Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Burn After Reading - Live from Detroit!

Episode Date: January 25, 2020

On this week's Vanderpump Rules, Stassi gives us the sort of meltdown we crave most from her: shrill, entitled, and loud. But is she in the wrong? We discuss that question and the latest drama from the world of Scheana in our live show from Detroit! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few, follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors. Just saying okay. Kristi Wawerdidawerdid!

Nobody sucks it to us like Amy Sokcarellis. Jamie, she has no last namey. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. You're the Wyndham beneath our wings. Joe Wyndham. Assy Savoni, she don't take no baloney. You don't touch the Nicki Morgan letters.

Aaron McNickolas, she don't miss no trickle-ists. Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird. Ain't no thing like Allison King. He makes us squee-r-ch-d. Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good. Hannah, God, I love that banana. Anderson!

Higher than Iris, it's Lauren Perez. Hava Nagila Weber! One day your Rachel's in. And the next day, you're out. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium Patreon subscribers. Let's take off with Tamala Plane! Oops, she did it again. It's Brittany Montana.

Lisa Wallent. Now that's what I call Wallentainment. Give him hell, Miss Noel. Always ready for Nicole Passa-Ready. Better than Tabooly, if Annie and Julie. Lordess, the Lordess of the Rings. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Danielle. Etch-O.

She ain't no shrinking Violet Coochar. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender! Yes, we can, with Howley, Carolyn and Anne. Yes, we should, with Carrie Bridgewood. Nancy C. Centicisto. Simple as rocket science, it's Dana Easy. Holy Grant, the Grant Master. Somebody get us 10 C.C.s of Betsy M.D.

Let's get Racy with Miss Stacy. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Incredible edible Matthew sisters and Meena Kuchikuchi Watch what crap Watch what crap Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap ends Poppins Rapins! Rapins! Rapins! Rapin!

Rapins! Rapins! What's one? Rapins! Rapins! What? What? What's one?

Rapins! What's one? Rapins! What? Rapins! What's one? Rapins! Hi! Good to see you guys! I Hi, good to see you guys. Oh my god. You got a Brittany here. Oh

My goodness, sorry, I had to take a photo cuz I just got one of those fancy new iPhones. I had the wide-angle lens I'm like, oh, I got to use it on the crowd shot. I've got three cameras now You guys it's so exciting to be back here in Detroit for our second Detroit show ever I've got the freak, I'm nervous now. Oh, mooh. You guys, it's so exciting to be back here in Detroit. For our second Detroit show, ever. Oh my gosh. Back at the same place, we loved this place. Last time we did Vanderpump rules here. And it's just so perfect, there's the pink bar

in the background. Yeah, yes. Last time we were here, we asked if they could please place trees in the middle of aisle so people tripped over them and couldn't get to their seats properly. But whatever majestic take your time. Yeah, we asked if they could serve some Chilean sea bass at the bar. Didn't work out. The forever special of. Yes. Oh, God. Oh, Corinne's here. Uh-oh. You better settle down tonight, Corinne. And that goes for everyone. Yeah, this is being recorded.

So if you've got a Corinne in front of you, tell me, shut the fuck up once. Yup. Yup. And then, co-posecurity! And then we'll say, dude, you're totally banned from TomTom! Dude, I'm gonna have you banned from Tom Tom, bro. I'm sure, first of all. By the way, I hope you guys all realize this is a very special weekend for us because tomorrow

is our eight year anniversary as a podcast. So thanks for celebrating our anniversary. I know. Look. Oh, really? Look, look at this. Oh, look, look at our, look at our four arm hug. Oh, I love Ronnie. I love you. You're in the best. Truthfully, is Ronnie not the best? It's been not the thinnest. God damn it. It's Tito's not to vodka for dogs. Fodka for dog people.

I'm such an easy sale on everything. That's what the Tito thing said. Have you received this? It says vodka for dog people. Here I'm going to put this as a sacrilege, put it there. Anyway, the point is this, welcome to Watch for Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo. We love to watch.

So there's huge breaking news right now. There is huge breaking news. It just happened like two seconds ago. Um. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom news theme. Yeah, that's our news. I was like, oh my god That's really loud guys. This is real like a lot of times we've done our podcasts where we play our breaking news thing I'm like breaking news and it's fake. This is actual real bravo breaking news So new we couldn't even bring up the news music. Yeah, we literally couldn't so it comes from the Instagram of one

Victoria gondola said Wow And I think it's it's extremely important to know this is season one face. Yeah season one face You know, it's big news and you got public with season one phase girl, okay? This half is posted literally 11 minutes ago. 11 minutes ago on her feed, okay? Do you want us, why don't you start it off? Why don't you start?

I've waited to drink all goddamn not. I'm not doing another thing. So Vicki Gunvelson says, I will always be the OG of the OC, but it's time to say goodbye to the real Housewives of Orange County. It's been an incredible ride for 14 years. Okay, did somebody tell Vicki it's been 14 years? Because I've just spent two months listening to. 15 years is sharp, 15 years!

15 years on the other side of it and yet! I want to thank all of you for your support, for your love, and for whooping it up with me along the way. I've been working on new projects. That would be exciting and powering at Inspirational. My podcast with the Western Wed will be launching soon and I will have much more to say about this on whoop it up with Pickley. I don't do podcast Andy, I don't do podcasts. I hope you'll join me with my new journey so please stay tuned.

I love all my fans and I want to thank Bravo and Evolution for this incredible experience, which my family and I will never forget, because it ruined them all. Hashtag Bravo, Hashtag RHSC, Hashtag Wuppet Up with Vicky. And then she actually got a celebrity comment. This is a real celebrity comment from one Countess Luan that says, Oh, G forever, heart heart. I have, of course, I'm talking to myself. I am the OG because I do gangster rap music and my cabaret. I think I'm good.

I mean, Vicki Gumbelson is actually leaving. What a way to go down. Yeah. I mean, that is definitelyumbelson is actually leaving. What a way to go down. I mean, that is definitely, I have to say, I wish the crappies were now. Oh, I guess she can win this next year, but the best way to go down, the best exit scene of any housewives ever.

Like, fuck you! Sheva, you anti-cold, sheva, you! Are you fucking kidding me right now? Flaming the door in the camera's face. I mean, the face. I mean, if I'm out, it's perfect. Thanks God there's no one back there. I keep trying to hide my butt crack,

but it's like there's no one even. It's old. Maybe it's like Vicki. I'm like imagining these curtains opening up and thinking like, I'm back, which is? I'm there yet. Wow, what a way to go down. Wow. God bless you. You know what? Something bless you, V go down to home. Wow, God bless you.

You know what? It's something bless you, Vicki Gumbelson. Thank God for you. Yeah. Yeah. So that was the big news. But today we're really not here to talk about Vicki Gumbelson. We're here to talk Banderpump Rules.

How does everyone feel about this whole like new, the new faces, new everything? Fuck these people. You know, bravo is not given us an easy time as people who just like to laugh about bravo. Like, doesn't this find talking about how stuff races? Yeah. Like, isn't this fun?

Isn't this like pure massage any fun on below deck? Oh, by the way, have you guys watched, did you guys watch the Aston on below deck? Or watch out for that? I have not actually seen it. I have not actually seen it. Sorry, I was like, why talk about something depressing? But we started with Vicki, so settle in.

So Aston goes, I don't think Andy watches below deck. To you, because he didn't know, like any of the answers, he's like, all right then, that's good. Yeah. That sounds great, yeah. Like someone asked Lucy from Goose here, whatever it was. Like, hey, Ashton, why is it OK to try and make out with Kate not only once, but then force it on her again?

He's like, well, actually, the first time that I did date Indy, it was reciprocated. The fuck it was. He grabbed her, he grabbed her head like, like force grab and was like, and she went, and then the next day said, remember when you kissed me last night, don't do that.

That is not reciprocation. No, sir. It's not. So Andy's like, OK, great answer. And then you've got Gerry O'Connell, who's basically fucking useless. Why would you even call him on an episode like that? It's like, we need somebody to say something.

And Gerry O'Connell's like, you know, the problem is separating the gender from the van, Andy. Not the problem of a van of boys and a van of girls. They needed fucking Leslie Jones there. So just finally, like just say everything that he's to be said to Ashton, okay? Because she's got a right. She's got a right.

I know, it's good. We're all riled up now. We're all. Yeah, so Andy was just basically like, okay, well this has been really interesting. I was like, he has not one follow-up question. And then he goes, So, Ashton, are you going to land lock-in therapy?

What are you doing here? Right, what are we gonna do with this? And Ashton's like, you know Andy, I've always believed that therapy starts with yourself. So I'm doing all the work that needs to be done. Oh, fuck you! Oh, fuck you! Yeah.

It's got under control, guys, who does. Therapy starts with yourself. No, it doesn't. Who says that? Therapy. How are you feeling today? Shitty. That's all I'm feeling.

I am Team K. Team Riley. Team Courtney. Unabashedly. Got it. Got it. Team Got it, got it. Team got it, got it, got it. I like to request a paleo option, got it? So, all right.

So we opened with a beautiful, Trixi Monical song on this episode of Vanity Field. Oh yeah, wow. I mean, here's the thing. I'm actually really into this new season so far because the way I see it is, like, you know, I'm like, oh, what do you think about the new people? I'm like, eh, I'm like, that's perfect then.

