Watch What Crappens - PumpRules Live in San Francisco: Swim Up Fool

Episode Date: April 1, 2023

We're live at San Francisco's Palace of Fine Arts for this week's Vanderpump Rules episode. James slowly unravels when Raquel is unimpressed with his swim up room in Mexico, Scheana tries to make a seating arrangement for her Mexican wedding, and Katie gets down and dirty with Kristina. For our bonus episodes and video recaps, join Patreon at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Tour Dates: https://www.watchwhatcrappens.com/2023-cheater-brand-tour/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to watch what crap ends at free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. This episode is sponsored by Uber1. We've all used Uber for rides, and I love using UberEats for food delivery. Okay, hello. I mean, I kind of live off of it. But have you ever heard about Uber1? Uber1 is a membership that helps you save on Uber and UberEats. With an Uber-1 membership, you get exclusive member perks, like up to 10% off UberEats and a $0 delivery fee on eligible orders. It just makes sense. I'm always getting Uberes.

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Who the fuck let us in here? Oh my god. This is a classy joint. This is so glad. A long walk across the stage. I got my steps in. My watch just beat like congratulations, bitch. You finally did something today.

We got, we showed up here for like the sound check and there were people getting married outside there. And I was like, I'm sorry, we ruined your wedding. Your marriage perhaps. It's wild. It's getting my butt cracked fit away. They're just started off. Wow. Well, I'm like started off. Wow. Wow.

I'm like at the kids' table today. Is there short chair? Yeah. I love it here. I can't believe I'm back in a real theater. Yeah. This is the biggest San Francisco show we've ever done. Yeah.

This is amazing here. It's absolutely beautiful. Everyone, you know speaks in theater language, which I like. Well, I came in and I said seriously though, who the fuck let us in here like that? We don't belong here. And she said, oh, we're used to it. Sonia Morgan was here last week. Yeah. Look how way to break a seal. Thanks. You just took my you just took me from here last week. Yeah. Look how out way to break a seal, thanks. You just took me from here to here, OK? Who was at the Sonya Morgan show? OK. Don't be ashamed.

Don't be ashamed you lying assholes. I know you all were here. How many of you were also her intern? OK. How many of you were also her intern? Ahhhhh! Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha. I saw clips of the Sony Morgan thing because actually a few of our friends are here today. So hi friends, we love you. Hi.

Mary from Two Judgy Girls is here. Hey Mary. Cessie from the Bravo Docket. You know I love some Bravo Docket. Cessie's working overtime these days. So Mary actually was texting me during the show and she's like, oh hey, I'm at Sony Morgan's show. It's so good, Ronnie, I'm not even lying to you.

It is amazing. I was like, bullshit, it is. So she sent me clips, I died. Let me just do one for you. This is how Sonya, I don't even know if this was the beginning, the middle to end. I don't know, but here's what she did. For those at home, a beautiful Sonia Morgan Prince, put up on the table, the John airing out, and now humping a chair and fishing a black

barry out of a toilet. What was that? It was that for an hour. God bless that woman. God bless America. You know what? When you find your lane, you find your lane. I am very proud of our sweet Ronnie here because today on the airplane, we were de-boarding and Ronnie stood up in the aisle because

it was like, you know, the row right in front of us was like starting to take their stuff down and Ronnie stood up because he was in the aisle seat and someone tried to go around him and sneak on out and Ronnie turned and said dude, that's not how lines work I almost shed a tear I Fucking had it. I went like this with my arm. That's not how planes work, sir. Yeah He literally took that. He backed it. I feel like every time I'm on a plane,

there's some asshole aggressive man. It's always a man. It's always a man. Always a man. Who just walks up ahead. I'm like, no, sir. And so now I started the arm. Yeah.

I don't care anymore, okay? And I felt so good, especially because I had an audience. Ben was like, that was the name. I was like, do it, do it. But Ben gave me this advice a few weeks ago, because I don't know, it was some like a weird space, like I always am, like it's nothing new, right? But I was like upset over something,

and he's like, Ronnie, you need to just start acting like a straight white male. Yup. Guys, I know that sounds terrible. We hate them. Can I tell you I get everything I want now? It's amazing. But when I can't do that, I just act like a five-year-old and I'm getting my way.

A couple of weeks ago, we went to this hotel and I got there a little early before check-in and she went, sir, I'm sorry if it's-ins not till four and I was like, okay. And she said, well, we could do early check-in for $150. I swear to you, I did this. Oh. Through himself on the counter. I was like, please. And she went, why are you crying? I just said I would wave the feed.

And I was like, I'm so mortified. I was so embarrassed. Sorry Yeah, so it's been an adventure. I'm the way I'm winning. Yeah Actually, I think we are all winning because we are gathered here tonight during peak scandals all times Yes peak scandival times. Yes. A scandal so big that non-Bravo watchers know about it. My dad emailed me and he said, no, this is like, you know, the New York Times wrote about it. The New York Times wrote about it two weeks ago, like, for those people who don't know,

there's a show on Bravo called Vanderpump Rules. Who are all these people? Do you details the follow? So my dad sent me that. So that's how you know this is really just like permeating pop culture. But can I say, New York Times, get off our dick. How about that?

Same your fucking lane, okay? This isn't for you, this isn't for your fucking audience. Get the hell out of my backyard. I don't like it All these new fans like I'm like I'm out to see some one of Phantom Prompos Stossie's such a bitch. I'm like get out of here No one invited you here Well, it feels like every day there's like new breaking news and so the breaking news as of four hours ago like new breaking news and so uh... the breaking news as of four hours ago yeah guys this is a big bombshell the headline she's a she

found disgusting photo of tom sandapal and rekelle levis at her wedding yeah what is it though what's a photo is Is it say what happened in the photo? Well, I'm just going to give a quote and I think it sums up the whole story. One of my girlfriends was like, so I was at the pool the morning of your wedding and I was just like looking back at some of my photos and there's like literally one of Tom and Raquel in the background and like a band I'm just hanging out at the pool together. Disgusting, Sina.

How do you make it through the fucking day? We were backstage right now watching an interview of Xena. And of course, Xena in a shirt that says, it really is all happening. And I think she's with Lala, it's probably her own shenanigans or Xena anagains or whatever the fuck that thing is called. And I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I don't know, I'll be there for you after this season because Lalla and Katie are not going to let this go. And I am there for you girl. And what do I get in return? What? I'm a team player. I get a TRO. Is that what it was?

TRO. Yeah, we thought she said TRL, which is hilarious. What? Do you think of Shina. We thought she said TRL, which is hilarious. What? Do you think of Sheena's video ever being on TRL? I know. Sheena went viral 20 years ago today. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

TRO, which stands for temporary restraining order. But she and Gwen at work's honor. That's a good idea for you, I know. I gave her a Calvado idea, but I love that. I'm going to get that against people I don't like too. I'm sorry, you can't be a dinner at the same place. I am. You pushed me that time, I fucked your boyfriend.

Well, you better be careful. You don't run into Larissa Pippin, because you may be a character witness for you. She needs to go to those restaurants. Like, we couldn't even go into restaurants that Lenny was in. So like, I wasn't gonna do anything but for real to be honest about it. It was messing with appetizers. So I testified.

Okay, welcome to Watchro Crappens. A podcast about all that crap on Broadway that we just love to talk about. Thank you so much for being here and thank you so much for being willing to stay for 19 hours because this is Vanderpump Rules Night. I get cozy put on your NONOS pajamas. Get get cozy put on your NONOS pajamas. I'm still not recovered from that. All right everybody, previously on Zander Pump Rules. I'm an Oracle card reader. I'm going to connect to your higher self. Card card card card card card card. Eight of Pentacles, the second twin flame union,

Alfredi Newman, emotionally abusive, being used to getting on a television show. Meng, Meng, Meng. I still haven't heard about the party. I still haven't heard about the party. Well, you're invited and I know because Santa vaults will me. So they think that they just can kick me out and then bring me Kelly and it's bullshit.

It's bullshit. Disengage bitch. You've had a disengage gates, bitch. She's got a Dissing gates right now, bitch. Shh. You give off mistress Bimbo vibes and I cannot stand it. Yay! Mark and I are throwing an app like

writing a mic to call. I'm not going to your wedding and yeah you can't have my room back. That's not gonna be an energy. I do not need in my life or my very special dime alarm. I'm entitled to go. The standard to further sort! Bob, Boba, Boba, what's going on? No, Boba. Boba don't leave.

Boba, why don't you leave me the party, Boba? I didn't mean to not stand up for you. You should come back on the party. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop pouring to kill on my head, Tom, stop. I don't need everybody to like you. I don't think we're making it so much worse right now. A lot of people don't like Sardines, but they're still important for Caesar dressing.

Don't worry about that. Tom, no, that's anchovies. Can't you get anything right? Oh. Oh. Can't you get anything right? Oh. Oh. And scene. Scene. Woo!

Woo! I actually did accidentally buy anch sardines for Caesar salad dressing. It does make a difference. It was nasty. I show it as nasty. It's a little different. It's a little different.

