Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Jaxination

Episode Date: December 20, 2017

The women of Vanderpump Rules have a seance to rid Jax of his ape spirit. Will Britney be able to stop herself from jumping right back into the potato sack with him? Beer cheese! This week's ...bonus is a rage against all things Apple pricing and a recap of Married to Medicine. To hear it, become a premium subscriber at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens ***Crappens Live is coming to NYC, Boston, DC, Detroit and Houston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchi blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. For all of our bonus episodes and premium content, become a member over at patreon.com-watchwhat-crapins. That's patreon.com-watch-what-crapins. You can also find us on social media, on Twitter, we're at what-crapins, on Instagram
Starting point is 00:00:41 and Facebook at Watch What Crapins. We'll see you there. I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I'm so happy, I Okay. Kelly Barlow. When she goes Barlow we go high low. Christy Dowdy the OG Prem Supreme and our super duper premium sponsor Kelly Grant. The most gorgeous girl in Texas. We love you. Hello, broken bins. Welcome to the watch what
Starting point is 00:01:43 crap and broken fan podcast. I'm Ronny Karen from Welcome to the Watcher Crap and Sproken Fan Podcast. I'm Ron. I'm Ronny Kerr and for Entrashtalk TV and the Rose Praik's Bachelor podcast, which is back with lots of new broken little birds with curling ions. And here I am with Ben Mandelker, my little bestie, who's redone his house with his lava added a TV, a hung TV and some baskets under a shelf. Mr. Ben mantle of the V side vlog on the banter blender. Hello, Ben. Hello, those are not baskets under a shelf. Those are baskets under a bench. God damn you. I'm chef for my host. I am trying, making a stab at an adult looking decor in the new apartment
Starting point is 00:02:29 and so far so good. Got baskets from target. You know, whenever you get baskets from target, that's a good sign. You're going the right direction. Yeah, and that is very adult because it's like fancy but price conscious, you know, because you're not just some little whipper snap of buying every single thing from Crater Barrel. Yeah, well, the basket is also a trickery because the basket is where I have my, I put the power strip in the basket and also like the thing that connects all the HDMI cables
Starting point is 00:02:54 that feeds them up into the TV. So this way, all of it feeds through the basket handle and it's all hidden under the bench so you don't see a whole tangle of wires. So it's functional. Oh, I'm no stranger to the cord basket darling, but mine hides nothing. The cords just come out over the top around the dog food. It looks like it looks like a long extension cord tentacles of the Audrey
Starting point is 00:03:17 tooth. That is the giant bag of dog food in the center. It's supper Tom. So we are here to podcast, and this is important to say, the sacrifices that we make for this podcast are widespread, they're huge, and I think nothing could be more huge than the fact that I am podcasting right now while my boo goes to IKEA, and I don't get to go to IKEA because we're podcasting. I'm just like, I'm working through this because I want to go to IKEA and I don't get to go to IKEA because we're podcasting. I'm just like I'm working through this because I want to go to IKEA right now and I want to walk around and I want to point at things,
Starting point is 00:03:52 I want to pick things up, I want to look at tags, I want to see where they're located and I want to put that tag, I want to take a picture of the tag, I want to put the Chatchee and my basket get all the way to the warehouse part and then take everything out and be like, no, you know, that's what I'm looking, that's what I want to do. Well, we didn't bring you here for your expertise in the flurgan. It's your excitement about the project. Um, so hi everyone. So we're here today to talk about some Vanderpump rules. But before we get into that, I mean, how could we ever start a podcast without reminding people that we have a bajillion live shows coming up in 2018. Two shows in Boston,
Starting point is 00:04:33 one in sold out, one, I don't know how many tickets are left, but not too many. That's in January. In February, we have a New York show sold out in March. Oh, by the way, we also have another show in January in LA, but that's also sold out. That's the Golden Cre by the way we also have another show in January in L.A. But that's also sold out that the Golden Crepe is live. That should be fun. March we have used in not sold out, but it's selling nicely. I got a daily ticket report every day. We're selling nicely. So that's very good. Detroit is in March, April. We've got two sold out shows in DC and in May. we got two shows in Chicago where tickets are still available. Everyone buy those tickets. Yeah, crap and 18 New Year's resolution.
Starting point is 00:05:10 4k vlog. Look at vlog. This front rules is so fucking hilarious. How do they do this every week? Yeah, I don't know. I really don't know. This year, I mean, this week they did like a born identity thing. But with Jackson's like the disease that everyone's trying to catch, it's like, no matter
Starting point is 00:05:27 who plays Jason Bourne, the disease lives on. Yeah, exactly. No, you can never catch Jackson. I mean, you can catch Jackson, but you don't catch Jackson. You can catch Jackson, but you can't ever understand the scab that is Jackson. You can catch a case of the jacks is you can get eat I like that his name actually does sort of sound like a disease like oh, I've got jacks. I can't come in today It's like mono jacks. Yeah, you know, shingle. Go get your jacks. I
Starting point is 00:05:58 The big we all know jacks, but where is jack zero? No, Jacks, but where is Jack zero? You know, we actually have some housekeeping that we have to do. For Christ's sake, just get it down already. No, this is a thing. No, this is very important stuff. It's actually we have to follow up on something from last week. Forgot it. And basically forgot all about it.
Starting point is 00:06:22 All right, well, this is a follow up on Friday's episode. We need to have a follow up segment of Is Ariana Maddadas. Is Ariana Maddadas. Is Ariana Maddadas. This is a segment where Ron and I believe that Ariana is mad at us, but we can't quite tell so we usually will tweet at her and say, are you mad at us? And then she hopefully responds. So last week, she appeared to be upset because we left her off of the Sir War's poster that we made.
Starting point is 00:06:57 And- Which was a dick move, you know? Dick move. That was a big move. Especially because we made a lot of inroads. They're being friends with Ariana, so she wouldn't be mad with us anymore. And so I, she said that she was really mad that she wasn't in it. So we tweeted at her and said, are you still mad at us about that Sir War situation?
Starting point is 00:07:19 And she tweeted back at us saying, too mad to function. So that's the up. Katie Kazzorler was the celebrity bowl collar at drag queen bingo at hamburger marries the other night. So I saw Ariana and I said, are you mad at us? And she said, yes. So I took that microphone from the karaoke host after bingo. And I saying, maybe I didn't love you. Right to Ariana. And we were forgiven. So, oh my goodness. They like karaoke love. So thank you to those drag queens I kicked
Starting point is 00:07:53 off of the microphone. Thank you, Katie, because Orla for being a celebrity. Thank you to the lady dogs who needed that charity event and gave me the opportunity to apologize. The only way I knew how as As Willie Nelson, thank you. So there you have it. Ariana was mad. So mad she couldn't function. But Ronnie fixed the day by singing karaoke to her. And that concludes this segment of Is Ariana Mad at Us. Is Ariana Mad at Us?
Starting point is 00:08:19 Is Ariana Mad at Us? Is Ariana Mad at Us? But then I made her carry a dog gift basket all the way to Serylica and her arm cert. Is there in the murderous? But then I made her carry a dog gift mask at all the way to Sirlika and her arm's hurt. So she's probably mad again. Oh. I don't know if that's what the song darling was trying at next week when KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB KB K at someplace or something giving their money to dogs in need.
Starting point is 00:08:48 Sounds good. I'm going to crazy mood today because our week is almost done. We're almost at Christmas break. We have what three more shows to do. And then it's Christmas break, but also I just watched this episode of pump rules and I'm still laughing from it. Oh my God. It's so good. So funny.
Starting point is 00:09:04 Always always get even the previously stassy straps after a job interview with and I'm still laughing from it. Oh my God, it's so good, so funny. Always. Always. Yeah, even the previously stassy straps after a job interview with Vanderpath. Yeah, no, I just, I love this show. There's so much unintentional comedy that just creeps around in the corner. It's like little comments that they say
Starting point is 00:09:19 that of course the editors catch because they put it into the final cut. But every scene, there's usually something hilarious. And watching the second time, like when they show those previously, and seeing things we've missed, even if we spent 20 minutes on the scene, like when they were going through Tom Tom. And Ken was like, yes, this is where we see a whole row of bathroom stalls. And Tom goes, toilet's, are you fucking kidding me? fucking kidding me. So mad about toilets.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Yeah. Well, you know, he's passionate. He's passionate about a lot of things, but not toy lights, dammit. You know, Tom, by the way, that I tell you, um, this is a follow up on a story from my, I think our bonus episode when Tom got a head injury, um, swimming laps in the pool in Mexico. Remember when Tom and I were drunk, trying to see how far we could swim underwater? Yes. When I saw Tom like a week and a half ago,
Starting point is 00:10:14 he said, dude, I think it's gonna be a permanent scar. So there it is. It's a permanent scar from our stupid underwater test challenge. Thank God for that large hat. Brim. Yeah. Brim. Yeah. Brim hides everything.
