Watch What Crappens - PumpRules: You're the Onesie

Episode Date: March 12, 2020

This episode also available as video on Crappens On Demand http://bit.ly/crappensvideo The Vanderpump Rules kids have the 972nd celebration of the Kentucky Weddin'. They party in onesies and dump on Kristen a bunch. Yay! For this week's premium bonus recap of Family Karma, become a member over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **New merch! BenRon 2020 Vote Hypocrat designs available at crappensmerch.com **Crappens Live is coming to Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Orlando, Charleston, Oklahoma, Asbury Park NJ, Toronto, Washington DC, San Francisco and Boston! Find ticket links at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We love you guys. I'm Ronnie, Ronnie Cara, you'll find me over on Roseprix, just about the bachelor, which is great this week. Just go listen to it. Here I am with the gorgeous and talented Mr. Ben Mandelker who voices and writes and forms and does all this stuff for real housewares of Kitchen Island, which is cartoon on YouTube. Hi Ben, well. Well, hi, I've started animating the new episode, I think it's gonna be really good, okay? Okay. So everybody,

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over at WatchWitCrapins.com. There's tons of cities we're going to between now and June. So go look for your city over there. There's also new t-shirts. Ben Rob 2020, vote hypocrite. Okay. Hipocrat. Hipocrat. Yeah. Those are our election shirts. And that's that. And now today, we're here for Vanderpuff rules to celebrate the 980 9th party for Jackson Brittney and their skanky ass. Oh my god. We should also mention by the way that this is a crap and on demand episode. So if you go to patreon.com slash watch or crap and you don't have to just listen to

us. You can watch us. And in this case, you get to see my crazy bedhead. My hair is basically a skateboarding ramp. And so come enjoy that. Yes, so everybody here we are. Oh my God. Where did we get there?

Nightmare. This nightmare of a wedding. It's like, I knew that we're gonna do this because I think that Bravo, I think that Banner Pump rules has been really good about turning all the weddings into three episode disasters. And so I knew, I knew this week it was not going to be over because why would it ever be over? Why not? And these poor guests, these poor guests having to endure event after

event after event. And did you notice they were sort of there were sort of slide about this. They didn't mean they squeeze in a meat and greet okay. This is the wedding weekend and yet they still took time to basically probably I'm assuming charge people to come in and do like photo ops for the cast. It's like was that what they were saying? I'm saying it's a meeting. We got a meeting greet. Oh, I thought that was like I was gonna ask you like what kind of met wedding event is a meet and greet. I thought it was like we're all was gonna ask you like what kind of met wedding event is a meet and greet I thought it was like we're all the wedding guests go and I don't know. I could be right each other. I could be wrong I am often wrong as a podcaster that is within my right vote hypocrite

But she kept the same we're doing a meet and greet I kind of assumed it was like an event where it was like hey come meet the cast of Vanderpump rules and then they party upstairs Which I'm not opposed to those events, but I feel like it's kind of gross to weave that into your wedding weekend. I don't know. It turns me off. That's amazing. If I ever get married, I will be selling t-shirts of my face in the front. But by the way, huge ass risk, because I don't know if it's necessarily true, so I don't want to just start rumors on the internet. Yes, I do.

I love doing that. But, you know, if that is true, it's like Chris. Oh, yeah. Well, welcome. Welcome to Kentucky, Saka. Welcome to Bravo. Just a bag. Lala is talking to Katie and she's like dude your ass looks so good Like a bubble and I thought you know this girl hasn't seen steel magnolia is either because she would have said it looks like to

What is the steel magnolia sign where she's like it looks like two two dead Julia rocks dancing under a blanket. Hey, looks like two Julia Roberts. Wait, not taking there, not drinking the juice of a blanket. Two Julia Roberts that didn't get the sugar. That's what it looks like. Yeah, two Julia two Julia Roberts as your ass is definitely a visual. Could you imagine if your ass cheeks were Julia Roberts just like laughing. This is Julia Roberts in every movie poster. That's what I'm saying. She's trying to catch popcorn in her mind. Anyway, so there are everyone's at this like very crowded rehearsal dinner in the castle. I'm still I mean, the ones at this, like, very crowded rehearsal dinner in the castle. I'm still, I'm still so triggered by this castle.

It just makes me so mad. I mean, this is a network that gave us Maperton. It gave us Caroline Fleming's castle, which was called like Voldemort or something like that. And now we got this piece of shit castle. I'm still so angry about it. But anyway, they're all like... I don't know. I don't think I'm talking castle, I'm not saying.

I don't know, I don't think I mentioned this last weekend. We didn't. I don't. I'm not. Who cares. The point is this. One of our listeners posted photos in our Facebook group. A bunch of crap is live and loving it.

And she basically said she was passing through Kentucky and she was like, I had to see the castle. So she went into the castle and took photos. Sorry for her name, but awesome photos. But it was hilarious because like, you could just see the patchy grass outside the castle and like this that like weird, unkempt driveway to the highway.

It's just like, it's classic brandy. Yeah, classic brandy. What are we talking about? Well, you know what else is classic brandy? Hi, I'm Detective Queen. I'm from New York City. And I'm here because wherever I go, Murr, seem to follow me. Yeah. She basically got the male version of Britney to play Detective for her murder mystery, might. Yeah, they had a murder mystery. I've never wanted a murder mystery to actually have like,

like some real elements to it. You know, I'm like, oh great, we're gonna sacrifice a cast member. Let's do it. Okay, who's first? Who are we gonna kill off? Take jacks! Yeah. Someone has killed jacks. So it's a murder mystery party. My mom used to do murder mystery parties when I was a kid. So I guess this is back. This is another thing. I like jelly shoes.

I hope so. I would love to go to a murder mystery party. I've never been to one. And that's my way of saying, please invite me, someone to your murder mystery party. Is that think of like? So Jackson has rage face like he's not like in this murder mystery party.

He's like, I'm detective kind murder mystery part. He's like, he's like, I'm detective kind murder mystery. And Jacks is like, I'm like, what's wrong with Jacks? He's like, he just had like a trauma to having to read murder on the Ornette Express or something when he was a child. Maybe his mom really enjoyed murder she wrote. And it's just like bring back a lot of mom memories. Oh God. He's like, I'm uninviting that detective to this murder mystery party.

