Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Crutching Our Pearls

Episode Date: April 18, 2018

Are you guys ready for the Pucker & Pout party by JULIE HEWITTTTT?? We are! We're so excited we stubbed our toe on a pint of frozen ice cream. Come join us as we recap another hilarious episode of "Vanderpump Rules," culminating in the biggest bombshell of 2018: Jax dumping Brittany! RAWT IN HELL JAX! Also, a man bun update. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.

Watch what crap-ins would like to think it's premium sponsors! Christy Wowardity, dowity! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird! Jessayon, okay! Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony! And our super premium Patreon subscribers, Kelly Grant, the Grant Master, give them whole, miss no Hey everyone, welcome to Watch Our Crappins! A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch.

I'm Ben Mandelker from BesideBlog.com and the Banta Blender podcast and joining me as usual on this wonderful, wonderful Tuesday that you saw last week. See, get it? See you next Tuesday? It's arrived. Anyway, that's convoluted. It's Roddy Karam from trashhawktv.com and the Rose Pricks Bachelor podcast. How's it going? Hello, boo! How are you fairing today? I'm doing so good. My family's all in Tantagas. See, read them, static it! The voice, and he's doing really well. Go vote for him tomorrow Wednesday night, do it, he needs you. He's team Adam. He's hot. Yeah, he yeah, not only that, but like read his team watch for crap and he was he was helping to sell our merch at our San Francisco show. Okay.

like the crap is in our circle so we have to we have to mobilize the crap and army to support him and his singing endeavors as he sings his way to the top of the voice so everyone go do that. Yeah, it's a few wins maybe Adam Levine can come on watching. Yeah, yeah, you're like, uh, like read we asked one question he's like, what you want me to come on to watch a crap and explain my journey on the voice? Um, no, could you get Adam Levine to do it? Explain my journey on the voice. No, could you get Adam Levine to do it? You're nice to Kelly Clarkson, right? You know, I love her now if Kelly Clarkson wanted to come on water crap ends I mean we would just devote like an entire week to her, you know, it'd be like when like Bono sits in at the orchestra

Like the band with like Letterman for a week or something. That's what we want with Kelly Clarkson. I Residency here. Your cops are so cute. Yeah. So you know what's cute, ticket sales, because we might do another show in Philly and Atlanta, because those shows are basically, they're basically like sold out, but we, we looks like we're gonna be able

to open up a few more tickets So just keep an eye out on those but there is a possibility we could do a second show in both those cities Philadelphia and Atlanta But we want to make sure people will actually want to come so if you're interested if you didn't get to go or if you want to go a second show Please give us some sort of feedback If you join our Facebook group watch or or Crapins live and loving it, it's all about live stuff that we do.

So give us some feedback there, so we'll know whether or not we should pursue a second shows and those cities be soups helpful to us. Yeah. Yeah, nothing bad about it because I stopped abruptly. I just keep wanting to jump into Vanderpump rules, so tell me when we're ready. Well, I don't think we have anything else related to promote

Okay, first of all, happy birthday to our good friend to our good friend. Our good friend Sharon. What is wrong with me? Our good friend Annabelle Desisto. We love you, girl. Also, we're extreme Adderall and compliments. Go listen if you don't. Also, fuck you because she got an interview

with Ramona Sinker today. So I can't wait to hear how that went. Yeah, I'm very excited. Also, big, big birthday shout out to Victoria Beckham. It's also sharing birthday today. Okay, so that said, everybody, thank you so much to Vanderpromp Rules for everything you gave us last night.

Yeah. I feel like Vanderpromp Rules was like Ronnie, Ben, here's every impersonation you've ever done of Kristen in one episode. And as a matter of fact in what just one clip Blowing around is that air thing outside of a you know gas station or whatever. Yeah, it's so good It was like Kristen doing that. I mean I Really appreciated her basically doing our impersonation of her doing the being the guy the inflatable

guy in front of a car station although to be honest I felt like her version of us doing her as an inflatable guy in front of a car station was more like she looked more like if someone had attached spaghetti to a fan and just turned the fan on. Well she had kind of a robotic way about it. It's like think of that to Chris and they even fuck up the air guy in front of the gas station, you know. She's like doing the robot. Yeah, it was so good.

It would have played well if she had like Wally in the audience. Wally would have been like, oh my god, that's so me. And then Christian on Crutches, I mean, it was just a Christian episode from Heaven. So thank you. Whoever bashed Kristen in the ankles, we'd like to thank you as well. It's on your heart and wherever you are. Thank you for inspiring that wall. Thank you. Thank you for inspiring that wall. The bludgeoned Christen's toe. Yeah. That was, that was really great. But there was a significant problem with this episode, which is that there was no sheena. Nud.

Well, they made it up to us by, you know, that thing, it's like, bravo. And it shows like the stars. Yes, the stars of the stars going past on your screen. And they had one of sheena and her eyes are just light open, and she has this look on her face. So I feel like they made it up to us. She's like, I can't begin this short tonight because I'm going to Big Bear, She has this look on her face. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I didn't see coming. Really? Yeah, I didn't see the ending coming at all. Oh, I saw it coming because they previewed it

like a million times over the course of the episode. I don't remember. You know, actually, we have to give a shout out to whoever named this episode. Did you see what it was called? Raky, breaky heart. How funny. That is so good.

That's like the best Raky pun we've heard. Well, when I saw the title of that, I was like, okay, he's finally gonna fuck reiki. Yeah. I was really excited for it. I was also, I had this sense of dread the entire episode because I felt like, oh, this is gonna be one of those episodes where at the end they're gonna say, next week on the season finale, and then they didn't, and I was so happy. Because I was like, no, please don't let this be the second to last episode

I want more and more episodes Well, I was wondering if I missed that because the previously on Vandipump rules it was like then God created Eve from a rib of Adam. I was like how far are we going back here? Is this the end? They showed the whole season. I thought God please don't let this be the end Yeah, and I felt like they were starting to tie up things like Tom and Katie are like finally happy and Katie's doing something now and Stasi through a good party. You know, it felt like things were like reaching a finale point, but then at the same time there was like introducing new story threads like, hey, guess what? Ariana's like upset about her book like upset about her book as a wait wait why are they introducing this on the

second the last episode but luckily it's not the second luckily it's not it's kind of like Garth Brooks himself it just never ends yeah just always there you're like why is Garth Brooks still here and why is he doing a weird alternate version of himself as a pop star with like black hair I don't get it yes it's like you don't understand you can't explain it, but you can't really complain either. Yeah, and I'm sure this show put on a concert in Central Park. It'd be huge also. Vaniprom Brull's live. I'd see it. Yeah, me too.

Just watch Jack Waxor. Just see how much Lint Jackson can get on his jogging ramps. can get on his jogging pants. See you, my cereal. Because you know I was obsessed with that. I was like, come on, high definition. Could someone please fuzz out the lint on Jackson's black jogging pants? It was bugging me so hard. And Jack, okay, we'll get to it. We'll get to that.

You guys lint as its own chapter today. Let's all stay calm. What is Jack's giving up for lint? Get it! So let's dive into this. all stay calm. What is Jack's giving up for Lint? Get it! Um, so let's let's dive into this and speaking of Jack's, the episode opens up back where Jack's mid-cook rage going nuts at Sir Eyes bulging just about to go wreck it Ralph on the hostess podium. Yeah flip the script! Flip that script!

Fuck you! Fuck you! Flip the script! Script the flip! It's like Jack's. Jack's Jack's. Stop saying script. You're embarrassing yourself. Yes, your acting career is just not gonna take off no matter how often you say script. Even if it's flip the script, like prescription. Still, like you're not even good enough to get a prescription.

You fucking co-head I can actually see jack's getting mad if someone played flip cup with a script like there's a script on a table and someone just like Flip said he's like you just flip the script You just played that wrong. He flipped it Like a flip cup bro. What are you doing? He's like what? script flipping So he is screaming and Vanderpump is just looking at. First of all, Vanderpump has a totally different face

on this show than she does on Beverly Hills. Won't they shooting at the same time? This is her business face. She's like, all right, first order of business, my number four, let's see what's in here. Oh, put your face on, excuse me, fuck, business face. It's business. She's just putting, you know those clips Let's see what's in here. Oh, put your face on excuse me Business face She's just putting you know those clips at ease for like huge clips of paper. Yeah, they're like the alligator lips

Like a giant alligator clips. Yeah, they're really hard like they'll cut off your finger if you use them She's like putting that on the back of her neck for banner front rules I like to think of her as actually engaging in her own version of face off with someone. Like she's doing face off with maybe she's really John Travolta. Yeah, we're just watching John Travolta's interpretation of Lisa Van Der Pum. And someone who's good to hairspray. Can't remember anybody says. Yeah, somewhere John Travolta's like, hello, I'm John Travolta. And this is me trying to do an American X since because I'm really very American right

now. Greece. Am I right? So, one has a set today night. That was me and American trying to do a British person, trying to do a John Paul does accent. It was very interesting. I know it was basically like someone who works for Gina Leanno in the background. So the best host of Shad and Fra James, he's like, Jack's a Saturday of Smindold boy, he's also bulging out, he's gonna pop up, fucking sure it's great, it's great. His eyes are bulging out. His gonna pop out. This is fucking shit. It's great.

It's great. The whole thing's been great. Logan just suddenly arrives. What did I miss? His nose is hanging off. Speaking of face off, it's all broken. So, uh, yeah, so now, Jack, he has, he goes crazy. He leaves, Lisa's like, I want you to leave right now.

And then, uh, Jack goes, he punches the poor payphone, which we discussed last week. It's just so rude to do it to an already declining technology. And he leaves. And then Brittany comes over to Lisa Vanderbomb. She's like, I just want to say, I'm really sorry for that. I'm really, I'm really, really sorry for Dayack. I wanted to rot in hell, but I want to also apologize for him too.

