Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: CharKatieRie Day

Episode Date: March 3, 2023

Vanderpump Rules features a lot of extras tonight. Raquel asks Schwartz for a makeout, Katie cries over charcuterie, and James returns to James Mountain. For bonus episodes and video recaps, join Patreon at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Tour Dates: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/2023-cheater-brand-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. This episode is sponsored by Uber1. We've all used Uber for rides, and I love using UberEats for food delivery. Okay, hello. I mean, I kind of live off of it. But have you ever heard about Uber1? Uber1 is a membership that helps you save on Uber and UberEats. With an Uber-1 membership, you get exclusive member perks, like up to 10% off UberEats and a $0 delivery fee on eligible orders. It just makes sense. I'm always getting Uberes.

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Well hello and welcome to Watch Rock Crappin' some podcasts for all that crap we'd love to talk about on Yo Bros. I'm Ronnie. Guess what I'm with? It's cute. He's sexy. He's smart. He's thin. It's Ben Madelker.

Hello Ben. Hi Ronnie. That you're so sweet. So sweet and kind. Oh, and I'm a truth teller. How are you doing today sweet man? I'm feeling so much better than yesterday. Yesterday I was in case you couldn't hear my voice in the podcast I was really going through it, but I got some rest and

I'm fueled by watching two wonderful TV shows on Bravo and You know, I'm wearing a sweater that makes me look like I'm rebooting blues clues. And I just feel, I feel ready to take on the world today. Can I play this voicemail? So there's going to be a big storm here in Texas, like big, okay? It's probably our storm. It's probably your, yeah. Oh, maybe.

I don't know how they move, but we're getting texts, like tornado warnings and, you know, we're giving all the natural disaster texts and then we got the widest AI warning message you know because they sent one in English and then they sent it in Spanish. Can we get some Hispanic AIs? I mean this is embarrassing. Okay listen to this. Oh no can you hear it? I can't but I'm anticipating that's going to say it be like Kyle Richards saying this storm is on fleek. Oh, blind, let me see. You get that ready, you get that ready, sir. Here's 9 p.m.

Lost PN tough, where does Padrian move or a paddo's no A-seca rados? Tangoque.com losses, Combrose K-Con. Mantangas, A-Dormata, Y-Sincanice, Lost, Nadia, Slow-Cal, Sarah, Actual, A-C-O-N-A. I can't, I'm not saying for a matter of why synchronized laws, media, flow, chaos, era, actual, and ACO and ACO and ACO. I can't. I feel like this lady is about to call the manager. What the fuck is this?

For favor, in storm, mo, come out at the clouds, ows, okay. Oh, that's so good. Staying in Suquarto. I'm in Texas for crying out loud. They can't get anyone else to do that. Oh, that's so good. Staying in Suquarto. I'm in Texas for crying out loud. They can't get anyone else to do that.

I mean, come on. We were Mexico. How dare you send something like this? Okay, everybody. Well, welcome to the show today is Vanderpump Rules Day. Also, it's today where I'm going to hand you to come to our live show. We're on tour. We're having so much fun.

Just did the crappies in Los Angeles. You can still watch that through the end of Friday by a ticket by going to the watch at crappens.com website. It's also where you will find links to all of our live shows coming up. We've got a lot more. We're going through June. I'm just going to bother you with March today. We start on the ninth Charlotte North Carolina, then Atlanta, Georgia, Denver, Colorado, Salt Lake City, have a very special guest planned. So hope that works out. Seattle, Washington, San Francisco, Palace of Fine Arts, which I can't believe they're letting us in there, but they are.

There's nothing, nothing about us that screams fine or arts, but they're gonna laugh or polatial, but we're gonna go, but next week is Charlotte. Like it's already, we're turning this thing around, we're going out back to Charlotte, North Carolina haven't been there in a few years. Very excited for that. I'm excited.

Isn't that the airport with rocking chairs? It is the rocking, I do hate those rocking chairs in the airport. I love that. It's like one big cracker barrel. I hate them because it's like four swimsies. Now one of our listeners, I don't know if she's still as a position, but she actually runs the Charlotte airport because she came up to us in Charlotte. It was like, by the way, and she's come to several of our shows and she's like, by the

way, I run the Charlotte airport. And you just diss dist her fucking rocking. I can't. We are a podcast of honesty. Are we not? My therapist says it's better to be truthful about what's on your mind and have people disagree than to be like then to try to appease everyone, which is why I am going out on a limb and saying, I don't like the rocking chairs of the Charlotte airport.

My therapist only says my therapist only says simple platitudes, like contains gluten or 250 calories for serving. So today is Vanderpump Rules Day. It's also a very special episode because you guys are so fired up about Vanderpump Rules and I love it because literally last season, people were like, why are we even here? Why are we watching this? So good.

And so to see people so fired up over Vanderpup rules is great. There are a lot of Katie's, a lot of Katie fans out there, which surprises me. Obviously, I'm not a Katie fan, okay? She makes me fucking crazy. She's made me fucking crazy for 10 years. But I also recognize as a podcast listener in general that when you're here to listen to something you like and someone is just constantly shitting all over it, I mean, this is supposed to be a fun show. You know, I mean, we can like people and still have fun. And sometimes I've here, oh, I just go over the edge with dislike. So today to make it up for the Katie fans, I'm 100% teen Katie, all episode

long. This offer only lasts this episode. It feels away next episode. But I feel like it's extra special important because this is a very Katie emotion emotionally heavy episode. So I feel like, you know what, you can try whatever you want to me or about me, but don't say I don't fucking try. So here I mean, I think you are a hero because you've decided you're just no matter what, you're gonna be too much. No matter what. Now what's funny is that like we both were coming down on Katie last week.

Pretty hard, but for some reason you're the only one who got the brunt of it on social media. Everyone was like, Ronnie, I disagree. And I was like Because I started off with a 10 minute monologue of And then and Katie. I mean, like nothing had even happened in the show yet And I literally went off for 15 minutes. I mean, I I mean, it's it's I mean, it's interesting actually I actually thought it was an interesting

Reaction we got from several people on social media, which was people were like, you know what, you guys don't know what it's like to be, you know, a divorcing lady. Okay, you don't know what this process is like. There's so many emotions, there's so much going on, there's so many different layers of it. And to that I say, yeah, you were a hundred percent correct. I'm not sure if I'm not saying. And to that I say, yeah, you were a hundred percent correct. I also never claimed to ever say anything that wasn't coming out of my ass. And I will continue to speak out of my ass. Like my therapist just said, I will continue to make statements.

And then I will receive disagreements. And then the whole, the beauty of it will be the, the discussion of it. But no, but that being said, I've been very much on the record of very optimistic about post-shorts Katie. I really feel like post-shorts Katie is going to be the Katie that we're going to know and love. But I feel like this was ultimately the end of the day. I'm just going off of what I'm seeing on the show and how I emotionally react to it. I have to be honest to my reactions. If those reactions are insensitive to the very real difficult things that go on on divorce, I

I guess I apologize for that but I guess but ultimately I just you know, I'm just pod. I'm not apologizing for shit. Okay, I'm just saying this is what I just offering a different yeah, I'm just offering a different kind of different slice of cake. I'm not apologizing for shit and I'll return next week I knew you're good, but from this moment on It is only team Katie for me Only team only team Katie. You know what? I'm team Canyon Club the hottest club in the door of hell's Watch us be playing a show there next Like hey guys couple they go. Like, hey guys, come to the What do you call those white fences? It's two white bars that run along all of the streets.

Like a modern farm. You know what I mean? Like a mod, it's like it's not the pickets, but it's like the modern farm, yeah, your own. Yeah, it's like a farm like you kick in the cows, but it's not like a full on-picket fence. It's not straight up and down. It's just a fence.

Just a lot of it goes in front of all the neighborhoods along the streets. It goes. Yeah. Yeah. It's very fancy. And it's hilarious that they're playing the kids. It's very fancy, but like, it's rich. It's rich, you know. It's like fancy generic suburbs. And it's a sort of a get-track. It's a drive on the one-on-one. You go way past the poor five.

You go uphill. You come down. You go actually past Calabasas, I think. You get close past the four or five. You go uphill, you come downhill, you go actually past Calabats as I think. You get close to the Ventura County line and it's pretty far up there. I've had very limited experience up in the Coral Hills because it's just far. I mean, I think there's a there's a there's a a pharma company up there. Actually, my friend works at the pharma company. Hi, hi, friend. Yeah, mine friend works at the farmer company. Hi, my friend. Great. Yeah, mine was catering, so I was out there a lot.

So previously, La La is like, James and I definitely hooked up. And who's Park? Our relationship has built on a foundation of lies. I don't know who Park is. Oh, at the park? At the park. Oh, at the park at the park. Uh, you got a parko for all this. I just feel like I'm in the park. I just feel like nothing I know that you've slept with a la la,

the R foundation, our friendship was built on a foundation of lies. I want parko overall rules. I just want, um, her to have, I want to reality show in a restaurant that she's running somewhere in Tennessee, you know, because I think that's where she is. Well, I know where I don't know where she lives physically, but I know where she lives spiritually. And that's in your heart, of course. Yeah. So let's go to the candy club. We don't need previously. So it's very dramatic. There was no theme song today. the way okay I get it bravo you you don't do theme songs when there's a dramatic cliffhanger and you want to get right into it and you're

afraid for one second that the theme song like people will watch the previous leaves and we'll say I don't have 10 seconds to spare to watch this theme song because I may just have to change the channel I get that but when it comes to Vanderpump through rules theme song especially now may just have to change the channel. I get that, but when it comes to the Vanderpump through rules, theme song, especially now that the opening credits are very dynamic and feel like you're on like the scrambler at a carnival, you have to play them every single week. I'm sorry. That's just the rule.

Sorry. Can't skip them. No, no, no can do. Um, so that dramatic music is playing because Katie has just left because she got in a fight with Schwartz and Cena and Everyone really so Adrian gonna follow her and she's like, oh my god. I just saw Katie leaving. I'm gonna go get her Okay, I don't think she should be leaving. Okay, Raquel. I'm leaving my purse with you Also, Raquel you have my phone Raquel. There's gum in this purse, okay?

Raquel my keys like like Rekal, you gotta leave a hold down list to shit. She could be forgetting, you know? She's just a, she just, at this point, Rekal, just turning into her coat rack with boobs. Just like, I got the arms up, people just draping things on her, you know? So Katie is, Katie is very distraught.

