Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: New Kids on the Block

Episode Date: January 9, 2020

Vanderpump Rules is back, and there are plenty of changes afoot: half the cast moved to teh suburbs, a bunch of new people are sleeping with each other, and Lisa Vanderpump is pulling rabbits out of hats (or so we suspect). Come check out this supersized recap of the Season 8 premiere! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride, Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap-ins would like to think it's premium sponsors! Just say in okay! Kristy Wawardy-Dawardy! Watch what crapens would like to think it's premium sponsors! Just saying okay?

Kristi Wavardie-Dawardie! Nobody sucks it to us like Amy Sokcarellis. Jamie, she has no last namey! Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender! Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch! You're the Wyndham beneath our wings. Joe Wyndham! Asli Savoni, she don't take no baloney!

You don't touch the Nicki Morgan letters! Aaron McNickolas, she don't take no baloney. You don't touch the Nicki Morgan letters. Aaron McNickolas, she don't miss no trickle-ists. Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the bird. Ain't no thing like Allison King. He makes us squeezy, Rachidi. Sarah Greenwood, she only uses her power for good. Hannah, God, I love that banana.

Anderson. Higher than high res, it's Lauren Perez. Have a Nagila Webber. One day your Rachel's in, and the next day you're out. The Bay Area Betches, Betches, and our super premium Patreon subscribers. Let's take off with Tamala Plane. Oops, she did it again, it's Brittany Montana. Lisa Wallint. Now that's what I call Wall Entertainment. Give them hell, Miss Noel. Always ready for Nicole Passa-Ready. Better than Tabooly, it's Annie and Julie.

Lordess, the Lordess of the Rings. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. She's not just a sheela, she's a Danielle. Etch-O. She ain't no shrinking violet kuchar. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. Yes, we can, with Howley, Carolyn and Anne. Yes, we should, with Carrie Bridgewood!

Nancy C. Centicisto! Simple as rocket science, it's Dana Easy! Holy Grant! The Grant Master! Somebody get us 10 C.C.s of Betsy MD! Let's get Racy with Miss Stacey! Shannon out of a cannon Anthony! Incredible edible Matthewsisters! And...

Mina Kuchikuchi kuchi kuchi Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real Housewives of Kitchen Island, and joining me is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Caram of the Rose Pricks Bachelor of Podcast. What's up, Roddy? Hi, Ben. I'm hamming it up right now because I'm on camera.

And so are you. This is a lot. You're looking at yourself in the screen. You can see, right? I'm like, hey, I'm Andy Cohen. Wait, let me smile with one half of my face. I act like I don't do that normally, but I do. This is crap is on demand. The crap is on demand episode.

So if you want to watch us, go to patreon.com slash watch or crap and you get to see us making these stupid faces at each other. Ronnie's camera just went out. Wow. If you were watching us on Crap is on demand, you get to know what it feels like to just see me. Oh, I guess I don't have to,

I guess I lost my solo spotlight. He's back. Anyway, I was faping, get off my stage. Today we're talking about the season premiere of Vennimpromp Rules, which is very exciting. But also an exciting news. We got the crappies coming up next week. Next week and we have already had so many votes last year. We had 11,000 votes total

and how many votes have we had so far? How many votes do you think we've had since polls opened? 12,000. 11,000 actually. The is the point is we've already I never win those games. How many jelly beans are in this jar? I'm always like 19 million. I know me too. I'm so bad. I hate the jelly bean count. Anyway, go to watchcraftbiz.com to find the links. So if you want to vote, you only have about a week left to do that. So make sure you do it because it's really important to have your voice heard guys Also, then we are going to a million places for the next six months then after that we're going on break So it's we're going to Detroit Columbus, Austin, Houston

Hoover, Alabama, Nola Kansas City or Lawrence fucking Kansas Omaha Salt Lake City Vancouver Orlando Charl Orlando, Charleston, Oklahoma, City, Oklahoma, Asbury Park, Washington, DC, San Francisco, California, and Boston, Massachusetts. Those last three shows are going to be in huge venues and it's going to be very exciting. There are going to be three more cities I believe that are going to be added to that mix, but again, after June, we are, we are done so for the for for for a moment. So go get your tickets now.

Watch what happens.com. And that's also where you can get merch, Patreon, all that really good stuff. And as a for a personal shill for any of our listeners who are board gamers, I was board and I wrote a list of the top 10 games of 2019 on my blog bsadblog.com. That's cool. Is that fun? I mean I don't know how fun it is but it was fun for me.

So if you like that go to awesome. But enough about that. No one, no one truly cares about board games when we've got Vanderpump rules to discuss. Am I right? Life aboard game. I passed go and I collected nothing, God, Richards. Lisa Vanderpump returns to our television screens with just so many pussy bows. This year, yeah, this year, it was just a good magician. It is like she is like restaurant tour magician. She has just this.

This is her look for 2020, all right? Because the whole show opens up with this clip that we've probably all seen a million times by now because they leaked it back in November with Lisa in a magician outfit. She's wearing like a sequined blazer with like a tie that has like, like, bedazzled tie. That's, she sort of looks like TGI Fridays,

but also pen and teller. And she's like, I don't even know where to start. She's like, I've got to wrap it now. She is magical that face. Okay. I mean, her face looks like a bowling pen. And I mean, this is the nicest way. She looks like a talking bowling pin. Like her face looks amazing. How do you get it so smooth? A talking bowling pin. Yes.

Just like a smooth round with lips. Like a 1950s, was it like from like a 1950s promo of like, hey kids, go bowling, it's safe. Yes. Okay, it's like that Conan. I think it was Conan O'Brien. Okay, it's like that Conan. I think it was Conan O'Brien. He used to have the talking orange,

you know, and they would put like a mouth on this orange. And it was just someone's grotesque, not that she has a grotesque mouth, but the cartoon looked grotesque because it was like a human mouth actually moving on an orange. That's what this looks like. But on a bowling pin.

Yeah, it's like a snap. Yeah, she is. Okay, so she is like a bowling pin with a bump it and a map and like I mean that best possible who also can guess what card you have in your hand Yes, she's like pulling a nickel from behind her ear Look what I found Oh! Look what I found! Over the last few hairs of Lucy, Lucy Apple juice before she was taken to a killer shelter. Lucy, Lucy Apple juice is still alive!

MUSIC! So they do my favorite bravo thing where they make the theme song spooky as you show as they're just growing on, so she's like, I don't even know where to start! I love Euri variation on a theme. That is like my favorite. I think I've told the story before back in my old apartment when they were building a building across the street and every day. A taco truck would show up and we'd arrive, it would do the La Cucaracha team talking about, but somewhere along the way it's like battery started to die, so the La Cucaracha theme started going, I was like, ooh, an eerie variation on La Cucaracha, I love it. I don't know where to start. And so we see clips. There were so many clips I didn't write them all down, but I just don't know.

Oh, well. Aren't you lucky to be friends with me? I know, but I did write down Tom Sandeval looking at Jackson. Do you even know me? Do you even know me, dude? Dude! Oh, and then in Vatterpop. These are years of friendships that I thought would last forever.

You're the best ever cookin' food! No, it's wonderful having new faces, but their problems seem as complicated as their pre-deceased asses. Yes, I'm British. And then they have they show a little fight with the witches of WeHo after Stasi is blowing out a candle. Slowly. They show a fight and Christians like whatever Katie or just a bitch me all the time Oh, and Stasi says could she just be real for one second Christian and then Christian goes like this

Like Kelly Benzumon she makes that Kelly Benzumon face from the Scary island trip. Yes. Well, basically someone put like a collar on Kristen and they set up invisible fences everywhere So she's just constantly electrocuting herself The UPS man is constantly coming in Kristen's house like Yeah, I yeah, there's all these clips and then It ends with Brittany in a veil, putting her head down on the table.

Like she's resigned like this has been too hard. But the best part is that she's not really putting it on a table. She's putting it on a pizza box, which is so Brittany. She's like, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Stan in a pepperoni box. I know. Exactly. So then we see the opening. Yes. All I've watched was Thomas swinging a watch, LOL. I didn't have time. I was like, there's too much from, there's like, there's gonna be so much for me to write

about. I'm gonna just like save, like, I'm gonna not dissect this opening just yet, but I did note that when Lisa Vanderpump walks through in the end and throws her bag to whoever's supposed to catch that bag, she's not, she has decided to step away from like a satin blouse with a pussy bow and she is giving us like a, like her boobs are out and will not fully out, they're not flapping in the wind, but like she has, she's showing some cleave, she's wearing a black dress,'s like Lisa Vanderpump is I got hopeful for like a second that sexy Lisa Vanderpump was back not that she has to be sexy but I just like sexy Vanderpump as opposed to pussyboat Vanderpump well I cannot believe you didn't point out

what else she's wearing in that opening what a sequined cape I did not see magician. I did not see the secret. I'm literally wearing a cape. I thought that's where you were going with all this. Just goes to show no matter how you get, you still look at the boobs only. Yeah, of course, yeah. I'm so she has a sequined cape, of course. Yes, magician.

That's magician. Yeah. So then every time she throws off that purse, I just imagined Raquel standing there and getting hit in the head with it. You know. Poo. Awesome. So being a beauty queen has really prepared me to be poo.