You're supposed to hate people on Vanderpump rules. They're all supposed to be awful. So I'm like in a really good place with that personally. Well, I'm into hating poor people acting rich or like, like, you know, the Vanderpump rules classic. So I'm not a slut, I didn't even know. It was married, even after she's been dating him for like two years or whatever.

I'm like, I went to that kind of stupidity. The racist shit that came out this week on Twitter, don't necessarily need that, bro. Don't need that. Can you read back two years on the Twitter? By the way, please nobody read back more than two years of my pro. God knows what that says.

Also like, not that it was racist, but you know, it's like, you know, we the way, please nobody read back more than two years of my friend. God knows what that says. Also, like, not that it was racist, but you know, it's like, you know, weaners just just thought about them. They're great. Also, by the way, in 2012, it's not like that was the like, like, the old and old and days, like, you should know, don't say the unword. Okay. Idiot. Anyway, back in the old and days. I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know. It's good to sing like, I know. I did that when we were still using firelight. I didn't know. I didn't know that. It's good though, the thing like, you know. I didn't know that when we were still using Firelight. I didn't know.

It's like it was 2012. Anyway, Trixie Monaco is the best. Trixie Monaco, the point is Trixie Monaco. And she comes out on fire. She's like, all right, Paul. So, now you see some van to pump rules. We got to do something good for my cousin, James Kennedy. Okay. Are you ready?

Ready. All right. Baby, we're unstoppable, probably, dirty, impossible, baby. We got big dreams and our hearts are full, we're on fire, better dropper, load. Does that say drop a load? I don't know, I don't know. It seems strange. I feel like Trixi Monical is just trying to confuse a bit. Because I was like, wait, I can't wait to see. I wrote it down to you. Here's what I read. Baggy bones on top of the world doing the impossible.

Something gonna drop a hoe. And I was like, wow. It's like an episode description of Vanderbump rules. Yeah. But to music. We had two totally different lyrics for that. But they're equally intelligent. Yeah.

Was it Dropa Ho or Dropa Low? Yeah, which one was it? That both sound like things Lalo is going to threaten you to do. They're Dropa Ho. Yeah, either way Lalo just finger shots, somebody in the net like. Yeah. So let's open up at Mom and Stasi's house.

Yeah, we're at Stasi's house. So Deena, Deena and Stasi's mom is there in Nikolai her brother. They're all hanging out. Man, her mom got in some big trouble last year. Yeah. She went up to her, was like, you could do way better. Like, you mom got in some big trouble last year. Oh, she went up to her bowl. It was like, you could do way better.

Like, you're up here, she's down here, wanna fuck you. When can I fuck you? Oh, you're hilarious, you're hilarious. And she also went over to Kristen. It was like, God, I wish I had a daughter like you. I mean, but this is a Kristen town, okay? Everybody give it up for some Kristen.

Did anyone here go to high school with Kristen? We have two people who did. Seriously? Was she floppy in the hallways? I just imagined Kristen in high school like always dropping her a trapper keeper because she'd be like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, drop my trapper keeper good.

Ooh. Anybody want to answer this test question? Ooh. Ooh. Mocking her own head off with her shoulder. Ooh. I mean seriously? She just can't get her thing into the scan,

Tron. Seriously? Yeah. It's like, uh-oh. My shirt is above my love handles. You guys, I don't do this on purpose. When I stand up, it fits. No.

It looks fine from here. Anyway, so Dana is like, uh, Dana is like very concerned about Nikolai and Soda. She's like, because I was like, so what do you guys want to drink AF? And Dana's like, no Soda! He's just a child! You let Stasi date Jax, okay? She's like, I fucked up with you, let's save Nikolai, no Soda! So Stasi's like, um, yeah, my mom said some mean things, so we're working on that. Work on it off screen. I don't need this on my life.

Clear, clear scene, but Bo is cooking, you know, and the mom's like, oh my God Bo, secrets, do you have a secret recipe? What is it, Bo? What's your secret? What's your secret? You're better than Stasi's pasta? Oh. What's pasta? Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah, so basically Stasi's torture and her poor brother.

Her poor brother's, I guess, Nikolai's probably about fortune or 15 at this point. And she's like, did you read the part of my book where I lost my virginity? And I didn't shave my bus. She's like, oh, please, let me just have soda. Let me have soda and put in my eyeballs, please. So, Stassi's mom, Stassi's mom, board, board, board, board. The point is this, Stassi is going out a bit to her.

She's been doing this book tour, and she's going, she wants to end it, have the grand finale at TomTom, where she can be with all her friends. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. You got a lot of Tom Sanable's angry faces. Yeah, you're like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Sir. And I honestly, this scene was, I love this scene. I think you told me about this. You were like, fans. I was like, this scene is classic. I don't hear what anybody says about this season, because this is why I watch this shit. It is a classic folding the napkins episode. Yes.

With the new girls, Charlie and Dana. Charlie. I don't know why I assumed Charlie was intelligent. She spells her name wrong. Same. Spells her own damn name wrong, okay. Yeah. And I think it is like patriarchy, you know?

I'm like, oh my god, a brunette girl who's a girl with straight brunette hair. She must be intelligent. You know, you look inside of yourselves out there. Because she's sitting there, obviously problematic. Yeah. But this girl's a fucking moron, yeah. Yeah.

She's sitting there, they're both, so Charlie and Dana are both like rolling up their napkins and everything. And Dana's like, so what have you tried on the menu so far? Because I feel like I've eaten the checker, three shifts in a row. Like, I really love that pasta. So that alone I was like okay great episode. I love that. This started even amazingly. First their shot was of baby strollers going across the street.

Okay so we get it, we're moving to the valley, we get it. And then Trixie songs. She, your balls goddess on everything. Magic touch the icing on the pinky ring. Expect the best never-never-settling. The top dog, you can feel the energy. Folding napkins. They're folding napkins. Gonna drop a load.

So yeah, so, so Dean is like, yeah, that check. I've had a three shifts in a row. I love that pasta. And Charlie just looks around and goes, I've never had pasta before in my life. Oh! Never had pasta in my life. Everyone's booing that.

Everyone's so outraged right now. That was like, what kind of fucking monster is that? That was a joke. That's the reason when people say, Hey, where are you from? And you say Los Angeles and they're like, Ah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, no, I have this theory about pasta. Like, it's why everyone's gaining all this weight. I've had that theory since I was born.

And when they get a housewives, it's... Charlie versus pasta. And Dana goes, girl, yeah, that's an actual thing. It's called carbs. Yes. And Charlie goes, actually, it stacks in your body. Yeah. I have this theory about your body.

It's actually shaped exactly like a ZD tube. So that way when you eat ZD it fits perfectly. So you can't eat ZD. Otherwise it'll fit in your body and never leave. Theory. Now I think that now would be like a really good time to go to commercial because like Rob is so good at commercials and like he could do it in like seven minutes or less.

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Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. So then Danica comes in. Okay, Danica is like a Lego girl. You know Lego, you know Lego face. Yeah, yeah. Okay, you know how like when there's a Lego face, like it has like a round bit square smile like. Like Aston, actually.

Like Aston or Philip Rivers. Yeah, it's like if Legas could fit straws up their nose. Yeah. She got enough coke to act like Dana. It's like Dana's like a cokey Lego lady. You mean Danica? Danica. Cokey Lego lady.

So she comes in, she's like, I've been suspended for the past week. She has such an attitude, I love it, you know, about everything. Even as she sits down, she sees Dana and then she sees Charlie folding napkins of course and she's like, oh my god, Charlie, I've heard about you. She says such great things about you. I hear you're a real angel, hair pasta, high five, anyone? No, Charlie's like what? This is being a bitch today now.

And she's like, Dana, or Charlie's like, oh no, sorry. Dana says, of course she spoke highly of Sina. Charlie's like a little minisina. Is that what they're going for? Because now she's said it, and I cannot unseed Charlie just now. Minisina? I love the idea of minisina.

I love the idea of like a Russian nesting doll full of Senas. He's like, Err, err, err. Hi. Hi. By the way, I have to say, on the way to the airport to get to Detroit,

I was in the Uber and the radio was playing, and the emergency broadcast system came up, the test, and I was reminded about how much it sounds like she nuts. It was like, this is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Corner! I was like, to the tornado, a tornado coming with like a plate. Corner! Ha! Ha!

P-Pammer, P-Pammer, P-Pammer. Get out of your homes. P-Pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam-a-pam You didn't leave your house, and now your house is being melted by nuclear waste. It goes from... PANET to... AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Oh. Anyway, so Danica, we're like literally only like 30 seconds into this show. I don't care. I've got 20 apps. I've been to have toys on them that I'll be playing with. I have a million notes.

So Danica, she's just down and she's like, my ex-boyfriend Brett Willis was being completely disrespectful. I'm like, why do you have to say his full name? Yeah, I went up with Brett Willis. Is your related to Bruce Willis? If he isn't related to Bruce Willis, there's no need. I think like, why do you have to say it's full name? Yeah, what's up with Brett Willis? Is your related to Bruce Willis? If he isn't related to Bruce Willis, there's no need. I think he might be. Maybe.