Real traumatized by it apparently. I'm bringing you then to Vanderpump rules Recaps. Well, it's like that season when they brought the new people like two years ago on Vanderpump rules That was like their sardine season It was like uh feels like it should be right, but this is not right So anyway uh Dana where for ought thou Dana? Dana. Oh Dana. She's doing stand up. So James, we're started James's apartment,

and he's just in the corner in a little closet with his little Casio keyboard and garage band on his iPhone on a sandwich. Like, wiggie, wiggie. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, oh, that's a light up triangle. And you'll like put them like in shape, sun, your wall, and then it places the beat of the music. He's like, mm, mm, mm, mm. Yeah, I'm gonna be playing Crouchella. That's the biggest musical festival for crows, yeah. I mean, darling.

So his dad is there, Andrew. I did not recognize because he has teeth now, first of all. Yeah. I think that if you can fuck somebody on these shows and then buy them teeth, you should be able to buy your own dad teeth too. No shame, you buy your dad some teeth. I thought that was very nice. Yeah.

So Andrews is sort of like the, like the, what do you, what's that, eggs? The alcoholic, alcoholic. Like, and pur, wasn't that, what's that, ex the alcoholic, alcoholic, what's that social services was invented? He's like, he's like, Cockney Ken, because you don't you only hear a few words, it's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, banga, banga. No, no, banga. It's like, what guy Richie movie did he fall out of? So then we go to...

She and I'm rockin' Marina Del Rey. Ha! She and I was like, I'm gonna be on the couch. It's like, okay, she and I just sit on the couch. Like, you don't have to narrate everything you do, right? They rehearse that for three hours by the way, Ron. You know, tomorrow when the cameras come, I'm gonna be on the couch. Oh, you'll be in a j-the couch.

I'm be on the couch. And then Brock comes by with their little baby who's so cute. And she's like, my my story is eating chart. Oh my god, it's so fun because more people are coming, so now I have to reconfigure everything, so I have Joey right behind me, Kyle, it's crazy. Why aren't you vlogging this brook?

It's like, oh, okay, so you got Joey. All right, so Peter's sitting next to James and Raquel's got a little roster stacking up, don't you say? I'm like, if you only knew about the roster. This is like looking at like a baseball all-man-act from three years ago We see the seating chart, but what we don't see is Requel under all the tables Sassy Sassy listen, I'm sorry. I'm trying to be in the middle on this one, okay? Like I get, Rekel's like a young girl of 27.

Remember when we thought that was old? I was like, I can literally die when I'm 30, like. She's like a young girl of 27. Tom's a disgusting porn stashed fuckface, so you know? Yeah. Like this is when, this is when arearia wouldn't mind just blaming him for everything. You know, being like Todd made or do it, poor Rick Keldt doesn't even know how to boogie board on a stage, you know?

But new news keeps coming out that's just not sitting well. Like Aria Ana goes off to support her children. Okay, well she hasn't had children yet, but it just makes the story sound better. Yeah, but she left home to go film her lifetime movie. A lifetime movie. To feed her children, her future children, who are still currently in a freezer. And who's over at Rekel's house,

unpacking stuff in front of the TMZ? Rekel, okay? Stay in your own damn house, and I'll leave you alone. I won't, I won't, though. That's an empty promise. Ha ha ha ha. God, I love this guy. Listen, it's, look, Rekel's going through a hard time.

She's aged out of the little Miss Fresno contest. And, Ben right now, we went to dinner with Ben's friends who are all so lovely, you know, and they're way too smart for this shit. And so they were like, we all have those friends, right, who are asking us about Sandubot. So he's explaining it to them, and he goes, okay, and we're kill this girl. She just aged out of beauty patches. It says it all, does it not? She's releasing doves in her living room trying to find a talent.

I died. So, magic. Anyway, Scandival is brought outside, so I don't even know where they're. I have to say. So now we go over to Sir for a really important scene. It's just Charlie standing and a door open just like thwacks her. And that's all for Charlie for the episode. For Charlie is really trying to make it happen this season and they're just not letting her.

You know she's like, hey girl, so we just got 50 over our normal tip on table. I know. Hey, when one door closes, it might have closed on Charlie in the process. When one door opens, it opens into Charlie's face into another door, because that's how Sir is just set up. I know.

Sir is the place where people hang out right at the flapping doors, right? Explains a lot. So now we go back to James and his apartment. Now he's there with Ali and Andros his father and He's beautiful. You look beautiful. That doesn't seem like beautiful dad. Oh It's a bit like princess star. Yeah, it's so beautiful. Actually, you know, you got it actually got lips. You got lips, you got eyes. So, Alice, yeah, fellow twin flame. That's from Machine Gun Kelly. So, I've got Girls Night tonight, and it's going to be like,

Lala, Inchina, and Ariana, and it's like, nice. They didn't like like infected me. Yeah, so I'm gonna go and be like, what's up? She's gonna like Natalie's game plan. Yeah, light them on fire with that personality. So, James is like, oh, you're so pretty. Be sure you come, show me what you're wearing before you go. So I can approve of it before you leave here, all right?

And she's like, ew. Ali looks fucking disgusted, by the way. I mean, Ali is not even able to fake this for two seasons to get a regular spot on this show. Ali looks grossed out, okay? And he gets lamer. And he is like, when he says, I wanna see what you're wearing. She goes, oh, I don't know what I'm wearing.

He goes, oh. I'll see what you're wearing. She goes, oh, I don't know what I'm wearing. He goes, oh! The creepiest, uh-oh, in the history of Bravo. So she leaves in Windows for a while, because we hear like three doors locking behind her. So. And Andrew says like, oh, Jane, I was listening to,

what was it, prompt sessions? Yeah, the same to prompt sessions. You've come so far. Has he really? What? No, he has. Has he? He has not come far.

And you know how I know? Because I looked his ass up on the thing to be like, what's James doing? He's still at CU Next Tuesday, every Tuesday. And someone took a really long video of him playing. I think you've probably seen it, where he's in pajama pants. And shirtless, which thank God for that. He does work that out.

And he's, this is literally what he does. He's like, fuck. Shit. Us. Far. Fuck, fuck, shit, shit, shit, shit, fuck, fuck, shit, shit, shit. Us. fuck oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh like he's playing this a heart and echo cell and it's barbed from Wisconsin to K.A. man because she's like I want to see what sir looks like. Oh look there's James Kennedy up there. It's a little dirty for me. It's a little dirty. Hey are you okay down there? It's like a burnt my leg. Do you remember that Tom almost started myself on fire in

the cab? You know it's it's crazy the burning sensations you feel when you talk about the show. One time we were in the one time we were in a cab and LA was on fire which is You know, it's it's crazy the burning sensations you feel when you talk about this show One time we were in the one time we were in a cab and LA was on fire Which is not funny, you know, but LA was literally on fire We're just like having a fun conversation in the cab Meanwhile the whole side of the freeways on fire the getting museum like burning to the ground or whatever And I was like isn't it weird that it smells so good? I was like I know this is dark, but that fire smells like so good. It smells like marshmallows and he's like,

yeah, that does smell kind of good. And I was like, oh, oh, oh! And my marshmallow vape had caught on fire. And in my pocket. This is a true story. And the back of the Uber, Ronnie was on fire. He was like a chair at Bander Pumps on fire. Lisa's already collected the insurance money on his leg. So I learned if you feel like a part of you is on fire, it probably

is. You should check. Don't just let that go. Yeah, like Bruce Springsteen said. So he's on fire. So like Miami. So that's an Adriana DeMora reference. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crappin' scot. If you're hiring, you know what it's like to deal with economic uncertainty. And now more than ever, it's really important to hire the right people faster and more efficiently because you got to keep the overall cost down. And thankfully, there's a hiring partner who's focused on you and your needs, and that

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I'm going to say something scandalous, Ronny. Go on. Plants are meat. And not only are they meat, they're delicious, especially if they're from impossible foods. They taste like beef. Exactly. Impossible is making meat history this summer. Yeah, they are.

Summer of impossible. I am so excited to be spending time, cooking my summer foods, all that good stuff, and guess what? We can use impossible sausages, impossible brats. I mean, it's gonna be a great summer for impossible foods. Impossible beef is made from plants and 19 grams of protein per serving, and it's better for the planet. And it's meat! Plant meat! Correct! So if you're looking for something to grab for your grill, grab some impossible beef. Summer of impossible. Start making meat history today, just head over

to the meat aisle at your local grocery store, grab some impossible beef or patties and get grilling. Okay, anyway, so the dad is sitting there. So, Ali's gone off to hide away and the dad is like, oh, you know, it's amazing. It's amazing, I did that. I still can't, this really supportive dad, he says, I can't believe you can still DJ and not have a drink. That's simply impossible. I don't care how much money you're paying me. I didn't see users having a crazy drinking problem. Binge drinking is a right passage.

That's what we do. We've been just drinking what people say you know what to do. What are they like? Hate Beethoven. Yeah, I'm from other fuckers drunk everywhere. You know, so bad. Why do you think there's a vodka named after him drunk all the fucking time? All right. Spice girls Girls they all meant na. Hey my god and they literally added music to this that I called drunk clown dad music Because it's just like the drunk dad and the music's like Yeah James is like I remember when I told mama with some drinking sure I'm very happy about that dad and he's like well You know what you know mom's like, well, you know what?

You know what, you know what, man's great. Well, I'll show you his great, Jennifer. It's Ali dad. Ali is great. Ali is great. Actually, the Ali is where I met a girl named Jennifer. It's another story from another time, I'll tell you. And you're drinking more like a real man.

