Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: United in Holy Matri-Maloney

Episode Date: April 16, 2020

Tom and Katie head to Las Vegas with everyone (except Kristen) on this week's Vanderpump Rules. Why? Because they need to get officially married... again. Meanwhile, we meet Black Mirror Scheana (aka Karrah), and Lisa wears a prom dress. #vanderpumpian See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crapins Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watcher Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker of the Real Housewives of Kitchen Island, and I'm almost got a new episode done. Maybe it'll be up on Friday.

I don't know. Okay, stop brushing me, okay Mario? But Fingers crossed, it'll be up on Friday. And then also of the Game Brain Podcast, if you like board games. I'm one of the rotating hosts on that podcast and joining me is the wonderful and hilarious Roni carrom of the Rose Prick spat Rose podcast, which is now covering Listen to your heart, right listen to your heart. Oh my god. Yes, and then we started this week And now recap is so much fun. You guys should go listen to it. What a funny What was the show were you was it like so bad, it's good,

or was it just like, I mean, I actually really liked it. I was shocked with myself. The stuff in me really liked it. We both were like, what the hell, what kind of Twilight Zone is this? We're like, oh my God, this is actually really fun. Wow.

Because it's a singing show too. So still, everybody's a horror on it. You know, they're there for, they're there because I think they're gonna actually become famous from the show. So they're, you know, they're still attention-horus, which is what you need for those kind of dating shows. But on this one, they sing. And they're actually talented. Like there's actually some talented people. And you know, I love a talented singer, girls, that here in cry. I'll be like, fuck this idiot.

And type all these notes. And then I'm cry. And I be like, fuck this idiot. And type all these notes and then I'm crying. And I'm like, okay, you need to pull it together. You know, like a girl got hurt by a guy on the show. She got her feelings hurt and so she sing a ballad. I was like, oh my God, this is up my alley. Yeah. Oh. Wow.

So that's actually really fun. So go check that out. Wow, okay, that sounds bizarre. So you guys, we actually have some stuff that we would love for you to listen to. We don't have much chilling to do these days anymore, which is actually kind of nice. But there is some, this is an important announcement. In case you probably, we probably could have guessed by now, but now let's make it a fish. All of our May and June shows have been postponed.

Same deal as our April shows. But now let's make it a fish. All of our May and June shows have been postponed. Same deal as our April shows. We will find new dates for them in the fall, or whatever this crazy coronavirus lifts, will have new dates and your tickets will be honored. And if you cannot make the new dates, then you can get a refund at your point of sale. So just wanted to make sure you all here. I'm super bummed. I was really, well,

I've been looking forward to all our shows, but May was gonna be a huge month for us. We were gonna play the biggest theaters we've ever played in and it's a real bummer that we have to postpone those. But listen, we will, we will be there eventually. So yeah, we'll be there eventually and we're still gonna be doing our quarantines live shows. Yeah, So we're going to be doing one of those Friday night. We're going to do the premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on Friday night. We're going to have a pre show on Instagram at 6 o'clock. Yeah. Pacific time.

And then we're going to do the main show on crap and on demand. So you can become a part of that. It's the $5 level on Patreon. So just go sign up for that. We'll be on there at about 630 Pacific to do that. Yeah, on the crap, it's on demand. And then because we're shameless. So we've been talking about how we have this Rumba giveaway

that we're going to be doing in Iroba Rumba I7. We will announce the details for that during our pre-show on IG Live on Friday night. And as you all probably can see, Roomba's have changed our lives, so we want to help you change yours. So say tuned for that. Also another thing, you know, Rod and I are broke on Cameo, which is this fun little service where you know you bave, you know, like all the real housewives than Rod and I are on

this doing little videos. But from the 16th through the 18th, if you book a cameo, if you book a cameo with me, all 100% of the proceeds are going to charity. The charity is, I'm so back, I don't even remember the specific name of it, but it's basically for restaurant tours. Restaurants, restaurants that are in trouble, it is technically the National Restaurant Association Educational Foundation. So we know restaurants are being hit really hard right now. So this is something that Cameo is doing like with a lot of from the 16th to the 18th with a lot of creators or whatever we're

called up around there. And so if you feel like booking a cameo and or just feel like supporting a restaurant, that's a way to do it. So from the 16th to the 18th, help your restaurants and book a cameo. And also speaking of restaurants, go check out Neptune's net. That's where Jackson Brick got married. Yeah. Okay. So go eat some of their food.

Waterloo here in Austin is still doing curbside. Austin catering is still planning, you know your family events or whatever You need for for your house. Obviously don't have a million people over But we're just if you want a delicious dinner they're doing that and then we've got a couple other business Shout-outs today. We'll be bringing you these You know as we get them But one of them is for a wedding planner named Kate McClellan, hi Kate. She's with purple clover events and obviously a lot of people have had to cancel their wedding

or postpone their weddings. They're still getting married. And you know that when wedding season comes back, when we're all out of the house, you're going to be busy as F and so we're at the wedding planners. So you might want to still plan that. So she is doing Zoom wedding planning right now. And the way to find her is just going to Instagram and follow at planning collectively,

planning collectively, and she's doing planning sessions. She's doing free Zoom wedding planning calls for any couples, not just her clients. So you guys can still talk to her, get your wedding together. And then we have a friend named Christina who does Real housewives coloring books and cards and stuff like that. So if you guys want to be, want to send your friends good gifts housewives themed gift, she does adult coloring books, really good greeting cards. She's a fantastic artist. And

you can find Christina's work to buy over at helloharlet.com. Hello, harlet.com. Hello, harlet. And if you have a small business that needs a shout out and needs a little support, just email us, watch what crapens at gmail.com, and just make sure you put in the subject. Small business shout out. Small business shout out, because otherwise it'll get lost

in all sorts of random silly emails that we get from like, you know, like, congratulations. Your website's been updated, you know, like, all that stuff. So, we've got some more, we've got some more, but we really have to dig because people, so if you've sent one and you haven't heard it, feel free to send it to that. Yeah, you have resend it and just say a small business shout out and that way we can just search for that and we can see the ones that have been on red, et cetera, makes it easier and that way we can then, you know, we can show your shit for one set of our shit. Yeah, okay, so let's get to the show. Yeah, shit that needs to be shilled or shoveled or whatever, it's Vanderbub rules. Yeah, so let's shovel some shit with Vander

Prump rules. Okay, guys, I don't like jumping on bandwagins, you know, like the internet bandwagon. So the moment are the show's over, it's over. I don't think it's over, still enjoy Vanderbump rules, but you guys need to get your shit together over there. Okay, I don't know what's going on, but this is only episode 15, and I wanted to poke myself in the brain within your,

in ice pick. Okay, get it together, Vanderbump rules. Yeah, this show is in such a strange place. I mean, again, I've been enjoying the season, I think more than the internet has been enjoying the season, but last night's episode was a little challenging, mainly because it focused on Katie and Tom, really, to the least interesting people

on the cast these days. We've sort of moved away from feuding, which I don't like. I mean, it's a sad thing when the most interesting thing that happened was that Danica wore some sort of shackle around her half sweatshirt. Okay, like that was, that's like the only thing that was really no worthy. But this week opened up, we're at Katie in Tom's house, Tom Schwartz's house, and we just hear Schwartz be like, yeah, blah, blah, that's not right, sexual, yeah, blah, blah.

And of course, they're talking about pizza that has ranch on it. I think the best part of this entire show with the new Trixie song. Did you catch it? No, I did. I think not. I'm surprised I didn't. I think I was in a food coma. Well, I would like to bring out Miss Pattyty the phone. Yes, I sing this song

Here's the new song by Trixie Ponykel entitled star gazing Star gazing Placing It really is Amazing Star-gazing trailblazing and amazing well done tricks that with that would actually had a little bit more Lyrical depth to it than her then then someone for more recent hits such as 5 4 3 2 1

I'm on a lot of songs with Zing and I'm, all right, who else is going through an odd place, I'm only seeing songs with Zing. Pai LaPone has been really having an interesting quarantine experience. She's been shooting a lot of videos in her basement. I know that you posted one recently. She has this brown basement. everything's like brown in there with weird sort of, it's not really kitschy. I don't know what you describe the stuff.