So Raquel looks terrified in the opening, you know, because she's now in that end opening picture with her like, and they're all, you know, like, I don't know, serious family feud, whatever they're doing, where they're just all standing there. Rick Hells just like, she's afraid someone's gonna ask her six times four. I didn't get to that part. I had to watch with either Boo. I'm never coming to an ice cream so shall I? ever coming to an ice cream so shall. So it opens up with Tom and Tom arriving at Tom Tom in their sidecar and they're just like talking with the staff and they start like talking to Max who is the general manager already I'm having trouble because there's only one Max for me in the Vanderbump universe. So the fact that then we have a second Max is

really difficult. I know there's one Max who still has not gotten a raise or a lift in a job and it's Lisa Vanderpump's son. Okay. It's called Nepotism Lisa. You live in Los Angeles. Look at... Nepotism does not mean making your child be a fucking bus boy for the rest of its life. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So now you have other max who is the general manager at Tom Tom, and then we also meet Dana with a Y who she's like the like the news saucy and so she's walking around and she's like JoJo make yourself useful, which normally I'd be like be quiet Dana. JoJo is living his life, but truth is that JoJo is probably just like twerking in the corner because that's what he for those who don't know JoJo is a twerk

Champion of some sort and he was also our waiter, so we know these details very intimately. Yeah So Dana. Yeah, I was walking around and Tom talks Tom talks. Sorry Tom talks is like a very special kind of Botox You can only get it Tom. Oh, I thought was like a Ted talk, but it's a Tom talks Tom talks. Well, it's like a Ted Talk, but it's a Tom tock. Tom tocks. Well. It's just standing on a little pink carpet, a little circular pink carpet that you can't move from. This is my Tom tocks. Well, this is a story of Nicolay. Dude, if you want to get ahead in life, what you got to do is shave your cheekbones, dude.

It changes the world. If every one of us shaved their cheekbones, children in India would have nice cheekbones dude it changes the world if every one of us shave their cheekbones children in India Would have nice cheekbones to do yeah Do you know how many children in in do you not really starving children in the world would love to shave their foreheads, bro Think about it So yeah, Dana's walking around this for what I was gonna say Tom Tom Tom is the size of a shoe box for those who haven't been there. It's like tiny, so really to be a host is you're just like holding menus going, that's your table, just go over there.

Because both of us cannot walk through this restaurant at the same time, okay? Look at that big butt of the twerking Instagrammer. Go over there, you'll eventually get to. Follow the thump of the twerk. You get a table. Um, so Tom, Tom is like, oh, well, Dana, bro, I've got a rap party coming in. You know, I told them not to bring inflatable penises. She's like, um, you would be surprised at how many inflatable penises actually I see

here laterally. I'm like, no one would be. That's why he said he said not to bring them. That's right. Like no one would be that's why he said he said not to bring them Zing dina Zing that's what you say Dana listen. I said Gina Leonardo just comes in to me. I've got this Tom Dana You say to those inflatable penises get out of my restaurant right this instant

You insignificant clean is a sea So son Sanchez what is wrong with me first of all have to say how are you feeling about all these new cast members just being there? I'm not I feel very Defensive let's be macro for a moment. Let's take a let's take a wide view of this episode of the new faces I was into it. I actually liked it. I actually thought the episode was funny. I was I actually I was I was very curious to see how they'd integrate new people and I'm also include the fact that like half the cast now lives in the valley and like how that makes it still feel authentic to the show. I feel like it actually worked pretty well. I'm happy so far. Well, I'm just very defensive. I'm like, who are you? Why are you here? Why are you trying to take

this over? I need you to be hotter. It's kind of like you're now. I don't know. I feel like I need you to be hotter. Like it's kind of like you're now, I don't know. I feel like I need hotter people to be new. Sorry, very sad it, okay? I'm hot. You have to some regular big dude sitting, some bald dude sitting his chair. Still though, I need hotter people. I may settle back that one, we discuss Brett.

Yeah, don't give me a new, don't give me a new Jack's. This name is Max. It's almost like Jack's, but not even anywhere as hot. Okay, it's not going to work for me. Okay, I don't want to downgrade in hotness. Yeah, I mean, I also think like the one of the big takeaways from the episode is Peter. I mean, there's a lot to discuss with Peter. So, but we'll get to that too. Ah, oh yeah, we'll save that. We'll save that for a little while. Oh, Peter. So Peter so sad sad Peter so so Tom

So they're walking around they're talking all these people and Tom Schwartz is like oh Bubba the reason why Tom Tom runs so smoothly is because we've hired the best Staff on the planet like cut to like JoJo like working on a planter like to working on a planter, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and correction, the best thin staff in the world, okay? Very, very thin, okay? There are other people who could do these jobs.

I stand for chubby people. Yeah, the reason why TomTom runs so smoothly is because Tom Schwartz probably has nothing to do with it. He just like shows up, smiles, pour some aquifaba into a glass and leaves. There's Dana who's like the best worker. She's so good that you're poaching her for a surr. And then we've got Max. He's the glue that holds it all together.

And there, you know, we're kind of enjoying a new show basically. Yeah. Yeah, there were. And first of all, I think it's funny that surr is like the mothership. Like you all got wait to see his graduate to say, because that was like how it started. Like, Shino was taken from Villa Blanca to go over to Sir. And I love that Max is the glue that holds it together. Like, like a really sad glue. It's like the glue, he's like those like glue sticks where you like you like go on the back of a piece of paper

And you with the glue stick and then you put it onto something and then like five minutes later the size of the paper like curling up And then it just all falls off. Yeah, it's like bad glue like pomade. It's not even glue. It's just like something goopy But it's like yeah, it's like it's actually like maple syrup. It's not just something generally sticky That's really not even supposed to be glue, but just fell into that role because it didn't spill that's really not even supposed to be glue, but just fell into that role. Because it didn't spill. So Dana is talking to a couple of people. She's talking to the twerker and some other girl. And she's like, um, Max and I have last night.

Um, I'm I'm just gonna get to that. Yes, yes, yes, why the fuck last night? Guess why? She's like the finger and the whole thing. She's like, guess who I, last night.

Max, don't judge me. okay, and she says it in such a vandal pump rules away. She's like oh Max. Yeah, I'm just max. It's a max. I don't know. They're all were like Lisa's on max or glue max because there's a big difference in our reactions Congratulations, you're gonna be rich. Oh that max never mind Get some you know, I don't know if you have to glue anything together. Uh, then like a plane girl, I don't know what her name was. I just called her plane girl. She goes, um, max, he literally has a new girl every week. Like, why else does he have this job? Okay, bye. That was my one line for that for the scene. But season by. Bye. So Max is talking to shorts and he's talking to the Tom. He's talking to Tom and Tom.

And he's like, yeah, totally went out. But you know, I didn't like, you know, I stayed a little longer than you guys, but like, I didn't do anything. Like I didn't do anything. Okay. So we've already got the guy is, you know, I don't know. I think it's his name is Max. It sounds like a jacks and so I'm already I already hate him because I know that he's supposed

to be the new jacks. That's I think that's a totally good reason to hate someone. So then we go over so basically he's like acting like nothing happened because you know he is her boss and you know that could be an issue with HR if there were an HR. So uh, bravo, yeah. There's no HR on bravo. I think we've all come to realize no HR on bravo. He's a random pump. I think that now would be like a really good time to go to commercial because like a rob is so good at commercials and like he can do it in like seven minutes or less.

It's like amazing. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasive. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Disantel. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What deserve session with these feuds say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin

and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya.

So, now we go over to Sir Sir and we see lots of stuff happening. There's like avocado toast going going down on a table and then Jackson's pouring drinks and recals like doing makeup in a mirror. And then she now is recal just looking at herself in the mirror when she does her makeup. She puts on lipstick and then she looks at herself like smiles in the mirror like, wow you're a ding, I'm still me. I'm still so pretty.

This is amazing. This is that pretty girl in the mirror. It's me. So mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the waitreast of them all? So then we wind up with Shina and Brett. So Brett's the other new guy. And he's like, for some reason,

he reminds me of Dory from Finding Nemo. Do you see what I'm saying? Like a weatherdory. So like the actual Ellen DeGeneres says Dory. There's just something like he looks like a tropical fish, you ask me like he's like but like I actually at first I was like this guy's not hot. I was like why does I was like why don't why don't they have a hot or guy but then over the Course the episode I was like wait, I think I think he is hot now But like I like a hot weather tropical

All I'm meeting is all in the best way like everyone loves tropical fish right who does not like a tropical fish I mean, I guess Dory's very popular. Yeah, so this is a scene is a story would be such a wage a waitress at sir Like I'm sorry. What'd you order again? I just can't remember yeah her name is Raquel, okay? Like like where's Raquel? Damn it. We lost her Kelligan. She went down the drain This is the scene I yes, she not opening ever she's like, okay, here's the secrets to what opening up her she's like okay here's the secrets to what the girls just know a very cady in my cute tall boys all the girls are gonna turn her because you're a loving um I'm the voice what do you know about already primary and not already but don't worry don't define me also also when you go around there you have to be careful because it was a corner so when I was like

I'm gonna be like what to say But it's like who's Lisa Vanderpump? I don't get it So, speaking of which Lisa shows up in like a magician suit once again. Like, she's just missing a hat and a cane at this point. She says she's like, hello, hello, which is her standard opening season thing where she walks around and says, hello with a you. Hello, hello. Do you like my rose? It was role for us, but I dropped it into Walking with a giant saw I was in a straight jacket two seconds ago, but I got out

So Raquel is talking to she now about I'm looking at the pink room and I just fucking love that Rick all works here now so yeah it's great so Vanderpump checks in with her cast like oh you having fun you did it dumb dumb and she's like yeah it's my 16th shift here sir I feel like my patron training is really come in handy here it's sir really how's that because I've been able to change it with bikini really quickly when I need to. Oh darling. And I green light my tables with confidence and a smile. And then you see what she was doing in that mirror.