Is that a fly? I'm Mr. Miyagi that shit. Thank you. Wow. And it didn't even have a drink. Just kidding. Sorry. Well, this one more stain for the Watchoot crap in Tablecloth.

Yep. This is going on a six years old and never been washed. It's also the first thing to burn up when this place catches on fire. So now we go over to Schwartz and Sandys, because guess what? They're having another tasting. But we get my favorite side character, Brett, on a laptop. He's like, hello boys. I'm trying to input product into the POS system, and it's extremely difficult to do when

I don't know what the food is or the drinks are. He's just typing on Tom. He's like, what, the POS system? So think about it. It's an acronym. So Brett's it, it's an acronym. So Brett's like, okay, I'm four months late on rent. So I'm not about to lose my mind about you to fuck wads and your stupid restaurant that I've invested in. So theoretically, after you do the tasting, we can lock in our opening menu on

Monday, right? I'm going to need glassware, final, and names of things because I can't just input blue shark drink into the computer. Oh, sounds like a title to me. What else are you looking for? This is Swartz and Sandeys. What the fuck you think are gonna name it? So, the Swartz is like, oh yeah, no, of course, of course. Yeah, no, like we have we have so much to do with But it's doable, you know, what's gonna be it's gonna be it's gonna do it and Brett's like I can't believe you guys are going to a wedding right now You fucking assholes So then a ray of sunshine comes through and it just makes you see all the promise and fills you with hope her name is Katie So Katie comes in

Lola Del Rio where you just released from prison what is going on with you? You sound like you're on that prison van. It's all locked up like with prison chains just passing by in the hallway. You just hear, ah! I know. The prison van just passed again. She sounds like throw Mama from the train.

Ah! OK. Said that's me. That's me. So Katie comes in, thankfully not in any kind of wicker on her head. The fuck was that? Oh, boo-it. You know that looked uncomfortable.

Do you not booing me? You're booing wicker on the head. All right? No one deserves that, not even Katie. So I mean, this is her strange, because last time we saw Tom was basically antagonizing her at the pool party. So shorts like, well, no, after the pool party, Katie and I hugged it out. Well, I mean, not literally.

I don't want to touch her. But verbally, verbally, I hugged it out. We verbally hugged it out. That is such a fucking shorts thing to say. So then we see a text and shorts is like, I didn't mean to talk about you, Bob-O. It's just that there's ways to just say truth for the big day. Anyway, don't be too upset, Bubs.

Boys will cuddle you. I don't know who or where, but surely there's some country using to people like you. It's gonna be great. You're gonna acquire taste. You know, some people drink gasoline. And that's great. Yeah.

I heard that Turkmenistan is sending an ambassador who looks like Ritaliancavic, but also Timothy Chalamet. So maybe talk to him. And then Katie just text back, Mexico is going to be a girls trip for me and Christina. Mexico's thrilled. Mexico's thrilled. Mexico's like build that wall. So short as like we came to an understanding, you know, there was some empathy there. So he's like, hi, Katie. Hi, Bob's. How are you feeling? She's like, good. Hey, guys.

Hey, guys. Yeah, you know, I felt really weird chasing you out the other day. I probably should have just stayed inside. You mean after you made her cry and run out in the first place? How does this guy get by with so much shit? He just smiles like, wow. I really regret trying to be nice to you

after I bullied you in front of all those people. It just felt weird to make an effort on something. And speaking of which, not even his legs can make an effort because then he starts like falling over in the bar. And he's like, oh, my legs. They've worked too much today. So I invited Katie to this tasting because, A, I respect your opinion, kind of. And also, it's also my own little way of saying, I care about you and want you to be a part

of my life in the restaurant that I spent so much more attention on than you. Yeah. Come by. I just want you to be in my life so I can ignore you more. I know. So I wouldn't have be fun. He life so I can ignore you more. I know. So, uh, wouldn't that be fun? He just sits at sort of a different table. He's like, well, we'll be right with you, ma'am.

Just the two of them in the restaurant. Be right there. He also used to be a Katie, so she gets the, uh, the Caesar reference I made earlier in the argument So So now it's so now the Jo Lane comes over I don't know what Jo Lane or Jo Lane. I think it's Jo Lane to which I say false. You're a liar You're an imposter Jo Lane. I don't believe you. I've never known it Jo Lane the fuck is Jo Lane They like we want a name or Josephine, but we also want a name or after a road.

So we're gonna call her Jo Lane. I'm sorry, that's not a thing. I'm Southern, that's not a thing. You fucking impossible. So Jo Lane comes in, she's like, hi, I'm Jo Lane, Greg Swive. And Katie's like, I'm Katie. Tom soon X soon to be X-wife. But we're still besties.

And Tom's just like, I'm sure it's bugged me. Here, here, let me take your jacket. Okay, here you go, Katie, just puts it on her head. So then Santa was like, do not. Shorts and I knew that when we decided to stick things out with Greg, we'd have to swallow our pride. Let me tell you something. We know a lot about swallowing these days.

Okay, I think theme of the season. Because we're doing so many tastings at Schwarzenegger sandies. Uh, so, uh, Santa was like, well, if we can just get open. I'll say yes to whatever Grandloff really Tom you've done nothing for this fucking restaurant, okay? There's a blue shark drink that fucking shorts has been making for six weeks. Where the fuck have you been porn stash? So now it's time for a Vanderpump rules tradition and that tradition's called Girls night It's time for a Vanderpump rules tradition and that tradition's called Girls Night. Girls Night, Girls Lunch.

But now it's Girls Lunch, because Lala's like, I have a baby now bitch, my life is different. So it's Lala Ariana and Sina for lunch. And Lala's like, Sina, your ass must be hitting right miss, Jeans, girls. I believe Lala's actual wording was, Shina, your ass be hitting in those jeans girl. Very Lala.

Very urban. Lala. Urban Lala. Listen, she just, she knows the world. So then, Shina gives one of my favorite Shina lines of all time. It's a sleeper hit, but uh, Shina gives one of my favorite Shina lines of all time. It's a sleeper hit, but for me, it's one of my favorites. How are you?

How are you? How are you? How are you? Yeah. So then, Ali comes in and she's like, hi guys. Thanks for inviting me. Mama's like, you're always invited. I was like, uh- oh, do not trust her.

Be careful. She's trying to ruin your relationship and soon your life. Okay. Yep. So Ariana's like, yeah, you know, I've hung out with Ali in group situations, but I guess she's like really nice. I want to hang out with her, but I really don't want to hurt her coast feelings. Yeah, this whole scene is really nice. So like, I want to hang out with her, but I really don't want to hurt recall feelings. Yeah, this whole scene is really awkward. Yeah, very awkward. It's also, it's also gives us so much hope for the future because this is when all the girls, like

usually on this show, it's the origins of this show are the bullying girls, the girls bullying she and I, right? So it's my first time a season where the girls are like, you know what, let's be really supportive of this new girl. And we know that it's just going to go right back to the origins and that's what makes it so delicious. Yeah. They're going to make bullying fun again.

Yeah. So Lala's like, I love girl times. I love it so much. My pain is already wet with all this girl time. Can we get a napkin for my stool please? And she was like, I would really like, I would like, I would like to get to know her more as long as it doesn't hurt my couch fell out.

And then it cuts the lot of lunch. She was like, I really don't get my fucks if that hurts my couch feelings. So she was like, I love girl time also, That's it, that hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. That hurts Rick Houth's feelings. Patagonian toothbrush-dining. There was no name. She's so into certain things. Like, I definitely want to say that. I know what I want, and I want sea bass. So they're talking about girl time, and they love it.

And she was like, I like girls' night, but my not working, and I'm like, oh, I'm talking like, oh. And Lala was like, I love when I get to rip people's heads off in girl times. That's my favorite girl time thing to do. And she's like, well, and so Lala's like, well, did you get your head ripped off last night? And she's like, I don't know about I pick up,

but I feel like I've always tried about each other. So I thought that wasn't all about me. It wasn't just like my head that was being bent off. But I was like a lot of people who just had to get it done off. Ma'am, your sea bass is getting cold. So, Ariana's like, well, now I was going around being like, guys, don't be mean, don't go mean.

And Lala's like, well, everyone didn't get a don't be mean. Everyone got one, except for Raquel's. She didn't get a don't be mean. And she was like- She was like the one who was being mean. Raquel was not being mean. Raquel was being mean. Rikkel was not being mean. Rikkel was being stupid. And Rikkel was being an extremely awkward model with her.

Yes. I'm walking in the backyard. Do it again. Like did they make a pathway of balance boards? What is wrong with her? She's like on her own private episode of Wipeout. So she does like, she's like, well, I feel like she was just like standing up for herself and Lala's like, um, she, she, she, she, she, she,

she tries to plan out how the argument's gonna go. And then if it doesn't go how she thinks and then she's like She knows like that's crazy hold on I dropped my napkin Definitely like the same math. I don't really like the same math. I want the sea bass I'll work and no play make she no want sea bass I don't really like the same ass. I want the same ass. All work and no play makes you no want sea bass. And Mala's like, she's calling me a bimbo while she's in a pink sarong with six and shields at a pull party in the valley balance. Yeah, you wear sarongs to pull party.