Starting point is 00:10:26 Well, I noticed in the beginning, something the every week in the opening, Lala's, Lala's, busy work in this opening is basically making smores. What is Lala doing in the opening? She's making smores. No, she's lighting a candle or something. Yeah, I noticed that also. She's like, mama.
Starting point is 00:10:42 I need mama. I need mama's. I need mama's Mars. I miss my smarts. Okay. So the first song of this episode is, do you want something to talk about bruises and boyfriends and glamorous girlfriends? Bruises and boyfriends and glamorous girlfriends, Jesus, out. And what a fitting song for the show.
Starting point is 00:11:04 I, yeah, it is a fitting song, but I couldn't help feel like this was the inappropriate like sequel to Bonnie Raids. Let's give them something to talk about. Like, by the way, it's like, no, I didn't mean bruises and boyfriends. She's like, I meant like, you know, us kissing on the sidewalk in front of the town.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Let's give them something to talk about bruises. Let's give him something to talk about talking about bruises and both friends and Jackson's got a case of the Jackson. Bruises for a body rate. I mean, body rate, like I believe that Bonnie rate, like this was her real lyric to this song. And someone was like, Bonnie rate, come on, this is Mainstream. Can we take out the bruises part?
Starting point is 00:11:46 She's like, you know what, partner? You're the investor in this. You need my enthusiasm. So take it out. Take that. Bonnie Rate was very much like, I think if she updated her album to 2017, a lot of it would revolve around jacks. It'd be like, cause I can't get rid of this jack's case. If I can't, I can't heal a
Starting point is 00:12:09 scene drone that has no medical cure. I can't make you jacks me out. I got jacks never mind this song so far. I'm dead. Because we are in this clinic in these final hours. I will try a chest vaccine, but it has the power of making me paralyzed and I'm not be worthy to get rid of jacks. It's very it's a very lannus type song. Just sort of like like, you know, a lamb. Oh my god. Thank god. Oh my god. Thank God. Bonnie Rate never had the anger of the lambist. The world would never recover. Okay. The whole earth would be shattered. It would just be very sweet. It's like, I want you to know that you're a very nice person. And I really like you. So let's go get popcorn. So Brittany and Stasi are starting over at hunger for spa. Yeah, they're going to spa in Brittany.
Starting point is 00:13:13 Thanks, DSC. I really need this. Yeah, it's supposed to be the two year anniversary of a present for Brittany and Jack to go to spa. But of course, that two your anniversary isn't quite working out properly. And Stasi is there to lap up the extras of whatever gets dropped by someone's cheating. She's like, she was like the third on the honeymoon, just in case that the whole thing didn't go through. She's gonna get the free massage. You know, I'm for it. I feel like Stasi needs to have a fake tan intervention. Like, I don't know about fake tanning. I don't really know how it worked.
Starting point is 00:13:46 I don't know where the good places are, what, how to do it right. But I feel like I can see when it's gone wrong. And I feel like with Stasi, it's like, it reminds me of those times when I've made some sort of like chocolate bun cake. And I had to like butter the pan and then put like cocoa powder, you know, you sprinkle it and then you shake it out.
Starting point is 00:14:05 I feel like someone did that to her face because it is just like, it's too tan and dark, it's crazy. Why do I wanna eat stassy right now? It sounds delicious. It does, I don't really understand because you know, living in a life for so long, I don't really see straight hands anymore,
Starting point is 00:14:20 like face surgery stuff unless it's really extreme. It just seems normal to me. On Mr. Robot, the television show, which I love, one of the characters has a mom dying of leukemia and they showed the mom and I'm like, oh my gosh, she hasn't had a spray tan. I'm like, that's leukemia on TV. Like anyone in LA without a spray tan,
Starting point is 00:14:38 that's all you really need to do to look like you're dying of leukemia. Like me, for example. Yeah, not have a spray tan. Yeah, so it looks totally normal to me. So Brittany's like, Stasi, I brought Stasi. You see, is he one person who understands what I'm going through at the cow that I The understands what I'm going through couldn't get on a plane to be here today.
Starting point is 00:14:59 I mean, I think so. We're trying to charter it, but I don't know if that cow can get really on it. Where, you know, I saw that movie Operation Dumb O Drop. It was really inspiring to me. And I thought, what if we did Operation Cow Drop? I left a message on Mammal's Twitter bill, but I haven't heard anything about it. I contacted Linda Fiorentino, because I think she's in that movie. I thought she might have some insight on it.
Starting point is 00:15:22 It's like a bad thing for like any friend to be like, you can't get back together, but like, you know, that's like something you have to work out yourself, but like, seriously, you can't, okay? You weak bitch. Yeah, I like Stasi being like, so he's probably telling you all sorts of lines, everything that you need to hear AF,
Starting point is 00:15:43 because I've been there before, I know it. And then they show a montage of Jacks and season one and two, when he's need to hear AF, because I've been there before, I know it. And then they show a montage of Jacks in season one and two when he's trying to win back Stasi. And all the different things he tried to say and use, and it's like so slick and Jack's like. And it just made me, I just loved that we have all this visual evidence of Jacks being Jacks. Because it's so amazing.
Starting point is 00:16:00 And so eventually, say every one of those things again and this, he just has a different face and a Taco Bell sweatshirt now like that's the only difference And Britney's like well, I know what I should do But community college is out that's expensive what else She's like well, there is something confusing and I'm feeling crazy and you're going to be pissed. And Stacey's like, let me guess you fucked him last night.
Starting point is 00:16:31 You're disgusting. Shut up. Now, Britney, you fucked him last night, but then you also fucked him that morning because we're best to the girls. How many times you going to fuck him out of anger, Britney? Okay. No one should have to listen to Brittney, or she just fucks Jacks like twice in a day, okay?
Starting point is 00:16:48 That's when you have to shut up. Yeah, I mean, it's like the first time she, you know, she said that last week, she was just like, okay, you'll, you guys are gonna kill me, but we had sex earlier today. And then now she's like, guess what? We had sex last night.
Starting point is 00:17:02 And then like all episode long, she's like, by the way, we just had sex five minutes ago. I'm like at this point, Brittany just owned it. Just own that you are, you're mad at him, but you're horny and you wanna have sex. I mean, she sort of is, but this whole like, don't be mad at me, but I just had sex with him.
Starting point is 00:17:18 I'm like, well, Brittany, I mean, just have sex. I don't wanna hear it anymore. She's like, don't be mad at me. I just got that emotion. I don't want to hear it anymore. She's like, don't be my head. I just got that emotion. I would tell you what it is, but it doesn't rhyme with my head. So that's just like you're an idiot. I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut
Starting point is 00:17:32 and get this free fucking massage, okay? So yeah, exactly. So then we then see Jack's Tom and James, I think Tom's out of all. Go to a bar to get a little drink and they sit down and I'm like, I'm down to go with the recommendation. Maybe something summary. For some reason, just like cracked me up. I don't know why. Just Tom sometimes says things that just make me smile. Like, I like the summer thing. Like maybe a summer there. Oh, cider? Yeah, bro. I'll take it.
Starting point is 00:18:05 Bro, dude. And he said, I've liked summer time by Will Smith. Can I drink that? Hey, do you have the Saravan version? I mean, it's really sad, but still. Like I could really use a drink of summer time. Bye-bye. Did you text me about Saravan? I didn't understand what that text was about. Oh, it's because you were going out with our friend Val. And her boyfriend is a very serious musician and we talked about Sarah Vaughan for a while. So I was like, if you get lost on something to talk about, mention Sarah Vaughan.
Starting point is 00:18:33 I'm actually glad you texted me that because the other day I was talking about Charlotte Church. And someone was like, who's the other one? I was like, I don't remember, but it's Sarah Vaughan, right? I don't know. Charlotte Church, isn't she like a child child singer, but they're like two these like British child opera singers that like put her out like Sarah bond from the old days and she does not Sarah Vaughn. Yeah, she does not turn out shitty music. What am I thinking? Yeah, no, you're right
Starting point is 00:19:03 church Who is the other one? There's like There's Charlotte church and there's someone else like Sarah Look at all Charlotte church and Sarah Brightman. Oh Sarah Brightman. She's not a child star She she's from Phantom of the Opera. She fucked Andrew Lloyd Webber to get the role of Christine Okay, well, and then I just don't know anything anymore. Okay. Well, it's okay. That's why I'm here. That's why I text you little notes like that Anyway, so there are a bright man who is undoubtedly listening to this in a bubble bath somewhere I'm sorry for what I just accused you of and you are the only true Christine Thank you. Yeah. Oh, yeah, she's married to Andrew Lloyd Webber from 1984 to 1990
Starting point is 00:19:42 So I have someone else that I'm thinking of them. It's not Sarah Brightman. I don't know. Susan, not relevant. Child, singers, old ladies, singers, who cares? That's not. Jeff the RIP. And Charlotte Church, I'm just kidding. She's not that.
Starting point is 00:19:56 Just Charlotte Church, she's inevitably listening to this writing her back down. I've got one like something. Summary. And then he has like, else, summary. And then he has like, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I dreamed a dream of something submarine. Yeah, she's just dead, but she probably was buried with cider. So there you go. That girl loved to tie one on. And Susan B. Anthony is like, vote.