She was like practicing her greater smile. I mean, the cutest. It is very cute. I also was so proud of her when she goes, it's my 16th shift. I was like, oh my God, getting closer to that ice cream social. Hashtag math. So it's probably my third month fair,

something to this side. Like, what is 16 me to recal? That's a real question. What is 16 me to recal's a real question. What is what is 16 me to recall? So Lisa yeah, yeah, so Vanderpump's like Vanderpump's like Requested to work it so many times so many times. I wasn't sure I don't want to get involved with these James Kennedy dynamics

And bold with these James Kennedy dynamics. Whoa. Yeah, basically, yeah, she's, Rick Helletel's us, that James gets very triggered whenever she changes into her story uniform. And she goes, you know, it's like when you're packing for a road trip and you zip open your suitcase and you're a little puppy, just jumps in and tears you with these puppy eyes.

And then it's like, what's four times 12? And you say, I don't know. I don't know if I can go in this trip anymore I'm just gonna watch when you the poo instead it's like that and then you stood on the couch to watch when you the poo and you realized that your little puppy did all your coke you're like what the hell that little puppy so then the way she puts it I'm sorry to interrupt you the way she puts it cracks me up She's like it like triggers him Lisa like he sees me put on my sir uniform And he's like about to cry watching me leave the door

It's sick leave the door. So cute. Well, they probably have a door. That's like she just has to stand on like it's the flat door They are door that took off the head doesn't put on the floor of like rekeld. your place where you stand on the door okay James I've got to work fine you can leave the door Do you mind if I call James I want to make sure the door is a car just left it Poor James by the way not even in the premiere episode wow How much how much does this punishment have to last listen? This is my advice to anybody out there in the world Do you think you're gonna get punished for of course, but not to Lisa Vanderpump that bitch never lets anything go I mean your what it is gonna be 80 years old by the time his punishment is up leave him alone

I know I know So then we have another very sheen of moment because she never brings bread over to the bar just jack Taylor This is right because Jack Taylor this is right Right Jack Taylor And Jackson's like Jackson is still trying really hard to pretend he's working somewhere at anything Things have changed drastically it sir

You know someone's gonna pay for wedding, and she then forms that thing. Katie, long long, there I am, I'm pregnant, oh, I'm working on it. I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on I guess so they were out in Santa Monica and Breco's so she of course invited me back to her house play Scategories We're not gonna gloss over that are we like she's not playing Scategories. Okay Everyone the category is Kissing Shina okay find a good adjective Things look like a map schema.

Oh, the time is coming up. I just love that Shina has like a Scategories reduction game that she plays. You wanna come back to my place, play Scategories? Yeah. Places, Adam ate me out for two hours on my ride. Go. Places where penguins can live.

Go. Hahaha. And Jackson's penguins can live. Go. And Jackson's like, uh, oh, so he says, yeah, we played scatigories. And then there was a little kiss and it's not what I thought it would be. And the producer asked, so are you saying she's not a good kisser? And he's like, um, that's what I'm saying. I was like, damn, you just got here, sir. You're already going to shade our Sheena. That's for us to do, not for you.

Yes, another pig working at Sir. Congratulations. They're like, only disgusting men can work here. Okay, are you disgusting enough? They probably found like way hotter guys with they were like, slightly nicer. They're like, nip, sorry, not disgusting enough to work here. Is, uh, uh, uh.

Well, there's like a super hot guy that works at Sir, who has been on Sheenaus Instagram and I'm like damn Why now why isn't he on vandepromprools damn is he her boyfriend she this new boyfriend is I don't know a little mini version of Lisa bonays has been the guy from Game of Thrones. What's his name? Jason mamoa. This guy's definitely not that. He's like a little tiny version of Jason mamon. He's from Australia I This guy's definitely not that he's like a little tiny version of Jason Mimmo and he's from Australia. I Love that. I love it. I said hello. I'm then almost fell over and he's like hello Like did you do did you do? Yeah, he's so fine.

Okay, good for you, Sina. My parents are in Australia right now, and I'm secretly hoping they come back with an accent. Fingers crossed. Oh my gosh, hope everybody's okay in Australia, by the way. Oh, jeez. Yeah, I'm fucking world. We love you over there.

Yeah, absolutely. And definitely donate to anyone of the relief efforts that are out there. I don't know if we have any on our side or on our Facebook group, but definitely do that because we love Australia, even though we've never been and we love all the kangaroos and we love all the people. So go donate because that's terrible. There's a devastating. Terrible. Terrible. Almost as terrible as she knows kiss apparently. Oh God. Yeah, she's apparently a really bad kisser, super classy Brett. Yeah.

And then, we got a jacks. She's like, so have you checked out her resume yet? And I'm talking about her personal resume. Okay, really? Are you want to start dising people about their personal resumes? Have you even paid for anything

that's on your body right now, sir? Yeah, exactly, sir. So she also informs us, I have not talked to Adam Spat, you know in several months me and Adam Like I don't know nothing happened And then I was like dating Max a few weeks ago and then like he like to leak girls to me like I was a little late But I'm an apple watch on a watch to show him how much I care for him and then like you can even use it to tell me How much you love me back like even rob a do that and he would do that and like the stuff months were lost, okay?

Yeah, well of course you know she brought a guy in Apple Watch. She, you know, you're not supposed to get even sadder as the years go on. Although that is how years work. I can totally see Sheena going into the Apple store and getting an Apple Watch. Hi, I'd like to get an Apple Watch place for someone I really care about. I was just like, do you think it's like this will be a strap that will fit us for a little bit? I just want them to know that I really care about them a lot.

You know? It's funny to me because, as I've said before in the podcast, there was one time where I encountered Gina and she was at the Grove. I've told the story before that the random time, like two years ago, where I had a drink with Stasi and Catherine, Dennis and Kristen, you know that famous like random happy hour I had where they like come to the Grove and I was like oh my god it's happening. So I went and we were sitting there, she knew walk by and she was with Adam and she was holding a giant, one of those giant iPads, like the ones that are like the size of a cafeteria tray and she's like I have the Apple store right now because this is broken, I don't know why it's broken but we have to go the Apple store and see if it's going to be infected because it's like not working

right now, I like a sugar bomb.. I was like, oh my god, that's so she meant. So just thinking about her doing that the same thing with an apple watch, making me so excited. Got an apple watch. So Dana and Max are in the back at their own Tom Tom refrigerator area. We're not complete with that. I like a back kitchen area to talk in. I'm surprised I wasn't when Ashina's rules when she was explaining how things worked to Brett like we should be shooting that's in front of the fridge right now So Girls here really hot don't touch from their thoughts also on snow before just in case you're

So Dana is like she's talking about max and everything I guess because she's just talking about how Max is That it basically like has slept together last night and she's like yeah, he's going commando right now because his underwear is on the floor in my house Okay, I'm like girl think that underwear up Yeah, gross Seriously, that's what I thought to you. It's like that's disgusting. It's bad enough. He left it on the floor You left it on the floor to your butt. So she's like I'm so huts your day going to seem a little tired. You need a nap and He's like trying to play it cool with her. He's like, uh, don't forget. I'm your boss. Okay

But the good news is Dana's moving to Sirs. They can totally fuck all they want. They're gonna be half a block away from each other now. Totally different. Yeah, exactly. She's like, someone I go to Sir, I guess I shouldn't wear a t-shirt that says, I fuck Max. How are you? Yeah, and he's like, yeah, this is already getting to be too much. Dana, let me guess. Dana is gonna get mad because Max fucks half of the world on this block. Yep. That's pretty much what's gonna happen. Yeah. So then we're gonna love it. We're gonna be here for the whole ride. Little Dana, Dana, way no way. So we also hear Jackson talking to us. It's cross cutting between these two places and

Jackson still talking to sheen and stuff And now he's talking about his Bachelor party because he's having he had a bachelor party in Miami But then he had like a pre-batch their party for people who couldn't go to Miami and Tom's hand of all like didn't Like respond to text messages or invitations to the pre-party, I guess and Jackson's like, I mean, what are we children? I'm like, yes, but that's already a given go on. Yes, so Children addicted to cocaine

He's like I texted him the other day like dude, I knew you're sland, but I still want to be in contact He didn't even text me back Of typical fucking Jacks. We find out later. But this is a total lie. Of course So he does this dick thing where he goes, I know with your new house and your projects, you're like, you're super busy. So I'm going to change up my wedding party a little bit. This way I keep the pressure off you, you know? I was looking out for him.

So I'm like, uh, and basically like, he's demoted Santa Ball from Best Man. So I'm like, uh, okay, it's passive aggressive when you say this stuff like, I know about your new house and projects. Like, we know there's a passive aggressive undertone to that. Also, like it's not up for you to say like to take the print, like don't act like you're doing him a solid by taking the pressure off of him. Like if he can't handle the pressure, he'll tell you, you know, I hate people do that shit. Well, he's also doing the thing I hate the most about married people. When they're they act like everything about their wedding is doing you a fucking face. Yeah, like oh You're not gonna be in my wedding now poor you fuck you now I have to pay for less parties less trans by you more shit be on your speed dial

All they stop acting like you're the one doing me a favor by spending all this money doing all this work fuck you Yeah, fuck your husband or your wife. I don't care who it is if you ever asked me to be in your wedding I'm gonna consider it an act of war. Tell me. Yeah, I mean how many ancillary parties that these people have to have before they're Wedding in a castle. Okay, this is like watching crazy rich Asians except like the really like bad version like how many like how many Events and how many like functions and how many things that people have to turn out money just to like bow down and You know what the alter of Jackson, Brittany. And you know, it's gonna last like,

how long do you think? I give it three years. And that's being nice. I feel like that's being very nice. Give me a five. I'm giving a five because Brittany has daddy issues and she will probably still, I mean, three years is when they'll have their first big issue

and then she'll say, but I'm gonna fat for my marriage. That's when that'll happen then she'll say but I'm gonna I'm gonna fat for my marriage that's when that'll happen in three years will be the I'm gonna fight for my marriage and then around five years he might leave her I would say okay well if anybody out there is if we're still even around the show still around who knows if the world is still around 2023 I said in 2020 the very beginning of 2020 those two were done in three years there I said said someone mocked down somewhere. Yeah, well, I feel like we know the way these things work, right?

