Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: It's My Party, and I'll Die If I Want To

Episode Date: February 14, 2018

Stassi is throwing a murder themed birthday party on this week's "Vanderpump Rules," and if that all sounds a bit grim, don't worry -- there's also a Kings & Queens party for Ariana. Meanwhile, Jax finds himself in Lisa's doghouse and out of her dog event. Will she ever forgive him? Come check out our recap, and be sure to subscribe to the show wherever podcasts are available! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what happens would like to think it's premium sponsors! Just saying, okay! Can't have a burger without Megan Burg, Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low.

And Kristie D'Aurry, the OG Prem Supreme. Plus our super premium sponsors, Kelly Grant, The Grant Master! And Lizzie Drucker, a fine mother of f- Watch what crap ends, watch what crap ends Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap ends What crap ends, what crap ends I'm having a bunch of crap in this one. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch or Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mantleker from BesideBlog.com and the Bantor Blend podcast.

Joining me today, but not celebrating a birthday, so he is neither a king nor a queen or dead corpse. It's Ronnie Karen from trashtalktv.com and the Rose Pricks Bachelor roasts podcast. Hey what's up? I'm like a hot slut but dead. I'm like a hot slut but like a live. So I guess it just makes me a hot slut. We have so much to talk about today because we have a brand new episode of Vanderpump Rules, a dueling birthday parties, etc. And I didn't even mention yesterday or on the bonus episode that I had like some Vanderpump Rules interactions over the weekend.

Katie Kazzorella had a, she had like a, she had, she had, she threw a birthday party for her husband Walter, who was his 60th birthday and she invited a bunch of people onto this boat. And so I went and I knew no one, but Ariana was there and so Ariana was like the one person I knew. So like she actually saved me. Ariana saved me on Saturday night, which I appreciate greatly. Well, I hope you were kind to her vagina. I was kind to it because I didn't look at it. But then, after that party, I had to go to my friend's 30th birthday party up in Hollywood. It was like a crazy day of parties for me. It's like, I never do this anymore.

And I went to this bar called Isabel, which is just down the street from Uroni. And that's the name of Walter's daughter, by the way. It was a very Katie weekend for you. It is, except Is bars spelled like why s a b e l it's kind of annoying so i'm sure i'm like annoying me while it's just like a different spelling i'm like just totally sheltered on spongebob so i'm totally annoyed why so bell stop it so you need to stop it your parents need to stop it that's so so why so bell am I telling you this?

Because... Because Jacks and Schwartz were at that place. And I was like, oh my god. And I didn't say anything to them. I didn't go up to them. You know what I said? I wouldn't either girl. I thought I'd get punched.

Honestly, Jacks, Jacks first of all looked like he was doing one of those undercover specials because he had like a baseball cap on and glasses and I was convinced that there was actually a camera in the glasses and it was like Jack's undercover for the research and so the Tyra bank show. So he's all his own mystery guest talking through a voice thing. He's like, oh my name is not Jack. Yeah. Only his shadow behind the sheet. So I just was like, yeah, so I didn't go up.

Partially because I have turned into a fame whore broken bird after my Tiffany Haddish experience at the crappies when I had a downward spiral about that. But also, all we do is talk shit about Jack's, all we do. And I mean, shorts is whatever. So I just watched respectfully from a distance. I was like, there's some Vanderpump rules presence here. I'm not doing anything to actually create

an interesting story out of this, but I'm just going to look. And I will report back to the podcast, and here we are. Well, I would have just said close enough that I could be mistaken for Baba and then be made out with Because you know like I'm so similar Just to test how confused Tom number two really gets when he's out drinking with his friends I would just keep ordering sides of ranch. I wish I didn't start calling me Baba Yeah, if only I had like rolled around in the gutter beforehand

I would have been like guys I was just in a river on my wedding day and then you would be like that smells familiar. We let's be friends I wish my other two triplets were here From you Lee wherever they are from So that was exciting Also exciting a week from today. we are doing our biggest live show ever In New York City at the Barry ballroom, which I'm I personally am extraordinarily excited about I Cannot believe we are doing the Barry ballroom. This is like a legendary place a

Few like about two months ago. I was here listening to the radio and the car. And there was a band playing in that for the DJ. It was like, yeah, listen to this band going on tour. They can be playing at the New York City's Barry Ballroom on February 18th. And then, and I was like, this is crazy. This is a band on the radio that's going to play at Barry ballroom two days before us and then it's us oh oh girl I'd like to know how I feel about all that I'm a man young I'm a man young I'm a man young I'm a man young I'm a man young you

didn't get to there was I was I thank God for Danny Pellegrino he was able to sub in last weekend he was so well thank you Danny Pellegrino I'm so sad damn it I love him I'm so sad. Damn it. I love him I'm so sad that he wasn't a sub for you So I could just talk to him and think of his dreamy eyes But I was just sad because there were so many moments where I was like oh, I bet Ronnie would have loved to have been making jokes about this right now You know, I was still making the jokes just you know not on the microphone and I did love it and I love that she know will just keep Pumping out those classic scenarios out on the microphone and I did love it. And I love that Shina will just keep pumping out

those classic Sinos. From my ring now. Good. But just an update on our ticket situation. Obviously, as we say, every single episode, go to watchrocrapins.com to buy tickets to our live shows. We got a report back this morning that there's like only a few tickets left for Philadelphia.

According to the report, look like there's only four tickets left, literally four tickets. I don't know if it's correct or not, but the point is it's really low. So if you want to see us in Philadelphia, then you're on the fence, make a decision like today. And then we have other shows. We keep forgetting that we have a show in Irvine coming up. Irvine is an Orange County, California. Orange County, you know, that's a famous county in the Bravo world and you're listening to say, we, you know, if water crap is going to Orange County, we're doing a show in

Orange County, you know, just, just come, just trust us on this one. Come. Yeah. Come on guys, just trust us. So much fine. Yeah, so good You say all those dates and stuff and then I'm like I need an app. It's like no, you don't you just woke up Okay, you don't need an app stopping such a pussy and live your life, you know, yeah, so live your life Is live your life? Anyway, I'm Eat that and live your life so

Needless to say watch your crap is calm to get tickets and there's like so many locations that we're going to So I'll let go to them and buy tickets and support the podcast and I think that's it for the showing portion right anything else to show. Yeah, oh my man. Oh, my man. Oh, I want to show I'm a man. Oh, my man. Oh, my man. Oh So Vanderpump rules So this week's episode was the big birthday episode. You know, Stasi's birthday, which has not become Stasi and Ariana's birthday episode, is like, to me, it's up there with the Posh fashion show as, you know, annual event that

we celebrate on these shows, and the bro in New York City, etc. So this was our Stasi birthday episode and it began with Stasi and Katie visiting a place called the Dapper Kadaver, which I believe should be the name of like any number of specials on the surmenu. Or really most of the dead bodies in Hollywood. It's like, what a Dapper Kadaver. Even the Kadavers are hot in Hollywood. It's Hollywood. It's like, oh, what a dapper, cadaver. Even the cadavers are hot in Hollywood. It's ridiculous. It's like, I called dibs on that hot cadaver.

Like, not only are some of the homeless people hot, but so are the cadavers. It's like weird. Even the cadavers of the homeless people who are hot. But listen, just because your dad doesn't mean you're not hot, you're not hot, okay? Like if Terrell Owens died, his cadaver would be hot. So what did you say the store was called?

The Dapper Cadaver. Oh, I wrote Afra-Kadabra. I think everybody, after you learn Sina, after you learn Sina, sometimes that's all I can hear, you know? It's like when you're learning a new language, you're learningina, after you learn Sina, sometimes that's all I can hear, you know. It's like when you're learning a new language, like you're learning Spanish and then you start dreaming in Spanish, it's like that when I watch it. So, is he just speaking Sina?

Because he's like, welcome to the hourglass. It's actually a shame that Stasi and Sina were not in the friendship part of their cycle because it would have been great to have Sina be like, oh, I'm gonna dab her cadaver. Are you gonna dab her cadaver today? I'm gonna dab her cadaver. I'm gonna dab her cadaver. I'm gonna dab her cadaver. I'm gonna dab her cadaver.

