Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Jax and Brittany Go To Blight Castle

Episode Date: March 5, 2020

This week on Vanderpump Rules, Jax and Tom bury the hatchet (for now), and then the gang goes to the living nightmare that is The Kentucky Castle. Meanwhile, Charli becomes our new hero, and James promises to stop drinking... again. Get tix to our live shows: http://watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch For Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real House Swearers of Kitchen Island. It's a parody of Roni.

That's on YouTube. Go check it out. And joining me is the lovely and wonderful, beautiful man, Ronnie Carram from the Rose Priests Bachelor's Podcast. What's up, Ronnie? Hi. Hi, Ronnie looks wonderful today. I know that because it's a crap.

It's on demand episode. Go to patreon.com slash watch or crap ends and you can watch, not just listen to this podcast. It's very valuable. You get to see me in my Powell's t-shirt that I got when we did a Portland show. It's very fun. Very nice. It's actually exciting time.

It was. And in fact, when I was picking out this t-shirt, I ran into a crap and listening right there. I'm sorry I forgot your name, but she's very nice and she was super sweet. So I have a very fond association with this shirt, which I'm now flapping. So anyway, speaking of sort of live shows, in about two weeks or so, we're gonna be in Salt Lake City, home of the new real housewives franchise. So come see us. It's on March 19th. March 19th in Salt Lake City. Come see us. We'll have a great time

We don't know exactly what we'll be recapping just yet, but whatever it is, we're gonna have a great time We always do and then about a week and a half after that or so ish is we're gonna be in Orlando Florida and also in Going back to Charleston South Carolina last time we went to Charleston. It was Madhouse in the best possible way. Patricia was there, Catherine Dennis. It was so fun. Who's gonna show up this time? I don't know, Kai, but we're gonna have a great, great time and in fact it's also a premiere time for Real House of New York. So we'll be recapping that in Charleston. So you do not want to miss that or Orlando or Salt Lake City. And of course, a billion other shows, at least through June, and then we're taking a break at watchocrapans.com

to get your tickets. And I'm not that runny. I think you have something very special to declare. Yes, we're finally going to be selling a new shirt. Okay. Been a little remiss in my shirts because we've been out a lot. But guess what? There's a new one designed. It's really cute. And this for election season is Ben Ron 2020 vote hypocrite. Yeah, we'll be up tomorrow morning. So go get that. Finally, something that can bring us all together as a country, right? Ben Ron, yeah, I'm bitching about it. I'm band or pump rules. Yeah,

even better. That's that's our platform, bitching about band or pump rules, bitching about jacks. How about down with jacks? That's our political platform. Yes, Jack is causing global warming. Jacks is Jackson Britney's wedding is global warming. Global farting. He is impeached jacks impeached jacks. That could be another t-shirt, Ronnie. And peach jacks. So let me write it. You're writing it down. and Peach Jacks. So, Let me write it down. I'm peaching Jacks.

Just every shirt this year is going to be an election shirt, okay? It will, it will be, but the target of it will always be Vanopropa Roles. So it's a bipartisan effort. Yeah, we can all compete with Jacks. Ronnie's running it down like a waitress. Got it. Got it. No.

So, yeah, this was another, you know, I mean, talk about Super Tuesday. This is the real super part of Super Tuesday, Vannamprum Rules. This is here we are where like on the verge of the wedding, but before we do that, we have a fit, but let me back up my stutter real quickly, because I was about to say we're we have a hallowed

Van and Promed tradition, which is the Stasi birthday, but it's not happening this year because the fucking wedding another thing that this wedding is ruining is Stasi's totally self-absorbed birthday Yeah, I'm gonna need that to come back. Mm-hmm Yeah, I'm gonna need that to come back. Mm-hmm. Um, so yeah, we finally at least get to the castle in Kentucky. It would be great if we could just get to the wedding. Okay. Yeah.

I don't need to speak any more of my life. Don't just stupid wedding. And guess what? It's not just you. It's all of you who are getting married. Get off my ass. Okay. Congratulations. You found somebody on Tinder.

Okay. It's great. I'm glad for you. Glad for the app. Glad you got dinner a couple of times Glad you're gonna be miserable the rest of your fucking life leave me out of it. Just stop Seriously do it quietly in the woods and be gone Yes Go to city hall suckers Well this song is keep on trashy calling me names. Can't ruin my parade. I'm dancing into rain

Dancing in the rain. I'm dancing in the rain. Dancing in the rain That was her take that was tricks. He's taken dancing in the streets That was she's like, I want to do I want to do a song Okay, I want to be about like people coming together to dance together like outside Maybe on a street, but not a street. Okay, but in rain and rain. Okay, there it is Paul dancing in the rain. Yeah, I want to make a song called dancing in the streets. I was like, Trixie can't do that. There's already a song called dancing in the streets. And she said, for then, singing in the rain, that singing in the rain. So sorry, that's already musical actually. For I don't know, singing in the rain, dancing in the streets, dancing in the rain, dancing in the streets, dancing in the rain, singing in the street.

Dancing in the rain, dancing in the rain. Dancing in the rain, there you go. It's totally original now, you know? Yeah, and then we see four people who are specifically not dancing in the rain because it's very sunny and they're not dancing. It's Tom Schwartz, Katie, Stasi and Bo, going to get some sort of birthday coffee for Stassian at a coffee shop called something another.

So they, I was like, I was angry at that coffee shop because it was super- You're getting super specific. Yeah, I was like, I don't know why I was angry at it. I think it's going to happen. I hadn't heard of it. So then I felt like it wasn't real. And I was like, you're not a real coffee shop. I don't know what you are. I've never heard of you Valley coffee shop. Yeah, Valley coffee. That's what it's all you are. Valley coffee. So, um, yeah, so they are Katie and they they also down at this table. And then Katie and Tom, like,

try really hard to show some personality by doing this, like, happy birthday song. They're like, happy, happy birthday, birthday, happy, happy, happy, happy happy we are fun fun fun yeah and it's like Katie's like this the whole breakfast she's like just gives Katie face the whole time like you know having a birthday party we have to go to area on this birthday party right to stay home and stay with my totally alive lizard right now instead. No kidding, guys, get them some ranch immediately. Katie's already in full-fledged Katie face, okay?

It's like mine in the morning. And stuff is one of those girls. She's like, oh my god, stop talking about my birthday. Like I almost didn't come here because it's my birthday and I knew you guys were going to like, oh my god, did you get me a muffin? Oh my birthday. Like I almost didn't come here because it's my birthday. And I knew you guys were gonna like, oh my God, did you get me a muffin? Oh my God. Stop singing happy birthday. Yeah.

