Watch What Crappens - PumpRules Live in DC: Triangles of Sadness

Episode Date: May 14, 2023

We're live at The Lincoln Theater in DC for the penultimate recap of Vanderpump Rules. Raquel stalks Katie trying to start the big finale fight that her boyfriend Sandoval wrote for her and Katie's mom shows up just in time to fight her kid's battles for Mother's day. For bonus episodes and video recaps, join Patreon at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Tour Dates: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/2023-cheater-brand-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. This episode is sponsored by Uber1. We've all used Uber for rides, and I love using UberEats for food delivery. Okay, hello. I mean, I kind of live off of it. But have you ever heard about Uber1? Uber1 is a membership that helps you save on Uber and UberEats. With an Uber-1 membership, you get exclusive member perks, like up to 10% off UberEats and a $0 delivery fee on eligible orders. It just makes sense. I'm always getting Uberes.

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Gold Bless America! Wow, it is wonderful to be back here in Washington, D.C. in the nation's capital! Don't get it back! You know, when having to, like, tear apart Scandival, you have to go to the nation's capital, deal with it, okay? This is a congressional matter now we need to live you a pop up in this shit I've been fucking the president the whole time bro you people first have to say we just came from New York. We've been drunk for three days in a row. We have been we have been

And it's been great You people are just as fucking crazy as they are over here. That's true And I love it here because you're so prim and proper everyone's like click at me I'm in a suit in the middle of the day for no reason. Yeah. This is casual wear. I live in DC. And then you're all still fucking crazy. We got into the Uber and the guy's like, hi guys, how are you? The Uber for Ben.

We said, yeah, we sat down. It's quiet and he goes boom. And hits the music and he's like, you don't know me. The whole way. It was not an exact, it was full on dinner, he was full voice and this one joined in, the two of them were doing a duet. Oh yeah! And it was amazing. I was like, I love this, what an amazing weekend. And also, I mean, from what I've heard from many people, including my cousin Lauren over here. Cousin Lauren. Cousin Dauban.

Is that this week has been full of Bravo activity here in DC. It's been a lot. I've seen little pictures of Tom Sandeval on one of those tiny city bikes. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Listen, I already had a huge gig at the reflecting pool.

Not a lot of reflecting, but... Uh, we... Were any of you driving around just trying to hit him? He was probably very confused, he was like, dude, I thought I was playing a mall show in just a big piece of grass. Playing to the giant penis sculpture in the I'm sorry I don't know I don't know what everything's called. Yeah, if the if the Washington monument

now has a lightning bolt necklace on it just be a little concerned keep an eye on the Lincoln Memorial too I suppose all the memorials you know know? Whoa, whoa. No, why too loud? What do you guys think? No! No! I'm here with no. I'm in general. So general mouths shut the fuck up if you're loud now.

But if you just came here to tell me that, you know, that's one of my favorite things about Scandival. Is people are literally paying to say, shut the fuck up to Tom Sandival. Yeah. It's like the most negative Santa Claus experience you can get. You pay money, you go to a show, and you make posters that say fuck you. You're a fucking worm with a mustache, okay? Yeah.

I'm also personally very excited because I just learned moments ago, again, from my cousin, that apparently we're staying in the very hotel that Chris Bassett used to work on the rooftop of. We have not received any DMs so far, but I'll keep everyone updated. I don't think he works there anymore. He's just DMing us from Candace's living room right now. It's okay. He's like, can you believe what you're

self-centered about me, bro? It's a big night. A big night of lots of stuff. Welcome to Watch Recrapids. Yeah. A podcast. Oh, I can't be just love to talk about. Yeah, go ahead.

And by the way, I have to say I already, I see a, one of our premium Oh, I can't be just love to talk about. And by the way, I have to say I already I see a one of our premium sponsors. I see Kristen the piston Anderson. Hi, Kristen. Richie D. Arty with the one of the ma, a bunch of. Yeah, it is. A bunch of our DC people here. So thank you all about DC people. but you know, thank you guys Michelle Obama. Thank you so much Spread to have you back and got so excited today because he heard that Michelle Obama watches below deck And then I got mad because I was like all the idiots on that show who are now on Michelle Obama's radar. That's just so not fair She was kind of leading the free country. She seemed plenty of idiots. Yeah.

Plenty of idiots are on her radar. But I was just watching it on the train here today below deck, selling this coming up this week. No, give me somebody to help me while you're at the beach. Yeah, yeah. Because I was watching that and I was like, how do we watch this shit? It's literally an hour of someone going, oh my god, I forgot to iron the shirt. I iron the shirt too hard and now there's a hole in the shirt. Don't, don't, we're like, we're typing furiously like, I know.

It's just down. It's just Gary saying, oh, you look pretty beautiful, isn't it? So my note for tonight, my opening note for myself, is keep it light. Because as I watched this, I was not keeping it light. And thankfully, they had started covering TVs and shit to make them not break when you're throwing shit at the TVs. Well it was a perfect episode to do tonight because tomorrow is Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all their mothers. Happy Mother's Day. And we had a mother on that we had a mom on this episode Terry

Tommy oh Tommy get blew it Tommy And you know Terry is a really good person when she can get that much applause as the woman who made Katie So I just have to say Congrats Terry you pulled it off. Okay, you fucking pulled it off, Terry. Happy Mother's Day. God bless you. All right. Keep it in light. Previously on Vandipamperoon. We're going glamping for my birthday. We're going to go glamping under the galaxy light projection stars, but they're going

to be under night stars of the galaxy. I'm going to be with my best friends. It's everything. They would never heard me, and I would never hurt that either. Dude, look at this turkey's weiner! Well, those turkey, the turkey's balls, it look like ear balls? Oh, it looks like ear balls! Nah, they're smooth and big and pretty like ear balls. Not that I would know. It's like the first time we've ever seen an awkward look from a turkey. The turkey's just like,

Aaaaah! Aaaaah! Yeah. Next week, I'm opening for Cascade at a poo party! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,, you can see that. Stupid fat man, stupid fat man, who says there was shirts, so there was shirt, stupid face, stupid hair, stupid face with eyeballs on it, stupid fat man, stupid fat man, I mean, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you, I'm so sorry,

I just got carried away, I'm so sorry. You embarrassed yourself. So, the day the area's grandmother dies, Tom Santaval comes to the barbecue. I'm at In Newport. And Ariana's calling him furious. And he was like, okay, I'll come home now. And he didn't come home for another two hours. And I heard in the Uber, he wouldn't stop singing Africa by Toto Avki.

I got a recording and it just sounds like, and i heard in the uber he went up singing africa by toto off key i got a recording and it just sounds like uh... do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do in a situation where everyone's gonna think I look like a fucking idiot because I let you stay at parties in Newport all day. Dude, Ariana's emotionally abusive to me. Hey, how's everything going with you in Ariana? Well, we try and talk and then she's just like, come to add me, bro. Wait, it's terrifying. I'm afraid for my life, I want to change my name and move to Mexico, bro.

Not only do I love Ariana, I work on our love. When it's time to go to bed, I walk around our house, and I make sure all the light switches are turned off bro you did she do that for me no bro no yeah well relationships do take some practice I have been practicing bro with Raquel I have been practicing, bro, with Raquel. I mean... Hanson. So Vanderpump rules really came back to the dead. Let's face it, it was having some trouble.

And people were rooting for it. And not by people, I mean me saying, die. Just die. That was happening. So I'm so proud of them for not only coming back, but they're really making enough for it. You know, they went back into shooting after this week. This was supposed to be the season finale

today's episode. And they were like, that wasn't good enough. We're all going back to work. And not only did they do that, they hired a new Trixi Monaco. We all know Trixi Monaco. Yeah. The famed Bravo lead singer has been a rehab. And I was so proud of them for not just recycling old tricksy shit. They got a new one and this one came out with a new finger. Okay, here's how it goes. Gotta give it all I got within me. All things I'm worth they seem and no one's gonna fight, which within me. I was like, who is this tricky Lynn?

Monial wood country shit. What doesn't belong on this show, but I got into it. I've been singing it all day. I loved it. I'm waiting to download this shit. I think there's something magical about DC, because last time we were here, we got the OC Reels. And like, I'll do whatever I want to do. Whatever I want, whenever i want to

do it and now this year we got the you ever want to see bendy the roger rabbit starts singing that song in a dark room i do whenever i want whenever i want with no expectations david he's jumping over his own hill i know i love that this country tricksy i'd love her i mean the songs out. I mean, the song sound like, you know, a Clareachan commercial, but still, you know. Those are good. They're good.

They're good. So then we get a Ken scene because Ken and Lisa are getting a new pony. Because, this is not a starter pony. Yeah, I don't call it a starter pony just because it's smaller, okay? Yeah. This theater took a long time to earn that title. This is how they do casting on Vanderpump rules. And he's Savannah Pump crouches down next to someone that says,

I know you can tell you have a new friend coming. So she talks to the hostesses. You feel a new friend coming, don't you? And once they come, this door will open before it closes and clink sat again. And then you'll both be sent to a gorgeous country, and work for a wonderful man who has your best interest set high. So the new little horse is named Velvet, which is very like non-local velvet, not national velvet. Local velvet, regional velvet. And Lisa's like, but I know it's not Rose, but he's a friend for you, you little sweet horse

and can't like. Oh, look at this horse. Can you believe it? I spent the night at home. It's like a rich one. I saw something live before. I ran, I wasn't there. I hope she was in there.

I mean, silly. We were going to name the horse, Britney. It's really crazy. It's beautiful. Not the horse. And then the trixi song continues. I gotta give it all I got this tune now. I'm gonna put it on a slice of bread, man, it's gonna be lots within me. Subway might matters will be dead

And then we're in the sandwich shop, there's something about her Something about her You know, on a show that has been so focused on foot longs and six inches I'm surprised that this long gets sandwiches involved So Katie's like, when people come into the restaurant, maybe we should have like a table that's in the middle of the restaurant so that people can like see the sandwiches. Ariana is like, yeah, just to like encourage people to walk in, you know what they say? People love seeing tables and rooms and just walk to them.

Older, trick in the book. You're gonna kill it girls, and then we hear. Gotta give it all I got within me. I'm gonna pay my husband's child support. I gotta get a fight that's in me. Pay off those bills from my mom from another port. And we're at scene and broadcasts. Yes.

It's appropriate because I do feel like in some way. Like that song also sounds like it would be like on TGIF in the 90s, right? Like, yeah. I like the sequel to Step by Step, something like Brock and Sheen, you know? And I love those kind of things that make you feel like, I suck, but it's okay. Yeah. It's like one of those you feel like, I suck, but it's okay. Yeah. It's like one of those songs, like, there's this most positive song, and then it's like

Sheena and Brock in there, like, you know, it's just Brock. Like, you went Brock, you know what I mean? And there's like, he's hot and everything, but still Brock, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it's like Brock Lee Farts, and you're like, did I really win? That that song's just in your head. Like, you did it girl. So he is playing with Summer Moon.

And is that a summer moon? Is that a summer? I'm sorry, this is a much more. I'm not trying to be sure. I just can't remember. Because there's a video game called Sailor Moon. There's a coffee shop called Summer Moon. And I go to it now to support this little brat, you know?

Yeah. So she, so brox playing and she's like, well, you put her on a brow also. It's like a little bit more shinin'. The neighbors fucking hate these people. They've turned a two foot by two foot balcony. They put fake grass down and a sand pit. And umbrellas all over. And then he's like, just let it be his self.

She's in the shade, babe. And then it cuts to summer moon and she's sitting in the sand pit and she gets two shovels of sand and just pours a monor, pours a monorow in her own head. Like, what are you, did you just show her that Katie episode where Tom like dumped the shit on her head and the because I'm good at acting this whole show and that little backyard. So Brock is like yeah, just give her a little lace to roll and it's flying and she goes She's like a dry or like a drawing machine like winding down the cycle. Summer moons eyes are bleeding. She's just like throwing sand in her own eyes.

Is anybody doing safety tests in this backyard? Social services, anybody? So then we go to Chef Penny who's coming into this. Something about her or as I like to call it There's something about fucking Chef Penny. What a weirdo dude She Comes in looking like a spooky caretaker of a haunted house She's wearing like a tight funeral summer dress if that's a thing

It's like a prayer neck and you guys remember chef Penny from back in the day She created all the food for pump and everything. I she's been around forever We know we're from the food network Food network star when she was her whole thing was I'm the sexy show. Yeah, I'm a sexy chef So she's gonna be like this is like tabooly, but you want to fuck it. They're like I Don't know you know this is a food now. Okay. How about this? Peter bread shaped like a vagina muffin. They're like, no, I don't know. You know, this is a food malware. OK, how about this? Peter bread, shaped like a vagina muffin.