Angel Lansbury is outside just waiting, waiting with her. He's like stealing, he's stealing the cars out front, out from in front of the detectives house. Yeah. Okay. So um, Stasi has a lady builder. It's so excited, yeah. She's like, everyone that knows me knows that I love murder. I love murder and I love, I'm murder measure. I love crime, I love murder. I love dead things, I love soulless things. I love friendships that are very thin, that are basically like death, basically my life. I love my life, which is death.

Yeah, she loves her murder. They have a lot of clips to play when Stasi or when somebody does get murdered in this friend group. You know, it's like I know I didn't do it. I love murder, I love death. I'm gonna fucking kill you I'm gonna put your head through the fucking witch. I'm gonna shove a spoon down your throat cut off your dick Put it up your butt and a joky with that on the other side I didn't do it if someone on Vennipump rules does actually kill like a cast mate

Like it the case will never be solved because it's Literally the murder on the oriented express. It's like everyone is just an actual suspect. Yeah. They all contributed in some way. Spoiler alert. Sorry. So you have to still give spoiler alert for shit like murder on the oriented express in this country. People are like, hey, I didn't have a chance for read that yet. That's pretty neat. Spoiler! Wow, I still didn't get to find out who killed someone at that Chinese restaurant. That's not what the Orient Express is, but anyway.

It's like when Romeo and Juliet killed themselves at the end. What? Spoiler alert. Spoiler. So they start, Stasi goes around and starts questioning everybody and she goes up to this girl in a bad wig, which is basically any girl on the show, put any girl you want into this scene. Yeah. Like, um, this is the role I was born to play. So your dad owns the distillery, who's your dad?

What do you think about him? What do you hate him? What do you look like, Katie? Are you drinking hidden valley ranch out of your flat? What is going on? And then it's like this weird old timey thing. They tried to make a funny thing out of this investigation, but I really wasn't paying attention honestly, because why would I?

And then everyone has to assemble on the super Mario 64 roof of this castle. And it's like, okay, everyone, it's time to solve the murder. It was the sister, and then the actresses. And while I was not paying any attention during any of this thing, she's like, she's just like looking at everybody. And Katie's big clues, look at that sister swinging out of a flash. Kind of write that down.

Just like, look at Katie, even judging the people from the fucking murder mystery theater. So, you know, she's like, she's an alcoholic, write it down, Tom. She's not out of the house. She just got stuck in a conversation with Kristen talking about Carter. She's like, you know what? Fuck this job. I'm over this murder mystery. I'm going back to work in the meet and greet. Yeah. And Lala got to, she's like, it was you stupid. I'm like, how did you know? She's like, well, the daughter wanted the business, but the dad wouldn't give it to her because she's a girl. Duh! So she killed them.

Yeah, I knew as the daughter, because like, she wanted the business, the dad wouldn't give it to her. So she slept away to the top, got a PJ and ran her dad out of business. And when he still had money left, she just killed him. I knew it. It was easy. I know you have to get craftier in a world where you just can't go around murdering people. I think while I win this scenario, actually, she's like, you did it wrong. Stupid. Do you have a PJ? No. Okay.

So now after this murder mystery thing, people are sitting around and like Stasi and Katie and Lala are like talking, and they start talking about Kristen. And we see this shot of Kristen just sitting alone twirling her earring. She like has her finger in her earring loop. And she's like pretending her fingers are hamster, just doing like on the, she's like, oh, Mariposa.

Good call. Hearing hoop, yeah, good times. I like that Kristen is always just sitting there flirting with someone who's not there. Yeah, she's always like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, like moving her shoulders, like moving her head. Oh, in shonte, like sizing somebody up, but there's nobody there.

She's just Kristen drinking alone, flirting with air. Well, what if Mr. Cousel comes back from the dead? I have to be ready for him. So, uh, so they start talking, the girls are talking about Kristen and Carter and, and the fact that Kristen invited Carter and Katie's like, yeah, like when I was asking Kristen about it, and she, Kristen was like, of course Carter is coming.

Like really, he was only invited as your guest. He wasn't even invited on his own. It's like, you know what? Don't make me take Carter's side, Katie. Okay, I mean, you're kind of right, but you're so obnoxious about this that- I don't care, get a story. I know, exactly.

Exactly. It's a storyline. Like, why are you talking about Kristen? She's the only thing interesting happening right now. And she's literally flirting with air. Like she's flirting with nobody. She's like, like, like, it's more interesting. The two most interesting people on this cast right now are Kristen and

Sheena and they have been so pushed the sidelines. It is not even fair. Yeah. So Kristen comes up and she's like, what are you talking about big boy? They're like, um, you and she's like, I love that. And she's like, it's Cartier date. She's like, yeah, he just starts to be at the wedding because he's our friend. And also he's my best friend. So yeah. I didn't just show a montage of Kristen complaining about Carter over the years and all the terrible things that Carter does. Yeah, he's my best friend seriously, like, okay, well, I'm gonna go talk to Jackson Brittany To party with you guys at bubbles I couldn't tell it was called bubbles or bevels or bells or

Bettles I was very confused I thought she said bubbles, but then it was bells so I don't know I just Brittany just likes names like that You know we're going to bevels and we're we're going to battles and we're going to bails and we're going to bals and we're going to bals. Well, you know, she was probably so obnoxious about going to bells. You're like, well, you know, like my favorite thing is like bail from Beauty and the Bale. And like, this is like a princess weekend. So like, of course, we have to go to bails. You know what I'm saying? We have to go to bails. Like shut up. Seriously shut up with the princess thing. It's not as charming as you think. shut up. Seriously shut up with the princess thing. It's not as charming as you think.