Yeah, she's totally acting like she is the most immujor modest person in the world when there's like seven years of birthday footage for Sasi to roll every time. They even like mentioned the word candle. Yeah. And she's like, well, when I come back to our state, I'm going to be the biggest bitch you've ever seen. Okay. Right now I'm a baby dragon, but then I'm going to be a bigger dragon. And when was this filled? Was Game of Thrones already over? Stasi, it's over. Let it go. Okay? People are not, Tom Sandivall is not Jon Snow.

And by the way, you know what she said? He's like Jon Snow, like always having to do the right thing. I was thinking about that all week after she said that. I was like, what a horrible thing to say. Jon, I mean, Jon Snow is amazing. And then I was like, oh yeah, you know, he took her down in the end, you know? And is that what she's worried about like she has John snow on her mind now

So she's always coming for sand of all. I don't know if John snow always says the right thing. He did fuck his aunt So hey, they were different times By the way, he literally never does the right thing. Okay, he John snow is like hmm You know what the right thing would be would be to be with my family be with my loved ones right now But you know I'm gonna do instead. I'm gonna go north the wall again because there's zombies up there It's fun to walk around with zombies and parallel one who's around me. Okay, that's what I'm gonna do Yeah, I'm gonna get a dragon killed cuz I went up north of the wall. That's how I'm gonna do It's not the right thing to do Johnson. It's not lovey Johnson. No

Glad you lived just spoiler alert to anybody who hasn't seen it yet. Oh also He's on a boat somewhere so he's like a lie, but at what cost like enjoyed Enjoy being on below deck sailing yacht forever for the rest of your life. Yeah, congrats. You're the king of the north now North of everything and there's not even a Ross Yeah, congrats. It's like almost as bad as being you know, given a castle like the entire time You're like all right. You were no longer in Cersei's honor You get a castle and then you find out it's the Kentucky castle. You're like what? Yeah, it's like when you're like I my goal for this entire series is to be the king of the Hollywood Hills

I'm the king of the hills and then they're like Sorry those are the San Fernando Valley Hills. You're on, it's the other side of the hill. The wrong hills. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's the, uh, it's even worse. It's like the hills on the other side of the valley, you know, where they, you know, there's like way, way out there.

Oh, no, no, it's like the Echo Park Hills. You know, we're like, wait a minute. No, the Echo Park Hills hipsters, the hipsters like that, you know, it's, we're like, wait a minute. No, the Echo Park Hills hipsters, hipsters like that. You know, this is like the hills. You know what it is? It's like when you look at a long beach on a very clear day, there's a random hill out there and you're like, wait a second, there's a hill out there, that's the hill.

That's a hill, specifically, the mission game. The hills. So yeah, and Trixie's like, the hills, the hills, I'm the king of the hills. No, Trixie's like, the hair, the hair, some of the king of the hair. No, Trixie. So Stasi, they're talking about Tom and Arianna, Arianna's having a birthday party. And so they're like, oh my god, are Jackson Brittany even coming to this party? Because like, oh my god, I'm like, I'm wedding. And they decide that Stasi is going to have a talk with Jacks about just having Tom there.

So like, I don't care about fucking John Snow what a loser, but still like she's gonna be a victim about it all year So yeah exactly and that's when and that's when like Maggie Jill and all comes over with a cupcake and it's like guess what We heard it's your birthday. Here's your cupcake Happy birthday to you. I'm a singer so I'm ready to That was my that was my impersonation of a singer-songwriter singing happy birthday who's also working as a barista's her day job I don't know how accurate it was, but that's how I was trying to convince him. It was pretty good.

Yeah. So Swords was like, of course, someone's gotta take the wish, but someone's gotta take it. And Bo just unwraps that fucker and eats it. Bo's out the candle. He's like, took the wish. I wished for a way that Bo can work its way into a muffin.

that bow can work its way into a muffin. Um, muffin bow, pop, pop, pop, mm, that's a hard one. I think he was just like, he's like, you know what, I'm eating this muffin because honestly, I was supposed to go to Jersey Mike's today for lunch and now I have to do this, stupid sea. And so I'm eating this muffin because I'm starving. Yeah. Now I'm having avocado with Katie face.

So next we go to feed and rules. Yeah, now I'm having avocado with Katie face Question what the hell happened to Rosio are we just supposed to be like okay? We're never gonna see Rosio again Maria. I respect you. You're a hard worker. I'm supposing What did you do with Rosio bring her back? Like Rosio is sitting back on a barco lounger in her in her like wing of the house, being like, okay, I'm running Maria now. I've earned this spot, you know? You know, Rosio has like an iPad where she can track all the other cleaning ladies.

Like, yeah, that's it. Maria, you're not working hard enough. Get over there. It's like the shock she presses about. Maria's just like, Maria is Rosio's indentured servant. It's very sad. So Natalie comes by with flowers for Lisa because her mom had just passed.

And you know, it was nice and they're talking about, you know, she gives her some photos of Lisa and her mom. And Lisa starts to choke up. And Natalie is like, you don't like it? You don't like it? And Lisa seems actually more annoyed that there's she can see how young she looked in the photos. She's like, oh God, look, I used to be so young. Yeah. My mother was so intelligent, you know, she was part of Mensa. She could solve a Rubik's cube in five minutes, darling. You tell her to muddle something. Boom, you've got to mint drink right in your hand, darling.

Oh, me, I could find more of my mother. She's really cute and she talks about her mom a lot. And then she is Natalie's like, so are you gonna go to England or the wedding? It's like, I just can't just, I can't dictate when the funeral is darling. But you know, it is sad to miss very, very bold in things in life.

Like the wedding? Yeah. Oh, and I could go back to England to honor the life of my mother who reared me in his arguably one of the most important people in my life or I Could go to Kentucky and see a fake castle that's trying to look like the real castle. That's my mother will be in I could do that. Yes. I don't know. Yeah. It's like yeah first like why why

Oh, so then we go over to Peter didn't make anyone fold the 15 Afghans last night, so we have to fold the 15 Afghans today Do you think we can do that right now? So what happened this week? I mean Rick Kels like, I went out with some of the girls. Am I really drunk? Yeah. She's like, I got really drunk and I got like black out. And then like she not took care of me. She took me home and I got went home and I put my phone on the counter and like forgot about it and went passed out and then I woke up to a million texts from James like saying like

you're a slut and I was a little confused because Does she not live with James like Like what happened? Doesn't James know where? Oh, maybe, oh, you know what it was? Maybe it was that she came home and James is not home yet. Is that what it was? I was confused. Yeah, she came home and James was still out

and he was texting her. That's where she was. And when he did, when she didn't answer, he's like, you stupid. Slot, you slut, slut, slut, slut. And then later we see the text and it's like, Slot, whole breaking up with you. We're not getting married. Slot, whole,, slot, slot, slot. And then later we see the text and it's like, Slot, whole breaking up with you. We're not getting married.