She's got like a jukebox and old, tiny, diner kind, not diner. It's like weird antiquey shit. That's not quite kitschy, not quite campy, just sort of creepy, just fucking creepy, okay? You don't know that you need patty-lipone wandering around her basement in a turban singing songs from Sunset Boulevard until you really get it, you know? And then she's like, alright cameraman, I'm gonna do a shot of this

This jukebox, and I want you to close up on it with a crane What the hell? She's such a weirdo and I love it. I'm so excited to patty the phone, discover social media. I know. I mean celebrities in quarantine, seeing how they all deal with it and seeing inside their homes has been really great. And my favorite is when people like Ellen DeGeneres complained that they feel like they're

in a prison and they're just like these gorgeous modern sleek homes that like make the fancy people's house in Parasite just look like a hovel. Yeah. People just decided to go all in on Ellen during this. They're like fuck her. The basic theme of this is the downfall of Ellen, this entire quarantine. They're like, you know what? Fuck Ellen DeGeneres.

Well, you know, like literally, I mean, I think we've discussed this on the show, right? That like everyone always says she's so mean. If people say that she's so, so mean, I don't know if it's true. Yeah, well, I came out with a tweet. The way it started was this dude came out with a tweet and it said, we've always heard that Ellen is a nasty bitch. Tell us your nasty Ellen stories. And so it was like thousands of comments on this tree. And it went national. And now everyone's like screw her.

And that Ellen in prison thing, she was, I think she was making a joke that like, it's prison, the foods always mushy and everyone here is gay, you know? So it like continued on besides to say. It wasn't just like this prison. Right, it wasn't like, oh, it's as hard as me, it's a miss for you. But yeah, you know, I'm with it.

If even half of the stories that I hear about Alan are true, you know. I'm in for a good quarantine. Yeah, we just have our pitchforks out today mainly because. Yeah, maybe. Kitting top. Yeah, fucking K. K. I'll go after anyone today.

You just say who and I'll just make a rant about them. Yeah. So, yeah, they're talking about having grante on pizza. And if you're wondering why we're not talking about the show that much, 12 minutes in, this is why. Okay, I was like, what do I have? I wrote three times on my notes. What are we going to talk about today? Yeah.

So I'm glad that Ellen was here to help. Yeah. You know, see, Ellen is nice after all. So she died, so the band of front rules could live. So anyway, yeah. So basically, Tom Sandevol does not, he's like, dude, I've never gotten into Ranch on pizza, dude. And Stas is like, I feel bad for you. Have you tried it, AF?

And Tom is like, this is, I guess, one of the regress in his life, he just cannot really get into Ranch on pizza. Yeah, so Katie and Tom are back to their! Which is, you know, usually I love with like a terrible relationship. You see it kind of cracking at the scenes and people faking it. Just not in the mood for it right now. Fuck you both.

Fuck your pizza with ranch and back to fuck you both. I find that's all I have. These days I'm angrier at Tom Schwartz than I am at Katie. I find that consistently Tom Schwartz makes my blood boil. Well, Katie's like Okra, like you've always hated it. So why do you need to hate it more now? Like you're used to hating Okra, but Tom is like candy corn. We're one you used to like it, but now you just see it for the

disgusting piece of crap. Waxy shit. It is. You know, Mountain Dew. Yeah. Right. Or Mountain Dew with candy Corns in there. The legal crack at the South girl.

When I was a kid, like Mountain Dew was like amazing. I have not, I can't remember the last time I had Mountain Dew, but to me, I look at it and I'm like, oh my goodness. Yeah, Mountain Dew is a lot, it's associated a lot with meth heads and stuff, because when you quit your meth, the only thing that can really keep up with knocking your teeth out quickly and cracking you out as a mountain dew. So, like the legal meth. What a terrible name by the way,

for a soda mountain dew. That's terrible. So then we go over to the only good scene in this episode. Mountain dew, mountain sweat, mountain body odor, okay? So yeah, so so yeah they're preparing for mountain arm pits. They're like run off from a geological area so yeah so anyway blah blah blah blah they're getting married again wow so now we go over to a place called the conservatory I told you

I'd have my pitch forks out out. Here comes my pitchfork. Here's today's pitchfork or this scenes pitchfork. For my 40th birthday, I was like, whoa, where am I gonna have my birthday? So I had gone to the conservatory once, I had lovely drinks there, it was like very, it was very cute. And I was like, this would be a perfect place.

Cause I was like, I'm gonna actually rent a little room. Cause I never rented a room for my birthday. Cause I'm like, I'm gonna actually rent a little room because I never rented a room for my birthday because I'm like, I will spend as little money as possible. I do not want to spend $50 for anything if it involves like, I thought it was a birthday, I don't want to spend money for something.

But I was like, you know what, I'm gonna spend money. So they have a back room at the conservatory and I was like, hey, how much for your, can I rent out your back room? And I figured it'd be like $1,000 or something like that. I was like, I'm gonna throw money at this.

They go, sure, it's $10,000. I was like, what? You guys are charging $10,000 for the back room of this new place that used to be called Beach Nation. Come on. So that's why. Oh, that's a conservatory. Oh yeah, I've been there.

Yeah, it's really nice, but like $10,000 and then I was like I was like well, they're like and I was like that's a lot they go well if you don't want the backroom We could just like give you like a like a seating area, but it's like not private I was like okay, how much is that actually 7,000? I was like you were out of your mind conservatory Yeah, especially when you could just walk across the street to hamburger Mary. Yeah, you know, it's like do it for free Anyplace yeah, or anywhere. Yeah, just in the street. Yeah Well, this is my favorite scene of the show because it's Sarlie Sina and Danica

Mm-hmm And Let's just very it's just so very she now. She's like Yeah, okay, we get it you know eggs and stuff And um, it's just so very she- I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like my Botox doctor, which is really, I think, that should just be made into a million t-shirts. Just a mantra for living. Yeah, so Shina found out that about the vaguest thing that's happening today, which she just kind of waxes right over, so she's like, so I find out that Teddy and Katie

and Tom are going to Vegas and I told Dana, girl, you're lucky to come out me with that cake. Yeah. She went broke down, so I find out that Teddy and Katie and Tom are going to Vegas. And I told Dana, girl, you're lucky to come out with that cake. Yeah. I wrote down. So I don't I don't know. She's just in a talking mood today. Yeah. She's in a talking mood. Poor Sheena, by the way, she's going through this process of egg retrieval, which is very like difficult. And she's been dealing with it. And it's sort of also epitomized as a, I'm sure there's like a lot of emotions or that's around it that we saw last week You know fear and you know concerned about the future and will I actually ever get to use these all these things They don't even show it

The producers will show any other medical thing. It's like oh, I've got a hang nail must get some like new bats blood Hang nail therapy, but like God forbid there's like a certain like She shoes going through a surgery that actually has some sort of like meaningful, you know, impact on her life They just totally ignore it. She can't get it I know that one side of this is like hey guys be fair to Shina show her podcast and you know So her egg retrieval process, but the side is, thank you for not making me sit through an Egritrival process. And only showing she know when she's gonna be making out

with some horror of a guy and making like terrible, bottled old El Paso, Pesbacante, and Jaladas at her house in Marilla, okay? Yeah, I mean, listen, these shows in general include way too many doctors visits and procedures So I was happy not to see it I just felt bad that they wouldn't even give it to her or that no one was willing to even shoot with her so she could have a scene there Yeah, well because you know it's probably Marina Del Rey. They're like she and no we're not driving to Marina It's about enough. We all have to go to the deep valley, okay

I'm not going to fucking Marina too. So Everyone's like oh eggs fascinating. So anyway, I'm talking to Dana in the corner. And she's like, I'm honestly, I was a misunderstanding because she thought I was upset that her part went to lunch and the girls are both like, oh, she goes, but like the other connection, so that's fine. The only thing I had a problem with was that she was like, you know, she went out on a date with him and then didn't tell me how after. Okay, so you were upset.