She's walking out the Canyon Club, and she's just like, and Arianna's like, don't leave, don't leave. And Katie's like, hey, hey in it here. I don't belong here. I'm not meant for a Gorah Hills or any of their entertainment venues. I don't need to be here. Yeah, you don't belong there. You're too good for this place. Okay, get the hell out of here and get around some people who deserve you because it's not this group of fucking losers. Right, smoking like a true fan. So, Adrienne is like,

yes, you do, you do belong here. You're in Leopard print and an odd sweater. So then, Sina is in the blue light and she's talking to Brock and her Kell and everybody and she's like, you know, she's yelling because I will save you all from that. But she's like, do you know, that I felt by myself coming to places like this

and for events like the last decade of my life, like I totally understand that she does. Yeah, and her color goes same. She has a little weeping there. Yeah, she has made us feel that way. So basically she's kind of like, ha ha, like pay back the bitch. Yeah, pay back the baby.

So keep fucking baby. So, and then we see, and then we see a Katie being named Ashina Montage, which is always hilarious. Yes, just because she's like, she and I, you fucked up. You're trying to make me look bad, but you're the one who fucked up,

which I might add, she and I is the one who fucked up. And did trying to make me look bad. Well, yeah, the one who fucked up, which I might add, she and I is the one who fucked up. And did she make you date Rob, the guy who hangs the TV in five minutes? No, she didn't. Did she make you get married to Steve Bichet? No, she didn't. Did she make you fuck that married guy Eddie Sibrian? No, she sure didn't.

Okay, that was you. So maybe you could stop getting mad at people for reacting to what you're doing. I mean, I mean, I may need to take like five minutes to process. Ron is new pro Katie's dance. This is just like, it's really, I thought it'd be like much easier to digest. So Katie's like, she's like, she is telling Tom everything I'm up to. Like, why is it her place? Did I on the dates I'm going on, the people I'm looking up with?

I'm not bringing it to his door. I'm not putting in his face for a reason Listen, I appreciate I appreciate what Katie's doing here I appreciate the Katie is trying to be a mature adult about this divorce and not trying to make shorts feel bad But um also you're on Vannapurna brules maturity never really works on this show and you're also divorcing the divorcing I don't know like I Interprompprools, maturity never really works on this show. And you're also divorcing, divorcing. I don't know.

Like, I just, I don't know. I feel like, can you just just... Yeah, but there's still like some respect, you know what I mean? Like, she's still like, she's, they're still doing the show together and having like common respect for each other. And she's like keeping whoever the hell she's soaking up with. I mean, I haven't seen any proof of that yet, except for the previews. But at least she's keeping it away from him.

Like, now, the thing here is that he's not really making out with Raquel yet. So that's the thing. She's like really mad, but I can see how she's hurt. You know, here she is. She's on this show where she's probably always felt like she's only on it because it's like there's Charming Tom. And she even says something like that later on in this episode. Like, there's Charming Tom. There she even says something like that later on in this episode, like, there's Charming Tom,

there's Funny Tom, there's Handsome Tom. And now she's broken up and she feels like all of her friends are gonna just leave her and go choose Tom and they're literally like lining up to making up at the top. Making up at the top. I mean, it's only a one person line, but still. Yeah, I actually agree with that.

I think I came in hot reading that note, and I was like, I'm reading this, like I've got a real hot take on this, and I was like, I actually don't. I actually think that like, yeah, she tried to be, she tried to be chill and respectful, and she kind of kind of fucked it up for her. I was like, I don't know why I'm like,

I'm gonna turn you. I love this. No, you didn't turn me. It was just one of those things where I wrote it down, so I knew just what was happening to see, and I started reading it as if I had like, and another thing she called in Uber, who calls an Uber, why did you call a lift? I'm like, when that was just expagator information.

Yeah, but to his credit also, he's not the one bringing, yeah, he's not really the one bringing it to her door at this point, right? That's Sheena who's doing that. So she's like, you know, I've always been careful to not dip into the friend group when it comes to hooking up or flirting with people. And I'm like, yeah, and good for you because those options are endless. I mean, you already had Peter, but like, think of all the other options you have in this friend group that you could totally be trying out.

Just James, you could have totally gone for that. I mean, there was a chance there. Tom? Yeah. Who does she have? Who is, who does she realistically have to dip into in the friend group at this point? There's like only Peter left. Everyone else would say.

You can always try Jax. Like Jax is always down for a good shag on a couch, you know? Yeah. They really haven't brought in too many new men onto this show. In a long time, new single men, they tried. Well, they tried. They tried with those two guys. Those two racists.

Unfortunately, the fish. Unfortunately, the way back machine exists and the discuss are gone now. Okay. So one guy who looked like Dory and one guy who looked like a tortoise and someone who didn't work out. He did. If you think about Max, sort of looks like a tortoise, right? So, like a rop of those island tortoise. So, the, she's like, yeah, especially for, I remember that. I was just, I had forgotten that you called him a tortoise. No, I had actually never called him a tortoise until right this moment. I just realized. Did you called one of the,

you said one of them had a turtle face. Yes. I remember it. It keeps washing over me. Because I do remember calling Brett Dory. Oh, I remember that. Sorry. Yeah. So Katie, which is funny because Dory also came up in last week's Vanderpump Rules episode. We're finding Dory was a better movie. Oh yeah. I'm gonna be leaving out the back door. Okay. There we go.

So Katie is telling the producer, yeah, like I'm cool about it, especially when it comes to putting in Tom's face and the producer goes, but why? And she goes, because I'm not in asshole, that's why. I was like, yes, tell that producer off. Well, you talk about not being an asshole queen. And Katie's like, I told Tom, if you're worried about double standards, you can make out with Raquel

and your new employee is pretty cute, like meaning like, if you make out with Raquel, I'm gonna make out with someone in short and Sandeys. And then she goes, the last one. Main one. I mean, really the only way that they're I'm gonna make out with someone in shorts and sandies and then she goes Hey, the last one main one I mean really the only way that they're Higher stuff, okay? They're gonna go up to the bread. Yeah, I should make out Kyle Chan. That's what she should do make it hook up with Kyle Chan

Oh, that would be so sad. I'm not because Kyle Chan's a bad guy But because you're like making out with the diamond guy like right when you're newly single like guy, but because you're like making out with the diamond guy, like right when you're newly single, like, it's like a wasted, it's a wasted using make out. Diamonds are not forever. Diamond dealers are forever. So Katie tells us, for the last 12 years, we've been like a package deal in this group, and I'm like worried that because this divorce, people are going to draw lines and choose sides and like, they're going to choose shorts. I actually felt bad for her. She's like, no they're going to choose shorts. Yeah, she felt bad for her because she's like no one's going to choose me. I'm like that's probably true.

Well, because all of her friends were fired, you know, and that's such for her because she would have Katie's not really any different than she's always been. She's just more alone. I mean, she used to have the witches of WeHo at her side, you know. They had a whole wine company, you guys. And now she's just, you know, cash and blog. And lip, lips and lip and lip this or whatever the fuck she's. Pucker and Pout not to confuse with the divine addiction by Pendy.

Can you tell I looked them up both last night? I was like, what was that blog they had? Oh, yeah. That's good. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap- I'm going to say something scandalous, Ronny. Go on.

Plants are meat. And not only are they meat, they're delicious, especially if they're from impossible foods. They taste like beef. Exactly. Impossible is making meat history this summer. Yeah, they are. Summer of impossible. I am so excited to be spending time, cooking my summer foods, all that good stuff,

and guess what? We can use impossible sausages, impossible brats. I mean, it's gonna be a great summer for impossible foods. Impossible beef is made from plants and 19 grams of protein per serving, and it's better for the planet. And it's meat.

Plant meat. Correct. So if you're looking for something to grab for your grill, grab some impossible beef. Summer of Impossible. Start making meat history today, just head over to the Meat Isle at your local grocery store, grab some impossible beef, or patties, and get grilling. Hi, I'm Michael Patrick King, host of the official Max Companion podcast, and just like that, the writer's room.

Each episode members of the writer's room and I unpacked moments from season 2, sharing juicy details you can only hear from us. Stream and just like that season 2 is starting June 22nd on Max, and listen to end just like that the writers room on Max or wherever you get your podcasts. James starts the show inside, you know, because he's going, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like right? Like, and he's like, oh, got me a club. I got post-mellon. Got me a, what's that?

No post-mellon? Oh, just a post-man. Okay. All right, wiki wiki. Wiki wiki red flag up. Wiki wiki red flag up. Mere squad post-man came. Don't do it, don't do it.

Wiki, don't do it. What't do it, don't do it. What do we do when it rains? We dance, what do we do when it snows? We dance, Postman dance, potter. So the newest thirst bucket on the show, Matt, who is the guy who almost got fired from Swords and Sandies after drinking the shot that Swartz gave him, which I still think is a little unfair.

It comes up to talk to Rick Kellen. He's like, sup, a cow, sup. And Rick Kellen is talking to Ali, and she's like, it's hot in here, and do you wanna go outside? And Ali's like, yeah, we should get some fresh air. So they do. And they have a how are you off?

Like, how are you? How are you like how are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? You know, they're on the same level because they both do the A at the end of their sentences because Rickles like how are you and Ali's like, I'm wow, how are you? Ah, it's a Rickles like it was so nice and James with Graham like I know he was worried about Graham because you know, received a life-threatening puncture room that I didn't tell him. So one of the conversations I had with James was the fact that

he slept with Lala during the time we were together, like did he tell you about that, did he tell you about that with the puncture room? If I couldn't best see how it's for Cal. What are you doing talking to the ex-girlfriend? You know this just makes it look like you're still in love with James, right? Well, yes. I guess she's kind of admitted that. She is. Yeah. She had to leave. I think that Raquel and Katie are in the same boat, which is they both had to leave their irresponsible men because they were not being treated the way that they deserved to be treated, but they still were in love with their men,

you know? Well, I think it's that thing where you break up with someone thinking, well, now I've shown them, now they're going to get it together. In my case, what usually happens is I do that, and then they do get it together, and they do everything I always was telling them I wanted, and then they end up with someone else doing that. It's like you get them ready, you know, I'm like the starter, rondel. It's like when I let people cut in front of me and line and then they then they turn around

They realize they come in front of me and I go no, it's fine It's fine. Don't worry about it and I cross my arms and in my mind I'm like now they'll see my pain but they don't care. They just look forward. Yeah, they just get their groceries and get out of there Yeah, so Ali is like yeah, he told me and it really upset me. Like, I didn't talk to him. Like, the night I heard the whole Lala thing, like, I don't know how he could keep that like secret so long because like, it makes me sick.

Like, to my stomach. Like, sick to my stomach. And he was like, but I learned from it. And I was like, how do you learn from something that was like a secret? Like, you can't learn from secrets. You can only learn from things that aren't secret anymore. Rickles, I do feel like you trust him. And she's like, I thought I did because I hadn't heard anything since we've been together. But then we start drinking. Then he

started drinking again. And then like touring. And I got worried, which is why I'm going to stay with him. But I don't trust him. I just like to point out that I learned a lot from a book called The Secret. So there, there is my point to debate for you, Ali. You can learn from the secret. I always get a good parking space. Ask anybody who knows me.