Slot, whole, whole, slot, slot, slot, ding, ding, ding, ding. Like geez. And Dan is like, he did not call you a slut. I'm like, it's James Kennedy. Have you not seen his content? That's pretty much the cornerstone of it. Slot, shame it. You use for nothing.

And Dan is like, you deserve to be treated better than that. Okay, like, I don't care who you are. I don't care if you're drunk. I don't care if you're drunk. I don't care if you're shooting heroin into your eyeballs. No one should be talking to you like that. If they love you, they love you. And so Raquel is in her interview and she's like, I didn't even read all the texts

because I didn't even want to see. And the producer is so, the producer's so evil. He's like, well, the thing would be to like, read them now, right? That's what you should do, right? Okay. Okay. Fuck you.

Where are you? I'm breaking up with you. Horror. Slot horror. Fuck you. Horror. Still a horror. Or a slap.

Yeah, you just like to. We're like together. Now we're broken up together. Slot. Then he calls her a whore then he calls her a horse let and then a slut whore my wow James James literally makes me want to throw up. I like want to throw up right now But I also have been working hard on my math tables and I'm so close that math social. I don't want to miss it. I want that ice cream Yeah, let me tell you one thing about people like James, they totally change. They totally get better. Just be patient. Guys like that totally get better all the time.

Dub him. Leave him. Run. The best thing you should do is just let him be how he is. Make sure he doesn't go to any like therapy. Just just let him just grow out of this phase. It'll totally happen. Yeah. Get rid of him. Just just let him just grow out of this phase. It'll totally happen. Yeah, get rid of him So Ariana and Tom she's like putting on spray Tanner And he's like I feel a babe and they talk about how she's you know

Still dealing with depression and stuff, but it's her birthday. So she's got to go you know That's where birthday party and so they start talking like with Jackson Brittany come and think well Like I totally didn't like send that text message because I like a party would change his mind really thing. But like, you know, like, I don't know, like, maybe they're going to come, maybe they're bad, dude. Yeah. I don't know. So then, um, now we transition over to that party and we got Trixie going, let's go. Let's go game over game over. I'm like, whoa, that's like a very sudden arc tricksy. Let's go. You just invited me to game by and now it's over like what is that messages? That was the shortest game of Pac-Man of all time. Let's go game over game over. Ghost was there a long itch it ate you immediately. So Christian sitting on Peter's

lap. She's like, Oh, but it's going to come and totally make me do a shot. And then we cut straight to that. Britney's there and they're doing shots. And Charlie and Danica are there because it's like blending up the new and the old. Yeah. And Danica's asking Charlie about her date with Brett and she's Charlie who has suddenly become like my new favorite is like, yeah, he kept on being like, I want to get to know you

I want to get to know you and then you talked about himself and his girlfriend like I'm gonna say you want to have an avocado for the first time almost This is like bitch. He's been broken up with his girlfriend for two years. That looks like wait are you Oh my god, I would Elaine Bennes push you and say get out, but then I know I'd get fired. So I'm not gonna breath. That date totally set. I don't know how old Charlie is, but it's like dealing with a child and then we get a clip of her going, I just had an avocado this year for the first time.

I've never had pasta. He's like, girl, you got to fix your shit. It's really bad when I find myself defending the girl who's never had avocado or pasta at 22 years old, but that's where Brett has put me, okay? Dealing with a child. Brett, how about you don't like, if you're gonna be basically like a fuck boy and just go for any little hot, young thing, you're pretty much always gonna be going for children, although I don't think that Charlie is a child, but I don't know what he was expecting anyway. I feel like, is this what he always encounters?

Is it a fuck boy? Oh, I don't know. Well, he's new to like LA girls. He's used to like pulling out that, you know. Like, oh my girlfriend, I've got a girlfriend. I really still think about it and that makes me sensitive. And then girls are supposed to be like, oh, but you're in LA now and And that's just not how things work.

I mean, yeah, just think I have to rework your game. Yeah, just because her eyes were wandering through the day and she didn't seem like she was paying attention, does not mean that she has the attention span of a child. It means that you were boring the fuck out of her with talk about how you're just as clad, she's just as goofy guy and you have this ex and that was really special and wonderful.

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So then we go over to Lala talking to the girls and she's like, guys, every honest not here, like, is she gonna come? Cause last night I was like, just be honest and she was like, okay, you want me to be honest? I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna go off a bridge and drive off of it and die. So I mean, what the hell? It's like, wow, you know, that's probably not something you should be just sharing with everything Yeah, just casually just announcing to the group and was she implying that maybe Ariana had like decided to offer

Self before her party. I didn't understand what Lala's endgame was with this I don't know. I guess she's just saying like what are we gonna do about Tom and Lala? I mean Tom and Ariana now yeah, Brittany's like, you know what? That breaks my heart. It really does I mean, Tom and Ariane now. And Brittany's like, you know what? That makes my heart, it really does. See what's on on my guard. Maybe I should let them come to my wedding after all. She was on the bed.

I can't believe someone would think about killing themselves right before my wedding. I mean, it's my wedding, all right. Hey, we're talking about driving off a cliff right before the IPA, my life. This is my happiest day. This is Jackson's one day week. And this is happy.

It's something when you're going to try to make it say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Brittany's like, I mean, Katie's like, Brittany, as they stole my walk home, her like, and she's like, well, he wrote this real good apology. And Jackson, he could come. I mean mean Jack said he could have found him and Stay up because that would have been better than just attacks. I just cannot stop thinking about the yeah Yeah So Tom and Ariana arrive and there's like awkwardness with Jacks and then Jacks tells us he's like yeah

Santaval attacks me yesterday. I mean a text after 20 years of friendship is a little bit of a slap in the face And then we get a flashback of Jack saying literally all you had to do dude was just texting me and say you're sorry. That's all you had to do is text me Done So Stasi Kim's up to him and she's like, um, I feel like it might be Up to you to be the bigger person here. So I mean, not physically, we already know that that's already taken care of. Chris, like, yeah, you're gonna work right now. Like, I mean, don't do it.

Like, woo. Chris, and you just knocked over three glasses. Could you please stop moving around so much? And Jackson's like, yeah, but I don't want to just be like a rug. You know that everyone can walk. But I will be a rug if it means I can fuck someone on it. So that is still not a possibility. So Stasi's like, um, Santa Paul and Jacks have like done way worse than this to each other.

And then we just see clips of basically Jacks doing way worse. Yeah, pretty much all Jacks. Top 5 content, which is fine. Which was a reaction to Jack's doing. Should he think of it? By the way. So then it is so Jack's is like, it's not supposed to be like listen, they can get over this this fight.

