Watch What Crappens - Real Housewives of NJ Returns

Episode Date: April 25, 2012

Atlanta Says Goodbye and Kathy Premieres See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. This episode of Watch What Crappens is brought to you by Gamefly. Go to Gamefly.com forward haha for your free 15-day trial. Hey everybody, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a Sideshow Network podcast dedicated to all things Bravo. My name is Matt Whitfield and joining me today to discuss the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion, the premiere of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, and all that other garbage that we love on Bravo are Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam.

Say hello, boys. Hello, hello. Hola. Thanks for having me back. I've been MIA. I know. Where did you retire to? I was summering early in the Hamptons

with Kelly Killoran Ben Simone. Oh, wow. Speaking of that dumb hoe, I was just at Barnes & Noble today and they have a huge banner because she's going to be there live. What? Promoting her new book which is something like I Can Make You Hot, I think it's called. How to Eat Like a Supermodel. I need it.

When is she going to be there? I won't go because she has more of a man face than I do. I'll feel too effeminate. I would like to go just because I feel like it will be – there surely will be some sort of reading from the book, and it will be so surreal because you know that none of the sentences will actually make any sense. It will be like dataism or dataism, whatever it's called. We might need to do a live podcast from the Barnes & Noble. I know.

That would be hilarious. Could you imagine if we actually just set up shop and just were podcasting while she's trying to read? Why not, Ronnie? Is this at the Barnes & Noble at the Grove? Yeah. Is there any other i think that's like the only bookstore left in los angeles because that's true and they don't sell books anymore they don't sell books it's just so tori spelling can go hawk her latest

her latest novel anyway but anyway uh kelly will be back in our lives. And I think we should go talk just so we can hear and say, shh, shh, close your eyes. Okay. Close your eyes. You guys, this is just bullying right here, and it's not cool. Yeah, this is internet bullying. Yeah, this is systematic internet bullying. Satchels of gold. Satchels of gold. Let's do some sand angels.

Wait, you're up here, and I'm down. I'm up here, and you're down here. I'll stoppton over there. All right, that bitch has expired. Let's move on to some housewives who are still in our lives. Well, actually, before we even get to that, we have to make an announcement. And I don't want to save it to the end of the show because that's what we did last week because we forgot. On Monday, April 30th, we will be doing this.

Watch what crap ends live in front of a live studio audience at the Improv Olympic. 7.30pm. And if you're in the LA area, come and see us. We're basically going to set up shop and we're just going to do what we're doing now with maybe a few other little things. And we'll have an audience there.

It'll be really fun. So everyone come to that. And if you want information about that, follow What Crappens, our Twitter handle, and we'll tweet out information on when it starts and all that fun stuff. And just to be clear, I am not a stand-up comedian. Just putting that out there.

You could have fooled me. Could have fooled you. We're not doing stand-up comedy. Yeah, we're not doing stand-up. We're just going to sit around. It's going to be like this, except we'll have to look at each other and we'll have big martinis in front of us.

Oh, God. I prefer the privacy of my own home where I can be naked while I podcast. Well, we can video you in. Yeah, it'll be really fun. I'm actually really looking forward to it. I think it'll be fun to have some people there and you'll hear chuckles in the background and et cetera. Hopefully chuckles.

Hopefully chuckles. Well, just to cetera. Hopefully chuckles, hopefully chuckles. Well, just to let you guys know, yeah, I'm going to be wearing all black because she by Sheree Whitfield announced just last week at the very end of last week that she is officially leaving the Real Housewives of Atlanta and Bravo confirmed it. But did we find out whether or not she's been fired? Well, in the past, you know, when these people leave, I always because I'm a horrible person, I automatically assume that they're fired, but

I'm not so sure about this one. I'm kind of leaning towards fired because she no longer has any money, but none of these housewives have any money. Yeah, I think she was probably fired because there's nothing really interesting going on in her life anymore. You know, I mean, was probably fired because there's nothing really interesting going on in her life anymore. I mean, although I personally have a great personal investment in She by Sheree, but I may be just the exception to the rule, to be honest.

But why would you keep Cynthia over Sheree? Why would you keep all those boring, lame ladies and get rid of the crazy bitch? I'm not convinced that Cynthia is going to be around for the next season. I mean, I'm honestly, right now, I kind of think that Nene clearly, you know, will get to the reunion in a second, but she was just over it. So I think that she's gone and you can't have Cynthia there without Nene. And to be honest with you, with Sheree leaving, I just think that we're going to be down to Kim, Candy, and Phaedra, and that's it. Well, that's all right, because you know what? Like, Kim, Candy, and Phaedra, and that's it. Well, that's alright, because you know what? Kim, Candy, and Phaedra

are holding up their own, and you know what? I had a sense, you had a sense that Sharae was going to be gone, because during the third part of the reunion that aired on Sunday night, they showed like a best of Sharae's fights. It was like this strange retrospective of her from season one, and I was like, is this like their farewell?

They did that with a couple of the ladies, where they did the retrospective of her from season one and i was like is this like their farewell they did that with a couple of the ladies um where they did the retrospective and it kind of worried me for all of them they did it with kim they did it with nini they did it with charie well maybe it was someone's cruel joke to show you how much their faces have all changed because they have actually quite a bit kim's wigs have well, her wigs are so much better. Yeah, and her makeup too, I'd like to add. Good for her. But her nose or something, she's had stuff on her face.

I mean I guess they've all done stuff on her face, right? Yeah, the nose, the lips, the boobs. Things have either gotten bigger or smaller, but nothing stayed the same. That's for sure. Okay, before we fully jump up into this Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion, what else did we want to discuss from Gossip Land? Okay, so I literally, just moments before this podcast started, I was on the internet, as I am wont to do, and on Jezebel they have this very crazy headline from two hours ago where they say,

Real Housewives' Simon Van Kempen ejaculated on his wife while she gave birth to their son. Ew. What the fuck? Who wants to hear more? Me, me, me. ejaculated on his wife while she gave birth to their son. Ew. What? Who wants to hear more? Me, me, me. Okay. Well, maybe it's because they finally got to look at her vagina and see a penis.

You just sound like a robot, Ronnie. You're roboting out. I am. I am. You sound like a robot and you're laughing maniacally, which makes you sound like an evil robot. That was God deleting my link. What's going on with you over there?

Okay, we need to edit this shit. Hold on. No, no, no. Just unplug your microphone and plug it back in. And in the meantime, I'm going to read this paragraph that Jezebel has. So this is, I guess, it came from their book, Little Kids, Big City, or something like that. Okay. This is Alex writing. Once he was finally out of my body, I experienced a tsunami of endorphins that was almost orgasmic,

and I understand completely the stories other women have written about ecstatic birth. and I understand completely the stories other women have written about ecstatic birth. Simon was sitting behind me at the point of birth, and later when we untangled ourselves, he discovered he'd actually ejaculated, though hadn't felt any of the normal lead-up to that. It may seem distasteful to some, and definitely neither of us was thinking of sex at the time, but with the rush of emotion and my lower nerve endings going crazy, it's not too far-stretched to say that it's a profound experience. You know, remember, you know what, Ronnie, remember last week I said I was going to try

to get Alex onto the podcast? Follow up, I didn't make any single effort. And I almost wish that she was on this because i wish she could clarify this for us because why like what kind of clarity do you need what did she mince her words because i think we got what she was saying well maybe she's covering up maybe like simon gets really off on birthing and maybe he's just like maybe he's like jerking off behind any hairy gay guy. He's like, oh. Coming all over your back while you're trying to have a baby.