They're like, no, I need a no, no. But give her respect. I think she invented the goat cheese ball, right? Am I crediting the right person? I could have been Chef Joe. Could have been Chef Joe hard to know. We'll have to check the Wikipedia entry. So Penny comes in like I

knew the original owners of this shop and they told me one thing if you want to have a sandwich you must give me your first born. Whoa Chef Penny! But she's like hi girls I'm sorry I was bad luck I come in and look what I see height. I see ceilings high I see floor there it's a dream that's what I come in and look what I see. Height. I see ceilings high. I see floor there. It's a dream. That's what I'm having, right? Is this dreaming?

Am I dreaming right now? God. Oh, I'm gravitating towards the center of the room. There's a table there. I cannot tell myself. So they're looking around on the kitchen and stuff. And basically, the plan is that they're going to have a look-see party for people to see the space

and try some sandwiches, all that fun stuff. And so they're going to do four sandwiches. OK. They're going to do a Greek salad sandwich. What you think, I mean, sounds kind of good. That's fine. They're going to do a spicy turkey you have to. And then they're going to do some kind of vegan sound.

I don't even know what the other one was, because I I wrote why are you writing down sandwich names? No one cares Like this not even a name for the sandwich. I'm just like there's bread involved So I'm writing down every detail. Well, I like the way Katie pitches that she's like you know Like movies just the way movies have trailers when they come out we want to get the buzz going for these sandwiches. Yeah, Katie. This is a real fucking chicken run. I know. Okay, everybody's. In a world, deplete of Greek salad sandwiches. In a world with tables in the center of a restaurant. Two women had the bravery to put things in between bread.

A sexy witch, don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't This summer prepare for something something about her. So penny. So pennies like I want you to introduce our Greek salad. This is going to be the most amazing sandwich. People are going to just shit on the that wasn't sexy.

It's not my brand. Don't you know what? Let me think that one over girls. So she leaves and they start gossiping you know because it's one of that's how they roll and Katie's like so how did it go with Lala because I couldn't hear the entire conversation like one eyebrows like over here and the other eyebrow literally over there Katie's very serious about this Lala Gatsush. She's like, she's got a beret made out of like a focaccia. So Ariana's like, well it really wasn't that big of a deal. It was a bigger deal for Lala than it was for me. She gets triggered by that stuff, you know,

because she was with Rand for any amount of time. You're not allowed to be with Rand and then suddenly be triggered by things. I mean, if you're with Rand, you know what I mean? That guy was such a fucking pig. That guy was not an undercover pig, okay? It didn't take a secret camera to figure out Rand is an undercover pig, okay? It didn't take a secret camera to figure out Rand is a fucking pig, okay? It did not. If you can be with Rand and keep a straight

face that long and brag about it for that long, you medically have no triggers. You were literally born without them, okay? Keep it in light. Okay, okay. All right, all right. Randall Emmett's kept over a fucking car back there, all right? I think one of Randall Emmett's mistresses is here. You be quiet about him. You guys shouldn't just say about fucking Randall, motherfucking hell. Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up yeah but you know when law that was telling me about like tom not getting a right home it like it just gave me flashbacks to wishing tom a show up for me in ways and like wishing that tom and be more emotionally supportive of me and i'm like don't this isn't this isn't the time okay you you've already made the right decision yeah and every honest basically like

the thing that annoys me is not so much that he didn't come to me it's because i needed him i'm just annoyed because it's allowing all these vultures and now question everything in our relationship. Yes, and that's what you should be doing, and I know it's easy to be in the place where like you're just with the shithead and you're like, well, but we, you know, we spent, I don't want to like have to do paperwork. I mean, I get it. I totally get it. But you have to. You're an adult. So sometimes you need to say you're a shithead. You should probably move. You know, instead of just being like, I'm really tired. And he has a really good plain pillow that he lets me borrow sometime.

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Zippercrooter, the smartest way to hire. I'm going to say something scandalous, Ronnie. Go on. Plants are meat. And not only are they meat, they're delicious, especially if they're from impossible foods. They taste like beef. Exactly.

Impossible is making meat history this summer. Yeah, they are. Summer of impossible. I am so excited to be spending time, cooking my summer foods, all that good stuff, and guess what, we can use impossible sausages, impossible brats. I mean, it's gonna be a great summer for impossible foods.

Impossible beef is made from plants and 19 grams of protein per serving, and it's better for the planet and it's meat Plant meat correct So if you're looking for something to grab for your grill grab some impossible beef summer of impossible start making meat history today Just head over to the meat aisle at your local grocery store grab some impossible beef or patties and get grilling happens commercial beef or patties and get grilling. So now we go to the retail destination of Southern California, Polkadotts and New Beams, where Charlie and Raquel have just arrived, and they have a lot of interesting things to say.

Yeah. Well, I love before we even get to that bonehead. I love that Charlie just keeps coming back with a different attitude every season. The first season, she's like, I'm like terrified of pasta. That was her storyline. And then her next season, she's like, oh, yeah, you want to start a fight with me and I'll let you fucking bitch. And there were people like, what are you who are you you know so this season she comes back as just super positive Charlie she's like oh my god here we are

we're in a store this is amazing we just serve this girl oh my god it's like retail therapy right now there they're there they're they're they're they're retail this is so good on you it's a skirt or a There it is. Oh my god. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it. There it is. There it is. There it. There it is. There it is. There it. There it. There it. There it. There it is. There it. There it is. There it. There it. There it is. or a napkin ring? I feel so free right now. So Charlie is like, how was Tom Tom? And Raquel is like, it was fun. Actually, it wasn't fun. That's a lie. It's weird how easy that was for me.

It's just an immediate response, I always say. Like, are you sleeping with any of your friends' boyfriends? I say, no no of course not It's like yeah, it's like an immediate response. I say when someone says our things good. I'm like yeah things are good It's just like the immediate response. I'm like don't try and bring that into this, okay? That's called banners nobody wants to hear the truth anyway How are things terrible? Well fuck you glad I asked get the fuck out of here. I don't want to hear it. So, Rick L. Say, I was like really awkward when she said hi to Katie and her mom. I was like, yeah, that's because you said hi to Katie and her mom.

What's fuck are you doing? Also, she was the most awkward. Okay. Katie and her mom are naturally awkward. It's like, you go, you can't go on an African safari and like get mad at watching a lion eat a gazelle or whatever it is. Like, is there nature to be awkward? But this is what recal did at that party. She's saying. Hi Katie.

Hi. Hi Katie. Do you think? Do you guys? Literally the most awkward hello of everything. Do you guys think the producers are taking bets on what that they can make Raquel do on this show? Because like how many scenes,, including 10 times this episode,

do you think a producer was like, here Raquel, tell Katie that her sandwiches are good, but that she is terrible, and that she should get over things, and that her hair looks weird, and that she has a scallop on her nose. Okay, Katie, your sound is good. You got a scallop on your nose and you're stupid and you're stupid, bye. See, watching her call on, especially this episode,

reminds me back of the days I used to take improv classes in LA and they would make actors and models take them. Like these beautiful people who are just not born funny, I'm sorry. Like have you seen a hilarious model, like it's rare. So they would bless their hearts, leave it for the homely people. You know what I mean? Give us our thing.

So they started taking classes, and in level one, you have to do the most embarrassing thing. It's like, space work, they call it. So it's like, here I am just on this desk with my friend drinking a bottle of water. You're like, panimiming drinking the bottle of water, whatever. And then you have to start a conversation. And Rikkel just does every wrong thing. It's like. Russian teams. Why are you pressing your tea, Trical? Like, you're in a restaurant. Talk to Katie, Trical.

Hi, Katie. Rivers are cold. I've always hated water. But I guess you're gonna make me swim. So, Charlie, that's the whole fucking episode. She doesn't have one normal scene. Remember that scene last week when that's like that this whole fucking episode. She doesn't have one normal scene It does remember that scene last week when she's like James you want to talk and he's like I mean She's like you know what I regret I don't regret anything I'm not going to make any fucking sense. All my. So Charlie is asking Raquel just sort of like, so how was this party that I wasn't at, whatever, Yada Yada.

And Raquel is talking about how she spoke to James and that like, you know, James is really awkward with her and everything. And how like, he was acting, like, he was so over her, etc. And Raquel is like, well, I'm pretty sure like his girlfriend doesn't feel the same way as he does. I mean, I feel like James is into Ali, like way more than she's into him. Oh, for sure. Sure, for sure girl. 100 emoji.

Charles, it's just the vibes. I think James sees Ali as his future wife, and Ali sees him as her current boyfriend. Anyway, great season, guys. I'm Charlie. Hope to see you next year, bye. But you know what I've always heard, best way to get over one guy is to get under another Tom. So I mean, actually, actually doesn't really rhyme but God this was

fun shopping with you girl power and then Rick hell literally has the balls to say about Ali that's why I called Ali like my replacement because he literally just needed someone to fill the spot I'm like you are having a fair with a man Italy guy going to the spot. I'm like, you are having a fair with a middle guy going to a midlife crisis. You are filling it spot. You're a spot that's filled. You're a seat filler.

That's what you are. It's in your nature. You are the Corvette and the Earring and the Goatee. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER But yes, you're a human coaster and so is Ali. And that is why you're there. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm just going to be like, soundwitches, soundwitches are so free. Live laughs so much. Am I right? It's just the vibe. Sandwitches are the vibe.

So, Rickels is like, no, I'm actually okay with it, because after the vibe last night, which is different than the sandwich vibe, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,

I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be the vibe. So Rick Hells like, no, I'm actually okay with it because after the vibe last night, which is different than the sandwich vibe, dot, dot, dot.

And then Troy's like, yeah, like I'm sure you don't need to be in a two by four building with Terry and Katie and Lala. Oh, oh my God, Look at this. Can I see this, please? It's... Can I see that lightning bolt? I would love to see it.

So they're like, oh, sure. Meanwhile, this is basically a justice, the story. You guys know what justice is, right? Like that little kid's story. This is like a justice the story you guys know what justice is right like that little kid star This is like a justice with beige walls injustice first of all She finds this lighting bolt and it is $780 I'm sorry. You don't get to call yourself Polkadot and Moonbeams and try and charge we 800 goddamn dollars for a lightning bolt Charlie's like just spend it, it's your birthday.

Don't you have birthday money? Rickles like, no. I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. Don't you have a secret lover who has money to buy this for you? This makes the whole thing so much sadder to me because I thought, you know, like this whole thing is terrible, right? They've been wearing these lightning bolt necklaces as like little symbols to each other that they're together or whatever right so I thought at

least Tom gave it to her at least he was like hey no I'm always in a lightning bolt and if you're in a lightning bolt it'll be like whoa like why lightning struck each other like all yeah lightning striking uh it's so romantic i thought like at least i was like being romantic about it this bitch had to go spend seven hundred and eighty down dollars on a lightning bone necklace and you know tom's was five dollars off of amazon i just bought us a couple of his

yeah in last week so now we go over to Schwartz and Sandeys. America's restaurant. It's almost as successful as the man's up brothers restaurant and Hoboken. But you know what, I have to say, bulkre is still out. Bullquadre is still out. Bullquadre. So weird. Black water. Delicious. What an idea.

I know. So the big music shorts and sandies, I know it looks like these guys haven't been doing anything. And they've been working on this place for a year and nothing's happened. They got a booth. They got a booth. They got a booth.

They got a booth. So shorts is booth. They got a booth. They got a booth. So shorts is like, this booth is the last missing piece of the puzzle. That shorts and sand is. You don't have line cooks. Your booth is not making tuna tartar for you. You're literally going to be sleeping on that booth in about two weeks. So we see flashbacks and short the shorts and sand is journey over the past few years like 2021 like this and then in

2022 like that and the only reason I bring this up is for the 2022 flashback. We see it and we just hear she to go You flash back, we see it and we just hear she'd go So swords is like what's hand-in-ball for it's like yeah, I'm really jealous Well like Katie and Mary out of little spot like what the fuck like they want a sandwich Now we got a fucking sandwich like what the hell is like yeah, I mean to come this far and not be able to open, because we don't have any line cooks, that's brutal. Yeah, people always like, oh, just to open it. I'm like, dude, you don't know what that entails. That means you have to literally get out of bed and grow and open the door. That's hard.

So they're going to also have another looking-lead party like Katie's having, because they haven't had enough. Stop giving away free shit. Okay. Stop having parties for your loser friends who aren't even going to tip the staff. You know they don't. Yeah, shorts is like, yeah, because they don't have, they don't have cooks. So shorts is like, it never ends.

It like literally has never begun. So then, uh, they're not played at this point. Santa Claus, like, I want to go somewhere really cool, Daryada, because I feel sometimes, like, my presence, just my very presence, fucking annoying to bro! And then we get a montage of Tom's hand-of-all acting, so fucking annoying. Ooooooh! Hey, we all are!

We all are! fucking annoying. Oh, we don't know. Go away. Literally, disgust me right now. Why does she think I'm annoying, dude? Of course, Ariana's annoyed with you. You're an annoying fucking person, dude. She's... She's...