Secret. So Ali, I'm sorry. What are you gonna say? I was gonna say he does use the secret. I use the only, my only, my only effective uses of the secret unfortunately has been in secreting the next song to come on at the supermarket.

I do have that power. I have multiple times been like, hey, remember that song by Brian Adams and then it comes on. And I'm not even joking it has happened a few times. I think that's good. I mean, look, I think it's proof that I'm good at the secret look what I'm doing with my life I'm sitting here talking to my best friend about the sit on TV. So

Allie is like yeah, like I think that recal is like telling me to like kind of look out and like be careful of the person I'm dating But then it's like how many talks are we gonna have about your relationship with James? You know, that's when it the person I'm dating, but then it's like, how many talks are we gonna have about your relationship with James? That's when it's like, I'm good. Okay, but that's what you're saying right now, but that's not what you're saying in the conversation. Because you need somebody to talk shit about your boyfriend with T,

because all of your real life friends are like, it's a reality show worth this much. That man is clearly abusive. Clearly. Yeah, no, he is fucked up. I'm James is one of the most fascinating people on TV because he's like a monster, but also he's like, wounds are so apparent.

And you're just, I'm fascinated by him. But I'm Ali's like, I think he's fascinating because he's like one of those teacups. You know how people collect teacups? And then when they break, they glue them back together. And you're like, ew, a glued together teacupcup and they're like, that's what makes it fascinating. And they just keep it there forever. It's just always this chipped broken thing.

I don't know, I mean I guess people find that fascinating. I'm more of a like getting a new cup kind of a person. Yeah. I'm more like if Catherine Keener's got one of those broken t-cups and starts swooning that spoon, be careful. That's a clink. And it would work for James because James really does just want to be, you know, like an urban hip hop star. Right. It's like clink clink. You got me. You got me. I'm here. So, you're my boy. So Ali is, I would want my money back if that's the best one I was given. A Captain Junior. A Captain Junior is like, sorry I tried him out. It's just his wounds.

His wounds were just so engaging. You know, I got confused. I thought he was Kanye. He's white Kanye. I got got confused. I thought he was Kanye. He's white Kanye. I got very confused. So Ali is, Ali, get ranged today.

So Ali is like, I'm like in a place where I'm like upset by like this La La news and like I'm questioning it a lot, but like, I wouldn't normally question it up because like James, like, James makes me feel special. His charm kicks in, pretty much British accent. I don't know if you know this, but I once had a crush on the BBC network. I would just turn it on and be like, that's my boyfriend. I hear that accent and it doesn't matter what you do.

The BBC, he wishes, he's no BBC. He's like, that's what I've been. The worst fucking thing. Maybe in the wreck and she was fat fat lady fat lady in a wreck stop wrecking cars would you it's just in there still fighting in the Middle East because that's what happens when a bunch of fat people but land I just want to eat all the land how about this time you go on a diet

stop trying to eat all the land you can have some peace oh all the land. How about this time you go on a diet, stop trying to eat all the land, you can have some peace. So Rick, I was like, no, not the J. Kennedy charm. He knows how to put that on. And all he's like, yeah, I just have to trust my guy, even if one day I'm like a year and an idiot. And basically, he doesn't have a gut. He doesn't have a gut that you can even trust. So yeah, I think it's the price, you know, and it's just like the circle of under pump rules gassed. Yeah, and then Rickale's like,

well, if that's your learning process to learn for yourself, I get it, but like, have an eye open, I guess, and now it's like, I have like so many open eyes as she like takes a drink and pours it on her cheek. Whoops, didn't see that. Your eyes are closed, bitch. Oh, my eyes burning. So then James finishes his set

and the director, Tom's like director, I said, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, I said, go on, I said, go on, oh my God, do not fuck this up. I said Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. Tom. I'm going. I'm going. I'm going. Oh my God. Do not put this up. This is the candy club. And a girl. I've never seen such a petrified stage manager. What the hell? Of course, he is like hurting cats with Tom in his high school band. I know. It's funny that Tom has his own dressing room, like away from the band.

And so he like Tom gets on his It's like Tom in one room and then 19 teenagers from the next room, you know I was yeah, so he puts on It's true to their course or go to high school So then so he puts on his like sequin jack and he goes out on stage He's like performing I was like deeply hoping that we would see there's like a little picture of like Tom and his family and they're also really disappearing. You know, like it's like the climactic scene for back to the future. He's got to perform for Leo Johnson.

Oh, I was thinking the leftover. So I was like, what's happening? Why is everybody dissipating? They could be both. It could be both. It's like three seasons. It was waiting for someone to hold a phone up to the stage. Be like, this is rock and roll. All right. I'm going to far into back the future.

I apologize. I just don't remember it. I don't, I'm sorry. I can't go with you. I just don't remember that much. This event of pump is on a clock tower trying to connect to cable together for a car. My bag can's in a car driving down the main street.

Yeah. I can't. I mean, I can't connect with you. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, but what's mom, why are her boobs like that? It's like, it's the future. And I was like, yeah, but how come she's like, it's the future. And then now look at real housewives. It's my mom was right. And so was that movie. I can sort of, there's something with this show where every time a mom comes on, I can sort of imagine the mom being played by Leah Thompson. Like, like, they're all just like, Leah Thompson in different wigs. Yeah. Well, Leah Thompson, Leah Thompson I think would have been a good mom today telling Tom he

did a good job with his restaurant. He just comes and everyone's like, is that Leah Thompson? They wouldn't know. They're all too young, you know, they wouldn't know. They wouldn't know who it is. That would make it special. Love you, Leah Thompson. Hope you're out there.

Hopefully, Thomas was like, what the fuck are these guys racking on me right now? We're not. We're praising her. We're crediting you with the original Meredith Mark's chest plate. OK, this is happening right now. So, yeah, so he's getting up there and he's like, my adrenaline is spiking right now, bro.

It's like, just walk out there. Don't even think about it. You can do this. I'm thinking just like Bon Jovi, that's where he, before he goes off stage. And what a coincidence. I'm singing John Bon Jovi. Yeah.

So then he's performing, putting on a big show. And Ali is backstage with James. And she's like, hey, and he's like, hi, Baba. She's just so I just, you can't take Baba. You can't fucking take Baba. Have you no respect?

I know a lot of people say, hey, Baba, hi, Baba. Hi, babe, hi, Baba. I know, but that's not your thing on this show. You're not the new Swartz and Katie. You're the new Jacks. Okay, you don't get to take the Baba. James from my girlfriend. James and Ali, it's more like Baba and no sparks

So Ali is like she's like so I just I just talked to Raquel and James like about what what did she say? She's like um she told me about the Lala thing And I was like I already knew because you already told me and she was like be careful Ah and he's like this is me off and I don't like it. Is she telling you not to be with me? I'm so mad. Just, no, it sucks because it makes me think about it a lot. Oh my God, do you guys are all using each other

in such weird ways? Like, why do you want to fight with James over this? So James is like, but we can't understand so it's not okay to go right up to my girlfriend and try to tell her what ever the warning is, you know? That's what I'm gonna do. Go up to her and do your boyfriend and be like, great girlfriend, very sweet,

but she doesn't suck dick that much. We're even at all, even at all. Unlike this one, who's the regular guzzler over here, all right? I'm like, Jesus Christ, how fucking rude is this guy? So rude and she's like, why don't we stop talking about X's? Cause I want to dance, I'm like, wow, it sounds like all your eyes are open right now, Ali. All those eyes.

Yeah, also maybe don't bring up the X's after you just haven't spent like half an hour talking the about it with the X weirdo. So then she kisses James and then James just motions her like he's so mad. So then Santa Valle makes an announcement about Schwartz being there, the love of his life. And now he's had a costume change already. I don't know how long this set was,

but he's in his second suit. Yeah, I he's had a costume change already. I don't know how long this set was, but he's in his second suit. Yeah, I noticed that a costume change. He's moved from his, um, what are those line guys names? He's moved from his three-dose, his sig free to his Roy. He went from his sig free to his sig field. So he is singing a song for shorts. And of of course shorts is there like he's never heard this before, you know, and he's in the front row putting his arms on the stage just going what?

Me? No, I can't believe it. Why? I love it. I missed around it by all the, you know, 40-something-year-old ladies still with their hands in the air. Like, I love the drunk- I love the drunk lady next to Schwartz because Santa Claus like, now I heard that Schwartz is here tonight.

I mean, Schwartz is like right in front of him. He knows exactly where Schwartz is. And the girl next him goes, Here's what here! Right there! That's great assistance. And Schwartz pulls out this black and white framed portrait and it's of Schwar's mom. And so he changed his Jesse's girl to...

I love Schwar's mom! Damn, mm, mm, mm, mm! And then Schwar's like, aww, yeah! Well, because the producer asked where to stand and he'll get the photo and he's like, I don't know, he stole it without me knowing and he's been using it on tour ever since and I guess it's a dubious honor I mean, I know he has a great heart and it means well, but there's some sexual undertones My It's overtones. It's actual overtones. You're no undertones there, buddy.

Yeah. So then Matt comes back and he's, okay, so this guy Matt, he's like, hey girls, get you some drinks. And they're like, oh my God, thanks guy. He got fired for having a shot. This was made in date. And so then Matt does this thing. There's no music playing right now.

Okay, it's over. And he's like, yeah. It's like, he's doing that like straight guy arm dancing, or he just like wants to show off his butt. Oh, God, I can't do that. I have like old lady under arms, but he's like, yeah, like doing that dance. Yeah, and Rick tells getting drunk and she's like drinking in the interview too, like drinking all these drinks, that's funny. And then she know how. She's like, I love you. And Rick tells like, I feel like making Alex someone.

Like, should I ask Schwartz if he wants to know? I don't know. Schwartz is friend of us. Schwartz, okay. Look, let's play Schwartz. Sounds like Schwartz. Sounds like movie. Movie Schwartz.

Schwartz. He's my dad. He's my dad. So Rick has to be like, yeah. So Rickel walks up to Shracks. He goes, um, do you want to make out? And Shracks just like cracks up. And he knocks off his own hat.

He's like, whoa, my hat just knocked. It's like, oh, I would love to. But I can't. It's a trap. You're too good for me anyways. And then he goes, No, come back, come back, come back. He goes, are we filming still?

