm sorry. I don't, I don't believe that every fault is the hose. Like that guy was married. And that was his marriage. He fucked up. But she literally walked into a marriage and took the husband away from the... I mean, I don't know. I don't... Here's the thing. I don't know this situation with Lala and her man in terms of when they started dating

and whether when he was married, when he was not married, et cetera, et cetera. And I actually, honestly, I really don't even care, you know, because the last thing I want to think about is that guy, you know, because the last thing I want to think about is that guy, you know, he is sort of a very gross person. I know this from firsthand experience. And I just, I just want to put it out of my head. And I just want to say that I care. It's just that it seems very hypocritical to be talking about,

like, oh, I can't believe that a guy would just go cheat on somebody when he has something good and he's happy and he has a family and he's like, hello, are we just pretending none of that happened? I get everyone's your friend now, but you know I love me. Yeah, it's definitely not just rewrite history. Well, she's definitely in a questionable position. But still at the end of the day, though, it's still on the guy, you know, you know, she, you know, if this guy were married when he first met Lala, it's up to him to end that marriage and get with her, you know,

that's still on the guy, it's not on Lala. Which is why the girls always go after the girls on this show. I don't know, it confuses me. But anyway, the important part of this scene is Ariana opens up, which is very rare, very on it to like get open on here. But when you're with like the most open person ever, literally and figuratively, she's like, well, you know, Lala's like, enough about that. How about you and Tom, Tom's like, whatever she calls him. And she's

like, um, I don't really crave like P in the Vs it's like, ever like, uh, my vagina's like, no, so. And I was like, oh, it's low ease. She's like, mm, mm, no. So finger banging, no, I don't even like when he finger drums on the table. Like, really? I don't even like his fingers. Like, if he only had palms, I would be happy. Like, the only thing I really am up for is lightly

massaging the credenza, and that's about it. With a paper towel that's covered in pledge, like honestly, basically dusting. So she goes, she explains that she was in an abusive relationship and he was always telling her she's disgusting and her fag just nasty and she's not hot enough in this and that. And she's like, well, I have weird body issues and at first with Tom, I was so happy that I didn't hear that voice in my head but then once I calmed down, now it's back

just like abusing me all the time, all the time, all the time which is so fucking sad. I know. And then Lala's like, well, I think you're a perfect lady. Listen, here's what you need to do. Every morning, I get up and I look at every part of my body in the mirror and I say, I love you. Like, I don't know my feet, but they get,

they walk me around. I have man hands, but they give good hand jobs. And my badge gets me private plane trips. So, love you all, love you all. I'm just like, oh my God, I love you. I'm walking out of here wearing lingerie. Thank you for that. She's like, chest, I love you. I love you. I love you. Walking out of here wearing lingerie. Thank you for that. She's like, chest.

I love you. Shoulders. I love you. Lips. Get the fuck out of here. I'm going new ones. Okay. Jin shaving you.

Maybe I'll love you tomorrow once you're different. I'm lifting you. Lifting you as. Lifting you as. Maybe I'll be better tomorrow. You know, it's like be positive because things could get better. Have you ever heard of group surgery? I think my little kitty cat, I like my little kitty cat because it takes that, do you

like a champ? Well, I'm happy for, you know, I love me some Lala and I, even though she is full of contradictions, I feel like her logic somehow still works out because, yeah, she's talking about how much she loves all her body parts while simultaneously going through various, you know, plastic surgeries and fillers or whatever, but she's doing that to get to her place where she really loves herself. So I sort of get the logic of Lala. You can't say Lala. You can't say Lala without Lala. Okay, here's why I like Lala. I think she's a massively depressed broken person that wishes she wasn't.

And I think that that's better than just being broken and accepting it and then going to like, you know, like rear end people on purpose so you can yell at them in the street or like take it out in really negative ways. At least she's just taking it out on her and one random fact cross-eyed guy, you know? So I'm with you.

I'm just happy that Lala is back because no one can galvanize a scene or even a podcast the way Lala can. Yeah, no kidding. It's like 10 hours later, Jesus. Oh, but anyway, we then move over to Vanderpump Dogs where a Kittie and Tom come by with Butter and the other Butter one, whatever that one's named. And um... So you're gonna get a shave in a and a bath? I meant you Tom He's like Tom's like gosh. I feel like last man what dead man walking. I mean what was my last meal?