She's been annoyed with you for 10 years. I love that he's just pretending that just now, Arianna, we have 10 years of footage of Arianna being like, Tom shot off. I literally can't listen to you right now. That's her love language. Yeah. You ordered this. So they're talking about like how intimacy is started to wane and shorts is like oh yeah, I've seen their lack of intimacy I mean, it's just like it's just not looking good, but Enough about that weird facial hair thing And shorts are like you never know it goes on the high closed doors But to me it looks like they just evolved into roommates because I see a lack of intimacy. Aren't you fucking your roommate?

Why are you comparing being a roommate to not getting fucked? So wait, listen, sand of all makes a very compelling case right now. It's like Ariana. Like, when was the last time you went to a store and bought paper towels? And toilet paper. There's like pens in the drawer.

There's batteries in the drawer. Like, I knew that! You don't go any way, do you think I'm gonna make? I know it's actually so funny because Sandival was here last night. I was looking under here and there's like, there's some paper towels. What do we got here?

Pens. Toilet paper. He really was here in DC. Wow. The man does not lie on this. So fucking weird. I want to fuck him right now. So great. I want to fuck him and make him mine. Finally. Look how hot the Bronnigai is, by the way. Can he be on next season of Vanderpump Rules, please?

There's a reason he's the most famous. These aren't the best paper towels either, Bronnie. Sorry if you're a listener, but these aren't great. But sex smells. Who hasn't masturbated to a Bronnie logo, am I right? Big crystal, the new hostess of Vanderpump rules. When was the last time you put a hard-boiled egg in a ziplock? Right? I'm at the lover in this relationship, bro. Congratulations, you went to Staples.

So then, you know how everybody on this show now has a podcast of their own, right? Which, you know, yeah, yeah, they're podcasts. We're happy for you. So, but, you know, they are good. A lot of them are really good. And Christens is one of them that's become really popular lately. Because Christens just, Christens just got the light under her ass. Now she got something to talk about now. So every day she's like, here's what else happened about Saddamal. He believed in this shit. So on her podcast, he's like, that's not even true. It's not about, it doesn't even get batteries. Oh, God.

The real truth about that is because batteries. So I have seen a lightning bolt necklace on the Energizer bunny, though. So, let's see. So Schwartz is like, yeah, you need to address those things. Because like, what if you're gone for a week, but then there's a storm or some kind of natural disaster. Like, she can't use a flashlight. So the sand above is like, yeah, there's definitely a disconnect. We argue more than we used to. And's like when triumph when I try and say something like Fuck you stupid women stop having an opinion and Using your mouth with the matter trying to talk and

She'll be like she won't even be like hey Tom. You've got a point there, dude I can count on a hand in one hand in our nine years together, where Arianna's ever said, wow, you're right. Yeah. We've watched this show for 10 years, and I can't name on one hand the amount of times you've been right. Don't blame her. You are naturally wrong, okay? You have turned yourself into the lead singer of a cover band and you can't hit notes.

You are a wrong person. Well, honestly, dude, like, don't do what I do, which is procrastinate on that. Like, oh, we're gonna go to therapy, oh, I'll be back once the bar is open, or I do promise I'll take a shower this week, you know? You don't want to be Mr. Eventually. It's time for commercial. It's time. Hi, I'm Michael Patrick King, host of the official Max Companion podcast, and just like

that, the writers room. Each episode members of the writers room and I unpack moments from season 2, sharing juicy details you can only hear from us. Stream and just like that season 2 starting June 22nd on Max and listen to end just like that, the writers room on Max or wherever you get your podcasts. So then we go to Santa Valls home with Ariana and Ariana's sitting on the couch like, I don't know how Ariana's been on this show this much because or this long because Ariana and every scene literally is like, this is the dumbest fucking thing I've ever been a part of. It's like, what am I doing here? Where are their cameras in my

fucking house right now? So she's sitting there like rolling her eyes and Santa was like hey don't plan want to dump them on, hey don't plan, yeah. He's like you want to hear the Santa music? So toilet paper I bought getting horny over there. Ah, ah, ah, ah, I'm so fucking idiot, Tom. So she's got logos for the restaurant and she's like showing them the logos. She's like, oh, those are really cool. If you want to make any revisions, there are pens in the desk. Just want to point that out. And by the way, is there anything I can help you out with before I try to take over your

idea and make it my own? Anything? Remember the cocktail book? So, yeah, he's going to come up with this sandwich book next. So they start talking about Katie and Lala. And he's like, yeah, but they were like rough after the beach, dude.'s like, yeah, and I was like, you know, I'm not mad at you But you know what like I'm not like Santa balls mom like you should have left home. You shouldn't know This isn't a place I could get a lift like you know you're a fucking idiot, right? I don't have to tell you you're a fucking idiot, right?

He's like, yeah and to tell you you're a fucking idiot, right? He's like, yeah. And he's basically like, well, he says, oh, well, I didn't want to go up there, because I'm just like, I was with you. I'll try to fix the situation. And you know, she's like, but that's how you are. And like, you can't help that. And like, what are you going to do? Try and put grandma back in.

I just didn't want to try and fix your dead grandma, you know? Like, at least like get a fly swatter, you know? Like roll her up a hill and just roll her back down really fast and hope that the spirit comes back into her. Like, we can make it better. She's dead. Fucking moron this guy So it's like yeah, yeah, so well, you know sometimes I feel like lately like we haven't been as connected like there's been like a lot of things

That have been like bothering me and stacking up like piles of toilet paper and I've just been swept under the rug also like the toilet paper and my it feels like my very presence and noise you It's like it's not God. How many times I have to say this is not your presence. I never say thanks. Oh, you're snapping at me Yeah, it's not that you're snapping at me And you be little mean front of people because you're like youngling at women in front of people Tom That's on CB rates you. You know what I mean? So I'd love that they just keep that bring in the clips of Tom of Ariana going Tom stop

You're being weird So he's like and that really hurts my feelings. And she goes, yeah, yeah, you're the person that I want to hang out with, and you won't hang out with me. Like, you know, I would just want to have it be us, and I've said that for months, but then you have to like go peacock all night. And like, everyone else gets that version of you.

And like, I just get the leftovers, you know? The guy is like walking around masturbating with batteries or like Sticking his dick into toilet paper rolls Well, I feel like with all the things you've been like going through in the shit you've been dealing with I don't feel like we're connected the way we should be like You know your dog died your grandma died. You're going through a shitty time like what about me? Yeah We didn't even take a picture at Sheena's wedding. And there were like fire dancers there.

How can we not take a photo? It was amazing. No. You're lucky not many phone cams route that weekend, sir. Yeah. So she goes, she's like, I don't think taking a picture together at the wedding is a marker of whether or not we're connected.

And he goes, okay, dude, me and yes it is. And yes it is. I mean, yes it is. I think it is too. I mean, this scene was pretty interesting to me because Ariana's like, so we were together to wedding for a whole week and we didn't see each other. So fucking what Tom, you idiots. I thought this scene was really interesting because this is, it's not the first time

because in the first, in the beginning of the season, their first scene together was that you all seen. Where he's like, I gotta go and get a couch. And she's like, can I come with you? Because I never see you. And that was the saddest thing where she was like, can we go on a you all day? And then he And that was the saddest thing where she was like, can we go on a U all day?

And then he ignored her in the used furniture store. Oh. So it's not the first time we've seen hints of problems, but this is the most we've seen it so far. Because for the audience, we've known about scandival so long before this happened. To me, I was like, oh my God, this came out of nowhere. How could this happen? And now I'm like, oh my God, this came out of nowhere. How good this happened.

And I'm like, she literally wants to start him on fire. And I'm sitting here watching this, like wishing I could hand her matches. Like just... I also want to point out... I don't know what was happening. I'm like, kill him. I also want to point out that like, give them. I also wanna point out that like,

it doesn't matter how many roles of Ronnie or Big Pins you got, Ariana, she went couch shopping with you. That counts for all of them. It's all fully negated. So he goes, yeah, but like, it is important to take pictures of the wedding, sorry, I'm like, what is everything I'm going to say?

Are you going to disagree with me? It's called having a conversation, first of all. And so, I think it goes, um, no, because I actually agree about the part about us being disconnected. I mean, remember when we would cook dinner and put on the war on drugs? Like, which side were you fighting for? I was gonna say Band of from rules is the losing side of that one So actually they're winning that one they're winning

He's like, well then let's do Here is this is he's my favorite fake cry or bravo because there's so many, well Jen Shaw is a good one. She has, that one's good. But Santa Valls is like a dance move where he's like spirit fingering on his face. He's like, let's do it. Let's do it.

Well, but the balls of this guy, they complain about their disconnection saying, I just want us to be better. I just want us to be more intimate. Like me and Raquel. Oh. Like, can you imagine he's actively having a fair Raquel and saying this right now on camera?

So he's like, but I want to be better. And like, I want us to be better. And like, I want to be more intimate, like having sex like four times a year, that also affects me. And she's like, okay, well, maybe you need to spend time with me because I can't have sex with a stranger. And I was like, really? It's literally the best kind to have a game. I'm not a game man. Listen, women teach us a lot and I think it's important for us to give back. Yeah, she's like more strangers. She's like, you can't telepath your dick into a vagina from the Abbey.

I was like, well, there is Grindr. So Zanda was like, um, well, what is what you would consider us going out? And she's like, I don't know, like doing an activity going on a walk around the neighborhood, making dinner together, or not necessarily us going out and getting drunk together. And he's like, this is your definition of quantum time. So no, this is the definition of quality time. No, it's not, it's your! So, he's sitting here going, this is not, that's your definition, that's not a gi-err. So He's sitting here going is not that's your definition. That's not going the time

And this is the same guy who's sitting here saying she's always disagreeing with me He's literally yelling too much because that's how he is And then Ariana just like rolls her eyes scroll through her phone. She's like just rolls her eyes, rolls through her phone. She's like, So the producers like, what's your definition of quality time? It's like, I don't know, do like, let's take some mushrooms together and watch the sunrise.

Let's, let's go skinny dipping in the pool. Let's like get 14 young children together and make a youth orchestra and go around the country and singing Rick's Winkfield songs. I mean, like, stimuli, all right. You need vocal lessons and you need a... A razor. I'm hooked.

So then, oh, this is my favorite part. Oh, now the big game. This is what got me mad, I was like, Wow, they bring that into it. Let me tell you something. Now my trigger points have been really touched with this part. I'm really mad about this.

Tom's like, oh, why don't you like wild out and get drunk? Like you always are like wilding out and getting drunk and seeing something low again. Like you don't do that with me. And she's like, you know, like the same things we do. And he's like, yeah, I do. Like you think I don't like fucking Beyonce? Like, like high in love and

crazy and drinking and if you like it but Neckless on it. What is it? The things that's funny is that he does like all the same things Logan likes He likes going to the Abbey just a gay bar and you know they're playing Beyonce there all the time And he likes doing what Ariana likes doing which is singing karaoke and she's actually really good which is kind of funny because she's an actual singer. He's just not as good as her so he doesn't like doing it with her. So then she's, all right then she says this was really, this is some damning evidence here. She's like, yeah, Tom

You don't sit there and watch episodes of Love Island with me And then he Tom is sand of all goes. Oh, I don't have the time to watch 50 goddamn episodes of Love Island. You shut your mouth, sir All right, I got a text I got a text and says fuck you, fuck you. But also this is a real relationship issue. We have this issue. We go to every summer this bullshit slut show comes on, okay? Those who know, no, those who know, no. If you're, listen. This show literally hurts my feelings to watch this show they bring people on They because I tried watching it to help our relationship, right like I made the effort and It hurts my feelings. They try to get picked so bad and then they feel so ugly and then they run off and drown themselves

Or what it's terrible. It's a fucking terrible show It's literally the log line program for rules too. But this is a real relationship issue because every fucking summer guest who shows up like, oh yeah, you're looking real fat. You're looking real fat, right? What are you talking like that? It's been a lot of early days, Ronny. It's been a lot of days. It's been a lot of days. My good news is that we got good bands. We got good bands, Ron. It don't worry. And he doesn't fucking stop. And you know what?

And it's karma. For all those years, I kept making Game of Thrones references before he ever watched it. And I remember editing those episodes and the blind just went dead. It would be like, oh my God, that girl's like a Cersei being walked through the village naked while a lady follows her with a ring going, dong, shame, dong, shame. And he's like, oh, but I fucking watched that, you know. But I put in the work. I binge game of thrones, I binge succession.

And here I am Which means Ronnie you now have to binge 5,000 episodes of love on Work kind of make it No, I was honestly I was like deeply offended by this whole love island thing. I was like really fuck you Also Tom Sandeball if you maybe paid a little more attention to love island You might figure out how to get your girlfriend to fuck you, because that's literally what the show's about. So then he's like, yeah, I don't have time to watch Love Island. So Arhanna goes, that's literally all we're talking about. So, he goes, wait, Mark!