So Stasi's like, you can't be real for one second, Kristen. You can't be real for one second. What did Kristen even do? My god, she came over to say hi. Yeah. She's like, I'm being real seriously, just because you don't like my answer. Seriously. She's like, yeah, for months, I haven't had a real conversation, AF with you. Well, that's because you don't try you're up your own ass Seriously, seriously Mara posted for the win Why are they fighting shut up? Written you see some from across the room. It's not pissed. Yeah, and I was like Kristen They truly care about your well-being and this is a serious situation and and Kristen just ignores her and she points at Katie and she goes you I'll say the word bitch. You just a fucking bitch to me. All right, and you yeah, Stasi

Okay, well, you're okay. I mean, I know you Karen. You're just like frustrated because like you don't know where we stand Hey, Katie's like you're being an obnoxious person right now like both you know, and you are being a bitch So I guess everyone's correct. Yeah. And so Brittany's like, Hey, now more fun, let's go to BOW! Yeah, Chris, I'm shocked that Brittany did not give us a, I can't believe they're fighting on my wedding weekend.

This is supposed to be the happiest night of my life. But you didn't do it, Brett. So don't do it. I know someone bring back that sign so Kristen's like I just I feel like I'm on a friendship peninsula That's suddenly an island global warming is real, okay? It's real I know that was weird. She's like I'm on a peninsula But it's slowly turning into an island Which is slowly gonna turn into just a little stone in the middle of a lake. And then I'm just gonna have one toe in the water.

And then it's gonna look like I'm standing on the water. And then they'll be jealous. Ha ha ha ha. I'm basically on an iceberg with a polar bear, but even the polar bear is pretty chill. Like he hasn't eaten me or anything, because like he gets it, he understands. So cool. We're dating. We're dating now. He's like my best anything because he gets it. He understands. So cool.

We're dating. We're dating now. He's like my best friend. Yeah, it's pretty cool. He actually listens to me for one ston. He actually cares about what's going on with my life. Thanks, polar bear. So Brett really hasn't done anything to me personally, okay?

He's done things to the world, basically, on Twitter. But to me personally, never done anything, but but got to hate him. I just hate him. He's kind of waiter who's like, hey, he's slime over. He's like, hey, sorry to interrupt you guys. Yeah, no, he's awful. Jenny thinks he's gross. I hate your waiting table style there. There's your Yelp review. Yeah, we, yeah, one star for Brett. By the way, before we dive into the scene,

I just want to point out that the last scene ended basically with Kristen saying, my two best friends of a decade have suddenly decided they don't want to be friends with me anymore. I mean, I can't imagine doing that to anyone. I'm like, have you seen seasons one through now? You can imagine. Wow. No, the benevolent, lovely, all welcoming, which is a weho, could never imagine doing that. Yeah. So everybody's working, working, working, Sarsar, Sarsar. And so Adriana, this girl Adriana would, I don't know if we've seen her before. No, but I think she made an excellent debut.

She's like, hi, it's my first day on the show. We're gonna do a scene at the fridge. Okay, let me tell you something. What's up, girl? So... She's like, I am slim. So, like just like Danica. All those girls talk the same. You can tell the popular girls hang out together. Exactly.

And I love that Danica has minions. I feel like this is why are we watching endless footage of the stupid ass wedding when we could be watching Danica's minions, okay? Yeah, I want to see Danica's minions. Yeah, so she's like, so what's the daily guys? And Danica's like,

yeah, we just like became exclusive and like, yeah, we just like became exclusive and like, yeah, we're dating. And then we see a flashback of Dana and Max on a date. And Dana's like, so Max, say three nice things about me. And he goes, your eyebrows look really good. You did a really good job. Winging on your eyeliner. And I like your earrings a little bit.

A plus, A.D. on the side. Um, this is like awkward. I was at Jones the other day and he was sitting across from me like literally across from me and like we didn't make eye contact but he was sitting with a girl and like they seemed kind of friendly. So yeah, I was like, I mean basically I like dark hair. was sitting with a girl and like they seemed kind of friendly so. Yeah, I was like, I mean, basically she had like dark hair.

She was like kind of thought he had huge boobs, was wearing a sir uniform. She was basically everyone working here. It was crazy. I've never seen anything like that. She was like, well, I was talking to Danaka about it. And so up there, we were stalking on Instagram. And I think I found the girl here.

And she just went over the phone. And it's this girl just exactly who you think she'd be. Like squatting on her floor, like kneeling on her floor in her bedroom in front of a window unit in a t-shirt, just like taking a picture of herself in the mirror, like a mirror selfie. Yeah, like she'd just come back from CVS and like caught her reflection in the,

like the, the, the, the middle bars on the, on her basket and was like, oh, I feel cute today. So she's like, I'm going to post this photo. So Dana sees, he goes, ah, that's the Tom Tom prod church. Like that is exclusive to Tom Tom. Yeah, and she tells us she's all cozy in a Tom Tom Pritchard. Those were made specifically for Pride and Max was the only one with access to them. And he liked the post. He didn't even give me a Tom Tom Pritchard.

Okay. Wow. So who's this girl? I didn't get a Tom Tom Pritchard. So who's this girl who's getting a Tom Tom Pritchard? Because that is a Tom Tom Pritchard. It it's Tom Tom Pritchard. So who's this girl who's getting a Tom Tom Pritchard? Because that is a Tom Tom Pritchard. It's a Tom Tom Pritchard. How much people pay for that? Like upwards of $5. Okay. That's a Tom Tom Pritchard, a TTPC, a PS. Like, um, I mean, you know what happened between us?

Right. Which is very dannnigah. Right. You're up with Tom Pritchard. You're up with Tom Pritchard. It's like a car on a freeway like that. Which is very Danica Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh! Ruh I don't really even know what it looks like, of course. Tom Tom Pritchard. Yeah, Tom Tom Pritchard. I just need to know. Yeah, so basically Max was eating Adriana, and then on Adriana's 30th birthday, Max slept with someone else. So, Dana has a huge revelation.

She goes, everyone wound up being right about Max. He is a fuck boy. I can't believe that. So mad right now. So mad. I'm totally going to make sure I get my Tom Tom Pritchard back from him Oh wait, I never got one in the first place Never got a Tom Tom Pritchard so So then we go over to bells and of course Brittney's like

So everyone's there even Stossie's mom is there Katie's mom. I mean every literally everyone is there and I'm thinking well This is a fun thing to do the night before the wedding. Oh, but wait of course of course It's not the night before the wedding because what's the point of having a wedding where you can cram in four more fucking events beforehand That everyone has to do on top of the 95 other ones they already had to do events beforehand that everyone has to do on top of the 95 other ones they already had to do. Oh so Lala is talking to Brittany and she's like look at you you're marrying to love of your life and you've like been through lots of shit and now look at you like for the Chuckie cheese and Kentucky well done Brittany. Yeah well done. Well tomorrow is hangover day we're gonna have massage in pedicures and my mom's cheese tasting.

