Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: The Louse That SUR Built

Episode Date: May 21, 2020

This episode also avail as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo Vanderpump Rules comes to the end of another season with an epic Jax breakdown and the crumbling of the fourth wall, and we're here to recap it for you live from quarantine! For this week's premium bonus about what we're cooking become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **New merch! Isolate and BenRon 2020 Vote Hypocrat designs available at crappensmerch.com **Crappens Live has been postponed until our country is healthy again. Keep up with our live show calendar at at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Let's take off with Tamala Plane. Oops, she did it again. It's Brittany Montana. Give them hell, Miss Noel. I take the fifth with Dana Smith. Let's give them a kiss, huh? It's Austin and Marissa! Let's rev our pistons for Amanda and Kristen! Always ready for Nicole Passa Ready! Better than Tabooly, it's Annie and Julie!

You're the Windom beneath our wings, Joendom! We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva! We will, we will, Joanna Rockland you! She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela! It's you! Is a frauds ass watertight? It's Rosen's Sadie! Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fenner! We're going to get a drink! We're going to get a drink! We will, we will, Joanna Rockland you. She's not just a she-list, she's a Daniela. It's yours!

His frog's ass watertight, it's Rosen's Sadie. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. It's Lordeus, the Lordeus of the Rings. Yes, we should, with Carrie Bridgewood. Nancy C. C. C. C. Sto. Simple as rocket science, it's Dana Easey. Somebody get us 10 C. C. C.s. of Betsy M.D. Let's get Racy with Miss Stacey!

Shannon out of a cannon Anthony! Incredible edible Matthew sisters! And, she ain't no shrinking violet koo-char! We love you guys! Well, hello everybody, it's me Ronnie. Listen, have to apologize before we begin this show. We didn't realize that my mic was not coming into the feed properly during the live show. So really sorry, the first 40 minutes of my audio is completely Fakakta. So sorry, it's gonna sound a little crazy, it gets better 40 minutes in, but it's still a real fun recap and it's too dang hour so enjoy. Okay, I'll with the show.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch, What's Up, What's Up, Podcast for all that crap. We just love to talk about on yellow brows. It's me, Rondle, and that's been over there. How'd be in? Hey, Ronnie, what's going on? Methodist. Good to see you. We can see each other today because we are doing a crap and s live quarantine and crap and all the man I'm crying. Hi, everybody.

Hi, hi, we've been having some you know, maybe we've been having some strange Maybe mercury is in retrograde issues with our technology today So everyone bear with us if things sound or look or whatever is weird. So just giving fair warning to everyone out there Mercury is in gate raid. I don't know what show you think you're on a show. Get it correct. Everybody, welcome. Thank you so much for being here. It's about 120,000 degrees in Texas. And there was a chalk art competition in my neighborhood today. And I wasn't going to do it. But my niece really needs to get out of the house and stuff and frankly let's face it So do I I went out there for about 10 minutes today and I'm gonna fucking die, okay?

That's it. I'm done. I'm done like for the month. I don't ever want to see outside again I'm used to this quarantine my fuck outside fuck you outside. That's how I'd like to start this show by saying fuck you outside Fuck you outside. I agree. I am also feeling very, very well adapted to this quarantine life. I was just talking with Dominique, my boyfriend last night, and he was like, what have you learned from about yourself and quarantine? And I'm like, I think what I've learned

is that I'm like, really okay, not going outside ever again. Like I feel really great inside. I've got I'm just I'm very very happy I don't feel the need to go to the outside world and I had a dream last night that I was walking around and I wasn't wearing a mask and I Well was scary about it was the shame I felt I was like I can't believe I've become one of those people who talks about wearing a mask All the time that I was walking around in the world without a mask. Hypocrite. Yeah, full on hypocrites.

So I feel like for my mental health, I should just always stay in size. That way I'm not forced to be hypocrites, hypocrite on that front, on that front. I have a crunch as a hypocrite mint. Yeah, I hate being outside. I don't like it. I'm staying in here. I've learned that I can gain 500 pounds and like still have self-love. So there. Yeah. My thighs started to

chase, which has been really exciting because that way they know that they're there. I think that they were you know, it's like it's like the version. It's a quarantine version of self-harm just getting so bad that you're chasing. Yeah, they were socially distancing for a while. I was really proud of that. But they have... You thought you were bygapping? Wow, I can't believe it. They weren't bygapping, but meaning that they weren't chasing. They just weren't chasing. But I'm not bygapping your bygapping period.

They've broken their gap quarantine and now they are rubbing up on each other and they are saying, my thigh, my choice, you know? So they are just living their best life. But honestly, I don't know, the outside world is scary. And that's why I'm happy that we have this podcast because we can stay in here and watch TV and make fun of people who once were in the outside world. Well, you know what's kind of scary?

And tell me if this is all in my head. I know it's in my head before I even ask it because this chalk competition or whatever. So I live in a condo and the neighbors next to me is like, they're gay couple and they have a son and they're real sweet. And of course, I never see them. I'm like, sorry, lazy. No, I'm not going to have one. I'm a lazy person. Anyway, they told me about this chalk thing and they said, can we paint on your site as well, the driveway, because you're not gonna do it. And I was like, okay, sure. So they painted a huge gay pride flag on the driveway.

Which, listen, I'm gay, it's not like I have shame or anything, but I don't know these people in my neighborhood, I'm like outside, I'm like kind of in the country, you know. I'm like, do I really need a huge, like there's the gay guy, you know, I was already the guy in backless sneakers, like puttering her around with trash, you know,

on trash day, like trying to find mail that had blown away in the wind or whatever. So now I'm the gay guy in backless sneakers. That's a bold move. I think even yes you are gay, but to go and chalk up a rainbow flag and from someone's house like it's basically it's a political statement right I mean even though it's it's pride it's still a political statement and to like

be like hey do you mind if we do chalk something and you think they're gonna draw like a stick figure or like a pine tree and then they draw like a pride flag in the middle of the world Texas. And their side is like butterflies and fucking, you know, it's like butterfly. They're so beautiful and you know, their son did it and he's like, might miss his Asian and they were like, we thought it would be nice. I was like, that's so cute. Shit Adam, don't know if I'm gonna respond, but it is, it is cute. But, um, yeah.

So anyway, I went out there today and I was like, look, I'm not just the gay guy. I'm also the guy with the dog named Mueller, which I drew very large. I saw that that was adorable So anyway guys, some sort that we're talking about this shit, but it is oh, it is just a weird day today What can I say? I know that I woke up in a really strange place I think that like writing the high of gale Simmons birthday yesterday is now like left me With just the lows the low, lows of it being over. Yeah, for those of you who missed it,

Padma went on on Twitter yesterday and was like, oh, it's my favorite person, spirit day, Tina Fey, my famous celebrity friend who introduced nighttime cheese or something. And Tom Collicchio commented, yeah, you know what, so Gail's birthday as well. Yeah. So then Pav will put something up on Instagram where she was like, it's the sister I never had, Gail Simmons.

And by that, I mean, the sister that I could always look down on and feel better about myself. Wow, get yourself a friend who, I look at the way I look at Gayle Sim. She posted this weird thing, it was almost like, are you saying like get yourself a Padma for your Gayle? I didn't understand that. I know that's not how you use the phrase Padma.

She's like, get you some money, it looks at you the way I look at Gayle. Like, total misuse of that statement. That's like, get yourself a Padma, okay. And then Ben put on Instagram with pity. Your Instagram, Gale and Padma, those were hilarious. Oh god, but I love them both. That's the truth of it. Oh my gosh, this is a factory. It's just so funny when like,

when jokes like leak into the real world, you know, I know. It was kind of amazing. So speaking of leaking into the real world, you know. I know. It was kind of amazing. So speaking of leaking into the real world, let's leak into it. We've got some small business shout-outs today to give. This is from Laurie. Laurie was, wait, Laurie had a friend who was a Bravo story producer and she used to get a lot of good tea.

And that friend had a baby. So she made her some onesies for the baby shower with real housewives' quotes. And then boom, it became a business. It became a booming-exy business. And it is called Lions and Spice. And she's got one of Bethany's got to sleep, got to sleep. And real customizable, real house baby of your city.

And she also does a fully customizable option if people want something different, if you want some VPR themes or a Joe exotic, a fire greek king, whatever. Just go to Etsy, just go to Etsy and go to Lions and Spice. Lions and Spice. Lions and Spice. Well that sounds just wonderful. Okay, so here is mine. Okay, this is from someone named Rachel

and she wants to share her stepmom, Donna's business. It's called the original Wishing Wells. So she wants to start this business for 20 years and then she retired early and then she finally followed her dream to do it and then she was just about to launch and Then that's when coronavirus hit so she is the whole point of this business is that they are party centerpieces That you can put your personal messages on

so Since no one is gathering She can't really sell them right now because no one's getting centerpieces, but you know, people still need their lives to be celebrated, especially, you know, there's a lot of people going through a lot of bleak times who, you know, need moments to find celebration. So, you know, you can still do that with Donna's business. And so she's offering free digital wishes using design templates of your choice. And they'll be sent right to that person's email.

The website is WishingWellGifts.com. That's W-I-S-H-N-W-E-L-L-G-I-F-T-S. So the end is like, it's not wish and well. It's like, you know, like, peaches and cream. It's WishingWellGifts on one word one word, wishing well gifts.com. Thanks Rachel. Thanks for shutting out your stepmom's business. That was a really super sweet of you. And thank you to everyone who has been sending these. We got a ton. If you don't hear yours right

away, like give us time really doing two and episodes. We don't like totally, you know, you know, annoy everyone who was like waiting to get to a recap, but we will get to all of them and everyone go support your fellow Geraldine's and all that stuff. So that's that for that. And now let's pivot shall we over to do a pivot to Vanda pump rules over to do a pivot to a band up pump rules the season finale. What do you think, Ronnie? Wow, crashing burn, a crash it and burn it, baby. Fire everybody. I'm done with it. Fire half of this fucking cast. That's my prediction is that at least I'm going to say at least four people get the boot before next season and good riddance. Okay, good riddance to my imaginary news in my head. Bye, bye Jacks.

I hope that this is the beginning of watching Jacks and Britt become really poor and extremely meth-faced. Because you know it's coming. I don't think they'll get rid of Jacks because he's too much of a villain. But I actually, I thought it was like a really good finale and I thought the ending note was, it was kind of perfect and I you know I tweeted this out. I of course as much as we trash on you

know, Vanna pump rules these days, I still love it and I still want to go on for season after season. But if this show were to end after last night, it would be kind of a perfect and amazing series finale. I mean here if you look at the whole just the whole arc of the series right, they sort of younger, super caddy, Stasi and Jacks were a power couple at the top of the pyramid and now Jacks is you know just he's kind of become a pariah in the group. He's just off with you you know, what he thought was gonna be a Redemptive path for him getting married and now he's just stuck in the Corner of Valley Village with Brittany still as unhappy as ever. He will never truly be able to change

Stasi now has this, you know, lovely fiance the witches of WeHo this this trio that is terrorized, the people forever is now broken up. Sheena is still just in the exact same place as Sheena has always been. I mean, the frozen eggs are not just the frozen eggs that it's a metaphor for her, like frozen in time, like delaying, like Sheena is just always going to be Sheena. And you have- Sheena is basically a frozen egg. Yeah. You know, she is just always going to be Shina. And you have. Shina is basically a frozen egg.

Yeah. You know, she's like, she's like a little, just like a little egg that was just kind of mentally frozen in time. Yeah. She really is. And then you have like James, James has this great, like now he is.