That is disgusting. He's like, oh, I didn't realize. Yes, I didn't realize I was not masturbating behind you. Sorry, darling. It had nothing to do with sex, sweetie. It was your nerve-ending stuff. Oh, man. I feel like it probably is a very profound and ecstatic experience but i don't think i'd want to have some

splooge on my back after it was over oh my and what what is it it's not sexual like men just randomly come i've never heard of that i have never heard of a man i know i've heard of okay sympathy pregnancies or sympathy baby weight or whatever but i've not heard of sympathy splooging for pregnancies. Oh, man. Do we still have any listeners left? No. Come to our live show and hear stories like this and more. Matt is curiously silent over there,

by the way. I'm fucking traumatized. Can I please have a minute? He's having his own ecstatic moment in the corner. Maybe that's what they do in Brooklyn. That's the way they take care of things in Brooklyn. It's a very artistic thing. So who else has nightmares? Well, I just want to say before we move on, like, that is just another prime example of why I am very nervous about the upcoming season of New York and the fact that they got rid of TV gems like Simon and Alex.

I agree. I agree. Although they do have a one-legged lady, and that's always hilarious. Yeah, maybe. Total silence. It was a joke, people. I think we're just too disturbed. We're just too disturbed.

All right. We'll talk to you guys next week. I just – never mind. I was almost going to make a raunchy joke, but I didn't have the proper phrasing. It just would have been even more awkward. You can't save those. You've got to give it to us. No.

I was going to try to make some joke. It's going to be like Linda McCartney. It's like how I metaphorically splooged on the back of humor. But see? Yeah. See, I was trying to spare you from that joke, and you coaxed it out of me. No, it's okay. I like to embarrass you.

Wait, let's move on. All right. So let's move on to Housewives of Atlanta, shall we? No, we shall not. Because there were two hours. We shall not move on to that because there's one other piece of gossip we have to talk about. Ooh, what is it? Well, it's more of news than gossip.

But we had the premiere of The Kathy Show this week. What did you guys think? Did you guys check it out? Did you see it? What's the haps? Yeah, it was pretty cute. Did you guys like it? Yeah, I thought it was cute.

It was surprisingly cute. God, listen to us. Okay, look. You guys sound like Paul. We're talking like the Real Housewives of Orange County. Thank you. That's all they know how to say. Kya.

Everything is kya. But honestly, that's what – And at the same time, kya in their book is a negative. So I don't want to say that Kathy's show was kya because I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed it too. But when I said it was surprisingly just cute, I mean that's sort of what it was. There was something sort of like – the theme song was like this retro 50s kind of thing and just like gabbing and it was like – it was fun.

It was like – it wasn't like the crazy edgy thing that I think maybe a lot of people would have thought. But – They're still trying to get their sea legs obviously with the first show and I don't think that they know exactly what they're doing, which is fine. Yes. The only real criticism I had and I cannot believe I'm going to say this because, hello, my Twitter handle is Life on the M-List. I'm obsessed with her.

But I kind of felt that it was long. Yes. You know what? I agree. I kind of felt like it could have been a half an hour. Ding, ding, ding. It was an hour? Yeah.

Well, because you know what? She started off with some stand-up at the top, which was good. And then she has a panel of people, including our friend Michelle. It was an hour? Then there was a video and the video was okay. And then she talked with her PAs and that was sort of awkward. And then her mom came out. It felt like once the panel was gone, I felt like the show floundered a little bit. Yeah, and I mean like this coming week, I don't need to know more about her PAs. Like she interviewed him and part of that was kind of funny. But then I didn't need the PAs to sit on the couch and drag that out. But it wasn't – by any means, it wasn't like awful. No, no, no. It was funny. But you know you know that app but it wasn't but it wasn't by any means it wasn't like awful you know it was it was like it was like good it wasn't but you know like you can

but you know what though with these sort of shows they try different things and and it's like our podcasts one day it will someday get a get a voice of its own it just needs to be a little faster because you know with that i mean yes it was taped but it was taped in front of a live audience just felt like it needed to work on its pacing. But other than that, the content was great. Michelle was the best part of the damn show. And I like that Kathy starts with a little stand-up. I think it's a good concept.

I think it will hit its rhythm. I think it has a lot of potential. I'm happy that it's there. I think it's a nice counterpoint to Watch What Happens. Look, when Watch What Happens started, it was a hot disaster, and it's starting to get there again. But for a good nine months, it was awesome. And so just give Kathy a four-week... Well, maybe.

I think it's... It's like it started as a hot mess, and it's continued to be a hot mess, but maybe slightly less of a hot mess, but it's still a hot mess. But that's kind of become its signature thing. So, all right. Well, good.

So we've all talked about that. And I'm sure, Ronnie, you agree with everything we're saying. Well, I only watched like 10 minutes of it because it was kind of awkward. I like Kathy Griffin because she's so ballsy. But she's got this nervous side to her too, you know, where she gets like – I guess everybody does. No, but she was clearly nervous. Yeah, she'll wear hers on her sleeve, you know? And it's almost like seeing your favorite bully at school just feeling insecure.

I don't like it. I mean, I want to see my bully with a big old baseball bat with spikes at the end of it ready to bloody everybody up on the field. I don't like seeing people nervous. Well, that will be me on Monday. Well, yeah. Guys, by the way, you should all come to this podcast live just because it'll be hilarious to see Matt shaking like a leaf at the end of the table. Normally I'm a bully and now I'm going to shrivel up and die.

He is going to, he will be very flustered and it'll be worth it, but we'll get some skinny girl margaritas into him and soon he'll be, you know, dancing on tabletops and being crazy much like those Real Housewives of New Jersey are. So the Real Housewives of New Jersey, we started right where we left off last season. Yes. Now this, by the way, so the timeline for this season of Real Housewives of New Jersey

is a very curious thing, don't we think? Because it starts off with last season's reunion, which was in September, and then it says four months earlier so now we're back into may and may was when season three started to air so this is all going to go on while we were watching you know so they're going through season three while we're watching season four and i think it's going to make for some weird inception shit yeah because they're actually watching themselves while they're filming which usually

it overlaps i think like a month or something like that like two weeks to a month so now they're actually being able to watch the entire season while they're filming this entire season yeah and that's why i think it seems at least to me it's it seems kind of unfair i mean i'm like why are you so mad again yeah she said she's sorry why are you so mad well clearly they're seeing each other talk shit about each other yes and it's someone you think that's great though because in all ways we we typically have like a five six seven month if not way more than that layoff in between seasons look i mean new york is going to have been off the air for over a year by the time it comes back in june but the fact that Jersey last season was so explosive, I think it

was a great idea. Just keep the production going. And even if they are watching that last season while they're taping the current season and it makes them extra crazy and evil, we benefit. We certainly do. And, you know, as someone tweeted to me today, I totally forgot about this whole conspiracy theory, which is that the real reason Caroline and others are so mad at Teresa is because Teresa started that brawl down in the Dominican Republic, and we totally forgotten about that. Is Bravo going to forget about that? Because we need to have that brought up on the show.