So Jack's is like, I just, I've been burned so many times over the years and La La is like, yeah, but you've also burned him. He's like, exactly. We're dead even in that department. I'm like, wait, first of all, how has he burned you? And second of all, weren't you just playing the victim for being burned so hard? And then Lala just reminds you that you burned him hard to

and now you're being like, exactly, that's the point. I don't have classic Jack's logic. He's like, nobody's doing better in that department of who. Whom? Whom are whom? Whom are who? Homer who? Who?

And all I was like, no one cares to be your grammar coach. Well, I thought she said no one here is, oh, no one cares. I thought she said like no one here is your grammar coach. Like don't even like don't even ask us. We're not the ones. You like to be the wrong people. Yeah, I'm literally wearing a repurposed fluorescent light right now. So, um, Jack's like, I just, I can't believe a repurposed floor for us of light right now. So

Jack's like I just I can't believe I have to give my best man a second a third a third chance I'm like Do you know how many chances you live off of chances you literally? We're on probation From the government that's called a second chance. That's literally a second. If you can still walk into sunglasses, Tom can come to your wedding. Okay. Yeah. That should be the role. I'm on the way to the very Brittany. She's how many chances is she giving you? You impregnated a lady in Vegas and you have no child to care for.

Do you do know what that means? Do you understand how that is a second chance? Yeah, you would have think that someone could rely on. That counts as five chances, by the way. You would think that somebody who relies on Plan B that much would understand second chances. Yeah. So yeah, but either way, he is happy to play the victim again.

Yeah, I'm really shocked. This is your way. He's giving me so much anxiety. I'm going to explode. I just know it's on my wedding day. So Brittany, Jack's Tom and Ariana sit down together and Brittany's like, should I start? Listen, San周vow, we got in one five. Okay. Just one, I'm not going to hate you forever because we got one argument. And Tom's like, yeah, but like when we don not gonna hate you forever because we got one argument

and sounds like yeah, but like when we don't stop playing jokes like I thought we were done like I mean I was dead inside. Well like I was angry I was I like I don't even know what to do like when I talk to you Jacks like I didn't even know what to say. And Jack's like like, oh, all I was looking for was, and I'm sorry. That's, that's it. All I was looking for is, well, not a text, I'm sorry. Preferably a phone call, but seriously dude, you're gonna phone it in, you're literally gonna phone it in, like why not meet man to man?

Oh, so now I gotta take some time out to meet you man to man. It's always on your terms, bro, it's always on your terms. How about this? How about next time? Instead of taking it my time, just text me, okay? Just text me the polity for crying out loud. Oh, he's like, yeah, I feel like my best two men, my two best men, they should like have my back. And I'm like, all right, well, I definitely could have like handled myself better

about that, bro, but like, you know what? I apologize. He's like, all right, you know what? It's done then. It's done because I don't hold grudges, you know? Like a squash thing, so what do I do? Yeah, look at my mom. I don't hold grudges, I just cut people out and always remind people of why. That's all, water under the bridge, water under the bridge. So everyone's like all happy.

And he's, and Tiana was like, listen dude, you know, I'm happy to come just as a guest. He's like, no man, I want to be my best man Like Everyone's like happy and Tom Schwartz like I feel like I can breathe again. I've been watching YouTube tutorials and how to type O-tile all week Now next week. I'm gonna learn about how to take care of a lizard Oh And then Jackson's like I I'm still not 100% okay with what he did to me.

And the music is like, yeah, there's everybody being positive, you know. It's like, I just want to shut everybody up, make one that's problem. So Brittany's like, oh, I'm sorry we got to go because we got to call Lance because he's in Hawaii. Which makes no sense. You have to call Lance, so you have to be in your home, so your cricket wireless works. Like, wait the fuck. It's a cell phone call.

Yeah, seriously. So then we go over to Kristen and Katie and they're sort of by the bar and Chris, like, do you want a shot? Mariposa, cacoph. You want a shot? Yeah, you want to share one? You want to share a shot? Whoa, whoa,acot. You want a shot? Yeah, you want to share one you want to share a shot? Whoa

Whoa shot time He's like ew now why is Kristen acting like everything's fine like we haven't even been talking She's gonna act like nothing happened Ew, I'm like how about she's doing it because you're sitting there like a lump and she just wants to bring some sort of like fun to this corner of the bar Yeah, and she's like um she's like getting the sympathy of someone who's like broken out, but like she's not broken up. So, um, she's like, she's got to put down the bottle. That is Carter. He's like, put it in. Uh, so Katie's like, okay, you know what, I'm just going to say what I'm not supposed to say. Like, I can just do without Carter. It's like, okay, you know what? I'm just gonna say what I'm not supposed to say.

Like, I can just do without Carter. It's like, wow, Katie, I'm so glad you were brave enough to bring that up because no one got that idea yet. Yeah. And Katie's like, so is Carter coming to the wedding and she goes, of course, of course. I was like, wait, wasn't there a whole scene where Jack's literally disinvited Carter from the wedding?

What happened to that? And Katie's like, why are you saying of course? Like, no one gives a shit he's there except you. Like, the only reason for him to be there is if you want him there. And she's like, that is really hurtful. We- all right, he is there because the wedding might need an emergency photographer. So he's packed his advancex and he's gonna be ready.

That's why he's there, not because I want him there. It's because he needs to be there. I'm gonna see just starts crying and Katie's like, oh my God, stop crying, I don't care. So then Peter's deep-throating a pizza. And then James and Rickah are talking. And James is like visibly shaken from not being able to drink tonight. He's like, oh, what can't drink?

So, you know, not having any drinks. So I'm going to say my bias. No reason to dilly dally. You know, pada pada. Yeah. Pada pada pada. Horpid. Victor.

Rickah, meanwhile, Rickah is so happy, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah, parah. God. She's like, I mean, I'm glad you're not drinking tonight, but we need to talk about the other night. The way that you texted me was not okay. Well, if you just answered your phone, I wouldn't have been triggered. Oh, that's all. That's all. Yes. Listen, Ricardo doesn't answer. Okay, it makes me think that she's doing things that I used to do and when you know you're unholy World and guys start talking to you and those are the girls that you don't get left alone at parties. I'm like Yeah, how do you think you found Rekhael? Okay? Like that like don't act like you are not part of this thing that you That's what he does his point. He's like, oh my god. They're all slime balls here

But yeah, she needs to run the fuck away from him. He's terrifying. Yeah, he's really, he needs massive. He probably does not need to be in Hollywood or on TV to be honest. As much as I enjoy watching him and I like him on this show, he is actually, he is on such a bad path, like a horrific, horrific path. Yeah, this is not ending well. So then party ensues. They sing happy birthday to Ariana and stop. He's like, stop, stop it. Not another cupcake.

