Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: Wish I Knew How To Quit You

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

The season finale of "Vanderpump Rules" did not disappoint. Jax was a jerk, Scheana was oblivious, and Patrick... well... he's just awful. We soak up every last crumb of this episode as we say goodbye to one of the greatest seasons of television EVER. Join us for this epic episode. And remember you can come see us live. Get tix to our shows at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts. It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off. Voice only. Launching during pride. Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cuppe from Tampa Bayes, Just Chas, and Brittany Brave to name a few, follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors! Christie Wowardy-Dowardy! Kelly Barlow, when she goes Barlow, we go high-low.

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What happens? I'm not a crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap or Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from BesideBlog.com and the Banta Blender podcast. And joining me this evening, fresh from watching the season finale of Vanderpump Rules is my friend and cohort, the one and only, Ronnie Caram from trashtalktv.com and the Rose Prick's Bachelpodcast. What's up Ronnie? Well, hello, Ben. How are you doing? How are you fairing? Are you surviving? Are you alive? Is it okay over there? I am. It's good I've decided to get on with my life and stop letting Jack Thoroughman be

Wow, so we just had we just viewed the Season finale of Vanderpump rules. I'm so sad the season is pretty much over except for a few reunions But we're gonna break it all down. We have a lot to talk about. There's a lot of stuff to discuss I'm fired up. I'm laughing. I'm everything. I'm all all the emotions But before we get into that of course, we have to plug our live shows Chicago people anyone is coming to our Chicago shows. We're talking Vanderpump rules at both Shows both shows the way we're gonna do it is we're gonna dopump Rules at both shows, both shows. The way we're going to do it is we're going to do the first half of next week's reunion

at the early show and then the second half at the late show. So everyone's going to get some Vanderpump Rules because we figured you'd rather talk Vanderpump Rules than Beverly Hills reunion, right? So it's just going to be a big, old fun time. And next month, we have our big shows in Phoenix and San Francisco. Phoenix we're gonna talk about Real House as a New York. San Francisco is a gay pride weekend, and we're gonna do some Southern charm. And we're gonna gay it up. Big old gay pride Southern charm edition in San Francisco.

So go to watchcrapins.com and get tickets to those shows. Our live shows are so much fun. And our last San Francisco show was pure madness in the best way. So if you missed out on it last time. It'd be amazing. Come on. And for those of you who do not watch Southern Charm,

do not worry. It's not only Southern Charm. Luan is down the street performing at the same time we are. And so we're going to have a very celebration of Luann's cabaret at our own show. Yeah. So come down. It's going to be a rocking good time. I can promise you that, girls.

Yeah, it's going to be absolutely fabulous. And by the way, and Phoenix, Phoenix is going to be great because we're talking Real House House in New York. And that in and of itself is reason to celebrate. So, you know, come get brace for a dry heat and come into our show because it's going to be super fun. Um, hey, young, today, right now, actually, we just hung up. We did a very special crossover episode with the Vanderpump Rules Party podcast, and I announced them as the Vanderpump Rules podcast, which I was wondering about that.

I was wondering, I was like, that doesn't, uh, the Vanderpump Rules Podcast, which I was wondering about that. I was wondering, I was like, that doesn't, I'm not the Vanderpump Rules party. I did it wrong. I just sort of all the hate that I get. I just wasn't thinking, you guys, I'm so sorry, America. So go listen to that. It's a really good conversation. We talked about how they got started. And it was a crossover. So we talked, you know, we asked these other questions. started and it was a crossover. So we talked, you know, we asked the other questions and we talked about, you know, the ending of this episode of Daniproves rules and, you know, stasis, asshole. Yeah, hot takes a lot of a lot of discussion about Patrick, but I feel like it's only the tip of the man bun. I think we're going to get really into it on this episode. This is I feel like what a privilege that we have, you know, a second week in a row, we got to do a full on take down of someone. Last week we had Kim Zolciak, where we said bywig to her, and tonight we're going to say byman bun.

Yeah, I'm on Twitter asked if we could say byman bun instead of bywig. And yes, Twitter. Yes. I think that that sounds great. Yeah, we are so excited for the Patrick take down because it's gonna be it's not just gonna be us. We like I'm envisioning the Jezbell articles. There's gonna be something in bussel, maybe something in Buzzfeed, maybe a think piece in the New Yorker who knows like a talk of the town, man bun of the town. You know like I am excited. I feel like there is a wave about to crash down. I feel like, for once, I'm on the righteous wave. I'm never on the righteous wave.

I'm always like, there are two righteous, but now I'm feeling righteous tonight. I'm feeling righteous and ranty, righteous and ranty. Well, good. You're just gonna have to wait a while because first we start with utter disappointment. First of all, Trixi Monaco, are you on vacation during the finale?

Where are you? Where are you? Trixi Monaco, the singer-songwriter, who creates all this music, nowhere to be found. It's just a bunch. The first song is literally not even her. It's some rando going, whoa, oh, oh, oh, you're a ron, you're own, own, own, own,

I don't believe that that's a Trixi song. No, no, that was not a Trixi. That was clearly some sub. You know's a trixi. No, no, that was not a trixi. That was clearly some sub. You know, while trixi was like, I'm got on sparco. Okay, I'm going to try my hand to be at Broadway. Or I'm going to be in the revival, the revival of Grand Hotel.

Okay. I'm writing a song. I'm writing a musical. It's called, girl, girl Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Welcome! I'm doing a one woman style express, okay? I'm pitching it at the French festival in New York City. I'm gonna go there, I'm gonna make my real name for myself in music, okay Paul? It's not my express, it's not my girls!

Are you girls? Yes or girls? I, I earlier today, I'm not gonna lie. I watched a nine minute long YouTube video that was called, um, like, who did the best memory climax? And it was a montage of various different women, like famous singers singing the climactic part of memory. And then start off with like a

lane page it ends with Betty Buckley and in the middle there's like everyone it's like Barbara Streisand, Leonel Lewis, Susan, what's her Susan Boyle? Even Celine Dion's in there. Celine Dion, Celine Dion does a crazy version that I feel like I'm surprised the internet has not found which is my way of saying I only wish Trixi Monaco were in there You know touch me if you touch me you feel me remember me as a little cat dying. I was once in the middle Tires tires tires. I'm on a big tire and I'm floating to heaven because memory Memories are like living in Los Angeles. You've got to work for your money

Rags to read it ages actually cats is very tricky monocle the way that that's written it is very like Jellicle cats are Jellicle cats Jellicle cats are Jellicle cats. I mean that is very tricky. That is a hundred percent Trixie actually I think maybe all of Android-loid Webber is. Go, go, go, go, Joseph, if you know what they say. Go, go, go, Joseph, if you make it someday. You win your car, look out. Also, it's a car, there's colors of the rainbow. Take that, car, let's see. Right then, yellow and green and brown and skeleton black and ochre and peach and ruby and lalavan,

paladin, faun and lalakan gold and chocolate and more van, cream and crimson and silver and rose and I'm ready. Those kettin' nights. and gold and chocolate and mall van cream and crimson and so van rose and adren those pain and nights okay and the other piece of devastation is that the hot tub pillows did not make the previously's on van der p not the c home who's editing this show today did anybody show up to the last day of work it's like the last day of work where everyone's like, fuck it, we're just gonna watch a movie. I don't know.

Yeah, exactly. It's like last day of school, we don't have any real homework. So you watch like something from like frontline on PBS in class. But you know, like those watch the challenger explode again. Like that sounds great.

That I came in there. Stay ship, stay ship, go in to see the stars. Uh oh. That's Trixie's ode the challenger. Um, there were two, there were actually two Trixie songs later on, but I think we'd actually heard them before. It was, it was disappointing, but we'll, we'll cover them when they come when they come up. It was, yeah. Um, I'm down. Um, but you know, now it's getting this impositive, some positive talk, shall we, then? Yeah, you know, the, the, the show opened up with actually,

I think it was a visual metaphor of what we would later encounter with Patrick. It was Tom Sandvall shaving his forehead. And at first, I was like, oh, it's just Tom shaving his forehead again. But really, I think it was a symbol of the man bun being cut away, cut out of our lives forever. Yeah, and especially when Tom follows it up by careful, the flat iron's on. Yeah. Soins, soins, everywhere, everywhere.

Soins, actually that's already a song, Trixie. Sorry. Soins, soins, everywhere, the soins, fuck it up, the scene array. Oh, so Tom is excited for his big, what, what is it preview party? What do they call it? It's the progress party. Yeah, well, we're gonna have a frost machine CO2 dry ice barstools We have barstools We're gonna have exposed nails

Yeah, it's gonna be lots of wood dust saw dust Splinters. We get a montage of Tom's drinks because he's like, I've been working on drinks for years. It's like, God, Ariana's not even in his testimonial. She's like, I know Tom. She's sitting there with her book, like, off and finished with like a few like squares

on a page like Tom's drink goes here. Ah. God damn it, Tom. Squares on a page like Tom's drink goes here God damn it Tom my next drink is called the god damn it Tom. I know So we get a montage of his drinks and he's like the hot pink the blaze and strawberry Scorpion ass Ballpoint pen for Mars like whoa what's in that? Ballpoint ballpoint and for Mars. And like, whoa, what's in that? Ballpoint, ballpoint in the right spink. Normally, he's still.

So he's like tonight, people are going to get a little taste. Well, so over at Katie and Tom's apartment, Katie's still continuing this charade. Baba, baba, oh, I'm so mad at you. Baba. I just wanted to say before we go over to Katie and Tom's. You were finished. Bob. I'm so sorry. Well, of course I took a note on every single thing and I've already cut out three comments. I was gonna make out. I was like, wow, I took a note on everything. But I liked, like before Tom and Ariana leave the apartment, Tom goes,

I'm stressed. And then Ariana goes, dude, I would be stressed too. And Tom just goes, yeah. I was like, this is like the voice of stress. Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah. He's like already bored with his stress.

Yeah. It was cool like 10 seconds ago, but now I's like already bored with his dress. Yeah It was cool like 10 seconds ago, but now I'm like over the stress I wish that Arianna really could understand like what it's like to try and top the blazing strawberry But like she can't and you know what I'm on a blazing strawberry topping road on my own and that's just how it is Bro, dude This is the first party we're ever having in TomTom. I mean, even though it's not open, it still has celebrations. Like, two seconds later his head just explodes like a Gallagher watermelon. He's so excited.

He just starts bleeding from his forehead pores. Let's take a robot. Just like, every on is like, oh, fine. And she like pulls a string like a lawnmower like She's like he's back Okay, blah blah blah blah Tom What's his best word to is using the charcoal toothpaste which I have and cannot bring myself to use. Mostly because of how he looks while he uses it.

It's like, it's like the triplets without, you know, dental care. It looks like his teeth after he has taken a river bath. It's like, I'm all clean now, Baba. It's like, no, you have like river algae in your teeth now. And you're with their black and full of like rots from some perimsym you got. So since it's the season finale, we get like little montages of what everybody's done. And he's talking to his dogs. He's like, Hey, boys, your dad is growing up and there comes a time in your life where you gotta get up and take a swing. And this is that time for me.

And the dogs are like, can we shit? Like seriously? Is anybody ever going to let us shit? I wish the dogs of Andrew Pump rules could just have one episode where They're subtodled like is anybody ever gonna take us out to shit anybody anytime. Yeah That's also what I thought about whenever I watch 24 no one ever you we saw them for 24 hours for like multiple days I know whenever it's shit ticker shit ever. I know like you give key for an episode off and just let him to you for a Yeah, probably save him a lot of damn stress But I'm poop let him go to sprouts. Let him just like do stuff. I hope our teamy ad plays today What we're talking about it's a big kind of week over here. It is I hope that everyone gets to poop and feels better

Because I I need to take several poops right now in my life. I need a lot of everybody I have to everybody gets to promo code crap when they go to teenyplints.com. I am sorry too. So Tom Schwartz, his little montage, because Tom Sandivall got a montage of him creating cocktails over the years. Tom Schwartz's montage is of Lisa calling him a pussy. It's like, flashback to 2012.

