Watch What Crappens - RHOA: Factory Smackdown

Episode Date: January 8, 2019

It's Hot Dog Factory VS Kandi Factory on this week's Real Housewives of Atlanta. We can't declare a winner, but we can guarantee we'll never think of counter service the same. This week's bonus is about the Crappies, the Globes, and Kevin Hart. To hear it, become a Patreon member at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. **Crappens Live has added a second show to Dallas on Feb 8, plus announced shows in Vancouver, Irvine, and Boston! Find ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com **New "Ben in the Streets, Ronnie in the Sheets" Limited Edition tees avail at www.CrappensMerch.com until Feb! Free shipping on orders of over $45 til Jan 22. You can also find store links and ticket links at http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Goddamn Beverly Hills needs to, or just come back already because I can't stop my terrible lease of antipromptum depression with everything I'm doing. It's like back in my psyche now. You won't leave me alone. And so it will leave you alone, either people. No, Beverly Hills is back in February. I think the premiere is like right after our Texas shows.

I think it's that week after. So like the 11th or the 12th or something like that. So soon, Beverly Hills, I'm so excited for that season. It looks like it's gonna be a good one. Yes, we're gonna have some fun with that. But today, we're here with the real housewives of Atlanta. Yes, real houses of Atlanta, this is like the big fight. This is in the trailer for the season. This was the, this was the big fight in the trailer, AKD only fight. This is in the trailer for the season. This was the, this was the big fight in the trailer. AKD only fight. That unfortunately we've seen so far as the only fight that was really in the trailer.

So we're like, we've got to, we've got to, we got to like buckle down because this is the big fight. Big fight episode. And we've missed a couple of episodes because we were off for Christmas. And Real Housewives of Atlanta wasn't. So we've skipped, we're skipping a couple here episodes because we were off for Christmas and Real Housewives of Atlanta wasn't. So we're skipping a couple here. So sorry about that. But we're all over. It was worth it. It was totally worth it. Okay.

Here's what happened. They went and shopped and poor shade hot dogs and candy was like. I think I was at a singing contest or a talent contest. Oh yeah. It's still a talent. That was pretty brilliant. And in these previous C's, can't Ronnie Carrom get it together in this previous C's?

It opens with Porsche in the doctor's office getting an X-ray of her baby. What do they call that? I forget. Ultra sound? Ultra sound. And it's a hot dog. Wish. I thought was so cute.

Yeah, like, Porsche is like really on brand. It is a hot dog with a really long weave and some negligee. A negligee. I feel like Porsche sees a commercial for Weenerschn Schnitzel. I was like, that's my baby. She's like, I can't believe they turned my ultrasound into a commercial. And then Noel went off to college and you know lost it and I yelled at my TV, get the fuck off the floor, Noel. Yeah. And then Kandy has been going

around. Now, Kandy is losing her luster. I don't, Kandy started losing her luster with me a couple seasons ago, because I've seen what she's doing. It's not like it's very subtle what she's been doing, which is acting like a nice person while she's getting all of her minions to run around and ruin everybody for her. And which is actually moved by enjoy. I've felt that she's in the right for the most part because Portia did her pretty dirty. So, okay, you've had your fun. But it's now three seasons later, lady. Okay. Am I getting pissed now? Now, I love Candy Burst and I think I will always

love her. However, I think this episode and this fight is emblematic of why Atlanta has hit a rut because this entire episode is about the fact that Portia got kicked out of Todd's 45th birthday. And there's a lot of talk about what happened and this side and that side, which is fine. But for me in the back of my head, I'm thinking, why the hell were there not cameras there? There should have been cameras there. And the reason why there probably were not cameras is because, Ken, he was like, no, Bravo. I don't want to have cameras there. And like, she probably was like, I don't want to have cameras there. And she has enough sway or whatever that they were like, okay, we're not gonna film that. And that is a problem because when the talent is calling shots,

it affects seasons. We've seen it happen on Beverly Hills and Orange County, honestly. And the talent, the talent, if you're on air for these shows, you've got to be working to stay on the show and you have to be like, you know, like we want, we want you to show all of you, okay, because then we get a good show. But if you're closing up parts of your life, we're not going to get a good show. And I suspect that Candy did not allow Bravo to film that, that, and that is emblematic of why Atlanta is not as good. And it's kind of starting to, it makes me wonder about this fight because it's another setup

accusation, which we'll get to. But if it was set up, then why weren't there cameras? Because I would think that if Candy was going to set it up, it would be on an episode. Right. But then Candy talked about her party and then we saw some footage. So I wonder if it was like a vacation episode where they're on the plane and they can only film on their cell phones or whatever because we did see some stuff. Yeah, they were like in a basketball court.

There was there was no way that it was like, oh, there can be no footage here. No. Well, when we get to that, that's how I imagine that's how I imagine American Airlines representatives are like, no footage inside the airplane. These are the interpoms. American Airlines representatives are like no footage inside the airplane Well, when we get to that section at the end remind me to read some Dawn Juan tweets because I mean I was just cracking up after watching I said I have to go to candies Instagram and see if people are turning on her because this is like really low for me. I thought and They said they sure were I mean as of last night. It was 2,500 comments on her

And they said they sure were I mean as of last night it was 2500 comments on her God her episode post and Don Juan just comes in and starts fighting with everybody and it's Hologrious so reminded to talk about that later. Well this episode begins You know they they do that thing where that we just they throw you into the fight and then rewind so it starts off And there's a chiropran before anything happens it goes Tony and Eva's Hibachi party. I was like wait, it goes, Tanya and Eva's Hibachi party. And I was like, wait, what? A Hibachi party. What's a Hibachi party?

What is going on? You say Hibachi to me. And I think of Tori spelling falling onto a Hibachi at the Buddha. Any Hibachi. Any Hibachi. Yeah, and then Cena. Which is so mean to laugh at, but that's so Tori spelling.

It's like real marks on her face. Like I fell into a Hibachi. And I thought that's so funny that Tanya and Eva are throwing a Habatchi party because you know, they're kind of sad hangars on at this point. And it really just made me feel sorry for Tory spelling. Yeah. Um, I, my first thought was Habatchi party was that there would be a bunch of those little Habatchis, you know, that you put on your balcony. I thought there would be a bunch of those lined up. I was like, that's kind of funny. I wasn't thinking like a Benihana Hobachi because I think of that as, I don't think of that as a Hobachi, but I guess maybe it is.

Yeah, she fell, she fell first onto a Hobachi girl. I'll never forget the headline because it was one of those days where I was like, is this creative visualization because I feel like I've had that, the happened in my head before, just to worry smelling, falling into your food. I also want to know how she fell onto a Hibachi. It's not like, there's a full counter that separates you from the Hibachi Grill. How do you just fall, what happened? Did she trip and then just plunge over the counter?

I want not knowing it's the best best part because you could just replay it over in your head for years. I mean, this happened years ago. It's not like it just happened. Yeah, but that's just, it's always in my head when I hear her botchi. I'm like, I will take an order of spelling tears, please. Thank you. They just sublime.

They just turn, grow from liquid to gas. I guess that means boiling. Yes. So, um, so we, so we we started the Habachi party hosted by Eva and Tanya. So already you're like, and then we just see Candy yelling. Candy's just yelling and she's in black and white, thick black and white stripes, which sort of makes her look like she's in the circus

for some reason, you know? And she's just yelling. She's like the hamburger glier who got a job at Foot Locker. Her outfit. Yeah, so she's framing it each other. And Porsche's sitting down because don't forget, she's pregnant. She's never gonna let you forget it, okay?