Even I wear sarong to a party. And Lala sluts shaming people now, come on Lala, you were just talking about squirting like a chocolate fountain last week. Yeah, she's like, she looked like a baby prostitute. And then I really think, hopefully she wasn't in bed talking about how sexy the wild bore who bought her a Range Rover was with an actual baby bottle in her mouth. You fucking hypocrite. She's like, can I say something else now?

Can I tell you, James is one of the funniest people I've met in my whole life. Okay. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He told me last night about your talent about the tarot car reading Allie. Allie, do you want to talk? It's your turn, Allie. Allie's like so fun. And Molly's like, yeah, well anyway about Rikowell, she was standing right by me and I'm like literally, I have her conversation with your vagina.

Like get your vagina out of my face, bitch. Can you please back your vagina out of my... When did Lala get so virginal? She spent an entire episode bragging about flirting like a fire hydrant on a hot summer day in New York City. But also, she's acting like they're at the opera and we see a flashback. It's just we're calling a bathing suit.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a bathing suit. Well, it's a bathing suit. The waiter comes over and he's like, would you like some honey? Can you do honey? And she's like, I just honey, baby. Okay, there she is. She's back. So they're trying to like talk James up to this alley chick who alley doesn't really, I don't think know how to talk. And so Lala's like, well, they told me that she went to see the psychics other days. So I want to hear about that because I'm like sell into that and she was like yeah

He thought that you got for a twin flams twin flams I thought that a twin flame is toxic and I was like no it doesn't necessarily mean that it's just like we have a deeper Connection like we met at the Canyon Club of Agora Hills, which is pretty sacred. And like, we're just gonna meet in every lifetime and in every lifetime when we see each other, he's gonna say, you look fat, what are you wearing today?

Hey, what's up? How long do I have to be apart from allying at the wedding? And I was like, oh, rock! She can come to the welcome party. She can come to the welcome party. She can come to the after party. She can come to the scene as a lot of party. She can come to the make your own crop top party.

Ah, she can come watch me get my hair make up done. She can come to the Mount Ativian 7-Minute or less party. She can come to the Madison Marie Parks for letting dead naming beach Ron fire. The good is gold all you can eat breakfast buffet. But she's a booze, Chris. And also my favorite event. That's just sort of like a flex period.

So I was like, I barely know Shina and I would not expect her to invite me to the wedding. And like, I don't know why James is so obsessed with me getting a seat at the wedding. But maybe it's because Rikail is there. Maybe it's just, it's probably because Rikail is there. Am I on the show now? What? So, Ariana's like, well, I'm not really sure if you're gonna come, but like you're gonna come to the Tea Party, a Vanderpump's house on Tuesday, right? And she goes, what, T. I swear I have Tea Party's last year.

And then we see a clip of the Tea Party last year with Lala going, she knows. You know why, Broughtz. Not allowed to see his kids, corrects. That's she slammed. His ex slammed him with a domestic violence charge. She knows she's going, she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows She says, I swore off tea parties. I was like, good for you, Sheena. It's an important thing to swear off. Tea parties. Sheena will get rid of the tea parties, but not the deadbeat dad or the woman who called around on it.

It's the tea's fault. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Who's fucking show? So. Okay. She's like, all right, well, I'll guess I'll go because I'm a team player. And who's gonna come to the Tea Party?

And Ariana's like, well, you know, I don't think Katie's gonna come, you know, so wear flats. So if you have to run, you can run. Just, no one's making me run. Ha! Guys, this is how Lala is looking at Ali. She's like,

it's like when you buy a brand new car and then Toyota comes out with a 2024 model, you're like, fuck you, why didn't you tell me? It's time for commercial. It's time for... Hi, I'm Michael Patrick King, host of the official Max Companion podcast, and just like that, the writers room. Each episode members of the writers room and I unpacked moments from season 2, sharing juicy details you can only hear from us.

Stream and just like that season 2, starting June 22nd on Max, and listen to it just like that the right is room on max or wherever you get your podcast So um now everybody is kind of doing their life this to be getting of the episode stuff Tom Schwartz I have to say I can do as many push-ups as Tom Schwartz never thought I'd say that But I think that's why Tom Schwartz somehow maintains like ability on this show, even though he's just an utter fucking loser, but like just watching the man try and get through a push-up, I relate. He's just like, ah, ah, that was so hard. I wonder if that was like what their sexual life was like.

So, well, we know. Remember when Sandevol bought him that jerk off kit? And Sandevol was like, here, I'll just wait for you. Well, you jerk it off upstairs. I got you some cold loop because I know you like a cold handy. And he's like, yeah, I really do. That lives in my head. Yeah. And it was just last season. I tried it one

time a cold handy I was like who does this this is horrible. Like how do you even realize that's the thing that you're into? The hard way or maybe not. So Katie you know what I have to say in season 10 the producers have finally figured out some things. Like for instance, there's a scene with Katie and Charlie and Lala going to do paddleboard yoga and we just see one second of it and we move on. I'm like, thank you. Thank you, Jesus. Yeah.

Well, you know how when reality stars get in trouble and they're like, guys, there was like thousands of hours filmed that you didn't see. This is, this is those hours. Oh, girl, that almost got bad. If that was full, that would have gone on Ben's child as computer. Sorry, Ben, almost. It's okay. It's okay. We're safe. But yeah, thank God that was cut. So we got to, no, no. No, I want to say the word so. I just almost spilled. I'm traumatized. You don't even understand. It's very scary. So we go to Rocco's in WeHo and Lala Brock and she

never sitting down and Lala's like, yeah, I've been at the beach and I'm like, I'm sure I've sand all over myself in my hair and my ass in my wet vagina. Sands. It's like natures comes Seena Why she no ordering always cracks me up that she was looking for me. Oh like she's like I just went to the beach I'm like really like I'm gonna stand up straight. She's like I'm like regattoni with box the sauce

But can you think gonna serve the rigatoni you fucking weirdo just serve the rigatoni, you fucking weirdo just to order the rigatoni. Could you shape it like sea bass though? So she's like, wow, wow, you look like you're just came from a photo shoot. Lala's like, thanks, I love that. Thank you so much. So how many people are coming to your wedding? I'm not sure, 118.

118. 118 and a half because cousin Joanne is pregnant. I'm not sure if I should upcharge her yet. So, uh, Brax, like, do we get to keep you with all the activities lola because we've got you've got Raquel, same place, same people. Would you love to speak about it on a microphone? Here you are. Lala's like, well, I told Sheenask that if she, if there's like anywhere where it's like just like her bridesmaids, like I can't hide my energies.

Okay, you know how I am. Okay, so if I'm around Raquel, it's going to be bad news. But if there's like lots of bridesmaids there, you know, lots of people, if there's an escape route, like I'm gonna be all goods. So, so then we have Brock's redemption moment, which is so, it's so unplanned and hilarious. So, first of all, he's wearing like a man bun with a really nice scarf.

So I was like Brock's making an effort, what's about to happen? Yeah. Brock whipped out some very nice soft cotton for his manbone today. What's coming down the bike? That was an Australian tuxedo, that scarf. It's all wearing the bush. There's like, now listen, Lola, I have stuff to share with you. I got a message yesterday from my kids mum and because of the pressure I got from you on that,

it really changed everything. So thank you for spending a year calling me a deadbeat Dead it saved my life saved my life. So he is happy. That a message was she texting you like send me my money? Until I see those kids with fresh clothes on I don't want to hear it, okay? You can save your monologue. I want pictures of those children with clothes that don't have holes in them, okay? And then I'll consider forgiving your ass, sir. Brock is so excited.

He's waited like 18 months for the show to come back to have this like redemption moment, where he gets to say, and this is what my ex-wife said to me in that very important message, Lawler. And then Lawler spends the rest of the singing talking about herself, and we never find out what the message was. That's no accident. That was not a kind of message. Like what's she gonna say?

Oh, hey, Brock. Just wanted to check in with the... Just wanted to check in and say, you're still a good dad. You're still my bear, Brock, you're still in America, sir, okay? So we see a flashback of Lala coming down on Brock and she's like, Brock hasn't seen his kids in four years and how dare you compare my fiance who is a stand up man damn. Who? And Mala's like now being in the situation I am with Randolph, I realize that situations are not black and white. Truth be told, it was never my place to do that brock.

You know, truth be told, it wasn't really, but I'm really fucking glad you did do it. Because if that was my friend and they didn't tell me shit, like, I wouldn't want to know, I mean, I think she knew though. Actually, never mind. I'm talking myself into a circle. Okay. Well, I wish I could say I agree, Loller, but to be honest, that's what good friends do.

The more you know, Star. I know. It's like, I love when you spent a season told for me about being a deadbeat debt. Please don't ever fucking do that again. All right. It's me giving you credit. So he does his whole, oh, Lala's telling us, okay, here we go. So Lala's like, well, we started getting together. We got started getting the kids together. He's second amazing. Husband to Sheila. Sometimes I will forget to do it, but it's like, no, you know,

my turn starts pulling, bro. And the way he treats my baby, I really love that dude. She's going to fuck Brock. That's what I'm going to say. Yup, season 11. Yes. You can know me all you. Yup, season 11. Yes. You can know me all you want. Here's why, okay? Here's why.