Let's spread that. Yeah. That's good, I like that. I've been suspended for the past week because my boyfriend Brett Willis, like proposition to threesome, and then I hit him because like, uh, Brett Willis, how could you? Brett Willis, Brett Willis. Brett Willis. Brett Willis, Brett Willis, Brett Willis, Brett Willis.

It's like the oddest-detemptive branding I've ever seen. And then they show Brett Willis, who is exactly who you think he is. He's like, his mouth is open, and then he does that thing. You've seen people polish glasses, right? So he's like polishing a glass, but he's doing it with his mouth open, and his jaw moves from side to side as the tall guy.

He's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh Lisa Vanderbump and she's like, she's basically, because she pushed Brett, because I think she tells Lisa that Brett, he's like, hey, randomly ask me if I want you a threesome. So I pushed him, at least it's like, you put your hands on Brett and not just any Brett. Brett, we're in. We're in.

I'm going to have to suspend you in mid-air because I'm dressed like a magician. And Danica goes, that like ruins my life. Dan is going to eat all the checker. So Sashina comes by and says, Come on, come on, come on. That's literally how she enters the room. I don't know what the fuck Shina's ever saying ever.

I mean, it's just like a blob of like, How many ducks have been triggered? How many poor ducks have started their migration back North? They're like, oh, I just got the message. It's springtime again. I just heard it. That's something like ducks run into Mac trucks. And they're like, what were ducks doing anywhere near a freeway?

Well, because there's always one duck that's probably like, you should have said, corner around the Mac truck. Also, we brought this up, Terry, on the last week on the crappies. But we heard that Sina told Ariana in some interview, oh yeah, watch what crap ends. Stole my Twitter handle. What the fuck was your Twitter handle? Sina, your name is Sina. Your Twitter handle is at Sina.

Your email, because one time I always tell the story, we went to a party, we met her, and we're like, you should come on the podcast, you're like, okay, you can email me. My email is shinaatshina.com. I was like, that's so her email. Oh, here's my note for Brett Willis. Aha, so dumb. He polishes glasses like an asshole. Lime jump.

Asshole glass polish. Glass is like an asshole. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So she was like, and then I was like, hey, you the kid, where you going? And she was like, hey, I'm a sub-bank at my trance. I'm on, I have to stop by that, I have to max. I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on. So Jan is like, and she just like gets up and leaves. And she was like, well, I still take her chair. I think it it's some accomplishment that she took a chair that someone they hated.

Wow, you sure so, though. Thank you. Look at this parking spot I got in the back. Someone left that. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Today I put on my shoes and they both fit. Wow. Wow.

So she sits down and she's like, oh my god, there, now. And then, like, I'm going to go on there now. And Danik is like, I'm just going to meet her. And she's going to go, I'm going to shoot. I'm going to go on there now. I can be like, so I'll say too. Sorry. Yeah, so Danik is like, yeah, I literally just sat down next to her. And the first thing I noticed, she

wasn't wearing a broth. I'm like, ah! This is Vanderpump rules. I can't even believe this is a discussion. Meanwhile, they spend the rest of the episode talking about how great it is to walk around without underwear on and having the breeze coming up to your vagina. And Charlie's like, I like to wear bras too.

The higher the cleavage. And I thought she was gonna say the closer to God, right? Cause I'm from the South. Yeah. They're suit, the higher the cleavage. And I thought she was going to say the closer to God, right? Because I'm from the south. Yeah. They're saying, the higher the chips, I'm like, well, it's a little on the nose. The higher the cleavage, the higher they physically are from where they were before.

So I don't really know what to think about Dana yet. She looks like one of the twins from Summer House. She bothers me. Little bit. Was a little one of the twins from Summer House. This bothers me. Little bit. With a little bit of Danny from Southern Charm. Possibly hooked up with Peter to get on this show. I cannot respect anyone who possibly really who hooks up with Peter for any reason.

Really? At least it wasn't Jacks. Peter, poor Peter, shut up with your poor Peter. How dare you in this. Peter is just like that aunt who just goes around it thanks giving drinking out of everyone else's half empty glasses on the way out. Get out of here with the poor Peter.

So Lisa Vanderpump shows up. And so we've been saying that this season, Lisa's whole thing is that she's trying to look like a magician. And she just goes so full magician this episode. She is literally in a white blouse with, and she's wearing a vest that is like gold and like, like, sequined, like a vest. And she's like, oh, hello, I've arrived.

Poof. Or have I arrived? I've disappeared. Oh, I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here. And now I will make up here. Michelleess!

Alright, I was close. I'm still working on it. Hello, Brad Pylis! What have you two discussed all day with mother? And he's like, um... Like, promising things. And she's like, class of Vanderbomb Rosé. Of course! Like, rolishing things and she's like, class of Vanderbomb Rose, of course. Oh, Brett Willis, I've got one little cheeky note for you. Don't solicit any menager, twaz, and my restaurant.

Ah! He's like, ah, ah, ah. So then she sees Shina and she's like, what are you doing here? Shina, Benina. And she's said, what are you doing here, Shina Benina? And she's like, I'm not going to ask you because I'm in the Hanabica. It's like too long for my short torso.

Sorry for any woman that's on top of my work. It's so hard. No, no, so I need to talk with Managana X. He called me by Craiser. I'm like, I'm not by Craiser at all. I just really like boys. I go crazy for them, but it doesn't mean I'm by crazier. I'm like, I'm not by crazier at all. Like I just really like boys. And I go crazy for them.

It doesn't mean I'm by crazy. I mean, just because I bought them an Apple Watch for Thanksgiving, I did another follow-up one in case you didn't get the one for Thanksgiving. So I got it for Christmas. But then I was like, maybe he's Jewish. So I got him one for Hanukkah. And then that's eight days a week. So I got him eight watches for Hanukkah.

And then I was like, well, it's New Year. So I might as well have another Apple Watch. And then maybe we could get some of the Apple Watch. And the next, you know, it's Chinese New Year. And I was like, oh, it's New Year, so I might as well have another Apple Watch, and then maybe we could kiss him to the Apple Watch, and the next, you know, it's Chinese New Year, so now it's like, oh, well, I guess another Apple Watch. And he hasn't written me back. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Corner! When she goes, he calls me boy crazy. Vanderpump goes, no! No!

Ah! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ah! What would be more crazy would be if I found that? No! What would be more crazy would be if I found this T-Jaws rapper from behind your ear Oh my god, it's a vodka for John P.O.

Magic While he's the one who preserved me and made meme fail special and I have pages and pages of taxes of tax Okay, and then when he acts like oh my god, it's too much, it's too quick. I'm like, whoa, whoa, you did this. And then she starts, yeah, she starts explaining, like, you know, like, I mean, I like Brad too. You know, Brad's really cool. And I swear, like, I crush on him, like, I don't wanna do that, okay?

And you know, it's just like, it's really hard. And then she starts crying, D'Alisa. And she's like, it's just like, I don't wanna, like, I don't wanna like, dip, right? I don't, and it like, it upsets me that like, max of all people said this, when you could have very easily used this Apple watch to message me with it. I don't know. I don't know. And Vanderprom said, tolling relax a little bit, just let it come to you. Don't be so desperate.

I just let him come on me without lots of hell else do I need to do with that? I don't want to. I really want to really wear it blind for my life right now. I sure do. So, ah. Oh, you had a weird place where you had a place where there might be a piece of people magic. So then the dudes, the dudes are like,

this good replace to take a dutish by the hesapadio like Tom Tom, but without a sucker field in the back. And then the guy, let's go back to the gym, place, bro. So all the bros meet up and they all are out there. And Brett does something that really annoys me. I was actually like this.

He has like a super long pre-hand shake hand extension. He walks in and he's like, yo, like on the door, ass are like, don't need that much. Can you catch my hand? Can you catch it? It's all right, we get it. You catch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Too much, too much from here. And Jack, did you just see the hatred dripping off Jack's? Jack's is like, this is, this is bread. And Jack's like, this is bread. This is bread. This is bread. This is bread. This is bread. This is bread. Yeah, too much from here. And Jack's did you just see the hatred dripping off Jack's? Jack's is like, this is Brett. He's a new employee.

Like, Jack's is all upset. And Tom goes, what are you doing, Brett? You like, saving or what? And Brett's like, serving right now, but my goal is to be a bartender. Wow. Wow. Wow. He's on the Rakell path.

So they're all giving him sit now for dating Shina, right? Because Jack's is like, huh? He's got Shina training. Whatever Jack's, like he's the only person at this restaurant you haven't fucked. So please back away. Yeah, Brett is like, he's breast-basedly like, yeah, I mean, she knows like really like all up on me, like like a walk-in, she's there and everything.

I mean like, she wants to go see Aladdin with me. Obviously that's for the bros, right? Rubbing my arm, touching my leg, wants to see Aladdin with me. It's like the biggest offense. Although I can imagine Shina being very annoying about that sound when you're watching a lad in. It's like the regular lad in, but it's not drawn on paper.

It's like real people doing a lot. I don't know if the Mucky's real, because that's crazy. Like how can you teach a Mucky to do that kind of sound? Although Mucky's a really smart, but when I'm a Mucky took a banana from behind my ear, it was like really amazing. I mean, Mucky's are actually amazing.

I'm dating a Mucky, basically. I'm dating a Mucky, he's really cute. Just friends, just friends. If you think about it, a friend like me is like a sheeness song. La la la la. A-a-a-a. Sam Roddy, hand hand 40. Do you have Sam Roddy?