You were upset about everything. She's like the only thing that upset me was that she knew I liked him. She thought I liked him, but still wanted to date. I'm like, so you are upset about the entire, the total experience that Dana had. Yes, yes, yes. So Charlie's like, aren't like Max and Brett,

like best friends right now, cut to Max and Brett. Yeah. Being best friends in front of a giant clock. Like a nickel masterpiece. Yeah. And they're training at Tom Tom Max is training Brett to be a bartender because Brett's like, Oh, I'm not cut out to be a server. Like, I'm a talker. So. So then you're not cut out to be a bartender either. Commissions. Here comes one right now. Celebrity beef.

You never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasai. And I'm Sydney Battle. And we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us?

We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent tick-tock of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts.

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And, she ain't no shrinking violet koo-char. We love you guys So breaths like it's like dude can I tell you the truth? Mandane made out it wasn't something I planned it's just something that happened After I asked her out on a date where I was playing the kisser. It's just something that happened Yeah, he's like we had three of their fruity drinks and like that got me. Yeah I like it was that he acts as if just something that happened. You literally asked around on a date, okay, and you kissed her. Like that's it's, it's, it's,

Well, something you say when you cheat on somebody, right? It's like it wasn't planned, it just happened. Like who are you breaking up with, okay, get over yourself. And so Max doesn't care, but then everyone keeps telling Max he's supposed to care. So eventually he does start caring. He gets mad by the end of the episode, but he everyone keeps telling Max he's supposed to care. So eventually he does start caring. He gets mad by the end of the episode, but he's like, what the fuck would I care? I fucked like three girls who were trying to get a job here yesterday. Okay.

What the fuck do I care? I don't think he cares. I think that he just, for once, he actually has some sort of leverage. So he's just going to go with it. He has the leverage of saying, like, I liked you, but you broke up with me. Or we were cool, bro, but then you, but then you went after my girl. He, I think he's just putting in his back pocket

to use when the time is right. Yeah, he's learning slowly that he can do that, you know? Because at first he's like, what do I care? And he's like, but dude, tell me, tell me that you care. Tell me if you care. He's like, I don't care. Like, if you have connections, it's fine with me. He's like, but dude, like if this is overstepping,

like a totally stopped, dude, a totally stopped. And he's like, no, yeah, nope, still don't care. Okay, everybody, notice how much he doesn't care. Okay, just put that in your back pocket for later. I mean, if she's the sort of girl who wants to kiss a weathered tropical fish, then she's just not the girl for me, so go have her. Yeah.

Basically, Dana right now is a girl scout selling shit, terrible neighborhoods in the terrible neighborhood. She's going from terrible house to terrible house. Yeah. Basically, if this girl wants any respect as a girl scout, she just needs to find a better neighborhood. Yeah, or better cookies. So Charlie is like,

Charlie's like, wait, so Brett asked Dana on a date too, cause she's just learning about this, cause she's usually, she gets the news a little later. And she's like, she's like, so is he just like going around the restaurant, just is he just like that guy walking around the club, trying to pull anything he can get off the wall? I'm like, have you seen his hair?

Yes. Yes. And she's like two things I've learned about LA guys here just bang each other like everybody just bings each other here and they don't care. And number two, the genres don't have a face. Well, number three, they have some weird thing here called pasta. You heard of it? Avocado's ruined lives, number four. So Charlie's like, I mean, he's ridiculous. He's like, I have a connection with everybody. Who's next? Lisa. And then we go over to Barney's where Lisa and Ken are walking around. And Lisa's like, oh, you know, Brett said something so funny the other night. He said, do you want

to make out? Isn't that hilarious, Ken? Oh, he's so full of him. I've made out hilarious, darling. Thanks, Larry. It's just me. I'm not sure if some of Brett you must be joking. I'm not going to be joking. Some will push him out, but like that. I'll lock him. Spark out. I'll lock him. spark out! Good bye, Brad! Good bye, Brad! Oh, you're not jealous? For that you're going to buy me shoes, Ken!

Excuse me, little odd Barney's man with coonies hair and glasses like the child from... Christmas story with someone almost buts as I out! Come here darling! Show me the most expensive pair of shoes you have. And yeah, a Ralphie from a Christmas story comes over and just gives them the dirtiest look. Like every time I see a shop person like that, I think of absolutely fabulous, which I heard is gonna be on Netflix now.

Everybody go watch the entire thing. You only work in a shop girl, you can drop the attitude. Every say like, are you and why are you giving Lisa Vanderbub dirty looks, sir? I know. Well, the best though is that she kind of just gives it back to him and in her own subtle way, because he pulls a lubaton and he's like, well, this is a great lubaton for me. He gets and she's, oh, that's gorgeous, but I do have that in black.

And he just like sheepishly returns it like, fuck this woman my day is ruined. All right. I wore my extra short pants today Walks off all creepily He's just reliving trauma of like getting kicked down a slide by Santa Claus Well, I'm so glad we could shoot with you Ralph Ralphie. And get it on record that you can't make a sale! Alright, Ken, let's walk around and talk about my new Vegas suite! Yes, we have a new Vegas suite. Oh my goodness! Did someone just fire a BB gun at me? Well, that's come from. I triple-dog day you to stick your tongue on that poor Ralphie.

Oh, look at this lady, can you must be then transpire? Oh, wait, it's a lamp. So they're getting a Vanderpump suite and Caesar is this going to be Founderpump based, which basically means like cold shitty cheese balls shoved under your door. They've been working out on it. Like you'll really light the door only opens up to

quarters of the way because it's going to be a planter that blocks it. It's all black lit and there's nowhere to sit like the door only opens up three quarters of the way because it's gonna be a planter that blocks it yeah it's all black lit and there's nowhere to sit like the desk is on the ground you just have to sit on the ground just to the desk there'll be purple highlights like purple neon highlights in every corner there'll be a bunch of versions from the valley just standing around for fun there'll be a giant refrigerator so like if you need to talk with whoever you're sharing the sweet with, you can talk right there. Yeah, my person bestie Mike is like, oh my God, do you ever get a fanner pump?

And it was like, yeah, sir, yeah. And he's like, that's where we go for every birthday. So, yeah, all right. The jokes on you then. So funny. So Lisa is talking about this whole thing and she's like, Well, Tom and Katie will be on our plane and I'm going to oversee everything. Oh, and it's just going to be supposed to be just a quick little

thing, you know, because I went to all this effort of getting the married, so I was just going to take them to Vegas and now they've invited some others who would have fought on an ensemble television show they would do such a thing. Also, that would be an at least a van to pump experience. You can sleep on my bed, you can walk into my closet, and when you wake up, Rosya will be standing there wearing your clothes. And then when you wake up, you will find a little note on your pillow that says, is this God yours?

Magic. Magic. So then the gang meets up at the airplane hangar because I guess Vanderpump gets to use a private plane to come back and forth to Vegas. I mean, that wouldn't just, does she have a moment where she's not waiting? I mean, my God, what do I have to do? Where's the rondel plane? Yeah, what do we have a PJ please?

Can we go to ride on the PJ anyone? We'll become friends with Lala and Randall if we have to. Okay, that's what everyone else did. And now they get rides. So hey, I'll fry up some chicken. Yeah, but is this Randall's playing? No, is this fan to be? I talk about PJs in general.

Yeah, no, no, I figured you moved on, but I was like, please say this, please say that Vanderpump isn't using Randall's plane to you because I'm, I would go from a place of awe to just like complete disrespect. Yeah. Um, I, you know, I didn't pay attention to see if it was her plan or not. Maybe she was just on JetSuiteX. Maybe she just bought out all of JetSuiteX. God, I'm not money. Okay, so Tom's like, wow, I finally get a taste

of how Lisa Vanderpunce's dogs live. Puppy's got it, mate, papa. Although he does have a little bit too much responsibility, that's scary. So Lisa's like, I just really want to reiterate that we are not going to last week. It's for the entire weekend just to have fun with the whole cast. We are going there because we're here to seal the deal because honestly, you dropped the ball. Yeah.