Birthday at any time. Oh my God, I can't believe Maggie Jillin Hall is back here. No, not another cupcake. So Jackson Brittany go home and to call Lance Byles. Yeah. Lance is like, um, hi. And they're just like gushing all over the place, you know. Yeah. And he's like, he's like, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, well, I'm so honored and grateful that you guys ask me Love you guys Wow, what's my ass and jacks is like yeah, uh don't feel any pressure don't feel pressure I know it's a high pressure thing, but don't feel pressure and then afterwards. He's like oh my god

Did I did I say no pressure? Wow, I'm just so crazy. Wow. I'm like I'm not falling for this jacks And I'm trying to beat this like humble sweet guy right, like laughing and being modest? You're not your prick. Yeah, I'm like, life is the best, you ain't no one. So then we go over to Sarah and I love every time they go to Sarah, how they show people, like remembering an order because you know that nobody remembers an order. But it's this time it's for Cal and she's like, But it's this time it's Raquel and she's like Chicken dumplings to start And then she just walks away and goes to the bar

I'd never put that order in the computer. Yeah table 14 wants a shoe A shoe Shroom cocktail. Sorry my bad So Ariana is basically like hey Raquel can I let's go out of the back alley because I hear you're being verbally abused, so let's take care of this. So they go back there and she's like, so I hear about these text messages, what's going on?

And Raquel is like, well, if I didn't get drunk, I would have kept him updated throughout the night and then he wouldn't have drank. So it's kind of my fault. And Ariane is like, no, it's not your fault. It's totally him. That's on him and don't listen that bullshit because you start to believe it and then she basically asks, can I see the text and we see just this like longon, clon, clon, clon, clon, geez. And Arianna's like, so I just, you know, I've been in this relationship and I should have cut it off then

and I just want you to know that like you should sacrifice yourself forth for some guy. And Rickah was like, this is the last straw. Like, this is the last straw. Do we have any more? Or should I tell people that we don't have straws anymore?

Don't tell James we're out of straws. It's really mad. So now it's nighttime at Sir, and we just hear she going, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Thank you As you trip see me like I'm like I love area on the way so but like I buck the job like Is that what she said? Yeah, she's good as girls. I love our own death, but I booked a job to sing good as gold on the East Coast

So I heard that Charlie showed up dressed as me. So I was there anyways So Brett's like yeah actually, I'm sorry you weren't there because I really wanted to talk to you Like I didn't want you to feel that way about me having a lunch date with Charlie It's like, um, I don't think she's a girl is looking for anything serious And I just don't want you to get hurt or it's like I don't think she's a girl is looking for anything serious And I just don't want you to get hurt where it's house Sorry And I like that when when he's like I know I don't want you feel that a certain way they do a flashback to last week And it just goes her it just cuts her going keep it going up

Just the way she says it like just like raise a machine up keep it up So he's like I'm not gonna get her a prism not gonna Um, so he's like, uh, I'm not going to get her. I'm trusting I'm not going to get her. And she knows like, I just won't give advice anymore. That's just what I'll do. I'm going to keep my daughter up. Keep my daughter up. At which point Charlie shows up.

She's like, hi. And um, Brett is like Brett looks at me because speak of a devil. And she goes, I know. What are you guys talking about? And Breck goes, wow, you guys are wearing the same outfit tonight. I'm like, uh, it's the third uniform. You have a third, even wearing the same boots and she and it goes, um, oh my God, you're like more than a man. Oh my God. And I think you know, you'll be booked for gigs on the East Coast, also singing good as gold, which is what I was doing singing my song

Every girls dream turning into Sina. Yeah She know who is all this time to try and to turn into a Kardashian So all those little girls around my neighborhood just you just hear their little bikes go by bring bring corner Bring Keep it good up I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like,

I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna is like, I don't trust any of the new people. Bretton, Claude, you guys are all new cast members. And Charlie is like, yeah, because you expect that Charlie's gonna get mad at Sheena. It's like classic, the guy putting the girls against each other. And instead Charlie's like, yeah, I mean, when he said that, it did seem kind of weird because like clearly you've been the nicest to me. And I did have a feeling that maybe like Brett.

So when he said that, I was like, I'm not gonna let some dick get in between our friendship. He's like, yeah, just like, I'm not gonna let some dick get in between our friendship. He's like, Yeah, I'm just like, I mean, it's not a liking everything because I don't like him like that. And then they so a cliff off her going all the methods across there Right back and surely like um from Brad's perspective if she did tell you something in confidence and you guys are like closer than you guys are like close then like Why would you tell me something she told you in secret like that was kind of a turn off and then we go to lunch And you talk about your ex girlfriend and then you ate a green like a green slimy apple thing weird like total turn off It's like you had this shredded paper and these long strings. You just were eating that and saying you could eat it with a spoon weird

long strings, you just were eating that and saying you could eat it with a spoon. Weird. Weird. Um, breath's like, uh, it was a lunch gathering and obviously not a date. And you asked me about my life. And then I tell you about my life. And then I ask you your about your life. I mean, don't, don't make it sound like I talked about my girlfriend a lot. And now here's where I got confused because I thought Max was supposed to be the new Jacks. No, they're both similar. their names are very similar max looks like he's on rail like blowing rails all the time he's like fucking all the girls at the restaurant I thought he was supposed to be the new one but Brett has the rage issues they both they're there's

sort of like if someone took like jacks and like divided him into and they they just have to find each other and be they they will once max and Brett to find each other and they will once Max and Brett find each other become one they will become Jacks again. But yeah, he's basically like, yeah, don't make it sound like the whole conversation was about Shina and Charlie goes, are you finished yelling? He's like, I'm not yelling. I'm just saying what you're saying is fabricated. I'm just being honest with you I'm like getting scolded for being honest. That's dope This is why I can't have friends that are girls because you take shit to the next level. That's dope and Brett starts saying this I mean it's just by the way

The people on this show bring the most stuff to the next level of the guys by the way Start sit between the girls. He called she and I had to get her all mad that he was going to go on a date with shark Charlie And then he's telling Charlie that she is all mad. I mean, he's And Charlie doesn't need a girlfriend. Charlie is just like girl power basically, and he's like I'm stuck in this Charlie sheenah smoothie, which is like the most disgusting smoothie And I'm literally sitting here drinking it. I'm like, well, that's says something about your judgment No one told you go into that John but juice and now you're doing like just stop drinking it This is your don't make me feel bad because she enough for weeks

Yeah, you're up on she enough for weeks because you're new on the show and don't know anybody So you're totally using her and then you try and like get bang the youngest hottest girl on the show so that you can Get points for that like give me a break. No one's stuck you in this smoothie. Okay. Yeah. And she was like, if anything is the slimy chia in this smoothie, it's you, sir. Yeah. The slimy chia. The oddly sized bilba. So she knows like, just don't repeat shit that I'm telling you. And try to say, I got to go to my table. Love you both. And Brett's like, oh, I'm telling you and try to say I gotta go to my table love you both and Brett's like oh I'm not gonna let you leave and get try to get the last

word on me and make me look like an idiot and try to say okay you can write in your diary fine whatever I've been seen who's still trying to pretend she's in control here which she's not at all you know it's like, I didn't intentionally poison the wall between right and Charlie. Do I want them together? No, but I didn't do it on purpose. My God. It's like, oh, yeah, now he thinks you're immediate. Good move, Cena.