Yeah, pussy. And it's like 2014. Yo, a big bloody woozy pussy! Oh, it's like chariots of pussy. Like chariots of fire, just like. Ah, cha cha cha cha cha pussy! Cha cha cha cha! Woozy woozy woozy!

She's like, ah, Lisa, I'm not a pussy, but. Hey, what else, friends with pussy care? Oh, cushy You're annoying me now Ken chef Tom Tom Schwartz is like, oh wow Pussy uh memories I'm a pussy on a tire going away in a tire to Tom Tom This is so really does go to show kids everywhere that you never have to do shit in your life and you'll someone some old lady who'll just come along and hand you a restaurant because she thinks you're cute. Yeah, I have to be as cute.

Yeah, it gets pretty far in my being cute, I guess. Yeah, Katie's like, oh my god, you look so cute, Boba. I feel like a token of adera waitress right now because I try to fuck you. Yeah, I really would a Tokamadero waitress right now, because I try to fuck you. I really would. So Tom, I know that was the bungalow. I'm sorry I got my horse right. It's fine. You took a ride.

No, but I did go to dinner there the other day with my cousin and Reed. And we were baited on by none other than Lauren. OK. Lauren. Yeah, Lauren from Vanderpump rules was our waitress. And she did a great job. I have to say wait Lauren the one who like had the gossip Yeah Rob

Lauren Was going the one that was there too That girl was there too. She was the hostess Lauren the hostess is now a waitress And she sure did a great job delivering our guac and plantains. Wow, that is great. What a, what a small world of two restaurants that are very close to each other. Wow.

So what we learn is that Tom Tandoval and Tom Schwartz are gonna be writing another check for a 25,000 for Ken and Lisa to sort of like fulfill their obligation as junior partners. And Tom Tandoval is like, I hope Ariadne has seen this, Jack and the Rebellion, for Ken and Lisa to sort of like fulfill their obligation as junior partners and Tom Tandoval is like I hope I already have a season of She's like it's lighter to jokes the wall. She's like I just got into this like Leafy green jumpsuits, and now there's all your head blood on it

My banana leaf heads. Yeah, let's see. My aunt B from Florida wallpaper. You just got it. You should dress like a plantain that reminds me. Plantains on fire. Need drink, I'm God, don't shut up already. I'm happy for you. What do you want me to say? Plantain misbehaving.

Oh. That's my new god damn. No partner comes back in. She's like, Oh. That's my thing. It's like, that's my cute. Give me a break. Give me a break. Now, I'm not going to lie.

By the way, I was listening to the give me a break theme song earlier today. Just putting that out there. That's an extremely gay day. You're extremely gay. What was the other gay thing I did today? Oh, yeah, I watched memory. I watched the memory. Yes.

It's an 19-gibberish. Well, I did watch Paddy. I watched Paddy LaPone singing Don't Cry From Your Argentina. Because basically, I was creating a playlist on YouTube. I decided, let's go. Fine. So here's what happened.

This will be of interest of you and probably Dostasi. So last night, I was like,, I wanna put on show tunes. So I put on Directive's show tunes station and music station and it was all like new show tunes from like current Broadway, which is not the best. It was like. -♪ Evan Hampton, why'd you kill yourself, Evan? -♪ Yeah, it was like, but it was like from SpongeBob.

And then one was from like, I don't know, like the Kelsey Grammar musical where he was like from SpongeBob and then and one was from like I don't know like the Kelsey grammar musical with where he was like Finding Peter Pan whatever. I was like I want like Like renowned Broadway show tunes like give me some guys and dolls So I decided I was gonna start creating a playlist on YouTube of like great Showtunes and that's what led me to this situation with memory Which I didn't even add to my playlist. I was like, I don't know if I can add memories to my friends.

That's, let's take the playlist to a certain place that I'm not sure if I'm ready for. Yeah, I have been kind of out of musicals for a long time and then I went to see Patty the Pooh's latest musical and it reminded me why. No offense, Patty. Love ya. I'm sure Patty's's like god damn it I'm like committed to a podcast and now I'm I like to think of patty lapone sitting on some bed with like brown brown satin sheets

Like eating the chocolates out of like a rustle stover box listen to our podcast like that's a fun to joke Yeah, it's funny. That's funny. God damn it. Why this thing about me? God damn you, Ronnie. She throws her chocolates at the wall. I'm like finding reasons to not like patty the phone. I don't know why because I don't have any natural reasons. Okay, so I have to come up with them So now let's go to people that we do have natural reasons to to test. Jack's. Jack's is brushing his teeth extremely hard. You know, when you do that much cake, you really need to slow down on those gums, buddy.

It's like, yeah, I know you think you're doing your teeth good, which you probably are, but they're going to fall out if you don't have gums. How about you get sonic care? How about that? Yeah, how about that? Let the, let the toothbrush do all the work, Jack's. You don't have to do it all. How about sober up before you brush your teeth, okay?

Dime eyes. How about don't brush your teeth like you're holding a turkey leg at medieval times? How about that, huh? How about like low and slow casual circles? Okay, come on. It's like a turkey like freaking out and trying to get away in a panic.

Like, ah! Where is it? Jack's apartment probably is like medieval times, you know. It's a lot of like throwing food on the floor, like gaming, you know, phallic objects and other things. Did they have jalapeno juice on every door knob in the medieval times? So, Jack's is like, I've tried texting for a thousand times. I guess she just needs time.

There's multiple things going through my head. I'm a name one. Yeah, just name one. Those are baby steps. Hockey Hockey, you think a puck. You know, um You text Britney a thousand times. She just needs time. You dumped her You dumped her. That's that's it. You dumped her. Yeah, it's so you know that you know that Britney's on cricket and it's not very nice to text people unlimited when they don't have an unlimited plan Okay, Jacks. You're just everything you do is a fucked up thing. It's a fucked up gesture I like being on cricket because I like to wish upon a star Someone call me broken I think I'm going into a donkey. So over at um, so over at Britney and Stasi's, um, Britney is getting ready to go on stage

with the Lion King. What the hell? She's like, is the Syickle of J. X. She's like hoist up like a bag of like Cheese doodles She was putting on like my makeup and you know how you put the lines on it first. Yeah, it was like very It's a wheel of fortune. Oh, so she was fitting on her makeup and it was making me feel really uncomfortable.

Which I guess you shouldn't feel uncomfortable when people do white face, but still. It was like your face is not that color. It was. Pank. It was I like to call it anchor lady, anchor lady makeup. Yeah, if Marcel Marceau was an anchor lady. Every day the news is somebody going down a stair trying to get out of the box box. I decided to try a mom. That's the form my relationship grief has taken. Excuse me, Stasi. I'm gonna go downstairs to lobby. Boom, boom, boom. Ow! I'll let you rot. I'll take the elevator.

Beeeeee. Turns out this staircase doesn't actually exist. I just crashed into the floor. Oh. So Stasi's like, can you tell we're doing this late at night everybody? I love late night podcasts. It's like 9 p.m. So, help for us. Yeah, that's late for us. We did a lot of podcasts today, God damn it. God damn it. So, yeah, so Stasi is like, well, just so you know, here's what's going to happen with

Jack Sprit because Stasi is sitting there also. And she's also doing some sort of weird makeup situation where she's like putting like ridiculously red lipstick on. So Stasi's like, okay here's what's gonna happen. Jack's is going to try to, he's gonna try super hard to get you back and he's like, well I don't care, okay. First of all, he can't get me. I mean this invisible box, okay. Second of all, second of all, I'm gonna look hot tonight and I'm gonna start with Adam and I'm gonna be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh a glass cutter. The hell is he supposed to get in here? Is it hot in the years of just this invisible box that's around me? To Jack's turn off the air conditioning in my visible box, that's

still good. Hey, before we go to the party tonight, I just want to go back to my other invisible box and get my clothing. My invisible clothing. Thanks. Oh, look, here I am putting on my little bit visible boot. There it goes Well, that explains a lot of her costume choices this season If they don't look right it's because the accessories are mined Like that would look really good with like a bracelet. Oh, it's there It's just it's mom. It's a mom bracelet. I am wearing a blast. That's it. So I'm be putting it on didn't you say What you were doing Anyway, let me get into my invisible car driving

But you didn't know there was a road in this hotel room I love that you can act I feel like Ronnie we've been podcasting for so many years that when when I do that, I feel like you can see the fact that I was, I was actually miming Britney driving a car. I knew that you could see that. I could, I could tell where your tone changes in the microphone. I could tell when you're actually doing it. I rotated three quarters and was like, now I'm mime and I'm doing, Ronnie and I do this over Skype for anyone who's new to the podcast.

Oh, good. That shit is funny. I'm doing. Ron and I do this over Skype for anyone who's new to the podcast. Oh, good. That's funny. So anyway, so she's like, I dream of killing jacks. I still do it. I can't let it go. Like I dream of like taking off his arm, hitting him on the head with it,

then taking each finger off one by one, seeing which joint is the tightest and the point is they're just poking out aside with, but just one eye so we can see me holding you. It's like chewing my mouth. Spit it out. Jesus Christ. Stas has a lot of limb issues this episode.

I'm actually really good. So yeah, so Jack's is gonna be moving out, but he's moving to another apartment in the same building. That's what he told Brittany. And Brittany's like, he's like, I am not going to just let him be around me. Not gonna let that at all. For those of you guys wondering on April 11th,

which was about three weeks ago, his picture of Brittany and Jack's together looking cozy going, new summer, new hearts. Yes, and he's wearing a ring in some pictures and confusing Instagram because we're very easy Instagram. All of us, be ashamed of ourselves. I'm ashamed of you. You should be ashamed of me. We should all be ashamed of each other and ourselves. Yeah, exactly.

So Stasi is like, please tell me you're not going back to Kentucky and she's like, no, why? I'm not leaving the haters. Like, there's a hooters here. Neil, I'm not leaving this hooter. Uh oh, guess what? I lied. Looks. I'm not even that hooter. Uh oh. Guess what? I lied.

Looks like I'm already on a plane. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo the mask on yourself. I love that she's miming safety instructions. Stop. There is an exit over here and over here and look behind you because that may be where your nearest exit is. What are you doing? I'm doing the version Atlantic safety flat song. What? I'm Tautric Hall. She's like, click. That was me putting on my sleep belt. Like, yes, we saw your mimeing. So Stasi is worried that she's, she's, she's, she's, Stasi is so pretty. Stasi is worried that she's going to break up with Patrick again

because they do it every day and she's like, God, we're always breaking up and making up. So I'm gonna smush my feelings deep. I'm like, he, Stasi is saying smush. This man is ruined for fucking breaks. She's, Stasi's never said smushing or she's hanging around Brittany too much. But I don't like, she's like, I have to Zanax as a precaution because like, let's face it. It was. I don't like, she's like, I have two Zannocks. It's a precaution, because like, let's face it.

Stasi smudging your feelings down is like, when you're too lazy to take the garbage out, so you just try to push it down really hard in the bag, and you're like, I'm gonna put one more thing in, and you put it in and it all springs up and starts to fall over. She's just like an ineffective garbage smush. Yeah.

And then you know you should be mad at your feelings, but you're really mad at Amazon Prime for having to put every tiny item you order single item by single item and gigantic boxes that make you have to go out for fucking garbage dump like three times a day. I don't know we have a garbage shoot in our building. Look at me, I'm going to the garbage dump. Look at me. I'm going to the garbage dump. Do do do do do do it's like Brittany like mimeing having a sack over her bed. Just going to the garbage dump.