It's gonna be great. And oh, I hate that Jackson's in here tonight. I hate that he's not here. Where's most of me at Bubba? Jack's not playing all this stuff together. So it's kind of weird he's not here. Bails with me. I hope he's okay.

Like, the Jackson's not on the wall. Yeah, Jackson's at home. on PornHub, you know. He's on only fans. Yeah. So yeah, no, but Jack is actually in his sweet alone because he wants to have some time with himself and his dad and a cheeseburger. And he just wants to, like, it's the night

before the wedding. It's like a lot. He doesn't, you know, he just wants to be reflective. So that. Yeah. He's like, he's like, he's got hammered. It wouldn't be too, I wouldn't be doing what So that is like a chart. It would be I wouldn't be doing what I think is right. And it's not the night before the wedding.

It's too nice before I know that's the thing that there's almost as implication like, oh, this is sweet. How he's spending the night before the wedding. But it's just a it's going to go on and get hammered the next night anyway. So yeah, it's just so not jacks to say. So then Lala, they're talking about like his Lisa coming and no one knows if she's coming and then we go over to Bow Tom and Brittany talking sandable and both like so

What do you think you're gonna so Tom? Sorry? He's like so Brittany. Do you think you're gonna Bob? She's like what? Like that's the bow version of sob. Are you gonna sob tomorrow? You're wedding. Buh. This is like, no, I'm gonna sob, I'm gonna sob, Bob. I'm like, no, no, no, if you stop, that is gonna like, no, no, no, no aside and she just starts talking kind of an incoherently about like

your friends, real like friends before you and saucy. So could you do me a favor? Could you be my wingman because I saw Gustav Arrow over there and I'm sort of like flirting with it and I think he likes me. So yeah, she is. He's like looking kind of like doing her flirt across the room. So things on you, I'll be doing it. I mean, you're my boy right? I'm a boy. You're my boy.

Yeah, what is wrong with you? Yeah, he's just sucking at her like, uh, I'm still your boy, but things are different. I'm just like, whoa. Oh, he's like, yeah, I'm in a relationship now. And Stasi's my world, all right? She's my number one. She's my gateway to followers on YouTube for Cooking with Bill, all right, Chef Boyardee. So come on, Kristen. I'm making some boasto tonight. That's Pesto, but the boastile Boasto yeah, man. He's like, um, I love my friends, but she's like literally all I subscribe care about right now She's all I suppose uh, you know what I'm trying to say and Chris is like she's all you care about

yeah you know what I'm just done with everyone coming down on me alright yeah it was your madada got so Kristen yeah she just like flopping all around why am I being dragged about something that's so hard for me? That's hard for me. Why am I why is it amazing if I'm cool? None of y'all do none of y'all do I'm like wait none of y'all do what's one day in Kentucky? That's how it works. That's how it happens in the South And he's like uh Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, calm down, take a step back. I'm like, ugh, ugh, ugh, sir, I'm like, okay.

But she's then she discomforted. Okay. I'm gonna take a step back, oops. I guess I just had a meat cute with a piece of fog. He's like, oh, she's like, blah, do you know how fucking hard it is for me in order? Because I like, don't know, like, how he feels, like I'm in order.

And I was like okay Let's get on selfish and let's focus on pressing that subscribe button to the top right of the video It's up here. Do you see it's above my finger? Up here, okay, okay, I'm gonna press it and I fell over broke my jaw. Sorry I fell over broke my jaw, sorry. I believe in second chances. I believe in true from bands. I'm like, uh, second chances. Here we go.

It must be jacksy. Yeah. But it's like second chances times like, she needs to sing this like 30 times in a row. So like equals 60 chances. Yeah. Cause come on. Yeah.

So Britney and Jack. Yeah. So uh, Brittany is, Brittany is like, one more day until you're a rise band, which is probably exciting for Jack to hear because it's been like for five five months. Six to seven days. So you're my husband nine to three days until it's one day until you're my house. Guys, and do it's one day till you're my house, bye! Jack's is wearing a jacket that's kind of like if people who worked at Waterburger started

family karma. I'm not sure what his jacket is, but it's crazy. And he's like, my dad's been in a box for two years, but you know what? I like talking to my dad. I put him in the front seat with me. I put him by a tree in my house, just kind of sits by the tree. So they get like a new box for his dad. And I know that we're supposed to feel for that,

Jack's and I don't want anybody's dad to die. That's terrible, but I don't feel for you, Jack's right now. Okay, just stop, stop. So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh, So, uh. I'm like, I thought that was Bravo, Con. Vomit day. Even though we're not resting, we're having a pool day, so. And both like, yeah, not hungover. But meanwhile, Schwartz is hungover in bed with Katie.

That must be what it feels like always to be in bed with Katie. Just like, oh, God, I have a headache. And I'm sore for no reason. It's like I'm sore like down too much. Like, uh, shorts, like we've said it many times. His appeal has really warmed in for me. And just even this scene where we see a flashback that the night before he got really wasted.

And he like pissed all over the toilet seat. And they're like, Santa, I'm like, oh, he pissed all over the toilet. He was like, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man,'s certain things that, like, you know, pee in the toilet. Like that, that I will accept as like, we can move forward into maturity on that front, yes. Yeah. So Katie is like trying to laugh like she thinks she's adorable when you know she just wants everybody to hit. She's like, I just want to start this bet on fire. Like, I don't even care that I minute. Yeah, thankfully, I'm legally married right now. It's like, that's crazy because I've never peed on the toilet in my life But it's like yeah, you have I'm like you. I've literally sat in your paper for us

So I've sat in your pee This is a terrible competition to have like a terrible one-up mentorship moment commercial Celebrity beef you never know if you're just to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions.

What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums?

Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. So then we go over to Shina and Kristen's room and she's like, I didn't really wear your cover up so like, I guess I'll just be like, why don't I just put a kidney with that cover up so... And Lala comes over and she's like, thanks for letting me borrow this poor people app that Babe has totally worked to pick the distillery bitch. So anyway, you crumpy Kristen, what is it? What's wrong, Kristen? Well, I gave my number to this cloud of smoke and it hasn't called me back yet. So I'm a little sour today, seriously, seriously. I'm just tired of it.

Like, don't treat people that you love like that, seriously, seriously. Yeah, I'm seeing this like, I'm in the last time you guys were in rock, think you guys were gonna y'all gonna earth. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm- She knows famous, famous, famous, famous, famous, famous, so seen in this episode. Oh my god! Well, I ordered all the fixings. First she knows famous and a lot of us, but turns out they already have a food situation here, so I really don't know what to do. So a lot of us, like, we have a very big difference on what yelling is.

And Chris is like, not you, they were they were yelling oh Noah loves me so then back to Katie she's like um I can't do it with Kristen anymore like she makes me feel like a psycho like I took a crazy pal and and and Christos he's like yeah I mean like Kristen I know you banked my ex-boyfriend but you're not number one at all my boyfriend's lives. Okay. I am. I am. Well, except for Patrick, I was not number five with him, but still you get the point. Yeah. And Stasi's like, um, when Kristen slept with Jacks, I had to get over something, Kristen did with this situation. I have to get over who Kristen is and that's the difference. Yeah.

So yeah, I took you to Emma. Emma, we all saw the first episode of Vanilla Crump rules, but enjoy. Yeah, wait, say the camera. I said, sorry, I took you 10 years to figure out what we all figured out in one episode of Vanilla Crump rules. Yeah, enjoy. So,

Oh, my god. Yeah, like, she's basically Christin overstaps. Like, she sees everyone who's Stasi is close to and then becomes friends with them and then starts texting those people about what a bitch Stasi is. And she's like, uh, yeah, I thought that we were sisters and nothing could shake that, but guess what? It did shake it.

I was wrong. Yeah. Once this wedding is over, buy, buy, which you know will not be true. So now really the high level of the up to see if sisters could never be canceled and then I'm at sea of award at a party. Let's just let's just say unless they bring back Susie Kurtz, I am not in for the reboot. Okay. Not in. So by the way, there is no reboot for sisters

So don't get alarmed anyone, but if they wanted to do a reboot for sisters, I would actually be totally on that So uh anyway now for me. This is the highlight of the episode is uh Jacks and Shhh. I think it was jacks. Just who goes to visit Tom short the point is that Katie's pooping. Jack is pooping Yeah, Jack's comes over and he's like was Jackson's, who goes to visit Tom Schwartz? The point is that Katie's pooping. Katie is pooping. Yeah, Jack's comes over. And he's like, where's Katie? He's like, I got a bull.

It's a floaty, but it's a bull. It's a bull that floats. So where's Katie anyway? Yeah, Tom is like, that's right. She's pooping. If she finds out where she's sitting here, while she's pooping, she's gonna be so mad. So they're like, all right, let's get out of here.

They start going and then you see behind them, Katie's just standing there like this. It was like out of a Japanese horror movie. She was like, oh, like literally a dark cloud. I mean, like just like a smudge and she's just like so angry. It's, it reminded me of a horror movie, right? What was that movie about the grandparents that like after 9 o'clock, ran my grandpa,

don't knock on grandma's door or something like that? And then because if you do, grandma's like a monster or a witcher who knows what, I didn't see it. But that's what this is. It's like, Katie's a normal person. I don't go near her when she pips. You know. The Blair Ranch project.

Blair Ranch. Polter. Jackson Swords go over to Boenstossi's room. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I just watch friends. Yeah, this is what personality paint doors orange, but frames around the fake frames around the door. What am I trying to say was wrong with me, but frames around the people. Damn it. Frames, we had the PayPal. That's the name of a restaurant that for Newell opened up in 10 years. Frames, we had the people. We had the people.

Frames, we had people. Okay, so anyway, so Jackson Schwartz are like hanging out with Boenstassi. And it is revealed that Tom Schwartz never mailed in his marriage license to Katie. And it was his duty. His one thing was that he was supposed to make sure the marriage certificate was in the right place, but I lost it. It's a piece of paper.

I just, I didn't realize the importance of it. I'm like, what, how are we supposed to process this? You pee, you pee all over the toilet seats, and then you are all so not legally married. I mean, how are you letting Jacks be a voice of reason right now? Jacks is like, how do you do your taxes? How is Jack's asking that question? How is this possible? Well, how does Jack see his taxes? Britney.

Well, he fucks the account. That's the Jack's fucks the taxes. Yeah, Jack's fucks the IRS. So, uh, uh, Stasi's like loves this information, you know? And Jack's like, gotta be honest never thought i'd be the first guy to get married in this group got a lot of people to think there's Tom Schwartz for not filing his wedding certificate

arihanna for being a big lesbian shhhh... she enough for going backwards and time to become a club girl just fucking regressing and never being able to get a man thanks guys, thanks thanks guys. Thanks. Hey, it's guys. Thanks to Britney's dad for giving her such daddy issues that she seeks the approval of anyone, especially me.

Thank you. Thank you for letting that happen. Yeah. So pool party. Yeah. Yeah. We open this pool party with Christian jumping on the bull flow and falling right off. It was like watching someone chuck a slinky out of a window. Just watching it like bounce

off a few things but what slinky? Because that's what slinky say by the way. And so this pool, I just I just love shaming this castle because what a sad pool area. It looked like the public pool and the town I grew up in. Someone should be selling frozen ice cream sandwiches near which is actually, as I'm saying that, I'm like, I would love that. I know, I'm like, oh, that's what I think sounds great.

I was like, wait a second, I take it all back. What's wrong with the pool that you can get at ice cream sandwich at? It's great, it's a great pool. I learned. So some people are getting managed bet great. It's a great pool. I learned. So some people are getting managed, Petty's, it's a part of Tamaket. So Sasi's getting her gel Petty and Sasi's like,

Katie, come here. I'm upset because I thought we didn't even have any secrets and you aren't married. Wow. And I don't know how to talk about that. And then over in one corner of the pool, Ariana, Shina and Lala are talking and like a flamingo floats over to Ariana. Ariana just kicks it away like really flamingo.