Uh, there's a lean pocket. It wasn't even a hot pocket. It was a lean pocket. I'm like they both be terrible no matter what I mean and also amazing but terrible. Oh, you gotta have something in the fridge you know kati wonny listen this guy tom shorts is got to be what pushing forty still eating hot lean pockets that's a problem i mean this what you know what i can't judge listen i like that i'm like don't judge la la and i'm like oh my god this fuckers eating hot pockets i'm not above a hot pocket

they are delicious in their own way care is we're We're supposed to shame people. We have a podcast. But that being said, the way he said it, he said it with the sense of regularity. Like, it's probably pretty common that he has hot pockets. I've just saved himself every single time. Oh, I've just eaten a cool one. I just eat, I just food-shamed Katie who looks great, by the way, and I even like her hair this season. And guess what I'm eat, I just food-shamed Katie who looks great, by the way, and I even like her hair this season. And guess what I'm doing, because I'm a massive hypocrite.

After I just chain-smoked out the screen door, I'm eating from a box that says Domino's specialty chicken, but it's filled with free Parmesan bites that I found a coupon for on the internet. So I'm making fun of Katie's hot pocket love while I'm eating Parmesan bites and change my hair. That's the joy of this show is that and that's why I do this for a living. This joy is about celebrating self-loathing. Okay, like it's really as much as we're coming down on all these people, we're really coming down on ourselves because we see that we see ourselves in them. We live, we walk the streets of these people. Oh, no, no, I'm saying it Ronnie. No, I'm saying it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, We are the idiots too. In fact, we are probably more of the idiots. And we hate ourselves more than we hate you. But we aren't willing to take responsibility for our lives, so it's easier for ourselves to project our issues onto them and then show them to them.

For example, Tom's like, Maya Copa Lee says, she's like, Oh, you kidding me. Maya Copa, don't forget I know many languages. He's like, no, that's Katie's favorite type of meow. Meow culpa! Damn it, how the Jeff Penny not think of that. That's why I fired the horn.

Get Joe on the horn, not a literal horn, the phone. Meow culpa. Apology accepted. The phone! A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone.

A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone.

A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. A phone. Get out Tom find out what it means to Rocio Learn from her RESVCT Rosio got new reading glasses to complain

Not only can I read you so can Rocio So then he goes downstairs and Katie's like whoa I heard her yelling me a culpa rhymes a lot. And he's like, yeah, she was disappointed in me. She goes, so was I, Tom. And he's like, yeah, get it. I get it. Did you at least get any packets of the mayo culpa that I like?

Did you confess to eating my last lean pocket? Ha, ha, ha. Did you admit that it was really a croissant pocket? Ha, ha, ha, ha. So now we get to the main crux of the episode at an hour and five minutes. It's time for the big housewarming, which is Jack's, you know, Britney's excited. It's Jack's idea. It's, you know, it's such, I don't know why it didn't hit me earlier when, you know, when Jack's saying, oh, I'm doing this, that way my friends won't be as mean to me, which is, it's a blatant manipulation.

But here, there was just something about it that just felt, it just felt so manipulative, you know, it kind of, I had this moment right here in there watching that right this part of the show where I just was like This is a parable for for for our culture. This is putting truly putting on airs. You know this is a parable Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what I'm like this is a table. There was a mouse. It's an allegory. It's an allegory I don't know what's happening. Okay guys big words It's just like much English lit knowledge for this thing. I don't know what's happening. Okay, guys, big words. It's just, I was like, I think that's English lit knowledge for this show. It's like fake as a Jamaica. I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

I don't know. It just struck me as just so smart me this housewarming party. Like everything's fine. Everything's fine. Well, half the things are made by Christen's hands. Okay. Christen's like,

oh, cake balls, but I don't, but delicious. Like gross. And then Brittany's like, pick your poison. Pouring gummy bears into like gross. Yeah, and then Britney's like pick your boys and porn gummy bears into like vodka Yeah, this is I'm yeah, and I should just acknowledge that we're not even at the party We're at the prep for the party a few hours. Yeah, we're just at the prep for the party

So they start so Kristen and Brittany decided to tell Shina about what they've heard about Rob and Kristen's like well Sheena about what they've heard about Rob and Kristen's like well Jan bush she saw Rob kissing a girl and she even picked up her phone was like Oh, did you go a friend and she was like no, it's not and like you should know She's like hey, Toka Madera Look at Madera Talk to her dad like they slap her on the back. Okay. It's well my cake bomb that and she was like I honestly don't believe any of this like I would a cheater have an ice bucket. I don't think so The other day I was like do you have things to pour water into other things and then he gave me an ice bucket

And I was like oh my god, that is a guy who would never cheat on me And Kristen's a girl, but she would've had phone and even said, isn't this your girlfriend? She's like, I'm wasn't me on the picture. Then that, then it's for real. I'm a squirrel friend, okay? You heard it from reality to you, so that's real. I'm sure. So like, Tom cheats, she's an al-Rom cheats.