Um, and Katie is like, yeah, he did. He's barely out of the dog house. And she's like, in all house, the dog house is a good place to be. Yeah. Well, I just like Lisa's attempt at trying to make this seem like it was going to be a legitimate and serious experience. She keeps them saying, well, they invited some other people and we're not there to have

fun. We're there to do this wedding. I'm like, come on, Lisa. You don't need to like, you don't need to like set it up. It's not going to be some hilarious outcome. I'm like, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are we, why are, why are we, why are we, why are, why are we, why are, why are we, why are we, why are, why are, why are we know what's gonna happen yeah we're there to show off Caesar's palace fit for whatever millions they're giving you yeah we're doing whatever shit you're doing there and hey I'm all for it I just wish you could have found a better reason I mean

Tom and Katie are your reason come on you can do better do better sure so everyone's like arriving so Tom and Katie they get an amazing sweet which I don't know I feel like they feel like the Vanderpump sweet is gonna be much worse than Tom and Katie's sweet and And then everyone else shows up and Britain is like thank you so much. I love Vegas. I want to get married in Vegas When they go to Vanderpump sweet she's like, oh is my picture still on the key I go to Vanderpromp switch. She's like, oh, is my picture still on the key? Uncle Lisa Vanderpromp has her picture on the keys in Las Vegas. What the hell?

That's crazy. And Brittany's like, my ex will thank you for that wonderful snow. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah, I think it was, I thought it was Lala who said, Maxi, I think you're officially part of the crew now.

I'm like, that is so Lala. She just got there, okay. Now she's, you know, these people hated her. Then they finally, she brought up PJ rounds. They made her part of the crew. And now she's like anointing people as part of the crew. I'm so over Lala, it's very saddening. Yeah.

So then she and Dana are talking at Sir and Dana's sitting there polishing glasses and she and it comes in and she's like, Oh my God, I got you polishing glasses. It's like a vassal vassal. I'm not working, I'm just getting my check because I'm going to act retrieval later. Did I mention I'm going to act retrieval?

Yeah, an act retrieval. So anyway, speaking of act retrieval, so I know that we talked about Brett and you in the U situation and I just kind of want to like, sort of like be an egg in that situation and retrieve myself out of it, if I may. And Dan is like, well, it was just like kind of annoying

because you went to Max to like, Ryle's stuff, I was like, well, I thought you guys were going to lunch, like Max and Brett were going to lunch. So I was like, um, that's not what's going on. So it's like totally different. Max, could you retrieve a glass of water for me

from the back, like after I retrieved my legs and later from the doctor, I thought, different. Um, Max, could you retrieve a glass of water from me from the back? Like after I retrieved my legs, I'd say it later from the darker. I'd say, Anyway, I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. I just want to like turn that corner with you, and you know, since I might die in my egg retrieval, which I'm about to have alone,

if anyone wants to come, I thought I might as well just like, end it on a clear note with my conscience. So, consider this egg retrieved. Dang, it's like, okay. I accept, are you okay now though? It's like, um, yeah, we're totally just friends. I'm like, I'm totally going to be like,

I don't want to be at all. I just bought an apple watch for the baby on my half of them from the egg I just retrieved. Pfft. So, Janus like, well, I'm going on a double date with Brett and James and Rick Heldt tomorrow. Oh my God, a double date. So, that's kind of like, if you a tree of an egg and got four eggs instead,

is that what you're saying? She's like apology accepted. Now go get out of my face. I'm going to leave this conversation. The way an egg may leave my ovary and go through my phlobe and tubes to my gross. Wow, that was quite a journey. You just took. Yeah, that was quite a journey you just took.

Yeah, it was almost a sec. It's like driving to Marina Del Rey. It's almost the same sort of path. So Randall Valar and Bed, you know, hanging out in Vegas. And he's like, I'm excited. This is legally their wedding. They've already had a wedding, but never gonna have a real wedding. Now he's so exciting.

I'm so glad cool kids who have been 20 years younger than me like me now. This is amazing. Have you noticed that Randall has spent about 60% of his debut season on Vanderpump rules with one shoulder propped up by a headboard? Yes, that's how he spends his life, okay? People like us, like,

he's seen in this natural habitat, leaning on some. Leaning on a headboard, isn't bad. It's just like, with the exception of him having dual fried chicken sandwiches without bread at a restaurant, it's like every shot is him, just like leaning up on a headboard, talking to someone. Yeah.

Yeah. It makes me kind of like him, but he's just so thirsty. You know, I love a leaner. Yeah. Like, whenever they it makes me kind of like him, but he's just so thirsty, you know, I love a leaner Like whenever they would tell me if you've got time to lean you've got time to clean I'd be like I can lean and clean watch me and I would like a lean while I clean You know you could tell which counter I cleaned because there's always like a hand print on it. Yeah from where I was leaning I always thought the expression was if you have time to lean you have time to Give a Range Rover

to a young engineer and lead her wife or her. Yeah, speaking of, he's like, so you think this is gonna, Lala's like, is this gonna trigger Stasi? And he's like, oh yeah, it's gonna trigger you, too. You too's got a lot in common, right? Cause you have your moments,

come on, come on, you're getting sick of being a girlfriend, come on, come on, hey, give me a shoulder. All right, thanks, I'm gonna hold it. You're gonna actually pillow over there, thanks. He's like, yeah. So Lala's like, yeah, like, I'm just like really tired. I was like, I'm the girlfriend of a 47 year old man.

This is weird. I mean, when men get into the 40 something range, you're too old to be a boyfriend. You know what I'm saying? I mean, technically Randall was a husband, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I technically, Randall was a husband, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I was going to say at least he's not married anymore. That's got to be a stuff in the right direction, right?

But probably not. It was probably class here because at least he was like old enough at his age. He said the perfect age to be cheating on his wife, but not to just be a boyfriend. Yeah. I mean, I actually do understand what you're saying. Basically, like if you are 47 and if you've never Like been married or whatever that could be a big red flag for some people, but he was married So I think there are other red flags the Randall that and his not his relationship status

Being a boyfriend being one of them. Yeah, I'm just like so I think I'm just putting more like Lee She's like Leo de Caprio. You are not a boyfriend, okay? You're like two old. It's like, okay, Leo de Caprio can actually afford his plane. Yeah. Leave Leo out of this. You know what that was? That was her finally airing a grudge

because he clearly turned down a role in Gotti and she's like, fuck him. I'm going to get him someday. Yeah. You got him. Yeah, you burned him. So then Stasi, Tom and Ariana are practicing vows for later. Yeah. And of course, Stasi is like, Ariana, you know that you guys get totally get married now. I remember I was like, fuck you. So then, yeah, then Ariana's like dying your sleep. Thanks. Please hold on the escalator and impale your head on the Caesar fountain.

Thank you. Yeah. Just made you this huge martini made of shards of glass. That's drunken tea. I hope you go to the sportsbook and then TV falls on your head. So, but then also Thomas Dostoe, you're working on, like you said, what they're going to say at the ceremony and they're like what if we say Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today

Once again, and they just like crack each other up over it. I'm like, okay. All right Yeah, so Brittany In Jackson their room and she tells us movie jacks are so important to me because it made us a family And with that this piece of paper you can just like break up move out. Sweet and for two years from now because she's like hey Jackson you want to get married again? Can we have the biggest wedding in life three years? Jackson's like no no no no no Yeah, I don't, I don't care. I care. I don't want to be a other part of the planet.

I'm glad I showed up to work today. I don't need to don't care about your opinion. I just mean that it's a Jackson Brit scene. And I can't. And of course, Jack shows up in a white tux.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. There's a big supposed to be a group. So Tom and Katie are unpacking. And there's a mystery bra in the suitcase and Tom's like, Papa, look, it's your bra. She's like, no, that's not my bra. He's like, no, no, it's your bra.