I'm gonna dab her cadaver. She probably has a friend named Deborah cadaver and she calls it dab her cadaver. Did you see that newly-known object I'm moving at the dab her cadaver? With Deborah cadaver. This stuff is telling the main guy there. He's like, well, come to Avakala. Which is like my birthday party as a

murder party, which would be fun. Like I want like a dinner murder. You know, like one of those mysteries, Rastasi is like somebody called Shina. Who did it? Who cares? Not me.

Let's eat. You know, like something fun like that. I don't like zombies. I would feel bad watching this cast trying to figure out a murder mystery though. It would be a very long process. Chris, it'd just be like guessing.

Um, I don't know, was it like Lisa with a candlestick? Um, in the purple lounge? Now there was no candlestick. Um, was it Guillermo with a candlestick in the purple lounge? Chris, there was no candlestick um was a Guillermo with a candlestick and the purple lounge Kristen there's no candlestick. Wait, I know who it is. Oh Okay, it was Diana with a dick that she ate At temple number seven Actually, yeah, so you got the I'm not I got that I just know these things

Every time somebody gets a cute Jack's just punches a wall. He's like, I didn't fucking do it. Yeah, the murder victim is just a wall. They're like, it's a slab of drywall. Um, side note, did I talk to you about this ever that like, for the past like three months or so, I secretly have been thinking about how fun it would be to do a watch or crap in murder and mystery event. Oh lord. I feel like you tell me this stuff on the actual show because it's like when you break

up with somebody in public so they can't yell at you. That's what you just said. It's like when you send your condolences to Kim Katrol and public, we don't have to do it. I'm just saying, I thought, because I saw my friends did some crazy murder mystery party and they did the whole thing on, like they did it was all on like their Instagram story and it looked amazing. I'm just saying, like if you don't want to do it, it's fine.

If I don't want to do it, it's fine. No, no, that sounds fun. I'm just laughing because my mother was obsessed with those. She did those when I was growing up and they came out. It's like, we went to a murder mystery dinner theater show and then she just got obsessed and all of her friends just throw these murder mystery parties. And you actually have to go and solve the mystery. Yeah, and it's actually like some work to put it together.

So it probably won't happen in the next year. But I'm just putting it out of the universe that like that might be a fun event You know where people could come dressed up like like their favorite Bravo characters like the ultimate Bravo dinner party from hell Everybody gets murdered everyone to everyone gets murdered and Andy Cohen is the one. He's the murderer Someone would guess to be whoever's running the night gets to be Andy Cohen But it's never like the mate. It's never Andy Cohen who does it, you know It's like some bitch from priv who just was having a bad day that day, you know? It's like the worst mysteries ever, you know? Like you go through all this and the end it was like the maid.

Like oh gosh. So anyways, being murder mysteries, so Stasi is like, I feel like I should do a death slash murder theme birthday to celebrate the death of my 20s. And I'm like, first of all, you're still 29. And second of all, I feel like there are other deaths that you could probably celebrate before the death of your 20s. Like the death of your non-granishy look or the death

of your, I don't know, Go cheese balls. You could pick something every year, you know? Like this year it could be like the death of your shoulder pad obsession. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Make sure it could be the death of the pirate shirts.

Whatever. Yeah. She's actually moved away from her granny's chic, which I appreciate. Yeah, that's what I mean, because I don't see the shoulder pads anymore. So you know, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. The death of my shoulder pads, you know, or I'm older,

so I've already had that party. Like when Felicia, when Felicia Galat was no longer on my television on another world, that's when I, that's when I'm more in shoulder pads. I was like, goodbye, little bit, Bano. Goodbye, shoulder pads. Goodbye, this time in my life. I think shoulder pads should come back and they will. I'm sure they will. So then Stasi says, when I die, I want to be taxidermy and then at my wake, I'll have like a glass of wine in my hand and then in my photo booth, people can come and take photos with me. I'm like, you realize that's like what going to serve is like, right?

Ken's been doing that forever. I know. Ken has been doing that forever. I know. Ken has been stuffed. He's just like on a room of engine going around that restaurant. I couldn't be visible. They hired some former technician from the Disney's Hall of Presidents and we're like, yeah, can I do something with Ken? He's like, all right, I'm just having a go like, oh, can it be more like the Abraham Lincoln

ride Disney Disneyland? It's been all over the school 20 years ago It's been all over the school 20 years ago It's just so- I need a ball I need a permit for the room to tilt and turn When it's time to see Abraham Lincoln in a different position They're like, that's really hard

Can we just put a room in the side game? I have an idea for a roller coaster. It's called Go Cheese Ball Mountain. You get into a roller coaster that chipped like a Go Cheese ball and then get shot out in the darkness and we tell everyone you're inside Jackson's soul. Oh Lisa, I really love Lisa's stance. She's like, we'll have a happy hour but we won't serve goat cheese bowls We'll only serve goat cheese and bananas if you want the bowls you have to get a reservation And then she snaps her fingers and disappears and smoke She's wearing tops at from the party She's wearing Tom's hat from the party. And then Robo Ken comes out.

I want to have a photo. Go choose both. For the first one, seven years ago. Oh, it was going seven years ago. Go, damn it. No, you spoke up for the seven years. Go, spoke up. Spock up.

Pumpy's burger dress. They don't talk like that to my wife. And then there has to be that Yolanda who's just like standing there motionless until she comes alive for her one little cue and goes, don't touch me, King. I love that. This is it's no longer Westworld. It's West Hollywood World. West Hollywood, yeah West Hollywood World is like Westworld. They are just bunch of sex bots who realize one day, wait a minute, I'm a sex bot.

This isn't fun. Oh, but I'm on TV, so cool. So yeah, so now Stasi is just basically ordering stuff. She's like, okay, I want a head and pale, I want two of those head and pale, et cetera. Like just everything just sort of sounds like what you'd hear at Sir. Um, that cadaver, that cadaver, that thing have a liver to cut it out. That cadaver has button plants. Okay, consult with Shina please. So, because a lot of people, by the way, we didn't talk about this last week, but a lot of people by the way we didn't talk about this last week, but a lot of people took screen grabs of

China's very strange posterior it was like There were some weird butt pads going on in there or we I don't think there were implantures butt pads and it sort of set the The internet a fire at least our corner of it Well, you got to love the internet because it's like look at sheenus butt on one hand and then they're like Why are we body shaming on the other hand I'm like aren't you the same people who posted that but that's what's amazing about beta-proporeals it brings out all sides of us It's nothing like hypocrites on the show and who watch it like we're all fucking hypocrites Well, I never knew I never knew without the internet

I wouldn't only known with the internet that Sheenie even has a butt problem like it's that it's an actual discussion that people have They're like why doesn't she have a butt? She's like, I do have a butt, look! And so go on Instagram and have like a butt wars with people. And that's why she's always doing that thing where she's facing a wall and then turning around and looking back. She's like, look, it's my butt! Oh god.

Like, well, I don't know what you're trying to win right now, but no argument is being what? Like, yeah, exactly. So we also learn in this scene that, excuse me, little burp, which is appropriate, little, little butt burp, with that Stasi and Patrick are talking again, because what he went on his solo trip to Amsterdam, although I wasn't sure, did he go on a solo trip or did he go on a trip without Stasi with other friends?

I think he went with other people. I think so. It doesn't really matter either way, but he had blocked Stasi because she was mad that he was going without her and then she was like, fine, I'm gonna go like, like go kiss another guy or have sex another guy. And he actually thought that she was going to cheat on him so he actually blocked her.

I was like, well, this relationship sounds wonderful. She's like, just because he blocked me, that's what we're broken up. Yeah, oh, actually, I'm sorry, there was a sexting session. I got this wrong. She was trying to have phones. Yeah, she was like trying to have phone sex or whatever, and he was like, busy, I am setting my man bun, okay?