And maybe I shouldn't say she's gonna fuck because that puts her in like the villain, whatever. They're gonna fuck. Okay, and here's why. They just moved in next door to each other in Palm Springs. Do you know what happens in Palm Springs? Nothing! Nothing happens in Palm Springs. There's not even happens in Palm Springs? Nothing! Nothing happens in Palm Springs. There's not even a fucking target out there, okay? Nothing happens. You fuck whoever is next door to you in Palm Springs, okay?

I've been even on vacation. You fuck the postman if you can. That's just all there is to do. I just can't believe this like happened. Like I went out, I trusted them both and I went out to the restaurant just to order some sea bass and I came back and there they were naked together and I was like, but I brought you all sea bass because I'm a team player. And Mama's gonna be like, whatever a sea map wasn't even a big deal. It's not like it's an emotional affairs. I'm not a mistress.

I'm calling it Okay, so Brock's like oh, I have a piece and I'm not proud of that But I'm never gonna make those mistakes again or promise you I learned from them And I think we got here because you had your experiences, right? I don't mind being held to a standard I want I want everyone to hold okay. I'll hold you to a standard. What is your job, sir? What is it? Um, chief videographer of Sheena when she's on a mountain wall. Chief, are you vlogging me right now?

So, Sheena's like, LaLa and I have made so much progress in our friendship. Like, I have even talked about getting a house here together with her and like raising and girls here together and like having unconventional modern family sort of life, making a lot of together, trying on halter tops together, mountain climbing together, but like in a room at the same time, well, rock vlogs us, there's like so many boughs about us. That was my face the whole time. I was just like, no, no, don't do this.

And then they have like a fake cry off with rocks like, oh, babies. I'll tell you, I can talk about anything. I talk about it. I talk about it. I love the dry. I have a baby juice. I have a baby. I know babies. I've seen babies. And mom is like, I have a baby, choose. I have a baby. Let's have a baby, guys. I know babies. I've seen babies. And Lala's like, I just need to maintain being a strong, independent woman. Swim a daughter. So it will be like my mother may not

have been able to provide me with the chins. But she was definitely a good mom. I'm sorry, I woke up like this this I can't help it. You woke up like this. You woke up like this. I was like so I call it teledoc and ask for something. I don't know what the fuck's wrong with me. So now we go over to Villa Rosa.

The most elegant Rosa Villa in all the land. It's Lisa van to pump house and she's having a tea party and people are showing up. James has his like goody-to-shoes voice on for now because he's like a little bit sober. He's like, Hello! Little! Hello Lisa! Hello, Lisa. Hello, Lisa. But first we get my favorite of Lisa walking around saying hello to all of her animals. She's like, hello, Henky. Hello, Pinky. Hello, Diamonds and Pinot Nwar.

We'll work on that one until we get the new Rosé figured out darling. Hello, Snookie and Tukie and Pukie. The birds up there, I'm the only woman in Beverly Hills with penguins in her tree. Oh. So people are showing up. There's pumped tenies being served.

James is, yeah. James is like, this is my first pumped tinie in three years. And of course, we see a flashback to him at Sir going, pumped teeny! Game jacksy bullshit, you should be getting to work over there. You're a bartender, you're fat fuck. Right? Stop talking to me and make a pumped teeny!

Pump teeny! Still works, it still works. It's true. I'm wearing a hat, darling. Why would you come for me? I would come for you. I would come for you. I'm the man at. I woke up and I was going to be like, oh, ridiculous. I'm talking about this fucking ass. I told Rosio, put the hat up for me. You don't want me to go to the stage to change my ass. I told Panty, I told Rosio, put the hat up for me. You don't want me to go to the stage to change my ass.

I told Panty, I told Rosio, put the hat up for me. You want to take me to go to the stage to change my ass. I told Pandey, don't wear the hat today, wear the shawl. I know why you're wearing a hat too. We'll tell people the heart. Don't use the words, it's crazy. It's hard, isn't it? So, VPs like, oh, you're on Doggy Dutie Camp. Someone please, we'll kind of weigh his batteries a lot. He's like, oh, you're on Doggie Dutie, Ken.

Someone please, we can away his batteries alone. He's like, oh. I also like that he's wearing one of her hats too. It has like diamonds and like pink flowers on it. So we find out that this is no ordinary tea party. This is a surprise bridal shower for Shina. I really approve of this and I respect this friend group for being so polite about saying,

you don't get fresh everything being married again. Bitch. Okay, we've already done this for you. You're getting a tea party this time. Okay, have fun with that. So, Lala's like, oh, look at these, oh, LVPs. Look at these, look at this Lala. And Lala's like, look at your boobies.

Yeah, Lisa van their pomp, oh my god, I just, I'm so sorry, I just left a puddle all over your back yard. Fucking disgust. Surprise! Oh, I thought with Shina, you stupid fat fuck I thought you're she It's wall So the plan is that when she knew walks in they're gonna sing good as gold Which I feel like every year there's some event where they have to sing this to sheena and we can tell

Because yeah, by the way they sing it you guys okay You know when people sing Happy Birthday, you're like, this is the most hated song in the world. Everyone hates this song. They hate good as gold more, OK? Yeah. She walks in and they're like, because you're good as gold.

Because you're good as gold. It's like that one person trying to harmonize terribly. Because you're good as gold. And Sheena is looking like she's a coach on the board. She's like, yeah! Yeah, you're doing it! My team rocks! I'm turning around for all of you!

Oh my god, my shirt's going the other way. Ah! Oh, so they're like, surprise. It's just like, oh my god, I was so kind. Ariana's like, it's next to impossible to surprise Trina because she has all of her locations on her phone. So what are you doing at Bougroom at Bappa earlier? We went to Capriero. It's like to be honest, I'm only half surprised because my sister's car kind of gave her the right.

Of course. So, now LVP is talking to shorts or eating. You know, it's like milling around party time. So LVP is like, surety, which you get that small tiny little plate. Darling. Oh, oh, there's there bigger plates. Where'd you get the big plate? And she's like, from that large stack of large plates. Has there ever been a better metaphor for Tom Schwartz? Even from the little plates when there's a giant stack of free big plates. So then Lala is talking to James and she's like, it's Ali invited to the wedding yet.

You could ask, you should ask Sheena because she really likes Alice and James is in these pink sunglasses. And you can just tell right away, this is an off the wagon bay. Yeah, way off the wagon. He's off the wagon and the wagon rolled over him a few times. He's like, shlop valley dosis, shlop the canava. La la's like, I mean, I'm wondering if like maybe Ali's not invited because we're called

doesn't water, he's like, oh my god. Oh my god. So really, did I just nail it? And He's like, oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. So really, did I just nail it? And he's like, you nail it. You nail it or you drop your suits or something like that. You know, Dr. Su's isn't a detective. Does he know that? Just like green eyes and hum.

What fat people eat. Ellie not being invited isn't about invitations or the price or how many people are going to be there or how many bloody, south-south free steaks are being ordered, alright? This is about what Bracero wants. It's a complete out of my experience to be around my ex-fiance it all the time. Also, I'm cooked out out of my head right now. He's like, Laura, should I ask Galley to marry me in Mexico? Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, a really important moment happened. We cut, there's this really random scene. We cut to Ariana and Gina, and there's a flower.

And Ariana's like, hey, smell this one. Highestest ones have the best smell. And she did go, it smells like a flower. And then the Bravo Editors do this. Like, oh no, the beginning of the end. So Lala's like, I'm self fucking sh-tam James. You may be drawn so quickly, I don't even think it matters who it is at this point. And he's like, there's no fair, but so it's payback to bitch,

Warden in Mexico. So funny. Yeah, Lala's like, oh, I see. So you wanna end by ask her, you wanna pop the question as payback. He's like, no, no, no. I just thought, you know, I just thought I had. I mean, like, honestly, I do things big, like, oh, bbibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibib I'm like the worst saver I've ever seen. It's like amazing. What happened to that other tiny little horse that I die?

That one looks different. And LVP is like darling, I wanted to do something for you, you know, because I couldn't come to Mexico. And I'm sorry, I missed some words there. I couldn't be bothered to come to Mexico. I mean, come on, Mexico darling. I had many things to do that weekend. I am installing a giant pendulum

just winged from pumped at arm-tarm and back and forth. So should I... That's a destination, I get it. Yes, darling, like hell. Yes, yes. Oh, how sweet of you to think that it's hard for me to fly down from LA to the cusp of Mexico. You sweet thing.

On Nicolaine, Arrow, Puerto Lines, Tulane. Couldn't do it. So, uh, LVP tells us, if you want a successful marriage, don't ask me to be involved in your wedding. I mean, look at Shina. She got engaged in my house. She doesn't even have a barcode lounge left from that one. And Tom and Katie, I officiated the wedding. He smelled like liver, we should have always known.

So then Shina who totally did this shit on purpose goes, oh my god, we're gonna have Antivirisri the same way. Oh, oh yes, yes, at least as I try to back away. Yeah, it's the same week because as I try it a back away. Yeah, it's the same week because like yours is like the 28th and like mine is the 23rd. And beddores the 27th and Ronnie's birthday the 25th. But we could like, yeah, like we could like Sharon Anniversary. We could go on like a road trip.