No idea how it's got my suit. It's your brush. It's like, no, it's not my bra. Yeah, this is more expensive than our house. So I don't think this is ours. Look, there's like a rabbit in here also. Is there a short, this isn't your bra? Your bra just turned into a bunny rabbit. It's crazy.

She's like, it's not my bra, Tom. And she stays so calm, like she's just used to it now. I know. She's like, all right, well, at least there's not a girl in there I guess I guess it's a good day. I was getting so mad. I'm like, I'm ultimately mad that this turns out to be a prank by Lisa because I was like finally A great vehicle to drive my Tom shorts rage, but no, I really wasn't allowed to So uh bow call Stasi's dad and he's doing that like, God, I am so nervous. I am so, so nervous. I am so, so nervous. Listen, it's like asking for permission from somebody who's like had a lazy boy chair out in their lawn every weekend for six weeks.

You know, like, can I have that chair? Yes, they left it put on that this is fucking free. Please take it sign on Stasi's head. Okay. Yeah. He is pacing around like he's pacing around like one of bedmiddlers employees in big business. Okay.

He's just like afraid that Sadie's going to walk in and fire him. He's so nervous Yeah, and the dad's like yeah, I don't give a fuck like do whatever the fuck you want the fuck do I care? Where are you calling me who is this? Did my wife put you up to this? Who is this again? I'm not gonna give you fucking money All right, I know and both like you know, I promise I'll make a good son-in-law when the time happens He's like well the problem is I can't promise she'll make a good what I mean-law when the time happens. He's like, well, the problem is I can't promise She'll make a good one. I mean have you ever really seen the amazing race family edition people talk about season one Stasi they don't know about amazing race family edition stasi

We had to we wrote a family bicycle and she complained the entire we got lost in New Orleans We got eliminated in New Orleans. We're from New Orleans. That's the Stasi I know, you want to marry that Stasi? Yeah, it's like good luck with my bitch daughter. For real. It's like end of line. I actually really do want to go back and watch Amazing Race Family Edition because I did watch it. That was during my glory days as a segment producer on Reaudy Remix on the Fox Reaudy channel which no longer exists

So I actually had to watch it very very carefully which is why I remember it so vividly and I would love to Go back and rewatch it and see like adolescent 14-year-old Stasi with black hair and you know laymiss in her head Winning and crying throughout that entire show until they were eliminated because it was hilarious Oh memories that entire show until they were eliminated because it was hilarious. Oh memories. Yeah. Oh, Nick Elaine. Decalaine and Elaine Elaine. We agree, right?

That Nick Elaine and Elena Elena, Elena Elaine are clearly swingers, right? They just give such swinger energy. They're basically like the Lisa Banderpum version of like Jeff Low and his wife, Lauren on Tiger King. Yeah. And it doesn't help that she looks like Lauren a little bit. Yeah, or maybe that's just in my head, but she does. She does. That Lauren vibe.

Yeah, and her name is also Elena Elaine. And so, yeah, no one swings like a girl named Elena Elaine. Literally all of his fixtures include swinging elements. Okay. Their pendulumums everywhere. The new chandelier will be a giant bowl with keys in it. It's sweet and back and forth above presidents, dignitaries. So Lisa and Nick are gonna have a meeting with Sean, the GM, of Caesars to talk about making the sweet look a little more vent-a-pumpian and nicolainan. I'm like, did you just invent two genres in like one sentence?

Vantapumpian! So, um, yeah, this, this guy Sean comes in and they just talk. It's basically like advertisement. They're like, you know, like, oh, we're gonna have this, I'm gonna have to say it'll be great, whatever. And Lisa, Lisa's like, well, this sweet,, I mean it's going to be for dig nut harries and royalty and movie stars and nut kyle richards, wow. She's like, oh this man is the hottest, most gorgeous man I've ever seen in my life. Magic, the dolls don't come out locked until I undo the spell. By the way, how long before kyle richards her own suite at the Golden Nugget casino? Downtown.

With like terrible selves. You know, it'll just be terrible selves from Target and there. And they they will be like, I did that. She's going to get the presidential suite at Circus circus. Yeah, with your dollar store walking closet. Giant pictures of storm, her dog. Yeah. So back at Surr, everybody's working, working, working.

And she's not there, so I mean, presumably, they're not selling Cholane Sea Bass tonight. So everybody has a break from that line. Yeah. So Charlie and Raquel get a big scene together at the famous fridge. And Raquel is talking about how James is doing so Well on his path to sobriety and she's like really turned on by it and she's like

Let's just I don't want to say the sex is really good now because it implies the sex was bad before but it's just let's just say It's not just sloppy drunk sex like is it gonna work? Is it not gonna work? Is he gonna yell girl and then it's called me a whore, you know? Yeah, and Raquel is like, so how am I new in Brit? Sure, he's like, well, I thought I had a good guy friend who doesn't want to bang, but apparently that's not gonna happen. Yeah. You know, I've been really loving Charlie because she seems to have a really good read on situations, but the fact that she ever thought that Bright did not want to bang

her is a major oversight. Yeah. So then they go to pump garden, Vanderpump garden and Caesars. And wow, we get the new Shida for the hopeful spin-off of Vanderpump rules. Wow, I mean, this is crazy. This girl is crazy.

She's just like her. Yeah, she looks just like her. Sounds just like her, actress like her. And she basically like frightens Jack's because she goes to serve Jack. She's like, oh, he based like the grudge or something. He thought it was she and herself and Stasi's like, she's like, she's like, yeah, like, I feel like she's gonna jump on the bar and sing sweet as silver, you know? Yeah, black mirror episode, she said. Yeah, black mirror. It's like black mirror with no technology at all. Dave, man, like, there.

It's like black mirror centered on the squirrel computer that made it use in restaurant. Sad mirror. Yeah. So then over at Sheena's, Kristen comes over and you know Kristen's desperate to film if she drives all the way to Marina, that's from the poor Kristen. Yeah, poor Kristen, oh my God. So she's like, hey, bro, she's your potions. Oh, oh, oh.

It's basically, hey, bro, she's your potions. Oh, oh, oh, oh, and I saw a plant Oop and then the moon went in front of the sun Oop and it was a total eclipse Oop and then right before my eyes a plant I never seen Oop and a Chinese person said buy it So I said Oop Don't know the clips of the hug. You know, I don't really know what's going on with, you know, Katie, well, because she starts saying, you know, you know, it's so like, Hey, I want to say something that might devastate you, but will also make me feel really good. So Katie texted me and asked me how my surgery was and said,

I love you. I wish you were here in Vegas. And I couldn't believe it. And then she said, sorry, I thought I was texting the postman, but I also wish you were here too. Oh, wait, I also thought I was texting the person who you rent the golf clubs from and many sugar golf. I wish he was at my wedding too, but also I wish you were here too, Shina.

So clearly, Kristen, you got one of those messages as well, right, Kristen? This just shows you how fucked up Katie is because she would never text Shina that. She was only texting Shina that because she knows that Shina is telling Kristen everything. Yeah, it's fucked up. It is. So Kristen's like, oh my god, this is how serious it is.

I'm muted, like, Stasi, Katie, and both stories. Oh! Yeah, she's like, I don't want to feel sad, okay? People fucking suck. I mean, it's fucking devastating. These are literally my right or die, two best friends. And like, stop saying they are two best friends. They don't like you.

They've excluded you from things. You have to like, have yourself a ride or die. They're literally not riding or dying. Okay, yeah, they're not riding or dying. Okay. They're riding and left you out to die. Okay, so now you need to go make friends with the new people and become a part of that cast and get them kicked off.

Seriously. So I have to cheat you people everything. Go fuck Brett immediately. Please. Fuck Brett, right when Dana leaves the room to go to the bathroom, jump on him and fuck him so we can have a storyline this season. You're wasting your time. Yeah, I've given you sunshine, I've given you rosé, I've given you pump t-nees, what more can I say? I'm asking you sweetly, Stassian Katie, oh please be my writer, Dynastie. Stop with the Haiti!