Yeah, he's like, I I am setting my man bun. Okay. Yeah, he's like, I'm good. Take my man bun. So that way I light all of the Netherlands on fire with it and you are not welcome. Goodbye. So look, we've all experienced painting different levels of pain in our lives, but there is no stinging pain like being blocked

from somebody's fucking social. It's I think a, by the the way I think a delivery truck from from Dapper cadaver is just driving by did you hear that? It's someone coming to hug us to get help us get over the pain of being blocked at one point now. Actually I'm sorry it was actually Ken just like coming down the street. That was Ken yelling. and just like coming down the street. That was Ken Yelling. He's like, ah, been here a lot recently.

I got all my Coachella stuff here. You're not helping, okay? All I think is like, I want to take a chala. It stinks and it's got, not because you stink, just because it's a sweaty concert thing. You know, that's the thing about renting clothes. You're basically, if somebody else's armpits sweat, have fun.

If I have to choose between the prop houses, Dapper Codava automatically wins because they've notized the Catella. They make nothing that's Catella friendly. So Dapper Codava wins. Also, I don't want to Dapper Codava shame anybody, but there was not one Dapper Codava in there. Yeah, you're actually like horrible monsters. I don't even think they were wearing any clothes.

Like they didn't even make any kind of effort those monsters I didn't even see a cadaver to be honest. I just so heads I So heads and that one kneeling taunt a doll that was shook, you know, it was yeah, and it did shake So let's see so yeah, they're shopping because ariana's having a queen and King's party. Oh Ken's coming back Ken's coming back. She's like having a queen and king's party. Oh, Ken's coming back. Ken's coming back. She's like,

we're going to be going. Yeah. Oh, gosh, he's buzzed. I didn't leave him somewhere around here. Oh, he's like, I like Ike. I like Ike. It's like, OK, picture megaphone away, Ken, OK. I like Ike.

Jimin wins. Jimin wins. No, Frank. The rock don't know. Do you give your vote to Ike? Close in this window. Too many Ken Todd. Ike buys.

Okay. So, what were you saying? You were saying something relevant. Every time you start to see something, Ken comes by. Well, they're basically shopping for King and Queen party outfits or whatever. And let's see, Billy, the wait, who says it? Well, Lala, first of all, Lala cracks me up because I love that she's Missy Elliott in her head. She's like, um, Bella, you look some mom.

Like, do you talk like that in the line of the airport because you'll be arrested in two seconds calling everything bomb. Yeah, exactly. Like, look at this part. It's bomb. Don't be like, man, could you please come to the back room? By the way, I have to say, I'm so grateful that Arianna did a King and Queen's birthday party as opposed to a King of Queen's birthday party,

because if these guys all had to dress like Kevin James and what's her face, it would have been, it just would not have worked that well. That really would have put Kevin Lee over the edge. Oh Yeah, he would not he would have rescinded all apology bouquets. You know the second He's even seen a clip of that. So he's taken off his wig and just started punching it and crying Moving back and forth. Why are you so fat? Kevin I say this as a friend. Why are you so fat? Why are you so fat? You famous now

I'm thinking as your friend So Ariana who by the way in the previous leaves the very last part of the previous leaves Ariana goes I Don't like my badge or something and Lala's streaks I don't like my badge or something and Lala streaks. She's like, so I like that they set us up for a badge episode, which is is. Yeah. And so I'm very conscious of Ariana's vagina now because we've talked about it so much.

You know, so I'm like always trying to see what she's doing with it, you know. Yeah. And so she was trying on this bathing suit thing and covering her badge. I think what is going on with you? Love your vagina. I love your vagina. Yeah, love it. And I don't love vaginas, you know? No, I have to.

Can I support your vagina? Okay, your vagina is bomb. Okay, yeah, bomb. It's bomb.com and like it needs to be outy 5,000 in front of Tom. And Billy Lala is like bomb is asked ever. Fave, ask ever. Bomb, batch, batch, bomb. It's the bee on the B on the B on the bomb. Yeah.

And speaking of which, we then go over to Tom. Tom, Tom, Tom, or at Tom Tom. And they're there. There's still like a big pile of shit in there. And Tom's hand of all is like, dude, today we find out of approved on our permits, you know because like no permits You got no construction no construction you got no bar. I don't know bar. You have no future no future There's no flying cars no flying cars you guys like no traffic traffic you can't get to cacchella if you can't get to cacchella

You can't get to cool new band man. It's like oh dude. It's like his own improv team Yeah, he's just like whipping himself into a frenzy because it's an improv team. Yeah, he's just like whipping himself into a frenzy. Yeah, but then what if we do get this trouble clean that braille? Because then we're gonna like get rid of the rubble and without the rubble, there's no Fred. And without Fred, there's no Wilma. Without Wilma, there's no Stone House.

Without the Stone House, there's no one to eat the Brontosaurus ribs. And without the Brontosaurus ribs, like those guys are just wandering around over popular living there. And with Brontosaurus is wandering around popular living there, the question of the humans prop Dude, no wonder why the dinosaurs when I stink that all were like just like

Just not being and then just like bacteria came and like there are all these microbes and like dude They just have to go with things are just like such a toxic environment for the dinosaur dude I was just hoping he would have to go clear the permits with the city so he could be like, hey, city permit, dude, bro, come here. Uh, let me show you how to feel that permit. Okay, I've done this a long time. I was actually I have a contest to see who feels that the permit thing faster. I was actually thinking that was going to happen to and it would just be a moment like where Tom and Tom will be like with some bureaucrat who's just like looking over her nose like across

her glasses like over her nose like umorosis style talking to a cushion I pull him and she'd be like okay I see a permit for is this an ABC permit for Tom Tom dude yeah we know it's like ABC D E F G H I J. Uh, J K K L L M M is it N M O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. Like get out of my office. She's like, I didn't mean the alphabet. He's like, oh, okay, ABC one two three you and me family Michael Jackson I can do that bro. Hey, you want to have a Michael Jackson dance off You can break who do you think could we walk better you or me? All right, let's go bro. Let's go permit bro. Come on

Nini's like ABC I don't want to say it on ABC. That's an Airbnb Nini see that's an Airbnb Neenie. Oh my god we're idiots. How are we 33 minutes into this for Christ's sake? I don't know because I'm reading like the second scene. It's my fault. It's not your fault. It's top-top salt because it feels like I've been here for three weeks watching this fucking empty room. Well, rebel, so Vanderpumpen can come in and kids like, move is like, he gets like stuck on a nail or something. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Like, well, just leave kind of Loney's busy for the moment. You smell like alcohol, darling. And Tom's like, yeah, you know, the triplets I have to like, you know, it was like really fun. And really fun and Tom Tom wins like yeah, like that's that we made it rain and she goes what is that? What does that mean you you made it rain? Did you cloud seed? Where you geo engineering my little Tom tell me everything No, no, no like we have like you know money around the strip club. It's like You know, it's like money and she's like, oh. I'm like, this is your wife.

No, you were in a strip club last night. Oh, yeah. You can't do this every day, OK? I just feel like why would you tell your future business party all this stuff? I mean, of course, she knows that you do all this because you watch the show and it's you'll find out. But it just feels like when you're trying to prove that you are going to be like a reliable

next version of Guillermo and Natali that you would not that you would maybe like leave out the trip club parts of the story. No one wants to be Guillermo or Natalie. Those people actually work and probably hardly make any damn money. We've already seen how the Vanderpumps partner with people. Here's your two percent Diana. I guess it's one because your twin works here. Whatever faces.

I will never call her by her name, Diana too. Diana too. Natalie is Diana too. Diana should be Natalie too, because Natalie was there before Diana on the show, but That's fine. I'll accept Diana too for Natalie Okay, thank you. They have to work so hard that Diana or that Natalie had to make a corner for herself In the name of Diana to go to work. She's like I'm exhausted. Diana too only eats human blood though. That's what's weird about her

So the good news is that the permits have been approved for Tom Tom and so Tom Sandvall is so happy. He's like, dude, this is like one of the happiest days of my life. Like I can, I can remember the happiest days of my life. When I met Rihanna, my first performance with the sunset strip, when I broke up with Kristen, when I got to style those triplets, whoa. When time I pooped and it came out in the infinity signal.