Which is that like he messes up. Then she decides she's gonna fight for her man the way she just did already. And then there's gonna be the year where they were new their vows. And then the year after that is one of the ends. That's that's what I that's that's my vision. Well, unless he's off of Vanderpump Rules sooner than that, because I think a big part of it is that he's on Vanderpump Rules.

I mean, she is too obvious. I don't know, I think that she's. I think she's really, really. Don't forget this is an Instagram girl. This is like, this is an Instagram hookup that turned into a full-time cast member. So I think he's gonna be off Vander-and-or-promp rules, and then she'll give it another year, and then be like,

Ah! Even the Mayor's Pete Camp on call us, see ya! Well, excuse me. So Sandin of All Me and While, he gives his take on what happened with him and Jacks. He's like, basically, I went home for Mother's Day, and because I didn't cancel my flight back, because I wanted to spend time with my family, I didn't cancel my flight back because I want to spend time with my family

I didn't cancel my flight back to go to his pre-bashable party. Which isn't a thing, dude He was demoted to best man, which sounds like it would be a total jack thing because he's totally a bridezilla groomzilla, you know, it's like oh if you don't if you don't give enough Attention to me and the fact that I'm getting married, then I'm going to like demote you. Yeah, and Jack's back with Sina and Brett. It's like, I don't need to make it all about me, but it's all about me.

It's like, all about you all the time. What about you now, I got to speak as you're actually getting married. It was super fun. Please don't kick me out if you're whiting that would crush me, thanks. And I initially do it for Brendan. You should get her an app watch because that will show

how much you really love her or at least that she should. Like, if she's like, and then if she doesn't write you back, then you know that maybe she doesn't love you because that's what happened to me and Max because I got him, I got him an app watch and I was like, I don't know, and he didn't write back anything, not even a emoji. Wow. You should get him an app all ring. Wasn't that her issue with Adam at the end of the season finale? We totally forgot about that. That should have been, that was such a funny fight wasn't like like You haven't written you haven't responded to my snapchat all day. You haven't even sent an emoji

Well, didn't she make out with somebody and he's like how could you they had some sort of silly fight It was so great. We really should have nominated that for a crappiest that but then again. We can only have so many like nominations We really should have nominated that for a crappiest that but then again we can only have so many like nominations. Do we get a whole so for Sina. Yeah, that's true. Sina thing. You should have like the best spot best fight over a penguin named spot. Sina.

Dominizer Sina and Sina. Okay, so then uh champagne for Brett. Oh, these songs are manifromperals. God, I've missed this music. Sampain for breakfast slide away to the better end and then come me down. front bros god i've missed this music so now it's nighttime at tom tom and uh Lisa Vanderpump is there in her famous table and a waiter asks do you want something to drink? and she goes is the pip catholic? oh this is this is this is this is zingga he has a rabbit for your troubles.

Hey, he's a literal bunny for your troubles. I've just pulled it out of the silverware napkin. Look at my fork. It now has a flower on the end. Hmm, she writes I don't like a little unicycle. So then, so Stasian Bo show up and they take a seat at a table and Stasian Bo is like, I feel like I'm showing everyone my badge whenever I sit down and stand up. And she tells us, my life is going so great. I have my book, my podcast,

lots of pirate off the shoulder sleeve shirts. And then I get to call up my mom. I'm like nine months. So I've been fed any what my mom's, any groups in like nine months. And then I'm cracking up. I'm like, and grandma died.

That's really nice. Okay, that's really nice. Her grandma passed away, which is super sad. The sausage is so funny about it. She's like, my grandma is what, like totally what I wanna be, but like less bitchy. Yeah, that's I think what most grandma, that's what most people think about their grandma's,

but then they realize their grandma's or just as bitches you are. They just know how to hide it from you. Yeah, they've learned how to have a goddamn, they've learned how to have a goddamn butter scotch and just you know by the Port and battles have a where there's original can you tell that I'm ready to see my meanwhile look what I've got in my pocket Oh But I got a button here. What do you when you find that butter scotch? Where does one buy? I bought it I bought it at the grocery store,

so every time my meme all comes over, I can be like, hey, I got you something. I swear to God, it's like she wins the lottery every time. It's like giving her a dozen roses every time I hand her a better scotch. It's like, you know me, Ronald. Yeah. Do they come in like a big bag?

Maybe I a big bag of butterscotch. I'm generic butterscotch. I'm generic butterscotch. I really want to annoy people, you do this. I do love a butter scotch, too. I do love a butter scotch. I just have them all the time. I'm sorry to interrupt a Ben's butter scotch story.

I'm just kidding, Ben. But you guys, do you see Bueller behind me on the couch, Ben? No, because you blurred out your background. That cute little, man. Okay, hold on. Let me hand. I blur your background, please, so we so we can have some bellows because I pointed it out. This is on camera. So we can all see looking at him over there. Do you see him? Look at that face. So, bellows. So cute photogenic. You're so lucky for your Instagram likes that you can have bellows in your photos. I'm like,

my Instagram likes. I've got to like, I don't have bellows. I have like my Instagram likes I've got it like I don't have Mueller I have to like rely on things like my the Lord I've got like I spent years trying to make people like my stuff on Instagram and now I got the Lawrence my Roomba and it's like show us more Dolores like Dolores does it all oh that's all I have to do is turn the Dolores on I love Dolores. Oh Ben that's cute your version of Bueller is a little I rock or I robot. I robot robot. I love that thing I really do I'm like obsessed. So anyway that was not an ad by the way. That was not sponsored content That was just been content. That was been expressing his truth. So Lisa Lisa says that she's like, get out of here. I go talk to the boys

They want to talk about something about something. So she sits down with Stasi and she's like Oh I'm so sorry about your grandmother my my eyes can detect what appears to be a broken bomb A broken pirate bird So she's telling us it makes me so proud to see stossy as a New York Times best-selling author even though her book is called Beast booby Even though her book is called Beast, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boobie, boob, boobie, boobie, boob, boobie, boobie, boob, boobie, boob, boob, boobie, boobie, boob, boobie, boobie, boob, boob, boobie, boobie, boobie, is a New York Times best seller. Take that Shakespeare. Shakespeare. Take that.

I was gonna say Ruth Bader Ginsburg, but that doesn't make sense. I was trying to think of like Joyce Carol Oates. I knew there was another three names. Take that joy fielding. Really just like going down, down. Take that Janet fielding really just like going down down take that Janet Ivanovich Take that take that ghost of Gore Vidal no

This is sad this is just turned to sad point now Take that people who wrote the Bible. Oh! Take that, God. Oh! Uh, so, Stasi is like, um, can we just not talk about it at least? So, let's just talk shit about somebody. That would make me feel better.

He's like, okay, I can do that. So, look, one moment on sympathetic and, Psh, one moment on gossipy. one moment I'm gonna be magic Let us talk about the little Mary person your best friend Christian And Stasi's like oh Well, I mean I'm really getting frustrated with her because the way she speaks. It's like oh Stasi in case it Katie horrible friends Like Is there anyone to roll some clips?

Anybody to roll some clips? And then we get some clips of Stossi and Katie yelling at Kristen first old being with Carter. Yeah, the issue, the issue that Stossi is feeling is that Kristen keeps telling people that they're broken up, but then Carter still lives with Kristen and then they're still hooking up and all that. It's not like, I feel like she's lying to me. I'm like, no, she's not lying to you.

She's just lying to herself. It's a big difference and also frankly more entertaining. So enjoy it, you know. But I get it too. Like I think the crux of the issue is that like, I have to sit through conversation after conversation about how she just wants to move on and I give her advice and then I find that they're just still together like at a certain point so it's like a shut up and then so we don't want to talk about anymore as she causes us to be in bad friends.

So yeah, that is annoying. Yeah, I just you know I've been that person who's talked too much about a loser and my friends have gotten sick of it and told me enough and I've also been the person to say you you know what, I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay? Uh, no, you're rid of the loser. Oh, I get least find a different loser we can talk about. Like, we're going to be talking about losers our whole life, at least fuck a new one. You know, we're talking about the same loser.

Get a loser with some new problems. Get a loser who's more entertaining than Carter and who's like, Matthew Mouth, you know, it's just like real Right that's a mouth. I'm not saying he's on meth, but it's oh a methy mouth And no, I wasn't saying right for that. I was just saying Carter in general. Oh, yeah, I have a methy mouth I think he has a methy mouth doesn't again. It doesn't mean he has a me it does meth, but just he his mouth is a little messy I thought you were saying it in the gay way like a methy mouth I just heated his mouth as a little messy. That's all right. I thought you were saying it in a gay way like a messy mouth.

And I was like, oh, he's messy, I guess. I guess like, I was thinking like how he talks to Chris. I'm going on a whole different path. I'm glad you clarified. I was just like, a party's not going to say it all say it. It seems like something Ronnie would say. But I guess I'll do it. Oh, yes.