Nice work. So I'm gonna get another Jack Coke and then go to my table. Like a chap, bro. She's so proud of herself. Yeah, but Charlie. Wow. I mean for the first half of the season I just thought she was just this like empty vessel, but it turns out she's amazing. Yeah, so then we go to Britney cam. I'm on the air plane.

Oh look at me. We're on the castle. And then she's like, I'm on the air plane! Oh look at me, we're on the castle! And then she's like, I'm always known, I'm a so leave a girl, I want a good married at the Kentucky castle! And we see the shot of this castle. This thing is so hideous and so awful. Okay, first of all, it's off the side of a highway. I mean, everyone knows any good castle, you'd have to take a winding road through some gates and then like trees and trees and manicured arrival And then you like come around the corner and there the beautiful grounds and then a castle

It's like you know three or four stories tall and stone and this this one is literally like it is 38 and there's like a little road that goes off through like some Like patchy grass like brown and green grass and some gravel outside the gates to this weird like two and a half story tall building. No. It's hideous. I mean, the only shock to me that it's not a white castle. That's it. I can't believe it's a real fucking place. It's like so oddly, it's also so oddly built. Like it's like, it's almost like whoever built it made a sand castle once with like the molds

and was like, I wanna make the real thing of this. And so they built a castle based off of a sand castle, not off of any sort of classic castle, you know. It's just variance. It's really bad. It's kind of like that, Casino and Vegas, the Knights. The Knights. That's nicer. Excalibur is nicer. It's really bad. It's kind of like that casino and Vegas the nights The nights are the Excalibur is nicer Excalibur medieval times is nicer. Yeah, medieval times is nicer like literally

When they have a medieval themed ride at the carnival. It's nicer So she's all excited and everybody starts coming in and Stasi's like, oh my god, game of thrones doubt Nabi just to throw people off because that's not Game of Thrones. So I'm like, those are two things that she's like, it's like Game of Thrones and Nabi mixed together, which by the way, to me does not equal a great design aesthetic. Yeah, I'm not really good. And by the way, the new characters and the new castles, but then they get like exploded, you know, it's like a general Jennifer convertibles.

Okay, let's just not actually, Ashley, Ashley furniture at best. Yeah. So she was like, wow, just like a full Chubaka, she comes in and they all start looking at their rooms and Stasi goes to her and Jackson's like, well, Kingsley took a shit here. Like, it's kind of got diarrhea. Sorry.

And Stasi's like, okay, beautiful room. Thanks. Yeah. Of course, Jackson's dog has diarrhea in the castle. Very first thing it does and the master bedroom diarrhea. Yeah. Cause you know, he's giving him like spicy cornnuts on the plane or whatever. Yeah.

Exactly. So Tom Schwartz is like, whoa. Is that a bathroom with chairs in it? Yeah, because you know he's giving him like spicy cornnuts on the plane or whatever. Yeah, exactly So Tom Schwartz is like whoa is that a bathroom with chairs in it? Whoa Pre-tied bow ties to Whoa Of course have a bathroom with chairs in it. Just where everybody wants to relax right next to the shitter. Thanks castle Thanks, Terrible castle. Thanks Terrible, like not even pronounced correctly, Castle. So then we get a close up of the guests that are left on the bed. What the fuck are they? Okay, there's like a big cookie. And then there's like a little tiny car wash thing. It's one of those things. It's really good. Yeah, but it's like, when you go through a car wash, you know what I mean?

It's like a big muppet kind of thing. It's like, was it like a cat of nine tails or something? Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub. I'm like slap on your window and then like shimmies up your window. You know what I'm talking about? I love those things. I actually think I might get my car wash today if I'm time.

Maybe I look like a mini version of those. There probably was. This is my mom was car wash that she used to have. This is on her. Do not give Britney the same backstory as me. Okay. My papa had a car wash and I will not be dragged into Britney's back story. Okay.

Well, I didn't realize I stepped on a landmine there. So I did. You can all bet on a Kingsley right there. Fuck her. I know. So let's see. Who cares, really? Okay. So then she and Kristen. Yeah. Yeah. She and Kristen are sharing a room. So I'm already very scared for she and her. Cause apparently Kristen is like a monster at night on trips. And, uh, and they're talking about Carter and like, well, Carter is staying at the hotel at the

castle, but Carter is going to be staying at a hotel nearby That was Britney's request and also Carter's not my boyfriend Like you are literally bringing him to your wedding as your guests. What what else is he? And she's like this is the prettiest you I mean even though you can see it freeway so pretty yeah Even though I do believe someone is accidentally driving up trying to get burgers from a drive-through. So someone told that person we're not white castle. No? Okay. Lala comes into the girls' room. Dress pretty much like everything she made fun of her cal for at that reunion. I mean, have you noticed that Lala totally districed her?

Dragged her across the coast for that reunion dress, made fun of her, made fun of her on social media, never stopped mean-girling her. And she's worn like 10 versions of that dress since. Yeah, it was, I mean, Lala has jumped the shark so many, like she's just not, it's not that Lala we used to know and love. She used to wear sort of crazy things and it was fab and now she just wears crazy things and that's thirsty. Yeah. So she and us like, oh now she just wears crazy things and that's thirsty. Yeah So she looks like oh my god, you're not