First I gotta take the staircase down to it. She's like boom boom. What are you doing? Garbage shooting. Do do. Just Brittany is take the trash out. She's just like class her hands together and like jumps forward. What are you doing dumpster dabbing? You like you realize you've actually jumped into a dumpster. That's not my I was Christian doing here. Oh you found me God. How'd I get here? Where am I?

Ariana's like I'm gonna take Miming very seriously. So this is nice and all, but you can take your garbage, jump Miming and shut it. So now we go to Lisa Vanderpump. She is at her little makeup kiosk whatever you call it her vanity I'm putting on makeup and I also have jitter bugs for sale She's sitting there. She has Lisa van Rump is funny because she's putting on her eye makeup But when she puts on her eye makeup her mouth capes open. She's like hey See this weird like

Like I'm waiting for the plane to come into the hangar Ken I'm tired Lisa I'm tired I don't know how much longer I can mom this I'm tired it's like that joke I just flew in from wishy-tongued man my arms are tired well it's like that you know I didn't know that was a joke until my last year. I mean, what happens if you have a penguin in the audience than what? They can't even fly us, so... Oh my god.

I think that now would be like a really good time to go to commercial because like Rob is so good at commercials and like he can do them in like seven minutes or less. It's like amazing. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting, hosted by myself Megan that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting.

Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident not-so-expert experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking. Oh yeah, I have absolutely been there. We'll talk about what went right and wrong. What would we do differently? And the next time you step on yet another stray Lego in the middle of the night, you'll feel less alone. So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about

the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So can't we open with my favorite recurring line of Lee Savannah Prumps? Can. I love when she does that. It's like the beginning of every scene.

She's like can. Can. Can. And he walks in and he does something that's like very me. He just like walks in and plops down on a chair and just like throws himself back. If he just has been like miming an airplane for 45 minutes, you know? Well, he's on an endless Roomba loop around that goddamn mansion.

He's like, Please turn me off. Please turn me off. Please turn me on. She's like, Ken, why are you lying back there? Like bloody clear patro on my shirt's lounge Zangol get ready for I'm gonna get with jiggy ready first Should be light blue light purple light blue light pink Your 60 years old. I'm a year She's like I can't hear you can't over the sound of my mouth breathing from putting on mascara It's supposed to be in this night of excitement for these boys. I'm hoping Jackson Taylor doesn't show up

I really do. I mean I would hate for Jack's teller to show up I mean as executive producer of the show that we're on right now, I would have no control of Jack's tear law showing up. Maybe if he breaks up for his relationship, we should break up with him. I'm like, are you trying to get sued for like never ending unemployment? Oh, yeah. I don't think that's a legit reason to see somebody. Ma'am, you've been brought to court. Why? You fired someone for dumping the girlfriend.

I like it. I was so lovely. One time she mined herself, farting her way into my house. That was a prime way. That's not called to the stand yet, which you'll tell. I just, uh, I like that Lisa chose the scene to act like like Dr. Claw or Mr. whatever's name. I think Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget, you know, little that hand with a cat. And she's like,

maybe Jack's Taylor's day at Sir, are over. It's like evil, evil genius Lisa Lisaandipump. I don't know his whole house is furnished by shit. He stole from you and he's still working there So I have a feeling he's gonna be just fine By the way, we have to talk about the fact that Lisa looked absolutely stunning in her bathrobe She is so beautiful and for some reason on Vandipump rules She styles herself in this very prim and like matronly way where she puts on these like, she puts on like strange bell bottoms all

the time and roughly shirts with pussy bows and she is like, which of course I know this is totally like such a male thing to be like, come on, loosen it up, you know, like let those ruffles loose, show off that good body. But truth, I'm'm sorry I was watching nine years ago. Yeah, like every man in America. Yeah, every man in America is like, yeah, she was more clean band a pump. Oh yeah. But for real though, like she has such a weird style on band a pump rules and such as seeing her in a bathroom with her hair flowing and just looking beautiful. It's like, this is the Lisa that we gaze want. This is what we want just effortlessly beautiful

It's like some a zeve if you will yes, so vander from like his actions are revoting let us see what will happen Maybe he'll learn to make better choices against like what you wearing I lost my style chicken. She's like I need you on my side and you're talking about dressing that dog. You're irritating me as well now, Kim. Oh, whatever I choose, I shall return many notes in my middle of folder, business, business attire. You irritate me one more time, I'm cutting your head out of every wedding picture we have. We'll only show your wrists and your decalatage.

I secretly hope that next season Ken just starts wearing pussy bows also. Like they both just show up with little pussy bows around their neck. This is for my look. Yeah. The triple pussy bow fan. All pussy bows and ruffles, ruffles and pussy bows.

Oh. So then we actually get a trixi monical song. This is, This was good. This was good. And this is, I was really proud of Trixi because, you know, sometimes they give her really rough orders. And this time they were like, we need a bass boy song. So she was like, take it away.

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, is really good. I've met there hasn't been a song about clearing plates. Yeah, yeah And then there was like us there was quietly another lyric that it sort of faded out on because you went we said Lebray I I I I I but they already were like no, we're not gonna celebrate with you. But that's that's an essential part of the song Paul Paul tell them I had my plates clear so I could celebrate what is happening here Paul tell them I had my plates clear so I could celebrate what is happening here Masterpiece don't you realize it's a masterpiece? I made a masterpiece and what you did is made mince me mince me my masterpiece Sorry, Drake don't go up the budget. You still blaming me for that goddamn banjo. Well, forgive me for being an artist. I blame Leo and allewis. That's what I do

She stole my she stole, my spot on X Factor. So it's the Tom's arriving at Tom Tom. So it's basically like, bro, and did you, did you notice there before they showed up? Because while Trixi Monical was singing, they show random b-roll of the city. And did you notice that there was like a shot of a flip flop just sitting there on the sidewalk? It was just a single flip flop. And you see a pedestrian walk over it. And then as they walk over it, the pedestrian dissolves away. And it sort of implies that time goes by, people walk by,

the sidewalk has many visitors, but the flip flop. The soul, no pun intended, flip flop. but the flip flop, the sole, no pun intended flip flop, the orphan flip flop remain. Yes. What a great, what a great metaphor for jacks and so many other people on this show. And Tom, I mean, Tom number two, it's like you finally left his flip flop on the street. Yeah. See?

Oh, you're right. You're right. In my neighborhood, I find lots of you, lots of Instagram. So I have Prius, but I found this glitter, like really high heel drag queen shoe, a red glitter shoe, you know, like Dorothy, they were probably playing Dorothy from Wizard of Oz or whatever that night. And I was like, who does this?

Like who leaves this on the street? And people were commenting like, oh my God, I find those all the time at West Sollywood or Hair Pieces. Yeah, I find Hair Pieces a lot. Which is true, there's hair pieces just, there's more hair pieces on the streets here than like cigarette bags. It's really true and you know there's always a story behind every hair piece. Just they don't they don't get there by accident.

Okay, there's a story. So yeah, so now we're at Tom Tom for the progress party. And so Tom Sandivall is like, some people see a construction site but me I see a grand entrance I see the future which is a giant construction site It's totally weird freaking me out right now brown It's a grand entrance to a construction site. Yeah Pretty much see the future and it's dried eyes.

And they're teaching the boy, the Adam and Wes who are still useless, but they're, uh, and they're like, this one's called, this one's called the gentleman's curse. Jacks. Yeah, it's just a, it's just a photo of Jacks that they puree into a cocktail. It's just basically a nice hallmarked, TV glass filled with syphilis. Also, thanks a lot whoever's in charge of the billboards in West Hollywood for that gigantic billboard that's in like three spots.

It says syphilis is serious. And it's bright yellow. Thanks, guys. Syphilis is serious. It was probably she knows. She's like, you know, always should do which has like a public health awareness campaign and just be like, guys,

so plus a sauce. Rob gave me a syphilis and less than seven minutes. But then he cured it like less than seven minutes. I was like, wow. That's like the fastest and like the slowest leak I've ever had. You know, it was like getting stuff from Rob was so meaningful for me because it wasn't syphilis hue, syphilis me, it was syphilis us. He doesn't even like the syphilis guys. Like, yeah, like normally he does the syphilis, but he's like syphill us. Cifl us. This is cifl us.

The cifl us closet. Every time I read, I see the billboard about cifl us, I'm like, I cannot but cry. It's just so good. It's such a good show. Like, no, that's this is a cifl us. I'm like, mad big girls are getting cifl us now. It's like, did you see that show where they're left on the crock pot and then everyone got sephalus.

It makes me cry every single time. I can't believe like, that's the mom and that's the kids and they all have sephalus. So, yes, clear throat for our next lunatic. Britney and Britney and Stasi come in. Hmm. Guess clear throat for our next. Lunar tear. Britney and Britney and Stasi. Moment. Britney and Stasi come in and uh, suck hard hands required.

It wants to wear a hard hat. It's so hard hat to say goodbye to yesterday. Oh. So Stasi's like, wow, congratulations. You didn't just make this up in your minds. It looks great. Yeah, it's a four max comes in max just I don't know what they're doing to max. I know. He's like I get one goddamn 10 minute break and this is what they forced me to do with it.

Go next door to a construction site and get a splinter while you wait for your car to come. Thanks mom. Thank mom. Thanks. Thanks. No, no, no, but back to Hollywood too. My favorite was Rikal because when she walked in, she goes, this is not what I was expecting, but wow. I was like, what was Rikal expecting? She's like, I thought to be like, con candy. I was expecting chubby valleys, but then when I went in there, it was like space. Yeah, I thought I was expecting like fish tanks. But then when I got in there, there were only fish. It's the web. So she was like, oh my god, it's literally a construction zone. That's a lot of... A lot of...

A lot of her. She's like already has a bunch. Oh, a lot of her. She's like, she already has a bunch. In honor of Tom Time opening up, I got you guys a binder of the rules. So when we're done, everyone has to clean up. Okay, we have to clean up because Rob has to be up early tomorrow. Javsimo, we're Rob can take an app while everybody's bleeding from the traffic.

Keep the rules. Did you notice she did the muppet grow like three times in the a million? Yeah, it was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. I'm amazing. You know, and then Kristen walks in and I wrote down that she looked like a paragliding letter H. She looked like her dress looked like the letter H, but her arms were out. So she looked like she was like, perhaps like being pulled by a boat.

And she's like, seriously, seriously, Tom Tom on the letter H today. I miss the crutches. I know. I miss the crutches. I miss the crutches back. She really worked out quickly. Yeah, she really did. She's like, oh, that didn't work. Carter made up with me, so I don't need crutches anymore.

So Katie's like, wow, Bob, Bob, this is so cool. Like this could be the first step to a Vanderpump life. Like swans and then a moat. And then a Bentley, I'm like, well, you'll probably have a duck near you at some point. And I'm sure you'll have a moat and then a Bentley. I'm like, well, you'll probably have a duck near you at some point and I'm sure you'll you'll have a moat that won't come down. Otherwise keep dreaming sister. Yeah, she's like it's gonna be her It's a step towards the life of the moat and swans and a black Bentley with a K-A-mastition in the seeds and like well, maybe a puddle with a pigeon and like a Toyota Corolla.

Yeah, you know, everyone assumes that waiters are really good at math, but let me tell you as one, we know what 20% means. And that's about it. No one understands what 5% even is. She's like, that's amazing. We're gonna be rich, papa. I also like, in just in general,

when all the women walked in, they were dressed like they were going to some sort of like Kardashian convention. It was like Calabasis times 12, and I'm like, you guys are going to a construction site. Calabasis. Pick up white fences, ba ba. So, so number two is like, whoa, you're the guys are like wags. Yeah, wags. Which for anybody who only sticks to Bravo, I believe wags are soccer wags.