I'm always accusing everybody of drugs that they're on. Mostly because I've I've done them also I can see them. Once you've done a drug You can see it going through someone else's bloodstream. It's a weird. It's a weird thing Well, I have not done math. I'll say that much. That's why I'm not using him of I'm having him I'm just saying it just looks like a methamouth, but it may be just a natural a natural mouth Yeah But it may be just a natural a natural mouth. Yeah Very natural about So Vanneur prompt is like well if she is lying to you, I'll tell you this

Lying is the end of the road for me. You can do a lot of things to me, but lying That is the end of the story And I'll say it again to not redone And I just want to say that for the record Magic is not lying just because I'm a tricking you Tricking is not lying you can put that in the bank Illusions are not lies. Hmm. So Stasi is in her apartment now picking out a funeral dress and talking about. She's like, um, I mean, like, I'm going to do her eulogy. Like, I wanted to do it justice. Okay. I've started coming up with things. Grandma, you basic, fucking bitch.

Great job. A few verses from Lane is and then circle back and be like, you were basic bitch. You wouldn't even have my butter scotch is do some thantum back to the lia miss. Love you grandma. When I die, I want it to be like a fucking haunted house, okay? And then there's going to be like tray passers, but they all have my face on them. And then I want to be like taxidermy so people can take selfies with me. She's gonna turn that thing around so she can get her proper ass implant side to the fucking camera. Cena. Yeah, I, I'm like, I can't believe this is actually making personnel calls from the grave. Like, okay, we're gonna have traits, we're gonna have past or derives. Okay,

everyone's gonna look like me and it's not gonna be pigs in the blanket. Okay, it's be pigs in a coffin. AF. And then what is this music from? This this movie music that they started playing in this next theme. So you had to write when we went to the next when we actually went to the next scene. Yeah. So what's the hat so we're at lawns and I mean, that's that's adorable for you to think that Bravo purchased the rights to any sort of like known music for this show. But it was it was a famous movie theme. I didn't. I will next time.

I think maybe pleasantville. I did just am and it couldn't find it, which lens, you know, wait to your argument that it's just a made up song. Well, why should I have to argue when you've argued for me? So the point is this. The argument is you're right, like you use music live. The point is this.

Basically, we learned that basically, that basically, basically, Tom and Katie, Jackson Brit and Tom and Ariana have all moved into the valley and they'll have identical houses. This is what saucy stations like, oh, have houses, they say a house, they say exact house. And then I love this that so then we go to the Valley and there was this bucolic suburban pseudo 1950s like suburban bliss music that's like It's like valley village

For people who don't live in Los Angeles Valley Village is not like it's not pleasant though, okay But the fact that they tried to make it look that way was hilarious and I feel like it was an inside joke for anyone who lives in this area. Yeah, it was like there's a maquia not too far by. Perfect. Who doesn't Allen Ed's, Allen Ed's car stereo store. There's a bar fresh on Riverside just nearby. Oh, Jackson's mowing his lawn, which also for those of you who don't live in this real world,

Jackson's not due. Okay, so, um, it's a Brittany is trying to stuff a pillow into a pillowcase. He goes, why is the spieler so hard? Now that was the only realistic part. I think in all of this. It was written me about understanding how pillows go in. So then we see Katie and Tom

and they are the same exact house. And Schwartz is like, her parents post-marriage life has been so blissful, and indulgent. And she's standing on like a ladder with a nail they're hanging pictures or something. and he's just like staring at her Didn't it look like he was just like staring like it hurt because he's not paying attention You know like staring at her stomach and he's like and endol jant we should really like start bringing sexy back

I was like, are you really this much of an asshole or is it just on accident? Yeah, maybe maybe you should take that that initiative onto yourself first before you start suggesting for the couple. And like Katie is like, I thought that was such a great visual metaphor, this like pristine wall and she's just taking a nail like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Katie crashing through dream world. And then we also saw Tom and Ariana's house and Tom's like, we should keep this area open. So I go, work on my break dancing. Ariana is just staring like, I take my break dancing very seriously.

I take my break dancing very seriously. You're not going to be break dancing if you're feeding to hit our adult credenza in the corner here. And of course, I'll have the exact same house, like we said, in Ariana's like, yeah, just goes to show that some people are leaders in this world and some people are followers and now we know Who's who yeah because they were the first ones to do it. Yeah, I moved to the Valley I love that finding leadership and in moving to the valley Oh, just like Moses leading his people through the Red Sea to get to a very hot just like Moses leading his people through the Red Sea to get to a very hot valley with an Ikea and a decent target with four-level parking.

So I actually really, at first I was like, oh man, this season house is going to be there all like half of them moved off to the suburbs. That's not fun. But then I really saw a lot of potential because Tom Sandevol was pissed at Jack's because when Tom was Was house shopping Jack's apparently was one upping him the entire time like oh, dude Oh, that's nice. You can get a house with like two bedrooms I guess we're just gonna need three because we're just gonna have a family. I guess you guys are having a family, huh? No, huh?

Yeah, we Yeah, I love suburban competition. I love the idea of that on this show now Yeah, and by the way their bed their house is not two bedrooms. It's 10 bedrooms. So wow, that's what that's met. Is it real? Yeah, that's what they read on. They bought like a no no, Tom's. Oh, damn. Yeah. That's what I read. Tom and Ariana's house is 10 bedrooms. Smell that. We know we're we're gonna try and live. I know.

We're gonna completely sit up the creek. Upshits Creek, which is also about four people. Move the creek. You watch shits Creek. You know, I don't watch it. I tried to watch the first season because I love Catherine and Eugene Levy and everything. And I remember watching the first season, I love Catherine O'Hara and Eugene Levy and everything and I remember watching the first season Like the first few episodes and being like this isn't as funny as I want it to be

It's like and so I just was like oh, that was a nice try But then people like over the years been like oh my god, it's so funny It's so funny and then apparently in season two is when it gets really funny and now it's apparently like people are obsessed with it And now I feel like I've missed the boat Oh, well, that's a good thing about TV. You can always go back. Yeah Okay, so Tom is like yeah, you know, I'm like he's always talking about school systems. Oh, whatever god damn it But you know like me and Ariana getting a house together is like the way we show our commitment like we're not getting married So this is like our baby. All right. Can I just have one thing with Jackson?

Does it shit on no? Yeah, cuz you're I just have one thing with Jackson? That's it. Shit on. No. Because you're fucking friends with Jackson. OK. Yeah. It's like being friends with Drew Barrymore and getting mad that everything's always starting on fire.

You know? I'm like, how? Wow. It's like being mad at you. It's like being friends with Drew Barrymore and finding out she's not in high school. Yeah, then. And it has high school. Yeah, Ben. You know, and has been kissed. Yeah, it's like mad that she's talking to like aliens instead of like helping you out

with it. It's like being friends with you Barrymore and finding out she does remember what happened just today. Oh God, another thing everyone's like Adam's soundless newbie is brilliant. Guess what? Not buying it. I'm not buying that brand Adam Sandler's new movie is brilliant. Cause what? Not buying it. I'm not buying the brand Adam Sandler's a brilliant actor, okay?

Check in with me, get me. People don't realize this, but when we did our first live crappy show at the improv, we had to like cut it short because Adam Sandler wanted to use the room to film a stand-up special. And I've always been upset about that. But yeah, fuck that guy, I forgot about that,

totally, actually. But thank you. Yeah, I was going to cut short one of our shows. Yeah, how dare you, sir. How dare you, sir? Now who's winning? Now who's never gonna be? Yeah, finally.

You're still with Airdar grievances. You're still winning, but we're still. I'm going to. OK, so the point is, this is a 53 minute episode that Farham, I'm just talking about movies. Well, you did, and you did ask my opinions on shits, Creek, I was like, I did not start this tangent. I know.

I'm not bitching you. I'm just saying, wow, anything else we want to talk about real quick. Before we get to this. Let's talk about Jack's saying. Now he's acting like he goes, you know, Tom and I don't even have that much in common anymore. Like that's, you know, just even know, just even know that me, Jack Taylor, is getting married next month. Yes, Jack, everyone knows. Everyone in Valley Village and beyond.

You see, people like Jacks, it's like you want a fucking medal for not getting caught cheating. Like three months in a row, you know. And then Brittany's like, Thank me, three so much! Jackson sent so much to Tom. Tom is sent so much to Jackson. Wait a minute. Can we roll that back a little bit?

What is Tom done to Jackson? All the time exactly. All the time did was like punch jacks. And that was in response to shit that Jackson done to Tom. Yes. That's all they could come up with in all these years was that punch. We have those three punches, which are very funny. I hate violence, but God, that was a fun trip.

That was a fun hit. It was a great punch. Like, like, I hate violence too, but when there has been violence on this show, it's been very rewarding. Yeah. So, uh, yeah. So, so yeah, now they're like talking about it, like, like, short, Tom Schwartz, the type that with, uh, Katie, and he's like, Oh, Baba, being a best man, that's a lot of responsibility. That's really hard.

It's like, sir, you run a bar and you're scared of like, yeah, exactly. You're scared of like, that's a ragey party. Yeah, he's like, I can't do this alone. There's no way in hell. So Brittany's like, well, don't worry, they're gonna be at the hands-warm at boarding.

We can talk to them. So then Katie, back to Katie, she's like, well, don't worry, they're gonna be at the head form the party. We can talk to them. So then Katie back to Katie's like, I'm telling people it's not a house warming. It's a house. Chill. I mean, so annoying. So just to a house like Katie. I know. I mean, it's like it's like she's like, now you may not be able to see our Bubba art anymore, but I will make you feel it. Yeah, where is that Bubba art? It's like up in a it's up in the attic, like just getting rinklier and rinklier as like Tom Schwartz just stays young. Um, so read about that in the New York Times best-selling book.