I like the thing that Love Island may have been the breaking point in this. Oh, and there's just also the gay boyfriend argument, because I think Ariana fell in love with Tom Sand of all, because he was her gay boyfriend. He was just like a straight, I'm not saying he's gay, I'm just saying he's got like the tendons, he's got the personality of a gay with the penis of a straight guy. Let me tell you something, if you cared about your lady, you would watch La Violin, Purkas, guess what? Guess you watched La Violin, you would watch Love Island, Porca's guess what? Guess who watches Love Island? My man, for me.

You see what this show fucking does, DeBan, I'm telling you. He talks about Love Island and starts circle snapping, okay? I'm alive. All right, so let's go over it. So that basically they have a long pause because Arianna is like, I don't know what to do with him when he's like this, so she's like scrolling on the phone. And then he discuss. Speaking of, sorry.

Oh no, he's like, I love you. I just wanted to get better dude. And she's like, you have walls up too. They're just like different walls than mine. They're just stupid looking, tacky, annoying walls that don't appreciate a good reality. Binge a thong. So speaking of British things, as I was, as I was about to say before, if you're wondering why I was speaking of British accent, we're going to James Nallie's apartment. James is like, oh my god, in case you didn't hear, I'm still opening for cascade. You know, not a single spot on your glasses when you use cascades He's on the phone with his brother. He's like all right. All right. Everything's good. All right You're just gonna take care of the cat right so just take care of the cat because I'm gonna be performing for cascades You know mom there mom there all right give mom a kiss all right. You're still giving mom a kiss

That's a loud kiss all right all right stop giving mom the kiss now, Erie. Harry come back Alright, alright, stop giving Mom the kiss now, Erie. Erie, come back! Erie, give up my mother, Erie! Take off! Wait a second. Is that cascade that's there? Is cascade making out with Mom? What the fuck? What the actual fuck?

Wait, Mom's starting for cascade now? What is actually fucked right now? So then he does my favorite thing. He goes into his living room, to his DJ set, and then he starts playing his little triangle lights. And he's like, Ali comes in and she's like, oh, are you practicing?

I mean pressing play. And he's like, oh, I'm so nervous. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so nervous, but I'm also excited. But I'm also nervous. But I'm excited. But I'm nervous.

But I'm excited. But I'm just like, oh, sorry. Sorry, Ella. You know, like the time has come. And I'm finally going to be going to imagine the imagined festival in Georgia. There's not going to be any fat people there. It's just going to be me. It's not a real festival, but there. It's just gonna be me.

It's not a real festival, but that's why you have to imagine it. Me, the cruel party, and I can read it on the fly up. My name with Kat's name. Then my name down here. It's amazing. It really is. You know, when Alex coming with me because we want to support each other and things, not only that make us happy, but well, neat! Look, my DJing is literally paying for this to pop. Allie does not want to go to this festival. She's like looking at the run down and be like, wait, they're shooting the season finale party and I'm not going to it. I'm gonna have to go to Georgia to a pool party. She's like, oh my God, are you playing that song again? You know what?

I want to hear it again. Started of no one has ever said that about an EDM song. You know, started over. It never stops. It just looks like. Oh, could we start that over? I miss the first thing. There's. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Oh, can we start that over? Oh, yeah.

There's some nuance. There's some nuance. Yeah. Tell Dan Summit. So then, um, what was that guys named? They ran in saw him on Southern, remember I'm Southern Hospital? They're like, we are going to Tampa to see Dan Summit.

John Summit, Paul Summit. So, uh, uh, what was meant the NASCAR thing? No, they went to NASCAR, but then there was a story like, Travis and I, we built our I'm not going to be a fan of the I'm not going to be a fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the

fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the

fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the fan of the that you'd wrap cars. By the way, Southern hospitality is gonna be so good this season because those kids are hungry and thirsty and they see what you want on Vanity from rules are gonna be like shit, we gotta raise the stakes.

Every day it's gonna be about someone betraying each other on that stuff. So, Ali's like, so what am I supposed to wear to this sandwich party and James's like, but Lisa's gonna be there. She's like, so am I supposed to like wear a gown or something? He's like, no, a hamburger bun, you fucking idiots. The sandwich shop, don't make me look fat.

Ha ha ha ha. So he's like, first impression, so I don't know when it comes to Lisa Vanderpump. When it's like introducing her to my mum. Oh god, that was one thing, introducing her to my mum. My mum started licking her face and then tried pulling out one of her cavities to get to silver out of it. Oh, never forget that day. Anyway, I just want everyone to get along. All right.

That was grim. I mean, I know she's not the best, but that's going to terrify me tonight. I mean, I know she's not the best, but that's gonna terrify me tonight Just like like I smell silver It's gonna be like she's like chef Penny's minion name a sandwich after me or send Jack and after your line So listen James's mom has been through some rough times. She has. So Ali wants James to go to a therapist because she believes in fantasy. And he's like, all right, she's like Monday, right? And he goes, yeah, Monday, we'll see about setting up the session with somebody, all right?

It's hard to go on and search for a therapist or I've gone on the therapy pages and I just keep typing not fat, not fat. She's like, yeah, she's like, I mean, I don't think you've been crazy or bad. Oh really? You've been like crazy and bad, you know? And I just, I didn't like what I saw in her mosa, like do you know how embarrassing it is to have a boyfriend who gets water in his eye and then go scream a golfer to the bathroom? That's what I want you to work on. I don't want therapy.

But, you know, get so, like, you watch a movie, you know, get therapy, crazy people, all right? Those lives are in the shambles. Look. James. James. Babe. lives are in the shambles. Look! James. James. Babe. James.

James. You were a bus boy who fucked a literal psycho to get on this show. You punched her Mercedes, spit on her door, and emotionally abused her. Before you found yourself homeless and possibly giving blow jobs to some fucking 60-year-old creepo in Beverly Hills. I know, behind a shade. And sleeping behind a room divider for two seasons. I like the way he describes his come up though. He's like, you know what? I had $12

when I was 16 working at the coffee bean at Calc Beverly Boulevard and now look at me in a one bedroom apartment. I mean, it goes all the people saying that there's a problem with me. Look at your life. Look at my life. It goes fat life. Thin life. Cascade life. Not cascade. And he goes, I don't have childhood trauma. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha from your trauma at this point, I go to sleep thinking about how children broke your arm. I've gone to sleep thinking about James's trauma. I saw that creepy guy, some restaurant that he used to like, whatever with that guy.

He showed up like Liza Manelli because he was on that show twice and he had like a big celebrity, big like group around. It was like a what like, crags or something. Like I always go to crags. I don't, but he was there. And I just saw that guy's been inside of James.

And it bothered me. Mentally got inside his mind. Got inside his mind, guys. Stop being prepared. It hurt me. I was like, this is horrible. I'm leaving this place. I will never be used again.

I use out dirty minds. I don't know where you're getting it. It's poor, untraumatized man. Don't leave things up to imaginations when it's my imagination. This is his fault. Yeah, so now it's time to get ready for the big party, which is a big party.

And so we have Lala and, you know, magnetic personality, Christina. Christina. Bring me out a little bit of that. Oh my God, I'm so glad that we're getting ready together for this party This is gonna be amazing. Yeah, this is a sandwich party. Do you like this burger clutch? I mean, it's not really a sandwich. I mean, it's a burger. It's like a hamburger sandwich. I guess it's a sandwich. That's cute Yeah, I got it because it looks like Rand. Yeah

So That's cute. Yeah, I got it because it looks like Rand. Yeah. So over at something about her, Ariana and Katie, are setting up like they're the famed small table has arrived and it's sitting there. They're setting it up. It's very cute. It's very nice. They're both such restaurant workers too, because Katie goes, so should we steam this tablecloth?

And Ariana's like, no. So, and then we got to Schwartz's apartment, which is like a hellhole, a literal disgusting, gross, sweaty, cum-stained sock hellhole. You, it's, you guys know, you see it. It's terrible. I do love that he does pushups just like me. Okay, this is my imitation of his pushup.

For those listening at home, Ronnie is just lying down on the table. Oh yeah, oh yeah, that was good. Getting back into it. Getting back into it. So Santa Valkyms over and he's got something on his shirt and shorts is like, what happened to your shirt? There's like, oh dude, I think I spilled coffee on it maybe like white coffee uh... have you guys never heard of a latte excuse me so uh... he's like uh... i'm gonna go into this positive that this party like hyper positive like

hyper-cout now like it's totally changed my insides and sandals like you're okay with Katie, right? And he's like, yeah, like, if I get any sense of Katie being uncomfortable and I haven't made her uncomfortable, I'm gonna make sure to go in there and make her uncomfortable, so it's not uncomfortable about something that I didn't cause, you know?

I'll be sure to get a letter. I'll be comfortable in her uncomfortable abilities. So apparently there was some gossip that Lee saying that Schwartz and Raquel had made out again. And so then that caused Kate to send a whole bunch of texts. So Kate, he sent a text that was like, dude, like you're calling Raquel, you're a dude bro? Like, LOL, okay, Tom.

Yeah, because he's like, she's my dude bro bro. She's one of my bro, my dude bro. Hi. And she's, and so she's like, you're dude bro bro. She's one like my bro my dude bro And she's and and so she's like your dude bro, and he's like that's 1,000% alive like on my life Like I've never kissed her since can't who in which I'm sure is Very convincing text message So if animals like did you see Katie's mom? So the family was like, did you see Katie's mom? And he was like, yeah, she's really upset with me because her daughter's distraught and I'm causing it.

And this is my impersonation of me. This is my impersonation of Katie and Katie's mom whenever I go inside to pick up the dots. And he's got this little toy like lamb, their goat, and he picks it up and he goes So then we go over it then we go back over to Sa and chef pennies in the back making the sandwiches and this is where we find out her like devilish proposal. She's like, so are you going to name a sandwich after me? At least have underpump has a sandwich. I better have a sandwich. And if you don't give me a sandwich by the stroke of midnight tonight,

I will make sure your leopard tattoo disappears forever. Oh my god, are you kidding? She'd be like the very fucking godmother to make that thing go away. Fuck is that thing? How do you still have that? Help yourself. I mean, at some point in your life, you just have to start fixing yourself.

We are 40, okay? Everyone look around at each other and promise your neighbor you will do something to fix yourself this year. Get that leprosy off your goddamn wrist lady. And now she's got another thing on there that's like her new haircut as a tattoo. Next, have you seen that?

The fuck is that? A cartoon version of her? What is it? Rob. So now people start coming over to the big sandwich for preview and everyone's eating the sandwiches and stuff, and then Lisa. We're gonna talk these sandwiches.

Now, I'm sorry, boom me now, boom me now, get it over with. Listen to what's very important to me. Sandwiches. I believe in sandwiches. I've supported sandwiches my entire goddamn life. I'll even eat a Jimmy Johns and he's a terrible big game hunter, okay?

But I believe at his core, he's good because he is a sandwich person, okay? These are not sandwiches. These are, these are shit, your mother, oh, this mother's a, I can't say that. Hold on, let me think of something else. Your father, this is your father. This is when your mother was off supporting the family like the hero bitch. She is I've seized left your dad at home to make lunch and he's like look

I made you four kinds of sandwiches and they all have extra thin Whole wheat sliced bread from the grocery store. Fuck that sandwich shop. You better get some french rolls, some baguettes, some baguette sandwich with bacon, a benge, maybe a little benge type thing. Don't you dare serve me fucking wonder bread made out of whole wheat. I just don't like a sandwich wrapped in paper. That's the same color as the bread

because I'm gonna eat that paper. You eat the paper. That's my issue. I used to eat it on purpose because I looked at the calorie count to paper and there's no calories in it. Yes, lovely low calorie wood. So nothing like pooping out of paper airplane every once in a while.

So Lisa Vanderbump walks in and she's like, oh, I'm so happy to see them actually moving food. You know, they've got space. They've got a concept. They've got sandwiches and I always say, if you want something, say it, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman. And if you want a giant clock with a pendulum, ask a man. Sorry to step on your woo. It was an empowering moment. Your woo was deserved. So James will like, hello, Lisa.

Hello, it's me. Good boy boy James. You're looking thin tonight. So Lisa, I'm about to go to my big music festival. You might know that because for some reason I'm wearing giant headphones at a sandwich party. For Lisa Vanerpub can barely pretend with James in the watch. She's like, are you really James? So how many people are you playing in front of this time darling?

All right. Is there anything compared to the five of the people you've been bringing to cut fitness nights over it? So because, oh, it doesn't really matter how many I'm playing to. It's the connections, you know, like you meet so many people when they're doing cannonballs into the pool, you know. And my baby's coming to support me, aren't you, baby?