And she's like, I'm Lisa's just giving her that look like, what are you exactly? She's staring at her. Like, why is your mouth moving? Are you electronic? Is it weird, Brittany, that sometimes you just remind me of a giant, yo-play yogurt? This is like when Pink Dog started telling me the alphabet. I'm fantastic. Brandy Glandville puts something in my drinky pinky. Yeah she's just looking at her like what the hell. I like when Jack was yelling and you just

hear Brady in the background go you can't just yell at your job. Thanks for setting down those rules for it. Yeah, good to see you finding some boundaries. So she's like, sorry, this is happening. I'm sorry, I'm just staying away from it. She's like, why are you apologizing for jacks? And she's like, it's just because I'm together with them all the time. So people are saying, she ain't meet with them. And she's like, yes, they do.

And that's what you want to spend the rest of your life with, Brittany. So I'm sorry, I with. I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry. Yeah. And then Bernie starts going on this pathetic route of like, I just feel like I need to give Jacks another chance. I'm like, okay, no, you don't. And then she's like, you know, a lot of people don't see the good I see in Jacks.

I mean, I'm with him all the time. I'm like, listen, if you have to be with someone all the time Like 24 hours to be able to see the good in them. That's not good. You should be able to see the good in them like In like maybe five minutes like give it five minutes. I just love you. Yeah, I love hidden good jacks It's like it only comes out at night, you know, it's like the opposite of a horror movie Well, it's kind of scary when he's being good Yeah, it's like he just never lets you see it. You have to say something special, you know, it's like jacksulchies Jacksulchies Jacksulchies. He's like hi, man

I'll put the store for you Hi there. What can I do would you like a dinner party where no one sings dayo? We could do that He's like thank you party where no one sings dayo? We could do that. He's like, thank you. Come again, have a lovely day. So how do I say that? If you excuse me, I'm going to do some lovely social media postings for a regional hockey team. Is that okay with you?

Sure, and you can stay here in LA. I will not disrupt your life. Wow. And Vanderfomps, how many chances are you going to give him? Listen, lady who has a million chances, like how many times could people have gotten food poisoning from your warm potato salad? Like you get 30,000 chances at night. Okay, see, here's the thing though, Lisa Vanderpump is actually earning money off of his

idiocy. Brittany's not earning anything. I know. Maybe some bumps. So here's the thing is that... You know she pays for bows. Well, Britney's like, you know, if I'm sad, he's there for me. If I'm happy, oh she, I'm getting emotional. I'm like, that is a really low bar

for why you see the good in someone. I guarantee that for most relationships, perhaps Patrick excluded, that if you're sad, your someone. I guarantee that for most relationships, perhaps Patrick excluded, that if you're sad, your boyfriend's gonna be there for you. Like that's not exclusive to Jacks. That's a very rudimentary, like basic form of being in a relationship, okay? He does not earn special points for being there for you when you're sad.

And by the way, he loses points because he's usually the one making you sad. And that's the cycle there. He makes you sad and then he's there for you when you're sad. And by the way, he loses points because he's usually one making you sad. And that's the cycle there. He makes you sad and then he's there for you. Uh-uh. Yeah. Well, you know, that's how it works. She's like, well, they don't see what I see.

I mean, he's so consistent. If I'm sad, he's there. If I'm mad, he's there. If I'm bad, he's there. If I'm missing money out of my purse, he's made for there. I don't know where he went. There's always money missing from my purse. What were we talking about again? He can never mind. I was just trying to bring this into Alita Adams into this and I was like, I don't think I can do it right now. I don't care. Hey, you're just getting here on the carpet. It's good. He doesn't matter what I do. He gets here anyway

I could begin a desert. He'll get here on a speeding train Reach me my sailboat You can reach me by high elbow I'm in a relationship with the lead Adams now I'm in a relationship with the lead Adams now. So Vanderpump's like, I worry that the enabling of Jackson, she was such a man. So I'm like, yeah, no shit,

just keep giving him money, Lisa Vanderpump. So then speaking of an Abel, his Tom's like, whoa, look at that bro, he had a pay phone. I'm concerned that a screw popped loose. Like, he looks like he could use the medication That's the last thing he could use and you know it Well, I think society would be well served if Jack's was on something something Something's on something. That's a fucking problem. Okay, Jack's needs to not be on Medicaid

It's like one of that's like the one person in the hospital. You're like no more meds This is this is how we're gonna help help you. No medication. Okay. Help me a path. Thank you for that one. Oh, you can help me. You can help me if you want. A couple of path. That was just a Miami for a little bit. I have to pay the rent. So now it's the next day. And um, Stasi is getting ready for this, uh, Pucker and Pout relaunch party with featuring the Julie Hewitt experience. Um, and I guess Julie Hewitt is a new addition because they say your name a lot. So, yeah, okay, let's get to, let's just make sure that, uh, she's credited for bringing Katie's blog back to life or whatever,

because she's like, I love that Julie Hewitt Pucker and Pout sign. Yeah, I'm like, who is Julie He Hughitt, Pucker and Pout sign. Yeah, I'm like, who is Julie, Hughitt? And we never get to see her. She's very much like Aileen too, you know, this mysterious figure who lurks in the background. Yeah, someone else takes full credit for. Yeah, she's like, just say my name a lot. Same.

My name, same my name. Do you hear it? Same your corner, Olyda. That was a dozen of child. How dare you? No, I know. It's just Brittany trying to Brittany trying to take on I get it. I get it. This is good. I like we're just gonna pair every scene with this different R&B option So now they're like talking about the Pokemon power thing and and how So now they're like talking about the Pokemon Pout thing and how last year Katie was just in an unhappy place and just like this great montage of Katie being totally nasty. It's the monster that was so fun.

It's just like a baby just throwing bowling balls at blocks. You know, she was just terrible. And Katie's one of those people that always says, um, I'll be honest, like with everything she goes, I'll be honest, I've set high goals for this. Well, thanks for your honesty, Katie. Yes, I would be very upset if you were dishonest about that. For montage, she's like, what are you mad that I called you a whore? Well, just call it like I see it. I wish they had also included her clip from last week going, it's just the immaturity, it just makes me shake my head.

She just do it doesn't do herself. She shakes her head herself. Well, they did give her a soon-to-be smart thing to say this time she's like, the last year I've done a lot of work to grow up and now we're launching Pucker and Pout as a brand itself. What? What does that mean? Well,

because Puckermount was a blog, but now it's actually a brand. Ronnie, you know what? I don't perpetuate that convenient narrative. Okay, it's a very convenient narrative. Okay. Guess who they're partnering with? Do you think you're going to hear a lot of the lip-slamming? How many times am I going to write this on my notes? So Stasi's blowing up balloons and she's like, I'm using my Julie Hewitt lips to blow these balloons up. These are Julie Hewitt balloons. Yeah, she's also the balloon queen, but you didn't know that.

She invented balloon dogs. Yeah. So Jack is like, so you know, Jack isn't coming because last night he was screaming fuck you with both of it, Julie Hewitt fingers. You know. And Stasi's like, yeah, you know what? The words Jacks and Meltown go together like pizza and ranch and Julie Hugh, you know? You know?

It is like, can Patrick come and do the test? He goes, technically, but I don't know that I want him to because like, I just said, I can't just keep doing this up and down, you know know it started in Mexico because he texted me at three in the morning But then we were drunk we didn't check the phone immediately in the morning I texted me wouldn't let it go But it's your night it's your night. It's like you you just had a monologue You can't like do a model like I don't say it's your night Now keep in mind, you know the the editors were very keen on keeping this one clip from earlier in the season when Patrick told Stasi,

you know, what's the rule again? We talk about, we talk to each other when we're together, and then when we're apart, we don't talk about, we don't talk to each other when we're apart, and when we get back together, we don't talk about what happened when we're apart. Something like that so yeah but they weren't breaking up so no but the point is that like he was about to go to Amsterdam oh that was about breaking up it doesn't matter he went to Amsterdam and blocked her and then almost shut it to you for her at the van Gogh museum and then he then he's mad that she like did not immediately check in as soon as she got to the

Andas no he's a fucking idiot. And I'm glad he finally got some camera time this time. So we can realize how stupid he fucking is. Oh my god, I can't wait. He's not a smart person. And I love when stupid people try and pretend they're smart and just keep talking. And it's like, just keep digging, buddy.

Yeah, they try the white gin words. Yeah, we'll give that. Stasi kind of explains why she's so sick. Because she's like, this fight is so much more intense, because I'm even effort this time. It's like, when you finally pay for goat cheese balls and you realize they're not really that good. Yeah, you know, it's like they're good when they're free.

She's like, I gave my all, like Mariah Carey lying on a kayak in the middle of the water. See? You can reach me by, yay! No, we're talking Mariah Carey, Brittany. on a kayak in the middle of the water. See? You can reach me by fire. No, we're talking, Maria. Carrie Brittany. I literally gave my all AF. I literally did.

I gave him my sayy into my mind. I gave him, I literally gave him my all. And now I have to use Todd. Get it? Al, that's all J JX. So then we go over to bring you by the way, you know that Brittany was probably dazzled every time that commercial came on little stain lifts off the shirt. She's like, why? Yeah. I'll wait there. Before we go over to that, we have to mention that stossy inhale, the goes. Shunah. Rap, rap, rap, rap, rap.

So then we got a Brittany's house. Okay, so Brittany's balcony was cracking the up because on the wall of the balcony, like where just on the wall of the balcony it says, I saw that too. I was like, are you at Rohobe's beach or something? Yeah, it's like it's just like the house of a delusional person. Say dad! No, it's not.