And he turns around and sees the camera and he goes, oh shit. And he tells us I'm flattered, because she's high. And there's part of me that wants to have this fun, lighthearted tongue embrace. Like, you know, why not? there's part of me that wants to have like this fun lighthearted tongue embrace like you know Why not why not I'm single and he tells her I mean you're really gorgeous, but Katie really feel something for you She does not Katie's never liked red never liked her cow. That's no reason to disrespect her

No reason to watch so Rickel is like, I really like Katie as a person, but like, are we that close as friends? Like, not really. So basically, she's like, I will sacrifice girl code to make out the shorts at this point. And he's like, she would be really upset. I can't do that to her. Which would probably mean something if we hadn't just seen you stare into the camera first to make sure it's not watching you, sir. So then next day, James is making a Barry smoothie and he's just doing that, James, like, I'm happy thing. He puts Barry's in.

He's like, woo! Yeah! I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot for making smoothies and I'm a man now. So then, Rickel is like doing her hair for work and everything and we're now at Schwartz's apartment. I'm just putting like a no minus counter. I feel bad for that.

That anonymous girl that's living in that apartment with him, I just feel bad for her. So then Sandevol comes in. She's probably like the gnome with like something pulled down over her eyes the whole time. She puts on a gas mask to get from her bedroom to the hallway. I'm sorry for anyone who's watching this. I got a new office chair last week and it's just hitting me funny. It's like curved and weird ways and it's like, keeping my thighs kind of together, but it's like bent all these certain ways because like you're supposed to, I guess your back is supposed to be a certain way. So it's like, shape how your back is supposed to.

My back isn't like this. Look at the guy who tells me, but curves it and then goes on to me. The Lumbar support. Yeah, Lumbar support. Mine has no Lumbar support. This chair I got, remember I used to have the office chair that sounded like Shannon Bedouard. So remember what I got. So I got rid of that and I got this one from my key and it was so comfortable, but I think I've broken it in and it's not supporting me the way I needed to.

So it's probably time for me to get a new one, but I'm just like it's so annoying getting off his chairs. I just ordered them off Amazon for cheap, but this time I ordered no squeak. And now I'm just overdoing it because I have to keep like rearranging the chair because I'm not used to it yet. overdoing it because I have to keep like rearranging the chair because I'm not used to it yet, but also I'm just spinning and moving too much. You know how I'm watching what happens live when people are in the swivel chairs and they just can't stop. Yeah, that's how I'm being. So sorry. The worst of the office chairs that the cheap office chairs that just like give out on you so you'll be sitting and then the elevator just goes down. You know, all of a sudden I was like psh, you just like drop down a foot. Like, what happened?

Yeah, I eventually ruined everyone of those airlift things. Um, but hey, we're on to positive thoughts. It's time for commercial. It's time. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife.

And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok

of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood, how much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya.

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We'll talk about what went right and wrong, what would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts, you can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. I'm for a crap and it's commercial. Okay, so now we go together.

We're at Schwartz's new apartment, Valley Village, and... Sand of all comes over. Sand of all comes, yeah. And Schwartz is like, oh, that's exactly what I going to be dressing tonight. He's like, dude, really? Yeah. So how'd you feel about last night? And sand of all is like, pretty good. And oh, no, I'm sorry. He's asking about tonight because they're going to be doing a friend and family party at Shorts and Sandees. And so Santa Valls excited, because his brother's gonna be in town, his family's in town for it.

And he's like, you know, the smart thing would be to save money and to like use it to get open. But, you know, my mom, my stepdad, Leah Thompson, they invested a quarter million dollars into this business venture. So we're gonna do it. My mom, my mom already had her chest plate out of storage. Oil's up and ready to go.

So we're doing it. She keeps calling me Calvin Klein and I don't know why. So then she comes over and just she knows all over. It's like, hi, hi, I just want to stop by and see if you made me progress here. I think you're rings. Maybe a piece of artwork over the couch. This one is called a Rose in Portland.

Otherwise known as me staring over my shoulder with shea in the background, looking down and confused on our wedding day Rose in Portland. Well beautiful She also says that thing where she was knock knock so So anyway, so Santa Valls like yeah, Santa Valls wants shorts to get his mojo back and everything and shorts is like Yeah, I just need a list of all the things that I need, you know? Coffee table, a confidence hair, hair stuff, white rain comb, brush, vacuum cleaner,

Windex, big MacBook DLT, a quarter pounder wisdom, she's full-layer, fisher, hamburger, a cheeseburger, a happy meal, McDonald's, tasty, golden, front-fries regular, a larger size. Oh, sorry, you're an off into a different direction by accident. Oh, I do want all those things though. All the letters, all the letters, special letters, zone upset, it's all we ask is that you let us have it your way. Maaah! Ba-la-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!

I'm loving it. So they just start dating all this shit he needs. Console, mirror. Before you enter an exit, it's really important to see your mirror. Like for me, right before you leave, I go, oh my god, I'm so hot. And then when I get home, I think, oh my god, I'm so hot.

Like what a way to start and enter your time at home. Am I right? Baaah! We also got a spice up here wardrobe. And Sam was like, dude, you wardrobe sucks. Shortest is like, yeah, my confidence is so bad. And like, I need to get it back. Like, I'm like

slouchy now. Like, now you're slouchy. Yeah, you've always had that wardrobe. He's totally doing that thing like, I got dumped. Where? I like crotch. I just need a really pretty curl to come try and fix me. Hmm. Guess what? They just asked me to be on the cover of Rumpled Magazine for the 12th straight month. Wow. So they're like, well, help you. You'll be OK. And he goes, yeah.

And he says something like he says something like, you know, there's always been this shorts in there. But now all that confidence is just down to a little flickering pilot light And I wanted to be a roaring dragon fire and he's like I just need to make sure while we're out having fun. I don't make out with Raquel while we're out there and they just laugh And he's like yeah, because then Katie's gonna see He says he says we got to put don't make out what we're calling the list,

and she knows. Smartly. I got so lost to my notes, thank you. This is by the way, after they talk about whether or not he should get a rug for his balcony, and he's like, they don't get a rug, and he says, oh good, because sometimes I pee out there. So good luck with that roommate.

But she kind of just looked at him, like she's not married to Brock. Ah. Yes, true. So then she knows like, no, like, don't put like that on the, on the list because like Katie's going to like come over here and then see that like short test or remind himself not to like make Albrecht hell because like, secretly inside, he like really wants to make Albrecht hell, which is completely accurate. Like that is going, that would be a Katie scene like, you have to remind

yourself how to act like that's just like that would be a kid. He seemed like you have to remind yourself how to act. Like that's just like embarrassing. That's like a convenient narrative, but also a sad narrative for yourself. Well, who's barely hiding it? Well, they were together. I mean, my God, I'll never forget that Mexico trip where they're like, yeah, shorts just didn't come back

until like the next day. And he's like, that is so bizarre. I remember anything. Nope, don't remember a thing. So he's like, well, guys, you anything. Nope, don't remember a thing. So he's like, well, guys, you know, we did have kind of a verbal agreement, not to date our friends. And Sandal's like, that's not realistic, bro.

You know, when he gets to mad, like whenever you bring up Katie's stuff, Santa Paul just gets arasically angry. And not realistic, bro, goddamn. And he's, and apparently Katie does not want to work to hang out with she knows so then she knows like It's said is like she fucking divorced you do and she knows like Um if she wants me to pick a fucking side. I will pick a sign because like that like really up that for me I'm like really upset. It's like wait and D said she was transitioning to one pieces

I was like for what about It's like, wait, and D said she was transitioning to one pieces. I was like, for what about the drop tops, okay? She called me a fucking troll. Like I said, you know what, Katie? This is one, that's one word you're not gonna call me. Like say I was an appropriate, say I was a bitch, say I was amazingly beautiful. That's fine, but don't call me a fucking troll. Why is it better to call you a bitch? I've never heard that. I think that like troll is like a trigger word for her because she has a podcast or something. I don't know.

Okay. So she wipes her eyes with her rainbow nails and it just looks so funny. She and a crying always look so funny. She's wearing like one of those little children's isle of phones on her fingers. So then Rick Helm comes to work and Peter is petering, you know, he's just like trying to open the windows with remote control. He's like, I'm gonna open some windows now. So Rick Helm is like rolling up silverware into napkins and Charlie comes prancing in and she's like look who's back from the hamptons What's up back to sad reality? Yeah, that's so much fun at the hamptons tried to get into summer house

They wouldn't let me on and then I tried to break into Inaigarten's house They wouldn't let me in so back to silverware. How you doing girl back to silverware after the hamptons Silverware, how you doing girl? Back to silverware after the Hamptons amazing, spent too much money, $400 on dessert, one night when I was drunk, so, so happy to have Cory back. Oh, my God. Hamptons. Hamptons.

Hamptons. If anyone wants to ask me questions for a Hamptons storyline, we can get that started right now. Anyone ready? Ready? I'm right here. Poor Charlie just doesn't get anything. So, Rickl just immediately is like, no, just working. Oh, but I miss you at James, or Tom Santaval's singing James's thing on Saturday. And sick like I literally had just flown back from wait, hold on.

Hamptons, let's get back from the ham literally literally. Oh hold on one second. I'm getting an email. Oh more spam from Hamptons. And yeah. So she's like had a good Saturday at not the Hamptons. And Rickel's like, um, it was great. But at the end of the night, James got in a fight with Alia and they were like loud enough that security had to come and score them out. And then we see a clip of James going, What, Alia? Why are you burbling your eyes, Alia? Ha ha ha ha. He would tell me he only has eyes for me and I'm like the love of his life and all these things. And James says, Well, I'm gonna go to a show. I'll fuck up. We don't really have any context for this fight but we

just know that this is a classic James getting drunk and being ridiculous. So then Rick else, he was ready to go and like I guess he was selling Ali, let's go but then Ali wasn't ready to go and then I'm sure he had nothing to do with the conversation. I had with Ali. Whoops. Whoops. Ow. I just poked myself in one of Ali's eyes. I thought she's okay. Charlie's like, what was the conversation or if they say in the Hamptons, the conversation? So it was like, well, I'm asking her like when James told her that he had sex with Lala because like now the cats like out of the bag and Charlie's like Why would Ali need to know that? I mean, it's not like she's off going to the Hamptons or something like that like I did

I mean, I don't think that's your place to tell her that like you're putting her in a position that you know What it felt like to be and also I thought Rick always like oh? I I thought I thought we were allies on this. Yeah, because Charlie's like, no, you are absolutely wrong. And if you think I'm going to not take a chance to be on Team Katie, when I could totally move up the chain. You're absolutely wrong. Because you know Charlie's going to,

she's going to go right to Katie and be like, girl, so sorry for what we're Kels doing to you. Yeah, Charlie is trying to get back her magic from her first season. She's like, I will not be sidelined with a storyline about eating pasta this time. So yeah, we're Kels. I know. I think that's why she's like paid $400 for dessert, pasta haters. It was a spaghetti chocolate, Nara. It was chocolate spaghetti chocolate nara It was chocolate nara.