Little shop of Kristen. I love that song. Oh my god. I love that song. By the way, I sing that song to Bueller. That That's one of my be a layer concert songs that I sing to him Which is really gross because that's what he discovers the plant is a killer and a murderer and only wants human flesh Okay, anyway back to the guard all the songs all the time. All right. So anyway, so No, Kristen, it's not your scene anymore I'll be a t-shirt designer.

Mmm. I'm trying to think how that song goes. That white picket fence is song where she's like somewhere that's in valley village somewhere that's I have my house in Valleyville. Yeah, man. I have a couch with quarter on it. He paid us nothing all day long, but playground theft auto. A box full of sex toys in the kitchen pantry. A living room that's tiny with a t-shirt

press. Cafe Bustello in my fridge and a toaster with a bagel. I don't know. I'll be working hard while Carter does nothing. A uber I can fall out of. A table to destroy. And all the time I can say Soca de Diana Okay, so back at the Vanderpump Garden Vanderpump shows up dressed basically like you know like she's normally dressed like a saloon whore in 80s from $40,000. It was like this emerald, it was like the shiny emerald thing from dynasty with big shoulder poofs.

And I kind of loved it on her because she was not wearing a pussy bow, she was not wearing a magicians outfit, she's not wearing a weird neck tie, she was just kind of being 80s glamorous, which is her best look. Yeah, it was, yeah, it was like kind of her style, but, which is her best look. Yeah, it was, yeah, it was like kind of her style, but it was in Vegas. You know, so everything was signing, none of the fabric moved or anything. Yeah, like I wanted to look good and intelligent for Vandipumpian times. So please get me addressed the same color as Barnes and Noble gift wrapping. Thank you.

So Schwartz is telling Jack's like, oh God, guys, I forgot. I found a prawn, so my suitcase is not Katie's. Whoa. And then he says, well, I haven't always been not innocent. I mean, I've always been innocent. I mean, mostly, but definitely as of lately, and, you know, I'm good. good. Like, what sort of thing is that to say? Like, like, I haven't always been innocent, but most I am, and like, definitely lately, I've been innocent, like, that would never, why would that ever, this is why Katie's miserable,

because he's like, clearly cheating way more than we ever see on the show. Yeah, and I kind of figured that Bra wasn't his because he's much better like, fucking outside the house. Like, a I kind of figured that bra wasn't his because he's much better like fucking outside the house. Like a bra wouldn't fit in, you know, he's like, I got lost walking the boo boo, I got lost walking dog, you know, that's when he fucks. He's not fucking like, well, Katie never leaves the house like when, when would he be able

to fuck somebody in that house? Katie is always there. Yeah, exactly. So then Vander Promp is talking to Katie and she's like, if I tell you something promise you will get swat, really, and there's a long pause while Katie tries to act like she doesn't keep secrets from her husband. Yeah. And Vander Promp's like, there's an upside. We can be mean to him together. And she's like, Oh like oh okay why don't you just open with that.

Well here's what happened. Your luggage got sent to my room by accident and I was like what are these dusty boxes doing here? Get them out. Wait! I smell sadness must be Tom and Katie so I put in a broad hopefully make you be prosperous in the future but at the very least it can still be a prank. Unfortunately, I've already washed my hair with ranch dressing, so I'm going to need you to pay for the hairdresser. I love that she's trying to advertise Cesar's palace, but in all of her wacky storyline, make-uping, she has let us everybody know that Cesar's palace is fucking terrible. It is just going to give you a luggage away. Let us everybody know that Caesar's palace is fucking terrible. And it's just gonna give you a luggage away. Yeah, how about that? They mess with the luggage for the two via televised VIPs

Like fan to pump rules in Vegas where they don't even treat their VIPs with respect Enjoy I mean she basically is doing the story of big business at this point. She's all the twins. Yeah, she's all the twins on one. She just looks herself at the mirror and goes, you're a trash. So let's see. So she's talking the new she not, oh no, the old she not where are we? Where are we? And I like, yeah, we're no, we are we're still in the band pump garden. Oh, because I'm just calling your she now. So I confused myself. No, no, it's fine. So So her name is Cara and so she so Max and Lisa van der Pum are Sitting at a table and so Cara comes up and she's so thirsty. She's like she's like well

Hello, how are you service with a smile just like you T.J. Wink wink she's like a winking and I see a double dancing of those eyes. They must be called a few heartedly Savannah pup Like what the hell she even has her stupid muppet laugh and at this point I'm like, okay This girl is a thirsty copycat and she's probably nothing like Sheena. This is so embarrassing and so amazing. Please make this spin off, please. We need it. I just love the alarm that she probably had watching this episode.

She probably like, gathered her friends, had like a big tub of popcorn. I was like, hey guys, this is my big agricultural episode. It's like Roger Maddox. You're gonna love what you see. And she just sees her replacement. I'm just eating her popcorn very slowly. Like, oh my god, it's like Roger Maddick you're gonna love what you see and it's that you just sees her replacement Just eating her popcorn very slowly like oh my god, it's me. That's not me I wonder how long it takes to get her eggs out Don't laugh creep to me out man. I'm like oh my god. She even laughs like a so bright and She's like I hear that you kissed with cake on your face Yes, tell me all the gossip about Brandon. It's Brett. Yes. Yes, whatever his name is

And so he's like I don't care It's like oh, but they're stepping on your toes are they not? He's like I don't care It's like um do you think you're here because you're pretty you're not pretty your head to start Stit get upset. Yes, seriously and so Max is like listen anyone who taught who works for at least a van Orpump is on top like untouchable because I guess she says something like oh do me a favor while you're screwing around Just it have to be with my staff Even though they're all in the same TV show and it's part of the contract you guys have to fuck around doesn't have to be with my staff, even though they're all in the same TV show, and it's part of the contract, you guys have to fuck around. Does it have to be my staff? Yeah, so then he decides, okay, so I'm in trouble if I don't cross the drama. So then in

his diary room session, he's like, yeah, I'm really mad because like there's some lines you shouldn't be crossing, bra. Yeah, Coke lines, don't you that bra? So yeah, so he's like, yeah, anyone who works for these Vanderpump is untouchable, then Kara comes by and he looks at her and she's like, oh, you're such a bad dog Max. Ooh, nice work. So then Santa Claus is like, whoa bro, we're doing Zimplaning Vanderpump.

You got a cup with us. Oh yeah, bro. And she's like, I've had two jiggy tonics on bomb Two jiggy tonics wow It's a big purple drinks. Yeah, it's what they take They only work if you got a hand up them They are drinks that come in little sweaters Yeah, yeah, they're wearing jiggy purple that royal purple that They are drinks that come in little sweaters. Yeah.

Yeah, they're wearing jiggy purple, that royal purple that Ken and Jiggy are always wearing together. Yeah. So, Katie and Tom are talking next day. And she's, yeah, the next day because we cut to Lisa's up lining. Yeah. She's funny. So, then Katie and Tom wake up the next day and she's like, I don't know if we should

do this today But because there's a bra on your back. It's not mine. He's like Papa don't do that Papa don't do that's why don't want to fucking So unattract as you right now you're so stupid and dumb She's like So then she's like I'm just fucking with you, which by the way, Katie is though worse like, like prankster. Like she, she let it go on.

Once she knew about it, she only like made him uncomfortable for one second. Yeah, I mean, he's like, what do you know who it is? And she goes, who's do you wish it was? And he's like, Lisa's. She's like, yeah, she was serious. He was like, I love that all the guys on this show, on a bang van, her pump. I know. And he goes, well, it did smell good. Cause you smelled it.

She's like, I mean, if that's his all pass, then go for it. Have fun. And he's like, wow, yeah, the best part is I get to keep her, bro, because I want to keep it. I mean, not in a weird way, Baba. She goes, there is no other way. That's weird. That's weird. So then over at Dana's place, Dana comes by.