The infinity symbol. It was like one of the best days of my life. Like, who can you tell that to, bro? Yeah. And then like I pooped again. It was like another infinity symbol. I was like, whoa, I'm like on a revenge. Remember that show? When time I pooped you infinity symbol that and I heard the beginning of revenge. So I always cracked me up. It's like the waves are coming and she's like revenge.

Dude, remember Madeline's doe? I remember one time I saw on the street, another happiest day of my life. Oh, the acabreau. And she just stared at me and I felt myself crumbling to the ground inside. I was like, hey Madeline's doe, who could do a better impression of Madeline's doe? And I felt myself crumbling to the ground inside. I was like, hey, Madeline Stone, who could do a better impression of Madeline Stone? You or me? Okay, go.

Hey, Madeline Stone, who could swim to the other side of the pool faster? And she said, dude, we're not in the pool. And I was like, oh my god, I can't believe I just did that from Madeline Stone. And Tom Tees crying and Madeline Promp was like, wow, you crying. He's like, I don't know. I can't stop thinking about Madeline stone revenge And like god Emily really never got a fear shake did she? Like you smell terrible Does your wife know you smell terrible and shake while you write checks and think of the girl from revenge?

Dude Lisa you know now I do for Tom Tom I want to get one of those chairs that is writing in it Just like the one that's yoie satin and revenge that was like the best dude It's a revenge car Hello, this is Lisa Vanderpum. We are taking a commercial break now, but if you don't hear one don't worry. You're very lucky Taking a commercial break now, but if you don't hear one, don't worry. You're very lucky." Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable.

I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there.

We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So now Ariana goes to visit the therapist and she starts talking about her body as she's

and she had an ex who basically shamed her badge. She didn't even light the guy but she stayed with them because basically paid for everything and she was poor and then he yelled it over her head and she doesn't want to have a baby now and she doesn't like being naked or she wants to be naked and not feeling anxiety stuff like that you know typical therapy stuff and the therapist is like oh yes so how do you feel about marriage family and she's like I I definitely do not want to get pregnant okay to me that is a no. Thank you. She goes, she's like, why? And then Ariana tells us, sometimes I showed Tom those gross videos and I say, you really want

to sit there and watch all that gross stuff come out of my gross vagina. No, thank you. Okay. No, gross vagina. No, gross. And I just love that because you know that that's true. She's literally sat in front of YouTube and showed him birth videos and gone, is that what you want? It's a very effective tool. I have to tell you, when I was probably in 7-3th grade, I went to the MoMA in New York City and there was a photo exhibit exhibition and I just like was walking through and then there on the wall was this photo of a lady who had like given birth birth maybe about 30 seconds ago. And it was just like her legs were up, gaping the giant and liquids just like seeping out.

And I was looking at it, I was like, oh my God, it's like etched into my brain. Like I kind of remember it to this day. And I know that for like doctors who listen to us, it's like so what? And for women it's like, yeah, it's part of the natural cycle, whatever. But when you're a little gay boy, it's traumatizing.

Traumatizing. Well, look, there's a lot of natural stuff that I don't necessarily want to see hung on the wall at the moment. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, there's a lot of beauty that just doesn't need to be hanging up in public.

We're in a mat without a trigger warning. Yeah, attached. Yeah. Yeah. So, let's see, Arianna is like, I'm just frozen. And I was like like that's amazing because Frozen is a really good movie and I would love to see Ariana build ice castles with her vagina Like yeah, I want to see Ariana just finally let it out where she's like let it go

But it's like her vagina and it just makes these huge castles. Yeah, like you rebel Tom would love that, you know, I dude my girlfriend make ice-cats a little vagina He's the talking snowman. Yeah. Oh, man. Let's go somewhere warm Do you want to build a snowman? One time we did do you want to build a snowman for ladies of London and I think we laughed for a solid hour just making that up I don't even remember that one. Do you want to build a snowman? No Like Caroline Caroline Sanbury like like not liking when people ask her ask her to do things or something I think it was Caroline Stambury in the room and then the sister was Fleming and she's like,

do you want to build a snow map? Oh no! Oh no! Fleming up my godfuck. Get out. I don't know, but I love that my frozen memories are so positive and even my making fun of frozen via ladies of London memories are so positive. You guys are love frozen. Everybody make a nice castle. How do you feel? How do you feel? Are you to have me a nice castle. How do you mean are you to have me to get into your memories of frozen? Let it go. We have to rest it right. Clear the flim on one of these episodes. Not this one, because this one's already going so long, but in a future episode. Oh, she's amazing. Someone posted an Instagram of her in the bath to make it, you, like, post artistically, so she's not, you know, just pouring it out. And she's beautiful.

But then the caption was like, uh, come on, sleep, come to me. I need sleep. And I was like, what? This is your on tired photo. And don't go to sleep in the bathtub. Yeah. Yeah, it's exactly the worst idea ever.

I'm afraid. She's like, how are you even still alive? Well, and she also has this annoying thing on her Instagram too, where she's kind of doing that Michael Jackson thing of just being a little too into childhood. Like, oh, she has like a little bit of a Peter Pan syndrome going on. Like, oh, to be running in this running in the sunshine, in the fields, this is what I used to do with my mommy. Oh, the great, there's the innocence of childhood. And it's like, what are you talking about?

You're a Baroness who's like, oh, it's America's next, Denmark's next time model. So yeah, kids don't do that anymore. Get a fucking iPhone already. I'm running through a field. We're coming monster. Are you raising your children like that? Roads.

Rosy bros. Rosy. Villarisa, darling. So over itos Villarosa So over it. Villarosa Everyone's coming to meet Lisa She literally meant the bridge that they were crossing yeah, I love this bridge Can I live here? What are those little dolls? They're like no, those are swans, okay? Well, I was like those are guard swans

Hey, Hanky and Brittany goes well, what's the other one's name? She feels panky duh, and she's like oh It's like when she found out cat was the other part of Kit Kat Kit what's the other part? Can't kit what cat? Oh Kit can't Break me off a piece of that kit Cat bar. Oh that makes way more sense. I thought it was Kit tan. So I was like he as it gets mean So they're over here because Lisa's having well dog day And she's giving out everyone their their little jobs and she's We're dog day! Uh, and she's giving everyone their little jobs.

And she's like, We're dog day last year. What's a huge success? We adopted some dogs out to lovely people. We found someone's keys to a new song. Ha ha ha ha ha! We saved so many lives that day. James, DJ James Kennedy of I'll see you next Tuesday.

Can you play some of those kitch songs like How Much Is The Doggy or whatever? How much is that doggy in the window? Are you really suggesting that? She's like, no, really, I am 50. Stop suggesting songs from like 1912, OK? You know, how much is that doggy in the window? You can do it.

He's like, oh, look, we get witty. Could you play that, or is it, who lost track of the dogs and such? Who let the dogs out? Yes, yes, that one. Who let the dogs out? They deserve punishment. Their dogs ran into the eye-ten. Where luckily Diana found them and brought them here.

Woof, woof, woof. Woof, woof. I don't want to leave after any woofs. May I buy or rest for $20, Alex? Um, so I have no idea what I'm even saying anymore. So she's like, look, I've had t-shirts made, they're pink, and they say, we'll dog day. To you, Lala, this is like a church outfit.

We'll get it! Lala hates clothes, get it! This shirt may be for dogs, but it's only one. By broken birds, that's's you one of you! So James is like, well you know see you next Tuesday of course isn't the best thing for a dog park but you know you've got to pay your pews. So they asked Lisa like are you going to stop your an Ariana's parties? She's like no of course not. I cannot be running round on a Saturday night when we have businesses. Do you see the number of mini-leffolders

back there? They are salisa and their foot of business. So much business, business, business work. Don't you know I have roses in multiple spots that need my gentle touch so I can grab their little petals and bend them outwards. So they look almost broken. I must go to Indiana to discuss alopecia with someone there and then come back. I can't go to a birthday party. And then of course ton number two is like, well it's too bad because if you came you wouldn't even have to dress up being a queen at all. She's like look is talking, Mary. Now, this is Brittany here and the rest of you go take a shower.