Can I stay? Can I please stay? I want to be part of the show, I want to be in the family. Don't make me go to Georgia. I don't know who cascade is. And LVP is like, oh, she's coming to keep an eye on you. Oh, bad. And every time she tries to be funny with humorless people, that's why she's still that's why she's not on Beverly Hills anymore. They're like, how dare you? Yes. Oh, I lean still. Every day watches the show and it's like, I can't believe she made a comment

about me sleeping with a married man. So she's like, yeah, so I guess she's going to keep an eye on you. And Alex, like, no, I'm going to support him. I was like, Alan, you better watch it. And I'm James, like, oh, she's not a pushover. She stands so around, I'm like, she's dating you. She's inherently a pushover. So she's like, well, she needs to. She needs to.

To be the other half of James Kennedy, because in his life, you need to hold tight and stand strong with this one. He can be just respectful. It's to me he's not, but that's because, if I would, I would kick him off the show. You're with James Kennedy. Hold on tight and always make sure you've got a clean mirror and a razor blade so he's not getting his nose dirty on a stripper's ass. Well I think he's

getting a therapist on my knee to talk about some anger issues. Oh again. Oh, that's a total error. Oh, that's cute. Oh, is this number seven? Is it Dr. Ben or Dr. Jerry? Is this one going to do the diagnosis? That was hilarious. Last time in with the therapy, it was going to eat ice cream instead of doing coke. But it's like, I guess it doesn't count.

It's going to be like a goat walking on his forehead. I get, you know it's gonna be like a good walking on his forehead. I get you know So James like what happy birthday. I love you Lisa I love you and I do love you Jamesy now let me try the sandwich. I like the presentation Oh very school lunch for poor people Is this P.I. not to butter? I'm sorry I can't quite seem to find the sea baston here. Oh, it's I call the Patagonian do the fish. Hey Alita, that's the great's gonna fuck your face off salad sandwich? Oh, shit. Don't let her name things, darling.

Let her create things, not name things. So in walks Terry, and Terry, Keri's like, I'm so happy like my mom could be here to see me make sandwiches. And like, I just want her to get comfortable here because I'm gonna be putting her ass to work. Yeah, I'm want her to get comfortable here because I'm gonna be putting her ass to work. Yeah, I'm dragging her into this mess for next year. I'm so proud of you Katie that we've come to this place where I raised you working for

me and a restaurant that was 19 times the size of this shoe box with a whole weed bread basket. Well, me, you're doing. I'm so proud of you, honey. So Lisa, Lisa turns, we're going to say, all you having a proud moment, lady, and turns, I am. I have goosebumps all over. I have to take a picture. Not of your goosebumps.

I don't need a photo of that. No, nobody needs to no of a sandwich. No of a sandwich is okay. Okay. So then people, more people arrive, Lala, Logan, Christina, well, one of the Logan's arrives. And then Christina is like, hey, is Rick Helg and I come? And we find out that Rick Hel is not coming.

Well, in this restaurant, she's probably coming down the street as well. But then we get a, then we get a Sina ringtone. Corner, corner, corner, corner, corner, corner, corner. And then the Sina is facetiming into the party. She's like, oh my God, you're not gonna leave this. I was gonna come to something about her,

but I'm like, I wasn't feeling very good. And I was like, no, there's no way I've covered right now. I swear to God. There's no fucking way up I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, don't say that. Don't say only mom can say that so then I took the test The test says it, but I don't feel like I have a bit of stress is telling me I have it's like I got your party Yeah It was like really confusing for Brock because I like that's one and positive is like old That's great news. No, but that's that's negative news, but you see who's positive. No, it's positive No, I thought you said that that is positive in no positive test. So that's a negative result

And Ariana's like look everybody it's sheen on the phone I'm like, I'm running I'm running riding on Harry. What are you eating? Those sandwiches look really good. I'm paying up on it. That's a lot of really flat sandwiches. What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the good? What's for the Yeah. The sandwiches were like someone take us the subway. So then the toms come, they both have flowers. And which means they've both done bad things very bad things today.

Well, because shorts knows he's about to undermine Katie and gaslight her. So he gets her flowers to start the process. Nothing says I'm not really sorry like Trader Joe's Flowers. So yeah, why do those flowers last five minutes? Why does literally everything at Trader Joe's last five minutes? I want to love you Trader Joe's. You've got the only jelly beans that I find delicious. But goddamn if I buy an onion there, there's not a warm in it two days later. Oh my god. Whatever the fuck lives on. Just that produce. Oh god. It's just brown and there's nothing. It's like a little cave. It's cavernous

I'm like, was this an onion ever? What are you selling me? Yeah, those apples There's always like some little worm that was like in a West Anderson movie in there. Ah Don't eat organic disgusting disgusting shit comes in that stuff So they come in and then Terry has them like all get together for a photo It's a very like mom moment. It's very cute and then like Ariana and Katie are posing with the sign It's like a very sweet like lovely unveiling of what's in you know Katie is like the positive happy Katie She always it shorts is like wow. I just want to say wow like it's so bold to have like all these white walls and One table in a restaurant. Wow. I mean, that's so smart. It's gonna be such a great restaurant Katie and Katie's like

Like she's just been completely cheated on by like a bus full of women, you know that have like come off so Then the mom takes a pictures and stuff and Katie's like, well, everybody, this was just the beginning. This is a vision of the future. I'm like, the vision, it's a blank wall. It's a table. You didn't even get a poster up in here. It's a table with glasses from shorts and candies on it. It's not a good vision, but I have faith. This is the business I have to know face. No, no, no. I don't have faith in myself right now.

It's that gay talk we had earlier. Guys, I have just been gaiier by the same thing. It's not gonna get a net's out for the rest of the night. I have faith in this business bitch. I have faith in that business.. I have faith in this business. So, Ariana's like, yeah, and thanks to Schwartz and Sandi's for the glassware. And Terry's like, in that case,

I'm gonna throw the glasses down. Ha ha ha. So the Carol, Terry came to kick some ass to mine, okay. Terry's gonna have her scene. I love the Terry turn. It's Terry's turn, man. She's like, she's like, she is my ear. You know that Sherry slips some positive COVID tests under Sheena's store. I love that theory. So now they all go to sir, Lisa's like, all right, enough time in the competing business, come back to mind. So they go there and they walk in and Christina's like, hi Lisa, remember

me, get the route of here. So everyone's saying hi. Actually, like, Lisa's like on the phone, like ignoring Schwartz, Schwartz's like, hey Lisa, how's it going? She's like, it's really mad. Get out of here. So Swartz goes over to talk to, we have like a little monologue from Tom Sandeball that's like, you know, being here and just like trying to support my girl, dude, it's like, we're out of our, but we're going so distant.

Like, shut like, yeah, with this fucking guy. Oh, I hate when he says this, he goes, you know, the issues that Ariana and I are having are not just her fault. Excuse me. It's, yes. Some of it, you just have to skip because it's too hard watching him plant these seeds.

Like, it's been so bad for so long. Like, you needed to do that before you were fucking somebody else. Like, these seeds, this is been so bad for so long like you needed to do that before you were fucking somebody else like these seeds this is no longer a valid garden that you've planted yeah it's just annoying and I don't like it and we're still at the part of the show where we can't really yell at him yet because it's not happening we don't know yet it's happening but man when we see those previews for the next couple of years I'm ready ready to yell. I'm ready to yell. Girl, it's like I'm heading out of public square. I'm at home right now weaving rope.

I'm like, I cannot. You know what, though? No, I don't need to wait for next week. I'm ready to yell now because the truth is, like we haven't been all night. I'm like, literally, wheat bread. Listen, I'm a gentle soul. Like we haven't been all my- I got water really. Wheat bread. Listen, I'm a gentle soul.

But, um, no, but like I really, it's personal he says, oh they're not all hurtful, like thanks for the shred of accountability. And then he says, I'm hoping we can get back to where we were because it's the best relationship I've ever been in. But why are you fucking Rekelle? Why are you fucking Rekelle? I just don't like that. I don ever been in. But why are you fucking Rekel? Why are you fucking Rekel? I just don't like that. I don't like that.

Don't tell me it's the best relationship and then you're having a affair. And in other ways, we praise this kind of behavior. It's like, don't quit a job until you're sure you have another job. Yeah. And I think that's what's going on here. I mean, I think it was made pretty clear that this relationship should die.

I mean, it was clear to me a couple of years ago when we really started to see Tom that, I mean, look, Ariana's always been better than Tom. This is not a shocker. This is not a shocker that she's better than Tom. But yeah, today I was like, I'm not happy you cheated, but God damn I'm glad this is over You know, Ariana has like this hot new piece of ass. She's walking around Also, and I'm also glad it was in a sick way as and as much as it's gonna hurt her over the next couple of weeks to watch it on TV I'm almost glad it happened in this way because it's so blown up that there's no chance of fucking repairing it, you know?

There's no chance of fucking repairing it, you know, there's no chance And there's no his side and there's no him winning in the end. It's like you're terrible Dialogue and we can concentrate on this now, you know Yes Oh god now for now for the now for the thing that I'm really interested in which is Lisa Vanderpump trying to eat a sandwich Which turns out I don't think she's ever done Because she's like Rick Do you want me to taste this sandwich to make sure they haven't boys in you?

She's like actually us and so Lisa takes the sandwich and there's like a rugilist thing out and she like pulls the regal out and then she like stuffs it in her mouth as if she were her own bird regurgitating into her own mouth. She's like, oh. I'm like Lisa, that's not how sandwiches work. Did you guys see that? Was that just me?

She's like, darling. She's like forcing it all the way down earth, girl. Usually I reserve this kind of behavior for Christmas and birthdays, but Olga. So Schwartz is down in Terry and he's like, get it! Sorry. No, it's okay. It's always worth it for a little extra. Get it. So, this is what we've got like in there.

It's more hours to go. Yeah. So, this is definitely the part in the show where we thank the husbands and the friends who have been, who've been brought a lot. We say, Baroque, thank you Baroque, thank you Baroque. Thank you Baroque.

Thank you. So, shorts is like, hey Terry, oh man, we got so much fun when we hung out last time. She's like actually we didn't and you're literally gaslighting me right now. Just that. Because he's doing his whole like, oh, Terry, oh my God, you're so my mom, right? I know. This is like, it's like my mother-in-law, then I'm happy to live in law. What a great stay. I love you, Terry. You're so cute. Oh my God, peekaboo.

Peekaboo Terry. And she's just liking it. Yeah, we had a nice mother's day. Like thank you. It was just so sweet. You seeing, that was back when you and Katie were together and all those memoses that you poured on her head. Like, that was a sweet memory.

It actually was fun when you guys were together. It was like having her own memosa fountain, but you just added such a darkness to the whole thing, Tommy. Why, Tommy? Oh, we had a good cry. And just as it was hard to break up with Katie, just know it's just as hard not being able to spend holidays with you Yeah, well, I always told you you were family Tommy, but you know what you blew it Tommy You blew it you blew it But you and Katie of course you're gonna date, but you had a mutual agreement. No, I'm in the friend group.

Oh, okay. Now, here's where it's going to go too far as the mom and I'm here for it. I personally got extremely nervous because, as some of you know, my mother is a fucking loony tune, okay? You don't want my mom fighting you over me. Like if we, if I bring my mom into a fight, you're gonna die. Yeah. There's no escape from this bitch. Sorry for saying the bitch, but she would love it. She's that kind of bitch. Yeah. The first live show she ever came to, we were in Texas, okay? And my mom was shocked. She was like, if there's so many people, she didn't know what a podcast was. She was like, this is amazing, right?

So she's wearing this big fur coat, these big gold earrings coming down and these big big diamonds coming down. She's walking around with her big done hair and all her friends with her big hair and their fur coat. So I'm like, you're gonna get spray painted. You cannot dress like that. She's like, I don't go fuck.

I said, are you already drunk? I She's like, I don't go fuck. I said, are you already drunk? Should I have fucking, I don't fucking care. I just show them with, and then she walked right up to people in the front row and said, these are my feet. And they got up and moved, and they were tweeting like,

mommy's mom is terrifying, right? So then, she gets a drunker and drunker, okay? So we end up at this restaurant across the street. We're all parting. It's a really fun night. I'm talking to the sweetest, cutest guy, which is so rare at these shows. Like, it's like 98% of you are girls, you know?

1% are husbands, and there's maybe like 0.002 hot guy. You know what I mean? And I can't see you, so I'm not being personal against you. I mean, just look around. So, we're across the street. I'm talking to this guy, he's being so nice. And my mom is literally like, I don't know if I need to do this bitch over there, so I can kick that bitch.

She tried to take my seat. I'm like, mom, you don't, it's a bar. So I said, we need to get you back to the hotel and the guy goes, can I get you a car back? And she goes, fuck you! And she went like, nah! She literally pulled a Kim Richards, jumped across the table and grabbed his neck.