Starting point is 00:20:33 So like, I'm on a coin. She's like, weren't you going for a Susan? Oh, you don't sing Susan B. Anthony. I sing the songs of oppression. Shut up, Susan B Anthony, you're already on a coin. Not really, they took it away from you. Give us something to do. Oh, that was cool.
Starting point is 00:20:53 Yeah, that was really mean. She's like, can I please have something fresh? I don't care what it is, just make sure it has alcohol. I don't think that's what Susan B. Anthony was fighting for. She was not up the time. She was just fighting more for our suffrage than a beverage show. Well, no one suffers more than the women of Vanderpump rules back to the show. Back to the show. So there's this flashback of Jack's and Brittany breaking up from last week.
Starting point is 00:21:21 And I really appreciated that you know how they they make it all like blue and white. But they keep there was keep one thing in color for some stupid reason. I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here.
Starting point is 00:21:40 I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here. I was really happy to be here. frame. I hope you saw it. I did. And I was also glad for you because online people really are upset about that off frame people thing. They're really, really upset. I'm glad this is called validation for my friend, Ben. Okay. Every little tweet that came out that was like, fuck them. And there off center people frame from friends. It's a guest.
Starting point is 00:22:03 That's for you. Ben, thank you. It's just me under different made up Twitter names. Yeah. That's a lot of effort to go to validate the frame. You're like, I really feel like I want to support Ben. I'm going to make fun. I'm going to, I'm going to do an anti-troll. It's like a reverse trolling.
Starting point is 00:22:18 And just to make you feel left. Thanks. I needed sometimes. Yeah. Like Susan B. Anthony went, said, I do anything for you. Like Susan B. Anthony was saying, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that. Like Susan B. Anthony went saying, Prusis, like Susan B. Anthony wants saying, have a heart. Why don't you have a heart? Um, okay.
Starting point is 00:22:45 So in addition to Sarah Brightman and Charlotte Church, I would like to apologize to the rest of you for listening to this podcast. I can't help it. Yeah. It's almost Christmas break. I can't help it. Darling. So the guys are taking jacks out to feel better about cheating on his girlfriend,
Starting point is 00:23:07 which you know, that's so this show. So at times like, bro, guess what I got? Sider, it's fresh. Do you need this, bro? It's like summer. Would you like a pint of summer? Got it. So, Jack's like, you know, Brittany and I like two years been together. Two years from today, two years. Like, what are you fucking I robot speak? What is wrong with Jack's now? He's robot. That happened to you, sir.
Starting point is 00:23:37 Yeah, exactly. And he's saying how he's just like, he hates all this drama. And basically, he just wants Brittany to hook up with someone else to make it even I'm like, I don't think that's how it works It's not about like oh you hooked up like that that it's about a trust issue. It's that you lied Jack's well, I mean you're
Starting point is 00:23:55 I mean to jacks also it's not fair because if Britney hooks up with someone else she's giving them jacks You know what I mean? Yeah, she's like getting the jacks spreading the jacks, which hurt somebody else, you know So that's a bad suggestion, especially because it's uncurable. Yes, get your jacks back Yeah, you get your jack shot everyone. I know there are a lot of anti-vaxxers out there And I will say You know, I am very pro vaccine, but the one vaccine that is dangerous is the jacks vaccine because you might actually wind up getting accidentally jacks Yeah, be an anti-vaxxer, but not an anti-Jack's Vaxer. Yeah, it won't give you autism, but it will give you Jack's by accident Which could be worse depending on the degree. It was a Jack's accident
Starting point is 00:24:40 So Jack's is like to be honest with you guys, okay, it's already a lie. Because Jack starts everything with to be honest. He's one of those who starts with to be honest. And he's doing this like mumble, like, spastic, like, I don't know, like Tourette's talking. And he's like, I know I was supposed to say to hotel last night, but right, want me to, didn't. Okay, what do you, it's like you're coked up Yoda, okay? Dude, you didn't say at the Pally House dude. I Love that he's the Pally House when he cheats
Starting point is 00:25:11 It's like so random I'm very like if you don't live in LA. It's hard to describe It's there's nothing wrong with saying at the Pally House. It's a douche pit And it's also a douche pit where jacks could get laid any second of the day, okay? It's just I mean, I think it's close to their apartments, but it's just, I don't know, I feel like if I cheat and I am like exiled to a hotel, I would say it like a holiday in. You know, like it's, like, it feels weird to like,
Starting point is 00:25:36 go somewhere that's like a boutique hotel. I don't know why. Well, you pay your penance at a best-wester, not the Pally House. You know, it's like, shame on you. Go to Paradise. I'm staying in our luxury apartment next to Katie and Tom. How did he win? Like he got the nicer place in this.
Starting point is 00:25:53 But I think I interrupted you. So apologies. What were you gonna say about all this? Well, he's basically like, well, she just wants to bone more, you know? And he's like, I guess she really likes hate fucking me. And Tom looks really mad. And it's not that Britney is disrespecting himself. He's just like,
Starting point is 00:26:09 damn, I haven't banged in like months and even you're getting banged and you totally cheat on your girlfriend all the time. James is like, it's called makeup sex. It's a thing. It's like, yes, welcome to like it. Welcome to life. It's why I keep hiding Logan's keys. I think magically finding them later. He always finds them right behind the shade. My standing wall shade. It's where I live behind the shade. James is like, you didn't even bang at Coachella? Yeah, I love that. Coachella, did you guys bang at Coachella? No, who goes to Coachella and doesn't bang at Coachella? Like the nastiest place to bang.
Starting point is 00:26:56 You smell like butt crack the whole time, you know? Yeah, and I'm like, I just want to see your face. I just want to look at her face while she's working out. That's all I want. I just want to feel her soul, you know? Like, I want to take her spirit and hug it and caress it until it's beautiful. They're like, uh, you're never fucking good again, okay? I literally downloaded an audiobook on intimacy last night, three o'clock in the morning, and all I learned to do was clone dinosaurs. Like, you just download a dress from her.
Starting point is 00:27:22 Oh my god. Thank god. I was like, God, being into it is so suspenseful. Scary. He's like, Oh, I love his stuck in amber. One day somebody's going to realize it and make a whole team park out of me not getting laid around. Do I thought I had to bring kids? The tired Rana Soar X-Rex. Who listens to an audiobook at three in the morning and thinks they're going to get laid? Ariana is probably like unable to fuck because she's exhausted, okay?
Starting point is 00:27:55 That's not how you do it. Yeah. It's a bold, it's a bold move. Well, you know, maybe if they had a Casper mattress, things would be more exciting because guess what, we have a Casper mattress thing to talk about Casper mattress. Oh, well, way to make it exciting. We're like, hey, right after this, right after the scene about nobody getting laid, let's talk about. Well, I said if they had one, maybe they'd get laid more, maybe they're in one of those stupid, all phone mattresses
Starting point is 00:28:25 where it's hard to have sex because you think into it. So it's more like you're just like pounding someone into like foam and then they just get lost in the foam. And you're like, dude, where'd you go in the foam? Dude. Well, where's Ariana? But if they had a Casper mattress, there'd be all sorts of love and excitement.
Starting point is 00:28:42 In that audio book, I downloaded it three in the morning. It said that Casper is a sleep brand that created an outrageously comfortable mattress sold directly to consumers, eliminating commission driven inflated prices, Braille. Its award-winning sleep surface was developed in-house, has a sleep design,
Starting point is 00:28:58 and it's delivered in a small, how did they do that size box? In addition to the mattress, Casper also can like look at your soul and hug it or like look at your spirit and caress its face. You know what I mean, Brale, it also offers an adaptive pillow and soft breathable sheets.
Starting point is 00:29:14 All right. Now I have to be honest with you guys. Last night, I said I was going home, but instead you know what I did? I went and researched and found out that Casper makes a premium mattress and sells it online for a fraction what would cost in the store their business works by continuously developing their mattress using feedback of nearly half a million customers three quarters of which
Starting point is 00:29:36 Jack's might have slapped with real customers have said the mattress is like sleeping on British and like being cradled by the tickling of baby laughter in the moonlight. Buying the Casper is easy. You order it online. It's delivered to your door in a compact box, free shipping, free returns, much like Lala. It's available in the US. It's available in the US It's available in the US canva and now they you carry Considering was spent one third of our lives on a mattress. Oh, it's important. It's really sick on a mattress before committing You know, that's why Casper gives you like 100 nice to try it out like I'll give 100 nice to a penis even though I won't take it all the way down
Starting point is 00:30:24 But I'll still 100 nice to a penis even though I won't take it all the way down, but I'll still try. Seriously? Seriously? Get $50 towards any mattress purchase by visiting www.caspur.com slash crappens and using the code Crapens, terms and conditions apply. That's www.caspur.com slash crapens promo code crapens. Tell them that Gina sent you. Hey, that's like crap and say f. Crapens. I mean, Casper. Looking for a pen to time code that. Casper, we'd like to thank you. Let's keep them something to talk about. Casper preases. Have a hot have a Casper. Oh, why won't talk about. Casper pre-says. Have a heart, have a Casper.