Well, the thing is that Bravo's ignoring it because I think Bravo's being sued. Right. They didn't show that, right? No, they never showed it. No, they never did. And so the thing is, I think it's a combination of these people are going to be watching the season three air. And it's going to rehash all their issues. And then there's this other stuff.

And then there's the cookbook. And, you know, it's all going to go to Alan and Amanda. Well, I heard that they all hate Teresa because of this fashion show at Posh that's coming up. Oh, yeah. What happened there? Because she supposedly got in touch with Melissa's ex-boss. The stripper guy. The pimp guy at the strip club. He told him to come.

He confronts her and is like, Hey, you remember me? She's like, I just want to be here for you, Melissa. Supposedly, she called him and had him come. What a disaster. I'm so excited. What is happening with

Juicy? First of all, gross. Put on some clothes. I mean, that guy gets more disgusting by the season. And they didn't even take a break. How can he be that more disgusting? It used to be that he was muscular but a little puffy. It was sort of

more on the husky side. But it was like, okay, now it's really looking like Stay Puft Marshmallow Man with a tan. That's not stopping him from getting lots of poon from the ladies that he's working with on the Jersey Shore. Well, this whole thing with Joe, I mean, could he be more of a lowlife? I know that's not always true. Whenever there's smoke, there's fire, but I really feel like there's a frigging bonfire going on over here with this smoke. There's so much smoke. Well, he doesn't seem to really be denying it.

I haven't heard him deny it once. I mean when Teresa was talking to him about it, she's like, oh, I want to talk. There's all this stuff about the affairs and he's like, yeah, so what are you going to do? Some people are going to say what they're going to say. I mean whatever. This is the life you chose, Tree. Okay, excuse me. Do you know what is so fucked up?

And I'm sorry. The fact that they are driving to the beach with their children in the backseat of the car. And he's admitting to having multiple affairs in front of Teresa. In front of their daughters. No, all he said was that he went out. Yeah, all he said was the last. She said, what did you do last night? He said, I went out with a girl and this person and this person.

And then Gia's like, a girl? A girl daddy? Really? What type of girl daddy? You should be going out with girls, stuff like that. And he's like, shut up. Mind your own business. By the way, so Gia – OK, first of all, I don't think a father or any parent should ever tell their kid to shut up.

I know you may want to, but I think it's – and you know me. I hate kids, OK? And I want them to shut up all the time. But it's just not a smart thing to say, hey, shut up. It know you may want to, but I think it's and you know me, I hate kids, okay? And I want them to shut up all the time, but it's just not a smart thing to say, hey, shut up. It's just mean, you know? It's better to hit them. Yeah, exactly. It's so much more efficient. It's better to just tape their mouths shut. Actions speak louder than words.

No. But the thing is this girl, first of all, you can tell she's totally becoming a mini-Theresa and you can tell that, like, Teresa tells her things that she shouldn't be telling her. And it also sucks that she's also put in this position where she has to read all this shit in the tabloids or whatever. Well, what about Midget Joe saying, you know, Teresa puts these articles out, blah, blah, blah. Like, Teresa runs these magazines.

They really give her a lot of credit. Well, no, but she offers up the stories. Yeah, I mean, and look, she needs to pay the bills because Joe's not going to work. So if somebody's going to give her $30,000 for a trashy story, she's putting it out there. And by the way, what an idiot Joe Giudice is or a Giudice for going to the DMV and trying to get a license using his brother's documents. I mean this guy is not making his life any easier. Ben, you're sitting there assuming that he's not retarded. This is true.

This is true because the truth is he's actually very retarded. There's something wrong with that guy. But you know what? The whole cast. Do I really need to hear about every single one of your sex life? I do not want to know what Kathy Wakili and her nasty ass husband are doing in bed. I don't want to see them packing their warming KY deli. It's disgusting.

I am very interested to know what Rosie's sex life is. That's all I got to say. Well, she lives with her mother, so clearly there's not much going on. I love Rosie. And I love Rosie. And I love that Bravo has already put her front and center as a supporting character this season. They better, finally. She's so funny.

Yeah. And Andy did a special tribute to her on Watch What Happens Live last night, so it's happening. Good, good. You know what I was thinking about it? Real Housewives of New Jersey has such a huge supporting cast because they all have huge families. And so you have like all the kids. There are tons of kids. And then the older kids have boyfriends.

And then there's gay best friends. And then there's girlfriends. And then you have – You have Posh. You have a whole variety of Kims, okay? You have a full spectrum of Kims that hang around. You have Ashley's dad and his new wife. Yeah, and you have Ashley, who we'll get to in one moment.

We also have Melissa. She has a whole – there's all her sisters, and they're brothers, and they're all mad at Joe. And Kathy's mom. There are tons of mothers hanging around and in-laws. I mean this is like – honestly, this is as rich of a tableau of Italian-American life as you can get. This might even go beyond The Sopranos. Okay, we have so much to discuss. We need to start whipping through this. Okay, let's start with the thing that discussed with me most last night, Ashley's new lips.

Go. Porn star. Porn star alert. Oh, god. She wishes. She probably couldn't even get laid in a porn. Well, what do you think the name of her porn would be? Probably something about like, can I borrow $20?

To make you holler. Can you pick me up at the bus station? My mom's a bitch. She's a bitch. What a bitch. Now, I have to say, do you think if she didn't have those stupid porn star lips that she could pull off the new hair color? No. I mean, first of all, you're

like in the first day of taping, get your roots done. Like, really? That is the gayest thing you have ever said, and I loved it. But it's true. I mean, look at those roots. Get your roots done. She honestly looks like she's really about to bend over and have a dildo rammed right up her, because, I mean, she could not look more porn star if she tried.

She could borrow some from Joe and Melissa. Oh, yeah. Why is she even here? Wasn't she moving to L.A. or something? What happened to that? She did move to L.A. because my friend John saw her at CVS. Oh, saw her at CVS. Saw her at CVS.

Oh, saw her at CVS. And she was arguing with a guy about they were saying like she was trying to make a gift card work and they were not taking it. And my friend was like spying and watching the whole thing. Because you can't use gift cards on birth control pills and Gatorade. First of all, why does she have a CVS gift card? Like who is she hanging out with if this is the birthday gift they give her? It's probably from Caroline. I was just going to say, if Jacqueline or Caroline gave her that good luck in LA, here's a $50

CVS card, bitch. She's probably doing pornos and they only pay her in CVS cards. That way she gets a modest at seven. No, she'd be that girl in the porno that they're like, look, we just need someone to be an extra. You're just in the restaurant, okay? Oh, gosh. She is perfect for porn because she has dead eyes. someone to be an extra you're just you're just in the restaurant okay oh gosh you know she she is

perfect for porn because she has dead eyes and she's an idiot so you guys what happened to that so why is she back in jersey why is she living with them again okay now remember again this was in may and my friend saw her in september uh in la around sept around September so she hasn't moved quite yet but they're kicking her out so that's good and by the way, why would she ever complain about being kicked out to Vegas? Why would they kick her out to Vegas? Okay, your daughter

who you just two sentences before said is desperate for attention is getting tattoos and partying all the time and dressing like a porn star and so you sent her to Vegas? I love it. Those are the sort of wise decisions that made Ashley the girl she is today.