Like we'd have dinners all the time. We'd be like best friends. Like we could like move in together. You want to move into my commune with Lala? All right, slow down. Take one step backward for every second that passes until near the edge of the infinity pool in discipline forever. And ever. Sheena, I'm terribly sorry, there's a fascinating conversation, but I have an engagement with Kyle Richards

and Teddy Bell and Camp that I must get to, goodbye. but I have an engagement with Kyle Richardson, Teddy Bell and Camp that I must get to, goodbye. So, um, Brock, let's see. So Brock comes in and addresses Grunchy, which I think is nice. Yeah. He's making an effort. Uh, and he's like,

this is Ariana's doing in it. Oh, I couldn't order anything, Shane, or she's like, oh my God, I was like, I didn't go through his phone, you guys, but like, he he doesn't mind anything and I know that cuz I got through his phone So James and Santa of all are playing ping pong, you know and Ariana's taking pictures with the gaze and then Raquel sits down next to Schwartz and Raquel is like wow like so your restaurant opening is very soon, huh? Yeah, the 31st, I hope you can make it. I think everything's okay. I mean, I hope. I mean, I feel like we're suffocating, but like, that's mostly because Katie was there for about 15 minutes the other day.

We staged it, but we made a pack not to bitch about it anymore, but I can bitch to you, right? She's like, um, yeah! Yeah, I'll be there. I mean, I may have this like lady stocked in pageant to go to, but we're gonna see. I'm having a birth certificate, mate. She's cheating to still get into fucking competitions. You aged out, Rikal, okay? You're lucky we're not calling Shelley Tur over here with a fucking full filled up syringe for you.

So... So... Is that kinda night, guys? Rikal's like, I know, it's just gonna get worse. It's Friday night. We can't help it. We have, the venom is built up. It's a surprise, Rick L has aged off of beauty, Pat.

And smite. So, she's like, I love this shorts and I have got to the place where we're tight. And who knows, maybe we'll even be tighter in the future But tighter sounds like vaginal though I know that there's like a general booth for Raquel right now, but also just bad line boo just bad will be for rekel right now but also just bad line book just bad by lying bad live bad bad live book okay your own better pump rules you have to bring your line game up

uh... so james is watching everything all pissy right uh... because rekel they're doing this weird flirting but there's no chemistry here i don't know if you're buying this okay no i was like we're gonna be in Mexico so i think the only thing that we can really do is have fun right and he's like going to be in Mexico. So I think the only thing that we can really do is have fun, right? And he's like, that's a great attitude. I love having fun. Yeah, very stoic. Like, that's not stoic at all. But so James is like, shorts, shorts.

Okay. I have a question in ping pong. If I should a net on the save, it's out to legal. Shorts can tell, but what does it say? It's like, whoa, James. Learning right here. And James is like two feet away pretending to play ping pong. See like I really not listening to anything at all Yeah Hey Schwartz tell me about your projector lamp Okay, Schwartz, tell me about your projector lamp. You fuck away from her, you motherfucker. You're in your face. I love looking at the galaxy, but I'm not sealing.

Excuse me, I've got a question about ping pong. So it's a ball hits the net, but still gets over. Is that a net? Is that a net? Yeah, it's a net. It's animals like, no, I didn't know man. Honestly, like what the fuck? Right?

You flippin' with the camera in front of me. You look absurd, mate. Obserad. Right? You desperate absurd fact. You're desperate absurd fact. Right? You look like the last 30 minutes of the Elvis movie.

Right. Right. So Shina goes to Ariana and she's like, like the last 30 minutes of the Elvis movie. Ha ha ha. So Shina goes to Ariana and she's like, Hi, so is anyone else coming to this party? My name's Chance. And Ariana's like, well, the invitation was extended to Katie, but she did say no. And then we go over to see what Katie's up to this fine afternoon. Guys, it's a trough of dirt first and foremost.

She's in Santa Monica at Christina Kelly's house. Okay. And they sound like those two ladies from S&L a long time ago, the PBS, the PBS house. Katie's like, tomorrow is Tom and I's anniversary. Wow, how's that feel? It feels kind of weird. Like, it would have been like six years. Wow.

But like, I would be remiss to not acknowledge you'd be sort of a first. And a first. Yeah. And it's like, I think it's important, you know? Yeah, you'd be like little miss little miss little miss remiss I messed up the pond, but you get it. Yeah I mean, I'm not gonna worry about Gina or Cal Because like this is so much bigger than their stupid faces so much bigger stupid

This is probably the biggest thing happening in America right now. Yeah Like Tom and I might have dinner to celebrate because we're like closing our house That's so big too. That's huge. That's a huge thing to happen. Because like in Mexico, like we'd be in Mexico, but like we closed our house in America. Oh my God. So this is international now. It's huge. I love this soil that you buy. This is really good soil. It's so good. This soil is huge. I have to say. This soil is like moist. I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that this is 30% organic matter. Oh God. I love your moist organic matter. Thanks. It's soft but absorbent.

Hey, what's going on with your sandwich shop? Have you come up with any sandwiches yet? It's really hard for me to think of sandwiches while I'm so enmeshed in your like Hey, what's going on with your sandwich shop? Have you come up with any sandwiches yet? It's really hard for me to think of sandwiches, but I'm so enmeshed in you're like, wet, organic mass. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Sorry. Got to follow the sketch. So now we go to Back to the Party. Back to the party.

And they're setting up Cropkett and Brock is moving the balls around, which I don't know that Brock knows how to play Cropkett. I can't speak. I'm not saying that. I don't know how to play either, but I had a feeling it was being set up wrong. I'm like, that looks like an inefficient shape for a game. And setting the balls and she to goes The rules for okay, but it's such a complicated set of rules. It's so hard

So then meanwhile James is at a table and now he's like out of his mind all you hear is like clattering and everything's like And then all this... Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, Alright, if I were drunk could I put a plate in my head? Alright, if I were drunk would I be able to put another plate? I don't think so. Wait, if I were drunk would I be able to put a plate on your plate? If I were drunk would I be able to put a plate on your head while you're putting a plate on your head? If I were drunk, if theoretically I were drunk, I don't even know what's up there, but I know I can do it, because I'm not even drunk. I just think I proved that I'm the most server person here because I stacked dishes on my head. James darling, what are you doing? You're like Sid from Sid and Nancy right before the belltold, alright? Put the dishes down darling. Oh, I'm joined, huh? He just yells fine, China.

Oh, I'm Johnna. He just yells fine, Johnna. And LVP is like, sit down, you're making me nervous. How do you put up with him, Lala? And she's like, he's on a journey. And I said, I'll go on his journey with him. And she's like, oh, God, offer less to him on this journey than you did the last one. All right, Lala. All right.

Listen, he's on a journey. And his journey is against the person I don't like. So I he's on a journey, and his journey is against the person I don't like, so I'll be on the journey too, okay? And Vanderbun, because James is like, I can't do that, I've got a girlfriend, a gorgeous girlfriend, I just lecterned, made a change to shirt about five minutes ago.

She's on the healthy piece, like, you had a girlfriend before then, that didn't make a difference, whoa. No, it's different, yeah, the girlfriend before them, that didn't make a difference. No. No, it's different. It's different, though. It's different. OK, because I've learned lessons.

All right, OK, I do think that Ali is the one. OK, I do think that I'm going to go put some babies in her. OK, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to open up a vagina with my penis and put sperm in there. And that's going to make a baby. And it's going to be a skinny baby, not a fat slut baby.

Why so many babies fat? Do you think they're special? Hey Gerber, why don't you put in skinny baby in your stupid jar? Start a workout company for babies. No more fat babies, thin baby. All right. Fat fucking babies. No more fat babies, thin baby, all right? F-fucking babies. Beautiful. We're making some blue-eyed goddesses babies.

At least he goes, you sound like a dictator. Lala's like, can you just say that you want a family one day? How about you just say that, James? And he's like, yeah, I'm not going to make babies. I'm going to have blue-eyed'm gonna blue-eyed babies blue-eyed Blond-head thin-only babies. All right James James, he's like whoa Listen when you talk sometimes you sound like a 16 year old with all these dreams and like bringing a child into the world

There's no joke and I know that because I have a baby in case you didn't know It's like oh Oh Brock his brock went into the world Brock did it brock did it you brought a baby Just man brought a baby into the world and he's kicking through cables He's not so He's interronding people and leaving countries. Now when saying anything about that.

Lisa's like, oh God. He's like, that's taxing and there's facts. Or this dad's just watching from a nanny. Cam like, that's my boy. That's my boy. That's good. Good. He's fucking black.

And Mama's like, you're acting out of pockets right now. Let's spring at down. And she tells us, anybody who takes time away from drinking because they feel it's a problem, and then they go back to thinking they've conquered it, I worry, because alcohol is used for fun moments, sad moments, having babies moments. And let's admit it, that took to that. That took a lot.

That took a handle. And making reality TV shows. So SantaVall is basically like, hey, everyone, after this tea party's done, let's go to Schwartz and Sandy's where everyone wants to go and unfinished bar with some Peruvian ceviche. We've been trying to pedal for five weeks. Right. And James goes,

Tom Tom! Tom Tom! Tom Tom! Tom Tom! So they all had over to Schwartz and Sandeys. We're bred as there. He's standing behind the bar like, oh well, we were supposed to have a meeting, but I guess we're going to have a party.