She's like, I am sitting down, baby on board. So Candy's like, you should know you have too much to lose. And Porsche's like, I don't care what comes out of the factories, as long as it's hot dogs. And I was like, what is happening here? What did we miss in the past two weeks? Yeah, this is like some full on. We now have like rival factories, hot dog factory

versus candy factory. This is a big deal. They're throwing down, they're throwing down the hot dogs. This is basically a history of the industrial revolution as updated via the Porsche and Candy War. Yes. So Candy's telling her, here you are being the aggressor and now you're acting like the victim of Porsche is like, I'm no one's victim, bitch!

And he's like, who are you calling, bitch? And she's like, I'm no one's victim. Bitch. Yeah. He's like, who are you calling bitch? And so I'm like, I'm calling you a bitch bitch. And I was like, oh my god, this is like my favorite kind of housewives episode already. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I mean, I would have been happy if it just the episode ended right there after like 30 seconds. I was like, that was great. Okay. Next episode. And Candy's like, I'm gonna go. And you know, Candy's not gonna leave without like filling all of her Tupperwares or whatever. Right. So it takes her forever to leave.

So the fight just keeps going on and on. And then Candy tells us, how did we end up here? Oh good. And it's like, one week earlier. So now we go at the Candy Factory. And like the whole gang is gathering together in that weird room that they always are sitting in. It sort of feels like it's in a basement, but there's like weird, different unmatched chairs.

And so like Don Juan is there. And we learned that Don Juan was tasked with putting together Todd's birthday party, which is like classic Don Juan put upon this. And the birthday, you know, cause it's like Don Juan works for Candy, not for Tom, I mean, I guess he works for Todd now, but like, this guy has to do everything.

I feel like Todd takes advantage of Don Juan, like really takes advantage. But he knows who probably feels like that. Don Juan. Yeah, probably. Probably come out one day in a big fight. Cause Don Juan is saving his big fight for his final season. Yeah, cause you know, Don Juan's just going to fucking lose it one day.

And he's going to go out on a bane. It will be a whole thing because I'm sure he loves candy, but it does not like Todd. Cause Todd probably came in and just started bossing around like, Hey, Don Juan. I think I need some ice cubes. Can you make some ice cubes for me? And he's like, oh, and that like Tom and Jerry way, you know, yes, I have a whole list of stuff that you've, a whole list of things you've done to wrong him. And the ice cubes and the ice cubes. Yeah. On the machine, Rose, on the machine. So, yeah, so basically Todd had a Michael Jordan themed birthday party and like everyone wore jerseys and Jordans and it was in like a gym and there was like a dance

It's a whole thing a whole big thing for him turning 45. Yes And so carbon comes in and you know just to make this as natural as possible. She's like, hi, I've got your policy I just have a policy is to they? She's always coming with a new policy. She's like, here's your ice cream cone policy. So next time you have an ice cream cone that leaks on the bottom, we're gonna reimburse you 35 cents. Yeah.

And this is just officially fiction now because all Candy has been doing for like two seasons is holding business meetings with all of her staff and talking about Porsche. Okay. Yeah. Like this has happened so many times. Like is this their Porsche update now to be getting of every work day?

But that being said, I mean, is there any, isn't there like, there's like something that's like so fun about gathering with your crew after a party and just like talking about all the petty drama the night before that is the most fun so I kind of get it to yeah well Okay, so let's just get into what the drama is here so they start telling the story right and of course on Juan is telling it because candy's like I didn't know What was going on I was in the back. I didn't hear about it till later. So I was signing, feels, feels, feels. So she's, you know, fingerprint free on this one. So she's like, okay, Todd, let us know what happened. So his version is he's just standing there and Carmen comes up and says,

somebody had a conflict and he heard it was Porsche, of course. So then we cut over to Porsche at the hot dogs stand with her sister. She's the Lee ordering hot dogs. Yeah, she's like, I'm going to order you a chili dog, which means I've brought a PA into carry your next baby, you know? Yeah, exactly. So Porsche is talking about how she was kicked out of Todd's party. And the way she tells is that she was there, everything was fun, and then she was there with Dennis,

and then she saw one of Candy's employees circling her, which I thought was funny. I enjoyed the idea of this woman making laps around Porsche and Porsche just like, what? To me, he was like very Bosnian, I was like imagining a camera swiveling around and around. Porsche starts coughing up blood. was like very boss lerman i was like imagine a camera swiveling around and around and around for sister's coughing up blood

she's like on a trapeze i know she's like old elton john song yeah she's got the most adorable consumption ever ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha like coughing up potatoes. The tubers. Coughing up relish. Like real tubers. Tubers. She's got any relish. That's funny and disgusting. She's on trapeze coughing relish up over everyone of the party.

So her story is that this girl is circling her like a shark from finding Nemo. And she's like, and I didn't even recognize them until I figured So her story is that this girl is circling her like a shark from finding Nemo and she's like, and I didn't even recognize him until I figured out, oh, this must be her ex because she has some mustard on her shirt still. So, yeah, so basically, like, I mean, let's be honest you probably recognize her from her face being tattooed on his back Okay, she's like oh tattoo number 74 I get it lips Because this is the girl that he got huge lips tattooed on his back apparently for so One of the guys is like well, okay, so let's get this straight your Your friend was dating Porsche's boyfriend up until then, and this new employee chick is

like, yes, until just a couple of weeks ago. And they're like, what? And she's like, oh, I know. Isn't this information new and exciting? And then Dennis saw her and grabbed her arm. And we were talking to, we were walking to the VIP room, then he grabbed her arm, and then he hugged and kissed her on her cheek and then Porsche came out.

Yeah. Now, of course, on on on Porsche's version, this curl was circling around like some crazy satellite and then bumped into Dennis. I just like the ideas. I just the the visual of like Porsche being in the in this, like, it's, you know what it's like, it's like those old-time movies, where there's like three people caught in the middle, and there's like a biker gang circling around and around and around.

What are we gonna do? You know? And then apparently, like, in the middle of the circle, like, that this person bumped into Dennis, which is funny to me because it means that this person is like a really bad circular, or that Dennis actually tried to like, cut through the circle and like, didn't coordinate well enough and crash into person

who was orbiting. Like I just feel like the visuals of just how this like, bump into happened. We're just really using it. I'm just like, you picture it like a satellite moving an orbit around you. I do, I'm thinking like a constant velocity. Yeah, to me, it's like Sandra Bullock in that movie where she's alone in space and she's

like trying to run away from space junk. I think that's what dating Dennis would be like. Like, you're just floating along and then boom, you get hit by somehow and then boom, you get hit by an arm of another hoe. You know. And next thing you know, George Clooney is nowhere to be found. Next thing you know, you're like, gasp, you're like, well, that was terrible, but at least I'm back on Earth now. Oh, no, I'm drowning. We were talking about bird box, bird box

a little bit on my street service. And I think, I don't know if I told you this but somebody posted a meme that was like just don't ever travel the Sandra Bullock okay. That's yeah I mean I still remember that movie forces of nature okay. Yeah that's not okay so well. It was a picture of that it was the one where she's in space you know and everything's going to shift speed one and two. She was literally in a movie called Crash. Um. So anyway, so, um, so Dennis is now like, yeah, she bumped into me and she tried to kiss me

and I hit it with the matrix. You know, I was like this and like that. I'm like, please, don't flatter yourself that you could even be as limber as someone, as Neo. Okay, please. Hot dogs are just flying at his face and he's catching you two and a bump like Pac-Man. He's just seeing Green Hotdog code coming down in front of him.