The most Ariana thing she could do is kick a flamingo away. So she was like, it's the last range I was like, what's in there? So like we got her hair down. I was like, I'm like, what's in there? So like, we got her, I'm her hair down. I was like, we're like, finally we're aparting a lot. And then he started blowing up everybody's phones and he was like, saying the greatest shit. And I was like, um, it was red, sex to get. Yeah, like, totally, I had to 22 missed calls.

Yeah, I like woke up to 22 missed calls. I was like, oh my god, everyone wants to come over from my famous enchiladas, then it turns out I was just James. I was like, ah. And so everyone wants to come over from my famous enchiladas that in turns out I was just James. I was like, Ah. So Lala's like, Ben there. And then she brought the way of Lala. I love that Lala's acting so high, and mighty. Did you see her Instagram think last week where she went off on Tom and Ariana?

Oh God, I can't even imagine what did she say? What happened? She's just such an asshole. And then she acts like, oh my God, 22 missed calls. I can't imagine anybody getting fucked up and acting like an idiot on their cell phone. Like, that behavior's only reserved for being on a PJ. So you're rich enough that I guess you can get away with it. But yeah, but basically, Erkel told she know that James is going to go to his first AA meeting.

So Lala's like super excited about that. And you know, she's like, she wants to reach out, share her experience, et cetera. And then Lala's like, well, I'm going to see what the meet and greet I got to pick Rand up. So that's the first time I heard the meet and greet. And I was like, already like, very angry because I was already creating that scenario in my head that, of course, Brittany woven a fan event into her wedding, but I really should definitely check that Britney is we just get a shot of Britney sitting alone racing the roof she's like Oh, like a princess ride the room And then we cut over to Ariana coming up to her.

And she's like, oh my god, you look so sexual. She's like, that's my favorite thing to say. Sexual. Wow, she's a regular Mark Twain. So Kristen is now talking to Stasi's mom. And we don't know what she's saying, but we just see a lot of undulations, a lot of movement. She may be describing how to do like a rumba,

or she may be discussing politics we can't tell. But Stasi's watching from afar and is so pissed because Kristen's favorite thing to do is to endure herself to Dana, her mom, and basically turn Dana against Stasi. So Stasi is just furious. And I love that. I love that move for Kristen.

I think that's her best power play that she can offer up. Yeah. And they're bitching about it. And then Katie goes, well, she's not invited in my wedding, which was funny. I was like, well, Katie, you got one in there. So Max comes over to Dana's house and Dana's like, like that's the standard thing where she's on her phone. She's like, come in.

Come in. Sorry. It's a little, sorry, it's a little, uh, it's a little, uh, warm in here. I would normally like to keep it cooler, but I don't have a town town pride shirt to keep me warm. Yeah. So like, is there anything you need to tell me? He's like, uh, no, no. So you're, so you're not exclusively dating this girl, Tom Tom Pratt shirt, no, no. He's like, no, no, I was dating her. Like I was single, I was still dating her. I was like, single, okay?

And then she moved here from San Diego. Yeah, she's like, for you, he's like, no, no. Okay, I mean, so I'm trying to like, use her off of me because I was interested in you. Which by the way, what did a knock just things to say? I'm trying to like ease her off of me because I was interested in you, which by the way, what did Abnox just think to say? I'm trying to ease her off of me like he is like a catch. Please. Please. He's like, what am I supposed to do? She moved to LA. Well, you just said she didn't move to LA for you. So that shouldn't be an issue. He just moved there while he was seeing her, which is. Yeah.

So then the most pressing question. But you gave her a Tom Tom Pritchard. So what about the Tom Tom Pritchard? He goes, I literally gave everyone a Tom Tom Pritchard. Like literally everybody, literally everybody that matters in my life has a Tom Tom Pritchard. She's like, give it up. Give it up.

If you fuck out. Like literally, like if I don't like you, you will not have one. But like everyone has them. So I don't see the big deal literally, like literally, time time pressure seriously. And he's like, you know what? I'm a little tired of depending myself.

So I'm really getting tired of having to divide myself all the time guys. Oh, okay. And I'm fucking around on everybody. My God. Yeah, and Dana's like, you know, I've been very vulnerable to you I've expressed how much my life would be fulfilled by having a Tom Tom Pratt shirt and this just all feels very fucked up I mean as well

He's like, oh, I'm still trying to figure out if this is a good idea. Oh, oh suddenly he's trying to figure out if this is a good idea Oh, please, yeah, please I'm not interested. She's like get out. It's done. That's all she wrote. He's like, uh, but I wanked out your eyelashes. So I said I, so I did say I like your earrings a little bit. She was, whoa. So she's like, okay, it just ease you off of me. It just heats you off of me. All right. I'll let you feel it. You buy me dinner. Okay. I'll let you buy me dinner. Listen, I don't want you to take this to you. I'm just going to ease you off because I know I'm a magnetic force and it's hard. It's hard. So she's like, I'm going to get

your necklace. So she goes and gets like, I guess the necklace he gave her and she like puts it in the toilet and then drags it around in the kitty litter And she's like, you know what I see him at TomTom hitting on everyone and their mom he'll be wearing a poo necklace And I feel good about that. It's great move. I'm surprised it took us so many seasons to see something like that I support it Dana. You went up a notch in my book Yeah, so party the rock sees another party is another party for Jackson Brittany Well, we only have 15 more parties before the pre-party for the wedding So she gets off the party best the guy puts down a stool. I'm sorry

Just like a pre-end sales So Katie and Stoss, you're avoiding Kristen. And guess what? Here comes Randall. Happy wedding day. Yeah, guys, that's the way. Yeah. Mm. And then it's the biggest surprise than Rand.

It's meant to prepare. Your magician is here! The cloud of smoke she just pops up. Yeah. Did somebody ask for magical day? Poof, I'm here! So... So, her mom's funeral was delayed so she got to come. Yeah.