I actually don't think that Chris gives a fuck. I think he's finally on board with Jacqueline. Jacqueline, by the way, her biological mother, who's like, I don't care if you die in the gutter. Goodbye. Meanwhile, they just clearly see that she has a future in porn. So why not send her to Vegas to get her started? Well, I think that Chris remembers

that he found the love of his life there as a stripper, and so he's just thinking, you know, maybe if Ashley goes out there and strips for a while, she'll find someone to take care of her,

and I won't fucking have to anymore. Yeah, he won't have to put the bill anymore because, you know what, he clearly loves Jacqueline and their two sons. My God, you guys, I just totally figured it out. He wants her to be a stripper oh yes um you know my friend jenny made

a very good point when we were watching last night which is that sad as this makes i feel bad saying this but there's not a huge amount of difference between ashley and lauren you know lauren manzo she lives at home. She has not a huge career going on with her so far. The only difference is that she seems like she's somewhat bright. But is that kind of sad for Lauren too? Maybe Lauren should also

start thinking about moving to Vegas. We don't know how Lauren's makeup business is really doing. Face by Lauren Manzo? We don't know if she's still with her big boyfriend whose family owns the deli. I think they are still together. He was in the coming attractions for the season. Thank God.

Here's what I know. That girl cares way too much about her mother's friends. Yes, exactly. They're going speedwalking and all she wants to do the whole show is talk shit about Teresa. Like, okay, yes, Teresa's a monster and she's a horrible person, but you guys, don't you have anything else to talk about?

You're really going to talk about one line in Teresa's terrible cookbook that she probably didn't even write? That's the thing with Lauren. I mean, she seems like a nice girl and she's already... 23 going on 53. Yeah, she seems like she's just totally wrapped up in her mom's life and she kind of seems like she doesn't really have a life.

She tries to hang out with her brothers. mean i think she has like a friend or two but i don't know about that her dad doesn't want her at the brownstone like i mean she's like like it's one of these quiet things that like i feel like no one truly has a short a light on lauren i've been like what's going on with you lady lady? I mean... She and Ashley need to have a spin-off where they move to Vegas. Yeah, it would be called, like, Ash and Lore. I'll work on that.

Thank you. Please work on that. That's going to need a little finessing. Yeah. I feel like the entire time would be Ashley getting wasted at, like, Trist, and then Lauren showing up and having to wipe the vomit off her chin and try to – and like have to put her into a cab. Complaining about being fat or something. And then she calls up her mom and be like, you know what happened next?

Like I mean Lauren is honestly one step away from having curlers in her hair and a giant muumuu and gossiping on the phone with all the other ladies and to be honest with you like i think that it would not be a bravo spinoff it would easily become one of those mtv true life specials about like young girls getting eaten up live in vegas oh be great but we i like lauren though i like all the manzo kids because they do feel like i do feel like they have heads on their shoulders i just feel like oh no no no i just feel like lauren is just not using the head on her shirt. Okay, I've been gone for two weeks. We're fighting now. Here we go. Stop trying to pimp me on water that is black because I'm not drinking it. That is the dumbest ass idea.

I will agree. I actually Googled that before the show. I didn't say they had business savvy. She was wearing the shirt, and then Jacqueline was carrying a bottle of it. It looks like fucking slush. Oh, wait a second. Was that what that shirt was for? Because I was looking at of it. It looks like fucking slush. Oh, wait a second. Was that what that shirt was for? Because I was looking at it afterwards.

I was like, got black. I was like, does Lauren have a thing for black guys now? Like that's – I was like – I am not even joking. I am not even joking. You should not be stepping on her territory, Ben. You can have all the black men you want. She was promoting her brother's waterline. All right.

So, OK, there's an example of – OK, I didn't say that they have business savvy. I just said they have heads on their shoulders in terms of like being like good people. Yeah, they definitely have terrible business savvy if they are selling black water, and then on top of that, their t-shirt to sell the black water made me think that she was just trying to whore herself out to black guys. Well, I wish she was. I mean God bless her i wish she would be bold enough to be walking around with this shirt that's like come on black guys bring it on and you know i think she would actually kind of be a hit with some black guys she's got some booty on her yeah i don't know that she has a phaedra badonk she should go to patterson new

jersey and try to pick up uh pick up vince victor cru, who's from Patterson, also home of Teresa. Sorry, tangent. I know way too much about certain things. So let's talk about Teresa. I know that we've seen pretty much every reason that they hate her and they're mad at her. But I think that she's really playing it smart because she's starting to fall into that victim category where you automatically have to like somebody on a reality show because everyone else is beating up on them. And she's very easily falling into that already because now we've all seen her on Celebrity Apprentice, and she's actually not a crazy bitch at all.

Well, I actually think that she – I think she wins Celebrity Apprentice. I know we still have like six weeks left, but I have a feeling that she makes it to the finals. She cannot win it. I'm sorry. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. On Celebrity Apprentice, I think she's like a little intimidated by Donald Trump. She sort of feels like she's out of her league, so she keeps her mouth shut.

But you know what, though? For any moment, you might be feeling bad for Teresa. Just look at the way she tried to explain to Caroline what she wrote in the cookbook. And she's like, yeah, they're jokes. That's all. It's like, ha ha. Funny. If anything, I feel bad that you don't get my humor after four years. I mean, come on. Give me a break.

Look, she's horrible and disgusting, but clear. If Caroline is really upset about what she put in the book, Caroline needs to get herself her own damn life because that is just dumb as shit. Well, no, I think it's going to get worse. It clearly has to get worse.

The cookbook is lame and anybody that believes or buys it or anything is stupid. They're all trying to be above the cookbook. They've all said so in last night's episode. Clearly, things get worse and I'm excited. I'm very excited.

Speaking of things getting worse um dina the situation when dina's bad it looks like dina's coming back thank god i love me some dina and the hairless cat looks like it looks like we have an argument with dina it looks like we have an argument with kim from posh who's always a lovely addition her hair is longer now she got rid of her hair fangs it looks like you're a fucking midget and you're gay oh that's gonna be so good and i love the the coming previews where melissa says joey's not gay right and then you see a picture of him dancing like on a stage with a shirtless man i think he's looking good i think yeah i think little joey gorga is looking good you guys are crazy crazy. He's totally hot. He buffed up a little bit more.

