Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Dawn of the Dead(beat)

Episode Date: October 28, 2021

LaLa comes for Brock on this week's Vanderpump Rules, and Tom Schwartz finds out that his sperm have heads as mushy as his own. This week's bonus is Winter House! Find all of our premium bonus episodes at https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens, and get tickets for our Winter Tour at https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/10th-anniversary-hunky-dory-tourSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. But when you don't want to run around, you can't just walk. I can't spend this so much that's bad things. Well, hello, and welcome to Watch Right Crapers! The podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about on Heel Braves. I-I'm Ronnie, guess what I'm with.

He's handsome, he's thin. He just met a bunch of people that Watch Right happens live last night. His name has been Mandelker. Hello, Bim. Hey, Ronnie. What's up? Hi, honey, Pa. Oh my God. This is such a wonderfully flattering angle today for me on Crappens on Demand. Nice low angle. The room you grew up in. New York City.

I look like Danny DeVito next to you because I'm like really short and you're in a standing desk. Let me try to, I can't and you're in a standing desk. I'm here. Let me try to. I can't. You're let me get all to it. I'll do it. We don't accept. I've got all this stuff to my desk and now I can't move anything without everything crashing down. Anyway, it's a crap. It's on demand day. So hi, everybody. If you're on video, hi, okay? You can find Ben looks in his lumberjack reality bite shirt in the city. He grew up in New York City.

And the, we're in the, the suburb, Westchester County. Hi everyone. Yeah, go check out crap is on demand by going to patreon.com slash watch or crap and also by the way, tickets are on sale for our big 10th anniversary tour, which starts next year. And we're going to a bajillion cities. We're starting with New York. And I think we already have some potential for some really cool guests for New York.

And that's gonna be the Golden Crappies shows. That one's very special. But if you can't make it to the crappies, that's okay, because we're coming to a lot of cool places, like Philadelphia and Nashville and Atlanta and Los Angeles, all sorts of places. I'm not gonna go through all of them, but go to watchcraftpins.com.

The whole schedule's there. Go, bring a friend, go alone, however you want to do it. It's gonna actually be, like, that's gonna be like super, super fun. I'm really excited. I know you are too, Ronnie, to get back out on the road and they hand around with everyone. Oh yeah.

But I do, I'm so excited today because we are going to talk about rules, but I'm excited because I went to Walter Happens Live last night, which I'm going to talk about. Yes. So tell me about it. I was really excited. So I actually just, I messaged the person over there who has like booked us before and I was like, Hey, I'm going to be in New York because I'm just here in New York visiting my parents.

And I was like, Can I come to the show and they're like sure So I went and it just so happened to be the episode with Ariana and Craig from Southern Charm were guests So that was really cool because we know Ariana So they're just kind of like cool that that happened. So it was really fun so we went and they like load you up into a hallway and everything. It's sort of like the standard, if you go TV show kind of thing,

the load you up in a hallway, and then they take you up to this area where there's like some pre-show cocktails and they have like lover boy and things like that. And you can take a picture with like a Andy stand in which I'm not standing in. And you imagine just a stand and you had to take a picture with a stand. An actual actor, in and imagine just a stand in you had to get picture with the stand actual actor

Yeah No, cut out so I did that and then you know, I've been making a lot of cakes Ronnie on on the old Instagram And I'm starting to see the downside of making a lot of cakes I was like wow, I'm looking enormous these days and it doesn't help when you take a picture with a sort of like small Cut out of someone so the night look. Oh my god, I'm going to get it together people. But so I took a picture with that. That was really fun. And then they sent us into the, they brought us into the, into the studio and sat down.

I was sort of like right center and everything. And so then Andy comes out and he does a Q&A. And so I asked a question. I was like, my question was, what's the best? Single best real house swathes episode of all time. And is it when Jen Shaw gets arrested? And he said that it's the episode after Jen Shaw gets arrested. That's absolutely amazing. And I think that's gonna be airing in about two and a half weeks. Well, the arrest I think is airing, not this weekend, but the weekend after.

And so the episode that he said was really good is the weekend after that. He also said that he's really, really excited about Orange County. He said that Orange County is excellent so far, which is exciting. So it's cool, he did like a Q&A with everyone. And then, and then they loaded in the special guest. So page to Sorbo, who's now dating Craig, she was sitting right in front of me. And then Jason Sudakis's mother sort of

randoms. She's apparently a huge Bravo fan. This like very lovely Midwestern mother. She's like, hi, how are you? Hello, everyone. So she sat down. So I was seated literally right in between both of them, one row back. So I was like, oh, I think I'm on TV if they cut to them. So then the show's going on. The show's very fun.

And then midway through the show, there's monitors. And I'd happen to look up at the monitor right when the camera was on page, and I was horrified to see that all you could see of me was from nipple down, and I was just sitting in a way where it was just fold after fold of my shirt, and the buttons were sort of stretching a little bit, and I was like, oh my God, my stomach.

It's like, it was like, I know everyone, most people were looking at page, but I was looking at my stomach. I was like, my stomach's television debut is horrific right now. So that was mortifying. And I just laugh when everything people complain about their weight.

So excuse me for not saying anything back. I'm just sitting here like whatever bitch can do. It's my journey. Okay. So then and so also Logan who is one of the waiters at Tom Tom and also one of Arianna's really good friends was there too. So that was cool. And we sort of know Logan. And so then, so, Ariana hadn't gotten my text yet, so I wasn't able to go backstage, so that was fine. So then when they all came down, I actually went and I wanna hang out with them,

sort of like after the show with Ariana and then like Craig and Paige and Sierra was there and Whitney from Salt Lake City was supposed to come by, but she didn't know it was like very sad. And it was really cool because I'd never met Craig before. Well, or really any of them. And in fact, actually Paige, since Paige was sitting in front of me, I tapped her on the shoulder and I was like, hi, I just want to introduce myself.

I'm Ben from Watch Your Crappens and Paige was so Paige. She goes, I know exactly who you are. Oh my god. But you asshole. No, no, no, she likes us. She likes us. So that was like cool, because you know, I love page. And I have to say I told you this right before we started. So I've never seen Craig in person. I've never never interacted. He, it's like I get it. I get it everyone. He is so hot. He is out of control. He is so cute. I mean, there's going to be people all over Charleston purposely getting into car wrecks just so they can call

his law firm, you know, come on over, go on over. Have you been hurting an accident? Call, come on over. Oh my God. And he is also so, so, so nice and so sweet. I feel terrible for ever having made fun of him. Still gonna do it, but I felt terrible. It's for him there. But he was really, really lovely and everyone was really nice. So that was like my big Bravo Knight, a Knight of Bravo, Bravo Dumb.

I'm really bummed that Whitney wasn't there because I just wanted to hear Whitney talk in person, but you know, there's always the future. I'd like to think that Whitney was just at a hear Whitney talk in person. But you know, there's always the future. I'd like to think that Whitney was just at a completely different restaurant. Like she was. Everybody. She was literally doing that. She was texting with Ariana and she was like, I'm at catch. Where are you? Oh God, they have a catch there too. They do have a catch. And I'm so annoying that fucking restaurant that's so popular in Los Angeles and every time we go out with anybody, they're like,

oh, sorry, I'm gonna be late because I'm a catch. Sorry, I'm a catch. I know, I'm like, in fact, there was a, I was staying at a hotel that had something called catch steak That next to it is like I guess a steak version of catch because catch is like a fish restaurant But for some reason, yeah, that's a lot harder to catch Generally a lot more difficult. It's not as fun of a name when it's about a steak, you know I know I'm just like imagining like these like nets and like cows running into the

Gathering the cow and then people look on the some help over here on the back up. Just trying to get the cows on. Yeah. Well, everybody. I'm very jealous. I wasn't there with you, but I'm really glad you had a fun time. Thank you. You were very met.