Starting point is 00:31:06 Oh, why won't you have a Casper? Oh, Casper, we've been with you for a long time. Yeah, we appreciate you. We will continue to be with you. We will never cheat on you, okay? Casper. No, no, I love my Casper. And especially one, and I got a mattress topper for my Casper just for the fun of it. And now my Casper is even extra Casper-y. I love it.
Starting point is 00:31:29 Casper Casper Casper! Super Casper! Did I wish I just wish my Casper mattress understood the opportunity? I was giving it by putting a top-up on it and letting me sleep on it. That is a gift! Welcome to my new restaurant full of beds called Casper Casper. So, speaking of least, we see Lisa and Ken at pump. I think they're at pump and they're like, I like the look of that chair. I like the look of that chair, cover. And he's like, maintenance is a massive problem.
Starting point is 00:32:01 Maintenance, you know, later on. It's a big thing we need to think about here. Maintenance and massive problems. Speaking of maintenance, being a massive problem maintenance. You know, ladies and gentlemen, it's a big thing we need to think about here maintenance and massive problems. Speaking of maintenance being a massive problem, here comes Tom too with balloon. Oh, hi, Ken and Lisa. I just got my MBA. Just kidding. I didn't get an MBA, but I read online that a way to do business is to bring a balloon and flowers your new boss. Hi Armidine left a bad taste in my mouth. So like instead of brushing my teeth. I got you flowers Now Tom to I guess this is a shot before they did Long Beach pride because I that's what I was thinking They've already paid their penance like when you drive all the way to Long Beach and like, sit through Pride, you said you're sorry, you know? Yeah, exactly. Like, I was, I was like, okay, this is obviously shot out of order because it seemed like they squash their beef.
Starting point is 00:32:55 Carpacho, last week, but apparently not. Carpacho beef is what we know. It's got Carpacho. Oh, it's got her about you. Um, chef Joe has invented something. He takes meat and he bounds it out very very thin and then he fries it. He calls it a steak fry Steak fried chicken fried fried fried steak steak She's like it's not used at guilty tone number two We're talking sand of all being negative
Starting point is 00:33:28 Accusing me of spying getting upset about toilets Yeah, he's upset about toilets. He paid for those flowers and he's like well technically Katie Because I used her card. I had a little while it's left. She's like, oh, I love Katie. You're forgiven I had a little while it's left. She's like, oh, I love Katie. You're forgiven. Yes, I just can't believe that Tom would accuse me of spying. I mean just because I dress like Austin Powers. Doesn't mean I'm actually a spy. Now let's sag, baby. Put your fingerprint on this little piece of glass, which I saw wrapping plastic and keeping my purse for the future. Yeah, so basically, Lisa and Tom are like, you guys are like, you know, you guys are so lucky that we're coming in and we're giving you, you know, years of expertise and understanding and we're letting you put your name because Tom
Starting point is 00:34:18 told things, she's like, you know, Tom's all upset that Lisa's just going to put my name on the marquee and not going to let me do anything. And she's like, that is just gonna put my name on the marquee and not gonna let me do anything And she's like that is a gift your name on the marquee. Do you think Alice had ownership? No, she was a waitress that people found cute. All right Do you think mr. Cheesecake was was so insolent when they made a cheesecake factor? I don't think so he was thankful Have you talked to Peter Francis Chang recently? Listen, all of from Popeye do you think that she really deserved her own garden full of bottomless bread baskets?
Starting point is 00:35:02 No she didn't, she was adorable, so they it after her. Trust me, she died broke. Have you recently discussed one it's our Chile's life? It's our restaurant named after her family. They call it people call it Chile's, but it's named after one it did Chile. She's about. So Tom, he's like, look, I wanted to set the nuances of what happened, but right now I want to moisturize the situation. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:35:35 Change your shirt, please. He goes, he's like, oh, well Lisa, I just, you know, he says like, you know, I know you said I have to have dropped the whole cutesy act. And I want you to know, I'm very serious right now. I'm like, you brought, I know you said I've got to drop the whole QC act. I want you to know. I'm very serious right now. I'm like, you brought in flowers with that have a balloon attached. That's a, I'm sorry. That is not dropping the QC act.
Starting point is 00:35:55 You're like literally wearing patent leather taps. You use an abo in your hair right now, Tom. Okay. Okay. Shirley, Temptle. Listen, Tom, I'm going to teach you one or two things about lessons about business. The same lessons I taught. Valerie Applebee.
Starting point is 00:36:22 Valible lessons. That was the mute cough. How dare you, sir. I could have died dialing. I got jacks. Oh, well, this is all too much work for me. Thank God it's Friday. Another friend.
Starting point is 00:36:38 Oh my God, we have so much to go in this episode. I hope you've had your fucking coffee, man. I have, in case you couldn't tell. I'm drinking today. I'm drinking a tall, no, a benty iced coffee from Starbucks from the in-pavilion Starbucks. I thought about bottom of the barrel. I know. I thought about putting from Chata in it, but I forgot. Was there not a Ralph's coffee being available? No, I don't have any Ralph's within walking distance, although I didn't walk to this pavilion, but still, you get the point. I'm I've been really bad because I haven't been using my little French press and making my
Starting point is 00:37:17 the whole point was I was like, this way, I don't have to walk or go to Starbucks. I can make my own coffee and I've been lazy because you had to do it the night before. That's not fun. Do you have to like boil the water, then put it in, then smush it down, then clean it, it's gross. Yeah. Well, no, you don't boil the water. No, the cold brew, you don't boil it, you just pour the, you pour the water.
Starting point is 00:37:39 I don't tend to sand cold brew. Darling, we'll have a lesson. But anyway, I'm still obviously very amped by the fact that we are literally six minutes into the show, into the like, Phantom of the Bulls, and we are probably recording for about 45 minutes at this point. Do you think Mr. Duncan was rich? No. He's the name on his side because he had a tight little bun.
Starting point is 00:38:00 So this scene ends because Vanderpump is like, I will accept your balloon and your flower. They have a standing order with the flower and balloon people that say, I'm sorry. So then we head down the street to Sir where we meet the new Sir Host as Billy Lee. We just see your answer. I think it's Billy May. Was it Billy May? I think. I'm not sure, but I love the name Billy May. So if it's not Billy May, I think it's Billy May. Is it Billy May? I think. I'm not sure, but I love the name Billy May.
Starting point is 00:38:26 So if it's not Billy May, I hope it is Billy May. If he's Billy May, it's in Billy May, the oxy-clean guy who died of a cocaine overdose. Is that Billy May? He's been better. Welcome back. Of course, he would come back to life, it's her just to get more cut.
Starting point is 00:38:40 Well, Billy Lee May, or Billy May Lee, we'll have to circle back to find out what her real name is. She obviously is not very good at her job because Lisa was not talking about her certain juah de vivre and answering the phone. Well, they take time, you know. She has, she did get her own scene going, look, I'm on the phone. Hi, table four, whatever. Am I done here? Do we need another take on that? Which is Lisa's like favorite thing, the fake host is seen. Hello, this is Billy May calling from I mean, answering the phone from damn it. This job is so hard. So, Vander prompt is with Diana Diana's Natalie, oh,
Starting point is 00:39:21 younger one, Natalie, yes, they're not the same. Who's Natalie, oh, and a younger one, Natalie, yes. They're not the same. Who's Natalie and who's Diana? Diana is young Natalie. Oh my God. Are they? No, they're just both foreign and have long hair and sort of the same face. But not me. I didn't know there were two different ones. No, if that's not,
Starting point is 00:39:41 guys, Natalie is part of like the high up team. Like, you know, like, there's like the adults that serve. So you've got Lisa, Ken, Guillermo, and Natalie. And then Martin, I guess, sort of counts as an adult if he comes by, but he hasn't been around in a while. Funky Martin. He doesn't work here. He has been perfecting his Jody at Fosse Hercot.
Starting point is 00:40:03 He gets inspired by Mohammed. But then you have then you have like the the young management because those are like owners or Guillermo somewhere in between I think but then you have like the managers and that's like Diana Diana's like the head manager She like she's like in charge of Peter. I think and Peter's in charge of everyone else. I think Guillermo is marrying to Diana, right? And they're like there. No, I think Guillermo is married to Diana, right? And they're like, they're, no, I think Guillermo is married to Natalie. Oh, for Christ's sake, I quit this show. Okay, the adults.
Starting point is 00:40:31 So Vanderpump is talking to an adult with an accent. She said Natalie wants to know that party planning. So I told her, come early and upsell darling. Yeah. So Stasi comes in and she's like, full to slasher a f. Like, I didn't dream about being an event person, but like I did dream about being a boss, okay? And this is a panic pump, it's a boss.