It's a written recal. It wasn't my fault. Any argument that they have is not my fault. And Charlie's like, yeah, but you can give warnings to people, but they have to figure it out themselves. You know, like when what's the vibe now? Are you talking to anybody? Have you made that with anyone?

Made some terrible decisions lately at all. And she's like, yeah, who are you making out with? Because that's who you're going to, that's how you're going to get James back. And she's like, okay, what are your thoughts about making out with Schwartz? And Charlie just takes a long pause. And she's like, um, a long pause and she's like, um, probably the Berkshire's not the Hamptons. This is what I mean. And you know what I mean? And I wouldn't do it because like Katie has known you beforehand. Like, why did you make out?

She's like, no, she's um, but you want to make out. You think it's cute. Girls like, yeah, I kind of have a crush on Schwartz. Like, I like that he's always happy to see me and he always has a big smile on his face, which means he's happy or crying on the inside. Either way, it makes me happy and Charlie goes, yeah. What kind of thing is that to say when you're falling for somebody? They're always happy to see me.

So we have seven children to you out there. I know. Get a dog, you know, go marry your dog then. Yeah. Well, also like Peter's happy to see you. I'm going to marry a little face. And click right over to me. Oh, a viewer came over to you. So Charlie's like, um, so how would you feel if I made out with James right now and Raquel goes, I feel like that's like a weird, that's like weird, but like you do you. Raquel's, Charlie's like, oh, she's not getting it. Is she like her Charlie's face is like, I really am going to have to spell this one out for her.

Where the truth is, if she had said, hey, I just made out with James, Raquel would have been like, good. Here's how he hurt my feelings. Has he ever hurt your feelings like this? So Rekhael tells us, I've never viewed him this way before, but then Shina put the idea in my head and it's kind of like stuck in the back of my mind and it like grew and grew. Shina's a coke dealer, you know? like you always think of that first person at a party who gave it to you, you know, she's like, now won't get out of my mind.

Like, okay. So Charlie says they're going to call you a home wrecker, not from the Hamptons. And she goes, there's no home to wreck. Kind of true. It's only like a happy, happy divorce to wreck. Yeah, you know, by the way, happy divorce. I'm just saying, I think it's, I think it's an illusion. So now we're at shorts and sandies and shorts is waiting for a sand. Anyway, what doesn't matter? Everyone walks in. And shorts and sandies sit down with Brett. Yeah, Brett is like, hi guys,

Timeliness is godliness. Thanks for being here. I'm not about to go berserk on any of you guys right now. I'm just gonna smile. So they're gonna, Greg is there. They're talking about like trying out new staff people and everything and talking about Matt, the bartender and Brett talking about how Matt was drinking on the job,

et cetera. So Greg is like, so my staff is educated to know that you don't drink on the job. And there was like an atmosphere that night that the Daily Mail party, that literally was like, oh, this is just like a party for everybody. I mean, I don't understand what part of Daily Mail party meant that it was a party, okay?

So that's why I really chose to not have some of them come back. Okay, so I think there's a lot of work so we have to do, I mean, you need to make sure we're focused and get this place open. Okay, I just wanna get it open. And Mark, but we're thinking a month away. He's like, oh yeah, it's there anyway.

I can get a heads up, like maybe text me. I'm always the last person to know. And the fact is, we're not ready. And if we're supposed to open, we need to home Dan, we got a lot of money to pay back. I need to, I need to see, he thinks he's on some reality show about a competition show. You know, like a, what's that lady's name

about the fashion show? It's like cry outside. Kelly Catrone, he's like a Cracky Catrone. It's like a Kelly Catrone of the restaurant. There's no crying and restaurant week. Yeah, but then we find out that the guys are paying the rent and he is the leaseholder meaning the guy who owns this building, right?

Is that what you're talking to? So he owns the building and he's not letting them open, but they're paying, that's bullshit, that is some scam. It's weird because it feels like he's, he is, I don't know, like I can't, I can't get a sense of it because it seems like they're the ones who are taking them forever and he wants to open it up. Like because they say, oh, we want to open it up a month from now. And he's like, why a month? Like, why that's so arbitrary. Like we need to get this

open now. Like it's just like Well, I maybe I misinterpreted it because he says we're not We need to open it. He's saying we can't go one until we're ready. Yeah, he's saying you guys aren't ready to open it We're not open got it. I just missed I just assumed that he was just getting annoyed with them because they were taking so that He is getting annoyed at them because they're taking so long. I actually do believe he wants to open it But but I also believe that it's yeah, that's a shitty situation because they're not like he's the one deciding when it opens when they're paying the rent. So yeah, weird. Yeah. So then we got to a little T-room and it's no Russian T-room. It's like,

It's like, um, Kerkland tea room, you know, it's it's like, uh, who's back at stand to you? It's so Lisa van Chatham said like, hello poor people. Hello. It's me, Lisa van der Boone, down from the mountain to taste the ground. Can I have some people on the ground tea, please? Thank you, darling. I mean, this was Lisa Van Opom slumming it because I'm pretty sure this place was in Hollywood in Highland. I can't guarantee it. I'll never forget the real housewives of Beverly Hills,

like season one or season two, where she drove to Hollywood to take you back to Rock and Roll School and was horrified. She was like, don't leave the car. Yeah, well, she or she is braving honestly with the most illogically designed balls in America. If people come to LA as a tourist, you probably will wind up here because it like wraps all around the Chinese theater. Nothing in the mall makes sense. It's like being in an MC Esher painting. And the fact that they put Lisa Vanderpump in it is hilarious.

But she's like, well, okay, it's episode four. Let's see. Let's see, I made Lala cry two weeks ago. Last week I made Raquel cry. Who should I make cry this week? James, yes. My favorite always broken bird, James. He's like, hello Lisa. She's like, Oh, do you like it? It's a bit British. And he's like, do I look alright? I didn't know what

twet tea. She's like, you've lost your British touch then. So she's like, have you been been not been hearing a few things from the canyon club, um, and we were four hours earlier. Rick, James was escorted out by security last night. He was fighting with Ali loud enough for them to hear. I love Rick, he's monotone messiness. I mean, she's been so messy this season, but she's so monotone and like blank eyeed about it that she somehow is getting away withiness. I mean, she's been so messy this season, but she's so monotone and like blank eye at about it that she somehow is getting away with it. I remember during other seasons when we're like, okay, so James used Kristen to get on to this show, right? Like, we all know that. So then when Raquel came on, it was like, okay, as Raquel couldn't use James to get on this show now, because it's just how you get on Vanderbub rules. Let's face it. But then Brickell never said anything.

She always just kind of stood in the background or kind of slumped down, you know, by the DJ stand. And even now with her obviously coming in with her lead actress energy and coming for everybody and coming for this Tom and Katie thing, even now I'm like, she's not doing anything. She's just a sweet girl. Just having conversations, that's all. And she's being so messy. She is, I'm like, she doesn't, she doesn't mean it.

She's just taddling on everyone. She's literally trying to make out with shorts. Well, and I write to like, she's like, has some sort of relationship with Katie. So, Katie told her it would bother her. She's still like, which is like, has some sort of relationship with Katie. So her Katie told her it would bother her. She's still like, who fucking cares, you know? And how could, and how could anyone do that to national treasure, Katie Maloney?

Am I right, Ronnie? Yeah, yeah, I mean, you don't do that. So LVP's like, so do you know what I'm talking about? And he's like, well, it's definitely been interesting bringing alcohol back into my life, like an old friend. So I've sitting in the back of pick up with an old friend, driving over the hills, wait a minute, do you think that's a good idea? Why did you make that decision?

Darling, when things are out of your life, they stay out of your life. I mean, that's why I'm not friends with Kyle, or Doree, or Sedric, or... What was the last time anyone saw Martin for crying out loud? No old fart in Martin. So James was like well I had to figure it out for myself, Leastar. And he's like I wanted to get back out there right. I was excited to get back in the Italian branda, you know go on a date, have Cabanet and a sexy brunette.

I fucking did it you know what I mean? No one made fucking not even fucking kidding. Cheers. It's like, cheers to him, I'm so, and then it gets serious and he goes, I'll just feel like a more older mature guy. Ding. Note by the way that he is basically blaming this all on Rakel.

When Rakel dumped him, he just had to start drinking again. So Lisa's like, I know you were devastated when that sweet broomstick with the pageant sash broke up with you, but what's going on now with this alley, this alley that you're doing? I'm a lover that, I'm a lover that everything's great. Hi, I'd like to raise a glass to me and allie everyone, a teaglass, teaglass to me and allie everyone. Darling, you were telling me that you were when you were recovered, that she was the best thing that ever happened to you, and now you're seeing the same thing about this aligo, and he's like, well, I've always been an emotional guy. Wawa, I just cried because I'm emotional, I get quickly and I fall in love quickly wiki wiki

I know you are heartbroken You're never stated cry it out my little broken Bad I'm not gonna cry it out. I mean even though just thinking about it makes me want to think it I'm absolutely not I'm a changed person. I drink now. I've learned things and I'm not I'm absolutely not I'm a changed person I drink now I've learned things and I'm not It's okay get this out do you think you're ready for another relationship? It's a lot it's a lot We can we can we can we can we get a lot to take on Lisa. I don't know. I don't know if I could do this. I mean,

Ali, Ali is the love of my life. The love of my life. She gets blow jobs every single day. Ha, ba, ba, ba, ba. Darling, I don't think James wants anyone to know how badly he was hurt. He wants to be the dumper, not the dumper. Then let me go back and talk to James. James, you can manage this. Ding! Oh, look look at that I've just closed my poor person ring on the apple show goodbye

give me 25 minutes to figure out all these escalators going down to the block construction you know she has like Rosio and Max carrying her down all of those, or she's gonna do like the rest of us do and end up in some weird Benihana rip off on the top floor and not, didn't we just go downstairs? How are we at the Benihana on the top floor? She has like a rope,

like she's climbing up the half dome and whatever and yell at like, and whatever it's called. You know, like, and that's a part of she just,, one of those lines on the outside, those stone lines comes down. Yeah, she's just going down the bar. Like don't get lost on that coach,

you might fall off into pool of people. Oh God. So then we get Fander pump rules rap, which is always my favorite. It's like big weaves, big weaves drive, drive a big, well, drive in and now I'm driving. Yeah. And Ariana's doing her hair and then shorts and sand of all are changing in bathrooms for the big parties tonight. And they like shorts like, let's take a breath together. Oh wait a second, your shirts are done and my pants are off. Oh yeah, let's not do this dude. So then Katie, by the way, barely any Lala in this episode except for this flicker here.