We're very missed. We're very missed. I asked for you. Yeah. Also just before we start, I just want to announce two things. One, I have a we start, I just wanna announce two things. One, I have a green tongue because I'm drinking my green shake, okay? It's very delicious.

It's very good for me. And number two, I'm going to Montana for the weekend to the mountains to be with my mountain friends. So I might be a changed person. This might be the last evil week that I have here on Watcherot Crappens because I might come back a totally changed man. Why you think you're gonna be nicer when you come back from Montana?

Yeah, because Montana's all like peaceful and mountains and I don't know. Didn't like that the didn't that politician in Montana get arrested for like getting into a fist fight with a constituent or something like that? Well sometimes you just have to let people know where you stand. It's also where Yellowstone takes place, which you know is another very peaceful show. I don't know, I feel like it's gonna be life changing.

I thought, oh, wait, guys, my mom's printing something. All right, well, let's get on with this, Salvi. Let's get to Vanderpump prints. Vanderprint rules coming up. All right, Vanderpump rules featuring insights from the HP printer. Can you hear it? No.

Okay, that's good. Oh, there I heard it now. I don't know. I heard it if you're quiet. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This page one of one, I think we're safe, but I'm not going to say that there's not going to be more I hear it if you're quiet. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

This is page one of one. I think we're I think we're safe, but I'm not gonna say that there's not gonna be more print to get the future guys. Well now we now she gets to come in. I know. That's gonna get a moment with her. Okay, so we start with Trixi Monical returning to the microphone finally at Vanderpump rules. Thank God these songs are not overly burdened with lyrics. My personal favorite is this first one. It's profound, you know. It's really, really profound. Like it makes you really think, the printer is going again, by the way. It's making, you know, it makes you just realize how like important life is. And like if you're gonna make it last, you're gonna make it last by playing pickleball.

You know what I'm saying, Ron? If you're gonna make life last, you know what you're gonna do? You're gonna print it, okay? Yeah, because you can't just, it can't get lost on some hard drive or something that shit is on paper. Anything that I like, make sure to get it on paper. Pictures, letters.

Thanks, Tricks. Thanks, Tricksie. So we started James and Rekel's place and James is still in his manic. I'm a good person out phase. So he's doing things like tossing up watermelon. I don't know, I feel like good people do that. I feel like evil people don't just like toss watermelon up in the air, you know. So he's doing nice doing a good person watermelon toss. And then Raquel

comes in dressed pretty much like Raquel because she's like in a super cute outfit, but you're like, does she know that that's how sweaters are tied around you or is she just dumb? She's got a sweater tied from her shoulder and then it goes cross down her body and then around her waist down there. So I was a little worried for her but you never know, you know, the kid maybe that's how the kids are doing it now. It's her new interpretation and he's like, oh, it's my favorite color and she's like mine too. And then I also, I was like a little excited, Ronnie. This is sort of, this is a deep cut. But do you remember the song about like,

the love song to La La song by James? I mean, the James song we made, that was like, like, it doesn't matter. This story's going nowhere. It's not going anywhere. What are you trying to say? I want to know what you're trying to say. I'm just trying to say that, like, you've got your car keys or like you lost your car keys

the James song that you made. Thank you. Thank you for coaching. Thank you for giving me the courage to go through with this story, which is that I made a stupid song about James where he's like, yeah, a stupid thing to say, you're a stupid thing. And I used various garage band loops. And the most prominent garage band loop that I used on guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, the guitarist, been on purpose. That's funny. I was like, I'm gonna tell myself it was on purpose. That's funny and you gotta love that Apple, I mean Bravo still has an updated their garage band loops.

Yeah, not only are they still using garage band for this shit, but they're using like the free royalty free shit from like five years ago. Exactly. So anyway, they're planned, Rekellen and James, they're going to go to the Belmonts bar. They're going to go tonight because he wants to thank everyone for doing the Richella thing, whatever. And then he's like, okay, Rikcal, watch this. I'm going to throw some melon into my mouth, watch this, Rikcal, and you're like, throw the watermelon up,

and of course, like bounces off his nose. So, you know, something's never changed. Yeah. Also, I learned how, you know, they say if you ever want to be thin, you should see how thin people eat. Let's be honest, normally it's through the nose, but um, uh, Rekel just eats watermelon for breakfast. Now it's like, I'm going to do that. I'm going to try that. Um, so we'll see how that goes. I'm going to see how that is on a bagel. So then he'll die. Yeah. So then James, they're going to have a thank you party for everybody at the battle mount the battle mount and Probably Tom is gonna pay for half that bill and Rick Hell's big plan is it she's gonna go play pickle ball with Lala I really thought pickle ball was gonna be behind us for the season, but it's not and she says You know when people tell you let's get lunch this week and you're like,

yeah, but then the plan falls through. That's what I thought was going to happen, but I'll have to play pickleball. You know what happens when like you're you're going to get a call from someone from lunch, but then somebody else calls on the intercom from downstairs and you freeze because you know that the speaker is by a sidewalk and like anyone in the public column from downstairs and you freeze because you know that the speakers buy a sidewalk and like anyone in the public can hear you and you're afraid of public speaking so you don't press the buzzer and then you don't get your food delivery and James gets mad and starts calling you bad words and throwing your sports bras out the window. Pickle bar.

So James is like you don't have to read my Lala and Lala treated Rick head poorly for so long. It's because Rick has an easy target. I mean, Lala had just just need to feed on someone, but now that we're both sober, there's no excuses. I'm like, there's no excuses, even if she was not sober. Look at you, AC target. Look what I mean. He just throws his keys off camera Like a arrow just comes through the window just like strikes here. Oh Sorry babe, you're an easy target So now it's

Like hard rock music because we're at Tom and Arianna's farmhouse. I don't really know what's hard rock about it But here we are so then we find out what's hard rock about it, but here we are. So then we find out, it's hard rock. Because Tom is working out. Angryly dude, I'm doing angry workout. That's where you hang by your ankles and bend upwards. Very angry upwards workout bro. Dude, chin ups. So he's doing the angry workouts and then it's like,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just cut to Ariana, just like sort of doing like a Rumba thing. She's sort of like walking, rotating, walking a few more steps, rotating, walking. Like, basically two totally different activities happening in that household. She's getting like, syrup's ready for something,

and then Tom creams all over the mirror and comes up. And he's like, I feel better after my workout, but last night I was very after my workout, but last night, I was very, very upset, dude. And then we cut to shorts and Katie's twin house over there. And Katie's like, um, what the hell happened last night? I mean, Santa thought I lost his mind.

He's like, it was so exhausting. And there was like a broken record, blah, blah. Like, I've heard that story 500 times. You don't know what it did to me. He says, like I thought coming on command and a cup with smooth things over, but all it really did was grow this tiny soul patch in the center of my palm. I can't even feel it off, babe. Yeah. And by the way, nice of him to say that last night at the dinner instead of like the next day. So then sand of all is like when I'm there in that Situation I need confidence and I look to you are Anna and I'm not getting any and I'm being told to like die alone on a

Mount you know mountains are scary like you know I can't even have cores because it's like there's a mountain on there and I'm like You're gonna let me get a be alone on a course can. She's like okay Tom no I said this is the hill you want to die on which is a phrase which has nothing to do with being alone but you know I don't like hills hills are very scary I can't even I can't even listen to sound of music I have to fast forward over that song. When people go over the hill they get old and die. No not over the hill Tom die on the die. No, not over the hill Tom. Die on the hill.