He finally got sober. He finally is now on a good path. I just see what felt like everything, everything has sort of like worked out in a sort of an amazing, amazing way. I mean, that you could not script it any better. And especially with Jack's just having a full-on meltdown at the very end, it was perfect. Well, this was not Jack's first big meltdown at the end. You know, there was a couple, it was it two seasons ago or was it just last season, when Jack showed up with the finale party all cooked out

and told Lisa, fuck you. He did say, yeah, when you, when you, I think it was two seasons. Yeah, when you quit, yeah, that's, he did do that. But it didn't feel as poetic. This one felt like someone who is just like, he had spent all this effort of all of last season and three quarters of this season trying to show that he was new jacks He's happy and happy go lucky and you know we always knew he was the same monster and then finally in the past like two or three episodes

It was like confirmed the monster is still there Yeah, you can put lipstick on a pig So we open what's a tricky? You can put some axe spray on a pig, but it's still a pig at the end of the day. Yes. So, Trixi opens this with just a completely unintelligible song. I think Trixi has just found all the drugs that his cast is doing. And it's just gone on a bet. She makes no sense. She's like, Fala, fa, fa, fa, fa, ba-la-ba, drinkies are cold. I heard drinkies are cold, so that was sent thing,

but that's all I got, and it just was downhill from there. I didn't even bother committing any tricky songs to notes this week, because they all were just like gobbledy-goop. It was just like, she was passed out like behind the bar at TomTom with like maybe fake Shehina by her side. And I think she just is like, oh, I got a dead line.

Alright, alright, I'll give him this one. Lala, lala, lala, lala, we're living, we're living. Okay, write that one down, Paul. Send it, send it, Paul. And then Fakeshina just appears right behind her. Like, everything doesn't need to be so dramatic, or... ...for a time... Everything doesn't need to be so dramatic all the time So everybody's showing up to work and there's lots of tourist moms eating all over the restaurant and

Bretton Dana And Dana's like so we're either day the patio fascinating. So how was yesterday's party? And he's like, oh, yeah, is, yeah, I was hanging, she's like, okay, well, I just want to make sure we're good. Yeah. Just really need to make sure we're good. Yeah, because last night at our dinner at nightshade, remember we went to nightshade? That was so cool when we went to nightshade. Oh my god, the chair was so good. We got a nightshade tonight.

I think we should go to nightshade. When did you go to Ronnie? When you get back in town, by the way, we should go to nightshade, okay? Oh my god, the nightshade. We're going to nightshade. We're going to nightshade. Second night, second night land, back at night. The one place that's open or in the air, we had to put a redway strip right at nightshade. Nightshade, okay? Oh my God, we should totally go to Nightshade. We're going to Nightshade. We're going to Nightshade. Second I land back at Nightshade. The one place that they should put a redway and then they should put a redway

strap right at Nightshade. Nightshade, as well. Just like LandWritten Nightshade. Like get off the plane and Nightshade. Like no costumes even. Nightshade is the new carol. Got it, no, Nightshade, Nightshade, Nightshade. Nightshade, Nightshade, Nightshade.

Nightshade, Nightshade. So she's like, yeah, I just wasn't sure because that whole thing last night and Brett's like, no, oh man, you know, of course I'm interested in you, just for me, interest and feelings are like two different years, you know, two different years, and that makes me complex, and I got tears in me.

And Danik, I'm not Danik, and Danik is like, yeah, I mean, I felt kind of stung when Brett said he didn't have feelings for me, but I know he thought it was feeling attacked and it just didn't come out right. I'm like, don't make excuses for him. It's every woman on this show. Like, why do we have to, why is the rest of the world in like girl power, like everything is going, I mean, it's all at least the right path.

I don't want to say everything is going great, but the rest of the world seems to be on a better path with like girl power and stuff. And this show, it's like every woman hanging on to some piece of shit man and trying to excuse him to the rest of us and tell us what he's feeling Don't tell me what he's feeling. He's not into you. Okay. He's as into you as you are into Peter. Okay. Yeah Stepping stone. Okay. He's not in love with you stepping stone. You are stepping stepping. He was not he was you were not shooting anything on this show before you made out with Peter in that bathroom and no I did not forget and I'm not gonna and he is only on this show because he's making out with you because his ass wasn't getting any scenes either except trying to get Shina to stop you know leaving him penguins on his car or whatever so did you mean did you meet Dana when you went to Taman Ariana's book launch party? No, I saw her there and I didn't obviously know who she was yet because the season hadn't started, right?

Yeah, I guess this was before the season started and so someone said oh that girl's new or whatever and I was like oh Go say hi, you know, so I went up to like say hi and she turned around and she was like You know she you know she has mid face and now that I've seen the show you see that she has it's fine The resting it's like active bitch space. Yeah, that's right. Where she's like looking around the room and I was like terrified You know and I was like uh No I'll wait for that to like either have been naturally someday or just not I got scared. She sees I see and She's also extremely

beautiful and like I don't know why that would bother me, but it didn't bother me. But it like made, you know, when you see someone like really beautiful, you're like, like my chief fat to be here, you know, I had that moment. Like, I was a summer girl. Yeah. And we also, the two of us, one of the reasons I think why we get along so well is that we've never really been very good at being those gays that just hang on to beautiful women.

I've tried to play the role before, and the most embarrassing thing is that the one time I really tried hard to do it was I did it to Calvary Chords and I walked up to Calvary Ch- This is like 10 years ago, so I feel like it's before we really understood how terrible she was, but I walked up to her and I've told the story I know, but I walked up to her

and I was like, oh my god, you look fabulous. Because I basically just wanted a photo with her and I knew the only way to get a photo with Calvature's at a club was if I just went up, acted super gay and said how wonderful she looked, which is what I did. And she was like, oh my god, you're great. Let's take a photo. You know, that's the only time I ever really could successfully do that, but other times I'm just very awkward around beautiful women. I think it's just

It's just skill people and also I've kind of learned my lesson about like becoming friends with anybody from TV Like or trying, you know, making an effort like I was just there having fun Yeah, it's more fun to make fun of people behind their back. Yeah, so yeah, I saved the hell away from that But anyway, so she's like yeah, you know, so what he said he didn't and he wasn't interested and didn't care about me and yelled it in front of a table of our peers like no big deal I'm sure that he totally didn't mean that and Then Brett's like yeah, of course Brett can't do anything on his own So he has to bring someone else into gossip about yes

Of course, he does every scene. So he's like, yeah, well, you know, Sina, he transferred into Sina. Yeah. But Sina was being like an ass. She was. Yeah, she was, but I don't think she was totally out of, I don't think she was being too crazy. I think like she was just saying,

there's a lot of bullshit going around here. And the truth is this with Brett, I'm a little sick of him complaining about Sina because he entered the season complaining about her. And then he's still like, engages with her frequently and then complains every time he does. So you know what Brett, just stop, like don't shoot your music videos with her, don't invite her on to your YouTube channel, don't do all this shit and then you can stop complaining about it. Because I'm sick of it.

Yeah, your user for the likes, you know, your user for the YouTube subscriptions or the likes or whatever, but then you're still gonna bitch about her. He's weak. Yeah, so he's like, man, Sheena was just like so super calculated last night. I mean, she was throwing grenades from left field. And then we see a flashback of,

because when they were all at nightshade, nightshade, nightshade, she was when, because when Brett and Max and Dana were all like working their shit out, and she was like, if your best friend is still has feelings for someone, why the fuck are you making out with her? I have a question. If your best friend still has feelings for someone, why did you order her a glass of water?

That's not a moral. I have a question. If your best friend still has feelings for someone, and he still is wearing an Apple watch from someone else that gave it to him, who is maybe a little bit more meaningful, why are you still not fucking that person to give the Apple Watch? Because don't you want an Apple Watch too?

These are just questions. Waiter, I have a question. If the Chalene Sea Vast was dating someone's best friend and then she started dating the other best friend, what's she have to write to say you're complaining about it? If Max is on a train going 70 miles per hour and Brett's on a train going 50 miles per hour, what time do they reach Dana in the middle and will anyone date me afterwards? So Brett's like, yeah, it makes her happy that the guy she likes is like, you know, like friends with the other guy, like who wouldn't be with her and then like, she's like the girl

who's like in the middle of the guys. You know what? Forget, I don't know if I'm not talking about anymore. Just it's like a boat. It's like a ship. It's not a gold bra. Okay. She's really trying to sink the ship.

He's really sticking with his not a gold theme. Yeah. And then the editor is a very clever. He's like, yeah, she's literally trying to sink the ship. And the cusser going, water, water, and pouring water into glasses. I was like, I see what you did there. That was clever, fired editor. That was very clever, see what you did there. That was clever fire editor.

That was very clever, a breed dillinger who will never work again. Was that the brief flair we've heard so much about? Mm. By the way, I love the brief flair. Okay, I love the brief flair. For those of you guys who don't know, and Bre was the editor who said that she edited,

she had to look like a porn star or whatever. And then of course, subsequently she was fired. And then she wrote like a, like a, like a whole screed where she was like, well, I hope you enjoy this. You'll never see that brief flare again. Enjoy watching your show and know this. On the next show, I'm going to be on the Georgia, just loving on your couch. You're not even going to know that it's me, but it's gonna be me sitting there editing it. So take that, suckers!

And everyone else who's loved working, who's begged me to work for them for years, you're welcome, I'm free. Yeah, enjoy working. I just imagine her wearing a turban right in this Instagram. I think you know, like, oh, really? Mmm. It's me, Bri.

She's, Allison Dubois basically just like, Mauricio will never sexually fulfill you unless I added him that way. Know that. Yeah. So, um, she and I, Gus, the computer and Brett goes goes up to her and he's just doing his like little baby eyes like smiling her her and like kind of He's always like kind of a yeah, he's always kind of a stripper in a bar like flirting sucking on his jaws It's kind of right and she's like what's the spark and he's like well

I just feel like you and Max were like such good friends to me and now like where's my friends, you know And then Dana Dana this is not your fucking business. Just Dana have to walk up every time someone else is having a scene She's like, hello go away. Go to the sma no one after you boring lady get out Yeah, well, that's the thing that's funny is that here Brett is complaining about Sheena And he's he's basically like gossiping behind her back and now he's pulling the card of like, like, you know, I just feel like you and Max, I feel like I have you and Max is such good friends and now you guys both hate me.

Like, you don't get to play the victim, Brett, okay? You did go, like, regardless of the situation, even though Max is a piece of shit, no one really cares about Max and no one is invested and literally anything Max ever does, you did ask Dana out on a date and that is sort of a violation of bro code and now you act surprised by it. And then you do throw sheen it under the bus whenever you can but then sort of lead her

on at the same time and then act surprised that she is upset. You know what I call that? Fuck boy, what a long. You're looking great by the way. Oh God. You know, nobody, nobody, nobody needs a fuck boy who talks this much, okay? You're gonna be a fuck boy, just be a fuck boy, okay? No one wants a talk boy, okay?

We don't need that for a break. So Shina is like, well, when I hear that, you're telling different people that I was trying to suck your detective in a video, and he goes, um, no, it's a completely different thing than you saying, I'll pay you with a blowjob, which I guess I guess I don't know what the context of everything was I guess that basically He said thank you for doing this for me. I owe you a blowjob is what he says she said okay

Which is obviously a joke kind of but yes, of course you would have given you a blowjob. I mean yes Come on But it still was a joke and for him to go around saying that, I think it's bullshit. She's like, I mean, that's really embarrassing to me. I'm like, do I even like, is a penguin going to die without a father now? Like, that's where I'm at. Basically.

It was a joke and like, I happen to be very good at what I do, which is comedic actressing. And so I'm sorry that like you didn't get it, but like, you're going to have to get it if if you're gonna work in the big leagues, okay? Yeah, and they've been it's like well speaking of uncomfortable mischina say I didn't appreciate your Fusufus or Fulfus or Fulfus or Fulfus. Into the conversation the other night. I don't know what she said. Participation. She was like, how should I fall for her? How should I fall for her? I didn't appreciate your participation. And she's like, Max has made his bed.

And she's like, he's still hurt. He's still hurt. And Brett's like, yeah, poor Max. Poor Max is her. And so, Brett's like, but he's fucked five girls since then. So, and then Peter's in the corner, like just... Peter's still in his own weird sitcom, where he's in the corner, and he Peter's in the corner, like just, Peter's still in his own weird sick com, where he's in the corner, and he overhears, he goes,

Jesus man. Jesus. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh. And, um, Danis, like, oh my God, only a sex addict could tell you they have feelings for you. And then like, oh, five girls in the five weeks since you've dated.