And so this is where Dana comes, where I like some sort of like black spandex pants or tights or pleather or whatever. And then she's wearing a sweatshirt, well, she's wearing like a black tank top. And then over is like a sweatshirt. But the sweatshirt is like cut off around like the boob area and like the soupy way,

and then there's like four chains, just dangling from the sweat from the front of the sweatshirt and then tied to the back of it. It was some like weird... It's a harness, it's like a weird dog harness so that she doesn't pull when you're walking her. It was like she had just gone ziplining too and decided to never get out of the zipline. In the zipline she's just like, I'm gonna make this fashion.

Yeah, and I'm not sure if this was like advertising because they never mentioned the site and they're both like, oh my god, I love this site. Oh my god, the site's so amazing. Oh my god, I'm about everything on the site. Yeah. I know. Are we going to be resurrecting the divine addiction? What's happening here? So basically, yeah, because then Dana unpacks this mini skirt. That's like red, but has this sheen of plastic all around it. It's just like tacky ass crap. And they're like so excited about it.

Yeah, she's like, it's hard to be baller in LA when you're rocking a budge. So I went the easiest route, slatty clothes on the internet, super cheap done. Yeah, she's like, I go the fast fashion route. She says it as if like, no one ever goes H&M or forever 21, although I guess forever 21 is closing. But like, she's acting as if like, she just discovered fast fashion. She's like, guys, I just figured out sweatshops. I'm like, well, yeah, that's been around.

Well, if anybody is interested in really following a good social media account for cheap fashions, the hilarious, follow Ross rest for less, it's like my best follow ever. Really? Oh, I won't follow it. I love it. Because it's all customers who are like, I got this at Ross. And you see what like the real customers are putting together. And a lot of times it's really good. You know, I love it Ross, which is why I follow them. But it's also really hilarious. Some of the things they post, I'm like, wow, whoa, wow. All right. You know that like keep rocking it Ross. You know that page from

some of us was watching this entire scene and just like, okay, I'm just gonna, if anyone needs me, I'm just gonna throw myself at this window, thanks, bye. So Dana is telling Danica that Brett is currently making her vagina tangle and Danica's like, um, I don't like mags, that's not secret. But I also don't like broccoli, you could be better, you could be better. And she's like, Dana, it's a Leo.

Brett, it's a Pis. And she's like, Dana, it's a leo. But it's a pie steak. It's like, those things just don't mix. And it's so true. I've dated two pieces before. It's not a thing. And she gets on her chapstick and starts like beating the shit out of herself with this chapstick. Well, the chapstick is a sage, so. She's like, yeah, she's like, yeah, that's what they have for sure. And he orders against me. So, you know, it's like that time when I had those two tables,

and I messed it up. It's because one was a Leo, and one was a Pisces. Like, you can't wait on two tables that are different signs. I'm sorry, you just can't. Yeah. It's like it's not my fault. They're just sensitive. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

Chapstick, Chapstick, Chapstick. I don't next season we get more Danica's anger issues. Yeah. Because I feel like all of her anger issues have just been swept under the rug this year. Like they mentioned them, but I think they're going to Chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, chaps, cast member. I've been watching a lot of Netflix like crime documentaries as I've mentioned, but that girl like just from the eyes alone sociopath. Total fucking sociopath. I've I'm an expert because I watch Netflix okay and I love it. We want that. We want that. That's like season one stasi right. So also I just have to say just to go back you mentioned it, but I just want to reiterate that this is an actual line that

came out of Dana's mouth. We kissed in the cake fight and I was like, I don't know what's going on, but it's making my vagina tingle. I mean, those are the sort of nuggets we tune in for on Bannamp from Fruits. That's for sure. Yeah. So then in Vegas, sand of all, the boys are basically getting ready for the wedding. And the boys are in.

And you know, I was trying to get the girls dream as annoying as it was to watch Tom and Katie get married again. This was a great example of how a brava wedding should be. Basically like about two scenes, most of it in a montage and then it's over. You know, kind of like the Camille grammar style or even what's your face Denise. Denise Richards also had a nice quick wedding. Yeah. Except that was more fun because she made everybody wait outside

in a hundred degree weather for five hours. That was great, yeah, like that. That was good. And so we get to the wedding and everybody's dressed wackily. Yeah. And then basically they just do their vials and stuff or I don't have a ton of notes for this.

I didn't write notes. Because at this point, there was like saliva. I can't even believe we're over an hour right now. I'm like, it's ridiculous.. There was like saliva. I can't even believe we're over an hour right I'm like serious That I had saliva coming down my face and all I was thinking about was if my tortilla dough was ready to roll Yeah, and then there's like afterwards Yeah, well Jackson saying he's like this like the perfect wedding for Katie and Tom

I don't think anything could be more on Branfordon But I do think our wedding was a little better. I'm like Actually, I think that Katie and Tom's wedding was better, it looked more fun, it was probably cheaper for everyone involved. It wasn't swelteringly hot. There weren't lots of annoying things. You weren't in a stupid castle that thought it was fancy.

You were in an actual fake palace that was fancy in certain areas. And also nobody can go to the And also nobody got stuck marrying you. So I think they automatically win. Plus we all got tea towels. Yeah. Yeah, I would say I think who do you think at the best band of pump rules wedding so far?

Was it, well, I mean, we only have really three to choose from if we don't include this one. We have Shina, Katie and Tom and Jacks and Brittany. I think that what Shina's the best one? No, it's like out in the desert. No, probably Katie's Wednesday wedding was the best. Yeah, she did have those giant wooden chargers. Yeah, and she was the only one with a groom

that still smelled like river. That's true too. By the way, so let's go. We should also mention by the way that Tom Schwartz looked like at this wedding, he looked like he had just come off or come down from like a five day meth bender. He looked like something is wrong with him. Like and I'm not saying it like he looks ugly, he looks stupid. He looked like he looked ashen, his hair was messy.

He just he looked terrible. Yeah, it looked likehen, his hair was messy. He just, he looked terrible. Yeah, he looked like meth head vagus. Yeah, it was not, I mean, meth head vagus. He did not look healthy. It did not look healthy. Well, because he's dressed like Elvis and Elvis was like fat at that time, because he's dressing like fat Elvis,

but he's skinny. No, he was like a cowboy, I thought. Oh, I thought he was being Elvis. Sandival was like Elvis preacher. Sandival had a whole lot of work. Yeah, he was he was being Elvis. Sandevol was like Elvis preacher. Sandevol had a problem. Yeah, he was like an Elvis preacher. I'm talking about shorts look terrible not sandable. Oh, I was like, oh, okay, you're going with sandevolics terrible. So I just thought maybe you spent Elvis, so you think,

shorts always looks like he's met head. I was wondering, that's so fun. I was like, okay, I'll support this. Well, Ben did say he'll take a pitchfork on anyone. No, it's short. Maybe I said something about my accident. But shorts, shorts looked like unhealthy. He always does.

His skin is just gray now. So Jack's is like, all right, let's party. So they toss up. Okay. And Katie basically aims to self-right at Stasi to make sure Stasi gets it, and both just staring at the camera, like Jesus Christ people. I know. He's like, it's gonna happen, everyone just relax. So, then we go to a pig and whistle for a double date, and it's Rickquel and James and

Dana and Brett and Raquel she orders because can I get a cheeseburger with the cheese? Fucking Raquel Poor she's like oh she does have like all poor dumb person So James is like you know Lola actually has a lot of patience with me. You know, one on one, it's a really good place. What? What are we talking about now? So Lola agreed to film with you. I take it. And so you're going to be nice to Lola now because that nothing that you just said is true. Correct. And James is like, I haven't, hey, mother, I haven't gotten into any fights or altercations or tips and stuff I've been so but it's been wonderful

And actually he looks great. I mean he looks excellent in the scene So it is sorry movie on my microphone Sorry, that was just the sound of Tom shorts getting out of bed so then They start talking about the wacky kick. Oh my God, remember when I put kick on your face is your butt there? Wow. And James is like, that is wacky.