So I don't even get the grow old now. You said you're gonna die. You're not gonna win this battle. I'm not even gonna die old over the hill. I'm just gonna die. What about losing battles? Ariana, are you telling me you want me to watch Hill Street Blues alone?

No, no, that's not the same hill and no, it's still not about being alone. She's like, listen, you're not gonna win this argument. Look, let's still not about being alone. She's like listen you're not going to win this argument. Look let's just rephrase it. You're not going to win the argument about the book signing. Okay and so then we see the clip again of Katie going, you just can't have a little bit stassy gets attention and he's like, are you serious right now?

I realize everyone is over it but I'm not over it. So then we go back to Katie and she's like, if he really doesn't want me involved in the bar, just say it. But don't be like, he doesn't want a public undressing and screaming in his restaurant, as he's screaming in his restaurant. I'm like, yes, he was being hypocritical about the screaming, but I think he's also said, he doesn't want you to be involved in the bar. I think it's also said he doesn't want you to be involved in the bar. I think it's pretty clear Katie

So he's like, I know trust me honey. The irony is not lost and she says Santaval can't let go of the book signing because it was never about the book signing It was about me making him admit that he was wrong and for Santaval's ego, that's like death And now Katie might not be able to go to Ariana's event tonight. So Ariana's bum because so she's going to have people come over to taste cocktails. And now now Katie's not coming and maybe not even sure. So by luckily she and Brock, they're going to invite she and Brock to because you know, why not?

So then Katie switch to the topic and she's like, oh, by the way, don't forget we're gonna get results from your sperm specimen sample and she's gonna be getting an ultrasound and you know that she's starting like, you know, by the way, there's gonna be a question about whether or not I've ever been pregnant. And then basically she reveals that she had an abortion 10 years ago and they were fighting all the time and she thought that like, you know, like if she had the baby that shorts would probably leave

and she'd be a single mom, which is, I think, probably fair, a fair estimation of the situation. And, you know, she basically says everyone, every person should be able to decide what's best for them. So I can go Katie. Yeah, absolutely. It was a surprise revelation. That was pretty ballsy, I think, to do that on a Bravo show.

Because you know that there's a lot of people on that internet over there who are going to be coming hard. So I thought that was really brave. Well done, Kate. Police supporter. And Schwartz is like, I just always wonder if like I might not just, you know, like, what if I'm not just in this house with a lady with Karen hair, you know, I could be in this house with like a little 10 year old running around with Karen hair asking to speak to the manager, you know, but thankfully that's me. So Thankfully, that's me. So, ah, timing Karen, Baba. No, but it's actually really good. Yeah.

It's no, I was gonna say he's like, he's like, well, Baba, you're gonna be such a good mom. And I'm gonna be such a good dad. I mean, ah, not a lot of things I'm 100% about, but I'm 100% sure I'm gonna be a good dad. Man, I can't wait to fall asleep while my baby's reading these doors or having my baby tuck me in bed or being saying, like, like, thanks baby when he makes me dinner. It's like,

uh, shorts. That's what my baby to mush up bananas for me. That's going to be so fun, bevah. And Katie's just, you know, I mean, it's just going to be weird like getting all this testing done. It's been a long time since I've had something inside me that actually works and stays hard. So good luck to the both of us, Tom. So now that's my favorite kind of trick, Steve, when it just goes all the way down to just sounds. Bowls. When she just fowls sounds. When she's just sort of like remixing the eye chart, you know, that's what's really fun.

So, where Kell is talking, she's meeting up with Lala and Rekelle looks terrified, but Rekelle always looks terrified. What just though behind me? Oh, it's the wind. The wind? Yeah, I see. The wind is blowing back there. Going crazy out there. It's like the whole world is in wash cycle

Now I don't know if Raquel goes by Kells, but Lala is like hi Kells Hi Kells and I kind of was like I don't feel like Lala You've earned the right to call Raquel Kells just yet It's when you're trying to pretend that there's always been a friendship so you have a nickname for her you're trying to pretend that there's always been a friendship so you have a nickname for her. Kills. Exactly. And familiarity. Yeah.

And so Lala's like, oh my god, how do you feel? Let me see that little chunk of plastic on your ring again, Kills. Let me see it again. You know, I never thought in a million years that James and Raquel would last. I'm going to be honest. James was a hot mass. And then of course we see clips We see a clip of a cow like come on. I'm trying to tell everybody what a good guy you are

And he's like shot up who cares who And then he leaves and she's like, but I didn't even get to go pee Oh, we're hell so Lala so they're gonna play a pickle ball. And Lala's like, okay, okay, Kells, if you lose, you have to do a toast. And you have to say during it, when James reposed, I got so wet, I was so excited. And then if I lose, I have to give a toast. I say, I got so wet when James reposed. And I'm just like, first of all, that's

that's a lot easier for you to say, Lala, than it is for a kill. Also, I probably already said that. Lala probably already said that when she saw the balloons, like, I just came right now. I'm so wet right now. Like Lala said, it's shut like that all the time. That's my other spare bet. How about if you lose, you have to actually read one of the books on the New York Times bestseller list. Yeah. How about if you lose, you also have to conquer something that plagues you every day, the way you're making poor Rekel do that. If you lose, you have to date a poor person. Yeah. So Rekel is very antsy because she doesn't like public speaking and she also doesn't like talking about how wet she is at any given moment.

So and so and here's where it's also fucked up. Okay, because Randall and Lala play pickleball all the time, apparently. And Raquel doesn't know how to play pickleball. They just but but basically Lala set her up for failure. Lala was like, wow, you're really good at pickleball. You should come over and play. But she just wanted it. This was a full on classic hustle because they get there. And then Lala beats Raquel 11 to zero. So she made a bet she knew she wasn't going to lose, which is so cruel to do that to Raquel.

Easy target. Yeah, easy target. She's like, oh, sorry, that was my purpose. Like the pickleball racket just comes flying at Rick L space. So Lala's like, okay, now that I've won, I really don't want you to make that speech if you don't want to. And Rick L's like, I mean, I don't want to, but I kind of feel like I have to. She's like, okay, look, I'm going to get Twitter on my side right now, so just stay still for a moment. No.

You know, I just think that when you and I started going on the deep... Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident

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in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. Client, it was because I was placing blame on you for James and my relationship going south. Okay, okay, my little Kels, okay. Just like, but why that doesn't make any sense? Because when you guys, you know, and this is the natural progression of life, but you

meet someone and they become your priority. I mean, let me tell you what having and this is the natural progression of life, but you meet someone and they become your priority. I mean, let me tell you what having a baby is like, but that's very different discussion when you've got a baby. We can talk on that level because right now I have a baby. So anyway, you meet someone they become your priority. And you know, when he flipped that switch on me, I was like, this Raquel, she used to put him in check. And looking back, that wasn't really your job. Or maybe Lala, you were jealous that James' attention wasn't fully on you. Maybe that's what it was.

I felt like that's what she was gonna say or trying to say, but wouldn't let herself really say. Well, she was kind of like accusing Raquel and then saying, at the same time, like accusing Raquel of being a bad at the same, like accusing Raquel of being a bad girlfriend for not keeping jeans in check, but then sort of saying, oh, that's not your job. So I'm going to walk back that accusation on Raquel.