He's like, wait, deja-hoo. So, of course, it's like, so I was like, you guys are gonna do this with my face because she was pissed at Dennis too. It's not like this girl was the only one who was yelled at, right? So she goes up to them and she's like, well, you're all over here. Why are you walking away? Why are you walking away? What are you doing? I'm here. Run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run.

Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Well, run. Now Dennis is just so full of it. And I cannot wait to see what happens in this marriage over the years because he's just leaning on the counter at the hot dog stand. Like, yeah. Like his eyes are half closed. He's like, he's had this fight with so many girlfriends.

He's just standing, like he can take it, you know? I'm like, sir, that is not a load bearing counter. You need to stand up straight. He's made a cardboard. Like, Dennis, move. No, he can't move is not a load bearing counter. You need to stand up straight. He's made of cardboard. Like Dennis. No, he can't move. He's low bearing. So, um, yeah, so apparently, so, uh, apparently, Portia was like chess bumping.

I don't know if it was Jamie or the girl, but she was chess bumping people, which I, which I love because I, I can totally see like, Portia chess bumping people. I can see you're getting like the spirit of like a mountain goat and being like boom boom, you know Well the S. Far is because she said they were walking away So I guess the chest bumping against the back was true But that's where the tattoo of the lips is so it's just funny that porosha's like bumping her baby up against the lips I have to say like some of the details were fuzzy. Like there were, I was, I was at a hard time tracking some of the action in the story,

but all I know is that there was circling and then there was some sort of like kiss or attempted to kiss and then Porsche started having words and perhaps chest bumping. And then she's tried to leave and she and Dennis tried to leave. But as she said, a security guard or possibly a deacon trying to leave, but as she said, a security guard or possibly a deacon or an out of work like pastor tried to stop them and talk to them. And then we got back to candy patterns. This guy was sitting there. This guy, I don't even know what his name was. He starts weighing in on what he did. Yeah, Greg. Oh, yeah's a great. Yeah, Greg said, well, no, he was telling the Deacon. So there was another guy. I thought that he was, I thought he was the person that

Porsche thought was a deal. I don't think so, because he said, I said, get him out of here. Because we'll do this tomorrow. Not tomorrow. Tomorrow. I really just tomorrow tomorrow, not tonight. So Candy's like, I didn't know it happened, but then I got a text from Porsche and it blamed Jamie. So basically, Porsche was like, I got kicked out of this party because your friend went up and talked to Dennis, right? Yeah. And basically, and so, and then what was terrible for Portia was that the next morning it got all over the blogs

the streets were talking as they say and then the stories were like really crazy like she got dragged out She was fighting she beat up a girl all this stuff, you know and Portia's like well, I mean honestly Like I'm pregnant. I wouldn't do that and then they cut to Todd saying like well, you know Portia She gets down that Hennessey and she gets crazy so already we can see that like what they're accusing Porsche of is already some like that mean I'm so sure yeah she's pregnant so would she really do that and don't they already know she's pregnant like I feel like they already know I think someone's probably already told candy and so they're hinting on purpose that she's pregnant

That's my conspiracy theory, okay, but candy does play dirty through her employees and so She also mentioned she's like well, I'm not I wasn't there. I didn't see it of course, but she's we already know portion of Jamie's history And then we see that clip of a couple years ago when portion chases somebody out. So that's the same girl That she beat up in an alley Mm-hmm. Oh my god. So of course this girl's trying to get revenge. She's like what? But then you do I'm like, I'm sure you all are taking revenge on Porsche. Give me a break So now Porsche her issue is that she feels like Candy Shirt checked up on her. She'd been like, I just got kicked out of your party by one of your people.

And you should check that on me because Candy out of texts are saying like, what's safe now? Portia, I'm good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good set up. But then I think if you're doing a set up, I feel like you'd want to have cameras there. Like, what's the point of, you know, like, well, I think she's pulling Gakenia because now that I think about it, I think she's pulling Gakenia and she's trying to insight Portia to such a rage that she'll get her kicked off because if Portia ever gets physical with someone again, supposedly she's going to get the top. I don't think that's Candy's MO though. I don't think that's how, that might be Don Juan's MO, but I don't think that's,

I actually don't think that's how Candy operates. Well, I don't know, but Don Juan operates for Candy, so it's like Candy. It's like Candy assess later. It comes from the top. Those are the top. Well, for the top, top, top, top, the kitchen island.

So then, but now Candy thinks that Portia shouldn't be mad at her, but she should be mad at at Dennis because Dennis is the one Who is like being shady which is also a very fair point? It is a fair point because if you're gonna date a manhore a manhore who owns a delicious hot dog factory He's gonna be talking to people. He's fucked all day long every day, you know It's like the corner hot dog place like question next time we go to Atlanta what is the bigger priority going to OLG or going to

the hot dog factory well I say we go to OLG for dinner and hot dog factory for dessert well they're apparently like across the street from each other right I don't know oh yeah I guess so they've said they say that or maybe after work or whatever. Or maybe maybe it's across from candy factory. I don't know what it is. I don't know. I have to say I might be more partial to going to the hot dog factory at this point because I love hot dogs. Well, maybe I'll be eating animals again by then, but I'm really in the hot dogs for the bun and the mustard anyway. So I would have it have no product. I'm in there for the hot dog. So Dennis apparently texted the girl and said that everything was messed up LOL.

And which seems like, again, that seems like, it feels like given who he's dating and what her issues seem to be with his exes, I feel weird that he even texted her at all. Yeah, he's, Dennis is such a player. He's such a player. And we know Porsche has terrible taste in men. I mean, come on. Yeah. So Porsche is like, I know what Candice is doing right now. She's just sitting with her team talking mad should about me. I know. I'm like, yeah, that's

pretty much as it. Yep. But why would, of course you would be able to, like, why wouldn't you? I mean, I feel like that's like, that is sort of like, that is part of the sacred tradition of throwing a party, is that you then get with gathering your friends and talk shit about the craziness that happened. Yeah, so now Porsche is accusing them of putting out a story that she beats somebody up and blah, blah, blah. So now we go over to. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life.

But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting. Hosted by myself, Megan Galey, Chris Garcia, and Kurt Brown-Oller, we will be your resident, not-so-expert-experts. Each week we'll share a parenting story that'll have you laughing, nodding, and thinking.

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You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. Let's come here, show. It's like this happened, then this happened, then this happened, then this happen, then this happen. And here's Cynthia Bailey in her kitchen. Oh my God. Fucking Cynthia. I swear to God, man. Cynthia is, it's like the stores ran out of butter and jelly because she's just always a dry toast. Always no matter what she does. So now you saw her on Friday, right? I did. I saw her Friday. And she is very, I mean, she's extremely beautiful.

Obviously, Cynthia Mimi, but God in real life, I was like, Jesus, she's smoking. I bet. And she was with Chihil, my king. And they had a couch in the Soho House. By the way, I'm not fancy. My friends are members of the Soho House. And I was like, you are taking me. I'm obviously not a member at somewhere so fancy. But I was like, you're rich, you're taking me there.

And I'm like, okay, Ronnie, please get your hand out of the door. I think. So, yeah, she was on a couch. Have you ever been there? I have. I've been there and you really do see big celebrities there. I once saw Sharon Stone there.