I'm sure. Like, yes, we are sure. So, um, Shina, Shina of course has, you know, indefensible logic as to why they're full of shit. She goes um well the funny part is that him and I don't kiss a lot because he isn't a kisser So like for him to watch and and just someone is like totally laughable He shows emotion in different ways like did he shake her hand? He's not loving the hard time different ways. Like, did he shake her hand? Then he's not loving the archive. Did he call her her best friend, which is what he calls me and like we're friends, but maybe not something else. That's what it calls me. That's how he shows he loves me.

Did he ask her to swim for the bathroom? Then whatever, it's not love. Did he pay her like $100 and say he'll give her a good review on taskrabbit because then it's not love Then he'd leave her to do list because chores is like his love language, so Yeah, I'm it's I mean this is sheena at her best when she's so obviously diluted, you know Yeah, it doesn't cost a lot. He doesn't kiss a lot. He does his thing. He doesn't kiss a lot. Oh, she know Like does not compute. Does not compute. And she's like, her side best. And she's like, well, Katie was hurt.

So, you know, she did what we all do. We're her reach out and heard another woman. You know, yay. And she was like, does not worse to describe the right term. Like, towards Katie right now. Well, maybe rage. That's one. Like, her rage. Or, one. Like, it's rage.

Or it's seaweed. I don't think that's a word worse than cut finesse to the scraper. Okay, so then just call her cut finesse then. Kristen goes, you're doing that. Kristen goes, you're doing that. Sorry. Sorry.

I'm obsessed with casino, okay. Antornales, like her nails make me laugh so hard. She's like, you're doing that fake thing with your nails again. She's like, click're doing that fake thing with your nails again. She's like, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, I'm counting all the years that I've known Rob. I'll have it. Click, click, click word convenient. It's a convenient narrative, Baba

I know it's a convenient narrative. I was just convenient timing I understand and now it's a convenient narrative to make some cake balls Yeah, because Kristen's like I'm just saying that we have your I just want you to know that we had your back I'd like it assigned here as proof that we had your back and she's like you got the you got this delivery yeah I appreciate that and thank you we're talking about cake pops now I checked please leave it the door I'm I have a saw I pre-signed so so yeah she is in full denial which is amazing it's her favorite way to have she-

Oh. I mean, really, everyone's just like, let's do what we are good at. Okay, Kristen's starting shit. Sheena being in denial about something, Katie, harassing Tom, Jack's cheating on someone. It's just, the only thing that's,

Stassi needs to just like, she needs someone to really just destroy right now. That's all that's left. Well, don't worry because she gets to stand next to Shina for a while at the party. So she gets her stossy moment. I was like, whoa, where have you been? So it's housewarming time. Everyone shows up.

DJ James. Everybody comes up. James has made a toilet paper cake for them, which is just a big tower of toilet paper. Amala is like, because Jack's a piece of shit. Ta. Andala's like, because Jack's is a piece of shit, ta, and he's like, yasa, and they laugh. And then Lala and Ariana are both in their pink jacket so they bought from the hosto.

And Stas is like, oh my God, you like the pink ladies. Mala's like, yeah, it's the power of the pusset. Let's celebrate like women who keep our men in check. Like, oh, I've already gone off on my Lala rant, so...

Does she mean a Czech Republic? Ch-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- So if I have to keep my man in Chakra pub like like that's not cool. So Brittany's like, you guys, the only rule in my house is that everybody has to be drunk. I'm like, that's the problem. You're not getting it. You might want to write some new rules. Yeah, new rules for Brittany, please. Jack's like fingering the cushion of the couch. Like, okay, you're drunk enough, sir. Down the hall, Tom's getting ready to come to the party and he's like, oh, I did my hair differently. It's like only 70% unkempt as opposed to 80%.