Great. I've been waiting here for six hours. Is each one of your friends going to input an item into the POS system? Sounds like a night to me. So, uh, shorts is like, we're not going to dip into the shorts and standies, but stock. This is from me. I went to Beth Moab by myself. This is a, I love you to Sheen and Brock. Well, I mean, we're paying for the bartender and the bus boy and the liquor and the ice. Whatever, let's pour it in that box.

So, Santa was like, all right, I'm just standing on the table. All right. To those who haven't been here, welcome to Schwartz and Santa and we're opening on the table. All right. To those who haven't been here, welcome to Schwartz and Sannings. We're opening on the 31st. My, my, me, oh.

Here I go again. My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my James says actually his best line of the episode. He goes, wait a second. This place isn't open yet. Are you actually kidding? How many solved openings are you doing? So, Rical and Lala are, well, Rical's, Lala standing there, getting us out asks. And Rical comes up and she goes, I guess I'll break the ice by saying, oh my god, I actually broke ice.

Lala's like, hi, how are you? Okay, you don't have to pick up the ice, they've got bus boys, they don't have bus boys. Oh, okay, never mind. Good, how are you? I'm good. Thank you. Is Katie coming? No, she's at home hanging out doing something very important right now.

Cut to Katie at home, slowly making tea. But I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a son. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a lover, I'm a son, I'm a son, I'm a nitter, I'm a sea, I do not end up flat. Yeah, that's what they said, right? The dogs are watching, the dogs are like, honestly just take us to Schwartz and Sandy's at this point. They're like, please, can Auntie Doreet pick us up? This is... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha like literally right after like, come have fun, Jamie, say hello, we're out. It's like, whoa. So she's like, oh, I love it was early. It wasn't a tea party.

Did you see how my plate tricks? Quite amazing, I know. All right, well, great instructory to the week in a mix. You know, listen, obviously Alice come to Mexico. You know, Alice, the gorgeous one, lick marks on us, lick marks, changes the shirt about five times a day

because she loves me. That one. If you're asking if she can come to the actual wedding ceremony, the most coveted invitation of 2022, the answer is, er, Why listen to me? We can't look never seen this, right? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's not that. It's not that. What's that? I'll tell you what is.

We reserved four tables for kangaroos. And we have to make sure they can make it through customs. If not, then Ali is welcome So then we cut to another really awkward flirting scene with shorts and Raquel so she's like hey, I heard something like you have something like some kind of art installation And he's like yeah, you want to see it? It's like a portal to another universe. And she goes, I want to do the portal. So he's like, I'm taking Rick out of the portal. I'll be right back. So we go see this portal.

It's a mirror on the ceiling. It's like going to the sharper image. With visible LED strips taped under it. Yeah. And he's like, just look up and deep breathe. So that is the nicest and check your nose for coke-buggers before you go back out into the rest of me I've ever seen. You're like, all right, I'm ready to go. I wouldn't know. So then meanwhile while they're checking for coke-buggers, James is pleading his case still for Allie to be there.

And so he pulls a good card. He's like, just remember, remember when we were having my engagement party and a lot of skinny people there to celebrate us. And you two, sort of on the fat aside, you guys were so in love that you wanted to get engaged right then and there, you know? And Brock's like, well, well, I mean, let's give it a hard maybe, a hard maybe. And she is like, just hold on because like, it's just like I'm half listening, but I'm also in visualizing the seating chart I have, hold on, I'm just going to in visualize for a second here.

Okay, I've invisible eyes. I think we have a scene. I think we have a scene. So then we go to Swartz and Recal with their cheesy flirting. And he's like, Well, it sounds like a gross pickup line, but yeah, close your eyes. Let the sound waves wash over you. So they're deep breathing right in front of the men's room door, which yeah.

And scene a season, I was like, what the fuck are they doing? The girls told me one of your happy places is going into your room and listening to EDM. Guess what? Have a star projector too. She's like, Oh my God, really? He's like, Yeah, I'm saying, Oh my God, I have a star projector too. You want to fucking the bathroom? He's like, no, but I'll listen to you, Pete. I'm OK. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I love John Summit. Is that his name, John Summit?

Ron Summit, Paul Summit, Mr. Summit. So John Summit of the Summit family, I just only know it from Southern hospitality. We're like, ah, we're going to to Tampa and say John's not my wife. So now it's the next day. And it's time to get ready to go to Mexico. The Mexico trip is happening. It's happening right now.

They're packing, Shinas packing. James is James and Ali are packing. He's like, you're coming to the end. Okay, you're gonna be dancing with me. You're gonna be dancing with me. You're stupid, you're stupid, you're gonna be dancing with me. And she's like, you're coming to the end. Okay, you're gonna be dancing with me. You're gonna be dancing with me. You stupid slut. You stupid slut, you're gonna be dancing with me. And she's like, good job asking again.

Good job. Yay. So then we go to Tom and Arianna's and Schwarzen Sandoval are on the phone and Schwarzen Sandoval's like, I was like, why do I have a sweater? And I just saw myself in my mirror and I'm gonna keep my shirt on the whole time.

And Sandoval's like, bro, come on, what are you gonna wear matching outfits with fucking Katie? Give me a break. So go find a fucking straw potter to put on your head and call it a day already, God damn it. So then we go over to a song that's singing Living Life Way Up High,

which leads us directly into Christina and Katie, which you can't say the musicians don't have a sense of humor on this show Hey, Christina's like hi. Hi. Are you getting ready? I'm so excited that I'm gonna get to come on this trip to Mexico with you I'm so excited that you're coming. I had such a crazy night. I stirred that to you for like 45 seconds. That is crazy. That's effing crazy. Yeah It was a crazy night of Oolong and Meredith Brooks So there we go leave tear is it back to you? Well it started off as back to you But I got a little wild so it sort of became loose to you. Oh my god Yeah, so you got bag so hot that it made you loose. Yeah.

That's hot. The bag exploded all over the hot water. God, that sounds like such hot tea. That hot tea was so hot it was dribbling down my throat. Did you swallow it? I did and I burned my throat. Sometimes it burned last, but every time you fill it burn, you just remember how good it was the first time around. Anyway, sometimes burns are worth it. That's why I have this cool thing on my arm. Blah, that'll come in!

So we got a play at Del Carmen and Cena arrives, how Cena arrives everywhere. We've arrived! Yes. And this is really good because we're in Sheena's home country. And she can finally, she can finally show us more of her culture. Everywhere she goes, she's like, grassy ass. Grassy ass. My stomach is a bit of nerves.

That's like butterflies, Mary poses, if you will. And excitement. Mara, Mara pose. Did Christine go to this wedding? Do you guys know? Is she gonna, are we gonna see her? She was undercover as a caterer,

she had like a little mustache and like a bow tie. More adores. More adores. Talk to takitas, poor favor. So I was kind of in the air back. So then we go to the duty free shop where the guys are getting drinks to get wasted and James and Allie are like doing that twisted wrist things to give each other drinks. So like, which is how no, no people in a good relationship actually drink. No. No. Those people always, and that's how those date lines start.

They're like, they were so in love. The perfect couple. Yeah. And you just see them like, yeah. Brittany and Kevin Fedderline probably drank like that Yeah So too soon Too soon that's that should still too soon. I you know what I feel you I went I went dark there

So let's see they're getting welcome cocktails and all that stuff and Schwartz sees drinks and he goes what in the tarnations So then Basically, they're all looking at their room assignments and Mala and Katie are standing together and Mala's like oh my god It's you're like really far away and Katie goes. Yeah, it is far and she goes. I mean 1706 and you're 3303. And Katie goes, yeah, that doesn't sound near. And then we cut to Shina going, yeah, I had her move to a different tower.

And X, off the preferred club last. You know, why do we never think of this? I spent all week being like, she should give up the room or whatever, we're all arguing back and forth. Shina, see, sheena knows. Yeah, sheena knows like- She's like, you can stay in my resort. I'm putting you over there on the ocean.

I, I cross off the preferred club list. I also, I also called Costco and canceled her membership there. So she's- Yeah. She's no longer part of the, her, the Hertz rewards program. Enjoy driving alamo ranch So she's like we have dinner in eight and then we're going to patty y'all and then there's a sports place in my pool and James is like Connected to my room

That is sick right? Who else over here? You don't have a pool children showroom. Do you need me to care? Huh? Rick Hell's like, no, because I don't want random people swimming up to my door. I'm like, well, you know your room isn't in the pool, right? I'm like, well, you know, your room isn't in the pool, right? It's a bit of, to be fair, she's had some weird pool side experiences on this show.

Remember that first episode with that guy? I was like, you're in a chair. And he was hoppy. I also did think that was Jack's. That guy that was in the robe. And they just blurred his face out to not give him another second on TV. The blur was actually on the floor and he just sort of snorted it up to his face. Jack snorted the blur off of his face. He snorted the blur off of someone he didn't sign a release. That hotel thing he's really got to go in on. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, You're invading my privacy and she goes can you even imagine being next story to them is probably like banging up against the wall and stuff

Go roast and then it custody James going I want to talk to you want to talk don't kiss me right now. I leave right in front of a car Do it sick of tongue in me. No, I'm gonna put my tongue in you. Oh god. You're about to get baby right in you won't give me a vagina Put it in your ear put in your hair come ear. Come on, no one's watching. No one's watching. Come on, we can do it right now. No one's watching. You know what I get nervous when we see us.