The Baba Art. Baba Art. The Baba Art of Doreen Gray. Baba Art. Doreen Gray sounds like someone who would work as Sir. Like, hi, my name is Dorian. I moved here because I just really want to be a waiter and I feel like I'd be great for sir

Hi, I'm Dorian Gray and I fucked Peter for this gig Because like ever since I fucked Dorian Gray something weird's been happening to my body I don't know how to explain it, but he's like but Dorian's like better than ever No, good so like the door is like better than ever. No, God. So, um, the Katie and Stasi are both talking about in their respective homes. How sick they are of Christian and Carter. And then we get a new song. And we're still in Valley Village, which I'm not sure.

And then we do us. To Lala showing up at least abandoned from South and kind of like a layered toilet paper dress. Um, but before we even do say that, we do have to address the fact that at the commercial break, we did get a wonderful music video, uh, Stasi and Shina singing a song for like a boss. Did you see that? No, La La and Shina. Is it Stasi and Shina? No, La La and China. Or a bossy and China?

Yeah, La La and China. I did not see it. And I still knew that that could not be right. They have, what is the song like? I didn't see it. It's very, it's exactly what you would think. A, um, La La and China collab would be like. It's just very much like, like a boss.

Like a boss, corner, like a boss. And, and La La is like, you think you want to be like a boss I'm gonna sing a song right now like a boss. You can't have me like a boss like a boss like a boss like a boss Like a boss and you know what it's actually really good and I love it Wow, no, I didn't see that I feel terrible. I feel like I will go scared. Tricky should be scared because Lala's coming for her job. Yeah, Lala's gonna take it. That's her new role. She needs to be doing something else now that she's not working it, Sarah. It's just had to remind you all these little interstitial like this one's tick tock.

What was it? What was it? Tick tock? Let's stop in the team. We're gonna live the dream. Was that what it was? Who's that? The trixi you just sang it oh oh this song right now yeah on this show it's just oh I thought there was some sort of like tiktok quality to it like where she would tiktok tiktok could be wrong I don't know anyway so we're we're at Villa Rosa with Lala and Lisa Vanderpump is with her dog. She's like, oh doggy's go meet Lala. Go meet Lala, the most brokenest beard of all. Oh Lala, finally, someone who can fetch a bone is easily a schnookie come on in Lala I'm sure you're wondering what that cloud of smoke is over there. It's me. I appear

Lala who's behind you right now So snickie starts humping Vanderpump's arm and she doesn't even stop him. She's just like, oh, Snookums, he's got to help me every time I give somebody attention. And Lala's like, that's like rant. Basically. So Lala has just hit six months of sobriety. Now, I'm not sure what that includes. But I feel like that's like an all-inclusive cruise where they're like oh all your drinks Include this price but then you still have to pay for like bottles of water or whatever. I'm not sure how inclusive this is This is what I'm saying. Oh, so I was like super. I'm sober basically and I'm saying So lawless like sobriety has been the biggest gift I've ever given myself. I mean, I'm a happy person. I don't attack people Clips of her life.

Like boo. And you fucking bitch! Yeah, I was like, wait Lala, this is not supposed to endure me. I want you to attack people. I love that side of you. Yeah, who are you? Who asked for the side of you? Nope. No one asked for the like like the Jackie La La Nassos so so she's basically like you know I miss my friend I miss James as my friend like I miss some skews you like juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju juju ju juju juju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju ju with it because I am Jewish. Kay, right? So, but Lisa, yeah, Lisa, basically they agree that James has to be sober, but and Lala, Lala all of a sudden is saying things like, I just want people to see who James really is.

I'm like, that's funny that you say that because you weren't very interested in that last season. Where did this come from? Yeah, you not only try, you not only ignored him last season, like you actively came for him. Yeah, you were like a knock, you were so mean to him last season. Yeah, so she's like, well, as you know, in Utah,

I'm very into the human society. It's like, wait a minute, now this is your storyline. I'm not. I know, well basically they have to figure out what to do with Lala. I actually like that they address it. Lisa Vanderpump's like, well, I mean, she's in a different place in her life. She can't just be like stepping off of her private plane and then escorting people to their tables at a restaurant.

So essentially, they're finding a position for her at Vanderpump dogs so that way the entire universe has been taken care of on the show. Yeah. And Lala's like, I will do anything. that way the entire universe has been taken care of on the show. Yeah. And Lala's like, I will do anything. I mean, if it means cleaning up dogs, it's like, actually, yes, that is what it will include. Have fun, stupid. It'll be worth it if Lala fights with Johnson. So I would love that. Um, to also big news, speaking of, do you just triggered me? I heard that Vanderpump dogs is real. Is that a real thing? Hold on. Yeah, look at it. It's a real TV show. Oh the show. Vanderpromp pets hold on Vanderpromp pets TV show.

I just read somewhere. Yes, Vanderpromp pets will be premiering on something or something. You know what? Maybe I dreamt it. I don't know. I can't find it online and who cares? Okay, so Kristen is at home looking crazy. She's like a lady just at the riverbed with some zip locks full of, you know, fish bait.

She's looking at picture frames. Like she has like two picture frames. I mean, I don't even see what's on them. But she's looking at picture frames like she has like two picture frames I mean I even see what's on them, but she's looks like Huh? Huh? Huh? She's just like put them down like happier times Yeah, two little tiny canvases which you know see and Carter painted for each other But they never showed the frame of them

But yeah, it still has like the CBS pictures inside them like the happy couple Oh, awesome better times. I'm like that's not even you those people are just a generic like stock photography It's like a blind lady and a bald guy with the cat Sometimes I just buy picture frames and keep the people in them just so I feel like I've got friends still go go So Stasi comes over and she's like, I forgot you were packing. You're doing a terrible job.

Oh, she goes, when do you have to move? And Chris is like, I don't know. I'm not supposed to be out in a week. She's so you do know you're moving in a week. Yeah, because like, I don't know, shoulder roll. Shoulder roll. And so, yeah, it's like, I don't know, shoulder roll, shoulder roll. Uh, and so yeah, she's like, she's like, you know, I'm, I try to constantly with like you and Katie, but I'm going through a breakup. And then I don't, I don't hear back from you guys. Like,

we're my friends, just these people in the picture frames. I've named them Kalista and Harrison, their relation. They have a cute daughter named Flakart. And as fast as like, I feel like you're lying to me. Like you say you're broken up, but every single person knows Carter still lives here. You still see each other and you still fuck like the fuck. Yes. Which is up to me. Yes.

Yes. I love how Kristen has like weird ownership moments as if that like exonerates her. It's like, and you guys are apparently like kill people at night. That's our choice. That's our choice. Oh, you burned down a house last night in Valley Village. But we chose to do that. We do that. We chose to do power. Kristen the power man. Very post-aparament, okay. So she's like, and Kristen also doesn't learn a lesson, right? This is where she should have learned, because Kristen goes, my best friend should say, if it works for you, then that's fine.

And so I said, well, how is it working for you? She says something like that. She's like, oh, got me there. And then it gets her again later in this episode with Mahla Assa. And how's that working for you? I was like, Kristen, how many times you're going to walk into this joke? Learn this trap. Learn to say something else to these girls Yeah, well the funny thing is that Kristen is been like the main proponent of like listen as a friend

I have to say something that like you don't want to hear but as a friend I had to say you know She's done that so many times over the years. And so now that it's happening towards her, it just does not want to hear it. It's perfect, perfect justice. Yeah, it's not so good. Kristen has this way of making yourself look like whatever she's feeling.

Like, if I'm feeling like shit, I try and make myself look cuter and go out, but look at Kristen. I mean, she's sad. She looks like she's been crying for five days and roasting cans of beans over a fire into the freeway. Who are we gonna have here, you know? She She looks like she's been crying for five days and roasting cans of beans over a fire into the freeway She basically looks like that crazy pack rat

Person in lap run. Okay, you know with a click on her back. That's what Kristen is His tossie's like so is that okay with you. I mean is that fine? Are you fine or whatever? The car on says one hour earlier and Kristen's like and the guy says one hour earlier and Kristen is like he's like Carter of course I went to free with you of course I want to kiss you of course I'm gonna hug you right now but if I do it I'm gonna fucking lose her I literally cannot imagine just saying oh I'll never talk to Carter again I mean look he's such a good conversationalist

look at his personality as it pops off the television screen, year after year on this show. And she's so guilty of doing exactly what you're accusing her of. She's telling Carter, like, of course I love you. Of course I want to be with you, but I can't be with you because I'll look like a joke. Like in other words, like my friends won't, my friends will be mad if I'm still with you, you know.

They're basically a codependent mess. I mean, they're just like an exact example of codependent mess and This may be biased, but I always believe in the man in those situations because you know I always feel like the man always do it to the women, but either way They both contribute to a very unhealthy dynamic. That's also hilarious to watch. Yeah, so Stop Christians crying so clearly just wanting you back together again with you and like secretly judge people and And she's like oh my god, that's my favorite thing to do. Thank you So then we have another a tricky monical jam. She is we shot brought a we shot brought a then the song

Which is it sounds like it's all fun and games until you live in the valley. And you're like, why is it 15 degrees hotter here than it is on West Hollywood? It literally is bright around here. Why? Why am I living in this sun-baked neighborhood? So Katie is like, um, so because we're new home owners, we have to have sophisticated parties, which is why we're filling up Super Sockers with vodka. House chilling. Oh, yeah, this is basically a dress like

Good some more some Cheetos or something. Yeah, but this is a dress like Katie party So everybody just comes in their pajamas with like a couch kitchen stapled to their ass We get all the whole gang. We got all the new people. We get Logan and Logan because there are two Logan's people may not realize Double legs double legs And then Peter so then Peter arrives Peter Peter my gosh Peter Poor Peter has just hired his hair like something something weird's going on with Peter So he pulls oh he pulls aside Dana. He said some what? Some challenges in the offseason.