Oh, thank you. That's what a wag is. Well, I mean, technically a wag is like a society lady, right? Like I'm a wagged. Oh, I don't know, but I think wGS is like a soccer wives American girl soccer. Yeah, no, that's the common acronym. Lives in America. I don't know why I even brought that up.

Like we're not talking about a million other things. We really need to get back to Joseph and the technical error. Yeah, amazing technical, a dream cut. And I guess that would be a good time. We used to do this with Geraldine Parsons Smith, but I think now it would be a good time because we're starting to now get questions on social media about who is Trixi Monical? She is not a real person. She is who we well, I know insert where she is because we believe she's going to sing all the royalty-free music Okay, so now you guys know now you know

We're going it, man. I'm just I'm letting people in on the jokes that way they can do that If you don't clap tinkerbell has to come back to life anyway because the bitch isn't really dead okay you stupid children she's been ruining everything tricksy monocle monocle was discovered in the ladies of linden and bravo was like you know what ala nazar is really an alcoholic drug addicted woman beating son of a bitch I'm just kidding I'm sniper I just didn't want to have to respond to all the questions tomorrow, okay? I saw myself having, like having to be like, no, Trixi Monaco isn't real, she's not real,

she's not real. I just, I wanna like, let's say I'm gonna be I'm not real, you son of a bitch. I'm real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real, I'm real. Does this sound fake to you? I am the queen, are am the queen. I guess what the queen is me Guess what because the queen is me rhymes is trick say

We you just got trick seed. Okay. It's got life coached Okay, so Tom and there's more. Oh, yeah, so yeah, okay, so Lisa comes in and she's more. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. So Lisa comes in and she's like, Ruh! She's wearing bell bottoms and ruffles. But before Lisa walks in though, Brittany starts talking to Shina and Kristen and she's like, yeah, guess what? You know what? Jax is like, he wants to move to another apartment in the building and guess what? That's not gonna happen. He's not gonna, he's not move to another part of the building and guess what? That's not going to happen. He's not going to, he's not going to stay in the same building. If he's going to stay in the same building, then I'm not going to stay there. Okay, I'm not going to stay there. I get, I'd like to reference the photo from April 10th of them

together. Okay. Okay. I would like to reference Sina's face in that scene because it was off the wall, Cuckoo Bird, great, great. And I wish that, okay, you can't see me. So I'm just gonna make the noise what it made. Ha! Ha! Wow, that was like from Evil Dead. That was the sound of Sina's face. I was like, I can't believe your face

can even move that much. Ha! It's like the shape of water. It's the sound of Sina's face. Ha! Ha! I like the shape of water. It's the sound of the sheenows face. I like the sound of my body. You have to feed sheenow heartball eggs.

I'm really a goddess. Oh my god. She's my body. Britney is miming, locking the door. The jack's moving out. The bags. Look at that. It worked. She's putting a chair into the door and I'm just moving out, the bags. Look at that, it worked. She's putting a chair into the door and I'm just like, what are you doing? Oh, I just locked

jacks out of the apartment. You know, we're at Tom Tom. Yeah, by my I'm dear, so it's work. Blu, blu, blu, I'm at the panic rim. She's like, hold on, I gotta, I gotta check my ADT, hold on. Brittany, you don't poop in my name. I gotta check my ADT, hold on. Bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip- with Christine and I Kelly and we saw such a fucking good mine. It's like this is a travesty what Brit is doing. It's amazing the people that start coming out of the bushes when you're wearing a portray. I tried to mine but I was like this is too quiet AF. Oh okay so let's see yeah Brit and he's like

oh he says in that building I will not. And seeing this like you got a great job you got a great life you got great tips I Wonder if I was a horror hat around here. I could put on later on So yeah, so then Jack shows up and he's he's in what I felt was a very I actually felt like it was a strong suit I thought he'd looked good in it considering his body challenges I think I mentioned that either earlier tonight at some point. I don't know when but he shows up So Lala's giving brini a pep talk, you know like

She's like I feel like Jackson's like awkward like a dog with a tail Shasha, boo-boo-tee-tee. Bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada-bada- that Jackson's the one who did this. So that makes more sense. That probably makes more sense. So like, what did Lala do? Jesus Christ. Yeah, I think a couple songs about her facts. Leap her alone. She just got to the top of Lala Mountain. She's for a loan, right? So, yeah. So Lisa Van Pumper arrives. And Tom Sanneval is very excited to show off his special gadget. He has the only machine in America that makes frozen shots.

It's basically like, it looks like it's some sort of like carbon, I mean, what do you call it? Liquid nitrogen situation where there's like little, little, it looks like little egg holders things. You pour liquid into it and you close it and it makes like a frozen shot of booze. I'm like, how long before one of these guys loses a thinker on this thing? But it's like, no kidding. It's like, you're the walking dead, which is like before the walking dead happened.

And it's like, oh my god, this is when Jack's just loses his nose. You know, because you know, he's just going to snort a line of coke off that thing one night and then give another thing. Well, they're going to be talking to some girl at the bar and like lean in and someone's going to put their hand on the ice machine and get their hand up and there'll be no fingers attached. They're gonna have a lot of hurt nipple lawsuits. And that bar everyone girls are like, hey! Wow!

Jesus Christ! Woo, woo, woo, I'm here to fix you! You're not gonna need a little thread, I'm gonna sew you up! And she just says, my name is just my way. She's like, she's from the thread. I'm gonna sew you up. And she just starts mining. She's like, she's like, she has her hands forward. Like, just pushing forward. It's like, no, Brittany, you don't sew people up with a sewing machine.

She's like, hold on, that's stuck. Scample, saw. Brittany has her hands forward, like holding them, like in the little circles. And she starts hunching over and walking around. They're like, Brittany, what are you doing she's like I'm pushing jacks around in his wheelchair. So anyway so they are they give the this this icy shot machine a whirl the only one in America

I would actually like why is it the only one in America like why is there is there something it's like the probably not legal because it could probably couldn't get approved here by the FDA or something. Right, it's like the ununrested development, the, what's that? The Cornballer or something like that? You know, every time they touch it, they get like a third degree burn.

Like I, I'm like, I would want to know why it is not at like Tau or someplace like that, you know? Well, it's probably because the rest of America has discovered that like mixing bowl and not anti-fruities, but what do they put in it to make the instant ice cream? It's liquid nitrogen. It's like bullshit. It's bullshit. Yeah, I've been to like five of those places. They just suddenly were everywhere.

Everyone's like, oh my God, we saw it on shot. Yeah, and it would totally a KitchenAid mixer with liquid nitrogen and it automatically freezes ice cream. It's not crazy. Yeah, and then ice cream freezes like a melt a second later. It's like not a real frozen state. It's a fake frozen state. Yeah, so this one's like that,

but it's safe like a gigantic um, you magnet. Or it looks sort of like an escargot plate, you know? Yes, which it probably is Nickel-Lane is probably just fucking Nice row He's like I'll need another $25,000 investment for you to get this you shaped giant magnet quote unquote Shopfries are only for Lane

Let's swing on a pendulum together for the rest of our lives! Ugh! We can pretend we are that moon guy from McDonald's in the 80s. Mac the night. Okay, so Lisa is like, and everyone's looking at her. Because she's trying the shot, right? I love that!

If Rosen drink, we shall call this a mug of reach pump A pump Dory A pump Dory power sourdower Don't be so hard Because I like that power sourdower a pumped Dory Powasawa Dawa Dawa. Dory Powasawa Dawa Dawa. Dory Powasawa Dawa Dawa. Yeah, this is all that, did I tell you that you've improved a great deal and I appreciate you. All right, just point me to the next one. Just like, can't this like the whole bath like rumbling around, having everybody there

bonuses. Yeah, thank you for stopping us doing the office supplies. No, no, no, no, no, great help no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So see Vanderpun's like, what a wonderful job you did. Oh, that's called approval. Miracate because it's almost over. Yeah. And then Tom shows off his next great triumph, which is the uniform. He's like, see here, it's like a totally breathable shirt.

And so I short sleeve. And it's got like over the vegetables, but to make sure you know who works at TomTom, they all have a button that says TT. Oh. It's like a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny button that says TT, which I don't know how you're gonna see in the dark. Well, it's also giving people mixed messages, you know, because like a lot of people are like,

where do I go TT? Do you gonna have a lot of wet waiters, okay? It's a good thing those things are same resistant. He's like, I found these vests that do not absorb water They are amazing. Oh, yes, no Lisa God They're all welcome around in scuba outfits Dude, it's like a bodysuit but for waiters PT but under water who doesn't brah

Peaty but underwater who doesn't bra Fritz now doing during the butterfly Wonder what are right? Gosh, this is a tiring exercise Someone fixed Brittany blowbubbles blowbubbles kick kick kick kick kick I got some chlorine in my eyes. I found Dory. So, um, so Lisa Vanderpump winds up next to Jacks and they have this very weird moment that escalates very quickly in ways that don't really make sense, because she's like next to him, and she's like, excuse me, you know something like that,

and then Jack's like, oh hi, and then my satellite cut out for like a second, and when I came back, he was like, I can leave if you want, I can leave if you want, I can leave. You literally miss nothing, this is what happens, he says, we had to excuse me, you look startled. Yeah, well I'm surprised you're here. You want me to leave, I can just leave. I didn what happens. He says, man, excuse me. You look startled. Yeah, well, I'm surprised you're here Oh, do you want me to leave? I can just leave. I didn't say that Jess. Oh, okay, fine. Well, I'll stay there

I just will talk well, I want to talk to you actually. No, Jacks will talk later. Oh fine You just want me to leave? Fine. I said we'll talk later God They got so mad at semantics and I was like this God! They got so mad at semantics and I was like this And Jacks was like willing her to say that wanted to leave because he was like, I'll leave

I'll leave. She's like, no, I didn't say you should leave then I'll stay. Don't stay. Do you want me to leave? PAPS! PAPS NOT! What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want me to do? I want you to sit there and then we'll have a talk later while I want to talk now. We'll talk later. Yeah, how about not show up and give me fucking attitude. What is it with every fucking aging ex pretty boy on this show showing up and trying to be a housewife and going up against Vanderpump at the last episode? Like, bitch, this is not real housewives of Beverly Hills again. You are old man. Now, pat down your Beth face, put your hair gel in do your damn job Well, what was really annoying about jacks is that at first he tries to be nice when you he was like oh

He's like, he's basically saying like I don't want to cause any trouble like I'll leave if you want me to and she's like No, no, I didn't say leave and she's like well actually it's funny because I was actually wondering if we could have a talk and she's like We'll talk later and he's like well fine then I'll leave, almost like he's doing her a favor by volunteering to have this discussion, and then he gives attitude when she says no. It's like, no, sorry, it's not gonna be on your terms. Yeah, so she's like, well, speaking of Jacks, let's go look at the big hole. So they all go outside.

Yeah. They all go outside, and there's, sure enough, a big hole on the ground. Yeah, they're all, I think it's explaining what that was. I think it was like the building of foundation for another part of the restaurant back there. And she, of course, the geography maven that she is, she looks to the right. That's pomp right there.