Right. She's kind of trying to pretend she's being nice, but she's really calling her an enabler. Right. I mean, that's basically what she has a very southern way about her this season. Lala, just, I think Lala just wanted a lot of attention. I'm not going to say she wanted male attention. I'm not going to go that deep with it. But I do think she wanted attention from James and she suddenly wasn't getting it.

And so she lashed out as she always does when she doesn't get things for way or she doesn't get the attention that she wants. So Rikela is like, but you know what? Like looking back, I'm not like the kind of person who's like James. So, Rikael is like, but you know what, like looking back, I'm not like the kind of person who's like James, like I'm not gonna check you. I even have trouble at work when people ask for a check. I'm like, oh God, they're gonna hate me.

Sometimes I'll just wait in the bathroom until they leave so I don't ever have to check them. Sometimes when it's time for my car to get a smog check, I just drive the car off the highway and buy a new one. Yeah, whenever James is doing a show and he says, babe, it's time for my check, I hide. My scariest moment was when someone asked me to pass the check mix, and I was like, I can't do that, and I ran out of the house. One time my sister tried to play chess with me, but she only had flat pieces. So I started to cry.

One time I was flying to Europe and I had a layover in the seawird republic and I was like, I can't get off at a place called check. So I just stayed on the plane until I finally landed in Delaware and I don't even know how I got home from there. So, Lala's like, you know, I was just looking for someone to blame for the downfall of my relationship with James. But I will say without recalling James's life together, I think that he would be in a very different place.

Bitch, you'd be on the city bus. I don't know who you're accusing of getting saved around here, but damn. As a mother with a baby at home. So, a little bit. Now we go to back to Tom and Ariana's house. And Ariana tells us that she had an idea to do a cocktail subscription box many many moons ago and That's where drink from home D.F.H. was born. So She's right home. Obviously we weren't raised in the same house because that shit's been around since the 70s

I can tell you that much also Tom. Can you just pour a fucking drink? I mean my god every single cut he picks up. He's like slipping in the air He's like flipping in the air. He's like oh Whoa look it's got whoa whoa look it's a jinger. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, Cresty just to stop clowning at poor fucking drink. We get it. You can flip up a cup of captain your goddamn hand sir. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial so they've invited people over to kind of test out the recipes to see if they can follow them properly and make the cocktails. So it's

gonna be Brock and China and Tom Schwartz, but Katie, Katie's at home, and normally we make fun of the things that Katie does at home, but I actually really supported Katie's alternative plans, which was that she just made one giant cookie in the oven. One big cookie and enjoyed it for herself. I was like, gosh, is Katie growing on me? What's happening here? It's good episode for her. Swartz is like, yeah, well, because she and Brock are there to you now. So they're all hanging out.

And Swartz is like, well, Tom and Katie really got into it last night. I know I'm having an, and he's like, well, we were just talking about the restaurant. And Katie is like, how can I be an asset? You know, I can train staff. I can do whatever. And, you know, I guess Tom just doesn't want Katie on board. And, you know, he was a little condescending about it if I'm going to be honest with you. Okay.

Well, well, she's your wife and she's gonna be part of our gang mass. And Santa Claus, I'm not business partners with your wife, I'm partners with you, okay? And that book signing thing, when Stasi was very dramatic, I have made your PTSD, I have never experienced such humiliation and public gang up attack and that moment when someone I knew yelled at me at a place full of people I knew that was horrible. He has PTSD. You've been on Vaterpuff rules for nine years or some shit and this is what gave you me for roommates with jacks and shorts.

Okay. You dated Kristen. I mean, come on, this gave you PS PTSD. Give me a fucking break with that. Also, I'm, I'm tending to agree with she no more at this point. Like, I don't blame you for not wanting to work with Katie. I also don't want to work with Katie. But, you know, you are using her money to open a restaurant. So you're kind of fucked in this situation. Yeah. So Shor is like, well you have to acknowledge that you weren't to

victim in that moment. You're like, you have to stop talking about it or go to sites, see a therapist because you bring it up a lot. Hotting goes, it didn't affect you the way it affected me. Okay, I also like, I don't like the energy you are when you're around Katie. Okay, man? Like you walk on eggshells. That's condescending. It's not condescending. Yeah, you're trying to make me look like a pushover.

Then don't be a pushover. Oh. Okay, I won't be a pushover anymore. There. And so, um. I'm not a pushover, pushover, pushover. I'm not a pushover, pushover, pushover, pushover. They just go there.

Like little kids repeating themselves over and over Can you just like please keep her out of it please? This is a short because if you if I want Katie to comment and train staff She's gonna she's gonna do it. She's gonna do it. Oh, like so I wouldn't like deal with that right? I just a deal with it Yeah Oh, like so I would just like do you want that right? I just deal with it. Yeah, pretty much. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to your new life, sir.

So yeah. And Santa Valls like this, you know, this is one thing I've been fighting against the whole time, but I have to realize it's not going away. So very honest on that. There's so many different contexts on Vanderpump rules. Right? Yeah. So, Ariana's standing there.

I'll pissed and she's like, now that everyone has stopped trying to steal my fucking thunder. I love that they just have an agreement. Like, when I'm going to throw a big fucking diva fit, it's my turn. Okay. And then you can have your own turn to throw a big fucking diva fit, it's my turn, okay? And then you can have your own turn to throw a big fucking diva fit later. It's like I am doing my scene to promote my business. Let's not make this another Tom Tom scene. Thank you. So she's like, I wrote out these instructions and I want Brock and Sheena and Schwartz to make cocktails and Brock, it's like, will you want a subscription box? I'm gonna give you amateur hour,

oh, I don't even know, what is this? What is this? What is this? Jigga, how does this even go? How is this work? Right, he's like, hold it, you can't figure out anything, you can't figure out the shaker.

He's like, how's the shaker on the head? And like, the jigger in his ear, you know? He really is, he looks inside and he's like, there's no measurement only inside of this. She's like, but is it on the outside of it? And he's like, oh, it on the outside of it? And he's like, oh, I suppose there it is there.

All right then. Hey, hey, Ariana. This cop isn't holding any of the liquor. He's like, you're holding a towel. So I am. So I am. So it's like, Ariana did a good job of explaining what to do, but the instructions kind of go out of the work

because I had to concentrate on doing the stuff. Yeah. The closest thing I can do to that is create a keen. And when he says crack a can, he literally means taking a can of beer and cracking it in half. Yeah. So then Tom gets like the huge bags of sushi

and it's called Lala Sushi, which is scary. And then she is like, hey, can you sit with me over here? I just want to tell you something. So I guess I couldn't tell you this in the car because there was my camera there. So please sit down. All right, I have something to tell you. I went shopping with Lala and after a couple, we We hadn't promised to bring to my earcats. What wrapped up the wrong way?

Was when you said you haven't seen her spoken to your cats. I'm faggass! I mean... She was like putting herself in my shoes, which is funny, because I'm like a shoe size smaller than her. And it was like, you just don't like think that you should be like finding her for her skin. And I was like, no, he's really trying to corner! And like, you don't even know.

And Brock is like, my pay, I still don't have the opinion of others. Why was it my ex, when since I was 16, and since the Breokalp, on my decision to come to America, I'm a deeply strined relationship. I'm like, really, you think you think it's really your relationship moving to a different continent?

Yeah. He says that as if it was just a small thing, like, you know, I developed a, you know, a bad habit of going to Starbucks every day and I put a strain on relationship and going to America from Australia, that's like, yeah, of course that's going to cause a strain, Brock. Well, I like that he acts so surprised that Lala had something to say about it. He's like, oh, well, did you tell him I drink coffee out of their faces every morning? Because do bad for us, do that or do not think so.