It's Kirstie Ali here because look who's talking. So part one, I of course wouldn't have time to see part two get your business business business business So yeah, so she chooses everyone except for Brittany and she's talking to Brittany basically about how disappointed she is in Jacks and bringing like yeah well whenever he talks to me about it, he act like like, it wasn't a big deal. And that hurt my feelings because I know it's such a big deal to use that hurt me. So yeah.

I love that Britney's just been relegated to Jack's customer service at the point. So people are calling in like, I think something broken side of me. She's like, I'm so sorry about that. And I think you were roll a paper towel. I like those ones that cut in half automatically, so you can size them yourself.

Don't try and put potato chips on them, though. They'll fall white, too. Learn that, Madison. Okay, thanks for calling. Lisa, I'm so sorry that you're disbanding in jacks. What I can offer you is three months of free showtime. Would you like that yet? For hanky press one.

For panky press two. For panky press two. For kit cat press three. For being a loyal customer of to jacks, what I can offer you is a reduced rate for the next three months. It's a promotional rate that we don't normally offer to customers that aren't new customers, but for you Lisa we are willing to do that. You know what, I get that you're upset. You can speak with my manager. Hold please. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do manager, how can I help you? Siri. Siri's like, okay, thank you for calling. This is

Sherry, the manager of customer service. Now here, do not leave him, okay, do not leave him till you get a season two. Okay, any other advice you need? Now, now I understand you are disappointed, Miss Vanderpump, but we are proud to tell you that Jack does believe he is an awful person and he is beating himself up and he does not even believe in himself. So we have faith in him and we know that you should have to. Thank you so much for your service. If there's anything else I can do for you, please see our automated response line by present three. Bye. Operator operator operator operator. Oh god damn it. Hi

For English stay on the line for Spanish press duo For crop tops call it in as you said cuz they're kind of my thing Okay, so what's your problem? Sorry? So next up area on as getting a birthday breakfast thing from Tom. Wait, we should mention before we do that. The point of the scene is that Lisa tells Brittany that she does not want Jack's at World Dog Day and she's like, I want to punish him because I know how much he would like to be there.

I'm like, no offense Lisa, I don't think that he's like clamoring to get to the doggy daycare day. Even the dogs don't wanna be there, okay? Yeah, yeah. No one wants to be a world dog day, okay? Yeah. It's like congratulating potatoes that they haven't been turned into soup.

Like the potatoes don't know that they're supposed to be turned into soup. You're actually giving them very bad news when you tell them that they're about to be turned into soup. Don't you understand? You're like ruining people's positive vibes? I think if you're a potato, there's no such thing as good news. You're a potato.

But it's just, it's truly, it's not even sold down. Like you actually can only go, no, it's just it's bad. Every time you get wet, just random things start growing out of you. You're like damn it. Yeah, like I actually threw out a potato today because it had gone bad. I was like soft and I was like, oh, it's like, there's just never a good time for a potato. Like to live to be a potato, I should say.

And then like if you're a sweet potato, if you're a sweet potato, people are like, well, there's not really potatoes. So they get classed out of it. I know, the only people who like you are like super healthy people on diets all the time. And that no fun you know. I feel like a potato like it's real ultimate goal in life is to just be binge on you know. It's true although what's cool about potato is that they do get accessorized in like

Mr. Potato Fashion and they can like power a light bulb sometimes right? Like a potato is there a science experiment you can plug wires into a potato. And anyway, speaking of potatoes, Tom Sandivall is cooking potatoes. Speaking of science, speaking of science, fair experiments, excuse me. Tom actually looks like he can cook. Yeah, he made a lovely little breakfast

for Ariana on her birthday. Yeah, so they talk about vagina and stuff. He's like, so what's up? I made you vagina touch. She's like, oh, stop saying vagina. He's like, I didn't. I didn't I didn't but now that you say vagina can I say vagina? No Yeah, and basically, you know, she's saying how she's going to therapy and she feels like she has something wrong with her And and she's like embarrassed by it and all that stuff and and Tom's like dude I just can't believe we're not having sex all the time anymore. Like, when we first worked together, we're like having freaking multiple orgasms all the time.

And she's like, um, yeah, I don't know if that's true. And he like, I don't know if that's true. I don't know if that's true. And she's like, I'm processed that, yeah. Yeah. He's like, pyramid, pyramid, pyramid, permit, permit, permit foundation, permit, permit foundation. Yeah, and Ariana's like, yeah, I was sort of saying I was having orgasms to try to impress you. He's like, dude.

It did impress me. Yeah. It was impressive. It was amazing. So, um, let me see. So then he talks about his dreams. He's like, I'm glad you're getting help because I love helping people. Like, I got a high shopping for those triplets from the new heart show. Like totally high, bro. He's like, make a super gay wish foundation.

Did you know that like Tom's brothers are like rock superstars and they like surf on like in their bathtub. It's like crazy, dude. I was like, no, you're talking about Alvin and the Chipmunks. Dude, one of my best memories of life is when they saying Christmas, Christmas, time is cheer on the sunset strip, bro. Oh, bro.

The Chipmunks. They said I should watch out. Because you're like Alvin. Sorry. Have you ever heard of a song that goes do do do do do do do do do do do do it's like super good and apparently they wrote it. She's like still haven't had a orgasm so I don't know what you're trying to do. He's like bro I have three just singing that song. to do. He's like, bro, I have three. Just singing that song. Hey, do you know where I can get a hula hoop?

I think they really want one. So next up is Stasi and Katie. And Kristen, they're all getting ready for the party. And Katie is doing Stasi's makeup. And she's like, I'm gonna make you dead in the eyes. Stasi is like the hot style. Like, I'm dead, but like I'm still sad because I just died like yesterday.

And. By the way, could there be ever an easier task than making Stas your look good in the eyes? It's like she like does like a dot. It's like they're done. She's like, you did a great job, Katie. She's like, oh, I haven't even done that yet. I was just doing the head.

I want to be like a 10 dead girl. Like I just died. I'm like a hot cadaver. You know, like the ones they have here in LA. This whole scene was cracking me out. And this is when Kristen's like, yeah, like we're dead sluts, but hot dead sluts, like sluts in a morgue. Yeah, we're like dead, but hot.

And she's like, I'm going for Sean the head chic, but like I'm on a bit of like 24 hours, like not long until like like some like really ugly and gross. It's like I'm like freshly dead. So it's like hot and chic, but still dead and bleeding, you know? Okay, he's like speaking of head wounds, guess who came up to me at the restaurant, Kevin Lee. Ah, huge bouquet. And you see the clip of him coming up behind,

he's like, Okay, Tee, your flower, KTee, Tee, Tee, Tee, Tee, Tee, Tee, Tee, Tee, Tee, Tee, Tee, She's like, I'm not laughing, okay. Oh, come. She's she's she party Kevin Lee. She's like no No making him sound like an old Mami He goes that's my Kevin Lee trying to be nice for it. Oh, hello. How okay? He's so bad as in serious he's she's like like you can't ever do that again. He goes okay Sorry Like you can't ever do that again. He is okay Sorry

And this is like do it again Sorry, I'm sorry Katie. It's like again Katie Sorry again Aracato no Kevin concentrate darling you can do it. I can't I'm leaving It's like you know what I feel bad for Kevin Lee because like my body is my body and I feel bad for him Which you know good for you. Yeah as a boy. I'm just used to guys doing shit like that because guys will just come up to you and say right to your face Yeah, you are so fucking fat dude. What happened to you? Yeah, look what we say to jacks all the time

So We also learned that Kristen's having issues with Carter, but since it's Carter no one really cares She's like guys, I'm having issues with Carter like he's just like being was like me an ass. Holy shit. Hey, where'd you guys go? He's just so barky. It's like love me., love me, love me. That's what he's like. You might be Patrick's dream girl. Okay. Yeah. And I like when Stasi said, she said, he doesn't deal

with my emotional outburst while, okay? I wish you would just like choke his way through them. Which is, you know, people with intense personalities, I need that, you know? I need somebody's just like, you're insane right now. I'll see you tomorrow when you're so long for insane. Okay. Yeah, exactly.