A thousand times. Messier and Lockers out, my sleep. I've got a brandy match, never fails. You got some power in your corner. Not Sam, you actually mean the end, you're a game. Messier and Lockers out, my sleep. You got some power in your corner, not some of you actually in your camp. Matthew, you're in luck. I was up my sleeve. Don't, sorry, my apple wash is my mouth.

I played that character. Hold on, theater talk. Oh, yes. I played the role of the blue person. At a birthday party. And I was 15 years old. Hardest lyrics I've ever had to study in my entire life. All right, I'll make a show.

Yes. I applaud you. Still available. $15 an hour. So, Shina, so all the bros were talking about how annoying she is. Shina texts Brett and goes, My, hold up. Corner, corner.

Blink, corner. It's just like the ring every time Shina's coming up. Corner, hold up. Are you not working tonight? And he's like, no, I'm not, I'm out for drinks. What's up? Oh, well, Brance, I think I was going to the Shelby. I'd say that's where I was going to run, I know.

And by the way, I love that like the, they bros are all going to like, Brough night at the Shelby. The Shelby. Me too. Shelby Brock. Yeah. So now she is like all up on Max's business. And she's like, well, I'm sorry, I'm going to borrow it.

I'm going to borrow it. I like it never funnily. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like't show you the world. And he's like, why? What do you need?

She goes, so basically, he's like, Max is like, I just need some breathing room. Like, she comes over to my apartment. She tells me that she's freezing her eggs, that she's going off birth control. Whitslick, I love Cena, but enough. Oh my God. Who says that?

Fracing my eggs, I'm never wearing the condom again. Would you like to stick your penis to me right now? Hold on, hold on. Concentrate, concentrate. Are you done? Are you done? I'm gonna tape it up. Are you done?

Are you good as gold? Are you good as gold? Because I'm good as gold. I'm so good as gold. I'm so good as gold. And I'm good. My, my, my, my, I'm zipped. Zipped, zipped, zipped.

So, max and Brett are just like, bro, dude, dude, bro, bro, dude, dude, dude, y'all, clinger, dude, say five, clinger, bro, clinging, clinging, bro. Because they're both fucking shea that are trying to get on this show. And now that it's work, they're like, who? Yeah. Exactly.

And now we've said it So then jacks of course jacks is like man if I want to date with a girl and she started talking about eggs. I'm pretty sure I would run Didn't you impregnate somebody like Miami? Do you remember that you have a fiance who spent the past three years with a show going, we're gonna get married, we're gonna get married! And we've had to sit and listen to it. Yeah, it's like if any girl started talking about her eggs, I'd be done after putting my sperm in the sack.

Yeah. So, Brad's like, dude, and he's like, dude, it's like stage five. Yeah, stage five, Klinger Bra and Tom just goes, I'm loving this, bro. So they start, so someone's like, well, did you cuddle at least? And Max is like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we cuddle, we cuddle. We cud, Max is your co-cat friend who just stole a dollar for no reason off of my mic's dad.

Like, you're not going to, everyone knows knows you're not gonna do anything with that dollar. Did you steal it? No! No! No! No! What dollar? Dollar!

What's the dollar? What's the dollar? Lira? Lira? Got a Lira? Want a Lira? Bar. Lira?

Yeah, Max is like, yeah, we caught all the, uh, I love being little Spoon. I love feeling weak. It's one of my things. I'm not opposed. Listen, I'm not opposed. Listen, I'm never going to shade a little spoon. I like being a little spoon too. But you know what though?

Just the idea of like, yeah, man, I love feeling weak. It's one of my things. You could just be weak also. I hate little spoons. Because in Weight Watchers, they would tell us, Janelle, fucking Weight Watchers Janelle, with her nails out the hair, would be like, you know what's a good way to moderate your ice cream?

Little spins, expressive spins. Oh, well that's hideous. By the end of that binge, I was eating with my hands. Like give it away! Give it away! Fucking little spins. So yeah, of course, Jackson's so jacked, right? He's like, I like being a big spoon, cause I'm a man.

He's like, I don't know how all these emo dudes get me pussy at all, whatever. Cut to the cut to Max and his black and white leopard print t-shirt with giant print flowers. Like, too much to you, too much to you, like, what is it with her? I don't know. And Tom's like, dude, I don't know. By the way, we're doing this party with Stasi them around. And like, I think Stasi is talking to Schwartz. Like, I don't know anything about it at all, bro. You just brought it up. So. So basically, for this book tour, this book's party,

whatever. So Stasi has asked Schwartz, and she's been working with Schwartz. And so now we cut over to Tom Tom. And Schwartz is giving Stasi a tour, which, I mean, honestly, if I'm throwing an event, I'm not going to go through Schwartz. It'd be like, all right. So non-baba, this is a chair.

You can sit in that. I'm not sure what that is. It's a bar, Tom. It's a bar. Oh, yeah. It's a bar. I think you can get food there. No, you get drinks.

Oh, yeah, food too. Yeah. Yeah. I support that. Also, a tour of Tom Tom is this. Look, here's Tom Tom. It's like as big as this table. And she's been there.

Yeah, I don't understand it. It's like a table and then an Instagram twerker over there, Rubin is asked if I can suppose. True story. So, yeah. So basically, Schwartz is excited for this, but Sandevol is not. He is, because Tom Sandevol is worried

that he's going to have to 10 bar at this party, and he does not want to do it whatsoever. Well, he's really upset because Stasi went to Schwartz and Vanderpump, but never asked Sandevol. Like, this is my bar, bro. Like, you think you're gonna do something at my bar? I don't know about it. Way to play ring around the posi pose, Rose Rose.

That's right, bro. I'm gonna band you from Tom Tom. Yeah. I love petty shit. So then, back at guys, she knew walks in, of course. I don't know how she even got there. I don't know where the Shelby is, but I know it was at least 45 minutes away

and see somehow got there. So she walks in and she has like such a Sheena entrance. She goes, hi, how are you all? She lowkey does that like in every scene. She'll be like, hi, how are you all? How are you? How are you all? That's how she says hi to me if I ever see a public.

I say hi, Sheena, she says, how are you? How are you all? How are you all? It's not funny. What a world where I can actually say that. If I ever see she then real life, she goes, how are you? How are you?

How are you? She's actually. How have you been made it, mother? I will say. I'm really made it. In Los Angeles, she is like very accessible. Like you literally just go to certain, she's there, she's like how are you?

How are you? How are you? How are you? She's always got that long pony down. How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?

How are you? So the editors are twats basically, they're playing. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duhixie Monaco, can you write a song for this? What a dumb, what a dumb, that's too harsh. Just put in the clown music. Just put in the Sina is a clown music, please. So she's like, I'm getting tired. I'm getting tired, are you because that white noise came on? It's like an air conditioning here and it goes on and I'm like, I'm asleep. Because I sleep to white noise.

So anytime I hear, I'm like, so she walks up into the guys and she's like, can I borrow it for a second? She goes up to max. So she's still, maybe you guys can take some to get a shot or something. So all the guys like, they're out there like, fucking, she and I get out. And Bose, like, why do I feel I feel like I'm high school right now because you're older than everybody there. Yeah, you're on Vanderpump rules

So how's boys night going how's bruh? How's boy like how's Brad doing and Max is like love Brad She has oh no, no, I mean like healthy doing what the guys okay? Like so like I like attention for guys, you know, but I don't like the word crazy, all right? So that's my problem, the word crazy, okay? Cause you said the word crazy, because, yeah. Okay, I get it, you don't like that word crazy?

I'm not gonna use that word crazy, okay? I get it, I get it. Turn it into Ramona. Yeah. Whoa, Shina, Soria called you crazy, okay? Yeah. Did not crazy, you're just not mentally all there, okay? It's okay, okay. Just read Twitter.

You want to know what worst words I could use? You're lucky to get crazy, okay? Yeah. Caduce. Caduce. So Shina is like, I'm so like, what would you say about lots of Europe? It's like, do you last year? That was more than a little fling and you opened more respect for that. I'm like, you're having a little

line for my eyes, okay? Because like in the past week I found out about several of the girls that you can do and you can do whatever you want. Like, great, yes, that's great, but like, you know what? I think I'm gonna read you some texts that you sent me. I'm gonna read you some text that you sent me And then the shift you eyes start like dollar dollar dollar Let me scroll up because I changed the font size on my notes so ruins my life. I just did that too by accident. Yeah. Yeah. Fun, so I just now got a chance away. Alright, so, yeah, I'm just gonna leave them off yours because you actually have this for the shot.

Okay, but you start from the bottom, right? Alright, so it's like corner. Like, wow, this girl's fucking drop bad. Yeah, like one thing I can promise you, I won't hurt you. I respect you a lot. Corner. I think I'm obsessed with you already. Corner.

It was a turn on. Corner. You were also with you already. Corner. It was a turn on. Corner. You were also super fucking nice. Corner. And she's a human. Corner. As corny as this sounds, I noticed how beautiful you are. Corner.

Very happy you're a godler. Corner. Hard to find a good godler. Corner. Corner. Corner. I feel pretty like it's all out like you're going to have like anyone. Corner.