I'm like, it's literally, it says pomp. Like, the next building over and she's like pointing it out like she like she just found, like she found like Sierra Madre or something. Is that the Sierra Leone? What's, no, that's a country. What's the hidden treasure? I'll stick with Sierra Madre. Have it El Dorado. Um, I was texting back Katie because Orla, I just texted us I know she's like come over I'm come over to the karaoke place I'm here till two. I'm like we are going on the Amy Phillips podcast. Oh, yeah, the video show tomorrow on Amy Phillips tomorrow

I'm going to be up at seven and the podcast and yeah, and on top of that I'm doubly distracted because I'm looking at at my windows at podcast and someone across the street is showering But they have one of those like frosted windows and so I see their shadow It's like very much like a movie where you see a shadow of someone showering. It's like very kind of funny But distracting starting Melanie Griffith across the street in the 80s. Yeah It's like I'm gonna see you're getting murdered and be like oh my god, what happened? You guys someone just got murdered on the podcast. They're shadowing up murder That's the figure it out get back in your wheelchair Jay

Does anyone know where you see you is hey I see you jacks there you are Okay back in the big hole so yeah, so she let's see yes, she was like there's pomp So now they go inside And Kristen's like oh my god, this is gonna be like our new hangout. Like, this is like literally a bar crawl. I love that Kristen sees a giant hole and just literally thinks of crawling. She is, when she says bar crawl,

she truly means like crawling around like the girl from the ring coming out of the well. She's like, that's how she gets from bar to bar. She just crawls around with hair down in her face. Mixed with dig dug. She's just like, oh my god, this fresh sand. Mixed the crawling through it. She's like, I want to terrorize you, but I also want to dig in the sand because there might be something in there. So it's like, it's like the ring meets dig dug, meets probably tremors as well. There's a worm down here.

She just complains about the worm. The worms don't even bother her. She's like, she's like digging and the worm just goes shooting right by her. I mean, the worm didn't even say hi. Kristen would not be faced by any horror movie. She's like, oh my god, there's so many birds. Oh, the birds. Seriously, like when are we gonna take care of the bird situation? Ugh. Seriously, why are you calling me right now? Where'd you get your number?

I'm not fucking entering the door. Just tell me. Sir, Sam trying to cook popcorn in the kitchen. Stop calling here. Okay. Get out of my dreams and into my car, Freddie Groover. Oh, get out of my dreams and into my car, Freddy Groover. So then we get to see, then we get to see Shina find Lisa's pink card hat and she goes, BAAA!

She's like, BAAA! And she goes up to Rob and she goes, I literally want to wear this wear this tonight. You want me to like literally wear this my And she gets ignored. She goes when she puts on she goes I wanted to shop a lot of these and how perfect. I was just hanging there. Yeah, like What a shock that there's a hard hat and it constructs in the construction zone, right? Yeah, you totally secreted that hard hat the idiot you totally secreted that hardhat, you idiot. Oh my god. Oh my god. So she's essentially flirting with Rob, right?

She's like, Rob, I'm going to rob. I'm going to rob. And he's like, oh wow, this drink or smoke coming out of it. It's like, Rob, not only not even paying attention to me. I am kind of like behind the smite. It's what I said. He's like, um, smoking a drink.

Is this scorpion's ass? Because I swear I've had this before. Maybe a Paris, Paris France. God, Rob! And also in the midst of this, someone gave Shina a drink. She goes, thank y'all. Oh my God. Love the, thank y'all.

So then, yeah, so Rob just fully ignores her, even though she's right there, like blink, like she's Felix the cat, like just blinking and smiling, and the waiting room. And he's like looking everywhere, but there. He's like, hey, hey, check out Brittany doing that awesome mind show over there in the corner. That's cool.

Brittany's like, thank God, Nicolaine, brought me this pendulum. She's just running back and forth, holding like an invisible beach ball pretending it's a pendulum This pendulum certainly swings Like does they don't want to tell Britney that her staircase is more effective if she actually goes down it instead of just like moving forward in it She's like stomping but like not descending

So every time I have to come downstairs and yell at jacks I literally feel terrible for hurting my art like that. Jacks don't make me come downstairs and yell at you. Okay, I guess I will. Bye everyone. So then someone, so she is still walking around in her hat and then someone says, she, you look really cute in that hard hat and she goes, where's the mirror? I'm like, it's a construction site. So she went set her phone, staring at herself and laughing and giggling at herself all alone, which was just the funniest fucking thing. I don't know. That's just such a great way to capture she does.

It's like capturing she and her element, you know, and Rob is talking to Jacks and Rob is like well yeah what I miss well I miss James Jackson James sorry yeah well cuz first Jacks is yeah he first Jacks goes up to James and he's like hey man heard about your heard about your showcase heard it was really awesome he's like yeah thanks man he's like yeah you know I couldn't I couldn't go because you know Brittany and I and you it's, it's for the best really because, you know, she wants to have kids, not, I don't want to have kids. And it's for the best. I think this is the thing that we need to do. It's like, oh God, Jack's is one of those people who like, we'll take any form of conversation and turn it into whatever woes he's going through. Yes, and he's like, you know, if

you're not happy, he just got to move out. James goes, oh, yeah, she went home with some guy she met in and out the at the night. She's like, no, she did me because that's what law told me to be fair. Brittany was just practicing her mime skills. Now I'm going in. Now I'm going out. Now I'm in the door. Now I'm out the door.

That sign told me in and out. I'm assuming the door now I'm out the door Like everyone's waiting again the restaurant because she's going back and forth Yeah, Trixie goes back in all right one more time. We're gonna try this song song everywhere So I stop it Trixie Trixie in and out. That's a great song in and out eating out That's what this country is all about I'm sorry Trixie you actually saying a song that does have royalties. Oh for crying out loud pull How can I work in this environment? How can I get water from a world is dry Wait a second. Wait a second dry dry well Wait a second, wait a second. Draw, draw, well, well this, well this, draw, draw, well, know what and the well, guess what?

All I found was a... Hold on Trixia, I'll help you with that well. Hi Trixia, can I pour you a drink of water? Do do do do do do do do do do. Here you go. It's Brittany pretending to milk a cow. No, that's her trying to pull up a well bucket. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Mime Chris invisible Kristen comes out of the mine She's the whoa when being that I was in that big hole in the back. Now I'm here. How did this happen? There's a world there Hey, man, I'm not a finger that worm

Don't you guys notice that the invisible pillows around the invisible well were really oddly arranged So James is like it makes me how bait to see Jack Sad because he's been trying to rude my relationship. I'm like, cut to, cut to Rikael like, is that I? How does that work? He's like, fond to check your own age and move. Bye. Is that nice? How's that work? Magnets. What do they do? So now Rob is talking to Jacks. And Jacks is like, well, you know, it's really hard on me. How's it going with you guys?

And Rob's like, I'm like, how about you get divorced first? And then we'll start talking about getting married. And he's like, she put you on a pedestal. Like, she did that with Shay too. I was like, no, because that would have required Shay stepping up at least one point of time in his life. Yeah, exactly. She's only shown a spotlight on Shay.

Maybe it was that. Yeah, but that was amazing. Rob is like, I tell Shayna does all the time. If you want to get married, you got to get a divorce. Let's just enjoy dating each other for a while. And Shayna's just like, errrr. Smiling in the time. If you want to get married, you got to get a divorce. Let's just enjoy dating each other for a while. And she's just like, errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm gonna cut the sheenah standing there taking selfies of herself in the hard hat going ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha normal arrogant as opposed to like exceeding No, but like he's a prick as much as like if you just if you say someone's arrogant He's like arrogant, but like he is nothing compared to the awfulness of jacks and Patrick I mean, I can't even wait till we get to the Patrick part because that's the least comparable to Patrick. He's fucking awful

No, I think this is they're trying to talk to him him and he just completely ignored her and then makes all of his friends All of her friends clean his house while he sleeps. I mean this guy. What a piece of shit. I don't know I think he's I think he's arrogant, but I don't think he's I think I don't listen that is Amber Valetta's half brother you're talking about Okay, I know who family please. I do you don't know what lies beneath so so anyway So she was on what lies beneath. I love that movie. Yeah, she's one five for a no and Amber Folletta Remember she's in the tub She's that one you like here

Yes, so what's the amavila she's also revenge more importantly, so Wasn't she the one I was like for one no no no she was the one who was the mistress the husband's mistress who Madeline still hated but they had this Stubbed actress that Blanche. Oh my god. She's my favorite. Oh my god. She's got a ninja. Oh, sorry. I'm just I'm sorry, but that was terrible, but kind of it's nothing. No, she was great. So anyway, so So so James is talking to Jack's and he's like, oh, yeah, guess what? I just overheard Sheena talking to Brittany, and Sheena was like, don't worry girl, don't worry girl, you got a great job, and you got great tits and jacks like, that I paid for.

I'm like, you made her get those tits, don't act like, I can't stop walking around bragging that you got a group on tittial, jacks. It's disgusting. It's disgusting that you put group on tits in your girlfriend in the first place, but like triple disgusting that you're bragging about it. Yeah, triple's disgusting. It's disgusting that you put group on tapes in your girlfriend in the first place Yeah, like triple disgusting that you're bragging about it. Yeah, triple Disgusting that's that to me. I think is like he isn't I whatever you think about Rob

I think Jack's is worse and Patrick is worse. Yes. I'm not look I'm not gonna pick who's worse. I mean that's like that's what I was arguing I was arguing that Unwitable fight, but he's fucking terrible. Well, either way, we then see Lisa Vanderpump. She pulls Lala to the side and she's like, Lala, I'm so happy for you. You, I heard you were wonderful singing your songs

on the stage for 12 people. What a happy thing for you. I'm so proud of you. I did it. I did this for you. I told you,'m so proud of you I did it I did it for you I told you aren't you glad you listened to me and finally became the Lala that you deserve to be I discovered you yeah I'm like oh my god ladies she's not fillers and I was like you know what I will die a happy bitch. I'm gonna die a happy bitch. I miss my mama. Yeah, you should have as much confidence as you as I do.

Now stop sniveling and running back to that Saudi boat to get peed on by strangers. I've created a monster. Oh, you're so rude. So... Have we just made? Listen, if I read a Saudi horror comment in one thread, it doesn't matter how long ago it was, I will never forget it. And it links so many Bravo people together.

Oh goodness. Well, I'm just going to sidestep that and get to the Tom's, like a Brittany, a Brittany. Look at me, I'm on a leg of a building right now. Sides stay up, a sidestep, sidestep. Is Brittany doing the electric slide over there? Why is Brittany pretending she's trying to escape Miss Hanigan? It's like the first time Brittany's done something that people can guess what she's doing.

So the Tom's doing. So, um, so the Tom's hand Lisa, they're checks and it's like, well, congratulations. You are now officially junior associate minor partners. With shovels, congratulations now. Get digging. You should report to Chef Joe. And he's like, you know, when when I moved here I just had like 3200 dollars to my name and now look at me Yes, I gave you all that money you have and now you're reinvesting it in the cause I'm so proud of you and I cannot wait to pin my upcoming tax evasion issues on you

Now congratulations you have 24 hours to find your true love. After that, your voice will be mine forever. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, No, well yeah, because Ariana gives Tom a saber and so as a gift and then he like sabers off this Champion by like welcome to Dom Dom and then this is when Brittany you can stop you don't actually have anything in your hands. Oh, I thought I was making that noise It's the Liberty band Lisa Happy birthday America I was making that noise. It's Liberty Man Lisa. All right. Happy birthday America. All right, Brittany sit down.

Brittany, can you sit down like that? I'm not gonna give up my shop. All right, now she's momming the Hamilton. Welcome in Sarah, cause. I'll fan Pepper. All right, Brittany. All right. Well, two maps I've done. I found Pepper. Oh, fan pepper. All right. I think. All right. The world to naps on the. I found pepper.

What? Because she was an Annie before. Oh my god. Get your Annie knowledge together, Ben. You know, Annie is going to be at the Hollywood Bowl this summer. But we're seeing it. And they're done. They're done with it.