So then over at Tom's apartment, Jack shows up and Tom is trying on costumes and he's like in an existential crisis because he doesn't really know what to wear for his costume. He loves wearing costumes. And like, he starts off like in a kilt and then he's like in like various different Indian shawani's and just like trying to find something and putting in contact. And you could just see he's just spiraling down his spiraling in this like, dude, if I can't come over to costume, who am I? I mean, I found those contacts oddly hot on Tom those dead people contacts. They really call them. He's like I think these are the one male and mountain ways and Jackson's really and he goes I don't know they're called Banson Meanwhile, Jack says really hard to commit to the pit bull look, you know, he is like I'm gonna wear white blazers

My shaved head. I'm gonna have neo guests on my appearances now. This is just like, I am going to be pit bull. Oh, Brittany calls and she's like, Lisa doesn't want you in dog dates, so congratulations. Guess who else was math? Some little dog named Panky. He's right about my ankles, Jax. He's like, God, what do I have to do? I thought I'd been doing better, okay?

I've been going to rakey. J X. There no leads on the ground. You know, I haven't been raking. I know what you're saying. Don't lie to me. Oh, he's like, why the grudge? People around here have done worse.

And it is, but you know, you just call and say, sorry. It's like Lisa is the easiest person. I know she annoys the fuck out of people. And I can see why she is victiming and stuff like that, but she's very clear about her instructions. She's like, children, there are times I support you. For example, letting you work my doubts to stand for the rest of your life and never moving you up in any way.

But when I need you at one of my events, I need you to be there for me. Like she's telling you exactly what to do. He didn't even text me. Yeah, I was surprised when Lisa was saying that. She's pretty needy about this situation. You know, I mean, he should have text, he should have been apologetic. And you know, Jack's is always the one

be like, everyone else does it. Like, why me? Why me? It's like, Jack's, no. I mean, people obviously in this cast do terrible, terrible things, apologetic and you know jacks is always going to be like everyone else does it like what why me why me I was like jacks No, I mean people obviously in this cast you terrible terrible things But you do the worst and you do them the most so that's why you you catch it the most and in fact you Surprisingly gotten off easy over the years considering how much stuff you do Yeah, and I like when Britt needs like well you better figure it out There's a way to make it up to her it might seem like a pal is right now

But one team will win and one team, you're fired. It sounds like an apprentice challenge. It's like how to make Lisa less mad at you. Yeah. OK, we're doing a dog theme. OK, so we've got lots of dog tattoos and a cupcake that's pink and a sparkle ball. And to random gay guy to hold your dogs for you while you work.

Darling, that's the best apology I've ever had. You're not fired. George, what do you think? So then we go to it's Ariana's birthday first. We go to a place called COD, which normally stands for cash on delivery, but I guess it's like cod because it's a seafood bar anyway. So we see like, Shina and Lala and some other people walking up and Shina is wearing basically like lingerie, but with like furry boots and like maybe a little jacket and she's like, I'm like max from like where the wild things are, but they

hinted at patra. I'm like, um, I think you need to work on your literary references because there's certainly no clear patra in there, and I'm not even sure if there's anywhere the wild things are. I like them. I'm not, I'm not, I'm ill. Yeah, she's like, that's our, yeah, she, but she, no, can any kind of theme you throw at she knows she will find a way to just wear something lacy see through and kind of howly. It's not a unit hard. What do you call those things? It's like a gymnastics outfit. For a little hook. I don't know. I don't know. I only launched a ray I know is like a teddy and yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just just just just me. Yeah, I can't think of anything because now all I'm thinking of is

home, Tony. Yeah. So, uh, Ariana Smarty, yeah, so check Unitarred Ice. So, Lalo's like, oh my God, you guys, right now I came in the D and then I fell over a B and then I almost broke my B. Oh, I don't know what that meant. But China, I'm not going to break it. Yeah, but what's the other stuff? I forgot.

And Tom. And Tom shows up and he's like an a cape and he has this giant sort of Maleficent sort of thing on his head or as I call it male Maleficent. Get it, get it. Oh, get it. And he's like, dude, I have a guy specifically for emergency caution situations like this,

and he totally came through. I just love that he has an emergency caution contact, you know? And the gay was like, okay, how about a dead maleficent? It's like, oh, that's cool, bro. Wait, is this the Angelina Jolie Maleficent or like the original? Because like, their original was too mean, but like Angelina, like her origin story, I got it.

I got what she was mean. I need to forgive somebody. I'm gonna forgive her. Dude, I put a lot of thought into this. I need to know the motivations about my costume. So, I've seen a ghost. Yeah, like, amazing. How are you? How are you? Good. Lock. Ameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star.

I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star.

I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star. I'm going to be a star. And she enters, she looks beautiful, she's in this sort of like Sun crown golden statue of Liberty thing going on, which was really nice and pretty and Lala was Lala goes this is the most sexy elaborate dress up birthday party And I was like well Lisa weren't charge a brandy would be called set up boop boop sexy Sexy elaborate dress up, dirty party darling. Set up a-

With a seafood and gaze. Do we have any more room for letters? Are you enjoying your party in my restaurant, COD, also known as casual, overtly domestic? Wait, no, that's not right. Katty, opulent dining, Fantastic. Wait, no, that's not right. Catchy. Apulent dining. Can we just call it world dog day?

How about that? Sounds catchy, doesn't it? So Billy and Tom are talking and he's like, you should have seen my drag if you like this. It's as Maleficent. Billy's like, by the way, thank you, Billy, for wearing a turban. Because I was saying the other week, how she has glorious wants in in sunset boulevard of highs.

And then she wears a turban like yeah. She's like, I'm really living for that. Which is perfect. And he's like, you should have seen my drag. Like I wore two pairs of lashes, bro. Yeah. So then at Stasi's, there's horror music and like, really gross monster shots and stuff.

Yeah. And there's a ranch fountain with boxes of dominoes. And I was like, these are my people. Yeah. No. Like, this is how to do it. They did it right. Yeah.

Now, that's the appropriate imagery for a spooky death murder deceased party. It's just a fountain of ranch. It's like, it's good because she tells a story. We see all these dead people, but this is the origin story there. There's a ranch fountain. It all begins with the ranch fountain, and then it ends with a decapitated head. And the people who get dressed up, like Tom Tee says, it's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Like, it's pulsating. Like, someone puts their pizza in there

and then they get their thumb in there. It's so gross. I'm like, weren't you just making out with a random person at the bungalow? Have you ever been worried about somebody? I'm worried about somebody. Yeah. You've been wearing the same old maybe shirt

literally for like 10 weeks. Your hair has not been washed since season three, okay? Actually, they showed him last night in the same shirt that he's been wearing, but they had cut his hair. I was like, you still didn't change your shirt? Like, what is some of it? It's like being hosed down, you know, when you're just in the home. They're like, okay, it's time for your sponge back at bath and hair cut, you know? Just leave the old baby moon and star shirt on. Don't forget he flopped around in an algae infested river, an hour before his wedding. Oh, don't you worry, I will never,

ever forget. So Stasi's family comes, they're kind of at nightmare on their own level. They're kind of at nightmare on their own level. And Peter's like, there's there. Yeah. And I'm purely a stripper from New Orleans, from last season, also shows up randomly enough. And so Peter presents this bottle, as you were saying. Yeah, I'm just kind of scanning through notes

because we're so over and there's just like a lot of random things. Actually, I do have to say, probably the scariest thing that was at our party was not the ranch, it was not the dead bodies. It probably was Patrick's man bun. That was, I think, really a horrifying sight. To know that it was still there, even after going to Amsterdam, even going to Europe and having probably Europeans looking in like, oh god, what are you doing here? And he's there in his like long, sort of like cloak sweater thing with his man bun. And honestly, like, you know me, I get like angry about stupid shit,

but he, so he's like not talking to Stasi, then he like, dames to unblock her, and then he dames to come to his own girlfriends, birthday party like, ooh, like what a sacrifice and you made, it's your girlfriend. Of course, you should like show up like it shouldn't you shouldn't be celebrated for showing up Your girlfriend's party and then you don't dress up in the theme like I'm sorry Don't come to like either you're coming to man bun or in costume or come and costume and like like whatever it is Like you can't come in a man bun and not in costume. That's just not right

You can't have your man bun and eat it too, okay? Yeah. But yeah, he's a total asshole. So he's talking to the mom and he's like, huh, aren't you glad we're back together? Yeah, I'm sure every mother loves to hear that. Like when they've just listened to their daughter sob for months.