Lala is just not coming to work anymore. Lala does not care. She's just not going to show up anymore. It's been kind of nice and I think it's a good amount of Lala because then next week we see the coming next week, Kamala's like, still here, still a batch, batch. I'm like, okay, all right, I'm ready for it. So Katie is FaceTiming Lala and saying how she's bringing Christina Kelly tonight,

because they need another memory of the Witches of WeHo. They need a Witches of WeHo adjacentho They need like a witches of weho adjacent sort of like yeah, so are so risk of weho So she's like because like I'm not gonna go through what I went through when I went to sand of all show You know, so I want to have someone who has my back. I was like well, aren't you and Ariana supposed to be friends? But that's fine. That's fine So well, yeah, but she's also friends with the enemy. You know what I mean? And Arianna's like,

Arianna's like an always work it out person. Arianna's always like, oh my God, we should totally work things out because like, what if we go on a girl's trip? You know? And I think Arianna just doesn't care enough to patch up anything that Katie gets into. Like any fight that Katie's in, she's like,

oh yeah, that's bad for you. Okay, we can talk with that. Yeah. She really doesn't like it in the episode too. It's really funny. So yeah, you need a Christina Kelly because it only makes sense if there's two Katie's. You know what I mean? Like when there was she and when there was Stasi and Katie, I would say Stasi and Katie were the most alike. I mean, Christian was always trying to fit in with them and then never quite fit in with them, you know.

And she's the one that fuck jacks on the couch and did all that other stuff. So she was a witch of we hoe, but she was never in like Stasi and Katie were together. And then Christina, you know, and I think they're all still really close. And when there's just one of those people, it comes off the wrong way. But when there's three people being bitchy about stuff, like it makes sense, you know? So Katie's like, I will not be single again. My bitchiness will make sense in this episode. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So it's a friend and family night and Brett's like, all right, Schwarzen Sandeys night, part two, let's go.

Oh my God, I am not going to throw a vase onto the floor and storm out of here and just go directly to the big goods aisle, gelsen's next door. Guys, okay, we ready for tonight. Here's my saying, if you run low, let us know. Okay, okay, and don't forget, there's no I and team, but there are two eyes and hi, how you doing tonight? Welcome to shorts and sandies. Go team. So then, so then family members come in, Santa Valls brother comes in, Leah Thompson shows up after all that. There's a

lot of toast. Shorts is shorts is really trying to push some sort of Peruvian to do this VJ on everyone. He's walking around this trip like, I don't know what's the Peruvian, Tunus of VJ. I mean, nothing says Peruvian, like me and Tom Sand of all am I right?

Come on. I don't know that you guys need to be going into the Tunus of VJ pool. Vanderpump's already doing that. I mean, she has a, she calls it a ta ta, all right, but still. So Lucinda is like, you know, she works there. She's actually the designer.

She's like, you got, no, get that away from me. So the girls come, Katie and Christina come with Ariana and Katie's like, Christina Kelly is one of the most loyal people ever. So I brought her. And then we see a clip of Christina Kelly's greatest hit. Yeah, just like, she's like, she's amazing. Yeah, I do say hit because she's like,

Sheena, it's you and Jack's that are spreading rumors that Schwartz is cheating. It's very, I was very excited for this. I mean, Christina Kelly sort of lurked in the background for so many years and you know, she finally worked up a montage for her. So that was exciting. So, Christina Kelly is that fish like you've been fishing and you open the cooler and you're like, are they dead? Are they even dead? And you're like going to touch it to see, but you just feel it watching you you're like That fish is still judging me just slowly close the judgy trout So then Katie tells us over the past year We've gotten very close again and like we've traveled together

We traveled to Rome for a friend's wedding a friend Probably don't know her we're not gonna mention her name, but but she got married in Rome to someone who also you might not know. So I'm just really happy to spend time with her. I was like, I love that they just, they can't even mention Stas's name anymore. They just don't believe in her. That was crazy. I thought that was crazy. You didn't want to say that. I was a saint. And like wasn't it yesterday the day that Stasi revealed that she's pregnant with a second child. So it was fun. Yeah, I'm surprised that they wouldn't even say Stasi's name.

And actually, I didn't even know it was Stasi until you said right now. So I was like, who's wedding quiz and Rome? Like that all just went right over my head. Isabella Rosalini. I forgot to mention, they went to Isabella Rosalini's, she got married to a like a inflated dog penis. Look at that penis of the dog. And Ariel is not even mad. She's just like, I know that Katie feels like she doesn't have any backup. And so she called Christina. And I don't

know. It's just like, whoop whoop whoop whoop. Kind of obvious, you know what I mean like yeah So sure it's like oh my god Christina Kelly world traveler Visitor of weddings of people that we may have known at some point come here So you guys are big guys. I'm new tune Peruvian tune a ceviche one of the most important things to ever happen to me and my culinary journey She has oh no tune. no, Tuna. No. No, thanks. No, no, thanks. She's like, this is a landlock restaurant. No, but the ocean's right there.

I said it's a landlock restaurant. So then he gives her like a big hug and Katie's like, where's my hug? Oh, okay. Yeah, I can, I can hug you too. I mean, just a reminder you did divorce me. Yeah, here's your hug. I can hug you too. And actually, this is the best talk we've had in a long time. It makes more sense with both of you together, doesn't it? Why?

So then Santa Valls over talking to Leah Thompson. And she's like, unbelievable. That in the year 2097, you finally got short some sandies open, honey. I want to give you this. This is a book that details every horse race. That was one for the next one of yours. Enjoy it. So, um, yeah, basically, yeah, mom, uh, mommy, good, no mom, where are you singing, Cindy Lauper? That's the goonies, isn't it? All right, sorry. I'm trying to think of a Leo Thompson jam. I just, I have to say Tom,

I feel just so great here in the city. I feel like I'm just a regular person in the city. If you know it, mom, I get it. You know you're in Carolina in the city. My mom. And so Tom gives us this monologue. He's like, my mom is a retired firefighter, which is badass, right? And they show her on she's like just this little because she's five foot

one. She's five foot one. And she's always had a mustache to get where she is. And it's important for me to show her that I can do this and follow through with what I plan. At some point you should feel my mom's hands. Like Mickey works hands, bro. Really rough. Don't have some Peruvian, don't have some Peruvian's, Tunis VJ, by the way. Miss Thompson.

So now the girl is talking about who's going to come tonight and like, they're like, oh yeah, Lala's not coming because she's not feeling good. And then we go over to La La's house and in an extremely met a moment She is there watching real house vibes of Beverly Hills. Yeah, she's watching her goals on television You know, yeah, so then the secret oh Go ahead. I'm sorry babe. I said the secret the secret is secret. She's at home secretly you see so Adriana is like, well, I know

that James isn't coming because he has see you next Tuesday. And, um, and Ariana's like, well, I'm surprised given after what I heard about the after the, uh, you know, and can you go? I was, the bigger and, and kiddie goes, oh, did something happen after I left? I thought I was sort of the main drum of the night. So yeah, I'm gonna keep saying things like this and get that school in real hard

because I'm a little upset. I was the cliffhanger. Give me another, thank you. Thank you. Say, Gianna's like, yeah, well, after you left, James got kicked out of the venue because I don't know why. And Christina goes, James got kicked out of somewhere.

I was like, wow, that's a real LOL. Yeah, that's like an entire audience just laughing at the same time. One Christina smile, she's like, that's a good one. And Katie's like, yeah, one Christina smile. She's like, that's and Katie's like, yeah, well, wait. So, okay, here's what happened is if I didn't already tell you this on the phone 10 times between then and now, Christina, but Tom Sandivall had this show and I had like a little word

exchange with Schwartz because like Tom and I have been pretty amicable and we said, don't pick a side and guess what? Sheena did kind of pick a side here. So yeah. And Christina's like, you know, a nice move. Okay. I just have to point this out. I'm sorry to interrupt you. Christina moves her hands when she talks like one of those have you seen those scalp massagers? Oh, yeah. This is a lot of machine. And you put those scalp massagers? Oh yeah. Like this, they look like a claw machine. And you put them on top of your head and then they go out and in like that. That's how she moves her hands.

She saw, I never, I didn't notice that. Watch, it's so funny. It is, yeah, she's like, he's like crap is on demand special right here. Yeah, okay, Ben, continue, I'm sorry, Ben. Okay, let me get hypnotized by you. So, Christina says, you know, a nice, smooth divorce and like you guys are like setting your own boundaries

and she's coming in and trying to make it messy. Like, why? I'm like, by the way, if you want to have a nice, smooth divorce, don't film it for reality TV. Let's just put it out. I'm just gonna say it. Say it as I feel it everyone. At me.

I'm not gonna say don't at me. I'm gonna say at me. But, I'm, Ariana's like, okay, well, let's take Sheena out of the equation. Yeah, well, real thanks. Thanks for all of you taking me out of the equation. It was a metaphor, Sheena. Do you feel like the situation you in Schwartz have going on?

Do you think that's like sustainable? This like a legit happy divorce thing you're trying to do? And Katie's like, well, I said we have to check in and like communicate about what we're comfortable with because like, otherwise, like, you wanna fuck this person? Fine, I'll start running trains through your restaurants. I'd be just like, can you explain what running trains mean? And Katie's like, it means like having sex

with like everyone in a place like the whole, the whole thing, like consider them all banged. I'm just like that sex with everyone. Katie, I love you girl. You know I love you everyone knows I love you, but I don't think anyone who would run a train says the whole kid and caboodle. Well, maybe an old time you train like a novelty train

that children go on. Change the bottle in station, whole kid and caboodle, everybody in the world. Everybody in more Well, I know someone who says kid in the middle Britney. Hey, Jack's one in that drain It's real nice. They got the whole kid in the bottle on that train. Jack's what are we gonna name our babies? Can't Caboodle always know the babies named in the

Man, kid in the bottle Cool guys He can be brutal. You're cool guy. You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. So, Katie's like, I want to go on like a trip, like a divorce party, like a girls trip

with like all the girls, but not Sheena, you know? Yeah. When in doubt, go back to your classic, classic maneuver. Do something without Sheena. She's like, we should fly to like Vegas and then drive to have a zoo and get a house. And Ariana's like, Lake have a zoo. She's like, yeah, like a house on a lake, you know?

And Rekel's single now, so we can invite her. I'm just showing how cool I am. Look how cool I am with everybody, but not sheena. Sorry, everybody. And I was like, well, it's not my trip. Like, I'm not gonna say what you should do. And Kitty goes, if she wants to support Schwartz, then she should stay back and support him.

Like, I need this. I really need it. You know what? It's like what they always say. The best way to get over a guy is to get under a pontoon on Lake Havasill. The best way to get over a divorce is to fuck the whole kitten fucking caboodle in Havassue.