He looks good. And I love his short man. I just love the insecurity of a short man. Those bossy little things. You just flick them on the forehead and put them in their place. While we're speaking of him, I just think it is so – and I know that we already talked about Kathy Wakile's vagina lube. But it really disturbs me when they're

playing with their son in uh the walk-in closet and he starts pulling out a bag of sex toys and like poor melissa's like it's a cat toy it's for the kitty it's for the kitty and it's like it's for the pussy was that not creepy or do you play with your sex toys in front of your children it's totally disturbing everything about their sex lives It's totally disturbing. Everything about their sex lives. I don't want to know about their sex lives. It's gross. All of them are oversharers. Like last season when Teresa pulled out Joe's cock ring that had the vibrator on it.

Oh, God. And then she started yelling to like her in-law. She started yelling to Joe in front of like her in-laws like, hey, Joe, I'm a good blower, aren't I? I'm a good blower. It's like when when did you guys ever watch the gary shandling so i know this is really old but gary shandling said uh you know i hate going to malls because you have to see ugly people kissing dear ugly people please stop doing that like i don't want to see that i don't need to see that and every every bed every bed that joe walks by he has to jump on it to make sure that it's like soundproof so that he can screw his wife and the kids don't hear

every bed i don't know i i think if there there could be no better um advertisement for birth control or abstinence than melania because that girl that girl is six years old now and she's still acting like she's in her terrible twos. She put chalk all over her face. She looked like the little boy from the garage but was twice as scary. That was hilarious. My kids are worried about wrinkles.

That was so foul to me, the chalk on her face. And then she sassed on Gia. No, she sassed that rat out. That rat got scared and ran away. Oh, God. The rat probably died. What happened to the rat? And then Teresa says, the mouses ate it. Really?

Come on, now. The mouses with the ingredients and the cumming. Yes. I don't know. I just wonder how many times Melania's going to stick her stanky little ass in the salad display at the supermarket. What about Melania getting that chalk and making a hopscotch thing in the middle of the street? Unsupervised.

I know. I was like. And Teresa's like, oh, they have so much fun here. And their dumpy little house. That house is a shithole. Shithole. You know what, though? Kathy's rented house or her friend's house was veryole. Shithole. You know what, though? Kathy's rented house

or her friend's house was very cute. Well, Kathy does it right. Kathy does everything right. I'm surprised she wasn't staying just in a giant cannoli out on the water, you know? A cannoli with bedrooms that she cooked herself. Rosie's out on hammocks.

Putting on that bikini was frightening, though. And she's like, oh, you gotta have leopard. It's the shore. And please do not put on that bikini was frightening, though. And she's like, oh, you've got to have leopard. It's the shore. And please do not put on those bikini bottoms. Please. Oh, my. The cottage cheese will be delicious. I just love the compare and contrast of, like, with the New York City women.

Like, their summer rituals of going to the Hamptons and, like, seeing the way they set up shop there. It's her $20 million house. And then the disparity is hilarious. I don't begrudge these guys for having small little places, but it's just that Teresa's was not just small. It just looked like a dump.

Yeah. It was pretty sad. Should we move on to Atlanta? Is there anything else we have to say about New Jersey? Is there anything else we have to say about New Jersey? Is there anything else that happened in Jersey? Cookbooks? Bad English?

Okay, yeah, let's move on. Okay, good. So we had two episodes of Reunion this week. The second one didn't even record for me. I had to go set it manually. I was very upset about that. And it was just more of the same. Marlo came on, acted like the tranny that she is,

called everyone a whore, told people to measure their holes, all that kind of stuff. It was good times. She got Candy real mad. She got Candy real mad. Well, that was the first. Getting Candy that upset, that was the first, and I think Marlo might actually

have a shot next year, because no one's brought that out of Candy yet. And they have tried so hard, and they finally got her to get nasty. And Candy's sitting on the couch, and she's going like, look, I was trying to be all nice, but you're making me go there. And then she just unleashed. It was amazing. Yeah, well, because Marlo's one of those annoying people that she was like, oh, so I hear you're a sugar mama. Is your guy – does he have a job? He has a Range Rover.

When Candy gets mad at this insinuation, then Marlo is like, oh, I guess I got you mad. I guess I touched on a nerve. It's like, no, you didn't touch on a nerve. You're just being stupid, and she's sick of dealing with your stupidity. I just love how every defense is he has a Range Rover because I'm just going to start saying that now. Well, it's an important fact to know. I mean I think it should be brought up at the presidential debates. Quite frankly, if Mitt Romney comes at Barack Obama, he'll be like, I have a Range Rover.

And president. And president. And we'll all vote for him. Yeah, Candy and her Range Rover thing. You know, she is dating someone on the Bravo show, which I guess is kind of tacky. But who cares? I think it's way tackier that she's wearing Spanx as an outfit. Yeah, I noticed that too.

Did you notice that? What was that about? Her weave, I mean, the hair was terrible. Whatever. It was worth it to have her get so mad that she said, I'll take care of all y'all if I want, but I'm not going to. That's when she got nasty. I mean, when everybody else says you're so rich, that's one thing. But when you say it about yourself, you just turned into an asshole.

Yeah, but it was deserved. I was like, good for you, Candy. You say it. You can take care of me any day. Or you can call me a hoe. I don't care. She didn't call them hoes. You just gave the G-rated version

of what she said. She was like, I'll take care of all y'all motherfuckers. Yeah, that's right. It's all blur to me. She did call Marlo a hoe. She was like, you're obviously an escort. I mean, everybody knows you're an escort. And then Marlo's trying to back her off, and she's like, whatever hoe.

Whatever hoe. I love it when Kandi turns street. It, ho. Yeah, whatever, ho. I love it. I love it when Candy turns street. Oh, it's great. Yeah, it was pretty good. Yeah. What about Kim still lying about every little thing? Don't get me started because I'm going to defend her.

All right. How could you? She's such a compulsive liar. And I love that who's a bigger whore fight between her and Marlo. That was the funniest. Marlo is the bigger whore fight between her and marlo that was the bigger whore no how so they're the same they are exactly the same the same just happens to have won a house and a man but what's the diff she's does the same as marlo does was in a four and a half year relationship with big papa and yes you are allowed to date people after they have separated from their spouse, even if the paperwork and the ink is not on the official.

I don't think it's about the infidelity. I think it's about the fact that Big Papa basically was buying that relationship. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries, Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life

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Yeah, he's like some midget Indian guy. Okay, excuse me. She has two babies from two baby daddies. She's a young mother. She's kind of white trash. She needs to get her money somewhere. So if she has to go shake it for an old Indian man in order to get her babies a roof over their head, so be it. So are you saying that – so Marlo is maybe a – is a bigger hoe because – Marlo is a bigger hoe because she's just trying to get her ass some more shoes.

Kim had to provide for two babies. Charlotte was a bigger hoe because she's just trying to get her ass some more shoes. Kim had to provide for two babies. I don't think Kim was using those diamonds to pay for the Chick-fil-A's that she was stuffing Brielle with. Last time I checked, those diamonds were still on her fingers. She didn't take it to any sort of jewelry exchange. That was really funny, but Ariana is the one with the Chick-fil-A problem. I am not saying anything bad about Ariana because she's a sweetheart, and she's one of the few unfettered innocent souls in this entire franchise.