And she really wants to be here for Jacks because I need to feel that gap of his mother not being here I just lost my own mother and so I understand the importance of your mother died Okay, deep vein thrombosis jacks ditched his mother. Yeah, well allow her to come to the wedding That's a huge difference anyone feeling sorry for jacks check you Thank you. Thank you because I was saying the same thing, you know, it's she's like I just have to feel the gap of Jack's mom not being here because Jack's did not invite I'm like he created that gap. Okay. He literally Literally dug a hole and is now

Like trying to make people feel bad for the fact that there's a hole in this floor. It's forced analogy But I think we all can agree with it. So let's just move on. So Jackson's like, God, Lisa, look, it's gay pride this week and look out the window. I mean, can you believe that? Like considering what I've been through the last three weeks and it's pride outside is that fucking crazy. He's like, you got to laugh. You got to laugh, right? She's like, my mom just said, you got to laugh. So, uh, uh, Jackson's godmother's like, my mom just said, you gotta laugh. So, uh, Jack says Godmother's there and she's gonna be giving Jacks away.

And then of course Jack starts getting choked up because like, you got to my family. Like, I don't, I don't have family. I don't have family. You guys are my family. Like, you have a mother. You literally have a mother. All you have to do is invite her

and then you don't have to feel this way. Like, that's all you have to do. Yeah, it's a good, just gotta have a sister. I appreciate you guys. It's like the only family members you have are the ones that pay you, like to stick around, you know. So he's like, yeah, she's been a mother to me since I better 10 years ago, whatever.

I feel bad for his mom. I don't even know what happened there, but it's Jack, so it was his fault. Yeah. I mean, I hear no lies. So then Brittany is like, I'm getting married! We know. Yeah, we know that.

Everyone knows. I mean, they're literally going to close down this castle. You know what? I'm burning this thing down. It is, it is, it is, it is, it is, we should love. It did close. It did get close. Are you serious?

For sales castle bankrupt. bankrupt closed for being embarrassing to castles. Yeah, I have such castle. I have such a Paris. Okay, now Kentucky here. Let me put Kentucky. Kassel. Truly the worst castle. castle for sales castle. Castle, bankruptcy. Well, while you look that up last, oh, they say it's for it's sale is not what it seems. Sister station WKYT reports the castle sold for 8.7 million in 2017. People hoping to live like royalty. I have to wait a little longer to realize their dream because the owners are not actually selling the castle

They're looking for a new partner to try and keep it open Okay, there you go. I don't know what I'm talking about that's the point Over to you, Ben Thanks for that. I'll do it about the castle So castle we have a question are you bankrupt and have you had a boob job? You think that I'm not great question are you bankrupt and have you had a boob job? You think that I'm not hope great. So then we get to see one of Jackson's friends. So funny his name is Quichon. Yeah, at least I think that's how you pronounce it. And he's he seems like this middle aged gay guy and uh, sorts is like, oh, I feel weird and he goes, are you drunk? And then he

just looks right into the camera like, and shorts goes, I am drunk and gross just staring at the camera like, the city yet, the city yet. So Stasi and Lisa Vanderbump are talking and Stasi tells Lisa that Katie and Tom aren't legally married. And Lisa's like, what are you talking about? She can't believe she's like, after all that hard work I did of officiating and standing there, I haven't just met this man who was swimming in a miff on an hour before I did that. But we see like a flashback of Lisa officiating their wedding. And all I could think about was, man, how sad is it that Tom Schwartz had a go-t at his wedding? Like that is sad. That is there forever. All the wedding photos, a stupid asshole patch.

Well, not so bad. Just a bad go-t, like a bad, bad go-t. And I love that Lisa's always showing up as like a don't hug me, Lisa, for everybody's wedding. Because in that wedding, she was wearing her don't hug me hat, which she says she wears wide brimmed hats so people can't hug her. And then in this one, Jack's like, oh, so sad. She's like a mother to me. And he goes to hug her and she stops him.

Like he puts his hands down. She's like, we're just talking dirty fellow. All right. So Sina looks out the window and she's like, oh my God, I'm like, I'm like throwing an angel in the bathroom. Oh, there you go. Look out the door. Look out the door. Look out the window and she's like oh my god I'm like throwing an angel in the bathroom out there you gotta look out the door

look out the door look out the window oh I don't like any I was like can someone reset she no I know someone pops you down the head

like hit her snooze button or something and Ariana is like oh my god is that bow that's bow that's bow hey everybody That's bow. That's bow. Hey everybody. That's bow out there. Is there a flame? It's like there are two seriously. I take that thing very seriously.

So Stasi's like, oh my god, it warms my heart that he's so extra like he goes to a room and he makes everybody feel good. I don't do that. Yeah, not like that. I don't like that at all. So there we go back to LA and James walks into TomTom to see Maxick. Hey, what's up buddy boy? What did you want to do with scene? We had to do a scene since we're not invited to that wedding.

We want to talk about things. Should we talk about things? Yeah, yeah. You can believe that the only one's not that not that wedding. You know what I'm saying? Girl, you know what I'm saying? I got your keys. Got your keys. I'm James, it's like, I can believe with the only one's not that not that wedding. You know what I'm saying girl You know, I'm saying I got your keys got your keys I'm James. It's like I heard some stuff you guys official you guys official now, huh? You go official and max like we're not official like we're exclusive

But like what kind of terminology is this what does this mean? You're not official, but you're exclusive Does not make you official something yeah? It's like someone created a story that I was cheating because they saw us at lunch. And like, you know, we'd be fine if everyone stayed out of our business, like, okay, Jack's, all right. That's the problem is that people are watching you while you're actually trying hard, Jack's.

I know at least Jack's had something to back it up, you know? Yeah. And he's like, I mean, we'd be totally fine. Like, Danika has been like fucking shit up for me from day one, you know? Yeah. And he's like, I mean, we'd be totally fine. Like, Danika has been like, fucking shit up for me from day one. Like, fucking shit up. Like, why does she want a sabotage? Me, I don't understand.

And so he tells James, he's like, I want a 86 Danika. And I was like, oh, good, finally a real murder. Yeah, I know. I was like, does he know what that means? Like, he literally just said he wanted to kill her. Yeah, I'd get rid of her. Be careful. It's something's out of a restaurant.