Starting point is 00:40:51 So pink satin flowers, tiny puppet dogs on my husband's hand, that's all I'm going for, okay. Yeah, boss AF. So Natalie's like, yes, but the one thing that you have to do is that you'll have to make sure you know that like the one thing is that you are not the boss of the waiters of waitresses because I talk yesterday and she knows so upset, she's so upset that you were boss. They were quite, they were quite peas, you know, and they show like a flashback up she didn't mean like, well, no, she's gonna be our boss. She's never planned an event in her life. First year of boss,
Starting point is 00:41:26 and D, now that's a boss, nah, like she owns a sushi. I love- I love- I love alarmist, Sashina. Things are gonna change around here now. Just as you could be our boss, it's not fair. And the way that Vanderfam fist rate, and Stasi could be our boss as not fair And the way that Vanderpump is straight and Stasi's like um like I should be upset that like it bothers her
Starting point is 00:41:50 But like now I'm up here and she's down there and it feels good. I got Yeah, I'm better. I'm like let me drain you here's what it's like to plan a party You'll have to change napkin colors Maybe decide what kind of cocktail they would like who are the enough candles Maybe decide what kind of cocktail they would like who are they enough candles Screams, really screen really screen at the back Do they want tablecloths or tablecloths? What Gigi or Billy Ray, which one? Oh, so many decisions darling.
Starting point is 00:42:25 So, I have to roll silver. Okay, I'm in. Heather from it. It would be nice to see Stasi be as mature as this business, which is seven years old. I'm like, could you aim higher? I'm like, Sasha's like, can I invite the tall grays? Can we have a bouncy house? By the way, Stasi's tan was back in order for the scene.
Starting point is 00:42:53 So I'm glad it was just a temporary affliction on Jack's birthday, which makes me think that maybe it wasn't the fake tan. It was just like her glow from seeing Briny going through the shit that she had to go through. Just made her tan radiate. I think that's what happened. Maybe she just hugged Brittany and got all the same. Well, I think actually when you're around Brittany, there's like a natural Cheeto glow that just sort of like gets on everyone else, you know. So Katie, we then go over to Katie and Schwartz. They're hanging out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:25 And Katie's like, start telling Schwartz how they're going to be throwing up a big like girls party for Brittany to support Brittany like rally around Brittany party. And she's like, yeah, we're going to have all her favorite foods like Bloody Mary Bar and tequila shots. Taco Bell Tower. Okay, Katie, stop just putting your own favorite things there. Okay. She's like, I got to forget something to do with the leftover inventory
Starting point is 00:43:46 for my bridal shower. We're gonna have tea towels that say, please come to my wedding. We're gonna do all these things, like, we're gonna have like, invitation, yeah. So they're gonna have a girl's party. Now, I don't know if she should be in charge of the husband it's cheating party because, look, when your man comes into the living room doing this He's a cheater, okay, I've said it since the first season
Starting point is 00:44:12 Now let's see where it goes. We already know because we saw the previews But you know we already saw the previews when we first met the man he said You want to get a chalkboard with Baba written on it 19 times? He's cheating Baba you want to get a chalkboard with Baba written on it 19 times. He's cheating. Yeah, he's cheating on you. All we're saying is you better have a brand new head of Foxy in the fridge because it's going to get bad giddy. So sand of all come over there. Stop hiding your valley tongue. You were the good one. How hidden is your valley? But you know what, I never want to blame the victim. And I don't even know what happened yet, but I never want to blame the victim.
Starting point is 00:44:49 But who is the victim right now? Because Katie's sitting on the couch wearing a shirt that's like a cutout shirt, but it's put together with trapper keeper rings. Like, what the hell? Did you notice that? They're literal trapper keeper rings. You know, there's a time when it's time, there's a time to say enough crafting. Okay, get a job. There's a time for crafting and a time for a piece living the life and do to do. Living the life of Brucey Bruce, I would like to thank
Starting point is 00:45:16 my favorite country star, Bonnie Wait for that song. Who is the boss? It's me, Lisa van der Pump. Tony Husser. Angela. Anyway, so, uh, so the end of all comes over and he's like, did somebody call a business partner, which was funny. Um, and, uh, he sits down and he's like, dude, so I found this machine that can feed like any drink, even some of that, some of that's like's like any proof and like we can like serve it on like a wooden spoon Like, uh, blah, blah, maybe you'd have slowed down a little bit Nobody who eats at those restaurants needs to be eating off wooden spoons, okay, germs hide in there, okay metal you might get jacks
Starting point is 00:45:58 Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they can freeze everything but jacks You know, there's a reason why that cleaning solution is called Ajax, you know, it removes the jacks from your floors. Ajax, that's actually Latin, you know, A is the prep, some of us were scholars. From the word Ajax. Ajaxulation. I've won so many. It's so many Ajax, you're removing the jack jacks from the floor Ajax. It's Ajax. So Tom Tuesday's like well, I apologize to Lisa and can't they're mulling it over. Okay, drink mullers. No, you can mull your wine. Okay. It makes you reference works darling. It is a food fledged reference back in the game.
Starting point is 00:46:51 Darling. So Katie is happy that Tom is taking initiative. I'm like, I'm not sure there's really a lot of initiative on display. He basically was asked if he wants to be a business partner and something. And like the only thing he's done is gone to like right aid and found a balloon and a car and tied them together. Well, something. She's like the only thing he's done is gone to like right aid and found a balloon and a card and tied them together. Well, something she's like the Malayny Schwartz household is doing really well. It's like you still have a chalkboard that says, Baba behind you, no one believes you. Trapper keeper shirt, go cry alone in your room. And Katie's like, look, you know, Tom Schwartz, you can bring the quirk and Tom Sandeval, you can bring the flair.
Starting point is 00:47:23 And then they can bring the class. I'm like a quirky, classy restaurant with flair. I'm like, that is actually a huge hot Friday's. This is why your blog will never work. Okay. No one understands that kind of SEO. Yeah, and Tom Sandeval's like, yeah, man, like smart as dumb and dumb as smart. I'm like, okay, no, if you guys were even making sense anymore, you're just saying words. And then Katie, who's the biggest enabler, it's like, there we go. No, nothing was said, okay. Nothing was said. So back to the wooden spoons. So Ariana and Brittany go to see the hallways.
Starting point is 00:47:58 Yeah, there are, I think I believe the Dibber Bank are question center, because I don't know where else he ride a horse is around here. And I was like, okay. I just like to learn a question. And yeah, because I'm stupid. I'm like a question. So Erie almost talking to her horse. She's feeding it. She's like, okay, you're going to learn some manners.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Or it's well, okay. You're going to learn some manners because a horse is just like, you know, just trying to eat her hand, you know. Yeah, you can only get a much worse timing. Yeah, yeah. So Brittany comes in and some shoulder with this thing and she's like, Ha, ho, worse. This is gonna be a good stress reliever. Yeah, Ariana's could be trying out a new horse named Walter, which already with a little
Starting point is 00:48:45 awkward, I felt just because the way we got to know Ariana well was through Katie and Walter, like our friends Katie and Walter, who just got married. So it feels weird when Ariana's saying things like, I'm going to be riding Walter. I was like, I hope Katie's not watching this. Come by, a quarter. Come by. So, um, yeah, basically, Ariana was talking about how writing the horse grounds her,
Starting point is 00:49:08 and she likes to bring that back to her relationship. So she's going to be competing with Walter, and she wants to give Walter a ride, because she's never done it before. So she gets on Walter, and she starts galloping through the Burbank Equestrian Center, and Walter's like, like going fast, and she's like, all right, Walter, slow down, slow down, Walter. And I don't know about you, Ronnie, but I totally
Starting point is 00:49:29 had a lady's a London flashback and I was like filled with joy. Well, she's smarter than Annabelle because Annabelle is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, out, out. I've hit my back and almost died. And Arianna was like, whoa, whoa, you're crazy and jumped off. You see, I'm getting off this crazy horse. And I was like, no, I think Zandom coming to see you. She's like, I don't know why he was spooked. You don't.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Brittany standing behind you doing like white trash tears. Like, whew! She's like doing the wave with herself. She's like flashing her tits. Something straight me. This is an equestrian centa darling. She's like, you made it longer than eight seconds. No, Bernie's not the radio. She's like, Hey, aggressive, big,
Starting point is 00:50:16 hey, aggressive. Woohoo. Stop. By the way, I'm like sidebar. I am like, I posted a photo on our Instagram. There's a football player named Blake Countis. And I had never heard of him, but I was watching a football game over the weekend. And there was some sort of like a skirmish on the field. And there I just saw the name Countis on a jersey.
Starting point is 00:50:39 So I just took a picture of it. And I posted on our Instagram, just thinking it was like some stupid funny thing. I am so amused by the way people are responding to it because everyone is making countess football puns and it is the best. So everyone who contributed, that's amazing. Touchdown girls. Would you believe it?
Starting point is 00:50:55 I'm playing Big Skin. So Ariana comes back to Britney and she's like, oh no, you got dirt on your poor little face. You're going to just get back on the horse? That's why they're saying, I can't remember what it is. Hmm. That's saying. Get back on the horse. No, no, but I suggest you do, but there's a saying about it.