So I am not going to say anything mean about her because she actually has nice instincts. What about Cynthia turning into a total C-word in this one? She always has been, and guess what? I'm glad that Kim called her out. Cynthia did have a point. I mean, she was basically telling Kim, you were still a mistress no matter what you say. That is fucked up, and I don't understand why these women are trying to hate on each other. Guess what?

She is not a homewrecker just because she's dating a dude who's in the process of getting a divorce. Guess what? Maybe he was in a loveless marriage. Maybe the other woman that Big Papa used to be married to didn't want to be with him either. So why does that mean Cynthia needs to get up in her business? Because stupid bitch Cynthia leases her shitty car and her house and she has a shit modeling agency and a dumb fucking husband. She is a fashion mogul. She's the fashion mogul of the talent agency. She doesn't care about labels, OK, Matt?

I will bet you $100 that her agency is gone within't care about labels. Okay, Matt, I will bet you a hundred dollars that her agency is gone within the next 12 months. Well, that presumes that ever was a legitimate agency. I guarantee they never filled out the proper paperwork and they're probably squatting in someone's storefront. It's probably like a BB that went out of business, more like a subway or something more like tags. I think the thing that was so sad about that argument is that Cynthia was only making that argument to stick up for NeNe and saying that NeNe wasn't doing anything wrong by dating someone when she was separated. It's like, Cynthia, get your own fights. Get your own life. And whenever they called her on jumping on NeNe's side for everything, she's like, listen, I'm not just on NeNe's side because I'm on NeNe's side.

I'm on NeNe's side because I'm on NeNe's side, okay, bitch? Exactly. You don't even know how to make a sentence, form a sentence. I'm going to tell you this. She's dumber than Sharae. She's the dumbest of them all. Who said Sharae was dumb? Who said that?

Ronnie. Who said that? No, I would never. I would never say Sharae is dumb. Who said check me,, I would never. I would never say Shrey's dumb. Who said Check Me Boo? I don't think Shrey's dumb. Check Me Boo is the best shit ever. I like that they brought that out for no real reason.

That was great. They're like, let's just look at – because Shrey did nothing this season. Let's just look at clips of her from the other seasons when she was fun. Yeah. Pretty much. Do we remember anything? What about Nini taking credit for everybody's success in the world? That was pretty great.

You know what? I'm a hater on Nini because I do think that she is just a big old water buffalo with a penis. But here's my thing. Like if – I kind of in a weird fucked up way like that Kim is willing to say like thank you for telling the producers that some trashy white lady should be on this show. And yes, it did lead me to becoming a gold digger and getting my new man but charre as much as i love charre cannot fucking admit that like nini got her in the door well you know what was really really fucked up was the part of the reunion when they were comparing who made each season better like oh that was i i was going to create that i was i was going to made that season

i made that season no i made that season like you women really have to – stop doing your lives as seasons. Yeah, they're too self-aware at this point. They should just get rid of all of them. And what about Nene? Oh, I knew about it because I was an actress, and I was flying back to L.A. back and forth for auditions. That's what she said, auditions. I was in the Hollywood scene. As we all know,

on the weekends, she was an usher at the Chinese theater out here. She really was involved in entertainment. Is that true? No, of course it's not true. It's a joke. Who would fly out to Los Angeles to be an usher for the weekend? We just both believed you.

We live in Hollywood. We know fools like that. Yeah, the truth is this. Nini is ridiculous enough to maybe do something like that, so that's why you guys probably actually believed me for a second there. Yeah, just so she could say she was appearing at the Chinese theater. What do we think about Peter? Peter came on on Thursday. Ew, gross.

Oh, my God. That guy's so disgusting. I don't remember anything from Thursday's show because I think I was drunk when I watched it. That guy is such a user and a loser, and I love Andy. So where were you at the opening when you just disappeared? He's like, oh, I went home. I was tired.

It wasn't about me. Bullshit, you went home. Who were you fucking, and who's ass were you snorting coke off of, you piece of crap, with your bleary ass, red, bloodshot eyes? Thank you. He is a fucking drug addict. Yeah. He's terrible.

Such a user. And he's brought Cynthia down. You know what? If Cynthia had stayed up in New York, she never would have gotten involved in this show, and she just would have been a supermodel who had nice style and had all her little gay friends up there. And you know what? People probably would have had warm thoughts about her. But now people just think that she's just a degenerate, basically. She is a degenerate, and the only one that is awesome is Mal.

Mal is like, fuck you, dumb hoe. And I agree with her. I agree. And you know what? Mal's got a hot husband. I agree with whoever said it. And a house in Paris. Yeah.

Why is Mal sticking around? She's like the Lauren Manzo of Atlanta. You know, like you have some – do something else. Get out of these people's lives. Well, but you have to remember the whole year that leading up to Cynthia marrying Peter was Cynthia sobbing and saying she didn't think she could do it. And Peter's so controlling. And Peter's so bossy. And she's telling her sister and us all this.

And then suddenly it's like, oh, I'm married. That's my man. Don't you talk about my man. It's like, bitch, really? Because we had to listen to what an abuser he was for the past year. And now it's allowed to have an opinion. He probably had some stern words with her. Or at least maybe they went to their pastor to get some advice.

And they're like, you've got to stand up for your husband more. You can't be wavering like this. You've got to show some respect. And that's probably why she's now a bitch. That is one classless ass couple. Yeah. They are pretty terrible. And you know, Phaedra made out

like a bandit in this reunion. She just sat there quietly and smirked. And, you know, she made her eyes big or she would like, you know, chew her gums. Phaedra took her first season on reality TV and learned what she did wrong. And she came back as a hero this year.

Yeah, she was great this year. I'm sorry, you guys, but I do think that she is a – Oh, here we go. Here we go. That's right. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Come on.

I'll probably bat out with the spikes on the end like Ronnie asked me to. So here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Now, in my opinion, Sharae is right, and Phaedra is a dumbass attorney who fucked her over. Oh, no way. Didn't you get the point of that argument? Didn't you hear what Phaedra said? Sharae said, why didn't you do it?

And she said, I was waiting to be retained. In other words, Sharae, as usual, no, Charay did not pay. She did not pay. Charay gave her a check. No, no, she didn't. The day of. No, she brought it to court. She did not give it to her before.

Either way, either way, I believe, even though I don't think Phaedra is the world's best lawyer by any means, but I believe that she knows more about law than Sharae. Sharae Whitfield, attorney at law. She's going to mortuary arts now because she can't fucking be a proper lawyer anymore. No, I don't think so. I think she's doing it because she's just restless and she has a passion for death. Well, and also the kind of attorney she is. I like that she's so honest but words everything so sweetly. I found it.

Yeah. By taking people that no one else would take. Yeah. I thought that was hilarious. They're like, so you represent strippers and porn stars. That was pretty hilarious. I was like, so you represent strippers and porn stars. That was pretty hilarious. Like, well, I found a niche. I love when she took a bag of cash from that weed dealer in the parking lot.

That was awesome. She is hilarious. She is hilarious. Oh, my gosh. I forgot about that. Oh, my gosh. Well, her only point to Sharae is, you know, Sharae gets away a lot without paying people. She's got that reputation in that town because she never pays anybody.