I mean maybe I'm the derby you look like an asshole. I mean beautiful I thought well think god someone's telling her she looks like a fucking Thing you put in your glasses to you know like do this to do this to the glasses or whatever. Like the one brush. Yeah. But they're not. They're just saying it because it's white. Yeah. I mean, they did a solid for Lala because of Lala showed up

to anything like that. Like even the wedding brunch in anything remotely white, you know that Brnie would be in tears. I mean, I don't know what she would do that. I invite her to be a brass made. But I didn't even have to invite a rando and supposed to have you see my life. But she can dress like a bride and I'm the bride. And I don't know why she would do that and I castles my castle dreams. I don't know why she would even do that to my yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then Swartz is talking to Katie in their room and he's like, Oh my God, there's so much to do, but I like don't want to do anything. Why have you done anything yet? Have we seen anything that Schwartz has done for this for the past nine seasons? I don't think we have no for anything. Like the male, the male is like, there's dishes on the counter. There's just like all his clothes are crusty. I don't think he's done anything. Yeah, and then Katie's like, great cladde. And he's like, yeah, I was in great spirits. And then we see a clip of him at like a tiny little desk like playing with garage band with a bright pink headphones on. Yeah, he goes, he tells us that that dog, dog the lizard died during the night. He goes, yeah, you know, I, you know, everything seemed like it was fine. And then I looked over and you see him,

he looks over and the lizard is like dead in its cage. This port lizard, I mean, this port lizard had the bad fate of being adopted by a Tom and Katie. Because he literally says that dog died during the night. And this is like afternoon. I'm like, did you even like feed him that morning? What is happening? It's like night. It looked like night that he was noticing that the fucking lizard was dead. And then the so sad. He's like, I couldn't find a shovel. So I just got a

hammer and I buried him with that. And then the producers are so shady. They put up on the screen like an image of dog and it says 2019 to 2019 but they also include footage of like a morning candle outside It was like it was like a it was so shady because they they could have just put up like dog 2019 to 2019 But that they actually like found footage Like this candle like I was expecting like a very like some music from filler on the roof to be playing or something like that. Oh God. To do to do. Exactly.

Oh, so then Britain Jacks go on their back and he's like, I'm getting better all year. And he has a big fake smile, just plastered on like this is mortifying. I can't believe I'm marrying this one. I still have 24 hours. Should I do this? Should I do it?

Me too. So then Tom Tom, the restaurant, Tom Tom, Max is publishing glasses. And Lisa comes in. He's like, Hey, how are you? How are you? How are you? I'm like, Oh, you know, darling, can someone give me a cup of tea? And he's like, Hey, loser, run down the pop and get her a cup of tea.

Scram whatever. They don't have a way to make Lisa tea at this restaurant. That's not a restaurant is this because they just have like a secret Mr. Coffee or just like an electric kettle. Just below the bar. Please pay attention. Yeah, you guys can't even get the skinny curig. Come on. I know. So Lisa's just saying how, you know, it's been really tough on her and she hasn't been around because she hasn't wanted to Be around customers and fake happiness, etc But then she's realizing that you know life is full of important moments and she has to get out there Because otherwise she'll be missing these moments and and I think probably those two getting married is a pretty significant. I mean, I've watched Jackson to grow up.

Uh, so I mean, this is a big deal. I'm like, you've seen this guy steal from your store, start from your restaurant, start fights, be disrespectful, cheat on girls, speak so much bullshit to you over the years. And you're still gonna act like this is gonna be a significant moment potentially in your life. If you. She's like, well, he hasn't really grown up, but he has grown bolder. So that's been fun to watch. Then we get clips of Jack's just bringing in idiot. Max is like, I'm sure they're really going to miss you. Why are we talking right now? Somebody explain when will that to get here?

Yeah. So then back at the hotel, Katie, I mean, Katie has a talent for finding just the worst fucking outfit. Oh, yeah. Wow. So good at that. So she looks like a bunch of like someone found a lady by colony and just stepped on it.

You know, just like squashed it. So it's rehearsal dinner time. Yay. And so they're all getting ready because you know, there's like 5,000 people in this wedding party. So it's essentially like the Thanksgiving parade, Macy's Day Parade, and they're all getting together. And we meet the wedding planners, Mitchell and Christy. And he's like, God, Mitchell is pretty much what you would expect a wedding planner in Mitchell and Kristi. And he's like, God, Missile is pretty much what you would expect a wedding planner in for sales to be.

Yeah, I mean, wow. Pretty much, yeah. So they're trying to organize people into lines and Tom Sandevol is all excited because he brought like a thing, like a sort of like a pack full of cocktails. He's like, dude, this is service-size. Yeah, I haven't got an umbrella too, dude.

And I got a mister, I got a fan, anything you want, dude. Anything you want. You never found a friend like me. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. umbrella. Well, I'm about to have them for these. I'm about to have them for these. I'm about to have them for these. So he gets like a little infomercial for your best man. He's like, yeah, I'll go with 800. He's sandy. So he's six. That's not a threat. I did amount of numbers. I know when I was walking out of that, I was like, I wonder Bravo set up like their own

like 100 numbers of joke. And I was like, oh, they only gave six numbers. Those past. Oh, so then everyone or a couple of people are in the infomercial with them and Swartz is like, he wasn't only my best man and he didn't only hold on to my dog. He'll stick right on my dog. I of course I'm referring to my actual dog, not dog, RIP. RIP, yeah. And she was like, um, he wasn't the best mad at my wedding and I divorced

So everyone's lined up and then we just have like we see just some random brief clips of Wedding prep of rehearsal preparation and we see You know, I think it was Gina is like she's someone's stand-for-randle just for numbers You know where Randall's gonna be and Britney's like yeah, that's a good idea so she goes out into the yard and she goes Hey, Jolly and Andrea. Well, what of you be Randall? Jolly hey Jolly Jolly over here Jolly can you be Randall Andrea? Jolly Jolly no, hey watch us now my wife and Jolly and then and then, uh, Jackson's like,

Tom Santaval's in the wrong spot. It's the wrong spot. It's supposed to be a behind you shorts. Come on, come on, it's supposed to be behind you. And Santaval's like they're covering him with an umbrella, giving him drinks, you know. Yeah. And Jackson's such an asshole.

And Brittany sees this all happening. She's like, uh-oh, dear. He wants swarps to be beside him. But that could be by the back of the guard's house. Hey, Sunday, everybody, where am I going to do? Jolly, what should I do? Jolly, Jolly, we have a crisis. Jolly, Jolly, quit talking to Andrea. No, not you, Andrea, Jolly. I'm talking to Jolly. Okay. All right, Matt, you got your back turned against me. Okay. So, Jackson's like, Tom Setemall is not like, he's not number one in this wedding.

All right, Tom Swartz is like, he needs to walk out first. Like, I'm paying all this money for the stream wedding and it's supposed to be how I want it to be. This needs to be fixed. It needs to be fucking bitch right now. So he goes out to Brittany, of course. Like she doesn't have enough to do. Cause you know, Jackson, he's shipped for this right now so he comes up to break me of course like she doesn't have enough to do because you know Jackson be shipped for this wedding he's already said it yeah

and he's like uh look he's supposed to be behind him he shouldn't have been there the first run through you better do something about it it's the one thing I have the one thing the one thing that jacks asked for of course so uh so you know bring Bernie does smooth it over and Tom is like, dude, when I thought I'll be standing right there right next to Jack's, I was, I was almost in tears. I was like, how much do I have to work in one man endure? Uh, but, you know, being number two, I was hurt, but I understood, dude. Yeah, actually, uh, Jack's is like, it's my wedding. Someone else could deal with this. And so Katie's like, Santa Vah, you're standing behind Schwartz. You're not first.