I had to drag her out. I was like, dad, and my dad came and was dragging her out. And my mom was literally going, oh, fuck you. As they drug her away to the Uber. That is, that is my mother's day story. Don't fuck with a mom man Because you're a mom you are exactly like your mom. I'm like that woman. I'm becoming more like her every day

I'm missing a red wig. I'm gonna become her and Katie is Terry because Terry is doing Katie shit by the book 100% Tom's like, but I'm sorry be shit by the book 100% Tom's like, but I'm sorry. No, you're not, Tommy. You ruined everything. Now check your text. It's like, fuck you, Tommy.

You little motherfucker. You piece of shit. Your dick doesn't even work. Oh, I'm in the audience now, bud. I'm not on the podcast anymore. I'm sorry. I told Ben backstage the Mother's Day thing's going to be a little rough for a minute. Just give me a minute.

It's like, okay, I'm going to take a seat down there if you don't mind. It's over. I'm done. Ronnie Carham, ladies and gentlemen. Oh my god. DRIGGERED! So Terri's... So Shorth's gives his pity party to Terri, you know, because he's gonna try to turn the

mom against the daughter, which is what Shorth's does. Right. He wants you to pick him, you know, like... Look at me! Can you believe that your daughter was ever so mean to me? Yeah, he's like, well, you got to remember that she divorced me. And it was the right decision, but broke my heart, poor Tom Schwart, hard broken. And I was a mess, but you know, six months went by, and I was drunk in Mexico, and I made

it with Rukio, and I wasn't even thinking about the tentative verbal agreement. The Katie reminded me of five minutes earlier. First of all, it didn't just happen. You went into the middle in a spotlight in the middle of a pool with a floating table, literally surrounded by a circle of people going, fuck off, fuck off. Foo-da, foo-da. Foo-da, foo-da. Foo-da. Foo-da. I circle the people going, fuck off, fuck off. Boota, boota.

Boota, boota, boota. Boota, baby, you know what though? Let's also not forget that I'm sounding like I was doing at counterpoint, but I'm just doing it. I'm adding on. He also did this as a direct response to her refusing to shave his armpits. Like, if you were gonna tell me, he was like,

oh, I wasn't thinking about you, do you're literally committing an act of revenge? Yeah. After stealing a pair of revenge. So then Terry, of course, Terry's very dramatic. So she's like, and Tommy, it was just such a slap in the face. Tommy is like really, Terry. That's a slap in the face. Tommy is like really Terry.

That's a bad heart. So she's like to anyone. I mean, today I'm sitting with Katie and Katie starts crying. And she said, it's so important for me to have thin, whole wheat bread for every sound. I'm sorry. She was talking about you. I just, I can't get over the whole week.

She said, she said that like, it was just so important. She's like, ma, it's so important for me to have a friendship with Tom. And he's like, I'm still here. I'm in a still fucking locating. Like, she's still there. Like, I can censor. Like, I don't even have to look at her to know

I can take my drink and go like this. They'll be right on her head. Like, I just know where her head will be when I pour take my drink and go like this, they'll be right on her head. Like I just know where her head will be when I pour out my drink. Like I feel her. I don't even have to look around. I just censor because suddenly I have the urge to make a beret of a planter.

Katie's like yeah, and I know where you are because she still smells like a river. And so he was really laying it on thick, but Terry's not buying it. She's like, really? Well, what you did really hurt her, Tommy. And it hurt me. Was it worth it, Tommy? Was it worth it?

Okay. Can we stop acting like Schwartz impregnated Raquel with striplets? And now Katie is having to raise them on her own with no milk money. Like calm down. Okay. So now we're going to like literally a fucked up diabolical scene that I could not believe I was watching. This is the scene where Raquel tries to make herself feel okay with the fact that she's fucking Ariana's boyfriend, right? So this is-

That's what the scene was, right? This was her chest and the water's like, you guys aren't really in a relationship anymore, right? Like, what I'm doing is cool, right? Yes, this is her saying, Tom has been telling me that you guys are already broken up, he's tried to, and we know this from his how he and the interview, Bill.

That Tom is claiming to have broken up with Ariana five times by the time all of this has happened. So Raquel is like, is that true? But Raquel, you know, takes for a minute, but you see that Raquel is finally going like, I wonder if Ariana really does mind, you know. So she goes, they go to the garden bar, so they go to the garden bar, and this is the craze. They go there, and it starts off, Ariana's like, ugh, the garden bar,

I fucking hated it, and then we get a flashback of the garden bar, which is great. This is my favorite flashback of the episode, because Kristen walks up to the garden bar, and Ariana's behind it, and Kristen's like, recall, hi. Ah, can I like, get a drink from you? I know, I was like, I don't really feel comfortable

serving you alcohol. Pfft. I repeat. So, Ariana's like, I'm really glad you're here and like you were invited to the sandwich shop opening but like I get it because like Katie is like there and like I mean like I'm between you guys and I really like you and it's just so weird being that one person that's like in the middle of two other people. Just you wait.

Yeah. And in case you weren't cringing already, here's a direct quote from Ariana. You know, one thing I want to reiterate is that Raquel is still that sweet person. I fucking love her. Schwartz is the person you had the agreement with. But when I said that, she was like,

well, we were at the wine shop last night and then we all cried together and hugged and whatever. But then when you said, go over, I don't know what I'm saying anymore, the point is I was cringing. I was cringing. So she's like, yeah, and then we like talked it over in that wine shop and then we like all cried

and we like hugged and like Katie stopped, you know, like stabbing you with that steak knife under the table. She's like, that was Katie. Yeah, that trip in Tobago was really interesting. It changed me because I realized I shouldn't put so much emphasis on what other people think of me and trying to earn somebody's friendship. And I don't need to be friends with Katie. And like, I didn't want to ask though, like, how are you in sand of all are you guys okay because when we're having sex last night

He was saying that he was like really unhappy So Arianna's like well, we had a really big argument last night and then next thing I know Tom just comes up and starts charging my phone and then putting new batteries in the remote like what? We can't even get through a whole fucking conversation. You know what I mean? Like he literally changed a toilet paper roll that he had installed in the living room where there's not even a toilet.

Like I don't know how to fight with this person. Yeah, he was talking about going to someplace called like Casamore. So Rikels, like... He basically did. Let's be honest. Is that a love island? Yeah, that was an in. So, Rikels, like, well, I remember when I opened up to you about James and I not having

sex and you told me that sometimes, stand-of-all, and you go through, like, dry spells. So... And, Ariana is like, or what I call just like my normal life. Like, what's wrong with that? A dry spell is very good. You know what's bad? Wet spells. I don't want a wet spell.

Keep the wet spell out of my house. If you want a wet spell, let's do it on the street so we don't have to clean it up. And that goes back to, not only strangers, okay. Yeah, no one ever says, oh good, let me go visit that place during a monsoon. No, wet spot. No, nobody wants a wet spot. So, Arianna's like, yeah, we do have a dry spell

because you come home from working at night and you think you're gonna whip out your dick and I'm gonna be like, yeah, let's fuck. That's not, I mean, that is how it happens, right? Isn't that what happened? I haven't been in many relationships, but that's pretty much how it happens. One of you comes home and it's like,

well, do I want to talk to you? Not really, so guess on fuck, yeah. Sirikelle's life, well, I feel like in a relationship, you should want to have sex. And then I was like, okay, yeah, but you have to be emotionally intimate before you're physically intimate. And Raquel's like, I don't understand.

Yeah. Raquel's like, I was with James for five years. So she goes, but you are a emotional, an infinite, and she's very honest. Like, I mean, we have to spend time together. We have to work on a connection. But do you feel sexually attracted to him? And Ariana's like, oh my God, I think he's so fucking hot.

And then I'm, I don't know when she said that, Raquel's like, fuck. And then this breaks my heart, because Ariana is like, and then I'm like, not hot. And then you, like, you don't look at my body and say, that's what I want. Like I want Saudi al-Ai and fat thighs and big ass, being like, lies, Ariana, you're the hottest one on Bravo. You know, that kind of talk is so hurtful because I know it hurts her and I know everybody has, you know, like we talk about our body issues and stuff like that.

But beyond how much she's hurt, it's also hurtful. It's like getting to the end of Nopli and like somebody wins and they're not even happy that they have that whole stack of money. And you're like, but you won. You know, you might as well put me down like the little dog over here I've got nothing I'm nothing I'm like a fucking railroad and I've been to jail three times you fucking one monopoly and you're crying what's the point of even fucking playing monopoly I don't want to play this game

so Eric Hell's like stop it Ariana stop. That makes me so sad that you feel shitty about yourself. Also wait for like, you know, four months for some news to come out. Yeah, and she's crying. And she's like, a lot of it's due to store ourselves in our own head, and that makes me sad because I do that to myself too. Now listen, Rekella's a monster, but I believe what she's saying is true, and I believe that she does also have that in common with Ariana, which is a really low self image, because that is how fucking creditors like Tom Sandeball get off in the first place.

They find people who hate themselves, and then they make themselves the savior, but then right when you start feeling good about yourself, they start fucking around on you so that you remember you still need them to feel good about yourself in the first place. So while Raquel is Monster and I hope she gets it by a car. Keeping it light, keeping it light. I also, she's not my favorite at the moment, but I also wish you a pleasant escape, ma'am, even you. So, Rick Hell is like, okay, so clearly you wanna stay

in this relationship. No, no, no, hold on, hold on, we're getting a lot of Rachel screams. Now I have to say this at every live show and I'm going to say it again. I don't care how much I hate your guts. You have a right to identify with a cue if you want to. I'm not going to tell you, you can't go by a made up fucking name. My name is going to be what the hell? I just can't swap back and forth between them calling her

Raquel and her being Rachel. So I just do Raquel and I'm okay with that. Also, Rachel to me is Rachel from Raquel. Thank you for applauding that moment of the world. Rachel to me is Rachel from Friends and Raquel is no Rachel. Rachel from Friends and Raquel is no Rachel Anyway, the point is this is a really fucked up scene. We're Raquel clearly trying to see if the landscape is okay for her to do this Okay, so now we go for it. Okay settle down We heard it. We heard it. So Raquel's like well clearly you want to stay in this relationship

Right So Rickel's like, well, clearly you wanna stay in this relationship, right? It's like, blah, blah. So that was time for more sandwiches. So there's more sandwiches. Katie's brother is there. So weird. Aw, dude. Katie posted an Instagram. I guess after watching what happens, posing with one of the hottest people with the biggest chin I've ever seen,

and said, thanks to my other brother, whatever hot gay guy's name. And I was like, that's Katie's brother, I like Katie now. Let's call Katie. I was like, call Katie, get Katie on the show, girl, I need to meet him. And then I was like, he's from TV, you idiot. I was like, Alexia, you have to scroll.

And I was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Not actual like, Alexia, you have to scroll. And I was like, oh, not actual brother, not actual brother, just someone from real gay friends of real. He's a gay. He's a gay. I scrolled to the bottom. So Lala walks in, Lala walks up to Lisa Vanderpompinkas. Hi family. Lisa Vanderp bit of office like, what? You're not in my family. And so Lala's like, I guess I better do some things at the end of this season, because nothing has happened for me.

So I got a burger purse. So, hi family, did you like the sandwichest? And it can go. The vegetarian one. No, that's amazing. I can't believe they had the vegetarian one at home, Santa Vosha, I'll say the night. It's a vegetable living. I wish I could meet one with that. I know that vegetarian one. It's a small count. So LVP is like, well, I tried some of them before because we had a test, a test where we took two souls of young girls and put them into a cauldron.

And Penny and I leaned over and snorted them up through our nostrils until youth flooded through our veins. And Penny is called a lowered a bit and we went on with our happy lives. So Lala's like, Lisa, do you think people my age can find someone and be with them for 40 years? She's like yes of course your age, maybe not your personality though. And she's like it depends on what you're looking for Lala. Are you still in the same rant catalog? Or are we moving to different catalogs now? Are you still looking for men who've got honeycombs tattooed on their face?

Yeah, which magazine are we looking in lately darling? So, Lola's like, I just want a baby because I'm so scared. I want to absolutely make baby that time. So I'm like, that's good. So she says she wants to sibling for her kid, and she wants to know there's no chance this kid will be taking away for her.

So the next step is to go to start Donars. She wants 100% rights of the baby. So she wants to trademark that, she has. Yeah. So this is like, if you think you're trying to kick stuff, you're still alone for next season. This is not going to be the one. Yeah, we're not.

I'm not good at signing this. We've already had a season of Santa Ball and Swartz talking about coming in each other's hands to get to get the fertility, whatever. OK, we already had that. I still think of cold hand is all the time since that episode okay so let me go over to short who is there with you oh god poor lucinda lucinda the designer i mean they really make you like

going to trenches before you come on the show i mean allie stuck with james lucinda has to shoot these scenes with with with shorks i feel bad for the newbies and shorks is their dress like he's back in groceries that the TJs, okay? He's in like his, that's like their style now. They were like Tommy Bahama from Old Navy shirts, you know? Like that's their thing. So he's like, do you send a, do I smell a bag? Oh my God, you know, like sometimes when you wear a new shirt

and you don't smell it, do I smell like that? And he sticks his armpit right in her face and she goes, yeah, you don't smell great. No. By the way, that has nothing to do with this shirt. I just want to point that out. So then he's like, oh, really? Oh, I need a lemon.