And be careful. She's dangerous. I mean, she pushed Brett Willis. I'll let that sink in. So James is like, well, you know, James tells him about how Rical gave him an ultimatum, but Max got a respect for voice. And he's like, I do, I didn't want to lose.

So he doesn't want to go to AA, the same reason everybody doesn't want to go to AA. It's South of Pico, and you have to sit there and let's do a bunch of old sad people tell stories, how they're eating my plants. The South of Pico element was so funny. Like James has become, he's a terrible, terrible person, but he's become really funny with his

confessionals. He's like, I don't want to go South of the Peacots. He bunch of people eating doughnuts, talking to the sad stories on a rainy day. He's like, it's out the Peacots. So you know, there are options north of the Peacots, but the fact that he said that was kind of just brilliant. Yeah, anything there's nothing that will make you want to stop over drinking like going to an A meeting It's like, okay, I need to get my shit together. I'm not spending every Saturday here Okay, so back over in Kentucky at this point even the dog is trying to stop this wedding because the dog just Gees all over the bed spread in this castle, which actually improved the day I mean this dog has already shot on the floor peed on the bed spread

She's doing her best. She's trying her best, but you know, it's hard work. That's typical of someone dating Jack's. I'm not be able to like train the dog. It's just like, Whatever I forgive you, I forgive you. You've never gonna do it again. You did it again. I forgive you.

Now she's a changed dog. She's a changed dog. She won't do that again. Otherwise, otherwise she can gonna hear a lot for me His daddy is doggy two-poin. Oh, no, no. Yeah, so I'm like we're getting married tomorrow. Oh my god. Like geez. We know, Brad me. Yeah, we are fully aware It's pretty much on my eye cat at this point So rant rant is with top the Tom. He's, so you guys are friends with jacks for 20 years. This guy

It'd be surreal. This is your boy. Whoa. I'm such a cool hip guy hanging out with you guys. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and Santa was like, it isn't just any guy getting married. His jacks fucking Taylor. He's fucked a thousand girls and that's like, oh, that's Tom Sanderman saying that. I was like, wow, was this short singing? It doesn't sound right. Brood it down. He's like, he was a fuck boy before that was even a turn, bro. Yeah. So then back over in the turret, Brittany is like, well, Jacks, these are what? No, I didn what I didn't mean next time you sleep but it will be an alter so it'd be good tonight okay I like my real good so then

the girls have their onesie party and the reason he's instructions were I told them their onesies had to be something that would live in the castle. I always love that fantasy life unicorn Dragons mermaid She literally says I Love fancy worlds. She's like I love fantasy worlds. I love being completely away from reality I believe in happy endings and that's the way everything's gonna work out when I'm married Jack sailor

And then both says up to the boys party and like a wacky night outfit and So the boys party and the girls party and Kristen is like god so hot Oh, I literally need to like take off this onesy big boy Slips it off and her boobs hanging out full You got to pull on. You need to leave the party. Go on on. Stas is like, it's spelling her name in the air. That's how much it's flying around. And then people to work. White girl's twerking. So exciting. And basically, what else? You tell me? Well, I'll tell you. I wrote down everything, but I'm like,

why am I reading this? Dude, okay, we have a group of band meeting tomorrow. I will be ironing between the hours of dinner, and 11 in the end, I have brought a sewing kit, and some tampons. I'll know what that's gonna do for the broomsman, but if you wanna use them, just to play around with maybe some hacky sack with tampons, we can do that, dude.

I hope Jackson still drinking, I can worry. Jackson, of course, like cut to jacks, you know, taking shots and stuff. He's like, come on. Jacks just can't go away quietly. It's my last night of jacks, huh? Yeah. So he's getting shit faced.

Girls are having a lovely night and they're like hugging a night and then bringing us in bed with Katie and Katie's like You're a princess in a tower. Can you believe that and Jackson's a beast? Yeah, I'm like this is not appealing This is not appealing to anyone. You don't want to you need him to transform out of the beast, right? Doesn't that don't we need that happen? That's that happened yet. When is that step happening? I don't even know but that's why there's not a gay beauty in the beast. Because in the gay world, we just call them a bear.

And it's like hot. You know, we're like, yeah, I'm jackson. I'm with the bear. Yeah. So, Jack's is like, I never thought in a million years I'd be getting married, but I'll tell you what, Brittany is the best woman for me hands down. I'm like, that's not exactly the romantic statement. I would like Brittany is the best woman for me. It's not the same as but I love Brittany

But I have fallen in love I found my soulmate like but it turns out of all the couches in IKEA that I found This is the one that doesn't make my ass go to sleep within five minutes. So I took it No, it's just basically like this is the couch that I could punch, I could spill shit all over, I could jump on, I could fuck 20 people on top of it. Staying it started on fire, you know, bang it across the window, tip it over, and it's still here like it's still work. Yeah, it's still a reason. Yeah, it's like the blackened-dacker toaster of why it's just like, it's not a lot of money. It works until it doesn't work.

I think you get a new one, you know? That's how he describes it. He's like, God, she's sure put up with a lot with me. I've cheated on her, then I cheated on her. No, I treated her like shit for a long time, then I cheated on her. Matt, she's still here, so I guess we're gonna do this. It's literally, literally like she's here.

Brittany, I love you, like she's here. Brittany, I love you because you're here. You. And he's like, my worst fear is Britain not being happy anymore, because she really only makes sandwiches if she's happy. So yeah, just pop little mermaid into the PCR and she'll be fine. Yeah. And that brings us to the end of Vander Poop Drulls. Everybody.

Thank you all for listening. We are by the way, our bonus is up. We talk about family karma. And we also touch on below deck selling out. But we recorded this before this week's episode. And this week's episode was kind of crazy. And so if you guys hear us talking about it, and I'm like, how could they not mention those assholes?

That's why I don't feel like we did not. Like, people think that's weird that we didn't mention that, you know? So go check that out. And we'll be back later this week with Real House, What's New Jersey reunion, and also Summer House. Bye. Bye. of Summer House. Bye! Bye! Bye! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download

the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about day. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.