I'll be covered out of their faces. Forget the mug. At least I'm not hiding anything, but when your friends say stuff like that, say shut the fuck up, because I don't want to talk about that. Okay? You know, they're just for me, there were no opportunities in Australia. You know, people want to talk about that, okay? You know, they're just for me, there were no opportunities in Australia. People want to call me a deadbeat dad. It's just like, welcome to your friend group, I guess. Yeah, not really sure about this still. You were given the choice between seeing your kids

and moving to another country and you chose moving. What's not to judge? I mean, those are the facts that you gave us. It's not like somebody else gave us those facts. Those are what you just said on a TV show. Do we think so? I like just tried to interrupt you like five times. It's just so rude of me. But do we think is the subtext here that he wants to become like a famous actor? And so he moved LA to become a famous actor because he couldn't be a famous actor in Australia. Do we think that's what it is?

I read in a comment from Sashal Madhia that he came here when he was younger to go to community college in Colorado to try to get drafted for the NFL, but then that didn't work out. So he just stayed bussed up here, stayed here, or whatever. I don't know. That's like some internet comment. So I don't know. But to me, that's like the New York Times,

you know, that's where I find out everything. So I don't know if that's true or not. But he came here to do something. What if it was written by what if it was written by a journalist the New York Times writing a comment on the internet, they can do that. Yeah. You never know. Maybe it was Mr. New Yorker himself in the comments. David Brooks, you know. You don't have any idea. So yeah, he was saying I'm still working on providing for my whole family, but that just can't happen in Australia

because here's the land of opportunity. And you know, call me a deadbeat dad if you want, but whatever, fuck your friends. Like no, there's actually a definition to that word. And you're basically describing yourself as that like you're behind on the child support payments we find out later in this episode. So I don't know, I don't got it. So now we go to a flower market in downtown Los Angeles. It's least a van der pump walking in and going hello to all the flowers. She's having a bell from Beauty and Beast moments. Hello, hello.

So she's like, how much is this? And the guy's like $30 now due to COVID. $30, that's crazy. Why is it more expensive due to COVID? He's like supply and demand. She's like, oh, you know what just happened? I just got a news alert that your flower store is killing puppies. So

Can I get to going out of business discount darling? Who please have a call from someone very important? I love Lisa being baffled by supply chain issues. What? Was there a pandemic? I don't understand A lady who charges 30 something dollars for a fucking piece of salmon. Exactly. Is complaining about a flower being a little more expensive. Good point, girl. So she decides the FaceTime Sheena.

She's like, oh, I've got to see that baby, but I don't want to harass you to come around. You know, I like how Lisa phrased it. Like, oh, I don't want to come to your place because I just don't want to harass you Lisa. You don't want to go to her place because it's like It's Hollywood and we are we've seen Lisa and Hollywood before remember in season one of Beverly Hills or season two or something They took Max Aaron. She was like horrified. So I want to see your baby, but I don't have it in me to drive through Sarajevo darling So could you come to Villa Rosa? We can invite Lala as well. Two birds, one stone, etc. I would come visit you but I heard there's some sort of museum called a Ripley's Believe It or Not and I'm still waiting to hear the rest of that sentence. Believe it or not what?

What should I believe or not Ripley? I don't understand Hollywood. So she looks like, oh my god, you shouldn't invite all the girls because there's no boys night So there should be a girls night because why should boys have all the fun? It's like Saturday's weather boys. No, like Saturday's for everyone like boys can hang out girls can hang out boys can hang out with girls Like would that be a weird night just invite everyone if you see anybody at the flower store and fight them? Why not? Because she doesn't want to hang out just with Lala and I know Blamer Yes, he knows what fucking mama is gonna do

And she's right as even says she even goes I need some backup like who else am I gonna turn to summer? She doesn't even speak yet. She's what said in the way as She has to have tax with her mish bananas baby steps letterly She says it in a way that she was seriously entertaining like turning to summer for like backup like oh She's in like 16 of this show she's gonna be like summer why didn't you back me up? They were totally being made to me I mean mama summer if you agree with me draw if you don't agree with me sleep well, she's drawing. What can I say? So the tom's arrived through wacky tom's team

Child like aren't they telling? Yeah, and um in a You know very exciting news for their future bar Tom Schwartz's home equity loan was denied, so things are going great on that front. But he has a small business loan pending. It feels like this is gonna be one of those scenes that we're going to be seeing in a flashback in a year and a half from now.

When Tom Schwartz and Katie have run out of money for some reason and it's like, I can't believe this would happen to us and they're gonna flashback to him saying, our home equity loan was denied. It's like the red flags are all here. Yes. He was like, we do have a lot of equity in our home, but we're locked in at a high interest trade.

So we need to refinance and then do it. And she's in sand of all it's like, I'm going to cover his end bro. No problem. I'm going to get it. And shorts jokes like he's just, I'm gonna cover his end bro, no problem. I'm gonna get it. And shorts jokes like he's just doing that so he can hold it over his head. He's like, dude, how could you think that of me? I got stabbed going. Well, if I cover shorts as share, that would technically make me a 67% owner with controlling interest. Just want to say this is the first time that the phrase

high interest has been applied to Tom Schwartz and Kitty Maloney. They literally could have gotten through this with zero interest had to bank this. Normally it's always zero interest with them. So then Lisa's just showing them flowers and showing them how to like like what a flower is and stuff like showing Tom Schwartz like what a stem is and what petals are. And then she's like oh by the way how was your stuff your deposit wink wink look the flower is winking do wink wink. And so ridiculous because Santa Claus well, these flowers are delicate. I feel like I'm holding a baby right now speaking of babies.

Speaking of babies, supply and demand. How was your yogurt deposit? Schwartz. And he's like, we're going tomorrow. I'm really excited. Hope to add some raspberries to it, possibly some oatmeal. Yeah. So they get some orchids that symbolize fertility and they probably died on the way of their house. So then James and Raquel, now the whole group is at the Belmont now and everyone's

there, the whole gang, and James is not doing shots and he starts, you know, he tells us that like every ball tend to, I'd say, you know, he tells us that like every ball tender at Sir used to know how to make my old fashion and pump teeny, which then cuts you, pump teeny. And then he goes, but now they know how to make my surely temple. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So, he's also a very comedy,

on drinks this entire episode, you know? He's like, oh wow, look at those shots. There was a time that I would never say no to shots, but now I always say no to shots. You know what you're all should do. Take some shots, have some shots, shots will calm you down, shots will make you feel good.

Go ahead, do some shots. Like the check-ups. Anyone want to split it salad? So then, yes, we thanks everyone, and he's just like saying thank you, thank you. And then Raquel is like, she's getting nervous because she's gonna have to make her speech and she's really uncomfortable about saying it.

So while this is all going on, rocks it's down next to Lala. And he's like, how are you doing Hane? How are you doing Hane? Which I thought was a nice call back to Hannah Farrier's, you know, Haneye is her Australian honey. And she's like, I'm okay, Shishu, like Man Shishu. And he's like, I'm okay, she's you, like man, she's you. And he's like, good, good.