Starting point is 00:51:17 Hey, I'm using billion trees. What's that? What's that? What's that thing? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink rants. Yes. They don't like drinking rants. True. So I think before we move on to the next scene, I think now might be a good time to put our musical,
Starting point is 00:51:45 you know, as we explained in the previous episodes, since starting in the new year, we're going to be working with a new, we have a new ad platform where they're gonna be dynamically inserting an ad and they know, they'll know where to... Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court.
Starting point is 00:52:04 I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the hosts of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Disantel. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.
Starting point is 00:52:35 But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. The ad insert the ad by our musical beds. So I thought for today's musical bed, it wouldn't be musical.
Starting point is 00:53:04 What if we just played D'Aurinda's toast to Luan on the yacht? Okay, that sounds good. Saying that I'm so happy that you know, I am part of this. And then for a long time, she's like, you know, in a moment of time,
Starting point is 00:53:19 that moment happens. Every once in a while, you know, you just know what it's like. And it's right. Well, D'Aurinda, thank you. Everyone's so well you know you just know with his white and it's right And we're back thank you for listening here we are back from a musical bed I think we should stop them announcing musical beds. This is the last musical bed announcement from now on We're just doing musical beds. No, the reason why I'm announcing is because we keep on getting tweets. Well last week We're gonna like it. It's but from now on. Well, we're just doing musical beds. No, the reason why I'm announcing is because we keep on getting tweets. Well, last week we were getting.
Starting point is 00:53:46 I get it. But from now on, that's it. That's it. From now on, no more announcing. We've given you an invitation. They'll just happen. Yeah. So speaking of musical breaks, this is the next song.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Ah. That's like, OK, well, at least they've just given the lyricist a break, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, bonus musical bed. They're gonna be so confused. There's gonna be like 20 ads inserted into this. Yeah. So let's go over to Fanta Pump Dogs where we sell cookies on trays, trays of cookies, more cookies, and diamond-studded cookie trays. Yes, James and Raquel arrive. It's Raquel's first day of volunteering. She looks like she's fresh from some sort of Elven kingdom. And she's like ready to work. Not really. She doesn't really know what she'll be doing or what work is, but she's ready for it. But she's wearing light-colored jeans, which really means that she doesn't know what the fuck she's getting into cleaning up Dodgshit. up dodged it. So I'm gonna promise like, Rekal reminds me of Bambi with her dulcet tones.
Starting point is 00:55:06 I'd really like a job. May I have a work? And I'm like, that's mean. And then Rekal comes and she's like, hi, I'm here. Four thing. And Lisa's like, here is a fever paper towel. Get to scrubbing the poo poo off the floor floor, which is like, hey, hey, hey. So then James is down with Lee saying, okay, it's going to be a start in here. You're going to see she will pick up better than any other poop pick up up. Puppy's out there with anxiety.
Starting point is 00:55:39 I use marijuana for anxiety. And Logan's mouth occasionally. You know, we all have our own way dog sweet Logan end of story stay non-floor. I told I told Rekelle she just has to follow my mother's simple rules for getting ahead in life. Practice makes perfect in preparation for perfect peace poor performance. We said like is she using her jeans to clean up a poopy like don't deny her All right, I've had a thought about Tuesday's it's called Kennedy's take over Taco Tuesday at Sir Pump Lounge lounge
Starting point is 00:56:15 You know it was hard to count on James James as an employee so I had to keep firing him now I couldn't rehire him so, I've given him his own night and lots of extra money. Yeah. Wow, you saw him, we saw. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so he's basically, he's not going to be a paid employee, but he will be a promoter, which is great.
Starting point is 00:56:37 But hello, we have not received our invitation to James Kennedy's takeover, turn up Tuesday. It might be in the spam, okay? It's a paperless post. That's true. Yeah. He wouldn't be even that classy to paperless posts. I've given James James autonomy. Now, I'm on the other hand. Rick, she's like, look at all the poop I cleaned up. No, Raquel, those are just your house keys in the paper towel.
Starting point is 00:57:04 She's like, I really love this water fountain. She's like, darling That's a bottle with a moving ball so the water doesn't spill on the floor move away So so then she's like, ah, Jim's, you know, are you drinking anymore? He's like, no Lisa. I don't do shots anymore flashback to him doing a shot last week saying I do shots. And it's like, and I barely drink at all. It's like then another flashback to him having like a champagne bottle poured down his throat. But this is Lisa's favorite version of sobriety. You know, she's like, just drink less. Oh, he's on his best behavior not doing shots at a boy James You're it's like seener. Can you just be a last of an alcoholic? I think I'll have only half of the prime cocktails see what I did there So proud of you darling
Starting point is 00:57:57 So back at the horses I think I'm gonna just Sorry, of course my let's missy this getting back to us complaining about yesterday. My laptop is slow. See, if my laptop weren't slow, that audio queue would have come in and a funnier time. But instead, it didn't. So I stopped it. Well, hey, if you've got $3,000 to make a faster laptop, then we go for it. That's worth it. I mean, it might be worth it to spend $3,000 to have a Sheena quote pop up on time. It wouldn't be a Sheena quote if it made any sense, and it was on time, okay? I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.
Starting point is 00:58:26 I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.
Starting point is 00:58:42 I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going for horses. Oh, it's not a team that's playing, let me say. I got very serious about that for a moment. I was like, hello, there's the Detroit Tigers. And we have people in Detroit who are coming to see us, okay? You have to be faster laptop for Ben to disparage me on time. Sorry. I'm spinning wheeling over here. It's the coffee.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Thank God for this coffee. It's pushing me through the spinny wheel spinning peach roll So Tom and Jeremy show up and bring me like go Tigers T1 So go to the spittown the fire bow The PGKL new art silent So Tom is like well, I'm really going to get late. I'm going to show air on how much I'm pressing her soul. It's like you should have worn maybe butter. I don't know, like a really tight shirt, but a steady wear a T shirt that says, number
Starting point is 00:59:37 one, mom and the barn. Which is so sweet as a lesbian lover. But that's not how to get late. Yeah, the only thing worse would have been if you'd worn a Tasmanian devil T-shirt. So, um... I would have been much more heterosexual actually. That would have given him a chance. It would have been very, very heterosexual. That's true.
Starting point is 00:59:56 So, Tom starts telling Jeremy about the sex drive he's having with Jeremy's sister, which normally would be awkward, but Jeremy seems totally unfazed. He's just like, yeah, man. Yeah, who cares? It's more awkward that she doesn't feel the need to talk about it. He's like, well, what's still not getting me? Like, I don't know what to do.
Starting point is 01:00:13 Like, I can't even make love to my own girlfriend. It's like, look, the interlite is out of works. It makes me so much joy. It's like, okay. Okay. This is why. It's so, okay. This is why. This is so hot, man. But then Tom says something that I don't think is quite right.
Starting point is 01:00:28 He's like, dude, like, all the like Jackson, Berni, thing like if we went a year without sex and I had sex with someone else, like, well, like, like, could you blame me? I mean, it's like we haven't had sex in a year. I'm like, that's not right, Tom. You don't do this better not before shadowing. I was like, that's not right, Tom. You don't do that. You have to better not be foreshadowing. I was like, listen, Tom, not now, not now. Like this is not in the me too, era.
Starting point is 01:00:51 You can't say that shit. You shouldn't say that shit even though any era, but I'm saying like even now it's like, this feels even more problematic than usual. Yeah, but you know what, sex or not, Jeremy and Tom are very good, lesbian moms. Jeremy's like, good job, Sissy. And Tom's like, good job, dumpling. Yeah. That is very lesbian mom. And by the way, I don't think Tom would ever cheat on Ariana. I think he's like head over heels and love
Starting point is 01:01:16 with her. Time will tell, bro. Wow, dumpling. So, so Ariana wins the the ribbon, which is good. The blue ribbon. She wins all things. She wins the question. It's non-broken Walter. And then we go to Jack's upbringing in their apartment. And you would never have even thought there was an issue with these two because they were like very normal concerning that he cheated on her and that she was so furious at him. And she was wearing like this tiny little negligee thing and a see through robe. And he's like, yeah, you look hot. Check. Wait, it's because I'm going to a party.
Starting point is 01:01:50 It's not for you. And he's like, oh, yeah, she'll be a little tush. She's like, it's a party in my honor with all of my favorite things. OK. We're going to open beers with our mouths. We're going to have handy snacks. We're going to put rubber bands on cat stales.
Starting point is 01:02:07 That's funny, Jack. So we just made that funny. So then he's like, you know, he doesn't, he's Jack starts doing this thing where he, he says he doesn't care what all the, what the, all the girls are gonna say, they're gonna say to her. He only cares about what she thinks, et cetera.
Starting point is 01:02:25 And then he does this thing where he starts attacking the girls, because he's like, he's like, friends don't do this, friends don't like get all up in your ear, and start like, turning you against me. I'm like, actually, they do. That's what a friend is there for you to say, your man is cheating, and you should be strong, and not go back to him. That is actually what a friend should do. Yeah, he's like, why are they talking about it?