Great league. It's not. Just because it smells like rancid oysters does not mean that you are at the sea. Yeah, just because it smells like low tide. Just because you have barnacles in your apartment does not mean low tide. So of course, Jack's just making coffee and she's like,

coffee is not in or she's not making coffee. Yeah. Yeah. And it's important to point out because later, she's like, did you go to coffee? It's like, yeah, he brings her nine. Oh, fucking Jacks. I mean, if you needed any more time,

Jacks has done a lot of things, but that's when you break up with Jacks. It's like you were comfortable to always getting coffee, blow jobs, coffee, and you can't even bring me a goddamn two-dollar coffee. Well, it's war-beginning. Do we know if Brittany drinks coffee because she only made a coffee for Jackson, but she didn't make one for herself, I believe. I could be wrong.

Either way, she's like, I thought I was bad. I was mad about like coffee orders, and you just totally took people further than I could ever. No, I want to be mad with you, but I also, to be fair, my little catchphrase, I guess, because everyone's like, you always say to be fair, but to be fair, do we actually, do we have, we seen Bernie drinking coffee? Because if she's not a coffee drinker, then, you know, that's okay. Either way, I'm glad we really, I just, it's important that we are we have a level playing field

Coffee's lights so Brittany is like here you go I brought you a coffee and I had built I'm like, why are you doing this for him? He made an ass of himself punched a pay phone nearly got fired embarrassed you to the point where you had to be a pal at polygies and for him. And then you're making him the coffee? Mm-hmm. But then of course, he's like, Hey, you feeling what actually happened

that set you up so bad? So it's like something else has faulted all time, she knows. And she goes, you didn't look like yourself. Yes, he did. Why is everybody pretending they've never seen this in Jack's? And he's like well look My shadow is back so

Totally sober like I played I make up this morning so everything's okay. You can bring me coffee now. Thank you Yeah, he's like well, you know, I just I went crazy because you know everyone's always up I want to crazy on everyone because everyone's all always up in my business like Like, everyone's in my business. I don't know, like, people are in your business because of stuff that you did. Like, you're, he always is saying that he's like basically retaliating against what someone did to him, but he never seems to go that extra step to realize that people are doing stuff to him

because of stuff that he did. People are up in his business because he cheated on Brittany. People are up in his business because he lied or he stole something or XYZ. The list goes on and on, but he only takes the part where people did something to him and just acts like that's the origin of all this madness. Well, he has to yell at somebody. You can't just yell at baldness. Okay. You can't yell at a loss. And the camera people just kept swooping right behind him. They're like, look, he has two bald spots. LOL. It's like he can't yell at AirLoss, and the camera people just kept swooping right behind him. They're like, look, he has two bald spots.

LOL. It's like he can't yell at them. He's just like trying to wave off bees behind his head. You know, he can't see. So, Jack's, yeah, then he does this other big thing, which is he victimizes himself as like, why me? Because he's like, everyone else has done

the exact same thing that I've done, but I'm the only one who gets targeted. I'm the only one who gets all the heat. I'm like, well, has everyone else sleep with faith while she was taking care of an old lady? While you were dating Brittany? No, that was you. It's like, maybe I should take that fake job and Florida

because it can't blame all their problems on me. I'm like, Florida, Cam. Yeah, Florida, if anyone trusts me, they will. They got standard round over there. They got down the board. You'll be dead on a porch within a month. You really will be you. They've got I mean every listen, anytime you read those oddly enough stories on from, you know, it's like, oh, a man chopped off his penis. And then it like turned into stone and fell on his head and killed him That's either gonna be in Florida or Germany or maybe Arizona

Yeah, and Jackson's that Jackson's always that type of guy in that story. Yeah, okay? See you already have our R&B tie in yeah, you can reach me by feeling you so my love like no ordinary way in. So ordinary way. I just tried to do a need a baker, but I failed. I tried to do sweet love, but it just sort of sounded like Britney being very shrill. Sweet wings. I open up my mouth and then just lie down sweet wings. So it's Lala.

I've gone down a chicken wing right now and I don't know why. I like that you just use chicken wings to it. I think it actually really adds like a good dynamic to it. Thank you, Bien. I'm trying to bring chicken wings, chicken wings, chicken wings, chicken wings. I took it to India. I don't know why. She's not R&B. She's not R&B.

She's R&B. She's R&B. I Russian Greens. Not really. Not really blue. Yeah. She's like, how you can&B, Irish and Greens. Not rhythm and blues. Yeah.

She's like, hi, you can buy my album with the ink section. Okay, so... What is wrong with us today? Hello. It's just a regular Tuesday. Because Kristen on Crutches, that's why it's like a dress. Kristen Crutches. We got Kristen Crutches' disease.

Kristen and Crutches. So we're going to be lily ah ah ah I think that now would be like a really good time to go to commercial because like Rob is so good at commercials and like he can do to be like seven-minute glasses like amazing Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so-expert-experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong, what would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone.

So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Oh my god, okay. So Lala is in Gakes to Burbank. Yeah, she likes just get into Burbank, into the vibe, in the feel of it. He's Lala wearing her own face on her sweater because I love that if that's what that's for.

She might be. I hope she has the same to look. Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola and whiskey. Yeah. Look, I'm a studio. I'm a studio. And guess what, I still don't think Kristin is hot a sexy at all. That's all By the way, did we mention someone told us this? I didn't see the swatch what happens live where James supposedly said

Yeah, and I got away with it about bone Yes, someone said something about that, but that required me to have to actually like watch what happens live I know I'm too tired. Yeah, so Lolo's wearing Yeah. So Lolo's wearing her own face on her sweater, and she's playing that song really loudly, and she's like, whatever I hear my own boy ticket, so happy. I was like, you're like the only person in the world, but actually not the only person,

cause I got happy too. Yeah, I got happy. I got one of her Lolo's voice. So they're talking about how she's got her set coming up and she's, you know, kind of worried, because it's James and he's sitting there with Coke and whiskey. Yeah, they're setting this up to be a huge disaster of a showcase, because she's,

this is now like the fifth episode in a rush. She's like, I am totally shitting bricks about my showcase. Like, it needs to be perfect. Like, I don't want there to be beat some tween song I want to be like boop boop boop boop boop boop Five songs don't mess it up James no fireball no feeding James after midnight No direct sunlight for James and whatever you do never get James wet before my so my showcase I love that she goes here's the thing. I don't want beats and he's like you don't want to talk at all

Okay,, got it Well, that's great as fear by having to talk Also, yeah, also never say I'm shitting bricks around this gas jacksle walking with the razor blade and just start parsing through it Sorry, but no Watch your burby around this gas. So now James of course is you know He's like what you know, he's like, what, you never know who's gonna be that a showcase girl.

You might have someone like the fifth member of LMFAO, you know his name, Barry Big Glasses. He never actually made it into the band, but he almost was there and he might be there. He's probably, you never know who's gonna be that girl. It could be people from the industry. It could be, you know, best boys, clean the tables, it could be the person who learned how to refine salt. You never know.

You never know. No. It could be Jimmy iodine, not to be confused with Jimmy iodine. It could be Obama, Michelle, or otherwise. It could be, I have the ghost of Whitney Houston's going to be there. It's like, when you, when you look at life like that, that's how you stay happy when you're like, this is what could happen today.

Yeah. Yeah. So Lala is just going down her delusional path. It's so funny to watch. She's like, oh my god, there are five songs total. And, you know, I'm singing every song that I've ever done. I was like, okay, O'Rea, I know. I know. Well, it is more than Chimble 1. That's true. Yeah.

Like literally I get knocked down and I get back up again. Ain't no, I ever got a knock mid down. Bitches. Motherfucker, I'll catch you on your fucking bay! You know what? Sider drinks and like whiskey drinks and Sider drinks. That's like the original Drain M&M. Am I right? I just discovered Lola I'm proud of myself. I'm like Dr. Drain. She's my Eminem's She's little in my Eminem. I'm so hungry right now Why does Lola say I'm like a slutty mother to Rita? Because she's like I'm

inviting everyone. I'm inviting everyone I see everyone's welcome. Everyone's welcome. I'm like a slutty mother Teresa. James just gets a big boner. Little did she realize that he's had a mother Teresa fetish for all his life. Oh yeah. I don't find Mother Teresa sexy at all. Let's do all. Watch the teeth. I wasn't saying that some of the Teresa. So she's like, I invited the two times their ladies, Bret and Jacks.

And then she's like, did you see Jacks? He's like, double flipping off. And I was like, whoa! That's so good. Yeah, he's like, I would never, I would never. I'm like, I cannot believe they are not showing the clip of James trying to start a fight with Ken. You know, Oh, not your Spocker. Spocker.

Yeah, but I have to invite Jack. He's a loose cannon, but that's like Britney's man. Yeah. He's a little. And then she goes, how are you going to sit there and get cheated on, live with the same guy? I'm like, you stole your husband, a and you're talking to James, who probably just fucked Christa last week.

And James, at least James just looks at her like really, we're gonna end this macros for friends listen consistency consistency is not a strong point in many of these people's lives okay just like just like Stassi's macaroni apparently but now we go to Tom the Tom's or Tom Tom and beers and cheers they like bust out some beers like whoa look at the space. Tom Schwartz is still acting like he's in third grade. He's like whoa I'm gonna put on a hard hat. Oh my god, it fell on my face. Aren't I so cute?

Oh, Baba. Oh my god, hard hats are hard. Well, Baba. Oh, and then Tom right now. You gotta have to have to have two, Bill. So Tom Sandivall is still acting like he has to say in anything. He's like, all right, let me show you what's going on. Well, we got bathrooms.