I'm just alright. I wanted to chat with you quickly. I want to pull draws for you the other day, talk to about the kids and you getting triggered about. And a sheener told me that you go to spake. And I don't want you to feel like I'm gonna leave sheener. I couldn't do that, because my one goal is to go back and take care of my family, including my kids

at some point in the future. Yeah, my one, okay, I wouldn't leave Sheenar, but my goal is to go back to Australia. The fuck kind of thing is this? I just say. So Lala's like, well, I just keep thinking as a mom. If anyone kept me from ocean, I would've come and gone to that fucking

place and I've been in down the goddamn door to see my child. He's like but that's because you're in a different situation now. Alright don't think I'm not gonna provide a best-stand or to see my family what I've done in the past as later this situation of being away from the kids and it's not just me saying mom and god knows what I did and you guys can have You're opinion, but I don't want to talk about it in this friend group. Please respect that. No, no, sorry But when you're friend, I mean even though she's not a lot aren't really friends, but Yeah, people people have a your friends have a right to say whoa

You're having a baby with a deadbeat dad? Do you really think that's a good idea? Dee? Yeah, although I feel like coming from Lala, it's a little rich, no pun intended, little rich. Because if you wanted to fit, you should just say, it's a little rich for now. A little rich for now.

Just because a lot of people probably have similar red flags about Randall and probably want to weigh in with the same sort of like, just a brashness on La La's relationship, and she would shut them down and be like, you don't even know, this is my relationship, so why don't you judge your relationship, why don't you do that, my face going on.

So I think it's just like, you know, I'm not the kind of relationship. I'm going on. So I think it's just like, you know, I'm not, I'm not to come for her relations. I'm not depending Brock. I'm not depending. The member in that season when she was, she was dating a married man and they were all slut shaming her and being like, oh, you, we know you're with someone married and blah, blah, blah.

That was him. Yeah, and I'm saying that like, I'm not depending Brock. I'm just saying that like coming from Lala, who has been all about. Exactly. Yes. It's like, it's a little like, hmm, you know, it's a totally hypocritical, but it's also saying that like coming from Lala who has been all about. Exactly. Yes.

It's like, it's a little like, hmm, you know, it's totally hypocritical, but it's also Vanderpromp rules. So it's so hard to play that game because whenever someone fights, it's like, yeah, but the other person fighting with them is a horrible person. Yeah, but so is the person they're fighting. It's the point of the show. Vanderpromp rules. Yeah, you're supposed to switch.

So she knows like, we've talked about this and it's not your business. And she's like, yeah, it speaks character on you. And she and Lala's like, um, what you're not going to do. It's a to me as someone who has a baby at home. Okay, you're not going to say you're not going to talk about my character when you left two kids in Australia instead of at home, which is where my baby is right now because of a baby at home. And get me goes, all right, run with that. See how that father gets you a luller? And let me, whatever. So now you're going to threaten Lala.

This is not the way to deal with this, OK? Keep the crying part. You were doing good with the crying part. The crying part. Yeah, she's like, I mean, come on. And he's like, I've been really nice to you, baby. But this is ridiculous, Lala. You better, she cut my whole family off. And she took my keys and I have to fly back to Australia to go find her!

And she's like, I understand what she did, but what was the reason? I'm not attacking you. I'm just setting up to attack you, okay? So help us understand your situation better. So I can come for you on the next episode. Okay. We'll all talk to you later. Of camera. And surely your respect my discretion. Yeah. And she's like, my concern is that he has a tendency to leave his kids and his woman. And she's like, I have to say something. Again, I'm not here to defend Brock but I also feel like saying he has a tendency to leave his like his kids and his woman I feel like tendency means that like there's like several women and several children well there are multiple children that have been met left

but I feel like when you start saying he has a tendency to leave women technically he only left one person and like you are allowed to leave someone but when they can't I'm not defending leaving your kids that's different but I'm just I'm just sort of like in an anti-lala place right now so I'm just gonna I mean her current her current fiance just left his wife and yes like you could say the same thing about Rand okay like I mean he sees the kids I'm sure would be her argument right that's true so um lala it Lala, it's like, you know, just don't, you better not, if something happens with Shishu, you better not do shit to Summer Moon. You better still be there. And he's like all respected, and all we will prove it to you. And she's like, you don't have to prevent anything, because I don't

know what an amazing man you are, and what an amazing dad you are. All right. And he's like, but, being, by being an amazing dad, I prove that because people see that and I'm fond with people See you knew we are It's all disaster It's all a disaster. I mean like it really is pitting like Lala against Brock It really is hard to choose a horse in this race, you know, I route for the dirt So then Raquel is like I would like to make a toast I read for the jerk. So then Raquel is like, I would like to make a toast.

Okay, I'm so happy that we're all here together celebrating our engagement. And when James walked me out and I saw balloons that said, Richella, I was like, what's Richella? And he was like, it's like Raquel and Coachella. And I was like, okay, and then like he and Coachella. And I was like, but okay. And then like he said how you can take two words and put them together.

And I got wet. And then I was like, and then he proposed. And I was like, yeah, and I got wet again. And it was wet. This is a wet, wet to us. Thank you. Goodbye. And I was like, whoa, Raquel.

So you're gonna add onto it. She's like, the more I look at this ring, the bigger it gets. And that's not the only thing. And they're like, whoa, Raquel, what the hell? I'm talking about his penis. Raquel. It's what? Raquel. What penis? What drippy dripping is his penis is dripping right now? We're counting no seriously recal. He's ejaculating in his pants. We're counting because I'm giving him a hand job with my I've seen it on my hands.

Does anyone want to see the cement on my I wipe the cement on my thigh by accident? Oh, good. So then we go to California fertility clinic. Now listen, I'm gonna need my fertility clinic to be a little more original in the naming department. I don't wanna go to just to be a little more original in the naming department.

I don't wanna go to just to what is the ACME fertility, what the hell California fertility? No. Yeah, it should be very specific. It should be like Robertson fertility for happy eggs or something like that. So there are the so shorts and Katie are there and Katie's getting her exam getting a the whole not just gonna pass by what Katie was wearing. Okay, something needs to be said Yes, Katie's having a good episode, but she's still wearing a great t-shirt with feather boas on the sleeves

I feel like I feel like Katie is just trying to get people to all right. I just dropped a cast Sorry about that I have like I have a jingliest coaster I've ever heard of in my life like do people use that that coaster for belly dancing? What the fuck do you get that? This is the coaster. The coaster I said, mom, do we have a coaster? Because I have an ice coffee. And so she gave me this. Mom, do we have a coaster that sounds just like a tambourine?

Do you have that? Like, sure. Do you have the percussion area of a orchestra? No, because since it's plastic, when the water sort of condenses on it, it then creates suction. So when I lift up my coffee, the coaster comes with it and then it drops off. So I apologize. But you know what, at the same time, it's the appropriate sound.

Hey, let's talk about story. The appropriate sound. I think it's falling and settling on the ground. A coaster sectioning off of a coffee cup. So Schwartz is like, wow, look at us, Baba. We're in the fertility clinic. The only thing I'm worried about is testosterone levels. I mean, Tom did say he would borrow me some if I needed it.