Yeah, because it's just like a country club, but you know, with no sports, just everybody sitting around. It's terrible. And it's like a really upscale Starbucks where there's like, outches and I saw people pretending to talk on their cell phone. We went outside because, you know, of course, we're going to sit on the balcony and because I smoke but we were out there It's beautiful and this guy's walking around on his phone. He's like Yeah, but I told him if you don't want to take this deal when you don't have to take it, but I'm not changing

I'm not changing my mind. Just taking the deal. You're not. I'm like, oh good. You phony below me He's like it's like it's never so we can call him and bust him because you know He's having them so awful people talk about deals He was like, he's like, he's a member. So we can call him and bust him. Because you know, he's acting himself. Awful. People talk about deals. So remember when I was telling about that train ride down to San Diego, I took over the break. There was some girl.

It's like, it's like 8.30 in the morning. There was this woman on the phone. And she was like, so I mean, so we handed in a script. And they gave us so many notes. I was like, we don't have to do all these notes. OK, it was a good draft. And I don't know. So we're making a deal.

But we're gonna try to bring on attach this direct. I'm like, can you please like not talk Hollywood on this quiet train. Sometimes like people who talk really loudly about deals and packages in LA. They're lying. I think they're fucking lying. I think they're talking to no one.

Yeah, they're just talking to themselves. So anyway, she was there and She kind of looked over to where we were sitting. I was like And then she just went back inside that was like my huge story It's like a nothing story, but when we went inside of course I had to see if she was sitting with Jihil and she was and he You know the second she says she sits down on the couch in that way, it's like Next to Chihil and he's like, oh, hey, you're back from being outside Beautiful, I'm like, okay you two Jesus

That's that's I mean that's the fun part about the so-house, right? Like I'm like you I'm not a member by any stretch, but I've been able to tag along with people a bunch of times. And the celebrity sighting there is really top notch. I mean, like I said, Sharon Stone. And Chris Evans also wants. So. Yeah, so there you go.

Those horse celebrities. Yeah, you have to be a celebrity to go there, which is why I had to sneak in. Okay, you got a mustache on and like the glasses you're like hi Mario you shall it. No, so I'm Mario. You might know me from the video game Mario They're like listen time daily. We've kicked you out of here once You know Sylvia Weighted in line behind time daily at the store the other day.

Well, you see it all comes full circle. So Cynthia calls and she's talking to my voice mails for Noelle. Oh, she's trying to call me. Hey, Noelle, it's your mother just checking in and making sure everything's okay. And it's been a long time since you've been away in college. And then like, it's like, we lined up that no one has been gone for basically 12 hours. And then the weather report comes on and it's like a rain cloud is coming in. Watch out of vortex of energy suck is coming in and mouse like. and Mal's like, Hey, I'm out. I guess, Hey, it's Mal.

So I guess she's not gonna call you, she's not gonna answer her phone because, you know, she's a college now. So I remember when my kids went off to college, they stopped speaking me, and now I'm just alone walking upstairs from basements. Yeah, I'm Mal.

I love that the second Cynthia's alone, Mal's back in the picture. Mal's probably like, she only calls me when she's divorced or left alone for some reason, you know? Do you ever wonder if Mal doesn't really exist? Like, maybe... She's not full up, Agus. Yeah, or she's just like some weird like fight club presence

in Cynthia's life. You, I like her being stuffed with love Agus. Big birdies. She is like, oh, I'm the only one who can see him. Yeah. Or in that movie, Bogus, where Haley Joel Ossman has an imaginary friend played by Jorah Devardew, and the only one who really seems to believe him is, will be Goldberg, and this is of course all caused by the death of Nancy Travis. I sort of like that too. Yeah, it's like that. Wow, we just made Malmore interesting than she's ever been.

I inserted her into fan fiction involving Gerard Deppardew and Nancy Travis. I love Mal. God, good luck with that green card. I love that movie. Me too. That was Andy McDally. Yeah, I was Andy McDowell. Yeah, she has curly hair. Yes, yes, yes, you always have they ever been in something together with

they and seen almost fire or something together. No, I think Hollywood has like a Kabash on too many curly headed people in one movie. You know how they have types that we've already got the gay guy. We don't need another one. We've already got one kinky haired lady. That's it. We're not getting another one. I wish Andy McDowell I always after green card I wanted her to be like the next Julia Roberts and she just never was and I was always very sad about that

Andy McDowell didn't learn to act until she was in her late 40s. I mean that's face it She's become a really strong actress. I think and what I've seen her in lately, but she was always driftwood Yeah, she's I love love her. She kind of had to carry, what's that American idol chick's girl who sings country carry underwood? She has the carry underwood trajectory where she becomes really famous first and then like get stage presence.

Yeah. You know, like you just watch people grow. It's amazing, guys. It's like a T.A. but with talent. Yeah. Okay, back to the show, damn it. So that's what Mal does to us, okay? So Cynthia's like, well, it's the first time

Mike is gonna come chill We've never woke up together and he wants to ask me a big question Mal What do you think it's gonna be? And it's like um, you're smiling. You I mean you don't even know what the question is. Why are you smiling? What if he wants to break up? She's like, she's like, Oh, Ciao,

Ciao, not, not at the kitchen island. Not here. She goes, here's how to know if he wants to break up with you. Who gets off the phone first and she's like, him, is that bad? Mal is such the person that would like try to make you think that you're about to be dumped.

That's like she is like having a lady bone or there. You know, she's looks totally like calm and like stoic. She is on the inside doing cartwheels. She's like, uh-huh. Cynthia thinks she's gonna get dumped. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Finally some fun for Mal. She's like, I haven't had this much fun since I pretended not to have the marriage certificate before Cynthia's wedding to Peter. That crazy Jurassic Park museum. Speaking of which, we then go over to Nini and Greg's house where like their house is like wider than normal. Like I had to like, I feel like I need to put on sunglasses because everything was just like gleamingly white.

And then the doorbell rings and guess who's there? Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Also wearing a white t-shirt, so everything was like white. I was like, oh, good, Peter's here, fun. So do you think it's shady that Mimi's like, okay, Peter, come on, be on camera. Like is she going to get Cynthia again this year or what? Who does that?

I don't know, I just, there's something weird that goes on with the X's on some of these shows. You know, like, I feel like Peter, Peter is like useless and he's like, he like fucked around on Cynthia Bailey and he's, and like, no, you don't get to do that, Peter. And then like, but then all the guys are still like friends with them, they're like, yeah, Peter's one of the bros and they're like friends with Apollo. I don't know.

I just think that like, I don't know. Me knew how to. I don't like it. Okay. And I don't like that Mimi's doing it when she's acting all nice because I'm liking kind of semi nice Mimi this. You see, she's really funny. And this is shitty, I think, to bring him on.

I mean, she's like, she's like, you know, Peter and I, you know, we used to argue all the time, but like, we're cool now. I don't know why I don't know why at all, but we're cool. Yeah, I can use him for something. So I like him, you know, because that's how Nini works. He probably warmed his way into her. Actually, he probably started to become really nice to her and started flattering her because he's like, I don't want to be off the show. He's like, I'm going to, I'm going to hang my, I'm going to hang my, my star on to like hang my star here. Yeah. Let's take that up, Cynthia. It'll be fine.