Or she'll find some drama to not have to pay anybody. And Phaedra wasn't about to do that and get screwed over by this bitch. And she waited until she got her money. So that's what Sharae gets. Well, Sharae doesn't have any money as evidenced by the fact that she has a child sleeping on a doggy bed. I mean, yes, she may have an ass tomorrow. You know, I'm on IMDB right now, and you're going to be shocked. But NeNe has only been in Housewives before.

But she's a working actress. Are you sure? Shocking. Are you sure? She's a working actress. Did you check anything by Martin Scorsese? Because I'm fairly certain they work together. I don't know.

Can I just tell you when Andy Cohen was like, do you guys, you know, are you happy about, you know, Nene's success on Glee? And Nene's like pimping out Glee, blah, blah, blah. And then Andy's like, oh, well, Ryan Murphy's a huge fan. And he also said that Kim would be, you know, great. And then Nene's face fell off, well, Ryan Murphy's a huge fan. And he also said that Kim would be great.

And then NeNe's face fell off. Yeah, that was good. Wouldn't that be awesome though? NeNe's so ridiculous. She didn't even have to audition. He's just a gay guy who's a fan of the Housewives and wanted a crazy black lady on there. Like, duh. Like, she acts like she's Meryl Streep and got discovered because of her brilliant accents on the show or something.

Right, and as if she's ever not going to be able to play a psychotic bitch on TV. It's like Sharae said at the beginning of the season. The reason she was on Celebrity Apprentice is because Donald Trump wanted a crazy, angry black bitch, and that's what he got. Did Sharae say that? Yes. Did she for real say that? Yes. Yeah, she said something.

I'm sure it was like an angry black woman or whatever. Another reason why we should not lose Sharae. She is fucking great. She is great, but the thing is that she's just not involved in enough drama on the day-to-day. She's good on the reunions, but I'm sure we'll see her soon. Well, from what I read, she's not coming back because she demanded as much money as NeNe, and they refused because Kim and Nene are the ones making the money on that show. Yeah. That's actually kind of Sheree's fault. There's Sheree – after the first season, it was all about Nene, Sheree, and Kim.

Those were the three anyone cared about, and they were sort of like the queens of it. And then somehow Kim and Nene went out into the front of the pack, and I don't know how Sheree fell behind. Well, because in season two, she was putting her efforts behind She-Vi-Sharay, which was a total bomb but is getting resurrected. Oh, I'm so excited. Speaking of resurrections, this is – actually, this has nothing to do with resurrections. I was just going to try to transition to Orange County before we – as we get to the latter parts of our podcast here. Do we have anything else we have to say

about Atlanta before we move to Orange County? I'm going to miss it. I love you, Atlanta. Bye. Bye, Atlanta. Are we going to watch Kim's Don't Be Tardy for the Wedding? Because I is. I'll check it out. I have to say, I'm a little, like, right now I'm sort of, like, done with the Atlanta cast, and I'm sort of, like, ready to be moving away

from Atlanta, but I'll check it out for the purpose of our podcast. Okay, well, before we move on, I just do have to be moving away from Atlanta, but I'll check it out for the purpose of our podcast. Okay. Well, before I move on, I just do have to say, though, that like between the Atlanta three-part reunion and the premiere of Jersey, I no longer give a fuck about OC. But here we go. You know, here's the thing. I actually do give a fuck about the OC. I think OC is really funny, but it's just it is getting lost in the mix here, especially because since we do our podcast, we record it on Mondays now. So whenever we get to OC, it's always been like six days old.

But I still enjoy it. I thought this episode of the glamping was just as ridiculous as usual. First of all, I hate this term glamping. Is this something that has occurred before the show? Is this a thing? It sounds like when you put too much gel in your hair and it, like, glamps. To me, it makes me think of, like, clamps and clamping.

It makes me think of, like, going to the gyno or something like that. Yeah! Like, glamping just sounds bad. Of course, Alexis would be the one to coin that term. Well, I think that they went to an actual place that does glamping, so I think it was Arky. I don't think Alexis can make anything up.

No, no. I mean, I understand the idea of high-end camping. I'm just saying the term glamping. Yeah, I'm just saying that Alexis can't come up. Alexis can't do that. She can't even get one word out properly, much less two. Well, that's

sort of her skill, is that she takes two words and mixes them together and makes weird neologisms out of them Which is new words What were we going to say, Matt, before Ben rudely interrupted you? I don't even know what a neologism is

It's a new created word Yeah, you can't talk like that when we're talking about the OC I'm sorry. I was trying to be like Heather. I was trying to hone my inner Heather. I was just going to say that the only glamping I do is True Beverly Hills with Shelley Long and the rest of them can go to hell.

It's cookie time! Thank you. So, what's up with poor Brianna... Wait, Brianna? Yeah. Brianna Brielle. Poor Brianna with her throat slit showing up to glam. That sounds gross, by the way. But it was.

It's like her throat is still cut open. It's like an open gas. It sounds like a sexy thing. Oh, gross. No, it doesn't sound sexy to me at all. You're horny because we were talking about Jersey, that hot show. Yeah. Listen, I was surprised that she went glamping

with, yeah, honestly, after that major surgery, around all that smoke. But, hey, you know, she survived. She was the most able-bodied person to do it because all the rest of them were sitting around that campfire having no idea what to do. Except for Heather, who actually listened to the directions of how to make it.

By the way, I like this new Heather versus Alexis thing. I'm enjoying the way Heather really has huge disdain for Alexis. But, Ben, there is no, like, there's never going to be, like, a good fight there because they're not, like, they're not, like, qualified adversaries. It's just so high and low, and it's never going to be good. But I like how it gets Alexis mad. Oh, go be good. But I like how it gets Alexis mad. Oh, go ahead. No, I like how it makes Alexis mad and I like the

passive-aggressive forms that Heather's animosity takes. Like when they all arrived at her house to go on their trek and she didn't even say hi to Alexis or hug her or anything. That was great. Yeah, poor Alexis just looks all confused.

She's like a dog. And I love when she's calling Alexis on all of her lies like, oh, well, we just rent our house because it makes more sense. And she's like, how does that make more sense when you're just handing your money instead of investing it? She's like, well, Jim's my leader or whatever. This is my, oh, look at this giant diamond ring oh we don't even bother insuring it oh and this isn't even the real one i keep the real one in a safe

like you fucking liar you're married to the shadiest ass man oh man in horns county don't even try and pull that shit over on heather but one thing that i makes me kind of lose respect for heather is that she's smart enough to fight with someone who can fight back i think that when you purposely become enemies with someone stupid like alexis i mean don't be such a pussy girl come on be enemies with tamra exactly she's she's she's not picking a fair fight and that makes her even more pathetic i mean i don't like heather the way ben is up her cooch but like if you're gonna fight fight somebody that's real like Tamara or – Well, it's not so much a fight.

It's more like she just has huge amounts of disdain. Which is fun to watch. This is called reality TV. It's called The Real Housewives. If you don't have somebody you're fighting with, your ass is on the line. Yeah. That's true. And she knows because she's an actress, you guys. She used her – her passion is acting and Big Band. Yeah. That's true. I mean, she should... And she knows because she's an actress, you guys.