I want to fuck a Pantune of Middle-aged guys in Lake Havassue. We'll be listening to Kid Rock. And Marianna's like, woo, and Katie gets a woo. She goes, woo, she goes, okay, that was like a better woo, that was a much better woo. Ariana's like, I would have preferred like Tahoe, but I guess I'll be like, have a suit. You know, it's free trip, free trips a free trip. So back at Schwartz and Sandi's, the twerker guy is there. Jojo. Jojo. And he's like, oh my my god the stuff in this place is fucking fine is fuck America wall over here like what what with the two two no so each a plates

Flapping off of your ass cheeks put that down This food is so amazing. I am gonna get dragon up in this bitch. Oh, would you like something to know so be sure? No, thank you. No, that's the bridge too far from me. Sorry. So Schwartz is talking to Diceye. And he's like, so what's going on, Diceye? Did people get food? And she goes, you know what, the Bravilloles?

They were like literally flying off the boards. Mainly because they were on Jojo's ass and kept on twerking with them. So they're just sort of going everywhere. But I think the ones that landed in people's mouths people really enjoyed One actually bounced off of a tuna ceviche and into Greg's mouth and he said it's the best fucking thing He's ever tasted and you're ready to open congratulations But then I brought him some of the Peruvian ceviche to actually eat and he said oh, sorry We're gonna need another three months. So sorry a lot of ups and downs

so then to actually eat and he said, oh, sorry, we're gonna need another three months. So, sorry, a lot of ups and downs. So then Brett is talking to some random guest across the restaurant. He's like, it's nice, right? Are you having fun? And the guy's like, it's kind of like, hold Hollywood. Yeah, who was that guy? It was just Brett talking to his reflection in the mirror. Yeah. It's nice, right? It's like, old Hollywood his reflection in the mirror. Yeah. Nice, right? It's like old Hollywood. Yes, I agree. And it's like, he's just having his own David Fincher movie on the side. So then Schwartz is talking to Jesse and he's just talking about like, yeah, we need to

do a little bit more R&D with the man you to see what people like. But I hear that the Peruvian Juno Savit chains the big hit wouldn't you say Jesse? No, sorry, I'm just gonna not touch that one. So Katie, you wanna spend some time alone? Okay, come on, let's sit in this booth. Hey Katie, I'm jealous, because he's not living through Tom tonight

because he has this whole family here and you're kind of my only family here. You're not late at least, you know, you know what I mean? She smiles big like that's all she wanted to hear. And he goes, yeah, because I hung out with Sheena earlier and she was really upset. I'll be honest about the way things went down the other night. He's such a dick. This guy.

He was kind of a asshole. He is, he is like he literally filmed a scene earlier where he said, Katie doesn't want me hanging out with you. So then he goes and tells Katie, I hung out with Sheena. And he's gonna get Katie all mad at Sheena all over again. And he's being such a dick right now.

It's Katie's like, she's upset. Like there's a person who came in and is meddling, okay? And she's like, no, she's not meddling. She's like, Tom, stop it. I don't like it. It's making me feel uncomfortable. And listen, when somebody says they feel uncomfortable, you stop.

The worst fucking thing in this world is to feel uncomfortable. And I will not stand here and let Katie feel uncomfortable. I feel the sincerity comes from you. I believe that. Stop this shit. You gotta stop this shit. Especially since Swarth started it, he is the fucking messiest guy. He is. Yeah. Because you're right. He starts it. Then he tells

Sina. Then he makes Sina cry. And then he runs back over. It's like, Sina's really upset with you. Yeah. You're trying to set imaginary boundaries on things that don't exist. The recaliting is not a thing. Yet. So Katie is like, I know nothing happened and it's like a situation that would like, it's a situation that would like change that for me. And like it just makes me uncomfortable. And Schwartz just isn't listening. Now he's like waving at people walking by the booths and he's like, Hey man, hey what's going on? Hi. Hi. He's used her for exactly what he needs to use her for, which is story lines, so he can't be accused of anything later. And then he's just like, Hey, buddy,

hey, hi, hi, yeah, come on over and say hi. And she's getting so pissed off. And shorts is like, yeah, you know, a recalism thing. And she's waving. It's just, look, I'm not being irrational. Okay. Oh my God. here's Sheena acting like a fucking moron and he keeps waving and somebody comes over. Yeah, I got over to shake his hand and Katie goes, excuse me, could you like just not do that right now and then the real shorts comes out because, sorry Katie, you can't do that to people.

She goes like, well, we're in the middle of doing something right now. I don't care, you can't do this. That reflects poorly on my business. I'm like, well, we're in the middle of doing something right now. I don't care. You can't do this. That reflects poorly on my business. I'm like, okay, then don't start shit with her at your business to try and get her upset. What you did, you told me you started that shit with her to get upset.

And now you're mad that she got upset for the more. Just because you're recording a reality show and at your business does not mean someone doesn't have the right to say, go away, I'm busy right now. People don't have the right to just walk up on you just because of cameras there and they want some camera time. I stand for them. I actually do stand with Gideon this one because the thing is if he's having a conversation

with his ex-wife about a situation, your eyes should be on the person you're talking to not looking up at who's walking to the table. Okay? Or you can do one of the classic things, which is the little finger that goes, do the one second, you do the real scrunchy nose. You do the one and then the one and the four, right? Or do you want to go one and then the four? One and then four. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Yeah. He could have just, there's some really basic signals you can send to say, I will shake your hand as soon as I'm done dealing with my ex so So I like like a You know just do like the blow job motion. They'll just go wait the bathroom or something There's like just plenty of things you could have done Tom. You know it so then Katie's like you know what fine

I'm gonna go home and I just won't come here anymore and he goes well You was just trying to say hi to me and he goes, you're still treating me poorly and he goes, well, it's always about you, isn't it? I think you should leave. I actually would prefer if you left. Well, we were together, this would happen all the time and I'd be forced to choose another temporary ultimatum.

Yeah, you would start shit and then piss you off and then get mad that you got pissed off. You two need to just stay away from each other, okay? And then he's like, it's bad energy in here. I'm mostly entitled bad energy, but we're not married. So it's not my problem anymore. Uh, I'm sorry, but this part is going to need to close down. This is the uncomfortable police.

I was called as a very serious situation serious situation over here Katie's just outside like Yeah, I mean I think if Katie had like if Katie had started this Then I think he would have like like it's like I think that he's right in the sense like listen We're not married anymore and like she can, if you're gonna try to pull, try to like, guilt trip me, then I'm gonna call your bluff. But like, he started this. He was like the dick to her.

And, I don't know, I thought this was such a, this is so dick. And so, of course, Schwartz goes to the one person who knows him the best, Kyle Chan. And he's like, I'm just having a bad night with Katie. My arch-nemesis. I'm like, wow, it sounds like you're happy, go lucky, divorce is going really well.

Your arch-nemesis. He didn't say our arch-nemesis. I thought he said, I'm having a hard time with Katie, our arch-nemesis. And now that you're saying he was talking to Kyle Chan. I'm like Kyle Chan has beef with Katie. My God. Is Katie mad at bargains? Like he's mad at Kyle Chan. What did you do Kyle? So I don't know if I heard that right. So then we go bookshed which I'm some Max and Max is look Max somehow still looks like the guy who played Bernie rebel and the Flintstones live action movie

of the Flintstones, but now he's buff. Is he buff or is he just boxing? And that makes me think he's boxing. Okay, I got tricked because I was like, is he buff now? How do I do that? Maybe he's like a little bit more buff, but. And don't say workout.

I think he's just boxing. So he is. I love the year you're just pulling a Tom Coll Coleco every recap now because top chef has coming back I feel like I'm in Top chef to come back The only that's russamy out is that we're already covering 50 million shows So we're gonna see every rough one that's gonna be rough. You know what? It's gonna be a rougher than finding out the my son.

Doesn't want to be the nepo baby that I've completely set him up to be and instead wants to throw cups up in the air and then catch him again. Huh? Did you mean to add no salt to this Peruvian tuna ceviche restaurant war as more like restaurant failures. So now, uh, uh, yeah,

so uh, Max and James are boxing. Basically, Max just like, just a gym once, James once and James like, slops over. Oh, remember when you called me a fat cop fitness gal. And, uh, so then we see Brock decorate. So she and Brock are those neighbors, okay? Where we all have a balcony right next to each other. The balcony is two feet long and two feet deep. It's very tiny, but they've put down fake grass and entire child's playground out there

and now they're adding a swing. And so now every time you smoke, they're looking over you like you're murdering my child. And then you look back at them, like you're fucking damn right, I am, this is an adult balcony. This is a balcony. Clear that, child, clear it.

It's also just fun to see Brock with this, like the swing set, it just reminds me of like, he's just such a big hulking man, like there you go, swinging, throwing, swinging back. So then we want, we want to go around. But we haven't seen her, right? The daughter, she's so cute. Well, me? We've seen her, but not much is needed. She was really cute.

How many days when you're like a swing is a new thing? You're like, oh my God, a swing. I love the swings. And I felt like I had some skill with them. I said, I swing, so it's a funny thing to say. I said, I swing so well. But I said, I'm really good with the swings. It means a different thing now.

Yeah, it does. Now all your friends who brag about loving swings, you know, so well. But I was like, I'm really good at the swings. Yeah, it means a different thing now. Yeah, it does. Now all your friends who brag about loving swings, you're like, you farted, didn't you? I wouldn't know. Wouldn't know, honey. So now we go to Ariana out of wine shop,

and she's there. She meets up with like, Raquel. And then orders us a Shakur-Takur reward. And then Katie joins. They do like a Toast of Girls night. Well, could go wrong. And can I just judge this waiter please? Cause it's a Shakudri waiter.

But also this is his waiter move. He goes, how are we ladies? Like a musical. It's like a musical to be getting where they're like, we've got big trouble. Like flatten his hands and move about. Post cracking up. He's like, anything on the menu look good so far?

It's about to break up until like around. So they were to Shark Hootery, of course, because it's Girl's Night. So they show Katie walking in totally comfortably and confidently into this night. You know, she's like, yes. And hugged them. And Ariana's like, um, to a and hugged them. And Arianna's like,

um, to a cozy girls night. Am I right? Cozy. I don't think any, I've ever heard that before to a cozy girls night. It looks, it looks very cozy in that, um, place. But I like you, I like you just, like, saying what it is and being positive about. She's really trying to yes and right now. So Katie's like, here's to next week, oh, Rikal, do you know? And Rikal's like, I heard that you were planning a girls trip. And Katie's like, yes, and I hope you can come. And she starts telling, she tells you the whole plan. Like, she, Katie is very,

Katie is really spelling out this plan because it has to be up to understand why the hell they're going to be. I guess she's like, well, flying into Vegas and drive to like have a suit. So and we're going to rate, we'll rate responsibly, which has never been set on the show ever, whether talking about drinking or just being rage full. So Katie's like, and I'm not inviting Gina and we're kind of like, oh, but it's like more than just the podcast, right? And Katie said, well, I mean, people are putting too much emphasis on the podcast.