Yeah. I'm sure she's like super psyched. And she goes, well, when you went on vacation, did you miss her? Like, did you regret not taking her? And he goes, no. I mean, like, there was this time I was at the Van Gogh Museum. And I was like, it might be nice to share that with someone, but I mean, no, I'm good alone. I got a little emotional. Yeah. Yeah. What a, what an awesome, what an asshole. I'm good alone. Even if that's true, who says that to the mother

of their girlfriend? He's basically like, I'm going to treat your daughter like shit, and you're all lucky to have me here. But leave it to Stasi to find a guy who gets choked up, looking at the art of someone who chopped off his own ear to prove his love to a girl. You know, like, yeah, and he would never get it. It resonates emotionally for him. Yeah, and he probably doesn't even know what any of that means, you know, like, yeah, and he would never get it. It resonates emotionally for him.

Yeah, and he probably doesn't even know what any of that means, you know, but she's like, oh my god, at least he likes someone who's into self-medilation. I can get behind that. He's like, dude, if Van Gogh only realized he could have had a man bun, I could just chop that off instead. Yeah, where's your Van Gogh moment, Patrick, when you're going to slice up your man bun as an as a gesture of love for someone? When's that gonna happen?

Uh huh. Never get rid of him. So, he's like, okay, I'm in a weird place now, and I'm on thin ice with Patrick, which is so gross to even hear her say that because she shouldn't be, he should be. And she's like, so what do I do? I drink.

Yeah. She just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,ager bomb Yeager bomb Yeager bomb Yeager bomb. Yeah, this Patrick guy I just think he's a putz. I'm like I'm not seeing any evidence that he's as woody as as previously advertised There's the man bun and He just he just seems like a jerk. He seems like a real build He took he took Stasi away from us first of all a few seasons ago. So that in and of itself is worthy of, of, of reprimand. And you know, of course, he's gonna say, this is what I didn't want to come on to.

You should have the first place. Go, I got assholes on a podcast talking about how stupid I've got a man bun. This is why I don't want to do it, you know, but like, you know what? Sometimes you got to face the music of assholes like us, okay? Or you don't, but you know, like when you hear people's inner thoughts, anybody would be making fun of your man bun and they all are okay. It's like the sign of insecurity and I think there's a little broad spot on the back of his head so no one tell him. And the thing is, like, you know, the man bun had its moment and I believe it or not I actually think the man bun can be incredibly hot still on some guys like a good like a cross-fit guy with like a beard and a man bun

Oddly, it still does something for me, but it's like he he is not a man bun It's not like if I did a man bun. It's not gonna happen. It's not it's gonna look terrible And I'm just saying from one Non-man bun able to do her to another non-man bun able to do her just at the very least just cut it off. Can we just start there? I love that this guy's basically an emotionally abusive asshole from a lifetime movie, and I'll be care about his man bun. Because it really acts every day.

I can take your abuser, okay? But I cannot take your man bun. Yeah. So over to Ariana's birthday party, we had a little cameo from Ellie, who I think was on last season or two seasons ago She's the one with a sort of strange accent who Slip of James woke up with and like took a picture like in the bed with him. So she was there

um, and Jack's is talking to Billy Lee as you mentioned and and he was talking about how he's really working on surrounding himself with better people Which is lol Because it's not happening. It's like everyone around here is so toxic. They just sit there and like outlash it everyone. Like shut up. Outlash it everyone.

What are you even talking about? And Billy is just sitting there staring at him. Like I really like toxic, it's a good song. He's like, no, they're terrible. Everything's their fault. I'm gonna have a hard attack before I'm 40. I'm like, you're, I think 40 already. And you're going to have a heart attack because you keep

ingesting pasta three or no, sir. Lay off the pasta, both kinds. So outside, Ariana and Tom are talking on a little balcony. And that's so sweet. They're like really, really very, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,

really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really their spiky costumes and it was really sweet. It's like, dude, I'm going to give her a lot of little cuddles now. I was like, oh. And then they decide that they're going to go home and bone as long as they get to keep their hats on, which is hilarious. And you know that happened. Yeah, I probably did. So then we go back to, we now go back to Sosy's party where Katie is talking to Patrick and she's like, dude, you gotta stop doing things like blocking Sossi. You gotta stop doing that crazy shit.

And he's like, we didn't talk for literally eight months. So I'm like, why do you keep saying that like with as it that's a badge of honor? Like it's okay. We can like not talk for a week because we just like made it through eight months and not talking. I'm like, you should be embarrassed about that, you know? And yeah, and Chris, I'm's like, he didn't mean it like, oh, she can't date anyone else but you. Come on Patrick.

And he's like, well, she can bang other people. Just not date them. And they're like gross. And Kristen's like, I don't get it. Like in the past, if Jack said she could bang other dudes, she would carve his hat hard out eat it poop it out carve it up again and Then serve it to birds, okay? Like it's disgusting, but with Patrick, she's second fiddle and no second chair fiddle players worth anything That's a fiddle in an orchestra You know though Chris is not wrong. She's not wrong at all. I agreed with everything she said You know, and then yeah, well, then he seals the deal because he goes, yeah, who else would you want? Or today? Be honest, I win. I win. I'm so disgusting. Yeah. You're disgusting. And there's a ranch fountain. Yeah. Like you're the most disgusting thing here. And there's a ranch fountain here. So

what does that tell you? Thank you. Thank you, Ronnie, for putting it in perspective for all of us. Back at it, it's back at Ariana's. This time for the cake and Thomas freaking out. He's like barking at the barter. He's like, can we get the cake ready? Dude, you have this bar with candles, dude, cake. Where's the cake? So when he gets impassioned. And Jackson's like stopping toxic to the cake, okay, it's not that late. And so yeah, there's the cake and a birthday and Jesse sings. Yeah, I like that area.

And it's like, do you want to perform? And he has backup dancers and everything. I think he's basically singing just good as gold, but his own version. And I'm behind it. Well, I thought so bad for him because he gets up there and it sounds like he has a good voice and he's like, well, let me do something. And then Bravo's like, cross fate away. Like, Bravo's like, we don't know who you are, so anyway. Yeah, they're either fuck jacks in a bathroom and tell everybody about it to disease and premiere or you're not gonna get settled.

Yeah, exactly. So now back at Sassy's, so the stripper and Katie, they're all having fun. And like, oh my god, let's do like a shot from your bot. Let's do a shot this way. Let's we know all this. They're just like having fun with the stripper. And she's the stripper's into it.

She's like, yeah, let's do it. You want me to do a spuds on the bar? How do spuds on the bar? Like, yeah, let's do that. So basically, Stasi comes in with Patrick. And she's like, oh shit. You know, like they're not impressing Patrick.

Yeah. And she's like, I wanted to stripper here like they're not impressing Patrack. And she's like, I wanted to strip her here as a guest. Not a human serving tray. Like who does that? That's disgusting, A.O. okay. And it's like, put it in her butt. Put it in her butt. And she's like, I'm not into this, okay?

She's like, I'm not into this. It's my birthday. And what I think goes. And I just needed to hear that, you know? It was so great because yeah, because basically, Stasi does not want to do a body shot off of the stripper and she's also already so wasted. And she's like, honestly,

like, I'm honestly fucked up on Adorama Killa right now. So, you know, so like Stasi stumps upstairs out of the bar and so they're in this alleyway and Katie and Kristen, like go to follower, and in Stasi's like, I haven't been able to talk to my bar the whole entire night, and he's like so witty, and like how could I not be around his,

what does this, do you remember the thing he said about, like someone's at Rand, so bring it on, bro, it's so witty, so witty, he's sweating, he's sweating, he's sweating, he's sweating, I wanna get shots on asses, So it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is so it is like yes, you did want lap it She's like Katie's like laughing like yeah, it's on camera and I was like I'm just I'm so fucking annoyed about how everything turned out I'm out Like you're not chasing her case, but shut and then Kristen starts doing that thing where she goes into spasms and her arms are just flying at like different jerky angles. Yeah, and it's not so like, it's my birthday.