Oh, OK, get up a lemon. He takes a lemon. And so it's squeezy on his armpits. And then just puts it on a plate on the table. I'm literally never going to have lemons that Schwartz and Sandeys. Yeah. Because I hope somebody does some drink that. And then just puts it on a plate on the table. I'm literally never gonna have lemons at Schwarzenegger Yeah, because I hope somebody does some drink that Oh my gosh, well, you know, uh, Tom I'm in a situation. I had to put lemons in my armpits

I didn't bring anything in here, bro Well, you know that phenomenon where you've got a new shirt, but you haven't put the order on in a month So like it smells because the shirt got a new shirt, but he haven't put the order on in a month. So like, it smells because the shirt. Okay, so Katie is here looking really pretty in some silk pajamas for whatever reason. She's wearing like a silk night gauze. She literally looks legit, very pretty.

It's very Kyle Biasahadi, whatever it's called. And she's like having a good time. She just had her sandwich not opening or decorating or whatever the fuck they call that thing. I mean, she did it. They had a play for people walked into. They had a table in a room. So now she's here.

She's just trying to have a good mic. Like her story lines over, she already made Tom feel like an idiot as he is. And so she's just sitting there with her queens having a good mic. Great Tom. Having a great time. So then here comes Dodo Bird over.

Fuckin' Raquel being told, okay, Requel, you're on. Requel comes in like one of those like self-automated postmates machines that delivers your sandwich on the sidewalk. Yes, she comes in. She comes in. She comes in.

She comes in. One of the Bobo delivery, the Boba juice delivery things in the restaurants with the Boba. There's just like, there's like some Boba coming by.ba. It's just like, booooo. There's like some boba coming by. Like, she's literally like, you're like, is that my boba? Is that my boba? It's my boba.

She's literally like the Twix and the Vending Machine when you order it and the coil goes like this and the Twix is like, so she sits down, she's like, can I sit here and then the gay goes, oh sure, we're just talking about eating ass over here. I was like, oh, you're a love island fan too.

So Rick tells like, Katie, hi. Katie's like, eyebrows like. So it's like, Katie, I just wanted to congratulate you because like after the vibe at TomTom, I thought it would be best I didn't show up but I did taste your sandwiches and they taste bomb. Katie's like thank you for using that outdated slang. And what are Katie's friends is just watching?

They're like oh this is that bitch. Yeah. Whoa, what is that bitch. Yeah What's that what's that dumb bitch doing over here Katie's gonna kill this bitch Yeah, so it's like Raquel you're doing great now the time And you just stand up and leave and just like go to a different part of the city And so Raquel's like also I know you heard about shortsartz and I making out at the buy you yesterday, which you proceeded to rage text Schwartz about, and Katie's like, I didn't rage text him. That's just me normally texting. Yeah, that's how I talk.

You know? That's how I text. It's like when people tell us to be quiet in restaurants. That's how I talk. That's my truth. So Raquel is like, so Raquel is like fully now crossing the line, right? And she's like, so were you asking him if like we did it or not? Like what's your point, Katie?

Like what's even the point of that? This girl's like, this bitch is gonna die. Katie's like, well, because basically he gaslights me saying that like I'm always overreacting to the whole cancun thing. Now this is a chance for Raquel to be like, you know what, he gets a gaslight or fuck him and then they can join forces. But Raquel is like, um, you thought for divorce. So if Shwarx and I made out or not, like it's none of your business.

And then she goes, I then she goes, is it? I'm like, oh, not the rhetorical question afterwards. Well, it's so funny because it's obviously just her trying to have a finale scene. And Katie's probably seen the producers all night literally going, go do it. Yeah. Do it now. What am I supposed to say again? And between them and Santa, like, dude,, here's what you're gonna do. Go over to Katie and tell her she's a fucking bitch and it's not a fucking business and I'm never gonna sing Africa by Toto for her again and she doesn't shut the fuck up. So Katie asked the question that we're all wondering, why are you talking to me about this? What the fuck are you doing right now?

It's like when you get a sales call while you're just watching TV on a day off and you're like, hello? Why are you calling me at 830 in the morning? Is this important? Listen, you have a number in my area code, so I was just making sure it wasn't like, oh, I don't need this, thanks. So Raquel is saying how Katie just never been one of her friends, and she says, you know, Schwartz has told me

like how much like she rage-tacks him and like that really bothers him and like, like doesn't have to like, she doesn't have like the balls to like, say it, he doesn't have the balls saying to get bad at sorry, this is where Kale impersonation is really hard. And this is really how it would appreciate if someone would stand up for me on my behalf. So I'm gonna pretend I'm standing up for me, but I'm standing up for Schwartz and said I'm talking to

Katie. So ha. So then, Rick, how's Katie is doing a pretty good job so far of just being like, is it my time, or is it daytime? I like see, really, it's confused. And so Raquel does, well, oh, I know is, and then it's like lights Katie up. And she goes, oh, I know is, we were together for 12 years. You cannot even comprehend 12 years. Literally the concept

Literally she can only get up to about 10 or 11 Rick hell's like but I think just no, but I think no, but I know but I know why Why no why why why why why right no no no because it's not your place to tell him who we should and should why why it's not my place why it's not my place why it's not my place why it's not my place because like why because you've been living your life but why why you started dating weird al-shalam a why it's not my place because because like why because like it's like why because um why it's not my it's I'm just saying it's not fair, it's not fair. I love, I love Katie, I love Katie right now. In this scene, I'm gonna give it credit.

No. I love Katie. This is bullshit. This is bullshit. The whole reaction is perfect. What do you mean I can't be a bitch to Tom? Are you fucking kidding me? Name one reason I don't get to be a bitch to Tom.

OK. And I'm speaking to myself. Yeah. They made an agreement whether you think. You're a Katie. I have every fucking right to be a bitch to Tom. You don't get to tell me when and when not to be a bitch. Back the fuck out.

I'm dare you. Don't worry, I'm done. Okay. So Katie is, she's like, well, I've had conversations about him, about this and about respect. And Raquel is like, yeah, but I also don't appreciate the fact that you're trying to like threaten to like take the dogs from him. You won't let James see your dog. You won't let James see your dog that keeps getting cuck-opped in the next somehow.

Fucking hypocrite. Right. Shut up. I just hope that Katie doesn't have a pet bunny because I have some ideas of how that's gonna go. Wreck Hell is too dumb to boil water. You know that that's a damn true. It's gonna be like a chocolate Easter bunny.

It'll be really weird. So Katie goes, yeah, but you don't have to appreciate anything. Why should you appreciate how I text him? It's only your fucking business. And she goes, I don't know what possessed Rekhell to come and tell me how to run my life. I would rather a person off the street. I don't know how to finish that

because I'm really not good with professional windliners. But fuck that bitch. I was like, yes. She's like, that's all you need. You know? I would sooner let someone come off the street and tell me how to run my life than Raquel. Tell me she doesn't appreciate me texting Tom Batdogs.

Also to be fair, I did kind of marry some of the street too. We're at about to be right back there again at some point. We all know it. So then Katie finally just breaks it down real simply. She's like, what don't you get about this? How thick is your skull? This is my husband, husband, husband, husband. That's so messed up to say, though.

Just like, you don't wanna be with him. You wanna be with him? You've been friends with him for five minutes. Just, I've been like getting to know him and he's like really kind. It's sweet. And Katie is like, you have zero respect, zero empathy. Your eyebrows don't even move close together.

Your eyebrows are at one level. Like I don't trust you, bitch. Just leave me alone. And Marquel's like, maybe I have more empathy for Swarth than for you. Raquel, you're, my god, Raquel. Like Raquel, she's saying these lines in the wrong scene. You know what I mean? She's just in the wrong scene. You know what I mean?

She's just in the wrong scene. I just thought I will never eat turnips again. It's like, no, Rick Helm. But also she's like standing up for Schwartz against Katie while she's having a fair with Tom and Ariana. And nothing like, what is she standing for right now? So anyway, Katie is like, Terry's just watching, but,

but the Terry's just right here. The Terry's right next to him. The next bitch. Well, I'm not encouraged to get the yell, but I have to see, I mean, what does she think she's doing in some lady god, she's a dumb bitch. Oh.

So. That is gonna divorce me after the mad. I'm really, I'm trying to I know I'm trading. No it's okay. I'll never divorce Ronnie. Ron and I are in for the long haul. Especially if you watch as love Island. Like we're not connecting Ronnie. So Katie basically because I thought that's my opinion I like we're not connecting, Ronnie. So Katie basically, because I was like, well, that's my opinion about connecting and dog visitation.

And Katie's like, well, shut your opinion up your ass. And then she turns behind her to Lala, who's just like sitting there watching this whole thing. And she goes, are you hearing this? Well, what's crazy? I'm not Lala and my mother here. And no one's going gonna fight this bitch. You all better take off your fucking earrings and get the fuck over here.

What the hell? Well, that was what I was like, what was so funny to me was how close everyone was. Cause we're watching Katie and Raquel fighting, and then she's like, okay, do you understand, can you believe this? I feel like. She's like, Sherry's been there the whole time.

It's a bit. That's why, Lala. So she goes, yeah, I'm an ass. So, so I... I recalculate, wait a recalculate, that's an amazing defense. Okay, she goes, all I know is I had a fucking bomb-ass glamping trip with my best closest friends,

and it was a vibe. And Katie goes, yeah, and it was a vibe. And Katie goes, yeah, and Tom wasn't one of them. And she goes, yeah, but Tom is in my life now. I'm not like, it's, you know what? Do you have a more productive conversation with the pigs? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Right. I really liked when Lala described her

as a very stupid demon. That was like one of my favorite things that Lala has ever said. She's like, why is she spending her time arguing with this balloon about humans? Like, why? So now Terry's like, OK, I'm going to, let me take care of this. She's like, can I ask you something?

When we at dinner at F Fender Pum Paris. Yes, yes, yes. Did my conversation mean anything? I mean, I know I was behind a giant bird cage the entire time. And Rick tells like, oh God, like here comes the mom, you know? Listen, I don't want to fight with your mom either. Like, while Katie's like, uh, don't say, oh my God, that's my mom, treat her with some respect. And and my like that's where the fuck's where you raised

Because like you guys Hey, he's like yeah, where were you raised? Where were you raised where the fuck were you raised? You're a little cock thicknesses what you are walk away Walk away walk away walk away I love some respect. She's like who raised you? What are you raising a barn? You're con. I was like, well you call the who raised you? You said to see where to with your mother is sitting right there. Well Terry did say Katie, please don't do that. Oh she did. So Katie is like I'm fucking don't with you I'm so fucking don't with you like I'm fucking don't with you. Like, honestly, like, I'm a surprise

in a bunch of the face. I really am. So Schwartz is like, what's going on over there? Katie's so mad. Oh my gosh, she's so mad. And someone's like, well, Schwartz, you should probably go over there. And he goes, no.

Schwartz? No. Schwartz is you should probably go over there and he goes, no. Schwartz, no. Schwartz is like, ah, ah. He's literally hiding behind a plastic plant, it's her, which also needs to be treated as a lot of bug holes in it. But anyway, he's hiding behind a plastic plant insert, which also needs to be treated as a lot of buckholes in it. But anyway, he's hiding behind there. And Rickel's like, well, from my experience, my friends that fucking support me and Katie's like, what friends are? Who are you talking about? What friends? Exactly. And Terry is like, um, listen, Katie, stop. Now listen, Rickel,

I wasn't trying to be distressed right for you. Listen Katie stop now listen Raquel. I Wasn't trying to be disrespectful you I was trying to be really really Respectful I'm from Utah so I say really with an eye really and I would like you to respect that You hurt me you hurt me so much Raquel, oh my god fucking Terry here. She got Terry's given us the Katie 1.0 You know, this is the aura. This is some OG Katie shit, and I love it I can't wait till Terry's just like you're just a slut. What am I jealous of? So being a fucking slut getting to go on a private plan I blew my way into I mean.

Yes, O.G. Katie, coming back. You're being honest and like, I wanna make out with Tommy. I'm like, please stop calling him Tommy. I cannot have him being infantilized anymore. Now, this was actually not seen, but in my mind, we then cut to a scene of Sheenet home on Instagram waiting for updates. Like,

Ha, ha, ha, refresh, refresh, ha, no, it's not new content, refresh, refresh, ha, ha. So then I just have to work Sheenet in. It's not fair that she's not in this episode. It's a weird season. And without this scoundrel stuff, it would not be the best. Let's face it. So now you've got a season finale without James and Sheena. What the fuck do you guys think you're doing over there? What is this like our people silently quitting a TV show? You don't film

the season finale until everyone's there. This is Vanderpump rules. You are holding on by a fucking thread. People need to come to work. So now like this Royal Rumble of Idiots gets a new member. Sandevelle's like, dude, they were not single! And Katie's like, I haven't signed any divorce papers yet. Katie, because they're all wrong in this argument, right? Because you've got Terry crying like you hurt me to the floor.