And he's like, he's like, there's gonna be no more getting to this haircut means no more getting black out drunk. Okay, no more shots, no more black out drunk, even though I do secretly still like to get drunk. And Katie's like, Tom, no more jokes. I love that. Have your side here. I love that Katie's housewarming gift is a pineapple. I mean, that's what the woman gets in cabaret who I think ends up getting killed by the Nazis. So there's that. It's also the prickliest fruit ever. So there's that. It's also the prickliest fruit ever. So there's that.

And it's also what makes sperm taste like palatable to hose. So it's like everything about Katie is just wrong right now. She's just like going down the wrong path in life. You also have to mention an edible core. So either way, yeah, a pineapple strain. I just think it's like Between the pineapple and her not even letting Tom make jokes. I mean Gosh, can you I mean I I agree you know Tom is Tom is acting like a dipshit He shouldn't be getting black out of drunk, but at least like have some levity in this it's not love

I have some levity, but I mean like Allow some jokes in your marriage, the very, very least, allow a joke, okay? Well, don't be the Patricia Heaton, okay? There's jokes in this jokes. So Katie is bringing a pineapple, that's all I wrote. And over there, Britney's like, fire my house, let's play a dope, spin the bottle. I was like, maybe this isn't the best idea considering all your

boyfriends were making out with strangers. Exactly. And isn't an adult spin the bottle just the same as spin the bottle? Like how is that different? Isn't that like spinning the bottle but facking? You're like, come on, give me something to get mad or a mad. Ha, ha, ha. Meanwhile, Jack's in the corner getting angry at Shina.

He's like, she is on her snapchat taking selfies. She's all she's doing is checking her snapchat and herself. Oh, she's so the corner getting angry at Sheena. He's like, Sheena's on her snapchat taking selfies. She all she's doing is checking her snapchat and herself. Oh, she's so self-absorbed. It's just, it's disrespectful. I'm like, Oh, you are now the dooyen, a proper behavior, Jack's. She's so self-involved. The only way she noticed her,

Manifu was there in the background of a snap, which is hilarious because in a second, when he complains about, I mean, it is true. But when he's complaining about Brittany, he's like, I would have let, I would have let a squirrel come up and I'd lick it specifically because I just needed the attention.

I like to think that he's speaking, you know, hyperbolicly, but we all know it's actually true. He would have. Yeah, literal squirrel, like the squirrel machine at work, you know, like the waiting tables machine. He'd probably be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, squirrel. I want to advertise her on table seven. We're gonna live up.

Jack, stop licking the squirrel, darling. Jack, how you licking the brand Zino again? Brand Zino's don't even have a pussy. Um, also, he's totally wrong about Sheena. She's not taking a snap. Sheena tells us, I'm emoji back and forth with Rob because this is self-seller.

Yeah. Rob and I are laughing and crying emoji back and forth. So obviously he is not cheating. And by the way, he did not send a Kissimoji, which makes total sense, that's part of his character. Yeah, I sent Emma Kissimoji, like the lips, and then he sent back a no smoking emoji. I told you, loves me! I sent him a heart, and he sent me back that weird, sorely thing.

And then suddenly everybody's wasted. Yeah, James is like, bro, we both like to shit with the door open. That's how I knew we should be friends. Oh my god. Oh, now here we go. Bonded by Fese's. She's not. Bonded by the line.

So then she like, Sassy has the misfortune of being stuck with Sheena for a second. And I love this because Shina starts talking about the Brittany situation, but of course makes it about her. Cause she's like, I don't understand why Brittany hasn't moved out. Like, you know, like, you know, I get it. Like it's hard. I mean, I put seven years in before I got to that place

where I had to move out. And that first month is hard, but now I'm with Rob and we might get a house together with ice buckets. Like, Shina, this is not about you. And Stasi's like, um, I don't know why she's acting like my close friend, because I don't give a fucking shit a app fucking a off. Okay, this is why. Okay, nothing she says is real.

Like a house with Rob, really? Have you 18 foot doors? Is that even a real thing? Who has doors like that? No one. Sassy was basically just doing the Siri Auto Phil where it's like, I, I, you know, and now we might move in

and it's like, would you like to respond with yes, no, or that's cool and she's like, I'll press that school. That's cool. Yeah, it's really cool. I'm really excited. We're gonna go to house. Maybe with a water fountain.