OK. I'm never watching anybody again. I've seen no Carter play Miss Annie again. I've done. Well, I think we'll be out of town anyway. So Annie burn look I let you know that there be any Annie was be playing and then I was like guess what we're not going to Annie oh new song you're not going to Annie you're not going to Annie because instead you're gonna sit on

your family I'm still getting paid for that. I'm still getting great Paul lost that one in I'm not going on me Tomorrow tomorrow. I love you tomorrow. You're never just a day away Hey, how many days away is tomorrow anyway? No one's ever explained that If it's every point. If it's only a day away, how come we never get to it? No. So Vanderpromp's like, over the years, I've seen some of you grow up and some of you not grow up.

Or is name rhymes with Paxi Paxi Jackson. We'll see Pussy. We'll see. Congratulations to my tiny little baby not owning a bit of anything not even owning as much as sale tax partners Jump jump So let's go to pop. Yes, okay funnel more money into my business Yeah, so they all had to pump where there's no threat of anyone inhaling sawdust. And Katie and Stasi are just talking and they're like, it's so weird, like it's a real bar. It's like it's like Central Park or the Peach Bit. Stasi is like, that's from Beverly Hills, not a toneau, right? It's like, yeah. So then the

scene stealer of the episode Patrick shows up and of course he looks totally just interested. He's like so cool because you know he's really fisterious about where he goes out and I yeah I'll just use facetius wherever I want to yeah so he shows up like yeah like me I'm such a hero. Yeah he really did um and Jackson like whoa that's Patrick. I've never even seen Patrick. Have you seen Patrick? God Patrick. I thought you look more like a starfish He actually kind of does look like Patrick the starfish, doesn't he? Yeah, you really does. He doesn't have that kind of cartoony face. Yeah So Yeah, you really does. He doesn't have that kind of cartoony face. Yeah. So Lisa's, uh, I'm forgetting where I'm laughing to. I'll take the Jackson. So Jackson's like, have you seen him?

And Tom's like, now, and he goes, that's him. And then he literally grabs his collar and starts adjusting it like Lou Wairn on Real House so I think she gets confronted with Dennis. She's like, ooh. By the way, for Countess, available on iTunes now. So Brittany, she's sitting with Adam and Lala and she's like, Brittany, like,

I don't know what she's saying. Adam is such a gentleman, like, he is so nice. Like, he is a real nice man. He doesn't, yeah, shit for brain, that's coming from me, but he's still a real nice. And she's like, yeah, like,. That's coming from me But he's still real nice and she's like yeah Like if I was like trying to search her up with someone for like an easy fuck like I know a lot of like really should People like I kind of like a juice you too, but like I don't like a good guy like he's good Yeah, is this where Britney's like I'm literally never texted someone so respectful

Cuz like right when I broke up with jacks. I take Adam Adam sorry, but I take it and he takes me right back and tunes like yeah, I like Yeah, like I could have set you up with the loser, but this guy talks back. She's just you're hot Everybody has a crush on bright. I'm like She just gets up and runs laps around the bar She just gets up and runs laps around the bar. Well, you can't in that bar because you may not be in danger of inhaling duster or dust, but you are in danger of dying over a giant pot. And I'm so glad they showed all those giant planters everywhere. It looks like Alice in Wonderland in there.

It really does. It's like, it's like, she and running around and hanging a planter is like when you play Super Mario and you do a long jump and you hit a wall back and it goes boom. And the Mariois falls down. You know I've heard my knees more in that restaurant than I have being a homosexual. So yeah, Adam's a really nice. He's a really respectful texture like he will send you a poop emoji and he means it. So now they're like now it's time to do some shots. They doing shots and least the van to pump meanwhile is like clutching her Invisible manila folder. She's like oh, Ken. I need water. I'm a little drunk from those frozen medaury pump teeny shots I'm moving towards the light

I can I want you to paint me paint me can There's a little tiny woman asking me to come to all to light So James comes over and he's like all right my turn and she's like He does and he does James does his like schoolboy, like sweet James schoolboy, I think he goes, Hello Lisa, Mass it down for second. Oh yes, you broken bird. You've been burned by the pizza oven haven't you?

Hello, good man. Good day. What a lovely day for weather. May I watch you have you after an infy, mum? And kids like, I'm going to take Jiggy for a wee wee, but before I go, I want to say something to him. You are doing much better. And sir, you have that Tuesday is amazing night. So here's a envelope full of cash. Don't count it. It's a lot of money. Sorry. Sorry about that. And then James, he fans his eye as if he's like crying. He's like, wow, well, just shut. I'm like, don't do, don't do the fan thing.

Like you're accepting an award, like an Academy Award. Like I want to prepare for this. OK, I wasn't prepared. He pulls out like a little speech. He literally did, but that poor guy. I mean, he hasn't been had it cash. It's not like shoved up his drink G-string by that old gay dude he lives with.

For a very long time, okay? So it's actually given him clean cash and an envelope. And he does that like he wins, because Vanderpump's like, well, catch what? I've watched you very closely, Tia-scent. And it seems that you've made leaps and bounds. And I want you to start working at Surrigan

You can start right now by bringing me some water. I would like to thank the Academy mum The Queen mum this is a dream To be chosen to be a bus boy What a dream what a dream to come true for For me right now, my love right now. I like to thank my mom, a George Michael, and my dad, my friend Nathan, I reward thank you. And now, a song by the Oscar-nominated writer of the music for the film T.S. Ant,

Ms. Trixie Monaco, take away, why, why, why, why, take away, why,S. Ant, Mr. Triximonical. Take it away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away, away. So we're done here then, Mom. Yes. Take it away, Jesus. To me. To me. To me. To me.

To me. To me. To me. To me. To me. To me. To me. To me. To me. To me. To me. To me. over to we see like a brief glimpse of Logan and so James goes over to Logan who's with Sheena and like Jeremy and Raquel and he's like guess what I got my jaw back and I got

paid that's James Kennedy won and Jack Taylor zero my these are very low stakes to whatever competition ever right now. This I'm gonna say low stakes where I'm fucking on the ground I lost my airing once I didn't find it for three weeks Excuse me. Let me look through my binoculars for those low stakes Hmm, let me a tank Let me adjust the focus on these binoculars for a second here. Uh-oh I'm gonna turn my binocular hands other way around around my eyes and guess what I'm a pilot. I'm a pilot in the biplane Wait, why are you typing on me? You said you were a pilot. Not a pilot, Jack. I thought you were just being

a useless piece of old technology. Sorry, my bad. Oh, I, uh, what Jack's why are you letting so many fires right now? Oh oh I thought you were a pilot like I thought I was saved to light fires because your pilot was on Jay how long do you think that pilot lights have to train to be pilot lights it's not an easy job if you think about it always being relied on to start fires so um so now I was Adam is, is, we're back to Adam and Brittany and he's saying he's not not trying to start problems and you know, Brittany is like really's trying to do and she's like whatever Britney wants to do and whatever Britney whatever Britney wants to text that's on her sort of like I like my heart I see also he's like I see what you're doing over there trying to set her up she's like I'm right in front of your jacks literally not over the right hour it's so funny though because like Rob

can totally set people up in like seven minutes. I timed her arm. Oh my God. Somebody's a cigarette for this part because next step, Stasi goes, okay, here we go. I know only an hour and 25 minutes in. This is when we transition from making ridiculous jokes about Britney Miming to ranting because my rant is about, my rant machine is fired up and ready to go. Okay, so you do that because I've got a cigarette ready in the door. Like your cigarette open up your back door. So she goes let's meet Lisa and he goes that would be amazing. And I was like, uh oh.

Yeah. And he's wearing a Magroth the crime dog jacket. None of this is going to go well. Exactly. So Lisa is like over at the bar and Stasi walks up to Lisa and like taps her on the shoulder and this is hilarious because A she startles Lisa and B Lisa's so confused she does that thing like where she looks up to the left and then to the right but she does it like three times she's like what what what what what what what what what

Stasi. So I'm sorry I had ice cream which turned out to be a tiny little shop that only available in America Some of the cornice lane Technically, and we're putting frozen shots on the pendulum. Nice throw So so Lisa we learned that so so Lisa meets Patrick and Lisa has actually met Patrick before very briefly because she was doing something unserious and that's where Patrick's show is and she saw him and waved in the window because she knew that he was dating Stasi whatever and she's like, oh he's met before and Patrick goes, yeah I like watching you walk away to be honest with you. I'm like, is that really what you're gonna lead with? Is that where we're

gonna go? Is this like that intelligent wit that Tom Schwartz was talking about earlier? Because as far as I can tell, it's like rude to say to anyone that you've pretty much just met and it's awkward. And I don't know who you think you are, but you do not say that to Lisa Vanderpump, unless you are Martin, perhaps.

And not even sure. She just kinda looks them up and down. She goes, kind words, thank you. So, and S and sauce is like yeah, he's finally here after four years. Yeah, we've been waiting for you So why now my now and he's like um Why not? Oh, that's what I've been saying why not like she's really trying with She's like yeah, she's like okay. This guy's a little twerp But I'm sure he's making good TV. So I'm just gonna roll with it. Yeah, she's like, okay, this guy's a little twerp, but I'm sure he's making good TV, so

I'm just going to roll with it. So then she's like, so you guys are good? Patrick goes, perfect. Are in all couples, aren't you with your husband? Which is like so out of line, it's like so obnoxious. Like this is your girlfriend's boss technically. Like why? Like why?

Like where, where, what hole in the earth did you crawl out of? Where were you taught that this is a way to talk to someone? Now, I suspect he was like high on something. He just did not even seem like all his facilities or with him. It seemed like a crazy person. But either way, it doesn't give an excuse. It was just like, was this his like way of being charming?

He thought, was this his version of British humor? This is like, Dereet style, where you just like think you're being so clever and you think like it's like he thinks he's like at Dorothy Parker's vicious circle like like loving you know widestisms and and barbed wit et cetera. No I think the way I took it was that he's been hearing about least of Vanderpump from Stasi for years. And he's ready to come up against these of Vanderpump and thinks it's going to be some horrible thing.

And everything she says he's taken to be a job and he's trying to go go for her. Like he's a fucking house wide because she says, are you guys good? She's not saying how's your relationship?

Yeah. Fuxek, you idiot. She's saying you're at my restaurant, everything good. And he's like, even if she was saying it, couples, aren't you with your husband?

And she's like, well, he just seems to say whatever comes to his mind, it may work on the old radio, but just like Elvis, he'd work on the radio, but it doesn't work with me, Mr. Ah. He has a man button for radio. And so when Patrick says that, Stas is like, and this is why I'm so in love with Patrick AF because we're both incredibly dry and sarcastic.

I'm like, I don't feel like sarcasm is a good quality in a person. Sorry, Stasie. Like that's like, even though I say a lot of sarcastic things, like it's one thing to say sarcastic things, but to define yourself as sarcastic, sarcastic people are like really annoying, you know? I guess maybe you didn't know that. Really? Really?

I'll spare you. He's like, and now I'm breaking up with you. Yeah, no, but for real though, for real, it's like, it was a weird moment where she was defending this really borish obnoxious behavior. And so. Well, she's trying to defend something

that she's been excusing for herself for a long time. It's like she's been excusing that behavior to herself. Like, well, he doesn't mean it. Or he's just nicer. He's just being funny. And she's watching his monstrous fucking behavior and seeing how like a normal fucking person reacts to somebody who's talking to them like that. And it's not cool. You know, it's not normal. She has like Stockholm syndrome, except I don't even want to insult Stockholm with Patrick. Like it's, I don like Stockholm syndrome, except I don't even want to insult Stockholm with Patrick. Like it's, I don't even know what city deserves to be to be insulted with like,

with a syndrome that that Patrick has, or that she's taken on because of Patrick, you know. She's got a Zusa syndrome. She's got a Zusa syndrome. She's got a Zusa syndrome. So, so Lisa turns aas in and is like, are you sober and Patrick's like, that's kind of condescending. I'm like, you're the fucking prick who just asked

who made insinuations at Lisa and Ken's marriage is not good. So don't talk about condescending, not in front of the queen, Lisa Vanderpump. Yeah, she's the queen of condescending, sir. Yeah, she's British. It's like baked in, okay? You should be honored. He's not, she goes, but it's just that you're not yourself, sir. Yeah, she's British. It's like baked in, okay? You should be honored.