Like, nothing happened between Schwartz or Raquel. I'm like, that's not the point, okay? And then there's a really long uncomfortable silence while people wait for it to make the point, but she doesn't. And several of the cast like, well, I guess I have a confession to me. At Santa Falls show the other night, I literally point blank as Schwartz if he wanted to make a ho.

And then there's just a really uncomfortable silence because nobody can believe she's offering this, right? I know. And Katie is like basically rage spreading patty onto her crack or she's just looking down and you just see her hand going like, they're like, and Ariana does just taken it by and she does like huge nod where she's like ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm out. So I'd rather her find out from me than from somewhere else and like And she tells her, you know, he completely turned me down and he's like respecting your boundaries. Okay, he goes, but you're not. Oh,

Yeah, I'm sorry. You're right. And Ariana goes, girl, I didn't know you had it in you. Like, congratulations. I think Ariana is with the rest of the audience, like lead girl energy, who saw this coming? And we get the, and Rick tells, like, I don't know who I am these days. Uts.

And you know, that's like kind of a literal, you know? So it gives an extra. Uts. And Katie's like, I mean, okay. Is this motivated by you or is this motivated by Shina? Yeah, because Katie's like, it's not as effective when you isolate two people, it's more fun when you isolate one person.

So let me get from out. Yeah, Bravo's not gonna let her just invite Christine and Kelly everywhere all the time. So Rickel's like, well, Shina put the time. So, Rickel is like, well, Sheena put the idea in my head and he's like, thoughts of, thoughts of, correct. I knew it. Okay, this is why she's dead to me.

This is why she's dead. She goes, she tells us, Rickel is not smart enough to come up with something that's diabolical on her own. I'm like, she goes, she's literally human equivalent of cotton candy. I'm like, I don't think this is that diabolical. She's like, she asked someone to make out.

Well, you know, Katie's taking it as like someone's trying to hurt me. Who in this group would be trying to hurt me? The only one left is she now, you know, and of course she is right when she says that. Because you're a huge Katie fan. Yeah, she is correct. That is what she's trying to do. Because you know that that is what she's trying to do. She would love to hook Tom up with somebody and watch Katie fucking cry about it for a

year. She would love it, you know. And frankly, you know, she has been treated pretty badly and she was kind of trained by the mean girls. However, it's still not nice. It wasn't nice when they did it to you and it's not nice when you were doing it to them either. Yeah.

But what's just so funny about Rick Hell is she did this last week when she talked about like, well, what if I made it out, it was Shorke's right to Katie's face. And now she's like, yeah, I definitely was drinking. And I thought like, you know, what is it? Like shoot your shot. Like I could shoot my shot. Is he Katie be like, mm-hmm, just trying to focus on my heat sheena trying not to hate recal to mm-hmm And then she goes into the Katie like oh my god. I'm not winning this so she's like it's just too much

It's too much my house is about to be sold in three weeks and bad sucks And that's been like a lot and like like I just want to have fun now Can we please can we please just have fun and I just got up and I, like, I just want to have fun now. Can we please, can we please just have fun? And I just got up and I started like, you know, dancing like I had glow sticks in my hand. I was like, yes Katie, yes we can. You night, ta! I did actually feel bad for her in this moment.

I was like, that's me too. It sucks, it sucks. Like her, because I do really believe she loves Schwartz, and she just had to come to the realization that Schwartz was just never going to be the husband that she wanted. And like some people say, oh, we think that she gave him the divorce papers hoping that he would ship up with Act, and she probably did. And then he was like, okay, and that's got to be sort of heartbreaking too. And so in moments like these, I definitely am like, okay, and that's gotta be sort of heartbreaking too. And so in moments like these, I definitely am like, I'm like, there's a whole other level,

there's a whole other level beyond just Schwartz that I think is at play here, that she was always in the controlling group. She was never the controlling member of that group, but she was on the board, okay? Yeah. Of that Stasi CEO group, like the Mean Girls who would always win every fight.

And so now she has just told this new girl who she probably didn't even consider a threat or, you know, we haven't seen her consider her a threat for years, suddenly coming and being like, I'm going to make out with your boyfriend, whether you want me to or not, and I'll say it right to your fucking face. The girls night we're having to make you feel better. You know? And I think that's like a huge slap in the face, especially with the Tom thing going on. She's probably having an identity crisis, you know?

Yeah, I actually do think so. Like I do think that like it sucks because she probably had a vision of what sort of future she wanted with Tom. And like I don't know if she wanted to have kids or not have kids or whatever, but like if she did want to have kids, she now has to like restart that whole process.

She has to give her some time to like, heal from this divorce, and then just to like, meet someone and like, it just, oh my god. It does suck. It does suck. So, Arianna's like, let's have fun. Sure, Katie, come on, let's have fun. Sure.

Katie, come on. Let's have fun. So this is the thing where she's like looking for an exit, but it's not only the door. She's like looking sideways, but also down like she's looking to exit out like a heat event or something on the ground. This is now the second false ending of this episode because I thought I was going to end after the after the how long is this episode where it where it was like a normal it was a normal size episode but it had three endings so this is now the second ending

and I was like no another scene so not complaining it was all great. So whenever it's Tom Tom and the Tom's are there someone's cleaning the nickelane installation and Lisa van der Pum walks in hello hello all right Tom let's go to the Rose Garden I already made someone cry this this episode is wonderful as James so now I'm gonna be in business Lisa mode okay let's sit down here it's beautiful back here and shorts is like every hour his magic hour here my favorite thing is to sit out on Santa Monica Boulevard as the sun sets and Watching all the gay people Choking and sashing their way from pump over To that ice cream shop on the corner. Wow. It's some salt and straw. Yes. Yes. Yes. Beautiful imagery. Thank you

Let's get out of here. I'm sure sitting there sing your name and lights helps. He's like, yeah, that too. And you know, Tom is just gonna sit on that bus stop, you know, outside the Pavilion's or whatever just for decades to come staring at that Space Tom Thomas in right now. He's making it sound like he's looking at like a beautiful vista of the Appalachian Mountains I mean, let me tell you something. That intersection is not seem like whatsoever. He is a chaotic mess of people at all times. So he orders a big pinky and she's like, I invented that one. He's like, I know. That's why I ordered it. We're about to semi-suggest you give us money.

So let's get into it. So, as soon as the party is success, how is Leah Thompson doing job enough after every decade she's appeared? So, um, uh, so she's like, well, the party was two weeks ago and, uh, and, and, and it's towards like, I'm feeling really confident today, but why haven't you opened? And he's like, ah, it's complicated. we too let's be honest no no no no no Greg seems a little bit pieved with you doesn't he he is a little bit be Greg seems to want you dead in a ditch I think he does want me dead in a ditch Greg is satanic Greg is satanic but to his defense while he was eating the head off of that baby he did mention that he thought we had a lot more culinary experience than Quippy satanic, but to his defense, while he was eating the head off of that baby, he

did mention that he thought we had a lot more culinary experience than we actually did have. Yes, I think you did need him on a bit. And like, why doesn't he want to open it now? Shorts is like, well, he doesn't think we're ready for it. Who's paying rent? I think it's, they're like, we are. It's just, so, you're paying the rent and he owns the lease.

And you put all the money into it. You should have come to me. You should have shown me the deal. And I would have told you, here's a white rabbit. Magic! Still going to... And I can see what they didn't. Like, you want to break away from Vanderpump, right?

You want every bit of your success to be tied to Vanderpump, but it is. And if you guys have nut, like you guys literally don't do anything at your restaurants to the point where you've learned anything, then yeah, just keep stacking up the least of Vanderpump restaurants and taking 10%. Why not? Yeah. You get 20 of those. You're going to be making 100% of something.

Yeah. And she's basically like, listen, and she says, I believe that Greg wants to open this up, but like, she's not gonna have the same urgency as them because they're putting their money out. So she's like, I think Greg is an experienced restaurant tour with, well, zero reality shows under his belt. I don't see him wearing any crowns any time soon,

but maybe the boys have more pressure on him with all the money they put into place, and they have to open this place as quickly as possible, otherwise they're in trouble. Do you realize how high the stakes are here? And Santa Claus is like, yeah, well that's why I always ordered a salad. No darling. Yeah, Santa Claus like yeah, well, that's why I always ordered a salad Dude, I can't sleep at night. I literally pace around my yard I will stay on the space cuz I'm so stressed But that's mainly because I put 45 LCD lights into my room or LED lights And LCD lights

What have you got to lose? Oh your mother invested didn didn't she and he's like yeah and getting their money Oh, Schwartz is like yeah, I'm getting their money back is more important than my money I'm just a cautionary tale of my marriage. I don't want to be that in my business. Look at me I've literally turned into Bob Ballaban right in front of your face I'm like wearing his Bob Ballaband closet right now. He's like, I'm a statistic. Oh my God. I'm a fucking statistic.

Ooooo. How exciting. I came here to be business Lisa. But I broke another bird. God, I'm good. Listen, I've got nothing against Greg. He's been nothing but nice to me. But maybe this won't work together. So let's go forward

and find a way that maybe Greg isn't involved. Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit. It's poor unfortunate souls here to sign over your voice. You know, I think it's so funny that she's not even being subtle at all. I thought it was going to be like, oh, too bad you don't know anybody who could help you out of this fire situation. Can what you call the car? And then wait for them to eventually come, you know, with their fingers up, like a

Mervin's commercial honor. Big glass door is a billarosa, like open, open, open, open, open. So she's always anything to ask me. So that was the cliffhanger. Are they going to go back into business with Lisa? I actually don't know the answer to this and I'm excited to see how it unfolds, but we'll have to wait, I guess, for the next few episodes. So in the meantime, thanks. I don't know, but I ate there the other day and I liked it. I thought it was really good. I had a kale seeds or salad, some french fries. Everything we had was really good. So good for them. Proud of you boys for actually doing it. I didn't drink. I don't know why I didn't drink. That's the whole point in going there, right?

So try the drinks. Well, that's okay. Next time. You have to make my way over there. It just happened to me. You had them lazy. I feel like I don't go to bars anymore, but I got to change that.

I have to change that. So anyway, thanks everyone for being here. Thanks for watching on Crap is on demand. And we will catch you on the next episode. Bye. Bye. Bye. catch you on the next episode. Bye! Bye! Bye! Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors! Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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