Could definitely kiss you some more now Corner hit the jackpot So she's like let me show you all these texts and he's just like Gaslighting Gaslit by Bravo. I mean, it's really not that hard to gaslight she meant to be fair You can be like guess guess what, Shina? They discontinued Coca-Cola. It's only Pepsi now.

Wow. That's great. Hey, Shina, what are you talking about? That light's not on. Oh, it is dark in here. Shina, they just turned on the light. Oh my god, I can see. Is that how gaslighting works?

Is that the origin? Yeah, I know that's a movie. It's a movie where she's like, oh my God, that light sawd or something. He's like, no, it's not. Don't ask me about things like that. So let it ask. Last night? I was stupid enough without pointing it out to everybody.

Last night, I was like in a room and I was like light inside the room and then they were like, be quiet, because the lights on. Then I was turned to the light was off. So then the light was off. But guess what? It was on guys. Like, oh god, someone's been gasping she and I again.

So where am I now? I had to scroll up. Now I'm back at least a van der Promp. Brett Williams. So basically, she and I was telling Max, like, listen, you're making sound like I'm boy crazy, but you're the one who is sexy to me all this shit. And I have all these texts, and I was the one pursuing you.

You're the one who is sending me all this shit. I'm not crazy, it was a thing, and I bought you a fucking Apple Watch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the difference. His text messages, unless he has a terrible plan,

cost him nothing. You bought him a fucking Apple Watch. I'm Thanksgiving, which is not a has a terrible plan, cost him nothing, you bought him a fucking Apple watch. I'm Thanksgiving, which is not a gift-giving holiday. The thing is, it's like Shina. Of course the guy is using you to get on TV. We know, just like Orange Robby did last season when he made out with you against a glass wall at that whatever park. Just like Rob did to hang his TV and under seven minutes to do a thing and I know that sometimes when people hurt you

It feels like oh my god. I'm never gonna trust anyone again because it hurts Don't ever trust anybody again. Yeah, how many times you need to learn people are not trustworthy Unless you have a password to their eye count, their eye cloud account, do not trust a fucking person. There, you heard it here first. Especially not anyone who's not, at least not anyone who is on Vennipom Brules, right? So then she just, so she basically tells him,

like, you know what, like whatever it is, like we used to have a couple of games together and everything and we used to go to drive through it in and out and it was like so fun. But now I'm going to like a fuck boy. And he he goes I couldn't agree more. I am a fuck boy and he was just like He is the next jacks because he's learning from jacks You just agree and regurgitate and just say what people need to need to hear and like all right Everything's fine and then she tells us like she just won something she has

They not may have seen Max's panns, but I've seen her's heart. So then, Max is like, heart. Max starts talking about how he's not sleeping with his employees. He goes, you know what? I don't sleep with my employees. Okay? Yes, I slept with Dana, but it was in the mix of kind of being my employee and working at Sur.

I'm like, that means you slept with your employee. You literally slept with your employee. And she says, well, she seems to think that I have an issue with her because of you. Sheena, you have an issue with her because of him. You've literally said it five times. So he's like, yeah, and she said to me, if she and I don't get along,

like, I mean, look, I just said it's not my fault, you know? Okay, that's it. I said, I'm sorry. And she's like, I and she said to me if she and I don't get along like I mean look I just said it's not my fault, you know, okay? That's it. I said I'm sorry and she's like I don't need to start thinking she's your girlfriend. So what are you guys dating? Not boy crazy So now we go over to Villa Rosa where Lisa Vanderpump is sitting in her closet reading a passage out of next level basic stoss his book I bump is sitting in her closet reading a passage out of next level basic Stas's book. I had no idea what to do when it came to sex who making house. Including grooming. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I had a full blown bush.

I hoped this guy would make out with me, but I had no idea it would have anything to do with my vaginal And at least at the end of the day that guy did not betray me like I richest did! I added that part So, Vanerpump, yeah, she's like, well, that might be a hair too much. I actually did not pick up on that. So, Stasi wanted to read that. And at least it has like, oh, I really wanted to be the first boss' book signing, but I have to go to Boston, which I don't think she had to go to Boston at all.

I think it was just like the first city she could think of. I just can't imagine Lee's Savannah bump being in Boston. Like, hey, look at that wicked heart magician over there. Ooh! I just came back from the exulted city of Boston. They have a soup they're called, chow-dea. We're going to serve it. She's like speaking of muffins. I just had lunch with the Kentucky muffin.

Britney! She's going to have her wedding somewhere called Versailles. She's like, what is that for sales? And then when we first heard Britney saying, I'm getting married in Versailles! I was like, that's even trashier than the queen of Versailles. Like, I mean, Jackie, at least says Versailles. Yeah. But it turns out we get educated on L-internets. We've learned a lot of things.

They really do pronounce it, Versailles. Versailles. So there you go. I love intelligent British. And then we get like a flashback of Lisa with Brittany. And Lisa trying to process that one of the sacred landmarks of Europe where she's from is being called Versailles. She's like, this, this, this, this, I can touch you.

But the sales is when we go in, it's Versaille! Oh, broken word, bitch! If I could for French person was trying to say for sale No, it's nothing like that, please stop saying for sale It's a failure! No! And then for me, Lisa! Oh, please, magic work now, make our disappear No! And they have funny leezers! Oh, please, magic work now, make our disappear.

No! Still here, Jackson tried that trick for five years! We should also mention that during the scene, Lisa is wearing a blazer with some sort of like negligee under it and like a white tie that has like gold racoco patterns on it, full magician, full magician. So Stasi is at home with her assistant bow who's making her tea. And she's like, oh my god.

He's like, it's green, don't worry. No, no, I'm talking about the. Text I just read, get in here. Ah. So, but we get in there. Both scars over there. And then there's this text from Tom. That's like, dude. Hey, so I found out today about your book party at TomTom,

but no word from you. Truth, we have no bartenders, and I'm not bartending, and neither is shorts. So IDK, what is actually going to happen? Do not put me on because this is what I literally fuck you out of TomTom and all your misbearing. I'll do. I will ban you and your wristbands.

You know, we have been way overdue for a crazy drunk van to pump rules texts, okay? Ever since Katie got wise the fact that she shouldn't text while the cameras are on, we haven't had one, so I was happy. So Stasi's like, I'm sorry, but like Tom not having Tom Tom staffed is like not my problem. So whatever the fuck needs to happen is not about me, what say you? He's a big good job. Get the honey for this motherfucking tea immediately. Yeah. I like Stasi's like, what's with all the anger?

Why is he even talking to me like that? I'm like, maybe he read your book. I don't know, like, you're saucy. This is what you do. And both like, you know what you should do? So screenshot it and send it to Schwartz. No, I think it's a terrible idea, because Schwartz would get it and just be trying to respond to the screenshot the entire time.

Baba, the phone's broken. I can't text back. Baba. Baba, get the gang smaller and bigger, Baba. So Stasi's like, I mean, going through everything, I'm going through it, like I'm going through it in my head. I walk through it with Lisa, I did a walk through with Schwartz. Why are you acting like you don't know what's going on?

And later she says that I didn't kiss the fucking ring. Pretty much. Well, young's the rest on. That's it, right? They she says that I didn't kiss the fucking ring. Pretty much. Well, young's the rest of it, right? They didn't ask Tom. But Bo is really good. He's starting to figure out what he has to do to appease the witches of WeHo. So he's like, oh, oh, I have an idea.

Tom was out with James last night, and that's probably what happened. And James probably put this in Tom's head, right? Yeah. Now we're going to blame James. They don't even, they barely even let James on the show anymore. He's like on the, he's just like the orphan on the, the street urchin of the window like, please Lisa,

could I have more camera time? Please, we're having another puppy party. He's like, Kelly Don on the Quiet Woman window. Just while the scene is being filmed, just in the background, like... He actually then tries us in the window. He snores the logo right off the Quiet Woman. I'm gonna murder you, Keran. You understand? You're gonna get thrown out. You gotta be careful.

You gotta be careful. So Stasi's like, no, I mean, it you, Keran. You understand? You're gonna throw it out, you gotta be careful. You gotta be careful, Keran. So Stasi's like, no, I mean, it sound about, like ever since I met him, he hasn't been a fan. Oh my God, I wish we could go through all the clips of this show, if him being like, let you stassy. So then we move over to Sheena's place, but before we go to Sheena's,

I do have to comment on one thing, which is that when Lisa and Ken left to go to Boston, they're going to get in their car. And Lisa's like, it's like this really weird version of Home Alone. And she's like, oh my God, I forgot we have to pick up Pandian Jason. I was like, and Max just is, no, I would just forget about Max. He doesn't get the trip to our max. For Max. We do it table.

Max is like there with like a little bowler hat on the back. I was like, I'm ready to go to Boston, mother. Mother? Serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, serious, ser's the monical song. Oh, this was a great one. This is a very classic. I got my girls, I got my girls with me. I got my girls with me. I got my girls with me. My girls with me. Take on everything.

I like that when she sings a song called, I got my girls with me. It's only one person singing. And it's also leading into a scene where your friend is the seamstress. Yes, so sad. Oh my god, Janet, my new hero for 220. I've got my girls from the... I have a really short torso. Could you take the sim, Janet Bates? Of course, Sheena has a friend named Janet who comes over to do free sewing. Hey Janet, could you show this for me because Cause I'm 5-5 on a good day.