Yeah, and you knew that, and you still fucking dated him to get some screen time. So who's sadder here? Okay. Max is a piece of shit, but I'm not really a huge Dana fan at this point either. Clear! What's the board? What's the board? Yeah, she goes, Max is trying to fill the hole in his heart by filling the holes of other women. Anyway, you're a real seki green over there. So then anyway, we go over to Villa Rosa and we get to see a new member of the Monastery, a two basking in the water. That's it. It's just a turtle. Yeah. As

Swartz and Max are coming to Villa Rosa, and where it's like, this is amazing. Dude, this is like $30 million Arab here. It's like normal Arab, but you know it could catch on fire and get least a sweet insurance money at any second. I know it must be weird to smell this air because you're probably used to air that smells like river because you're around me so much, but just take this in. Smell the roses. Oh, don't touch me thing. She doesn't want finger prints and presents on her jeans. Yeah. So Rosio opens the door, by the way.

I hope you were happy about that, Ronny. I was. I love every time I see my sweet Rosio. I love her. Yeah. And I love it. I love that she just gets more and more and more Vanderpumpian as it goes along with her clothes

that she gets, you know, like her styles change. Like now she's like two years ago, Vanderpump, which I just left. I know. So Lisa is talking about this Hollywood Reporter Shoot, which admittedly they've really come up because I feel like the photo shoots they used to have were for like, right around line

or that weird magazine that she was like on, like, editor in chief for was like, Beverly Hills Penny Sava magazine lifestyle The basement of Beverly Hills Times Time Lee magazine Check look look at all of the magazine covers we've done over the years boys I was like how do they find that many where the staff actually has clothes

I love that this shows like oh 2020 we can't just have Lisa Vanderbump having your staff post-tude All over all these magazines were those photoshopped clothes I don't think that there have been that many covers where people have been wearing clothes. Yeah, I'm pretty surprised myself so so this report is this how the photo shoot is going to be happening and we're going to have people, a few people from every restaurant, we're going to have two people from surfs, two from palm, two from tom tom, two from van der Pomp dogs, two from Vegas. So, you know, it's going to be fake Gina, right? Yeah, God fake Gina. Well, I'm gonna save that.

So he's like, yeah, we are doing pool parties. So then we cut to Ariana and Tom, dude. Let's go to baby's sculpt, bro. So Ariana's like, yeah, I texted Brittney this morning and I was like, I love you, but not everyone has the same level of pay. Is this just still on? I'm like literally exhausted.

You know what, I texted her back. I said, you're not a cougar. You're not a cougar. Ariana's just fast forwarding through her own scenes. She's like, this would be great to talk about, but I'm dead. She's like, I'm at some ridiculous place where they're going to be rolling maracas on my butt. You know, I've heard of like frozen sculpting or like some ridiculous place where they're gonna be rolling maracas on my butt.

Yeah, no, I've heard of like frozen sculpting or like when they freeze you or where they heat you, you know, they do all those things to get rid of that. But I've never seen someone with a sucker. It's just going, we're going to move this back into your butt. I was like, I don't think it's as I don't think that that's how fat. I don't think that's how well work. I don't think that's how it works. it's how it's how it's work. I don't think that's how it works. But Santa, one of those little electric suckers,

when I was using it on my face, and I like engorged my nose, my nose, what do you call them, pores? Remember, I was so horrified. Actually, yeah, anyway, I was using that. So I know, anyway, I know that it doesn't move the fat around. I've tried it, okay, I have a sucker from so I know anyway, I know that it doesn't move the fat around I tried it Okay, I have a sucker from Facebook

So they're talking about jacks and SantaVall is basically like you know, I was like, dude Jacks needs to respect people and shouldn't be a muscle he has to flex which is Thank you. Thank you for finally saying it. It's not like to being respectful should just be something that happens It's not like you have to like work hard at it and if you don't work hard at it, you like relapse, it's like you should just respect your friends, you know. And Tom Bassley is like, you know, Jackson expects all of us to be fully invested in every single little thing he does, whether big or small, but he only gives a fraction back. And honestly, it's usually covered in semen. Yeah, so then we go back to Villagrosa and founder pumps like which party did you choose?

You won't see and he's like well you know I ended up choosing to go to the to Tom's party because Katie versus big scapegoat in all of this and Max then Max is Max's turn to be it's like we don't have enough male villains acting like victims here so let's bring Max so Max is, Max is turned to be. It's like, we don't have enough male villains acting like victims here. So let's bring Max. So Max is like, yeah, yeah, I wasn't in the mood to go because it was really hard for me too because I went to Dana's comedy show, because I'm a supportive person.

And then I was vulnerable. Like I got vulnerable with her at Tom's house. Like I said that I had feelings and then the very next stage goes and makes out with my best friend. So. Yeah, so we really need a self-care day. AK, he either masturbated or hooked up with someone off of fucking somebody.

Give me a break. We know actually someone sent, I think our friend Rachel sent us Max's Tinder profile. And I wish I had forgotten to get it ready. It wasn't, it wasn't as crazy as you'd think But he spends a lot of time on his Tinder profile talking about the ocean, which who knew this was like his thing He loves the thing. I love that he's so worried about the pollution of the ocean But he God knows how many STDs he's you know spreading around to land animals seriously Seriously, my animals count too, dude.

Yeah. The count to, they count to, dude. That's what the damn sound of all the, to land animals, they count to, dude. They count to, dude. It's time for commercial. It's time for raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brownleur, we will be your resident not-so- so expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking, oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong.

What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder e app. And I don't want any fighting. And shorts is like pinky promise. Listen, we're not talking about your penis size right now.

Just broken jaw. No funny. Because I'm sorry. I had a child this week. So then, back over with Ariana. So here comes the gossip chain. So, Kristen told Ariana that Shino was sending her texts that Stasi was making fun of the house.

So basically, Ariana found out that Stasi was making fun of their no furniture house. And by the way, Danny Pellegrino, our friend, tweeted last night that one of the reasons why they did not have furniture for so long making fun of their no furniture house and by the way Danny Pellegrino our friend tweeted last night that one of the reasons why they did not have furniture for so long is because they needed to use that space to take photos for their book their cocktail book fancy AF so there there's a little behind the scenes story about lack of furniture. Well how long did they take to take the fucking picture?

Well you know tell you they couldn't have the pictures in there. But then once I read that once they have this set up for the season, they can't start adding furniture and stuff because I actually do pickups and stuff. And pretend it's like the same day so they can't go back and be like, oh, now there was a couch and now there's not a couch. Like when Arianna had like long hair

and then she had short hair and a scene. Yeah., yeah, that was I remember that the happy I don't know if that was briefly or not By the way, you said how long does it take to take a picture? It's Tom Tandoval and there's an art One more thing one more thing. Okay, one more thing. I'm just gonna put this ready here. Let's balance that. Okay, oh wait, wait, wait, dude, one more thing. Okay, here we go, it's perfect. Yeah, so then we gotta round the La La's house. And so I see the- I just wanna say that I really appreciate it, Ariana, getting all fired up and just shading Stasi so hard.

She's like, I really don't know how Stasi bad credit shrutter gets off talking shit about my house she acting like it's acting like it's cute to be mean but it's not cute I was like wow it sounds like someone like it sounds like someone started going to sketch comedy and wasn't doing it seriously yeah she's like you know what I was thinking it seriously. Uh oh yeah, she's like, you know what? I was taking sketch comedy very seriously, but wait until you see how seriously I take credit sketch comedy. You better watch a fuck out, okay? 850 coming after you bitch.

So then we got around the little mallas and the girls are coming over and, um, mallas like, I'm trying to be a housewife. I was like, yeah, we know. Yeah, we are keenly aware. The struggle is real. Yeah. So, and LaLos, like, you know, I've never felt the need to reside with a man,

but like, this is my fiance. And so I should probably be living with my future ex-husband. Am I right? Okay, thanks. So Brittany comes over looking just like, I mean, she's making the 80s look less fun than they ever. I was like, it's like a half a denim shirt and half a flannel shirt.

It's basically all of Brett's closet in one outfit. It really, it really was. So I, so she comes over and Katie comes over and Lala's like hey and Stas seems like hey Shroty. So Katie tells us that she and Brittany are basically have not been talking and they've never been like that and it sort of just like feels pretty weird at the moment. So there's like awkward tension between the two of them. Keep talking because I just saw the text that you sent me earlier and I tried to just be a detail. I mean that has, I tried to just really tell Ronnie that his microphone didn't sound

great. And I, I thought you were just going to, I thought you were just rolling with it. So I was like screw it. Sorry, everybody who's listening to this at home. I mean, it sounds fine. I just know it's not your, at, you're not as crisp and beautiful as you normally sound. Oh, sorry. I didn't want to make a thing about,

I was trying to be like quiet about it. No, no, I'm, I, of course, and then I'd make a thing of it. Well sorry, I sound like shit today. You're hearing me from the webcam. That's why. So anyway, everybody, sorry. We're talking about, yeah, stop.

Cause it's live. Oh, professionalism. Okay, dammit. So now here we are at Lala's house. I mean, what a time for your microphone to go all wonky. You know, the arrival of Brittany and the worst shirt of the season and half denim, half plaid, all terrible

Brittany concoction. I blame Katie. Yes. Yes. You sound great, Bob. Do I sound better now? You sound so much better. It sounds great. Yeah, you sound great. Oh, you sound great, bro. You sound great. You sound great by the way. You sound great much better. It sounds great. Yeah, it's not great. Oh, you sound great, bro.

It's not great. It's not great, by the way. You sound great, by the way. So Katie comes over and she's like, yeah, yesterday was not a normal day. Like, Kristen was there with Carter. And when I looked over, she was just like giving me dirty locks.

I was like, says anybody who's ever been anywhere with you or anywhere around you, you know Katie's that person who passes you on the freeway and you happen to look over and you're like, oh my god, why is she looking at me like that? Also, like, all Katie does is give nasty looks, but also that's all that Kristen does. Like, that's what they do to gather herself. Of course, when you guys are separated, you guys can give each other dirty looks. That's like, what is number one on your resume?

Like, oh, let's see. All right. So why should you be like, give it, sir? What are your skills giving a dirty look? Now what is that? I mean, oh goodness, wow. You do give a dirty look. Yes, you're hired.

So Stasi's like, yeah, she sent me, she's like, you're right about one thing, Stasi. You're not my friend. So thrive and talk all the shit you want. That doesn't matter. I mean, it's like, Kristen does it. She gets bored and just wants to fuck with everything. So all like, give her attention.

And by the way, who uses the word the rive? Wow. Well, I feel like Kaiser Permanente will have something to say about that. That's for sure. Second of all, it's their tagline. Second of all, hello. Have you met gay people?

Yeah. Yeah. You got the homesteads? Second of all it's their tagline second of all hello. Have you met gay people? Yeah, all gay people say is thrive Also and by the way saucy's like she does this she's bored and then she does this to get my attention Well, guess what you're doing you're giving her your attention. So congratulations. Yeah So and also you've talked about her in every single scene you've been on. So let's stop acting like, oh, we're not bothering Kristen. What the hell?

You're slattering her at every turn you to. But you know what I want to hear. You know what's really wonderful because later on in the episode, she's like, you know what? Like, you know, we, like you say shit to us, we get mad and then you go off and tell people and everyone's, and then everyone comes to me and says

Why you guys so mean to Kristen and that's exactly what the two of us did when we went on to Stasi's podcast I'm really proud of us for like really like You know Contributing to the cycle of paying for Stasi through Kristen. That was really fun that we did that Yeah, well, we'll always be there for you So Yeah, well, we'll always be there for you. So, um, Brittany is like, well, she has, she has, she could bring quarter to the pool party. And I already said, no, she said she could bring it.

And then they were in the city. So I was like, okay, because it's gonna go to yourself. It's like, okay. So now you're, now you're winning points for being mean to the people that these girls are telling you to be mean to you. Who do you think they're about to be mean to you? The second Kristen isn't on the show and it's you stupid twig. And they're already starting it right now in this scene.