That's going to go here, because I said so. And then we're going to have some air conditioning right there, because I said so. We're going to have a progress party. And that's good, because people are going to see like the progress that we've done. Great. I actually am very intrigued to see how Tom Tom's gonna turn out. I mean I don't think I've ever

Witness the the artwork of mr. Nick Allen My show Tom's like where's the DJ booth and he's like uh here He's like where a trash can is Yeah, so then there's a proposal. He's like, uh, here. No, he's like, or a trash can is. Yeah. So then there's a proposal. He's like, well, uh, you may be wondering why I got me finished with this, this walkthrough of the progress party where we're going to show progress.

Being that best ones are going there. That right. I just told that to an invisible guy. He's doing it. Look at the invisible guy doing what I said, building an invisible bathroom is just what I wanted. Okay, bro. But it's the important thing. Will you take me, Tom Sandeval will you Tom Shoritz take me

stand of all to get half-chubs and a half finished invisible bathroom invisible worker get up here make this happen we're married we're married bro yeah and he actually got real rings they said they said TT they were like they're like it was like a rose gold ring it It was like, legitimate, like money was spent. I'm like, I would have been like, you promised. So never tell anybody you touched my cornhole. After every time you touched my cornhole, and I'll do the same for you. Okay, we're married. Yeah, I'm, I'm just glad it wasn't a ring on a string. Otherwise, Katie would have been furious. He gave you a ring on a string. That's have been furious. He gave you a ring on a string.

That's not the sort of commitment that I want from Tom Sandeval for you. Who knew that a ring on a string would lead to all of these really truly romantic, meaningful, not fake at all scenes with a couple that's totally still married. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, the ring didn't mean a thing. Whoa. I'm not gonna play it because apparently when I played it last time, people were like that literally destroyed my ears. You have to. Yeah, why aren't you vomiting? Why?

Why? We've got enough off key in this episode. Okay, while I was having a concert, we don't need to be bringing every brabo celebrity into this. I agree. So now we go to see some horses and we zoom in on a plaque that says, Prince Tadon, loved by Lisa Vanderbump. Prince Tadon, Sos.

It's like Tadon, Sos. But by Lisa Vanderbump. Tadasos, horses. pop! Tata sauce for horses! Built for humans, strong enough for horses. So Ariana comes to ride horses with her and she's like, where do you get a cool visor like that? These are van der pump and she's like, okay, I'm in English rows, I have to keep my face protected. I must keep business face protected. Business face.

All right, and it's like, well, you know what, I take horse visors very seriously, so I really need to know where to go. She's like, um, Tom's priorities Tom's priorities are Tom, Tom, and it would be great if he could work on stuff for our book. Hey, I have no respect for you waiting for Tom to do your book. That was your book. And then when they showed the clip of Tom getting mad at her at fat cells, when he's like, well, you know what, everybody's coming up to me in the streets being like, why is Arianna having a book and not you? And she's are you fucking kidding me? Where's that Arianna? I want is Arianna having a book? And not you. And she's really fucking kidding me.

Where's that Arianna? I want the Arianna who's about to slash Tom's throughout every second of the day. Yeah, I feel like, I feel like that's gonna come back. I feel like, because all of a sudden, the revival of the book drama, it seems kind of out of play, not out of place, but it just seems bizarre that it's coming up

at the end of the season. So I feel like, she's like, you know what, I'm gonna have a meltdown soon, so I'm just preparing everyone right now. Yeah, this seems like one of those scenes that they kind of added in at the end. They're like, what do we do at 24 episodes? Maybe even keep a Southern and you can't feel that. Alright, let's have a Jaguar following Ariana around. Alright, Ariana, here's what you do. You have your cocktail book and you have to give it to someone at C-T-U, but before you

get there, you're intercepted by cars. And then, and you're taken away to Valencia, where does an atomic bomb go? Ariana's like, listen, terrorist. I really don't appreciate that you're worrying about blowing up Los Angeles instead of working on our cocktail book. Okay. The terrorists like shoot the cocktail book and she she just revives it with lamp wires. So Vanderpump is like literally looking down on her as she does. She's like, I have a tall horse. Yes, tall a tall, yes. So Ariana is trying to pretend she's, you know, mad or whatever. And then,

is Ariana mad at home? Yes. Make the book yourself. Stop writing a raffer-time. Yeah, well, at least the Vaterpump is like, well, yeah, just like, just do it. She's like, why are you waiting for a man? Just do it. Let's talk about Jack's. Yeah, why are we out here when Teddy needs his horse in 20 minutes? Let's hurry up. Oh, my horse just pooped. That reminds me, Jack Taylor has created a mess. And Ariana's like, oh my god, like he's not gonna have a job at surf, he keeps that up.

And then Vanderpump goes, after last night, he's definitely a consideration. Like, the mind. I've been saying that for five years. Yeah, that was way worse than Chris. That was way worse than Chris and Citi Dic Dayana. Okay, yeah, and she's like, I'm surprised she wasn't like, I mean, it's definitely a consideration

Although we're asked and I find someone to make cocktails as Mediocre Lee as jacks Who will put sweet and sour into everything Who will make a pump teeny with midori and schnops? Pretty much yeah, sorry. I was like, great. Glad I dropped it to the ballet. So in the party, to Burbank, no less. Now it's the lip party by what's your name?

How did I put it? To review it, the lipstick queen. To the queen. She's a... How can Julie and Tewet. Julie, she's actually invisible. All you can see are her lips. That's why she's a lipstick queen.

So Tom number two comes in and he's basically turned into the ring of this show. He's like, Papa, are you kidding me? It looks great. This is amazing. You really own it, baby. Papa, puppy, it's so good. Bubba.

And Katie's mom and grandma, Terry and Sandy are there, you know, in their, showing off their best cutout shoulder look. Oh my God. Katie's drunk grandma is my favorite character. I'm like, how did these amazing women come out with Katie? The grandma is just filling her drinks and she's got her mouth really wide open, like she's chewing on a really big ball the whole time. She's like, I love her. She needs to be a character on the set. Now, that's you hire to be a waitress. I want to see the

scene with Brittany getting hired. I want Vanderpump to be like, hello, grandma Katie. We come to job interviews and I'll underwear. Is that what we do? Well, I can imagine Sandy being like a Jerry Blank kind of character, right? Like, she shows up. She's like, I'm here to work my shift at Sarah. Like, she's obviously should be working at a diner. She should be at what's a called on norms, you know? But, instead, she's here and she's like, I know, no, I'm, you know, I'm 27.

I'm a 27 year old girl. I'm a 27 year old gal. Hey, touch what do you want? What is she just, you know, like the way Jerry Blank is just a high school student, even though she's like a 52 year old. Yes. Yes. Cocoa core, not that I'm saying that Sandy is. I'm just saying that's the joke of strangers with candy. Yeah. What are you worried about the Sandy? The Sandy.

I don't want Sandy to be mad at me. I don't want Sandy will come after me. She's gonna come by and she's gonna, you know, she she's gonna do I'll be like out on the sidewalk And she'll drive by give me the finger and spit at me. That's what you get for saying I'm a cocoa Then I'll be like hey, I don't know what's happening, but lately people are coming up to me on the street Old ladies acting like they're chewing big invisible balls and they're spitting stuff at me not all the why big invisible balls and they're spitting stuff at me. Not all the why. It's the sandy army. I can just totally imagine Sandy in one of those, you know, like cocktail napkins that passed as uniform and season one with maybe like a little wig and she just shows up to him gum. Just rated a talk some shit by the refrigerator at Sir. Who's

harassing hay there, Sanctus? She's sitting in the back alley. So I want to talk to you about something. Okay. Yes. Sandy, the mayor of the smoking alley. Oh my God, that would be so good. Yeah, doing the jitterbug. God. So Terry's like, wait, who's Terry? Katie's mom. Oh yeah, I don't remember which one's Terry was. I apologize to the world for Katie and everyone's like, hey, cheers. And then there's just goat cheese balls on trays everywhere So you know that Stasi really did in fact have something to do with this party getting off the ground She's like here's what I want goat cheese balls Yeah, exactly

Upstage and Julie Hewitt so actually the main upstageer was Kristen who shows up on crutches Everyone's like what happened. We just saw you last night and you were fine. She's like, oh, seriously? Seriously? I stopped it. I stopped my tour on the wall. I'm like, what was the walking pattern that caused this? Like, I get it if you stubbed it on furniture, but the wall? How closely were you walking to that wall and why so close? It was so good. Well, this is when the Taco Bell Kevin was all a victim. I think this is the part of the season when they're like, people are already being doing something on Twitter and the season hasn't even started. Okay, what are we going to come up with? Kristen, you're a cripple.

My boyfriend is emotionally abusive, which is actually true, so I don't have to make up anything. And Katie, you had post-fimic stress disorder from when you were involved with stuff. When you were 15 years old on YouTube. Like, what are all these sudden victim storylines? Please start them earlier and keep them going the whole year because they're my favorite. Katie's apology tour is my favorite thing ever.

It is, it is my favorite thing. Remember when I was horrible last year? It's because that PTSD. No, we're in the middle of ten wars and we're bringing up PTSD because you fell through a skylight I actually I love a PTSD, you know get out of jail free card like Lee and Lockon Wow when she did that on the reunion of Dallas that was amazing She's like well, I guess I act this way because I got PTSD from the carnival I was on the swings

and they just kept on swinging just around and around and around and by the time I got into the scrambler I was throwing up everywhere and we'll just got post-traumatic skylight disorder you know what happens I had post-traumatic seesaw disorder one time of the carnival I had post-traumatic spaceship disorder remember that ride you go in the spaceship It feels like you're out in outer space. I showed that movie and the spaceship goes up and down You're like oh my god in space. Well, I actually thought I really wasn't space when I got off I'm like I'm on under planted and it was like no you're in the earth. I was like what I'm on her. I'm not morse Drama post-traumatic space disorder. That's what George Clooney did head when he came back from that movie with Sandra Bola

Can realize he got killed off in the middle of it. I had post-traumatic slide disorder. I went down that slide, you know, but my burlap, my burlap sack thing got out from under me, so I just had to slide the rest of the way down. Raw hide. Wow. Post-traumatic sack disorder. Jack's like, wait a minute, I had that. I had post-traumatic trabont disorder. Yeah, no one told me it goes backwards. Okay, that's called trauma. They shouldn't call it the tribont that you call it the trauma trauma. Trauma taunt. I'll stop. Stop it.