She tells him about this Mike Hill guy. He does sports stuff. He watched sports stuff, right? I don't watch Fox Sports, I watch GSPN and then she's like AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I got the right TV Sometimes I watch who knew yeah, I'm not really sure what that was about So they we learn also that Greg is gonna have another surgery to reattach his colon So it does not have a class to me back anymore, which is nice and then they start talking about Todd's party and They're talking about like the big fight and the NP there's like, Oh, Peter's bro, I missed the whole thing. And Nini, this is I think when Nini officially like returned to my good graces. Nini is like Peter

was probably just winking at chicks and saying, but I want everybody. I want, I want, I want. I was like, congratulations, Nini. You have finally found your way back to season one Neenie I officially love you again. And she tries to bring all kinds of mess and he's not having it She's like well, what do you think about your daughter going to college? I mean there was a complete breakdown honey They were both out of control I mean and he's like well, she's never been alone. He's like okay Okay, what about my kill and he's like I don't care. She's like like, okay, okay, what about my kill? And he's like, I don't care.

She's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,'s annoying. I actually wanted to really like Tanya, but she is so excited to be on TV. I love that she's like, oh my god, it's you and my house! It is all gonna have you. It is like a licensed biologist. I mean, it's like, I don't feel like she's playing it up for TV.

I think that she's genuinely like that. She's really like that. Oh my god! Someone's in my house! Oh my god! I's in my house. Oh my God. I'm actually liking Tanya, and I'm sad that she didn't make it to the end and get a peach because she's shady.

We saw a clip of her because Eva brings up the party that we missed recapping. The talent show thing where it was a fashion off and they had to give their highs and lows and it was Tonya versus Marlow and Tonya is like, well, my lows are these glasses from swag, you know, and then Mimi got really pissed off about it, which as she's like, look, Christian Dior, which is a hundred-year-old house of fashion versus swag, which is Different. You're right. I retract. I'm no longer annoyed by her, but I do think that she's like hilariously excited at all times She's annoying, but I mean She was cracking me up because it really came out in this episode especially when people come to her party and say

I feel like I guess she hugs you. she's one of those, it makes this sound. I feel like, I don't know why I just felt this. I felt like she is like the human embodiment of like, cuber or something like that. I think she's just like hopping on a little pyramid and so excited, you know? And it's so funny because when she first arrived on the show,

she was like, dun, dun, dun, and she like shows up in like a matte black Ben Lee or something like that. And they show her heels and they're like, here comes a new bitch. And she walks in and she's like, Hi, I'm Tosya. Hi, I'm from Canada. Oh, so good to see you. Fashion. Hi, I'm going to sit over here. Okay, girls. So Eva tells her husband's about what she did at that party and then don't you just throws her head back and like throws her arms out like she's being cruised to find she's like just pick up my carcass. Just pick up my carcass. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love sit someplace more comfortable. Am I right? So I thought they're gonna relocate to a fancy sitting room or something.

They just moved to the corner where there's a futon. It just sits down on the fold out and some half put together, Ikea bench. Yeah, something. It was one of those fabric fold out things. I think you're right. Where it's not even wood furniture, it's just you unfold it and it's a queen bed.

Yeah, it's like queen bed. Yeah. Is this a Jennifer convertible? So even it's like, well, I was in trouble too because I didn't invite meaning of my party like, so they decide they're going to go have a group trip and they're going to, they want to really go somewhere crazy. So they're just going to grab the globe that they have upstairs and spin it around They bring down this globe and they start spitting it and it's Russia North Korea. Yes, please please send them to Russia and North Korea

North Korea and then just like the middle of the water and I'm like I actually believe that evil would and then just like the middle of the water. And I'm like, I actually believe that Eva would, like, do that as a vacation, just like, find an area in the Pacific and be like, we're here. Yeah, we're at the sandballer. It's a disfine! So finally, they, like, they point to Japan.

And they're like, let's go to Japan. And Eva's like, we're gonna turn up, Gingham style. Is that right? I'm like, no, because it was a Korean song and second of all Gingham is a pattern is gangnam style. So I can't wait to get pacing with you baby. Ooh, this party's going tartan. Can I have some hound's tooth with that party? Cause we're gonna let it all. Okay, all fabrics, all patterns.

So, yeah, Joanne and fabrics. Then we go over to the style. Now, have I not seen them together doing that romantic thing on the couch couch I would just say this is another rent a boy or another pretend relationship Which actually I have been saying now for what five weeks. Yeah, you can still say it But I guess he's not but I still though maybe I'm not buying it because I just think he's such a faker He comes across as a total fucking faker to me. What do you think? Yeah, I was I was hoping that he was not gonna be like that, because I felt like, I think he's cute in his own way. He's not like hot the way I thought Will was hot,

but he's cute, and I thought this is a guy as a sportscaster, he's like a stabler, she's not like upwardly mobile the way Will is, he doesn't have to do that necessarily. So I thought he was gonna come in and just be like, cool and like fun and literally chill. But he was really cheesy in a way that I was like, mm, no, this is basically Will 2.0.

Yeah, he seems like a player to me. Like he's out for something and he's very phony. And of course she is too, because remember one of the biggest problems she had with Peter, she never wanted to have sex, but I think that's because she had fibroids too, now that I'm thinking about it. So I'm just saying, I don't know that her sex drives

all that high, so I see some problems rising already for her. And also saying, I mean, that's, you know, I'm not criticizing her. But she did try to pass up guacamoleas her own. Sure about guacamoleas her own. I just think it's funny when she's like, look at me cutting grapes.

It's like, who does that? And he's like, I like the way that you cut the cheese like that. Mmm. That's not a sexy phrase. Yeah, so gross. As she goes like, he even likes the way I cut the cheese to half. So clearly, he's not here to break up.

So, okay, ask me the question. I gave you a grape And he's like okay, I do have a serious question and I didn't want to ask you over the phone But what I wanted to ask you was Cynthia Bailey Will you be my lady? it's like oh She's like Sure, she's like I mean I thought we were already exclusive, but yay.

I'm but I, it's like, what's the question is that? I mean, you guys are obviously exclusive, but also Cynthia, why did you really, did you really think he was gonna propose to you? I mean, you guys haven't seen each other in two months. My guess was that he was gonna say that you wanna move in together. That's what I thought it was gonna be.

But yeah, I don't know what to say. I thought he was gonna be like. Cynthia, do you want to read the highlight reel for tonight's broadcast? No. Okay. But instead she became a real houseware of kitchen island, which was hilarious because he's like, remember this counter. She's like, Oh, I remember it. I'm still windexing it every day because I remember it so well. He's like, he guess what do you remember about it? She goes, I remember the sturdy, it's very, very sturdy. I was like, oh, I remember all my joints hurting because it's a slab of granite and it was

really uncomfortable to ride around on it with you on top of me. Yeah, I remember feeling like a Boris head turkey, okay, in a deli being slammed down on the counter before it's chopped up. I remember while you were licking my navel that I couldn't quite remember if I had disinfected the counter from the chicken thighs I had taken out of the packaging from earlier. So I remember getting dried jelly on my hula, okay? I remember I remember feeling it was a little itchy from the bread crumbs that I didn't quite sweep off the top of the counter. I remember my butt hole clenching because it's like of 20 degrees on that counter top when you

put me down on their cheese. Have you ever felt what it feels like when your shoulder blade digs into a raisin? It's not as nice as you'd think. Oh, so Samari and Ronnie are going to Marjana's counseling. Marjana and Marjana. So they go to these counselors once a month to check in. Shemari found them on a message board on the internet, which is where all great counselors

can be found. That's where Dr. Phil was discovered. Yeah. So basically they just go in to talk with them. She's like, I was in a career, Ronnie's like, but I want you to be a mother. And she's like, but you have crazy socks. And he's like, what's crazy about turkey burgers? Great thing guys. Great. And then the guy said something like, well, maybe you'll have your kid on the on the track.