So enjoy. Yeah. Because Britney is like, I feel like everything was getting so petty and blown up and like, I don't know, that's just how I was feeling. And Katie is like, well, because, because well I was getting blamed for it so And and but he's like no no no I was I was just trying to have a conversation Okay, just trying to say things. I wasn't trying to accuse you of everything even though Even though you did you did ruin everything for me and Jack

Yeah, and Katie's like well look the difference is when I rage text people It's not unfounded. I was provoked. I'm like, Jack's, he just goes after innocent people. And so I was just trying to get you to understand that you also were his dad. You also were his dad. That was all a vehicle guy. It was like, why were you trying to get her to understand that?

Were you trying to get her to understand that? So that way, you felt bad about herself. Is that like, you were coming get her to understand that we trying to get her to understand that so that way she felt bad about herself is that like you're you're coming at her you weren't just like trying to like decided hey you know what it's a Monday afternoon why don't I call up Katie and just enlighten her on how fun it is in life how Jack's rage checks and you rage checks that's all no you would try to be like you you ruined my party yeah and she was trying to say that she's done the same things Jackson's done, which is true, but Jackson's the one you called him uninvited everybody to your party, Brittany.

So fuck off. Take the you marry, Jack's have fun. No one else has to put up with that bullshit. So she's like, well, I'll just say, dude, that's what I got to say. You'll be like, what, what was done? My saying, that was bad. That was petty. Okay, what was done? My saying don't fail. That was petty. OK, that was real petty.

And she's like, well, his thing was like, people are getting disinvited to a pool party, and he has a pool. So he just invited them to his pool. It didn't need to turn into this. Yeah. And Katie even is like, listen, she doesn't even really fully deny that she reached tax.

She's just like, I've paid for what I've done. Like, when I've done that shit, like I get all this shit. And so Jackson needs to pay up. But it's not also rage texting, that's the problem. It's the, it's uninviting. You can't tell everybody,

you're not coming to my party, you're not coming to my party and then be mad that they don't go to your party. Like he could have said it in the nicest way ever. Pretty such a fucking moron, my God. I can't send her. She's like, he's hit a ball, will never be invited anything I ever have again.

So, I'm so glad you're gonna be missing out on Mimos. Beer cheese tastes same 2021. Yeah, Brittany's sad, sad cooking. I'm sure everybody's real sad. They're not gonna get to eat your twice baked ramen noodles or whatever the fuck. Twice baked spaghetti parm, which looked like it just was like regurgitated out of a e-muse mouth.

Yeah. People, hooters is publicly traded company. Anybody can go in there. You dipshit. So Brittany's like, he'll never be body and he made that decision. Oh, very clear. And he will not be allowed to buy me gifts from when my baby comes, or the post baby,

or the gender reveal ever. Yes, seriously. Like anybody wants to be invited to any more of your money draining bullshit, Brittany. Fuck off. Exactly. Oh my God, I'm just already dreading when they have a baby and it's gonna be every month.

It's gonna be pictures of that baby next to some seashells that say one month old two months old Three months old like no one cares about how old your baby is in seashells no one does the youngest person to ever be arrested at a Sun glass heart So Katie's so Katie's like well, I'm blocking him So she's like there's only one person playing for this mess and it's Jack's. Yeah, she's like, I'm good on Jack's. I'm going to just go ahead and block his ass now. And Mama's like, Katie, what do be like that?

Like shut up. Just because you're a fucking thirsty ass fiance has like somebody to do cope with on his private plane. Doesn't mean that you have to kiss his ass forever. Yeah. So Britney's like, no, he's struggling right now, okay, he's messed up, but this time, he noticed it and he's on top of it and he's trying to stop it and fix it. I was like, this time, what load of bullshit did Jack feed you and why are you standing up for it? This is horrible. Why

are you being such a Jack's apologist right now? you know that he did not notice it in fact, because he already, he disinvited everyone. And he still is mad at everyone. What do you mean he noticed it and is trying to stop it and fix it? We haven't seen any evidence whatsoever of any of that. And she's like, and please remember that that is my husband. So I have some respect. This is not law in order where you get married

so you don't have to testify against somebody. I don't know what special privilege is. You think getting married gives you like where no one gets to call your husband out on being a fucking asshole, but sorry, it doesn't matter. Okay. All it makes you is dumber for having married him. Yeah. Exactly.

Her. Dumber and dumber and dumber. So meanwhile, we go over to James Hill. Probably one of her favorite movies, actually. Well, I love dumber, and obviously it's favorite movies. Well, I loved them a lot. Honestly, it's one of my favorites. I'm not gonna lie. So, we go over to James and her Kels apartment,

and James' mom, Jacqueline, comes over, and they have a surprisingly nice scene, because I was like, when she came over, I was like, oh, God. Here it is, the end of James' sobriety. Mommy Dearest is here to ruin everything. But it turns out she's been sober too. The two of them have been getting sober together.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, this is a scene. So, this is a scene. So here's what happens. So she comes over, she's been sober, and she looks at it in a positive way because she got sober which helped her get a job and then because she got the job, she got health insurance and because she got health insurance, she went to the doctor and found out that she had

fucking breast cancer, just crazy and terrible. So she got the surgery because she had the, you know, it's like a, I made one good decision and then it steamed rolled into all of these good things like me getting rid of the cancer and stuff. And it was good. I'm not, you know, all that was really nice, but that woman, I'm sorry, but I need more, I need more, I need more, I need more time, okay?

I'm still traumatized. I can only imagine how James is, but after seeing that woman steam roll and in action last year, I'm good on. I'm a little concerned that she's in, um, uh, she's in like that. Luanne, Luanne's first season of sobriety phase where everything was, well, life is so much better now. And I'm turning it around.

I'm going to start a cabaret show and, well, I'm like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. I was in a dark place, but look at me now, boys. And then like next year, we'll see see her in Luan sober season two, just like looking at a poster of herself in Miami, would you believe it? They have a poster of me, Jacqueline James' mom, here on the wall of the ride, wow.

Yeah, I mean, look, I'm for everybody's sobriety journey, you know, good for her, but yeah, I'm still traumatized. And she's still saying things like, well, we can't share this with water, it's bad luck. I'm like, don't say that. Yeah. It's like a couple worrisome things, but yeah, he's doing really well.

It's been 45 days for him, and it's been, who knows how long with her. She's been doing really well. And so that's, you know, great. It's been seven really well and so that's you know great I don't watch this show to like have good feelings and wish people well You know what I mean? It's just a scene that makes me feel uncomfortable with myself like I don't want to be here feeling positive about your issues And like your sobriety. That's not why I watch this show. Well, here's something to put you in a bad mood again. Marvista

watch a shop. Well, here's something to put you in a bad mood again. Marvista. What's Marvista? I mean, I know what it is, but why are you saying that? Is that where this house was? Yeah, that's where their house was. It's a Marvista, which is by the way, for those it's basically Culver City. Actually, it's like a trendy part of Culver City. There's actually, there's a section of Marvista that has a, there's like a really hipster section of it. There's like, like, recro chops and stuff like that. And it's like a really hipster section of it. There's like record shops and stuff like that and It's like the cool part it's like the cool part of Culver City and like it's a place that so people like oh my god I got a movie marvista So it's like a thing

But you know like every week I have like a new opinion on a new neighborhood here in LA My issue with marvista is that it basically is still Culver City and that's and I already have pre-existing issues with Culver City And Marvista is far away. It's annoying to get to. Like that's ultimately what it comes down to. Marvista is annoying to get to. I'm sorry, it does have that cool hipster stretch, but it's annoying to get to.

But how sad is it, you know, living over there, when you see a $2 million house, you're like, wow, what a reasonable price. I know, I actually thought that too. I was like, two million is not bad. First of all, I actually thought that too. I was like two millions not bad first Well, I actually that was a really nice house 3000 square feet. That's what I love all the wood I actually think I actually I actually had a moment to myself. I thought Could I live in Marvista for that house like a man if I could buy a house like that?

I was like I could but then I'll be in Marvista and I never see anyone I have to make new I have to make Marvista friends I have a further more vista I had Texas. I don't give a shit. Okay. I had a lot of me to see anyone and I never really saw her again We were supposed to zoom the other day and didn't happen. It's like nothing works once you're going to Marvista You did it's a different world So both like wow wow this is a really nice house. Dossie's totally paying for this shit because guess what? I'm a casting assistant. So I think he's a casting assistant or is he a casting director? I don't know what it is. But the point is he's in casting and she's

famous. So yeah. And she's like, um, I want something with Hollywood charm. Like I'm not going to be the fourth person to buy a modern farmhouse and Valley Village, okay? Did you feel attacked at that moment, Ronnie? I did, but I didn't know that when I got my house, I was more defied when this show started and I bought the same house as fucking Katie. Do you know what, do you know what a stab and a fucking heart that is? Like that's not what?

Well, Stasi did say that you and Katie would really like each other. That you guys are basically the same person. So I don't know, the evidence is finally here. This has been a rough year for me. That's just saying. So Stasi's like, well, we're going to Tom Tom later and like, um, whatever. And she's like, yeah, you know, like when I worked there, I was so hot. We did all these new shots and like, Jack's And she's like, yeah, you know, like, when I worked there, I was so hot, we did all these new shots.

And like, Jack's was stuffing his cross with socks. And like, you know, one time it was during that time that Kristen had fucked Jacks. And she's telling all these stories. And I was like, God, those were good years. Yeah, I really, seeing that looking back when they were all just like young and hot and horny and crazy, I know.

I was like, is this where we just put down the dog? I was like, wait for the vet to come in with a syringe and a paper to sign that you'd agree to pay the $80 burial fee. That's why this finale was just like the perfect time to end the series, even though I wanted to go on, you know? So Bo, then they're like, well, do we think that Jackson Brinney are going to go to the Tom Tom one year anniversary party tonight and pose like? Yeah, of course you will because he's gonna say oh well

I was mowing the lawn and my wife needn't be come to Tom Tom. So no, I'm here like whatever. I'm like, yeah That's pretty accurate. That's exactly what Jackson will do Oh gosh, so then we go to Vanderpump and They're gonna talk about the deal in the new closet we're calling a bar. Yes, we've got a new closet. We're gonna put a tree in front of it in the middle of so no one can pass each other. It's like a terrible animal crossing. It's like what I did to my island is the garden. It's just like I'm gonna put a tree right in the middle of where all my little animals have to walk. So anyway, so Lisa's there with Ken and the Tom's and Nicolaine and Alain Alain.

Alain Alain. Alain Alain. And I don't know if you noticed this, but at one point they're all in there and Ken goes, Oh, Nick, do you have a mockup on your iPad? And Nick just swivels it around really quickly, he goes, I always have a mockup. So you're of course, Nika Lano. It was like the most Nika Lane thing he could have done at that moment. The only thing missing from that mock up was what's your buttons having to stand there

holding that dog? Poor Elena Elaine. Like is she only here to hold Vanderpump's dogs? Like she's become one of Vanderpump's old gaze. You always see her traipsing around the city with holding one of her little dogs, you know, poor little Elena Lane, I guess that's a surprise to pay. It is. I actually thought that I actually thought the mockups

looked really good mostly. I mean, I still think there's still a few too many Vanderpumpian touches to it, which I don't like, I kind of want Nicolaine to have be like unfettered vision. Cause the why stop the my stroo. But my my my prayers are this all I want are bar stools that are taller. I just want to be able to sit at the Tom Tom bar and not have the bar above my shoulders. That's my request.

Thank you Nicolaine. Do that for me please. So they're like where are they signed? Will they not sign? Are you going to be a new part of it? Oh, blah, blah, blah, check, check, check. And of course, the times are like, yeah, we're in. And this is like knock down that wall. We're not knocking it down today. No, we didn't get the payments for that. Just quite yet. Okay, all right. I'll just say it that okay fine

Listen here mister nicka Laney trough So now it's the day of the photoshoot and everybody's arriving. And she's like, I'm here with your phone now. I'm gonna, it's gonna spread a blowjob a little quick. It's a joke. It's a joke. So in the short, it's like, hi, blah, blah, hi. And the big news is here comes Kara, Kara from Las Vegas. And of course she spells her name fucking stupidly.

Is that a requirement to be on this show? Do you think she just like respelled her name to be on this show? I think that she just wanted to give like some sort of nod to her Vegas roots by spelling her name sort of like Harris Casino. Yeah, totally. She is basically a stinky like. She is a house.