Yes, I'm Christian. Coach, traumatic stop disorder. I stopped it. Seriously, yeah, she's basically like, she's stubbed your toe in the wall. So what I'm imagining is Kristen taking a corner too tightly, because how else do you do it, right? So I just imagine her need for extreme efficiency in her apartment. Like I got to get from living room, and I'm still doing the end voice. Seriously, seriously, I got to get from the living room to my bedroom really fast.

I'm going to cut this corner right now. Oh, flew too close to the sun. I imagine that she was lying down hungover eating like Taco Bell. And there was a little packet of sauce on the ground and she was trying to grab it with her toe and then she got a Charlie horse. I imagine that she decided that she's just gonna pretend to be a roomba and she was a little too good at it. She's like, oh hit the wall. And then Lisa tried to fuck her. I'm a herder cat Well, she's just drunk. Yeah, this is one Christmas like I'm just like really I'm like really like

Uncordated and I'm just kind of like one of those things in the car dealership arms flopping on flopping Yes, she's like I'm like one of those blow things at the car wash Dude to robot robot robot Car wash you go to where it's a robot. I like that she sings robot like a clock robot robot robot robot. It's robot a clock Post-traumatic second disorder So Brittany shows up with that jacks, of course, because jacks is at home.

You know, he's just trying to fuck Ricky. He's like, I'm not going to that party. I'll just script calling Ricky. So he's at home and Brittany comes up to Billy Lee who shows up out of nowhere. Ah. Ah. And she gives that in case she goes, ah.

Ah. That's how, for those of you don't think I'm trying to do an orgasm. No, that's how Billy Lee laughs just oh my god It's so good to see So she sees Brindye's Adam, she says, hey boyfriend. That's what I'm gonna say every time now, hey boyfriend and Billy Lee goes, hey boyfriend. That's so funny. She's a little, I'm trying to think, what's Secret does that? It's little awareness, it's little cranberries.

You know what dreams? It's like when you're like, I'm gonna let my gerbil run around the house to be a house pet and then he step on it. Not that that's ever happened. I stubbed my toe. Um. Ah! Ah!

So here is the thing. Okay. And so Brittany calling Adam, Hey boyfriend. So here, on the one hand, I like that she does it because it's gonna piss off Jacks. But the other hand, she's doing it as like, oh, it's just a joke, but it's actually a way to rile up Jacks,

which just speaks to the overall toxicity of their relationship, right? Because he's an awful beast, and she, this is her way of like, she's basically doing the Nicole Kidman thing in pretty little lies, right? Not pretty little lies, big little lies. You know where it's like,

this is her way of getting the power, which is fucked up and I'm not blaming the victim, I'm just saying, this is this awful cycle because she's gonna do that, he's gonna find out, he's gonna get mad, you know, and then she's, and then he's gonna, you know, do something too far, he's gonna apologize, and it's like, this is how she gets that space,

you know, it's like that terrible cycle that they're both feeding into. It's like, Brittany, just leave Jacks and then call Adam Boyfriend for real. Am I being controversial? Am I being problematic? I don't know because to me, like, hey, boyfriend just sounds like something gay. It doesn't even sound like who says, hey, boyfriend to their boyfriend. They say that to like their gay fracked. They say that to like their gay friend. She was just not sure. Well, here's the thing. If, if I, if saying hey boyfriend to someone made my boyfriend feel uncomfortable, I wouldn't

call someone hey boyfriend out of respect to my boyfriend, but we're also not in a, like, an abusive, we're not like an abusive, codependent, weird thing. And so, obviously, I could probably say that to someone. But the point is out of respect. I would do that so her she knows that it pisses off jacks so her saying it I'm not saying like oh like she has to do anything that jack says I'm just saying this is evidence of just a generally toxic relationship where they're both Underlining each other not undermining. They're just like they shouldn't I Don't know I feel like I'm being problematic. I'm really not trying to be a

Trying to make you problems out of nothing because I think she's just like I'm Born free. I mean it's Brittany. I don't think she's like thinking about that Well, she said that she likes to call on that now because it pisses up jacks Probably good for her. Yeah, and I want to say for me I do want to say objectively as a bystander like good for her. Yeah, and I feel like, and I want to say, for me, I do want to say objectively as a buy-center, like good for her, because she should piss objects, but like that's not healthy in a relationship where you're wanting to piss up your boyfriend. That's what I'm trying to say.

There it is. Whew, I was really afraid I was being problematic and blaming the victim. I'm really not trying to. I swear to God. Oh my God. It's important for me to, like if I say something, I want people to understand what I'm saying. I don't want them to miss people to understand what I'm saying. I don't want them to to miss it But I'm saying Hi, my friend. Hi, my friend

Well Adam I'm more disturbed by the fact that Adam so hot on Instagram. It's so stupid looking in real life He's like we're dating now Now of course this is point counterpoint. We then go and we see jacks at home like lingering around the kitchen like it pulls out some like hog and daas that's frozen like a rock and jamming spoon into it like a caveman. Yeah he's like beating it with his spoon. He's like oh oh flipping the script flipping the script, steep it. Halo type says on the side, give us a few minutes to warm up because we're made from all natural ingredients. And to have this low amount of calories,

you need to give us a little time to warm up. Jackson's just like planted at the age, like beating it with his, with his spin. Yeah, I mean, listen, I have been the person who is very eager to get into my Ben and Jerry's. I've done that a lot. You pull it out and you put the spoon in, like, ah! But then what I do is I do like,

like I do like, I put it in and I do, like I sort of just like get those little sort of peels of ice cream. I didn't mention, I'm like, I'm just gonna put it in the microwave for five seconds. But the fact that Jack's actually like chipping away at it, like a baboon, you know, like, it's like the opening of 2001 Space Odyssey, you know, like, like, it's like the opening of 2001 Space

Odyssey, you know, like I'm half expecting the black model to appear in his apartment and he suddenly realizes how to eat ice cream. Boom, boom, boom, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. So he throws his ice cream spoon into the sky, into this up to the ceiling and it comes down as a spaceship. So then we go. So, oh, Lisa did this. It's like five weeks away.

So back to Jackson the future is just as terrible as Jackson the past. Yeah, he's just here. He has to lint on. He has to lint on his black talking past no matter what. He's basically, he turns into how he's like, I'm sorry, Brittany. I can't do that for you right now. I'm sorry. I mean, usually the spaceship so I can do my rakey

Just but we have to go to Mars. No Parker posies like recast Elite she's like I'm not taking the shot jox Okay, so back at the party Adam's like oh Jackson upset with me right And she's like well last night he flipped the script. Brittany, Brittany, just starts repeating things she heard. Jackson know what flip a script means in the first place.

Now you've got Brittany, Brittany repeating it. Now it means like a mental breakdown. He flipped the script with Matt. Camped Billy Lee's like, well, it's probably feeling insecure because there's like a hot guy like Adam after you. I'm going to be like, Billy Lee is like, well, this is probably feeling insecure because there's a guy like Adam after you. Bye! And Brittany is like,

don't make it weird to be in. Okay, here's the problem. Adam is a bar back and he does modeling, like Jack's did, and Jack's jealous because he's like Adam was but 10 years ago.

Yeah, good call. Yeah, how long did it take you to flip this script? Or at least read the script? Or just even the cover page, the title page made just a log line. Did you read the log line? Because we all read it. I mean, we figured it out. So then everyone still Katie is marveling over her party with Julie Hewitt. And she's like, you know, Stasi did a great job, but just it just goes to show that Stasi can really accomplish a lot when she's not stressing over Patrick and his man bun. I'm like, she blew up balloons in order to go cheese balls.

I've been still. I've been around for a while. She's like, look, it's my big face, birthday party face. How many of those do you have? She's actually seen Tracy turn back. I now support your dancing because I understand you can't be home with mommy forever. It's a cookie, John Travolta. And she's like, good for you. It looks good. Who did the party?

Come on, that's a party. So it's writing more good cheeseballs and poor max is still the only person who actually works this restaurant. I hope max gets all the tips because she's the only person I ever see doing a goddamn thing at this restaurant. I can't even imagine how big the deep fire is back there. It just must be the size of a Cadillac, you know, the of gochis balls they are constantly pulling out of there must be huge. So from across the room, Carter's is giving James Dirty looks.

And if I could make Carter's Dirty looks into a sound, it would be like this. Huh. It's like the least menacing Dirty look of all time. It's like, he's kind of like turning into the rick hell of men. So Carter is giving dirty looks and James is like, Oh, he's harmless though. He's harmless. I'm not scared at all.

I'm not scared at all. I love Lala. It's like, do you see his dirty looks? Bra, look at him. Because to me, Carter is like, is that a beer or a wasp? Like, you know, he's just giving that like slight squint. Yeah, and she's like, um, is this gonna make it uncomfortable at my performance? I'm like ears are gonna make it uncomfortable at your performance, okay? What are you gonna do, Banham? Oh my goodness. Yeah, Lala doesn't want any negativity not even from someone like car

So negativity, not even from someone like Kar. So, Karters talking now to Tom and Peter, because as you may remember, he has recently found out about these rumors about Kristen, and well, he doesn't know about the cushions yet, but that's what he's about to find out. So, he's talking with Tom and Karter, and he's like, so, you, Peter, I heard you roomed with James, and Peter's like, yeah, that's true, mom hair.