Ha! And I want to borderline so that my ass is falling out, Janet. Do it, Janet. Get out of my face, Janet. And Janet's like, well I'd rather help you than have you pay for this. Janet, you fucking moron. This is why you're going to die poor. This girl's on television.

Janet. Because Janet moved to Marina Del Rey, poor. This girl's on television. Because Janet moved to Marina Del Rey clearly and can't afford it. So she's like, gotta get on TV somehow. I'll be seen as she is to the not stars. That's a goddamn idiot. I have no respect for Janet. Oh, I'm so into Janet.

I want more and more Janet. Respect your art. I just want Janet to show up at Sir One Day, like, just like under a pile of like sheets and clothing for Shina. And then one day, Shina's not there, and Janet's like, I'll be Shina now, and just takes over.

Corner. Corner. How are you? Corner. The special this evening is Chile and Seabass. Otherwise known as Patagonians. Toothfish, thank you. I still don't know after all these years.

We have both tomato bisque and... Tomato rolls. And tomato bisque as well as tomato chicken. Wait a second, that's not Shina, because Shina wouldn't know that there wouldn't be tomato bisque and alopster bisque. Who is that? It's me, because Shina wouldn't know that there wouldn't be tomato bisque and a lobster bisque. Who is that? It's me, it's Janet! I'm a jane, I'm a jane, I'm a jane, I'm a jane.

I was gaslight at mobile station. No, you were just getting gas. I'm so mad at Janet. Okay, so Janet. I'm super supportive of her. So anyway, so all the girls were arriving. All like the new girls are arriving and Danica's there and they're all like, oh my god, we're gonna have shirts and everything and they're

all excited. And then they cut the shunas poor cat. This cat was sitting there to catch like this, like, why? Why is this my life, meow? Why? Yeah. I know, the cats probably like God dogs are nice humans are cold good as

okay so down the cake comes over and say oh my god you guys last night with her smile frown like a Lego person I said hey guys last night breakfast totally handed me an envelope with $1,300 in it. And he goes, this is the money you would have made the weekend that you were there when you were suspended. That was totally my fault. And I said, I can't accept that. So did you take it?

Yeah, I took that. Yeah, of course I took it. And then I had sex with him. And surprisingly, Shina, she goes, um, that's prostitution. It's also employment. Yeah. Okay, so I say good for you.

I don't know, says the girl giving up Apple Watch Max. Apple Watch. So, surely, it brings over flowers cause she thirst. And Shina's like, Oh my God, you're f**k, man! And Shirley's like, um, like, rewind. Wait, what are we talking about?

This show is so insipid. I'm looking at my notes like, did this happen? Or am I just typing? It looks like I just did this. So basically, like, Danica's still talking about Brett Willis and how like, he stayed over until just this morning. And Sheena in the most Sheena voice of all time goes, Delacor!

Oh, and then you guys, this is true. I wrote it in my notes and was like, probably stuffing an idiot. Charlie calls a banana. Ha, ha, ha, ha. She picks up a banana saying, ha, ha! Somewhere Tom Schwartz is like,

boba, is that you? I have a special banana to banana. How this show is that? She's like, settle down. So Charlie comes over, she's got the uniform on and she's trying it on and she's like, you know what, from the side, it makes me like fat. She literally is the size of this straw. Yeah, this is that time where you're like, are we allowed to say, oh no, you poor thing

and you're eating disorder, I think you have to wait until someone comes out of the closet about that. And you're like, I'm so sorry that happened to you. But for right now, we can just say, you stupid idiot, no, you know your thing already shut up. So Sina is like, last night, Max and I were talking and I was like, look, you become like a fuck boy, okay? Cause we had a thing and I think he should be prioritizing me

of a dinner. I don't even remember her saying that, but it just is so on point for what any, she knows what to ever say. Yes. So now there's this wonderful shot of all the girls, like, okay, this has been fun. Let's go sit on the couch and talk about boys and stuff.

So we're all sitting on the couch and then you just see Janet on the side like sewing, like they're all just like, so, girl time, all the best friends are here on the couch. What's new? I wish I could respect Janet enough. She's saying, hi, are we here? I just wanted to say something, not charging any of you for this. Totally doing it for free. Yeah, we're my short shorts for this. So Charlie is like, I mean, is she his girlfriend or is she just a top meaning Dana?

And she's like, definitely a top, definitely a top. Like, okay, lock. I'm here, and then Dana's here. I'm here and then Dan, I'm here. And that, no way. I'm here and Max is here. And then the penguin named Spot is here. And the Apple Watch is here only because it means to update itself all the time.

I'm like, who has the time? And then Max is here because at least he delivers food. Other Marx. Mac Vanderpump. And then TJ, Max is here. TJ Max is right here. Grasio calls Lisa Vanderpump a bit, try her behind her back, which is uncool but also hilarious.

So she's under here. Chicken wings in general are aren't you? Yeah. High school degree is right here. Oh, wait, I just moved into things that, like, I just don't have time for ever in my life. So she's like, so, yeah, she knows acting like she's like totally fine with Dana whatever. And she's like, listen, if you want to hang out with Max,

you can hang out with Max. I'm going to hang out with Max also. I mean, I bought him a fucking Apple Watch. OK Max also. I'm in a bottom of fucking Apple Watch. Okay, she know. We know. You got an Apple Watch. And you know, she know about that Apple Watch like a week before the new Apple Watch came out, right?

So it was like $59 off at Best Buy. Wearing it, wearing it. I speak of what I know. She probably got like a free watch that's in the shape of an apple from an Applejack cereal box. Like I got an Apple watch from X. I can't believe it's not texting me back it's because it doesn't have buttons.

Yeah, yeah. So Dana is with Brett and they're talking to Natalie. Natalie, come, come, come, come, come, come, come. Look at me, I'm in the opening and now I have seen everyone sits. My country has Versailles, me, not to leave. Look at me. I'm in the opening and now I have seen everyone's sits. My country has Versailles, yes, Versailles. So she's like, now how is this training going? Bonjour, Madame Quassan, Nascargo. How is E-training going?

She's like, I was just training going. Who trained you? And Brett's like, um, Shina mostly. And they think, um, Shina kind of. And, uh, we see the big pink training manuals. Sorry, we don't have an actual pink piece of paper because we're really on the nose bitches like that. But these manuals were hilarious. How are they so thick?

No one at the address wants a strain. Well, because they probably have like size 24 font and it's all like in like comic sands, like... No three sums at the bar pret wheel is rule number one. Do not professionally hem your skirt skirts. Rule number three never mentioned Patagonian toothfish. It is Jalaian sea bass and nothing more Bisc soup

All the same thing Expect a fire every four years and new chairs to follow They love a fire at that place So Natalie's like here's's the training book. You go home, you make a drawing book with these single drawing book. And so, Dan is like, I'm so Brad, how's training going with you? And he goes, well, I mean, she knows been nice, I guess.

Why are you making that face like a twin from summer house? And Dan is like, um, she hasn't really been that nice to me. Might be because I make jokes about people being poor. I do have the newest iPods. Whatever How many of you are on Dana's side yet? I don't know what side there is I mean, I'm like Dana. Who's pro Dana right now? I'm like I'm pro Dana. I'm pro Dana This show is doomed who here Who here also thinks that Brett looks like Dory from Finding Dory, right? Thank you.

And I felt guilty about saying that last week because I'm like, it's not fair to make some of people's physical appearances. But then since he had racist tweets, I feel like it's okay again. So Brett's like, well, I don't know how she talks to other girls, but like, she's nice to me. And I had that conversation with her like, we're just friends, like, we're just friends. And then he goes, Ha, he had friends on her. Well, please said, it's not because of me.

And he's like, oh my God, did I tell you? She crashed her Shelby. The Shelby, not the Shelby. The Shelby. Meanwhile, you know they're going fuck again anyway, so whatever. So now it's, it's, it's, now it's the afternoon. And there's a line at Tom Tom of everyone ready to go to the book thing. Oh, long, I need to stand up for Sheena really quickly because this whole episode

goes beyond Sheena. By the way, Sheena is truly the unsung hero of the season ever the past like two Seas to seasons two seasons She needs the most but she also gives the most she does she really does Okay, so she posted this on her Instagram story which I heard on Facebook groups So thank you for that so this is a text thread with Max. And she's like, hold up, I don't work on my mind. Because I got to stop by and talk to Lisa about Miami.

And I wanted to talk in person to you too. Da, da, da. And he says, I'm not. Out for drinks. What's up? And she goes, what's up? And so it's like, we didn't get enough time at Sur. And I want to talk before we go to my house this weekend

And he goes okay, maybe stop by real quick See Can't trust them in on the show and then she writes under As you go sir where you all out rap city was going to the to say him, that's where y'all. And he said, yes, I'm here. And then she put a thumbs up like, and she goes, okay, see you soon. I was like, oh my God, you're 1k away from being his Twitter feed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Fuck that guy. Oh. And he goes, okay, cool. And she goes, that's weekend, we'll be fine. And then he says, I'm stoked. And then she did the double exclamation point. Tap back on the apple where it's like, one exclamation point is this big.