Not like a fountain for drinking water, but you know, when the birds land on, because birds land on me. It's like, oh my god. That's just like, I need a drink full of bullets. I can slowly swallow until one pierces an internal organ. Okay, you dumb whore. You know, some people say that pigeons

are like rats with wings, but I actually think they're like dogs that just got right. What do you think? Um, I think that pigeons AF. Me too. So James is like, it's not a big deal that Tom Swartzy kissed somebody look here. I kissed him. I kissed Swartz. Shots, e-bay, shots, gay.

And then of course, we get a shot, speaking of shot. We get a scene, a brief scene of James freestyling with Tom's end of all's laying down the beat. And James is like, things look clear, even when they're not, then you realize stepping outside the box, I'm gonna do me, they're gonna do them, then you meet one, that's a perfect gem, toilet pipa cake, stepping on a rake, I'm not so fake. Now let's go get baked. There be no alope and shit with the door open, could you change your to match that Tom?

Well, I can't just make up music theory as we go along. Where's the plunger? Because I think I'm in a dungeon because I'm shitting while I'm sitting on the toilet. No, Tom. Are you trying to make any more sounds? He's like, do you have anything else in there anything else that tool box? All right now no all right then I'm not gonna bother rhyming shit with anything else him I can hear it comes right Kelle. She's looking quite well

She's under a spell And she smells like hell because I got her a job where she makes no money cleaning shit up off the floor Now let's open a door in the bathroom I'm gonna be shitting all real soon Pup pup in the water Now I've smell like I'm rolling in the gutter So Jack and Carter are sitting in a private room or alone, whatever. Yeah, and Carter's like I shaved He's like well, thanks for coming Carter

Cutters like is this gonna be my big scene of the season. No, no, he's not And Jack's just drunk and he's like, I don't know man. I just I don't know why I do But I just do it. It's like I don't know like I need the tension I mean I would have fucked a squirrel. I would have looked at pussy of a squirrel I mean when I say I would have I did I did to three different squirrels. They're all down there. They love me man And then Brittany comes in all night. She's like Sucking so nice and he's like shut up you stupid bitch. I'm trying to talk about eating out of squirrels. I'm trying to talk about eating out of squirrels.

Wait, what did you do to squirrels? You put me through hell when you ate out that squirrel. I've never taken you home again, Jack. It's like a literal memory that he's having. And he's like, Oscar goes to Brittany. Congratulations. I'm like, listen, you motherfucker, don't discount her. You cheated on her.

She's allowed to act out. Don't talk down to her. Don't make her think she's crazy because she's mad because you cheated on her, she's allowed to act out. Don't talk down to her. Don't make her think she's crazy because she's mad because you cheated and then you won't like share your heart to heart with her, your squirrel kind of lingus with her. Okay? Like how about this? The Oscar goes to Brittany, but the bullshit Oscar goes to you. Yeah. Well, also, don't offend Oscars. Okay, the Oscars are going through enough of an identity crisis without having Britney so up.

Did I win? This is Lala Land, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And now that would have made Lala Land work. I think Lala, actual Lala in Lala Land. So Britney, of course, drums out and Jackson's like, am I doing anything wrong right now? Am I doing anything wrong?

I don't think so. It's like you're doing every single thing in your life. You've done wrong, jacks. You just admitted to sexually assaulting a squirrel. So yeah, you did wrong, okay. You were fetishized, squirrel V, okay. You made me scream, hi, yo. You just made everybody in this room eat

Kristen covered cake balls. So you're not innocent either Missy, okay? So he's yelling at her. He's like, yeah, that dumb bitch gets I mean, they're all just wasted at this point So Lala is like can I kick this shit out of him yet and Kristen's like, yeah, let's fuck him up shit out of him yet and Kristen's like yeah let's fuck him up yeah so just one we think this episode's already kind of crazy enough Lala has yet another bomb shell there's a recording that was sent to her from James at James got from faith of Jack's telling faith that he's never gonna marry Brittany he doesn't care about her yada yada yada okay so we didn't get to hear this, but somebody posted it today. Of course, really?