Starting point is 01:02:46 Because you fuck someone at work. That's why. Okay, fuck a stranger, okay? Be a good boyfriend. It's just fuck a stranger, Jacks. And then he starts saying how he starts countering an accusation that he's manipulative. And he's like, I'm not, I don't manipulate anyone.
Starting point is 01:03:02 And then you see him saying, listen, Brittany, if we wanted it to be over, we could end it right now, but we don't want that. Yeah, it is like, what am I gaining by manipulating? Okay, a girlfriend, but girlfriend's a red dime, it doesn't. I'm like, wow, you're really, you're really doing well. Just be quiet. And by the way, what are you gaining, a girlfriend?
Starting point is 01:03:22 Yeah, that's exactly what you're gaining. That's the whole point of this. That's why you're manipulating her. You're manipulating her to stay so that you way you still have a girlfriend That is what you're gaining out of it. This girl has put two years in learning how to make a ham sandwich the way you like it That's what you're gaining, sir And you're like, well look, here's the new rule, jacks. I don't want to hear anything new because that will ruin everything They're better not be anything new. He he's like, there's nothing new. There's nothing new. Yeah, there's nothing new.
Starting point is 01:03:47 I fucked around on you 20 times. And your socks, you deserve whatever you get. Says Ronnie, not Jax. Okay. I cannot cry for you anymore, ma'am. By the way, why is Faith not more of a person this season? That's strange to me that there's this whole thing with faith, but we're not, we actually are not following her side and all this. That seems a little weird, isn't it?
Starting point is 01:04:09 Well, because she's like a turtle, you know, they're constantly thirsty, but who the fuck wants to watch them? You know, she's so obviously thirsty that even if Jackson's telling the truth, she's still recording that shit on her iPhone just to get on TV. That is not the way, okay? You naturally, you naturally stumble into getting caught, not by proxies, but on the premiere episode. Exactly. So then we go over to Stasi's place for the for the Britney party. Stasi has made or Kristen has made some Kentucky beer cheese from Britney's mom-a's recipe. And I was actually very excited about this because Kentucky beer cheese is my super bowl dip of choice. Have it, been there, done that, drink it, delicious.
Starting point is 01:04:51 Isn't it so good? Well, you know where I got the recipe from? Ma-ma. Ma-ma. Ma-ma. Also known as Chef John. You know our favorite chef. Yeah, I don't count.
Starting point is 01:05:00 He doesn't count only if he's a ma-ma. Okay, just say ma-ma. Ma-ma. He is a ma ma basically Where's beer cheese hold on so we're at the so we're at saucy's apartment. Did I pass? I go too fast. No, no, no, no, we're on an hour. We're on an hour into you So if you can speed through I'll just find I'll just word search beer cheese. Yes, Christians like I looked it up Glad you're here. And Katie's like, you guys,
Starting point is 01:05:26 I got a gun. And don't worry, it's not real. Um, it shoots tequila because my name is tequila, Katie. And Kristen's like, well, okay, are you going to shoot it at me? Cause I'm really bad with like gag reflex. Like, I can give head, but like, not all the way down. Like, okay, just stop. Make it a real gun and make her stop, please. So Katie is like, no, no, no, it's gonna go directly into your mouth and she shoots it and like the shock goes all over Kristen's face. She's probably not the first time that's happened, but it was still funny.
Starting point is 01:05:53 And then we then go over to a place called lobster and beer in Cul of the City, where Tom, Peter and James have shown up and the guy behind the bars, this dude named Michael who is the former manager at Hump and now he owns this place called lobster and beer. Yes, the real part of the the only thing I really noticed about this scene is Peter and an extremely tight sweater. Yeah, this is all about Peter's sweater this scene. Yeah, well, you know, Peter is a film director now. So, you know, he's taking
Starting point is 01:06:25 out soon. He will see him with like a little, a little beret and perhaps a scarf. That would actually make that tight sweater work. Yeah. Exactly. I'm saying he's like, he's working his way. He's transitioning out of, out of bar manager and to film director. Full length YouTube movies. So Brittany comes and she's like, this is freaking awesome. Oh, yeah, that is delicious. I mean, it ain't mammoths, cheese, but what's Kristen for trying? I love them when Stasi is like, look, we got all your favorite foods. Look, that's your favorite sandwich, the Italian sub. There's a bowl of fingernail clippings for you to chew on. There's a bowl of fingernail clippings for you to chew on.
Starting point is 01:07:10 There's that weird cheese that they only serve on Delta Airlines. Don't count the tail. And spikes chocolate milk. But actually, it looks really fun. I have to say, yeah, the girls always have a lot of fun. The boys on the other hand, well, actually, the boys were making me laugh because a short is like, oh, no, shorts and jacks is all the girls are, all the girls are hanging out together. It's like an emotional vault.
Starting point is 01:07:35 I'm forming and Tom's like, oh, yeah, when they form up together, they can destroy an entire city of jacks. Yeah, it's true. So then short starts breaking down. As you mentioned at the top of the episode, how the women are all sort of like this amazing espionage team. And he starts going through each one and with each one, they get their own sort of like special graphic that looks like undercover agents, you know, Kristen or Stasi, whatever. So I think Kristen was like the tech hacker, right?
Starting point is 01:08:02 She'll always get to the bottom. So she can like break into any system. Yeah, don't even have anyone's password. Yeah, and they show her going up to James being like, I saw your Uber. I know you where you went last night and he's like, oh, damn it. It's a smoking gun Uber. And she got to me out of it. And then Stasi is a human lie detector and she's like, did you fuck her a. And he's like, no, you look left. Yeah. And then what I thought was funny is that shorts is like, yeah, Kristen's the Kristen is the tech hacker. Stasi's a lie detector.
Starting point is 01:08:33 And Katie is the grizzled lieutenant. I'm like, you just described your wife as a grizzled lieutenant. Why did you have to put grizzled in her thing? Yeah. Come on. That's not nice. Yeah. You could have said like the Kira Sedric Closer, you know? Like she's the interrogator, but you can grizzle and loose it. Hey, please clean all the blood off the wall and get those perps they've done. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:08:58 Brittany would be a good closer. Shoot. Pretty would be. The Kira Sedric version. Yeah. So yeah, and I'm like writing down that idea like it's my new show I'm like Brittany has the closer get to agent Immediately, no, it's just a it's just a show where Brittany closes a restaurant. She's just like sorry. We're closed She's wiping down tables for an hour.
Starting point is 01:09:25 Next week, Brittany gets married. She's marrying catch ups. Sorry, we're closed. Thank you. Thank you. TNT. Okay. So let's see. Nothing will compare to me, Mozchi or Mammos cheese.
Starting point is 01:09:41 Girls beat Pinyata. So they've made a Jack's Pinyata that they're beating up. And of course, it's full of fireball. Yeah, just great. Like the real Jacks. And then back at the back at the restaurant. But there's a lot of talk at the restaurant to you with the tombs of like, man,
Starting point is 01:09:56 we hope everything goes well with Ken and Lisa because we want to be like Michael and I have our own lobster and beer place. I'm done dude. And James starts talking about his next gig He's like all right, Jens next Tuesday on June 6. You guys have to come to it like what June 6 come see me and June 6 or
Starting point is 01:10:18 June 6 Tom goes up to the guys like I can ask you a question, bro Is lobster an investor or is it's made just on the front of this restaurant? I'd like to meet your partners lobster and beer, please. So we get to see James do multiple shots, which is hilarious. Yes. Yes. And James is like, all right, mock down Tuesday, so on your calendar. And they're like, why? Because our shiz, hon, he's like, oh shit, I didn't think of that. Who's gonna be at James Tuesday takeover
Starting point is 01:10:49 pizza night, taco, taco? Damn it. See you next Tuesday, girl. Mm-hmm. So the girls are like, Bok-hom to the wetstuff weehaw. And Ariana's like, I hate you guys.
Starting point is 01:11:02 I'm like, you hate witches? She's like, I hate you guys And like you hate witches like no, I just hate we hoe but inside she's like no, I hate you guys Like come on Ariana. We're a team aft and she's like don't worry stuff They already buried five farts in your couch, so we're good. Oh, she said farts. I thought you said hearts I was like what I thought it was like a like a witchcraft thing like she was oh Farts that makes so much more sense Katie is thought I was like a witchcraft thing. Like she was, oh, farts. That makes so much more sense. Katie, it's like we're like the witch, wait, who'd she say?
Starting point is 01:11:30 We're like the something girls from Hocus Pocus, but hot. Yeah, yeah. See, Hocus Pocus is a little after my time. Like I was dead. Well, I mean, I love that midler, but I like my oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, came out, we also thought it was mediocre. So, you're just like an old person. Good, good. So they start doing this ritual that they're casting a spell, Katie's casting a spell, I'm like drawing hearts and then attaching it to a lemon and poking a pin through the lemon and putting wax on something or another and Chris and goes, I already feel your hurt
Starting point is 01:12:23 going away. Seriously. It's like seeping out of you. I would dip my chip in it, but I don't want to swallow it because like I have this gag reflex. Like I don't know if I've mentioned it, but like I give good head. And I cover with the guys. They're like, well, here's a cock ring. Here's a chastity cock ring. He's like, my dick's too big.