I'm like, okay. And so she starts like walking off to whatever boulevard is over where she's walking to. And they just basically don't chase after her. It's kind of like a surprising thing. So. Well, let's go to World Dog Day. I love my staff getting involved with the world and dogs,

the world of dogs. Last year, we took over a park. This year, we took over a street. It's like who stands up for the street sweepers in this city? Like, is there a world street cleaning day where everybody can just say Thank you for sweeping up all the dogs shit that was probably left on third. I'm so I'm glad I did not have to go do any errands around there Because if I saw that

Third Street was closed down for world dog day and all that traffic that must have caused I would have been pissed I would have been pissed if I was in that traffic Well, I was pissed that nobody was holding up science. It said only save the cute ones. Because that's pretty much what they do. Well, do you dog day? Yeah, exactly. There's no...world ugly dog day. We let them die.

All right, carry on, carry on. Um, Britney's, uh, there's like a little doggy page in it that was hosted by this local West Hollywood drag queen in real-etra And I only mentioned that because when we went to the Abby with Leanne Lockin a few months ago We had like a booth and real-etra was at a booth with like RuPaul drag race drag queens And I just remember real-etra was like standing there like I am the queen of the Abby right now And I was like listen we have Liam Lockin here, okay? You're just a little respect. I think I said this on the podcast too. I was like, listen, we have Liam Lockett here. Okay, you're just a respect. I think I said this on the podcast too.

I was like, you guys think you're a cool. We got Liam Lockett. This is Liam Lockett. We are the queens. We are the queens of the Abbey right now. I still like very much. Street fight. Street fight.

So Lala is running up to people and she's like, if you give me a buck, I'll show you my end. I'm like, what's that? You know, so they give her a dollar and she's like, if you give me a buck, I'll show you my end. And they're like, what's that, you know? So they give her a dollar and she's like, yeah, I'm at my neck. You see it. Bye. And then she like runs away. And then Peter shows up one point and she's like, hey. I think I've won every other prime puppies.

Brittany's dog wins. And of course, it's wearing Michael Little Pink dress. So of course it wins. Like it's rigged because she knows that all you really need is pink, at least this like still attend your old girl in her head. It's like just put pink there. So Brittany's like, I'll have you then go to her head because I can't deal with two big head and deep is it home. And I'm talking about giants like we know. Yeah, what else we didn't think you're talking about like your octopus painting on the wall. And we know that Tom and Ariana had a really good mind after that birthday because they show up on the pink carpet thing and Tom is just an

a lesbian Bjorn, baby Bjorn with a dog. They're like such a cute California lesbian couple. They really are. They really are. So Peter starts telling Shina about how Sassy flipped out a Katie, which is fun. I don't think it really, I don't think it, what was, I just worked on the Peter said something to Shina, but I don't think there was actually, was there any sort of outcome to that? Well, he was telling, yeah, he was telling

Shina and Arianna both and Arianna's like, and she wonders why I don't want to be friends with her. Like that is how you treat your two best friends I mean come on and she's like you treat your friends like royalty they treat you like a queen you treat them like bitches And you know they're Katie and Kristen you get a man bun on your arm So now so now bring so now Lisa is talking with Brittany and Lisa like well, well, I should really hope you're done making sandwiches for that man I stopped the long time. I'm honestly never started to be it's tricky. That's a that's a hard dish to make if you're trying to make a sandwich Some people I know me learn your lesson about ham sandwiches, Brittany

I think that Lisa will just bring a plot full circle. Just in case you break up and you're gone from this restaurant forever, let's end that ham sandwich thing somehow today, shall we? What's the difference anyway between a ham sandwich and a ham radio? Jacks would eat both. Get it! I'm not really. Jack's would eat both. Get it! Man, not really. Good talk. Good talk. So she's like, Jack's has never called her up,

apologized and he dug a deep hole. But now with no text, he's digging a hole not full of texts. Deep and non-text-filled hole. It's a deep empty hole,text field hole. It's a deep empty hole unlike my menila folder, which is full of things like text messages and emails of business and such. So Katie is reading Stasi's apology text, which is like, you know, I'm really sorry to all the people.

It's like the typical alcoholics anonymous thing where it's like, sorry, I beat your mailbox in for fun that night and then threw it in your car windshield. I thought I was being funny, but I guess it wasn't funny. The very app here. It's like one of those letters and Katie's like, this is so stossy circa like, I don't know, like three weeks ago. Like to just have your friends pay the bill.

I had to pay $1,400. Really, are you gonna walk around complaining about how much someone else's party costs? Because I remember that being a plot line when she needed it. But she's come, I only had to say that, but she's not making it in the crit because it asks for courses totally rude.

You throw yourself a huge party and you're like, pay it for my drink, bye. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm sure Sauss would basically get it back. That does suck. And by the way, well, why was Sassy paying for her own money, her own drinks anyway? I guess it's weird, I guess you get, oh my God, I'm like,

when you're in a total, you actually throw yourself farming from like, yeah, you do. It's like you suddenly, it's disgusting. It's like, oh, hey, people, I see three times a year. Can I buy you dinner? No, press. You transitioned from like having people buy you drinks to being like, oh, hey people, I see three times a year. Can I buy you dinner? No, press. You transitioned from like having people buy you drinks to being like, hey, I got this like corner table

and the drinks were on me. It's like that weird turning point. And I'm like, oh, I guess, I guess that, I guess we're gonna have to start moving in that direction soon. I'm not gonna start moving. No, that's disgusting. I would never ever ever do that.

If Stasi is there, what does that say about us? Well, look, I would just say, man, I'm using your apartment. Is that okay? Yeah, I just want to invite one person over and then invite 30 people over and get a couple of really big bottles of sky someplace. And, you know, get the dominoes, not the ranch fountain. Well, I'm turning 40 this year, so I'm going to do a big birthday bash. I just don't know what it's going to be.

But you're all invited. Even man bun, he can come and be witty in the corner. Oh shoot. You're all invited. Here's one drink ticket Yeah, I'll give out drink tickets. Oh, I hate that. I hate drink tickets Drink tickets are the worst thing in the world I'd rather do it for drinks at that point, you know, it's like I don't know. I just I hate the concept of drink tickets They're just like giving you a little bit and then it's like it's don't know. I hate the concept of drink tickets. It's just like giving you a little bit and then it's like it's it's a good tease.

So. And it's not for whatever you want. It's like the shitty wide, you know? Yeah, like have a pump teeny made with off market, like non-least of antipump's angria. It's like, it's like Katie formally of Real House's Patelomex angria. It's like, what?

Katie, I'm not saying that. That pretty much brings us to the end of this. I did love that Tom was finally like, oh, now I'm mad. I get it now because more money was taken out of his account. He's like, you know, I just wrote a check for 25 grand, right? Yeah. Yeah. Are we getting 3% of Stasi's business? Because I know how to do this now.

Oh my God, I love this show. And I'm so excited for next... Well, I don't even know what next week's episode is gonna be like, because we got a mid season trailer instead, but I'm so excited to talk about next week's episode. At the Barry Ball Room, we... We're just gonna... I don't know how much time we have,

but we're gonna do like what we did with Boston on our first show. We're just gonna sit there and... Go through every single detail of Vanderpump rules Vanderpump rules deep dive next week at Barry ballroom It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be real. Yes, we will see you there at New York City Yeah, we'll see you there Everyone we'll back tomorrow. We'll talk some real house. Why is it Beverly Hills? Watch what happens.com for tickets, merchandise, and our social media links, all that fun stuff.

Go over there and have yourselves a lovely, lovely evening, will you? Yeah, everybody, boy. Bye. Bye. Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watchrocraftens, Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

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