Oh, yeah. Of course, Katie. So then Katie is just that person that needs to be at every job. To like go give people the bad news. Like you're not getting the refund. So back up, you know, your flight. So they lead a final scene is a lovely abuse scene to top off this wedding episode. Yeah, let's go to Rikael and James's apartment. So Rikael comes to the park floor. She's like, Hi, what's for dinner tonight? And he's like James is juggling avocados.

He's like, look at these things. Every time I do this, Charlie gets confused with all these things in my hands, they're avocados. I'm a good juggler, aren't I? Aren't I? And she's like, are you bummed? You're not at the wedding with every money. He's like, no, I've had enough about this fucking wedding, alright? Just do it already.

After tonight, I don't even have to hear about it anymore. I don't have to look at that hashtag. Jek scored it right. I mean, what to look at that hashtag. Jack scored it right. I mean, what's the remotor all over those sticks? They eat it yet. Yeah. So, yeah, he's just like making fun of the hashtag, which is my favorite form of James,

is when he's making fun of Jackson Brittany. That is the best. That's what that is as redeeming quality. That is why I still smile when I think of James, because even though he does such horrific things, truly terrible things, I then always remember him making fun of Jackson Brittany, and I'm like, there is that, there always will be that.

So Rick Kells, like, well, no one's supposed to sing about it. They almost be really drunk, like me the other night. And he's like, let's not go there. Yeah. This is like white girl voice. Yeah. I love it. I love that he's doing like American accent so much this season. So he's like, he's like, listen, Raquel, I said a lot of mean things to people when I'm drunk, but I've never mean to you when I'm sober girl. See? So it all works out, right? She's's yeah, but you do give me a tone Yes, I'll give you a tone. That's my personality babe. I'm from England. I get a tone. That's just who I am If you don't like me if you don't love me for who I am then bye-bye. Okay. I got a tone hashtag tone hashtag jacks got a tone

Just like um your own barris pay your actions and you should be in the cow. Cow, cow, cow, or I'm going to leave you. I'm going to leave you right now. I'm just like, um, I'm not telling you to suppress your emotions. He's like, you're telling me to stop drinking. She's like, yeah. Well, I got a 10 for you. It's called a good ball of 10 and he storms out, uh, which is like, also, I forgot that this is a thing

that he really likes to do. He storms out of his apartment, then comes back two seconds later. So he storms out and Raquel just says they're like, are we still gonna have chicken tacos tonight? I know she starts crying, but she cries in that overly bow talks way that her eyes just look like they're gonna pop out of her head. That's the only way you can tell she's crying Yeah, it's like oh my god is someone squeezing her chest. What is happening to her eyes? Let go of Raquel So yeah, she's like I'm the one person who stands by him and give us so many chances I'm like well girl. I mean That's on you at the ascertain point. So James comes back and he's like oh

Is the other thing asked me to talk about I'm just I'm so sorry Raquel. I'm so sorry Raquel Which is you know the usual the usual arc he gets mad and then he comes back apologize It says gonna change and then he's terrible again Yeah, she tells them she's gonna start going to Alan on meetings because it's for friends Or it's for family members and stuff of people who are alcoholics and he's like, oh, I'll go with you It's like, oh, I'll go with you. Like, uh, yeah, who are the alcoholics I'm talking about? Maybe they go, okay.

So he promises he's going to quit drinking and he's like, you know, I promised to quit drinking before, but this time it's somewhat it's different, you know, and I don't want to like be a couple months down the line being like, what happened to me? What happened to Raquel? What is it? So I'm going to stop now. And I heard him when I watched what happens live and said

he's been sober for nine months. Oh, wow. So I don't know if that's true. But yeah, you better get your shit together, buddy. Yeah, because Raquel does bring up kind of a, you know, kind of a devastating point, which is basically, you know, the way you talk to me when you're drunk is, is like totally unacceptable.

Because if we have kids together, I don't want them to situation where there'd be even relatively close to that. And that is like a really, that's like one of those things that can really put something in perspective hopefully for someone. So I think that was hopefully that was like, I don't like that they just keep making it like, oh, he's drunk. So that's the problem. He's drunk. That's bullshit. Like, he's being therapy. You know, you can't't have you can't bring kids into the world with somebody like that. You just can't like it's just bad. It's a bad motherhood. It's bad mothering if you do that. And it's not fair to the kids to do that. It's bullshit. And she needs to get over that that way of thinking.

He has just he yeah, he has some deep, deep bullshit in his life. Demons. He'll always have an excuse. Like, oh, the kids didn't text me back. So I beat him, you know, it's like, well, who care? Like, they triggered me. Like, that has nothing to do with drinking. Like, he said that shit would be sober, you know, yeah, that's like, there's like a lack of accountability by doing that. Like, you did this to me. I can't, my actions can't be helped because you did this to me and I was triggered. And so that's yeah. And it's real scared when I heard her say, but I'm gonna have kids with you. It's like, are you nuts? What is wrong with you? There's one thing when you're dealing with it. You know, it's like for Raquel, you know, like, you can work on that. But if you're gonna bring kids into that, you're terrible. Don't do it.

Yeah, because it's not just James. I mean, it's it's his mom too. There's just a whole, there's just, it's his dad. There's just a whole family of dysfunction going on there that Raquel is just getting too close to the flame. But it's also like really sad, because you can see that for whatever reason she does love him and she's basically crying. And then James, Adi enough is like, don't cry, Bubba.

I'm sorry, Bubba. I was like, James, you do realize is like, don't cry, Baba. I'm sorry, Baba. I was like, James, you do realize what you're saying, right? Like, you know, you're using kid-isms, right? Right, James? But it's like things you hear that you know made it okay for other people, you know? It's like, well, Baba, look at Baba. They're happy, they're married, Baba.

Well, just stop saying Baba. Maybe everything will work out, babe. Does that have a tone, Baba? happy, they're married. Papa, we'll just start saying Papa. Maybe everything will work out, bye. Does that have a tone? Papa, sorry, English. Well, nice, happy ending to Vanderpump rules. Yeah, very uplifting ending. Thanks guys. Oh, it was beautiful.

We are going to be back later this week with Real Housewives of New Jersey and Summer House. And of course, again, if you want to see this, go to patreon.com slash watch or crap ends. And if you support at the crap ends on demand level, you can watch this and just have listening to it. And we've got our bonus episode. It's part two of our road trip to Nebraska,

which was hilarious fun. And again, come see us in Utah. So excited about that to see. And I got to call Lake City. Don't forget to go get your Ben Ron 2020 vote. Hip-a-crashers. They will be up in the morning everybody. Yeah, we're excited about all of it. So until then, we will talk to you later. Bye, everyone. Bye. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today.

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