Starting point is 01:12:44 Well, before we get to that though, so then we go over to Sir, and we meet a new bartender named Wesley, and Lisa Vanderpump walks and is like, hello, young Wesley. I am exhausted. What are these glasses doing here? He's like, well Lisa, I'm about to clean them. Oh, what's your to leave you have? Sward Wesley broken bed Wesley are you and are you related to the Wesley who is our mr. Bedford here? No, that's we just have the same name. Oh, and he's a fictional character. Oh We'll see you later this season when it turns out you've had sex with one of the cast members Because I never show anybody unless it's like you know, they fuck somebody later. Yeah, you know
Starting point is 01:13:32 They they have like major trouble with the squirrel machine, etc etc Yes, superman Streaks on the China never mattered before no one cared But when Wesley dropped kicked his jacket as he walked in the door no one stared so she's like oh be over there looking at my new iPad mini but she's now gold take notes so she goes she's like what are all role those glasses. And he goes, I'm just going to polish them, put them away.
Starting point is 01:14:06 She's like, oh, yes, you do that like a great God or something. So she goes on, she's down with her new iPad. And then Lala comes in and she goes, Lala, they played it by way, all episode long because they showed a million times last week. And then on the trailer and then this week they're coming up and it's like Hi Lisa Lala Lala
Starting point is 01:14:30 Lala She's like it's been a while So are you surprised to hear from me Lisa? Well, I wouldn't have been surprised if it was collect from prison, but he in person. Yes, yes, I'm surprised So Lala I mean she's perfected a broken bird act at this point because she's like I just want my mama I'm my mama. I mean you I mean yeah, I have a rich boyfriend, but like I'm my own girl I'm trying to be independent and I'm like I got best to pay so like one my bills one my one my bills What my electric bills one my MCI bills.
Starting point is 01:15:05 I don't know how those things work, Ken does that. The important thing is you realize that you're broken, you're a liar, you apologize, and you need the help of a mama bird, say it. She's like, please feed me birds. Please feed me worms. Please show some worms and feed them to me, mama bird. I need you.
Starting point is 01:15:21 You are all that I need. I was trying to protect the fat human being from his wife finding out, but now she knows. I will keep the car, but I still need worms. She's like, yes, yes, it's all going to plan. Who wings? I can't help but notice that one is a bit of scoop, perhaps it is. Ah, broken, yes. Chef Benny get a tune of Tata. Lala's back in town, Lala. Just like I told the broken, confused little whole bird
Starting point is 01:15:55 that came crawling in here, needing help up the stairs to power. Yes, you can, little bird Obama. Yes, you can. So L, Obama. Yes, you can. So Lala is now in a, I'm embracing my false place. And she's like, yeah, I'm not a lot. Like, yeah, was I like, I cost a lot of anxiety for myself. Because you know what, I basically like made up all these lies and I made it myself.
Starting point is 01:16:17 But you know what, you're right. You can't afford a Range Rover on a hostess salary. You can't. So I was like, okay, she's going to take it on. Lala's back. Happy for it Yeah, but underneath Softness like a lost puppy broken bird over the fractured ankle if you will I can't
Starting point is 01:16:39 When I look at Lala and I touch her I can't help think that she has the look the feel of Caught in Um, welcome back fabric of our lives Yeah, Lisa goes Lala was always a fabulous hostess. I love when these supports that out like well Where can I get the bartender as good as jacks? Oh, he says good as Lala I'm like she answered phones and walked people to tables. It's like giving house his job back. No one else could do it. Fine as mystery, illnesses, the finest minds. Just call me Kaddi.
Starting point is 01:17:20 She understands what table seven is. Everybody lies, mama. So Lala is back. So then Jack's and the boys are talking about time's not getting laid and stuff. Yeah. And then Jack, they get Jack's little chastity dick thing. And he's like, my dick is huge though. It's like, dude, but I want to solve, dude. So then Brittany is now back at her part.
Starting point is 01:17:47 She's now drunk of fireball. She's like, y'all, I've been making some bad decisions. Like, half an hour ago when I went outside, take a cigarette break, I had sex with Jack. How did you do that? The second I tasted that beer, cheese, I had six or jacks. I'm so sorry Like it's okay Brittany I'm gonna jump you out we're here. I'll support you out and to jojoo
Starting point is 01:18:18 So To then arian I was like okay, let's just get to the bomb that she's she's like Is he telling you it was a one-time thing? Yes, well, it wasn't He's fucked just he's fucked faith as many times as I just farted in the stasis catch Yeah, and Arianna calls it. She's like, okay, so this is what he's gonna do He's gonna say it was one time it was one time only it was only one time And then then he'll then you'll call him on it and he'll be like well What's the difference if it was once twice ten times?
Starting point is 01:18:46 There's no difference. That's what he's gonna do then he'll start screaming get you and you making it your fault Then he'll like go outside and start sweating everywhere and walking around like a drunk ape swinging You know tree limb to tree them then I'm like, okay, okay too much too much pre-story and then of course he does Everything she's like he's calling him I don't speak her so he's like hello how many times Jack how many times how many times he still takes out two that's fucking me the back faith is here okay fight this here Jack's like well of course he's not the hair there's only white people in front of rolls. He's like, only one Tony, only one. She goes, I have proof.
Starting point is 01:19:28 And he's like, what, why would she be there? Why are you setting me up? Why are you working against me? And he's screaming in the Ellinger her like it's her faults. And she's like, hey, sir, steep it. Obviously she's not here, okay? Yeah. Obviously.
Starting point is 01:19:42 So at this point, you would think is like, okay, Jack's you're off the hook. And this is when he starts to really implicate himself he goes, what does it matter if I did it two or three times? So which is theoretically that's not a confession. It's more of a, it's a, like, even if I did do it, what would be so wrong? But that's pretty much a confession.
Starting point is 01:19:57 I'm very honest. It's just like, hello, this is when you jump off the horse before it pulls a crystal for Reeve on you, okay? Exactly. So then then Brittany starts you mean, you're fucking disgusting. I fucking hate you. I cannot wait to have sex with you because I hate you so much. And then he turns into his full lifetime. I said, I didn't do a shit out there. Dumbling around outside like an ape swinging from, you know, branch to branch like Ariana said. and James is just sitting there laughing and eating which is Yeah, and then bringing it's like this changes everything. I can't wait. I can't wait. I'm like wait for what To build him again to see you again because she's gonna really let him have it
Starting point is 01:20:38 I'm gonna I'm gonna sit on you like I'm riding the horse I cannot wait for right you Wait a second wait a second. Wait a second. So, so Ariana's like, she calls up Tom and's like, listen, tell Jacks that he's not allowed home tonight because we're taking Brittany home and we're leaving Kristen with her and you know how crazy Kristen is, okay? So don't even try. He's like, scoy dude, we get to stay in our place at the Pally House. And then as the episode ends, they just show this montage of like all the women at the party just shaking their heads. Like, cannot believe it.
Starting point is 01:21:10 I'm shaking my head. And James is like, I love this. Tuesday, turn off. It's a turn up throw down. Well, that brings us to the end of another watch what happens. We are not going to be here for next weeks. You know, I'm sure amazing pump rules because I will be on a cruise and Ben will be hugging his family and tricking people with his cord basket underneath the bench in his home.
Starting point is 01:21:39 Well, lots of trickery there. Yeah, we're going to take the week off. Hopefully nothing big happens, which means of course everything big will happen. But um, maybe, well, let's see, next, when is Christmas? Oh, you know, Christmas is next Monday. So there's a good chance there won't be a new band of pump rules at that night. So I'm not sure, but I know there's a new Beverly Hills. It's like, thanks a lot, guys. The 26th. Yeah. Don't you respect Boxing Day? Is that on Wednesday or is that on Tuesday? Boxing Day the 26th, the 27th. The real anti-Christ of Beverly Hills. So I can't care. It's Jesus' birthday who needs it.
Starting point is 01:22:17 Yeah, well Beverly Hills is always a slow kind of show. So we could probably skip a week. I'm sure nothing will happen. It'll be like Kyle visits her store and looks at something that she's like, we need to have more of these than she takes it for herself. And then Lisa goes driving around and Erica Jane tries on a new like like Chanel bag and Lisa right now. It's like, look, come back something. Well, to see SNL, I was on there. parody. Did you know I was an astronaut? Everybody, we'd love you. Have a wonderful holiday week.
Starting point is 01:22:51 Mayor Christmas, Happy Honacle, you know, wants to I'm trying to remember all of the boxing day, boxing day, I mean, who cares? New years, New Year's. New Year's is a thing that's happening. We have, we'll see you in 2018. We're everything will change. It's just kidding, nothing will change.
Starting point is 01:23:11 Nothing will change. We'll see you then, guys. Thanks for everything. We'd love you. Bye. Bye. you you Hey, prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about
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