So transparent, so embarrassing. He's like, no one's watching. You're in a hotel lobby. I know, on TV. So then the rock is like, rock is like, all right everyone. Glad you're all here. Good to see all my friends, my families, my coolers. Now, before you go, all right everyone, glad you're all here. Good to see all my friends, my families, my coolers.

Now, before you go, all right everyone, let's get the hands in the middle. Wait, do we have a hashtag for this wedding? Do we have something like a hashtag? Pay your child support. Hashtag, pay your... Oh. I think, okay, we're gonna workshop that one.

Hashtag, I just squirted on Mexico. All right, all right, all right. Don't need any of that, he's- Hashtag, see you, man! Hashtag, I'm really into wet soil. All right, I don't even know you are. All right. Hashtag, French kiss me kiss me please no one's watching

So they put it they put their hand in the middle and they're like three two one honey I mean I do I mean I do imagine if you do we got a hashtag for honey, dude My favorite melon so swords Guys wait hold on this is serious. I know this is a wedding weekend, but it's also a celebration of honeydew. So please respect it. Yes. Darling. Oh, so, let's see.

So Schwartz is like, okay, I can't come tonight because me and Katie are going to have this thing in Mexico where we're going to like celebrate selling our house and me never having to see Katie again. So I'm not going to be there. And she's like, I'm okay because it's just like the first time I go home because this isn't like a bugdale. It's just like the welcome alcohol. I was like the first inch of a lot. I'm like, this is not like the whole inch of aada. I don't like it anymore. I'm totally chill with you not coming to this dinner party that I planned about 14 months ago.

It's totally cool. So then LVP calls Arianna and Katie and she's like, hello, they're like, hello, and it's just face time of nothing. And then the face fades in. It's like hello darlings me Lisa van der Pumms did you all little wings take you all the way to Mexico I wanted to call you because obviously in business sometimes things don't work out wink wink I think manila envelope manila envelope. I think she's falling for the misdirection

Unfortunately, sometimes you want a building and you cannot buy it. Oh, it's terrible when that happens wink wink wink Sometimes you wish you just knew a little monopoly man to say don't pass go to not go to Ciao do not collect $200 but you don't all you know is a lady with tiny little dogs made of metal did move around the board Katy and Ariana are like uh-huh uh-huh I got to the part where you say we got the room All right, you I got to the part where you say we got the room. Let me have a look. Eh. All right, you've got the room. You go, you're going to have a sandwich shop time. Oh my god.

We can have a... Now all they have to do is show an interest in sandwiches. So... I know they were like... Oh my god. We're going to be working in a sandwich shop soon. Ha ha ha. Wow.

Okay. So, Hammond G's, that's a good starting place. Yeah. Hang up the phone. People's about to call. All right. The, um, Ariana, Ariana and Santa Valko to their room. And Santa Valko is like, oh, two beds.

How bad happened? I know. What a funny kawinki dink so then Raquel is setting up her projector she's like I love the sound of those projectors it's like Pavlov's dog if I hear that sound I'll go straight to sleep I love that I have one of that it sounds like Ken like popling around in the kitchen. Does yours have a little hat and then I get mad when you wear a hat? It has a little rod steward fly hard with on top. So we have one of these cringy moments also. God, this season is really fucking with me. Ariana is like, I'm so happy to be in Mexico.

Nothing to get in the way of my quality time with Tom. Ariana's like, I'm so happy to be in Mexico. Nothing to get in the way of my quality time with Tom. He's my prisoner. It's fucked up. It's fucked up. And then we see in another room, Tom Schwartz is setting up his own projector. Yeah. So then, as Ali and James in their room, and Ali's like, this room is sick. And James is like, I thought it was dumb though. You know, I thought Rick Kale didn't want to swim over. So I guess it's not a sick room. Is it because was dumb though. You know, I thought Rick out didn't want to swim over. So I guess it's not a sick room. Is it because Rick out doesn't know, okay?

Rick out doesn't want to swim to our room. Like, that's our room is stupid. That is like, do we have to bring up Rick out every two seconds? Can I put my twin flame in the pool and put it out? He's like, change your clothes. Change your clothes. Do it again clothes do it again do it again come your hair come your hair come your hair Come yeah, so then we go to the restaurant everyone's gathering for a shana's first mind Hello in walks Lala with Christina with Christina

That is bold that is bold. It's bold. Let's us out patio. How dare you? Excuse me. You do not have access to the preferred club rewards program That is bulls. It's bull. This is alpario. How dare you? Excuse me, you do not have access to the preferred club rewards program. And she's like, the fact that Christina's walking into my welcome dinner party talking about wet soil, it's not okay. So she is like, because you know what?

Years ago, at my first wedding, not only did Stasien, Kristina, say that my dress was the ugliest effing thing they've ever seen, they said something that was more hurtful. So then we go to Stasien's clip. You thought everyone was going to join in with you there didn't you and they didn't. We got the stoss into it's like oh my god this dress it's like a skinky girls can't sing yada and then she is like I don't talk about this a lot and you might not have guessed this from she knows a lot of plates but not have guessed this from Sheena's uh, and she'll lot of plates.

But I am half Mexican and for them that takes such a special environment and Spanish culture and to make it sound trashy or skanky or low-classes, it actually hurt me. Well, yes, that was shitty. Now, I love a Kencinera. You know, I grew up in, I grew up on a border town. So I can't say that me making fun of a bad canciniar dress is bad. I can't say it's bad for Stasi.

I'm kidding, it's bad for me too. Horaceous. But I do have to say you're a little late, Shina, because Stasi's already been called out for way worse. It's like now we're just kind of minimizing, you know. So then we go to Sheena texting and Ari on top, Ari, whatever. Now we have this really kind of like weird thing that happens. You know, we're coming into the finals, sort of like, sort of finals scene of the show.

And there's like this weirdness and James is in a hub. He's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, skinny, okay, and that was a fat person. Yeah, but at first I was like, okay, I guess they're just hugging. And he's like, oh yeah, well I think you could tell I had no idea this human being was because I had a look of scaredness from my face. Right. I saw the state puff marshmallow man coming at me. It's frightening. So then, Ariana tells us a story. So we're on our way here and like Brock Brock's friends, who's clearly intoxicated,

puts his arm around James and he's like, hey, buddy, I know you. Like this, like this. Because you know that's how Brock's friends are. They're always like, hey! I love those Australian lugs. So, hot, right?

They're so hot. hot so anyway James is like I've never seen this guy my life and by the way is I was rolling back into the back of his head like drool slopping What the fuck are you judging for I know you were just spinning plates of ruling a banner pumps house five minutes ago I know no one is more judgmental than a sober drunk person. Lala's lost me. The what do you think my problem is today, drinking all this fucking water. My fuck all these people.

Lala's like, it was an annoying drunk's hugs. And but like James, like, body checks him hard. And then James just bounced right off his pecs and flew right into the door. Yeah, like he stumbled back like three paces. And Ariane is like, Oh, Jay, he's happy she wanted to win. She's in his wedding guest. Boom.

I should have will smithed backhanded his bitch ass. All right. So Ariane, so it's a nice thing to hide him. Yeah, it's crazy. So there's any at the table, James is going on and on about this, about someone who dared to touch him. Ariana's sitting in two seats away. And she's like, she's sort of telling Tom, like, wow,

like two seconds after I sit down, I'm being berated by this one about a situation because I don't want to fight. It's so wrong, I don't want to fight, you know? So then James is like, what, Tom? Ariana obviously gets no big deal that I almost killed, killed by a big person. And Ariana's like,

watch your tongue when you speak to me because you've been really rude to me. You shoved a guy to the ground and then you go, I didn't shove a guy to the ground. I didn't shove a guy to the ground. A fat person fell. Why is it my fault?

It's not my fault. Lala's like, you almost did, okay, you almost did, like me, almost being a famous actress. You almost didsk. Like me. Almost being a famous actress. You almost didsk. And then, so he's like, oh really, Loller, we'll pick your words very carefully right now. All right.

And Rick has like watching Ali cringe with embarrassment makes me so happy that's not me anymore. Hmm. Thankfully, no one is going to cringe when they see my face ever again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean like I can't like I got squirted with the water gun on her face They're getting every single shot of her and Lala who hates all this violence that they're talking about right now because don't you fucking talk to me like that I'll come across the table and shove your ass to the ground you fat little bitch Oh, oh really is that what you're head's at?

Okay, Ariana, I'm sorry, I wish you were more on my side right now Disengage So Arianna's like what the side of not wanting there to be a fight is the only side to be on I'm on the side of not wanting there to be a fight fight period period before I was or I'm not I don't like I'm doing it. I don't want you to do it Love Ariana Thank God And so then Ali is like I cannot sit here and watch James act like this it makes me question everything this makes you question

Everything the fuck of you man Wait till she finds out about Google. God and so she storms out. Well, she storms out like beautifully. She just slowly walks out. Yeah. And then James is like, and now my girlfriend's leaving. Fulked it. Get up off your fat ass. I'll taste her out. James. Man, this show is infuriating and god damn it. I love it. That brings us to the end of Vanderpump Reaves. Thank you, San Francisco for coming out tonight. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors.

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