And then they're like, so what's this story about, I heard this rumored with James and he was like, yeah, that's that's true mom here and then they're like So what's this story about I heard this rumor about Kristen whatever and Tom Tinnival's like yeah, man There's like Carter was I mean James is there and like Kristen and like there was this like hot tub and the cushions Or like a really strange batter man like that was a oddly range cushions man Carter's like cushions. Why are you guys saying those things? Like, why can't you have Christians back over his back because you've been friends with Kristen Longer.

Tom's like, uh, I'm having, I'm asking me to have Christians back as funny because I think like back to the times Christen is lying to me. And then we get a montage of Christen being like, I did not fuck Jack Taylor. Oh, fuck Jack Taylor. Sorry.

He's just freaking out. Like 20 times. You know, we fast-crested in episode. We did not get a lot of Kristen all season, but it's nice to see that she's coming on strong at the end here, because she's just so glorious. So then the best part is that we then cut back to Kristen and she was talking gibberish with a British server because we just hear him going Beagle, puggle, beagle, puggle, it's because I have a chigal, Chuawe bieagle, beagle, puggle, beagle, puggle, jiggle, beagle, puggle, jiggle, puggle, jiggle, puggle, I was like

This is Kristen language. Yeah, and then Carter comes up and he's like, why are you talking to dudes? Yeah, way to go Carter. Why are you talking to dudes? Way to go Carter. Why don't Carter ever pass an audition for this show? Ever. And she's like, by the way, but it is Christian. And you do have to fucking watch Christian because she does lie like a motherfucker. And she's sitting there with this hot ass bus boy who, you know, it's going to do anything to get on the show.

Yeah. And you know, they're speaking code already. Be cool. Yeah. We go, puggle. Yeah. and you know that they're speaking code already. Beagle Puggle. Beagle Puggle. Yeah, people would have to Wawa dogs understand each other. I have a, uh, uh, what am I trying to say? Uh, pit Wawa? Oh, yeah, pit Wawa. Yeah, I was trying to put Qi in the beginning.

I have a pit Wawa, okay. I understand the love. Like, I'm even gonna go to that restaurant and be like, where's that bus, sir? Where is that bus, sir? Chico Buckel. Chico Buckel. Chico Buckel. Like I'm even gonna go to that restaurant be like where's that bosser? Where is that bosser? Beep a buckle, big a buckle um yeah, so he's like why are talking to more dudes? Why talking to more dudes? For real though, and then Carter goes Stories how they be changing which I assume is like a reference to like a Tom Petty song or something. He's like so

I heard about a jacuzzi in Chris and goes, it's called a plunge pool. And I wasn't in it. Oh, and she's just like, look, look, her look she's giving him is Kristen Horsface number one look, which is my favorite look ever. Yeah, seriously. He's like, you were not on the beach. She goes, so were you on the beach or were you not? Plunge pool and he's like, what's there a body of water? And she's like, body or water? Which one do you want to know first? She's like, body of water.

Yes, were you in it? No, I was arranging cushions along the side in a strange manner that later seem to implicate that there was sex happening but it was me just merely arranging cushions for no reason so she's like do you believe me or them the worry questioning me he's like oh because of your history listen you can't you can't date Abraham Lincoln and then get mad at pennies you know what i mean like you're're dating Kristen and you know her history already.

I'm so excited. I feel like of all the, of all the celebrities you could have made that analogy with, that's not the one I was expecting. Like maybe like, but I'm really stupid. So I only know a certain amount of history. Is anything that are made flower-junk?

Which would you prefer? Listen, you can't date Hester Prin and then be like, why you weren't an A. That's literature, that's different. Well, that's still around Pelligrum time, it's Puritans. Yeah, he's like, you can't date a pilgrim and then get mad at boats. Yeah, you can't like date King George and be like,

so, where are all those Pelligrum people who lived in this country go, huh? He's like, why is he here? He's talking about takingin' outheads. You can't date someone in Plymouth and be like, so there are no rocks here, right? Yeah, you can't move to Plymouth and then start asking why we can't outlaw rocks.

Ugh. I like that we take this back to you in the 1620s for. So, yeah, so he's like, well I guess that's what your history is. There it is, there it is. My own boyfriend doesn't believe me. I'm outta here. And then she swivels onto her crutches and then it's like, as you like precariously crutches her way through the alleyway to the circ kitchen and like one one crutches on that like weird plastic

Stuff so you don't slip and one's like a rubber and then the rubber kitchen mats. Oh my god, but they're all circles It's like we're trying to get a peg in the hole and then she's like she she's going She's going Like 30 seconds were watching this it is the Extended shot they've ever done on this show The kids she gets to the kitchen and doesn't know how to pivot on her crutches so she walks sideways Oh sideways sideways this is truly venom from rules their updated version of Sally Field leaving Kevin Client's apartment in soap dish when she goes

Try to find the elevator and she goes the left and then she walks back to the right Oh Kristen Bless your heart and thank you guys for giving Kristen a full episode. Thank you for giving her a full episode. Because it's a real comedy. And also, thank you for letting just Kristen say stupid things. She's like, more and more for it doesn't believe me.

Like, I promised myself that this group wouldn't poison the well of Carter and I. Well, it's hard not to when you put oddly arranged cushions by the well. Oh. Yeah, that's a lot of pleasure. well it's hard not to when you put out the arranged cushions by the well uh... o yet that's not about oh someone tweeted at us a really funny tweet where they're like i hope this is uh... i hope this just all turns out that

they're both passed out the whole time and jackson one fucking somebody on those pillars would you know is what happened that's a hundred percent what happened that's a hundred percent why also you think it was That's the thing no one seems to question why jacks was up. Okay. He's so adamant about this He's the master deflection. He he already has started pinning against other people before anyone could even like point it at him He was clearly like boating an on Dawes bartender. Yes, on Daz. So Terry, Katie's mom is like,

thank you Lisa, thank you Lisa, thank you. And Lisa's like, why? Which I like that Lisa's always kind of mean to the parents. Is she good? Is she officiated the wedding? And that's gonna be baby babes. And you just for some reason. Baby babes, baby babes.

Like you can't even say about it you can watch this show i felt like Lisa was towering over there maybe she wasn't but it just felt like it it was very much like like glenda the good witch and you know at like at the arrival in us or not as but you know that much town that they were all in it felt like gaities mom and grandma with a munchkins and and Lisa was the good witch why are you chewing an invisible bowl when there's

goat cheese bowl to see a grandma Katie. And then they show it went not in pump anymore. Then they show grandma and mom at Katie's house before the before the party and the grandma's like, yeah! She's supposed to drink on herself and I'm like, please get a job at Sir immediately. You're amazing. You've changed my life in one episode. Please. So then the Tom's are talking in the bar about Tom Tom.

It's like, dude, we're totally gonna have tiles on the floor and then on top of the tiles, we might but we'll have tables, but don't be chairs too. Oh yeah, tables and chairs, I love that. And Arina's like, um, hi, I'm still here. She's like, Tom, I've been standing here waiting to ask you a question about my book for about 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah, be right there.

Anyway, glasses, we should totally have glasses at the bar. But you gotta love Arianna, because she's like, cause number to you's like, there's a lipstick station and Tom's like, I'll hit that up. And then suddenly Billy leaves right behind them, which is hilarious. I don't know why that cracked me up. But then Arianna's like, I feel so left out because they're talking about their bar, you know, and now with this party for lipstick, I got an idea.

I'm coming up with lipsticks. That's true. She does have her. Yeah, she does have those. Yeah. She's like, not by Leslie Hewitt, enjoyed bitches. She's like, I'm going Hewitt, enjoy bitches. She's like, I'm going to have a lipstick restaurant called lipstick lipstick.

Excuse me. Not by the Julie Hewitt, not Leslie Hewitt. Julie Hewitt. Leslie Hewitt. I still call Doreen Doreet. Leslie Hewitt, where you want me to go? Okay. I'm going to open a lipstick restaurant called Hewitt Packard.

Second bitches. Hewitt, not Hewlett, okay? So then we go back to Jack's apartment. Ah! Sorry I had to add a billy leave for the lips of station. And appropriately, there's a sign up that says Jack's cave and he's just like

munching on snacks, drinking milk out of the cart, and he's like, I just need a fresh start. I'm like, you could probably start with that expired milk. Yeah, yeah, he's like I just need a fresh start I'm like you could probably start with that expired milk yeah yeah he's so gross yeah he's such like a lane booster love fish enough a man you know by the way oh man drinking from the milk card now my god such an ape jacks you're an 80s joke yeah by the way rest in peace Harry understands speaking of the lane booster because she had that oh wait a keep it wait a keep it positive Ben.

Well, I will keep it positive. I'm gonna do some instant raky. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. You know, I wish Kelsey were here, but she's not. Jax is like, usually I like to see Kelsey, but she's on a trip to Africa. I'm like, think about the ramifications of that Jax. You were so problematic for her that she had to escape

to a different continent. I know, and thank God God she did because she still gets tortured on the internet like people are just torturing this girl What did she even do leave her alone leave the reiki girl alone? Okay. Yeah, Jack is like she's in Africa I'm stuck here at the seaside Well, yeah the seaside and the funny part is that they show a flashback of Kelsey basically saying to jacks You know, you know, you know, Brittany, she wants more things out of life, maybe then you can give her and maybe you need, maybe she needs to be free from you, maybe that's what has to happen, right? Isn't that what she said? Well, she's like, you're basically trying to make her break up with you.