Does that happen on your butt there? With kick. And there's like something that flashes across James' face. Like, A is this sobriety and B is this me being on the else with everybody because I've got to fix this. Like I'm not shooting with these idiots. Talking about a cake seam, okay? Yeah.

It's what show am I on right now? And then Dana, she then, this Dana basically then tells the whole table what Danica said about Brett. And she's like, yeah, well, I was hanging out with Danica and she said, don't hang out with Brett. Don't hang out with Brett. She's basically called you thirsty today. I'm like, everything Danica says is true at all times, by the way.

And second of all, you do this to her every single episode Danica and Danica's dumb. Danica's got to stop telling Dana things because Danica tells Dana something and then Dana goes and tells whoever is the target of whatever Danica said every single episode. Yeah. Beyond the girls side, like, what do you always have to be on the guy side? Brett is a douchebag and a thirsty climber. Um, but I think Dana's like more a thirsty climber side because she made out with Peter to get on the show. And there's

nothing thirstier than that. And I actually like Dana, but I like it too. But also by the way, Brett is thirsty. I mean, his YouTube channel is him working out without a shirt on. That's literally the definition of thirst. Yeah. And so Brett's like, God, Danika's planning all these poisonous seeds in my garden. Like, I don't want poisonous seeds. I want like non-GMO seeds. But yeah, no, I was just going to say one thing that made me really happy in the scene was that like some like midway through the product kind of like left Brett's hair and it started to get like all messy and puffy and like, not right and I just like made me so happy.

You look like you had bad hair and I love this. Yeah. So Brett's, they talk about how Brett wants to bang Lee's Savander pump and he's like, I mean, it's like a mommy thing with me like, mother's milk, you know, like I need it. And he's like, there's no, there's no one is beautiful as Lisa. And I see a lot of beautiful women at Sir.

If she was married, I'd definitely slide into her DMs and then it goes, yeah, she definitely has a fat pussy. And I was like, whoa, whoa, she's like, no, it just means you look good. Like, you know, fat pussy, right? Fat pussy? Ugh.

By the way, let's not pretend like Brett is not DMing Lisa already. Okay. He doesn't care about marriage. He doesn't care about marriage. Yeah. So then after wedding dinner at Fanda Pump Guardians, Jack's gives a speech and it's terrible. Well, he goes, well, he goes, I'm happy you guys are getting married a second time and I speak for Briton saying,

welcome to the world of marriage. I'm like, okay, you guys, you've been married for all of like a week and a half. Now all of a sudden you're like ambassadors to the institution of marriage, of course. Of course they do that. I can't wait till Shina gets to give to the, welcome to the world of divorce.

Yeah, that looks exactly. So then Shina comes over the new Shina. She's like, I'm running for a shot! And Stasi is wearing some sort of visual bucket hat. Like experimental bucket hats are having a big week on Bravo. I mean, between Leah's mesh bucket hat on New York and Stasi's, we're really trying to,

we're seeing some sort of like bucket hat movement and so far I got to say pandemic came at the perfect time to just like snip this right in the butt. Yeah. Yeah. And shorts is like, I love when you go anti brand like that. And you wear things not on brand for you brand. Like shut up, stop talking me. So then Bo goes up to Vanderpromp and he's like, I want to say this secretly because I don't want everyone to know. Okay, well this why would you do this in front of everybody? He goes over to him and he's like, I want, I need your permission to propose to Stas. He's like grabbing her heart and leaning over.

Yeah, like so clearly obvious he's telling her, right? And then he's like, yeah, I'm gonna ask, I'm gonna propose that the Hollywood Forever Semitor just like, what? You're going to propose that as cemetery? Is that Van der Pumpi enough? Shall we install a pendulum? Oh, yeah, so basically, she's like like let me do something else. I think I should have a party for you I know it's in the van the pumpy and sweet of pumpa lopa don't but blah blah blah

We get a van the pump rose a fat Katie can do some pretty buck or in pooch Alright merchandise or and then he like goes and sits back down with Stasi and she just stairs it in like you have not Complemented my bucket hat yet, and I'm waiting Yeah, I look like a little girl in a dance recital about paddocks and bear and you've said nothing I look like a leans tritch got married to a disco ball and you said nothing You've got stuff on your face stupid. So in the morning, um, Stasi is like, Oh my God, this is going to be so fucking wacky cause I'm going to call the Brett death, but I'm going to have an English accent.

Yeah, she turns full, Julie Andrews as if she's never called a front desk before. And she's like, Hello, I would like some breakfast please. You know that person the front desk is like, oh my god, I got saucy shirt around here trying to do a British accent here. I'm gonna fuck with her. Be right with you Mrs. Clark. Thank you.

Yeah. So that's wacky. And then fan her pump is packing and she's like, oh, Puffy, come here and sit on my suitcase so I can close it. Oh, yes, Puffy come here and sit on my suitcase so I can close it. Oh, yes, dog humor. So she's like, I have to call Max about invoices and billing and such an invoice and billing and forms and papers and business.

So she calls up Max and she's like, I have some business business in my minute. I thought, what's going on with you? And he's like, Oh, yeah,, well the room's kind of a mess Because Jack's and shorts and Santa Claus is like ruined the room. It's just so messy So then of course Lisa's like, oh, I want to see so she facetimes Yeah, and of course Musina is under the blanket. You know, you see her like bad weave all over the pillows She's like, hey back to that. What is that? What is that? You dirty little dog.

Okay, so then we see the real new she now. Real new she. Nothing like the regular when she pretends to be at work. She looks like a young salad field. In the best way. Oh, youngs. Oh, she speaks like she's just had 97 cigarettes and three bottles of tequila. Max is like, I don't want to show where she's tired and she pops up from the blankets and she's like, I'm not tired from him. I can promise you that, honey.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, Max, there seems to be a person crawling out of a well in the corner of your bedroom there. What's happening? So get out of the, get out of his bed and clean up that room young lady. Say, all right, turn, suck it on him when I get a lady. But didn't you really look like Sally Fields from her, like, what was it, Gidget Days?

I really was getting that vibe, and I'm not saying it to be mean to Cara or Sally Fields. I'm saying it just like a look to me like anyway. So Ellen did Jenna. I don't think I could have really seen her because all I could do was hear her. Like that overtook my senses. She was just happy.

This was just her moment. Okay, she's so, she's gonna go home now and like go back to her catch up and mustered highlights and be like I did it. Um, so Vanderpromp's like that dirty little motherfucker. He's been the 24 hours he's already begging my staff. Nailed it. All right, he's a keeper, extended his contract. It's so hard to find good ball managers these days. So then over in Katie and Tom's room Katie Katie's like, where's the mayor certificate? And Tom's like, I don't know, blah, blah.

I'm like, oh God. So in my mind, I'm like, okay, it's a prank payback because the bra thing, but they really, but the prank doesn't seem to come, at least not this episode, because he's like, I don't know where it is. And then we see a flashback of Tom holding, walking out of the ceremony with the paperwork,

and then it goes 97 seconds later, and he was like walking with nothing in his hands. He's like, yeah. And so that ends it. You're still married to a loser. She's like, yeah, I'm married to an imbasol, basically. So, this was about. This was about it.

I'm sure next week we'll find out that Tom Sandivall is like, dude, I see you've got that'll find out that Tom sand of all it's like dude I see you got that wedding that marriage license in your hand and you're massively irresponsible Which is sad because you're my business partner, so I'm just gonna take this and I will mail it for you because I'm always the best best man Yeah, I'm not bring sister the end of van of prom brules We will see you guys Friday night. Well, we'll be back some of us, but some of us, Rachel. Yeah, we'll see you Friday night for the Beverly Hills Love crap and live in quarantine Also to announce our iRobot contest on Instagram live at 6 p.m. Pacific

Norn P. M. Eastern then we'll have the regular show over on the crap and on demand level at Patreon Which starts at 630 Pacific 930 Eastern okay everyone we will see you there see you next time hey prime members you can listen to watch our crap and add free on amazon music download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with one dream plus in apples before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.