She used her... Her passion is acting and big band. Yeah. I mean, but, you know, I do like her sort of... I don't know. I like her haughty,

bitchy ways. Like, when she got, like, like a glass for herself but didn't get one for Alexis, and she's like, I'm not getting you a glass. I was like, that was good. I like that.

That was awesome. Oh, no, that was at a table. And Alexis is like, where's my table Alexis. She's like, I'm not getting you a glass. I was like, that was good. I like that. That was awesome. Oh, no, it was that table. And Alexis is like, where's my table? She's like, go in and get it. You know what it was with the glasses? I'm sorry, you're right. It was the table.

When she came out, you have to love these little gems. She was like, well, I was looking for a red wine glass, but all I could find was white. Like you are such a fucking bitch, but I'm loving you you right now i'm loving how you were just basically saying my tastes are very refined and yours are not alexis yeah and everyone else who's sitting around this campfire oh i'm so sad that gretchen couldn't join her voice is still shot i am two months later i used to like for some reason, have Gretchen's back. I am just done. Yeah, Slade has ruined her. He's ruined her likability.

Yeah, I want to see her dating. Get rid of him. He is just... Ugh. He's just awful. Well, he's her agent. That's how that's how she's booking and making money. So she's going to keep him until she finds someone better. And she's not going to get more talented.

So I doubt that anybody more talented is going to be beating down her door anytime soon. Well, you know, I think she and Nene should work together. For a Vegas show. Come on. Touch your toes. Show your coochie. Get your paycheck, and be done with it. No one wants to hear

this crap about your stupid voice that you never had in the first place. But she lost it. She lost her voice. It was so good at one point, and she lost it. She lost it when Jeff died. No, she lost it when she fought with Vicky. Haven't you heard? Like, she has

long-form yelling laryngitis and it's been two months and the doctors say there's no cure she she totally adelled her throat and she may not be able to sing at the high caliber of the pussycat dolls how sad is that everything is sad is that? Everything is sad about that. Let's see what else is going on in the show. Vicky was calling Brooks incessantly. There was that. I'm sorry, but he is a scam artist, and he's going to take her for all of her money.

I love how these women just fall for scam artists. It's kind of amazing. Guess who wasn't a scam artist? Don. No, but he's sort of a schmuck yeah but he had like called her a bitch in public because she was yeah but you don't do that to your wife you don't you don't tell your wife why are you being such a fucking bitch in front of all of her friends you do call her a fucking bitch in front of all of her friends when she does nothing but go to work all day and

never give you sex so then she's a bitch. Who could keep up with Don? Have you read what his ass has been up to since he left her? He's been part of all these sex clubs and shit. How could you keep up with that? Good for him. Oh, those poor sex workers. No kidding. Yeah.

I miss when they would go tubing in Havasu. Those were the good old days. I want to see Heather Tubin and Havasu. Those were the good old days. I want to see Heather go Tubin and Havasu. I mean she's a joiner. She's a joiner. She'll join. Well, I just feel bad for Vicky because she's so stupid.

I mean listen, if you're in your late 40s, you have square tits and giant tit scars and a beaver face, chances are that people aren't going to be buying you cards. Okay? If men are buying you cards, they've got an ulterior motive. Listen, if you want to talk about stupid, by the way, we can talk about Alexis, who was so stupid she couldn't figure out how to turn on the heater in her cabin. She almost froze to death. She almost died of her own stupidity. I'm just letting you know that, but that would be me.

I know you guys don't want selling New York or whatever that million-dollar listing New York is, but the best part was two of the agents fighting over whether something was an air conditioner or a heater. It's like, come on, Bravo. And they're all fucking actors. They don't even know what an air conditioner was. It made me think of Little Bellino. Poor Alexis. Anything that has a duct, she's just lost.

Yeah, every time somebody's stupid, I'm like, oh, Alexis. She really is the dumbest one of all. I love Alexis. I just wish Alexis could be on every single Housewives show. She makes me laugh every single time. And her terrible English. I keep saying every week I'm going to start a log of her racking the English language. And I just keep forgetting to do it. But I've got to start.

Someday. Someday. Someday Bravo will find a way to effectively merge all these women together. And then we'll see Alexis truly shine. I'm shocked that we haven't seen that yet. We haven't seen a crossover season yet. I'm telling you, they've got to do a race show. They've got to do something with their racing cars or something.

Because if they do a challenge where they're hanging on tightropes or whatever, the women are not going to do it. But if it's something that's like, quote unquote, classier, like a race across country, I think it's going to happen. I don't know. I think that Nene could crossover and do some Bev Hills because she keeps saying she's moving and she doesn't want to be on Atlanta anymore. She's been pretty upfront about that. I think that if you cross – I think the thing is this.

If you cross over from one show to the other, I think that's a very jumping the shark moment for some reason. It is, but they're all friends. I mean if you're ever desperate enough for entertainment that you read any of these ladies' Twitter feeds, they're all hanging out together. Yeah, that's true. Like the Jersey girls were just hanging out with all the OC girls and sending each other XOXOs on Twitter. Yeah. Like a sick, sad club. Yeah, I can't really imagine Countess Luanne, though, hanging out with Alexis Bellino.

Actually, I could because then Countess should be just so excited to be haughty with her and teach her manners and everything like that. There's a spinoff right there. Countess Luann tries to give Alexis culture. It'd be like Pygmalion. It'd be fantastic. Should I bring my Class with the Countess

autographed copy next week and maybe serenade you with a few of her passages? Please. Please. Any books that you own of these women please bring them yeah um all right well we've been going for about an hour or so so i think it's time for us to wrap up um once again we are doing our show on live in front of an audience um at the Olympic Monday, 730, April 30th on Hollywood Boulevard.

Oh, and if you're looking it up online, it's IOWest. It's on Cosmo and Hollywood, block east of Cahuenga. There's a valet outside for $5 with validation. And we'll have drink specials and all that

good stuff, so come on out and have a drink with us, y'all. Yeah, it'll be super fun. I actually think it'll be really, really fun, even if just five people show up. But I think we can get, hopefully we can get many more than five. Yeah, hopefully we can make Matt cry. Yeah. I'm already crying. We're going to do whatever we can

to make Matt feel uncomfortable and awkward on stage. That's why I'm going to be incredibly intoxicated and wearing a costume, because I'm just going to start off That's why I'm going to be incredibly intoxicated and wearing a costume, because I'm just going to start off that way. He's going to be wearing a black veil. A black veil to cover his face. He'll look like one of those food critics, you know, that goes incognito to a restaurant.

I'm just going to be dusting off my fleur-de-lis Ed Hardy gear. I like the sound of that. All right. Well, fun times, everybody. You can follow us at hashtag

what crap ends. You can follow me on Twitter at TVgasm or Ben at what is it? B-side blog or Matt at life on the M list.

Yeah. And you know what? We will create some sort of Facebook group and we'll put the M List. Yeah. And you know what? We will create some sort of Facebook group and we'll put the event information on that. Yeah. Okay. Well, thanks, everybody. Okay.

Thanks, y'all. Bye. See you next time. Bye. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts.

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