It's wonderful posters. Well, it's not the actual audio. I wonder if they're going to play it next week. This is press reader.com. I don't know who wrote. Oh, it's from in touch. Vanderpump rules, Jack Taylor or Brittany Cartwright may be headed blah, blah, blah. Jack's can be heard saying, I am not sexually attracted to Brittany any dash open next page

hold on. Any more and I can never see myself marrying her. It says the source. When Brittany finds out she'll be heartbroken and humiliated, she'll have no choice but to call it quits. So I guess he just said I'm not even a true. I mean, I mean, isn't that what you tell a hoe? That's what you tell, yeah, That's what you tell, yeah,

that's what you tell your side piece for sure. Yeah, my wife sucks, that only I care. It doesn't make it better. No, it doesn't make it better. I'm just saying, I thought this audio, I waited to read that because I thought it was gonna be like, Brittany has a dick or something terrible, you know? But it's like, yeah, before you made that with faith,

can we talk about how awful but also intelligent faith is proving to be this season? Well, she's not even doing anything. Why are we not seeing Faith? That actually kind of bothers me that we are not seeing Faith. She is so central to this huge scandal. I don't like that we don't get to hear her side. I don't like that we don't get to hear her voice. I don't like that it's all filtered through the guy and basically through gossip from these girls. I think it's actually very disempowering. And also did she get her period? I'm sure.

But she fucked a guy to get on a show. I mean, look, if you're gonna fuck Jack's. That's called putting them in. That's called putting them in the time. See, you have such cynical views about these things. She fucked a guy. faith didn't fuck the guy And then you're blaming it and then she didn't tape it to get on bander Promp rules, I think well, I think she taped it because she knew she was gonna wind up in a situation and it was like

Oh, well, I'm dealing with jacks. I gotta have I gotta have the proof otherwise No, leave me because everyone always blames the lady. Why did she fuck the guy and then wait until the season opening party to tell anybody on camera and then say she might be pregnant? I mean, come on, come on. Well, because she, they probably had sex and then the producers were like, you gotta talk about it on camera, you gotta talk about it on camera. Here, our first night is this night, you gotta talk about it. That's, you know, like there are two sides to it and I am not going to just automatically blame Faith. Although I did hear that she is a real piece of work.

He's totally fucking the dude to get on camera. And Jackson's just just bad. He's got a girlfriend and he's fucking somebody else because he's a pig. It's not like I'm choosing his side, but let's not pretend that Faith is like, oh, this just all happened. I fucked Jackson front of my 95-year-old client who was in bed right next to us. I'm coming. I mean, I think that's the shadiest part of it. That's the worst part. You're more against the workplace infringement.

I am. Oh, shit. No, here's the thing. No, I just, I, I, I, I sort of, I don't love automatically going to a place of, oh well she just fucked him to get on the show, oh she just fucked him for money, it's just like this, I think it's like an old fashion, to me it's like an old fashion view of this is how women operate, right? They can't do anything, like they only weigh that women can get ahead in the world as

they use their vagina, right? It just sort of feeds into this old narrative. And I'm just like not totally willing to go down that path unless I really, really feel like there's some very strong evidence for that, you know? Yeah, I get that. I don't mean to come down the path with me, but I get that it's an old narrative, but it's also the oldest fucking story in the book.

And I don't believe that women have to do that, obviously not, but faith did. You know what I mean? I'm not saying all women, I'm saying faith. You're sounding very, very Katie right now. I stand by it and I'm eating my dominoes, Parmesan bite while I do. I'm absolutely fine.

You're Katie and I'm Lala in this situation, okay? And I need my mama. I can take that. Either way, either way, the episode ends with Brittany walking into the party, holding up the iPhone and going yelling at Jack. You're a piece of shit. I heard the recording and you deserve to write in hell.

I was like, you needed the recording to get to that conclusion? Yeah. And Jack's with you. How about this walk out party? Finish your beer. And then it goes, I guess I should go and get on his little cooler and jets on out of there. It's like the end of Goodwill Hunting. This was on a scooter on highway.

So that was it for the... Wow. With this was twice as long as the actual show. Oh, no. We, our Van Nippon rules recaps are just nothing if nothing if not over super every single one of them has been about 90 minutes We can the shows are so dense and so wonderful This shows are so dense. I like when you say stuff like that like so many meanings so many things somebody levels to it Well anyway, um Ronnie stay dry over there in your neck of the woods you call me an alcoholic. Yes

over there in your neck of the woods. You calling me an alcoholic? Yes. And we're gonna be back tomorrow with some real housewives of Beverly Hills. Until then, go on to watchcraftpants.com by your show tickets, by your merchandise, and by your happiness. We'll talk to y'all tomorrow, everyone.

Bye. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watch Your Crappens, add free Bye. Bye. Hey, prime members. You can listen to WatcherCrapins, Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

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