Because everyone's doing that these days. I'm like, that's it. That's the component they're missing. That's why they haven't been on the radio. Yeah, guys, I'm so sorry, but you're really boring. Try harder. Okay.

So this is one of my favorite parts of the episode. Okay, you got it. Is that we see Portia. She has a pizza box in front of her, and she opens up the pizza box. She goes, Oh, I was like, only Portia would be surprised if there's actually a pizza inside a pizza box.

Oh, wow. Or she would be surprised that there's actually a pizza inside a pizza box. Oh wow! Oh, I thought this was going to be 12 hot dogs. Protection pizza. What am I supposed to color with? So, for instance, like, it's been five days since that party and everyone in their mom is calling me about the blogs. So I'm like, you know what?

Come on over, touch my hot dog and let's do this. So she has everybody driving her to her house or wherever she's living now. Yeah. She serves them pizza and salad. I'm like, kind of girl, but the only people who eat it are her and Shamiya Yeah, it's a pregnant and Mimi and Cynthia are both like thanks for this shit as pizza salad You know how salad from pizza places are we sex? Like thanks some people really love pizza salads, but I don't but I don't have an issue that she's your pizza

But I have an issue with the fact that then they sat down on couches in the foyer. I'm like, don't you, can't you give these people a table? Can we sit around a table? They're eating for crying out loud. Not in a, you're not in a studio apartment. So, Dini, Cynthia, Shamiya, are over, and Dini's like, okay, okay, get to the, you know, tell the story. So, Porsche starts telling the story, and he's like, okay, okay, get to the, you know, tell the story. So Porsche starts telling the story and she's like, well, so where the party? And then I noticed one of Candy's workers. And then that was a meeting.

Needy goes, not worker. And they find it as Jamie. So then she's, she tells the same story, right? And Candy never called. I'm sure she said she would in the work and like the workers overstabbed. And then Porsche reveals her her ace in the hole. Sorry, ace up to sleeve. Was it? I don't know. But I will mix that metaphor, okay? My crann at the box, my pizza in the pizza box so she's so bad so I call Dominice

good so yeah basically she's like she reveals everyone that she's pregnant so everyone squeals and is happy and so she's basically like I was pregnant so I wasn't drunk I wasn't crazy and I'm not gonna throw myself in the harm's way and that's what everyone's like oh Portia has a point and I was like Yes, Portia does have a point, but then again if there's anyone who would happily throw herself in harm's way even if she is pregnant It would be Portia. It would be for sure. So yeah She's like I'm gonna throw my pregnant ass at you That's my impersonation of her. You're not just starting you with me. You're starting you with my baby hot dog

You're starting it with Vienna sausage. Get it, baby. Get it. Well, because you know, like in her mind, like her, her, her little baby looks like, um, the guy from Toy Story, for the last or not. She has a little astronaut in there. Buzz Lightyear. Buzz Lightyear, like in his little suit.

She's like, get him, Buzz. It's like, um, even if Buzz Lightyear wasn't thereyear, like in his little suit. She's like, get him, Buzz! It's like, um, even if Buzz Lightyear was in there, he can't shoot his laser-sleeve your stomach. She sort of matches the two little turrets that are gonna open up in her belly and like, little guns are gonna come out like, phew phew phew phew. Anyway, I'm drinking coffee. You can tell. I love it. Yeah, I love it. So, uh, neat, uh, Cynthia's like, well, if a member of my staff turned you out without telling me I would say Do you want to get married or don't you just tell me right now? Just tell me right now. I can take I'm a bigger. Just tell me right now

That's I can imagine like Mal turning someone out. It's time for you to go I think it might be time to go now. Now to go. Oh, Mal, joining our large, our large stable of characters who talk like this. Looks like this Robin. Daddy, Robin, Daddy. Kristen. Are yours. No.

Okay. So then he needs like listen. She tells us she goes, listen, Porsche is big as hell. Okay. She's eating everything she can eat. Oh, cause Porsche's like, I have a secret. I pregnant. Mimi's like, Porsche is big as hell.

She's eating everything inside. Okay, I can't keep the secret for long. So I hope she tells everybody. Yeah. We already talked about her segment. I'm so sorry. I literally heard the word pizza and went on dominoes and started looking at pizza I've closed the window everybody. I'm so sorry. No, it's okay pizza. It's great. I had some Papa Johns

Like two weeks ago for the first seven a few years and was like So good. I know but it's like the seventh like when does New Year start over at my house like the resolution start like You know Christmas in January or Christmas in July or whatever Seven, like when does New Year's start over at my house? Like the resolution start, like, you know, Christmas in January or Christmas in July, whatever. You should just be like Diane Weist and Bolton for Broadway. I haven't had a drink since New Year's. It's like, wait, I'm talking about Chinese New Year's.

Yeah, it's of course, naturally. So I started Chinese New Year's. Yeah. Oh, so next up, we are prepping for the Habashi party. Yeah, we're either over at Tanya's house. I mean, meet Tanya's quote unquote, house hero. She doesn't have a housekeeper or assistant. It's a house hero.

It's Heidi. Oh, you know, no, I didn't, but I like it. Yeah, her house hero. So you know that these are all new girls, because they're all there on time, because it's Samari, Tanya, and Eva. And they're all there on time because yeah, it's Samari Tanya and Eva and they're like just waiting around for everybody else and it's like welcome to being season one ladies except you Eva now First few a few comments. So again, they make it seem like Tanya is just like has this mansion on a hill

like has this mansion on a hill, surrounded by 40,000 acres. And she's basically like the next, the next how Mick mansion is like three feet away. Also, she has a picture frame around her TV, which I don't know how I feel about that. And she has like a Habachi room in her house, like an actual room devoted to Habachi really. She just, this bitch loves her Habachi.

Do you ever, I mean, like I feel like I know mansions are eclectic like that. You know, there's always some weird room for something. If I ever had a mansion, I would clearly have a board gaming room. But Havachi, that is so specific and how often they really get to use that. You have to hire a Havachi chef to come in and flip shrimp onto his head every time you want to use that. You have to like hire a Hibachi chef to come in and flip shrimp onto his head every time you want to use it. Well, I think it's one of those things where you have the money to buy a big house, but not a family. So it's like, what do I do with this room? What's your dream? I guess a Hibachi

room. You know, we love any Hana. Let's get a Hibachi in there. I feel like based on the way they choose their vacations, they also choose their rooms on like opening up the dictionary and putting out a word. Well, a botchi. Okay, we'll have a botchi room. I'm worried. I want a pretty word. Yeah. We'll have a botchi room and it looks like the next room is, oh, look at this. It's lighter. That's gonna say like that. The alcohol room. It's the pro-faint tank room. Oh, oh, here is our Ibex room. Better kids, all the Ibexes and Ibecies.