And she's like, like me having Tom's sperm. He's like, just kidding, Baba. Okay, let me just, do you think there's a trash can around here because I have like a little thimble full of yogurt to throw away? So then, so now we get to like the analysis. And so her uterus is pristine, but as, as for the semen, the morphology is low, The doctor is like, so only 4% of your sperm have normal shaped heads. The authors have multiple heads. And then there's also a significant population of your sperm that is trying to make a mixed

drink and freaking out and then trying to quit. I've never seen a sperm try to quit before. Which is it? Yeah, you know, we thought you were going to have more sperm and I actually asked a couple of the sperm where the other sperm went and they said they were wandering around Mexico and we just had to trust that they would come back at some point. Does that make sense to you? We did notice that your sperms are trying to give a ring on a string to the egg, which unfortunately is not productive for a sperm, but that's what you're

sperm are doing. So, do you drink, drink, do drugs, vape, smoke, sometimes, not really. He's like, well, I smoke marijuana like once a week, mushrooms, once in a while, especially in the last year. Oh yeah, and I drink like 10 to 20 drinks in a week, and a day, week, week, whatever, whatever, times are relevant really, especially with the mushrooms, which is nice. Do you take a lot of hot, do you go into hot tubs

a lot, do you take hot baths? Yeah, sometimes one thing that I like to do is sometimes I just like to find a radiator and just put my balls on a radiator. Is that bad? You know, do you know those scented candles? I really like getting a scented candles and then just leaning it up against my nuts. Sometimes that really sometimes that feels good. Um, sometimes I like to find one of those shots who put massagers and just put my balls on that that to let him go up and down, up and down, up and down. Is that bad?

So she's like, well, we're gonna have to cut down those drinks to about four a week. And he's like, what? She has indefinitely no pot. He's like, what? But what about mushrooms? She just gives him a look like,

what the fuck, how are you coming into California fertility and asking me a cause of questions seriously and then he's like oh god I have to give up baths please all stop smoking but not the baths and we also by the way saw a flashback of him drawing a bath for himself and then he gets and he goes oh it's too hot I made it too hot for myself. You ever made a bath? He's also got a rubber ducky in the bath, which is so him. And she explains to him, she's like, well, the reason that the testes are on the outside of our body is because we

want them to be cooler. Oh, really? That's your logic. Then why are our hands on the outside of our body? They get cold. Gotcha, doctor. Gotcha, California fertility lady. You really, you really showed her. So while Tom's semen is being steamrolled, we then go back to

Villarosa, and Lisa Vanderpump is putting up like some sort of cheesecake or whatever on top. I cannot afford to mess this up. And she like lifts the cheesecake onto it, which is, oh, good. And then Sheena and Summer arrive and Lisa's like, Oh, you lucky, lucky! Oh, she's got so much hair, so much hair, and then little washer and accent, and oh, she's already playing rugby.

Wow, a sturdy, sturdy girl. I can't believe Sheena's already put extensions on a baby, telling her so much hair. And of course, she has wrought her mother to baby. And then Lala brings her nurse or her nightmares as well, which I guess that's just a thing you do. I mean, I'm just not rich. And also, I don't have a baby, but I just can't imagine.

That I have to were actually bringing your nanoprored face to take business meetings. I think that's what it was. They're like, OK, we want you to bring babies. So at least I can see the babies. But then we want the babies off camera for this, because it's going to be a brutal scene. So he's just like, oh, look look another beauty. Look at this one. And

Lala's Lala's saying how like, you know, people think that I bow talks over my eyes because they have such a big arch. But look, my baby has the arch due and it cuts a shot of the baby. And it's like, it was like at loony tunes. And you know behind that bow, that little baby has little pieces of tape that are pulling her face up like that. Well, I was like, I'm going to sell this. So they all sit outside. It's like a classic Vanderbump Tea Party and everything is beautiful and everyone's like, oh my god, it's so cute, it's so cute, it's so cute, it's so cute. And it's basically quite awkward, you know, they're like, oh shit, now what do we do?

So then we go over to Katie and Tom's house and Schwartz is picking out on Take Out McDonald's and he's setting up a big booze map of the day of American food for Brock. Yeah, he's like, I want him to see the quintessential American shit and so Brock comes over and he's like, how long have you been in America? Like five minutes? He's like, four years. He's like, oh, so this is all useless. You've had American food. Well, America was a baby to me, but now that it's far, it's about time for me to hit the road. So also, Brock, so Brock is so

perfect for American to hear for a team for a reality show, because he walks up to the scene and he's outside alone and he's like, tall and for boys night, it's time for boys night I'm going to boys night in this room it's gonna be the best boys night I'm like okay thanks for your improv scene you can now enter sir we all understand the setup thank you and it's like I don't want to destroy the hearts of American people but your food isn't long to great tasting food around you know I'm well, please tell me about Australian cuisine, sir. So then, please do go on about your saute kangaroo. Can't wait to eat.

And your pies. So then, so then he tries cheese with, I'll give that a six. All right, I'm gonna abandon this one faster than a Troll. And then, and then Santaval comes in, he has a whole crazy look that I'm not even gonna bother with, but he's there. And it's Tom Santaval already running for mayor

of Palm Springs, because that's what he looks like in every scene. It's like, I would like to call this meeting, I would like to call this meeting into session. Why are you in so many silk flowy shirts? Like I just don't I get that that's your thing, but Give it time. Okay. We'll all end up in the same place. Just give it time telling it was definitely giving me doctor of island morrow I mean not doctor island of dr. Moro the doctor of island

It was definitely giving me the island of dr. Moro. So anyway, so Lisa's like, Katie, any news on your fertility? Latte, did you get the old kids, did those fix everything? And she's like, well, I got invaginally probed and I have a prissy and eaterist. Like, yay, prissy and eaterist.

But then we cut the shorts. And he's like, oh, well, boy, Bubba's, I got some bad news. Thought the doctor said the majority of my sperm have mischapen heads, some have two heads. Oh, it's about like your sperm is like, oh, I'm making fun of him. And he's like, yeah, I'm only supposed to have four drinks a week now. And then it shows just today, it's like, ding, ding, ding, ding.

As he just keeps taking shots and drinking alone. And then with them, drink number four is a diet coke. I feel so bad for those two headed sperm just because you know, there's a Katie sperm that's like, I would like to be involved in this. May I be involved in this? I know. It's like the only sperm constantly kept out of the egg. Just like a good term one. Look, I've got two Katie sperms here, marrying catch-ups, right? No, Katie, get out.

I would like to train the other sperms on how to infiltrate an egg. No, this is for us to do, okay, if the two-headed sperm. So then back with the ladies, Katie is talking about how she's willing to try anything and she's even been getting acupuncture and she's like, oh my god Have you have it? I had it today I broke my friend I'm like, no, he's like really god. She's from San Diego. She's like, oh really god, but the acupuncture is so weird that you're gonna get it cuz I just It's like so funny because like one time I was home in a zoo zone I was watching the local news and they said the weather was coming in and they were using like an acupuncture

Weather forecast. I was like, is that like acu puncture? Can you actually stick needles in the weather? I thought that's pretty cool because like if you can change the weather by doing that, I mean it's like so many cool things that you learn by going to a Susan. Am I right? Really darling, she, now he spoils you like that. Oh yeah, he's amazing. That's why I can't wait for you to go to know I'm more or at least I'm under a pump and she's like, no more, why didn't know him at all, darling? So then Lala comes in with her. Oh, and she's you. The other night, I just don't want you to feel like I know that we're in a good place. And I was not trying to attack you or put

anyone on the spot because he did pull me aside and talked to me about some pretty intense things after that. And so she just gives us, like she darts her eyes at Vanderpump, like, oh, shit. You know? No, no, no, no. And then Lisa is like, ooh, what did he tell you?

I have no idea as the executive producer of this show. And the hall goes, well, I mean, you know why he wasn't allowed to see his kids. Correct. If you all stop it. He put them in a coffin and when he opened it, they had disappeared. Magic! How could you see something that was never there?