She is a house cigarette a cigarette nicotine stained Harris casino waitress. She is She is she is like you know, if you're walking on the Vegas trip and you're walking from like You're like walking on that path there and you're going from like the Paris casino or whatever or like What was his plan of holiday still plan of how but you're walking through and you're just trying to get to the Venetian but first you have to make that weird detour through Harris and every single time like why do I have to go through fucking Harris right now and that's what

Harris she's like the casino you have to go through to get to the cooler casino oh so yeah carers there and she's wow she's a terrorist and the back is there and sees her and he's like, this is so fucking unbelievable. I'm like fucking rattled right now. And then she nah hugs little mini and she loves her, of course. She looks so cute. And Kara's like, I'm like God, like, I was talking. This girl is such a fucking phony. We know her voice because we saw her wake up in Max's hotel room. Where

she's like, hey Lisa, it's me, Carol, you're the best. And now she's like, talk just like Shina. I'm sure, Cara. Yeah, she's, Cara is like, if you took Shina and mixed her with Ashley, what's her face is daughter from Real Housewives of New Jersey? Jacqueline, Lerida's daughter from New York Housewives of New Jersey. That's what that's what that's what Kara is. Oh, she's terrible. So she looks literally so much like me. I mean, like from the

job, like Kara to like the coffin nails to the cute little snows scrunch to that adorable charm and that like wink in her eye and like just that like Jenna say Quastar quality like she totally has it all. Yeah, she say, coffee nails by the way, did I hear that incorrectly? Coffee nails? She could not have said coffin nails. She probably said, I don't think so.

Yeah, she listed a bunch of trashy shed. I don't know. Could have been sheet of who knows. Yeah. So then, um, a van der pompers like, wow, you know, I hope that you're still going to give them La la even though you're wrapping dogs a la because she's like in her boots like, guys, I'm gonna get that laser And then the photoshoot starts and the photographers like, okay, at least I'm gonna have you flanked by the tom

So she's like, well that sounds rude Yeah, and At least I'm gonna have you flanked by the Tom's and she's like, Well, that sounds rude. Mmm. Yeah. And so then, Jackson's out back and he's talking about he will come to the party tonight for like just about an hour or something, something like that, you know. Oh, I'm sorry, I have to stop this. What's going on? Coffee Nails is a shape of nail, okay? It's a nail shape.

Thank you people for telling us in the comments. Thank you. Okay, you can continue. Wow God, I love style trends that are named after death. So we should have we should have live shows every day so we can our stupid questions can be answered immediately. It's really wonderful So you don't go off and make asses of ourselves for a full hour before we find out where I'm completely dead wrong I don't have coffin nails. I have I call them DCN's dry cuticle nails. They're so chic check out my dry cuticles. Yeah, I have any back nails snack nails

Which is not to be confused with snack wells so So Jackson I got to the party tonight and then I think he's talking with Brittany and she's like, well what about Sandoval? And he's like, so what's wrong? What about Sandoval? She's like, he's like, yeah, things are cool. Things are cool.

Lala is talking about Brittany Jackson. Yeah, and he's like, yeah, there's nothing to talk about. We're fine, it's cool, nothing to talk about. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine I'm trying yeah, and Brittany's like you know there He's no point button with Tom saying no bail anymore. I mean, there's just no point Yeah, cuz you're fucking wrong and you're turning into your husband where you can't even talk if you're wrong You just completely shut down the conversation. Just care whatever he says, you know, yeah So then Lala's new song is coming up and so she's like, please just stay as long as our new

Oh, please don't leave it for the new song long enough. Yeah, stay long enough that you can hear our new song It's totally gonna drop and it's gonna be song of the summer. So Ariana comes over and she's like Hi, oh god. here are my face. Wow. Anyway. She's like, hey guys, and Jackson's totally staring at her rack. Because she's wearing like an open shirt, where your boobs are taped to the shirt or whatever

her blouse. And he's like, just like, creepily eyeing her up and down. Yeah, so she just asked to talk to Jack Salon. So she sits down and Jacks, and he's being nice. He's putting on the Jacks' charm. And she's like, hey, what's going on? He's like, he's like, oh, it was a pool party or they were asked to talk about the pool party

and he starts saying, yeah, yeah, it was getting like a little chaotic that day. I mean, I wasn't really, as upset as Brittany was. Then we see a flashback of him, like losing his mind. So full online again. And then when it comes back, he's like, you know, she just like really took it to heart. She took it to heart.

So he's like offloading this all onto Brittany, which is a lie. And also trying to make the girls feel bad. Like the girls have, like somehow treated their poor friend Brittany. Yeah. Yeah, well that's how they're trying to spend this, right? There were all just being mean to Brittany. You know my feelings.

And so Ariana's like, well, I'm really sorry that she was put in that position. She's like, yeah, you know, because Brittany, she's that's it. She goes by your text. Yeah, by your text. So now Jack stops being like, try to be like Charmin guy. Now he starts becoming evil again. And he's like, well, Tom did the same thing to Stasi. And she's like, and he turned for that.

And he's like, well, Tom likes to put his nose in other people's business. Okay, he does, he likes doing that, you know? And. Yeah, because I don't know why I had to go any further than that. She goes, well, I don't know that the high road has really worked with you over the years. You know, it's really funny. Ariane does this all the time, but especially when she's talking to Jack's, she turns her

head like she's about to turn away while she talks. If you notice that, she's like, it's like a butterfly. No, like she's kind of like talking out of the side of her face. It looks like she's just about to walk off even though she's sitting there I think I would too. I think I would it's like you're winding yourself up a little bit like Yeah, I know She's like yeah, I don't know if the high road is worked with you jacks and he's like oh So another time you make a mistake? You know what I'm human. I'm human. You know what?

I'm gonna make out a mistake. She's that's what humans do all right Sorry broken brain human, I'm human, you know what? I'm gonna make other mistakes, so that's what humans do, all right? Sorry, broken brain, human, all right? I think that unfortunately with Jack, the high road has actually worked too much if you catch what I'm saying. He's still on it. He's currently on that. He's currently on the very high road.

So yeah, so that's his favorite refrain. Am I not allowed to make mistakes? Am I not allowed to make mistakes? Am I not allowed to make mistakes? Yeah, I trust a person that says, I'm human, humans make mistakes, you know? Just sorry, I'm not perfect. Always break up with that person. They're a terrible person.

I've never met one in all of these years. It's a good person. Also, I think that you, if you keep making the same mistake over and over again, then I think the answer is, yes, you were not allowed to make that mistake anymore without some repercussions, you know? Yeah.

Because Ariana goes a lot of those, a lot, a lot. Lots, a lot. So those takes towards people. Yeah, he's like, yeah, you know, I've made mistakes, and I'm probably gonna do it again. And she goes, yeah, I know. I know that you are. And then she tells us, she's like, yeah, you know, I'm in mistakes. I'm probably gonna do it again. And she has, yeah, I know. I know that you are. And then she tells us she's like, yeah,

those aren't just mistakes anymore. Those are pointed choices. This is a pattern. This is a personality. This is who this person is. Thank you. I was like standing ovation in my account, you know, in my living room,

except I was sitting and not clapping at all. But still in my head, in my head, I was. I'm Jack says, yeah, I'm not gonna argue with you. Yeah, my living room, I except I was sitting and not clapping at all, but still in my head, in my head I was. And Jackson's like, yeah, I'm not gonna argue with you. Yeah, you're not, because you're fucking losing, as usual, you know? And he's like, this is your boyfriend we're talking about. And she goes, well, according to you, you don't want us to be together.

And he's like, well, you know, people ask me questions, okay? So I'm gonna answer them. This is the guy who repeatedly will tell Brittany, you know what, like our relationship is between us, okay, and when people ask you questions, don't have to answer them, you don't have to answer them. And then whenever he gets like called out about like saying, talking shit,

he's like, I don't know, people ask me questions, and I answer them, he's just like so defenseless, he can't possibly demeure, demeure, or be like, I don't know, we're just saying something nice, you know? Yeah. And she's like, well, let me just tell you this. You don't have a clue when you talk about me and my life and my business. Is like, I don't care. I don't care.

How about that? I don't care to be honest. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't fucking care. I don't care. So that's the question. Let's talk. Yeah. She goes, then you cannot talk about it.

And she goes, yeah, so when that asked me question, I'm gonna answer it. I'm gonna answer it. And she just gets up and walks off. She's like, I need to drink. Bye. You know, and thank God that there's someone on this show who will just be like, fuck you, bye. And just walk away without having to like have some fake makeup

seen with that. Yeah, who just won't stand for it anymore. And he's such a fucking hypocrite. He is a pathological liar. I think he's emotionally abusive. I mean, I would hope that he's such a fucking hypocrite. He is a pathological liar. I think he's emotionally abusive. I mean, I would hope that he's not anything more and anything like physically abusive. I don't think he's physically abusive,

but then who knows? I mean, the point is this, and I'm not trying to like suggest anything, go down that path. But I do think that he's emotionally abusive. I think he's manipulative. I think he's gotten everything he wants out of life because he gets away with it, And he's just immensely privileged. And he's it's terrible because people like him somehow always get ahead in this

world. And it's it's really not right or fair. And we all see it coming. We all know it. And people like him always get second, third, fourth and fifth chances. It's just it's it's terrible. But he's that guy he's going to be like an autograph signing convention. Remember when Kim Richards went to one of those. Yeah. I found a autograph, Scott. He's gonna be one of those people

at an autograph signing convention. It's just like punching somebody. Yeah, it's gonna be like, he's gonna have the saddest fucking ending ever and I cannot wait. I love a sad ending. So Bretton Max go talk and Max is like bro, sorry for like disappearing you, you know,

disappearing on you last couple of days, but you know, bro, like, I mean, I have to explain where I was coming from. You know what, I do feel betrayed. I do feel betrayed. You know what, like, maybe I was just two that's on explaining how I feel about Dana. Stop.

That was buying this. Okay, shut up. No, literally no one cares about you. And Bret's like, you know, like, I just didn't know you were gonna react like that.'s like, you know, like I just didn't know you were gonna react like that. And if I'd known you be react like that, I'd be bummed. I mean, like, at this point, I'm thinking

that you're like four girls past that. Know what I'm saying? I guess what I'm trying to say is, you fucked five girls since Dana, so stop complaining about the fact that I want a fuck Dana too as part of my five girls that I'm gonna fuck, okay? Except he wasn't even doing that. He's being like, hey, you know what, if I knew that that vagina was your vagina, then I would have just like let you keep the vagina, you know? Like, I only took the vagina out of the fridge because I thought it was like a group vagina, bro.

I didn't know it was like the final vagina in the fridge, you know? Yeah, put a note on it next time. Put a note on it so I won't take your vagina, you know? Some pigs, you know? And Dana watches this and is still like, ooh, wasn't it really mean it? Like how the fucking self-respect? It was a little man. So Max is like, he goes, you know, it's just it's still fresh,

you know, I was still healing for both of us and he's like, I was pretty vulnerable to her by the pool the other night. So what do you want? Like an award, because you were vulnerable, like too little too late. You were vulnerable by the pool and she was like, cool, I appreciate you being vulnerable.

I wanna hang out with Brett now, basically. You don't, like just because you were vulnerable does not mean you were entitled there for it to take Dana back. Everything that you are feeling about Dana, you're projecting onto her. She is not yours. You missed that chance.

She came back to you and you turned her down and she went off with a hot tropical fish instead and that's what happens if you wait too long. So now the whole staff is in the shot and Vanderpub's like, let me look at all of you. You're so beautiful, Jacks. What are you wearing, Jacks? You've got to wear the uniform and he's like, me look at all of you you're so big jacks what are you wearing jacks you've got a way to uniform he's like no no no I don't even own a uniform so I'm wearing basically jacks a shirt I'm wearing one of those polo shirt

you are I'm wearing a polo shirt I'm wearing a maybe like polo shirt with like little little polo thing right here the same colors But yeah, Jackson's like something acting like he's never worn a surf shirt even though we've had like years of him in that black button down years and years and years And then I'll wear what I want when I want. Yeah, I don't like being put on the same level as fucking these other bartenders So I'm assuming he probably is not wearing a face mask either, right? Okay, got it. I'll wear what I want when I want because I'm Jack's. Yeah, probably is I don't take away my freedom. Yeah, so she starts. Yeah, she goes, yeah, it's not working for me.