So everybody, oh, go ahead. I'm being so petty. I was like, the other thing about Tanya is that she doesn't know how to open up a bottle of bubbly. She like does that thing where she flexes at the cork goes flying. I'm like, come on. Yeah, House hero. Get over here. Your idiot boss needs you to clean up the floor again. I know. It's called hold the quark in your hand and put

your thumb over and then rotate slowly. And it just sort of pops out slowly and everything's fine. So Cynthia's like mad about this. I don't know, but I hate it, but I hate it as a waiter cause I've had to clean up that shit so many times. And it always smells like bar rot. And there's always little flies flying around for a week after, you know, gross.

So it flies. It's a thing. It's being which. So Shemari shows up. So Shemari, yeah. Yeah, Shemari comes up and she's like, Hi, girls, brought a car. I'm not driving tonight. I already have a T.U.I

I don't need another one of those right hilarious to you I humor Tynie is like hello, welcome to the house. Oh my god. Welcome. It's just like the mad room. I ride you Want to drag you want to steal you? What's in this stool for a chair? Where do you want does it put on that? Oh my god We have so much fun all the same options and then ding dong candy I love you you look beautiful. Oh my god. Oh my god. She I mean she does like a full vocal range She's like, oh my god. You look beautiful. Oh my god. This is a midi doir mouse. I'm an else this year Oh my god, it's delivery is not to sure. No kidding girls

someone else's here. Oh my god. It's delivery. It's not to sure. No get a girl. I Can't do one of my friends can't these things so fucking shady so she walks in she is oh Look at Marry she always has comfortable shoes Like that is so rude. It says that I Totally missed that and that is amazing. Here, I'm friends with the comfortable shoes. Of course, some Mara just cannot catch a break on this show. So Candy is, so now of course they want to know what's going on with Candy and Portia.

So Candy's giving her version. Candy's like, well, Portia unfollowed me and deleted my pictures. So there's that. And so Candy's telling, she's saying how she thinks that Portia's petty as fuck. And she's just going on and basically saying that Portia was creating drama. And she was put out of the party. And that first Candie was gonna call and check up.

And then she was like, you know what? Why should I be apologizing to someone who created drama in a Todd's birthday? She should be apologizing to me. Yeah, and Cynthia, who's like, I'm gonna talk to Candie about this. It's birthday, she should be apologizing to me. Yeah, and Cynthia who's like, I'm gonna talk to Candy about this. It's like, well, what I heard was you might have had an employee child, and she goes, A-A- by, somewhere in the middle of this, I forget the sequence,

but Neenie comes by and they're like, and Cindy is like, Oh, John, thank you here. I was trying to tell the story, but not getting in trouble. You go pick out from here, say what Porsche said. Say what Porsche said, and he was like,

what did she say, what? And he was like, I think she said that there was a party and she took a new verb home. I don't know, even Neenie was scared, and she took a new home. I don't know. Even Neenie was scared because she was looking at Candy's eyes. And even Neenie was like, I'm not going to get down the door. No one wants to come for Candy. They're like, this is where they realize what a lost Candy is.

Because Candy doesn't care. She'll go after anybody. Yeah, but they were like, oh, yeah, our portion. But yeah, portion is not there. They're like, what do we have to do? No one wants to go against Candy. So she's like, oh, well, she said that you never called to check on her. And what else did she say?

And Candy goes, Mimi's like, Candy's looking at me like, she's going to kill me. So I might just have to let Portia do this by herself. I mean, Candy was just like, I mean, see, that's why ultimately, even though candy does, even though candy is letting her people do her, her shit, man, the way candy gives those evil eyes, ooh, I love it. It's like, yeah, when she has to be in a confrontation,

she does it now, because there was a while where she would take her, a while to come into it, but she'll come into it. But she'll come into it. She's backed into a corner. I think that she'll always, she'll always, I don't think she has any problem with confrontation, but she just doesn't start it. She will always react to it. And that's why if you're going to compare it maybe to like a Lisa Vanderpump, someone else who has been accused of like being a puppet master, et cetera, the difference is that when Lisa Vanderpump was called on, she's like, oh, but that she lay in sea bass. Oh, I can't believe it. But canny is like, you know, she gives us look like

you're really gonna talk with me right now. And that's what I like. Yeah. So, even it's like, well, I think you guys should talk because I guess that's Eva's thing on this show. So she's gonna try and be the peacemaker for every single day. Say I'm a really generic advice. Yeah. You guys should talk, because I guess that's Eva's thing on this show, so she's gonna try and be the peacemaker for real. Say I'm a real generic advice.

Yeah, so, Todd, he's like, well you'll get to talk, good news, she's coming! Dorma! Then like, she's poor sure, I'm just like, oh my god, poor sure you're here, you're here, it's amazing. Oh my god, pick up my car because I'm the floor, am I right everyone? You wanna do a shop before you go out there? Yes? No, no, no Okay, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. I've got a bunch of room downstairs. I've never seen a glow before Oh And then Porsche takes that energy and just runs with it. She's like way too nice to just so she could just can't be harder

You know she think Just walks right past can't be and candy is just giving her that look like Her stripes are even her stripes are rolling their eyes Yeah, she's making the sound that the tea kettle makes when it's like about to pop off the stove Yeah, pretty much There's gonna be some celestial seasoning up in this bitch. Yes, so Pretty much there's gonna be some celestial seasoning up in this bitch. Yes, so Samaria's like so girl honey. There are some things and candy's like okay look we're talking about the other night And I was like what did I do to you and poor she's like are you asking me are you telling me because it sounds like you're asking me Could you fire it up and Tony's like fired up like a ball-tea

And Tony's like fired up like a ball. Cheek. That's a She's angry, Candy. She's like, well, if she's not done some fooling that mouth, she's talking about Portian, Dennis. I just like. So then they just start screaming at each other. And Candy's like, oh, so you're accusing me of putting lies in the press. And she's like, well, if it was my party and I saw press, I would say, hey, Portian, sorry, I saw press.

I'm calling you. And she's like, well, I think if it was my party and you were in the press for being an asshole, you'd call me. Yeah. And, you know, yeah, candy's like, now, Raleigh, see, you made things uncomfortable, like a non-Shimari shoe. And I can't have that one. You're apologizing to me. So then she is telling Poisha to calm down, which never is good to tell somebody, especially a Poisha. Yeah. So then she is telling Porsche to calm down, which never is good to tell somebody, especially a Porsche. Yeah, so she's telling the aggressor. Yeah, she's like, here you are, you're the aggressor. And Porsche's like, what are you talking about? You're the

one is yelling like you're yelling, okay, D9. I'm not a farmer. No, and I wasn't saying agriculture is saying aggressor. And then she's like, well, people saw you. She's the factory deal with the factory deal. They always come after who they think it's okay to come after the factory. I'm used to it. I'm used to the factory. Hot dog factory. It's the place for a happily. I'm working on it. I'm working on it. So Candy's like, well, you're the one chasing a bitch down and you don't know how to control yourself You know, and so then Porsche gets upset And even's like this is not effective communication. I'm like, thanks either

What tips you off on that? Okay, so I wanted to read these texts from Don Juan and text tweets so this it's just a regular bravo Instagram by candy tune in now to bravo TV for the new episode of Real House size of Atlanta. Okay, so it's 2,500 comments Okay, and Almost as many as all of our posts He is just coming in here like shut up. You don't even know me You know, which he likes to say to people like you don't know me So you can't have an opinion on me like you idiot. You're on a TV show

So someone says don't want or whatever his name is is such a lady because that's another thing on this thread Everyone's like he's a woman. I guess cuz mean like the needy thing like what don't be a bitch Peter Yeah, it's like that. They're like why are they also worried about Borsha? And then someone, can you Jones wrote, you are a lady ghost, boo. And then honey, beefy says, girl by at dawn one, and see, girl by you mad, cause none of your seaword battered that Porsche candy dry and buy a camera. And you are the driest queen in Atlanta, assistant to a sea list celebrity. I was like, Jesus, these people are coming for him. Wow. So then he writes back, he goes,

another dumb one, when did I, oh, because the lady said, another lady says, don't want or whatever his name is such a lady, why are they so worried about Portia? And he wrote another dumb one, when did I say that? Again, when did I say that?