But I mean, that's like the total pop side, you know, like obvious. And he's like, whoa, I think that Kelsey's saying that I need to dump Britney so that I can fuck her. Yeah, pretty much. She actually got a backstakesit. Yeah. So speaking of Britney, we then see Stasi and Britney sitting together and they're like cheers,

the Katie and her lipstick made by Julie Hewitt and Stasi now starts to express concern for Britney saying, you know, I don't have everyone in this room AF, like you're the one who deserves the best man, and everyone believes that you've chosen the one man that everyone hates the most. Yeah, for next time. She's like, me emotional, I'm so admired. And Stasi's like, recognize your worth, and I'm like, go home and talk to your fucking ginger eye popping out asshole, please. I admire it and Stasi's like recognize your worth and I'm like go home and talk to your fucking ginger

I popping out asshole Please and at least she admits it she's like well, you know my boyfriend doesn't technically abuse me like yours does But you know it is up and down and I'm really confused about how he doesn't understand game of thrones plots yet No, well at least at least Stasi well, I mean he I think he actually dumped Stasi, but at least she didn't go crawling back to him or anything like that. She's got a new man.

It seems like they have a lot of fun together according to social media. You know, like, at least, and by the way, and also, Stasi was with Jacks and she got rid of Jacks the moment that he cheated. Well, or at least the moment that he saw that he cheated. Yeah, yeah, kind of weighed later. Yeah, but, but yeah, she's just trying to say

of Brittany, which I get, but she's like, I just don't want you to leave. I just don't want you to waste your best years. It's like, if you're seeing Brittany's Instagram, her best years are already behind her, okay? She's trying to think next to back's years, okay? She's trying to salvage. Yeah, at the moment she moved to LA,

was the moment she entered her worst years, okay? Yeah, that's exactly. So Brittany is like, it's just hard for people to see what I see in Jack's. He's my best friend and I'm the one he's with every single night. I'm like, I hate that mentality. It's like, like he has clearly done that number on her. Like I have chosen you.

Like I only share these feelings with you. So he makes her feel special. So she feels like almost a duty to be with him and she somehow mixes that sense of feeling special because she has special access to him with love and affection and it's like they're not the same thing. I hate that. I hate when people are mentally abused. That's like the worst. Well, she's paid and go to you, Spouse. I don't feel bad for her.

So something haters over there. Oh, the song is like, haters haters over there. No, no, no, no, no, I don't care. I'm like, yes, you do. So that's the apartment. Patrick's over there. And he's such a fridge.

Oh, my God, he's such a prick. And he's worse than we ever could have even worse. And he's got his worst that we ever could have even worse. And he's got his man bun off. So now he's like in this mindset, this mindset of like, I cut off my man buns. You can't make fun of me anymore. Now I'm like invincible, but he is the worst. Yeah, he is the worst.

And it actually makes sense that he had a man bun because it distracted from his co-guys, you know, because his eyes are popping. He's got those wide eyed stupid eyes, you know, we talk, or I talk about that a lot, how stupid people make their eyes really wide. So it looks like they're taking in more than you, but they're just really stupid. Yeah. He's got those eyes.

And he's just really mean. And she's like, I'm making mac and cheese because I feel like I haven't had like a legit carbon frat. And he's like, I pop, I feel like I haven't had like a legit carbon frat and he's like, I pop, I pop, I pop, I pop, I'm on. And he's like, how was the event with Lindsey Hewitt? She's like,

um, you know, not to pop my own Sheena Bubble Heart Heart, but it was pretty good. And he's like, oh, so a very planning, that's your thing. That's your thing now, that's your planning, that's your thing. Like, if I still had a man bon, it would be rolling its eyes at you. It's tossy, it's like, well yeah, like it's totally great.

And I realized, like in the past, I've really enjoyed making vision boards, you know? And that's like planning things, it's like cutting things out in magazines and gluing them to poster boards. Like I've always left decorating things You know, I mean post-bored sure, but it turns out parties are the same and he's like wow that's so new A.G. Yeah, she's like I just don't like doing the email part of the plan

And like I don't like sending emails or whatever and he's like the clerical stuff you don't want to do the Fistidious stuff. I'm like oh congratulations. You know big words I mean, they are not even really using them in the like, like, like, technically, the definitions work, but like in, you know, it's like, they're not, it's just not like not quite the right. It's like, it's like, you just sort of like wedge them in there the way I did when I was in seventh grade. And I was like, I want to use a big word here. Let me go to the Soros. I know. But in his defense, she's like, what's clerical? Yeah. I like that she bumped on clerical, but not facetious.

She's like, what's clerical? Yeah, I like that she bumped on clerical, but not facidious. And he goes, it means organizing stuff. It means you just want the credit. Yeah. Look who's talking person who's just showing up dating somebody so they can be on TV. Get the fuck out of here with your terrible podcast and your poppy eyes.

You ginger asshole. 18. And you're here that doesn't have a man bun, but the hair still flows in a way as if it's leading to a man bun Yeah, and how often do I even stand up for Stasi? I mean, what is this show doing to me the men on this show are ruining my whole game So he's he's really trying to live up to this like oh Patrick is so smart so what he's like we have to think of relationships every relationship Myopically, I'm like Why are you saying my up the first of all, you are in a

myopic relationship and you are myopic right now, sir. But like, he's just trying to confuse her. He's like one of those laser toys you use with cats. It's just mean. And then he's like, and then he starts to like, neg her on her, on her macaroni and cheese. He's like, you think this much chalula is consistency? Because they start saying, she says, you know what? We need to have consistency in this relationship. We need to have consistency. And he's like, you think this much Chalula is consistency?

And was that supposed to be your quote unquote, wit? Okay, like, listen, we're not saying that we have wit. Okay, we just have to do weird voices and random Alita Adams references. But. At least we don't abuse our others, you know, our significant other. And at least we know what Sriracha is,

because she's like, no, I didn't put Chalula in there. There's Sriracha. At least we know. At least we understand what Sriracha and what Chalula, okay? Yes, but I put clerical on this. This is a very quiet. Really, it decided between Chalula and and Saracha. That seems like a very clerical and fistidious culinary decision. Myopic hashtag, Fisaurus. Wow, there's a real

veil of pulquitude to that bowl of mac and cheese. Oh my god, I'm totally stossy chasing a laser right now. I just hit my head on the wall and you're laughing at me. It's all quite sweet. It means like beauty, but it's, I don't want to know. I'm just showing a, a, I'm just showing a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a'm like, come on, get up the mat. Stop being a pussy. I hate this. I hate seeing this. So he's like, you know what?

Why don't you need to make it all about you at all the time? You're not a terrible person. So stop turning it into such a big thing. It's not all about you. And he goes, now look, what was John Stark's name? I mean, his dad and she's like, oh, Ned Stark. And he's like, did he make it past season two? You're basically like Ned Stark dying before season two.

Okay, and not wait until it gets good. Like when it's winter, bitch, I'm like, do you even watch this show? When it turns winter is not when it gets good, you idiot. That's when everybody dies. I want to be honest with you. Thanks for the spoiler, Rillard. Yeah, I about to say thanks to the spoiler. Some of us are still in season one Patrick and Ronnie.

No, I think it's a spoiler because the whole poster is winter is coming like back to the end of the show. We haven't even got anything. Oh really? Okay, I take it back. I'm sorry for associating you with Patrick. That was very myopic of me. How about that? Myopic? I literally still have buns on my head. They are bread. And it's because I have only kind of man bun I will accept. That's the only kind of man bun I will accept is a man who actually has a bun on his head, like an actual, like a Kaiser roll or a sweet bun. Or a cinnamon bun.

Yeah, it's a nice thing to me. If I fall asleep on the couch, I'm working up with buns on my head. I'm not gonna lie. Patrick starts, he basically starts trying to make, like, Stasi is the crazy one here. He's like, you know, you take small slides against you and then you like turn them into major battles. Like, it's just like a, I just made a small slide and then you just like overreact. I'm like, why are you making small slides in the first place?

That's not what you do to a girlfriend. Why? Like like she's allowed to make the tournament to major battles if she doesn't it's not up to you to decide Whether or not it's a major battle if you're the one doing the sliding and she reacts in a way like oh That should tell you that you're small sunlight your small slight is much more than a small slight Also, he's really stupid because he's like, why can't you ever just have a war? What does it always have to be an entire battle? And she's like, do you mean it the other way around? You know why I know that?

Because I watch Game of Thrones. Yes. He's like, here's a little witticism I came up with. Pick your battles, get it? Because some battles are worthwhile. And some are not. It's like, yeah, it's what you're saying. Yeah, but he's like, pick your wars.

Like he's doing your wars's and then she sells us well he can be kind of a mansplainer and then he's like we just need a happy medium i'm like have you ever watched medium she's not happy that's a whole point you're an idiot and i think that the fact that he hasn't watched game of thrones and also doesn't understand the television show medium that's when you see it dawn on stassyi that she's within asshole. Because she just sighs. She just makes a show close up on her and she goes,

and kind of shrugs and I'm like, finding. This is like the biggest feminist moment we've seen on this episode. So thank you. I can't wait to be a happy medium again. So now we go up, speaking of happy mediums, we then go to Bubbaville where Tom Schwartz is like, Buh-Bah, try this cheese.

Oh, this cheese is like, babies, I want babies someday. I want babies, I want babies. I was like, oh my God. You know this seems going to be full of shit because it literally opens with cutting the cheese. Yeah. It's like, I love that this is going to be Katie's big mech whole bunch of the world. So people will be next to her on Twitter.