And Brittany's like, he doesn't even own a short short lease. It's like, don't take up for him. Okay, Brittany's just like, I'm not. I'm just saying he don't even have a short lease. I said, don't take up for him. Okay, Brittney's just like, I'm not, I'm just saying he don't even ever short lease. Fire Britney too. You know, I'm so sick of Britney getting a pass because she's like so sweet and so nice. No, you fucking married this monster

and you not only unleash him on everybody, you're that idiot who brings the pit bull to the park and then blames everybody else's dogs. She's a future Karen. She's a future Karen. You know, I was thinking that last night, because I've been watching, I've been following this Karen Instagram account, Karen's going wild. And I'm like, she is a future Karen.

And she is already Karening a little bit right here. Because she, yeah, and it's interesting because when when Vanderbump says, please stop defending him. Brittany, who exists solely to please other people because you know, fucked up daddy issues or whatever. So now she has to please Vanderpump and please Jacks. So she winds up in this like half and half defense slash, like, I don't know, she winds up saying,

like, I'm not defending him, I'm just saying, hey, he should have worn a black shirt. I'm like, are you, so are hey shit he should have worn a black shirt. I'm like are you so are you trying to put jackson blast now like this doesn't count that doesn't count as you being like an independent person right now this is just lip service for Vanderbump. Yeah and also when I said big pit bull at the park I love pit balls. I just mean like when I went to the dog park there was this dude who brought in this humongous

fucking pit bull without his balls snipped, which you know, makes the dogs more aggressive or whatever. So it would always fight. You wouldn't keep the dog on the leash. So before anyone gets all upset about pit bulls, my dog is a happy, okay? Well, yeah, Sandra Durin says Kingsley. That's all that needs to be said, Kingsley.

Yes, yes. Rajax is basically an unsnipped pit bull. That's what I'm saying at a dog park. So anyway, so yeah, she's like, well, I'm sorry, but you're not wearing a navy blue. You worked at Sir, so change your shirt. And he's like, you guys are making a big deal out of nothing, you know, two wide-weather seabed Tuesday night?

Yes. Oh, that makes it much better, Jackson. It's like, I never do my fucking job, right? Yeah. And by the way, then, give a big fuck you at least Savannah Pump too for constantly like enabling this behavior year after year after year, okay? Because that's bad too.

He should've been fired a long time ago. Well, unfortunately, the Savannah pump is my hero and proves why at the end of this episode. Oh, yes. So, it's a temporary fuck you for right now. Yeah, so she's like, well, you look like a spare pot? Which I'm so glad finally somebody said it.

Just get rid of him. Yeah. So she throws a shirt at him and makes him change and then he just takes a terrible, you know, just me pick. Just me pick. Yeah. So then afterwards,

Brittany now has to like, she has to make sure he feels okay because he was basically attacked in front of everyone. So it's like her job to like cheer him up because otherwise if he's at a bad mood, he's she's gonna get it. So she goes, you look hot and that's all that matters. You're a cool guy, you're a cool guy.

And he's okay, you think I can, I don't give a shit. It's like, Jay, actually, do not antagonize me. Yeah. Well, when he gets sassy with me, he gets sleepy. But he'll come down and come around. Yeah, you're gonna be murdered one day. Yeah. He's like, well, when he gets sassy with me, he gets sleepy, but he'll come down and come around. Yeah, you're gonna be murdered one day. Yeah, okay.

This is one of the worst things she's ever said. When Jack gets in his sassy moods, like putting a euphemistic spin on basically his rage issues and his emotional abuse of you, Brittany. I mean, we all see it, okay. I feel sometimes a little odd, making these claims about people that I see who are edited with that brief flair

and presented to us, because I know it's not the full picture, but it's been like, you know, eight or nine years now. And I think that like, putting this gloss over it that he gets into his sassy moods, almost like it's this cute adorable thing that's like, you know, like, could be a little hallmark movie. No, that's not so good.

That's also Britney like, whenever Britney's wrong or whenever she knows she's in the wrong, she just turns extra extra country. Yes. When he says, I hate it, snappy. Someone's getting a little angry, their bitches. Go.

Like, all right, Britney, you can, you can calm it down. So then Vanderpump comes over to she pulls Jack's side. She's like, what's going on? You know, he's like, oh, you know, same old, same old. She's like, yeah, kind of. I mean, you're the same. And now you're old. But that's not really an answer to my question.

Yeah. It's a kind of bad day. Can I just have a bad day? Can I just have a bad day? I'm just have a bad day. I mean God God. Yeah, what can he just can't just make mistakes and have a bad day? And so Lisa's and by the way, imagine if Tom's hand have all said that to Jack's what Jack's even allowed to have that never so Lisa's like well, it's been a bad couple of weeks. I mean years your whole life has been terrible Let's be honest

You got married in a fake castle in Kentucky. Oh, as a European, you must understand how hilarious that is to me. And he tries that he tries his new area on a spin on things. It's like shit that he's stolen from Ariana because he think she uses depression. It's an excuse. Yeah. So he's he tries to sat on banner pump and it's hilarious. He's like, listen, Lisa, sometimes I have bad weeks. Yeah. So he's he tries to sat on Vannarpump and it's hilarious. He's like,

listen, Lisa, sometimes I have bad weeks, okay? Like I just I get angry and I get sad. And then I go off on people. She's like, yeah, but you do that. You make this somebody making you do that. No, you make those choices. And he's like, but I'm out of control, Lisa. I'm just out of control. My brain's broken. I gap here Which is why by the way I parked right in front in that He's like this must be the biggest year of my life and she's like, why don't you happy? She goes on paper. I got a wife. I got a house. I'm healthy. I mean what's going on with my brain? Is there even one in there? I actually don't think there's anything left in there. And she's like, how do I take care of a wife? My head is all crazy.

And she's like, you take care of your wife. That's what you do. And he goes, oh, no, no. I mean, our marriage is great. I mean, our marriage is great. It's fine. It's great. Like, Jack's, you can't do a hairpin turn

in the middle of your sentence. That does not work. He's like my brain, like when you break your ankle, what do you do with your ankle? She's like, you haven't entered your brain. What are you talking about? He's like, yeah, but how much does it take care of the city? And my brain's broken.

She's like, you just keep doing it. He's like, that doesn't even make sense Lisa. Just it does make sense. I've been married 30,000 years. Can't so with that cleaning guy got his limp trap right now. Do you think it's easy being married to a man with a square rod stew at wig? It's not. All right. But you just keep going.

And so he's insisting that no, no, their marriage is fine. Their marriage is fine. And she goes, oh, you think that guess what? It's not great. It's not. And then which I thought was great. I like that she passes. your marriage is not good, that's only been four weeks. And she basically is like, you know, you know, you got very self-destructive and you need to be the center of attention.

And I think that Jack's has always been Jack's Taylor, but now he's, Mr. and Mrs. Jack's Taylor, and the mistress is too, and that's very difficult. Good. And she's like, well, this is gonna affect your marriage. So get your shit together. He's like, this one's trying to fix it. What are you doing to try and fix it? You've done nothing.

You've done nothing to fix it. So now it's the party time. So the Tom's arrive on their motorcycle thing and Randall and Lyle are there. Randall's like, I miss you guys. Hey. Hey, there's gonna be some fried chicken here. What's the fried chicken, huh? I'm right in the PJ come on so uh uh Tom Schwartz is like oh God oh this is real I mean oh it's a year like I Contributed to that I'm a I'm a Tom. I I cleaned that bathroom once a little bit.

I made aquafaba one time. Oh wow. I've done so much. So Ariana is telling Katie and Stasi. She's like, well, you guys know, Kristen's going to be here and she's bringing her now officially dating exclusively person person Carter. And Katie's like, well, well good at least she finally made a decision Yeah, so then mini-scene a caracan's in Clearly been drinking ever since the photo shoot earlier that day, so she's just like drunk and talking to Max I haven't seen her while I mean I wanted a text and be like hey, I'm here Wow, I mean I want a detection and be like hey, I'm here And he's like yeah, totally a good surprise. Yeah, it's not about surprised. Oh, she's like

He's like not even looking at her. Yeah, no, it's great. It's great. You want my fit bet? I got it for Canadian Thanksgiving. It's like, oh my God, she really isn't mini me. Just everything slightly off brand. Yeah. She's like the up and up version of Cena. I suppose the good and gather version.

Yeah. So Stossine Katie you're talking, and they're talking about what else, Christy? They'd like literally have nothing else. And then she's like, well, she chose the wrong guy, but I'm glad she at least made a decision. And Katie's like, yeah, anyways, good for her. And Stossine's like, all summer long, Christy's been saying that we're bad friends for not being there for her during her breakup, but that's bullshit because they were never broken up. Ty, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm trying to remona.

So Kristen's like, oh, at this point, I already know what to expect from Stasi and Katie, so like, they're not gonna scare me. I'm like, ugh. Yeah, because she's over at the restaurant. She's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like watching like, the things in the car wash, it's like one of them got off, it's like screw and just like, spit out of the car wash. Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

like into Tom Tom. And Katie's like, oh my God, let's go find Bo. Of course, because they're afraid that Christen's good, they see Christen there, so they're afraid that Christen they see Kristen there so they're afraid that Kristen's gonna go oh no she's gonna talk to bow so Lala I mean while is very nervous because this will be the first time that James and Rand will be seeing each other face to face in quite some time so she's really nervous about that so Lala is really nervous about that. So Lala is nervous. I guess that's

all that there is to say about that. Guys, Lala is nervous. She missed her mommy. Okay. What's my mommy? So then Ariana and Stasi are talking and Ariana is like, listen, you look beautiful. They're like, oh my god, you look beautiful. I took my boobs up from the left. I took mine up from the right. Oh my God, and I joined together diagonally. Oh my God, mine horizontally. So Ariana's like, so I feel kind of weird bringing this up to you, but like the other day, Sheena texted Kristen and she said that Stasi

was making fun of my house and Stasi's like, Jesus. I wasn't, okay? Sheena gets your ass over here right now! She's like, you know what I mean? You're all? It's just nice to be wanted. So, she know like, she know motor's over. It's like, you could just see like the like she like, she's like, she basically moves like a like a very fast rumba through the, she's just like,

it's summoned over to her. So she comes on over and She knows like Um, so you said I'm a grown ass woman and I'm not going to two parties especially with a house with no furniture And then we see a flashback. I was Lala who said all those things although Stasi did make one of the furniture too, I believe Yeah, well they're all making jokes about the furniture But it's so funny that she met like repeats the conversation perfectly, but it wasn't Ariana who said it was law. And Stasi is like, I don't even talk like that. So I know that that wasn't me.

And Ariana's like, yeah, I believe her because if Stasi has some shift to say to your facial admit that she said it, you know, and so she's like, when all of a sudden, Ted will have the most beautiful furniture and Valley fucking village, all right? So then before you know it, Mini Sheena is like a fan and now she thinks that like, she thinks that she's now like can be a friend with Saasie. So she's like, Kara's like, it's fine. Everything's okay. Everything's okay. Everything's okay.

It's fine, nah. Everything's okay, ya. She's like, no, actually, it's not always okay. And she's like, Ariana's like, listen, I love you. I love you. You I don't know. You can probably go, it's like cosplay. It's like someone doing cosplay being in the actual scene.