He goes, but it's just that you're not yourself. I've never seen you at your dogs for work. And she's like, um, and Patrick just rolls his eyes and walks off in his drink, and mugger up the grime dog, Jack. Yeah, he's like, all right. I think we've exhausted this. Okay, I'm a little fisterious right now.

Okay. Ooh. It's, it's, sorry, yes. Dossi just upset and you're not sure yet if she's upset that he was such an asshole, but it turns out she's upset with Lisa. Yeah. Lisa's like, and she goes, I'm, I'm gonna go protect my

boyfriend right now and then like chase him down. Like he's a delicate husk, a delicate flower that needs to be protected by Stasi. Like what does that needs to be protected by Stasi. Like what does he need to be protected by? He has a radio show on Series XM. Like he probably talks as much as we do. You know, like he doesn't need to be protected. He's like afraid.

Well, she's, well, imagine that she's probably afraid that like well, from what we heard that like when he goes his big reservation coming onto on to the show is That he is people are gonna come and Vee mean to him on the internet, which is what we're doing right now So maybe that's what Saus is doing was like I'm gonna go protect him that way He like he doesn't like look so bad on TV But it was like protect him from from what like the ingrown hairs of his ex eyes Ma'am

I There's no protecting you from that. Thank God. He's found Palm 8 though because they're soft from what like the ingrown hairs of his ex eyes man bun. There's no protecting you from that. Thank God he's found Paul made though because they're soft. Yeah, but I think she's saying I'm protecting him because you're being mean, you know, like she was just like you just got Lisa. Exactly. Which is looking at it, which is what I was basically saying that she was afraid he was to come on the show and get like torn apart.

Yeah. Well, no one made him come on the show. And no one made him start on the show. And no one made him start dating a reality star either. And I'm sick of these guys pretending like, Oh, I'm not here for the show. I'm here for you, baby. Yeah, right. Really? Because right when the show ends, you're both fucking gone on both you and Rob. Where the fuck are you guys? Yeah, both of you. So fuck off, you two. Like, oh, we're too good for this. You're unserious. You're not too good for this, sir. Yeah. And the other one other one I don't even know what you do but have fun with your rentals and big bear

so you get the fuck up so then we see jacks and now he's battling to james one shit healed to another it's like Jesus Christ now we're just going down the road of like every asshole and now every man who's they show I'm like, well, you just cheated on his girlfriend. Well, that one just emotionally abused his Like nice work man and Jackson's just he's just speaking in the all sorts of bullshit You know, he's like he's like, you know, but like when you love someone what do you do? You set them free? Like he's the hero in this situation because he dumped Brittany after she like stayed with them after all that bullshit Which is on her by the way, But he's like now, he is, you know, passing self-inducing her own ways.

You love them, you set them free, you don't like lock them in a cage first, and like, you know, treat them like crap, and then set them free. And then hump another bird. You don't hump another bird. And then let the other bird go. Well, you have the birds in your way.

You don't yell at the bird for not knowing how to make a proper ham sandwich and then kick it out of the goddamn cage, Jack. Yeah, you finally trained the bird to say, ham sandwich. And then once it does, you let it go. And it's like, has no use for saying ham sandwich ever again. And it's just flying around going, ham sandwich, ham sandwich. Everyone's like, look at that weird bird. How did a bird get a job at the sandwich counter at Ralph's? Ham sandwich. Is that bird going down a staircase? I think it's flying a plane.

It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Amsa and Wins. It's a ham sandwich in the sky. High is like a screen saver, the flying toasters. So luckily, we have Ariana and Tom, who are just like in the corner, kissing and just happy and in love. But that's not interesting.

Tom, yeah it is. Tom never teased like, God, look at those two over there. They sure are over compensating. Hey guys, I hired a mariachi band for you. Katie's crying already. So then now Brynya is drunk and she's talking to Kristen. She's like, let me tell you something. I've been letting this man control me

and it's not happening anymore. Not happening anymore. She's like, Jo Lane, Jo Lane, please take my man. There, I just slipped it out. It's like, Brittany, are you typing right now? Sure am. Working nine to five. What a way to make a leave in. I am not just some stupid little wilted flower. I'm a still man.

No, yeah. Straight talking. Let me tell you something. I think it was nice. Let me tell you something. If I ever catch jacks going to the best little whorehouse in Texas I'll know at least he goes the best whorehouse at least he goes the best one Either way, it just it made me cringe every time Britney said things like this like I've been letting this man control me It's not happening anymore. It made me cringe every single time because they're back together and it's just like, oh, why? Why? Bro come back. The only one living here is James who is still, they cut to James just flashing his envelope full of money.

People he's like, Monet! Monet, guys, I got $10. Who wants something and out, okay? Easy, Bry, easy. So Jack's, you know, not when to ruin everybody else's night just because he's a piece of shit, is sitting over there, moning and moping to the boys. And Bry's like, come out top of the ham. And they're like, of course, dude. It's not a fatigue, it's just, dude, yeah, dude. Sure, of course, dude.

And Jack's goes, God's kind new this was gonna happen He's like all busy on him no so Brittany Britty is like sit down starts telling jacks like you know you put me through hail and you have to be gone And you have to be out of this building okay? You're you're just like you're right I'm wrong everything I'm wrong I'm wrong about everything that's me that's wrong I guess I'm wrong Jack's once again playing the victim from his own of his own this is a situation that he brought on himself in multiple multiple ways and now he's like fine okay I guess you're right you're right you're right you're right I'm

wrong you're right yeah I can't with you too because Brittany has also brought this on herself Here she is here she is going again trying to have some like women power speech Right before she gets back together and then he starts so I'm not listening to either one of you fools and then he starts doing that I know anything is like oh when I haven't done anything for you I haven't done anything for you. I'm like I don't think like clogging the toilet and leaving it open I haven't done anything for you. I'm like, I don't think clogging the toilet and leaving it open counts as doing something for Brennan. And she's like, I'm something you take care of me.

I'm getting sick of that. I pay half the bills, I pay half the rent. I walk down 19 flights of stairs every goddamn day in the living room. You never give me any credit for that. I'm not really walking down stairs. You go back. Shut up, Jack.

I'm not going to let you. I'm going to be in for you. You are're not gonna torment this little lady in a box. Now excuse me, this elevator is going down. Let me cross my arms to show it's taken a long time. Um, so, so she's like, listen, Jacks, I will be fine. I'm, I don't, and I will be happy on my own because guess what? I deserve so much better. I'm like Brittany, I hate hate to break into you, but you've already been dumped like it's already over Like you're giving a monologue like you're dumping him, but he already dumped you He even says that he's like I know really important things look forward to like finding that state that's on the floor Those low stakes I

Hard to warm in a whale and He's but even Jackson's like yeah, I know you deserve better That's why I that's why I broke up with you. She's like, and I deserve to be with someone better He's like, yeah, that's why I broke up with you And I deserve some more even now. Yeah, that's well, I didn't pick up with you for that I think we both deserve that Like you are not moving down the hall you are not moving down the hall. You are not moving down the hall. And you are not moving down the hall.

And he's like, yeah, I am. And then she just like shoots herself in the face with her fingers, but you know, she's got to keep her mind going. She literally did do this one, which is funny. Yeah, and he's like, you don't own that apartment. I'm taking it. Jesus Christ himself is in taking it.

I'm taking it. I'm like, he's not like himself couldn't take it from me. I'm like, Jesus Christ probably wouldn't taking it. I'm taking it. I'm like, he himself couldn't take it from me. I'm like, Jesus Christ probably wouldn't get into a rent fight. Yeah, I think Jesus Christ wants maybe better housing. And by the way, I think Jesus Christ could take it. And I'm Jewish and I'm saying that Jesus Christ could take it. I don't even believe in Jesus Christ

and I can tell you that you could take that apartment from you guys. I think Jesus Christ knows his way around rental laws. I bet true, but I feel like Jesus Christ doesn't have any credit. You know what I mean? Jesus is not like he has bad credit, he would pay his bills,

but I don't feel like he's ever bothered to build credit, you know? Yeah, he doesn't need a credit card. He gets, it's just like multiplying fish outside. He's like, why would I get a credit card to come to pump? I literally hold a fish and pay 30, so. Jesus just comes driving down the hallway on a little cooler. He's like, hey bro, I'm going to take this apartment now. It's cool. I'll make some wine for you. He's like, look, I forgive everybody of their sins, no matter who they are or what their

sins are. But having a friend's frame over your people is really a bad one. So, might want to reconsider that. Oh gosh, that's why we don't have ours over the people. Our's is a smooth. So Katie goes up to Lisa Vanderpump and she's like, so Jimmy Patsray, he's great in a talent, right? Lisa Vanderpump's like um it was awkward it was it was strange he's he's uncooked right so um so then

Patrick is sitting there with stars and he's like you ready to go you ready to go and she obviously doesn't want to go because it's the finale party and it's like fun and it's like a time to be on TV and all this stuff and she's like I mean I guess I guess, I guess I don't want to leave sad. But and then Katie has been like telling basically making Vanderpromp feel like she's really upset, stossy by me and me and her boyfriend, you know, in the most respectful,

ass kissy way she could. She's like, please don't take away my restaurant. That, um, uh, so Vanderpromp runs over. She like swoops down onto an Ottoman that was, I don't even know where the Ottoman came from. She's just like, she's like, Max, we've got a coordinate that's, I'm running over there by the time I sit down,

just have the Ottoman under my butt. It's just Max with the blanket on top of him. He's just like, it's pretty, be like, guess what, I can do a table. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, a table that goes downstairs I'm happy to be him I'm an auto woman but you're free to buy me

Family front-fronts over and she's like come on guys. We got off to the wrong star I was playing with him because he opened up, you know, we're talking about my ass Which I'm totally okay with and he was like no, I was definitely saying I liked your ass It was just like a that makes no sense yeah and be your such a fucking cut fitness out dare you to anybody Not even just turn a- No, exactly. Get the fuck out of here. That's not the way you're looking.

It's not the way you talk to women. It's not the way you talk to another person. It's not how you talk to someone who's in elders. Not how you talk to your girlfriend's boss. It's not how you talk to someone you just met. It's like it's wrong. And like, it's just, it's all these check marks. All these check marks.

How dare you make me defend Stasi like this. I mean, over the years, I've gone way up and way down with Stasi mostly down Plus be honest and I'm I'm acting like the mom in the front seat Every time we hit a bump, you know just like trying to Okay, who the fuck is that? I don't want to have to protect Stasi no one should have to protect Stasi shame on you sir Yeah, the me too movement this whole country the me too movement was created for guys like this this is what it is this is not this is not acceptable behavior like it's only acceptable if it's like if you guys are like friends and this has been like you've been given the social cues of like this is how we joke and even then you still have to be kind of careful because what you may think is a social cue may not actually be one from the lady. So honestly, just like, like this is not-

I think he's honestly trying to start a fight. I don't think he's being- I think he's trying like me too, and being like, oh, I'm talking about your ass. I think he's like trying to start a fight with her. No, I'm not, well, no, I think that, I think that this is genuine, I think he is trying to start a fight

because I think he's like, I really actually don't think that he is sober at that moment. I actually think he's like, on something, I'm not trying to say that to be like, oh my god that moment. I actually think he's like on something. I'm not trying to say that to be like, oh my god, how? Look at him, he's on something. But I think that might explain it because he was, it was so obnoxious, it was so bro, it was so that entitled, like, yeah, I'm a man and I'm gonna talk about your ass,

right, to your face. And like couched in this idea, you know if he was approached by, it's like, listen, I'm gonna say what your ass, right, to your face, is and like couched in this idea, you know, if he was like approached by, it's like, listen, I'm gonna say what's on my mind. She has a nice ass, what's wrong with me pointing it out? She should be flattered, you know? I realize I'm projecting stuff onto it, that may not be there. But, you know what?