Yeah, what happened to him in the offseason? Like did anything really happen to him? No, no, no, nothing really happened. I don't know. I'm just saying, you know, it was cool to me. No, no, no, no. But either way, so Peter is like, sit down Dana. And he's like, you know, now that you're gonna be working at, sir, you know, I just don't want there to be any weirdness because I'm basically gonna be your boss. And, you know, because we hooked up, she's like, mmm, did we?

Did we? And it turns out in that stupid scene from last season when like the guys all had like a room with the sky bar, and girls came over, Dana was one of those girls. Oh my God, I was dying when they showed that. Dana is one of those girls for the fucking sky bar. This show really does honor people who do shit like that, you know? They really does.

Right, and he is the Instagram girl who ended up, I was like, I wouldn't say we were like, but I was like, please, that girl just came on Instagram to get on this show, became a serious regular. Whether or not that's true. Then there was Raquel, who's like, why is she putting up with all this shit from James? Who puts up with all this crap and now a serious regular on the show? And then they literally just took a girl that the guys were hitting on and that Peter made out with in the bathroom from sky bar. I mean, you know, you got to have it. At least this show respects the rules of Los Angeles. It makes me feel bad for the robots who don't get a good shot.

Like when when Kristen found that girl from Florida and like the girl like walked up to Tom Sandevolon said, we hooked up. We hooked up. We hooked up. Like, and then we never saw her again. Like, that's all that's too bad that didn't work out. Look at you ever since you were talking about bonding with your room, but you're sticking out for the robots. You're like, why don't I robots ever get a chance of the show? I just know. And also, we have to point out that James was also one of those. Got Kristen. He got with Kristen. Yeah. I don't know. Let's show. He knows just so.

What about the girl from last season who Kristen tried to be messy with with James? Like, there've been a few that haven't quite made it there's that have tried that girl with a pride last season Nope, she didn't make work out. Oh hope. Yeah, they're saying nope nope. Yeah I know I know it didn't work out for her like no her name her name could have been nope. Yeah, I was hope and there was that other girl. What was the girl? Um, she lasted like two seasons. She was like a hostess and she slept, she slept with James. Um, a hostess. Oh, yes. Oh, God. What was that girl? And she really made an effort because they went to James's DJ night. Yeah. Whatever. And that was a big confrontation. Uh, not Gina. What was that girl's name? She still works. Oh, no, now she works at

Tokamadera. She was our waiter when I went there with Jenna and read my message. She was over there. Yeah. But she's not the same Tokamadera girl as the other one. Who got no trouble. Danny. Right. Yeah. They're all Tokamadera. It's like an No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And now is like the new star of the show, right? And she won't even cop to kiss again. She's like, um, I think I would remember if I kissed a pirate. It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, poor Peter. Poor sad Peter. So then we have a little shot of Bowen Stasi driving to the airport and Bow keeps on talking about like all the things

that Stasi has to do for the vigil. And you know, just, you know, like, it's a vigil. You just keep it simple. It's just gotta be from her, because that's what a vigil is. And finally, Stasi is know, just, you know, like, it's a vigil, you just keep it simple. It's just gotta be from her, because that's what a vigil is. And finally, Sassy's like, why do you keep saying vigil? It's a eulogy, he's like,

oh. You're off the show. Oh. So then, uh, Schwartz is showing people his house. He's like, I like this bathroom. It's a good pooping bathroom. Yeah. And then, Cena and Kristen are talking.

And of course, Cena sees Max and immediately walks up to him. I was like, oh my god, they have something. Let me fix your shot. Let me fix it. We're just friends, everybody. Like, that's friends. But that's friends. Friends, friends.

By the way, she never arrived with Brett, which is an issue for Brett later on. So, Kristen is like, so she know, is everything with Max going good? And she was like, I am. We're like, best friends. I mean, we're like, not shino, is everything with Max going good? And she's like, I am, like, best friends. I mean, we're like, not, I mean, maybe not best friends, but like, we're like, really good friends. Like, I care about him so much, I put him in another Apple Watch.

So that way, he can remind the first Apple Watch, you're riding me back. And I'm like, we live where it's hot like, every day. Like, well, not every day, but like, every, we, every, like, once a month, I get an emoji from him. It's like, we're so cool. I think he's coming to Palm Springs next weekend, okay? Did she say for a couples trip? Did she say he's coming to Palm Springs for a couples

because I only wrote down Palm Springs. I thought I only heard Palm Springs next weekend. But then Dana heard, she's like, I know that they dated, but now they're going to Palm Springs for a couple trip. Cool, cool, totally cool with that. So then Jack. I've been saying, yeah, Dana's like scowling in the corner. I'm like, you got, cool, totally cool with that. So then Jack,

I feel like, yeah, Dana's like scowling in the corner. I'm like, you only hooked up with Max once, I think. I guess my question is, how extensive is the Max Dana situation? Because, yeah, especially if you hooked up the night before shooting, like, you know, I'm not sure about this, people. So Jack's is talking to Chris and he's like, so

Wizard significant other and she's like, um, I don't have one Oh, okay, you don't have one and then Carter comes in and Kristen's just doing like an angry like shoulder thing while she's sort of drinks like He literally walks in on her saying I don't have a significant other and he's like there like He's like hey like you're my flarrows. So So then Brett set Brett pulls aside Max and he's like Dude, I always feel like wherever it go places I'm always like walking into a place on Juneos hip, but I'm like not trying to be with her

So like what do I do and Max is, yeah, she is like very boy crazy. It can be it can be overwhelming. And Kay, he's just like listening in just like snickering like, I'm going to tell someone something like she's in a Jane Austen novel, you know? Yeah, she's just like, it's so excited to go crush Sheena. You know, it's like her favorite thing to do. So just Max guy's like, yeah, that girl, I mean, it's like her favorite thing to do. So just max guys like yeah That girl I mean look like you know you're just out of relationship

I'm just out of relationship and you know that the last thing you're supposed to do is hang out every day Which I did with her not thought I didn't want to but I realized my dick was in it at the time Something like that. That's a Katie runs straight to she and it's like, um, there's a singer, boy crazy, and Max made a mistake of hanging out with you. So, have fun crying in the pooping bathroom. It's over. Wait, what? What? So then she walks over, she's like, so what are you guys talking about? You talking about penguins, Apple Watches, TVs? What are you talking about? Did you say I'm more crazy? And he's like, uh, yeah, but but it's I didn't say it in a bad way like so in a bad term It's like I'm all okay. He said it like it was about term like I was hanging out with him

I mean like a you're the one who pursued me just know that like a boss like a boss Night today like a boss We've gone to such a good place like we've really tried to And like you're coming to my place next weekend and like I don't know I just like like I don't like being called crazy I'm like I'm crying right now because I don't like being called crazy and I'm like not crazy I'm just crying like a crazy person right now. I don't do this was And Dan is just smirking the corner like I won this one. So, so now, Lala and Katie are talking about Carter and how like they basically agree

that he's manipulating her to like let to stay in the in the snare. This is why I blame Carter because he's living off of Kristen. So I think I'm I'm blaming the the leech right so they just agree that he's manipulating her and then we just like cut to a shot randomly of Peter he's taking like a punch bowl of tequila and he's like just down in his throat. Poor Peter. Poor Peter. So Kristen. Yeah, the guys are playing outside and Katie's telling Gala, maybe you should be the one to talk to Carter because so she, uh, Max is Max pulls Dana aside and then they show Cena's face check. No, no, reminder on Max's watch after five minutes.

Yes, the end of conversation. And then she gets the house size. Oh, that sound effect. So Max pulls her aside, Dana's side. And he's like, um, I just wanted to talk because like, you're going to be working at start now. So if we hook up, it's totally okay.

So you want to do something at work tomorrow, probably not including me paying for anything. So just warning you now. Just like, okay, so now that we're together, like Palm Springs, put that with Palm Springs. You're going to see the Palm Springs, not that I care. Yeah. He's like, no, I'm not going alone. I'm just like, she and I have, listen, let me say something that will put you totally

at ease. She and I have not hooked up since we stopped talking up. In the pooping bathroom five minutes ago, I was like that. A lot of college timeline or that explanation. Oh my God. Do you know who Dana looks like? One of the twins from summer house. It looks she looks like an origin story of one of those twins

Sort of I have I have not concluded who who she looks like to me yet But I know that there's someone out there that I feel like I can really compare her to really nicely Okay, well keep trying yeah, so he's like yeah, well, I mean, I'm not going to post rings like alarm with her Just like maybe to post ring. I'm not going to post rings like alone with her just like maybe to Palm Springs. I mean, I'm not going to Palm Springs I don't fucking know where I'm going with Palm Springs. What's spring? Why would there be a palm and a spring together like one's tree and one is like a device that's in a watch like in my This Apple watch from she know that she gave me because she loves me Yeah, so Lala pulls Carter aside

Lama as she knew would say pulls Carter aside and it's like um I just she knew what they post guarders side and it's like um Christians are friend she cries often you still live in the apartment And it seems like you flatched on like um you can go home at night if you don't have a job So that's good for you and like she's like telling off Carter Yeah, exactly and she's like you know what like I understand what it's like to be in a couple where there's like an income disparity But you know I make up for it in other ways, You know, like, I run a tight ass household. And you know what, I give killer BJs, okay? Last time I checked, Carter's not giving killer BJs. Yeah.