You don't know me. So if anybody's not following this stuff It's very fun depressing But very fun. So I think Don Juan is at fault now that I read all those texts I'm like, oh, he's so coming out here on candy's insta to defend himself Mm-hmm, but he's just calling people dumb and stuff which I think is a bad defense. Yeah, well It is a bad defense, but you know, it's a good defense.

Pizza. Oh my God, I didn't do it, but I still want it. So, you know what, I'm speaking of our weekend shows, I totally forgot to watch marriage and medicine. I think with all the crappies and stuff, so I neglected to watch part two of the reunion, although I saw many commercials that were like, and then the showdown, you've all been waiting for a quad and Dr. Gregory, I was like,

have we been waiting for that? I haven't. Yeah, I think that's pretty much over. Okay, so I'll tell you what really happened. Yeah, it was just another, they opened where they left off last time with a Mariah and Quads screaming because Quads is accusing Mariah of telling the blogs

Another storyline of who told the blogs, but That Mariah told the blogs that Quad was fucking Mariah's brother-in-law And that she got caught and stuff and this was a long time ago, but it's just coming out now and at ease confused Because you know he's got enough to do without reading all these blogs and stuff. So he's like, wait, this happened on the show? I don't remember that. And they're like, no, it was in the blogs, Andy.

And he's like, oh, I just need to get this straight. Like he's getting frustrated. And then Quad accuses Mariah of sponsoring said blog. And she's like, what are you talking about? I don't sponsor anybody. So is that fight that fight? And then they just decide that they're not going to agree. So that wasn't solved. But then Aiden is pacing around screaming in the back because he's like the worst housewife ever and he's like,

I'm in the bring, I'll bring receipts. I'll do it. I'll do it right now where I said, Aiden, do not do that. Sounds like he has a bad case of man and fight us. Yeah, he's, yeah, he's ready to go out and fight and scream at the ladies and she's, she has to calm him down. So they take a break and we see everybody in the dressing room and he's screaming at Mariah. He's like, that is a homeless person. That is a homeless person that lives in the car and I paid the bill for her. I paid bill Which I guess is when they saved her for the street. It got really ugly So then it turned into let me see what the next big fight was then it was Tori just being a dick about quad not being married You know how Tori is because I love that you're not gonna let her come on the trips anymore

I said no, well she need to be friends with my husband. She doesn't so she can't come What's the point what's the? Get married then and then you know Mariah is like you're not even a man. You're not even married a medicine darling Another all shaming her for leaving her cheating husband God fucking show sometimes I swear to God. I know I know Save another, save another, and he could come on the trip because next time we're going to Sandals. Then Mariah totally gets away with the glass breaking thing.

She's like, well, I think those were thing glasses because I didn't mean to do that. I was just stressed out and I'm sorry for that because I didn't mean to do that. And he's like, okay, let's move on. I'm like, really? Because a bitch fashioned a murder weapon. Yeah, that was like an old fashioned.

That's like, she's like double dragon or something. That is like, and how are some people gonna get in trouble for violence? Is some people are fine to make a shake. You know what I mean? I think that basically her eyebrows were so bad that anytime we could just like move the camera away from her, I think Andy was just gonna do it.

Yeah, so then he brings up the, he brings up the heavenly stuff, as she was saying heavenly's has moves cheating and heavenly's like And she's like well, I do but you know, I that hurt both of us and he goes Yeah, but you're the one who started it she's like no no no Because she said your mama and so it became like is it okay? To fight back with someone after your mama joke by saying that their husband is cheating He's so stupid I get that to address your mama jokes every single year I have a year Mariah is so foolish it and so they keep cutting to the back and all the men are hanging out in the dressing room and they're all supporting Gregory. They're like,

we really miss you Gregory and you know, just go out there and don't let her make you crazy. Just speak your truth. And he's like, yeah, because when all this stuff happened was quiet, it wasn't just one sided like she, you know, she wasn't giving me what I needed. Which is, if you ever want to see me break a glass and try and shank you, use that when you cheat on me. Please. Yeah. Please.

Yeah, exactly. Like, how do you expect a woman to stay with you if you like force a terrible back splash like that on the kitchen? Okay. There's no way. That's abusive. That back splash was abusive.

Yeah. And he's like, that was just a credit that hotel because I didn't get what I wanted, like a family. I was like, really? Because you married a woman who didn't want children. So. Yeah, exactly was just a quaggett that hotel because I didn't get what I wanted, like a family. I was like, really? Because you married a woman who didn't want children. So yeah, exactly, get a plan. Yeah, so they're all supporting him and then they bring the guys on and basically,

and they're like, thank you Andy for really giving us the platform to work through our marriage issues. And he's like, hey, no problem, guys. And, you know, Dr. Daddy is like, oh, I feel persecuted, but otherwise I feel okay, but I've been persecuted a lot today, Andy. And we talk about how Simone and Cislar doing so well now

and this show healed them. And Jackie and Curtis are just doing so great. And then you're really looking at the men on this couch and realizing like half of them are cheaters. And of course They go rally around Greg so then they start up the segment with Greg and Key a quad but quad comes out in this like gone with the wind train She's wearing this big blue dress and she just starts like flapping the train front of the camera

Sister circle up It is so good. It's like she's the train in front of the camera. Sister Circa lot. It is so good. It's like she's flapping at it at a bowl, except it's blue instead of red. And that's it. So they lead us up to the confrontation, but we don't see it. That's what I figured. That's what I figured would happen that she would sit down and the music would be like, dun dun dun dun dun.

And Andy would look left and right and left and right and left and right and they'd be like, next time. Yeah, so that's what happened. So we'll we'll cover that next week for the very final episode, but man, Bravo really has screwed that show over this year. They really move it all around. Yeah, but you know, they're just going to get rid of it because who would do that to the show?

I think it does well. I feel like it must do well. I feel like it must do well. I feel like it must do well. Not when they move it to Saturday, randomly. Then Friday. And then Friday, randomly. Yeah. Who knows?

I think oddly enough, I feel like they use it to help launch other shows. So who knows? Because it's not quite big enough that it has to stay in one place, but it's big enough that I can launch other shows Because like you can't like you can't fuck do that fuckery with like Atlanta for instance or New York or Beverly Hills But like it like we can move it around a little bit and see what happens. Yeah

Well, that brings us to the end of another episode Thank you guys so much for listening go get your tickets for Irvine DC Boston or not DC Irvine Boston Dallas Dallas is the next one up so everyone focus on that one the most. And then we have more stuff to announce I think tomorrow. Go get your t-shirts at watchwickcrapins.com, bend in the streets, running the sheets, and go check out the in-memoriam video that have been put together for the crappies this week. It's hilarious and that's on our Instagram at WatchwickCrapins.

We love you guys so much. Thanks for everything. Talk to you later. Bye! Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappens Add Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today. Or, you can listen Add Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.