And it's just. Yeah, I think she had this feeling like, okay, now I'm on the show. So I can be like their girlfriend and be like, whatever you guys are finding about, there's like, baggerothing is to worry about. And that's why it's rough. Also, just mixing the casts, like having all and be like, whatever you guys are finding out, there's like, baggerothing is the worry about. So then, That's why it's rough also just mixing the casts, like having all these new younger,

like the younger version, mixing with the older versions, because the younger versions, even that not her, but like Danica, who is coming up, is kind of like kissing the older staffs' ass because she's a fan too, you know? So she's like,

she should not be talking to Stasi like that. Like, obviously, drop, and she's trying to too, you know? So she's like, um, she should not be talking to Stasi like that. Like, yeah, obviously, drop. And she's trying to insert herself into that conversation. I don't like, like, I cannot hop. Yeah, I don't understand what that was about. Danica got herself into a tizzy. And like, what are you? Like, she has to be nice to the most popular girl. So she can be part of it too. Like it too. Like she's carrying her in a different way, you know. She is. So Danica's getting on mat and me and Kara is, she goes to Stas, she goes, oh, oh, Tee, in the hair, which barely makes sense. But she's basically giving lip service to Stasis, like hashtag thing, you know. Yeah. And so Stasis like, yeah, but she's basically giving lip service to Stasi's Like hashtag thing, you know, yeah, and so Stasi's like wow so

Sina and minishina okay both of you she's like she's like she's like and minishina like She's kind of like go away. I just like she's she's not minishina So Danica who's the great white hope for Stasi, comes up and she's like, um, do you even know what you're doing right now? And, uh, Kira's like, no. And she goes, then how about you sat out of this conversation? How about a lot? Kira's like, um, you're a little negative.

By the way, Danica is every single celebrity publicist in Los Angeles at this moment, okay? Yeah. Um, you need to say a way for that conversation. Okay. So, You're doing? I'm sitting down and I'm watching you try to get in the middle of a conversation. So, um, I'm happy to know that you're sitting down watching me because that's where you

should be. I'm carrot. Right. watching me because that's where you're supposed to be. I'm Cara. What? So then, now Chris is like, say hold it back, hold it back. I'm there like holding Tannica back. Yeah, well, and then Cara, Cara like follows her over to where she's watching.

Danica goes over to Brett Willis, who by the way, if you look at Brett Willis on Instagram, he is hot. Wow, wow, Brett Willis. So she goes over to Brett Willis and she's like that girl is a Freaky girl I've ever met my life That's so spring crazy. Who are you? Who are you? And Cara comes up and Christensen in between them, and so where are you touching her? You need to walk that way Many she knows I'm I did not in a long away

Exha for the someone who's talking, shaw, ma, ma. Look, what are you talking about? Now you're seen a, and darinda, like I don't even know what you're saying. That's a great combo, I'm into it. And Chris is like, I've been down this road before, and we see a flashback of,

so could jerk Diana. And then you don't fight with, at least his restaurant and you don't fight in front of Lisa Seriously seriously calm your kids calm your chance shoulder roll shoulder roll Danik is like you're a sucker pause No, no friends that are and you don't got anything to stand on So then they start pushing and shoving those they start moving and then you know, I misspoke I said that Britney is a lot as a as a Karen and training the real Karen and training is Lala

Oh, I actually think it can both be there's room for two Karen's and training Oh god Lala is a true Karen and training because the pushing happens and I guess some wine spills So Lala stands up. Well, I guess I don't know. She goes Danica do not do that do not do that which is Lala's favorite thing to do is to Hector someone with her finger out and do not do that. Okay, I'm dating a Small but wealthy man do not do that. Yeah, she's spelled it. Why not man? So Danica's all pissed check. Oh my god Why I was smiling a man like that

And Lola's like what is wrong with you suck a bitch? Danica Vanderfump comes over. She's like you need to comb down Danica comb down At this point Lisa has like the Terminator vision and she's like scanning for broken bird status She's like is she a broken bird right now? She just middran Broken

My man princess did you push her? I'm like no, I did not lose up, but now dianna cuz like sobbing Yeah, now she's like literally a little girl. She's crying She's got like red wine all over her teeth and everything She's smiling at me And some Lisa goes what is Danica doing acting like a five-road? She supposed to be an assistant manager This is ridiculous Danica says no, I didn't put sure fandom from I promise like you know i can invest in someone old

a long with that honest with me but if they're not done i watch my hands of them oh really oh really his name is jay and then lala's like um she spilled the wine the wine spilled on me i'd like to speak to the manager please oh she is a manager well then i would like to speak to the manager's mom thank you, she is the manager Well, then I would like to speak to the manager's mom. Thank you very much. Yeah, so she gets kicked out Vanderpump kicks her out and Max is like, huh, she probably gets 86 from Tom Tom So wow, I can't believe I made myself vulnerable in that moment too So then James is rapping in the corner. I guess it's his song now. He's like a bit a bit a bit of a parkay flowing

Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. I made tune on last night. Yeah, I don't know the single what now. Eeeh, I'm back. Yeah, it's not my favorite. And then during the song scene, it's like standing on a bar stool like singing all the words like, swaying around like it's her song. And Randall's like, look at that. She's up there sealing your moment. And and I was like no one can steal my moment she's fucking spilled on me so uh James gives an apology to Randall and uh It's basically like I'm sort of everything I'd say I have a deal said it's just not me you know You're a one for person and I see the way that you really do love Lala and like I was just like a shit person and I don't know

I just want to be like you know it's like it's the last thing like I ever want to be like because I was just being a smart Ask and like I don't want that anymore. I'm DJ James Kennedy. I'm the what I can't get and I just had so much respect for you Little man little fat man little fat stupid man Really sorry called you fat man fat man, little fat stupid man. Fat man. What the hell? Really sorry, called you fat man, fat man. Oh, or I apologize for that. What happened again, fat man? Oh, fat man. Oh, fat man.

Oh, he's like, listen, you know what, kid? I know that I see you. What in you talk? And I think you're a good guy under all that. You know, what the alcohol and guess what? When La La is getting married, you know, I think you're a good guy. Maybe you could come to the wedding, you know? It alcohol and guess what when Laila is nice getting married you know I think you're a good guy maybe you could come to the wedding you know it's gonna be fun everything's gonna be great guy come on go I yeah so they're all good and which was you know I wasn't like waiting for a moment for Randall to

like forgive James but I found it actually surprisingly nice. And then, now James is happy. Randall comes off as very nice, but I'm sorry I can't jump on the Randall train like everybody's like, oh my god, he's sound like I love Randall. Sorry, Randall is marrying Lala, okay? It's the same reason no one should be on the Brittany train, okay? You don't just get to marry somebody like that

and be like, I'm a good person, sorry. So then, Rick Hel goes up to James because he DJing all happy, she's like, oh be like, I'm a good person. Sorry. So then, Raquel goes up to James because he DJing all happy. She's like, oh my God, I am so happy. I'm so attracted to you right now. Like I'm so, so attracted. Like I am like 15 times more attracted to you than normal. Which as we all know, 15 times normal is. times normal is just take your ice cream. He's the ice cream

for all the sake or just end day. So then Dana, Dana, Dana takes to see a side of his like, Oh, let me drop this on you. So like Brett said Max has fucked a lot of people. And then now he's not talking to me like no one cares Dana your storyline is so fucking tired It's exhausting So I'm sorry and you don't care about any of them. Yeah So I was just like I really don't know who you are because you just get me something a Grigia thanks I just like to thank you for not being that little sena, okay? Many whoever you are.

So then they have like a funny moment of the Tom's kissing beneath their photo of them kissing. And now Max and Dana have a chat in the back where they're gonna just like really clear the air. So Dana's like, um, drill comedian here, I need to know why you were mad at me. It's like, cause I was totally vulnerable with you. And then it's like, you press the button on purpose

after I was vulnerable. Like I was vulnerable. Yeah, I was vulnerable. So therefore you owe me your love. So Dan, I mean, I don't wanna talk about you. I don't wanna talk to you. I don't wanna know you. I'm good off you.

I'm good off you, which is, I don't know to talk about you. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to know you. I'm good off you. I'm good off you, which is I don't know where he heard that but now he's gonna say 20 ocean man. So then Dan's like she's like um, so Let's let's think about this in that group photo You've stopped with four of the people in that group photo and then Brett told me you had sex with five people since we stopped dating And you're mad at me for kissing one person for kissing Brett and he's like, no man, it's just, it's not like it was spiteful. You know, it's like, oh, it wasn't spiteful.

It just happened, you know, and he's like, cool, cool. I love that for you. Cool. I love that for you. I love that for you. And she's like, yeah, well, you're not here trying to make me the bad guy. It's like, no, you're making me look like the bad guy. Come back. And she's like, he goes well, you're out here trying to make me the bad guy. He's like, no, you're making me look like the bad guy. I come back and she's like, he goes, you're on the Thai horse.

And she's like, you're unlike that janky as Thai horse. I don't know what these are. I don't know why they're talking like this, but they're both wannabe losers. And they need to, they need to like clean it up. I know what they're even saying. Would you like to see the janky high horses penis here? It is. The jankies. I'm good off you. And he's like, I don't care. I told you. I don't even saying. Would you like to see the Janky Hyalosus penis here it is? Oh, the Janky's.

I'm good off you. And he's like, I don't care. I told you, I don't even care. I'm good off you. I'm good off you. And she's like, well, I'm good off you. Raw. He's like, cool.

She goes to the differences. I'm done. And like, I don't go talk shit about you. But you do. You go around talking shit about me. And I know it's going to be hard to hurt you because you don't care. And he's like, oh, yeah. Well, you know, so wait, you carry yourself. It's a little corny.

Ooh, ooh, wow, wow, little corny. And so Danny goes, between Max and Brett, I choose me. I'm like, no, you chose Brett, the terrible decision too. You chose the tropical fish with the perm. Yeah, okay, Elsa, like sorry. You ruined that chance. So, let's make it up. I just need movies at this point. You know, between Dory and Elsa. Yeah, so she's like, at least I'm not the one who walks off

all the time, because I can't handle it. He's like, oh yeah, well, let's not forget. I hired you and then he walks off, which is exactly what you just said. And also, we're talking about hiring somebody after you fucked them and like been in this like weird, like, which employees are fucking who, like call HR, can we just call HR already?

Yeah, what, like, what was, what was his intention in saying that don't forget I was wondering who hired you here? Because that's all he has, that's all the power he has. And that's how he uses, that's what he uses to get a vagina, that's all he's gotten like is saying like he owns part of Tom Tom. But it's also like he wants a remind us of how problematic what he did, what he did was like,

I mean, you know, like it seems to be fine and they're all both consenting and fine with it, but like theoretically that's like a pretty I mean, you know like it seems to be fine and they're all both consenting and fine with it But like theoretically that's like a pretty shady situation, okay, especially if like If you hired someone and then you slip with them and then they move on to someone else and you're still Raging on them and you're still in a management position in a company even though she's at a different restaurant You're still in a management position and now you're still giving them grief. And she's basically like lay off. And then you say, remember, I hired you here. That is like beat. That's actually like massive HR violations, massive. Yeah. I mean, there's no such thing as HR and Vanderpump land. Yeah. There is actually a lovely

woman named HR when the lane is out out of town she holds my dog. Heather Robinson. Vanderpump is like, it needs speech time. You're also old and chunky now. Thank you for coming. Well, what a year 365 days since I was betrayed by all my friends, including Guy Richards and Dorit. Oh, I love each and every one of you list those whose names I know.

There's curly fish over there. There's weasel man with the tattoos and a lady on his penis over there. There's blonde comedian type of person over there. There's two sheeners. I must be drunk double vision. Anyway, I'm rich. Goodbye. Goodbye.

You're all poor. Goodbye. So Tom goes up to Brittany and Jack's and You know, congratulate some of the staff and Brittany's like or Jackson congratulate him and pretty's like, okay, I'm Conqueror. I don't know a good little man. Maybe she recently. I'm over in that. I'm a good person and I get over thing Unfortunately, Jack thing over. He's got a lot more to do with jack But I forgive him because I'm a good person also. Yeah, nothing to fucking forgive for nobody did me things to you Brittany Well, she can get out. She can't deal with people being mad at her Which I speak from experience because I'm like that too by the way everything that I'm bringing like this is all you this is all you and your fucking husband nobody owes you an apology I love that she acts like she's Jesus fucking Christ

Because she whipped at someone's finale party. Let's also like not Yeah, and let's also not forget that one stand-in-all walked up she goes I'm kind of buzz I was like okay, all right stay out layoff Now we have two conversations. We've got Jackson Tom talking and then we've got Kristen talking to the other witches. Yes. So Jack starts it off and he's like, well, you know what bro? I feel like I'm at the end of my line like you're the you're like lines. Hey, would you have a line to a line? I'm going to the end of my line. I need another line. I need another lunch. What? So he's like, we're like girls, when we get into relationships, set up a friendship. I'm like, okay, once again, Jack's with the girl thing, okay? So then we got to actually,

you're like an ex male hooker who's too old to get money selling his asshole anymore. And now you're just better, because you're washed up and have nothing else to do with your life. Okay, that's actually what's going on. I love how we're just like scorching the earth with this recap, we're just going in. So Christopher five we're just like scorching the earth with this recap we're just going in. So Chris is going to be five hours long. It's like the war in peace recap. So um, Chris and Stassin and Katie are talking and Chris is now like um, I've just been like really sad about everything this summer and like I still don't completely understand it.