I don't look like a frog. So that's what I give to my relationship. So Carter has this response, which also makes me want to blame him. He goes, uh, you really think I would stay there if she didn't feel like she wants me to be there? Meaning like, he's like, I stay there because she wants me to be there. I'm like, but you're probably co-dependent to her and playing mind games with her. So she feels like she needs you there, which is why she says, no, I need you here. And then you say, well, she needs me here,

so I got to stay like, I don't know. I can't be on Kristen's side either, because like they just showed that clip earlier on the episode of Kristen, like, of course, I love you. Of course I need you, but I can't admit it, because I don't wanna look like a loser. It's like, well, yeah, I don't know. I'm sure this is gonna be going on the entire year,

so I guess I don't need to make a huge stand for that right now, but we'll circle back next episode and the episode after that and after the any episode Yeah, the next 24 weeks of lives Yeah, so he's like he goes listen. I was doing a video for her website and guess who shot her photo shoot today This guy because she doesn't I don't have anybody else. I was like I don't know a lot of us like well. I'm finally seeing a great area skew skew, but um, I don't know, Lala's like, well, I'm finally seeing a great area, excuse you. But I don't know, I don't know, I'm not buying it. I'm sorry, I kind of feel like Carter's trash.

Yeah, okay. Well, Lala's like, well, like, I like crib honesty in people, which is so funny that this is the running theme for today. It's like, yeah, honesty on Vanderpump rules. The most important lesson that we're all learning today, honesty. Psh. It's illusion. So now Lala, Lala's very easily swayed

in every argument, you know, so now she's like, oh my god, totally on Carter's side now. Yeah. So, Christian sees the tone change outside because everybody's seen them talking, right? So, Christian's like, oh my God, I don't feel comfortable right now. Like, why is this happening? Mariposa, Mariposa, Mariposa, Kiko!

So, then there's like dancing, like, Tom and Ariana are dancing and there's like, twerking and all that stuff. And then Tom's head of all and Jack's like, sit down outside in the back and they start talking. And Jack's is like, yeah, I wanna come over and see your house because I never got an invitation, bro, you know?

And Tom's like, yeah, well dude, you know, like I felt really judged, like, you know, that's our, that house, that's like our wedding day in the sense. And then, you know, like, you're like, how much is it? Like how much, how much square footage do you mind? I just jerked off in the corner. Do. Remember when you were like turns out your guest closet can't get pregnant because I've tried like three times, left some suede in there. Sorry, bro. You literally had sex in my house, like while sleeping, like how could you do that again? You're wrong.

And Jackson's like, yeah, but I was saying, like we wanted a school section because like, we're gonna have a baby. And like, I thought you were gonna get a shoe box because it's like two of you. It's like fucking two of you. And like, us, it's gonna be like tons of people because Brittany wants like three kids.

Yeah. He goes, aw. He goes, I mean, this is a serious time for me. I'm getting married. Really didn't know, didn't know. Haven't heard that. Sometimes like, yeah, but like when you were planning your pre-batsular party that one time,

I told you the one time I couldn't do it and then that's when you planned it. All right, and then I get these texts about you second guessing me as your best man. And he's like, yeah, because like just once in a while, can't you text me like, hey, man, still excited for your wedding. I know you're getting married. Jackson's getting married. I can't fucking believe Jackson. All people's getting married. Well, man, bro, bro, just chucking in with you. And he's like, uh, literally texted you that, Jackson.

Also, anyone who needs that, anyone who needs like texts from their friends, like I'm still I'm still excited for your wedding. Oh my god. Like, anyone who needs that, anyone who needs text from their friends, I'm still excited for your wedding. Oh my God, anyone who needs that in their life should investigate priorities and where their soul is. Because that's just like, no, no. Okay, if your friends are turning out money on the regular for your wedding, you can't also then tell them to be excited to when they're like vacation to the Caribbean is now had to go on the back burner for your stupid fifth bachelor party. Yes. And Tom's like, I did text you that and Jackson's like, um, I didn't have any of those

texts. I don't have any of those texts. And Tom's like, well, got it ready as evidence right now. All right. Um, look, I said, said yo after this week. Let's get together Let me know where I can help out. I sent it to you. He's like, no, don't remember seeing that. Yeah Yeah, I mean because you responded back Jack And then Jack's the Jack goes I mean, so you change the deep events of course I mean obviously I want you as my best man That wasn't my intention My intention was just to get your attention and I did oh, so that's what this all was

You're just like a you're the one just wanted to be loved Yeah, so then he's still gonna be best man now Tom's gonna be best man. Yeah, that's all solved so now Kristen and Carter Kristen is like so you would law law we're talking for a really fucking long time. It's freaking me out. Mariposa He's like, yeah, well, she said that I need to move out because you're like really sad and really unhappy all the time I'm like, oh, you see this one I get defensive alright because I can't, how do anybody's business to tell you to move? so What's going on, you know, I'm sorry he's like well you don't need to protect me

It's just but I will protect you and then they kiss me. He's like, I love you. I love you I don't know I think that he's a fucker. I think he did I think that like he always like he'll swoop in with like romantic things because like that's what like she needs because of Whatever stuff. She's gone through in her life And so she's like he loves me. So I love him back, you know, like, I don't believe it. Like when he when he said that like, guess who was doing the photo shoot? It was me because he probably said to where no one can do a photo shoot as well as I can. And I'll do it for cheap for you.

Like I, I just always feel like there's something more. I just assumed that he would do it, you know, like she assumed he would do it for free or whatever. And you know, she should get that for free. If she's paying for all the bills, she should at least be able to cash in for a photo shoot here and there. So I just, I don't trust Carter. I don't. Okay.

Well, I mean, I don't trust him either. I'm just saying like, it's Christian we're talking about. So then yeah, that Kristen's like, you know what, I would never go to, you know, but Lalo did that. I would never go to Randall and interject while they were having a fight.

I'm like, yes, you would. You would do it like with a smile on your face So then Kristen is she goes up to Lala right and Lala's just sitting there I'll calmly she's like I'm confused what you were talking to Carter about and Lala's like, um, yeah I'm confused too because like you're telling me one thing He's telling me another thing and like I don't like when people confided me something other than what's going on? Okay And like I don't like when people confide in me something other than what's going on okay And Kristen's like oh

And so then they start fighting and Kristen this is where she she falls into it again She goes you guys should be like whatever works for you Kristen. She goes isn't working for you For Kristen. Oh, damn it. And by the way the entire time, so we talked about JoJo, the waiter. He was in the background and he was talking. And he has a really booming voice. And the entire time, I just kept hearing his voice, like, yeah, but I couldn't hear what he was saying, but while Kristen was talking, I would hear you be Kristen talking. You just say something.

I was like, oh my god, dual Kristen voices. So distracting. I was like oh my god dual Kristen voices so distracting Buming voices it's hard So now Lala and Christian are fighting right yeah And so Lala's like um well Okay, Kristen, so you don't even support me. I don't even know what you're talking about I never called contact you about anything, she... Okay, fine.

Then, you know, don't call me at all then. And you're just doing to me what you did to Katie and Stasi. She goes, oh no, you're playing the Katie and Stasi card. Oh no! Is that a card? Is that a card? Is that card? I mean, I know about the race card.

I know about like a gay card. I know about a lot of, you know what, there's actually a lot of cards. I don't think there's like a stossian Katie card. Is there one what deck of cards It's a stack of cards that say and literally I think it's like literally like a scrap of paper That's one wrote stossian Katie on and they misspelled Katie. They added like a Y. I don't think it's a real card It's just a deck of cards called literally made I don't think it's a real card. It's just a deck of cards called literally made. Literally made.

That is a deck of cards called, you're literally a maid. Who know AF? Agnasta. Agnasta. Okay, so, um, Swartz, he's, oh, well, they're fighting a lot. So then she's Okay, so um, Swartseesky. Oh, I'm- Well, they're fighting us a lot, so then she's like, you're a fucking bitch.

You're a fucking bitch in Lala's like, do not call me out of my name, Christian. Do not call me out of my name. I'm like, well Lala really isn't your name, just so you know, but that's fine. Lauren. Lauren, can't- We've seen you in it.

And Brittany's like, I'm team, I'm in KIA. Some fight, don't fight y'all, don't buy it. And they keep cutting to Ariana in the corner, just staring at them like, can I play Robin now? But she's like, why am I still on this fucking show? Fucking loser. Can I play Robin now?

Yeah, she's like so dumb of this fight. So then Katie's like, Kristen, you don't get to walk away. Like no one is attacking you, except for all of us, okay? And everyone's trying to be real with you by attacking you. Okay, you do not get to walk away. This is a house chill, not a house power walk. You talk about how you're such a good friend

and everyone's a bad friend and it's bullshit Okay, how many time Chris is like She like slams the door and they like programmed her own ring on their ring doorbells like oh Do you hear your voice right now Katie? I know it's so annoying right quiet shwarz Say how many times is someone get to cry? Wow. I mean, how many times does someone get to sit seven hours on my balcony crying? Really? Because we've been listening to you do it for years. And you just married a dude.

He said he yells because he can't stand the sound of your fucking voice. So I don't know. I have a feeling you've all put in the hours at this. I didn't class the KD form. She've all put in the hours at this and classic KD form she goes Forgive me for wanting better for you Yes, yes, Katie. What if we are always the best. Yeah, always classic band of up rules you're on everyone you're on no one's side and everyone's side all at once Yes, it's like you're on nobody's side but you're so glad that they're here.

Yes, I like the episode. I thought it was hilarious. I'm very hopeful that we have a fun season. Yep, that brings us to the end of Panda Pumperoo. Tomorrow we are back with Real Housewives of New Jersey for everyone who's like wondering where our episode was from last week. We're on vacation, but we are going to recap the entire fight scene, not just where the episode picks up, so don't worry, we'll get it that all in there. And then we'll also have Real Housewives

of Dallas reunion part two later this week. So fun stuff guys. We will see you tomorrow. Bye. We will see you tomorrow. Bye. 1dry.com slash survey.