And the other one's like this. It's like exclamation. Acclamation! That's her version going, ha ha ha! Yeah, so fuck you guys trying to gaslight, Sheena. You told her to go there. Yeah, don't you guys trying to gaslight sheen out he told her to go there. Yeah, don't do that Blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink blink

Tom Tom the line of girls outside to come into Tom Tom So crisis has been averted Tom Schwartz has found all the bartenders to fill the void and my bartenders It's means some of the bus boys and maybe a homeless dude, a Roomba. And our personal favorite, Jojo, the instructor. Jojo. Jojo is our actual waiter. He is a twerking champion.

This is not a lie. And he's like, well, I've never bartended before, but this seems like a good place to start. And I knock over a bottle of Don Julio with my ass. Guess I did. Are you guys sure you want me to be the island, all right? Like, you have 3D and JoJo, for the rest of our lives. He's like, I've never done this.

He's like, no one who works with these restaurants is every nervous, okay? Go with the flow, take the money and shake that money maker. Just watch Jack's make up, Martini. So, remember that one season where he had to make like a strawberry margarita? And he like, it was like, he put in like, a cremde cacao and like, Schlitz. So Schwartz is like, well, last night, Max had gotten a few bartenders to work, but then they all just said they couldn't work anymore.

We would have worked it out. So Stasi comes in and she tells Tom Schwartz, oh my God, that text, I have never had anyone talk to me like that. I'm like, have you been on the internet? Have you seen the comments? I don't know what's happening with Tom Sanneval. By the way, he got hit by a spider. Like, who gets hit by a spider? Like, he was at with James last night getting turned. And I was like, you know, Stasi only got her a party cleared with like 95% of management and now James is like,

bro, like what a bitch and then a spider bit sand of all like, oh my God. So then Stasi takes over. Wait, can we imagine what was happening when Tom Sandivall got bit by a spider? I am marrying you from Tom to on for the rest of your fucking life spider. I imagine he was like practicing its break dancing

and he's like, dude, now I'm gonna do a windmill. And this spider's just been trying to cross the room for 30 minutes. And like every time the spider's ready to do it, like he comes swirling through like, dude, look at my legs, the spider's like, fuck, I need to get there, I need to get there. And finally, I was like, ooh, leave it on the legs, as far as I'm like, fuck, I need to get there,

I need to get there. And so, I was like, fuck this. And I love that I'm gonna murder you. You're literally char my last nerves tonight. I swear to God. Dad. Also, Vanderpump rules has to make it like the worst spider ever.

They're like, it was a black widow. Ooh! Not a motherfucking black widow. It's like a daddy long legs. You know it was a daddy long legs with a top hat. They were almost dying. I said hello, my baby. Hello, man.

Dude, can you teach me how to dance like that? That's how it happened. He was getting dance lessons from a daddy long legs. So short, it's like, oh my god, we've got to get chairs out for ambiance. Also, because you're a restaurant. I didn't hear him say that chairs cheers for the offer on Beoms. So Katie, Brittany and Jacks come by, blah, blah, blah. So Brittany's like, oh my God!

This is gonna be amazing. We're going into Miami for a bad swim. We know, this is like the one episode of the year that is not about your fucking party. I know. We're gonna have our wedding in Versailles and then afterwards, we're gonna go see one of our favorite churches in Kentucky.

It's called Notre-Domo. So what do you need, nervous for, Jack? I mean, he's like, get strippers instead. I'm gonna need to have fun, cause it's our only back to the red party. Until the next one. Well, he better have fun with the strippers because after we're married,

he's never going to a trip club again. I'll tell you that much. Mm-hmm. Did you guys read that Versailles is up for sales? Oh. It's not funny. They got jacks. Someone on mine was like, Versailles got jacks.

They're like, putting up for sale. So Stasi comes out for her book and everyone's like, ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! And then of course, Stasi, she can choose anything

she reads from this book. Anything she chooses. When I started writing this, I was like, you know what? I need to write what I know, and I'm a basic bitch. And when you find real friends, you need to keep them and forgive them. How else would I be friends with someone

who fucked my ex, boyfriend? Kristen! Kristen's just like, cook all. Kristen's like, seriously? Oh, seriously? Listen, I'm having a hard day. I just ate a flower be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you.

I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. I'm not going to be a fan of you. Seriously. So then, so there's like, everyone's like clapping, everyone's happy, and like, Sasi's

brother is super proud, our mom's proud, and then they sort of get out of there because they know they should not be there, and there's like, I'm in greet. Everything's fun going nicely. Tom and Ariana walk up. Okay. So they haven't been there. They're late. So Tom or come swinging in through like some sort of spider web.

He's like, and Aaron is like, we just walked so far and he goes, yeah, because there was no fucking valley. I think you're giving your own restaurant the worst review I'm going to have right now. That's your restaurant you idiot! Get the alley! So Stasi's like, are they here? Tom to come back here and I'll sign the fucking fuck forum!

So Tom's like, of course I sent her a text because I'm trying to figure out how the fuck Tom Tom's not going to look like a shit show! Well, don't show up an hour late complaining there's no valley and making gonna look like a shit show. Well, don't show up an hour late complaining there's no valet and making it look like a shit show. Tom is. Yeah, sure too. So he's like all mad. He's like, dude, I mean, like, look at this line.

We got JoJo, he's never bartended. He's balancing a, of course, light bottle on his butt right now. David has to work 12 hours shifts, which is crazy because he doesn't even work here, dude, who's David? She's gonna go, hey, you're okay. And Ariana goes, watch out for his spider bite. Ha, ha, ha, ha. He's semi-ready-backed right now.

He has a baby, of course, is there? Like, it was taken care of, it was taken care of. But the fuck, Tom, It's taking care of. Saying you're going to throw Stasi out of Tom, Tom, that's really aggressive. And Schwartz was like, but Jojo was working and I would have bartended if I had to. Schwartz, we saw what happened last time you tried to bartend, okay. It was a mental breakdown. Yeah, you literally poured sand to someone's margarita.

So yeah, so yeah, Katie's like, yeah, that's really aggressive Tom. And then Tom Schwartz is like, yeah, it's like childish and embarrassing. He basically turned into Camille Grammar, whatever Katie says. He's like, yeah, yeah, so upsetting, yeah, yeah, yeah, blah blah, blah, no. I'm telling you, oh my god, here's some problem, bro. We got bartenders over there. Look, that guy's going to be working 12 hours. bartenders do not work 12 hours.

Sorry, but yes, we do what the fuck there's no union Susan Las Vegas So, Stas here's where we get to the crocs I think he's like this could have been avoided if Stas he just came to me bro Chain of command Well, whatever I say that this is your restaurant. You're getting a shit ton of free publicity because they're filming here again and you knew this was happening and if you had a problem with Stasi not coming to you, you should have called Stasi and said, what the fuck is going on? You can't be cocked. You should have called Stasi.

But to let Schwartz do it, when you know Schwartz is going to fail because of course Schwartz is like, I had a stop but then everybody can. Schwartz is like the kid and remember that book, Streg Anona, Schwartz is the kid, he says the college in Pasta takes over the town. That was for you Charlie. Schwartz is the fog, so he said he's the mist. Schwartz is a, I was saying Schwartz is the child in Streg Anona who causes the Pasta take over the town.

The child in Streg Anona, but fucking talking. But I like your version more that he's just the fog. Shorts is the fog. I mean, it is just Stephen Keaton- I'm like, I'm perfectly sunny day, and almost on it's like, buh-buh. You're like, oh, oh, that's cool.

Oh, buh-buh. Everyone around town, it's like, hey, that cranky old lady around the bookstore just now says, oh booo. So Ariana's basically like, how is it childish? She's like, not have the proper event staff, like the night before. And then Tom Schwartz, who has clearly been like waiting to use this phrase goes,

oh, you're like an echo chamber of negativity. Well, meanwhile, says the guy who's just repeating everything Katie says. Says the guy who married fucking Katie. Geez. The pressure cooker of negativity. So then Tom, this is weird that this is Tom's biggest fear, because he's like, they've known me for long enough to know that my biggest fear in life is spider bites

water fountains. No, I don't know. He's like coming across as jealous. It's like okay. So then he's like, this is not Katie Maloney's bar and grill. And Katie goes, this is my husband's restaurant too. Mm. By the way, I see. Tom Sandeval being completely wrong right now, which he is. Does not mean you're a lest of an asshole. Please go away, Katie.

No one invited you over here. I didn't know what. It was actually, it was a great read on Katie because you know that if Katie opens up a restaurant, it would be Katie Maloney's bar and grill Now serving ranch by the yard. It's like gather bar and grill by Katie All the menus are written on chalkboards No fence at this place anywhere we know those things your state comes like squeeze out of a hidden valley ranch bottle

anywhere we know it doesn't. Your state comes like, squeeze out of a hidden valley ranch bottle. Boba. Boba. Boba. So Katie walks away and Schwartz, who's just accused Tom and Ariana of being an echo chamber of negativity.

Literally pulls such a Katie line. He goes, you created this narrative in your head with a limited amount of information. Boba, did you hear that? Boba. Boba. So Stasi stomped over. And she's like, it's everything okay over here

because I'm trying to figure out what's so bad about bringing customers to drink and your restaurant. I mean, the only shame of it is that she knows Tom, because otherwise she told you it would've said, can I speak to the manager here? She goes, oh, it's because I didn't come to you and kiss your ass. I talked to Lisa, which, yeah, she owns 90, probably 7% of this, let's be honest.