Thrive! Um, but I thought card not, I just, I thought card not were done forever, but it turns out that we're thriving, thriving. Seriously, seriously. The ride, the ride. And so Katie's like, yeah, how did you guys rid together? And Stasi's like, whatever, you know, look, you've known if a star friendship hasn't been the same for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very,

a long time. And Katie's like, yeah, and like, you wanna hear what you wanna hear and that's it. And then you're like, this isn't what I need. And then's like, yeah, and like, you want to hear what you want to hear. And that's it. And then you're like, this isn't what I need. And then we cut back to Tom going, like, dude, you hold things over me. Like, you're not invited here and you're not invited there. You can't come with a bathroom party. You can't come to the wedding. And he's like, what is my wedding, dude? It's my way. If I'm one of the yellow flowers in my hair, it's what I juke. It's my wedding. I'm a human with a broken brain I said I was like dude, but I wasn't allowed to have a single disagreement

I was gonna married. I was gonna marry you be a guy's bitch until he gets married That's probably being a best man. I don't see the problem Broken brain. You gotta help it out a little bit broken brain Yeah, and then yeah, then he starts this whole victim thing It's like he's yelling at him. He's still on the same path like you're you're an asshole for not being my bitch for eight months And then he immediately switches into victim mode and he's like, dude Something's wrong with me like I was in home depot buying flowers and yeah, because that's there's the problem There's the problem. You're gonna need a flower. It's mom dep mom Depot Are you gonna put a comma on this and start a new problem?

Yeah, he's like, and then there I am I'm breaking down crying on aisle eight What he's like I'm like a handicap like a handicap person I'm like, oh come on man. Don't like like it's your all pass, but I'm like a handicap I'm not a handicap. I have to do my bitch, and don't not handicap anymore. By the way, Jack's would never be anyone's bitch if he was the best man. I guarantee it. No. So Stasi, back with Stasi, she's like, what's frustrated me is the victim mentality you've

had. Okay, you go crying to everyone at baddest because we're just so mean to you. I'm sorry, but you are fucking mean to her. You're so terrible, Duh. And if you just left her alone, like, well, we don't like her anymore, we're not friends with her, fine. But you don't, you go shit talking to every single person who I listen,

you know, trying to get them not to talk to her either. Yeah, and also like, I get it. Like, I understand why they were frustrated with her, but I also feel like they don't have to like, just throw out the whole friendship because of it. They could just be frustrated and just tell, we're not talking about Carter. Not talking about Carter. Not talking about La la la la. Just do that to her, you know. Just do that, you know. So, yeah. Kady's was like, well, that's how you, that's how I feel. Like you're yelling, you're

name calling, like what the hell? And then she goes um Katie goes um it's always been about you Kristen It's been a very convenient narrative like it has and like you want to act like you're confused You if you want to act like you're confused be confused go home and remind yourself that this is all because of you Like you know, Kristen had the wrong approach. You should just brought two piles of ranch It would have all been solved. No kidding. And so Jack's back to Jack's, he's like, you know what? I just feel like, I just feel like friendship. Like, it shouldn't be a cause of struggle, you know? And I was like, yeah, like, I feel that way too. And then Tom starts getting here. It's like, I was begging for some Tom Tears in this. I know. Tom's like, it was close for some Tom tears in this.

I know. Tom's like, it was close. It was close. That shows that he really is over because he wasn't even crying. And Tom's like, dude, it's like a constant one upper and Jackson one upper. One upper. I took three uppers for this conversation. What are you talking about? One upper way more uppers than that, buddy. So then Stasi is like, okay, the witches of WeHo done so RIP, I can't with this anymore, my fucking brain is gonna explode, okay, I'm done with this. And then we get like a monologue from Stasi, like, God, it's so hard saying

by the Kristen, I'm just like, when I first met her, I was like the new young one at Sirage, she was like the cool old lady who taught me how to steal wine, you know. It's like, steal wine and embroider things and spin yarn from wheels. She taught me all those things. She taught me how to do the Charleston and how to take a stick with a hoop and chase after it in the yard like she did when she was a child. Wow, I mean, I really learned so much from her. Why is old age when I first came here to serve? Hmm.

And so she introduced me to Jacks to Schwartz to bow even. And now I don't even know she's going to be standing at my wedding. And then we cut back to Jacks and Jacks. And Jacks is like, dude, I don't even know what to do. I don't even know what to do anymore, dude. And he's like, I don't either, Jacks, you know, you keep doing the same shit for 20 years.

And finally, I'm just like, fuck this. And Jacks is like, whew, wiping off his meat coke sweat. You know you get doing the same shit for 20 years and finally I'm just like fuck this and jacks is like Wiping off his meat coke sweat, you know Yeah, and Santa he's basically like I'm just not sure if I have the space in my life for jacks I feel like I'm wasting my energy and love on the wrong person I'm like well it only took you seven seasons since jack slept with Kristen, but I'm glad you finally Had the realization better late than ever. Yeah, and Tom's like, uh, I don't know, Jackson, I'm establishing boundaries right now. I'm not doing that anymore. And he's like, maybe we should just take a break, dude. It's like, no, this is not

a break. This is done. Yeah. People are finally fucking sick of you. It's so nice to see everyone. It was a great moment. It felt like a a real moment and I think it is real because when Tom and Ariana came on the crappies they talked so much shit about jacks. That was amazing So jacks is like he's just basically like oh fucked up a lot of things Oh, we're gonna take a break a time out of the law so then and then it was interesting because now sort of comes like full circle It's the very beginning of the season release is saying I don't know where to start is that jacks outside my house right now with his Mustang I swear to God congratulations on your penis yeah congratulations on your penis enjoying driving so Lisa that's that's my kind of disc hey enjoy driving I was gonna say something a lot meaner and I decided I decided I was gonna channel on my

Regent to this instead so Lisa's like I don't know what to start this was years of friendship that I thought was last forever Friendship and abuse and manipulation and excuses in quote-unquote mistakes. I thought it would last for so long I don't know where we go from here Yeah, and so then Vanderpump pulls Jack's aside. And he's like Lisa, like, I'm gonna die one day, you know? And these are like my friends. These are like my real friends, like lifelong. And it's like,

I'm gonna be the one. I'm gonna be the one. That's like what it means, the emotions, sort of. And she's like, well you got to put your friendship back together then. Because he's like no This is not just for just have a television show Lisa. These are my true friends. This is why my show is successful I was like did he just oh it was like I think it was a moment where I like It was kind of like a moment. I kind of made the entire season worth it for me. I don't know why

It is and I actually have a clip. Oh, I think I put it in my notes. Let me see here. I wrote down the whole model. I'll give we need it. I I put on the closed caps. I want to read it. Hold on. I have to I have to get it because I wrote it down to you But it's not in these notes. So hold on a second. Hold please. I'm going to these notes because I love this Okay, so she's like it is not your show. It's my show show so don't be respectful with me. Don't start with that He's like you put your ass on it It's like you she goes I understand You know you need to understand stop making yourself feel more special than you are Okay, and then the monologue the van to monol it was amazing. We're all human beings

We're all going to lose people. We're all going to fall in love We're all going to have great places. We're all going to fuck up Stop being depressed on yourself. We're all going to lose our parents We're all going through tragedy because that's what life's about You've got to deal with it. You've got a beautiful woman. You've got every chance in life pull it together Go see someone talk to them and realize how lucky you are and a fucking story! The moment that he said it was my show, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, she was not having that and she just, who knew that Lisa could ever read anyone for filth and that she would do it to Jack's finally

That's why they that's why they broke that fourth wall because that was that was a very surprising thing that they included that line of him saying This is my show and you know like that was they've been breaking the fourth wall more and more on Bravo in general And that was a major one and yeah, but they had to because it was such a You know that brief flare That's what it is. That brief flare. Yeah. I mean, look, Lisa Vannabub, she has her new tractors and stuff. And she's one of the wins over the years that I just love.

I don't care. I will stand up for her no matter what. And this, I was proud to be a Lisa Apalto. Yeah, it was great. Lisa moment at this episode. It's like, what a way to end it. And also, by the way, and I hope that's how they send off Jack's by you were fucking done, dude. I thought the editing in this moment was actually excellent,

because while she was having a monologue, we're also seeing all the cast members, because every time she said something, they showed someone who like represented all of that. And that's why it felt like it was kind of the summation of eight seasons worth of drama and storylines. James has finally found redemption. Tom is gonna be independent, he can be a businessman.

Tom and Katie, unclear. I'm sure there's like a ho-ho in there or something that they can share that night. I don't know. But like, but everything just, it seemed like everyone was starting a new, is starting a new chapter of their lives. And, and the editing and that monologue really underscored that.

I mean, you forgot a big one. I mean, Charlie finally ate pasta. Charlie ate pasta. Actually, I don't know if you heard this. Charlie appeared on a podcast. Was it Ryan Bailey's podcast? I'm not sure, but she appeared on a podcast and the reason why she has, I didn't listen and I didn't even read that much into it, but apparently the reason why she has very

picky food things like never having avocado or pasta. She was sexually assaulted and somehow that trauma is related to that. I didn't get into it but I was like oh so there was that. Wow. But yeah for the end of this yeah it was it was a pretty different. I mean I can't it still does it still does well in the ratings so I don't know what they're gonna do. For sure. I mean, well, who knows? Because these days, who knows what we'll be back because of coronavirus, but.

Well, I'm sure it'll be back at some point, but God, I hope they get rid of Jackson, Brittany. So, but I think they should get rid of pretty much all the old gas, almost. You know, just get rid of them. Keep it about Tom, Tom, or just spin it off to Vegas. I mean, this, this new sheen is trashy as hell. She's pretty much a disgusting trash garbage human being. But hey, that's what the show is built off, you know? Yeah, I think you just have to keep it focused on the restaurants where like, yeah, I just

don't think we want to see the adulting. I think I would have, give it a Brittany and Jacks, even though he is a major villain and anytime Bravo gets rid of a major villain, it's always a very scary thing because sometimes shows do not rebound from that. Look at, but they don't need to be a, he's a villain of the old cast. Yeah. You know, so they don't, if they move on, all these new cast members are all villains, you know, they're like, all fine, totally fine being a villain. So, but they should get rid of the new cast You mostly except Danica and Charlie I think I actually think the girls on the new cast are all fine. I think I mean Brett is like a blot to me, but I think he can come I think he can come back because he's so and he's so ridiculous

I think Max is actually a waste of a casting experience because I think that like, I mean, I would fire Brett and Max just based on their tweets, but I'm just saying theoretically in a vacuum of just like what we see on the show, like I don't think Max actually brought anything interesting or entertaining to the table or like nothing likable, nothing, like nothing engaging, just nothing funny, like he's just like a waste of a casting slot.

Yeah, agreed. Well, that brings us to the end of the season. Of course, there's going to be reunions, Zoom reunions, which have proven to be pretty fun so far. So we're actually excited for the next month of those, whenever those start airing. In the meantime, we will be back with a video recap on Friday, but we'll be back tomorrow with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

And thanks to everybody who joined us live. It's been really fun reading these comments throughout the show. If you missed a live show you can still get it and all of our videos over on crap and so on to Mayans and I think that's it for that A-B-N. That's it. Thanks everyone for tuning in and we'll see you tomorrow. We love you guys. Bye. Thank you. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.