It makes no sense. And then you've got Katie going, I haven't signed any divorce papers. Oh, yeah, we're still married, man. Like, okay. And then you've got Tom, this is none of his goddamn business. But of course, he's been making Rachele say this stuff on my and she's not doing it right So he pops it he pulls his hand out of her ass and starts just using it himself

So Tom Sandivall is like Katie you were fucking a guy when you were still living with Ariana's like oh my god God, let Terry finish. Let's hurry finish. So then Terry does, this is my favorite Terry moment. Katie loves Tommy. Tommy loves Katie. Katie loves Tommy's the more Tommy loves River Banks. Tommy hates the odorant.

They're selling their home, that they want their family. That was sad. So then Santa Valls, like, he's like, they're home, they're family, and that was sad. So then Santa Valls, he's like, dude, I think it's like really tacky having your mom put your battles for you. I think it's tacky to have an affair with your girlfriend. But that's just me. It's also tacky to be fighting with somebody's mother. You don't get to fight with my mother.

I get to fight with my mother. I get to fight with my mother. Yes So recal recals like yeah, but you're the one that told she and Turgas shut up Raquel Shut up Already Let's go that is so wrong um, and then Santa Valkyrie's like, what it did happen, bro! And so Katie just goes, shut up.

And Tom's like, you think you own every situation. You own the floor. You were living with shorts and banging another dude. How do you think that felt? They're shorts, shorts, how did it feel? Of course it's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I'm just short isn't here there's just a pile of paper towels that's on top of a Hawaiian shirt right now There's just a lemon, a little smelting on the face I'm not available right now please leave your message after the smelting lemon in a tree

Buh-buh. Buh-buh. Buh-buh. Buh-buh. Buh-buh. So by the way, during all this, they cut to lead Savannah Pump and her hits on her hand like, oh no, how terrible. They're all fighting and acting in a little dog. A little fluffy dog. Like, oh poor babies. I hope we can work it out.

So many broken beds breaking each other. Tentacles start rising behind her head. Oh! So then Raquel has the audacity to put her hand on Katie's Ningo, I'm sorry that this hurts. And Katie's like, don't touch me. Don't touch me. She goes, okay, well then I'm sorry that this hurts. And Katie's like, don't touch me. Don't touch me. She goes, okay, well then I'm sorry

that you're fucking jealous. Rick, how you are a waitress at a shitty restaurant and you just aged out of passions. No one's jealous. No one's jealous. No one's jealous. Not right now. We can be jealous. It's not right now. We can be jealous later, but not right now.

So, okay, he's like, walk away, walk away. So we're Kelsey, I'm done. I was like, okay. So then, Sandevol now, he's making his plea to Terry, which is so weird. Like, why are you doing this? He's like, here's the issue, Terry. It seems like the only perspective that matters

in this whole situation is Katie's and yours. She's okay. She goes, oh, Katie's, I knew you were going to say that blame Katie. You know who you should blame instead me. The one with the broken heart. Like the Terry is just fucking going to town. Tom, you started this. No one started, we're killing you started this. No one needs to talk about this again.

It's over go away with her Get back in your fucking creepy white bam bam it's circle the neighborhood And then you find somebody's up in there and sing some backups for you. You're fucking douche. So then Shorts, I mean, he's like trying to hide behind a phycus and Peter literally skull behind a planter Be Peter comes up to me's like so you're just gonna hide behind the plants. Oh, he literally says that. He's like, you're just gonna hide behind the plants. Like, what's going on?

Oh, so I just had a really emotional moment with Terry and I'm just taking a breath. Oh my God, hold on, you just gotta text from Terry. Fuck you, you motherfucker, you limp dick to pieces. She's still mad. Tommy loves Katie, Katie loves Tommy. So now this is heartbreaking. So now amongst all this, there's so much fighting.

Ariana's gone in the middle. She goes over to Lisa and she's like, can I come talk to you? And she's like, at least it's like, what's wrong, darling? Oh, you're a really broken bird right now. Whoa. And...

And she's just like, ah! Everybody's like, really broken boot right now. And... Every on is just like... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH they're like consoling Ariana, I truly like a mother figure. While this chaos is happening all around them. So that's happening. Oh Ariana, hold on a can't see, just cry on a little further back out. Okay, that's good. Katie is very furious. Bad bad bad bad. Grandmother Kitty cat. Oh, we sad witches. So she's like well, I don't like it with everyone's on Raquel's case. And then there's Tom hiding in the corner behind Plans. And is he just trying to blend in with the painting right now?

So then we go back to Tom yelling at Katie for nothing. Like she's literally listening. I love a good yelling at Katie moment. This is not the much she didn't do anything. Okay, she literally didn't do anything. Okay. She literally didn't do anything So he's yelling at her and he's like, you just need to take accountability for once and she's like you stop talking about a cap Meanwhile literally just fuck for a cow 10 minutes ago. Yeah, so then Chris Christina's like

Focus on your girlfriend because your girlfriend's better with her crying and you're not even focusing on your girlfriend Yeah, yeah, it's a municipal because your girlfriend's better with her crying and you're not even focusing on your girlfriend. But do you think you're gonna get to participate in this full show? Christina's shining moment. Like, uh, hello, you're yelling at Terry and your girlfriend's crying on Lisa Vanderpump's bosom right now, like get it together with fuckface. I added the fuckface part, but I thought it was implied.

Yeah, Christina's not a fuckface kind of person, but she is very much like, you know, it's hard to tell you through this haste of lemon butter this blast, but you really should be paying more to me, your girlfriend. And then Schwartz is hung up Peter and he's like, oh, what are they yelling about? I'm like, you and why are you hiding behind the plants? Get in there for crying out loud. Okay, so now sand of all just keeps keeps yelling this is going No, we're not going to stop yelling you Katie right so Katie just gets up and where do we go? It's sir you go to the smoking alley right smoking alley

We waited all season we waited all season in the smoking alley is back for a fine moment she passes by Peter and Tom and Peter still like by Peter and Tom and Peter's still like, oh, I'm behind the plan. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And Katie passes, Tom, and she's like, I'm done with you, Tom. We are done. You are dead to me, done, dead.

And he's like, what do I do? I didn't even do anything. Did you drink the lemon? Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. So Lala is telling Katie, oh, look back there because now, Rick has snickering with Tom's because she's such a stupid bitch.

And so Katie walks back and says, what are you laughing at me now? Are you smickering? You're laughing about me with her? Are you laughing at me about her with her? What the fuck is going on over here? I'm reading the scene, alright. Keep up with the notes then. So Ariana's crying and Katie's like, so Katie and Tom are out there and she's like,

my confidence has just been like worn down to threads. He's like, you did the same thing to me, which is like Schwartz now is not the time. If you had this issue, you could have gone out from the plants, but it's too late now. She's like, no, I didn't. You can't be any way, like you can't be any way to me right now. And then out of nowhere, here comes Rectel. Like this girl. And I love that they're doing this right by the propane tanks.

That's always been my favorite thing. They're always fighting and it's like danger, fire right behind their head. So she's like, sorry to interrupt. Ha ha ha ha in a rough, wrapping up on conversation. You don't even get in rough. Like she's just getting so, she's like a little kid who just came out when, you know, it's like, no. I never tell, it's like, you don't want me to touch you. I don't want you to touch me.

It's like a new brickel personality. So Katie's like, where in the middle of a conversation? Go away. It's just Don't push her don't push her Katie. Wait, wait, where are you pushing her Katie's pushing her? Katie's pushing rock. How Katie's put Katie's operating her Katie put down my knife Katie I just want to say one thing. No. I...I am an empathetic person. You are not.

You don't even know what that means. You have not displayed one bit of empathy. I think Jake got the E and the M, and then nothing is working out. Yeah. So she's like, um, like, you were hurt by the fact that somebody made out with shorts. And then you were even more hurt that that person was me. Thanks, Frazier Crane. So weird.

Mariko's moved on to the fight didn't work. So now's my moment of self discovery. So I can end the season. Like she's so blue like to. This is like the producers literally like put in a different SD card. I just like, I'm in empath. Yes.

That's why I take the path train when I go to New York City. So then short, she's like, yeah, I mean, it wasn't malicious. Katie, you don't have to be the crap out of her. Stop crib stopping talking her Katie. Oh my god Katie just bash her head in with the boomerang that's crazy. Oh my god Tony are hurting in the house. Can you even walk? Oh my god. Right now Rick how? Oh she just fell off her cliff in the beginning of cliff hangers. So then Katie goes oh yeah I'm sure like? You guys don't even like each other, right? And he goes, yeah, we're buddies, we're bro dudes.

And then Raquel just starts laughing. She's like, ha ha ha. Like making fun of Katie. I don't know what that starts happening. One of my favorite moves is when someone laughs and someone does the, ha ha ha. Bitch. I love that.

And Katie's like, just walk away right now. You are not holding the talking propane. So, yeah, so now shorts is more concerned about Raquel getting to have the space to apologize. No, she's trying to apologize. She's trying to apologize. Bubba, stop grabbing her hair Papa so Katie's like I don't want her to fucking apologize and the fact and she's like but what didn't you just say that she goes I can't say that So then Rickles like okay, I'm gonna go back inside to do another scene of something

So then Schwartz was like she goes inside then, then Schwartz turns to Katie and is like, that was a sincere apology. They go inside and now it's a birthday cake time, which is the best thing on these shows. And it's Lisa's birthday and this happy birthday song being held by Guillermo, by the way, a nice Guillermo cameo. And there's like only three people who really work at this restaurant. You know, Guillermo's one, their cameras one. So he's bringing out the cake and they're like, you. She knows like, can you face time again?

At least it's like, well will I just like to say, we'll wait a minute, where's Schwaltzy? We need him here. Katie's like, why? Why do you need him? Nobody needs him. And Terry's like, stop asking for Tommy. You are your...

Tommy loves you. Tommy loves you. Katie loves you. Tommy. Mom, stop saying that. I'm sorry, it's okay, mom. So LVP is like, I've seen you all go through so much.

This last year and that's what life is. You know, it throws shit at you. STDs and such. It's not what it throws at us. It's what sort of vaccines did you prepare yourself with? So much of you going through things. Schwartz still can't find a shirt that doesn't smell like armpits.

Lala with a diamond cheeseburger purse from two years ago. God bless you, darling. Oh, I see the boys the way they struggle with any sort of common sense. I love you all. I really do. And you will learn how to deal with your problems never in your life. Because each one of you deep down has the talent to go forward and overcharge for food products of your own. And I love you, not just because you fuck each other to get on television and pretend to work for me at a restaurant that's barely even open at this point.

But as you will learn to solve your problems as you get older, they're like, oh, I'm sorry I said the obert. We've been through it together and I love you every fucking one of you. Now you'll hear your feeling it will sting As Guillermo comes around with tiny little shots to take what are called stem cells from your spinal columns We're doing experiments with Sedric in the back. We're wondering where he's been So I like that face lies up the cake and Lisa's like's like, oh, none of these people ate cake, just give me to the customers. Yeah. Next time on the season finale!

A Pumperous! A Pumperous! I was gonna break up with Arianna regardless! Oh, but you didn't. You fucked your best friend instead. Oh. I felt something. I haven fucked your best friend instead. Oh. I felt something. I haven't felt in a very long time. I opened a cabinet and I felt the batteries and paper towels that Rickow put in there. Oh.

Don't meet and Rickow have become like really good friends. I don't give a fuck of a a fuck a fuck a fuck a fuck! So you think this was the first time he's been creeping around? There was one other time. Oh, come on! I can't not believe that I think Katie is like shorts. How long have you known about this? Oh, well Tom told me like a month ago, but two days ago, but then six months ago

And it was like it was like an open secret but no one knew but like we all knew But they were broken up, but they were still together trying to make it work, you know Oh, hey Rick head are you in sendable an item now fat slut? What is sendable into fat sluts now? Is that what's going on now? I Rigorette ever loving you As I pretend boogie boarded over the ocean while I aged out of pageants I and boogie boarded over the ocean while I aged out of pageants. I thought of our future as the pretend son went down in that Marriott ballroom. And it turned out so horribly wrong.

And then we see the camera tight on two feet, awkwardly shuffling down a sidewalk and a dea slides. Camera tilts up to reveal Seriously Mariposa Good night everyone and that brings us to the end of button of our room Good night washing day. See Good night Washington DC! Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors!

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on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the hosts of Wondery's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserve session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud.

But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder Yeah. a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums. Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts.

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