Yeah. She's like, um, you know, it's really like that it's starting to have a semblance of a bar, but oh, no way. Oh, yeah, she goes, Papa, it's almost been a year. It's like our best year ever. And it's supposed to be our hardest. I'm like, well, when you just give up and pretend that your man is like not cheating on you all the time, then I guess it's a good here because I'm not believing for one second that he's suddenly behaving. She's like, it's finally here. My alcoholic husband now has a barda hang out in every single night and not come home. I'm winning. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, something is fishy here and it's not just the salmon with the bones in it. Okay, because she's like this is supposed to be things are better than ever.

Do you not remember that Tom was out of for making out with another girl? Do you not remember that he you keep on having to tell him to stop getting black out drunk because he's like teetering towards having to go to AA? Like I don't know how I think that she's just getting more st more soon i think she's just found edibles and like you know ranch dressing like we'd ranch dressing or something like that because yes i think she's just because things don't sound like they're as rosy as they should be no and they're just so fake and they're faking it really hard and it's really awkward to watch for me. I'm sorry, it makes me uncomfortable to watch it. And he's like, yeah, blah, blah.

I think I exercised the last bit of my introduce. Yeah, now I'm gonna be at a bar every night without you, you on. And he tells us, for once in my life, Sowing in Roper's, he's like, for once in my life, I imagine a future where we have a house in the hills and kids, you know, two boys, six or seven dogs, a llama, I'm a future where we have a house in the hills and kids, you know, two boys, six or seven dogs, a llama. I'm like, wait a minute. Now you're just living at

least of Vanderpump's house. How's this fantasy different than the fantasy last year? It's not Katie just bus into a really unenthused version of somewhere that's green. She's like, we got plastic on the furniture. And a big, enormous, 12-inch screen. And the Billy Lee's like, oh, I love Katie's future. So Schwart starts telling about a trauma that he experienced as a child. And he's like, oh, she starts, it's like, it makes her fish. And he's like, she starts, he makes her fish. So she's like, are there bones in here, Boba?

Which I love that the facade already starts to like fade. She's like, wait a minute, are there bones I was so excited that I ate the plastic and joked I was like let's be honest. I was like three days ago. So so Katie starts talking about how She had depression from the PTSD of falling through that skylight and which honestly I know you've been very down on it I actually believe that I I think that's probably a very scary thing. Like, fun. It's like, yeah, like, that's not like, you know, like an apple fell on her head. Isaac Newton, shut up Isaac Newton.

No, but to me, it's just like, oh, suddenly here we are. She's like, I have PTSD all these years later and that's why I'm a bitch. I want you to be a bitch because you're a bitch. And now you're using shit from like a long time ago to excuse it. I don't like when people bring up childhood issues to excuse their like current state of ass holeishness, you know. Yeah, okay, I'll give you that. Like if you're if you're a bitch, it's not because of PTSD, but maybe it could be. I don't know. But I did what I will say is I thought it was strange that the PTSD appeared now this this episode again with Ariana's book like these things showing up towards the end of the season It seemed like PTSD would be like a season long thing for her

But anyway, she's talking about you know falling through the skylight and how scary it was and she almost died And she's getting choked up and shorts just keeps going Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, he's so bored. He's like yep Yeah, he starts like doing this is this up. He's like He's like making horns with his lips while he listens to her But look here's the thing it's he's just sitting by the foot. This is season six, okay? So Katie was an asshole in season one. She already had that scar on her lips. The videos that they're showing from YouTube are really from

when she's like 16 years old. How are you using none? Okay, so how long ago is that? Nine, nine years ago. Nine years ago. Okay, so it's mine years ago. Okay, so how are you going to use you being a bitch last year from PTSD from nine years ago when you weren't a bitch three years ago? You see what I mean? It doesn't make any sense. It's like, it's Vanderpromp rules math. Yeah, well either way, she's crying and she's basically saying that she would see the zest for life that Tom Schwartz had,

you know, like swimming in reverse and not showering afterwards on the wedding day. And you know, she was like, and not showering afterwards on the wedding day. And you know, she was like, why can't I be like that? And so she's saying that's where her, that's where her bitchiness has come from. But now she's finally come back to the Katie. She always knew she could be, the Katie she used to be, and she's ready to dive into the skylights once again. Well, Tom, Tom was such an asshole because he's like, yeah, I knew that there was that good person inside of you

I was just waiting for it to come out this old time That is such a backhand it was such an asshole. Oh my god, and Katie's like my least favorite person on this show Okay, and you are such a prank you gas lighter. I actually am very curious to know like the backstory on that like how does she fall through the skylight Like I'm like not even saying that with any shade. I'm like I'm fascinated. It seems I mean I mean it seems like it was probably a terrible horrific experience. But I am also curious to know how it happened. Just as I'm curious to know how Kristen stuffed her toe on the wall, which is equally traumatic. And I think it maybe now we'll see why Kristen is so miserable because she she needs to get back to that place where she was optimistic before she stubbed her toe

post-traumatic stress syndrome to so now we have a commercial and it's for hollywood medium and jacks is going to be a hollywood medium and the clip goes you see jacks say well my grandfather's name is Joseph and my grandmother's name is Josephine like on the next holly. I was like, what? The lingering trauma of having grandparents with very similar names

God, he's like all this started when I I got PTSD when I met Tom and Tom He's like, all this started when I got PTSD when I'm at Tom and Tom. So then we have a song that is like, if this is all we got, if this is all we got, then we got it good. I was like, I love that they're playing the settling song right after. They're coming. Like, yeah, we go to Britain, Jackson's apartment. She's brushing her hair and he's like,'s he's trying to leave finally been able to get Break through to the ice cream. He's finally got his first spoonful of ice cream. Yes And he comes bad. This is where he comes back with his own coffee

Jack did you go to coffee? It's like nothing for her. Yeah, so they get into bed and she's like hey You feeling he's like I'm just really unhappy. And I've been unhappy for such a long time. It's really hard on me. Do you like this? I shadow I got it at the Pucker and Pop party by Lewis Lusertel, too. Wait, what's your name? Josephine Hewitt. Hewitt? Hewitt backer, too. Why don't I say Lewis Fertel?

How does that make any sense? I'm sorry, Lewis Fertel. I don't know where that came from Lewis I I'm just gonna go out on limb and say that Lewis is probably far more talented than Julie he would know offense Julie he is he's very talented very funny so Brittany's like you're making me feel like she's right there saying man he's like why are you making this about you I'm like you just said you're fucking miserable all the time that your partner you idiot yeah exactly because she's like she has said multiple times this episode I'm like you just said you're fucking miserable all the time that's your partner you idiot. Yeah exactly because she's like She has said multiple times this episode. I'm with Jack 24 hours a day all the time asking him at all the time He's like, well, I'm

I'm unhappy 24 hours a day except for that sliver of time when I'm with Kelsey and she's tapping rocks on my forehead Yeah, he's like look Kelsey's only fucking me if I break up with you first. So I'm breaking up with you first. She's getting so mad and he's like, listen, let me say this right now. This has nothing to do with you. If you ever thought that I cared about you for one second, you are sadly mistaken. My feelings never have and never will have anything to do with you. Oh, okay, that makes me feel better. My feelings never have and never will have anything to do with you She got so maggot that she just left Chaloo and putt at home. I was like those I'm never gonna be walked again. Yeah, because he's like he deserved to be happy You deserve to get married you deserve to have kids you deserve to be with someone who treats you like the princess

That you are and not cheat on you with faith and you deserve to not have strange rashes and you deserve to have someone who gets you coffee or not turn off the air conditioning on you while you're sweltering upstairs. I swear to you Jack really Jack's really does think that Kelsey is saying this is how I'm gonna fuck you because he repeats the exact same thing she said. Exactly. Exactly same things and then Brittany's not much smarter So she's like, it's like they don't know how to even communicate with words So she suddenly gets mad and he's like, why are you mad now? Yeah She's like, I'm not getting out. I just cleaned the lint off this couch with my jogging pants

And you said a long time ago you break up with me, so screw you! Yeah, she's- I love angry, break me. She's all angry because she's like after all, like I've defended you, I've given you a second. Like you've done all this shit

and I have, I have, like, basically said, I'm gonna look the other way. I'm gonna deal, I'm gonna be a bigger person and I'm gonna deal, I'm gonna be a bigger person and I'm gonna go through this. I'm going through such tough shit.

And for you, you're just like having a feeling and so you're just gonna cut it off when I could have cut it off a long time ago. I'm like, I see why you're mad, Brittany, but you also could have just cut it off a long time ago. Yeah, you don't get points for, you know, taking pain for the longest. So she's like, I can't even look here,

I'm like, complete disgust. And she just like storms out. I'm like, okay, you're gonna be back in like five minutes. But she leaves, she goes, she goes downstairs and then Jack's, Jack's goes out onto the balcony and he sees her like going, getting into the hoop, where he's like, Brittany. And she's just like, no!

And he's like, where is she going? I'm like, away from the seaside. Anywhere. And then the dogs are just staring up at him. Like, you're never gonna let us be here, you. And he's like, nope. Nope. Nope.

Not planning on it. He's like, well, back to working on that ice cream. And that brings us to the end of another Fonda Pump Dros. Yes, very exciting, very good episode. As usual, I mean, the most reliable show on TV, probably next to Real House, was in New York City. Yeah, it's a regular good fight. Yeah. It really is.

I've been rep-r-up, man. So, you guys, come see us at a live show. Go to watchocrapins.com to buy tickets for that. I think we have more tickets for our Lanthus show, even though it says it's sold out, so that's exciting. We'll have updates on that. And go to our Facebook group, Facebook.com. Well, just do a search for watchocrapins live and loving it, and you'll get updates on

live shows and give us feedback on whether or not you would want to, we should do a second show at Atlanta and or Philly. We really need that information. And we'll be back tomorrow to discuss the season finale of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And until then, Adios, semigos. Bye, everyone. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to WaterCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.