But also, yes, of course, you know, they're not talking to Santa Claus gonna piss them off. You're still right in this situation, but LOL acting like, I talked to Lisa. I talked to Tom Schwartz. What's the problem? Does Lisa do the schedule? Does Lisa do the schedule?

You know that if Lisa did the schedule, it would be just like full of pink feathers and gold sequins and like a picture of candy on the weekends. She was like, I came in last night and did everything with Schwartz while you were at. Boys, my. How dare you. How dare you come in here right now and do this?

How dare you? How dare you selfish, egotistical piece of shit? How dare you text me those things? It's not enough to have your name and lights on Santa Monica Bullard. Like these people really live. And this is every single person who was there for the book reading. So, so Stasi stomps away and Santa Claus like that was extremely out of line, dude. So Stasi's in the bathroom really mad and of course a bow and Katie the two.

So both there like witty. He's like, you sure? It's chamomile. Stasi's like, witty. He's like, you sure? His chamomile. Stas is like, that's as bullshit. I just wanted a peaceful end of the year with my brand. That is a wrap of that. So almost I'm an in-a-man.

So SantaVal is now talking to Schwartz, and he's like, dude, no offense. I mean, you make drinks and everything, but I mean, you don't even know how to use the computer system. And Tom Schwartz is like like yes, I do see You're putting your finger in a house plant right now, dude Let me explain this to you all right, George when you have a place with your name on it goes Dude, don't do that. He's like what?

Just don't be little me. He's like I I'm not. You're being really condescending right now. Ah, ah, ah. Swords, you don't know how to do anything. You had one fucking job and none of the waiters showed up. You don't know how to do anything. If you just scream at somebody's face, it's not being condescending. You're just being a dick.

Yeah. Speed dick. But, just be a dick. But, Baba, I put candy on the floor. So, then we go over to, we back, go back over to Sir, and she is like leading Brett and Dana around on the training. And Dana's like, yeah, you know, I'm like feeling pretty good. I, you know, I did, I did brunch the other day and I went really well.

I mean, I was a little scary, but it was fine. I was easy, I think I'm ready to be done with training. And she was like, ha! I won power play is about to vanish. Where's the spider when I needed? Give me power spider! And Brad goes,

did you do brunch already? Because I did. And I didn't know the menu at all. So I just kept sending wrong orders and stuff. It's like trained and trained. Yep, you have passed the test. So then she is like, OK, well, I guess I'm just to do a few questions and we'll see how you guys do.

So here's a question. And then Brekko's, I have a question. How come your dress is so short? First of all, pervy question to ask in the workplace, even if you are on this show. Second of all, weird question to ask if you're trying to create some distance between Shina and the next category's date.

So I do have that ring. I don't want to hear it because I have a really short towards her, so I have a ring. I'm like, and then Shina's like, oh, Dana says, yeah, it really gets baggy here. And she says, yeah, that's why I was wearing an extra potted bra.

Braw that's wonderful. And Dana's like, I don't wear bras. Like, is that not cool? She's like, ah, what if it's cold? I was like, you're wearing a pinkie skinful of a dress right now. What if it's cold? So Dana and Dana go to the back.

This is very exciting. It was our first back alley scene of the new season. Also very exciting for Dana. Dana's first back alley scene. So they go out there to have a conversation. And Dana's like, I just want to make sure that nothing's going on between you and Max, because I feel like there's some tension.

And I don't know if it's because Max and I are sort of fucking. But maybe you guys are fucking. I'm not sure. He sent me this Apple Watch. That was really tension. I don't know if it's because, you know, Max and I are sort of fucking, but like maybe you guys are fucking. I'm not sure. He sent me this Apple watch. That was really nice. I don't know. It's really weird. It won't connect with my eye cloud yet.

It says something about a password. She was like, I'm not locked. I don't really care what's going on with you in Max, but you better not be touching Max. Well, I'm gonna fucking murder you. Do you understand that? Because I like totally don't care about Max. And also, Brett, touch him and you fucking die, you bitch.

Oh my God, you're not wearing a bra like you're disgusting tramps. Let go the hell. You're not wearing a bra like you're disgusting tramps. Let go the hell. You're not wearing a bra like you're disgusting tramps. The last eight years, everyone's had to worry about getting jacksed.

And now you have to worry about getting maxed. Not for long. Jacks is a monstrous, monstrous being, but nothing compares to that Twitter timeline. And by Max, goodbye! Have fun! Have fun in your new life. So then Dana tells us, you know, in previous relationships,

I've just had a lot of sensitivities from, you know, people not valuing me, you know, but I'm excited for Max. Like, what part of, like know people not valuing me, you know and uh, but I'm excited for max Like what part of like people not valuing you and like your boss from Tom Tom on a TV show is gonna like Somehow be better with that one day and a run girl run you would danger It's like I hope he doesn't just treat me like another notch on his belt So being it's like um, I've heard of his fuck boy reputation

and I'm not liking that. She goes, well, it's kind of like that, you know? It's coming off like, if I get to more than I know, it's really, really, really, really annoying. If you were like a coffee and he was a make up, would you say yes to lunch? Charlie's like, that's carbs, right? Charlie's just choking in the back like, never!

She's like, I tried pasta, and it's killing me! So Tom and Katie are at their house unpacking things, and I don't know how they have that much stuff to unpack. Like, they've been unpacking for three weeks. Yeah. It's a Bubba chalkboard. You're done. Well, lots of one back there.

So, wow. Let's them back there. Yeah, be going. So, Tom number two is like, I don't know what's wrong with Tom. There's like a rainy cloud over his head. I was like, it's your wife. She's standing right next to you. Don't be so rude.

She's literally, when you play Mario Kart and you're driving and then all of a sudden a little like cloud appears over your Kart and you're just trying to drive the fucking whimsical track and this car Largest you in your face. The stupid cloud comes and then she's a lighting bolt at you and you're like, okay, now I'm stuck out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no squid. Yeah, the squid's appropriate, too. She's like every single obstacle in Mario Kart. It's Katie. Yeah. Katie is every bad thing to happen to you in Mario Kart. Lucialle, Red Shell, Green Shell. So back at Villa Rousa, phone call, phone call,

corner, who is it to rabbit in a hat? Uh, can is talking on the phone and he's like, what? What, what, you don phone, and he's like, what? What, what, you don't want to show these at that view? I don't know, he's there, so I'm going to let you wear a different flavor, like go back to show these. I don't know, cuz it's fucking spunk, I don't know. I'm not a spunker.

I don't know, there's no spunker here, I'm gonna say that right now. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Can a spit man because Tom has called a tattletail on Stasi and he's like personally I would have had her remove. So then Ken tells Lisa and she's like, that's not okay, that's absolutely not okay. Nine of clubs is that your card. When I decided to go to the Boston market to check out this Viserley sale made up based at Britney is marrying never did I envisage that there would be a problem. I was like, all right, now you're just trying to confuse us. You're on Vanderpump rules.

Who says envisage? I know. So now Tom Schwartz goes over to Tom Tandoval's house to have a conversation about everything that happened. And I like- It brings his own chair. Yeah. Because Tom is-

So he's so shady. Tom Schwartz acts like he's so innocent. But he's like, he came to talk to you. I brought my own chair because you guys are on furniture. So. But then Sandeval is shady right back. So when a somebody's like came to talk to you, I brought my own chair because you guys saw a furniture, so. But then sand of all his shady right back, he's like, you know, we're not cheesy like Tom and Katie who just bought the furniture that came with their house. So.

So Schwartz is like, maybe getting bit by that spider, maybe the venom made you go off the rails. And he's like, um, no, actually it was fighting up on the eve of the event that we didn't have any bartenders. And he goes, it's a low maintenance event. I mean, it's tossy. Which is true, but you still have to do your fucking job Schwartz.

My God. You had one thing to do. So Tom Schwartz is like, yeah, it was bad. You can't just go ape shit on like a friend and a client Client no You bad a client She did not pay listen. I'm sure you want her Kyle chance still cause you all clients so back up with that excuse So the Santa Bob is a poor animal physics. I'll talk about the poor Kyle Jam.

I know poor Kyle Jam. So a lot of blood diamonds to be on TV, that guy. So then, yeah, so Tom Tannival's basically like, you know what, Stasi, she humiliated me in front of my fucking restaurant in front of JoJo. It's not nice, it's not fair. And this is just like a classic Stasi moment. And then we get this amazing thing that Bravo does.

Why don't you be 2012 Stasi and I'll be 2019 Stasi? Yeah. Yeah. OK. Where you had Stasi at her birthday party. And she was based, so the truth, they put them together. Stasi at the birthday party. How dare you? How dare you?

How dare you? Fucking dare you ruin my book launch. How dare you? Where they fucking? Dare you. Dare you. Fucking dare you. How fucking dare you?

And he goes, um, Stasi is literally ban from Tom Tom. Dun dun dun dun. So we knew it would eventually happen on Vanderpump Rules. Books would be officially banned, and it has happened. It's hack on intellectualism continues. And that brings us to the end of Vanderpump Rules. Thank you Detroit so much for coming out on this wet cold day. Have a great night. Get home safely. Thank you so much for coming out on this wet cold day. Have a great night.

Get home safe with your love. Bye. Thank you so much. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens' ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.