Oh, it's there, he's just trying to make her feel like shit, you know, like he's trying to find her. Projector. Yeah, it's like. He's just being disgusting, he's just being a fucking pig. So she's like, look, all I want is someone who treats you and treats you right and loves you. And he's like, why would you talk to her like that

when I'm right here? And she goes, because you're here, and she has a history of people, but who don't treat her right? Give me a break, okay. If you, if you love her and she loves you I'm great with it and he's like But you know what they'll have a good ass. Yeah, he's he's he's I still think you have a good ass

Well, so then but before we get to that though, I just want to go back to what he says Why would you talk to her that way when I'm sitting right here? It's like well, why would you talk to Lisa to Lisa Van Pump that way when your girlfriend's right there What do you how do you think it makes your girlfriend feel when you're telling her a boss that she has a nice ass? Like, you're not the only one who is put in a weird situation. You know? And if you didn't want to be put in that weird situation,

don't be such a fucking prick. Don't have these, like block, have these immature moments like social media blockage or go and traipsing off to the Van Gogh museum and shedding a tear and man buns and all that stuff. It was just made my blood boil. Yeah, he's gross. So he says, so he goes, I still think you have a good ass.

At least the Van apartment. He goes, well, it's dropping. Like she's trying to make a joke, which she shouldn't even have to be in a position to have to make nice and bullshit that she does have to make nice. And he goes, girl, when I saw it, it was up. And I'm like, if you're trying to make have a reality TV moment, you are like so missing the mark in this one.

Yeah, yeah, total failure. And she, he goes, she's like, okay, well, thank you, good seeing you, bloody blah. And he's like, whoa, God, I don't want to, I still love your ask girl, I don't want to see it walk away. And she goes, well, suck for you. I'll suck by.

And then saucy turns to him and goes, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, please. If you break up with me, don't let it, don't let it be over to my please It was I thought when she turned to him she would be like I can't believe how you're acting I can't believe you're saying these things. I'm mortified for what you're doing and the fact that she turned and was like I'm so sorry. Don't break up with me. It was like it was like I don't even know the words it's it's just like I can't believe this. How can you be sitting here telling Brittany, all the things she has to do, and here you are apologizing to this man

who acts like a total asshole, who is like, and by the way, on top of everything else, this man is supposed to be dating Stasi, and he's talking about someone else's ass right in front of her. How disrespectful is that to Stasi? I don't think you can even start trying to like, that's disrespectful. This guy's just a piece of shit. He's a piece of shit.

Straight in the mind but bored. We know that man was growing back. Even if he can't see it's an invisible, he's miming a man bun as we speak. This guy is just a piece of shit. I mean, that's it. Yeah. I'm done with him. Let's move on from him. I mean, that's it. Yeah, I'm done with him. Let's move on from him

I can't have them anymore. So well sausage like you know if Patrick Don't me I'd be devastated a house like he's like an arm or a leg. He's like a limb and like What does that say about me? I mean maybe I have a screw loose. I'm like you're only noticing this now Realize it after the amazing race. So over with James, James is with the girls. And he's like, before that, also when they're like, when they're leaving, Kristen's like, I just have to say, I'm happy I am.

That Patrick came for saucy. That is like the sweetest thing. Yeah. Tonight, you already mentioned this, was it on this one or the bonus? It is on our bonus. Yeah, we you already mentioned this was on this one or the bonus on our bonus. Yeah, we're Christian tweeted like if I had known how we acted I am mortified. So, I like that. A little quick vomit. I was in the tunnel between the well, Tom Tom and the ladies room. Okay. I came out the smoking alley didn't know where I was

and then Brittany brought me up with an imaginary rope it was magical okay I crawled out of my dig dug sand for this so now we actually had a Trixi Monical throwback by the way did you notice this it was it was a return to a song we heard earlier this season which which is I went from racks, riches, I went from racks, riches, racks, riches, racks, riches. Um, well, I'm glad to know that Trixi Monaco enjoyed the television show, Racks, Riches, as I did as well. What did you show? I loved that show. I think I only saw like three episodes, but to me it was like my dream. There were only were of like three episodes. Because it was the last very time. It was like a movie, a TV movie.

We talking about, yeah, it's an old show from the 80s. It was one of the first musical television shows for our generation. It was just like, poor kid to become rich or something was on Sunday nights. Yeah, it's the dream. It was kind of like Annie, but like for our time. So James is like, oh, hey girls.

And then he tells Brittany, you look like a boss ass bitch. A. And Abra is the good too. And Jack's is leaning into one of those gigantic bots and just acting like he's crying. And he's like, yes. Jack's is scouring the planter for any little pebbles he can use to tap on his forehead.

I love my Ricky Pebble at home. And Lisa's like, oh, look over there. Brittany has found to tap on his forehead. I love my ricky pebble at home. And Lisa's like, oh, look over there. Brittany has found a stake on a floor. Well, that's what I get for using Max as an ultimate for two goddamn things. That's this time. It's time for all scene. And two's like, be easy on him Lisa.

Come on, come on. So, Jack's is like, first of all, you look lovely tonight, which is like, a, like so transparent and be also like, I don't know, it's like, oh, you're just gonna tell a woman she looks lovely and you're gonna be off the hook. No, so he goes, I sincerely apologize for how I acted the other night. I mean, like, I know I apologize all the time, but this one, this one, I mean.

My friend say I look possessed and she's like, may I remind you that you set that double flipping a soft going, and I've given you so many chances. I'm like, okay, how many scenes in a row is this gonna be of women giving these assholes so many chances? You are the problem leads a matter of. You are the problem at this point. I like a broken bird, but I don't like being flicked the bird. It's my long-term next year.

Jacks, Jacks. So he, so once again, he starts doing his victimity. He's like, I've ruined everybody's life. I have, I don't even know what to do anymore. He's like choking up, like rubbing his nose. I've never seen this. I've never missed the opportunity to say, you're not important enough to ruin my life. I was like, please, I was like cheering for him.

I was cheering for him. He's like, I don't know what to do anymore with his crocodile, coca-dead. Coca-dead. Coca-dead. Yeah, she's like, first she rolls her eyes and she's like, I don't know if I should even listen to him because I know he's a player. So she gets her knocking and she's, I'm not going down this emotional road with you. Dab!

And she's like, dabbing tears from her eyes. I'm like, that looks like a pretty emotional roadie of gun down. Now, I want Fulf here. Cokidile is. Tears. No, well, I had chocolate eyes to the menu. There's rosewater on this napkin. Let's see you can crime us. He's like, what do you want me to do? He's like, man,

I can be that. And he's like, should I just go to Florida and leave my girlfriend and my job? Like, yeah, for your fake job, or your, yeah, George glass, but yeah, George glass hockey industries. Yeah. She's like, just fire me. I would not give you that satisfaction to go over there and tell everyone, you got fired because of me. Why didn't you just do the one decent thing in the entire life and hand me all fucking fucking resignation? And do what you should have done a long time ago. Yeah. I'm glad that she did that because when she said, I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction of being fired I was like you just played into his hands because he's he basically was like just fire me she's like no

You're a reverse psychology won't work on me. I won't fire you But then she was like okay hand in your resignation and then he's just like, I don't, oh, he says, he's like, I don't deserve to be working for you, I don't. So, um, Jack's is the same. It's been six years since he's been here, and he's still making the same mistakes. I mean, he's more bloated in the face and he's, he's got two more bolts spots than he had then, but still, the same Jack's Taylor.

I'm good at rascal. I can't wait to fix him next year. I look at all these kids and I'm connected to them. I see Lala. She's growing into a singer. Be nice to Lala singing. She's growing into a singer. Tom and Tom, they're opening a bar. James is doing better.

And Raquel, she just found out what tinfoil is. So many exciting things for all these people. Let us not forget that loony steak, who thought it was lost on the floor, before it was picked up by Marcel Marrow. Oh look, there's Brittany, she finally learned how to mind fork and life cutting. Oh, he took a big girl per ver, look at her, she's chewing, she likes and she gave a thumbs up. Oh, now she's rubbing her tummy. She's a happy little gambler, isn't she? Oh, and then we got to Lala who's like, you okay, bitch to Brittany. She's like chairs to check who know what they want. Yeah, I'm like, oh yeah. This whole finale was all about women winning. Jesus Christ. Christ is like the saddest finale we've seen

I know a lot of sad finale's on this show so jacks leaves and he's like I can't stay guys guys I'm not I gotta go I gotta go so he leaves And then we see James with Raquel and he's like head babe together forever together for avar like, head babe, together forever, together for Ava. She's like, that's my song. Trixi Monaco breaks through the wall and just starts throttling his little ass. Actually, that's Lizette Melinda's a song. So, um, that's a real singer. Well, the last shot is my favorite because it is ultimate Lisa van der Trump manipulation. She knows that whenever she films at Pumped, she can have some sad sack having to walk

under the hamburger sign across the street. And I love Jack's walking off feeling sorry for himself towards the hamburger joint. Hamburger heaven. Yes. And as he's walking off to hamburger heaven, Lisa Vanderpump tells James, well, you know we may need you as a bartender

or something along those lines. She just ran over the gossip. She's like, we may be looking for a new bartender. Oh, that's what it is. And then she's not least advanced or simple, not just make James a bartender. For her son, it's still running food. I projected that. I apologize, everyone.

And with that, it ended. And this epic, epic season came to to a close and I'm just like I Need more like that. I can't have it end right like I need Another episode like a not not talking about the reunion. I need a new episode Next week you can't do this problem. You can't just stop the show. Okay, like I need another episode It cannot be over. Yeah, I ended like for me, it's fine. We've still got a month left. And I love this show, but this is a long season for Bravo. Oh, I love it. What was this episode? 21 or something?

I will take, I will take a long season of Vanderpump rules because we deserved it. We went through OC Beverly Hills, you know, Atlanta was a little uneven, you know We deserve a fucking good van a pump rule season and we got one and we're getting a good New York season And honestly we got a really awesome New Jersey season that people just I feel like they didn't really appreciate how good New Jersey was and New Jersey was Awesome, so I feel like we deserve every good season we get and they should be as long as So I feel like we deserve every good season we get and they should be as long as they can be whilst they'll be in good. Well, you sure got it. Let's sign out of here. Get that out of here. Yeah, because we've only got a long podcast out of it. Well,

yeah. So you guys do not forget to go listen to Vanderpump Rules party for even more talk of Vanderpump Rules, those girls are rad and come see our live shows San Francisco, okay, Pride's going to be amazing Phoenix right before that and then after that some other places. Yeah well we've got a ton of stuff in July so we're not even gonna start shilling July until a little bit but um and remember if you're coming to the Chicago show we are talking about the entire night across the early and the late show we're going to be talking about the reunion we're coming at all So if you're going to both shows, you're in for a treat because you can get the full thing. It's going to be awesome. We can't wait for that. And listen to us tomorrow

on Amy Phillips video show. Bye everyone. Bye everyone. Hey, prime members. You can listen to Watcher Crappens, ad free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen to WatcherCrapins Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.