But you know, by the way, if someone started up this line of questioning and started this conversation with Lala about Randall at a nice like T-thing who she would lose at, but Lala's going for it. I mean, I guess I can't be that mad because listen, she's doing the job, right? She's doing, she got the assignment. And then they said, The best episode this season, that's for sure.

So she was like, well, what are they telling you? And she's like, she's like, she's just, what? It's because I didn't want to do this, but you're making me do this, even though I totally brought this up, and even the after part, which you weren't even there for. So everybody I want you to see that I'm not making sheen to do this, but sheen is making me sheena.

Now, he said that his wife slammed him with the domestic violence charge, and then Lala tells us that after everyone left the Belmont, Brock did tell her that he was in a relationship with this woman he had a child with and things got physical. And not in the fun Olivia Newton-John kind of way. So she knows like well he didn't do anything and you know that's right. Well I know everything okay. There were like a lot of things in that relationship that didn't go well, including the fact that one of

the parents actually like left the children and moved a whole other continent. Can you believe that? And she knows like she and it takes a lot for a court to say you can no longer see your children. Okay, but is that what happened? Did he try to take a quarter from behind one of their ears and then poof they were gone turned into tiny little rabbits. Actually that's like multiple magic tricks and don't even work together. Are you sure the children aren't here in this top hat? Hello! Oh that's a rabbit sorry. So Lala's like well forgive me for being a little concerned about you. She's you.

Um, I'm sorry, but I would be less concerned, but I currently do not have a dinner invitation from Megan Fox and machine gun Kelly. Okay. So right now I have the time to be concerned, bitch. Exactly. And so Katie's like, she has her straining order. And so now Lala's crying and she goes That's what he told me it's like never acting because you've been with him for like two years

But anything can happen and I just want you to be a smart person because it's not about you anymore You have a child just how I have a child at home as a mother I'm a mother. I'm a mom at home, as a mother, I'm a mother. I'm a mom. I love anybody saying, Sheena, I just want you to be a smart person. Well, I mean, what are you gonna do? Um, Smurfs want to be purple.

Yeah, so Sheena's like, but that's not why she's not letting them see the catch right now. And then she tells us, she's like, obviously, a restraining order sounds terrible, but Lala is acting like this just happened a few months ago I'm it's like a few months ago, and that's why I can't see his kids. I'm this house on nothing up to their He can't see his kids for a totally different reason. So whatever. It's like Who cares? Okay, it's still bad, it's still fucking bad, you know?

So Lala goes, don't be stupid and she never says, I don't think I'm being stupid. I think that people can change and I think that's something that happened a really long time ago, that you're probably thinking was really extreme, that I think that happened, wasn't like that, and I'm like, really hungry. And then Lala says, any time domestic violence case

is put against you, something had to have happened. Oh, someone can say something, I'm a woman, I'm a woman happened. Oh, so my kids lay down and I'm like, I'm not gonna do nang nang nang nang. And she's like, sheena. Yeah. Yeah. Where can't, why can't he see them now? And Lala says, well, oh, she says,

why can't he see them now? Something. No, Lisa's like, well, why can't he, why can't, basically, like why can't he see them now? Okay, so there was a deal now. It's also happened. What's the deal now, yeah, okay. Yeah, and Lala is also happy to say,

well, he's back on child support is what he told me, meaning like he's behind, when he said back on child support for a moment, I thought like, wait, do they ever range from where the wife is paying him for child support or what's going on, but he's behind on his child support, which is also literally a dead-be-dead. Yeah, so that's bad.

So she was like, well, yeah, but like so long as it's taken care of, he will have full access to the kids. Okay, so when's that? Is it when he gets the money from doing this reality show that he gets to be on because of fucking you, Sheena, come on. And so, uh, Vanderpump is like,

Sheena's always telling me how perfect everything is, but the fact that he's to function in his child support payments. And now there's a restraining order and domestic violence. I mean, that's an interesting perception of perfection. However, he'd be so good bartender. He is hired at Sir! And she knows like, I know what a good audience.

I wasn't amazing, but I'm here. I know what a good family he comes wasn't amazing, but I'm not what a good family he comes from. And so she's crying. And Lala is like, okay, Sheena. I'm just like, can we just stop talking about this blazer? I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm so sorry that you brought that up. Sheena made me do it.

Yeah. So she just starts texting. She's texting on her phone, going nuts right there. And then over at Boisnight, Brock is receiving the texts. You know, it like comes in like, hello, text message. And so the text message says, why in a five grand your tail, wow, wow, wow, my little little raining order, okay?

Like just like, like I was just completely blindsided and I had to try and defend that. And he's like, oh mate, I've had enough loloship bro. And Santa was like, why is she coming after you man? I was like, why I spoke to her and ran to a little bit of situation I had in the beast. I used to nicely drop it. And that motherfucker goes directly to Lee Sen. Because you know what else broke it?

And devils more shit than I'd confided in her with. She's a piece of shit that's fucking low blow, bro. That's low blow, bro. Low, blah, blah. And I'm not dealing with her anymore. And James is like, I know law keeps it real, so Brock should never have confided into law like in the first place. He should, but that's thinking of kids thinking cap on first. He's thinking cap on first. So then James was like, take a shot, take a shot, everyone, do you know what you should do now? Take shots that would make you feel better.

Look, you know, like in the load boys, take some shots. She is. So do you get the feeling when other people take shots, you're too excited about other people's shots. It's creeping me out, calm down. So the short swap's out with Brock. And, you know, at the end of all, it's like, she's got no integrity dude

And and Brock is like all can handle more peace But the fact is it's fixing chain knows relationship and now Lisa has an opinion about all new relationship And all of them met the woman all of the pieces shit and as a woman shit that's changed I understand that he's just like going on and on and basically calls her a shitster and then he's like you don't do let on that Bro, live to different game when you play when you're all sucking someone's dick for range Rover Point well taken I think kind of but you're also Fucking someone famous to be on a reality show So you know kind of like in the La La situation like like neither one of you is really up to judge in this situation.

Yeah, so then he starts crying and he's like, my one thing is my fucking family. So he's crying and he's like crying in the In the interview and everything and Not by anybody, not buying it. You're cute, but this is bullshit. This is sweet bullshit. Acting like, what are you being kept out of the country? Yeah. What's happened? Go back then. Nothing's gonna keep me from my family. Then why are you here, sir?

Well, also he says, looking back on it, I'll be doing it all differently to help out as much as I could. I just missed him. And you know she's just gonna hear that. I'm gonna be like, oh, you're different, often differently. So like, what, like me and like,

summer moon pasta dish? Where be like, oh, you're different often differently. So like, what, like me and like some of my moon pasta dish? Where'd like nothing now, really? So Santa was like, just go, man, we'll be around later if you wanna come back and he's like, likes for the American food. So he leaves and then it's really awkward at the tea. And Ariana's like, glad you guys got everything out there. That was great. And Vanderpump's like more tea. That's what we do in England in the middle of a crisis

Darling, I had no idea this was going to blow up at tea time. I'm so sorry darling Can anyone explain supply and demand to me? I heard this term before And that's where the episode ended. So pretty traumatic stuff, like pretty serious stuff, but like interesting and fascinating. And I can't wait to see how this plays out. I'm really enjoying band of pump rules right now.

Yep, this was a good one. Well, everybody, thank you so much for being with us. We will be back tomorrow with some real housewives of Beverly Hills. And then later in the week, our winter house premium bonus episodes coming out. So if you want bonus episodes or you want to watch our video recaps, just go to Patreon.com slash watch at crapens and become a patron member. And don't forget to go get your live show tickets over at WatchWhatCrapins.com.

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